#529 - Announcing The Word Of The Year!

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33:45All right. So enjoy that. Also we have FitBod. Okay. FitBod, they're going to help you get in shape and it's awesome because it creates a personalized workout routine for you based on your goals, based on your experience, and based on your available equipment. So if you don't have access to a gym, you don't need that. If you have a couple dumbbells, that's great. So they can create a workout routine around that. Even if you don't have dumbbells, they will create something that is body weight that you can just use your own body to create a workout routine based on your fitness goals. Like not everyone's fitness goals are the same.

34:16Some people want to get stronger or they want to lose weight or they want to lean out or whatever, whatever you want to do, they will create a workout plan for that. And the workouts adapt to your growth. So each workout is more challenging than the last, I should say. And it tracks your muscle recovery. So you don't experience burnout or anything like that. So they're along for the ride. And also one of the coolest things I think is there's over a thousand demonstration videos. So you can also learn a lot about certain movements and certain workouts that maybe you don't have a lot of experience.

34:45This could be an awesome learning experience for you as well as the start of your fitness journey. So you can get 25 % off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbod.me slash basement. That is fitbod.me slash basement spelled F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash basement to try the app for free for seven days and get 25 % off of your subscription. So enjoy that. Yeah. And who doesn't like enjoying things? I enjoy things all the time. I enjoy life. I enjoy food. I enjoy things. Okay. And I'm going to give you something else to enjoy. That's the Basement Yard Patreon. I tell you about it every single week, and it's the best way that you can help directly support us in addition to watching and posting and retweeting and all that fun stuff.

35:26We're not really on Twitter much, but you know what I'm talking about, all the social medias. Go to patreon.com slash thebasement yard. You sign up for that first tier. Well, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance, and then that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So you can start and end your week with the Basement Yard. And every other week you've got Joe's show, you've got the San Diego Studios videos in there. There's so much that you could just keep up with us. So go check it out. Basement Yard Patreon is the way that continues to just support us. You guys are so incredibly kind and supportive.

35:56Getting up to close to 38 ,000 patrons. Unbelievable. Thank you guys so much. It's given us a chance to do some really, really cool stuff. And we love you for it. So thank you. We love you. We appreciate you. This would be the time when I would talk about the shows, but they're done. They're done. They're basically, yeah. They're just done. That's it. Six. Six. Seven. Okay. Six. We should. Ads are done. We should. I think we should come up with a bigger meme than six, seven. Please stop. I think if we can capture lightning in a bottle here on the basement yard. You're thinking about it too much.

36:45We can become. Hot dogs. We can have a bigger meme than 6 '7". I think hot dogs were bigger than 6 '7". No, they weren't. I actually did have a hot dog the other day. Oh, I had a couple. I went to the World Series game, Game 6. Jay's lost, but great it is. Also, was able to go. Shout out to SeatGeek. Last year they sent us to the World Series. Always with the hookup. With the hookup. Hook me up, seat geek. We went to the Yankees last year and they hooked it up. So this year I went in Toronto to go to a game. Yep. Just want to say, just want to say, the game we went to last year was the only one the Yankees won.

37:24It might be us. It is us. Yeah. You know? They did lose when I went to see the Jays, but it is what it is. But, yeah, no, fucking awesome experience being able to do that. They, like, hooked it up in the last second, too. for me to go there. I took a plane. I was there for like 18 hours. So you had a dog in you? So I had a dog in me. I was at the game. I was like, you know what? I'm here. They're giving me this cool experience. I'm going to experience it the way you should. With a dog down your throat. Okay, you're going crazy with the down the throat thing. I hate it like a normal person. Okay.

37:59I mean, there technically was a dog down your throat. It was chewed up. I don't care how the dog got there. Fine. uh but yeah i did get a hot dog but i also i ordered uh because we were having beers oh all right so i was like yeah we're having some beers at the baseball game and whatever and then uh i was like i'm gonna switch it up you know i'm gonna get something nasty something filthy yeah or i don't know something cool i don't know what do you get so i see this thing no it wasn't halloween do you know i forgot about that's a year a year ago um there was something on the menu it was called like a manganata or something like that like and just perked up um but i was like i was like oh what is this um what is this drink like is it like a because there was a um like rum in it or something and some other shit so is this like a margarita and the guy's like yeah kind of it's like a like a frozen margarita something like that i was like okay cool i'll do one of those bro this thing shows up it fucking bro it's this big yeah it's like red and yellow overflowing in the cup giant straw and a line right ordered it from a dude a girl who works there was comes over to us and goes like this

39:29manganata like you were such a fucking pussy to her in that moment bro she literally was like manganata and i was like that's me and we were dying dude also sweetest thing i've ever had in my life had two sips and i was like i don't know if i can have the rest of this like i imagine it was like a mango strawberry type it was i yeah like now or was the red just like grenadine no Because you know how mangoes also have that red in it? It was kind of like that. Let me be very clear about something. I have never had a mango outside of the skin on the outside that has any amount of red in it. Like near the center.

