#520 - The Unknown Caller

40:25I'm doing that easy. Okay. You would do that? If it's New York, I just get it. You just get it. Nice. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'll do that. But also, do I get the money after the completion of the walk? Yeah. Or can I get it to help me with lodging? No, no. After the completion of the walk. Lodging. Well, yeah, I'm going to need to stop. Yeah. What, do you have zero dollars? No, but I imagine that a walk, potentially 3 ,000 miles, is going to cost a couple dollars, dude. Put it on a credit card, dude. You're getting five mil at the end of this thing. You're going to need new shoes. You're going to need food.

41:00New shoes. Yeah, you think your shoes, you'll be able to wear the same shoes the whole time? No, they'll wear out and break. Maybe one other pair of shoes. So we're all saying yeah? Yes. So I have a state generator. So you want to see how far you have to walk? You know what's going to happen. You know what's going to happen, right? He's going to get fucking New York. You're going to get New Jersey, and I'm going to get fucking Hawaii. If you get Hawaii, I don't think you can do it. Yeah, Hawaii, you just have to take it out. I would not. Yeah, I mean, I would just die. I'd take the money. You would still have to walk the furthest you can.

41:29Can you just take Hawaii out? No, no, no. Or how about this? That's part of it. That's part of it. If you do Hawaii, then you have to get to California, and then you have to do whatever the distance is in miles from California to Hawaii back the other way. Okay. So you just need to walk the distance. It's also a no, though. Like, I'm not doing that. Well, no, that I would do. As long as I'm not over the open ocean, I'm fine. I feel like if you get Hawaii, you have to walk as close as you can get to it, but then you just lose. No. But then you just lose. I was worried you were going to say like you walk as close as you can get and then you have to take like a kayak or a rowboat the rest of the way.

42:03Chill. Dude, yeah, I don't think you'd be able to do that. I know. Physically. I will take my chances with Hawaii. So who wants to go first? Well, let's let Joey go first because we know he's going to get a great one. Oh, this is a cool one. All right. So I got a wheel here. Wheel of States. Yes, we see that. Wheel of States. So Joe's going first. Then we can do Google Maps. See how far it takes. I'll pull up the Google Maps. All right. You got the Google Maps? Okay. Okay, go. Ready? Here we go. Wait, hold on, hold on. Oh, my God. I just have to get into the state. I don't have to go to, like, the center.

42:31We should probably do center, right? Oh, my God. No, you said walk to the state. Okay, to the border of the state. Fine. All right. Ready? This is for Joe. Fuck! Oh, no. Joey's going to get a good one. I'm telling you, I know it.

42:49Oh, Wisconsin. That's so bad. That's pretty far. It was about to be West Virginia, which isn't bad. That's pretty far, honestly, because you got to go through Pennsylvania, which nothing, brother. That's all nothing. And then you got to go Ohio, and then you got to cut through Illinois, and then up into Wisconsin. Wisconsin. First of all, there's no walking. There's no walking. I mean, there is walking. Yeah, you should. You can just walk along the highway. Holy shit, dude. The drive is 1 ,000 miles, like 998. So let's see, if you walk at an average of three miles per hour, that's going to take 333 hours if you did it nonstop.

43:27Wait, what? If you walk at an average pace of three miles per hour. I have it. I have how long it would take to walk it. So, Joe, to get your five million, it would take 319 hours to walk it. Oh, I wasn't that far off. I said 333. But that's if you did nonstop. Yeah, that's nonstop. That ain't happening. So, like, if you walk for an average of 12 hours a day, you know, what's that? 312 divided by 12? What? This isn't good for us, dude. This is not. 319 divided by 12. 319 divided by 12, which is? 26 and a half days. So it would take me like a month. A month? A month and a half. Yo, hear me out.

44:08I'm out. That would be fun, too. That's not that bad, dude. That's not a bad walk, either. That's a beautiful walk, probably. Also sketchy walk probably. It's not that sketchy. It's mostly Pennsylvania. You get to Ohio like. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler. The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started.

44:50See paypal.com slash protection terms. Right near Cleveland. Damn, it didn't seem as far as it is. You do walk through South Chicago, which is not great. Yeah, that would be a problem. Or I guess this path here has you walking through Canada. Through Canada? Up and around? Yeah, you go up and around. Oh, like up to? Yeah, but then you got to walk through the bumblefuck of New York, which. You do, yes. It's not nice either. I'm not going up in a row. Okay, so that would take you about, if you walk 12 hours a day, about a month. It would take you about a month. That's not bad. That's not too bad, dude.

