#574 - The Sauciest Episode Ever

27:29You bitch. I have donated way more piss than you to the earth. Yeah. So I was trying to contribute my... I was trying to contribute. You do it not on someone's property. It was... You do it on, like, the side of a highway. So the deer can do it. Do you think you've pissed enough to fill a pool? No. In your life? in my life certainly right no i think so dude what size kiddie pool olympic pool no let's say let's say uh olympic pool do you know how big an olympic pool yes it's massive that's why we're not saying olympic pool i i i would say like a pool so like a like a a four foot deep like your pool that you had at the at your house i think so four feet deep bro we're talking about 34 years of me just straight ripping piss.

28:15I'm filling up a pool. Dude, there were some days, like those like heavy drinking years. Pissing for like a whole hour. Brother, I've lost probably in a day like an hour of piss time. Without a doubt. Like, and like, not like little trickle pee. Like a lot, dude. I mean, you probably piss like, bro, you gotta piss like a half gallon a day. Maybe more. I mean, you probably piss at least a quart a day. Some people don't pee as much as us. You might be a little bit more hydrated. I know we recently looked up how much we pee. I can't remember what the information was, but I feel like you probably piss enough to a day.

28:58I could fill up a pool with piss. A week, you could fill up a sink. This kid's backtracking. You see how upset he looks because you know that we crush pools. It says over a lifetime. So you got some years on you still To fill up a pool? To fill up a pool How about this? Nah bro This thing doesn't know me Google this If I'm 34 How much have I pissed? Uh Sure Let it spit something out Let it spit something out And let's see what it says How much have I pissed? How much have I pissed If I'm 34? On average On average 34 years of piss Or whiz As the New Yorkers Oh but even babies piss like crazy Yeah but baby piss doesn't count It's not as It's not as like piss.

29:39Yeah. I can do the average person. I can't do Frankie piss. That's fine. Okay. Well, you can add a couple gallons on there for me. It's about 8 ,000 gallons. Dude, that's a lot. You can't fill a pool with 8 ,000 gallons? No, bro. Yes, you can because I'll tell you right now. My pool at my house is 13 ,000 gallons. And he's got a big pool. And I got a big pool. You do have a big pool. 13 ,000 gallons. 8 ,000 gallons. ripping a fucking pool of this. Yeah, brother, that's a lot. Easily. That'll smell real bad. It might. It would be disgusting. Did you guys see, it was Jackass? Oh, no, maybe it wasn't Jackass.

30:19It was like Steve-O's own show. So Steve-O does, like, he's touring. Yeah. And he does a stand-up show. And in his stand-up show, he has, like, bits that he filmed that, like, are too gnarly for, like, other things. One of them that he did is he wanted to, I think it was like have a record. Maybe it was a jackass, but it was like hold the record for swimming in the largest urine pool or something like that. Of course he does. He got, yo, brother, he had a pool of piss. Oh. And like it was like a golden amber. Ugh. It was, I'm sorry. Talking about it makes my spit think. I hate yellow piss. I kind of respect it more than regular ass piss.

31:02I do too. When I have a clear pee, I'm like, you're not even a piss. If you're going to cartoonishly draw or imagine, close your eyes. Yellow piss. Imagine piss. It's yellow. There you go.

31:18What are you going to say? What is that? If every time you peed, it tasted like a random liquid, how often do you taste it? Bro, I'm going like this to the stream, giving it a sniff. Oh, don't. I mean. You're going to face it up at you? If it tastes like... But you don't know. It's random. You don't know. I mean, as long as it doesn't taste like piss, I'm fine. Well, one time it will. It's random. All right. One time... There are countless amounts of liquids on the planet. Even if we narrow it down to a hundred, I'm taking those chances that one time it might be urine. It might be. Those are good odds.

31:58One percent... Have you ever accidentally gotten pee on your hand? Like, ugh, piss. No, no, no, no. No? With like, I don't know, changing a diaper maybe? No. I never changed a diaper of a boy. I hear when it gets to boys, that's when it gets a little dangerous. Yeah, it starts firing at you. Because it starts, it's like a hose. I got beat on. Like a fucking, it's shooting out all over the place. Right. But. Well. Well, they make, they call them pee-pee teepees for changing boys. They're literally cultural appropriation, by the way. I just want to throw that out there. It's like to be put over when you're changing a boy so you don't get pissed on.

32:32I got fired on. Yeah, you've probably got some piss in your mouth. Yeah, changing my brother's. No. No? I don't think my mouth, but. You know, one of those crazy Airbnb nights. Because it's been like a. Whoa. It gets on you. Let me ask you. If. Yeah. You could cycle. Five different liquids. One of them has to be piss. Yeah. For your pee stream. What would the four be? The other four. Can I give an answer that you'll probably hate? Is it going to be like kombucha? No. First of all, you're the kombucha queen. I love kombucha. I do every morning. I was going to say water just in case it's like you're desperate.

33:16Let's go outside of water because – Are they pissed with just a different taste? No, you'll be pissing the thing. Oh. I mean I wouldn't do water. That's hard. That's why I said no water. Like, imagine, like, you're living your current life. You're not, like, stranded in a desert. Like, you're living your current life. But, like, every now and then. I'm telling you, this is, like, the next round of, like, luxury. It's like, we could alter your body so now you piss fruit punch or some shit. Now, that is a cosmetic surgery I would probably get. Yeah. I would say, ooh, some kind of, like, soda. What would I do, though?

