#521 - The First Day Of School

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0:35Welcome back to the basement yard. How you doing, Frank? It's been a day. It's been a day so far? It's been a day. I just realized you weren't a Rainforest Cafe shirt. Sort of. It says Picky Boys Cafe. It was a whole... Enjoy the lawsuit. Fucking moron. What are you doing? They're coming after you for that one, my friend. Get this guy. Well, I guess they're on the way out the Rainforest Cafe. So they're probably hyped about. I mean, he's keeping them fucking. Yeah, you're single-handedly keeping them. If anything, yeah, they should thank me. Yeah, yeah. When we were in Vegas, I passed by one in the Uber, and I sent a picture to him, and he's like, I would go with you 100 times over 100.

1:15You know, like. I'm just down. I just, is it like, it's just like a Fridays, right? Like a TGI Fridays? Yeah, but like way cooler. Because of the leaves? Because of the fake leaves. Yeah. And because every like 30 minutes, they play thunder and lightning and water sounds. Yep. Do they? Yeah. Yeah. That's the idea of the rainforest part of it. That makes sense. And it's just like cheap looking. I'd rather go to a Chuck E. Cheese, brother. Well, this is a horrible battle. Why? I'd rather go to hell than both. One of them probably is like hell. I'll let you figure out which one. Yeah. It's been a day.

1:53Why? It was, I mean, you know why. It was Ruby's first day of school. Yeah. I got text this morning from you and Greg. It was also, yeah, it was Greg's daughter's first day of school. Yeah. This was like her first first. Yeah. And it was a tough day for daddy. Yeah, you were out there just letting it go, crying. Was she crying? No. No. I held it together until I got in the car because. The car on the way there or way home? Wow. Which way? A little bit of both. Got it. uh it it started i woke up i went you know i went to uh the gym and then it started the second i got home from the the gym because i was just thinking like oh fuck you know happen today and then uh i set up i don't know if you guys have seen this but like a lot of people have been doing this thing where like kids will go to their first day of school and parents will set up their like action figures and they're like waving by to send them off to send them off all right you know what fucking i don't want to talk about this never mind yeah yeah yeah so oh okay it's gonna be one of those it's gonna be one of those i can't imagine so like all so i didn't do all that but i set them up to have breakfast with her oh fuck you and it was like toys that were like the first toys she's ever played with fuck you yeah it was it was uh it was a tough one so it was like oh did we're all here so you and it was like and i did like the ones that like they're here to be to help you be brave uh-huh and it was like spider-man and batman and mike wazowski and some of her dolls and stuff superheroes are that mike wazowski yeah and sully was there yeah uh the bluey family was there the healers as they're called so she had breakfast she had excited bro she was pumped yeah she was pumped i i've been like dreading it for a while um but she's been ready for a while.

3:53Like she has been so ready to go to school. Like she's like, I want to make friends. I want to learn. I want to meet my teacher. She's been ready, but we haven't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Becca and I were not ready. You're so worried about the kids crying and you don't think about, well, bro, the way that I think about it, and I'm going to try to get through this sentence as best as i can is she is the most pure innocent kind-hearted little kid yeah and like the idea fucking god damn it come on four minutes in we got this the idea of sending her into the world and like the world possibly not being kind to her uh-huh is fucking terrifying to me yeah because like I think as a parent like they're yours so like you you literally and figuratively hold them close oh that's a bad over yeah it's gonna it's gonna fucking and like you protect them but like like you there's a little bit of letting go that you have to do right not cool with that yeah it must be really hard nah dude and last night it fucking God, we were on the way back from my brother's because we went for the rehearsal dinner.