45:23And like five million a month, bro. Sign me up. That's also if you walked every day. There was nothing in here about the fact, like, you could take a day off. Which I would. I would also pay people to come with me, so I'm not like. Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, what more do you need? I feel like Ant should go next. I go next? That's the respectful thing. Okay, so I'm taking it, obviously. Yeah, well, we knew that. We know you would swim to Hawaii. Yes, I would. Okay. You'd do it for nothing. I'm looking for a New York. We know you're looking for a New York. We're all looking for a New York. We're like a Connecticut.

45:57Connecticut would take an afternoon. Why am I nervous? Connecticut would take a full day. Oh, not good. No, no, no. Nebraska? Nevada, brother. You're going through the desert You're going through the desi You know what that 5 mil at the end of it Right to Vegas Yeah and just put it on black Yeah right to Vegas Well then you'd have to walk into from Nevada Like the border of Nevada into fucking Vegas Dude that's a bad one Yeah That's a horrific one That's what 2 ,000 miles So this walk is going to take 938 hours What That's triple the time that it took Literally triple the time it took you So it'd take you three months Take me three months This is 2 ,800 miles, it's it.

46:39Like, by car. I got, I don't think we could get worse. I gotta be honest, though. That's bad. That's, yes, it's tough. Three months? It's three months of content, I guess, now. Yeah, I mean, you'd be set for a whole year with content, really. You'd just film the whole thing. Or IRL stream it. You'll make double that on fucking whatever you're doing. On kick. No, I can't IRL stream it, because then people will try to find me, like, probably halfway through. Not great. Yeah. Or if it's gonna happen, you don't have the money yet. You're poor. He will, though. Sure. He will have the money. All right, it's my time.

47:09I was really hoping Frankie would get a Nevada. No, it's all right. I'm going to get a Washington. Here's what I think I'm going to get. Alaska? I think he's going to get a good one. I hope I get a good one. I'm going to guess that you get, like, something in the Northeast. I'm going to say I think my honest guess is I think I'm going to get Iowa. Which wouldn't be bad. Okay. I mean, ready? It's not close. Here we go. What's Frank got? This is the state you're walking to. This is the state I'm walking to. Let's see.

47:40I'm not even looking at the name. Bama! Oh, I might not. Alabama! Guys, there's some things about me. I might not make it there. Alabama? That's probably closer than mine. I mean, no, because it's down south. It's south and west. It's about the same. It's about the same, like a little over 1 ,000. 388 hours, so about a month as well. Guys, I might not make it. They might see me and be like who's a Spanish bow I welcome down here roll tight. Did you know you? Who the hell is this did you see how close you were to Alaska? No, you was I was I really the next one It was the one right before it like you just clipped it Last I mean honestly that would be beautiful, but I would die by bear.

48:25There's fucking in the Yukon There's a ton of bail. Let's do one more. Oh, let's do one more for who for who for all of us really quick Joey go Do we get a choice of these two? No. Fuck. I thought this would be flag. If you walk from that one to this one, you get another five mil. Done. No. I got Hawaii! You said done. You said done. That's Hawaii's state flag. Yeah, this is news to me. Why is that their state flag? That can't be right. It's literally double British. There's no route found to Hawaii. Yeah, we know that. Just letting you know. So what would you do? Would you have to do the distance back, or would you?

49:08I wouldn't do it. I don't even know how far it is. You would just lose the five mil? Yep. I think if I had Nevada, I probably wouldn't do that. Really? I would do it for five mil. I'd do it. Think of the endorsements you'd also get. Why do you think you would just get endorsed? I don't know. People like stuff like that. You would get five million. Would you walk to Nevada? We could do it again. For five mil? Yes. You'd walk to Nevada? Sure. Why, you offering? Not five mil. But now I'm thinking, like, what can we get him for? Okay. Well, now that we know it's five mil, I'm not taking a penny under five mil.

49:44All right. I mean, this is a hypothetical. We're having fun. Well, how much are you offering? You're not going anywhere. He wants me here. Oh, he does. Me? Go. Why did you take Alabama out? Everything we've done, it removes. Uh. Kentucky, that's an easy one. That's not too bad. That's right under Ohio, West Virginia area. That's an easy one. So I just essentially have to walk back. Bro, honestly, walking to Kentucky would suck, too, and it's, like, the easiest one we've got. Well, isn't that because it's all hills, like the Appalachian Mountains and stuff like that? I'm talking about the miles.

