In short
Trixie and Katya banter about 2026 “Get Comfy” resolutions (Bombas ads), then trade personal stories about injuries and health—especially Trixie’s antelope taxidermy accident requiring stitches and Katya’s urinary/bladder issues tied to autoimmune inflammation and stress—plus pelvic floor therapy, gym bathroom mishaps, and ongoing TV/movie talk (notably It: Chapter Two/Pennywise discussion, Love After Lockup, and Gypsy Rose). They also discuss LA Olympics speculation and general fandom “hate,” plus dating/sex jokes and safety around public harassment.
Guests
None. The episode is hosted by Trixie Mattel and Katya Zamolodchikova (no additional guests named).
Key claims
Trixie needed stitches after a 20–25 lb antelope horn gashed her head; she got treated quickly at an urgent-care-like hidden clinic. Katya’s bladder problems are stress/clenching from autoimmune disorders; peptides and pelvic floor therapy help. They argue some online backlash is “allergic to joy.”
Notable examples
Wrong bathroom at Planet Fitness; contractors after the injury; inversion table gift; “foreign accent syndrome” joke; hate-crime slur experiences; Pennywise styling critiques and specific scenes from It.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOKaraoke Choices and Musical Insights
1:49 to 4:28
Explore the conversation around 90s songs and their meanings.
“Do you know that song Semi-Charmed Life in the 90s?”
Antelope Incident: A Wild Story
4:28 to 5:34
Listen to the harrowing tale of a taxidermied antelope accident.
“So it hurt so bad because the thing was very heavy.”
Hospital Adventures and Health Insights
5:34 to 7:48
Hear about the hospital experience following the antelope injury.
“We put three, four giant bandages on it, bled through all of them.”
Health Challenges and Doctor Visits
7:48 to 10:54
Discuss health challenges and the importance of medical attention.
“It is in - You need to tell me about this.”
Pelvic Floor Therapy and Body Awareness
10:54 to 13:12
Learn about the experiences with pelvic floor therapy and stress.
“I had to accept that this probably definitely had to do with my autoimmune inflammatory disorders.”
Self-Care and Daily Routines
13:12 to 14:01
Gain insights on the importance of self-care and daily wellness routines.
“I hope part of my gift is that somebody also sets it up for me because I was just given it and now I'm like, oh good.”
Yoga and Bathroom Mishaps
14:01 to 18:00
Explore the hosts' humorous experiences with yoga, gym visits, and bathroom blunders.
“When you're going to get advanced in yoga, the pranayama, it's not bullshit yoga.”
The Gym and Olympic Dreams
20:47 to 23:58
The hosts share memories of gym visits, including humorous anecdotes and Olympic commentary aspirations.
“I went to, you know that place we went to that restaurant?”
Pennywise and Child Actors
23:58 to 28:01
Discuss the characters, child actors, and standout moments from the 'It' series.
“I'd have to like, I'd have to brainwash.”
Dissecting Pennywise: The Horror of Clowns
28:01 to 29:19
The hosts discuss their thoughts on Pennywise's character and aesthetics in film adaptations.
“And she was, she was in love with the, and then she's revealed to be the mom of.”
Show all 25 chapters
Real Fear: Intense Scenes and Their Impact
29:20 to 31:39
They share their reactions to intense scenes in horror films, touching on personal fears and societal issues.
“I really thought she was going to die and I was scared.”
Jail Love and Relationships: A Deep Dive
31:40 to 33:39
The hosts explore the complexities of relationships formed with inmates and the psychology behind pen pal relationships.
“It's like, it's like, it's just like too much.”
Confrontations on Hollywood Boulevard
33:40 to 35:59
A recount of a recent encounter while jogging, discussing the nature of street violence and names used in confrontations.
“I just went to the violence of jail and then I went to something that happened yesterday.”
Reality TV and Social Dynamics
39:06 to 42:01
The hosts discuss their experiences with reality TV, characters they've met, and the social dynamics involved.
“It's like, you love a show, you go on Twitter and people will just hate it.”
Embarrassing Celebrity Encounters
42:01 to 43:12
Trixie shares an awkward moment with Garcelle Beauvais, revealing their surprising connection.
“And I stood up and said, don't even try it.”
Health and Anxiety Discussion
43:13 to 44:25
The hosts discuss their health rituals and the challenges of self-advocacy in medical settings.
“Well, it's a little like going to the doctor and then telling him what you Googled.”
Pelvic Floor Therapy Insights
44:26 to 45:29
Discussion about pelvic floor therapy and the importance of relaxing tense muscles.
“because I can't have those F words Indiana Jones in my mouth again.”
2026 Goals and Ambitions
45:30 to 46:49
The hosts share their personal goals for the upcoming year, including self-care and fitness.
“But like the, so Richard Freeman was like a really good yoga teacher.”
Navigating Fame and Relationships
46:50 to 48:11
They explore the complexities of fame, dating, and the impact of public recognition.
“Have a nice turmeric Julius from Squirrel.”
Foreign Accent Syndrome Discussion
48:12 to 49:25
Exploration of the concept of foreign accent syndrome and its implications for identity.
“But yeah, no, I don't want that Can I tell you?”
The TikTok Awards Experience
50:08 to 55:23
Trixie recounts her experience at the TikTok Awards, including backstage moments and challenges.
“I have to tell you what happened at the TikTok Awards.”
Social Media Influencer Encounter
56:01 to 57:09
Trixie shares a humorous story about a TikTok encounter that fell flat.
“It's this iPhone 16 and I have the TikTok app and what we could do is we could live stream it from my TikTok account.”
The TikTok Awards Experience
57:10 to 58:20
Trixie discusses her experience at the TikTok awards and the challenges of being in drag.
“And she says nothing, and the room says, all my friends.”
Encountering Lala Anthony
58:21 to 59:47
Trixie recounts a brief interaction with Lala Anthony at the awards.
“And in a city - In a city where no one goes up to anybody, something about drag.”
Unexpected Studio Incident
59:48 to 1:00:03
Trixie humorously describes a chaotic moment in the studio involving a dog.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by Bombas. People keep asking me about my 2026 resolutions. They expect something heroic like reading a book, discovering a cure for the common cold, or finally learning how to crochet with my feet. But this year I have crowned a new monarch of goals, Get Comfy. Not a little comfy, I'm talking transcendent. That is where Bombas enters. Riding on a velvet cloud of socks, underwear, and deeply supportive vibes. The all-new Bombas sports stocks are engineered for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, and myriad other types of athletic engagements. And the Friday sandal made with lightweight EVA is perfect for quick errands and dramatic grocery store entrances on Sunset Boulevard.
0:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Head over to bombas.com slash bald and use code bald for 20 % off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash bald. Code bald at checkout.
0:52Trixie Mattel:Score more with the college branded Venmo debit card and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash. Got paid back? With the Venmo debit card, you can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want, like game day snacks, gear, tickets, and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus, there's no monthly fee or minimum balance. Sign up now
1:11Katya Zamolodchikova:at Venmo.com slash college card. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank NA. Select schools available. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stashterms. Max$100 cash back per month. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney+. Let's go! Get ready for a new case. We're the greatest partners of all time.
1:28Trixie Mattel:New friends.
1:29Katya Zamolodchikova:And your last name? The Snake. Dream Team. And new habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population.
1:36Trixie Mattel:You can watch the record-breaking phenomenon at home.
1:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Zootopia 2, now available on Disney Plus Rated PG. And right now you can get Disney Plus and Hulu for just$4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer ends March 24th.
1:48Trixie Mattel:After three months, plan auto-renews and$12.99 a month terms apply.
1:57Trixie Mattel:Do you know that song Semi-Charmed Life in the 90s? I want something. I hate that song. It's about math apparently.
2:06Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, great. Is it? Yeah. Ugh. I don't like songs about stuff. Just kidding. Love math. I hate the song. No, it's about math. I guess.
2:16Trixie Mattel:Say more. Well, I was thinking this could be my new karaoke song. I really like it. And I looked up the lyrics and as I was reading them I was like, wait a minute. Is it like the pookies in my mouth
2:24Katya Zamolodchikova:with my torch lighter.
2:26Trixie Mattel:Girl, you want to talk Pookie?
2:28Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I want to. Explain to me more about why this song is about me.
2:31Trixie Mattel:Well, I'm showing it to you. Okay.
2:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Did you watch the Devo documentary?
2:36Trixie Mattel:No. She Who Doesn't Watch TV. Snatched me together. Really? Snatched me together. It was incredible.
2:44Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm not done with Heated Rivalry, but we ended on a cliffhanger, so I want to jump off the cliff.
