#570 - Calling The Bomb Squad

35:14Yeah. I'm not fucking recording, dude. I'm not getting near it. I'm going to think it's explosive. Brother, I am not. Well, the guy was near it. So like the chances are that if he feels safe to be near it, it's okay. But like the guy's asking like, Hey man, don't record this. I'd be like, yes, sir. No problem. Suspicious guy with a laptop on a beach, fully clothed. Yeah. Yeah. He's got his laptop out too. He's like connecting to the thing. I'm good. This is, you would be that guy you know sir I am here this is gonna be great it wouldn't be that intense but I like it's gonna be a good clip yeah yeah exactly the internet's gonna love get a kick out of this yeah I don't know the the despair in his voice of come on man that would probably get me but also he has a laptop and plaid I'm like alright we're at the beach come on man I'm gonna have to explain this to my boss yeah I'm like he's already in trouble the thing washed up on the shore brother in that situation I'm just like you know what you're right I probably I I don't understand, like, in that situation.

36:06And I get it. People are just like, we need to, like, you know, make sure, like, we see what the government's trying to hide and shit like that. I can only imagine the conspiracy theories that came out of that. Yeah. Guy's just trying to do his job. One of his little drones, water drones, washes up on the beach. Now some guy's going to send it to his boss. He's like, come on. You know? I get it. If that's my job to, like, use that thing, let's say it's used for, like, sonar mapping of, like, the ocean floor or something like that. if it washes up on the beach why am i in trouble i have no idea i don't have an answer well that's the thing it's kind of like why are you gonna get in trouble i'm just looking at who cares yeah it's like what's what am i gonna look at i'm taking a look if anything if that guy with the laptop he can program that thing to grow legs and fucking come rip my head off the way your mind works sometimes is interesting do you like it i do think that like i do think that you would panic like i mean in the way that you just did of being like you would go home that day and be like we weren't supposed to see that well no and then you'd be like looking out the window if i'll i'll be really honest if i was alone i'd be a little more curious if i'm with becca and the kids i'm like this is like you guys stay back we don't know what this is you know what i mean like i'm a little more inclined to be protective of them but would you think that Because you saw it, they're coming for you?

37:32Yes. Yes, 100%. Frankie saw a van on the street. It's all over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, I am fully becoming that person where there's just a random car parked on the street. If it's there for more than like three days, the cops are getting called. I mean, who? The cops? Are you going to go over and like look? I mean, I'm not saying like the cops are getting called, get them in trouble. But just like, hey, there's just a random car that is out of place parked on the street. I don't think that's outrageous. because you're in a suburban area. Yeah. So a random, like a van, like a white van? Or just a car?

38:09Probably. I mean, it would depend on the type of van or car that it was. What does that mean? Like if it was like... Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's Freedom to Be. Use as directed.

38:48A broken down white van, I'd be like, what's going on here? Right. What if it was just like a Toyota Camry? I mean, it would probably be the same reaction, but after a couple extra days. Right. You know? And simply because I'd just be like, oh, that's just abnormal. Like, I don't know whose car that is. Is that anyone's car here? No. Yeah, I don't think that's crazy. Is that nuts? It was a white van in front of my house for like a week and a half. We called. Nothing was done about it. Yeah. Eventually, they showed up and moved it. Well, dude, when I used to work for Target, there were like when we would close the store, we would close the store and we would have to do like a patrol around the building.

39:31So like I literally would lock the store, arm the security system, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I would get in my car and I would drive around the building. And there were times where there were – because like some states and some stores allow people to like camp overnight in their parking lots. I think Walmart's like that, maybe some more of like the sporting goods stores like Dick's or fucking Bass Pro Shops. But Target, at least when I was there and the one that I was at, they wouldn't allow it. And I would have to call the cops and I would have to sit there and wait for them. And there were times where it would take them like an hour and a half.

40:06So it would just add an extra hour and a half onto my evening. Ew. Which sucks. That feels like someone else's problem kind of thing. it was by definition my problem i i remember the only other time this ever happened was like there was a guy parked outside my mom's house or maybe he was like walking by a lot and they kept noticing him and like not that i'm this big brave person but i'm more of like i just need to know i hate not knowing so i had to go out and be like do you need something like what is why do you keep walking by i can't remember if he was walking by or if he was just like in his car staring at the house or something and i was like do you need something or whatever and the guy wasn't really like coherent i'm like oh he just might be nuts do you remember when we were playing manhunt uh near saint francis and an old man was driving down the wrong way the street like five times no yeah there was like one night we were playing it was night in the summer must have been like 2005 2006 and just like an older car you know was just driving like we saw it the first time we were like what the fuck and then the second time we noticed it was like an elderly man and it happened like three or four more other times and i think after the third time we were like we should probably call the cops and we did but i don't i i couldn't tell you if anything came of it but like the elderly sometimes did i ever tell you there used to be a guy on my block they would come outside naked.

