The Land of a Thousand Fjords: Live from Norway with Trixie and Katya!

11:03Trixie Mattel:you know what I mean? But of course, his metal belt buckle just stays put. It's so weird. But then I'd be like, oh my god, let me make sure your dick is okay. Let me just see it. It's stuck to the MRI machine. It's hanging over there.

11:18Katya Zamolodchikova:And the whole time this is happening, his friend is having anaphylactic shock from eating a chocolate that he's allergic to. I don't know why. And he wouldn't give him the EpiPen. And now he's like thrust into the machine, but he won't fit. And then a fucking wheelchair comes and crushes him. And so he's just this big blob of gross blood and guts that gets sucked into the machine. And I say, where's the Oscar?

11:47Trixie Mattel:Why not?

11:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Where is the Oscar?

11:48Trixie Mattel:Honestly, I've been over here for a couple weeks watching, what do you call it? Oh, The Beginning of War. Right. I've been watching that on TV. and every day I'm like, well, should I keep watching another 12 hours of CNN or should I pierce my dick and go to the MRI machine? You know what I mean? You can have chili or chili with noodles. Have you ever seen, wait, have you ever seen Final Destination 3? Mary, I've seen all of them. The third one has Mary Elizabeth Winstead, which is crazy because she's like a serious actress. I watched it the other day and I was like, wait a fucking minute. Wait, which one is it?

12:23Trixie Mattel:What is the big set piece at the beginning? It's the roller coaster. oh I love that yes love that and that's the one where do you guys anybody who's a millennial do you remember when people had digital cameras yeah and you would like dump the whole photo booth on a Facebook for who fucking cares no reason right your life wasn't interesting then or now you know David and it's mirrorless with Winstead going through her digital camera in her like you know Pinterest room and she's like seeing how everyone dies in the camera remember it's like oh the twins the picture's overexposed then they die in the tanning bed that's right I would love a Final Destination set at RuPaul's Drag Con

13:05Katya Zamolodchikova:because I have some girls I'd like to cast you know what I mean I would volunteer as the first kill and I would you know there's a lot of fake outs like I would slip on a banana peel and then I would like bounce off a Zamboni and then like RuPaul would come like 55 miles an hour and her like roller blaze and just go right over my face yeah and then come back and then do it again and then come back and do it again that's how i would want to go at rupaul's drag con right los angeles i would want some kind of like let's see because

13:37Trixie Mattel:like it'd have to be rooted in realism so at drag con where am i i'm waiting in line for a hot dog or something right something realistic and somebody shoots you no i think i'm i think i'm choking on the hot dog and it's like oh my god and then the viewer and by the way the idea that i could have a hot dog in my throat and I wouldn't know how to handle it. I don't fucking think so. I think we left that gag reflex in the late 90s. And it's not just a hot dog. It's like a six inch around Italian super sausage, candellini weenie and it's, you know, it's a summer sausage. It's shooting off the back of my head.

14:10Trixie Mattel:My mascara's running. I'm like, you know what I mean? And the people at the eye pick are jerking it, obviously. They're really going to be stroking it. And then at the last second, cuckoo comes by. And she said, cuckoo, mi amar. She steps on my foot. The exclamation of pain of my baby toe getting squashed because, you guessed it, the nail's infected. So then the guttural shoots the hot dog into the air, hits a transformer, showering the arena in sparks for 15 and a half minutes of thunderous ovation while five girls quit on the spot.

14:49Katya Zamolodchikova:And that's the night Trixie died at DragCon.

14:53Trixie Mattel:And then, honestly, what happens is... Somebody... What happens is... Well, I forgot to tell you, this is also... This is also RuPaul's Drag Race Sweden. Oh, yes.

15:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait. There is that, huh?

15:08Trixie Mattel:I don't know. So, there is? There is. Okay, there is.

15:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Wow, we did not talk about that in Sweden yesterday. Fuck. Fuck.

15:16Trixie Mattel:I choke up the hot dog. I stumble into one of these European bike lanes and those people are not fucking stopping for anybody.

15:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Ooh, girl. They would not stop for a newborn baby crying for help. They would not stop for a million dollars. Those people are on a mission. They will fucking chop your head off. The problem with that one,

15:36Trixie Mattel:I forget which Final Designation movie it is, but that one is in 3D. And so every kill, even if it's not 3D, the person dying is like, whoa. It's like so fucking corny.

15:45Katya Zamolodchikova:That's going to be the log one. Is that the log one? Oh, I think it is the log one. Oh, baby, that highway scene gets me right together. I almost get hard. Good for you. I know. And it's been a while.

15:54Trixie Mattel:It's been a while. Wait, can I tell you what happened at the palace? Yeah. So you guys know gorgeous Brandon is on the trip. Gorgeous Brandon and Clapper Brandon.

16:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, because this is a constitutional hereditary monarchy, right?

16:10Trixie Mattel:Yes. And I looked it up on the internet. told me that you guys have kings and queens and stuff, but they have more of a representational role. They still have all the trappings of government, right? See, I did my research. Yeah. You got your royal drama, but you also got your red tape. And I'm Swedish, and so I hate when people all lump us together. So I know that there's differences.

16:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Very distinct identities in Scandinavia. People really need to figure that out. There's Norway. There's Sweden. there's Finland

16:43Trixie Mattel:there's blonde and then there's more blonde you know it's just different yeah

16:46Katya Zamolodchikova:chili or chili with noodles chili with noodles

16:48Trixie Mattel:so I walking up to wow look at this beautiful building it's the royal palace right and Brandon said you gotta go see it it's so pretty and then they did the changing of the guard while I was there and I've never I didn't even know what that was I was lucky enough to just see it Mary I'm gonna do an impersonation of it but this is not to be this is so they have like well it's not this They don't have a mic stand. Okay. They don't have, they have like a Swiffer or something. Oh no, it's a gun. They have a gun. By the way, you like how American, I'm like, is that a gun? I know what a gun looks like.

17:21Trixie Mattel:Okay. But they walk and they, you guys know they do this thing where they, one arm is fixed and one arm, one arm is like, one arm is like swinging. Like really fucking swinging. It was so in time. It was so stunning. Yeah. But bitch, I got to tell you about their fucking helmets.

17:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait, wait, what?

17:42Trixie Mattel:Girl, it was like this gorgeous black riding helmet, and they're in these beautiful outfits, and it's stunning. Everything's beautiful. I'm sobbing, by the way. I'm sobbing. Of course I am, right? Because I get cuckoo-stepped on my toe, right? And they have these black helmets, and I swear to God, the first thing I thought of was RuPaul saying, I'm not a financial analyst, but the best defense against economic ruin is a side ponytail. Because the helmets have like a horsehair ponytail, coming out the side. Mary. It's the truth. That's incredible. So I'm watching them do this beautiful, stunning procession that I assume they do every day.

18:21Trixie Mattel:And the ponytail, and the wind is blowing the ponytail. And I'm like, here come the hurricane bitch. Here come the hurricane bitch.

18:29Katya Zamolodchikova:It was so fucking cool. It was so cool. You grabbed a mic and started like doing the voguing thing.

18:34Trixie Mattel:Yeah. You guys have to imagine. We don't have, I mean, you guys saw our shitty fucking parade they had two weeks ago. Like, we don't have anything cool like that. We don't have anything cool at all.

18:44Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. And also, like, what would be the cool equivalent of it? I'm sick of what? Oh, my God. I mean, if our royal family is like Kim Kardashian. No, no, no. It's Thousand Pound Sisters. Thousand Pound Sisters. It's Thousand Pound Sisters. Of course. Tammy and Amy. Our Congress is comprised of many women who didn't know they were pregnant. Right.

19:11Trixie Mattel:And by the way, our UN is 90 Day Fiance.

19:14Katya Zamolodchikova:90 Day Fiance, yeah. The Senate is... Survivor. Who? Survivor. Survivor, yes. Yes. And then the president, I think, is... Who's the president?

19:26Trixie Mattel:Oh, Jonathan Bailey. Jonathan Bailey, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's not American, is he? No, but that doesn't matter. That doesn't matter, right. It doesn't matter.

19:34Katya Zamolodchikova:His sexy little glasses.

19:36Trixie Mattel:The sexy little glasses. What is that? And by the way... What is that? The glasses being sexy are dependent on who's wearing them. If I had those on, I would look like Never Before Christmas. Sally. You know what I mean? I was like, lipstick on a pig, honey.

19:50Katya Zamolodchikova:That doesn't really check out. They don't make you sexy. He's like an extremely fuckable young man who just happens to be wearing spectacles in Jurassic World Rebirth. Right.

20:01Trixie Mattel:By the way, they got Scarlett Johansson, who I know is, for straight men, she is gorgeous. But for straight men, her and Natalie Portman are the two like, oh my God, I would do anything.