5:15And we're in the car and we're like, Ruby, are you so excited? She's like, yeah, you know, I want to learn, blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, I'm sad about Maeve. I'm like, why are you sad about Maeve? And she's like, who's Maeve going to play with when I'm gone? Dude, fucking God, Jesus. I'm not like in that moment. What'd you say? I kept quiet I kept quiet I let mommy handle that one She was like Maeve won't know what to play Who's she gonna play with And I was like fuck Just like the idea Of like In that moment she just thought about Like her sister And like is she gonna be okay Like she knew she was gonna be okay right and she was just like this is like my best friend like is she it's so nice too like with children when you can get to a point where there's examples of this yeah just take it out shoot it um not the children the heart i don't know if the camera was on yeah let's put the camera on that one but when you have moments where you're like oh i'm doing a good job because my daughter is in this moment that's like about her but she's thinking about someone i mean just like that's like such a that's not a child's mentality you know what i mean like that's like that's a or a level of emotional maturity you don't expect or at least i don't expect from a four and a half year old yeah you know like in that moment and like she didn't say this because for whatever reason but like she wasn't like she didn't i wonder like is she thinking about like me and Rebecca and Miles and stuff like that.

7:04Like, is she worried about how we're going to be? But like her first thought to just be like, this is my sister. We play together every day. Yeah. What is she going to do? Yeah. That's nice. Is fucking dude. So you dropped her off. Well, we got it, you know, like we got her ready. You got it. She was so fucking excited, dude. Like she, she wore a special, like she wore the dress she wanted. She, she had a bow. She had a bow. She, we got a problem on our hands. She had those signs that's like first day of school. Oh, I loved it. I'm a big fan of those signs. Like children now when they go to school is like, first of all, they would just like send us to school.

7:42Yeah, I got set goosebumps fucking lunchbox and it was like, get out of my hair. Get the fuck out of there. Walk there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, we've become our parents. Now that's our version of I've walked 20 miles uphill to get to school. We're disgusting. But they have the signs now that say like, here's my name. Here's my teacher's name. Here's what I want to be when I grow up. So it was said, you know, my name is Ruby. It's my first day of pre-K. Yeah. I am four years old. And then it said, I love school. Yeah. She had never been to school. And then it said, I want to be popular when I grow up.

8:16It says, I want to be blank when I grow up. And she wrote popular. It's amazing. And I think she did that because she loves the song Popular from the Wicked movie. ah so like i wonder if she sees like a pink princess like ariana grande and was like i want to be that she always says like i want to be a princess or something like that so i just want to be popular dude dropping her off i gotta say kudos to the school because like the moment you walk in they're like we're taking the kid like they're like fucking rip the band-aid off they don't like because i'm sure there is a science to like i'm getting through this pretty good i'm actually pretty surprised there's a science to like if you let them wallow in it if you let the family sit in it a little bit it gets harder and so it's like rip the band-aid take them in let them let them go and do their thing they're probably doing that for you guys too i imagine yeah but you know mave mave was a little upset but it was because there was like a playground outside and she wanted to go on the playground and we didn't know um miles was surprisingly like emotional uh-huh and then becca was good she held it together daddy daddy's voice we knew that was happening daddy's voice is cracking yeah i sat like i sat with her and i just like i i hugged her and i you know i said you know basically just you know go enjoy yourself be brave make you know do what you you know a combination and stuff like that and i knew i think in that moment i knew i had to hold it together because i think if she saw me upset she'd get upset yeah yeah so then when we got to the car it was good night a grenade of emotion i was firing them off yeah you know to the point where i'm driving and peck is like you good are you okay maybe i should drive full over Bro, the idea of like you – like the love for a child is unlike anything in the world.

10:20I actually heard – I'm going to give credit where credit is due. Sal Volcano from Impractical Jokers. He put it the best way I've ever heard it put about having kids. He's like, yo, you have kids at 35, let's say. what do you think it feels like you just out of nowhere 35 years of living you just feel a new emotion that you've never felt before yeah you've never felt before and it's so fucking intense and like the love for children and you guys will see it if and when you have children and then the idea of like you need to because that's part of life right is like you need to let them go a little bit i think that's why it's so hard for certain parents to like sometimes you have you meet people and they have very over overbearing parents and it's probably because of exactly what you're saying like it's a necessary part to you have to allow your kid to make mistakes and whatever like that's just a part of it you have to let them do things that are wrong and it's so hard because you're like you feel like i know all the answers bingo but you don't because the world changes and by the time that they're teenagers it's like you know the answers back then yeah but imagine your parents trying to be like over your shoulder It's also to me, though, like a heartbreaking realization that you have to allow the world to kind of harden your children.