41:37Do you remember Crazy Tony? Well, yeah. But this guy lived on my block. Really? Yeah. He lived on the opposite side of the street and kind of up the block. But sometimes he would come outside and he would just be full cock to the wind. That seems like the parents on that block would beat the brakes off this guy. There wasn't a lot of kids. We all lived next door to each other because it was just like Richie and Renee across the street. There were mad kids on your block. It was Richie and Renee. And then the person next to you, at their grandmother's house. Oh, well, she wasn't there a lot of the time.

42:09Well, yeah, at the top of the block. Well, like on our block, it was just that. Actually, there was other kids in the middle of the block, too. But, yeah, that person, that dude or whatever, I don't know if it was just like he was senile or he had something wrong. Oh, he was an old bag. He was old, yeah. But he would come out, what? How big was his wiener? I tried to not think about it. Did he have shoes on? Sometimes. If you remember that. If you remember that. feel like that makes it deliberate yeah yeah and also the the ice cream truck would stop in front of this man's house so every time we get ice cream we'd be like oh hurry up because it was there was always that one house on the block that everyone was just like stay the fuck away from that house there's there's a there was also a house across from mine the corner where we would be like what's going on in there i i was like kind of like i remember it was next door to renee yeah yeah it was like kind of a mystery house you're kind of like the fuck's going on yeah i remember that There was always one of those Every neighborhood Has that one house Where everyone walks by And they're just like What the fuck What was our haunted Like house Um Well the Steinway Mansion Oh right The Steinway Mansion Was a big one Um There was so many rumors About that It was like Yo there's like guard dogs You gotta run through I mean we went We went once I don't know if you were there With us But like we like went We like jumped the fence And like looked around And then got the fuck Out of there really quick I've driven past there And I'm like What the fuck Well there was that There was the The one that we In a recent episode Talked about on the corner of the longest block in the world.

43:35Oh, yeah. Dick Mars. There was one on my street that always had, like, just an old man who walked his, like, intense German shepherd with two hands like this. And he was just an old fucker. Oh. And there was another... Do you remember the other person on my block? There was another person on the block that, like, I don't know if they had some form of, like, disfigurement or something like that. And, like, everyone, like, was like, stay away from them because this was the 90s when like if someone looked different it was like oh my god they might be evil i actually don't remember that at all yeah yeah yeah there was i don't remember that yeah i'm not gonna start saying names but that's great yeah yeah but every every every neighborhood had their urban legends yeah i mean i remember we had we were told that in our alleyway there was vampires who told you that one of the bigger kids on the out in like the block there was vampires yeah they would say like at night the vampires come out in the alleyway and i remember I'd get so scared.

44:33Being in the alleyway. We didn't really hang out in your alleyway, though. Not that often. We hung out a good amount in the alleyway. There was... I played a lot of Spud in my alleyway. You know what Spud is? What the fuck is Spud? You play Spud? It's a potato. That's not it. Oh, no. You don't know Spud? I don't think so. Maybe. It was kind of a cool game. We called it Spud, where I would have a ball, and I'm it, and then it'd be a group of you. So you two guys and then someone else, and I'd give a category, and then I'd say, like all right cars and then you guys would like kind of pick cars and then one person would be the spokesman they were like all right so we have a honda uh fucking mercedes and a lamborghini and i'd be like okay and then i would say the name of the car that i choose and throw the ball as high as i could in the air and then whoever's car i said they had to grab the ball and say spud spud and then they could take three big steps and you have to try and hit someone with the ball That sounds so fun.

45:31It was a great game. That does sound fun. That was a joke. We were playing in my alleyway. Do you remember Smokey? Do you remember little dog Smokey? I don't remember little dog Smokey. There was a little dog Smokey that was in the alleyway behind us. This dog was this big. Bit my sister's ankle. This bitch was bleeding everywhere. What? Bit someone else's ankle. Yeah, like a crazy dog. It was like the Sandlot. Time to put down old Smokey. The dog was old as it is. I'm sure it's dead and gone at this point and absolutely decomposed. If this dog was old then and lived another 25 years, Jesus Christ.

46:03Yeah, we would lose balls in that yard, and then it'd be like, yo, the bravest one, which was never me. It was Keith. Or, like, someone had to. Oh, I was going to say it would probably be Keith. Well, apparently one time it was Shannon in the class. I got her fucking ankle. Yo. There was always, yes, every neighborhood had its, like, scary haunted house, its urban legend, and then the one. Dog or, like, animal that, like, people were just like, yo, don't fuck with that one, dude. Did you ever have like an older woman in your in in like on your block or something? That was like a witch? Oh, that you like was probably just a really nice woman, but she was old and you're a child and you're like, nope, she's haunted.

46:34Well, that was the person I told you about that had the like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was an older woman. Oh, and like I. That's sad. It was. I know. I felt I mean, it's not like we like ever did anything because we were afraid of being hexed. Right. You know, like we were never like mean to her, but I remember I would always see her and people were just like, yo, be careful. Yeah, and it was, well, I remember we had, because we grew up in a time, and I don't know if your block was like this, but my block, my grandmother, there was like eight houses in a row that she was like boys with all of the people there.