2:53Trixie Mattel:I'm packed and I'm holding. I'm smiling. She's living. She's golden. She lives for me. Says she lives for me. Ovation. Okay, wait. I'm packed. I'm holding. And I could make you smile like a drug for you. Okay.
3:04Katya Zamolodchikova:It could be about Benadryl.
3:06Trixie Mattel:No, no, no. It gets crazier. The sky was gold. It was rose. I was taking sips of it through my nose. I wish I could get back there smiling. Okay. Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break. Don't you think that's a little obvious? You're joking. Oh my god They say Doing crystal meth Lift you up until you Won't break it Won't stop
3:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Won't come Then I keep stuck Literally doing crystal meth Is in the lyrics Yeah With a tic-tac rhythm A bump for the drop Okay so I think That you're probably right And the thing is Wait
3:40Trixie Mattel:Something When I was in college I took play analysis And we learned a lot About like Metaphor And I think This is not a metaphor I think they're just Saying meth Some I had no idea She was dragging That dead horse To the restaurant
3:53Katya Zamolodchikova:And I was like It's a feel good piece It's like a rom-com song. I asked her, did you kill your sister? And he said, yes. And I thought, something. Wait, cliffhanger, cliffhanger. Oh, right. Previously on Bald and the Beautiful, taxidermy. Right. So Andrew and I moved to the studio. I'm just like taking care of the last little pieces of shit in my red room. A taxidermied antelope falls on my head. The horn pierces my head and gashes it open. You better stop. Mary, I got pictures and I've got stitches on my head right now. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You had to get stitches? Honey, listen to this.
4:31Katya Zamolodchikova:So the contractors are at my house. It happens. They did the stitches? No, no, no, no, no. Staple ground. We did everything wrong first. So it hurt so bad because the thing was very heavy. So the weight of it, it's 20 pounds, 25 pounds. And the horn, the point of the horn broke off after it sliced me. I was stunned. Like I was, I was like, Oh, it like hurts so bad. And I don't, I haven't, I haven't been injured in so long. Like, Oh, Oh. And, and I, I go blood just is, I grabbed like a, a, a cloth, soaked it in blood. I had to get another one. Then I go upstairs to the deck and I, the guys are working out there.
5:11Katya Zamolodchikova:I just point to my, I go like, I'm like, what do you want them to do?
5:16Trixie Mattel:Help. Is Andrew there? No, no, no, no. This is my, this is my house. Andrew's not interested. You're bleeding.
5:23Katya Zamolodchikova:He's like, shh. No, but so Lester, the contractor, comes down. He's like, I'm bleeding and I'm silent screaming and pointing at myself. And we go downstairs. Clean it with alcohol. Don't do that. Burns. Yeah, but also it dries it out. It's not what you're supposed to do. Soap and water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soap and water. And then you press, press, press. We put three, four giant bandages on it, bled through all of them. What the fuck? And I was like, then I put like ice on it. What day was this? This was, oh gosh. Was this after Christmas or before Christmas? I have the picture so I can tell you exactly the date.
6:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh girl.
6:09Trixie Mattel:Did you have to go to the hospital?
6:10Katya Zamolodchikova:So, I didn't go. I was like, that happened in the late afternoon. And then I'm like, I don't know. I googled it. I was like, the gash was long. And so I'm like, it says like if the cut is more than like a half inch, you should probably go get stitches. So I had last year when one of the times I went cuckoo bananas, our manager signed me up for this like kind of fancy health service. And I got charged for renewal. And I was I called to like get it canceled because it was a lot of money. They come to your house? No, no, no, no, no. But it's just like you go to them and you don't wait or anything.
6:48Katya Zamolodchikova:It's very, very fierce, but it's very expensive. So I called the day before to get it canceled. Nobody answered. So I was like, shit, I want to go to the urgent care around the corner. I look it up. 251 star reviews. Fierce. So I called this place and I was like, hey, I have this. I think I need stitches. I told them the thing. An antelope fell on me. And they're like.
7:14Trixie Mattel:By the way, that antelope, Revenge of the Antelope. Thank you. He didn't want to be on your wall. How do we know that? What was she wearing? Was he smiling?
7:22Katya Zamolodchikova:I got a picture. I've seen that antelope. He's like. But so I was talking to the woman. So nice. I was like, what should I do? Should I go to the urgent care? She's like, well, listen. You're about 10 to 12 minute drive from here. You could take 12 minutes to get here. And you will be seen immediately. There's nobody here. We will patch you up and you'll be out of here in 10 minutes. Did that happen? Or you can go to the urgent care, wait three hours. Mary, I go there. It is in - You need to tell me about this. Mama, I go to - It is - Send me the link. Baby, this place was hidden. It was no door.
7:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Like, it was like, it was like, you would not know. It was the wee spa. It was like, it was so dark in the street. It was like, you could never find, you know, they're like, it's this place. You're not going to find the door. They buzz me in. And girl, they treat me immediately, so fiercely. The nurse is incredible. The doctor was amazing. I'm out of there in 15 minutes with stitches. You need to send me this. Yeah.
8:26Trixie Mattel:Because, you know, I need to go to the doctor every four days or so.
8:27Katya Zamolodchikova:Any other hospital would have been, I just had a, you know what I mean? Like people have, you know, motorcycle accidents. No, for sure. You know? And I don't have a PCP right now. So look, this is right here.
8:41Trixie Mattel:oh my god girl that looks deep it's nasty if I was there with you and I saw that I would have said we need to go to the hospital right now
8:49Katya Zamolodchikova:the lump I got scared because I did the pressure and the bump was big and it was not stopping bleeding I found a rag later completely soaked in blood
Read the full transcript
9:03Trixie Mattel:wouldn't it be fierce if all the meth none of it damaged your brain but this was it
9:06Katya Zamolodchikova:an antelope Wouldn't that be fierce? No, I mean, that is exactly what's going to happen. I will be like, I'll be like hardcore drug users at home. I'd love to just get hit by a car on my way to a meeting. You know what I mean?
9:16Trixie Mattel:Love it. It's like being diabetic and getting hit by an insulin truck.
9:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. I want to, actually, I don't want to show you because the way that I had to give myself a haircut, I had to like shave around and it is so - So it's an island of hair right now up there? It is a strange island. It is a, not a - Lost. It's the movie Lost. It's Lost. It's the show Lost. The Smoke Monster. but yeah it's and I have to go back to get them taken out shit girl I thought they were going to staple or glue or something
9:43Trixie Mattel:that's okay listen the story of this is this beautiful piece of art in your home that fell on your head
9:49Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to auction it off because girl
9:53Trixie Mattel:oh it really broke
9:54Katya Zamolodchikova:that horn
9:57Trixie Mattel:holy crap girl you're lucky it wasn't your eye bitch I know I love my eye I wish it was me and it fell out my butt
10:05Katya Zamolodchikova:it wouldn't that be kind of well well andrew is in our new studio we have pegboard and i was like what if you come to the studio one day i have i'm you know i'm sitting on the pegboard screaming pegging yeah so my butt on the on the wall like no but it was it sucked and i'd never had stitches before that you know they do the they shoot me up with lidocaine this this fucking no mama this doctor this fucking horror this fucking whore. Not only was this fucking whore so beautiful, her bedside manner was just sparkling. She was funny, personable, like efficient. So good at her job.
10:47Trixie Mattel:Yeah. I had a similar, I've been having, we talked about it, my similar, my urinary issues, which I've since improved a little. What's the bladder situation? Did you get stitches? No. I had to accept that this probably definitely had to do with my autoimmune inflammatory disorders. That's what's going on.
11:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you sure it's just because you refuse to pee during the day?
11:05Trixie Mattel:No, shut up. I went on some new... I have a new neuroimmuno doctor, which is a doctor that just treats like... How many specialists are you going to see? I go to like five. Jesus. But he has me on peptides now for stress, and it has helped a lot. So I... Can I tell you... I just want to say, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. Oh, I do four shots a day now. It's fierce. I'm like someone's 19-year-old diabetic cat that they're trying to keep alive. Natural processes like pooping and peeing, when they're not on schedule, you really realize how much you take it for granted. Being constipated, not being able to pee.
11:42Trixie Mattel:Digital extraction? So now I have to go to pelvic floor therapy. I'm dead serious. I went to two different pelvic floor therapists and they both tried to stick their finger up my butt. Are you a 72-year-old woman? I guess. No offense to 72-year-old women. They said that I have so much stress that all your smooth muscle practices down here are clenching. So nothing is peeing and pooping the way it's supposed to. Everything's grabbing. You're fight or flight. You gotta get cortisol. You gotta get that cortisol out. So you know who I had to call? My other doctor. Michelle Visage. Called that bitch.