33:55That would be hot coming out, though, brother. You think the carbonation would feel good? No, that's what I'm saying. No, I don't think so. I'm not imagining the feeling. I'm imagining it feels like piss, but it tastes like something else. So a soda. So some sort of soda. Maybe like a strawberry milk. Oh, my God. That's appalling. Like a childish kind of drink. You're like, oh, it's strawberry milk today. Well, first, I'm gross. You're making me piss. It's a little thicker than piss. It's a little thicker. We're not going with the feeling. I didn't think you'd go to dairy. Yeah Ew Then you gotta really clean your pee pee hole Yeah so I smell like milk Yeah This isn't how it was presented to me Okay Alright so you're going with a soda You didn't specify the soda I didn't Maybe just like a Just a coke Vanilla coke Vanilla coke Grow up Peter Pan Yeah I would shoot you But I don't have a gun I would say coke I would say Ooh Can I get like a You could get whatever you want.

35:00Blue Gatorade. Oh, okay. That's also appealing visually. I just got a fire idea. Yeah? A Guinness. There we go. Now we're talking. Get a Guinness. You know, imagine you're at the bar and you're drinking Guinness and you're like, yo, I got to go piss. Hold on. And then you're going to the bathroom and you're like, hold on. She's like, let it settle. Yeah, I got to. It's like, buddy, hurry up. It's settled. You got to like pour it the right way and then tilt the glass the other way. Yeah. Like, bro, if you could piss at, I mean, you would save so much money. Yeah. So I would go Guinness. What'd I say?

35:29So you have Coca-Cola, Blue Gatorade, Guinness. And you get one more. One more?

35:39I don't know. You can have your milk. Yeah, you can have your milk. My strawberry milk. You can have your milk. Do I want strawberry milk or like chocolate milk? That's too brown. Oh, chocolate milk, I think. Give me chocolate milk. Oh, chocolate milk. Now we're talking. Now that's a good fucking... That's a good piss. That's a good piss rotation. Yeah, it is. Let me tell you. Okay. What are you pissing out? Should we get to the ads before I get mine? I was looking. I was like, does he realize we have to do ads? Listen, we do have some sponsors. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace, this is a platform where you're going to build your website.

36:16So if you make content or you have an e-commerce business or whatever, you need a website. You need to look professional, and you need it fast. And Squarespace is going to help you do that because they have these beautiful templates that are going to populate your website for you and you just switch out some of the text and you can personalize things and whatever and they have different templates for different things that people need so it makes it very easy to create a professional looking website that's very functional in uh you know an afternoon i've done it in an afternoon we've built a bunch of websites with squarespace before um and it's very easy and they have a lot of tools that are going to help you optimize your traffic and they're going to help you you know they have all these tools to help you log everything and whatever.

36:56Squarespace is a one-stop shop. If you have a website or anything that you want to promote, you're going to need it. They're the best. So go check them out. You can head to squarespace.com slash basement to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement. Okay. So that is squarespace.com slash basement. You'll save 10 % off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. So get to it, folks, build your websites with Squarespace, power it by uh squarespace it's amazing so uh and we also have here our podcast is sponsored by better help and better help is uh it's awesome because for me i've been in therapy for years now and better up the school because it's online therapy and it's more accessible for people um a lot of people don't have the time to like drive and go in person in therapy or sometimes that's very expensive so better help being online it's very convenient in that way it's also a fraction of the cost of of in-person therapy which can be very expensive at times i don't think therapy is just reserved for people that are going through something traumatic or, you know, they, or someone who's like longing to talk to someone about their problems or anything.

37:57I think it's just a very healthy thing to do that, you know, once a week or once every two weeks or something like that, you have someone who can go to unbiased and just kind of lay everything out. It really helps you organize your thoughts. So, uh, you know, you can get started with BetterHelp and, uh, you can save some, some money. So you can get, you can sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash basement yard. That is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash basement yard. But yeah, definitely go check it out. Again, betterhelp.com slash basement yard. Enjoy. And while you're doing all that stuff, why don't you also go to a couple other websites?

38:32First one being patreon.com slash the basement yard. Well, that's where you're going to get it. You're going to be supporting the basement yard. What are you going to do? You're going to go over to the website. You're going to see the website. You're going to see the website. You're going to see the boys. It's going to be different to you. Different to you is all over the other website. I apologize. What the hell was that? No, seriously, patreon.com slash the basement yard is a subscription service that we use that supports us and everything we do here. And it gives you guys some exclusive access to us.

38:57So go check out the different tiers that we have there. That first tier is going to get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance. So you can get in on conversation and the jokes before people. And then if you go and you check out that second tier, you'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start your week and end your week with new episodes of the basement yard. The most you go without seeing us on a new episode. It was only a couple days. You got San Diego Studios in the middle there. OPL sprinkled in there. There's so much. So go check it out. So go check it out at basementyard.com.

39:25Excuse me. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. I'm jumping ahead. What a little hoppy bitch. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. You guys have been so wildly supportive. Over 53 ,000 of you. You guys are helping us grow and grow and grow and get closer to the top of those Patreon rankings. So genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. If you want to sign up and you want to save yourself a couple extra bucks while you're doing so, go on the web browser. Type patreon.com slash the basement yard. If you use the smart app, it's going to take a couple extra bucks from you because our lizard tech monster people overlords are going to take some extra dollars from you.

40:02So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Now we are back on the road. We are back doing our shows. We have had some shows already. They've been a ton of fun. And one of the most fun parts of those shows are the picture submissions. I mean, if you go to The Basement Yard on socials, you'll see the clip of the – I don't even want to give too much away, but the girl was telling us that she was part of a human trafficking ring, which sounds dark, and it is, but it was also funny. So what you can do is go to TheBasementYard.com, check out if there are any shows that there are still tickets available for, and if we're coming to your city or somewhere you want to take a trip to, we highly, highly encourage it.

40:39It's been really fun. Also, if you are coming to any of the shows, go to the basement yard.com slash submit. What you are going to do is you are going to submit. You're going to let us know what show you're coming to submit a picture from your camera roll out of context, crazy bananas all over the place. You add some context and then Joe and I might pick it. We might talk about it to you, with you, about you. It has been really, really fun so far. And we're really excited to see what the next round of shows keep giving us. So go check it out at thebasemanyard.com slash submit. And last but certainly not least, the boys modeled some new merch.