47:06Yeah. Like, all the grandparents were like fucking mad cool. They'd play cards, they'd go to diners, they'd fucking, you know, like, all that shit. And every house, it was like, you knew different gossip about, like, those houses. Yeah. Like, oh, that's Santee. And, you know, Santee, he smokes a lot. And he hasn't been the same since World War II. And then over there, that's Eric. Eric's the piece of shit on the block. His son is an asshole. Yeah, like there was always shit like that because, like, it was much more like it was the people that bought the house, lived there their entire lives. And there was more like community back then.

47:40Hell yeah, there was. Yeah. We're becoming those people. Yeah. Yeah. I'm watching it in front of me. Question for you. Sure. Did I ever tell you about my recitals? My piano recitals? I don't believe so. Because I was talking about this recently to Nicole, and she was like, this is insane. Because what I remember, because I came to a couple of your recitals. I played piano. I had a piano teacher that was on the block for me. It was like, oh, go ahead. Go ahead. But she would teach me piano, and then she would say that we're going to do a recital. At a certain amount of time, it definitely wasn't like a year, but there was this recital that we would do.

48:17And she was a performer when she was younger. and I would literally this was weird dude now that I think about it it was weird my so the recital was supposed to be this event right and my dad worked construction so he had this spotlight like you know those lights that you clip onto shit so it's just one bulb so he had like a spotlight and she would start at the top of the stairs yeah and we'd be like okay it's starting and like mind you the people in the crowd are him and then my grandma and her friends it was like a community thing i remember like neighbors came sometimes sometimes but it was mostly like very old people that i like knew because they were my grandma's friends from church yep and they would show up to my piano recital and she'd come down the stairs and my dad would follow her with the with the light and then i'd start playing piano and then after i played a couple songs she would open up this giant case and do double puppets yo yes she'd do ventriloquism and And sing.

49:19And sing. And sing. Yo, but like, not just like, you know, like he'd be playing like, you know, hot cross buns. And she'd be like, hot cross buns. It was like, hot cross. Like she fucking belted, dude. She also would just play. Like I would play like, because this is my first year playing piano. I'm like fucking 10 years old. And I'm like doing it. And it would be like normal. But then she would get on and she's fucking Elton John. Yo, she fucking, this was her moment to shine. This was her fucking show. And it was the same, and then she would do ventriloquist, like that type of thing. And she, basically, you paid her to put on a show in your house.

49:54Yes. And, yo, I remember that. And then one day, gone. Dropped dead. Like, had a heart attack. Well, I can tell by your voice you're guessing. No, I remember that. No, no, no. Yeah, but like, she did die. I also remember her house, because she lived up the block from me. Sick house. Dude, like, there were like, I know we're getting really intrigued. We're going all over the place. But like, Astoria was either like townhouses that were all smushed together or just like a random beautiful house. Yeah. Like old, like out of a fucking. Front yard, backyard, side yard. Yo, like with like rose bushes that lined the front and arborvities and like, you know, like hydrangeas.

50:35Just like out of nowhere. Yeah. And like, yo, she lived in one of those. And I remember she had like French doors in the front. Like a sunroom. There's no one This bitch must be famous Because she's fucking She's going and She's working the She's working the crowd At Joey's place She was like a child Broadway Something I don't know But She was like a very nice woman She was very religious And she Yeah she did live in that house You know what's funny I was just talking about this too I don't know if I was talking about With you guys or not But you ever see like At the top of houses When they have circular windows Yeah we were talking about that Oh yeah And we're like yo I always feel like there's a monster or some shit.

51:12Like you're going to see a face. She had those. Yes, she did. At the top of her house. It had those windows. Have you ever like looked up to see like if she was like telling the truth about being a child star? My parents like know that. Oh, like your mom could point to and be like I remember her. Yeah, like they knew her because she was also Shannon's piano teacher. I don't want to let her name rip but it was Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I mean, I don't know that anyone could figure out who she is. Her name was Angela. Yeah. And you guys called her Miss Angela. Miss Angela, yeah. I think it's super sweet that she got to relive that with you.

51:45She did it a bunch, yeah. She did it with Shannon, too. That's four recitals right there, because we both did it, I think, for a couple of years, like two years, so that's at least four recitals. Frankie's about to ruin it, hold on. I don't know if that's as sweet as like, no, you got to help her live that, like using a child in that way. I mean, I was putting on shows. Strange. Yeah, but you were like, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong, goong. And she fucking double puppeted. Like, who did she think was going to be in the crowd? Like, fucking, you know, like an agent?

52:15I think that she also, one of the dolls, I wish I remembered the names. I guarantee you my mom remembers, like, knows the names. I don't remember the dolls. It was the one that had, like, a top hat. And he would talk, and his top hat would raise in the air. Wait, so she wasn't just, like, doing, like, hey, how you doing? I'm doing well. It was, like, full-on ventriloquism. These were legitimate dolls that, like, were made of wood. I remember the dolls. She would be like, she'd be talking like that. Oh, this is really good. Yeah, like that. You know, shit like that. It wasn't like hand puppet. It was like there was a whole mechanical thing going on.

