#568 - Frankie's Birthday Episode

6:48Joe Santagato:Oh you had it almost again. Throw it left. Throw it more to the - Oh! Throw it more to the left. No, that way.

6:54Frank Alvarez:We're running out of plates I think. I fucked up. Shit! Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Go pick up a plate. You gotta get one of those.

6:58Joe Santagato:He did that on purpose to see you crawl like a little pig. Probably. We're gonna let that go because it's his birthday, but that's alright. Oh, do I got free carte blanche to say we would do whatever I want today? You know, sh - no. Well, let's be honest. So that's for you. What's gonna stop me? Yes, this is the first cake piece for the birthday boy. You want to give me your plate? That sentence whooped your ass

7:32Frank Alvarez:Yeah, you're scooping it. I'm scoop. Oh, that's a perfect. Yeah, you're you're cutting thick mamas I'm not gonna lie.

7:39Joe Santagato:Yeah, I gotcha. I mean it's ice cream cake at you guessed it 11 in the morning Yeah.

7:44Frank Alvarez:Woo-hoo. And I'm sure this isn't going to turn my mouth blue. Oh, where's your plate? I need to give you a piece. I'll come.

7:48Joe Santagato:Because if you don't have a piece, it's bad luck for birthday person. Now we're just making them up. That one. But you know what? Who's going to fight me on that one? Honestly? Little piece? Little piece. You're getting a little piece. You're getting the same size as Joey and I.

8:00Frank Alvarez:The way that you cut is driving me up the wall. Why? Because you're cutting like this.

8:06Joe Santagato:I mean, I want to be delicate and gentle to this beautiful birthday cake that you guys took the effort to get for me.

8:12Frank Alvarez:Oh, you've made a mess You said that like a parent Oh, you've made a mess No, you get it

8:22Joe Santagato:It's my birthday I got you He's that guy He's now stopping

8:28Frank Alvarez:Here, here, here

8:32Frank Alvarez:I'm a fucking filthy pig

8:34Joe Santagato:Yeah, you're hype I like You like my birthday I do, I enjoy my birthday Becca on the way here was just like, I was talking to her on the phone and she's like, are you going to be one of those people that doesn't enjoy their birthday anymore? I don't think so. I like my birthday. I don't think so either.

8:48Frank Alvarez:Always have, always will. I think that you're like, since you like the nostalgia and like childlike, you know, you have like a childlike wonder, like, of course you would like birthdays. Because like, that's like, I feel like a birthday is nostalgic.

9:00Joe Santagato:I feel like there's a tinge of something there that you're trying to... You have a childlike wonder and you love nostalgia. I do. That's why I said that. And there's nothing wrong with that. Who said that?

9:13Frank Alvarez:You're on the defense, buddy.

9:15Joe Santagato:I am. I'm sorry. I'm excited. God, this is perfect. I will tell you this. This is now taking my second place. This is my second favorite cake now. Becca's cheesecake is bop, bop, bop, bop to the top, baby.

9:30Frank Alvarez:I'm back. Did you miss me? Ice cream cake?

9:32Joe Santagato:Yeah. Whoa.

9:33Frank Alvarez:Did you miss me? I'm back. Didn't even know you were gone.

9:36Joe Santagato:Oh. I don't know what this is. The blue? Whatever the blue is is the greatest tasting thing I've ever had. Ganache? No, there's no way they're pumping out ganache. I mean, I have no fucking idea what ganache even is. It's Carvel. It's not, you know, French. Oh, it's cold. It's ice cream. That's true. It was a little colder than I expected. Ooh, it's cold. Mm-hmm. Now we're talking, baby. The fucking episode is going on.

10:06Frank Alvarez:I could see the ice cream melting in your mouth when you yelled that. This is a great cake The chocolate crunchies in an ice cream cake are outrageous You know what these fucking idiots do from Carvel? Who?

10:19Joe Santagato:Carvel

10:20Frank Alvarez:I'm not what

10:22Joe Santagato:They make an ice cream flavor in their ice cream shop That's just the cake but in a big tub And it's fucking good dude It's got the crunchies in there It's got it all I'm not quite sure what this is because I know it's vanilla, but it's not at the same time, you know? It's like white, but also like white.

10:44Frank Alvarez:Nah, it's vanilla. Come on.

10:45Joe Santagato:Nah, it's something else. There's something else in there that I can't quite put my finger on.

10:50Frank Alvarez:Crack cocaine?

10:51Joe Santagato:Yo, honestly, I'm not kidding. It might be. I like to separate. Oh, boy, I probably shouldn't say this.

10:57Frank Alvarez:You like to separate the white and the brown? Yep. It's his birthday. You know, I can just tell from that bite, too, You put the black crunchies with the brown and separated that from the white.

11:08Joe Santagato:There's an equal distribution. Of the black. I don't like how you're making this a race thing. Really? Me? What? I like to separate my foods on my plates and stuff like that. I will say. We're back. Sorry.

11:33Joe Santagato:It's just for me.

11:34Frank Alvarez:That's a thumbnail. right there it's Frank's birthday you're not gonna yeah what are you doing I'm so

11:42Joe Santagato:good are you making your mouth blue you have a lot of pictures of me with my mouth blue um I think the proper way to say that is that your mouth's blue a lot

11:57Joe Santagato:not that I hoard pictures you hoard you probably have more pictures of me with my mouth agape on your phone than any other person.

12:06Frank Alvarez:Certainly not the way to say that. Certainly not. Certainly a misleading sentence.

12:11Joe Santagato:I mean, it's true. We have the one from San Diego.

12:14Frank Alvarez:Yeah, because you ate cotton candy.

12:16Joe Santagato:I was at a baseball game. What was I supposed to do? I don't know. Not eat cotton candy.

12:22Frank Alvarez:No one else. We were with a cotton candy.

12:24Joe Santagato:Yeah, because no one else is as fun as I am. You like cotton candy. I just like being the fun, like just enjoying the fun parts of life and guess what sometimes it's free cotton candy yeah i'll tell you this you put me somewhere where there's free food i'm trying everything they got you tried all the food in the thing yep did you yeah it was good are you are you a big buffet guy bro that was a big buy hello brother i love a buffet you love a buffet just taking a little

12:54Frank Alvarez:bit of this and that how do you go about choosing good you know i'm saying like do you take the one

12:58Joe Santagato:at the front do you try to get the middle you're like let me go to the back it depends on what it is like if we're looking at like the thing of um bacon i look for the crunchiest pieces which are normally sometimes in the middle how are you still chewing

13:14Frank Alvarez:this cake is whooping my fucking ass he's chewing a meltable um but i look for like the crunchiest

13:22Joe Santagato:and then with the sausages if they're links i'm fully in if they fucking dare to give me sausage patties i'm not taking a single one oh wow yeah fuck that i actually enjoy a patty i mean i like a link better but a patty gets drier quicker because there's no fucking protective layering you know what i mean protective layering yeah i know what you mean like a link it's snappy and shit but i take a little bit let me tell you something you're gonna be you're gonna like this

13:47Frank Alvarez:i love this so yesterday you know how like sometimes i tell you nicole makes those like hot dogs that aren't hot dogs yeah we're getting there close close so she she ain't gonna but she made those hot dogs yesterday dude i don't know what was going on i bit into this thing twice same dog it squirted across the room i'm not kidding yeah if i bit into it and it landed like on your desk it flew but be honest i got in big trouble because it ruined some books and they got of a rug oh no oh no the books yeah well don't get me started on these fucking coffee table books there's a million of them dude i i think like that made you like it you wouldn't have said that that

14:30Joe Santagato:was a measure of success of a good sausage or a good hot dog but then it happened and you're just like i kind of need my hot dogs to squirt across the room like this the second one i learned so i

14:41Frank Alvarez:started i put holes in it and i turned it upside down and then i took a bite and then she started pain at her you know at the bottom yeah she sat and squirted yeah well she was kind of like peeing out the front of the bun and i was like all right and it was kind of like it was like a milky text oh yeah i didn't i was kind of like not appetizing that's why i'm i'm like not fully on board with

15:02Joe Santagato:healthy hot dogs because like i don't know what it was i'm exactly if i get a regular hot dog i at least know that i don't know what it is well it wasn't a veggie it was like a like a soy or like a tofu i don't think it was tofu i'll tell you right now i will call up nicole and scream into

15:21Frank Alvarez:the phone if i hear that she gives you a tofu dog no tofu i'm not like crazy about it's like i'm eating like an eraser yeah it tastes like i'm eating nothing like a marshmallow that doesn't

15:32Joe Santagato:have a taste it tastes like i'm just biting into the like underside of a mattress or like you know

15:40Frank Alvarez:what you know what it reminds me of you know when they really compound like recycling and they make like big whatever but they if they did that with moths that's what that's a really that is a really

15:51Joe Santagato:really good like a lot of compounded moths like if i just like somehow got a silk spider to just shoot its silk into my mouth i feel like i would get more nutritional value out of that than tofu

16:01Frank Alvarez:Is that all spiders or are there specific silk spiders?

16:03Joe Santagato:I believe silk spiders are a specific set of spiders.

16:06Frank Alvarez:And is it jizz or is it pee? Or is it some other... That's a good question. I don't think it's jizz. Is it silk spider jizz? Ant, do you want to do your job for a second? I was trying to pass you a secret note. Yeah.