41:16And you can find all that new merch at sanagatostudios.com. It's beautiful. It's incredible. It's fun. There's tote bags. There's hats. There's sweatshirts. There's shirts. The designs are awesome. They're really good quality shirts, really great materials. So, you know, check that stuff out at sanagatostudios.com. So just a quick recap, we got patreon.com slash thebasementyard, thebasementyard.com if you want to see if there are any tickets to any live shows, thebasementyard.com slash submit if you're already coming to a show and you want to submit a question, and sanagatostudios.com for the new merch.

41:46We love you. We appreciate it. Now let's talk more about my piss. Right. So, I think for the sake of the argument, I'm going to pick different ones. Because I would love to have Guinness as my... Coming out of my urinal tract. What's it called? Urethra. That's it. If I could have that, I would be a very happy man. But, I need to be honest. I will go Coca-Cola. That's a tough one because that's a really good soda. I mean, you could pick that. No, I want to be different. I want someone to make a graphic that is Joe's piss rotation and it's your choices. And then it's my piss rotation and my choices.

42:29So I'm going to go, I'll stick with a soda, but I'm going orange Fanta or, or crush. Whoa, dude. Can you imagine? First of all, the carbonation will get to me a little bit. Yeah, but it's what you got to do. So what? It's going to hurt a little bit, but the, the, the, you know, the, the, the sweetest of fruits have the juiciest of nectars. Every rose has its thorn. I don't know what I'm trying. Not that. So I'll go orange soda coming out of my pee hole. Boy, I have to stick with tea. I have to be on brand. You're going to piss some tea. A little bit of tea. Which tea? Oh, man. I mean, depends on the type and what time of the year it is.

43:14Depends on the type. That's what we're asking. I know. I would love a really good bug-bitten oolong. you know what i'm saying i don't know what i was expecting but a really good bug bitten a good bug bitten does that mean that bugs chew it yeah and that does what to it it actually uh first of all it's a very sought after tea because you know am i gonna regret asking you might yeah what do you want it sure and here it is it's it's just it's just a it's like a sought after tea that's really it i don't want to get kind of bugs i don't know but like so caffeine is is an insect repellent for to my understanding i could be a little wrong here i'm sure people are gonna fucking punch me in the face caffeine is given off by plants as an insect repellent uh so when bug bugs bite the tea it makes it more caffeinated ah so it's good so i got orange soda i got a bug Bitten oolong tea.

44:11Okay. I can't wait to see that. A bug bitten oolong tea. Oh, man. Let's go with... I'm going to switch it up a little bit. Okay. I'm going to switch it up a little. I love, like, fresh pressed juices. Okay. So, like, a beet, ginger, apple, carrot. What the hell? You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I don't like beets. I feel like ginger coming out of your pee hole might hurt. That's going to set you ablaze. Brother, it's going to be hot. Yeah. It's going to come out steaming. It's going to be hot. Bro, imagine pissing out Ginger. Oh. Yeah, no. It ain't good. No, it's good. It ain't good. But you know what?

44:50That would be really good for me. It's a, it's a. Yeah, I mean. It'd be really good for me. Sure. And then last but certainly not least.

45:02I'm not doing any favors here to sound, make myself sound like not an elitist piece of shit. This is going to be good. Champagne? No. I've really been... Man, I need an alcohol in there. I need an alcohol in my pee hole. Let's go just the fucking absolute, like, run-of-the-mill, dragged-through-a-swamp dirty martini. Oh, wow. Yeah, like, I'm talking, like, this thing is basically more olive brine than vodka. It already tastes like piss, kind of, then. Yeah. But it needs to be cold, so, like... Yeah, yeah. I'd make, like, a thing so, like, I'd pee into, like, an ice luge. A very cold, dirty martini.

45:43Yeah. Was the point of this to have people want to drink from it? I don't really know how this started, to be honest with you, but we're here. Because I don't know if I want to drink any of Frankie's pee. First of all, you'd be honored to drink my urine. You wouldn't want an orange crush? No, I don't like orange crush. Just be like, yo, anyone want a Guinness? First round's on me. No, that's Joe's piss. That's right. And it's frothy. You'd have to drink Joe's piss. You don't like Orange Crush? It's like genetically modified for humans to like and be addicted to. Yes. And to kill. I don't like when things try to be different fruit.

46:17Except for Peach Snapple. That's coming out of my piss. Oh! So you're going... Peach Snapple? Peach Snapple. For sure. I like that. I mean, I like regular Snapple more, but it's your piss. I could toss a lemon Snapple in there, too. Be like, ooh! A double Snapple? You have two fun... Honestly, then let's just do half and half Snapple, too. Let's just do all Snapple. All of it Snapple? Oh, Mojito. Never mind. Oh. And then you're going to piss a Mojito. Yo, the mint is going to hurt. That mint is going to fuck your pee hole. He's pissing ginger and beets. Yeah, that's going to be... Beets, not that bad.

46:46Ginger, yeah. Beets will make you concerned, but it doesn't hurt. Yeah, but just look gross and now it hurts. That is... He is honestly correct. I didn't think about the optics of my urine. If you told me that I could piss out like a Guinness and it's going to taste like a Guinness and everything's going to be a Guinness... No, I know. I just don't think I could get over the fact that I'm missing it out. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to drink it. Yeah, I mean, there is that part of it. I'm drinking a beer from a dick. At the end of the day. That is part of it, is that it is still coming out of a wiener.

47:16A peanut. Which doesn't make it, like, ideal. No, I'd rather it come out of a draft. Would you rather drink a beer out of a wiener or a butt? That's a good question. Ten dicks over a butt. 10 dick. Whose butt? Any butt. Any butt. Yeah, brother. Bro, think of the hottest butt you could think of. Yeah. And then imagine if you think of Guinness. What? This is our show. But it is Guinness. What are we talking about? First of all, the kind people at Guinness are going to see this and be like, what is this? We're technically being nice. But I just wouldn't, out of a butt. What we are saying. Out of a butt's crazy.