50:20I mean, yes, walking to New Jersey would suck, Joey. That's what I said. What he said is before. Yeah, but, I mean, for five mil, you do that. I feel like you could walk to Jersey in under five hours. So a mil an hour. Kentucky is 270 hours. Through the tunnel. Just through the tunnel, yeah. And then last one for Frankie? Yes. I don't think we could get worse than Hawaii, so. No. I mean, literally, physically, it cannot get worse than that. Georgia? Florida? Fire. Florida. Fire. Oh, that one made a noise. That one you could just take I-95, you take it all the way down. No, but you got to walk through some.

50:59There's some spots you got to walk through in there, too. Yeah, dude, I'm sure there's spots everywhere. you gotta walk through and be afraid five mil though i think once you get past like i think that oh god i mean i would do a month i could walk for a month and get five million three months i'd be like bro your life for three months is walking i think about what you need i would need a motivating factor so if you were to say like all right becca and the kids million dollars yeah that's the motivating that's the motive no i would need something more than that Like my family. What? Yeah. Like if it was just like you get, you get the money and your kids are there with Becca, you know what I mean?

51:36They're going to make your, you're going to make. Because look at what he says in the song. I would walk 500 miles and then I would walk 500 more. Wait, are you saying they need to be at the end? Yeah. Okay. But that would motivate me. That's still the time. But that, that still motivate me more. If it was just the money, I'd be like, all right, it's just the money. And then it's like the money. You don't have to live there. You can go right back as soon as you fly back. But like, I, I don't know. You're still the time away It's still three months Yeah that's a lot of time I'm doing it Or like can they follow me I'll walk but they can follow me You're gonna make your children follow you Not like walking I'm saying like they could be in like an RV Sure I guess No no no no This is part of why it's hard Yeah no no No the reason it's hard is because of the distance Not because of the isolation Well I'm saying like You just said you'd pay for people to come with you I did say that So fucking why can't I I'd do it with you I wouldn't I don't know why I sneeze like that Why are you Dracula?

52:40That one snuck up on me I'm not gonna lie Alright Now do it one more time No Whatever the state is They're trying to kill you What? Whatever the state is They're trying to kill you What does that mean? Like if it's Texas You're in trouble Are you just talking about it in general? Nothing to do with what we're talking about? Yeah No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't go down this road. Okay. Thank you. What is the scariest state if you had a fist fight? Like, if you saw, you ever see those things where it was just like, you ever see those things where it was just like, we had AI come up with, I didn't do it.

53:12We had AI come with a, like, a mascot for each state. No. And it's like a picture of, like, what it would look like. You've never seen those? I've seen that. Some of those are cool looking, and it's just like, What do you think of them would be the scariest one to fight? I think it's Texas because of the guns. Sure. I imagine Florida, too, because they're just on bath salts and meth. That was a long time ago. Yeah. Bath salts still around. I'm sure they are. They're still a pretty niche, cool thing. Not cool. Definitely not cool. I mean, they were pretty cool. I'll be honest with you. When I heard bath salts, I was in college, and I was just like, Like someone like I saw Like they had them at like Fucking like HomeGoods I was just like People smoking this shit?

53:59Like fucking like Potpourri for your bath? Did you give up like Epsom salt? Because you were like Oh I want to get high Give up Epsom salt? Like it was a normal part Of my routine? It's pretty normal right? Yeah winter Wait what? Wait what are we talking about? Epsom salt What are you talking about? Were you guys using Epsom salt Enough that it was a normal part Wait you're putting Epsom salt On your driveway? Isn't that what you Isn't that what it is? No that's rock salt Epsom salt is like You take bats in it. It's relaxing. I don't know if it would work. Maybe it would work on snow. I have no idea.

54:28If I've just been bathing my driveway? I mean, you've been bathing your driveway in rock salt. I guarantee it's not Epsom salt. Okay. Epsom salt is like magnesium sulfide or sulfate or something like that. What you're doing is like sodium penis paint or something. Right. You're throwing Epsom salt in your driveway. That's so funny. If you're throwing Epsom salt in your driveway. I mean, maybe it does work. I'm sure it does. I think it's just the salt part that you need, right? I don't know. Can you put table salt on it? It works. It works. It works. I've been doing all right. I've been doing all right.

54:58I can take a bath with the extra. I mean, you're also dumb. Like, you're also doing wrong.

