#527 - We Were In A Bank Robbery!

29:07Like, just can't stop stumbling for, like, 30 yards. That happened to me once at our house where I, like, caught the lip of the driveway and I stumbled and fell into my home. Like, the door was open and I fucking fell into my house and rolled. Rolled? Yeah, dude. It was bad. Like Willy Wonka in the beginning? Yeah. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like he did it coolly. Yeah, yeah. I did not do it so coolly. Right. It was sad. Wow. Unbelievable. We do have some sponsors for today. Let's get to those real quick. The first one being, how you doing? Happy Thursday. Okay. These are happy Thursdays right here.

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32:22You sign up for that first tier. There's a couple tiers. That first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance, seven whole days in advance. And then that second tier. Oh, I'm going to hit that fucking real quick. I'm going to send it over to you, and you're going to feel the power of the tingle in your bingle, okay? That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. You can start and end your week with us, with the basement boys, with Joe, with Frank, with Ant over there. Ant, say what's up. Don't put your hand down now, okay? go check it out and if you want to subscribe uh go do it on a web browser patreon.com slash the basement yard you type that in with your little sausage fingers and then you can go and you could subscribe you can save yourself some money okay thank you guys for getting us to consistently breaking records over 34 000 close to 35 000 i think i don't know i haven't seen the number in a couple days more more more more more over 35 over 36 wow i haven't seen that in a while So go check it out.

33:21Patreon.com. What the hell was that? So that's The Basement Yard. And we thank you and we love you and we appreciate you, okay? You'll save yourself some money if you do it on a web browser. So save yourself some money. Go do it on a web browser. And listen, there's only two shows left, guys. Do, do, do. There's not much left. So if you're coming to any of those shows, go to TheBasementYard.com. Let us know which of those two, two, two shows that you're coming to. And submit a question and response. You know, part of the shows are interactive. that we talked to you about you with you. People are proposing.

33:51People are coming out to their family. People are telling us they got babies. People are telling us that they're, you know, parents or someone are murderers. It's craziness. Be in on the craziness and the fun and the incredible stories over at The Basement Yard Shows. And go to thebasementyard.com slash submit. Let us know if you're coming to either Boston or if you're coming to MSG and then we'll figure it out, baby. All right, we love you. We miss you. We'll talk to you later. Bye-bye. You ever notice how often you talk in threes?

34:20Like, we love you. We miss you. We'll talk to you later. I think that we'll talk to you about you, to you, in front of you. Oh, so you think it's like maybe like a compulsive thing? Like an OCD thing? Oh, I don't know if it's that. I just am noticing that you're talking threes. And I said two, two, two. That's three. That's a two, two, two. That's three twos. That's three twos. And I did three twos, two, two, twos. The number 23. Yep. Wait, what? That was a stupid movie. Was that that fucking Jim Carrey movie? Yeah, that was a Jim Carrey movie where he's just like, this number's haunting me. I'm going to die soon.

34:51Yeah. You know, I'd actually scared me because I divided my birthday by itself and it was 0.23. You divided? Yeah, seven divided by 30. My birthday is July 30th. 0.23. Why did you do that? Because I was freaked out by Jim Carrey. No, but why did you divide your birthday? I think he did that in that movie at one point too. Oh. You know? And you were like, oh my God. Oh my God, the number 23 is coming for me too. Unbelievable. And that movie sucked. Never seen it. Save yourself. Save yourself. 23 minutes. Oh, I will. I do want to talk about probably the coolest thing I've ever heard in my entire life, that people robbed the Louvre.

35:27Fuck, I heard about that shit. Yeah, dude. Wait, like, fully robbed the Louvre? Yeah, and they're like, it took seven minutes, they got a ladder, and they got in there, they took, like, some jewels. Here's the thing is, I often, like, find myself when people will be like, oh, there's professional burglars out there that, like, do stuff. Like Ocean's Eleven. Yeah, like, shit like that. And I'll be like, dude, that's only in movies It's not in movies It was in real life movie I would, see, don't you think Like, obviously, like, you don't want to go to jail But wouldn't, like, a heist be just fucking awesome?

