#525 - The Hardest I Have Ever Cried

26:59And like I said, non-carbonated. So they taste really good and they go down easy. It's not going to make you all like bloated or whatever. You know what I mean? So no fuss, no fizz, delicious. But to find out more and to find a Happy Thursday near you, visit drinkhappythursday.com slash basement. That is drinkhappythursday.com slash basement. Okay. Celebrate responsibly, non-carbonated, naturally flavored with other natural flavors. 21 plus contains alcohol. So yeah, can't have it unless you're 21 plus because these are alcoholic, but they are delicious, non-carbonated, happy Thursdays. So enjoy that.

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31:17In Critchard! He's got some questions in the yard from him! In Critchard! In Critchard! He's got some questions in the yard from him! Who made that? Shout out to him! His name is Jacob Ullery Dude, that's awesome! Yeah, it's great He's the one who always makes the The singing ones? Yeah, yeah, yeah That's incredible! That sounds like That sounds like Something. Magic is what it sounds like It does sound like magic. So does that mean I have a theme song? I guess technically. We don't even have one. What's the ant question? I'm supposed to have a question? Yeah. Well, if we play ant question. You have an ant question.

31:53I'm kidding. I'm kidding. If we play ant question, you need to have ant question. I'm kidding. I have it. So it's a little more of a scenario, but let's say this. You're in a pitch black field 40 meters away from a gunman. Can we go American feet? 120. 120 feet away from a gunman. And change. And change. He can't see you. He can't hear you. And he's going to fire. Well, it's got to be an American because he's got a gun. That's fair. He can't see you and he's going to fire off one bullet at a time. You get a million dollars for each bullet he shoots. How many? Just me and him out there? Just me and you.

32:26Can I lay down? Me and you? Oh, you're the gunman? I guess it's me. No, yeah. Can I lay down? You could only stand. You can't crouch or lay down. Can I turn sideways? No, you got to face him head off. Okay, fine. You got to be face to face. Yeah. Can I? I have to be within. I have to be exactly 120 feet away from him. You could get closer. You could get closer, but just not further. Why would I do that? Well, it depends where he's standing. Maybe I'll get behind him. You can't see him either. I imagine you've got to set up within like 180 degrees, straight line. I mean, I'm letting him fire off a couple.

33:00Really? I think so. Wait, how much do you get per bullet? A million. I'd let him shoot one. There's no way. Do I have to stand in the exact same spot every single time? Let's say you can move around after each round. Or you could stay there. Ooh. Am I also not able to hear? Because if he shoots in a direction, can I be like, I'm going to go stand over there now? You can. I mean, I don't think you're going to be able. It's 120 feet. Like, a shot's going to sound like a shot. You're not going to hear it, like, whiz by. I'd be like, oh, it was over there. Yeah, that's fair. If you heard it whiz by, I think it's better to stay in that spot, probably.

33:32It would be hard to. Well, no, I think the rule of, like, if you, I mean, there's an unlimited amount. Unlimited. There's an unlimited amount of... What in the face? You don't know that? Because I don't know if you said unlimited or unlimited. Unlimited. Unlimited. There's an unlimited amount of places that he could shoot. But in theory, on the second one, it would be minus one. So unlimited minus one. Well, he could still shoot in the same area. He could still shoot in the same area. but you are banking on the possibility that like if i shoot here my next shot will not be there again it'll be anywhere else yeah i mean yep just so you know what i just said contributed nothing yeah to any part of it you like doing that i do a little bit i i i think i would like if i can't see you let's i mean it's pitch black so you know okay I think that if I survived one shot and I felt like that wasn't even near me, it would be hard not to let one more go.

34:43I'm not going over three shots. Well, a million dollars. Tax-free? Sure. What if I get shot and survive? I get that mil? No. You get that mil. Oh, you do? Yeah, sure. Why not? And you could keep going, I guess, if it's not fatal if you really want. I imagine once you get shot once, you're done. Yeah, I stub my toe and I'll be down. So, I don't know. I'd probably let one go. I think I'll do the clip. I don't know if I know how far 120 feet is. Should we look it up like a range? No, no, no. I'm saying like right now, like how far is that wall? I would say that's maybe like 20. Pink Panther is here.

35:20Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. and discover custom playlists on Spotify, built just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at Coach.com. Five feet? Oh, really? Oh, that's far. You think that's 25? Oh, how wide are we going? It's a field. Let's say it's a football field. He's in the center. Oh, dude. Oh, football field?

35:55Let's say he's in the center. He's at half field? Why am I saying that? Yeah, what? Midfield. Because I think that's close to 100. To 120 each side, right? A football field is 120 yards. Yeah, so. Across? Well, if you include the end zones. No, no, no, no, no. He means. Oh, across is 52 yards. I think it's 52 yards, yeah. Yeah. So he's got 26 yards on either side. Oh, God. I mean, that's pretty big, dude. Definitely letting him shoot. 120 feet, so that's what? How many? So he's on the 60-yard line? Regardless, I'm letting him. Yeah, it doesn't have to be on a football field. Yes, that range. Helping me understand.