52:50It was impressive. And then Jeff Dunham did it, and now. Yeah. Yeah. He did racist once. He did racist once, and now everyone hates fucking wooden dummies. Now we don't like it anymore. But back then, it was popping, man. Yeah. No, the kids are in, they take piano right now, Miles and Ruby, but they're not doing anything like that they're not they're not putting on recitals they're not putting on recitals they got no puppets no puppets dude honestly for the free price of nothing it was a pretty good show it's funny you put you like when you look at it at its core you just paid this woman to just give a show in your house and like you guys learned like a couple piano songs i actually think that i was in it for a while i did it for two years so i did like learn a lot from her but and i remember it being like super cheap like my mom would try to pay her well it was the 90s brother it was probably like you know ten dollars a month i don't even remember how often she came to be honest with you my mom would know more yeah i wouldn't my dad too but i'm trying to think if one of my friend's brothers was like eight and my friend invited me to his recital and that was happening i think that'd be sick like well i didn't expect this at all well You'd be like, yo, what, a fucking puppet?

53:59Yeah. The shit was huge. Yeah, and then you'd stay up and go rip black coffees at the local diner. Oh, God, talk about it over a fucking hot cup of joe. It was definitely not black coffee. It's like, man, that was something. Cheers to our Java. Yeah. We also have some more sponsors here. We have cachava. Ladies and gentlemen, cachava right here. I actually love the way that landed. That was amazing. That was really good. Do it one more time, please. cachava also take note of the flavor here cinnamon french toast is there a better flavor that even exists in the world um but cachava this is great um it's basically like a protein you got two scoops in here and you get 25 grams of protein but there's a there's a bunch of stuff in here that is going to help support your energy your metabolism your digestion uh your strength immunity everything um basically uh but it's made with this is made for with real cinnamon bark all right it's just two scoops provide uh complete nutrition your body craves protein fiber greens and so much more um but it's great and they have a bunch of different flavors if this doesn't interest you which would be insane but if this doesn't interest you they have a bunch of different flavors they have chocolate vanilla chai matcha coconut ice strawberry keith is also he loves this stuff he's like i have it every single day i love this stuff i was super hyped when they became a sponsor because i was having this long before they were a sponsor and then made this flavor forget about it.

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57:51Hold on real quick. I just realized we brought up the suspicious thing and never talked about what it was. We don't need it. I mean, it wasn't anything damaging to anyone. It didn't harm anyone. It didn't harm anyone. Not yet. Well, what it ended up being... So what Joey was referencing was earlier in the episode, he mentioned cops were called and, like, blocks were shut down for a suspicious... That beat the fuck off me. That's a tough word to say quickly. Suspicious. Got it. Suspicious. Yeah. Why are you looking up suspicious? Oh, is that a picture of it? Wait, zoom in on it? Enhance? Enhance?

58:30Well, there it is right there, ladies and gentlemen. Apparently that was an adult toy. An adult toy. Which is just code for your wiener. Well, yeah. So I think I saw the thing that I saw that said that it was like a penis pump. It was a pump. It was a penis pump. Bro, if I spent also$350, why are we putting the price out there? You know what you're doing. Second of all. This fucking really cool looking thing is only$350. And it got him. Is this like a marketing scheme? What is the item? Bro, look at how the guy is dressed. Imagine you have to get up and go to work thinking it's a bomb. That guy made easy money that day.

59:05Yeah. That guy made easy money. Imagine the call to his partner before, or maybe it's a woman, like the call to their partner beforehand. Just like, I love you. I might not make it. Yeah, yeah. Might not make it today. There's something on the street in D.C. It's crazy out there. And then you get there, and it's just a fucking sex toy. Top comment. It's a device that definitely makes people explode, all right? Apparently, it's like a pump. It's like a penis pump. Why are you saying that like I would understand what that is? Oh, you started doing a hand motion. I was doing Joe Budden. Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump.

59:38Oh, I thought you were like... I'll tell you what. It's a Zolo Blowbot. I mean, you got... Hold up, hold up, hold up. What is it? You got to look for it. You got to Google it now, brother. A Zolo Blowbot? Let's see the Zolo Blowbot. It's a Zolo Blowbot. Let's see the Zolo Blowbot. First of all... Say that five times fast. Zolo Blowbot. Zolo Blowbot. Zolo Blowbot. Zolo Blowbot. Zolo Blowbot. It's not bad. Are you sure? Zolo Blowbot. You sure? Why are you saying, are you sure? I'm saying I'm going to hit enter Yeah, we'll see what happens Zolo Okay Okay, hold on First of all We're not going to put any of this on screen Because it's a Actually, you can put that on screen Yo, this looks like Tony Stark's forearm I literally was going to say It looks like a needler Halo This thing 100 % was a weapon in Halo I saw the inside for a second Did you?