47:56What we are saying is that our ideal biological makeup would be us being able to at will piss Guinness. Yes. But not shit it. No way. We would never let a beautiful drink like a Guinness anywhere near my butt. To be fair to Guinness, we are saying that it tastes so good we would drink it out of a penis. I am saying that. Honestly, I am on that as well. Also, if Frank was the one who pissed Guinness, I would say no the first three times. The fourth time, I'm going to take a sip. After your fourth Guinness. After the fourth Guinness, it makes you more susceptible to want to try. All right, Frank just pissed one over here.

48:35Just a little bit. What the hell are we doing? It was pretty long on pee, probably. Yeah, that was a huge time. Who cares? It's a big piss episode. That's what the title is going to be. I don't know how Neil is going to like that on YouTube. and I don't know if our sponsors are going to be pumped being like the big piss episode brought to you by Squarespace. Yeah, I don't know. Speaking of piss, I have something. Okay. It has nothing to do with piss. I was excited to keep talking urine. I have, how would you guys do your breakfast? You know, there's different ways to do it. Different kind of cooks on toast, different kind of coffee.

49:11Okay. Have we talked about this before? Unclear. I don't think so. Not with me, maybe. I mean, you know me. I'm a black coffee guy. Yeah, it sucks. Let's start a coffee. Okay. I mean, let's imagine it's tea for me. Do you put anything in tea? Nothing. Those bug-bitten oolongs don't need it. They're already bug-bitten. Yeah. But every now and then, I'll fuck around and I'll make a matcha latte for myself. Just because I'm a little dirty war sometimes. Yeah, a little bitch. With whole milk. Oh, I mean, we don't have whole milk in our house often. Okay. I'm the whole milk guy. Yeah. But, yeah, I think we could both with confidence say whatever A would be with his nothing.

49:54Yeah. And where are you at? Because you're a milky bastard. Yeah, I like milk, man. I mean, I'm E. E? Yeah, I'm E, dude. What's the point of having coffee? Well, because it picks up when it tastes good. To your credit, not your credit, your defense, milk, it's like a splash makes it pretty light. So it doesn't take much to get it to E. A splash would be like C. That's a splash. Really? Yeah. I feel like a splash would be D. Maybe D. But E is the F is too much, obviously. F's bananas. I will tell you right now, my father drinks coffee if there was an H on that coffee level. Really? Because it is mostly milk and mostly sugar.

50:40Ugh. E. I want to just enjoy it. Black coffee just tastes like ass. It doesn't. But cold brew black coffee actually tastes good. I don't know what that's about. That's even steeped in fucking— That's more coffee than coffee. Yeah. I don't know the magic. All right, so I'm going A here. And then for toast? See, this is what's tough about toast, because what are— Are we assuming that we're just eating— How I like my toast and my bread for breakfast is different. I think I can with confidence say five and six need to be brought behind the shed and never seen again. If someone's going to eat six, like, what are we doing here?

51:18Six is danger. Six is dust. It is danger. You bite and it's dust. It's basically just like pure carbon at that point in time. I'm probably, I'm a little two guy. Whoa. That's crazy. I mean, light toast. I'll be honest with you. If I'm getting, like, if it depends on what I'm eating, I'll eat with just like one. I'll eat like, I mean, if I'm eating like bologna, I'll eat that. No, I'm saying if I have eggs and hot dogs, I'll take a one and I'll just throw it in the soft bread with a little ketchup. Oh, hell yeah. How often do you have eggs and hot dogs? A couple times a month. Well. I'm two. What are you, three, four?

51:56I'm probably in between four and five, honestly. What? You're a filthy bastard. You are. I like a crunch. No, I don't like that. A what? A crunch. You like a real big crunch. I love crunchy food, but I think the crunchiest I'll go is four. I'm in between three and four. It's toast. It's supposed to be crunchy. Mine, I'm like, three is like my max. Here's my thing that really pisses me off, though. If you're giving me toast, give me soft butter. If you give me toast and then you give me ice cold butter in this little packet, so then I put it on there and it makes a crater in my bread, I'm going to fucking lose my mind.

52:31I hate spreading butter on shit for that reason. When I go to a restaurant and they have like warm butter, I'm like, this is an establishment. I'm not kidding. I want to like take a picture And show it to other restaurants Be like fucking do this You dumb bitch Yeah When it's those little ones In aluminum foil Oh don't get me started I hold them in my hand I do that too Well that's what people do Is they say hold them in your hand To soften them up Yeah But Pisses me off But then I have to like Do work to get butter I need to like peel its fucking Top off And then I need to like Scoop it No There was something sexy about it You undress the butter a little bit I don't like it One time Just have sex with a woman one time That'll satisfy that Alright All right, let's look at bacon here.

53:10I might be a hot take here. I'm cool with E. I like my bacon. E? Extra crunchy punch. Oh, my God. I like it. No. I like it. I like biting into it. It's just like I fucking just bit into a building like Godzilla. Right. What? D is like, I mean, E is like you bite it and most of that is dust. Yeah, it turns to nothing. My mom likes F, dude. Your mom? Your mom likes F? Yeah, it's bad. Your mom probably needs to go for a checkup because that's also probably dangerous. She likes it. And she's the one that cooks the bacon. So, like, obviously if you're cooking it, you're going to do it how you like it.

53:46Which is fair. And so no one likes the bacon. She should just eat the coals in the grill. I'll tell you right now. First of all, no one's grilling bacon. Who are you, Joey? I just meant, like, that's what it looks like. It looks like coal. I love crunchy bacon. I'm fine. I'll eat bacon at any level except for A. My dad loves A. My dad loves like you put it on and it's still kind of white. He's like, oh, well, because I think unless I'm wrong, bacon comes cured. Like real bacon is cured. You can't just rip bacon. I think that's turkey bacon. No, I think I think like bacon bacon is cured. So like it's kind of OK to eat at that level.