20:11Katya Zamolodchikova:No, Sidney Sweeney, baby. Sidney fucking Sweeney. Those drugs? I know, but she's kind of new. Like, people have been jerking it to, you know. Yeah. They have, they've got backlogs of stroke material to Miss Portman. Right. Not, it's just a few. Sidney Sweeney. That is so, you know, that's really gross for me to objectify. But I mean the truth is If I had those jugs baby There would not be one dry spot on my body Yeah

20:43Trixie Mattel:Didn't you see her in that movie when she played a nun And they had to do all tight shots Because of course it's the gorgeous breasts I love that movie

20:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary I loved it too and I'm going to spoil it for all you Norwegian fuckers She fucking She birthed that baby And she fucking She birthed the devil's baby And then kills it with a rock Yeah. She goes like this. It's fierce. And it's so cunty. And those jugs are bouncing. You know those jugs are bouncing.

21:20Katya Zamolodchikova:When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial.

22:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks, all with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better.

22:37Katya Zamolodchikova:We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy.

23:22Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the This season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks.

23:55Katya Zamolodchikova:All with a home base that feels like summer you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives, and if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse.

24:31Katya Zamolodchikova:However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak.

25:10Katya Zamolodchikova:After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks. all with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives.

25:50Katya Zamolodchikova:And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, We're a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb.

26:14Trixie Mattel:You guys, I took some notes, but I can't operate. How do people do anything with these on? I don't know. Are any bitches out here with these type of nails? Where are you at? Oh my, you really are that bitch. Holy shit. You better work, Freddy Krueger bitch. Oh my God, look. Oh my God. Oh, you have Juno Birch nails. She has Juno Birch nails.

26:35Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, wow. Those are beautiful. You know what I hate when they ask us? You look great. Don't you hate when they ask us? How do you wipe your ass? How do you finger your pussy? How do you open an envelope? How do you do your taxes?

26:47Trixie Mattel:Like, fuck off. You know? My thought is, how do I use my phone? Yeah. You know Michelle Visage carries tweezers to get the card out of the gas pump? Swear to God, she has tweezers. Tweezers. She said she got sick of having to ask people to grab her debit card because she can get it in, but she can't get it out It's like you just like No, no, no you guys listen

27:11Katya Zamolodchikova:I just want to congratulate you as a country on having the most medals in the Winter Olympics Wow

27:28Trixie Mattel:Can I be honest? No small feat. We were in Sweden yesterday and asked them, what do you guys think of, what's the first thing that comes to your mind with Norway? And they said, the beauty. The beauty. They said how beautiful. And then on the internet, they said the beauty and the nature. And they really nut for the fjords. I know you guys are probably sick of it. but you know

27:48Katya Zamolodchikova:they want the girl they're horny for all your fjords

27:52Trixie Mattel:in America we have economic collapse and shootings not a fjord but kind of something yeah but we also get to get bankrupt when we go to the hospital woo woo no kidding I was on a hike today and I slid down one of those you know the railings when you're outside for steps railings okay and I don't know what it is like some like little boy in me needs to slide down them like on my butt i have to it's very marty mcfly i'm late for school doc you know what i mean like i love it and i know that i'm rubbing my like 35 year old butt juice on everything i know but you but you get that grip you get that grip and that good slide and all oh my butt cheeks just it just grabs you know and i was like what if I fall?

28:42Trixie Mattel:I'm like, baby, this is the place to do it. I'm not going to fall in America. They just put you down. I'm going to break something here.

28:50Katya Zamolodchikova:I have consolidated and pre-planned all of my injuries to occur tonight here in Norway. Mama, bones are getting broken tonight. And they are getting tended to for free.

29:05Trixie Mattel:Absolutely.

29:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you guys have free education? Wow.

29:09Trixie Mattel:Wow. And you know what else, too? Like, the hair, the hair all through the Scandinavian-Norwegian fantasy storyline, it's thick, it's long, it's air-dried, it's healthy. In America, we have our three strands that we've bleached yellow. Yeah.

29:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Trying to flat iron it. And the scabs from the clips of extensions that we try to just stuff into the scalp.

29:33Trixie Mattel:Trying to do a closure when all there is is exposed brain.

29:38Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean, there is a danger here, though. I'm not afraid to call it out because I know for a fact that some Swedish women and some Norwegian girls have been kidnapped and held hostage for their hair to be harvested by Beyonce.

29:55Katya Zamolodchikova:However, I don't really feel bad for them because they eat really well. They live in luxurious accommodations. And they get to be a star. Yeah, and they get free Netflix. You know what I mean? And then they get to see the glory of their biology just on that big plasma screen with that woman just shaking her... Oh, I love it.

30:17Trixie Mattel:You know, Beyonce hasn't asked for any of my wigs. I can't imagine why. I don't know. I think she's busy.

30:22Katya Zamolodchikova:She's busy. That woman... Listen, I don't know. I mean, I guess it is just kind of goes without saying that Beyonce is incredible. But we were... We're kind of new to the party or late to the party. We're late and new. But now we know it. And I can't... This cannot be overstated, don't you think? This cannot be overstated. This woman... I feel like a mud... Yeah. I feel like... I felt like a mud person when I left that show. You know what I mean? I felt like... You were covered in mud. No, that was shit. No. But it's like, if you ever have the chance to go see her live, do it. You know, sneak in, steal a ticket, rob a bank, whatever you got to do.

31:10Katya Zamolodchikova:But on the flip side, I spent all last night, I was up very late, reading reviews of Miss Lana Del Rey's stadium shows. And I'm feeling for my girl. I feel for her. Ooh, she's out there struggling, struggling in that cotton dress and those kids. Ooh. At one point, she's got a house, this shitty little house set up, and there's a hologram and a window, and that hologram sings two full songs. Girl, girl. She leaves the stage, comes back in the same outfit. What are you doing, Mr. Fang?

31:44Trixie Mattel:What are you doing? The thing is, what are any of us doing? Because ABBA Voyage happened, so I don't even know why you and I are here. Thank you. We should have computer-generated versions, doing dances and songs. And you and I should be asleep in Los Angeles.

32:02Katya Zamolodchikova:We should.

32:02Trixie Mattel:Would you guys go to the Trixie and Katya Voyage hologram experience? They can AI the jokes, probably funnier than us. Hello, thank you.

32:12Katya Zamolodchikova:My God. But I am pushing for this. I really feel like we are the perfect candidates to step into the shoes of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. in a new kind of simple life thing. But it's not a simple life. It's the difficult life. We're not farmers. We're brain surgeons. Do you know what I mean? So like we step into the, we're like oil drillers in the ocean for a day, you know, like what could go wrong?

32:39Trixie Mattel:Yeah, because they were doing like, they were doing jobs that were like, working at a drive-thru, whatever. We should be like, all right, today you are the White House secretary, you know, like, yeah.

32:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Tomorrow you're putting a stint in his heart. Yeah, tomorrow you're doing LASIK surgery on someone.

32:54Trixie Mattel:Oh, I would love that.

32:56Katya Zamolodchikova:I feel like I would be cunt at LASIK.

33:00Trixie Mattel:It's just all... Well, you know how in movies... Well, we talk about this. When in movies, if you're not a good singer, but then you feel love and then you're a great singer. Oh, yeah. So I think if you're doing the surgery and then you think of who you love, you'd be like, I'm going to tear this bitch up. And you would get in there and you would really do it.

33:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Also, if you're in the operating room and the blood pressure is spiking, the pulse is flatlining you just have to believe in yourself believe in it you know what I mean and you have to let go you gotta let go in order for that thing to work and let God by the way I think it's the funniest trope in the history of cinema when a person when they are like they can't play an instrument but then they believe in themselves and then they can and it doesn't make any sense at all. Or like, I'm like, oh, like a kind of C plus shitty violin student. And then, but wait a second.

34:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Like that is so nutso.

34:07Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. It's cuckoo. Can I be honest though? I think that sometimes I operate from a place of delusion as far as like that gay gene where you're like, I can do anything. It's like, oh, I'm going to do that. I can do that. Nobody said I can't do that. Well, that's great. But did you hear about this?

34:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Scientific studies, and I'm talking a lot, too many to ignore, have indicated that finger size, the pointer finger and the ring finger, tell if you're gay. So this is, everybody look at their hands, okay? Guys. This is the shocker. Yes. This just tells if you're lesbian. No, no, no. So these two. So if the difference in their length is quite pronounced, baby, you a faggot. What? Yeah. No, it's true. It's true. It's true. And I noticed mine. I was like, there is a good three quarters of an inch difference. So mama, I was born to be gay. Right. No, but it's true, though.

35:09Trixie Mattel:No, no, no. I remember when you were born. It was longer. Yeah. It was much longer. It coiled around like those videos of people having the longest fingernails. The finger was like a hose that was rolled up. You know what I mean?

35:22Katya Zamolodchikova:But it's true. Isn't that wild? So, girls, if, you know, maybe your boyfriend's really sensitive. They love poetry. They're not good at basketball. And you're concerned that they might be gay. Just check the fingers and you'll be good.

35:33Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

35:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Are your, let's see yours. Oh, the nails make it so hard, though.

35:38Trixie Mattel:I mean, girl, you're not sure if I'm gay. We need to check the fingers.

35:43Katya Zamolodchikova:It's, listen, it's 2025. We're in fucking Oslo.

