This One Goes Out to All the Buttholes with Trixie and Katya

8:20Trixie Mattel:It's capital. It's been capital D debilitating.

8:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah. No. And so I swear to God for like, I would estimate that from my earliest memory, say like four, five, six, seven, whatever, up until 22, every single night, debilitating anxiety every single night without stop. It doesn't matter. School, no school, whatever. every single night, hour to two hours to get to sleep because my brain is spinning with anxiety.

8:46Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

8:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Diarrhea all the time.

8:47Trixie Mattel:I was like, I noticed I'm waking up freaking out and I Googled it and apparently before you wake up, your body starts to naturally produce like stress hormone so that you, to help you get up. And if you have stress, anxiety problems, that like plus that is too much. Yeah. I've been waking up six, seven, wide awake, freaked out. Like Gary Busey. Eyes open. horrible don't love it don't love it don't love it

9:15Katya Zamolodchikova:if I was born in another time and I didn't grow up in the 50s I would be I would have had a generalized anxiety disorder for sure

9:22Trixie Mattel:oh yeah

9:22Katya Zamolodchikova:generalized GAD oh yeah and then I'd be put on anti-anxiety medicine daily therapy

9:30Trixie Mattel:I'm in therapy twice a week now the FAGs are hurting they are the FAGs are hurting the FAGs are anxious but I'm committed to overcoming learning how to

9:41Katya Zamolodchikova:with pharmaceuticals learning how to

9:42Trixie Mattel:or maybe not but I'm just trying to learn how to not freak out I was never like this

9:47Katya Zamolodchikova:I was never like this what turned you into this being gay

9:51Trixie Mattel:maybe like two years ago when I had the MNTB it all started

9:54Katya Zamolodchikova:but I was never like this

9:56Trixie Mattel:I thought all of you were weak and weird 35

9:59Katya Zamolodchikova:but 34 is Jesus year that's when everything changes your body's changing your body's changing no I'm serious though like how do you how do you deal with the with the threat that's not there? Well,

10:14Trixie Mattel:lately my strategy is to actually physically pivot and do something else, particularly creative project, drag something beauty or drag related. What if you can't do anything? It gets me very present. Okay.

10:27Katya Zamolodchikova:What is another way to get present? If you can do something, have you ever tried meditating?

10:32Trixie Mattel:Yeah. You want me to sit and think, not think I want you to sit. I know every time somebody recommends meditation, I get mad because I know it works.

10:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Every single person on planet Earth, if they're asked about meditation and they've thought about it or it has been suggested to them, they say, I know I should do it, but I don't. That's the 100 % of people that say about meditation. Deep breathing. But it's true.

10:59Trixie Mattel:Deep breathing. Stretching.

11:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Stretching. Yeah. I do stretching a lot to combat.

11:05Trixie Mattel:Got an inversion table. What is that? Flip me upside down What? Are you serious? Hang upside down Got it in my house Love it Got it for Christmas

11:14Katya Zamolodchikova:Say more about that Well I want to know about it I'll show you a video I want to experience that

11:19Trixie Mattel:Would you be a little bit? Yeah it's very you I think you would get addicted to it And let me tell you The veins on your head Would get so big Upside down But I go upside down

11:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Ropes I just don't have a table

11:28Trixie Mattel:This is Girl This is where I'm at

11:35Trixie Mattel:Love it

11:35Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh but I don't need that I could just go to a handstand Oh Right? Yeah. Oh, but it's relaxed.

11:41Trixie Mattel:What I like about it is you hang from your feet, so your vertebrae gets so stretched out. Your own body weight stretches you out.

11:48Katya Zamolodchikova:I feel like that happens in a handstand, though. Maybe not. Maybe not because you're tense. And your weight isn't supported in any way.

11:55Trixie Mattel:It's still the body weight stacking on itself. I love that.

11:57Katya Zamolodchikova:How much did that cost?

11:58Trixie Mattel:I don't know. I got it for Christmas.

11:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Who gave it to you, Santa? My boyfriend. Okay. Can we ask him? Queen.

12:03Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Probably. Probably so. That's really cool. What do you say to the kids out there who are trying to overcome their anxiety?

12:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. Now, this is not a joke, and I'm not joking. I've seriously spent almost my entire childhood and teenage years and early adulthood. And I can't overstate this. I can't exaggerate this. A constant hum of undeniable, unavoidable, capital A anxiety. Scared of everything. Everything. And not just everything. Scared of nothing. nothing what are you afraid of?

12:38Trixie Mattel:Nothing Vivid assurance that I'm going to die that day someone I love is going to die

12:42Katya Zamolodchikova:or I'm going to experience the ultimate humiliation I'm going to be so humiliated that I'll have to kill myself

12:49Trixie Mattel:Huge personal crises of faith surround artistry

12:53Katya Zamolodchikova:Sure

12:54Trixie Mattel:I'm a fraud

12:55Katya Zamolodchikova:People just give me the benefit of the doubt for some reason that's going to run out soon whatever All of that yeah it's like the it's the worst thing ever and um it's uh one two a few like things that i i i had to learn that like a life is not a competition and it's not a game like there's not a game like you don't win or lose that life or whatever and that sounds corny but like the other thing was um the the there's a friction between your non-acceptance of whatever is happening and you're like, how do I say this? Like the, the level of your discomfort can be measured by the, the, the degree to which you are in opposition to what is happening.

13:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Does that make sense? Can you say it again? The degree, the level, okay. The degree of your discomfort is, is like directly proportionate to the, to the amount of, how do I say this? When you're not accepting reality. Oh, I can't, I want to, how do I say this? So like, what is it? So it's like non-acceptance of, ah, I don't know it. I don't know how to make the point. Forget it. Did you want me to get you some speech pathology? No, it's like a really simple thing. The FAGs are hurting. The FAGs are hurting. So like, it's, um, oh, I'll have to go up and look up my encyclopedia Britannica later.

14:23Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm sorry. You're just going to have to go look it up. Yeah. I'm going to have to go look it up. Now I'm a fraud. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I should go kill myself. See, that's the behavior pattern.

14:32Trixie Mattel:That's what I mean too. Yeah. And then there's also the second hand of it is knowing that your anxiety about a scenario is kind of unfounded and then beating yourself up for being stuck in imagined scenarios. Yep, yep, yep. Concerned about events that haven't happened. Yeah.

14:49Katya Zamolodchikova:There's a feedback loop that happens to it. well I mean every day like I I think it was like until drag race I was like I was 30 then I felt it every night on drag race like the most insane I'm going to kill myself anxiety and it was like where you can't eat you can't sleep oh yeah it's horrible absolutely horrible

15:13Trixie Mattel:because the surgery haven't been able to exercise at all that's really bad for anxiety they don't let you exercise at all and that's been kind of making it worse That's crazy. Yeah. Sometimes a physical experience, exercise, is very grounding.

15:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. I was going to say, it's like the number one, it's like whenever your doctor's like, I don't know, it's like, are you exercising? Are you moving your body? Are you drinking water? Are you sleeping? So all the basic stuff. If you can't do that, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

15:46Trixie Mattel:What about joy and positivity? Are you guys performing at? Apocalyptic. Tonight, at the Plaza. Yep. Let's talk about Plaza.

15:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Let's talk about it.

15:57Trixie Mattel:Let's really talk about it. If you would like to wait 40 minutes for a bottle of water that's$10 cash, go to Plaza.

16:04Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't have experience waiting for the drinks, but I do know that it does take forever.

16:08Trixie Mattel:Apocalyptic gets full every time. It does. They will not hire more than one bartender. Why is that, do you think? who is not really that interested in tending bar. No, it's more of like a, it's more for show. But you know what it is? Don't you think in LA, do the gays even drink anymore? Don't they do pills?

16:28Katya Zamolodchikova:I think they're doing G. I think they're doing G. I read a funny tweet the other day. It's like, what's, I guess there's like a trend of like somebody asking a question and then somebody tweeting it and saying, I know, but you don't want to hear it. Or you know what I mean? Girl, you're not going to like the answer.

16:42Trixie Mattel:I think I heard a clip of you describing ketamine as I'm like three feet to the left.

16:46Katya Zamolodchikova:That was my friend. Yeah, that's what my friend said. And I agree. That is what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, this is like, I wish there was something that could like mimic the feeling of having eight beers but won't get you fat. And somebody's like, I know, but you're not going to like it. G. G. G. Yeah. How much G do you do? Maybe that has something to do with your anxiety.

17:05Trixie Mattel:I did it once in 2013, 14, 2014. Yeah. I did it right before Drag Race. up until do you remember on season 7 of Drag Race I had a sunburn on half my body I don't I did a bunch of drugs and fell asleep on a roof somewhere ages ago girl maybe you should start doing G again one time I was at a party Kim and I were talking oh Kim and I were talking about this last night I saw Kim Chi at Nymphium Plastique show The Serpents Tour you're gonna tell me about it

17:34Katya Zamolodchikova:which everybody should go see go see it

17:35Trixie Mattel:Kim and I obviously when we get together we immediately reminisce about like things that just like only she will remember that we were together and it was crazy one time she and I were at a party in Milwaukee at this this giant house party and somebody had a tiny, when people pull out the tiniest little piece of drug bag, little plastic bag, Ziploc from a Barbie house. Like really? It's like a Ziploc from a Barbie. Yeah. American girl doll Ziploc. Like little purse. They had pills in there. I remember they had, Kim and I were talking about, they had pills in there that had, they got in the hot tub and it perforated the water and melted the pills.

18:09Trixie Mattel:And the person was dipping their pinky into the melted pills and like trying to eat it. and offered Kim and I some when we were like hot tub pills and he described it as Chinese Viagra I don't know if that's real

18:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Chinese Viagra

18:23Trixie Mattel:I thought everybody would respond to the same Viagra right? It's not racially charged right? I don't know that is Chinese Viagra maybe that was a street name I like don't know I was talking to a friend about drugs and I was like crack What is it?

18:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. I was just going to say, we can't, is this crack or crack? What is crack? Because crack. What is crank? Okay. Okay. What did they say? Because I know what they are. I don't know. Well, crack, I got to admit, I fling that term around willy-nilly. When I call you a crackhead, I'm not saying you do crack. Yeah, I don't do crack. But I say that all the time too. I use it as a catch-all for hardcore drugs that are usually vaporized or smoked.

19:11Trixie Mattel:Is everything crack? No. Isn't it like in the South how they say a Coke, but it's any soda?

19:14Katya Zamolodchikova:That's exactly what I, that's exactly, yeah. Or pop. You want a Coke? What kind of Coke do you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. No, yeah. Well, famously, a drag queen that I worked with, I'll never forget this. She's like, I don't smoke crack. I have free bass. Right. So good.

19:34Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Ball and the Butyl is brought to you by Ro. R-O. So I have people in my life who are using GLP-1s to truly transform themselves or in some ways, reform themselves. I mean, I know people who have been able to incorporate GLP-1s into their exercise and their diet changes and their kind of approach to their body. And it has been a beautiful thing. These people are thriving. There's a lot of benefits to starting GLP-1 weight loss journey with Roe. It's 100 % online care. It's access to clinically proven FDA approved medications, a free insurance check, side effect management, dosing support, and more all online.

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20:58Trixie Mattel:That's ro.co slash bald to get started on Rho. Go to roe.co slash safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP-1 medications. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Green Chef. You guys know I'm obsessed with Green Chef. Green Chef taught me to cook, changed my life, opened up my mind. I am a star in the kitchen now, even when I'm not cooking Green Chef because of the skill building. I mean, obviously I love Green Chef because it's the most sustainable meal kit, right? reducing food waste by 20 % versus grocery shopping. Plus, I love that it's delivered and it's refrigerated when it's delivered.

21:34Trixie Mattel:So even if you're not home right away, it's all there for you. And I love there's options for people like me who are vegetarian. So if you have dietary restrictions, like an anti-inflammatory diet, let's say, you can like pursue that. But I also love because these 30-minute recipes are honestly 25 minutes. And every time you do it, you get a new cooking skill out of it. I'm telling you. I love Green Chef. I use it and you should too. It has completely changed my life. I very much look forward to cooking. And I really look forward to cooking with Green Chef because I'm always going to be making something like ingredients I recognize, a recipe similar to what I've had, but there's always going to be some little expert spin on it that really makes it like, wow, this is really good.

22:14Trixie Mattel:And I cook a lot at home. My cooking is never as good as the Green Chef cooking. Okay. Head to greenchef.com slash 50bald and use code 50bald to get 50 % off your first month, then 20 % off for two months with free shipping. that's code 50bald at greenchef.com slash 50bald girl i was watching delta work and she was saying that she went to a drive-thru at carl's jr that's another one i struggle with carl's jr it's a mouthful carl's jr she went through the drive-thru and she got a burger and a soda and she got the i guess the the large burger or something and a soda and she said it was 18 and she she said no thank you and pulled out of the driveway and left she said i'm not paying 18 to eat my car and I was like

22:57Katya Zamolodchikova:that is right that's amazing well just I mean I had the opposite experience every Tuesday Taco Tuesday across the street from the new studio ask me how much four tacos are ask me take a guess take a guess well what's the restaurant it's just a restaurant okay

23:14Trixie Mattel:the restaurant by my house they are seven dollars each baby

23:18Katya Zamolodchikova:four for seven four tacos with seven fucking dollars oh good deal

23:24Trixie Mattel:were they little

23:25Katya Zamolodchikova:They were dog tacos.