36:32I think I'm... I'd probably shoot twice and be like, okay, I'm getting out of here. Or like two. I think... He would also have to get me in the face for it to be like... There are other parts of your body that if he shoots you, that you will die instantly. Not if we have EMS on site. Nope. It will get you. What's the stuff? You ever see movies where they take... Like tampons. Oh, no, no, no. It's like a black powder, and they shove it in there, and they kind of hold it in. I've seen that. And it's like, all right, get it, hold it. And they're like, what's the word that coagulates it? No. I don't know what movies you're watching, Joey.

37:08War movies. You're talking about when they put gunpowder in it? Does that help? Quarterizes it? No, that's like with hot. Yeah, they light it on fire. Is that what they're doing? You're not supposed to do that, though. Rambo did that once. Well, yeah, Rambo did it. It's got to work. It's got to work. I think because I'm not a gambling man especially with my life I think I'm letting two shots off two million dollars that's gambling with your life I know but like I would definitely do one I would definitely do one because that's a million dollars and the chances of me getting hit are so slim I think after two I would be like I already have two Like I'm good Like I don't need More than that I already know your answer It's gonna be hot Yeah he just said He's gonna let the full clip go Yeah 16?

38:0316 Is that how much it is? A handgun is 6 I thought it was 9 We don't know guns There you go I thought a clip was 16 I mean if you're doing Like a fucking dirty Harry It's like 6 shots Yeah I mean I would I would imagine We would go a standard Like It doesn't matter How many shots it is Cause they can reload No no Yeah, but I'm just saying one clip. What about like a.357 Magnum? Oh, that would do me. That'd be it. Yeah. Any of the bullets would be it. Yeah, but that's a big one. Yeah, Joey. Just empty the clip on me. That's my answer. Well, not on you. I think that's the idea. Yeah, it's fine.

38:37It's a cool story, too. Like, dude, he had nine bullets, couldn't get me once. No, I said a cool story for. The grave? No. The obit? No, if I... Yeah, you're going to tell God that when you're dead? If I make it. No, he'd probably make fun of me. That's true. Oh, God? If I got up there, it's like this. I was going to say, there might be some other reasons you might not even get to talk to the corporeal form. Wow. It could be true. I'm right there with you, bud. I'll be up there. You think so? Haven't? Yeah. Bro, I went to church until eighth grade. He knows me. So did I. Yeah, Joey. There's things that happened while you were going to church that I think would have disqualified you.

39:15What did I do? There were things that you did. I'm going to hell? Yeah. Oh, you're talking about like premarital? Sure. That's why I didn't have sex before eighth grade. I didn't say then. Oh, he knows that I'm, he knows that I'm doing it. I'm saying now. Yeah. You're doing sex, dude. Yeah, that's bad. You've done sex before. He forgives that. We're all doing it. Yeah. I mean, you have to apologize. Sure. I'll say Hail Mary. Probably too. Did you do your confession? Or not confession. What's that called? Confirmation? Yeah. I'm confirmed. What was your confirmation name? James. And did you, like when you, you know, you go, I don't know if that's communion or confirmation where you have to go and then it's like you do confession and they give you homework and they're like say ten Hail Marys or something like that.

40:01That's confession. I know but I don't know which one that is a part of. Have you done that? Yeah. Do you remember how many prayers you had to do? I think I did two All Fathers and one Hail Mary. Which is such a funny thing. There was one it's called the Act of Contrition. No one knows it. It's a long one and I don't know it. It's not one of the popular ones. You know the All Father probably our father who we've established that it's not who does art in heaven halloween be thy name you know that's not it either hallowed be thy name my kingdom come it's thy kingdom come thy kingdom come because you don't have a kingdom i mean technically technically you have a house i have a home and a family that's my kingdom okay okay so my kingdom come my will thy will be done I will be done Yeah On earth as it is in heaven Yep Give us this day Our daily bread And forgive us our trespasses As we forgive those Who trespass against us Yep And deliver us to temptation But not from evil Or something like that Why would we go to temptation?

41:01Or remove us from temptation Deliver us from temptation Deliver us from temptation Wait what is it? Now you got me I honestly I'm shocked I got here The only reason why you know this Is probably because You were in my house right? No you guys weren't doing in a lot of Hail Mary. The only reason I know Catholic Grace is because of you. Well, yeah. But how do you know our father then? I went to Sunday school for a couple years. Did you? Yeah. Not many. Were we in the same class? We had to have been in the same class. Yeah. Really? Yeah, not many. I don't remember that. You were the poster boy dude at Sunday school.

41:30No, my Sunday school teacher hated me. No, they loved you. She heard me say fuck at Alex's house. Well, she was upset with you but you apologized. I didn't. Why would I apologize? You apologized? Well, I didn't even know that she was talking about me. I got to class Yeah, Joey, people love – you were the poster child for Sunday school. Frank, you weren't even there. I was there for like two or three years. Two or three years. I'm just letting you know. Listen, church. I know you're listening. Now you're speaking directly to the church. I'm speaking directly to the church. The Catholic church. The Catholic – oh, any church.