35:46Trixie Mattel:Anything could happen. You know what, though? I could be wearing this, but also so could Benson Boone. That's true. I just got to do a quick lap. What do you think about Benson Boone? Can I say something that I don't know. I don't want to kill the fun of everyone. I don't really hate. I find extreme distaste and hate for a celebrity who's someone you don't know. I find it wild and crazy. I 100 % agree with you. I find it wild and fucking crazy.

36:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I think it's unnecessary? I think it's uncalled for?

36:19Trixie Mattel:As if it's like the Hunger Games and the government makes you buy a Benson Boone CD.

36:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Just like, turn

36:23Trixie Mattel:the radio, Mary.

36:24Katya Zamolodchikova:I think people are still really salty about that U2 song. Or that, you know, when you got an iPhone or... Oh, I'm still...

36:31Trixie Mattel:That's an old people thing. Old people, do you know? Mama, do you know about this? Faggots, I know you know. They're not even listening. They don't even care that I'm here. There was a moment... I could sit here and finger myself. I was going to tell a millennial joke, and I thought you would want to be a part of it. It's too late now. I'll just go lay down somewhere. You'll find me under the pipe organ fingering myself. It's fine.

37:02Trixie Mattel:Poppity brings you pop culture like you've never heard it before.

37:06Katya Zamolodchikova:Because let's be real, you don't just want the tea, you want it served with fries on the side. I'm Christy Cook from Spill Sesh. And I'm Sloan Hooks. Together, we're diving deep into the drama, the nostalgia, and the headlines everyone's talking about.

37:20Trixie Mattel:Each week, we're breaking down celebrity drama, viral trends, and Hollywood's most talked about moments.

37:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Plus, in our Gossip on the Go segment, we will sit down with your favorite influencers and reality stars over their go-to meals. Because the best stories, they always come with extra sauce. We're bringing you the debates, the drama, and the nostalgia you really care about.

37:41Trixie Mattel:It's more than a podcast. It's a pop culture community. This is Poppity.

38:11Trixie Mattel:probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barinholtz. Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you have nothing nice to say, you can sit with us. I'm Suzanne Lambert, comedian, mean girl, and internet menace. And this is the mean, but true podcast.

38:49Trixie Mattel:Every week, a special guest in and I will talk pop culture, current events, romance, whatever we feel like. I don't know. Are you a cop? We'll be keeping it funny, playful, and petty per usual. You cringe at the sight of people posting QR codes to fund their own bachelorette parties. You need to know how to respond to that

39:06Katya Zamolodchikova:coworker with a bad haircut who's always making digs or just need to get something off your chest

39:12Trixie Mattel:make sure to subscribe to mean but true wherever you listen to podcasts unless of course you hate fun in which case don't i'm suzanne lambert and this is mean but true i have to tell you wait

39:24Katya Zamolodchikova:wait so wait benson boone oh yeah um i think he's a very talented young man i don't know if he is a thief or a lunatic or a raper? I don't think so. You know, that's all real. It'll all come out in the wash. But I have to say, I give props to the man and I appreciate his presence because, yes, there is a one minute video of him on my phone that I jerk it to. I jerk it to. And he's up there in my bank of a phone video jerk. I mean, he's kind of featured prominently in my jerk library and there's only spots for like about six to eight guys so I think that's great for him and he's very I mean I just I don't know I just wish you would dish the mustache I don't like it but you don't

40:16Trixie Mattel:so you don't like his clothes you don't like his music you don't like him doing flips there's more options to watch people now like I'm old enough to remember when we had like five channels like you have so many wonderful opportunities

40:27Katya Zamolodchikova:you could get into Hungarian folk music You could do anything. You could get into Norwegian folk music. Yeah. You could hand not a rug for 30 years. Yeah. There's a lot of other options rather than just like, he does a flip. I hate his guts. What a fucking faggot. I hate that. Right. Yeah.

40:47Trixie Mattel:We got to keep it positive. And maybe you know what it is too? Like I had Rebecca Black do some of the solid pink discos and she's so nice and cool.

40:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Love her.

40:56Trixie Mattel:And she's this like hot, confident pop star. And sometimes I have to connect that to like, wow, people are fucking horrible to you and didn't know you. And that's fucking crazy. I feel the same about tanning, mom. But, you know, we're in drag race season right now. And so we're at peak of it where people week to week are like, I hope that bitch ends up in the ground. I'm like, yeah, that crossy you never met. Yeah.

41:20Katya Zamolodchikova:In fact, I will put her there. Right. It's crazy. I am a little scared. That's why I don't think I'll ever go back on drag race because I'm too sensitive. I have a sensitive spirit. I have a vulnerable soul. My skin is very enjoyable. And I just couldn't take the barrage of hate and negative criticism that is hurled at the girls nonstop on Twitter.com.

41:43Trixie Mattel:Well, we're very lucky because many of you, I'm sure, have been listening to us or watching us for, God, a fucking decade. It's so traumatizing when people come up. It's traumatizing. It's traumatizing when the girls come up and say, I've been watching you since sixth grade.

41:59Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah my mother um did an ultrasound while watching uh yeah i was born on a green screen you know like all of it it's like oh my god how about this one i was chatting just nonchalantly with fena um the other day and i was like god i'm doing drag for what nine or ten years she's like

42:20Katya Zamolodchikova:nine or ten years twenty twenty Benson Boone is twenty-two right can I tell you he performed at the Grammys he did a flip it was amazing and he was twenty-two years old I have been doing drag for twenty years if I tried to flip off a piano baby

42:44Trixie Mattel:it's a rap it would be at the end of Death Becomes Her when they hit the ground after they fall down the stairs and all the body parts explode.

42:49Katya Zamolodchikova:You pushed me off the piano

42:52Trixie Mattel:I don't know because I'm at 17 years in drag which is like oh god

42:56Katya Zamolodchikova:That is so crazy because you just look like a young girl Wow

43:07Trixie Mattel:I am I just had to watch a TikTok to learn how to put my tampon in I'm just kidding No. I don't know. Wait, I did a TikTok yesterday. Please clap.

43:24But can I tell you, you know what else is fucking coming?

43:28Katya Zamolodchikova:What?

43:28Trixie Mattel:17 years in drag. I started at 18. That means in two years, it's my 20-year high school reunion.

43:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Ooh, baby.

43:37Trixie Mattel:And when I tell you. There ain't no way. When I tell you. Are you going to go? Am I going to go? Am I a Nicki fan? wait are you really gonna go? Norway this is how I'm walking into that shit okay I am ready side ponytail

43:54Katya Zamolodchikova:you ready to do a series of helmets all side ponytail longer and longer and longer

44:00Trixie Mattel:I'm gonna walk in I'm gonna see some of those guys who are mean to me in the locker room that almost gave me a boner every single time and I'm gonna walk in it's my high school reunion we're gonna be having like one bean dip and a dartboard. Like, it's not going to be a bit... It's the 20 people who've survived. Damn. There are 80 children and me. And I'm going to walk in and it's going to be a very pretty woman. Beautiful lady. You're the pretty woman, right? In this scenario. For copyright reasons, we're going to say beautiful woman. Okay. Okay, so attractive girl. So I'm going to walk in. I'm going to walk in and I'm going to say, hey, you used to call me a faggot.

44:41Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

44:46First of all, you were right.

44:49Trixie Mattel:Yeah. First of all, tea. Second of all, you can make an incredible living doing it. And you can go to Norwegia. Okay.

45:00Trixie Mattel:I know. Not to be RuPaul about it, but you graduated in 2005. Okay. High school. I know.

45:10Katya Zamolodchikova:College.

45:11Trixie Mattel:Oh.

45:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Sorry, I'm screaming. I'm sorry. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

45:14Trixie Mattel:I graduated college. Who has a college reunion? I'm talking high school reunion. Oh. Is that big here? In America, the high school reunion is like a fabled thing. It's like going to prom, going to the high school reunion. Yeah. Because you're supposed to go like, fuck who you wanted to fuck, or tell them when you're rich, or I don't know what you do.

45:31Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, yes. It's an opportunity for people who are bullied or like, you know, just like at the bottom of the social food chain in high school to really flex. and just shit on them hoes. Because the truth is, those people who bullied you are probably the kind of folks who peaked in high school. So it's downhill. They're going to show up super, super crazy, ugly, and rotten and with like three times divorce with like, you know, children with webbed feet and bug eyes and it's going to be bad. So like you walk in there, the pillar of grace and sensuality, elegance and rich. Right. And you just say, you fucking fat, ugly bitch.