1:00:27It looks how you imagine I mean, it's not going on Like a flesh? Yeah Nice Oh, so it's just a Zolo Oh, it's an automatic B machine. A B machine. It's a, it's a, it's a, yeah, it's a, it's a blow machine. That's very complicated. I mean, yeah. I mean, brother, if you need all that, I mean, you know what? I would feel weird about this. Like, I'm just like, now I'm, I'm having sex with humidifiers. Like, yeah. If I saw this thing, I would be worrying about like the, you know, how many breakers I need to turn off to make sure this doesn't blow the other ones and something like that. If my fridge goes out because of this thing, I have a big problem.

1:00:59Yeah. And where do you store that? Do you need, like, a dedicated, like, charging station? This looks like this comes with, like, a Tesla. It looks like you would put it next to, like, the Swiffer. It's only a matter of time before Tesla starts offering this in, like, under their hood. Where they're just like, listen, and now you can have sex with a tailpipe. I feel like I wouldn't trust anything that has to be plugged into the wall during use. No shot. During use. Everything short circuits. The AC in here every two days. I mean, what would be the worst that happens? It just short circuits? Oh, like, it fucking, like, just...

1:01:30Shocks your ween? It zaps you. Oh, I didn't even think of that. What were you thinking of? I was thinking it would blow up on your peen peen. That too. What if it explodes on my wiener? Mid-coitus. That's a lot, brother. It happens. Wait, I have a question, though. You buy a piece of machinery like this, and it does what it does, and you just leave it on the street like that? Also, honestly, you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, calling the bomb squad probably was the right move because I wouldn't touch this thing. This is a hazmat. Someone needs a suit. So someone needs a suit to pick this thing up.

1:02:02Also, they can trace it back now. Trace it back? What does that mean? They could put it if they give it to a lab. Oh, so they could say like, hey, let's figure out who put this biological material on the side of the street. That's got to be a leak. I mean, but then you got to hope that whoever's DNA is in there is in the system as it is. Just because they get DNA doesn't mean they have to have previously have gotten the DNA. That's true. So like they could get it and they could just be like, huh. A Zolo Blow Bot. Good name. It's just like a crazy name. A Blow Bot's crazy. I guess it's on the nose a little bit.

1:02:35It is. I mean, what would you call it? Oh, no. I think it fits. I like it. Oh, so it fits. Like a glove. Yeah. For$350. I bet for$350. Well, I'll tell you this. $350. That thing better do everything and then some. Oh. Okay. What is it? There better be an arm that comes out. Well, no, that's a lot of money, dude. Let's actually think about this actually. A blow bot. It's in the name. $350. In the name. Is it crazy? Is that reasonably priced? I don't know. Who are you calling? Is this the offices of Zolo? Yeah, Zolo. No, I could never. I could never. This is me giving up on my whole life if I do that.

1:03:26I mean, if they figure out. I wouldn't know. If they figure out that it was yours. Oh, no. That's a wrap. So then what are you talking about? I'm talking about actually having one. I'm joking. Oh, yeah. Do you remember years and years and years ago? We talked about it on one of the first episodes we did, but there's that famous picture of Meghan Trainor and her husband, and they're walking out of somewhere with plastic bags, and you can see through the plastic bags. It appears that they have an abundance of dilds of sex toys. I'm not like judging, but like the point that I'm making. No, I'm not.

1:04:03But the point that I'm making, that's not judging. The point I'm making is that getting photographed doing that is an invasion of privacy. Sure. You know, like that's a little intense. You have to, I would be embarrassed if that photograph was taken of me. You shouldn't know that about people. You got your drawer. You open it up. It's a two-handed drawer. You open it up, and there's just like. Are you telling us now where your blowbots are? I don't have any blowbots. I don't even have like a sex toy drawer. Maybe one day. You never know. Well, you will be buying a house in the next couple years.

1:04:36I mean, I imagine you're going to have a fucking dungeon. I'm giving you the tour, and I'm like, check this out. and I move a book and then it's just dildo. Blowbots and dildos and all that. I mean, I'm sure something like that exists. People have that. The whole thing. Dungeons. Those are real. Like fucking Fifty Shades. That's the thing, right? Yeah, yeah. Dungeons. He like opens a door and then it's just like, you know, like I'm Christian or whatever his name is. Christian Grey? That's what it is? Yeah. And then he's just like, look at my room and it's just like a room of chains and whips. Like flogs.

