Your Fingers are Rivers of Intention with Trixie and Katya

9:00Trixie Mattel:you like creamy no

9:05Katya Zamolodchikova:no that sounds like it sounds like tap dancing

9:11Katya Zamolodchikova:that does not sound like fingers it sounds like feet I love that well anyways the sounds they have on Typing Club are fabulous and I literally just so the first two hours I'm telling you it's Peppermint oh

9:24Trixie Mattel:oh I ignored the call fuck perfect to a trans woman in 2025

9:34Trixie Mattel:how dare you girl I'm sorry I would how are you girl I'm good girl what's going on girl Katia's we're on the pod and Katya's learning he doesn't know how to type with a computer very fast and we were talking about texting I said I think that Peppermint uses T9 is that true? It's the truth Talk about it Why do you like it? I love it because it allows me to do one handed typing so like just holding my phone in one hand and then type just with my thumb rather than two hands, you know two thumbs

10:12Katya Zamolodchikova:um and what's the other hand doing yeah what's the other hand do i make a frozen pizza

10:20Trixie Mattel:i don't know eating something whatever um but the uh but i also on my phone have um it's not only t9 because regular t9 is like multi-tap meaning you have to like push like yeah like multiple times. Yeah. But I also have predictive on, so like it predicts the words, just like it does probably on any other keyboard. So like if I was going to type the word love, instead of having to type five, five, five, six, six, I just type five, five, four, eight, three, and then it just types the word love. I see what you're, it kind of like 99 % of the time gets it right probably. Oh yeah. It's 90, the only time it doesn't get it right, I'm sure I get to write the same amount of time as people who use the QWERTY keyboard.

11:13Trixie Mattel:But I mostly, if I'm typing a lot, or if I have a lot to say, then I'll use voice text. And that's where it goes wrong sometimes. Well, girl, I just had to get confirmation on the T9. Thank you for representing the T9 community. Thank you for... Happy to help. All T9 is valid. Love you, girl. Love you. Bye. Who was that? Her T9 was valid. Her T9... I just think of her being like, I'll tell you exactly why T9 is fierce. She's right, though. I mean, if you're not having to do 5-5-5, that to me is like, Peppermint, we got to get you out of the butter churning. We got to get you out of the bonnet on the prairie.

11:48Trixie Mattel:Yeah, it's very 2002. But she's very 2002.

11:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, I saw her in the year, I think it was 2000, must have been two. No, it actually could have been. No, I swear to God, it actually could have been that long ago. So, no, but the first day, it's like with any discipline that's like your first day of anything, you're not going to be an expert, right? That's why you're there. But because of like 40 whatever years of or 30 something years of incorrect muscle memory. Right. Girl, it was like I had just gotten legs for the first time. And I was like, I was like, Ariel. Two books in, by the way. Yeah, I was like, Ariel, like, whoa, what do I do with these?

12:35Katya Zamolodchikova:You know? It was so discouraging. It was so humbling. It was so embarrassing. It was so rotten, wretched, and ruthless. And I have been diligently, like, spending time, in spite of my extremely busy schedule, I have been carving out the time to devote to this activity. So I think I've been doing about three hours a day. and yesterday or last night was the first time I got a whole fucking thing error free and do you realize I almost screamed at the top of my lungs like out the window do you watch TV while you do it? no

13:11Trixie Mattel:you sit silently and keyboard yourself

13:13Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah sometimes I'll have a musical piece on something by Mozart or Chopin but I don't watch TV because I I suppose I no I can't right I could hear the TV but I like listen to some Tammy Brown music I feel like that would be counterproductive to type incorrectly but like it's I like the hearing of the clickety clack um girl stresses me out this the the the the the challenges and how fast they want you to go stress me out so if you flop they make you do it again um no you just get an error sign you can delete and go back or you can just keep going. It's very helpful. Typing Club is they eat. How many hours a day are you devoting to this?

13:59Katya Zamolodchikova:About two to three. Are you lying? No, no. I enjoy it. Like I'm having a blast. Because now, now that I got one fucking lesson right, I'm like, I'm the king of the world. You know what I mean? Now I can actually envision. It's like when you get your first kick up into a handstand or you get your first like standing back tug, you're like, oh, I could be a gymnast. Yeah.

14:20Trixie Mattel:You know what I mean? I also think, I mean, unironically, I think that this will shave off time in your life when you have to write something again. Which is never. Which is never. Yeah. Who is this for? When do you think you will, do you think that you're Paul Sheldon?

14:33Katya Zamolodchikova:No, but do you know that I use my computer quite often to look stuff up? Oh, you're right. And I don't want to be like, I don't want to be a hunting pecker. I don't want to be Helen Hunt. You know, I don't want to be a Miss Pecker. Do you ever swipe text? Do you ever swipe? Never in my life. I got into it for a while. Never in my life, not once. It is fast. I feel like it's the devil's work. It's diabolical. I don't get her. Yeah. I mean, with my fingers, with my thumbs, yeah, I could write. I mean, like everybody else on this fucking earth. But I hate that.

15:05Trixie Mattel:Right.