55:08Yeah, you're kind of a little off there. I'm not a big fan of salting driveways and sidewalks. Oh, I love it. I don't like it. I love it so much. It's such like a dad thing to do. and then to hear the sound of like the salt crunching under your boot and between the ice or between the snow i just think it's like whack i would rather like show it yeah but you also need to salt under the shoveling because then it melts and then freezes over i know i just don't like the residual like salt i mean it's bad for pets like you need to get pet specific stuff in order to like so they like are okay it also like everything just like has this like white dusty i don't like that i do hate like when it like a like an old like beat up car in the winter it's just like it looks like it's covered in like dried toothpaste or like yeah or or like sometimes people have like blue salt on their sidewalk and i'm like what is that bro you know what i hate and i don't know why i hate this so much and i get it it's like good but i fucking hate it when i go to someone's house and I go to their bathroom and their toilet water is fucking like blue.

56:15Yeah, why do you hate that? They're clean. I know, but it's like, what is this? They have a clean tablet in their tank. I'll tell you this. I don't know what I did. I had one of those in my old house. Was gone after like three flushes. I clearly did something wrong. I don't like it. I don't like the blue water. Why? Because then you piss and it comes green. Yeah, I don't like that. I like that. I like looking out at it. And I'm just like, I'm going to make this all dirty and stinky and green with my piss. Yeah. See? What are we talking about? What are we doing? I mean. He has something. He's got stuff.

56:49We all have something. That's true. Some more than others. Some as much as others. Maybe. You're going to tell me you don't, like, get hype to, like, play when you pee?

57:05Go ahead. What the fuck does that mean? Like you go and like, it's like you're putting out a fire or something or like. I'll only do that if I start peeing and there's bubbles and I'm like, oh, I got to make all these bubbles touch the whole layer of. Oh. Now who's the fucking crazy one that has something? What was that? I'm fucking reveling in it. I'm excited. You know. Oh, Frank. What? What? What, Frank? What? Fucking Dracula over here. and you're looking at him dumbfounded like... And then you're like, yeah, actually, you know what? I do like to do that. I make a point you think I'm stupid, then you agree with it ipso facto.

57:45You're stupid. You're bigger than ipso facto lately. Also, I can't even say anything without you thinking I'm stupid. No, I know you're not stupid. I like to try... No, here's the thing. Joey. Oh, here it comes. I like to create scenarios. Oh. I like to create scenarios. It's actually a nice thing that you're doing. No, no, listen. What you have is Munch House. That's exactly what I was getting to. He's munching. You're munching on my house. I'm housing your munch, babe. You're munching my house. I'm trying to, like, I want you to create scenarios where I call you stupid so then you feel stupid so then I can tell you you're smart.

58:13And you're like, oh, my God, Frankie, he's, I get it. Like, he's helping me feel smart now. See, he's manipulating the audience. Are you guys paying attention? Listen, my house is munched a little bit. Big deal. We had a little bit. Too much to munch. Who doesn't love munching some houses, you know? Oh, man. I don't like that blue toilet water bullshit, though. I'm pumped about blue toilet water. There's some stuff about people's bathrooms that I'm just like, I don't. What else? What else in bathrooms drives you up a wall? I'll say one. Cheap toilet paper. Cheap toilet paper? Bro, what is this?

58:43If I pull it and I can see through it, what are we doing here? Joey's got here in the studio the toilet paper that has like wiggles to connect each piece. It's not like a normal perforation. It's like, and I'm just like, oh, what the hell am I fucking wiping my ass with? Artistic? Yeah. I don't like cushion seats. Yeah, that's weird. Very like 90s. Yeah, I don't like that at all. Although, hold on. Now I'm thinking about it. I feel like I'm taking a shit on a chair at a picnic or something. That doesn't sound miserable, dude. Okay. I don't like that. You don't like... You've already said you don't like heated seats.

59:20Also, I don't mind them. I just don't like them in other people's houses. I'm okay with them in a hotel. But, like, in other people's houses, and I sit on a heated toilet seat, and I'm like, someone just took a dump here. Like, that's what it feels like. You know what I mean? That's why I don't really, like, enjoy that. Also, it's 2025. We all need to get the toilet seats that you can slam and they don't shut. And they go, eh. Because I'm over here taking fucking hinges off my act. Yeah, honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've, like, slammed a toilet seat. And it was, like, one of the, like, part of, like, the, like, faux wood ones.

59:54Yeah. And that thing basically all but snaps in half. Does your toilet seat have the slow, like, you slam and it goes, ah. Every floor I have a different one. Like, in my basement I have the wood one. It's awful. I'll say... The wooden toilet seats? Poverty.