16:22Joe Santagato:Trying to pass a secret note that you forgot to start the timer?

16:24Frank Alvarez:Yeah, add 15 minutes to that.

16:25Joe Santagato:Okay. Yeah, hold on. Is spider silk jizz? I heard it though. I'm going to take a big ol' bite I don't want you to watch

16:32Frank Alvarez:I feel like it's going to be a mess How could I not look? Do we want it phrased exactly like that? You're Discussing Jesus It's not semen But male spiders do use a special amount of Silk called a Sperm web to handle their reproductive Fluids That feels like a yes and no That feels like a certain Regular spider silk is made of strong protein fibers. Hey!

17:01Joe Santagato:That's jizz, baby.

17:02Frank Alvarez:Well, huh? Yeah. How do you know that? Protein? Yeah. Don't worry, it's just all over.

17:13Joe Santagato:Sorry, I know people are going to hate me now.

17:19Frank Alvarez:Yeah, I don't know. When a male spider grows up, he weaves a small silk mat, then ejects sperm onto it. I mean... Oh, so that's kind of like the sock. Yeah. Except -

17:29Joe Santagato:The towel. I never got that. I mean, people jerk off in socks. Why would anyone do that? I'll be honest with you. I've never done that. Me neither. But apparently they like loaded up - Excuse me. Let me fix my sash. They like loaded up with like lotion and then just crank their shit into this safe space. I don't. I don't.

17:49Frank Alvarez:I've never done that. Have you? Uh, no. That's a yeah. No, it's because - Full yeah. Full yeah. No, because - It's a full yeah.

17:55Joe Santagato:I was just, I was under Watch this, watch this Have you done it? No Have I done it? No Have you? No See?

18:01Frank Alvarez:But I was just understanding of why, I think I mean, what could that mean? Like, it was like just a no clean up kind of thing Empathy, you have empathy for the way people jerk off into socks I get it But also, like, even in, like, movies where you're, like, a guy, like, is sitting on his bed And he's got a mountain of tissues and jergens I'm like, I've never done that either Brother, I will tell you, I have seen people

18:22Joe Santagato:Let me back up a little bit back up birthday girl when i was an ra at the end of the year after everyone moved out we would have to oh no yeah dude we would have to like go through the rooms to make sure like oh this person didn't do any damage to the room or leave anything behind because people would get charged you know to like have a store it or ship it or repair it or whatever there was one kid's room i remember very specifically we went in there and it first of all stunk like what you know what it smelled like you know those those fucking trees in in astoria that you walk by they had the little shit berries on the country the countries it smelled like that mixed in with like the upper inner parts of your asshole what kind of weekend did he have fuck a weekend it was a whole year And then we moved the bed and we saw tissues and socks.

19:20Joe Santagato:Oh, you saw paraphernalia. Fuck paraphernalia. We saw the fucking murder victim crime tool, whatever. God. He was murdering sperm. What an insane episode. I mean, if the music didn't get us demonetized, it is absolutely gone. No, I'm staying over it. We're fine. Yeah. But then there was another story that, this didn't happen to me specifically, but someone I worked with told the story that they found someone's used fleshlight and it like we're going

19:48Frank Alvarez:off this it's your birthday I'm done with this are you kidding me well you don't want to talk about used fleshlights on my birthday no I would rather talk about you and your birthday and not and not a random okay person's I'm not I'm not opposed to that so you're 34 now damn I am see

20:04Joe Santagato:you're first of all that was Kevin Hart I know it was Kevin Hart he was doing Kevin Hart on What was that? His own show, I think Oh, yeah

20:13Frank Alvarez:Don Cheadle, I think It was Don Cheadle Sorry, that was just That was coming You're 34 34 And how are you feeling? Are you feeling old? Are you feeling cricking your necks and stuff? Oh, yeah I mean, the necks You're cracking You're making a lot of moans

20:27Joe Santagato:Yeah, my toes hurt randomly Your toes hurt? Yes, they do Interesting I did have a I did have like an old Plan B is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan. It specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation. Plan B is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like DoorDash. No ID, prescription, or age requirement. It's the number one OBGYN-recommended brand of emergency contraception, and it won't impact your future fertility. That's freedom to be. Use as directed.

21:05Joe Santagato:Old person moment last night. Oh, last night. Yeah, I was in the shower. And I was getting ready to wash myself.

21:14Frank Alvarez:What does that mean?

21:17Joe Santagato:What do you mean you were getting ready to wash? I was just like, so I do a pre-wash. I go in, I do a rinse. I do my things. And then I lather up and get the soap ready. To get everything wet. That was you spreading your ass, to be clear. I mean, there was no specific.

21:34Frank Alvarez:You went like this and then also this.

21:38Joe Santagato:I'm just doing hand things. No problem. You're soaking wet now. I'm just, and then I was getting the soap all conjured and bubbly and soapy, and I smelt my grandmother.

21:51Frank Alvarez:Like a holy spirit?

21:54Joe Santagato:Not like she is coming down and watching over me, which, what a time to watch over.

21:59Frank Alvarez:Yeah.

21:59Joe Santagato:But, like, I smelt, and it was like, oh, my God, that's what my grandmother smelled like. And I realized that, like, I'm approaching that.

22:05Frank Alvarez:but but mathematically or not i mean mathematically like you just naturally as you age you will start to smell like your grandmother yeah okay i feel like i've smelled your grandma before and i and i i don't want to you can you can i love her but she didn't smell great you know yeah i know it's all right that's why i was worried so you were in there going what's that you've never been in the bathroom and smelled something and just be like dad uh no yeah you have i've been in a deli and smelled my dad for sure yeah are you sure he smells like prosciutto i love that i don't hate that yeah like a spiced meat like a dry cured meat

22:54Joe Santagato:just a just a counter yeah like a deli i mean i mean maybe we can get into therapy about this because you do love your cured meats.

23:02Frank Alvarez:Hey, maybe we should talk about you in the shower smelling your grandma. Yeah. That feels like a different type of...

23:08Joe Santagato:I just like, it was a moment where I was just like, oh my God, like I'm going to grow up and smell like my grandmother did, which was not pleasant. Did you smell like your grandma? Was this before or after you spread your butt cheeks?

23:17Frank Alvarez:It's after we got that. Well, hold on.

23:20Joe Santagato:No one said I was spreading anything. No, we saw from the hands.

23:23Frank Alvarez:I was just doing hand things. But you do spread. Of course you spread your ass in the shower. We're all spreading our ass in the shower. If we're not, we're not cleaning our ass. All right. Since we're all in this together, I do spread my ass. You spread your ass. Do you spread your ass? Oh, I thought we were going to get him with a ha-ha. Oh, my God. He got him. What an idiot. No, dude. I'm over there. I'm letting it, you know. Yeah, I just don't smell my grandma after. No, me neither. I get direct contact with the shower head to my hiney. Oh, you're bending over like that? I mean, I'm not like going over and getting this thing to pressure wash me.

23:57Joe Santagato:No, I'm not like a trapeze artist. That's what the bidet is for. Yeah. No, it's not pressure washing my ass. It's not doing that. Bidets got some pressure to them.

24:08Frank Alvarez:But I'm not like, you know, banking on my spine, funneling the water down perfectly through my crack to clean my butt. I'm cleaning my butt.

24:17Joe Santagato:I mean, I think I've figured out a way to kind of like maneuver my back so it creates like a river delta right above my asshole. You know what I mean? Like it knows.

24:27Frank Alvarez:So you don't open up, you don't park to see? A little bit, but not to the point. A little bit, brother. You gotta get in there and fucking heeel. Listen.

24:35Joe Santagato:Not to brag. You use your back to get to your asshole? Yeah, brother. It's like you could figure out how to get the water to go a certain way. What are you, an airbender? What is that? I'm not an airbender.

24:48Frank Alvarez:It's like fucking. I believe it would be waterbending. Waterbending? It would be waterbending. That is true. Yeah. I'm just bending.

24:54Joe Santagato:We've heard. I'm bending and spedding. I mean it's like one of those things where like you can like go like this and do that to yourself right now. You could feel like a trench in your back. Peaks and valleys. So if I create a valley going down my back directly into my asshole, the water has one way to go.

25:15Frank Alvarez:Yeah, but you're just relying on like, you know, are you familiar with erosion? Yeah, I have human skin. It takes thousands of years. It takes thousands of years, Frank. I have human skin, not constantly running water down my fucking, you know. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if there is residue in your... In order to erode that away, it's going to take thousands of years with your little river. This is why you got to get in there and fucking...

25:39Joe Santagato:But the river is not meant to clean it. The river is just meant to like... You know how when you fucking have a... What's meant to clean it then? This is the issue. The soap. The soap is meant to clean it. How's the soap get in there? That gets next. That's the next part of it. This is like the idea of when you have a bowl of cereal, you pre-dunk your cereal into the milk just to get it wet to introduce a little moisture.

25:59Frank Alvarez:How's the soap get in there?

26:00Joe Santagato:I lather it up and I fucking throw it in there. Oh, so you get in there. I get in there, but I'm not at that point yet.

26:07Frank Alvarez:Oh. If you took 10 seconds to let me explain. I was just asking if you're bent over in the shower on your birthday. Is that a big deal? I thought you were also putting soap at the top like a butt-cleaning luge.

26:16Joe Santagato:That's what I thought. I'll tell you exactly how I shower because I know that's what you guys are afraid to ask.