54:27Well, I mean, he's survived so far. It's like prosciutto. It's not as cured as prosciutto, but it's kind of there. I don't know. I remember though my dad would put it on the pan And as soon as like it would start to bubble And like you know how it kind of lifts up a little bit Yeah like it starts throwing its ass out He'd be like alright that's done And I'm like leave mine on I remember those mornings because your dad would ask if I like my bacon And in his words snotty And I wanted to fucking lose my mind Yeah that's what he would say Also don't eat raw bacon Do not eat raw bacon It is cured but it's injected with just water and flavoring So it's still raw Don't eat it Good to know So my dad's beating this, whatever this would cause.

55:07He's beating it. I'm not kidding. Your dad is a walking scientific anomaly. It's a wonder, honestly. He is, you know, eating basically raw bacon for 50 years. I'm going to go C here. I think C is like a good, like it's got a crunch to it, but it's still like bacon. It still tastes like bacon. It doesn't taste like the pan. It doesn't taste like volcanic ash like the rest of them. I think C is the correct answer. But I'll say this. If I'm at something and there's a plate of bacon, I'm taking mostly C, but I'll throw a D in there. I like, I mean, I think we can meet in the middle and say D. Because I like E, I love E, but I'm cool with D.

55:47D, I would throw a D in there. It's also bacon, brother. I'm going to eat it no matter what it looks like. Let's be honest. Yeah. I mean, it needs to be basically ripped out of the package for me to be like, nah. A is bad A is disgusting A is actually probably dangerous A is bad B also I'd be like This place is like Doesn't know how to cook bacon Here's I do want it to be A little crouched B looks like burger bacon You know it's Sometimes a little soft Burger bacon Here's the thing About bacon Bacon is one of the Rare foods That It is An incredible thing And it's like Almost universally liked Flavor wise Because people get upset About like You know The ethics behind bacon flavoring atrocious.

56:32Nasty. I don't like it. Absolutely atrocious. Like bacon flavored anything? No. No way. No fucking way. I only wanted like bacon. What about have you ever had chocolate covered bacon? No. Me neither. Oh! Were you with us that time? Where were we? And I got a I don't know if this was on tour but we I believe we were in Denver and we went to a place and they had bacon flights. Were you there? I mean, I was with you in Denver, but I don't remember a bacon flight. Maybe it was a different time that I went. But we went to this brunch place and they had a bacon flight. So they did bacon like four or five different ways.

57:10So it was like candied bacon, which is fucking stupid. Stupid. It's just like sugar. It's sugar and brown sugar. Then it was like maple fuck ass stuff on it. And I was like crazy. They didn't call it fuck ass. They didn't call it that, but they made me say it. Yeah, I've had bacon in a Bloody Mary. Very on board with that. Sure. Very much so. It's just a good... How many pieces of bacon, by the way, is like an appropriate amount? What is the terms of this question? Appropriate amount for what? Because I will be honest with you, I can eat a whole pack of bacon, but I won't. Yeah, I know. I won't, but I could.

57:50Let's say, if there is a, let's get two answers. There's an unlimited amount of bacon, and you're going up to a buffet, essentially. How many pieces of bacon do you think you're going to put on your plate? Four. That's a respectable answer. I think that's a respectable answer for the other question, which was going to be, there is a fixed amount, and there's other people around. Oh, you're going with how rude I'm going to be. All kindness in my body goes away with bacon. Well, I'm just saying, like, what is an appropriate amount? Like, I feel like it's usually two or three. I think a serving size is like two or three pieces.

58:28Yeah, yeah. I am very okay doubling that serving size. But, like, six pieces of bacon, I feel like that would be fucking crazy. Yeah, who would do that? Really? Six? Brother, I'm not kidding. Right now, if you had cooked to de-perfection a plate of bacon, I'm putting down 10 pieces without even coming back to life. How many do you usually eat? I don't think you realize how calorically dense bacon is. I don't. You can have a lot of bacon without realizing it. Bro, 10 pieces of bacon is probably like 15 ,000 calories. That's too much. It's like 2 ,000 calories. It's like 900 calories. It's like 90 a piece.

59:12No, I think they're like 100 calories. It's crazy because it's so sorry. That math still wouldn't work. It's like a bite and a half. I think one more piece than however many you're putting on your egg sandwich. So if I make an egg sandwich, I'll put two pieces of bacon on it, and I'll have one little side piece of bacon so I can have more bacon just in case I need it. I fucking hate that answer. Yeah, you gave us a riddle. The answer that you wanted was three. Well, it could be four. Depends on the size of the sandwich. So it's all about how your sandwich is made. So if someone makes it with 8 ,000 pieces of bacon on it, you'll have 8 ,001?

59:44Technically, yes, by that math. All right, before we get to the egg portion of this, I have other sponsors here. We have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to be focused on putting the money back in your pocket, folks. And how are they going to do that? That's a fantastic question. The first thing they're going to do is they're going to help you find and cancel on wanted subscriptions. Because a lot of us go on there on some app. They're like, yeah, we'll do the free trial. And then it kicks in. You don't realize you're paying for it because it's only$4 a month.

1:00:12but after two years you've wasted money or you've signed up for things and you realize i signed up for this online magazine i haven't even read it in five months maybe i should cancel that you know when all of your expenses are in one place then you can see like you know what i'd rather be saving that money growing my savings so that's what they help you do they help you find the cancel on one of the subscriptions they also have a budgeting tool that are going to help you budget so uh obviously but if you want to be more financially responsible you want to help grow your savings. You set a responsible budget for yourself every single month.