11:42Yeah. Like that is sad because. Like you think of like the hurt that you've gone through in your life, whether it be as an adult, as a kid, you know, because when you're a kid, it's little things. You know, someone takes your fucking juice box or some shit like but like the fact that you need to experience that to become tougher or better. on the parents yeah is misery because like that's hard like as a parent your your natural instinct is you want to help you want to heal you want to fix so like the fact that you kind of have to just yeah that sucks yeah that sucks i imagine that's very difficult i don't like it call it what you want whether it be selfish or what i am completely fine with like the idea of like i get i get helicopter parents now and i really don't try to be one and i don't think i am one but like i get it is that they like always hovering yeah they're always they're always hovering they fall they run over you know like you know the kids fall i give it a beat see if they're good you good you know if not i you know i but like i get it yeah i get it entirely yeah it's tough because it's like you feel like this is the right thing like i should be there for my kid but then it's also like the argument of if you try to fix every single one of their problems you're kind of you're doing them a disservice you're hindering their ability to self-cope and you know figure things out for themselves which ultimately they will need later you know obviously and then like because i you know although miles is not my biological son like i don't remember having this visible visceral of a reaction when he went to daycare it could be because he's not my biological son it could be also though because like at least my mentality might get a little political here is the world is he's a boy not always kind to women yeah and like this is this porcelain doll of a daughter that i have yeah and like i'm going to put her into the world that like may or may not be kind to her specifically to women by other bro i'm telling i'm not even kidding Becca and I were talking about it before I came in today like if we were to find out a boy's bullying her I was like yo I'm gonna be one of those parents I'm gonna go down to the school and I'm gonna raise hell oh of course like like I'll be whatever the male version of a Karen is a Gary I'll be here comes Gary I'll go in as Gary and I'll fucking raise hell and just be like yo I'm not fucking dealing with this yeah that that is not that's not where you want to fuck around at all yeah i mean that that's that's very tough but i think there is a difference when you have boys and you have girls like girls at least i guess as fathers like if you have a daughter i'd be way more protective of like a daughter than a son because a son is kind of like you know obviously you want you don't want your son to be bullied like that's not you know yeah yeah yeah i know absolutely i just think there's more of an innocence i guess i feel like it's hard to explain and and this might be like maybe a little too intense of a of a mentality to take but like the approach that i kind of bring to it is just like you want to teach a boy to be a good man and you want to teach a girl how to spot bad ones if that makes any sense like you're basically be you're teaching a boy to to be not bad evil yeah you know and a girl to spot that and like one of those is scarier because like you could teach a like this is it's not coming out the way that i'm envisioning in my head right now but like it's easier to spot like the only way you could spot the bad versions of it if you're exposed to it you know what i mean like you can teach there's just more risk with girls at least the way that i think about it you know what i mean like in terms of like the world being kinder to them like it's just more risky because you can only control so much yeah and i also like you know i think that men probably get away with more shit than than women do also so i mean it's very important to you know raise good men because there are dudes like dudes can abuse the system not saying that women can't either but they have less of an opportunity than men do like men are in a lot of important positions in the world so like if you raise a bad dude or if they just become a bad dude or whatever the case is like that is a giant uh that could be a giant um like a negative thing to happen to like a bunch of people i also think like and this might be just like too much of a like black and white way of thinking about it but like what happened i love that we got to this she's going to pre-k yeah where they're coloring all day yes but i get it i get kindergarten's gonna be tough yeah yeah first grade's gonna be tough like she's getting in there it's like bro all right let's sit down at the board meeting but like i think like statistically like women are more likely to be victimized by men than the opposite you know what i mean like yeah i mean that that feels right I don't know the statistics, so if someone wants to go crazy with the stats, whatever, but that feels right.