26:21Frank Alvarez:I feel like we've heard this before, but now this back luge is a new thing.

26:25Joe Santagato:The back luge is just to introduce water to my body. It's not in replacement of soap. It's not taking the place of cleaning. It is just like pre-dunking my butt into water.

26:41Frank Alvarez:Got it.

26:42Joe Santagato:That's all it is. Okay. And there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't say that. And then after it's wet, I feel like the soap does a better job at adhering and cleaning when there is also water there.

26:55Frank Alvarez:Yeah, they're boys. You got to make the soap feel comfortable. I know what water is.

26:59Joe Santagato:Like, go into the shower and try to dry rub your skin with a bar of soap. It comes out like a film on there. You want to get it wet on wet so it soaps up. Yeah, yeah. That's all I was saying. Well, that's all I was saying. Well, you danced around your butt a little bit. I think you were just astonished at the fact that I can bend water down my back at will.

27:24Frank Alvarez:At will? Yes. No, I'm not astonished. I'm just saying, like, you know, you're taking the long way. You could just, like, take a direct flight, bang, right to your butt. Do me a favor.

27:36Joe Santagato:Next time you shower, go in there and just be Goldberg. Just, like, you know, like, and, like, you'll see. you can maneuver water down your back. Yeah. I know that the water gets there. Would this be a FaceTime situation?

27:50Frank Alvarez:No. Just to prove it? You're a freak. That's my alone time in my shower.

27:55Joe Santagato:I mean, that was my, like, I was known as, like, a shower FaceTimer for years.

28:01Frank Alvarez:Exclusively. I stopped picking up FaceTimes. I forgot.

28:04Joe Santagato:I'm like, I know he's showering.

28:05Frank Alvarez:Was I allowed to say that you FaceTimed me in the bath or no?

28:08Joe Santagato:I think we said I was going to do it on this episode. We said I was going to do it and then I did confirm do it. Yeah, he did do it, yeah. Yeah.

28:13Frank Alvarez:Oh, and you made sure that your penis wasn't in the reflection. Oh, it was just face. It was just face.

28:17Joe Santagato:Neck up, baby. Yeah, it was just face. Also, you couldn't have seen anything. Bubbles. And dark. What?

28:22Frank Alvarez:Dark? It was dark in there, yeah. Oh, you like lit candles? I think I might have lit candles that night. Oh, shit.

28:26Joe Santagato:You were taking yourself on a little honeymoon? Listen, man, I like to promote my own self-care, and I'm going to light some candles for myself every now and then.

28:34Frank Alvarez:And he was a man of his word, and he did it.

28:36Joe Santagato:It's us. And then you called me. He was in the tub. No, he was streaming. It was during the card-a-thon. but I got we and I sometimes joke like the scariest thing that can happen is a just an unannounced phone call from Joey oh yeah it's the worst or an 8 a.m text yo no that's actually the

28:56Frank Alvarez:worst that's scary but I mean those are just reserved for things that are fucked exactly just imagine though like because he doesn't call people often and I don't think he's a big

29:06Joe Santagato:phone call type of guy but imagine just an unannounced phone call from him yeah at 10 in the morning the problem is when he texts you yo at eight in the morning

29:16Frank Alvarez:you know it's bad but the problem is he doesn't start the text any different at like 2 p.m well because i start because if i'm going to text you and i need you to answer quickly or like i or something like that i'll say yo hoping that unassuming answer by the time i'm done telling you what's going on got it you know what i mean got it so he like sneaks atrojan horses me with the yo i'm actually i mean i think it's her no no no 8 a.m yo is bad oh i know um but if i by but if i wrote out this whole thing and sent it to you and i didn't hear from you for like 45 minutes that would be 45 minutes of like i'm in my own hell yeah that that happens to me because

29:54Joe Santagato:i often put my phone down so i'll text and then put my phone down for two hours and then pick it up and be like, I didn't, I never answered. Two hours.

30:05Frank Alvarez:There have been longer. 15. Continue a conversation 15 hours later. Like 15 hours didn't pass. And I'm like, what were you? Cryogenically frozen? And you're just like, oh, oh yeah, no, yeah, no problem. I'm like, what? No problem. It's bad. It's bad. It's bad.

30:22Joe Santagato:It's bad. And I've been working on it. I think you could say that I have made passes in the right direction. but the point that I was trying to make is that you unannounced calling me at 10.30 in the morning scared the fucking shit out of me and it was just so I could sing Aerosmith's I Don't Want to Miss a Thing I want to say how much of the song did you do? he asked me to do specifically the high note

30:48Frank Alvarez:and even when I dream that one I dream of you can you do it? seriously, why not? I'm saying no Can you try? I'd like to not.

31:00Joe Santagato:Damn. That's fine. This guy doesn't understand entertainment.

31:02Frank Alvarez:That's how you say no, ladies and gentlemen. He's setting healthy boundaries. That's what it is.

31:07Joe Santagato:You literally just asked me about the way in which I spread my ass cheeks. And you could have said, I don't want to answer. However, we got the luge. You know what? That's how we get the luge, baby. He got it. He figured it out.

31:18Frank Alvarez:Maybe we should get to right after. You know what? Why don't we do an easy segue from your asshole to the ass? assholes to add add add rolls I like that first one we have here, Ollipop delicious right here, I'm actually going to pop it I was waiting to pop it I don't know if we could sing this song I just said it once

31:42Joe Santagato:no, but there's another song that sounds like Ollipop wouldn't do that

31:46Frank Alvarez:Ollipop is a feel good soda that combines the classic soda taste with the benefits of high fiber to support digestive health I have a mini fridge in my apartment. There's always all I pop in it. Okay. Uh, I love these because this one specifically only three sugars and six grams of dietary fiber. I want that fiber. Okay. It's an easy way to get fiber. I prioritize fiber in my diet. So if that's something that you want to do, this is a cool way to do it. They taste good. This one is the root beer tastes like root beer. Just like when you were a child. Okay. But, uh, only three sugars, 35, uh, calories and uh like i said six grams of fiber so it's good high fiber less sugar traditional soda uh real ingredients thoughtful formulation they have a bunch of different ones too frank's got the cream soda over there there's grape there's other ones that i don't know the name of right now but i i've i've had pretty much all of them um and i like all of them i think they're all great so olipop

32:47Frank Alvarez:you gotta take that again ollie pop you gotta take that one more time just just say ollie pop and ollie pop just pop me shouldn't say that no no no but you could buy uh any two cans of ollie pop in store um and they'll pay you back for one go to drink ollie pop.com slash basement though and uh it's It's available in the soda aisle, probably in your local spot. So go check it out. Get yourself an Olipop. And you can go to drinkolipop.com slash basement. Get some. Get some. I'm going to suggest these two are my faves. Root beer is probably my favorite. Cream is – sometimes the cream jumps over the root beer, but these are my favorites.

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34:35Frank Alvarez:So again, that is squarespace.com slash basement to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement. And we also have skims. Oh, skims. Skims, they make underwear not just for women but for men also, and they're very comfortable. They've sent us a bunch of pairs, and they're very luxurious feeling. I like wearing them. They're nice and breathable, and their colors are really cool. and yeah they're like a they're not like a cheap material i've never had a pair that have like ripped or just like got worn out or anything like that and i've had them for a while now so definitely go check them out i think it's a good gift uh for anyone especially if you have like a friend or you know a relative or whatever it's always it's just a it's a solid gift to give somebody and it's also a good gift to give yourself as well um so for all the guys out there skims is not just for women and for the women out there skims you know uh so you can go to skims.com slash basement right now and shop the best underwear for men and women at skims.com.

35:38Frank Alvarez:Let them know that we send you. After you place the order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows. But again, that is skims.com. Go get yourself some underpants. Love that.

35:49Joe Santagato:And listen, do you want to make the birthday girl happy? Why don't you go to a couple different websites for me, okay? Number one, stop number one, patreon.com slash the basement yard. It's a subscription service where we give you us a little earlier and a little bit extra. You can take a gander at what we got going on at patreon.com slash the basement yard and you'll see that that first tier to where you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance seven whole days. That's beautiful. And then that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you'll get a new episode Monday.

36:18Joe Santagato:You'll get an episode on Friday and you can watch everything that has been there for years and years and years at this point. So if you're new to Patreon or you ducked out for a little bit there's hundreds of hours of unseen footage that you have not yet gotten your beautiful little eyes on. So go check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard. Your guys' support is, we cannot keep up with it. Put it like that. We are at over 52 ,000 paid patrons and the love and support is not gotten unnoticed. We are figuring out what we can do to thank you for 50. And by the time we get to 60, we might need to figure that out too.

36:51Joe Santagato:So thank you so much for all the love and all the support. Go check it out at patreon.com slash the basement yard and save yourself a couple extra bucks when you're doing it by going on a web browser. If you use the smart app on your phone, it's going to take a couple extra bucks from you and save yourself some money while you're trying to save yourself from the sadness and you're being happy with us. So patreon.com slash the basement yard. Thank you. And we'll see you there. Next up, the boys are going back on the road. That's right. If you go to the basement yard.com, my sash fell. Let me pull it up over here.

37:21Joe Santagato:If you go to the basement yard.