46:08Katya Zamolodchikova:You fucking bitch. Oh, yeah. Then you take a fistful of cake,

46:14Trixie Mattel:shove it in your mouth, and leave. Well, by then, I'm going to have my private pilot's license. So I'm going to fly in my Cirrus, and I'm going to have one of the planes with the parachute, just in case I crash. And I'm going to land it on the ceiling of the marathon gas station in my hometown. And can I be honest? Nobody bullied me. This is more about the few guys who wouldn't fuck me. that my vendetta is more about like hey you saw me looking all the time and you know i had acne and a home perm and i was kind of like listen that was that was the vibe back then that was

46:50Katya Zamolodchikova:the vibe that was the look it was the look it was the high school look girl i don't know i think i

46:54Trixie Mattel:wanted to go on my tenure but no no no i paid the ten dollar dues you had to pay ten dollar dues to go and you had to fill out this whole online survey to say what you've been doing where you You went to college. And it was like, how many kids do you have? Zero. Are you married? No. What do you do now? I don't know. Turn on your TV. Bag it. You know, like, I don't know. What don't I do? Yeah. So.

47:19Katya Zamolodchikova:The only thing, the only thing you don't do is like embalming corporations.

47:25Trixie Mattel:No, I know. I know. I'm going to go to the, and then I'm going to be, I know myself. And I know that I'm an insecure, non-listener, one-upper piece of shit from hell. and I know that when someone's like, so Mary and I just retiled the bathroom, I'm going to be like, I rented a motel. Next. You know, like, you know, I divorced, didn't even get married. Next. You know, like I'm always ready.

47:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

47:49Trixie Mattel:I,

47:50Katya Zamolodchikova:I do. It is a regret that I harbor every day. I wake up in the sweat, a panic that I didn't go to my 20, 20th high school reunion because. What year would that have been? That would have been. in the year to... Wait, so... It's hard to come up with a...

48:06Trixie Mattel:Who are you covering your face from? This faggot just walked by with a fan. The fan was facing us like this. Are you ashamed to be here? Who are you hiding from? Josh.

48:23Katya Zamolodchikova:From who? Had to go pee? You had to go pee. What's wrong with your bladder? Gallstones? Kidney stones. You had to pee.

48:33Trixie Mattel:Peeing is okay. Do you drink a lot? Yeah. Or maybe he was one of those gays who does coke and shits in the club. Is that what you were doing? Oh my God.

48:42Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, I am so, for someone like me, I am shockingly clueless about cocaine. I am like, every couple of weeks I'm like, cocaine? No kidding. Cocaine. People leaving, I just, I'll be right back.

48:56Trixie Mattel:Oh, I know.

48:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Woo. And they come back like, yeah. No, yes. You know what I mean?

49:02Trixie Mattel:It is honestly like, hey, we're all having a fun time here. Let me go get my more annoying version of myself. Hold on a second.

49:09Katya Zamolodchikova:And then they come in like, girl, like, shut up. I was fucking watching Killers of the Flower Moon. It's like six hours in the fucking theater. And, you know, I got some shady friends and they're like, wow, really? They pee a lot. But, you know, they leave and it's like, okay. And then they're just like.

49:30Katya Zamolodchikova:No, seriously.

49:31Trixie Mattel:Literally. Literally. This is sad. What are you doing here? I went to a party the other day, and I went to a party. I don't even want to say, because I don't know if they're going to listen. Their name, full, last name, Social Security, everything. You know it was Ireland. You know it was. Okay. I was in Ireland, and I saw drug use. And it went from, like, a fun. And you guys know, when I see drug use, I'm a Furby. I'm like, ah. Like, I don't even know what to say. You're a Furby? A Furby. Like, I just start closing my eyes. I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't know what to do.

50:11Trixie Mattel:Citizen's arrest. Girl. I just walk out of it. You know, I don't know. Girl. I start chopping. Like, I don't know. And it turned from like, oh, just chatting, chatting, chatting to like, so you know that everybody else in the world thinks that America is like North Korea, right? and I was like somebody get a refill

50:33Katya Zamolodchikova:I'll be back people and listen it's a lot of what do you call it when the mind is willing but the flesh is weak because these coked out little fuckers Mary they want to fuck you in the butt girl Ed McMahon had a check for a million dollars they could not get that dick hard they were trying trying with that little softy get off of me

50:57Trixie Mattel:girl. Get off of me, Miss Cookie. Getting on top of me with a limp little coke dick and I'm sitting there going, Kal-El, no. It's just, it's not happening. Kal-El, no. And especially as the non-drug user, I become like a dare, like stop. Let's see how that scenario should have gone.

51:17Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what I mean? I need you to put down the coke. Your life is in grave danger. God, give it up for Gal Gadot. Your life is in grave danger. I need you to give me the stones give me the stone

51:32Trixie Mattel:I love it, that's too good I rewatched Wonder Woman I almost called it 1884 could you imagine? colonial women pilgrim pilgrim Wonder Woman hear ye, hear ye I forgot that Kristen Wiig is in it, who's the villain and they do what I love in a movie which is when somebody's somebody's not hot, they take drop-dead gorgeous and slightly, you know, take a trip to the doctor, Miss Wig, right, looking like a Hollywood movie actress, and they say, get the scrunchie in the glasses, she's ugly now. And you as a viewer are like, she's, I mean, she looks like she works at Claire's, but she's gorgeous, you know?

52:18Katya Zamolodchikova:And I was very perplexed and confused about what her

52:24Trixie Mattel:superpower was? Was she a cat? She was a cheetah? Yes. It was like a cheetah energy.

52:31Katya Zamolodchikova:A cheetah energy? Yeah. Which is like, well, there's like panther energy.

52:38Trixie Mattel:Well, for her to have her powers, Pedro Pascal had to have his powers. He was the villain. Oh.

52:45Katya Zamolodchikova:You better get into it, huh? I didn't really watch it. But I do know that there was some, listen, where there's body snatching in the movies, you really got to ask yourself, does this person want to have sex with me? Go re-watch and think about it.

53:02Trixie Mattel:Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe I need... Can I ask your professional opinion? Please. Is 35 too late for drugs?

53:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God, no. You know what I mean? No, no, no. Could I become like a good time druggie gal?

53:14Trixie Mattel:Maybe. Could I be the person who's at the party with the fingernail? Like, yeah.

53:17Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what I mean? Like, could that be me? I've told this story a million times. I'm going to tell it again because we're in Norway. I was doing this stupid photo shoot in this weird house in the pool. I had this crystal thing on my head and I had no breath. And I was just in the deep end, like trying not to drown. And the mansion that we were at was rented by the owner of the luxury brand called V &A, which is a very hoity-toity European luxury brand. She walked in in a tight white t-shirt with her enormous breast implants, so visible, so confrontationally bulging. Right. With those hard fucking nipples.

53:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Like, made me wonder if she was like a P-Town fag with those wired ass nipples. But anyway, she walks in very seductively, confidently, incapable. She said, no champagne, no cocaine. What kind of photo shoot is this? she was 35. 35 years old. It's time. She was 35. And the owner of a luxury brand, she was not some dumpster diving crackhead. She was at the top of her game. Right. And she loved that little cocaine. So I have, you know what I'll do? I'll make an itinerary for you. Oh, good. In a syllabus. The drugs 101. And we'll start you on... Klonopin? no I think we should start you on mushrooms

54:46Trixie Mattel:can I do something that's going to give me diarrhea because I already stopped up so like that could be really good for me I mean it's like cocaine will do that but then you got to be annoying oh my god I know it's literally can I tell you cocaine is it's not making you the girl you think it is no it's and it's like this is an anti-drug PSA here tonight because I did a little research on Norway and I know that this is the cocaine capital

55:11Katya Zamolodchikova:of the world. Yeah. Columbia wishes. So do you guys are any

55:20Trixie Mattel:like, what's the deal with drugs here? Well, some of these people are old straight people. Their version of cocaine is like getting a babysitter. You know, like that sort of staying out till 1130. Right. Having a Diet Coke after 9pm. Wow.

55:34Katya Zamolodchikova:No, what's the deal? Is anything illegal here? Marijuana? Is marijuana legal here? Wow. The people in the cars in LA.

55:42Trixie Mattel:Oh, my God. I'm so sick of people saying that to me on this trip. Do you know the things I have had to do? My God. Back on Grindr. Hey. Hey.

55:51Katya Zamolodchikova:How y 'all doing? You up?

55:54Trixie Mattel:Sending plant emojis. Yeah.

55:57Katya Zamolodchikova:They come over with a ficus. Girl. I got you a succulent. You don't really need to water it that much. Fuck off. Yes. I can't take it. I don't know. Well, I know. I think so. Oh, just in case. This is a good lesson. Lesson number one. So online, the symbols. What do they mean? So if you want to get cocaine, it's a snowflake.

56:19Trixie Mattel:I thought that was crystal meth.

56:22Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. That's a diamond. Oh. See, I'm going to have to go to like remedial school. Mary, this is what I'm doing to you right now.

56:29Trixie Mattel:Do you think there's like a Duolingo for this?

56:31Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I am that. Oh, okay. I'm telling you, I am the owl of drugs for you. The Rosetta Stone. And then this is what you want to hear. So if somebody says on deck, that means they have... I know that one. Okay, great.

56:47Trixie Mattel:You're ready to go water skiing and you're standing on the deck. Yeah.

56:53Katya Zamolodchikova:And then an eight ball is, well, an eight ball. That's pretty self-explanatory.