36:01Dude, I can't even begin to explain how cool I think I would be in a heist Oh my god Who would you be in the heist? Who would I be? Would you be, like, the main heister? Oh, no You would be the computer guy? No That's just like, we have T-minus five seconds, I'm in No, I'm definitely not the guy in the van with all the screens. The greaser that they call him. Oh, there's the one guy that goes into a manhole and he, like, connects to the wires. And he's like, you're good. You're up and running. You're up and running. You have T-minus 38 minutes. Yeah, yeah. That's not me either. I think I'm one of the guys that's in it.

36:30I'm maybe the guy that, like, drills. Oh. I might be, like, you know, like, how in Ocean's Eleven there was the little, like, the little, like, Asian guy that could, like, fit into, like, the small spaces? Yeah, you are very limber. I'm pretty nimble. Yeah. I'm pretty nimble. I might be able to be him. I'm not Asian, but. You're not. But, yeah. There was, like, a couple of people. I forget how many people, but they, like, had a ladder. They put it up to the second floor. They broke a window. They, like, cut into it or some shit. Did they use the, like. Like the Grinch? Picked up a piece of glass.

37:05I was going to say, like, Catwoman. She, like, draws it like that, and she goes like that and takes it off. Probably. I have no idea. I mean, that's pretty cool. Set up alarms. People who were in the museum started running because there was alarms going off. Can I ask you a question? Broad daylight to do this is crazy. Yeah. Why not wait until nighttime? Or that's when the security is really on. Yeah, because there's no one else in there. But if there's a bunch of people running around, it's probably harder to get around. Do they have lasers? What? Do they have lasers where they have to spray and they can see the laser?

37:36You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. I have seen a lot of movies. Yeah, I know. But yeah, they stole a bunch of stuff And they're like at large Do you know how much money they stole? No Well, I heard they took royal jewels Yeah Napoleon's like jewels Which he might have taken from other places Definitely You can't account for like the historical importance But around$102 million worth of stuff What the fuck? Dude, how do you even like sell it though? I mean black market Private sellers No, you Have you never seen these black market movies where they go and it's like people are just like quiet in a room and they're just like me.

38:15That sounds like any auction now that I think. Wait, what were you going to say? You have to break it apart, break them down, do jewel by jewel like over time. You can't just sell a crown because they know they stole the crown. So those things are probably going to be destroyed. I mean, no, I imagine that someone is going to be like they're going to sell it to like a private seller on the black market. and they're just like we have this but like why would someone want that because you clearly because they weren't going to get in any other way so they're just like oh this is a really cool thing to own well like to his point if you want the money and you're the person who stole it wouldn't you like break it down so it looks unrecognizable or you can sell it as we stole this cool thing no one can track us you can buy it no one will know you have it wire me a hundred million dollars But you could get caught with it eventually.

39:04I mean, only if someone comes into your crib. Yeah. Just, like, put it behind, like, a secret wall with a book that you pull out and it opens. I don't get that. You can show only your boys. You're going to tell me if you came over and I was just like, yo, I got to show you some shit. And you come in the back and I'll be like. It's Queen Elizabeth's fucking. Queen Elizabeth's crowns. Yeah. And you're just like, yo, that's crazy. You have that. And I'm like, yeah, no one. Don't worry. it you know that's cool it's also a crime immediately extort you yeah 10 million are all rat exactly do you would do that to me well i mean it's easy to do an easy money and it's worth it for you i want some easy easy money sorry don't know that billy joel oh still don't know it didn't write i know billy joel well it's a good song um i would love to have wait wait wait so Bro, if I have the crowns jewels in my backyard.

40:03Yeah. And you show me it. And I show you them. You're going to be like, yo, give me five mil. Well, if they're worth like 110, I'd be like, yo, give me five. Really? Just keep me quiet. Give me 30. What are you going to do about it? Oh, I have 100 mil. Now you're dead. What does that mean? Now you stole something and I'm dead? And we're in a room together. I have$100 million in the crowns jewels. Yeah, but what are you killing me with? What do you mean? A gun. Why do you have a gun? Because I have$100 million. What does that have to do with that? If I have$100 million, one of the things I'm spending money on is probably a gun.