42:04Oh. No, actually, it's the Catholic one I'm speaking to. I should probably not talk to them. You're going to talk to all the other churches? I probably shouldn't. Why shouldn't you talk to them? well it's i it's say it i just i'm not qualified i don't want to i don't want to you're not qualified to talk to the church i don't want to insult anybody it feels like you're about to please please stop no school on a sunday morning is nuts well the idea i understand it's it's it's the lord's day i understand but everyone's going to church anyway i understand who the the lord's day you gotta understand you gotta know that that's like you're you're you're you're you're setting you're setting yourself up for failure well sunday 8 a.m be there what time was sunday school it was like 10 to like 12 yeah yeah but i would much rather be in sunday school than church back then i was like church sucks couldn't do it couldn't do it why were we talking about i don't know we're on catholicism how did we get to catholicism from shooting a gun into a room at us something about god you were meeting your maker and stuff like Oh, yeah.

43:10No, I wouldn't be or something. But you would let us in. You would put a good word in for us. Oh, you'd be like the promoters at the team clubs. I'd be like, yo, he's with me. D-Mobile. Say my promo code at the door. Say promo code JoeSpotlight. JoeSpotlight? Spotlight. Spotlight Entertainment Joe. Yeah. I would probably let off two shots. Get that two mil and then I'm out of there. Yeah. We should film this video, though, with like a paintball gun. Okay. Well, none of us have a gun. Yet. But I think we should film that video. I think that'd be cool. What would we use? I haven't been shot with a paintball gun in a while.

43:52A BB gun. A BB gun? A BB gun. I haven't even seen a BB gun since 2000. I've seen BB guns. Where? We would all be in a pitch black. Well, it's not going to be pitch black. Blindfold the shooter. We should get the Orbeez guns. What is that? Oh, I know what Orbeez are, but like They look like Guns You want it to hurt? Yeah Oh, alright I guess we'll do paintball This is scary You need some fear Yeah You need some fear? What's wrong with you? You're gonna wear a helmet A face mask and shit Yeah And cover your little Paulinos Don't talk about my Paulinos Okay What is the But if it's a See, here's the thing.

44:38If it's a real gun, that's different than a paintball gun. Bro, if it's a paintball gun, you can shoot me in the fucking face. Yeah, okay. So we'll do each shot is$100, like whatever. I'm not leaving that room, brother. Okay, but if you get shot, like if you were like, oh, like you three shots, and now you're like, I have 300 bucks, like I'm chilling. But if you eventually get shot before you cash out, then you owe the gunman that money. so wait wait hold on so let's say i get i'm in the room and someone lets off six shots 600 bucks on the seventh shot if i get hit i owe them 700 bucks yeah i'm not doing that well this is the dilemma i'm not doing that ever like nothing you're about to sacrifice your life for two shots two billion dollars yeah i guess so but i don't want to pay someone pay me yeah i mean that's That's why you gotta be strategic.

45:37I'll get a thousand and get out of there. How do I tap out? Just tap out? Yeah, you're just like, I'm done. If it's paintballs, I'm staying in that room for a while. I think if you get shot in the face, that's double. Who's shooting? I think that whoever wants to shoot. I'm a good shot. Although I'll be blindfolded, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna be shot. Yeah, I don't know. I'll do it. You do what? Whichever. I think we should do this video. I think that would be cool. Okay, we can set it up. Yeah. This is going to be hysterical because who are you going to get in that room? We should just do a metal baby.

46:13I feel like that's worse. Yeah, exactly. You got to be careful with metal baby. Dude, you're into BDSM, aren't you? No, I'm just saying. You're a little masochist. You want to be scared? He likes to... He has to turn it up. Yeah. He has to... How about we chain up our wrists and then slap some duct tape on our tits? What if we use an actual gun? Yeah. That's what I can see you saying. No, that's too much. What if we do it shirtless? That's what you would say. That's what you would say. And then you would say, like, the loser has to eat this fire cheese ball. Or we'd tape those squeaky chickens to your feet, and you have to run around.

46:46That'd be funny. Oh, no, no, no. So they're going to be able to hear it. They have to hold it in their mouth. They have to hold it in their mouth, so if they get hit, it's like, ah! I meant Morrison. That's the worst. I meant Morrison. I'm not kidding. What is happening? That's the worst contribution I've ever had to this show, ever. Are you talking about like the Like the yellow chicken Yeah if you tape them to your feet And when they run around The gunman can hear them And then they stop He's like Why would you run Yeah why would you move at all Let's say you have to move every time No that would make it too easy Then I'm not doing it Yeah that would make it too easy for the gunman Too easy It's blindfolded Yeah but if you hear a general direction Of where they are But there's six of them Then you're Six one what Someone's getting hit There's six of us in there Oh no no no no I'm not doing this Alright fine We'll workshop it But we'll do it I think We'll figure it out Realistically If we were to do Something like that Like paintball In a room Or something like that Ten shots That's what you said A thousand I think I'm sticking around For ten Might get clapped though Yeah Where does the money come from Also the gunman Yeah Oh Maybe Joe just shoots Maybe I just shoot Yeah.