1:00:12Every person watching this is going to their bathroom and just be like, oh, fuck, Joe, just coldly poor. The wooden toilet seats is like... Obviously, this hasn't been changed since 1990. Zero. You're right. 1990. You'd be right. Zero. We haven't reached that year yet, but go ahead. Yeah. Hate those. Wait, what are the toilets? How is there four different kinds? I have a porcelain one that doesn't do the slowdown, a one that does do the slowdown, and then wooden. It goes in that order. Yo, honestly, I've been watching a lot of Shark Tank. Why have we not reinvented the toilet yet? Like, why are we still using the same archaic technology from fucking...

1:00:51Like, bro, it's a toilet. Get fun and inventive with it, dude. What, do you want to shit in, like, one of those straws that fucking... No, but, like, something that's just a little more ergonomic than sitting down and my fucking knees are at my chest and I'm like, you know, 18 inches off the ground and I'm like, like make it something that's a little more better. I'm not kidding. I would be pumped with a stand-up toilet. What do you mean? Hear me out. So you know how like urinals come out from the wall a little bit? Yeah. It's that but a toilet. And like you can just back your ass up to it and do your thing and then get out of there.

1:01:34You want to drop your ass on a urinal and fucking - I'm saying lean against it. Lean against a urinal and let a shit rip? I'm not saying a urinal. Like, it would be a toilet, but it would be just designed so, like, the bowl is, like, curved. So you can just, like, lean. I know Americans love leaning all the time. But why? But, like, isn't sitting better than standing? Personally, I'd rather lean than have to get down and get up a bunch of times. And also, toilet seats are not comfortable. A bunch of times. I'm saying like whatever the amount of times you use the bathroom. Oh. You know, like I'd rather it be like a lean situation, like sitting down, standing up.

1:02:10It's not comfortable. I don't think it needs to be all that. Sometimes when you walk into like a nice hotel, we were just in a nice hotel in Toronto and you walk into the bathroom and all of a sudden the toilet fucking jumps up and starts talking and opens its mouth like, hey, come shit in me. I'm like, I'm good on this. I do like the automatic it opens for me. I don't like that. You know, my pet peeve actually in a hotel bathroom. it's when they orientate the room where the toilet is like right behind the bed do you know what i mean no like so the bed is up against this wall and then there's the bathroom and the toilet is on the side of the wall of the bed why does that it shares a wall with the bed it shares a wall with the bed because you hear everything in that oh i can't even recall that having ever happened to me where that that would be like a like a thing just pet peeve of mine When I walk into a hotel room and the toilet is on the opposite wall of the wall sharing the bed, I'm like, this is a good hotel room.

1:03:03So you like to watch the person come out of the bathroom and just be like, what did you do in there, you filthy whore? There's something. There's something. There's something. There's nothing. There's something in there. There's nothing. There's nothing. What? It's the same energy as you wanting to make the cool water dirty. My energy is cool, calm, cool. And dirty and filthy. No, no, no, no. No filth. We do have some more sponsors here. Clean, calm, cool. We don't know about all that. But we have Seakeek here. Seakeek is a ticketing app that is going to get you tickets to whatever you need. So you're going to have a baseball game, football game, basketball game, concert, whatever it is, Basement Yard Show.

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1:05:30Cool. Beautiful. Love that. Sorry, you were being a little nasty. Listen, there's nothing there. I've been a nasty boy. I've been a nasty boy. What's that? That's that song on TikTok. You were joking about me being nasty, and I was making a joke about that song. Is this what it's going to be for the remainder of this episode? You guys just hanging me out to dry? Hanging you out to dry? You guys are just hanging me out to dry. You're just taking me, soaking wet, and you're just draining me of all of it. Now you see, again, this is... What is it? You keep doing it. I'm not doing anything. You guys are hanging me out to dry.

1:06:10I'm just here just trying to be fun and have fun. Do this show, the Basement Yard Podcast with Joe and Frank. Available now on United Airlines. Available now, United Airlines flights. Have a happy Thursday and think it over. Yeah, at Squarespace. Right. I also, when you said hanging out to dry, I started thinking about this for some reason. I don't know if this is weird or not. But I, I'm trying to think of like how it makes me feel, but there's a feeling that I get when I see a clothesline that I just love. Like it makes me feel like at peace to see a clothesline. Okay. So fucking yes. But for, I don't know why.