37:27Joe Santagato:if you go to thebasementyard.com you'll see that we have our live shows listed on the website we might be coming to a venue or a city near you or if you want to take a trip go check it out a lot of tickets have gone I'm not going to sit here and try to you know sugarcoat it for you a lot of them are gone and you might not be able to go to your first choice of a show but take a gander See if you want to come out to another show. We are trying really hard to make it as unique and fun as possible, and we want to see you there. So go to TheBasementYard.com and check it out. And while you're doing that, if you go to TheBasementYard.com and you just put a little backslash submit, you're going to see a submission form.

38:04Joe Santagato:If you came to any of those shows during our first two live show tours, you will see that we did, or you will remember that we did those live card submissions. So you guys would go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit, and you would submit a card and we would talk to you about you with you it got fucking insane and all crazy well this time we're doing something a little similar but also a little different so what you could do is go to thebasementyard.com and you could submit an out of context picture from your camera roll and we're going to pull that bad boy up so you go to the website you use the drop down menu let us know what show you're coming to submit the picture from your camera roll it could be crazy insane it will be vetted by greg so best of luck and then you could tell some story behind the photo so we have some context if we need it.

38:49Joe Santagato:And then you can put your name and if you're going to be at the show, maybe we'll talk to you or whatever. But we're really, really excited. This is going to be incredible and super fun. So go check it out. Again, that's thebasemanyard.com slash submit. And just to kind of refresh everyone's beautiful memory, patreon.com slash thebasemanyard, thebasemanyard.com for live show information, and then thebasemanyard.com slash submit for those photo submissions if you're coming to any of the live shows we're excited and uh the day is rapidly approaching so first stop on this tour we'll uh we'll see you there all right what a beautiful the birthday girl like this keeps coming like turning and shit like that it's yeah i don't know um so i have another question for you

39:34Frank Alvarez:about your birthday oh sure yeah you just turned 34 yes so what do you think was your most memorable moment of the year 33. Not including the obvious.

39:47Joe Santagato:I mean I can't tell you how much fun I had on our like first family trip because that was our first family like trip on a plane.

39:56Frank Alvarez:Just snuck it in right before.

39:58Joe Santagato:Right before the birthday. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I can't tell you how like personally rewarding that was to me to like I've I've shared with you some of the challenges of being in our position you know and like you know live shows and stuff like that and being a father and and you know having a family so being able to see the fruits of my labor like on a vacation and seeing the kids enjoy themselves and being able to give them something along with Becca, you know, like us two being able to give that to them was, I will never, like, you will never be able to take the memory of their smiles and excitement and happiness from me.

40:38Joe Santagato:I love that so much.

40:40Frank Alvarez:Fruits of his labor, that shit was a villa. That's what that sounds like. It sounds like.

40:47Joe Santagato:To see the fruit, the ceilings are 14 feet high in here. Listen, man, we opened up to a fucking lawn and then the beach, bitch.

40:55Frank Alvarez:No, that's awesome.

40:56Joe Santagato:But, uh. Ow! I got pinched. Oh, no. Fuck. No, but it's been an incredibly memorable year. I mean, just like so dense. And just fucking. What? Oh, my God. The year's been so dense. Just like it's been such a dense year of like, you know, like that. And then late night and, you know, MSG. You know, there's just been so much. And I'm so lucky.

41:25Frank Alvarez:And then also, what are you hoping to accomplish in our year 34?

41:31Joe Santagato:The year of our Lord 34. Right. Man, that's tough. I mean, I really want to just kind of double down on the things that make me happy and continuing. I need to work better at like removing stress. I found recently I allow stress to get to me really, really bad. Like I become not a joy to be around and I just I'm not good with dealing with it So I really want to double down on the things that make me happy and you are My family my my you want to double down on your family. I want to double down on my wife

42:08Frank Alvarez:I can't do that I can't be involved

42:11Joe Santagato:No, it's just like the things that bring me joy is like really continue to focus on those and then remove stress as much as that. Or just be fucking a little more Teflon, you know? Just like allow certain things to roll off my back. Because I direct them into your ass.

42:29Frank Alvarez:Allow things to roll off my back and into my ass.

42:32Joe Santagato:You know what I mean? I mean, what is life if you're not making stress roll off your back and into your fucking asshole?

42:39Frank Alvarez:A bunch of stuff, I think. Really? Other than that, yeah. Like quarters. Quarters? That'd be a cool party trick if you could do that. You think you could do that? roll it down from your spine to your and catch it with your butt cheeks i think you could do that get a quarter naked top of your neck drop it down your spine catch it in your butt i guarantee i

42:59Joe Santagato:could do that i feel like i could too have you ever i i know a good trick with a quarter but i don't think we have the equipment for it a quarter a quarter a pencil and a blank sheet of paper oh what actually i don't know the trick it's like unimpressive you don't know actually now

43:16Frank Alvarez:I don't even think about it. That's probably tough. To, like, guide a quarter down into your asshole? I mean, it's not going to go in my hole, but I've got to catch it with my butt cheeks.

43:25Joe Santagato:I mean, first of all, there is no realistic way that we are going to do this.

43:29Frank Alvarez:No. I'm saying, like, on our own. Scout's honor.

43:33Joe Santagato:I think Scout's honor is three.

43:34Frank Alvarez:Who's this, then?

43:35Joe Santagato:I think that's Dr. Strange.

43:38Frank Alvarez:This is Dr.

43:38Joe Santagato:Strange. Yes. That's also... This is nipples. There's a three finger difference between nipples, Doctor Strange, Scouts Honor And then who's that?

43:49Frank Alvarez:You're getting pretty close This feels like Doctor Strange No, Doctor Strange is actually this Yeah, yeah This is The shocker is in there somewhere This is Smash Mouth

44:00Joe Santagato:Uh, sure Yeah, Smash Mouth can have that one I feel like two is Nixon He has two for a while Right So This is Jeff Hardy That's These are the Hardy Boys but you have to put them in your mouth or or go out yeah you know that's that's spock spock that's spock klingons yeah this is um can't forget that one this is mittens this is oh i was and this is um ninja turtles or this one is ninja turtles actually yeah you can't do it can you oh yeah Do it high. Do it high? You can do it down, do it up. Tupac? Careful. West Coast? I mean, you don't want to upset anyone. Definitely not them on the West Coast.

44:47Joe Santagato:Look at what just happened. What happened? Kendrick will make a song about you, and then you're going to get flamed on the internet for the rest of your life.

44:54Frank Alvarez:What about that one?

44:55Joe Santagato:Yeah, that's the shocker, obviously. And then the reverse shocker. This is also Matt Hardy. version one reverse shock oh this is a dog yeah this is dog this is dog yeah no that's dragon

45:10Frank Alvarez:that's dragon this is dog i do this thing now with with nicole when i'm at night when i'm tired because she refuses to get into bed before she's like going to bed um i'll just like look at her and i'd be like and i'll do like a bt with my hands oh bt bedtime

45:31Joe Santagato:I used to be able to do every letter with my fingers. I used to, but I've stopped.

45:40Frank Alvarez:You make it sound like it was something you were struggling with.

45:42Joe Santagato:I mean, it's pretty impressive. God, I used to do it, but I had a kick. It's pretty impressive. A, B, C, D, E, F, G. H was a little tricky.

45:58Frank Alvarez:Yeah, I bet it is.

45:59Joe Santagato:It was like.

45:59Frank Alvarez:How would you possibly do a Z without two hands?

46:02Joe Santagato:It was like this. It's not. Again, I've not done it in a while. My finger dexterity is not where it was. Used to be more loose. Now you're all stiff. Well, I'm getting older. That osteoporosis is going to probably come get me eventually. Knock on the door and say, hey, we're here.

46:20Frank Alvarez:Wow. Is there a lesson you learned in 33 that you're taking with you to 34 and beyond?

46:25Joe Santagato:I didn't know we were asking deep questions today. We were just talking about guiding water through my ass.

46:30Frank Alvarez:Bro, this is a peaks and valleys kind of show. Okay, yeah, sure. Can you repeat the question, please, sir? Is there anything in 33 that you learned that you're going to take with you to 34 and beyond? No. That could be the answer.

46:46Joe Santagato:No, I mean, of course there are. I mean, I can't think of any for the sake of answering the question right now.

46:52Frank Alvarez:What if I was Seth Meyers? What if I'm Jimmy Kimmel? What if I'm Jimmy Fallon? why are they all named jimmy yeah there's a bunch of jimmy what is this um i think you know like

47:05Joe Santagato:humility and like trying to remain humble you know like we've done some cool things but i really struggle with like acknowledging that we've done cool things and then like also remaining humble at the same time and trying to be like generous with giving back to my community and stuff you know i really really really like i don't think you realized how much i enjoyed the happy cry partnership with sharing excess like that like becca and i the rest of the night kept talking about that like it felt so again rewarding and like being able to do that and see the fruits of my labor more fruit and more fruit baby and we were giving out a ton of fruit too that's true a A lot of mangoes.

47:50Joe Santagato:A lot of mangoes and pia plantains, brother.

47:54Frank Alvarez:Oh, yeah, they were going nuts. Bananas, dude. The bananas were so green.

47:58Joe Santagato:Very good, but who cares? I mean, it's good. Leave them on the counter a little bit. Yeah, and they give off a toxin that ripens everything around them.

48:05Frank Alvarez:Nanners? You didn't know that?