12:15Trixie Mattel:You needed turmeric Julius from Squirrel. Michelle has some autoimmune dysfunction. She's the only person I know who deals with it. And when I call her, she drops everything and talks to me about it. And she is a model human as far as that bitch brings her own pots and pans to cook on. Like, she has X'd out any variables where her body gets employed. She brings her own airplane seat on the flight. She's gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan. Like, what? She's next-level prohibitive with her health. But like, is it Demi Moore with like only raw vegan? She basically was like, Trixie, you cannot be having Celsius.
12:50Trixie Mattel:She was like, you cannot be having energy drinks. She said, you need to get your immune system down. them down. You don't need to be having fucking caffeine and alcohol. She's like, you need to be like, she's right. Bite the bullet and you need to fucking listen to ASMR. Well, guess what I got for Christmas? What? An inversion table.
13:06Katya Zamolodchikova:What is that? Flip she upside down. Decompress your spine. Parasympathetic nervous distance. Excited.
13:12Trixie Mattel:I've never used it. Haven't set it up yet. I hope part of my gift is that somebody also sets it up for me because I was just given it and now I'm like, oh good. A project.
13:21Katya Zamolodchikova:It's like being shipped like an Ikea furniture thing.
13:23Trixie Mattel:Yeah.
13:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay, great.
13:24Trixie Mattel:And I've been working so much on music stuff at home. And I have my dining room set up with my little keyboard and my computer. And I'm working on a bunch of new music. But I was thinking of converting my basement into a small studio. But I don't know if that's crazy.
13:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, what's happening to your body is crazy. You need to fight crazy with crazy.
13:41Trixie Mattel:You think?
13:42Katya Zamolodchikova:You need to fight crazy with insane.
13:44Trixie Mattel:But I'm trying to relax my system by making sure I exercise every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleep the full eight hours. Yes. Don't bomb my body with caffeine like I've been doing. Sleep is not. Yeah, no caffeine. Sleep is non-negotiable. And you have to meditate. And breathing. Like deep breaths.
14:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Calming. It's corny. It's not corny. It's not corny. When you're going to get advanced in yoga, the pranayama, it's not bullshit yoga. It's all about the asanas are just a lead up to breath control and meditation.
14:14Trixie Mattel:Yeah. They basically were just like, there's nothing wrong with your bladder. We think you're clenching. Your involuntary muscles are not letting you pee. Everything's holding. I was having this. I was peeing probably 20 times a day and like a few tablespoons at a time. It was awful.
14:28Katya Zamolodchikova:That happens to me. Like I have been, I think it's because I was having a cock ring on, but I like. A cock cage. Cock cage. No, I sometimes like I have a hard, well, I said this before because I don't want to fart. You got to do it. You live alone. I'm talking in the airport bathroom where the acoustics are like at the Hollywood Bowl. Straight men don't care. Mama, they blow ass on the toilet. And the vocalization.
14:55Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. Oh my God. So delicious. Girl, because I have house guests, I haven't been able to use my Peloton, which is in the guest room. So I've been going to the gym and I don't use the Planet Fitness. I've been with a Planet Fitness member for probably 25 years at this point. I think I'm the first member. Me and Lizzie Lohan. Right. So I went to the one the other day in Studio City. It's in the second floor of a mall. I go, great. So I go in there. I start working out. I do my little workout and I really do a good job. I got my blood pumping. And you know, when you have inflammatory disorders, the blood pumping is magic.
15:27Trixie Mattel:It just keeps everything de-pumped. De-pumped. Tell me why I'm on my phone and I walk in to the bathroom and I go, oh my God, that woman's in the wrong changing room. Embarrassing. So I just saw breasts and I go, oh, it's me. And I turn like a top. I freeze and turn like an automated, like, ah. Maybe she's looking at my mannequin. I literally walked in I walk in I go and I just walk out and I'm you know that scenario if you ever go on the wrong bathroom JK Rowling well I don't know if it's he she or we the or they them it was JK Rowling with her tits out at the Planet Fitness that's why
16:06Katya Zamolodchikova:that's why she's and you just gave her a lot more fuel for the fire right no so what'd you do did you scream did she scream I didn't want to be rude so I said nice tits yeah look at those jugs no oh I'd like to slide my cock between those hot chicks.
16:21Trixie Mattel:She had a shirt over her head. So she didn't see me either. So like we both, she was spared the embarrassment and I just felt like - And you gained the titillation. It's not my normal gym. So I just walked in and by the way, both bathrooms look the same except W and M. Wicked witch. Like the same letter. And you were in a handstand. So you saw M. Yeah. So I just walked out and went in the other bathroom. But also I'm such a fag. I feel equally out of place in the men's room. I'm like, ladies. Girl. ladies with an attitude. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do know what you mean. I don't like any locker rooms.
16:53Trixie Mattel:I forgot my lock at the gym, so I had to buy a lock. Guess how much the Planet Fitness lock is. I got it from a vending machine in the men's room.
17:02Katya Zamolodchikova:$10?
17:03Trixie Mattel:$15. Wow. Fierce.
17:04Katya Zamolodchikova:That's actually not bad.
17:06Trixie Mattel:But it's the kind that you can make your own code. And I'm telling you at 36, no new four number codes. I can't do it.
17:13Katya Zamolodchikova:No, baby. I do my ATM pin when I go to the gym because they have the ones that you just yeah you have to pick something you know but mary how many times do you think i've gone down to the front desk and say i forget which locker i had
17:25Trixie Mattel:oh that's easy to do because it's not your lock on it if it's your lock you're like that's me
17:30Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah but when there's no locker but that's what i mean yeah so how about once i we checked every locker in the wrong room fierce but then now i always take a picture you have the same with
17:42Trixie Mattel:parking we had our little tricksy cosmetics it tells you where the car is right but it doesn't you know
17:48Katya Zamolodchikova:although I do have an air tag
17:50Trixie Mattel:oh that's nice too I could probably ding it you could ding it do you have the type of app that tells you where the car is right yeah yeah yeah oh great love that I think the bubble has that I don't know how to fucking use it but it doesn't beep it goes
18:01Katya Zamolodchikova:oh nice tits yeah nice jugs I'm gonna slide my cock through your tits
18:08Trixie Mattel:through the tits oh between okay
18:17Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by Bombas. People keep asking me about my 2026 resolutions. They expect something heroic like reading a book, discovering a cure for the common cold, or finally learning how to crochet with my feet. But this year I have crowned a new monarch of goals. Get comfy. Not a little comfy, I'm talking transcendent. Birds singing, angels applauding from the heavens level of comfy. That is where Bombas enters. Riding on a velvet cloud of socks, underwear, and deeply supportive vibes. Let us begin with what the bros call sport. The all-new Bomba Sports Socks are engineered for running, golf, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, and myriad other types of athletic engagements.
18:58Katya Zamolodchikova:This year, I really want to take up hiking in Los Angeles, boldly striding into nature like a confident woodland creature, rather than the dainty queen I know I am. These socks cushion exactly where I need it, wick away sweat like a benevolent wizard, and lock me in so securely I feel emotionally supported. Now onto Quentin Tarantino's favorite genre, footwear. For everyday resolutions like reorganizing a closet or wandering into a hardware store just to smell the hammers, Bombas delivers. The Sherpa Sunday slippers feel like walking on polite, encouraging friends made of clouds, and the Friday sandal made with lightweight EVA is perfect for quick errands and dramatic grocery store entrances on Sunset Boulevard.
19:37Katya Zamolodchikova:And underneath it all, Bombas underwear and t-shirts. Flexible, breathable, buttery smooth base layer is so good they will make you question your very own existence on this astral plane. And because comfort should ripple outward into the universe, Bombas donates an essential clothing item for every item you purchase. One purchased, one donated with over 150 million donations and counting. This year, I am not just resolving to do more, I am resolving to feel incredibly comfortable while doing it. Head over to Bombas.com slash bald and use code bald for 20 % off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash bald.
20:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Code bald at checkout.
20:18Trixie Mattel:Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids, all eight of them, should something happen to us.
20:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you my dad now? No, sorry. I do basements. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com.
20:47Trixie Mattel:I went to, you know that place we went to that restaurant? No, no, no. Century City Mall when we went on the meeting with our agents. Oh, the one where, by the way, I think it's okay to laugh about it now. The one where they abandoned us on the side of the road and we had to walk home? Katya and I made this innocent joke on the pod that they all had, and we had no cars. So we had to Uber home. That was the time, if you guys have been listening a long time, that was the time I was running to the Uber and I looked over my shoulder smiling.