57:01Trixie Mattel:Can I tell you, I'm not looking to be educated, really. but if you want to know how inexperienced I don't know what an ape I don't know what an ape ball is

57:12Katya Zamolodchikova:it's 3.5 grams I think I don't know it's like not that much or it is depends on what it is

57:23Trixie Mattel:maybe we should change the subject you guys are going to listen to this we all know that I'm not going to do drugs I quit drinking for two years I just started again you guys got me back on the sauce

57:35Katya Zamolodchikova:So, and let me tell you something. So you got to be careful. What you really want to look for when you're drinking alcohol like that, you want to stick with pills like Xanax, Klonopin, Lorazepam. Those are, they have a synergistic effect with alcohol that's not dangerous at all.

57:54Trixie Mattel:By the way, what about this set dressing? This tiny, fake, can we kill the lights, please? I need to know if this lantern does anything. Turn off all the lights. All of them. Every single one of them, please. Please, please.

58:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Can you do it? All of them?

58:07Trixie Mattel:They won't do it. I had a dream. It's there. Turn off the spotlight, too. I really want to be spooked out. That's her. Whoa. Wait. Can we kill this one or no? Please. Kill both of them, seriously. God. Hello? God. God. Can you kill that one? Just turn it off. Am I such a star? that the spotlight refuses to turn off. It won't turn off. Here, you do it. All right, kill her light. I want to see how spooked out this is.

58:41Katya Zamolodchikova:No, do it. Okay.

58:45Trixie Mattel:There's a light. Love that. Over the other. I'm sorry. I thought that would just be kind of funky.

58:54Katya Zamolodchikova:No, that's fine.

58:54Trixie Mattel:I think it's fine. We're just vibing. I thought it was a nice way to break the discussion encouraging drug use and kind of maybe pivot.

58:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Let's go. Let's pivot just slightly. I know we said we were not going to embroil ourselves in negativity, but I just have to get something off of my little double A cup chest right here.

59:17Katya Zamolodchikova:There are some fucking songs and these goddamn musicals that I fucking hate so bad and it turns me into a version of myself that is not the person I want to be.

59:29Trixie Mattel:You know what I mean? Which songs do you dislike? The composers are probably not fans of ours, so I think you can go ahead. I hope these composers, I hope they're dead.

59:38Katya Zamolodchikova:I hope they can all choke. It's the... I don't want to say it out loud because it'll get in my head. it's that that frozen song that frozen song it's like three syllables that's the time i hate it so much it's almost like it's almost as if the song killed my whole family in front of me

59:59Trixie Mattel:choked me out have you ever seen the movie um i i have seen clips isn't it set somewhere close to here.

1:00:10Trixie Mattel:So we're close to the Arctic.

1:00:12Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I'm saying those bitches are going to come here and beat you with the bath. Maybe I wish they would try it because I will take off these dangly earrings and I will fuck them up. I hate that. And then also, I don't like Patti LuPone.

1:00:24Trixie Mattel:Okay.

1:00:24Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't like her. I don't care. I don't care if that turns me into a gay pariah and you just banish me into the woods. I will live there happily. I don't like her. I don't like her attitude and I don't like that she's jealous of Madonna playing Evita. Listen, she was great in that movie. She had big, gorgeous breasts. Patty, you didn't do it. Just get over it. Wow. That's all. Wow. But I do love Kristen Chenoweth.

1:00:50Trixie Mattel:Okay. Me too. Can I tell you, it was just Ariana Grande's birthday, I think, and so Kristen Chenoweth made a long post about all their pictures together doing the different Glendas, and that's fun. I love that.

1:01:05Trixie Mattel:And I... This is crazy. I'm just going to tell it anyway. I, you know, I've been doing the Pride circuit, doing all the stunning Prides. I recently did a Pride in Boston called Out Loud Boston. It was the week after Pride, right? So it's like a 10-part story about Boston, and I've been saving it because I have, yes, new information for once. Woo! Woo! It took you guys 10 years of following us, but once in a while, new information presents itself. So every time I go to Boston, I go to, wait, I'll tell this first. First, I saw Frankie Grande because he was performing at the same front. So the Pride was actually really slay.

1:01:39Trixie Mattel:It was Frankie Grande, me, and Kim Pentris. Really fun. Fun group. Yes. Fun. Slutty. And she did her set and I sat by the stage watching her sing all these horror songs. And I was like, yeah. Like, I loved it. It was so fun. And she's so gorge and stunning. And I believe I'm her. I know that that's kind of, you know, you people in the back, you see it, right? No, okay. Dead ringer. Dead ringer. so I have had the fortune of DJing with her a few times and she's really cool and nice and walking to the stage for soundcheck I saw Frankie Grande with who I assumed to be his mom right um I don't remember her first name because I only met her in passing Zelda yes maybe I don't know so I met her and I was like oh she was in like all black and she had this bright pink lipstick and anybody who makes a bold makeup choice like that I'm like I already like this fucking bitch right and you know you have an icebreaker Frankie was like I don't think you ever met my mom I said oh my god nice to meet you big fan of your very talented children hello and then i said i love your lipstick is it candy yum yum by mac because it was hot pink and she said no it's glinda from the wicked collection by r.m beauty it was like the full name and i was like i will always remember the color and the name of that lipstick she brought she got it my core memory it's a core

1:02:55Katya Zamolodchikova:That was the mom. She's like a helicopter mom. No, not a helicopter mom. What is a helicopter mom? Moms who drive helicopters. Shut up. No, no, no. Stage mom. Stage mom.

1:03:09Trixie Mattel:If your kids are performers, yeah, I mean, I guess you do that. You don't fuck with stage moms, especially helicopter stage moms. But also, it was like, R.E.M. Beauty, ever heard of it? I'm like, I am aware. Thank you. So then, after the show, I go, well, let's go to Jacques. Because every time I'm in Boston, I'm like, we're going to go to Katya's old gay bar. Because, you know, I always think, they're very nice to me there. And I always say, that's my home bar by marriage, right? That's my step home bar. Because my home bar is gone now, poured out for this is it. And nobody cares. It's cool. It's cool.

1:03:42Trixie Mattel:It would be like if one of your fjords melted. Oh, so, okay. No, that would be like a tsunami. Right. so I go in and I'm having there's three things I love about Jacques gorgeous trans women on stage oh yeah okay hot sexy talented showgirls drinks so strong they can take your nail polish off okay like drinks that they're like there's a siphon to someone's car it's gasoline it's so serious

1:04:10Katya Zamolodchikova:you leave that club with no middle name

1:04:12Trixie Mattel:yes and friendly very sweet and funny bartenders who treat you like they've known you forever and just read you and that's fun and great it's a very different experience than i had working there but okay yeah they're always super fun and funny and love that so then the girls this night you guys are so gorgeous these women i mean they are some of those beautiful drag queens i've ever seen like you know trans queen performers i've ever seen in my life all drag included i'm like dying i'm drunk of course but i'm drinking and i'm like oh my god i'm tipping and then i go oh my god you all are so beautiful and they're like thank you and i like joked i go i can't Kati used to work here.

1:04:49Trixie Mattel:You know, fun little joke about a mutual friend. Ha ha ha. And then they go, well, when Kati worked here, estrogen hadn't really hit Boston yet. No, it had. I screamed and they screamed and then we all just walked away. I was like, work.

1:05:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Let me tell you something about the trials and tribulations of working with hot, sexy girls at a sweaty little nightclub like that because everybody in the show dreaded this spot in the lineup, which was you go after Destiny. Destiny is this, she's like, she's the one. She's the pinnacle of elegance, sexuality, electrifying entertainer, just ageless, gorgeous, beauty, like it's off the hook. She's the innocence of beauty. She's the innocence of beauty. she is um like she's the beyonce of the show right so when i roll my fucking little goblin ass out on the stage after her it's like my precious like that right it's very it's giving lord is there one dollar left for me you know it was the most it was just a really really rough really um well it was tough and that's why we drank so much i the the bartender who was cross-eyed she's still alive I don't know why I just did that no not cross eyed had a glass eye sorry that's different why not both hello seriously shout out to the cross eyed divas love the cross eyed divas

1:06:30Katya Zamolodchikova:so she would I don't know if you guys know what Dunkin Donuts is but it's this you guys it's so pussy it's very pussy But she would take this giant styrofoam, it's kind of extra, extra large size. She would dump out the cup, fill it with maybe like this much ice, and then well vodka. Like that much vodka. And then she'd take the cranberry juice and go. And I think she just flicked it a little bit.

1:07:00Trixie Mattel:She just bumped the glasses together. That was enough. Yeah, she... Everybody has a friend in their friend group who makes drinks like they're trying to fucking kill you. And it's like, we're taking that away from... Obviously, it's you. Yes. Yeah. He said, you are the killer. That's the killer.

1:07:17Katya Zamolodchikova:That's why he was shielding his face. Because you're the killer. The killer. Oh, my God. Well, speaking of the killer, I'll keep this brief because it's so depressing. I was listening to a podcast in the dressing room about a girl, a woman now. she survived miraculously, but at 14, she was hitchhiking, and this serial killer chopped both her hands off.

1:07:37Trixie Mattel:Oh my gosh.