15:06Katya Zamolodchikova:I do. I really, really, really like a very well functioning voice to text because I like enunciating like a faggot. Hello, everyone. I am so pleased. Actually, whispering works best, I found. Hello. Yeah. Like if my Duolingo, if it wants me to speak, I whisper. Accurate. And it works. Yeah, it's like, hi, Trixie. I'm wondering if you have two hours on Friday to go over some details for the next shoot we're going to do, period. I'd really love to get this in the bag tomorrow, period. Perfect. Sue Ellen, we need that QED report. I am right on top of that, Rose. Period. yeah no the whisper I love the Miss Whisper

15:52Trixie Mattel:do you think that I'm right on top of that rose like I remember old gays telling me about like mommy dearest are we speaking of a black and white relic when we tell the young gays I'm right on top of that rose that's a good idea yeah is our

16:06Katya Zamolodchikova:do they have Tina bring me the axe are right on top of that rose or like no wire hangers right I don't know but I what I do know is that I stand by the fashion montage in that fucking movie Miss Suellen Crandall on her way to become a corporate drone. The earrings. Baby, the intricate hairdos, the updos, the power clashing. Jacket with the turtle neck. It's just like for the 90s, you know, when it was kind of tough fashion-wise sometimes it was that. And then Rose Lindsay always gave it to you with that incredible page boy with all that weight and volume.

16:48Trixie Mattel:This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. When June finally shows up, we can all stop pretending we're indoor people and finally get some vitamin D. The days stretch out, the sun gets warm, and suddenly I am emotionally transported into being a person who wears a linen shirt and says things like, Let's go get some fresh fruit at the farmer's market. This summer, I'm planning a little getaway in the St. Ynez Valley, which is where I found this gorgeous little home on Airbnb. That feels like a little headquarters for a few days of warm weather intervention. I want to wake up slowly, make a little bit of tea in an actual kitchen, and wander through the rolling hillsides buying some chunky jewelry and maybe a cool piece of wall art with a bit of seasonal motif.

17:29Trixie Mattel:And after that, I'll be ready for a little trip to Solvang for Danish's, smorgasbords, and that kind of Danish village charm that makes one briefly consider buying wooden clogs. That is what the beginning of summer does to me. It makes travel feel less like an escape and more like a grand seasonal awakening. Suddenly, I need fresh air, open windows, and a home base that feels like a real place to set out from. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can sprawl out after a long day in the sun. I want a kitchen for late night snacks and lazy breakfast. And I want enough space to actually feel settled instead of just stacking my luggage in a hotel room.

18:06Trixie Mattel:And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and we can collectively pretend we're the kind of people who do not forget sunscreen. And of course, once June begins, one trip becomes three imaginary trips. Maybe it's the Santa Ynez Valley now, Yosemite National Park next, a long weekend in Santa Fe after that. However summer unfolds, it's just feeling more personal when you book through Airbnb. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. When June finally shows up, we can all stop pretending we're indoor people and finally get some vitamin D. The days stretch out, the sun gets warm, and suddenly I am emotionally transported into being a person who wears a linen shirt and says things like, let's go get some fresh fruit at the farmer's market.

18:49Trixie Mattel:This summer, I'm planning a little getaway in the St. Ynez Valley, which is where I found this gorgeous little home on Airbnb that feels like a little headquarters for a few days of warm weather intervention. I want to wake up slowly, make a little bit of tea in an actual kitchen, and wander through the rolling hillsides buying some chunky jewelry and maybe a cool piece of wall art with a bit of seasonal motif. And after that, I'll be ready for a little trip to Solvang for Danish's, smorgasbords, and that kind of Danish village charm that makes one briefly consider buying wooden clogs. That is what the beginning of summer does to me.

19:21Trixie Mattel:It makes travel feel less like an escape and more like a grand seasonal awakening. Suddenly I need fresh air, open windows and a home base that feels like a real place to set out from. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can sprawl out after a long day in the sun. I want a kitchen for late night snacks and lazy breakfast. And I want enough space to actually feel settled instead of just stacking my luggage in a hotel room. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and we can collectively pretend we're the kind of people who do not forget sunscreen.

19:55Trixie Mattel:And of course, once June begins, one trip becomes three imaginary trips. Maybe it's the Santa Ynez Valley now, Yosemite National Park next, a long weekend in Santa Fe after that. However summer unfolds, it's just feeling more personal when you book through Airbnb. This episode is in partnership with Airbnb. When June finally shows up, we can all I'll stop pretending we're indoor people and finally get some vitamin D. The days stretch out, the sun gets warm, and suddenly I am emotionally transported into being a person who wears a linen shirt and says things like, let's go get some fresh fruit at the farmer's market.

20:30Trixie Mattel:This summer, I'm planning a little getaway in the St. Ynez Valley, which is where I found this gorgeous little home on Airbnb. That feels like a little headquarters for a few days of warm weather intervention. I want to wake up slowly, make a little bit of tea in an actual kitchen, and wander through the rolling hillsides buying some chunky jewelry and maybe a cool piece of wall art with a bit of seasonal motif. And after that, I'll be ready for a little trip to Solvang for Danishes, smorgasbords, and that kind of Danish village charm that makes one briefly consider buying wooden clogs. That is what the beginning of summer does to me.

21:02Trixie Mattel:It makes travel feel less like an escape and more like a grand seasonal awakening. Suddenly, I need fresh air, open windows, and a home base that feels like a real place to set out from. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can sprawl out after a long day in the sun. I want a kitchen for late night snacks and lazy breakfast. And I want enough space to actually feel settled instead of just stacking my luggage in a hotel room. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and we can collectively pretend we're the kind of people who do not forget sunscreen.