48:07Joe Santagato:Wait, green ones are just nanners? Nanners. If you put nanners next to, like, an unripe fruit, it gives off a toxin to help speed up the ripening process. Yo, fruit are great. Fruit's nuts, dude. That's... I know, I know.

48:21Frank Alvarez:He's fact-checking you. Yeah, they do. Ethylene. Ethylene. Yeah, baby. Breaks down cell walls, turning starches into sugars. Here's the thing.

48:32Joe Santagato:This AI answer on Google, I only don't say it's a piece of shit when it proves I'm right. Right.

48:40Frank Alvarez:It just summarizes all these.

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49:44Joe Santagato:Yeah, things. I don't believe that though. Because look where it's pulling from. The fruit ball effect.

49:50Frank Alvarez:From Reddit. Actually, yeah, that's probably not good. See, that's happened before, too. That's bullshit. Leaving bananas loose in a fruit basket causes nearby sensitive products to spoil and overripen much faster. I believe that as well. It would cause that as well. Yeah, thanks, Reddit. You know what I hate? When bananas get wet. Like, eventually they get overripe and they shit.

50:10Joe Santagato:Have you ever seen the guy that just eats those?

50:12Frank Alvarez:Yeah, he, like, sucks it like a fucking asshole. Yo, I'm not kidding. think he it's like fully brown he opens it and it's like literally a stick of poop and he eats it look up the video because i'll try to find it i've never seen that it's literally like a

50:26Joe Santagato:it's literally like he cuts the top and then just goes he drinks it like it's a gel they say that's the time to make banana bread yeah you have to wait like you you wait till they're like that and then you get the best banana bread possible i have basically black bananas in my freezer right now

50:43Frank Alvarez:So do we.

50:44Joe Santagato:And it's because you let them thaw out and you make the best banana bread. Becca makes banana nut muffins sometimes.

50:54Joe Santagato:Completely unnecessary. And very painful.

50:56Frank Alvarez:Honestly, I feel like I hurt your teeth. That hurt because I'm wearing a ring, too. When was the last time you touched your teeth? All the time. You touched your teeth all the time? Yeah. Why? I mean, I bite my teeth. I like to like... That doesn't count. No, but I get in there with my fingers. Oh, yeah, I do that, too.

51:15Joe Santagato:Look at this guy. Oh, God. Oh, it's going to make me gag.

51:18Frank Alvarez:Is it this guy? Yeah. Wait. Oh! It's a bunch of... This one, it's... Oh, this guy's a bastard, dude.

51:35Frank Alvarez:He can't like that. I can't. See, he drank that one. Oh, come on. That was insane. As long as I don't look at Frank, my eyes are watered. That's insane, dude. Yo, the double-handing doesn't help either. That one. That one's really visceral. That one's so bad. Did he just eat the skin? Did I just eat the skin? Did he eat the skin just - Yeah, that one's insane, bro. Like fucking K-Packs. He literally just like ate that - You don't have to suck it off the plate. Alright, this is on loop now. I'm like, no enough. We've seen this enough.

52:04Joe Santagato:We're giving this guy more views than he's gotten all fucking week. You can watch him eat the peel again if you want.

52:08Frank Alvarez:That's not true. There you go. Look, he's got 39 likes. Is that his page? It might not be. It might just be a compilation. Oh, look. It was posted the day after my birthday. Hey. He likes things like that. Yeah, he does. That's cute. I do. I like it. Sorry.

52:22Joe Santagato:That got me to gag a little bit. I apologize.

52:24Frank Alvarez:Birthday girl wanted a gag.

52:25Joe Santagato:Yeah, but what I'm trying to, like a big takeaway is being, you know, giving back to my community and trying to pay it forward when I can because I fully acknowledge that I am in my position because I am A, very lucky, and B, I've been given an opportunity by whether it be the universe, different people, whatever. So I want to make the most of it.

52:49Frank Alvarez:It's beautiful.

52:50Joe Santagato:That Happy Cry Fun event that we did, like the volunteer, that shit was mad fun.

52:54Frank Alvarez:Yeah, that was awesome.

52:56Joe Santagato:I will tell you this. I'm not going to say it. Never mind. I don't want to give these losers any fucking attention. Who? Not sharing excess. They're not losers. They're really cool. Yeah, who are you talking about? There was like someone in the comments I was just like, Like, these guys are cool, but, like, just fucking do it and don't post anything. And I just wanted to, like, respond like, you're a fucking nerd.

53:14Frank Alvarez:Well, also, like, the whole point is, like, we're trying to raise money. People should know where their money is going. That's why we're filming it.

53:20Joe Santagato:The internet.

53:21Frank Alvarez:No, I know.

53:22Joe Santagato:It's smarter than anyone ever.

53:23Frank Alvarez:I just think that, like, that's a gut reaction to anything like that. Because there are people who film stuff that shouldn't be filmed. And they're kind of exploiting, you know, whatever. A homeless person is like, oh, I'll give you a dollar. And they want to film it.

53:34Joe Santagato:Well, that's the thing is I honestly like I used to have that mentality. But with stuff like that, where it's just like I'm posting a video of me giving a homeless man a bag of McDonald's. Like, just do it.

53:45Frank Alvarez:If you're trying to profit off of it for yourself. But that's not what we're doing. We're filming these things because we put the videos out because we're raising money. This is other people's money that we're using to make these things happen. So they should know where the money is going.

53:57Joe Santagato:And I mean, also, in essence, it's costing us way more money than it is. I don't even think it's making any money. no there is no problem there is no profit at all and we have to pay for everything the transportation i i submitted my uh my reimbursement for that by the way no problem

54:15Frank Alvarez:yeah you keep saying we and i'm like oh okay well i'll send that right back to you then

54:22yeah um yeah oh jesus christ sorry we do have some more ads here oh you do those bananas

54:29Frank Alvarez:fucked me up yeah the way he two-handed it was gross um two-handed two-handing bananas into the rest of the ads go ahead so we do have uh rocket money here rocket money is an all-in-one personal finance app that's going to put money back in your pocket they're going to do that in a couple of ways the first one being they're going to find and cancel and want the subscriptions that you may have signed up for maybe you knew you signed up for it but now you're realizing i haven't used this in months i'm just going to cut this off so i could save some money and not just aimlessly pay for this thing that I'm not really using.

54:59Frank Alvarez:It'll help you organize all your stuff. You can see all of your expenses in one place and you can cancel the ones that you're not using anymore and things like that. Also, if you sign up for a free trial and it kicked in and you didn't realize or something like that, cancel it. So just make you more organized with your expenses. They also have a budgeting tool. So if you want to be more financially responsible, which we all can be, you set a budget for yourself so that you can grow your savings. Make sure you're not going over that and you can grow your savings. Also, they have a tool that you can upload a picture of your bill and if they can help you lower it, they will do that as well.

55:33Frank Alvarez:So it's all about putting the money back in your pocket and it has saved people a bunch of money. I know numerous people that have used it. I've used it before. It's really nice to see all your expenses in one place and you can track your spending of like, okay, I spent too much money last month. Maybe I need to, it's good. So you can go check it out. Go to rockamoney.com slash basement to get started. Let them help you. They have a bunch of little tools and stuff, and they have premiums as well that are going to help you as well. So go to rocketmoney.com slash basement to get started today. Again, that is rocketmoney.com slash basement.

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57:17Joe Santagato:and important safety information okay beautiful do you have any more questions uh no uh i want more oh um let's ask you because i didn't ask you these questions on your birthday did i I don't know. Probably didn't care enough. But I care now. What have you learned over the last year?

57:42Frank Alvarez:More Spanish. More Spanish.

57:46Joe Santagato:That Duolingo's working overtime, huh?

57:47Frank Alvarez:I haven't done it in a bit, actually.

57:49Joe Santagato:I'm surprised you're going Spanish and not French.

57:55Why?

57:56Joe Santagato:One, you spend a lot of time up in Canada. Two. Yeah, but none of them are French-speaking.

58:01Frank Alvarez:you would love to spend more time in parents yeah i mean where did you get that what you would love to spend more time in france i think that's a safe assumption because you enjoyed it when you

58:13Joe Santagato:went doesn't mean i want to spend my time there i said spend more time i don't think i need to

58:19Frank Alvarez:learn french i wouldn't really use it doesn't have a lot of day-to-day like application but you want to go you don't want to go hang out in monaco it's not high on my list to be honest

58:29Joe Santagato:Really? Isn't the south of France like where people want to go?

58:33Frank Alvarez:Yeah, I mean, Monaco is its own thing. Oh, that's its own country.

58:36Joe Santagato:That's right.

58:36Frank Alvarez:Like, I would love to go to Nice. Go. Marseille.

58:41Joe Santagato:Go.

58:42Frank Alvarez:Yeah.

58:43Joe Santagato:Versailles. That's a place, right? I know because of the treaty. In France. I know because of the treaty.

58:49Frank Alvarez:But yeah, Spanish, I think is, you know. I'm shocked you haven't been to Italy yet. I know, that's bad. Your parents, well, your dad is probably pissed. My parents aren't even Italian. Your dad is. No, they're both. Well, I don't even know.

59:03Joe Santagato:You literally were just saying how your dad smells like prosciutto.

59:05Frank Alvarez:Nothing is more Italian than that. What I mean by that is that he's Italian, but he's like American. Like he's not like in touch with Italian roots. Do me a favor.