1:07:42Trixie Mattel:And that's kind of like a fun part of the show. But I'll tell you this. Chopped her hands off. I love Boston. I love Jacques. I love all the girls over there, but can I just say this? I think the cover was $10 $10 3 people $60 $20 each I think don't quote me now I'm in trouble if I misquoted it

1:08:11Katya Zamolodchikova:was it really?

1:08:12Trixie Mattel:I swear to God ever since you left the show is very valuable I know I was like fuck that's so insulting but like only in America do we make you pay to be in a drag show and then we walk by your table and look at your money and go like we didn't all just get paid and now we're like if you don't give me the money I'm going to power down and stop lip syncing. It's so fierce. American drag, can I tell you guys, over here the drag queens

1:08:36Katya Zamolodchikova:have to know the words. They have to do the whole number. They have to have an act. They have to have a beginning, a middle and end. They have to have a direction. Some choreo.

1:08:45Trixie Mattel:In Sweden they were like oh it's so woke here. We barely have drag bars. We just can go places. I'm like wow it must be nice.

1:08:51Katya Zamolodchikova:American drag queens are so lazy and so greedy. It is wild. And ugly. Ugly. Oh my God. Dogs. Woof, woof. It's like, it is bad. But every once in a while, you get, you know, every blue moon, you get this crowd, this magic mixture of people who, you know, this bizarre confluence of different types of folks who come to the show and they are horny to throw cash at you. And I mean, literally horny, horny. And I'm talking fistfuls of dollars, fives and tens. Oh, yeah. And they crumple them up into a giant fucking ball and they huck it at your face. And that happened to me one night, one unforgettable Wednesday night when those basketball wives came into that place.

1:09:34Katya Zamolodchikova:And they fucking belted me with cash for an hour and a half. We had to sweep the singles off the fucking floor, that dirty, nasty fucking floor. And out of$1 bills, do you know how much money I made? $800.

1:09:48Trixie Mattel:Wow. yeah and I was bad that is for that's you know that were five euros I don't

1:09:55Katya Zamolodchikova:know the conversion I don't know it was it was cunty and you know I that's where I got my accidental hooker start you know right this guy took him upstairs

1:10:03Trixie Mattel:she gave you$800 in singles that she said this pussy ain't gonna eat itself

1:10:07Katya Zamolodchikova:girl you said okay basketball wise dribble dribble girl I mean this is like do you know but you know that the when I I did that little hoochie coochie danced. I brought that guy upstairs because I lived above the bar like a fucking whore. And I would walk down, well I'd wiggle. And I would wear dresses like this because I didn't want to wear panties. So like imagine this just with no panties. And I would like you know very tiptoe. And I'd bring a guy upstairs and then this guy wanted to. Were you in drag? Oh yeah of course. Okay yeah looking extremely seductive and elegant. Thank God. Yeah. No panties out of drag?

1:10:44Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't know. Yeah, cowboy hat. You walk around your house in a negligee out of drag. Raincoat, cowboy hat, no panties. You've done worse, local crossy. Yeah, it's true. But he wanted me, and this sounded too good to be true, he wanted me to smoke a cigarette while he watched and I did a little dance. His kink is lung cancer? No, no. No, his kink is smoking.

1:11:08Trixie Mattel:Smoking finish is actually pretty popular. Especially with the cross-dressers. I've seen a lot of that online of just like MacBook video of someone in a wig just smoking.

1:11:17Katya Zamolodchikova:There's no sex, there's no talking, just... Yeah, well so he wanted a little, he wanted some long drags and a little wiggle. Baby, I gave it to him so good because those are the two things I was born to do on this earth. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.

1:11:32Trixie Mattel:If you could smoke in theaters, do you think you would be smoking on stage in drag? Baby. She doesn't really smoke anymore, but...

1:11:38Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't. I... Wait, I have to make a confession. Here we go. Okay, listen. I killed a guy yesterday. I was driving, it was raining, and I killed a few kids with my car. No, I... There are billboards of me in Times Square, New York City, on the subways of Washington, D.C., I swear to fucking God, as a spokeswoman for this anti-smoky... A smokeswoman? It's not an anti... A smokeswoman!

1:12:17Katya Zamolodchikova:That, I can't believe they didn't think of that. What a bunch of fucking assholes.

1:12:21Trixie Mattel:Smokes person. And by the way, your only job was to not smoke till what? The end of pride?

1:12:26Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. How dare you? It was, I was hired to promote this very wonderful tool which can help people quit nicotine, whether they vapor smoke or whatever. And I used the technology myself. Yes, I did. And then I succeeded in, I'm not going to say quitting smoking, but transforming my habit from 35 cigarettes a day to either zero to five. It's amazing. That's amazing. That huge, huge if true. Yeah. However, you know, the thing is, is that they did pay me money and I... You needed it. You needed that money. I had mold. You were a broke woman. I had mold. I had mold.

1:13:18Katya Zamolodchikova:And I, but the guilt that I feel, I feel like I'm out there smoking crack when I have a cigarette. I'm like, I'm hunched. I got a, you know, like I'm, I got a blanket over me. It's like, I just like...

1:13:31Trixie Mattel:That's why, can I tell you, there's been times in my life where I have felt chubbier, and I feel like I could never do some kind of fitness endorsement, like meal placement endorsement, because you will see me, high as hell, crouched over some fruity pebbles, dipping my balls in it. Like, I'm not reliable. I'm not able to stay the path forever. Well, no, that's the thing. Because the article will be, she was a fitness tycoon, and you won't believe what she looks like now. You know what I mean?

1:14:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Former fitness type struggling drag artist takes a step back. Of course. She loved that. She loved that. It is this. I don't even need oxygen because I have that. That article sustained my, I don't know what it was. That was the funniest fucking thing. I was on vacation. She texted it to me. Mama, she took a vacation, a hiatus, a sabbatical from drag in every single news outlet in America and abroad. It was front page news. It was amazing. It was UK news. I know. Struggling drag star. The BBC. Yeah. The BBC. Yeah. Publicly funded. Yeah. like Christiane Amanpour you know reporting from Yemen and then you eclipsing her with a bigger spread about your vacations it was wild

1:14:59Trixie Mattel:but you know it's been like a domino effect because a lot of the other drag queens are taking breaks I know for a lot of them like from what from going to brunch relax from shit posting on Twitter girl beefing what do you think about beefing I don't see it I don't get it But I know that for some people, their presence on the internet, that's like a fun, it's like playing tennis.

1:15:24Katya Zamolodchikova:It's like a little game. It's a game, and they're trying to like, I just don't like it. Listen, I'm becoming very, I'm 43 years old. I'm not that media literate, and I'm trying to make progress. I don't like it when they get me online. You know when they do that clickbait thing? like those fucking pieces of shit who will post a picture of like a modern building and then like a gothic cathedral and they say like, what happened to the world? You know, and then you're supposed to be like, fuck you. And that's what they want you to do because it's engagement bait. I don't even know. What does that even mean?

1:16:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Right. Do you know what that is? Can you tell it to me?

1:16:06Trixie Mattel:I think in the beauty world, they do it where it's like, aren't these lashes amazing? And someone purposely puts on, 20 strips. Not that I would ever do that. But you know what I mean? They purposely give a bad haircut to a wig and they'll be like, isn't it great? Because they want you to be like, this is awful. This smile changed my life. It's just brown chicklets. Well, did you see that? I don't want to jinx us, but did you see that people are being denied access to the United States for having JD Vance memes on their phone? You guys, I have publicly at-tweeted some of those people so many times and not even like fairness for all.

1:16:47Trixie Mattel:I've gone to Donald's Twitter and been like you look like you smell like shit. It's not even like do you and I've done it so many times. The other day I was like should I purge my I don't know what to do.

1:17:03Katya Zamolodchikova:What do I begin? Girl, I've spent I think the last four or five things I posted on Twitter is like directed at a US senator like Like, why don't you get the fucking cock out of your mouth, you stupid fucking faggot, and go do some legislation, you piece of shit, gutter bucket motherfucker, hypocritical piece of shit, fat fuck. And it's crazy. And I'm like, is this really helpful? I know. Is it really helpful? Yes, he is a fake. He is a secret faggot. Is that everybody's business?

1:17:36Trixie Mattel:Well, right. But imagine if they have to, if we're at Border Patrol and they have to go through my phone, Oh my god. Like the Jasmine Masters memes. The other shit on my phone is the shit Brittany Broski has sent me. I should go to jail.

1:17:51Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what I mean? Girl, if they went on my phone and they saw the folder that contains about 117 videos of Jason Momoa's butt in different filters with a mirrored effect. Forward, backwards, forward, backwards, upside down.

1:18:06Trixie Mattel:The twin porn? I don't know. Too much. Too much. Okay. I have to tell you, I got a new one from, I flew early to Europe so I could participate in some tourism, and I call my mom every day when I get here, so they'll be like, I got here all right, she doesn't pick up. She can go fuck. The next day, she doesn't pick up. The next day, she doesn't pick up. Finally, days later, I call Aunt Gooch. I call my Auntie Gooch, and I go, hey, just letting you guys know I made it okay to Europe. and I hear my mom laughing in the background and I go, oh, is that my mother in the background? And she goes, yeah, she's here.