40:35Sure. Or security. I would wait until we weren't in the room. Right. Oh, yeah? I would wait for the opportune time and go, hey, I poisoned you. Why'd you poison him? Because I knew you were going to extort me. Okay. So, all right. So, you're holding me up. Drop it. Sign this non-disclosure agreement from your time here. although it doesn't cover crimes oh my god the nda all right see you see like this is what i'm saying like this is why i can't be a criminal because i'm yeah i mean i i wouldn't i wouldn't want to do this so you're saying i do think that robin the loo was cool i mean also mean mean mean mean mean like there was probably a kid there that was like looking like oh those are the crown the queen's jewels i think it was like an area where there weren't people really yeah and like that was like the whole point kind of.

41:30If you could. They had a getaway van and they torched it. That's so cool. It's so cool. I want to torch a car hard, like so bad. What, you want to blow up a car? No, no, no. Hear me, hear me, hear me. New business idea. Frankie, I'm not doing this again. Come on, please, please, please. You do this every episode. Please, but please, you might actually like this one. You know I won't. We're talking about robbing a famous museum. Listen to me. You might actually like this one. think of how big escape rooms have happened and become over the last 10 years what they're not they're big man they had their moment it's over no they're still around where's the closest one to you not that far you made it up no i'm serious uh when was the last time you went 2015 but that's that's just me though there are people that go more regularly no one goes Big team building exercises for no one.

42:52corporate organizations listen uh like uh like a situation like that where it's like an escape room but the stimulation is a theft a burglary like a like a like a like art heist or something right you have to like get out without them noticing you right that would be fucking cool dude that just sounds like a haunted house which you're cool you're helping me you're just fucking you're driving my point home and follow me i'm looking up more lube facts oh about the heist oh you got anything good no good so they torched the van they took the jewels yeah and i guess they're at large which i never understood that expression either they're out there on a big yeah yeah where does at large come from i don't know it doesn't really make a lot of sense to me but yeah i would rob a bank you've said this you've said like it's not it's not their money i mean technically you are you're taking from people am i i don't think i am in theory i'm not if if if this room is a bank yeah well what do you think what do you think that you there's cash in a bank because you have it that's not your money no but there is cash in a bank they don't hold your money in a bank account like that's not what that it's not like i wish it was gringotts that sounds pretty cool so would i i would love to get on a roller coaster to go get my money that would be cool you see how he's a roller coaster to get his money he's got to go all the way to the top because he's got big big big mountains of money not what i meant i'm not looking at him i'm not looking at him did you see the movie i did the ride would cost more than what's in the bank account.

44:39Probs. Probably, yeah. I would kind of rob a bank, too. Is that bad? I think that's totally fine to rob a bank. But not in today's society. I'd like to rob a bank in the Old West. I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign on it. I want a burlap sack that has a dollar sign. I want to be like, you know, walking. Wearing black and white. Wearing black and white and just the bandana, you know, over from my nose down. Or the thing over my eyes. The domino mask. Is that That's the second time that's come up in two weeks. What was the first time? When he was the Ninja Turtle. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

45:14Yeah, exactly like that. Oh, my God. Robbing a bank would be a thrill. All right, all right. Let's act this out. I'm a teller. You're a bank robber. All right? I would do the slide the note. Oh, you're not going big? Going big? Going big. Making a scene. Why would I do that? Scare people? I don't want to scare anyone. I just want to leave with the money. Okay, so I'm a teller. Oh, this is the Old West. So they... Frank, there wouldn't be... There's nothing to act out. I would just do this. And then go...