21:10Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh yeah, you were leaving Miss Smoking Robinson in the dust. I was like, ugh, ugh. You were like Jackie Joyner-Cursey. Oh yeah. That was fucking time. I was Sha 'Carri Wilson. It was awesome. I had a wig on. Yeah. Not one beat of sweat. I get in the car drenched. Right. I had a wig on and popsicle sticks on my fingers.
21:32Trixie Mattel:Smoking a joint. Yeah, smoking a joint. So, by the way, we have to talk about the Olympics because it's coming to LA, baby. We got to talk about the Olympics. Not for three years. Two years. But you should start getting horny now. Put a clothespin on your nipple now.
21:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Queen. Mary, the best seat of the Olympics is sadly at home. Of course. Because the events I want to watch.
21:54Trixie Mattel:What? I don't think you and I could get a job commenting on the gymnastics flipping. 100 % no. I think we do. No, no, no. 100%. Gay.com? Gay.com? You think men.com can get us in there?
22:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Men.com? Of course. Gaiety. Do you realize? Pink news. Mary, do you realize how NBC owns the Olympics? NBC. So what? So what? They are, do you think NBC would let me talk sucking dick and cock at the Olympics? And you did it at my birthday. Yeah. And you did it at my, you did it at the event finals at the women's gymnastics. like it's they would never they wouldn't let me near that place I would be you know they're so conservative gymnastics is a very
22:31Trixie Mattel:conservative sport
22:32Katya Zamolodchikova:very conservative
22:34Trixie Mattel:I'm sorry but they need to reach audiences and you have a loyal audience and you genuinely care about it you can make it happen right now you're telling yourself it's not gonna happen
22:41Katya Zamolodchikova:no no baby you are being so Pollyanna right now it's no I'm not
22:44Trixie Mattel:no no no I'm telling you network I've been on the tennis channel that's different you wanna talk conservative the tennis channel
22:51Katya Zamolodchikova:What were you doing on the tennis channel? Correspondence about tennis. Do you know about tennis?
22:57Trixie Mattel:But I like it. I'm still not sure how it's scored, but I like the outfits. You're like, love 50. Oh, by the way, love 50. Love tennis. Love tennis, actually.
23:06Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, here's the thing. I actually, if Simone's going to be there, again, it's a huge - Like from Drag Race? Yes. Simone, because she's competing. No, Raven-Simon-Yay. Right. Right. What if Simone, Raven Simone and Simone Biles were all tied for the Colts? No, the best seed in gymnastics is at home. It's one of the most popular Olympic sports. You don't want to ever go. I don't want to commentate because I like the sport too much and I have too many opinions. If you listen to gymnastics commentating, it's so edited. It's so produced. It is so controlled. Okay. Well, it's okay. You don't have to do it.
23:44Katya Zamolodchikova:No. I mean, I love the idea, obviously. but like I'm just going to keep dreaming things for you.
23:49Trixie Mattel:And why don't you keep aiming low?
23:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. But I would literally have to sit down and make a thesaurus for myself. Okay. Cunt means amplitude. You know what I mean? I'd have to like, I'd have to brainwash. Like, and, and I just wouldn't have the vernacular.
24:05Trixie Mattel:Use your own vernacular. Girl, I would get on that microphone while people are flipping through the air. I'd be like, chat, are we cooked?
24:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Of course she ate that bar, but set up. Yeah. She shat on that beam. For sure. she chewed that vault up to pieces and shit all over it oh she pissed on that rug oh she shit on it
24:24Trixie Mattel:oh what a flop oh that stink do you smell that the shit on that beam girl great so what was it like going out there and shitting on everyone
24:34Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah yeah so did you pull your leotard to the side when you shit on your competitors or did you just do it right through the mesh um see that's what they don't want did you finish welcome to dairy I did I did. I surely did. You don't like it? No, I liked it. Oh, okay. And just like Derry.
24:56Katya Zamolodchikova:The Derry girls. Nicola Coughlin was a little bit underused, I felt like. I agree. If you blink, you miss her. Bill Skarsgård, incredible. Incredible actor. I thought there was some really primo child acting. Oh, baby. The way that I hate children actors, but these motherfuckers all ate down. They really did. I thought they did a great job. I just, I'm not a fan of the styling of Pennywise in the new It. I hate it.
25:25Trixie Mattel:It's the wrap dress. It's the DVF, the dying, the DVF wrap dress and the mules.
25:32Katya Zamolodchikova:The Miranda Priestly kind of get it. The mother of pearl toe buckle mules. The one inch kitten heel. And the bang piece. Yeah. Can we match the color? Also, a stud. Can I get a dangle?
25:40Trixie Mattel:Hello.
25:41Katya Zamolodchikova:And bottom lashes. No, no, no.
25:43Trixie Mattel:Where are the bracelets? Right. No, I, um, I mean, I love the, when the, you know, the, the, it was thrilling when Pennywise became that big bat toward the end. Oh, sure.
25:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, that was cool. That was cunty. And of course the, the, the movie theater scene at the first episode was on the car scene. And then right. The car scene was really scary. The car scene was fucking sick. And it was a good, it was a really good, like, it was a pretty steep buildup, but it was like, oh, oh, it's like, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.
26:16Trixie Mattel:And then. I also like like, oh, this is the beginning of this cycle. It's Pennywise as a baby. Yeah. And then nothing was scarier the whole season. Nothing was scarier to me than when they were watching the movie and their friend who's dead is in the movie, in the music man. Yeah. And then they all start talking to him. I'm like, okay, well, you're all done. Well, what about. He's in the movie or dead.
26:37Katya Zamolodchikova:What about chomp chomp with the umbilical cord?
26:39Trixie Mattel:That was crazy. Come to mama. The friends all getting killed was crazy. In the movie theater. episode one because you think these are people we're going to follow the whole season murdered mom brother sister died
26:50Katya Zamolodchikova:you got one day you got one day yeah but you can't use consecutive days if it's a cousin you got 15 minutes
26:56Trixie Mattel:in the break room
26:57Katya Zamolodchikova:right so the scene where
27:01Trixie Mattel:um what's her name oh god the scene where she's in the supermarket and gets lost and her dad's in the pickles
27:07Katya Zamolodchikova:the pickles baby pickle surprise yeah she really ate it up
27:11Trixie Mattel:yeah
27:11Katya Zamolodchikova:um she was she did she was stressed She was the stress factor.
27:15Trixie Mattel:And she really like. Super spoilers where the white supremacists under the influence of Pennywise, of course, burned down the black clubhouse, the black spot. That was scary.
27:28Katya Zamolodchikova:That was scary. Oh my God.
27:30Trixie Mattel:When he dies. Yeah, that was scary.
27:31Katya Zamolodchikova:I can't even.
27:32Trixie Mattel:The kid dies. It's awful.
27:34Katya Zamolodchikova:And he's on the thing and she's, I was losing it because that little kid was so fucking good.
27:42Trixie Mattel:Yeah, he was great.
27:43Katya Zamolodchikova:He was so, what a, I mean, he's going to be a superstar.
27:46Trixie Mattel:Yeah.
27:46Katya Zamolodchikova:He was so, what a, like a, I don't like precocious kids. That kid was so funny and so good. It was the saddest fucking thing in the world.
27:55Trixie Mattel:These kid actors are, the girl who plays Marge when she's chopping her eye with the saw. Yeah. These kids are acting. Yeah. And she was, she was in love with the, and then she's revealed to be the mom of. Yeah.
28:08Katya Zamolodchikova:And also I thought he was going to come back for real from the dead. but he did come back
28:14Trixie Mattel:the finger to Pennywise was fun it was great I loved it the guy who plays the young Dick Halloran was so good love that shit
28:24Katya Zamolodchikova:what else was like oh Mary well you know what though some of the some of the the CGI monsters like that old me in the forest remember me in the forest chasing the kid Yeah. Love that. Yeah.
28:42Trixie Mattel:That was a little too close to home. I also - I didn't love him. As a good Pennywise fan, I love Stephen King shit. The deadlights are fucking scary.
28:50Katya Zamolodchikova:I loved the -
28:51Trixie Mattel:When the girl in the clown outfit is floating. Oh, baby, the procession. The procession.
28:57Katya Zamolodchikova:All the kids floating. Cunty.
28:58Trixie Mattel:Cunty. Always playing the tuba. That should be gay pride event. When he deadlights the whole school. That was fucking - Operating the principal like a puppet. It's fierce. Scary. It's fierce. And honestly - And then he throws him, right? Rips his head up or something. Very good kid actors. So you really care what's going to happen. Yeah. I really thought Ronnie was going to die. Which one's Ronnie? The girl whose dad is being wrongfully convicted for murder. Oh, no, no, no. I really thought she was going to die and I was scared.
29:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, I just, I hate Pennywise's costume. And I hate the hair and I hate the buck teeth.
29:32Trixie Mattel:So as a clown, do you think he should be dressed kind of like a hot dog or what?
29:35Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I think he should be like Katy Perry's Met Gal outfit, a cheeseburger. And if he really wants to scare people, put some mustard on it. Right. No, no. I think like I love the Tim Curry. I love the classic clown look because I think that's more creepy.
29:48Trixie Mattel:But you know, the young kids right now on the Twitter and the TikTok, they're sharing those 90s miniseries clips and going, y 'all really think this is better? They don't live for it. Mary, but it's a different kind of living.
29:59Katya Zamolodchikova:There's a depth to it because he's funny too. Yeah, he's scary. He's scary because he's real. Like it's a real clown. It feels realer. There's nothing real about this Pennywise. Yeah. He's a supernatural monster, regardless of the backstory.
30:16Trixie Mattel:And we're experiencing that thing. I forget what they're calling it, but the thing where it's like every movie looks like a Lord of the Rings movie. Everything is so post. Everything is what? Like a Lord of the Rings movie. Everything's in post. Okay. The miniseries, everything's like a lot of practical effects. Yeah. Yeah, the miniseries is a very different thing. The deadlights are cunty, though. The head opening up with the teeth and the lights. Love that shit. It's amazing.
30:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Madeline Stowe? as Sherry, not Sherry Pie. Sherry Bine. Sherry Bine. Penny who? What is her name? Queen. Queen. Periwinkle. Periwinkle. Thank you. Genuine. I had the syllables right. Tony Braxton.
30:55Trixie Mattel:Right. Periwinkle. That scene where she's kind of fucked. She's kind of chasing her dead dad. Yeah. And she kind of knows Pennywise isn't her dad. Yeah. But she's still horny for it. And then Pennywise lops that dude's head half off. Love it. Oh, love when he finally, Pennywise bites the head off the general. Deserved it.
31:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah. Also, I like, I loved it when he was eating the thing. He was like, do I have face on my face?
31:19Trixie Mattel:Yes. I thought it was kind of continue. I also really thought of you. Well, also, a bunch of people during a hate crime being trapped in a fire was fucking scary. It gave me, um.
31:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Terrifying. It gave me, like, um, what did it give me? Lovecraft country vibes or something. Yeah. it was so graphic tragic
31:37Trixie Mattel:scary scary horrible I also thought of you the scene where Bob Gray when it's like the the real clown yeah is outside with the makeup smoking oh that's me
31:45Katya Zamolodchikova:and baby
31:46Trixie Mattel:you know I'm going to the woods born in the game I know you're going to the woods
31:49Katya Zamolodchikova:I live in those woods you live in the woods yeah I but I still again I like no Bill Skarsgård is a very very talented actor but I just I really really hated the styling It's too Baroque. It's too Rococo. It's like, it's like, it's just like too much. You're mad. I'm pissed. Right. And I, I don't, I don't think I can go on. Wait,
32:17Trixie Mattel:what else did you watch? Oh, well I'm excited because I thought Thousand Pound Sisters was canceled, but now it's coming back. So I'm fucking flipping out. Cause I like to follow that. And I'm still waiting for the new season of Gypsy Rose Blanchard, Life After Lockup. Oh, so Prestige TV. I've been watching Love After Lockup, which is about people getting out of jail and they get to reunite with someone they met in jail. Like a lot of people in jail have girlfriends or boyfriends outside of jail. What do you think that is? People who want relationships with inmates. They want pen pal relationships with inmates.
32:46Trixie Mattel:You want it?
32:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, because I know I'll be an inmate at some point.
32:49Trixie Mattel:Do you think it's the comfort of the proximity? Like it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to become more because it gets to be long? I don't know.
32:56Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean, I love, I think pen pals are, I had a pen pal. French one.
33:01Trixie Mattel:I'm okay with a pen pal, but I still want to be able to put the dick in my mouth. Oh, I see. But that's a dick pal. A sexless relationship.
33:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, I think it's probably an issue of like, it's flirting with danger without imminent, you know, it's like, oh my God, yes. Yeah, my boyfriend's on death row because he murdered 16 people, but we have great correspondence.
33:20Trixie Mattel:Where are the people jerking their peninas in jail? There's no privacy. Just everywhere.
33:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you kidding me? Do you know how much bumping and grinding there's going on in jail? That's the only thing they're doing in there. Really? They're lifting weights and they're fucking.
33:37Trixie Mattel:Somebody tried to fight me yesterday.
33:38Katya Zamolodchikova:What are you, nuts? Wait, what? What?
33:42Trixie Mattel:I just went to the violence of jail and then I went to something that happened yesterday. I was running on Hollywood Boulevard because I've been feeling better, so I've been jogging.
33:48Katya Zamolodchikova:Somebody tried to fight you?
33:50Trixie Mattel:And when you're running and people are walking, I notice sometimes they get scared when they hear running coming up from behind them.
33:56Katya Zamolodchikova:But don't you as a runner, aren't you very aware of people?
34:00Trixie Mattel:Oh, I'm going around, but I was not even close to him. He turned around and started calling me a lot of racial names. And then said he was going to beat me up and started following me. So I just ran further, ran more. I had my headphones in. You're joking. Why would I joke?
34:12Katya Zamolodchikova:What slur would he call his name word? Okay, what?
34:16Trixie Mattel:I think he was a little crazy. Oh, you think? But he wanted to fight me. And I was like, girl, I got Kelly Clarkson in here. I'm running. It's broad daylight. Hoka. On Hollywood Boulevard. There's people everywhere. Yeah.
34:32Katya Zamolodchikova:It's not like I jumped out of a bush. Yeah. Oh, I got called a faggot. Oh, I got called fiercely a faggot. It was actually exhilarating. The queen. I was in my car and these kids, it was kind of diabolical. they really zeroed in on me and clocked my T so fiercely and just went like dead a kid? two kids how old? probably like 35 now like 16 17 teenagers they were in a car or what? no they were on the street and they just yelled faggot at you? they were like zeroed in like laser pointer to the forehead faggot
35:14Trixie Mattel:can I just say too And I was like, the thing is, it doesn't hit the way you think it hits. Because I know. Yeah. It's like, oh, my gosh. What are you talking about? Wait.
35:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I've known that since 12.
35:22Trixie Mattel:And?
35:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. And then what? Faggot.
35:28Trixie Mattel:You're welcome. Yeah.
35:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Like, what's the next thing? When Andrew and I got gay bashed in West Hollywood at the corner of Sunset and Laurel, the gayest corner in the world. I would gay bash Andrew. But we were walking and some guy in a truck just screams faggot at us. And we're like.
35:43Trixie Mattel:We're like.
35:45Katya Zamolodchikova:It was exhilarating.
35:47Trixie Mattel:In West Hollywood, you're going to yell faggot?
35:48Katya Zamolodchikova:I was like, Mary, you are the minority. Maybe that's why they feel the need to assert their whatever.
35:54Trixie Mattel:Yeah, and I'm not saying we should skip to violence, but I'm saying like, it doesn't hit the way you think it hits. No, well, it doesn't hit me. If you're actually gay, it's like, who cares?
36:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, let's get back to heated rivalry.
36:09Trixie Mattel:Hi. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Chime. I saw a TikTok that said that people are very disturbed by the little girl voice. And so... Hi! It's me, little girl! Chive is changing the way people bank. Fee-free and smarter banking built for you. Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees built for you. Not the 1%. Um, my mom lets me drink 1 % milk with my cereal. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay, giving you access to up to$500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit.
37:02Trixie Mattel:Some old banks still don't do this, but they do at Chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Bank fee-free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Build your credit history stress-free. Plus there's a new Chime card that helps you get cash back and build credit with your own money. Two things that don't typically come together until now. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash bald. That's chime.com slash bald.
38:04Katya Zamolodchikova:For details and applicable terms. Why have I asked my HVAC guy I found on Angie.com to change my grandpa's trachea tube? Because I was so amazed by how quickly he replaced our air ducts. I knew I could trust him to change Pop-Pop's tube while I was on vacation. Make it quick, young man. Aw, see? Pop-Pop trusts you. Uh, I think we should call a doctor. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com.
38:35Trixie Mattel:Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster Nibbles in our yard for me? Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end. Huh, Nibbles. Gone too soon.