59:14Joe Santagato:Next time you speak with him, just be like, dad, how do you honestly feel about Christopher Columbus? And see, like just report back on how long the answer was. You don't need to tell me what he said.

59:23Frank Alvarez:I don't think that he's going to have an opinion at all. That's like, that's like a thing.

59:27Joe Santagato:Like Italian people love him. They love, like, Christopher Columbus. Yeah. Which is, didn't he sail for Spain?

59:35Frank Alvarez:Yeah, but he was Italian. But he was Italian. But he was like, yeah, I'm going to play for Spain, though.

59:41Joe Santagato:Gotcha. So it's like Messi playing for Inter-Miami.

59:45Frank Alvarez:It's like Messi going and playing for Barcelona, yeah. Because he's Argentinian, but he went to Spain.

59:50Joe Santagato:Or that's like Lewis Hamilton driving for Mercedes. Or Cadillac.

59:58Frank Alvarez:Is Mercedes an American company? I don't think so. I think it's Japanese. You can look it up. Is it?

1:00:03Joe Santagato:I feel like you kind of crushed it. I might be wrong. I might be wrong. I might be wrong. I don't want to make anyone upset. Mercedes? Yeah. I'd love to keep them in good graces just in case they send me an SL.

1:00:13Frank Alvarez:Are they going to be like, you don't know where this is? It's Japanese. No, it's not. German. German.

1:00:19Joe Santagato:Okay.

1:00:20Frank Alvarez:Surprising. Yeah. I think Mitsubishi is Japanese. Mitsubishi is, I mean, it's right there.

1:00:24Joe Santagato:Hyundai, Honda, Mitsubishi. those are all Japanese.

1:00:28Frank Alvarez:I feel like you kind of crushed it with a messy analogy probably.

1:00:31Joe Santagato:I should have just left it there.

1:00:32Frank Alvarez:Probably. Probably should have just quit while I was at... Can I say something?

1:00:36Joe Santagato:I think we brought it up last time he wore it too. That sweatshirt.

1:00:40Frank Alvarez:Oh, you like this?

1:00:41Joe Santagato:Yeah, I was in love with that dog.

1:00:42Frank Alvarez:Yeah, me too.

1:00:44Joe Santagato:Yeah. Was anyone not? There are certain like 90s cartoon icons like Roxanne, Jessica Rabbit, but I guess that was the 80s. Lola Bunny dude we did one of the first one of the first Patreon episodes we did or maybe it was like a year after I joined was we did like those like cartoon heartthrobs from when we were kids we should revisit that and see how he feels about it because no one knew you're gonna be like oh I love so and so from Steven Universe we're gonna have to take him off the

1:01:18Frank Alvarez:fucking camera if we do that get too excited oh don't do that don't do that you're gonna be like

1:01:24Joe Santagato:oh my god Kira from The Last Airbender. She's from... That's a pretty good poll. Yeah. I don't know how that is. Yeah, that's a... I haven't watched that show. That was like... I was cool.

1:01:35Frank Alvarez:Is that the one with the... It's like a bald dude with a... An arrow on his head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does the arrow signify? It's like a purity airbending thing. I think it's Kara, by the way, but it's fine. Kiara? I think it's Kara. I think it's Kara. Forgive me. It's his birthday. Let him miss put down stuff. They're gonna... I'm trying to help... What do you want for your birthday?

1:01:56Joe Santagato:um good question i i'm not like hot dog well yeah i want that always not food wise oh oh that's tough i mean i i just enjoy yeah hanging out yeah he's media trained no i'm serious like i like gifts brother i fucking love don't get me wrong but like i'm not at an age where i'm gonna be like oh i want this this and this and this not that there's anything wrong with that It's just not who I am. Right. So, like, I think I just want to just hang out. What about something that doesn't exist, like a Lego, an official Lego Megazord set or something? See, but we're getting that soon, though. Oh. I mean, if you want me to, like, start naming, like, things.

1:02:37Joe Santagato:But do you like Lego?

1:02:39Frank Alvarez:Brother, I love Legos. Oh, I thought that was, like, a Miles thing.

1:02:42Joe Santagato:It is. It's an all-of-our-kids thing. It's like a household thing now. Yeah. But Becca actually got me last year for my birthday. I haven't built it yet. it's a lego set of madison square garden whoa it's like not lego branded so i hope they don't fucking like punch me in the face but like lego for what saying it's a lego yeah i mean if anything that's good that's yeah but it's it's an msg one and is it inside or is it just the outdoor it's the whole thing and they took the top off and you could see like the inside okay because i was gonna say the outside feels easy. It's so cool. It's like this?

1:03:18Joe Santagato:It's a mini, mini figs, I think, or mini bricks. Oh, mini figs. Careful. What's that? Oh, yeah. I don't want to get in trouble. They're going through a whole

1:03:24Frank Alvarez:thing right now? Yeah. About what?

1:03:26Joe Santagato:No, mini figs is the name of those people, but it, it might be, it might be that, well, no, that's, it looks like someone built that, like, the FOGO one. The FOGO one down there to the left. This? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Oh, that's so cute. That's cool. Yeah, dude. Does it have nicks on it? Yeah, it does. Sick. But I'm to try to print that's super cool i'm gonna try to print the yeah so but big you were into legos for a little bit we got you a couple lego sets and then where are you now where are you landing

1:03:57Frank Alvarez:on the leg where are you now in your lego journey uh i haven't done one they got they make some really cool ones yeah bro it's shocking how expensive these fucking brother it's insane

1:04:11Joe Santagato:Brother Like

1:04:12Frank Alvarez:What the fuck

1:04:13Joe Santagato:They just released Like the biggest set Or it's coming out soon It's like some church in Spain Or some shit like that Did you see that? Did you see it? Well I know the church Dude look it up It's like I think it's over at that Saint I don't remember I don't know You used to do Spanish I saw that Spanish church lego

1:04:35Joe Santagato:Spanish church lego Sagrada familia Whoa Yeah brother look at that that's crazy that shit and it's it's a lot of pieces too i gotta go over over 10 000 pieces dude fuck that dude legos are such 200 that's a steal oh yeah i thought it'd be way more than that that that can't no that's that's definitely not official lego there's no way that's official lego i agree yeah there's no way there's just no way there's just no way go to the lego website there's just no way there's just bro i mean here's the thing though oh it's 800 the reason that lego can get away with it is they make the legitimately best quality and i've never gotten a lego set with a missing piece ever they're like quality assurance is incredible bro if i bought a lego set for a hundred dollars

1:05:28Frank Alvarez:and there was a missing piece. I'm going Def Con.

1:05:33Joe Santagato:Well, you can order just that individual piece and it's like a penny or like eight cents, but you have to pay the shipping, which is like 16 bucks. That's a crazy one. It's over 12 ,000 pieces. Yo, no way. And it probably comes in what, 100 bags? Yeah, that is crazy. Dude, Legos are a lot of fun. Look at some of the like top ones. Yo, you haven't seen the Pokemon ones. I want to get this for myself. The big Pokemon one, it's like 600-something bucks, but it's the Holy Trinity. Hit that search, baby. What's your, what, Pokemon? You just type in Pokemon. What is it you're looking for? The Holy Trinity, not the Arcanine one, which is fire.

1:06:18Joe Santagato:Go down, baby, go down. I love you, too. Go down, baby. You're going to see it, and you're going to fucking cream to the left. Oh. Oh! Six hundred and fifty dollars. Brother, look at that shit. That's crazy. And you could build them each individually? How fucking sick is that?

1:06:36Frank Alvarez:Yeah. Yeah, that's wild. Let's get Joe some Legos. I'm not gonna do it. Why? It's a lot of time. So how you would do it, Frankie, is you would get all of these and then we would make a YouTube video about how long it takes for someone to build Legos. And then that's how you do it. Oh, brother. What do you mean, like a live stream of doing a Lego? And now it's, you know.

1:06:57Joe Santagato:You don't remember that Smosh clip? A second Lego tower has hit the stream when they build the Lego. They build the Lego tower. Dude, so fucking cool. God. And then they make it for, like, movies and shows now. Have you seen the Lord of the Rings ones? I know that'll get your fucking pants stiff.

1:07:16Frank Alvarez:What does that mean? Uh, boner. Right.

1:07:20Joe Santagato:Minas Tirith. Oh, yeah, baby. Sauron. Look at that. No, down, down, down, down. The ISR on.

1:07:27Frank Alvarez:God, these are crazy prices, bro. Oh my god, the Shire is$270. I mean, you gotta think.

1:07:32Joe Santagato:Lego is expensive, and then they're paying for the licensing.

1:07:35Frank Alvarez:So, like, there's a couple bucks in there.

1:07:39Joe Santagato:They made a Home Alone one. See, like, why is the Jaws$150? This is just a boat and a shark.

1:07:44Frank Alvarez:Yeah. That I'm doing in, like, hammered in an hour. Ooh, this is a good question. Who could do a thing of Legos quicker? I don't even know. Me, probably. Shut the fuck up Why you think you If you gave me that Lego Yeah I don't even No we're talking about like Or any comparative Lego The The The church in Barcelona

1:08:07Joe Santagato:I mean that's gonna take anyone a couple hours I think more

1:08:11Frank Alvarez:Hours?