45:54Read the fucking note. You'll know how much. You're horrible at getting robbed. I gave you a note. It has a number on it. Give it to me. I am not gonna... Excuse you. You could be a little more polite about this, sir. there's the polite part yeah that's how i would be i'd just be like you could be nicer do you think that any part of you if you were at the bank and someone showed up and was gonna rob the place and they had a gun but you were suspicious of the gun you're like i don't know if it's a real gun and they're like everybody get on the ground you get on the ground and now but you clearly have an opportunity to tackle this guy and save the day you taking it who else is in the room it's a good question because if i'm in the room and it's like you two are also in the room i am confident that if i go make the shot take a shot you guys will join in now if i look around and it's fucking betty white and fucking uh i don't know what the first name that came in my head was vera farmija who the fuck is that who's vera farmija she's an actress Betty White dead and Vera Farmiga is she alive yeah and she's also like in shape like she would be she probably do more damage than I would so okay but like it really depends on who's in the room right and you give us eyes like yo I'm gonna jump on this guy I'd be like I'm laying down like this I'd be like and I'm and we're going like yeah are you letting me go first no no like i'm letting you know like yeah this is what we're gonna do but how many there's so many variables that i need to know like paint a better picture joey there's a guy in a bank one guy in one bank how big is the bank how would we be in two banks at once i'm saying like one guy that's what i meant one guy one guy with what kind of gun handgun semi-automatic or automatic uh i assume semi okay did he fire off around when he came in no okay where is the gun is it out is it away it's out but it's not like oh actually no i'm saying he told everyone to get on the ground so he's got it out so he's waving it around yeah he's waving it around okay uh get on the ground How far away is he from me?

48:20At first he's far away, but then he gets close. So now he's at the, you were at the teller that's like next to where he is, and he's going, give me the fucking money, and you're on the ground. How am I on the ground? You're on the ground face down. Arms out, arms by my side. You're just kind of like here. What am I wearing? Athletic wear. Oh. And the guy's back is to you because he's at the teller like this, and you're like over here, but you're on the ground. So you have initiative and now you have to roll a dexterity check. I like how you're doing this. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like you guys are playing D &D right now is what it sounds like.

48:58I don't even know what any of that. We just played Dungeons and Dragons without realizing. Yeah. But like, oh, is that how you play? Basically, yeah. Pretty much, yeah. But keep going. I like it. So then, all right. So then, so. Pull up a D20. You're laying on the ground, right? You're in athletic wear. Okay. You don't have any weapons. Okay. This dude has a gun. It's in his left hand. All right, okay. Right? All right, so... What do you want to roll for? What do you want to roll for? Let's roll for how fast can I get up without him realizing it. All right, so this is a dexterity check. You want a high, like, 13 or higher here.

49:30Okay. Oh! This guy's dexterity! My dexterity! Dude, Matt 20, so he has no idea you're coming. Okay, so you have the element of surprise. Clearly, his back is turned. Mm-hmm. Okay. That's me sneaking. So you can jump on this guy. Okay. Right? And Gunn is in his what? left or right arm i said it's in his left it's in his hand yeah he's got it here his arm is a gun no his no it's not okay he's holding a gun it's in his left hand and he's like this it's not down it's like at the thing okay so he's pointing it at the now you don't know if he's got another is the teller behind glass yeah yeah okay fully behind glass let's say no let's get some danger Okay, I like danger So, you know, there's other guys in the bank So then, hold on Hold on!

50:23Fuck!

50:27There's other guys in the bank, but you don't know if they're brave or not Alright, so I'm running a bravery check on everybody else No, no, this is a perception check Perception check on everybody else Wait, what is a perception check? So, like, you look around and, like, your surroundings and, like, what's going on Okay So you're trying to see if other people are brave Okay, so this is a low roll that's like, oh, it's a bunch of old people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So perception check. All right. So there's maybe one other guy. He's in his mid-40s. Okay, okay. And, like, you don't know. Okay. So I give him a look.

50:55You give the guy a look. I give the guy a look. So he sees I'm up. Does he get up? Did you get up? I got up. I'm sneaking out on this guy. I got a 20 dexterity, baby. Well, he's right next to you. So what about your strength? He could be a strong guy. Could be a strong guy. Can we run a strength check? Those strength checks? For you? For me, please. For Frank. And then for him. So in the moment, because, you know, it's an anxious situation, this is our strength roll. 17. You're feeling good. I'm pretty good. I'm strong as hell. That's strong. I'm strong as shit. Can we see how strong the guy is?