48:02Yeah, but I might get paid. Oh, I have to pay the people? Like, if I'm the gunman, like, it's like, I owe you? If they get out, yeah. Oh, then why? I mean, you don't have to be the gunman. He's setting himself up to be the gunman, and we just pay him. It's just a video we're just paying him. He just wants to shoot us. No. I just take it off. Idiots. When's the last time you went paintballing? Like, right after high school, and it was a lot of fun. I love paintball so much. I like it, too. Didn't we just have the conversation about paintball? Oh, we were in, like, somewhere talking about it. That, like, there's this place out in Long Island that has, like, a fucking plane.

48:38Yeah, that shit is sick. Yeah, that would be fucking dope. That would be really, really cool. I was really good at paintball. Here we go. No, no, no. I'm serious. I was really, really good. There was that paintball place in Long Island City, the indoor one, the speedball one. Yeah. And, like, I would go often with my brothers. And, like, because it was, like, if you only showed up with, like, two or three kids, they'd just put you with another party. and we got put with a group of like semi-pro players. And then you killed all of them and then you met the president and you went to the White House and you built a monument of you in front of the whole thing and put your picture on the wall and you were only eight years old and everyone else was like 32.

49:16Paintball legend was sitting with him. You see what I got to put up with? You see, I can't even tell a story without him fucking jumping down my throat. I used to go to the big game, they called it, and it was at Deer Park and there was helicopters and tanks and it was like 100 v 100 the big game you want to hear a story this is a good one okay we went once at the lake we went we did like the like the kids versus the parents we were like 12 at the time and it was like me my brothers the espos pat and we played like six so it was literally like i think it was like eight on seven or something like that, but, like, there were two girls at the lake.

50:00I don't want to say who they are if they don't want to give them away, but, like, you know who they are. Okay. Of an Irish family. I, yep. Yep. I couldn't stand them at the time. Irish people playing paintball is a dangerous game because they bruise like peaches. Dude, I couldn't stand them at the time. Not both of them. One of them I couldn't stand at the time because she was just annoying and mean and rude. So I said that day, I was a 12-year-old. I said I was like yo if this person is on the other team like I'm going to shoot them like I'm going to like I'm going to get them well that's the I know but like it was like I'm going to go out of my way to find this person and I didn't and we played like five games and on the last game they were just like alright how many balls you guys have like 20 minutes left so just play until you're done but if you run out of bullets put your hands in the air with your gun and just say I'm out and let them like walk across I feel like I know where this is going I'm behind a fucking log or a bunker or something And I see them walking by with It was the two of them and then one of our friend's moms And I see them walking by And I look at my buddy Brian And I go Now or never And I fucking Beep beep beep beep Were they out of ammo?

51:16Yeah they were out Yeah I was But shot an innocent civilian Technically, that's what's happening. This person's dad was on the other team also and found out. He ran up to me. He got as close as you could get, and he shot me right on the inner thigh. Hell yeah. Like, I don't bruise or wealth very easily. That was like the worst of the worst that I've ever gotten in my entire life. It just missed my Polinoff. Did he say something cool? Fuck you, probably. I'm back something like that big mistake your toast your toast is a good one here's daddy that feels like a different kind of video here's daddy here's this welt on your thigh you did that you just did that and we also have sponsors that I'm sure are going to love that but we do have I just opened up FaceTime there for a second.

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55:34Does that, I mean, and this is like, you've heard the stories that people get abducted and then they get probed. And, you know, for whatever reason, we don't know if it's for sport or if it's for research purposes. I have no idea. I mean, but that's a common thing. It's like one of the well-known things about like alien abductions is like they're probing. Yeah. which for those of you guys that don't know what that is it most of the time it's sticking things yeah yeah yeah but finding dna what is that i mean that's good i know come on there's traces of what is that what is that you how do you know it's alien dna i guess it's like i guess it's just like they can't they can't tell i'm i mean dna is you can tell if it's like from a an animal a human or something so like if they're just like what is his dna this person was abducted the animal the alien is it feels like something happened it seems like something is going on i would i mean we actually spoke to someone on opl that claimed to have been abducted and the way that they talked about it i found to be a little fascinating actually because it's they were like it feels so real to me but in a logical mind you're kind of like that couldn't have happened but it feels so real to them i here's the thing i have had not recently but like in my lifetime i have had dreams where i've been like whoa like that felt real but when you wake up you're like that was a dream or or was it you know like i i've had that happen i have yeah i've had i've had that happen and like you're still unsure i mean no i know it was a dream now but like with the benefit of hindsight now like of course there wasn't a face in my wall looking at me and laughing while spitting up blue ooze but like that was it yeah man that episode of are you afraid of the dark fucked me up you were a child i was a child yeah and i had it as an adult but what i'm saying though is that like it takes me a couple minutes but like i could imagine that there are people that have had dreams that have been so intense to the point where it's like they can't make the distinction whatsoever.