23:27Trixie Mattel:Yeah. La Vallita Cantina, my favorite Mexican restaurant. Yeah. They are, they are, I don't know if they're obsessed with me. They're clearly are. Yeah. They treat me nice. Yeah. So, and I go there about once a week and I get a tequila and I get tacos and I sit and I pivot my chair out to the Celebrity Scientology Center and I try to look in the windows. And that's like my little meditation. That's great. That's my meditation. I love that. I love that street, by the way. The tacos used to be four or five bucks and I would be like, God, they really could be charging more, huh? And then they did up them to seven bucks.

23:59And now when I go there, I go, aren't you fucking highfalutin?

24:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Now you're all uppity. Well, they're giving you the celebrity charge. They downcharge me because they know I don't mean shit.

24:09Trixie Mattel:Listen, I think they're six or seven dollars now and it's 100 % worth it. Yeah. I love those tacos.

24:14Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean, I love these tacos too. And like I said before, you know how I make about 60 % of the dollar that you do. I also get charged that on the meals that I do have out. So it all comes out in the wash if you think about it.

24:23Trixie Mattel:it was like when you and I work together and we make dollar for dollar, same amount. That's the way you're wrong.

24:27Katya Zamolodchikova:So you're kind of like, you're getting tripped up on that terminology because you're saying it wrong. When we, when we get a gig together, we do work together, but we get paid different amounts. Cause I get paid about 60 % of the dollar that you do. And do you, but you, you, you negotiate down.

24:44Trixie Mattel:No, no, no. I say, I say, I'm a human being.

24:47Katya Zamolodchikova:I deserve the same amount. And they say, well, miss, would you please shut up? Does it make you feel fish? to make 70 cents on the dollar. They say, miss, will you please shut up? Because your opinion doesn't matter here. It's a man's world. And I say, oh. Right. So it's mostly about sexism for me. Are you going to buy any of Simpy Sweepy's lingerie? I bought it all. Right. I'm actually the top hat investor. The main investor. Is it called Cerna or Cerna? Or Cern. Cern or Cern.

25:14Trixie Mattel:I wish it was Simpy Sweepy. Bras by Simpy Sweepy.

25:17Katya Zamolodchikova:The stupid onion was like, they're going to have sizes from awuga to boyongong.

25:23Trixie Mattel:so stupid I kind of love it so stupid I saw one that was like Mitch McConnell Mitch McConnell Mitch McConnell is filibustering death filibustering because she's just bright purple she needs to wrap it up Tam Bonnie's gonna come get her can I tell you and this sounds horrible what I hope he dies when I'm scrolling and I catch a video of Mitch McConnell falling oh I love it you start jacking it oh my god the penis comes out and it gets hard And he falls like, I know this is a podcast. He doesn't trip. No, he tumbles. He doesn't trip on stairs. No one pushes him. The floor's not slippery. He's just standing.

26:01Trixie Mattel:And then he goes like.

26:05Katya Zamolodchikova:He crumbles. He crumples. He just lays down. Well, you know what? All these fucking Washington old faggots. Right. They have no muscle tone. They're literally like, I hate them so much. They're like literally wasting the air that we breathe. You know what I love?

26:23Trixie Mattel:Do you know, you know, Patagonia? No. This drag queen who she's dedicated her entire life to like environmentalism and political, um, discourse. And she's iconic. She's raised a bunch of money, but she loves, she has the perfect physique. She's obviously a super clean eater who like loves fitness. And she loves to rip into like the lack of like correct form.

26:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, sure. Of other people's, of like Republican exercise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Marjorie Taylor Greene. What's up with her? I don't know. I don't know. We don't know what's going on there. But back to Mitch McConnell. Miss McConnell. What's going to happen to Nicki Minaj? I don't know. I mean, you have to think about. She called Don Lemon a cocksucker. I'm sorry, cocksucker's up there with faggot. I think it's actually a little worse than faggot. I mean, I know what she's doing She's just trying to protect her pedophile husband

27:23Trixie Mattel:You know It's tough Love Donald Lemon

27:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, don't love Nicki Minaj

27:27Trixie Mattel:Donald Lemon Do we have any joy? Oh, let's talk about the tour What tour?

27:32Katya Zamolodchikova:You and I are going on tour I know, I'm only getting paid 60 % of what you're making I'm just kidding

27:36Trixie Mattel:What if this was like a nightmare Where I was like, here's your script We're going on another scripting tour I was like, ah You think I'm going to wait years later And get you to memorize something now? Thank you.

27:45Katya Zamolodchikova:I've already known about it. Where are you?

27:48Trixie Mattel:I already wrote it up here. Okay. I want to say. Well, I'm sorry about your butthole. You know, it's fine. I, you know, it's sad. I'm complaining. I could afford a doctor. I could access care in America. So I don't want to complain. I don't want to seem like, well, I still think I reserve some right to complain about my butthole being cut open. Please don't tear me apart in the comments for seeking care.

28:11Katya Zamolodchikova:no and if you do I out of touch Trixie rich out of touch rich out of touch I implore you to consider the fact that perhaps James Van Der Beek's late wife and children are having to do with GoFundMe because he because his like two years

28:24Trixie Mattel:his late wife that's not how you say that oh

28:27Katya Zamolodchikova:how do you say it she's not dead his whole family oh he's the late husband what does that mean actually let's unpack that I will say

28:33Trixie Mattel:I wanted to mention it was in my notes since you and I filmed James Van Der Beek has passed away Catherine O 'Hara

28:38Katya Zamolodchikova:yes Catherine O 'Hara you guys

28:40Trixie Mattel:I'm not even like that. The only time I ever cried for a celebrity I didn't know was when Adam Schlesinger died, who was from Fountains of Wayne and wrote so much of my favorite music, cried. The day Catherine died, I was scrolling through Instagram and they shared a clip of her on Schitt's Creek when she's marrying her son. And she says something about life and how... And I just immediately cried. That bitch tore. She's incredible. That bitch tore in everything. The power of storytelling. we are lucky to have been alive.

29:10Katya Zamolodchikova:If you don't let me cut out this house and make it my own I will go and take it with me.

29:14Trixie Mattel:Yeah. So good.

29:15Katya Zamolodchikova:It's hard. Lydia Dietz.

29:21Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by Wayfair. The new year is here and let me be honest, the 2025 version of me was a tragic gargoyle living in an unfurnished hovel. A shell of a human eating dinner on a couch that sighed when I sat down and smelled of sadness. A distraught soul wrapped in a lame blanket that had been washed too many times and loved too little. My home reflected my inner state, cluttered, uninspired, and spiritually beige. But then came 2026, a rebirth, a reckoning, a home decor glow-up so powerful it required a maple charcuterie board and new bronze napkin holders. Because this year, I decided my home would rise from the ashes of 2025 with me.