17:08In my head, it just feels like more of an innocence. Yeah. And it was fucking heartbreaking. And I didn't know. I held it together. She didn't see me upset. I was on the way here. She's only doing two half days right now. She did great. She was happy. Said they had a great day. I was like, what do you guys do? She's like, Daddy, I don't remember. I'm like, okay. But tough morning. stop asking me dude like basically yeah don't even you're not cool enough to know i'm very popular by the way i've gotten my wish she oh my god it's and i i'm not worried about mave i know i will be worried and it'll be emotional with mave too but like if someone like if someone were to take something from ruby feel bad for the teacher probably if someone let's use this as an example if someone were to take something from ruby ruby would let them take it not tell anyone but be upset about it.

18:02Yeah. If someone were to take something from Maeve, Maeve would walk over, take it, throw them to the ground. Yeah. And then stomp away happily about it. Right. You know? So, like, we can curb that. See, I think that's the biggest thing, too. Like, it really depends, like, how your child is, too. Because, like, my nephew, Mike, he's, like, such a sweetheart. So the idea of, like, but he's, like, a bigger dude. So you're not really, like, worried. But, uh... A bigger dude about a five-year-old. But, like, compared to kids his age, I mean... I know, I know. It's just a funny way to put it. kid but like the idea of like someone doing something he's just like oh that makes me upset you know and it's like fucking punch this dude's lights out obviously you're not teaching your kids yeah no no you know a part of you is like dude stand up for yourself but like that's not how you know like in the house it's like this is your sister you're not gonna push your sister you're not gonna like you're gonna go over to your mom be like that made me upset you know yeah it's it's a tough day for frank it was tough it was tough oh and immediately put on like sentimental music when I got in the car.

19:01Oh, you wanted to turn it up? Oh, I wanted to sit in it. I wanted to sit in it. Dude, I love crying and then crying. Like hard cry? Yeah, if I'm going, like if I'm a little emotional and like something's getting me a little bit, I'm like, let's fucking take this to the moon and cry hard. Yeah, but see, hard crying driving is tough though because you can't really let loose. Oh, I do it. Driving? Hell yeah. That's dangerous, dude. That's like driving. That's not, I'm not even going to say it. That's dangerous, dude. Drunk, I think. I think that's what I was going to call it. Oh, I was like, what?

19:33No, I do it. Because music, sometimes I can get in my head and just make myself cry from certain things. What intensity of cry can you get in a car? No, I haven't cried like that in a while. When I'm talking about crying, though, it's like tears, like actual tears coming down. Like strong tears coming down. What the hell was that? Driving. Holding on to the... Oh, I was like... You thought he was just like... I thought he was just like... Fucking tears coming down. I thought it was some anime thing because I know how much you're into it. I was like, I cry tears. Senpai. Yeah, no, I can get myself going.

20:06I've done it in the car a bunch of times, on planes pretty much every time. I've told you guys that. Planes? I don't think I've cried maybe once or twice on planes. Long flights. Like if the flight is over five hours, there is a chance that at some point I get welled up just for no reason. I don't know. It's weird. No, not me. I'll do it just to like do it. The airports, like when I'm like waiting to get on a flight and I see like if I'm coming home and I like extra miss the kids and Becca and I see like a mom with the kids or something like that, I have to look down. I can't look at it. I can't.

20:37I can't. Because it's just like, you know. Yeah. It's just like right there in front of you. Dude, you know what I've noticed that makes me cry so much is people when they're so happy that they cry? Kills me. So happy that they cry. Like when, like, you know, they're waiting at the airport with a sign and they finally show up and fucking, they just, like, embrace each other. Yeah, I guess. Or it's, like, surprising people with something and they get so happy that they start crying. It's weird. Like, there's, like, an age bracket of, like, crying that gets me emotional. Like. Old bastards. Old people crying.