57:41Yeah. I mean, that happens to me sometimes, but I think that's just me being like paranoid. Like sometimes I'll have a dream of like, this is a stupid example. I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but if I, if I had a dream that like my leg got cut off or something, right. I would, sometimes I wake up and I like, just check my legs, you know, even though I wake up and I'm in my bed and I'm like, obviously that was not real, but I check. But like, But you got demons, right? I have demons? Sleep paralysis demons. I don't have that. That's not my experience with sleep paralysis. I do have that sometimes.

58:13There are people that have... It's a well-documented phenomenon that people experience sleep paralysis demons. Has that happened to you? No, thank God. You get sleep paralysis? I consider myself quite lucky, and I'm going to knock on as much wood as I can. I have never experienced sleep paralysis, and I consider myself very lucky. It's happened to me three times. But do you have a figure that you see? Yeah, it was an old woman. Oh, fuck that I get Wait, hold on I was laying down on my back And I was just like My eyes opened But I couldn't move And then this old woman was just like Floating right here on top of me What she looked like It was very scary And I couldn't And I couldn't move So like slowly I was just like Uh-huh.

59:05Bitch. You used all your strength to call her a bitch? That's the only thing I could get out. The only thing that you could think of as this old sleep woman demon is hovering over you is to insult her. Yeah. Was she flying or she was kind of leaning over? I don't, that part I don't know, but it felt like she was floating. Did she look like, did you watch the, what movies are those? Not The Conjuring, the other ones. Insidious? Insidious movie. She looked like that woman? Valak, I think is the name of that demon? No, no, she was old, like older. Valak's like a nun thing. She was just like an old, scary woman.

59:38Oh my God. And I just like, the only thing I could get out was like, bitch. What does it feel like when you come out of that? Because that's not my experience with it. You like, finally, it doesn't, it's not all at once. Like I can move my arm and then like, then as soon as you can get one body part out, like everything comes out. Your brain turns on. Got it. That's crazy. For me, I never see anything, but it feels like I'm awake, but my eyes aren't open. Like, I can't see my room, but my mind is awake, and I can't see anything because my eyes are closed, and I can't move. So then I start panicking, and I feel like I can't breathe, so I'm trying to, like, regulate my breathing, and then I'm trying to, like, move my leg, like, so hard, and it feels like I'm moving it, like, a tiny bit, and eventually when I come out of it, I come out of it all at once.

1:00:24I'm like, oh, God, thank you. I can say, like I said, I consider myself very lucky that I never experienced that. I have during my life experienced two things. One more frequently. This is going to make sense to nobody. And it's so stupid sounding. But like, it's a very weird one is like, I feel like I'm this happened to me like a couple days ago. I feel like I'm moving at the speed of light. Like I feel I'm not in your sleep. Like as I'm laying there, like if I like blink or roll over or something, It feels like it's happening at literal superhuman speed. Like super speed. Super speed like you rolling over?

1:01:03Like if I were to like do this or like blank or roll over or something. I'm not. It's like you're just. It feels like to me like it is happening like the flash. What the hell? Very weird. The other one, which is so weird. And I remember I used to get this as a kid and it like very randomly happens. this is gonna make no sense but it's called the sharp rounds i call it's not called that i call it the sharp rounds it's not called that i call it the sharp rounds we're like there's this feeling and i can't it's not like i'm touching anything i'm not moving it's just this feeling of like things around but sharp at the same time and like if i were to like rub my hand around like a pillow it's a rounded pillow but it feels like it's cutting my hand it's so weird but this is happening in your dreams?

1:01:59in my sleep as I'm trying to fall asleep I'm very I consider myself very lucky I fall asleep very easily the sharp rounds I call it the sharp rounds and I remember as a kid and it like very randomly rarely happens I don't know the rhyme or reason when's the last time you had the sharp rounds? within the last like month but like before that years But is that like in a dream you're walking around and touching stuff? No, no, no, no. Like I am, I know I'm actively trying to like, you know, like you have to like pretend you're sleeping in order to fall asleep. Like you're, yeah, you're like in twilight.

1:02:32Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like there's just this feeling of just like there's round things. Like your pillow? Whether it be the pillow or just like I can feel that there's something over there that's round but sharp. It sounds so crazy. Oh, so you don't actually have to touch it? No. But then I think about touching it, and I'm like, that's a sharp round, hence the name. It's so weird. What I was thinking was maybe you don't realize that your hand's asleep and you're touching something. But it's also, it is, but isn't a tactile thing. I can imagine touching something, and it is that. But then I can also just think about it.