40:06It's kind of red a little bit by the pit. My brother in arms. Wait, am I thinking of a different thing? You have not had a mango. You're thinking a peach. Okay, yeah, I am. I'm thinking of peach. But it looked like that. It looked like peach colors. The lime is confusing. I mean, no, that makes sense. I'm sure there was tequila in there. Tequila lime is a pairing as old as time. Yeah, spaghetti meatball. Spaghetti meatball, macaroni cheese. Lemon tuna fish. Does Toronto have a Toronto dog? Do they put poutine on it or something? No, but they were selling poutine, and I saw a bunch of people get it.

40:39Oh, fuck you, by the way. It's poutine. Whoa, dude. That's crazy. Poutine. I heard it's poutine. Oh, shit, too. If I say it another, will he appear? do you say putin three times he pops up i know i heard i heard i think mikey was the one that told me that he was just like it's not poutine it's putin it's putin really we'd have to ask him i'm pretty sure because i i i mean if if you completely grab that out of thin air that'd be interesting if i'm gonna be honest with you if i am misremembering that i'm concerned about my mental well-being same because i can remember having a conversation with him and him telling me that and if this is a a creation of my delusion we have a serious problem we have a problem in our hands but i will say that uh the game was like an awesome experience especially in toronto they give so they give a fuck dude everyone on the street was wearing a jersey like it was just like a cool it must be cool and i don't know if you like have thought about this but like it must be cool to live in a city where there is one MLB team, one NFL team, one NHL team, one NBA team.

41:48Yeah. Like, I mean, because like here. There's two for everything. It's Yankees, Mets, and then it's Nets, Knicks. And then, you know, like the only sport major, I don't know if it's yet considered a major sport by most people, but like the only like sport that has one team is the Liberty, the WNBA. Everyone else has two or three. And New York is also one of those cities that a lot of people move to. So you don't get, like, the entire— I mean, other than, honestly, I feel like Knicks fans are, like, everyone's a Knicks fan. Like, I don't think there's a lot of Net fans in New York. I think there's more Net fans than you realize.

42:26I mean, I think, percentage-wise, like, way more of New Yorkers are Knicks fans than they are Knicks fans. Sure. Well, they've also—like, the Nets were in Jersey for 30 years. Well, that's why it kind of feels like that. Everything else feels sort of split, but that one feels like whatever. But yeah, being in a city like that where everyone cares about this so much, everyone's fucking whatever. Yeah, that's got to be pretty cool. I don't remember where. I can't really remember us being on tour and any of the cities had their team, and they were ride or die for that team. Well, when we were in Austin, we went to the University of Texas game.

43:05I'm not talking college because who fucking, like, dude, they give a fuck. Dude, you want to hear something funny? I think they care more about the college team. When we were in Austin, I got Becca a Longhorns hat. Yeah. Because last year, anytime we went somewhere, I got her a hat from that place, you know. And we were out yesterday at a child's birthday party. And her and I, like, the kids were, like, playing and we were sitting near the window. and someone walks up to the window and I think they're going to point to me, you know, you know, just because I'm the sexiest podcaster. Right, exactly.

43:43And looks at Becca. Well, first he walked by and then doubled back, knocks on the window and goes, horns down, horns down to her. And she was like, cause she didn't know what the fuck. And I was just like, you don't realize what you just did. And she's like, I don't get it. And I was like, they did horns down. I was like, people get, like, shot and in fights for shit like that. They threw all horns down at a woman. Didn't, like, didn't Vince Young get into a fight because someone did horns down to him or something like that? I mean, I imagine. They love Vince Young, too. Well, he's, like, a big, like, in the Austin area.