1:05:07What's a flog? It's like a whip kind of. Oh, I thought, I thought you meant like he's going to. First I heard vlog and I was like, then he's vlogging the thing. What's up gamers? Today I'm in my dungeon. It's me, C-Gray. Back to show you guys the chains I got this week. Today we're spanking this poor little girl. Disgusting. Absolutely fucking disgusting. Call. Call. That was horrendous. Dial 911. Yeah. I'll tell them that you're here. Good Lord in heaven. but yeah it was it was a sex toy it was a sex toy that they found here's a serious question can a city like sue someone for something like that because that's a lot of resources to dispatch for something i think they're they err on the side of caution who the hell are you i think they err on the side of caution i think they they err on the side of caution and it's not really your fault i mean if you're like yo my bad i put it down and i forgot i i mean that doesn't mean that they can't still sue you for it like you still like that's that's like if is there something why would they sue misappropriating like resources and stuff like that they're suing me for calling no no no whoever if they find out like if they look underneath and they see the tape and it says jay sanagato it says andy on the bottom yeah like if they see that they're just like whoa okay um i would assume no because you you're allowed to misplace things although that seeing the outdoors is outrageous that feels like an indoor toy yeah i don't know that let me be clear i'm pretty sure all toys are indoor toys correct that one being on the sidewalk near the street for why yeah whoever put that if put it like this that being there is bad because they had to get rid of it and quickly unless it was like you're on your way to something and you put it down like you know some people put their coffee and they forget on top of their hood i think relating the zolo blow bot to a cup of coffee is significantly different yeah you would never forget your blow bot i mean and also you would be like huh i feel maybe 50 pounds lighter that thing looks fucking massive well yeah i mean i put coffee in the the trunk of my car and then i got an in and i opened it and it fell all over and i don't think i've ever called myself more names than in that moment which names say them all right now bad bad names say them all bad bad Bad names.

1:07:33Bad names. You were a bad little boy. Because I really wanted the coffee. You brought yourself to your dungeon and you had yourself a day with you. All right. If you did have a sex dungeon, talk to me about the lighting. Oh, good question. I don't even know how to answer that. How do you... Color? Moody? I don't even know. I've never given any thought to that. Just freestyle. Well? Well lit? Yeah, I imagine. Oh, like a doctor's office? No. I mean, that's well lit. No. There is a well? Yes, and that's what I meant. In the middle. In the middle. There's a well. There's a well. It's like, oh, you want to be trapped down there?

1:08:13And I can fucking, like, I'm Buffalo Bill. I lower down a basket. I just, like, put the locher on. It's scared. What the fuck? What are you doing? What would yours be like? I would think, like, a dark, moody, like, maroon. Everything's maroon. Like Daredevil. Basically. Huh. You know what I mean? Basically how like most homes in like the mid 2000s were painted. Like the outside would be stucco. I imagine it would be like what I imagine Ozzy Osbourne's basement looked like at one point. Google Ozzy Osbourne's basement. Or like Bam Margera's basement. That's probably the one. That's probably all just skateboard.

1:08:47That's probably what you're going for, Joey. A lot of deep purples and maroons. Yeah, yeah. And like blacks. Like the floor's black, duh. I feel like more stuff would show on the floor. No, no, no. I'm getting nothing on... It's just pictures of Ozzy Osbourne. Which is not helpful. That's just too many books. That's a lot of books. I don't know how we would just get pictures of his basement. I mean... Look up, look up. It's not gonna show up. Look at Bam Margera's basement. Why do you think there's just pictures of people's basements? First of all, Bam Margera had full seasons of shows in that fucking place.

1:09:20Did he? You don't remember Viva La Bam? Oh, actually, we're getting there. See? I told ya! What is that on the wall? Oh, you know what? You would have to have a logo that is like kind of demonic. Yeah. Like the, I don't know about demonic. Well, satanic. No, I don't definitely don't know about that one. I mean, this purple jar looks really good. What is some glass stuff? There would have to be glass and wrought iron. Wrought iron. Yeah. You wrought iron like wall sconces, you know, a big wood pillar is pretty good. Yeah. And it's got like, it's, it's chipped in it. Like there's, like there's been marks.

1:09:55Yeah. Oh, no, that's actually kind of dark. Yeah. You know what, Frankie? I apologize. We did get to see Bam our Jaren's basement. First of all, that might have been his bedroom, but... We don't know. Close enough. I mean, I don't know the layout of Castle Bam. Castle Bam. That was a good show. You don't remember Viva La Bam? That's a show? Castle Bam? Viva La Bam. I remember Viva La Bam. It took place at Castle Bam. Oh. Yeah. I didn't realize how bought into Jackass you were until a month later. I tried showing Becca the newest one the other day, and she's like, this just isn't for me. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I get that.

1:10:33But then she was just like - Do you watch it for me? Would you watch these guys shitting on themselves? I mean, I joked with her earlier that day. I was just like, how much do you love me? And she's like, endless. I was like, you'll do anything for me. And she's like, yeah. And that question, obviously, she knew someone was getting teed up. It's a trap. And I was like, all right, will you watch something with me tonight? And she's like, sure, yeah, what do you want to watch? And that's when I said, like, the new Jackass is out on premium video on demand rental. And she was like. I just got attacked by another fucking fly.