1:00:42You put all your expenses in there so you know you're staying below that amount. You know that if I save this, if I only spend this amount of money, I can grow my savings by this amount. This is what we're doing, folks. They also have another one where you can take a picture of your bill, and if they can help you lower that, they'll lower it. So it's all about, again, saving you money, putting money back in your pocket, and they have a bunch of other features also with the premium. But right now, you can get started and help reach your financial goals as fast as possible. Join at rocketmoney.com slash basement.

1:01:15That is rocketmoney.com slash basement. Folks, you want to put the money back in your pocket. Trust me. You don't want to be spending money on things that you don't really need. When you see all your expenses in one place, it's easy to be like, I'm saving money here. Cancel this, cancel that, cancel that. So definitely go check it out. rocketmoney.com slash basement. Like I said, there's premium features as well, but you can get started right now at rockamoney.com slash basement. And lastly here, we have HIMSS. Okay. HIMSS offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including choose oral medication serums and sprays.

1:01:47Okay. So a lot of men out there, their hair is thinning or they're losing their hair, or they have a little bit of a receding hairline or something like that. These things can help you. And even if you don't have that, you just want to reinforce your hairline or reinforce your hair. You can do so with these products. These are prescription strength ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil. They can help prevent further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. So this is what you can do. And you find the right regrowth treatment for you with flexible subscription options, access to 24-7 provider support.

1:02:17And yeah, you can get a free for simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more. Visit hymns.com slash basement. That is hymns.com slash basement for your free online visit. uh, feature products include compounded drugs, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality prescription required individual results may vary. See website full details, restrictions, and important safety information. So there you go, folks. All right. So this last part of it is, uh, the egg. And I'll go out here and say this when it comes to eggs, I think scrambled, you know, actually I used to think scrambled was the, was the ultimate i'm getting into i don't know eggs the what's the one that like it kind of runs well like sunny side up well sunny side up is when they don't flip it at all and it has like the like the cartoonish looking egg yeah where they flip it and then they basically take it off after a couple seconds it's over easy over easy eggs i think are the superior egg i fully agree that's how i cook my eggs i like crispy sourdough cold slice of cheese over easy egg and it kind of it It pisses a bit, right?

1:03:29Oh, that son of a bitch pisses, brother. You could do like an over medium where it's more of like a two or three consistency. But I like a runny yolk. I like to like pop it and this thing is just. Yeah, I love that. It's like, oh, he's bleeding. If you're getting into over easy eggs, get a bacon, egg and cheese with an over easy egg. It's like it comes with its own dip. I know. I know. I love it. I get that. And I'm just like, oh, and then I fucking it spits everywhere and I'm like cleaning it up. Well, I'm a wet eater. Like, when I eat shit, this shit needs to be soaked. I need to dip it. I need it to be, like, fucked up.

1:04:03Like, I like that. Now we're talking. Like a saucy... Who eats shit without a sauce? Bro, don't get me fucking dry food. I hate this. It's so stupid. Get a wet fucking sandwich in your life. You haven't lived until you just had a soppy, disgusting, wet face because there's just raw egg yolk all over the place. All the foods that make you look like a filthy bastard are the best. Like, ribs. It's all over your face. It's on your shirt. You look like an idiot, but it tasted really good. You and I could not be more lined up on this. I love food that comes with a mess. It's just like, oh, you ready?

1:04:35I remember there were old restaurants. I haven't been to one, but I imagine it's pretty cool. They give you a fucking bib. At a seafood restaurant. You're going out here, and you're going to get dirty. Come here, you fucking baby. Sit down, and we're going to throw 100 crab legs in front of you. You're leaving here, and we know that you're just going to get fucking lost in the sauce. I love that type of shit. Messy food is the best. Yeah, it is. You know what I love when they just dump it on the fucking table? Why you got to smirk like that? I agree. He's got to smirk. You like dry food? No, no, no.

1:05:05People who just eat fries like fries, what the fuck are you doing? Get a sauce in here.

1:05:12Sauces, just make it as sloppy and fucking disgusting as possible. Also, if sauces are watching right now, I just want to say, I think that you're so integral to the food experience. I will go as far to say is a dish is not complete without a sauce. Yeah. That has to be true. And if Big Sauce is listening, which I hope they are, I have yet to find a sauce that I hate as much as mustard and honey mustard. I hate all mustards. You know that. Honey mustard's good. Honey mustard's good. But like a barbecue sauce? Anything orange. I fucking love Barbecue sauce Like buffalo? No like a chipotle mayo Chipotle mayo is insane I guess that is technically Kind of orange Or like you know Between pink and orange But anything that Any sauce that looks like I'm gonna like that one Also a fucking aioli I have a hard time Understanding what you are Exactly but I'm fucking On board Yes I am with you Anything like It could be literally Dog shit aioli I'd be like well I'm getting it And I like when like You know a sauce Like evolves Using a firestone Into a dip I love that Like it's like Digi-volved into a dip like they add a little bit of thickener so it's like now it's like a full-on dip which you could still use as a sauce yeah you know but like now it's just like it's like when you watch fucking haunt or go in a gengar you're like this is somehow just as good if not better yeah you know what i'm saying i also am not afraid of of uh integrating dips that don't even make sense just because i want it that way give me that give me give me like if if um this happened yesterday Nicole made these like a snack wrap type of things.

1:06:50And there was like a sauce in there. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I'm still going to dip this bitch in barbecue sauce anyway. Because now I got two dips. I love when I love when places also like I've not had enough to be able to crown it the king of sandwiches. But a French dip is such a confident fucking prick. Like the absolute confidence to be like, not only are you getting a sandwich, I'm giving you a pool for this thing to fucking swim in. Like that is such gain, dude. Like, the only thing better than having a side sauce is a side pull to drown my fucking sandwich like it has secrets. Fucking bitch, and then you eat it.