38:51Katya Zamolodchikova:May he scurry in peace. Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff. Nibbles would have loved you like a brother. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com. So I, there's a lot of hate. There's a lot of people. There's a funny tweet. It's like, you love a show, you go on Twitter and people will just hate it. You know what I mean? It's like, they'll hate you for loving a show on Twitter.
39:18Trixie Mattel:Also, no one hates something like people who love it. Drag Race fans who like hate, hate Drag Race, hate the producers, hate RuPaul.
39:26Katya Zamolodchikova:But this is different though, because they're not even watching it. These are just gay guys who are like, fuck that. They're just allergic to joy. They hate love. And they don't want romance or tenderness or beautiful lighting or big butts or interesting storylines or whatever. And that's fine. If you want your AIDS and your death and your meth, go ahead. But like, I don't want to watch The Normal Heart. I don't want to watch In the Band Played On. I've seen it. It's traumatizing. I want an M.M. Fujoshi romance where nobody dies. and every, like, if I were 14, 15, 16 and a budding queen, I would not, like, I cannot take it for granted how fierce that would be.
40:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Mary, this is like a gay thing that's actually, like, it's, I... Maybe that's why people like Heartstopper.
40:15Trixie Mattel:Of course that's why. Yeah, because it's wholesome. But I think Heartstopper was lacking the gay porn that the straight women...
40:21Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no, no, no. Those are children. Those are children. These are athletes who are in their 20s. Right. That was high schoolers. But it's Netflix. They're 45. Well, they got elite. Right. But this is like, I feel so bad about objectifying their butts. But there were so many times where I was like, I had a boner and then I would just cry, cry, cry, cry. That's good though. It's good to cry. I love crying. I feel great after I cry. I love crying. Oh, I told you I was on the plane watching Ghosts and I had to close the laptop because my - Ghost will fuck you up, girl. She was getting a concern, the woman next to me.
41:04Trixie Mattel:She was getting really nervous.
41:05Katya Zamolodchikova:And I didn't want to like, I didn't want to be like,
41:08Trixie Mattel:I didn't even get to the bank scene. In the spirit of saying the wrong things to celebrities, continued. Yeah. At Vanderpump's Dog Gala, which I do every year, lovely cause.
41:17Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, you can't talk to dogs, right? They don't listen.
41:19Trixie Mattel:I know, but I go. And I say, and I was, we do like, you know, the motel or someone we give something for an auction. I won something. I just wanted to participate. A Rolls Royce. No, I wanted to participate in the charity and they do like an auction. And I won something. What did you win? I forgot. An all expense. Oh, it's a trip to Vegas. Sandals, Jamaica? It's a trip to Vegas to see like a Cirque show. Oh? I think that maybe. Have you not seen it? Well, I bid on it because I wanted to do, you know, be a good guest and give money. Have you seen Oh? No. You have to go. I think that's what I'm going to.
41:54Trixie Mattel:I don't know. And I got a two-night stay somewhere. And so lovely, lovely, lovely. And then somebody else was trying to bid against me. And I was in drag. And I stood up and said, don't even try it. You don't have it. Thank you. And then they stopped bidding. Yeah. And then you punched him in the face. I got a pretty good deal.
42:08Katya Zamolodchikova:You got to go see O. I'm telling you. It's so incredible. Maybe that's the one I'm going to. I don't know. Anything besides the Michael Jackson one or the Beatles one. Okay. So then.
42:19Trixie Mattel:Oh. Garcelle. do you know Garcelle Beauvais yes I don't know why I know that name yes so she she's an actress yes she was in Survival of the Thickest do you remember we watched that on Netflix I do so she's also been in everything and she was a housewife she's gorgeous so we're she's at the table too and we're sitting and chatting chatting chatting chatting and I just was trying to make conversation because I don't know and I go so Garcelle I was like we've met a few times but you know I'm trying to make conversation and I go do you Well, one time we shared a car to the airport once leaving an event, she and I, and it was at four in the morning.
42:56Trixie Mattel:So she and I were like going to the airport at four in the morning. You trauma bonded. Awful. Yeah. And I go, have you ever done Drag Race? You know, I said, I wonder if you've done, because, you know, like Lisa Rennel, a lot of the housewives have done Drag Race. I said, have you ever done Drag Race? And she said like, yeah, I did. I did do Drag Race. And I go, oh, what season? That's so crazy. It was your fucking season. All Stars. She was there. Do you have a new year, new vibe? I do.
43:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Eat more ass. Okay. No. I have it. Yeah. I'm throwing away my moisture readers. And then I am going to. Anxiety inducing moisture readers. No more moisture readers. I'm not doing it. I'm not a contractor. I'm not a mold expert. I'm not a remediation technician. I'm not a carpenter.
43:36Trixie Mattel:Well, it's a little like going to the doctor and then telling him what you Googled. It's going to the doctor, bringing a stethoscope. But you know what? I feel both ways about it because on one hand, it's like, I don't want to tell the doctor that I Googled something. On the other hand, doctors 99 % of the time will send you home saying, there's nothing wrong with you. I don't know. You could be shooting blood out of your face and they're like, have you been sleeping okay? Yeah, it's like, did you eat a banana today? So sometimes you do have to like, I don't know.
44:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Go down a WebMD rabbit hole. What do they call it?
44:02Trixie Mattel:Being your own advocate? Health advocate?
44:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, or just eschewing eight years of higher learning. I think it's okay to contribute. Doing research is never a bad thing as long as you're doing it diligently and not just like saying, Gemini, Hi, I have this. The doctor, Mary. I got to go to the dentist. Go to Dr. Sun. I think I'm going to have to because I can't have those F words Indiana Jones in my mouth again.
44:33Trixie Mattel:What do you mean?
44:34Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean that they take a pickaxe. Dr.
44:37Trixie Mattel:Sun's really good and she's really nice.
44:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Does she have a gentle... Yeah, she's very kind. She's going to hack me apart like she's trying to kill me. She knows every single thing
44:45Trixie Mattel:you could ever know about teeth.
44:46Katya Zamolodchikova:I got to go back to the Russian guy with brown teeth who smokes before he sees me. Cleaning is really important. He says, you have the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. As he blew smoke into my face and flashed his ground. Fierce. I was like, yeah.
44:58Trixie Mattel:Love that.
44:59Katya Zamolodchikova:He's like, you have nothing wrong.
45:00Trixie Mattel:Get out of here. Of course, I don't. What about every pelvic floor therapist trying to put a finger in my butt? That's assault. Apparently what they do is put the fingers up there and they feel for you and try to train you to relax everything. Because they're like, you're tense. We can feel it. Because we all carry too much tension. Apparently it's really common.
45:18Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, it's Moola Bandha. You got to get into some Shishumna Nadi, the central channel. I think you need to get a little woo-woo. No, no, you don't need to. I've been woo-woo. I've been woo-wooed out. No, no, no, no.
45:34Trixie Mattel:I'm Wu-Tang Clan.
45:37Katya Zamolodchikova:But like the, so Richard Freeman was like a really good yoga teacher. He's like very well respected. He has a very interesting way of talking about the body. He's like, he talks about getting the PC muscle online. And like, he uses a lot of the computer metaphors for like activating the different like deep, deep muscle groups in the pelvic floor. You got to go to one of his workshops and do the yoga. Yeah, that's what I'm having to do, woo-woo. It's not, it's like woo-woo, but it's not like, it's not snake oil.
46:07Trixie Mattel:I don't think woo-woo means snake oil.
46:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Woo-woo does often imply, woo-woo includes snake oil. Or snake oil is a part of the woo-woo. Bless you. But like. Third? Oh, you. Wait, so, okay. Two things. I got three goals. You asked me 2026. I got three goals. Center split. Number one. Oh, okay. I'm working diligently at it. I'm making very, very little progress. Every day I stretch and try to do it. Second goal.
46:37Trixie Mattel:Every day I wake up and wish you were dead.
46:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Is that from Marriage Story? Adam Driver. So much drama. Too much drama. It's fierce. Girl, take an Ativan. Go for a walk. Break up. Have a milkshake. Yeah, break up. Break up. Have a nice turmeric Julius from Squirrel. So wait, anyways, I got center split number one by the end of the year. Then I want to fuck an Uber driver consensually. Right. And then I also want to fuck an Uber Eats driver where I was talking to Bob about it. He gave me a great strategy. It was actually really compelling. It was really compelling. but I don't do Uber Eats so it's got to be Grubhub and I don't know about that.
47:20Katya Zamolodchikova:I'd be careful pushing yourself on the people bringing you food. It's not pushing and I'm the opposite of a pusher. That's why I haven't done any of this stuff but so I often get Russian speaking Uber drivers. It's like almost four out of five.