51:22We can see how strong the guy is. Here we go. Throw him on his head, Frank! Throw him on his head! I'm beating the brakes off this dumbass. That's why he needs the gun. That's why he needs the gun. That's why he needs the gun. So how do we roll for, like, how good of a shooter this guy is? And has he killed before? We don't know As he killed Experience check Sure I don't know what we're doing Experience check How much experience? No experience at all I'm basically going up against Betty White Yeah I'm fucking Very advantageous roles So how do you end D &D? You go, okay, this is done Well, now you like No, D &D never ends Literally, it's a campaign that goes on forever But you keep going with these decisions?

52:05Sort of Forever, basically It's always going Eventually, you go like oh, alright, we got him. We got the gun. He's restrained. And you just keep going. Oh, okay. It is... I played it once. It's kind of fun. But also... I just had fun. Yeah. No, I played it. I played it. There is someone that is watching this who's just like, please let me make D &D for them. Yeah. Alright, so he's not strong. He's not experienced. What do I do now? You're strong and you're fucking limber. You're feeling good. You have the advantage. And you got a natural 20, so you can start the attack if you really want. Okay, so I guess I'm going to attack.

52:38But as I'm going to attack, I'm going to grab one arm around the neck. The other is going to... Frank, it's going to get a little harder. You have to grab the gun first. Go full for the gun? Of course. Okay, so I go full for the gun then. Can we get an experience check on him now? It feels like a one. That's a good point. I just revealed that. If you go for the other arm... No, this is more of a dexterity check, I guess, or like hand-eye coordination. Hand-eye coordination. We can do that. So let's see how we're feeling. Okay. Okay. That's not bad. That's good. I mean, I think we said that the base level was 13.

53:13Yeah, for this guy. So I'm... You can get it. Okay. And with the advantage, because of the nat 20, let's say he gets it. Yeah, he's going to get him. All right, so I get the gun. So you save the guy. I save the guy. Yeah. I'm a hero. Yeah. Now I turn the gun on them, and I want the money, because I'm the strong alpha now. Oh, now you're robbing the bank. I'm the robber. Right. This would be a persuasion check. Just be like, since I saved you, can you give me$10 ,000 or something? What an anti-hero. What are we rolling for? I don't think they give it to you. Unbelievable. All right. All right. I'm going to do a scenario for you now.

53:54Oh, now we're just full blown. I think this is how it works. You get really excited. We do have more sponsors. Oh, okay. I think that we should probably get to that before anything else. And the first one being, how you doing? Rocket Money. Okay. Rocket Money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket. How are they going to do that? That's a great question, ladies and gentlemen. They have a budgeting tool. They also are going to find and cancel all-in-one subscriptions that you may or may not have signed up for at some point in your life. A lot of people, they sign up for a free trial or something like that, and it kind of expires.

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55:59This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. You can start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours, okay? They will connect you with someone. They make the onboarding very easy. And yeah, it's a great thing. I think that everyone should be in therapy. For me, it's kind of like going to the gym for your brain, all right? I've been in therapy for years. I think it's great to have someone who's like a non-biased party that you can kind of tell everything to helps you organize your thoughts it really like you know it feels a lot better even if you don't have anything traumatic or whatever you know you could talk to a therapist about i talked to my therapist about like business decisions or you know things that i'm thinking about or in the future or blah blah blah so it's very helpful to have that and i think that everyone can benefit from that but they have over 30 000 therapists uh one of the world's largest online therapy platforms having served over 5 million people globally.

56:49So this month, don't wait to reach out. When you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier for that first step. Our listeners get 10 % off of their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Basemuyard. That is BetterHelp.com slash Basemuyard to save 10 % off of that first month. All right? There you go. All right. That was good. You're good at that. All right. So I'm setting the scene here. Okay. Okay. It's a Monday morning. It's a Monday morning. Monday morning, and you're coming from the gym. Right. You just did leg day. Okay. Okay. So I'm a little shaky leg.