29:59Katya Zamolodchikova:And that transformation happened thanks to the magic of Wayfair. I wanted my home ready for the year ahead, softer bedding, towels that feel like an absorbent cloud, and a new couch that whispers, you're doing great, as I sit down. Wayfair made it ridiculously easy. From mattresses and bath basics to kitchen essentials for dinners that don't involve standing over the sink, they have everything you need to give your home the home decor makeover of a century. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Kids rooms, work from home setups, desks that make you feel like a mogul, storage for every space, and even the things you forgot your home needed until you saw them and gasped out loud while snarfing your morning coffee.

30:37Katya Zamolodchikova:I refreshed my living room with accent pillows, a mirror that reflects my very soul, and faux plants that thrive without care. Wayfair really allowed me to capture my signature style, triumphant cozy confidence with an edge. The items look incredible. They make my home feel intentional and honestly, they make me feel like I've already won the year. 2025 me would not recognize this house. 2026 me lives here now. I am the captain now. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair.

31:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Every style, every home.

31:17Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Square Space. I have to tell you, I have a tendency to make people take their personal things they love to do and force them to turn it into a business. I'm not saying that's what you have to do. But let's say you love photography and you get a few friends to ask you to shoot their wedding or a birthday or a special corporate event. Suddenly, you're kind of a freelance photographer. Now what? Now the word of mouth thing only gets you so far. But when you tell somebody, tell somebody about your business, they're going to go look for you on the Internet.

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32:51Trixie Mattel:That's squarespace.com slash bald.

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34:41Trixie Mattel:Well can I talk about the tour

34:44Katya Zamolodchikova:What tour are you talking about

34:45Trixie Mattel:The Serpent's tour With Nymphia Wind and Plastic Okay Nymphie Windy Nymphie Windy and Plastic So I just want to say They come out They're telling these funny jokes First they had a pole dancer amazing And they had a You're going to love this A VIP for basically only Drag Race Queens Wow So you could go to the drag show And actually just watch the show and you got to just watch. And everybody was there. Roger was there. Bianca was there. Manila was there. Kimberly Chi was there. Money was there. Everybody was there. Fabulous. So I go to watch the show. Got a free ticket. Thank you to the girls for giving me a free ticket.

35:27Trixie Mattel:Plastique's husband texts me. I said, thank you. Yes, I will. I've never seen Plastique or Nymphia live, but I've met them both several times and I love them both. They're so incredible. So I was excited because it was rare that two drag queens I formally like. Yeah. I'm excited to see.

35:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

35:44Trixie Mattel:They did eat. They absolutely ate. The video content was great. What did they do? Nymphaia was making some jokes about like, basically, I forget what the joke was, but it was like a joke about how she's like fat standing next to Plastique, which is humorous because

36:00Katya Zamolodchikova:they're both 90 pounds.

36:02Trixie Mattel:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Plastique talked about how on tour she basically only eats salad and tofu because she's so death defyingly slim and basically naked up there.

36:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, okay.

36:14Trixie Mattel:This seems like this is disturbing you.

36:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. No, it's not disturbing me. I'm just like, I'm, go ahead.

36:23Trixie Mattel:But it was, it was humorous for Nymphaia to be like.

36:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, it's like, you know, it reminds me of is like, because I'm a little, I weigh a little more than you, then you're always calling me fat and hounding me about my weight. I think that's kind of just like triggering. don't you think Violet and Gottmik wait do they do that to each other

36:42Trixie Mattel:no but they're both so like death the finely trimmed well Violet's huge right

36:50Trixie Mattel:so they're doing that jokes back and forth Plastique I just want to say like she's horrible

37:00Katya Zamolodchikova:ugly you and I should not get back in drag no I know I know that's why I don't go to these shows because I don't want to see what's possible. She made her way to the floor and she has mastered this thing that I...

37:10Trixie Mattel:Please don't do a side-by-side of me doing it with plastic. We'll do it. We'll do it. She's mastered this thing, which is like away from the audience, tossing the hair. And there's this moment where the hair is in like a...

37:22Katya Zamolodchikova:It travels. There's a... And it's real hair.

37:25Trixie Mattel:I know. It's not bundles of plastic like me. Yeah. A Velcroed loaf. My hair all backcombed when I tried... Nothing moves. Or you just see exposed backcombing. Yeah. Um, there's a swing in a, in a, in a, in a poetry to it. Their costumes were so cool. Yeah. They get to say like, who's from Vietnam? Who's from Taiwan? The audience is all excited. Um, it was a great show. You loved it. It was fucking great.

37:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Now I loved it. What about some of their costumes are so incredible. Oh, how was it? 45 minutes? I felt like an hour. Felt like it just ran, which is all I want. I mean, you know, I don't think drag should last longer than 60 minutes. No. That's my point of view.

38:01Trixie Mattel:They just looked so good. Nympha had this thing at the end where she's like almost like in a backpack this giant almost like gold coin medallion floating like behind her she's standing there and it's somehow attached to her kind of like Victoria's Secret wings when there's like a thing yeah they just they looked great the costumes were great the lighting was great the dancing fabulous the number of dancers hold on this was just last night and I was drinking so now it's like all coming back to me.

38:29Katya Zamolodchikova:How many dancers?

38:30Trixie Mattel:Plastic does... She did a bad romance number with what I was perceiving was probably 70 onstage dancers. What? No, it was probably like 25. Wait, what? 25 fucking dancers. Where do you even get 25 people put them in the same room? She's lying. I'm not kidding. Because I asked. I said, do they too... I'm mad. I'm like, do they... What do we got? Kelly on crutches? Seriously? We got Kelly wino'd out on crutches.

38:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Damn.

38:57Trixie Mattel:How many, how many actually asleep in the sky?

38:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. How many, how many for real though?

39:01Trixie Mattel:I'm not kidding. At least 20. I don't believe that 20. They told me that for the LA show and San Francisco show that maybe they had extra dancers. Okay. So I'm not saying they tour like that all the time. Got it. It was the best Gaga number I've ever seen. Really? It was some of the best moment in drag, like a drag number lip syncing with a wig on with people that I'd ever seen. Damn. I, I tapped Alaska. because all the drag queens are there and she leans back and I go when you watch Plastique do you think of me? She's like who are you? And she kind of laughed but didn't say much and then I turned and I liked that joke and I said you know I'm going to try it on somebody else.

39:40Trixie Mattel:out of your shot I can run it again matinee performance and I tap Money's husband hello when you watch because nobody's talking I'm just trying to have friends when you watch Plastique does it make you think of me? And he goes, actually, it's hard for me to watch her because she's there and you're here. How is that possible?

40:04Katya Zamolodchikova:How do they make that work? Thank you. Thank you. That's funny.

40:08Trixie Mattel:That's funny.

40:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Thank you. Now, who would win in a cage fight? Plastique or Nymphia? Well, they... They fought? There's a lot of...

40:17Trixie Mattel:The story was a little lost to me, I'm going to be honest. I didn't really know what was going on, if there was a story. Okay. They talked about serpents being significant in a certain like myth that I, but I didn't, I didn't know that significance. They have, I don't want to give away their whole tour. They have a lot of video elements. These dancers, they have giant fans with fabric, swords. Actual? Well, fake swords. Okay. Sword fight, acrobatics.

40:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Wow.

40:44Trixie Mattel:People flipping through the air.

40:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Like Shen Yun dance arts.

40:47Trixie Mattel:Literally. Yeah. It was some of the best dancing for a drag show I've ever seen. So like they were great and the dancers, the dancers were eating. The men were, the men in the show were professional dancer, supermodels. I don't know what to say. Gorgeous, perfectly sculpted.

41:04Katya Zamolodchikova:What's the overhead on this fucking thing? They making any money? I don't know, actually.

41:09Trixie Mattel:I'm not their accountant, but I can tell you that it seemed to me that the focus was on making the show good. The show looked like it costs money. And so the audience benefits from that.

41:21Katya Zamolodchikova:that's great

41:23Trixie Mattel:it was awesome I wish I had gone it was really worth it and not that big of a venue I don't mean that in a shady way you could really see them

41:28Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah yeah yeah

41:29Trixie Mattel:they were like right there it was awesome if you guys I think they're touring a lot more still please in the world go see them it was great what's the tour called? it's called Serpent's Tour starring Nymphao Wind from RuPaul's Drag Race and Plastique from RuPaul's Drag Race okay

41:43Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean I got I I I just admire them from afar especially Plastique and I'm like what they were also funny on the microphones,

41:54Trixie Mattel:great banter. They really seem like it's so impressive and they're kind of different personalities, but they are both, they were talking about on stage, like at their core, they're like, we're both freaks, freaks and dorks. Okay. And they really embrace that. So they're all gorgeous and hot and sexy, but they kind of are, um, real dogs behind the scenes. no,

42:14Katya Zamolodchikova:no. Yeah. I know what you mean. That's,

42:18Trixie Mattel:I took a video of a dress that I need you to see. I know that this is a pod and I don't care. It's okay. Okay. It's okay. These people on the 405.

42:25Katya Zamolodchikova:If you're on the 110, I'll describe what she's showing. So I have this picture of you in drag too. I'm telling you. I wish I could get my eye makeup that good. Yeah. God.

42:33Trixie Mattel:Okay. So this is plastic. Hold on. What did I, I got me drunk trying to take videos. Oh, I'm sorry. Sword fighting. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Sword fighting acrobatics. Yeah.

42:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Um, look at plastic's dress. This is, I'm not looking at her dress. I'm looking at her fucking skin and hair. Oh, my God. Look at this reveal.

42:54Trixie Mattel:The thing reveals to the most stunning nude illusion stone. And look at the fan. Her command of a fan should be studied. Oh, I hate it. I love it. Can I tell you what would happen to me? Look it. Just standing. It's incredible. It's so porny. If I looked like her, I'd be doing me less.

43:13Katya Zamolodchikova:I think that's too much. Well, you probably would have been killed.

43:16Trixie Mattel:no I think they would wheel me out in a glass case like Snow White and you would do a viewing kind of like you pay a ticket you walk by you leave flowers and I'm sleeping but I look great

43:28Katya Zamolodchikova:every once in a while you open your eyes and stick out your tongue

43:32Trixie Mattel:it was just great I'm jealous

43:36Katya Zamolodchikova:she's the queen of like doing that thing and then the thing and then the it's just so pussy

43:41Trixie Mattel:I think she still makes all her costumes what? That's crazy Linthia made all of her shit on Drag Race God damn All of it

43:50Katya Zamolodchikova:That is wild Because I'm over there I'm struggling with my little brother's sewing machine That's crazy They're so talented But you should get a new putt-putt I did I got the same Honestly I feel like

44:01Trixie Mattel:When they break You should just throw them away I know that's horrible but

44:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Well this thing hasn't broken yet And it's really wild Because I got like a new one I got a new brother For like 100 bucks or even less Yeah they make like the

44:11Trixie Mattel:Yeah 100 dollar model

44:12Katya Zamolodchikova:So easy A bunch of stitches you could do straight zigzag blah blah blah it doesn't work quite as well as my oldie and i still love that bitch she's an old raggedy bitch she's like mitch mcconnell right but she still does a stitch and she's like and i can just run i can run her i think i'm running her into the ground but she's still have you been making a lot of drag um well because every time you show up to

44:34Trixie Mattel:netflix it's always off the rack so what are you making it's not even shady no what are these costumes you're secretly making and you don't wear them. You just make them.

44:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, see, the thing is that they are secret costumes and I do wear them, but I don't want anybody to know about them. I'm telling you. No, seriously. Cause I haven't said I've been sewing for days and you show up in the Albanian Huchy

44:53Trixie Mattel:store outfit.

44:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. With the tag still on it. Yeah. Am I like right out of the, right out of the box wig? But I've been wearing my, I have my, I now I'm so excited to have a real honest to God like fetish. And I think you can call it that. So you have a foot fetish, for example. You have a shoe fetish. You have a rubber fetish. You have a whatever kind of fetish. So it's a sexual, or in this case, it's more of a sensual, but let's call it a sexual. That's Lisa Bannerpump with dogs. I'm dead serious. I don't think it's sexual with Lisa and the dogs.

45:28Trixie Mattel:It's not sexual. Okay. I'm saying she feels every amount of that except sex to the dogs. Yes. She's like, look at my dog. Isn't he just the most sexy beast you've ever seen in your life? That's a little crazy.

45:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, dogs are easy to love. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do. So it's like, oh, it's like a sexual hobby. It's a secret hobby. The secret sewing? No, no, no, no, no. It's like, so you, I feel like you are very open facing, very like, if I want to do this, I figure out how to make money doing it. I figure out how to like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to like make it into a business or like, you know what I mean? Share it somehow. like nothing you know this is the opposite of that it's like how it's like oh i love this how do i conceal it how do i keep it for me how do i and then so where are the costumes that's a great question that i will never answer no they're in my house they're my house will they get worn yes but not in public

46:26Trixie Mattel:costumes and by the way i know that you know it's like i know you won't even put on the body to do a fit check, you hog. No, no, no. It's not female. Walk around your studio barefoot with just a wig on. Take a picture of yourself on your phone.

46:36Katya Zamolodchikova:No, it's not a wig. It's not with the wig. It's like, so it's imagine, oh, you know what it is? It's imagine the secret uncle crossdresser. It's very like that. Bring that back. Say that.

46:47Trixie Mattel:Say that. Say that.

46:48Katya Zamolodchikova:So it's like, imagine, I got a whole cabinet full of these little outfits that I like, I'll buy on Amazon or somewhere and then I'll alter them with my sewing machine. And then I'll, you know, wear them at home.

47:01Trixie Mattel:I kind of miss sewing. Do you think someday you would let me come over and just make something? Absolutely not. No, I invited you to the studio. I have a machine at the studio.