21:36Trixie Mattel:And of course, once June begins, one trip becomes three imaginary trips. Maybe it's the Santa Ynez Valley now, Yosemite National Park next, a long weekend in Santa Fe after that. However summer unfolds, it's just feeling more personal when you book through Airbnb. Have you gotten these targeted like reels that are the people getting the eye color change surgeries with the contact lens just inserted into the skin? Girl, you want to talk horror? I every time one comes up I have to watch it and I watch it pissed pissed off the reveal of these people having Hollywood Boulevard contact lenses

22:15Katya Zamolodchikova:$34.99 Halloween shipment fucking demonica or exotica or gothica lenses it's diabolical

22:25Trixie Mattel:45 year old dusky gentleman saying give me the ice blue eyes with the bloodshot red whites

22:32Katya Zamolodchikova:well that's what I get into I want this full sclera black with a little bit of red on the sides. It's fierce, girl. It's fierce. I am a person who gives less than any shit about eyes.

22:43Trixie Mattel:Like, it needs to be investigated. David Boreanaz and Bones needs to get down here. Scully and Mulder. Every TV detective. Columbo. Get down here. Yeah.

22:53Katya Zamolodchikova:Jessica Fletcher.

22:54Trixie Mattel:Matlock.

22:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Please. Yeah, both of them. The old one and the new one.

22:58Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. The comments are like, you need to stop doing this to people.

23:02Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. The comments are like, when is this going to stop?

23:05Trixie Mattel:It's flagrant.

23:06Katya Zamolodchikova:It's flagrant. It's so insane, too. It's like, I look back on our years of using those crazy contacts for a dramatic drag effect. It just looks ghoulish and weird. It's not even always successful for the Dragoons. So what about you? It's frequently not. And I understand it can be helpful in that because your lashes, for example, and your heavy dark makeup, you can see your eyeballs on the stage. Sometimes you can't. but these people are human beings going to nine to five bank jobs and what have you. And they look like they're in a, like a low budget alien movie. It's so wild. I don't ever give a shit.

23:45Katya Zamolodchikova:I have never given a shit about eye color or eyes in general. Like, Oh yes, the most amazing eyes.

23:49Trixie Mattel:Who cares?

23:50Katya Zamolodchikova:You don't fuck his eyes.

23:51Trixie Mattel:That's what I get. What I don't get is looking in the mirror and like dark eyes,

23:57Katya Zamolodchikova:light eyes, who gives a shit?

23:57Trixie Mattel:There's a lot of things people could do if they wanted to change up their look, hair, outfits, injectables

24:04Katya Zamolodchikova:veneers

24:05Trixie Mattel:a facelift a tan a tan diet changes

24:08Katya Zamolodchikova:ears pin backed

24:09Trixie Mattel:a gold tooth it's crazy to be like give me the good old Hollywood Boulevard permanent lenses and then the follow up they're like how are you loving it they're like honestly it's incredible and they're sitting there with their eyes look like two little M &M's it's so fucked up it's fucked up girl

24:24Katya Zamolodchikova:it's weird make it stop I will I will I will devote my life to that I'll stop working for PETA and I'll I will I'll focus my efforts on no more color contact eyeball surgeries. It's, I don't know what it is. What's the, what's another, what's the equivalent of it? Getting like, is there equivalent? Because it is so outrageous. It's so bizarre. And it's so fraudulent. What's another thing? Like, I don't, it would, the British,

24:54Trixie Mattel:the British veneers when it's like one big white tooth.

24:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Where it's just like a porcelain retainer. Yeah. Maybe like that. Do you, speaking of that, do you know where I can get a feel, a very realistic orthodonture made of brace teeth with braces? Cause that's going to be my new drag.

25:11Trixie Mattel:Oh, Dr. Son probably do it for you. Really? Yeah. So you can do cosmetic work or like something you could put in and take a flipper.

25:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. With braces. The old fashioned kind.

25:20Trixie Mattel:She has every kind of dental knowledge you could ever get. Fierce. Yes.

25:23Katya Zamolodchikova:I also looked at, I looked into sedation dentistry because baby it's, it's I'm long overdue. and I I mean wow front page news nobody a person doesn't like going to the dentist it's awful though

25:36Trixie Mattel:but like

25:37Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to be I want them to just put me in a coma right put me in a coma it sucks even the cleaning I'm a little overdue for cleaning I even hit cleaning even the cleaning it's the cleaning yeah when the dental hygienist takes out her Nazi like suitcase full of torture instruments the rifle with the bayonet on the end

25:57Trixie Mattel:that's how they clean your teeth yeah it's like

25:58Katya Zamolodchikova:We don't have picks or little water hoses.

26:01Trixie Mattel:I also give up because it's like I floss every day. And no matter what happens, you go in and they're like, are you flossing?

26:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Yes, I am. Yeah. And that's another thing too. It's like you can lecture me, but you can't torture me at the same time. You got to pick a lane. You can't do lecture and torture. Plus, now that I'm a little bit more aged and have a teeny bit more ability to kind of stand up for myself, I can lightly touch the hygienist and say, this is extremely painful right and I want to leave

26:31Trixie Mattel:the old me would have stayed there and let them pull the tooth

26:33Katya Zamolodchikova:and been like it's great love it the old me would have stayed there tears like soaking the chair with sweat gripping the thing and then just tears coming out of my eyes that was like last year yeah

26:45Trixie Mattel:crazy but not the new you the way it changed everything the tan it was the tan you hear it's kind of Molly in Danger Girl Autumn Sunrise? no no no the cut the bold cut she has in that movie oh Oh, Molly Jensen.

26:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Molly Jensen. Yes. But I wish I. You said Autumn Sun, right? Oh my God. I wish though, because she had that kind of, my mom had the haircut. My mom's sister had the haircut. It's like, it's kind of like a tapered fade on the.

27:12Trixie Mattel:That woman also has it in, is it Hand That Marks? Single White Female. Yes, baby. Yes. She really has it in that movie. Bridget Fonda. Yeah. That's the kind of shit I'm like.

27:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Did you see they're redoing Hand That Marks to Cradle? How do you feel? I don't feel great I don't feel great I don't feel great about it at all I and I don't Rebecca I saw a thing with Rebecca De Mornay how she was she just found out about it she wasn't approached or anything not that she needs to be approached it's not you know if they're not thinking of redoing the movie or whatever but I give her the cameo no shit make her be the friend you know the friend of but I think it's a series or the baby yes or the gardener or the gardener but because there's an iconic scene that is extremely disturbing it's just a dialogue between Peyton Flanders and I forget what his name is, Wilson maybe the Gardner where she says a very prohibited word and it's like I remember that when she's talking to the Gardner it really makes you as the viewer right before she frames him for molestation it really cements her villainy.

28:18Katya Zamolodchikova:She's evil. Yeah she's evil

28:19Trixie Mattel:It does it's job. The viewer goes oh this bitch is awful. She's crazy

28:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, it's extremely impactful. It's not like on a comedy, a stupid comedy, you know, with Seth Rogen or whatever, where it's used to be like just willy-nilly as an insult. This is a very, it's like, oh shit, this woman is evil. I doubt we're going to get that kind of edge. But maybe we will, I don't know.

28:41Trixie Mattel:That'll probably go crazier. Do you think it'll be like Meghan where it's like super gay now? I hope not because I love The Hand That Rocks the Man. The Hand That Slays the Cradle Diva. It's all going to happen during Pride. I don't know. The pride campaign. The hand that rocks a cradle float in the WeHo pride parade. What would that be? The real gaze of WeHo rocking a cradle on top of it. No, the Fab Five. It's a breast pump. The Fab Five.

29:05Katya Zamolodchikova:She rigged the greenhouse and she rigged the greenhouse for me.

29:07Trixie Mattel:I love that movie. The last episode of All the Beautiful when you had the longer blonde wig on. Somebody said you looked like fashion superstar Carson Kressley.

29:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah. Love that. I take that as a very good compliment.

29:19Trixie Mattel:Can I tell you some other things that happened? Yes. I haven't seen you in so long. it's true I went up to Wisconsin for my birthday oh happy birthday by the way I did not get you a single gift that's totally okay I turned 36 30 36 I was supposed to go for the full weekend but as you know I got a very exciting television thing oh yeah you got an Oscar nom yeah no but I got this tiny little TV job that was so worth staying in town I love the show so I was like I'm doing it so I ended up taking the red eye to Green Bay I've never red eyed to Green Bay being at the Chicago airport at like 5 in the morning was weird was on to I don't know what it was.

29:54Trixie Mattel:I think it was on American. So I get my rental car and I asked for a Volkswagen Jetta and they go, we upgraded you. It's a Hyundai Sonata. That's not an upgrade. But it was. Can I say? It's a Ferrari Testarossa. Good. Gorgeous lane assist. Gorgeous safety features. It had the thing intuitive. What do you call it? Where it'll cruise control until you get so close to a car and then naturally slow down. I was barely driving. Fierce. I just have both nipples. I was wired. Both nipples hooked up. Wired and plugged. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I get to up north in Wisconsin. The cabin I got on Airbnb.

30:31Trixie Mattel:Am I so big that the chair is just disintegrating? You're huge. Damn. I get up there, and I guess I didn't quite pay attention because up north in Wisconsin, the two types of rentals are either one tiny little cabin with like one toilet, one bedroom, or massive estates. Yeah. Not McMansions, like sprawling estates. I accidentally got the sprawling estate. so I get there how many square feet two entire buildings two different buildings sleeps 15 what yes so I get there it's four of us right me my friend my brother his girlfriend and we're all there and I realized quickly I'm like this is it's maybe a quarter mile from the street I grew up on in that trailer and for the weekend it was three grand I was like damn Dan we live in the wrong fucking house in this neighborhood because apparently some of these are fierce rentals but it was gorgeous it was a great week went on little walks went to bars went out to eat had a wonderful time it's always good to go up there and just check it out kick the tires make sure everything's going good

31:30Katya Zamolodchikova:kick the tires

31:31Trixie Mattel:love going up north Silvercliffe, Wisconsin gorgeous, gorgeous place to visit picturesque, epic vistas well my dream was to go to the Marinette County state the Marinette County Fair now what's the dry there? it's in Wasaki, Wisconsin I used to go every summer and I was like you know what I want to do for my birthday this year? I want to go check out that fucking fair loved it went there pig pig

31:51Katya Zamolodchikova:pig contests yes

31:53Trixie Mattel:so 4-H is huge so there's all these animal barns get to see the baby animals the chickens mini-moos what? mini-moos what's a mini-moos? a small cow no

32:03Katya Zamolodchikova:no I mean micro-cow

32:05Trixie Mattel:it's true it's true love to see the goats anytime it's a black goat instantly evil I always think it's instantly evil the witch movie where the goat is evil Philip Dr. Philip

32:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Dr. Philip Dr. Philip Black Phillip

32:19Trixie Mattel:so whenever I see a black goat with the horns I'm like that's a Satan goat sure love to see the chickens love to see these children who know everything about animals like little Miss Fames who are like standing next to their cage with their chicken with a blue ribbon and being like because they probably grew up on a farm right also there's always Miss 4H what the hell is that it's like a girl wearing a crown in a prom dress who's like the queen of the fair what are the four h's i hospitality homosexuality yeah uh hobo is hvac and hvac and homoism yeah yes um hoboism um so then i go in and there's having a part of the animal the kids all show the animals and they give awards like best in show basically but it's farm animals right yeah so i'm watching and there's one thing where they all have costumes on so the animals dressed up and the owners dressed up in like coordinating costumes fierce and one of the kids was like in drag in my hometown with like a pink pony club goat my brother and i are watching and i go he goes what do you think i said it honestly reminds me of drag race because it was like all these people lined up like thank you ladies we've heard enough and it's all these like elementary school kids with like truly a billy goat with a clown wig on

33:35Katya Zamolodchikova:god it was so i love that shit anybody have a lizard or like a long gila monster or something No, it's more like farm animals.

33:43Trixie Mattel:Yeah. So I didn't stay around to see who went. Cheap, goats, chickens, et cetera. But also love going up there because everything's affordable. Like the parking at the fair. Guess how much the parking at the fair was? Free. $2. Yeah, there you go. Love it. Parking at Beyonce,$100. Love to run into people from high school, see what's going on there, see who's died, stuff like that.

34:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, on that note, I am always fascinated by the high school reunion for the average gay person, especially for the person who was not out in high school. You know what I mean? You revisit sometimes your success story. I would consider myself somewhat of one. But no one cares about me up there. No, but they're all like, a lot of them are either dead, or they got a wife or husband they hate, or they're children, or they're alcoholics. You know what I mean? It's like some of them peak in high school, and it's a real steep slope downward. Right. It's always nice to go back and be like, yeah, I'm gay.

34:36Trixie Mattel:I think I'm more like someone said someone someone. I was at the bar and I was like, oh, and they were like, what are you doing in town? I said, well, and I always specify up there. I'm actually from here. Because if you're not out of town, everyone hates you. Really? It's tourism, but it's like, we hate rich city yuppie people being like... You don't look like a rich city yuppie person. No, but up there, we call them shackers. People who come on the weekends are doing tourism in the summer. It's like, on one hand, we depend on it for business. On the other hand, it's like, fucking city people come up here.

35:05Trixie Mattel:And something about city people in the country, they act like they... it's, it's un, unplowed earth and they can do anything. It's littering. It's loud music. It's like, like a group of city guys acting like they are better than everyone or, you know, it's very that littering should be a capital offense, a punishable death, shoot them, chop the head right off. Um, so then I'm talking to this bartender and I go, she goes, what do you do for a living? I said, Oh, I actually do drag. She goes, you said drag and not entertainment. I was drunk. Oh, so, and then I go, she goes, there's actually some kid grew up a few blocks from here.

35:36Trixie Mattel:I feel like some kid grew up over on boat landing 11 road who did the RuPaul's. And I was like, but, but I mean, is they don't know who I am, but they've heard someone from there was on drag race. That was you. She was talking about. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Madam Laqueer. She's also, no, I'm just kidding. She's also from, we're all kind of Madam Laqueer in a way,

35:56Katya Zamolodchikova:in a way, in a way it was, it was, wasn't the destination. It was the Madam Laqueers we met along the way. Great.

36:02Trixie Mattel:Madam Laqueer. that sounds like the dry king the dry queen character in like a cw show and the widow von

36:09Katya Zamolodchikova:do can't get enough of that widow fondue the widow fun no not fondue widow fondue widow fondue

36:15Trixie Mattel:little fondue is her son well there's there's there's the big fondue and then widow fondue a little speech impediment speech impediment um but it was a fun trip and i love to go to the county fair or it was what if you're not a kid and you don't have kids once you see the animals unless you want to watch a tractor pull, I was like, well, what now? You're not excited. You don't turn on for the biggest pumpkin contest? No, that's not until Fall Festival. Fall Festival is in September, I believe.

36:46Katya Zamolodchikova:You love a hayride? You fuck with a hayride?

36:49Trixie Mattel:Haunted or otherwise? We do haunted hayrides up there. People with chainsaws coming out of the corn.

36:55Katya Zamolodchikova:That's crazy.

36:56Trixie Mattel:Terrifying.

36:56Katya Zamolodchikova:That's terrifying.

36:57Trixie Mattel:They have the chain off, allegedly. It doesn't sound like that when I've heard it.

37:01Katya Zamolodchikova:It certainly does. And there's plenty of gas in that thing.

37:03Trixie Mattel:When you're a kid and you're in your winter clothes on the hayride. And someone in a mask comes out screaming. Legs dangling. Nowhere to run. Girl.

37:11Katya Zamolodchikova:It's fierce. It's fierce.

37:13Trixie Mattel:Burry. Skird. Skird.

37:19Trixie Mattel:This episode is sponsored by Wonderful Pistachios. Hey Katya, I have an important question for you. Do you know what I love about summer? You know what, Trixie? I don't. Well, good, because I'm about to tell you. Everything feels just a little more fun. Longer days, warmer nights, and snacks that feel like a treat.