1:08:12Joe Santagato:Yeah

1:08:12Frank Alvarez:12 ,000 pieces? I'll probably take about 12 hours

1:08:16Joe Santagato:There's no way I could sit and do it for 12 hours straight Oh the Legend of Zelda one That Ocarina of Time one is sick

1:08:22Frank Alvarez:No instructions You just gotta build it That would take my whole life.

1:08:27Joe Santagato:It would. No, dude. You'd surprise yourself with how quick you could do it.

1:08:31Frank Alvarez:Oh, Harry Potter. You're getting me now.

1:08:32Joe Santagato:Harry Potter's in there. You didn't see the one last page? It was sick. They have some sign. I think that's the one we got you. We got you the Seinfeld one, didn't we? Yeah. See, this Hogwarts one is kind of sick. It is fire. That shit is big, brother. And then they have one that's like Diagon Alley. Hogsmeade. Yeah. They got them all. Where do you put this? Miles has shelving. I mean, I didn't show you Miles' room. because it'd be weird to show you my 11-year-old son's bedroom.

1:08:56Frank Alvarez:I didn't need to see. We had a good time without that part.

1:08:59Joe Santagato:I feel like... Now you sound like you and I were doing something sexual.

1:09:05Frank Alvarez:Did I imply that? We had a good time.

1:09:12Frank Alvarez:You guys need a minute?

1:09:16Frank Alvarez:I feel like this would be a good stream thing. Every day you sign on and you just talk to a chat. And you build Legos? I'll tell you that, brother.

1:09:24Joe Santagato:You need to make a couple bucks to justify streaming that many Legos.

1:09:29Frank Alvarez:What does that mean?

1:09:30Joe Santagato:I mean, look, if you're streaming once a week and that Lego set right there, the castle and grounds is$170. These are props now. You'll be fine.

1:09:39Frank Alvarez:Oh, it's like slow. I would only do it for like an hour and a half a day.

1:09:44Joe Santagato:Oh, and then stop and do another one the next day? No, no, no. And like you keep coming back to the same one and like build it. That's boring. Do it fast. do it fast do it fast oh man i love lego dude yeah i'm such a slut for stuff like that yeah yeah what are you a little whore for great question what am i a little whore for like right now what are you what are you slutting yourself out for right now fifa there you go i love playing

1:10:14Frank Alvarez:fifa really i i didn't play video games for like legitimately three years and then i started playing FIFA again and I'm like I just love this wow I love it so good I mean you could play something that's more like fun and imaginative it's opinions based I love how even in your

1:10:33Joe Santagato:video games they have to be like about like conditioning and they're not about conditioning if they made a video game where you could train for a marathon would you play it no you just play that game in real life I think I have a feeling he would where it's like it's called like marathon simulator and you're just like i have to like rapidly press the buttons but then next time i run i can spend my points on like better vo2 max

1:11:02that sucks that sucks we're gonna let it go because it's his birthday thank you

1:11:08Joe Santagato:i appreciate it uh did you guys hear this thing about these sex robots sex robots on your birthday tell us more not me not me so there was a school in new york that was gonna like put robots in their classrooms and then now they're like to do what help teach i assume oh like a teacher's aide yeah i imagine brother are you letting a robot teach you letting like i don't think i have a choice i mean do you think that a robot will be able to teach you anything or are you just looking at it and just like you're a fucking robot um so i do think

1:11:47Frank Alvarez:that unfortunately i do think that will probably happen at some point in our lives that like a teacher who had who like you can download all of the lesson plans and whatever into is just going to like teach i don't know how you're gonna like have the human like maybe there will be an absence of the human connection that you have but

1:12:11Joe Santagato:I mean, if any work center, you know how I feel about AI and all that, but if any work center were to have it integrated, the last should be teaching. Like, teachers now are just not real people and they're just AI? Again, unfortunately, I think that's where we're headed for sure. Would you try to, like, think you're smarter than the robot?

1:12:35Frank Alvarez:I would not. uh no i never thought that i was smarter than any teacher i had i never i did think i was more athletic than my gym teacher in high school though

1:12:48Joe Santagato:i think you were more athletic than every gym teacher you've ever had that's true because we had an old degree in an old decrepit greek guy but he would have smoked me i was in fifth grade smoked you in what smoking cigarettes sure not in running definitely would have beat me on that

1:13:03Frank Alvarez:Definitely not. Yeah, no, I've never had a teacher that I'm like, oh, this person's an idiot. No, I didn't have that.

1:13:09Joe Santagato:I've had a couple, but, like, I know they were an idiot now, but at the time, just being like, this dumbass.

1:13:18Frank Alvarez:I think my mom being a teacher helped me be able to, like, reason more with, like, them instead of, like, just straight up fear or, like, it was me versus you kind of thing, if that makes sense. that's an interesting perspective i feel like i had an opposite experience with that too because i feel like i growing up like when it came to teachers i i did feel like they were kind of like out to get me not like personally just like in general i thought that was like teachers versus students type of thing like not like me personally but there would be times where i'm like like i definitely didn't feel pressure like i have to listen to this person well unfortunately it's

1:13:57Joe Santagato:because our parents like painted a picture of teachers that were like they're gonna beat the

1:14:01Frank Alvarez:living dog shit out of us if we don't listen well my my parents definitely you know this is actually kind of weird because i had more of a thing in my head to like any coach growing up i would listen to like blindly like if they told me to do anything i would do it but like a teacher i'd kind of like run it through a filter and be like i don't know do i like should i do that there was more of a

1:14:26Joe Santagato:I'm kind of with you on that one. Like there was more of a sense that my...

1:14:29Frank Alvarez:Is that sexism?

1:14:31Joe Santagato:Well, I guess if you're relating it to their gender, but like...

1:14:34Frank Alvarez:Well, I had a lot of female teachers growing up. Yeah, but I did have some guys in there too.

1:14:37Joe Santagato:Even my male teachers, like I felt like my male teachers were more trying to prove that I was an idiot and my coaches were trying to prove that I'm better than I think I am. Does that make sense? Which I... It was probably the opposite. But like, I'm with you on that. where like this sense of like I always like I felt like my teachers were not on my side quite like my coach was because my coach we would all win if I did well where like my teacher if one of us was an idiot they would be like well that one's an idiot I was definitely not like a problem in

1:15:11Frank Alvarez:school but if a teacher like this happened multiple times in high school where a teacher the one time that I can remember was it was a male teacher um but I'm sure there are some like internalized sexism in what i'm talking about unfortunately yeah uh but uh my male teacher was like were you just on your phone and i like looked at my phone to like check the time real quick and i was like i was just checking the time and he's like give me your phone and it was on friday and you remember in our high school they would i don't know if they did it by the time you were there but they would hold your phone over the weekend yeah dude and i was literally like i'm like i'm not gonna give you my phone and he's like give me your phone right now and i was like there's no way like in my head i'm like what's it gonna what are you gonna do grab it from my pants like you're not getting it you know like i would never just be like oh it's my teacher i have to do this like i'd be like no like yeah that's that's kind of what i don't know i'm not saying that's good by the way no i honestly i think sticking up for yourself in that sense is actually good like there's there's unreasonable things for sure because also it's like they aren't in charge of this phone over the weekend what if you're doing something and your parents need to contact you or something it's like it's just an unreasonable request i i also i wouldn't have gave it give it to him if it was tuesday by the way but i think okay i get what you're saying

1:16:21Joe Santagato:though i think that there is a sense of like anti-authority that kids go through during those teenage years so when it like so when it comes from a teacher like that's who you're with most of the time if you think about it like you're with your teachers more than you are your parents at home for those years so like that's the authority that you're rebelling against the most frequently So when something gets introduced like a coach or something, you're a little more, at least for me and sounds like you, you're a little more willing to like, oh, this person wants to see me win because we're working toward a common goal.

1:16:55Joe Santagato:It's not like they're trying to single me out and prove that I'm a dumbass.

1:16:59Frank Alvarez:I don't know. I think I was just socialized into thinking that there was more slack with teachers than there was a coach because it was drilled in my head that like there is no slack. Like, even if they're asking you to do something that you don't want to do or whatever, you do it.

1:17:16Joe Santagato:When it comes to a coach. It's also the team mentality. Like, if I don't do my homework, I don't do my homework. Right. If you don't run the right route, the whole team is at a loss. You know, like something gets fucked up on a team perspective. Yeah. But, bro, I remember, I mean, I loved playing organized sports, but, like, if I was a parent and saw the way that my coaches spoke to me and, like, our team, and I saw them, like, doing that to my kids now, I'd be like, yo, what the fuck? Like, yo, this shit is crazy. Yeah.

1:17:50Frank Alvarez:What age are you talking about, though?

1:17:53Joe Santagato:High school.

1:17:55Frank Alvarez:That's tough.

1:17:56Joe Santagato:But, like, not even just, like, get your fucking ass up, you know, because we had that, too. Of course. But like there was also some like it was a different time and they would just be like you fucking ugly Greek fuck, you know, like shit like that. Yeah. Wow. It was all right. It was all good. I know that the person didn't mean it that way. Oh, we've had it, brother.

1:18:15Frank Alvarez:I've never had that. We've had it. It was just like hard and like, yeah. I mean, there was just no room for anything. Like with sports, it was like you do the thing or you don't do like there wasn't even a choice, you know. I guess in sports, like, if you're slacking, you're wasting everyone else's time. In a school, if you're not doing it, you're just wasting your own time. That's not, but that's, like, not why I'm. No? Like, that wasn't, it was more of, like, just a reaction. Like, I just knew that, like, I wasn't thinking of, like, well, if I don't do this, then everyone, you know, suffers or whatever.