57:26You're a little shaky leg. You did hard leg day, too. Yeah, I'm shaking. You PR'd on squats. Okay, so I'm like Bambi. And you PR'd on... You probably wouldn't do that. Do what? I was going to say leg press. Okay. You do leg press? I can't. It's not my... Exactly. That's why I said you wouldn't do that. All right. So you PR'd on leg day. So you're feeling good. Okay. You walk into the bank. Oh, this is after the gym. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, because you run your errands after the gym. So it's like a similar situation. It's like 945 on a Monday morning. Okay. Okay? Yeah. You walk in. You're greeted with your glass of champagne at your Swiss bank that you go to.

58:09Am I in Switzerland? No, you're here. Got it. They have UBS chains in America. Okay. Everyone down! Guy walks in with an AK. Fires it in the air like this. Fires it? Yeah, does that. How many shots? Same question.

58:34Eight. Okay. Fires him in the air. looks at you and says, get on the fucking ground and uses the butt of the gun against the back of your legs and you fall to the ground. Okay? I'm writing everything else. Now he goes up to the teller and he says, give me everything in this safe.

59:01Ask away. Is that my role? I guess so. but I'm going to give you minus four to dexterity because of the gym, unfortunately. And make it minus five because he's got hit in the back of the leg. I've been counting that. Minus four. It's a hefty penalty. Okay. Okay. What is your position called in this whole thing? He's the game master. No, technically because you're being the game master right now. I'm just helping him what he should also be doing. We're both game masters right now. But what's my role? I think of things to do. You're the player. Yeah, I'm walking you through it. Oh, okay, okay. So the guy you just described basically the same situation.

59:42You ask questions about the situation, me, anything. How tall is this guy? Ooh. Or how big and wide? I would say 5 '10", 190. Okay. Queen. We're very similar builds. Sure, yeah. He's got a couple inches on you, but sure. Okay. Is he strong? He did fire around that AK. Was it with ease? Could we tell? That'd be a perception check. Was it one-handed? It was one of these? It was one of these, but he looks very uncomfortable. Okay. Looks very uncomfortable. I mean, it is an AK. It's an AK Quattro Siete. Right.

1:00:25Is he wearing a disguise? He's wearing a rubber mask. Of what? Freddy Krueger. Okay, so now I would give him a disadvantage to sight, right? Sight, sure. A little bit of a sight disadvantage. Write a sight check. Yeah, what is his sight check? Let's see. Let's make that one a d12 because it's like... I don't know what the difference is here. Actually, I don't know what I just said. Let's just get rid of that. Wait, hold on. That says total 14. Does that mean like this is out of 14? No, this is out of 20. You can roll three dice at the same time and add them up. Yeah, you could just roll them up.

1:00:58Oh, okay. So he's got a 14 sight. So it's not that bad. It's not hurting him that much. I mean, he's losing some sight, though. He is losing some sight, so make it minus two. Yeah, so what about his hearing? What about his hearing? Can he hear me creeping up on him? All right, we can see. We can do a hearing check. Very good. God, he's like a fucking bat. Very good. Shit. Very good. Very good. Very good hearing. You're in trouble. Oh, no. Do I have anything on me? You do. What do I have? You have your phone. You have your wallet, which that carries some weight. and you have you were jumping rope at the gym on leg day so you have a you have a jump rope a metal one okay am I gonna fucking lasso this guy metal jump rope alright he has very good hearing his sight's not that great he's got an AK is there anyone else around yeah full packed it's a packed packed bank is there any any dudes in there that I could probably get some help from yes Oh, great.

1:01:59Do I know any of them? Yes, you do. I know them. You know one of them. Is it you? Nope. Got it. Okay. It's Ray Lewis. It's Ray Lewis? These should have been some rolls. We're getting really loose. All right, hold on. Someone is in there with it. If it's a roll over 15, it's Ray Lewis. Now you're getting into it. If it's a roll between 10 and 15, I'll come up with somebody else. If it's under 10, I'll come up with somebody else. Okay. Oh, my God, it's a two. Okay. That's bad. All right. This is bad. Oh, my God, it's Clay Aiken. It's bad. Oh, my God, it's Clay Aiken in there. Sure, we could go. Which I would be very excited to see Clay Aiken.