47:08Katya Zamolodchikova:I invited you to the studio the other day and you said, I can't do it. I hate you. That's not true. You were on FaceTime and you were like, we're still setting up. I know. But you'll love it. It's a great having in the studio is especially when I hate my home. It's such a great place to like

47:23Trixie Mattel:You still hate your home?

47:24Katya Zamolodchikova:I hate it with a fiery, furious passion and every day that I wake up.

47:28Trixie Mattel:I thought you like loved your bathroom. I love my bathroom.

47:31Katya Zamolodchikova:I hate my home. I hate it. And this is champagne problems again because a lot of people don't have a home to hate.

47:38Trixie Mattel:But

47:40Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm a person that needs privacy.

47:42Trixie Mattel:Right. The townhouse isn't private enough.

47:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you fucking kidding me? Did you just have apartments?

47:47Trixie Mattel:I can basically like hear. You used to live above the gay bar. You need privacy. But that was different though because they were It makes sense bitch. I need privacy but men come up here.

47:57Katya Zamolodchikova:That's different. I brought those men up on purpose. Also, I lived alone. I don't like sharing walls with people. I don't like living in a complex. I like, I wanted to, anyways, I'm getting so worked up about it if I think about it. I hate it. Hating your home is like horrible. It's tough. And I do hate it.

48:15Trixie Mattel:I have an opposite experience, which is.

48:17Katya Zamolodchikova:You love your house because it's beautiful. I love my house.

48:19Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Sometimes, to this day, I've lived there, what, two years since the reno? I'll just be working on my computer and I'll just go. that's what

48:28Katya Zamolodchikova:that's what I used I just burped that's what I used to do when I would my other when I the burglar yeah yeah I used to go up there almost cry yeah every day at sunset beautiful sometimes I would rush home other times I'd peep my head out of my bedroom to look at my living room and say I'm so lucky because I looked at my the way I had my living room set up with the stupid lanterns and the lights and the couch that was reupholstered and I said I love this so much and I was like feeling so overcome with gratitude like a real honest to goodness like sincere level of gratitude that I have not experienced to date because I hate this fucking place that I'm at now.

49:03Katya Zamolodchikova:And to, to, I've already started to like make a checklist of the things that I would need to do in order to try and sell this home, this townhouse. And it's so daunting and it's so exhaustive and it's so expensive that I get completely flustered. I break down and almost cry every time. Why do you, can't you just paint it white, move out? That is easier said than done. because half of the place like are, because I've already started to like redo so much of it. Half of it's not done. Half of it is ugly as fuck. So it would just have, you'd have to go. Which half is ugly? The one you did or you didn't do?

49:42Trixie Mattel:Shut up. I'm not joking. I can't tell.

49:43Katya Zamolodchikova:The one I didn't do. Oh, okay. Like the bathrooms, for example. So it's a three story townhouse. I hate that. Why I have that much space is beyond me, but like, I walk up the stairs all day. No, I love stairs. If I could, I live in a three-room townhouse with just stairs. I love stairs. I love, love, love stairs. That's not a problem. But it's, so there's like a full bathroom, two full bathrooms and a powder room that need to be like ripped to shreds and redone. It's so expensive.

50:10Trixie Mattel:I saw a really interesting TikTok talking about bathrooms and they said the secret to making your bathroom look good is do not decorate it like a bathroom.

50:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay, to say more.

50:19Trixie Mattel:They said no shower curtains that look like shower curtains, no bath mats no like soap dish that matches a toothbrush holder like nothing bathroom-y they said oriental rugs on the floor they said art on the walls plants fabric

50:35Katya Zamolodchikova:like okay so that's like my bathroom and I was like wow that's interesting that's cool yeah I like that

50:41Trixie Mattel:and now I'm interested in doing like I want to do curtains like this in my upstairs bathroom drapes in the bathroom so it's the bathtub with drapes, heart on the wall, plants.

50:54Katya Zamolodchikova:A microwave.

50:55Trixie Mattel:Because it's the only room in my house that has no natural light. So I'm like, I might as well go cozy and make it feel kind of small in here. You know,

51:01Katya Zamolodchikova:I hate natural light. You do? Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't hate it. I don't hate it. Let me get that. But I actually prefer artificial light because you can control it.

51:11Trixie Mattel:I love the sun covering my house. Love it.

51:13Katya Zamolodchikova:When you wake up, do you wake up with the sun? Like, does the sun come shining through your windows and enter your face?

51:20Trixie Mattel:no because everybody I've ever had a bed with wants them closed I have a I hate I hate getting paid more than me no one of my pet peeves is one of my pet peeves is people who have every door and window closed during the day like dark inside you walk in it's daylight outside you go into someone's home darkness I'm like that makes me feel so claustrophobic

51:52Katya Zamolodchikova:well that's funny you say that because yesterday was the first time probably in forever that I opened every single window in my house to get the air it was more about the air did you fart? no but it's like how the air can get so stagnant and stale and I needed the cross breeze in every floor but I felt like I was living in Armageddon because I could hear everything in the neighborhood it sounded like people were barbecuing in my bathroom

52:16Trixie Mattel:there's one food truck that used to come girl there's a food truck that used to come when i lived at my studio yeah and that same truck now comes to my new house because they're building across the street and i think the truck goes to where maybe people are working outside no one's just following you and i the horn is off tune in a way where i went you're joking and it's all day no not all day okay But I was like, if I, I recognize that tune and the horn being a little off so fiercely. And if I walk out here and I see that truck painted the way in my mind it's painted, I know that I'm being followed.

52:54Trixie Mattel:It's that truck. Fuck. Maybe I just got to buy a taco. Maybe. And then you can stop. And I famously love tacos. Just walk outside and get the taco, you fat bitch. I just should wait for it. Do you like ice cream trucks?

53:09Katya Zamolodchikova:I love them. It was like magical when we were in the little kids.

53:14Trixie Mattel:We did not have that in the country, believe it or not. But we had, do you know about this? I think it's Swanson. This ice cream truck that comes to your house like once or twice a year. That sounds like a pedo. You order things like frozen meals, frozen dinners, ice cream. Like an adult Girl Scout. The main man. The guy would come. Am I crazy? Yeah, that's right. The Swanson would come to your house like once a year and you would order like all your frozen meats for the year, whatever. Your frozen meats for the year? Because a lot of people in the country have those huge freezers because the grocery stores are so far away.

53:49Trixie Mattel:Gotcha. So you freeze everything. Okay. And that was thrilling because, oh my God, the Swanson guy came. Here's all the fudgy wedgies or whatever you want. Wow.

53:57Katya Zamolodchikova:It sounds like not fresh.

53:59Trixie Mattel:It's frozen. Frozen.

54:01Katya Zamolodchikova:I guess frozen stuff doesn't go bad.

54:03Trixie Mattel:Girl, a few blocks from here, I saw some Girl Scouts selling cookies outside of a house. back in my day, you had to order cookies. Yeah. So how are these little bitches getting cookies to sell in person? Is that cheating? Do the parents buy those boxes?

54:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait, what are you talking about? They're not selling them?

54:18Trixie Mattel:I thought you order Girl Scout cookies and like eight weeks later, your niece says here they are. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. But these bitches had real cookies on a table in front of the house.

54:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Fierce. Did you buy them all? What's your favorite Girl Scout?

54:32Trixie Mattel:Cookie?

54:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Fuck. The, the, uh...

54:35Trixie Mattel:Tagalongs. Tagalongs.

54:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:37Trixie Mattel:Tagalongs. then mints are great the older I get shortbread

54:40Katya Zamolodchikova:what are the ones with the caramel in them

54:42Trixie Mattel:oh baby Samoas those are my favorite I think in some markets they're called trif trif oils caramel delights in some markets they're caramel delights in some markets they're Samoas I have the Girl Scout cookie app

54:55Katya Zamolodchikova:there's an app

54:56Trixie Mattel:fuck yeah did the girl come

54:57Katya Zamolodchikova:when you

54:57Trixie Mattel:it's a Girl Scout cookie finder what about Boy Scout cookies I have little trackers on all these little girls and I just go to school or whatever and say like hi Betsy you better get out here because I ate all those cookies. Did you have,

55:09Katya Zamolodchikova:I feel like it's like a, it's almost like, not extortion, but like sending those girls out. I just feel like it's, there's something wrong with it. I feel like there's something wrong. Well, you can't say no.

55:20Trixie Mattel:That's what I mean. But I think back in the day, you could probably walk your daughter door to door. I don't know if I would bring a child door to door now.

55:28Katya Zamolodchikova:No, we had to sell, at the Catholic school, we had to sell chocolate bars too to fundraise for the private school they went to. It was just like such a crock of shit. And I felt like it was such a pressure and it was so out of line. Will you be a Boy Scout? No.

55:38Trixie Mattel:We'd be selling popcorn.

55:40Katya Zamolodchikova:That's crazy.

55:41Trixie Mattel:The girls have cookies. Yeah. And I have a tin of seeds.

55:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Popcorn can't. There's not even popped? No. So you're selling seeds. Seeds. No way. That's bullshit. Seeds. That's payola.

55:52Trixie Mattel:With pictures of boys camping on it. Weird. That's so weird. Weird. You know what I mean? A little weird. Weird. A little weird.

55:59Katya Zamolodchikova:You want this bag of seeds? Seeds. I hate it. And then the girls have ready to be eaten gorgeous cookies.

56:03Trixie Mattel:Gorgeous, delicious. You can eat it right then. You can steal it from the girl.

56:07Katya Zamolodchikova:I eat it, not pear.

56:08Trixie Mattel:And I think when I was in high school, the boxes were$2.50. They're probably more expensive now, but they used to be like... $13.80. We're getting old now, but it'd be like, back in my day, girls' cookies were$2.50. I don't know about door-to-door selling.

56:21Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't think that's a thing.

56:22Trixie Mattel:Is it even safe to trick-or-treat? What? Do you know what the Christians do? What? Hallelujah Harvest. Shut the fuck up. They have a parking lot at the church where people come dressed as biblical characters. No. That's almost as bad

56:35Katya Zamolodchikova:is having Halloween on another night, which is what a lot of neighborhoods do. They say, well, it's on a Tuesday, so we're doing it on the Saturday before. I say, that's cheating.

56:45Trixie Mattel:My school used to always do it at three. My town always did like 3.30 to six.

56:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay.

56:51Trixie Mattel:Right after school.

56:52Katya Zamolodchikova:So it's not dark.

56:54Trixie Mattel:So you would, the school, your class would have like a Halloween party. Did you guys have Halloween parties? Of course. You have a Halloween party and then you would leave and go trick or treat same day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

57:02Katya Zamolodchikova:So it wasn't dark. So you can get hit by cars and stuff. But it was cold. We were winter coats.

57:05Trixie Mattel:There you go. Dressed as Spider-Man in some shit with like a winter hat on.

57:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Did the adults dress up as well or is that corny? I think like a type of person would. Okay.

57:14Trixie Mattel:Like your dad would be like, I'm dressed up as a Packer fan.

57:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha.

57:19Trixie Mattel:Okay. Not that I have a dad, but I imagine. Did you watch the Super Bowl? Of course. Bad Bunny. I mean, sex machine.

57:27Katya Zamolodchikova:Bad Bunny. I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but I subscribed to Peacock so I could watch the halftime show. $169. This is how woke I am. $169.

57:37Trixie Mattel:I'm so woke that I was like, okay, I got invited to a party to go watch the Super Bowl. Let's go. And it was like a dozen gay people watching it. And I was like, wait, what? But we could have 12 TVs supporting Bad Bunny. And instead we're around one. Thank you. Shouldn't we have all left our televisions on?

57:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Shouldn't we have all paid$169.99 to buy Peacock?

57:55Trixie Mattel:I showed up and I don't know what it is. I'm happy to be invited to a Super Bowl party. but I've gone to too many parties hosted by gay people in Los Angeles that there's no food and I will freak out. Okay, so that is so weird to me. I will freak out. It's not a party if there's no food. I got there, there was chips, dips, different guacamole. We brought a cheese board. What about the wings? What about the wings? There was no wings. There's no wings. There's no burgers. Oh, there was burgers and hot dogs. But no food. Oh, no, I'm not saying they had no food there. Oh, I understand. I was happy to find out there was food because usually that's not the case.

58:33Yeah.

58:34Trixie Mattel:That's crazy. There were multiple people there that I think their weight was in the teens. Jesus. And so I just broke the ice and was like, well, I'm just going to get started on the food because I knew I know in any social scenario. Like, does everyone eat before they go places or does no one want to eat other people's houses? Because I show up ready to fucking rub my ass all over the kitchen counter.

58:58Katya Zamolodchikova:If I'm going to any function, you know where I'm going to the snacks. I'm going to eat. And then if there's no snacks, I'm going back home. A hundred percent. You know what I mean? Like people go to people always used to add art school. They always want to go to the gallery openings because there was wine. That's it. There was just wine. Just wine. Maybe a little cheese. I need food.

59:17Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Fuck that. And I've been really into these little bags of chips.

59:21Katya Zamolodchikova:What kind of chips are they?

59:22Trixie Mattel:I'm going to tell you. There's three favorites that I like really fuck with. Okay. Sun chip harvest cheddar.

59:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Gross.

59:31Trixie Mattel:Tart. Love it. Put them on a sandwich even. Love it. Crunchy Cheetos. Crunchy Cheetos.

59:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Not puffed. That's sick. Oh, fried Cheetos? Yeah, the crunchy ones. Crunchy. Cheetos. Love it.

59:44Trixie Mattel:Tor. Okay. Doritos. Doritos. Doritos are the most important chip. It's life-changing. I could eat a bag of it for dinner.