1:18:47Frank Alvarez:Like, I wasn't even thinking about that. Like, with school, I also was just kind of, like, again, I would listen to my teachers. I was a good student, like, my entire, like, academic career. but in the times that I would like get in trouble I would run it through a filter of being like

1:19:00Joe Santagato:is this a big deal sometimes I'd be like bro what I also think the content that we were learning like it immediately like the first thing to do is immediately just think like why the fuck do I like why do you care so much that I didn't do my homework on the industrial revolution I'm never gonna use this so like it's easier but then like the stuff that you take from a team setting like socially and in a work setting you are probably more likely to use it so like immediately you're just like why the fuck do i care about you know proper syntax in a sentence like i'm not going to

1:19:34Frank Alvarez:use it to that degree it's to teach like discipline obviously in homework the the tricky thing joe was caught in is that he already had the discipline just for the things he wanted to do right so he found out this is boring there are some kids that need that like structured discipline of like homework because they don't already have it in them and that's like joe was just in a tough situation in school where i don't know what that was i mean i think that it's because i also in high school i had a male teacher that i felt like didn't fuck with me so i just like didn't fuck with him yeah and there were multiple times where he would like yell at me for things but it felt like i've done something wrong but your reaction is out of control and i my parents got so mad at me once because they found out that i told them to chill like they were so mad that i said that to the teacher but like so in that instance right i forget what i did maybe i was talking to someone or something or whatever and he freaked out on me and at the time i believe that he was freaking out on me because he just like didn't like me so he like freaked out on me and i was just like yo chill and he was not happy about that told my parents my parents were livid that i did that i would never dream of saying that to a coach like if they were freaking out be like yo chill i would never dream

1:20:46Joe Santagato:love doing that that's interesting yeah that that is interesting i also think that like i forgot my thought yep you saw it you might still be able to grab it it's not it's not you can't be that far i mean i'm not jumping for it it's my birthday do you believe that thoughts are

1:21:03Frank Alvarez:physical and they're floating yes we've talked about this he he were no he's talking about neurons though that was a different thing yeah but it's the same it's energy it's going you

1:21:09Joe Santagato:could probably get it back i think the point that i was going to try to make was just like Like I think that there's also like a little bit of the coach is just like they're not doing it in a like work. They're doing it because they want to do it. You know what I mean? Like a teacher, it's like their job is forcing them to be this strict. And it's just like it feels less personal. You know what I mean? Or at least maybe that's the way that I'm completely misinterpreted. There's also a huge part of this that we're forgetting that like these teachers were overworked, underpaid, underappreciated too.

1:21:45Joe Santagato:So like if they were losing their mind on one of their 400 students, like it made fucking sense. No, yeah, sure. You know, numbers wise, it just makes sense that they're going to lose their cool and then be told to chill by 14 year old Joey wearing a, you know.

1:22:00Frank Alvarez:I was wearing a uniform at the time.

1:22:02Joe Santagato:Oh, that's right. High school. High school, baby. Crazy.

1:22:05Frank Alvarez:but yeah man that was my guy though by the by the time i left high school drop him drop him drop his name what's mr hamilton hamilton yeah yo he you know what and my what was his first name what was his first name alex alexander no l-e-x-a-n-d i don't remember his name but his name was mr hamilton and like the first uh my freshman year i had him and that's when i was like this dude doesn't fuck with me at all and and he could have failed me because my grades weren't great um for that and passing our school was fucking 75 yeah that's crazy ours was 65 and then it went down to 55 really but i uh i think if you got a 55 in our school they would just be like this isn't even going on they would shoot you in the face yeah but i remember i could have failed and i was like we had to take regents i believe our freshman year so i was taking the regents and I like did okay on that like bet like I think I got like an 83 or something like that and he like bumped my grade so that I wouldn't go to summer school so I was hype about that and then the first day of sophomore year I come to school and I have him again and we both kind of looked at each other like oh god happens and then we had another run in but then after that I didn't have him anymore

1:23:24Joe Santagato:and then we were super cool yeah I I've said I was I was a pain in the ass for a couple years but I do genuinely and and if it were just coming from me i could see you guys calling it bullshit my mom agrees with me on this which you know my mom loves teachers like i was kind of singled out as a troublemaker not saying that i was not to some degree a troublemaker but like those years that i was that baccalaureate i was like they made it a thing to be like bro yeah

1:23:52Frank Alvarez:because you're the easiest example to be like you have to make an example of you exactly but you

1:23:56Joe Santagato:stood out amongst all of those i stood out i mean i'm not going to get into the weeds of it because that's another conversation for another time but like yes exactly yeah you were like a ringleader i was popular like i i i was i was i was me i was the man yeah i didn't think they could catch me i was just too cool no that's not what i'm saying like just the personality and the loud shirts and the boisterous it's starting to sound like was it how you looked or how you acted now i'm confused it was a column a column b like it was a little bit of both at certain times got it Take all of Column B.

1:24:32Joe Santagato:Ooh. Don't. Yeah, I'm not. Don't, Joey.

1:24:35Frank Alvarez:Freshman year, I just didn't go to school on Fridays. I was just like, I just don't want to do it. That's psychotic.

1:24:40Joe Santagato:Can I ask you a serious question? No, it's fine. Do you ever wish that you knew him in high school? I would have never. I'm saying if you were at school at the same time.

1:24:49Frank Alvarez:Oh, we were same year?

1:24:50Joe Santagato:Yeah.

1:24:51Frank Alvarez:What would that do?

1:24:52Joe Santagato:Just like, see, because like you're such a mystery to me.

1:24:55Frank Alvarez:I would have liked what he was. I probably would have been the only one liking what he was doing. What the hell is that? What is that? What was he doing? Oh, you weren't doing it in high school yet. No, I thought he was talking about making videos. Oh, I was going to say, what was he doing? You weren't doing it in high school yet? Yeah, I wasn't really doing it in high school. I was, like, just kind of fucking around or whatever. I'll tell you this, though. If you thought I was popular in high school. I was not, like. People loved. It's kind of tough. In the high school we went to, it's like you're popular in sections.

1:25:21Frank Alvarez:It's like there's a lot of kids in that school. Yeah, that's the thing. Like, there was no, like, that's the popular. Like, if people were, like, the captain of the football team, like, you knew that. Yeah, for sure.

1:25:29Joe Santagato:but like he's being humble everyone knew joe sanagato all right every i'm telling you like

1:25:33Frank Alvarez:completely not true it is absolutely true we had 2 000 students brother i remember because i knew

1:25:40Joe Santagato:people that you went to school with like i knew like everyone knew you and like you were very

1:25:44Frank Alvarez:popular all right i'm not saying that i wasn't popular a person that you would know but it wasn't like you know the whole school's like look at that guy well no that doesn't happen at any week no one was like amazed at your physical stature. I was. I was a tiny little boy. Wow look it's Joe Santagato. Oh my god he's got to be 120.

1:26:05Joe Santagato:Oh my god he's smoking hot and a hundred pounds. Yeah a hundred pounds.

1:26:10Frank Alvarez:Probably really fast.

1:26:12Joe Santagato:The way that he wears those all black starberries is so impressive.

1:26:16Frank Alvarez:We needed to do that. I never what did I wear? All black shoes right you're saying? Yeah you had to. I got away with a little bit of color They probably got more lenient Now they have like cool stuff apparently Yeah that's cool Yeah well I don't know now Yeah A little far removed now What are you gonna do Well look happy birthday Frank Thank you so much I appreciate it 34 years old now Ants turning 30 When's your birthday again? January 16th Oh we're never Oh that's forever

1:26:40Joe Santagato:Oh that's your 30th birthday? My 30th yeah I'm gonna punch you in the face with a cake

1:26:44Frank Alvarez:That's fine You know the I'm not gonna say anything The Newark show is January 15th Just saying

1:26:51Joe Santagato:I'm not gonna say anything We're gonna bring you out And just pistol whip you on stage

1:26:57Frank Alvarez:I'm just putting it out there In the universe Frank apparently has a violent gift for you Yeah I don't know what that is I don't know what it is But it's coming I got him a beautiful button I'm getting pistol whipped You did this? That's the only thing they had

1:27:10Joe Santagato:That's fair I do appreciate it And you know me I'll keep these forever I'll write on the back 34 and then i'll keep them forever eventually look back and be like why the fuck into a bin

1:27:22Frank Alvarez:they will go as is everything else that's right if that's the right way to say that sentence but anyway thank you guys for sticking around frank where can they find you the frank alvarez everywhere

1:27:32Joe Santagato:patreon.com slash the basement yard if you're coming to any of the shows which you could see the shows on the basement yard.com go to the basement yard dots uh dot com slash submit the basement yard.com slash submit to submit your your picture for the shows we're really excited

1:27:45Frank Alvarez:Ant Prisco on Instagram I'm also thinking about making a TikTok Oh! You don't have one? No

1:27:51Joe Santagato:And don't think I forgot You're also on The Other Show That too We're starting a war I'm telling you

1:27:58Frank Alvarez:You guys can follow me at JoeSanagal Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram At TheBaseMeYard And that is all See you guys next time

1:28:15Thank you.