1:03:05You never looked up this? I've never looked up. I've also never shared this with anyone outside of Becca before. Oh, I had the sharp rounds last night. I feel honored. Thank you. and now all of the well that's that's interesting i don't know if i have anything like that when i when i do have sleep paralysis though and i get out of it my body is so tired it's almost like what i imagine anesthesia is like where i'm so tired and i pink panther s here coach and spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it grab your friends and head to the tabby tour hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products.

1:03:48And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com. Know that once I fall back asleep, it's going to happen again. So I wake up and then I like can feel myself like, I'm like, I just, it's going to happen again. I have to fall back asleep and I get it again. I'm going to tell you something, not with anesthesia. Like literally anesthesia is just like like it's the blink of an eye well i just imagine like you know like the feeling of like you're getting tired and you're going like no that's what it feels bro at least my experience with anesthesia was not like oh i'm getting sleep here i'm getting sleepy it's literally like here there there like it's and i know everyone's is different let me make that very clear but it was like i i hate that because i know it's gonna happen again i had another one where I was facing the wall and just like this shadow was coming up the wall very slowly.

1:04:43And I was like, it just didn't feel right. You watched a lot of goosebumps. I'm a big horror guy. I love horror. But that one I came out of like, oh no. Like that one I was like, oh that one was bad. Oh really? Like I had to get out of that one like now. You know what happens to me a lot? Because I'm blind. I have to take my contacts out and then I go to the bathroom and sometimes I'll walk out into my room and certain things look like other shit. Like it looks like a person standing there. if it's like a plant or like a jacket hanging or whatever and like it sometimes it like really freaks me out like i'm like oh and like it just gets me because i'm just seeing like shapes like it's dark i can't see like but what do you think would be there i i don't know like it sometimes it looks like someone bending over like grabbing something or like yeah it's different when you have like you guys well you're in a house you're in an apartment but like you have one way in and out of your apartment i have i'm not thinking about that though oh i am in the middle of the night well once you have a house you will because you have front door back door windows well then that's when i'll like probably be like oh this really could be that's when you get simply safe yeah yeah exactly um but yeah all this stemming from the possibility that aliens are coming in people yeah that's a tough one that's insane i would like now that that information came out have you ever i'm not telling anyone i got abducted i i mean well people were saying when they get abducted that they do get probed they're like it was a real thing and the guy that we had talked to on other people's lives said that he vividly remembers being like on a ship like a door opening up and him being and like seeing people around can i ask you a serious question if you could opt into being abducted probing is in there you're gonna have to yeah are you doing it no do they give me a goodie bag like here's some merch on your way out coming your butt yeah here's some alien cream pie yeah no that's the fucking goodie bag is you get cream pied by an alien it would be interesting to know that it's like a real thing i i pulled up the article like getting beamed up i would like i would like to not be beamed up what if i would like if i were to be abducted, I would like the technology to be kind of close enough to what we have here on Earth.

1:07:04Because if I got beamed up, I'd be like, yo, that was so cool, I need to have that happen again. Like, I'd like it to just be like, they guide me onto a ship. You'd be begging for another abduction. I'd be like, yo, beam me, daddy! Yeah, probe me again. What's the say in the article? I don't know how true any of this is, but so, this person, Dr. Max Rempel, just went to the people who claimed to have got abducted, sampled their DNA, and out of that at least 11 families had large chunks of dna that didn't belong to either parent or their immediate family when they came back from the adoption see this is possible man it's possible do you think that eventually that means that they can like their child will have more of that dna that would be cool and now eventually we'll all be aliens but we're all aliens it's like sleeper cells you remember that the idea that like they can like maybe like activate it like what movie is that gardens of the galaxy volume two where like ego goes and like puts his seed in different planets and then he can just be like got it and they fucking start like what if the aliens are doing that so then when the time comes they just be like yo by the way we've been inseminating yeah for a lack of better terms people on your planet for the last 500 years and it's dna that follows down maybe so like there's like a they can activate like a sleeper cell alien supporters or maybe they're just like you know the sailors of the intergalactic world and they're just stopping at fucking any port and banging a fish yeah yeah like they're just like stopping at like a wait what what would you say and like you said banging a fish and like banging a fish no no sailors like port in a storm baby like sailors they back in the day they would show up to places and like they would have sex with women because they're leaving.