1:06:56I guess it's just my 21st century brain. I thought of a clothesline like fucking Bradshaw, like clothesline from hell. Not a WWE cane, you know, clothesline From the top rope he did that That was pretty cool when he would do that No, but I'm thinking about just like a clothesline Yeah Clothes on it just blown in the wind Bro I'm like, that's so nice Why don't we bring that back? I'll tell you, I like that I don't like, have you seen the people It looks like in their backyard They have like a fucking, it looks like an antenna It's like a metal thing And then it comes out And there's like lines between the arms Oh yeah Those suck Yeah, I don't like that.

1:07:34Those suck. But like, I am all for a clothesline, but it needs to be like an old Italian woman that's doing it. Like, I don't want a clothesline if it's like a young, hip person in Brooklyn and they're just like, namaste, I'm drying my, you know, 100 % hemp seed twill sweatshirt. I want it to be just like an old Italian woman who you're going to see and she'll be like, ciao, but enjoy now. Yeah. You know, and she's taken just all white clothing. dude where i grew up i had an alleyway in the back so everyone's house was like the back of everyone's house was facing each other and everyone had clothes lines so there was a line that would go from a bedroom uh on like a wheel and it would go out to a pole that was in your yard so everyone would hang their clothes and they would like wheel the clothes hell yeah and then they'd reel them back in they were all on clothes pins and shit somehow these clothes pins You want to talk about simple machinery Incredible design Innovation There was never any clothes on the ground Never Windstorm wouldn't matter Seriously Like yo Like I've seen those things last through storms You know who had one?

1:08:41The reason I'm saying this You remember Miss Valentini? Yes Who was she? She's the fucking No she wasn't the She was like an aide Like a lunch aide Who's a librarian? She lives on your block no? Miss Martinez did not live The across the street librarian at St. Francis Miss Carpenini lived on my block. I'm getting my librarians. Also old Italian. Yeah. You know? Miss Martinez was a little mean. A little, bro. Our librarian growing up was kind of like me. And also. Long skirts. The only other thing I knew about her was that she was a former Rockette. What? Yeah. Miss Martinez. Yes. Was a Rockette.

1:09:17Yes. How do you go Rockette to books? You know, things happen in life. She wore big skirts. Big skirts. Long skirts. Big teacher, like, Miss Frizzle skirts. You know what I'm talking about? I always picture them being rough. Well, Miss Frizzle had, like, rough skirts. She wore, like, dresses. Miss Frizzle, for those of you guys that don't know. Rocket ship. Magic school. And magic school bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. Miss Frizzle is up there low-key as, like, a fictional. 90s Miss Frizzle? Oh, my God. Yeah, pull a picture up. Pull a picture of a 90s Miss Frizzle. She had it going on. She did.

1:09:52They did a remake, and I don't remember. Who was earrings in the game? Oh, the Saturn? The Saturn earrings? Where is she? Where is she? See, like, this is just a hot... Hell yeah. Bro. Oh, my God. Dude, with the pizza dress? With the pizza dress. Oh, is that cheese or pizza? No, that's pizza. Oh. What is those earrings? Sandwiches? I don't know. It wouldn't matter. Still fire, honestly. Just a sexy woman, honestly. Just a sexy woman. Just like she had it going on. Her voice sucked, though. I don't remember. Look, that's the remake of Ms. Frizzle. They ruined Ms. Frizzle. Nah, nah. They ruined her.

1:10:24Nah, nah, nah. What the hell is this? Nah. A blue shirt? Where's the pattern? Dude, where's the... Oh, well, they put a heart necklace on her to simplify it. Oh, minimalistic design. Maybe it's her daughter. Might be her daughter. That would make... No, we need to talk about Miss Frizzle's new clothes. Bro, you're going to tell me that you think a blue long-sleeve T-shirt's cooler than a dress that has cheese on it? Yeah, dude. Dude, you should... That's what we should be for Halloween. You should be Miss Frizzle. Yeah? And I'll be the lizard. Look what they did, dude. Yeah. You know what? I'm on board.

1:11:01Yo, look at how... Cancel the lefties! Yeah, I agree. Look at Miss Frizzle in that photo, dude. Like, that's a sexy woman. She's got it going on, dude. And she knows a ton of shit. And she was cool. She was mad cool. She was like, I'm hip. And she was kind of irresponsible. Responsible. She had a little bit of a, like a, like a, like a, a little like edge to her. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to take these kids and we're going to shrink them down. Guess what? We're going inside a human's nose. Get in kids. Buckle up. Yeah. We're not, the field trip isn't to the farm. It's to Tommy's blood shrink.