1:11:06He's coming back for his boy. Well, he's going to get the same treatment. I wouldn't have sent the 50 bucks if we could get even. Nope. You never know. There she blows, Frank. That's about it. Okay, Frank, we need to. Frank, please don't. We know it's about it. Didn't get it. my dead grandmother would have gotten out of the way of that but she was like uh okay we watched it and she got like three segments in and she was just like she's like this you have to understand this is not for me and she and then she went one step further she's like i also don't know how this is for you right well that's that yeah because she's like they're like talking about like they're like shitting in and around each other it's like not you it's the it's the most not me thing that i think that i enjoy right you know and then it's what is it about it that like draws you in i just think like the camaraderie and like it's just there's nothing like mean about it it's just guys just having fun and it kind of reminds us to a very minor degree like how our friend group was growing up like we would we would do like little like joking like sack taps and pranks and gags to be fair it is very pranky yeah so you like pranks so maybe that's where it is but then there will be one where they're like let's throw up on your poop where you know clear suits sweatsuits and fucking crap in them while we play a game you know what i mean exactly that is not like me do you skip through those or you will watch them i watch them it gets me though it gets i gag 100 but it makes you laugh of course it does because it's just like what the fuck is this you've never watch something and just be like this is so insane that like the fact that it exists is well i yes i do but it's hard to imagine you because i feel like if aunt farted right now you'd be like you fucking disgusting fuck but then you're a watch two guys shit and i'll be honest if i was in the room i wouldn't be as pumped right but like if i saw it like through a screen and i didn't have to fucking like smell this dude shit his pants then like i'm on board but you like in fact like oh you know it stinks and it's disgusting but they're friends they're having a good time i just like it really is like it's not like this is such a weird thing to think this deeply about but like it's just enjoying like people are just enjoying themselves like there's no nothing about it that they're like trying to like you know be like edgy you know like we're just like we're gonna say hey, we're going to bring back certain slurs because who cares?

1:13:38Don't take them from us. They're just having a fun time. Kicking each other in the balls. Yeah. I just have a soft spot for it. I don't know why. Just got a soft spot. You're getting run over by the ball. I can imagine you don't watch that shit because. Back in the day, we had a YouTube series called Dumbass. We did all jackass stuff. Really? Is it still up? No. How old were you? It was before high school. like seventh grade. So we all went through that, I guess. Well, yeah. And that's the other thing is like it was the like earliest part of us doing videos was doing jackass stunts and stuff like that.

1:14:15You know what I just thought of? I'm saying like, oh, we all did that. His were on YouTube. Ours was on cassette tapes. Yeah. It's gross, right? Got 1 ,500 views. We thought we were famous. Bro, that's a fuck ton. I know. That is. Do you have access to any of these videos anymore? No, culprit. deleted the whole channel to save his image going into high school who a culprit a culprit who was yeah yeah i wonder yeah i wonder who only to throw it away again as he sits and reminisces with a black coffee and a cigarette at the diner i would never what were some of the stunts you guys did uh we had people on pegs uh on a bike a bike bike pegs and we would pedal them into like just metal beams stuff we did a lot of that that was keith yeah yeah keith was the the bush diver and the like jumping in the stuff guy the things that were like really dangerous keith would be like sure we played a thing called box dodgeball where we just duct taped boxes with heavy stuff and then we just tossed boxes at each other do you remember we said this is so bad i don't even know if i want to do it now the earliest version i used to do this with keith Because it was jackass.

1:15:26Yeah. We would sit across with our legs spread open like this and just pack socks all into each other. And then just throw them across the room at each other's balls. We did it with tennis balls, my brothers and I. Yeah. That's fine. It happens. I think it's part of growing up. But, like, the first videos that we did were, like, the dropkick. Yeah. You know, the one where I walked across the street in crutches. Yeah. Just like that. It was such a, like, it was such a cultural event. Bro, one time. one time me and Keith were playing that game where we just sat across from each other and threw socks like at each other's balls and I I guess I like pissed him off in some way that I threw it really hard like too hard because you're supposed to loft it and I threw it and it hit him and he got so mad that he turned around and punched the dresser and then the dresser fell down on him yo my mom came upstairs I'm like oh we're too young to be able to pick it up you know she imagine trying to explain how that happened that is scary you know like that is scary that like people like kids get hurt like that we were almost two of them you know that's that is legitimate i was like oh my god i just killed my brother dude i mean those are they're just they're just fun and like it's just like there's something about it that's heartwarming and endearing you know good old and then there are parts of it that are just fucking disgusting it's like oh my god yeah yeah we never did any bodily stuff you're you're the gagger of the group so i imagine that that's crazy you can't watch those and not gag did we do any like eating things no i don't think so we've done more of them over the last five years than we've ever done when we were kids we also did we did less jackass and more like sketch too we definitely did jackass yeah but we would do like sketches i remember one that we did was like at the time what we thought was a hot pepper it was like a pepperoncini from like portobello fucking like a portobello house Salad.

1:17:17And we were like, holy fuck, holy fuck, we're going to fucking bite this fucking thing. And we would, like, bite it, and, like, we were dying, basically. Yeah. You know, but. Holy fuck, holy fuck. You guys did videos, like, called The Keith or something, right? Those are movies. Yeah, we did movies called The Nick with our friend Nick. Well, that's close.