37:36Katya Zamolodchikova:I could not agree more. And that is why this episode is sponsored by Wonderful Pistachios. Right now, I am deeply, emotionally, and spiritually into Wonderful Pistachios' chocolate sea salt and chocolate toffee flavors.

37:49Trixie Mattel:OMG, same. The delicious roasted pistachios are thinly dipped in dark chocolate antioxidant goodness, so you get that sweet, indulgent flavor. They are like a first date with your snacking soulmate.

38:02Katya Zamolodchikova:I agree. Chocolate sea salt strikes just the right balance. A little salty, a little sweet, and covered in rich, dark chocolate. They're like a long, deep cocoa kiss on a summer night.

38:14Trixie Mattel:And Chocolate Toffee has that sweet, crispy toffee with roasted pistachios and dark chocolate containing 50 % cacao. It's crunchy, rich, and sweetly delectable, like me.

38:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Plus, they have the protein power of pistachios, so it feels like a better-for-you indulgence with a sweet punch.

38:32Trixie Mattel:Snack time never tasted so good, girl.

38:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Try Wonderful Pistachios Chocolate Sea Salt and Chocolate Toffee today. Visit WonderfulPistachios.com to learn more. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs.

39:12Trixie Mattel:Do you know what I did just last week? Did you buy the RV? I went to Camping World in Sturdivant, Wisconsin, and I test drove a bunch of stunning motorhomes. Tell me about it. Well, I thought it was, I had a bunch of ideas for what I wanted to drive, but I thought what I really want to do is go somewhere where I can go in a bunch of them, look at a bunch of them, look at the specs. And the more I looked at them, the more I was like, I want one of these, if I'm going to get rid of my condo, I want one of these big, horny.

39:41Katya Zamolodchikova:The expandable ones like Will Smith has.

39:43Trixie Mattel:Oh, yeah. So I got to drive one of the big class A ones. I felt magical and powerful. You don't need a special license. You don't need a special license for those. Not if it's under 40 feet and under 26 ,000 pounds. Wow. So I was cruising down the highway in the giant motorhome. It was so cunty.

40:01Katya Zamolodchikova:I have full body chills for the wrong reasons. You just described one of my gravest, most terrifying emotional nightmare. I loved it. It was a 2025, so it had a lot of safety features. Well, yeah, you're not going to die, but you're going to kill like four other people. Or rather, I wouldn't die. That's kind of what I liked about it. I'm like, you want to crash into my car? I want to be the perp, not the Vic. right you're gonna bounce off you and your Volvo it's over for you bitch you really you're merging onto that freeway with that fucking uh death machine at 20 ,000 pounds the only reason I didn't

40:31Trixie Mattel:make the move and buy it was because I have to figure out storage because I need indoor storage for the winter and B just oh it's Wisconsin and B um I uh I bet this is high season I was like I bet if I wait till fall they'll be looking to cut a deal seller's market right because everyone's buying it in the summer to go on vacation but if you buy it before winter get a good deal what's it how much are these things running for the one i was looking at was two hundred thousand dollars holy smokes but you could get used ones if you wanted but i looked at six different used ones

41:05Katya Zamolodchikova:and they all smelled used well that's where a little potpourri dangle comes in a little a little glade um you put it right on the the vent i just did that recently the big ones are for like

41:16Trixie Mattel:people who are traveling it's sleep six because we got all our snot-nosed kids it's like The kid vibes got to go. Yeah. Or get prolific serial killers on the lam. Right.

41:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

41:24Trixie Mattel:Then it was in Milwaukee and I drove around to all the different RV parks to tour them all and see what they look like. What's the vibe? The people who are part-time in RV are very different than the full-time people. Sure. It's a very different vibe.

41:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Interlopers and then hardcorers.

41:40Trixie Mattel:The hardcorers are a little more... Grizzled, ornery. They're on the lam from society, let's say.

41:48Katya Zamolodchikova:Milky eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

41:50Trixie Mattel:I'm obviously aspiring to be a very part time

41:52Katya Zamolodchikova:So you're a city slicking interloper City slicking interloper

41:57Trixie Mattel:And these people are about to harvest you for organs For sure Damn I was really scared to drive such a big vehicle And then it was thrilling I loved it I'm so happy that you love it I would not be thrilled at all to do that Camping World Not a great name I mean I guess it is direct Like the name, what it is It's a world of camping.

42:20Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm obsessed with that REI store with the guy, the giant fish tank. He got in naked. Do you remember that? There was a big REI.

42:28Trixie Mattel:Oh, fierce.

42:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, there's a huge fish tank kind of situation in an REI somewhere in the country. And he just jumped in. Teeny little penis. Love that.

42:36Trixie Mattel:REI, the most Caucasian store.

42:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Driving. Listen, I just want to reiterate for the 685 ,000th time. Driving is so dangerous.

42:44Trixie Mattel:But I love it. Yeah, you love a dangerous thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me tell you why, too. Some things I forgot about driving, some things I forgot about are the peace in the car. Today, when I leave this set with you, which is, you know. You're having to drive me home, by the way. No, but to sit in the car and reflect on what I just did privately while I drive home is like such a missing punctuation of the day. Being in the car alone between, oh, going to the store, going whatever. Love it. Also, buying big shit, putting it in your car and not needing to get help. Sure. And let me tell you, drive-thrus.

43:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I hate drive-thrus. Sonic. I hate drive-thrus.