1:18:45Trixie Mattel:I go, sounds like everything's cool then. You didn't pick up the phone. You sure do make the call when you need something, bitch. You know what I mean? And she was like, oh, I was going to call you but I just didn't know what time it was. Okay, girl.

1:18:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I love that girl.

1:19:01Trixie Mattel:So then I call her a couple days ago and I go, hey, how are you? she was like, oh, I can't really talk right now. I'm going to the bathroom. And I go, oh, okay. Call me after. She doesn't call.

1:19:13Katya Zamolodchikova:What do you feel like, what do you think about bathroom phone calls? Toilet, specifically. I don't do it. No. I'm not going to do that.

1:19:22Trixie Mattel:Okay, this is going to... What do you guys think? Is it okay to be shitting and calling people?

1:19:30Katya Zamolodchikova:I, listen, I have a quandary, a quagmire. I have a conundrum that I just need help with. I just, I, since we've been traveling, I've been away from the comfort and sanctuary of my home, which is very jarring, and to my nervous system, especially my GI tract. So when I go into the airport public bathroom, I have this fear, this very palpable, just visceral fear of whilst I am urinating, there is going to be the loudest, most resonant fart that comes out of my butt. Like, like, because not to get gross, but like I shave my butthole and to a, to a, to the degree that it is like, like, you know what I mean?

1:20:20Katya Zamolodchikova:Like, like it, like if, if Simon Cowell saw it on stage, he'd be like, you know what I mean? They'd be like Paul Abdul would press the button or whatever. I don't know. Like people, it's good. The eject button. No, I mean, it's really, it's like, hey, lovely bar home. But when you do that, when you do that, there is an acoustic, there's a change, a sonic phenomenon that occurs. And like the tiniest, oh, that can't be, you know, you're thinking this is going to be a tiny little thing. Like it's, but it's, it's not, it's not like shit or anything like that, but it's so loud. and I'm embarrassed.

1:21:04Katya Zamolodchikova:So do you think I should just stop peeing or just live in my truth? Can I say that I think that... Like, would you, like...

1:21:20Katya Zamolodchikova:Because it's not gross. It's not shitty. Like, I swear to God, don't shit. I always wear a diaper, by the way.

1:21:28Trixie Mattel:I think this has to do more with how you feel about it when it happens. Do you feel embarrassed? Then you should try to spare yourself the embarrassment. But can I tell you, I've been using the same bathrooms as straight men my whole life. Oh, God. These people are... They are blowing noises at, like, warp speed, cracking the ceramic in the bowl. Mama. And, like, laughing and, like, grunting while doing it.

1:21:57Katya Zamolodchikova:And girl, not only not latching the door, they take the door off the hinges. No. And they just have it wide open. They're just like.

1:22:07Trixie Mattel:No, I'm in my little urinal peeing. And it's like, you know, because it's, you know, I take out the Diva cup. I empty it. I'm just doing my thing. Right. And the straight guy taking a shit, this is, it's stomp. It's blue man group.

1:22:23Katya Zamolodchikova:It's river dance. It's river dance.

1:22:25Trixie Mattel:Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I forgot to fucking tell you. When I was in Ireland, I went to fucking Riverdance. Oh, you did? Did you love it? How did I, did I not tell you about this? No. Holy shit. So I was in Dublin, you guys ever heard of it?

1:22:44Trixie Mattel:And I was like, what are we going to do? Okay, let's go to Riverdance, right? So I got tickets and there was two tickets of what, what do they call it? Obstructed view where it's like the very end. Where you can't see it. No, no, no, no. It's like, they technically call it Obstructed view. like you guys on the very end, you might not see me if I was here. So they're like, oh, it's obstructed view. Meanwhile, these fuckers are tap dancing like crackheads this close to you. There is no obstructed view. It is like black wooden shoes and people who've trained their entire life. Their upper body, everything above the ankle is a dick injected with...

1:23:22Trixie Mattel:Trimix. Trimix. It's a Cialis Viagra. It's a complete... Hard, heavy dick. And the feet are tap dancing at 10 million sounds a minute.

1:23:32Katya Zamolodchikova:It was so crazy. Did you have a visceral reaction? Like in your... Did your body like cry out for movement? No. No. You ever like just become like... You know like in Footloose where they just can't help but dance? Even though it's illegal? No. No?

1:23:52Trixie Mattel:You didn't have that reaction? it's kind of like how the gay guys feel when they're at a drag show and they're like I could do that it's like oh you don't so I don't know you know

1:23:59Katya Zamolodchikova:sometimes when I see choreography that's in sync I think oh my god how do they do that

1:24:05Trixie Mattel:but that's like the gays who once they want to do drag I'm like I dare you to try to put even one eyeshadow on your eyelid bitch I fucking dare you I would love to see it honey I would sit over your shoulder and go I thought that was pretty fucking cute didn't you bitch like I would really, I would really discourage it. Gay men. Gay men. But Riverdance was, it's 30 years of Riverdance now. It's been going on 30 years.

1:24:31Katya Zamolodchikova:30 years of all that leg action.

1:24:34Trixie Mattel:And I did some research. Why are you leaving during Riverdance?

1:24:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:24:37Trixie Mattel:They're like, oh. You have to pee. All right. You tap dance out of here. She's got to do a, you know.

1:24:44Katya Zamolodchikova:She's going to come back to win Riverdance, if you know what I mean.

1:24:46Trixie Mattel:But I like how, like, when you peed, you were hiding it. And she went to pee and she was, like, cheating out. She was like jazz running. Oh, I know. What?

1:24:57Katya Zamolodchikova:This is so ridiculous. The answer was staring me in the face the whole time. While I'm in the bathroom, I throw out a diversion. Right?

1:25:10Trixie Mattel:I'm just going to pull my tights up, but keep going.

1:25:13Katya Zamolodchikova:So imagine I'm pulling my tights down to extract my little teeny, tiny, teeny little dinky. And then I pee, and of course I'm worried about that. So I just go, you'll be grand, you'll be great. Gonna have the whole world on a plate. Starting here, starting now, baby, everything's coming up. And people have just left the bathroom at that point. Or that beautiful songbird mezzo-soprano has drowned out the sound of my flatulence. so it's really two birds one stone people get entertained by my gorgeous songbird voice and I can fire it in peace

1:25:56Trixie Mattel:can I tell you one of the worst things that can happen is when you're trying to go to the bathroom and you open your TikTok and it's full volume like I'm trying to pee you guys are the people in the bathroom I'm at a urinal darling hold my hand nothing beats a jet 2 holiday you know like it's so crazy I'm like so embarrassed and it's always like T.S. Madison it's never like it's always like someone screaming suck a dick, own a business bitch it's always something immediately wild

1:26:28Katya Zamolodchikova:or it's like you know for some reason I feel like because I have a screen protector shield that it works with volume and it doesn't just because you can't see it means you also can't hear it But that is surely not the case. So I hope in like, you know, a porn video will pop up that only I can see, but everybody can definitely hear it. Like, oh yeah, give me that cock, give me that big hot fucking cock. And I'm like, it's embarrassing.

1:27:06Trixie Mattel:I honestly...

1:27:12Trixie Mattel:I don't have a good story for Riverdance other than I'm glad I saw it. I was like, wow, it's in Dublin. It's Irish culture. Yay, fun. And so many Irish people have emigrated. Is that when you leave? You emigrate from a country. You emigrate into a country. You emigrate from a country, right? Yeah. Thank you. And I think they're like, we're the country that emigrates the most. I'm like, yeah, the weather. Get the fuck out of there. You know what I mean? like get out. Get out. It was cool. It was amazing. It was wild. Their feet are right here. I've never seen Irish dance. I didn't understand that it is tap dancing on Adderall.

1:27:49Trixie Mattel:I didn't understand. They're doing meth. It's crazy. It was so cool though, honestly. And then I walked around all around Ireland being like, I saw Riverdance and they're like, yeah, every American does. Like they were not impressed.

1:28:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you guys have, is nudity legal here? it's illegal so I could walk in the town square totally nude and not get arrested

1:28:19Katya Zamolodchikova:the Katya exception no because in San Francisco for example you can walk down the street completely naked ball stick and titties out in San Francisco you can walk around completely naked no problem No problem.

1:28:33Trixie Mattel:It's like an 80-year-old man in a Peter Pino outfit in a cock sock.

1:28:38Katya Zamolodchikova:It's never the person you want to see naked, of course.

1:28:41Trixie Mattel:We do have some special Q &As that you guys submitted.

1:28:45Katya Zamolodchikova:So we're going to switch gears slightly. And the infotainment section of the evening has officially started. Are we keeping you too long?

1:28:54Trixie Mattel:We normally don't go this long, but we never get to come to Norway. So I just felt like, let's just do it.