1:02:40Honestly, no. Clay Aiken, I think Clay Aiken's pretty tall. Clay Aiken might be in the 10 to 15. Really? Yeah. All right. So, under 10, you're in there with? This is under five. Bruce Valanche. Whoa. I mean, Bruce is a big guy. Old now. Old bastard now. Okay. Oh, my God. Am I... What's my fighting ability? Like, do I have any background? Sure, you took boxing. How good am I? I would say you're... Can we get a boxing check? Get a boxing check on Joe. Yeah, let's see. History check how much he remembers when he was boxing. Sure. Oh, my God. I'm a fucking champion. Very high. Cassius Clay. Very high.

1:03:18Some differences, but you're close enough. Sure. I can knock this guy the fuck out because he can barely see me. Sure. Okay. But the only other person in there with you is Bruce Valanche. Okay. You do have a disadvantage on attack because of your legs, though. Yeah, but what does that mean? Like, my speed? Yeah, it all bunches into one. It depends on the scenario. All right. It's tough. So here's my plan, and I don't know how to ask this in the confines of this game. No, that's fine. But I have, like, a phone or I have a wallet, right? And this guy's got the fucking hearing of a fox slash bat.

1:03:51Yeah, fox. So my plan right now is, and I have a fucking 19 out of 20 boxing, so I could knock this guy's block off, but I just got to get there. But he's got very good hearing. So my plan, take my wallet, throw it across the room. So he hears the wallet, turns, I get up, and I knock his fucking head off. Ooh, that's a good one. But how quick could you get up? Because remember, you just did leg day. My life is on the line. and again, I'm throwing this thing and then I'm attempting to get up. So as I'm getting up, he's going to hear the sound, turn towards the sound. I'm behind him. Okay. So first we're going to see, we're going to roll to see if this wallet trick worked.

1:04:33That's what we roll for. Okay. How do we do that? Well, you got to see, will the wallet trick work over? He has very good hearing. Very good hearing. So he can tell the difference between a wallet and something real. No, I was going to say like, very good hearing. This would give this a bit of an advantage to work because he will hear the wallet. Right. Okay. That's what I'm saying. So let's say 10. Oh. Oh, my God. It's not working. No, it didn't work. Not working. Three out of 20 is basically I'm throwing the wallet across, and he's looking right at me like, what are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, it didn't work.

1:05:00Okay. Yeah, you're in trouble, dude. It didn't work. So I can't do that. And now he's kind of locked on to it. I need a different plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't work. Now, what are the chances that me and the guy, oh, me and Bruce Valanche, we both know sign language? I mean what but you don't I don't think there are any roles to check if you know sign language because I was going to be like yo if I tell him like bro scream and I'll knock this guy's lock on so in this scenario right we establish that you two know each other me and Bruce so I'm assuming that you two have a cell phone connection or or you can or each other's numbers can I text can you text Bruce Valanche can I text Bruce Valanche but then we got to see if does the text send does it is Bruce Valanche's phone on vibrate Roll a d4 for that one What is these things?

1:05:54They're different Dice have different scenarios When we're having fun like this I just always do d20s Because it's just easy What are the chances that I can reason with this guy? Is he an open-minded? Okay, that's a great So persuasion check? We can do a persuasion check? Can I persuade him to let me go to the bathroom at least? Alright, let's see Let's see how open-minded he is Okay 16 He's kind of open-minded That's pretty good honestly So maybe I tell him like look And wait no Do a roll for Joey's charm How charming is Joey? This was the persuasion check I would say I'll be like look I really need to take a dump Take my cell phone So I don't call the cops Just let me go to the bathroom I'll come right back And then what's your plan?