1:17:39Jesus Christ, dude. It's not that close. I'm just saying, like, I didn't know. That's as close as you're going to get. It's not that close. Yeah, like, you better chill. That's as close as you're going to get. Ours was really good, though, because it actually stood for something. Yeah. Ours was called Keith, and it was an acronym, and it was a horror movie where Keith kills everyone, and Keith stands for kill everyone in the house. That's really good. Yeah. Good for you guys. Ours was just our friend, his name. If you watched it, you'd be like, well, and we recorded it on the thing that you – it wasn't editing.

1:18:08It was just like you had to keep – Record, stop, record, stop. You have to – if you, like, fucked up a take, you had to reverse or, like, rewind to a spot and then start again. And it made sense. The one is gone. Period. Gone forever. Yeah, we can't find it. Two is in your possession or Dylan's possession. I think I have it. Please find it. Please. I think I have it. Please. And then I have the third one. I have the third one on my laptop. Yeah. And I'll bring it in and show it to you. I wish I found it. I remember one where we duct taped Danny to a gaming chair. Like, his hands and his forehead to a pole.

1:18:43And we just got the big Nerf Gatlin guns. and just every because when we were kids when Keith would come around everyone or when he did something in football or something everyone would go Keith so they extend it so Keith kill everyone in the house was the first one the second one was Keith two E's kill everyone else in the house that's really good that's funny and then the third one was K3 okay it was K3 and like he like he like walks off in the end like yeah he like walks and then you hear frankie in the background going but he'll be bad like that well it was like we tried to add a story where it was like he's like there was an arc he's killing people because he was bullied right he's getting the revenge on the bully well that was the last movie oh my god i just remembered that there's a scene where we focused in on his eyes and we're slowly backing up or we're slowly zooming in and a bunch of people are just stepping on his head yeah we're like stomping him out in the backyard and like screaming things at him this was a good arc like his backstory yeah like it was a flashback yo honestly the arc is not bad because it was first it was like this guy's just killing everyone but then the third one we're like wait he's a victim yeah yeah and now he's killing everyone and then he walks off because he's killed everyone yeah it was it was something and it was for uh my so the first one was for this kid uh his film class yeah second one was for my film class won all the awards joey came in to watch it i yeah i just walked into his school and sat in his fucking class into the school yeah i was in his classroom 2010 yikes yeah 2010 and then the third one was for our friend dylan's but they didn't do anything yeah we did the whole thing we did the whole thing and we gave it to him yeah it was funny it was something man so stupid wait i had a dog cage for my dog it was also like a saw movie like it was like and then Like it was so poorly shot like in the background you could see like my feet Yeah, Joey's in a scene where we put my friend in a cage And then we hung like a mitos saw above that was like hanging Yeah, and there was a timer and it was gonna fall on him and all this shit Yeah, it was so fucking dumb, but it was so fucking funny If you watch it, you laugh We didn't have a way to turn the lights on and off So we just had one friend in the back flicking the switch and then in the footage You could just see the kid like flicking There was one scene where Frank gets hit.

1:21:06I have these, like, double doors atop my mom's house. So we slam it on him. And you just see him, like, lift his hand so it doesn't hit him. Like, you can see him go. And then it hits him. And then he is supposed to fall down the stairs. But he fell down the stairs. And you just hear, ow, ow, ow, ow. And then you look down the stairs and he's just on the ground. This is also prime time where we were just, like, we were fucking 18 or 19. No, 17 at the time. and we were like just like yeah like actually throw me down the stairs keith yeah you know like he's like actually hit me we got like creative with it like he stabbed someone and for blood we put red food coloring in like soda seltzer bottle and he stabbed it and it sprayed red on him you know what i'm gonna bring my laptop in next week that's young spielberg stuff yeah listen brother hey look at us now not doing that maybe well there's one day that will no actually i don't think we can show those i don't even know i would have to watch it we definitely have to watch it and and i mean you'll see it when when you see it but it was like the video had the movie had to be 10 minutes long and it came in at like the third one came in at like 9 25 and we just physically had nothing else that we could shoot and we were up all night editing it keith already walked off into the sunset yeah so what we did was we credits in the credits it's just like him and i singing get low by little john and the east side boys mind you this isn't our project this isn't our project it's our friend's project and we're doing the entire and it was like written by produced by directed by starring you know grip like all that shit it was just us lighting pretty sure that's how the real world works too probably yeah well maybe one day ladies and gentlemen maybe one day we just teased the fuck out of that so people are gonna want to see it please find the second one for me please I'll have to find it it's on like a CD or some shit but it's on a DVD yeah but there you have it folks that's our episode Frank where you're gonna find you the Frank Alvarez everywhere go check out the Patreon patreon.com slash the base vineyard new merch standingoutofstudios.com check the hat check the sweatshirt check the shirt that's the wrong one I did it again.

1:23:21So go check all that out. And you guys can go follow me. Oh, where are they going to find you? Nope. Santagostudios.com. Wow. Follow me on Joe Santagostudios.com. I'm going to follow the show at The Basin Yard. And that is all. We'll see you guys next time.