1:11:37We're going to go check out the red blood cells. Absolutely. Dude. Why are, where are you going now, brother? Well, I was just scrolling down, looking around. Dude. Miss Frizzle. Absolute dime piece. Teachers should dress like that. That's like a thing I saw on TikTok recently, actually, that teachers like do like Miss Frizzle dresses. No, no, no. That teachers, some teachers are dressing like too sexy. They're saying like some people are like, all right, you're doing like outfit of the day. I am. I am not going to touch that with a 10 foot pole, you know, telling people how to and how to not dress.

1:12:10No, I'm saying like there's discourse. I'm not asking your opinion. I'm saying there's discourse on the Internet of being like, well, hold on. No, that's my opinion, bitch. you just said you're not going to give your opinion. Damn right I won't. Ipso facto. I like to stay in the middle. Second Ipso facto. But I think we should go back to Miss Frizzle type shit. I 100 % agree, Joey. Like, those are cool. Bro, look up. Bro, if you're a science teacher and you're teaching young kids, you should dress like a mad scientist. Like, let's make this thing fun. Lab coat. Lab coat. Goggles on your head. Stupid glasses.

1:12:44And you have - Thick glasses. Yes. Thick glasses. Very thick glasses. Yeah, absolutely. And there should be beakers and bucks and burgers. Beakers and testing tubes. What are they called? Test tubes. And when the kids are filing in, shit should be exploding. And it should be exploding and you should come out from under the desk with like a billow of smoke and you're like, whoa. And you put your goggles on your head and you're just like, we have quite the class today. Yeah. Like it should be, bro, school. There should be costumes. Costumes, costumes, costumes, costumes. Bro, first of all. If you're an English teacher, just like Edgar Allan Poe.

1:13:16This is hysterical because also pay these teachers better. They should and also pay for them to do these costumes. These teachers take a lot of money out of their own paychecks to like decorate their classrooms and shit. Criminally underpaid, criminally overworked. You're going to be like, you need to make this a special environment off of your fucking$40 ,000 a year salary. Bro, schools. How about that, schools? How about a double middle? How about double for you, schools? Teachers, you get that finger. Why are teachers basically panhandling for supplies for fucking children? Schools. You're a school.

1:13:52This is what you should do. Who do I got to talk to about? Linda McMahon? Linda. What? She's the Secretary of Education in the United States, I think. I forget that this country is so good. Yeah, I forget it's a real place. I disassociate. My housing is munching. Linda McMahon. Don't make me call Stone Cold. We've seen what happens. We've seen what happens when Stone Cold gets involved. You should go like this. Hey, schools, here's a blank check for teachers. You tell us what you think is an appropriate amount of money for you to do your job well. They're great people. They're signing up to be teachers anyways.

1:14:25That's a very thankless, hard job. And then let them do costumes every day. I think that teachers should, like a science teacher, I should know you're a science teacher. Bro, I should walk in and, like, I should be able to close my eyes, imagine a librarian, and that's what they're wearing. I think that would make learning for children more fun you're gonna tell me audience listening to the basement yard podcast with Joe and Frank on United Airlines flights I don't know if this episode will go there you're gonna tell me you wouldn't be a better student if your teacher dressed and looked and acted like Miss Frizzle or fucking Bill Nye the science guy dude if I walked in and there was a my science teacher was in a lab coat I used to walk in and he was wearing a fucking plaid t-shirt.

1:15:12I don't want that shit. Yeah. Save that for fucking the outdoors t-shirt. Woodshop. I took one woodshop. All right, let's build. Let's build our perfect teaching staff. Woodshop, obviously, is Nick Offerman. I'm not doing this. Also, that's an actor. What the hell is he doing? What he wears, dude? Because he's got a mustache. No, he wears flannels and stuff. I don't know what you're building over there. Miss Frizzle is my homeroom teacher. Science teacher, Bill Nye. He's the science guy. I heard he's a dick. Really? Damn, that sucks. What about Mr. Firestone? That's a science teacher's name. That was our science teacher growing up.

1:15:58Yeah, we had... I'm not going to say... Mr. Firestone. I almost let his name slide. Mr. Firestone? No, the other science teacher we had. Oh, why is that bad? Because of what we used to call him. Oh. I probably told him that Oh alright He was mad cool He was really cool Him and I used to chat video games all the time Really? Yeah Hmm Um Who would be the math What does the math teacher need to wear? That's a good question Math teacher needs to wear A button up shirt Buttoned all the way With a bow tie And Numbers And checkered pattern Oh we already know What the music teacher's wearing Piano tie Oh yeah Piano tie Every day Piano tie And a And like you remember in the movie Grease they would wear like poodle skirts?