1:07:26Oh, I need a French dip now. Yeah, I couldn't tell you. I think I've only had like one or two in my life, and they don't—they've not been great. Let's put it like that. Really? They've not been great. French dip's got to get in line. Get in line for what? Or like media tacos. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! That I'm holding under. Literally. I'm telling you right now, there's a place that I've gone to that gives you Bidia tacos, and it gives you a fucking Trenta size. That's what I'm saying. And I'm going in with my wrist. I'm coming out, and I want my hand to look like I just shoved it in the heart of someone in Mortal Kombat.

1:08:04Yeah. And if it was deeper than that, it's going to look like I put my hand in a horse's ass. Like, it's so tough because, like, there's only one way to do a Bidia taco. And basically, I won't be content until I'm swimming in it with the tacos in my hand. I also fuck with the fact that those tacos are like, we dipped the bread in it. Then the second bread, we dipped that fucker too. And it's got more sauce on it. And we're going to give you more sauce. This is, I mean, that might be the iconic. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip. They dip it from the start to the end. I mean, like, there are.

1:08:39So good. Like baptisms need to take. I will get baptized whatever religion you want tomorrow if they're dipping me in birria. Yeah, don't pour this little water on my head that's blessed. Dip me in some fucking sauce. I want to go and they're just like, you know, baldito, baldado, and then they just fucking bang. Just like the birria sauce in my fucking mouth. Oh my God, dude. Hang me upside down and dip me in there. Can you, just for me, Ant, can you pronounce what we have been saying? Birria? Birria, but say it. But roll your R's. But say it with the R rolling. Because that's how you're supposed to say it.

1:09:12Can I have an example? Birria. Birria. No, you're saying Birria. Birria. No, no, no. You're saying Birria. The Italian's coming up. Birria. No, no, no. Birria. Birria. Birria. Yes, I mean that one. Birria. No. If I say it fast, they'll know it's like Birria. Birria. Birria. Birria. Birria tacos. That was a little too much flat. I love it. Do you like that? Do you like it? Yeah, yeah. Like I love a restaurant Like I love a nice restaurant That's like the food is Intricately made And everything And it's good pork But then I love you go to some place And they're just like Fuck you Yeah We're gonna just fucking throw this Into that old Like that checker paper You know what I'm talking about And this dumb idiot Is gonna spit in your face Or if they bring something out In a basket I'm like let's go Baskets You know what I mean But don't do the Don't do the Millennial Burger Place thing You've seen those online right People making fun of And clowning Millennial Burger joints Yeah Where they're like, they call them handhelds instead of burgers.

1:10:11Gun's back. The gun is back. But I like when, also, if you're going to put a side dip or a sauce, I'm dipping everything that shows up to this table in that. I will put my foot in this thing before the sauce, like the sauce will be completely dried up. That's a really good point. Everything goes in the dip. As far as these fucking eggs go, I don't really like this type of egg. Like, I don't fuck with a hard-boiled egg, to be honest. Do you eat ramen? This is more like a ramen egg. Oh, yeah, when it goes in there. But, like, I've eaten it, but, like, I don't like it. I just don't like the texture of, like, the egg white.

1:10:46Yeah, I just... I will tell you... It's like I'm eating an eraser. I have found this stuff. It's called, like, Chili Crisp. Have you ever seen it or had it? This house? It's, like, in a jar, and it's, like, chilies and garlic. And it's, like, kind of crunchy. I'm telling you right now, put that over one of those bitches, and you'll be flying high. Frank, if I put that over my own ass, I would find a way to get back there and chew on it. That's how good that Chili Crisp fucking shit is. It's so good. I got like an extra crunchy version and it has like edamame and chickpeas and stuff in it. Yeah, baby.

1:11:19But I'm fine, honestly. Like I know people clown on E and F. I'm fine with any version of that. Oh, you're talking about five and six? That's what I mean. Sorry, five and six. Yeah, for the eggs. Oh, I mean, yeah. I mean, five and six just don't look like real things. I feel like a six egg, sometimes, like, you know how some people when they eat, they can eat chicken nuggets with the candy and wings because it reminds you you're eating an animal. Like, it's like, oh, it's a bone. I feel like the six egg, it's like, it reminds, like, oh, I'm eating eggs. Does that make sense? Nope. Like a, yeah.

1:11:48Like you realize, like, oh, I'm eating eggs. I don't know if that makes sense. It doesn't. No? I promise. I'll help you. Because it's just like. I'll help you. I don't know. But it's, like, the furthest from the form. Yeah. But it's the closest to the form of the animal. Like consistency-wise. I guess, but that's also a dumbass thing to think. All right. A dumbass thing to think. Well, I'm two, probably. Yeah. I think I would probably go two. When I make mine, I aim for a one or two, but if they come out three, four, I'm not upset. Also, hard-boiled eggs, it just reminds me of Easter. Yeah, with the...

1:12:28yeah oh well no that's traditional easter with the easter bunny but like the greeks do the game where they're like you know who and then they bang the eggs together oh yeah what's with that it's like good luck if you oh it's like the person that wins wins it's like whoever doesn't have their egg cracked we every year get the uh what's the bread thing and you have to find a coin oh yeah the vasalopita yeah love that bread yeah yo i mean the bread's fine i'll say it's very hit or miss no no no no no if you go to there's a place in stein on steinway and dip mars called victory sweet shop it's a great victory in between dip mars and 21st yeah yeah that's the best that's the best it's the best and then afterward you use it the french toast it's a good bread it's good bread you don't know what bread we're talking about right i haven't been paying attention there's a good consistency of the bread and i've had good ones and then i've had ones i'm being like what is that yeah oh good it just tastes like i'm eating baking i haven't had that in so long i want to get one now i don't think i've ever found the coin i got it one year in like 2010 or something the last time you know who we used to buy them for us miss rg and she was greek makes sense yeah she would get one for our family so that's how we like got into it but that's funny because you lived significantly closer than she did to that yeah i guess yeah

1:13:52What were you just talking about? Eggs. Did you guys have pizza day in school? Of course. We were getting from this one pizza spot sometime. I don't know what you've unlocked in me. And the pizza was so good. And then we switched pizza places like four years in. And everyone hated the pizza. Everybody. And the principal, the new principal came up to me. And out of everybody, X me how we like the new pizza. And it was all on me. It was all on me. Like an assembly? Yeah, just like in the cafeteria. It was all on me, and everyone's looking at me, and every single person hated the pizza. And I went, tastes good.