1:08:50Have you ever heard the song Brandy by Looking Glass? Oh, I thought you were saying we were the fish. No one is having sex with fish, Ian. Why are you bringing a fish? Because you said sailor. Yeah. I thought to the aliens coming in our butts, we were the fish. All right. No one's a fish. And also let's take out. I'm talking about human beings. Like a sailor. So the idea is like a sailor back in the day would get to like New York, for instance, and they would go out to the bars and stuff and they would hook up with girls. but then they just leave but they wouldn't use protection it's like I'm never going to see this woman again because it was back in the day so we're the girls we are the girls we are the girls and they would show up we're Brandy Brandy you're a fine girl what a good wife you would be but my life my love and my lady is the sea they gotta get out of there maybe you know like so they're just showing up and being like ah you know we'll probe a couple of these bastards and get the hell out of here they'll never see us or what if it's like that's kind of funny to think about what if it's like the equivalent of like fucking like people on like stag parties you know where like there's like oh we're gonna go for like we're going to vegas for a stag party and it's like the aliens just like yo we're going to earth for bachelor party what's a stag party i don't know i've heard of it don't care bachelor party is what i meant yeah i don't know but you know what i mean like we're going for a king sion's uh yeah bachelor party we're going to earth wait till you see what they got down there and they show up and they land in like alabama yeah and is just a racist old white man.

1:10:18I mean, it's such a crazy thing, man. And I honestly sympathize with those people because imagine something like that happening and feeling like no one's believing that this happened. Like, that would be so tough. To have something that you know is real and you're like, I know that it's unusual, but I know it's real. That would be very isolating. That would be terrifying. In that regard, I am sympathetic to people that that has happened to because I can imagine the feeling of isolation and loneliness. but I I don't know I don't I think a part of me just doesn't want to think it happened because it's scary yeah I don't want to accidentally talk my way like what if they're listening right now what if the alien is just like yo we picked up they're gonna get you no they're gonna get you if they're fucking if they're going for anybody they want you Joey I don't know about that you think so I don't know tell me more about what me you're probable That's not what I wanted That is what he wanted I don't want it I didn't want that If Alien would choose Anybody to probe I think they'd choose you Why?

1:11:20You're very desirable To probe Well see Yeah To probe Why though? Where do you think you rank? Out of us three? To probe? Just out of ten I think I'm probable But what level is probable? Because technically All of them are probable Technicality Technical Frank Technical Frank Seven and a half half out of 10 six and a half nine and a half nine dude that's nine and a half that feels like seven and a half and you're please probe me dad yeah um i think i think it'd be cool no i'm not probable i'm a four oh you're way higher than i really wonder have you guys ever seen like a ufo or something like that oh i don't think so becca like recently like looked through like an old video and she's like there's a ufo in the back well how old was the video four years ago oh that's not that i thought it meant like an old video i'm like oh maybe it was a camera or something you guys had a ufo problem right or something what the drones last year it feels like that was decades ago dude that does and like everyone was freaking out because of the drones i do yeah i mean that was an interesting thing bro i also one night was laughing so hard because there were people saying that there was a bro and maybe this is true but it's just funny to like I don't know someone's like there's a mothership off the coast of New Jersey oh yeah the drones are coming from the mothership yeah and I was laughing so hard at that one at that like if you're just speculating that to me that's hysterical and if that's real even funny even funny because it's like we are fucked Yeah.

1:13:06Mothership? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mothership. It is kind of like - Mothership. That's my approach with all these scary things is like, I have to find something to laugh at about them because if not, I will be terrified and I will crumble. Can you imagine like, yo, there's a ship the size of Puerto Rico. Like, who cares? Imagine. Like Independence Day? Yeah, bro. I think about that a lot. I do too. Whenever I see clouds that like look like a line, I'm like, imagine them coming out. I said this I do that anytime I go over like a bridge I like look out on the horizon and like imagine I see something just like coming over the horizon and I'm just like Like a big monster or a ship?

1:13:43Either or Yeah, yeah I like to imagine I would like to imagine nothing I do imagine a lot I do too but I would like not to Okay Well that's the paranoia That's what gets me It's a vicious circle It is a little bit vicious If you're the one that saw it it'd be very unfortunate that it's like oh this had to happen here like why is it so close Like, I would much rather see it on TV somewhere else. I would like to think that I'd be able to drive away from it. That ain't happening. Did you hear what I said? You would like to think. Like to think is the key word there. Yeah. You would need everyone else to drive away.

1:14:16Traffic. You get stuck by a car. Now you have to run. I don't think you could outrun it. I will say, I think that the idea of, like, you know, like Godzilla, like there's something very deep in the water that's like a big monster or whatever. I kind of enjoy it. You lose Frankie. you lose Frankie what about if it was like a giant squid but it was fucking massive you lose me I'm not contributing to this conversation that would be so cool I'm not kidding I really don't think I'm afraid of much much like actual stuff like actual stuff you're afraid of a lot no like actual things I'm not afraid of snakes or bugs it's theories that I'm afraid of you could do that all day Yeah, but that, the ocean, like the idea, like we saw those videos.

1:15:08A giant squid. Where it's just like a giant something under the ocean. That wouldn't really scare me that much because like I'm not going out on the open ocean anyway. You can fly over it. Yeah, it's a squid. I mean, what if it's a big one? Dude, if a kraken, let's say, is so big it could reach a plane, it's over anyway. Yeah, I mean, they're not going to pull it out of the sky. They might. Something that big also is kind of like they probably can't even see the... What are we doing? What am I saying? I'm like the thing's so big I probably can't even see the plane. Oh, man, it will never get the Delta flight.