1:29:02Katya Zamolodchikova:She climbed over the chair. Cocaine work. Yes. Superwoman over there. Only last 15 minutes, though. Wow. Okay. Let's see. Oh. Oh, my God. This is... Oh, boy. Oh, my blood pressure. Okay. Would you rather have a fat ass or never sweat again? Did you say have a fat ass? No. It asks... The question is, would you rather have a fat ass or never sweat again? Baby. Well, obviously never sweat again because I could technically surgically enhance my butt. But I mean, this is kind of funny, actually, because it's would you. The things that I would do to never sweat again are so flagrant and so outrageous.

1:29:53Katya Zamolodchikova:Like I'd blow up a kindergarten. Right. You know what I mean? I would kill all of you. I would take the time to individually choke each one of you to death. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. And then resuscitate you and then choke you again. If I had that opportunity. And then fuck the body, of course. Yes.

1:30:20Trixie Mattel:Oh, that's a tough one, though. I do have a... You've got a big old butt. I got a big butt. So I'll just do no sweating. Everybody wins.

1:30:27Katya Zamolodchikova:Would you rather have a two-inch penis, but always know what time it is?

1:30:45Trixie Mattel:I'll read a question. There's no point in the show where you have to make up questions. Don't stifle my creativity. What are your top three TV shows that you think everyone should watch?

1:31:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, mama, let's see. Okay, okay, okay, okay, let's see. Okay.

1:31:07Katya Zamolodchikova:Comedy or drama? That's all it says. Okay, we're doing comedies. Okay, comedy, The Comeback. The Comeback, of course. You gotta watch The Comeback. You gotta watch Veep. You gotta watch Veep. And then you gotta watch Curb Your Enthusiasm or you had to watch no yeah that's it. Curb, Veep and The Comeback. And if you want there was a really good British one where they did a whole segment on pedophilia as a joke and it was like this hysteria that they called pedo-geddon where pedophiles were dressing up like schools and like like

1:31:53Katya Zamolodchikova:to catch children it's a little dark it's a little dark an acquired taste but it's I think it's called I don't know something Nighty Night or something like that yeah that

1:32:08Trixie Mattel:that's a good one

1:32:09Katya Zamolodchikova:that's a good one

1:32:10Trixie Mattel:I'm gonna say The American Office I love it and I would say you prefer that to the British one but it's only one season yeah but it is great it's special though And then Buffy the Vampire Slayer, of course.

1:32:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah.

1:32:24Trixie Mattel:And you know I'm going to say HBO Watchmen. Oh, totally. You know I'm going to say it. I don't care. I'm just going to say it.

1:32:31Katya Zamolodchikova:So in my dramas would be...

1:32:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, ass, ass. They only ask for three. Would you consider yourselves any of the following? Gay. I think these are Norwegian words. Tating? What the fuck is that? Am I having a stroke? What is that? Do you see that? Girl, I don't know what these say. I don't know. T-E-I-T-I-N-G? What is that? What? I'm going to skip this one.

1:33:15Trixie Mattel:A dork? Do we look like fucking dorks to you, bitch? You think all these people came out of their ice shanties to see a dork?

1:33:27Katya Zamolodchikova:Tating Sven or Drithod. I'm assuming it's sexy, hot, or like really sexy. Fly, hot, sexy, and beautiful. Can you do your best Norwegian accent? Oh, and can you sing the Norwegian national anthem? I actually can do both of those things.

1:33:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you want the mic? Rise for the Norwegian. It's not your way. It's Norway. And it's gorgeous. And I love it. And we're here. And we're great. And that's wonderful, baby. Okay.

1:34:08Katya Zamolodchikova:It's not my way or the highway or your way. It's Norway. Norway.

1:34:14Trixie Mattel:Norwegian accent, I mean, it's hard for me because I'm a Swede and people think it's so similar, but we know that they're very different. It's like when you hear somebody from Sweden, it's like, whoa, you know, really different. But Norwegian is exactly kind of like this in a slide. I went down to the royal palace today. You know, that's kind of...

1:34:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Mine is terrible. My Norwegian accent sounds like that. I don't know. That sounds like it's just a bunch of rocks in my mouth.

1:34:39Trixie Mattel:That's okay. Trixie, what's one thing you wish you could predict? 9-11. Oh.

1:34:49Katya Zamolodchikova:You'd be a hero. Could have saved a lot of lives. Could have been on the news.

1:34:59Trixie Mattel:We just talked about it. I recently had a... I had a... Girl! I had a premonition of somebody... A group of people dying in a natural disaster and it happened the next day. Tell... And I would like... We talked about it yesterday.

1:35:10Katya Zamolodchikova:I know, but you've got to talk about it again.

1:35:11Trixie Mattel:But I wish I could get them sooner or more frequently so that people would believe me. Because right now I'm just calling people saying, hey, don't get an Uber today. I had a dream you died. And they're like, okay, weirdo.

1:35:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Or like when you dream of something and it happened somewhere, but you didn't know about it, it's just your word against the news.

1:35:32Trixie Mattel:I need, hey, in two weeks at this moment, this is going to happen. I don't get names. You know what I mean? I don't get addresses. And luckily what I do lately is when I have a premonition, I tell someone, and then when something happens, I have someone that's not looking at me like I'm a liar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you two started your own religion, what would the requirements be to join?

1:35:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God, a side ponytail, first of all. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, absolutely. And listen, this is where we, oh, we have the fiercest hairstyles. So you know those monks, or those ninjas, or whatever, they have the samurai people, I think, they have everything shaved except a big old thing here, and they have a a long ponytail up there? You know what I'm talking about? In my bed. So we would have, everybody would shave their head except for a big chunk on the side. We'd grow it real, real long. And then we'd put armature wire through it. So we'd have a big, like, you know, like solid, like a rainbow side ponytail thing.

1:36:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. Like, yeah. And then we would all wear plastic edible pineapple flavored panties. Oh, love that. And a nice wool sweater to keep warm.

1:36:41Trixie Mattel:And it wouldn't be predatory, but it wouldn't be for free. That's the other thing. Edible. It would be affordable for a cup of coffee a day. You know, it would be something so affordable. 69 cents. You know, something to make you think of us. Were you alive when they did edible panties? Ask yourself. Do you remember when Jessica Simpson did edible makeup? Look it up, faggots. Jessica Simpson did edible makeup. Like, you're going to touch up your lipstick and you're like, I'm hungry. Swear to God. I mean, it's kind of cunty.

1:37:18Katya Zamolodchikova:It's kind of cunty. All right. Fuck, marry, kill. Or, yeah, fuck, marry, kill. Lady Gaga. The hilarious Ross Matthews. Ginger Minge. Oh, well.

1:37:32Trixie Mattel:That's a tough one. I'm going to marry the knight. I'm marrying Lady Gaga. Of course. Of course. You're fucking deep dick in Ginger. I know that. I think I'm fucking Ross Matthews. I know you are. And I guess I gotta kill Ginger, but shout out to Love Ginger. Yeah. When he comes, he goes... Right. It's like the Pillsbury Doughboy getting tickled. Right. I put on my cock ring and he's like, who are you wearing? You know?

1:38:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God. Imagine Carson and Ross having sex together. Love it. I love it. It would be like a supernova or something. It would be like so much gay coming together, it would like form a black hole and everybody got sucked in. Siamo tutti gay.

1:38:20Trixie Mattel:Siamo tutti gay. Do you have any more or no? I have one more. No! Okay, well I guess that's it. Damn!

1:38:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait, wait, wait. I have one more. I have one more. In my head.

1:38:35Katya Zamolodchikova:Would you rather No Fuck, marry, kill

1:38:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you know who Stone Cold Steve Austin is? Oh yeah Dwayne The Rock Johnson Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Undertaker. Do you know who The Undertaker is?

1:39:03Trixie Mattel:You know, normally with live shows, you want to end with like a bang.

1:39:10Katya Zamolodchikova:You know? You want to wow. Wait, are you telling me that dredging up a reference that no one would get from American wrestling who no one in America even watches? Yes.

1:39:24Trixie Mattel:So what if instead of that, They play the pod music and she and I run away while you guys clap and we leave. How about that? Yes. Yes.

1:39:34Katya Zamolodchikova:But wait, wait. I'm sorry. I have to do this. I know we're short on time, but I have to share with you the progress that I'm making on the only goal that I have had for the last year, which is trying to get into a center split. It's not great progress, but I do feel like people need to know that is really fun. so it's basically the frog pose okay that's all I have and then

1:40:07Trixie Mattel:wow that's I mean

1:40:11Katya Zamolodchikova:oh it's it's gonna happen happen sometime maybe sometime I'll split Oslo, get your hip replacement today. Yay. Okay. Ladies, gentlemen, if you can, stretch those hips out and get that pussy on the floor. Do you realize the joy that I will feel when I finally get that, when I feel the taint touch the rug? It's over for you, hoes.

1:40:43Trixie Mattel:It's going to be over. You guys, thank you so much for having us here at the program. Thank you so much. Love you so, so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Mwah. Mwah. Thank you. Oslo, the greatest city in the world. Love you. Love you. Good night. We love you, fuckers. We love you, fuckers.

1:41:24Thank you.