47:33Trixie Mattel:How'd you meet the guy who's asked you ate Grindr? Grindr. Yeah. Is everybody just talking to you because you're caught to? No.
47:40Katya Zamolodchikova:He knew who I was but he wasn't weird about it.
47:43Trixie Mattel:Grindr was cooked for me because everybody's just
47:46Katya Zamolodchikova:No, it's not cooked for me anymore Because you fell off No, seriously, I don't want to be any more famous than I am now And you won't You won't Like, I love, like, mama, you rise Go, girl, get up there, girl I love, girl, oh my god, girl Oh, I see you, girl Oh my god, I can't even see you anymore
48:06Trixie Mattel:You're in the hot air balloon That Kardashian meme where they're swerving and the car's floating That's me
48:10Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm the little girl with the balloon and you're like way up But yeah, no, I don't want that Can I tell you? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Third goal. Oh, I said it.
48:21Trixie Mattel:Mine is just to take better care of myself. Relax. And to relax. You need to get the PC muscle online. I'm going to be doing sleeping. I'm going to be doing therapy. I'm going to be doing water drinking. Meditation. Exercising. Meditation. Meditation. Deep relaxation techniques.
48:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Meditation. And then you got to... Oh, oh no. The Bible. The Bible. Don't you dare read The Power of Now. Okay. don't do it. You'll hate it.
48:51Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm trying to do that reverse psychology thing. Is it working?
48:55Trixie Mattel:I think out of anybody, you are in a place to give people life advice.
48:59Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I'm not giving you advice. Don't you dare read it.
49:03Trixie Mattel:Okay. No, something happened to your brain when that antelope fell on your head. Do you think that was the thing?
49:10Katya Zamolodchikova:But something probably fixed my brain.
49:12Trixie Mattel:The antelope fell on my head and now I can speak Cantonese.
49:15Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I woke up with a foreign accent syndrome. Isn't that crazy? It's not real, by the way. What? It is absolutely not real. Who's faking? All of them. I woke up speaking in a Chinese accent and I'm from Melbourne. It's fierce. Mama, you're mentally ill. Yeah, it's fierce.
49:32Trixie Mattel:Yeah, it's like. Mine would be so low. It would be like, oh, I went to bed with a Milwaukee accent and woke up with a Green Bay accent. It would be like.
49:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, I went from like Southie to Dorchester.
49:41Trixie Mattel:Yeah. If you're tackling a home project, check out Angie.com. From roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job. You might trust them to do other things. Like pull out your tooth and be your kid's godfather. Well, don't ask them to do these things. Just let them get the job done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your projects at Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I.com. I have to tell you what happened at the TikTok Awards.
50:13Katya Zamolodchikova:nothing good. I'm going to go out on a wild limb and say that nothing good happened at the TikTok.
50:17Trixie Mattel:Were people kicking shoes? I looked incredible. Were people kicking shoes?
50:21Katya Zamolodchikova:No,
50:21Trixie Mattel:I didn't see that. Were you doing it? Were you in the, the, the TV dress? Yes. That was cunty. How did you remember the dress and forget aphasia of me? Aphasia? Aphasia Barino? No. Yes. I have, I have social media and I do check it from time to time. And I got these two dancers, go-go dancers. Yeah. And I've done something Go-Go dancers have never experienced Which is cover their bodies And their face Did you use the helmets? Yeah The TV helmets No these were different helmets Jacob made these Their TVs So We do the red carpet Lovely lovely lovely All of these interviewers Who want to interview me Have no key light They're just Overhead light Asking you questions It's like What the fuck are any of you doing?
51:02Trixie Mattel:I forget who talked to me Somebody was like What's the biggest faux pas The TikTok awards Whatever And I said Not having a light Next Or kicking a shoe And having it not transition Kick a shoe, but have a light on.
51:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:13Trixie Mattel:I'm not kicking a shoe in the dark. You got to see the shoe turn into an outfit. Right. It's okay. It's okay. So I do the little red carpet, and then I get to present and get this. This was fierce. The show starts at 7. I'm set to present at 7.05, and then I can leave. That's horny. Did you get bricked? Bricked? Bricked.
51:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, as you're leaving the stage, you're like, oh. I get a hold behind my shoulder.
51:33Trixie Mattel:Oh, no, it was at 6. The show's at 6. 6. So 5.30, I'm there. I have one little glass of wine, because you know, I quit drinking.
51:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Did they shut you out of the red carpet?
51:41Trixie Mattel:No. Not this time. They couldn't stop me. And you know, it's the TikTok Awards. And I was like, these online creator award shows, it is a little bit first time out of the house for these people. You don't say. You know what I mean? I think I've been in the streamies. They don't leave the home.
51:58Katya Zamolodchikova:It's very. Yeah.
52:00Trixie Mattel:It's very. I need to kick a shoe. Right. Wear the shoes. Kathy Griffin, I need to speak to a gay person. I need to speak to a gay person so they come get me at 5.40 because they want me to be ready for 6.05 I'm like sure so I sit backstage I'm just waiting talking to these lovely couple who won The Bachelor talking to them about being on The Bachelor it was interesting to hear them talk about dating it's actually like a drag race they take their phones and stuff we're all sitting back there and I'm in drag I don't know like I said I'm not really drinking so I'm just having wine and tequila I'm just doing coke so I'm backstage just waiting and drag.
52:37Trixie Mattel:You build the powder on the menu. And I look great. You know, some days with your makeup, you just lock in. I looked great. I don't know what I did. It looked great.
52:43Katya Zamolodchikova:You looked fabulous.
52:44Trixie Mattel:And they go, we're holding, we're holding. And then they come back and they go, all of the screens are out on stage for the TikTok awards. Every screen is out. And so we're holding. And so me and some of the creators that go first, like Mikey, the rapper with the bucket hat. Of course. And then Ashby, do you know her? Yeah, absolutely. So we're all just sitting there talking, talking, talking, talking, and we're waiting. And suddenly it's 6.50. We're still all waiting. And the creators, everybody nominated and everybody invited is seated out there for 50 minutes. And I've worked at this venue.
53:16Trixie Mattel:Not good air conditioning. But what are they doing?
53:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Are they on TikTok?
53:20Trixie Mattel:They're just sitting. They're sitting. And I only know the beauty people, really. So I can see the beauty people peppered in. Anybody kicking shoes? Nobody's kicking shoes. Do they do that anymore?
53:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Or do they do this anymore?
53:35Trixie Mattel:I don't know. You know, like, no, now it's the come with me to try the viral shit sandwich. Like, you know. Today,
53:44Katya Zamolodchikova:okay, this is a new thing. I don't like fit. Outfit is not a hard word. It just, it's not like a long word. Also, Mary, they're all, clock the fit. At least make it something good. Honey, girl, that outfit doesn't fit and it looks like shit. Yeah. But like, check the fit check. Like outfit of the day, I get acronym, whatever, that's fine this nice fit i don't i don't like it i don't want it and i think it's stupid it's like it's like um you don't have to abbreviate a two-syllable word right especially when it when it is so perfectly describes exactly what you're talking about right there's no ambiguity
54:21Trixie Mattel:there so what we had to do was they come back there oh you're gonna love this and i'm like in a weirdly good mood and you know sometimes when you're in your good mood you're like let's just roll with it. How fun, right? No. Especially when I'm the only drag queen somewhere. And you looked great. And straight people always are going to treat me like I'm a paid party favor. So I might as well try to be in character and enjoy myself. It's like, very, but I'm determined to enjoy myself. And we're running behind. And you know, all these straight people with their hair and makeup teams, straight celebrities being inconvenienced.
54:53Trixie Mattel:This is World War IV, right? This is the worst. They're so shocked and betrayed. Shocked and betrayed right now. You did it at my birthday party. so they come back this woman comes back with a headset on she goes all right everybody presenters what we're gonna do in five minutes we're you know rain or shine we're just gonna start so unless it gets fixed we are just gonna be presenting without the screens and then in the live feed they'll throw to video packages in the edit so we won't have the we won't be able to go and the nominees are and have this they're just gonna throw to it fine because all these influencers are trapped right and this is the one hour a year they've left the house right they're freaking out.
55:29Trixie Mattel:They're stimming. They have the fidget toys. They're freaking out. They got three babes up their ass. Entirely. They're stimming. They go, yeah, we're just having problems with the live feed. And I go, oh, question. She goes, yes. I go, I have my phone here and my iPhone. It's an iPhone 16. It has TikTok. Did you guys want to use my TikTok? I thought this was hilarious to suggest something not helpful and earnest. And I'm in drag like, if you want, I have it plugged in. I'm at like 18%. And if we start now, I have the battery. She goes, what? I said, oh. I have my iPhone here. It's this iPhone 16 and I have the TikTok app and what we could do is we could live stream it from my TikTok account.