43:27Trixie Mattel:Culver's. Do you know how many times I had Culver's when I was in Wisconsin? I was stopping twice a day. When is Culver's? Sometimes I was just stopping for a Diet Coke because I love a nice, ice, big Diet Coke. and I felt like one of those cunts in the car eating chicken nuggets talking to TikTok. Talking to TikTok? People love to eat in the car. Oh, that's right. That's right. They do their crashing out. What's that? These people need to elevate their definition of crashing out. What does that mean? Like, oh, I'm having a meltdown. I've hit my breaking point. I'm freaking out. But I'm filming it crisply and cleanly on TikTok?

44:04Trixie Mattel:It's like, oh my God, I'm crashing out. They didn't have my shade of foundation. It's like, girl, a crash out? I watch Netflix. I'm like, people kill their whole family that's a crash i also watched this other tiktok that was talking about like in all these if you watch all these murder documentaries on netflix hulu and the like it boils down to like white men who won't divorce so they just kill everyone like they're having an affair the easier softer way yeah there's like i could never divorce i guess i'm just gonna have to drown my children and have my wife killed hey listen different strokes

44:37Katya Zamolodchikova:have you been do you get into alien earth today we talked to you about this no but i've everybody

44:42Trixie Mattel:but he says it's so good. Oh, baby. Boy, we watched Alien 1.

44:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Great, right? Amazing. And then Alien 2, James Cameron, don't really, not a huge fan, Titanic. But like, you know, he really goes, he really yanks that shit off. Like he, it's like you see one monster in the first one, you know, there you see fucking hundreds of them in this one. You see that big ass nasty queen with all them fucking, laying all them eggs and it's all. The queen have the big head. The queen is Miss Nasty. Miss Nasty puts some clothes on you're not you're gross don't walk out that hive without your clothes on right uh like bulbous egg it's just so over the top they got robots they got synthetics because in the first one i when

45:24Trixie Mattel:that guy ends up being a robot i kind of forgot gagged and i was gagged gagged and the practical effects of his head sitting there talking with the white with the white blood cunty white blood is so

45:34Katya Zamolodchikova:weird too same thing in um in aliens sigourney's so gorge she's so good yeah She's so good. She's so damn good. And this fucking, they got this bitch, Miss Yutani, on the new series where there's five corporations that pretty much run the world in this version of Earth. Oh, mama.

46:01Katya Zamolodchikova:She goes, Diva doesn't even begin. Do you need to watch all the movies? Because I think I've only seen one and two. That's perfect. Okay. That's actually perfect. Yeah. There's really not a lot of new pertinent. I mean, there is new information, but it's not pertinent. And actually, I feel like it will make this experience more enjoyable because there will be new discoveries that are actually cleaner and more concise and precise. You will love. It is cunt.

46:26Trixie Mattel:They are turning it. When I was doing my horror movie binge, like last month, I did watch Halloween 1, the one you said you don't really respond to. But then I watched the three that are the newest ones, the Halloween, Halloween kills and Halloween ends.

46:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay.

46:39Trixie Mattel:Because you don't really need to watch the middle ones. They cut them out narratively. And there's one that's really off kilter.

46:45Katya Zamolodchikova:The last one is the one that people...

46:47Trixie Mattel:Season of the Witch. Yeah. Oh, are you talking about the... Season of the Witch is like... Something else. Something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, something else. Well, I think I remember reading that they originally were going to just have it be, if anything, like an anthology series about different things that have happened on Halloween. Oh. But then Michael Myers was so slay that they kind of got locked into that. Interesting. Weird. Obviously, they're going to do a Gladys prequel, right? They said. Oh, really? Of course, they're going to milk that horror. Amy Madigan, get her her Oscar. Yeah, no shit.

47:14Trixie Mattel:She was great in The Hunt. She's got to get behind Neve Campbell, though. They're going to do the Oscars. I have a list. I know. Oh, she'd clean up. Hereditary. I will do the voice, too, at the Oscars. Toni Collette, hereditary. Hereditary. They're going to say some shit like that.

47:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Who do you think, what do you think your top five horror movies of all time would be? And say, but don't think about too hard.

47:36Trixie Mattel:Obviously, The Shining. The Shining, yes. The Sheening. The Sheening, it eats. Yes. It eats. It's huge. The Sheening. Scream. Scream. Okay. Abby. And let's say... Wally. I'm just kidding. I don't know. Those are maybe the two I can think of.

47:53Katya Zamolodchikova:What about... Okay. Three more. Come on.

47:56Trixie Mattel:The first Nightmare on Elm Street. That's definitely in my list. Is the Cunt Factory. Yeah.

48:00Katya Zamolodchikova:That's on my list too.

48:01Trixie Mattel:Can I say those? Does it have to be five? It has to be five or I'm going to kill myself. It has to be five? Um, uh, oh, it, I mean, any and all of them.

48:12Katya Zamolodchikova:There you go. Any and all of them. Oh, yeah. Mine would probably be, um, Nightmare on Elm Street, one, um, Candyman, the original. Got it. Um, it would be the - Don't you love Suspiria? I like the first one, but I, I don't like, I'm not, I don't nut for it. I've only seen it once. Okay. Um, and I like, um, the, what is it? Maybe the, um, Hellraiser, the first one. It's pretty nasty. And then... I just rewatched that too! It's crazy. It's crazy.

48:44Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. It's scary. Love that redhead woman who's wrecked with sexual desire. Yes. With the whore makeup on.

48:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, because it's horny. It's horny. It's super horny. Clive Barker is a very lusty gentleman. Very lusty.