21:09That gets me crazy. That gets me going because there's power behind those tears. Old people just sitting alone. Boom. Oh, I think there's old people. No, because I don't like them. Oh. See like old people Once they start being old at you I'm like alright Once they start like You know like Back in my day You kids You kids Exactly But like if I I saw a video once Of a girl driving by Somewhere And there was an old guy Sitting on like a bench With his dog next to him And I was like I'm gonna lose my mind right now Really? Yeah I don't know Old people with dogs gets me Especially when the dogs are also old Old men talking about how much they love their wife that passed away?

21:53Hell yeah. Ruins me, dog. Hell yeah. Fucking old bastards. Those make me cry like crazy. Yeah, the one where it was just... You ever see the fucking... This is my crypt tonight. There was a video of a soldier coming home to his daughter. To his daughter, who's like three or something. And she sees him, and she's in class, and she starts running over to him, and she goes, oh, daddy. Yes.

22:26Video fucking murdered me, dude Yeah No, I've seen the ones where she's like Daddy, I missed you Nah Yeah Dude, every time I come home from one of the shows Maeve gives me the biggest hugs and she goes You came home What the hell? She knows what she's doing She knows what she's doing Dude It gets me every single time Any of those soldier coming home ones get me If there's little kids involved, turn me into sashimi and eat me on a Tuesday 14. 14. Yeah, dude, those are fucked up. I saw another one where it was like a football one, and the captains walked out, and they were like shaking hands with the captains, but then the guy took his helmet off, and it was his dad.

23:12Yeah, no, the soldier, we've already spoken about this a million times. The soldier's one gets me. But you're right. When it's like old, sad, old people Yeah That gets me where it's just like We were together 70 years Just loving my life Just loving my life forever You know, and then like That gets me because You know Fuck me, man Did you see the audition tape of the guy who played the kid from E.T. Talking, like Yeah He's good You didn't see the audition tape of the kid? How would I have How and when and where would I have seen the audition tape? It was like viral a bunch It just went viral recently And I was watching it and I was like That got me I'm like, damn.

23:47The kid was good, man. Good. He got it right on the spot. Literally, the guy goes, congratulations, kids, you got it. At the fucking audition. Really? Yeah. Dude, it was good. The guy. His name is Spielberg, idiot. Was it Steve? Yes. Was it Stevie Spiels? Stevie Spie? The guy. Yeah. One of the most prolific directors of our time. I don't know if it was a casting director. I don't know. It probably was a casting director. But, no, yeah. No, no, no. You haven't seen that. I don't like. We spoke about it recently on an episode where it's just like old people finding out their grandson or granddaughter is named after them.

24:20And it's just like, nah, man. See, I like crying, though. My mom just had my new niece named after her. Oh, God. Your mom must have fucking lost it. Yeah. And then, you know, she would have turned into a show, too. I'd be like, Nance, calm down. Nance used to get after it every New Year's. She would cry her eyes out. Oh, every New Year's? Yeah. She put on a show yesterday at my brother's rehearsal dinner. I mean, I imagine, too. She was like, and I'm like, mom. And she'd be like, what? Like in a split second, you know? I'd be like, mom, take it easy. And she'd be like. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck. Oh, fuck you.

24:54Sorry for crying. Oh, I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed to show any emotion. Fuck you. And she'd go, hey, Frank. Hey, Frank. Yeah, yeah. I wish I had a dollar for every time your mom gave me the finger. Oh, I mean, then you'd have another billion dollars. Yeah, no. Speaking of old goddamn broads. Were we on all goddamn broads? We were talking about old people. Yeah. You know, this old broad at the baseball game. Let me get to the ads first before we get into that. Yeah, because that really pissed me off. That bagged your piss. What was that? All right, so we have some sponsors.

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32:03And if you want to try to come to any of our shows, if you go to thebasementyard.com, look around, poke around, fart around, may I say. Don't fart, I hate that. And you might find that there are tickets still available near you or if you want to make a trip out of it, go check it out. But if you go to thebasementyard.com right there on that front page, You'll see links for the upcoming shows. Check it out. Now, if you're a dirty little nasty whore and you've already bought tickets to any of these shows, go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. There's a portion of our shows where people write in responses to crazy stories or interesting facts or what have you, and we put it on the cards, and sometimes we pick you, and we can talk to you, about you, with you.