44:22He's big over there. Bro, he gave him a natty. They fucking, he's God. Well, have they won since? Texas? I don't know. All I know is that game was like Fucking unbelievable I mean I remember that game It was them USC And it was Vince Young vs Reggie Bush Crazy 2006 I want to say But Yeah dude He doubled back That's so funny To tell my poor wife 2005 Okay Horns down To tell my poor wife Who knows nothing about And like I'm not saying like I know much Yeah But like I knew that what he was doing was like Fuck you Fuck you basically It was just like a crazy interaction That's how much they care, dude.

45:03It was awesome. Have you been to stadiums that you remember their signature food or drink was bananas? I don't indulge at games like that. I usually just go for the chicken tenders and fries. I did get a hot dog because I was like, yo, I'm in this bitch, and it's the World Series. Got to dog it. You know what I mean? Dog me up. Got a manganata in there. I don't know if I'll go back for the manganata. I will say, last time we went to a baseball game together, not the last time we went together, but there was a game we went to, I think last year or the year before, and you, in your seat, ordered a spicy marg at a Yankee game.

45:41And I was like, this just feels wrong. I mean, you know. It just felt weird. That's like. Joe would shake ass for a spicy marg. I would. No one is hornier for a spicy marg than this dude over here. I like a spicy marg. He loves it. That's why I ordered that. I thought it was a spicy marg, but it wasn't. It was a big tropical drink. And, you know, the girl was rightfully confused. And, you know, it was a good experience and a good memory. And I won't forget it. And thank you again to Seiki because that was really fucking cool that you were, you know, able to get me tickets to the World Series again.

46:14That is. Yeah. Now you got to go next year when it's no one versus no one because of the lockout. That's an inside baseball reference. Literally inside baseball reference. Like it could not be more actual inside. Inside of the baseball. Yeah. So, well, good for you. I'm glad you had a good time. I was getting, my wife was getting yelled at for wearing a Longhorns hat. Dude, that is so funny, horns downing. Literally. He was just like, yeah. Good God. Yeah, no, that's not. It was like violent. It was violent. But we do have some more sponsors. Let's just jump into these before we get into the more conversations here.

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48:28But yeah, rocketmoney.com slash basement. Also, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to get into therapy, I think that's great. I've been in therapy for many years, and I think that it is amazing. It has helped me in ways that I probably don't even understand yet. And even if you don't have something traumatic that's happened in your life, I do think that there is benefits to it that you may not realize at the moment. But with BetterHelp, it's great because they can match you with a therapist in just 148 hours. So it's a very quick onboarding. They make it very easy to find the right fit for you.

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49:38So if you want to get into it, that's how you do it, folks. Betterhelp.com slash base New York. Save that 10%. Boom. All right, cool. Oh, there's a lovely... Do you want to do it? There's an ant question. Ant question! Ant question! He has a question and they are from him! Ant question! Hey! Ant question! He's got a question. Let's see it now, bitch. That is a new updated version. That's a new update. We need to write like a full version of it. so it could be like there needs a ballad version of it just like and question got a question that he's gonna ask you're ruining it and question you're still going you hit it on the back end a little bit there I know well like see this is the thing if you leave me alone I have to reel you in you'll run around the yard for an hour I will we won't even be able to talk on this podcast you'll track mud into the house I've been described by my wife as a chocolate lab that just runs on hardwood.

50:43And I think that's accurate. That's a great... Damn it. I got you. So here's the question. Would you rather fight 100 blood-lusted 95-year-olds or 100 blood-lusted 3-year-olds? Let's get this out of the way first. Blood-lusted, meaning zombie? Dracula. They want to suck our blood? Or they just want to kill? Do you want to fucking suck our fucking blood so much, like through a straw or something? They want to kill. They want to kill. Oh, so the bloodlust is just in like a sense of like they need to murder. Yes. Nice. They'll do anything to get you. I mean, which one would I rather fight? That's the question.

51:23I'm going to say three-year-olds. Bro, I'm like an unlimited amount of three-year-olds. How much space do I have? Do I have the earth? Because they're definitely not getting me. It's like an empty field. Empty field. I'm crushing them. And what do I have at my disposal? Is it anything I can find? Like if I dig up a rock. If you can dig up a rock, sure. But from base, it's a fist to cuffs. Bro. Here's the... This is what's tough. I didn't even consider weapons. Here's what's tough. A hundred year old seems like it'd be the easier one. Because like, I can tire out a hundred year old so fucking quickly.