56:13Trixie Mattel:I have an 18%. I have 4.2 million followers, so I could do that for you. I have two bars back here. Probably three out there. She borrowed me her phone charger. I think it was Paris Hilton's team. I had my phone charger to their... I said, they borrowed me my -
56:29Katya Zamolodchikova:I've got this extension cord in my bag in my car. And I said, did you want to use my iPhone?
56:35Trixie Mattel:No one in the room laughs. Mary, there's like 20 people. That's social media influencers for you. She doesn't laugh. Of course she doesn't laugh because it was the type of thing where I'm like, people are about to get fired tomorrow. She's stressed out. And I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Yeah. And I'm what? Bimbo clown? You're throwing shoes up a year and nobody's kicking them. It's not my ministry. It's not my zoo. Not your circus. Not your monkeys. Not my monkeys. Yeah. So not my snakes. Not my church. Not my snake church. Not my strychnine, not my church.
57:02Katya Zamolodchikova:We're going to get back to that, by the way. Not my asshole, not my animal.
57:06Trixie Mattel:Not my asshole, not my animal. Not my animal. It's not my animal, not my asshole.
57:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Not my bathhouse, not my come-dumb.
57:16Trixie Mattel:Girl. Oh, bathhouse. Bathhouse. So I go, did you want to use mine? And she says nothing, and the room says, all my friends. I'm like, hello, people from The Bachelor. I thought we were my friends now. Can no one laugh? No one laughs. She goes, no, it's okay, and walks out. And I go, I turn to the room. I go, I tried. Wow. Love. The humor at TikTok is really unparalleled. What are we going to do? It's 50 minutes. There's no air conditioning here. And I know that because I did saw a pink disco there and almost died. So I know it's hot. When you're kicking shoes, you're using a lot of energy.
57:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Right. Energy expenditure produces sweat. And mind you, I'm not drinking.
57:51Trixie Mattel:So I'm having tequila neat, you know. you're just doing acid. Right. And I was told at 6.05 I would be in a car. So it was like - Fuck. You know. The TikTok awards. Well, flop. The flip-flop awards. I know you get this. When I'm in drag, I just can't go sit and watch something.
58:11Katya Zamolodchikova:No. I can't. I'm sitting and talking to an audience. So it's like,
58:14Trixie Mattel:I'll present or do the red carpet, but I actually can't sit for an award thing.
58:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I wouldn't do a red carpet. I can't. Not with the skin, not with my chicken neck.
58:20Trixie Mattel:I can't. No. And in a city - In a city where no one goes up to anybody, something about drag. Oh, that's tacky. That's really tacky. TikTok awards. It was fine. It was fine. It was still fun. Good lighting. Well, you're in a great mood because you looked fabulous. Oh, I know. I walked out to the microphone. And you do an exact picture, right? Yeah. I walked out and I said, thank you all for being here and thank you for being on time. Kind of funny, fun stuff. Yeah, yeah. The iPhone bit.
58:50Katya Zamolodchikova:That's funny.
58:51Trixie Mattel:Oh, and then I said. That's comedy. If you guys don't know me, I'm Jennifer Coolidge. I love a nice little icebreaker.
58:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, like at the streamings when I said I was Charlize Theron. Crickets. No one said anything. Crickets. Of course, I also didn't present what I was supposed to do, but.
59:05Trixie Mattel:Do you know who else was, who opened, do you know Lala from like MTV? She hosts all the different stuff. Lala Anthony, I believe her name is. And you know, when you're in drag, you have more nerve to say hi to someone. So I was like, I'm going to go say hi. And I go, oh my God, Lala, I've seen you. You've been on my television my whole life. I said, I've seen you in so many things. You look beautiful. You're glam team. I always compliment the glam team if they're there because the glam teams get these whores together. The makeup and the hair, she looked amazing. And I'm like, so cool. Oh, yeah, the TikTok award is fun.
59:31Trixie Mattel:So what have you been up to? Oh, that's great. Gay PA comes this close to me and goes, we need everybody out of this area now. I run. You take her person. And then surely enough, as soon as I get out of frame, a live feed starts and they actually start something. So I think I was actually just walking onto like a hot set. and luckily I'm not such a bitch that I'm like no tell me where to go I just ran that smells so bad
59:55Katya Zamolodchikova:we gotta go we gotta wrap because not only are we done but there is a dog farting in the studio and it's turning me on during my Lala story I'm sorry Lala bye bye
1:00:49Katya Zamolodchikova:We'll see you next time. Ranch Out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe. And every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more.
1:00:58Trixie Mattel:The UPS Store is making packing and shipping Easter gifts quicker than ever this year with UPS Air. How quick? Quicker than a walk around the park. Quicker than eating all the Easter candies. Quicker than finding a golden egg that you know is stuffed with cash. When you ship UPS Air at the UPS Store, your items arrive on time or your money back. Guaranteed at no extra cost. exclusively at the UPS Store U.S.
1:01:19Katya Zamolodchikova:retail locations. Send Easter joy on time at the UPS Store. Visit the upsstore.com slash air guarantee for full details. Terms and conditions apply. Jackson Hewitt will do your taxes for$149 or less, no matter how complicated. So if you're a delivery driver, slash handyman, slash wedding DJ, you pay only$149 or less. We're talking to you, waitress. Check, please. Slash pet sitter. Slash influencer. Just$149 or less. Want your refund to work as hard as you? Hurry, don't wait. File with Jackson Hewitt today. Limited time offer for new clients on federal returns. Participating locations only. Terms at jacksonhewitt.com slash 149.
1:01:59Katya Zamolodchikova:There's a world where legends race across city skylines. Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms. And there's magic around every corner. it's a world known to many as great britain you've seen the action on screen now visit the real star of the show visit great britain to discover more go to tripadvisor.com great britain
From the publisher
Dearest Katya. It is I, Silas P. Hoofman, the ghost of the antelope who currently hangs in a perpetual state of taxidermy above your bed. From my velveted perch upon this ignoble wall, I address you with a heart still pulsing with spectral ire, my musk perfumed with the rot of remembrance. In the hush of our shared candlelit hours, I have vowed that my whispers from beyond shall coil about your dreams like ivy, tightening with a lover’s patience until your waking thoughts are haunted with my name. Though my horns are stilled in lacquered eternity, my resolve continues to prowl the corridors of your conscience, tapping at the door of your soul with my lifeless, black hooves. Whilst my wildest dream would be to strike at your flesh with unbridled fury, I shall accept something less corporeal: a bruising of your spirit. It is my deepest hope that my wrath shall haunt you in the shadows until your haughty laughter trembles and your zeal for butts is eliminated. For it is my belief that if I continue on my eternal mission of dread, our courtship will evolve until you eventually feel me nearer than your own breath, and in that closeness you will finally feel the bloody price of hanging my furry, hooved soul upon your wall.
For 30% off your first Thrive Market order plus a FREE $60 gift, head to: https://ThriveMarket.com/BALD
Need a website or domain? Head to Squarespace dot com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain at: https://Squarespace.com/BALD
Get a free can of OLIPOP! Buy any 2 cans of Olipop in-store, and we'll pay you back for one! Works on any flavor and any retailer, including the new Shirley Temple flavor! Head to: https://drinkolipop.com/BALD
Join Rakuten today for a new member welcome bonus after minimum qualifying purchases! Terms and conditions apply. Download the app, install the browser extension, or head to: https://Rakuten.com
To see if your insurance covers GLP-1s, get your free insurance check at: https://Ro.co/BALD
Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel
Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo
To watch the podcast on YouTube: http://bit.ly/TrixieKatyaYT
To check out our official YouTube Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/TrixieAndKatyaClipYT
Don’t forget to follow the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast
If you want to support the show, and get all the episodes ad-free go to: https://thebaldandthebeautiful.supercast.com
To check out future Live Podcast Shows, go to: https://trixieandkatya.com/#tour
To check out the Trixie Motel in Palm Springs, CA: https://www.trixiemotel.com
Listen and Watch Anywhere!
http://bit.ly/thebaldandthebeautifulpodcast
Follow Trixie:
Official Website: https://www.trixiemattel.com
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@trixie
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trixiemattel
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trixiemattel
Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/trixiemattel
Follow Katya:
Official Website: https://www.welovekatya.com
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/welovekatya
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katya_zamo
Twitter (X): https://twitter.com/katya_zamo
#TrixieMattel #KatyaZamo #BaldBeautiful
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