1:16:41Yeah. I just imagine that's what they would be wearing with like those glasses that like had the wings on them and they'd be like, we're going to sing today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And then they're doing this with every song. Who do you think out of all of our teachers like had the coolest vibe? Damn. Science. He was a cool dude. I meant like the way they dress and kind of like did their class. He was a cool dude. Oh yeah, he was. He was a pretty cool dude. He fucking sunned us. Mr. N. He sunned the shit out of us. He was just like, guys, in that closet is the world's most dangerous animal.

1:17:16I'll never forget that day. I'll never to the day I die forget that. I remember that vividly. And that's what teaching does. Good for him. Is he retired? I don't know. Yeah. Well, he had a pretty cool day. He was chill. He was younger. Yeah. He was getting after it. He was. He was getting after it. He was. My chemistry teacher taught us how to not make meth. Yeah. I can teach you how to not make meth. You ready? Watch this. No, he was like, don't put these ingredients together because you'll make meth. And then he would give the ingredients. Oh, so he taught you how to make meth. Taught us how to make meth.

1:17:51That's not cool. That's borderline sociopathic. He's like a Walter White. He's like, where's my Jesse Pinkman? Yeah, I think Breaking Bad was big. He was scouting out a little bit. That's a smart way to go. Honestly? Hold up in court. I said don't do it. He was pretty cool. Our fourth grade teacher She was cool as shit The door Yeah Stormous Yeah she was cool She was cool She was chill She was like You know I'm chill I'm cool Who Who's your least favorite Uh Second grade The Mac The Mac Attack Bro Mac Attack was a mean old broad She was dude She was a mean old woman She didn't like me and you She didn't like us Our English teacher in fourth grade Her brother passed And every time something happened in the classroom Like if the desk shook or a flyer fell She would be like oh Jimmy So like in fourth grade Bro we thought there was a ghost in our classroom Oh I was gonna say If I got a hold of that I'd be throwing shit Jimmy's really hanging out today Gotcha Her son's dead Her brother died A while ago yeah I don't know sad dude yeah it was but she convinced me that ghosts were real i was very scared for a while i didn't want to go into the classroom well who cares her brother died why she got to put that on you guys that's irresponsible of her that's crazy dude i remember second i i remember in second grade i think i told this story before but like do you remember that kid's name there was like an indian kid that came to school late do you remember his name what grade second grade second grade i can't remember his name but like it was it wasn't the middle of the year but like we had already been in class so everyone kind of knew each other and then this kid just showed up like later and i forget his name but then it was like oh everyone pair up so i was like oh i'll pair up with the kid who just got here like be nice or some shit right so we kind of do this thing together and blah blah blah then we go back to you know something else that we're doing and then later on in the day it was like and he didn't really talk to anybody it was his first day Then later on in the day, it was like, oh, pair up with another person again.

1:20:04So I look over at him. He looks away and picks someone else. I was like, ah! Damn, what a bitch. What the fuck? He was playing the field, though. He was playing the field. He wanted to get to a couple different people. He was trying to cast a wide net. I never forgot that, though. That's fair. I forgot that kid's name. And there you go. Maybe I would have remembered your name. Oh, I was in the corner seething, probably, because he picked somebody else. I was like, you bitch. Yeah. You stupid bitch. I mean, I'm trying to do a nice thing. Frank's over there, like, you know, writing a manifesto. you're gonna kill me how dare you not pick me to be your partner and pick i just i just feel like that was just mean you know watch what i'm gonna do yeah um that was also the same year you got mad at me because of kelsey there was a lot that year there's a lot that year i'm careful i can still write that manifesto i know okay um well there you have it folks that is our episode for today.

1:20:56Frank, where can they find you? Let's just keep going. Let's just keep going. Let's just keep going. You want me to talk? How's your day? See? You want to keep going for what? You know where to find me. Go check it out everywhere. Go check out the Basement Yard Patreon. Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. Go check out the Basement Yard on United Airlines flights. If you're coming to the shows, thebasementyard.com slash submit. If you want to see if there are any tickets available, thebasementyard.com. guys go follow the show at the base me art on all platforms um and what's your uh wow you guys can uh and that's it that's all thank you guys so much we'll see you next time

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