1:15:49I will say, I'm not trying to, you know, shit all over a spirit because they've had a rough go, but those are bright yellow planes. The Kraken would see those. They would see the bright yellow ones. All right, we got to stop talking about planes. We're about to start flying soon. I think we're safe from the Kraken. I think it's more likely maybe it'll throw a boat. What about a Megalodon? That's cool. Big fucking shark. That's a big shark. Listen, when it comes to stuff under the water, because guess what? You look out, you see the ocean. You don't see underneath. But you don't have to go in. You're protected by the land.

1:16:28Yeah, but why does that bother you? Because what if it could walk like Cloverfield Monster? A shark? Or a Cloverfield Monster. Oh, yeah, that's not good. I mean, we shoot some rockets at it or something. And then what? What happened to the Cloverfield Monster? I don't remember how that movie ended. It wasn't great. I can spoil. That movie's incredible. You can spoil it. It was 100 years old. I'm saying how it ended. It wasn't great for that. Did they kill it? That feels like not a yes or no. There's a little stinger at the end where there's a little voice now. It goes, it's still alive. Oh, okay.

1:17:00I love Cloverfield so much. Don't even get me started on my Cloverfield love. I know, you love that. I love Cloverfield. And then all the adjacent stuff, most of the adjacent stuff. Cloverfield Paradox, big disappointment. 10 Cloverfield Lane. Was that John Goodman? Yeah. That was a good one. That's a goodie. Yeah. Ooh, I would like a bunker one day. That'd be fun. I mean, you're big billionaire Joe. You'll have one. I think you'll get invited to one. I don't think you need to make one. Yeah, you don't need to make it. They'll just be like, oh, yeah, yeah. And that's the cool one. Come here. Come here.

1:17:30You got a couple invites though I'll tell you what For a bunker invite I might go to the Illuminati Yeah? Okay Alright that's fair They heard that Them and the aliens The aliens are getting ready To cream you And the Illuminati's like Wait us first I don't think you're making His plus one No no no I would like to stay With my family Yeah You gotta go down With the ship Well you do I'll go down With this ship And I will turn my life In surrender I don't know that song There will be blood Blood Blood On my door Oh, what's that? I will be loved Knowing Knowing Knowing I don't remember I don't remember the name of it But I remember the song You definitely know the song Is that Fiona Apple?

1:18:19Oh, I don't know And I will go down With this shit Is that the name of the song? And I will turn my love And surrender Look at that there There will be love I mean, you can't play the song again I know, I know But if you look up the name of the song Just type I will go down with this ship song lady Song lady Ditto, White Flag? Dido Dido Dido Who's Fiona Apple? Yeah, what was that? Is she? Do you remember Fiona Apple? No She was a singer What does Fiona Apple sing? Let's see. Top Fiona Apple songs. Oh. Criminal, I Want You to Love Me, Pure Imagination, Limp. Limp. Yeah, I don't remember that one.

1:19:07I don't know. Fiona Apple. It does sound familiar. I thought it was like a cartoon character, though. Remember Nelly Furtado? Hell yeah. Promiscuous girl. That's Timbaland. Well, but it's him and her. I know, but you did his voice out of the song. I know.

1:19:30Don't be mad Don't be mean Don't be mad Don't be mean Damn Wow Throwback I can see you With my t-shirt on I can see you With my t-shirt on Wait she can see us With her t-shirt on I don't know I don't remember Yeah I don't You know what I mean Girl number Shouldn't say it with me What was this song With Jessica Simpson Oh where she's like nothing but a t-shirt on now that's so beautiful maybe as I do now now that I'm with you I remember when that song came out I was like oh that's the hottest thing a girl can wear of course you did yeah I swear to god I was so who did more for like that song or like when Drake was just like sweat, piss, heads out, chilling with no makeup on yeah yeah that one was oh my god dude yeah I do like a sweat pant look.

1:20:24Hair tied, chilling with no makeup on. That's when you're the prettiest. I hope that you don't take it wrong. I don't know how that's taking it wrong, but I don't know why he said that. Anyway, we went all over the place today. Hope you guys enjoyed that. We started with Joey crying. We ended with Drake. Right. So there you go. But yeah, guys, go check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash the basement yard. and yeah we have some shows I guess coming up there might be a couple of tickets left to certain places so go check that out thebasementyard.com Frank where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez everywhere make sure you go check out the Halloween merch there's still some time to get some I think right?

1:21:05Yeah I think some time so go check it out and then the Patreon patreon.com slash thebasementyard shop.santagatastudios.com to get that merch Ant? Ant Ant Prisco on Instagram?

1:21:22I wanted to see how fast you tried to say it. I was just going to bait. You got to faint a little bit. Yeah, I fainted just in case you did it. You know. Yeah. Well, don't get used to it. Ant? Ant Brisco. But all right, that is all for this week's episode. Thank you. See you next time.

1:21:49Thank you.