48:56Trixie Mattel:And I would fuck that guy who is skinless. Frank? Yeah. Absolutely. And the second one, when he comes out of the bloody mattress... Cunty. Cuntalicious. And she's kissing him while he has no skin on. Yeah. That's me after a chemical peel. You watch that and you're like, the Cenobites aren't even bad guys.

49:14Katya Zamolodchikova:No, they're just travelers. They're humans opening this thing. Yeah, they're just making their way through the universe. Bippity boppity boopity. I can show you one. I rewatched the new one and I'm like, God, what was going on here? What was going on here? I thought Jamie Clayton as the new pinhead was very intriguing. Very intriguing. but like the story was like so toothless and kind of nothing it was so weird the first one's very sexual it's very sexual, it's very disturbing, it's very gory

49:50Trixie Mattel:nasty love that final girl too, that girl from that first one is excellent and then

49:55Katya Zamolodchikova:her dad gets killed

49:57Trixie Mattel:all these people getting killed in her house, she doesn't even know

50:02Trixie Mattel:boop anytime you're moving in life and someone cuts their hand and it's like an empty house you just bought and there's blood on the floor, you have to move. You have to move. Because that's going to be the awakening. That's going to be the portals opening, the chains flying out of the walls, up the pussy.

50:17Katya Zamolodchikova:See, that's like, that's the kind of shit when there's chains flying out from places, like from hell and then ripping my skin apart, that's when I really try to, that's when I'm really going to reevaluate my choices.

50:31Trixie Mattel:It kind of grows too, the way the chains grab the skin and stretch it. It's disgusting. but also in that first movie that guy's looking for like i mean obviously the metaphor is also like sex and drugs right it's some kind of extreme high that he's chasing with like pain and pleasure sensation yeah so then there's these kind of priest figures who have the belief that pain is pleasure etc maybe the book is more together but the movie at all. I mean, the story doesn't hit me.

51:05Katya Zamolodchikova:The book is just a novella, I believe. I think my number one would be The Exorcist. Because it's still shocking. And you love exercise. It's still as shocking as it ever was. Lick me! Lick me! Forcing, taking her mom's head and putting it in her bloody puss that she just like jabbed with a crucifix and saying, lick me, and then throwing her across the room.

51:32Trixie Mattel:that was the movie that people were leaving. Have you ever heard like the interviews of people leaving being like, it's obscene. It should be banned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Jesus. You see people get so fucking weird,

51:41Katya Zamolodchikova:but the book is fabulous too. I mean, I read the book and I tore it through. It's a page, a great beach read, by the way. Um, it's like fierce, great. William Peter Blatty or something like that. It's a great book. Beach read, beach read, tearing through that shit. Lick me. Lick me. Yeah. Do you know what she did? Your cunting daughter.

52:01Trixie Mattel:If you had a child and they got possessed, I mean, you have to call the exorcism. Shotgun right to the head. I'm not calling, I'm calling the two actors from The Conjuring who play Ed and Lorraine. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. Vera, get down here. Okay, get the Ouija board. Let's go.

52:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm getting Otome Brown. Oh, for sure. Because she could talk him out of anything. I recently, we re-watched Ghost with my friend Joseph. He hadn't seen it. Did he love it? He loved it. Did he cry? I don't know if he cried. I cried.

52:33Trixie Mattel:At the end when she says goodbye, it's too much.

52:36Katya Zamolodchikova:When she, what kills me is when she's, she rolls, she rolls the jar of the penny down the stairs and it breaks. I lose it. It's such a, it's such a wonderful, simple image. And it's so lonely and it's so sad. Oh. Her whole life is fun. Oh. Do you think she ever gets over it? Do you think she ever dates? I think she absolutely does. And I think she and Otome are like, they're like BFFs.

53:02Trixie Mattel:If your partner dies, husband or wife, do you think, do you think it's an act of love to never date again? Some people do that. No, you got it. Or do you move on? They would, they would want you to be happy.

53:11Katya Zamolodchikova:They would want you to be happy. But the real crime of that movie is that Sam Wheat didn't let her keep even a million of that check. I don't care if it was blood money. You terrorize this black woman's life for like three months. She doesn't, you know what I mean? Yeah. Where's her reward?

53:25Trixie Mattel:You can't let your late wife or your widowed wife have a little cash. How about... What about half and half? The nuns... A million to Otome.

53:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Also, it's a very... Like, do your research. You don't know these nuns. They could be grifters.

53:37Trixie Mattel:Do your research.

53:38Katya Zamolodchikova:They could be seven-day Adventists. Or, what is it? Salvation Army. Hate the gays. Bummer. You got to do your research. If you're going to cash... You got a$4 million check. I say two goes to Molly, two goes to Otome Brown. Well, try to stay out there. Are we going to do All-Stars? Are we going to do All-Stars recaps?

53:55Trixie Mattel:I think we should but I think we should wait until we like run out of things to talk about or we're on tour because I'm afraid of doing them all close together and then we're just another Drag Race recap podcast all the girls reheating their own nachos is that what's happening? I don't want to do that I think our lives are too interesting I don't like regular nachos so I don't want to reheat anything we don't talk about Drag Race very much

54:20Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah I kind of like that too okay

54:24Trixie Mattel:bye Bye-bye.

54:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Turn it up. Storm has zero sugar and 200 milligrams of caffeine, so you can turn that workout up a notch. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life.