59:55Katya Zamolodchikova:What about Cool Ranch?

59:56Trixie Mattel:Not cool.

59:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. I love that you said that. I love that you said that. I feel so sick of the Cool Ranch agenda. Oh, I feel so sick. It makes me sick. I hate it. I hate the bag. Oh, I hate the color. Oh my God. Why is it blue? I felt like I was the only person in the entire world who felt this way. I swear to God. I swear to God. I would scream. I want to take my clothes off. Don't touch me.

1:00:19Trixie Mattel:I can't stand it. Do you know how excited I am? Do you want some Doritos? Yes, I do. They're Cool Ranch. Instant disappointment. Yeah.

1:00:26Katya Zamolodchikova:I couldn't. I would rather eat any kind of shit, your shit, her shit, animal shit, bird shit, than Cool Ranch Doritos. It tastes like used floss.

1:00:35Trixie Mattel:It tastes like used floss. And they smell foul.

1:00:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Foul. And yet, Doritos, on the other hand, are still a very strong, very strong flavor. Not a subtle snack at all. No, Doritos are serious. They're serious, and you have to have a breath plan. Absolutely. Get a finger plan. When you're a smoker, you have to have a post-cigarette game. A prophylactic. Yeah. You have to have a strategy because you can't just walk into a room with a fresh cigarette bread if you hadn't have a mint, a little piece of gum, or something. You have to always think about that. Same thing with Doritos. But Cool Ranch Doritos are so disgusting to me and they always have been.

1:01:14Katya Zamolodchikova:And I've always thought I was the only person on earth who felt that way. I can't stand ranch in general.

1:01:18Trixie Mattel:And Cool Ranch? I hate ranch as well. There's nothing cool about it. No, there's nothing cool. You ruin the Dorito. you ruined my night

1:01:26Katya Zamolodchikova:you did it at my birthday dinner and you did it at my birthday dinner oh while you were eating Cool Ranch Doritos I was in Brooklyn

1:01:37Trixie Mattel:I will say too I like bad money of course so sexy so sexy he seems like and I mean this lovingly nice and dorky which is hot

1:01:48Katya Zamolodchikova:I know that man is lovely and I know this is hyperbolic Like I know, but I swear to God, he is, to me, he's like, I find him so attractive in every single way. Yeah. Like, and I just love, he's about joy and, oh, gorgeous. Love Bad Bunny.

1:02:08Trixie Mattel:And I love that whole, but something about me, I'm so not used to football. I don't know who those teams were. I don't care what happens. The Seahawks. The Pats. I don't care what happens. Every time Bad Bunny turned around with the football, I thought he was holding a baby. Like my brain could not accept that it was a football. and I kept going, oh, a baby. Oh, he's got a baby. Oh, it's not a baby.

1:02:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Bad Baloney. He, well, then I watched a bunch of like conservative pundits like Wax just get total tied up about his performance. And one stupid bitch online was like, I guess like she doesn't really know how to interpret anything because - Was it Megyn Kelly?

1:02:44Trixie Mattel:It was Megyn, no, it was Laura Loomer. Because that bitch can suck my ass.

1:02:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Megyn Kelly is, I feel like she's, now she's just trolling for like the lowest common denominator. The other day she said, you guys keep calling him a pedophile.

1:02:57Trixie Mattel:These women were 15, 16. They're almost legal. Yeah. Laura Loomer was like,

1:03:03Katya Zamolodchikova:they're not nine years old. Yeah. Idiotic and just rancid. the bitch Laura Loomer on Twitter was like, how ironic that he like performs with these like electricity things when like Puerto Rico doesn't have like electricity. I was like, do you maybe think that that was the point? You stupid fucking bitch. Is it like, Like, does it have to hammer you in the head any harder to realize that something could be, like, symbolic or represent— A, English is not this country's first fucking language.

1:03:28Trixie Mattel:We don't have an official language. There's no official language in the United States of America. And B, if you're going to pick an art form where you do not have to speak the language to get something from it, it's music.

1:03:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Music, ho.

1:03:40Trixie Mattel:Like, hello?

1:03:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:03:41Trixie Mattel:I did not understand one word. No. And I loved it, and I think I got what I was supposed to get out of it.

1:03:48Katya Zamolodchikova:What do you think? You scroll through my playlist. You think there's one English language song on it? Yeah, it's great. Don't know what it's about. Don't need to know. I feel it. I feel it. I love Bad Bunny. And it's such an easy dog whistle for people who are so ignorant and stupid and hateful and rotten.

1:04:07Trixie Mattel:It's weird. I saw somebody online say like, if it was singing opera and it was in Italian, you wouldn't care that it's not in English. No. Why don't you think about that? Also, the people who need their own half-time show are the people who need their own bubblers.

1:04:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Thank you. And also, he was in a lip sync battle with himself.

1:04:21Trixie Mattel:You know they had problems with the stream at the Turning Point USA? They had problems with the live stream. They got the Netflix Love is Blind live finale team on the job. By the way, that season has started, and I'm also watching that. She's locked and loaded. On 90 Day Fiancé. I know we got to go. On 90 Day Fiancé, there's a couple that's in a throuple with a girl. a guy and a girl who's with a girl and they to get the K-1 visa they have children are getting a divorce so that one of them can apply for the K-1 visa with their girlfriend fierce you have children and you're getting a divorce is that married girlfriend

1:04:57Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't think it matters no doesn't matter anymore it's a great

1:05:00Trixie Mattel:season it's really kicking off a lot of children a lot of people with children this year which complicates everything complicates everything

1:05:06Katya Zamolodchikova:children don't children are not a solution they're a complication oh sorry yeah oh so ding ding well we're gonna begin to wind down now so listeners please unhook the clamps

1:05:23Trixie Mattel:from your nipples this was a long one today sorry everybody it's okay yeah sorry okay this is from life saving and essential from garybusey.com this is from mystery mock five stars so skinny I can barely hear it seriously though this is my antidepressant who needs an SSRI when you get these legends, skinny legends, even the most important podcast ever produced or that will be produced more important than insulin, more vital than oxygen.

1:05:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Thank you. And it's, it's, it's fun to read a review that is not so like, um, it's just so crazy.

1:05:55Trixie Mattel:There's gonna be ones that are just like, did you pray today?

1:05:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, I, this is great. And it's, it's, it's like, it's not hyperbolic, which I appreciate. It's a lesbian's phone. It's safe. Can you guys tell that girl who laughs in the background to shut up? Is that, is that a comment? Yeah. Okay. This is long. What? Okay. And then we'll end with this. Come town, C-U-M, but for the lesbians. Not only do I look forward every week to these two gay boys in my ear, but the way the world is right now, I just need big laughs and they deliver. Thank you so much. Come town. Yeah. I don't know what to say. Well, I think we know what to say. Goodbye.

1:06:39Bye.