1:14:26And I ruined it for everybody. Oh, my God! I ruined it for everybody. That really sucks. It was so much pressure on me. That really sucks. Was it like a microphone situation? No, it was just like they just came up to me, hand on the shoulder. I was like at the edge of the table, and they just asked me. So you spoke for your peers, and you led them down the path of destruction. Wow. Yeah, I knew what the people wanted, and I couldn't do it. Classic politician. I love it. He got his own interests in mind. Yeah, you son of a bitch. Not the voting body. And I've learned from that, so I'll speak up for the people.

1:14:57If I was in your class, I would have been really pissed at you and probably done nothing. But I'd have been mad. Yeah. Yeah, I used to love that. Or like the day they'd be like, all right, today we're not teaching, we're rolling out a TV. I'd be like, yes. Yeah. Oh, I mean, we've talked about it. Pretzel day. That was every day. No. Oh, Friday. It was like one day a week, whether it be Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. During lunch in elementary school, the oldest-looking woman rolled out the oldest-looking box of the oldest, wettest, coldest, giant pretzels you've ever seen in your entire life.

1:15:38They were salty. And I'll tell you right now, they were the best pretzels I've ever had. I think that was the best bang for your buck on the planet back then. We're talking like the year 2000. 50 cents for the greatest pretzel that was like at the bottom of the Marianas Trench. It was like also like it was clammy. It was wet. It was wet. It was like kind of clammy and whatever, but they were good, man. God, and they were so salty. Yeah. And even like the parts that didn't have salt on them, you'd lick them and it's like, yo, this is salty, brother. I fucked with pretzel day. God. Pizza day. Like having a pizza party.

1:16:17Well, pizza day was tough because for school lunch, they had pizza days. And they had either the round ones that were unbelievable. Or they had the long ones that looked like a slipper. And they sucked balls. I'm going to have to back up here. I kind of like the pizza boat. You like the slipper pizza? Yeah. Oh, no. The only thing is, I will say, slipper is a good name. Because there would be times where you would bite that. And the whole cheese would just. That's why I hated it. At least the one that came like this, first of all, it had pepperoni options, and those pepperonis were great. They were.

1:16:49They were thick-cut pepperoni. They were thick-cut pepperonis. And, like, you could bite it and not lose everything. Yeah. I actually don't know what you're talking about. It's school lunch. You went to a fucking—you went to— You went to, like, Catholic school, right? Yeah, you went to Catholic school. So they had either, like, these round pizzas, but then they also had these pizzas that were, like, kind of, like, oval, like this. And, like, yeah. and they were like pretty saucy though I fucked with the fact that they were pretty saucy look up like I know we joke about what I tell you to look up look up 90s school school lunch pizzas

1:17:27no way no way no type in NYC yeah those were not ours so that top one that top left that's the slipper bastard that's the slipper and then there's the round one Wait, wait, wait. This one? Down. Where the guy's doing the salute. This? I don't know if it's a video. Oh, like this one? Nope. No? More like this. More like that. Oh, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More like that. So they had those or they had the slipper, but I fucked with the slipper. The slipper sucked because it was also like soft, like just raw bread. Yeah, it was. It sucked. Also, the lunch lady knew our moms. So when they would serve pizza, sometimes they would run out of pizza.

1:18:06So by the time you got up, because it was all a free lunch. and when you got up to the front, sometimes they'd be like, oh, all we have is like a cheeseburger or like a fucking... Oh, a cheeseburger that came in a plastic bag. Crazy. Oh my God, it was so bad. Or the peanut butter and jellies. But then we would get up to the front and she'd be like, I saved you guys pizza. And she'd give me pizza. I was like, yo, thank you. Miss Donna? Yeah, Miss Donna. That was my lady, dog. Yeah, I was hype. That was my lady. That's the best nepotism you could possibly get on the planet. Yo, nepotism was sick in the 90s.

1:18:35Nepotism when it's happening to you is so fire. Yeah, I'm so sick. I hate it when it's other people I'm fine with it when it's me I'd like some though I would love to A free pizza? Nepotism? I'm in it My parents have given me Bad cholesterol And possible anxiety Come on Yeah no But that was the best back then God damn The American dream Is to make your children Nepo babies I mean yeah That's it Technically That is it Wrong There's probably some other stuff in there. Yes. Nope. That's just that. It's all we want out of this life. But, yeah, I guess that is all for this week's episode. Hot episode.

1:19:16Hot episode. Hot. The saucy episode. Saucy episode. Do we call it the saucy episode or do we call it the – We have to go saucy. I don't know if we can put piss in the title. Yeah, we can't say, oh, drink my piss. I have eating it sloppy. We're definitely not making it that. I mean, not only would I not make that, I wouldn't trust our graphics guy with that. Yeah, eating it slop-styled. I don't know what the fuck, man. What movie was it? Oh, slop it up! Extra sloppy. Sloppy steaks! Well, that's my bad. It's all good. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez all over the place.

1:19:52Go check out the Countdown to Avengers Doomsday podcast on Disney. Go check out patreon.com slash thebasebinyard. Thebasebinyard all over the socials. We're everywhere. You can find me at antprisco on TikTok and Instagram. and you guys can follow me at Joe Santagato everywhere go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard and that is all see you guys next time