1:06:38Yeah I guess he said I don't know Now you're just in the bathroom Just in the bathroom Well, I think And now you don't have your phone Oh, so here's the plan Here's the plan I go to hand him the phone I grab the gun Oh, okay Okay Okay That's scary because When you hand him the phone He's positioned in front of you like this With a gun like this But he has to take it from my hand So I can get close enough to grab the gun And jump out of the way And it is an AK It's not a handgun A little harder to maneuver up close So I'll give that to you Okay, so what happened? So you're rolling to grab the gun Yeah Alright, wait What's the level at which he grabs the gun?

1:07:13I think like this guy can we get a strength check on this guy? Sure, why not? Let's get a strength check on him He's a average middle of the pack Middle of the pack, but you're also not using your biggest strength, which is your boxing ability apparently I will get there as if I grab the gun he's toast I would say with the Disadvantage because of leg day, but the fact that it's a two-handed weapon. Let's do above a 12 above a 12 He grabs the gun. Okay, okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go You're It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. All right. I'm getting bad rolls here. Now, so you go to grab the gun, and it doesn't work.

1:07:50Does he shoot me? He fucking butts you in the face. Oh, he knocks my fucking block off. I'd say he butts you. Yeah, I think you're dead. Yeah, I think it's probably. I think it's a wrap. Let's just do a check to see if he shoots Joe in the face. What are the chances that I've distracted him so much with my horrible attempt that Bruce Bruce Valanche jumps on his back, and then I get up. I'm missing three teeth, and I spit blood in his eyes. And then, well, what about your boxing ability, Joey? Then I start punching his lights out. I think this would probably be your last roll for Hope. Okay, but if it's above a 17, then we do it.

1:08:24That's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking 17. That's a hard roll. A 17 and up. Yeah, 17 and up. 17 and up. Joey, you're going to die. Don't. I'm not. I'm going to kill him. Yeah! Let's go. So Bruce Valance jumps on his back. Jumps on his back. I get up. I spit blood in his mask. And I start teeing off on his head. Why are you spitting blood? Because he knocked me in the face with a gun. Gotcha. Okay. Oh, my God. D &D is fun. No, it is. It's a lot of fun. Wow, wow, wow. Oh, there's someone. We should do a D &D video. I've suggested that before, and Joe was like, pfft. Yeah, I know. Did I?

1:08:59I've seen people, like, comment on our Instagram posts once before and been like, please let me set up. I'm a great DM. Let me set it up for you It's a lot of fun I do horror nights with my friends Like we do a horror scenario Is it spooky? Yeah, spooky That's interesting That's fun I had a good time Well, there you go, folks Oh yeah, the loom got robbed Yeah, who cares Suddenly I don't get a shit Joe and Bruce Valanche have something to say about it You put me and Bruce Valanche in a bank and you're safe I'll take a couple hits to the face with the end of a gun, though By the way, I have seen the age demographic of our fans.

1:09:37No one knows. Who's Bruce Valanche? Google Bruce Valanche. You don't know Bruce Valanche? I was about to say, I don't know. He was always the center square on Hollywood Squares with Tom Bergeron. Look up Bruce Valanche. Bruce Valanche. There's your hero. There's our hero. Bruce Valanche. There's the hero, Bruce. He's saving us. That's it. That's like my dad in a wig. You look better on it. Bruce. Yeah, this guy. So I get up. I make a stupid attempt. He jumps on the guy's back. It's just enough for me to get up there with my shaky legs and knock his block off. Bruce Valanche. Yeah. There you go, folks.

1:10:17Hero of the people. Bruce Valanche. Shout out. Well, there you go. There you have it. That's so funny. But don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBaseMeYard. Keep supporting the show. and yeah, Frank, where they can find you. The Frank Alvarez everywhere. Patreon.com slash TheBaseVineyard. If you're coming to any of the shows, TheBaseVineyard.com slash submit. And we love you. We thank you. And yeah. Where can they find you, Ant? Higher than 10, I can do it. Okay. Higher than 10, Ant could plug.

1:10:5313! Ant Prisco on Instagram. But only one. Yeah, only one. Only one. Only one. Only one. But yeah, that is all for this week's episode See you next time

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