32:44It's really fun. It's interactive. some of the best parts of these shows have come from those card sections so uh make sure you go to the basementyard.com slash submit submit your responses let us know what show you're coming to submit the responses you never know maybe we'll talk with you it's it's been an absolutely incredible part of the show it's so much fun so the reason it's fun is because of you so go check it out all right thank you guys we love you guys i don't remember what i said about that zucchini thing, but I think that was a pretty, we might make that a line, right? If so, facto, I make it a line and it becomes a big one.

33:20What was the zucchini thing? Something about nutrient-dense roots. Self-praise, better than no praise. Hell yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Self-love? It's good love. It's good love. Good love. Yeah, so about this dumb old white broad. Here's what I'll say about this woman. the haircut well she's not doing it listen she's really fulfilling a stereotype here it's her prophecy if you're gonna have that hat you're gonna yell it's gonna happen well here's the thing karen has become such a big like thing that like white women you you need to protect yourself it's a disease it is a disease yeah god damn it being a karen is a disease you know the haircut dude you know the haircut you know the way you know the self-entitlement you know the you know the the the you know delusions of grandeur yeah like it's you you know these things so why do you contribute to it i don't know but there was a woman who's fucking basically took a baseball from a child at a philly's game just play the video and then and then we'll kind of talk about it we'll get into the rules of so it's a little uh it replays like a little bit but The whole thing's here.

34:38Okay. If you just give it a second. Yeah, so see her haircut. You know what I'm saying? Like, not good. Everyone's just kind of like, I've got to say this. The dad looks a little afraid here. But, oh. The scanning. She went marching off. Dude, not a good look for the dad. I will say that. If someone taps on you at a game. Yeah. Yeah, that's a little. That's not a great look for him. The being scared here or whatever that was. yeah i don't know i'm very confused by that here's what happens right so a ball gets hit into the stands now when a ball usually gets hit into the stands at a baseball game everyone's scrambling for this ball they want the ball the rules are there's no rules okay you don't hit anybody but everyone's grabbing for this thing it's kind of like a fumble okay pretty much like whoever gets palm on ball first it's there they've basically got it yeah but you gotta pull it to you if you've got the ball like this and you catch it like that and there's a bunch of hands around and someone pulls it out of your hand it's their ball no it's their dad i disagree with that i that i disagree with if you as soon as ball and palm make contact no way because it hits the hand it could fall out but okay so make like you need what do they say in football you need a football move once once you get the closing and it's like in your hand once you've wrapped your fucking sausage fingers around it it's yours i don't i don't agree i think that it's like you if the ball's being hit in the air right and everyone's jumping up for the ball and you get it in your hand like this and you're still in this motion if you have it if you're like yeah if you can celebrate with it then it's your ball but if it's like in that motion and people are going for it and you lose it you lost it the best version of this that i've ever seen did you ever see when when Barry Bonds hit the 756 home run.

36:32Yeah. It was a dude from Queens who caught it and just went, like a fucking like thundercat. Yeah. You can't rob anyone once they have it. That's why if you grab it, you're supposed to pull it in. Yeah, you're supposed to. And there is a respect of just like, all right, you give up at that point. It's like, all right, they got it. But a lot of times what happens is it'll land in a spot where no one caught it, so it's on the ground, and everyone's making a mad dash for it. And sometimes a bunch of hands get on it, but it's whoever pulls it out of there that gets it. That's kind of what happened here.

37:03Well, no. In the video, which it wasn't in this video, but I saw the OG OG, she's on the aisle above where the ball lands. So it hits and it rolls down onto a new level. Yeah. And then at that point, the dad scoops it up. Uncontested, by the way. It looked like she was going for it, too. I think I have it here. Yeah, pull it up because, like, they were, like, both there. It was below her. It was, like, the seat below. So, look, she's in the aisle, and it goes below. Yeah. And he snags it. And it goes under the seats, and he got it. And, look, takes it, excited, gives it to his kid. Gives it to his kid.