51:59Or 95 year old, is that what you said? 95, I don't know if those five years too much. Tomato, tomato. At that point, the five years. They're already tired. Yeah. I have to sneeze Okay Which one did you pick? I realize you're trying to sneeze I'm trying to sneeze Alright, sorry See, I can tire out a 95 year old 195 year olds By just jogging in a circle for 5 seconds You know how difficult it is to tire out A 5 year old or 7 year old I'm not worried about tiring out the 3 year old Or 3 year old Dude, you should be worried about that Really? I bet a swift kick to the head would. They're blood lusted.

52:39I'm not saying I would do that, but I'm saying. They are blood lusted. They're blood lusted. I think I'm going to go with the three-year-olds because the 95-year-olds have lived enough of life to have a sense of strategy. They might be able to say, yo, if we band together and work a certain way, we can get this done. The three-year-olds, it's anarchy. Yeah, yeah. They don't know what the hell they're doing. They don't even know that they're a part of a community. They may just be stopping and talking to each other at one point. And they might be picking dandelions and stuff, unless they're given a rage virus of some sort.

53:08Yeah, blood lusted. Oh, yeah, they are blood lusted. Don't forget about the blood lusted. I will say, I think, just from a pure weight standpoint, a 95-year-old is going to weigh more than a 3-year-old. That's true. Eventually, the 95-year-olds, all they have to do is fall on top of me, and eventually, it's a wrap. But also, the 3-year-olds, you're going to... Listen, I can outrun a 3-year-old. Yeah. I do it every other day. if not every day, but you have to move quicker. Like I can just briskly walk in the same direction for 10 minutes and I will out, like I will get half these 95 year olds. And listen, I'm not saying they're like freak, like still in great shape, like Rita Moreno.

53:50Although I don't know if she's 95 yet and Dick Van Dyke, but like, if I just walk and tire them out, like, I don't care how bloodlusted they are. They're going to be like crawling. And then I'm just going to stomp them out with my giant feet. Well, I have a question. Imagine, like, these two scenarios in terms of zombies. Like, would you, like, a charging three-year-old zombie, I feel like, is scarier than a charging 95-year-old zombie. You're bugging. No? No. Like an old zombie? I'm kind of with you on that. That's not as, like, I feel like they could be the same, they could be bigger than me.

54:23I know, but, like, a little one coming at you is. Oh, from a fear standpoint. You're saying, like, scary? I feel like they're harder to. Also, I have played with all three of them are basically three years old at one point. So I have experience playing with three three-year-olds. Yeah. They can hurt you. It's not just because they're so small. I've been kicked in the fucking balls. That's because you're playing nice, though. If it was like, yo, me or you, it's a wrap. Yo, you would be surprised how quick kids are. Three-year-olds are dense. Yeah, yeah. You know, like my nephew at three years old, you know, I feel like it would be punching like a bowling ball or something like that.

55:14I'd probably hurt my hand. I wouldn't? Average weight of a three-year-old. Average weight of a three-year-old is like 40 pounds. It's 26 to 38 pounds. Okay. 26 pounds. Never mind. Bring them on. I think. I think you are Also if I get cornered You'd rather the three year olds dude If you get cornered This seems like If I get cornered I'm taking the 95 year olds Rip their arms out of their socket Because they're falling off anyways I would throw up And I would just fucking You know like You might catch one that had some military experience though It doesn't matter how old they are Yeah but I don't care Like One of those They can fight Like a 95 year old Bro they're 95 I'm sorry like Even in the best shape At 95 Like Like, they're not beating a 33-year-old Frankie.

56:01Dude, I don't think. Yeah, but a three-year-old won't even know what to do. I feel like it would run at me and then what? What's it going to do? Scratch and claw. Go for your eyes, maybe. Go for your eyes. How are they getting to my eyes? Bro, they're going to. Like, they don't even need to, like. Here's the thing. I wear long sleeves. Okay. I'm going to say, like, it's not necessarily a zombie thing. But, like, if a three-year-old runs at you and just grabs your leg and holds on to it. Like, then another one. And then another one. And then another one. I can just back up. You have more of a chance of them dogpiling you than the 95-year-olds, without a doubt.

56:36If I threw my shoe as hard as I possibly can at a 95-year-old, I mean, any of these. Hold on. The three-year-old's going down. Watch this. Watch this. You want to see how I'm getting away from 95-year-old?

56:53Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 95-year-olds can probably, like... Yeah, they're bloodlusted. We can't go off of, like... They're bloodlusted, yeah. Oh, they're lusting. They're lusting. They're lusting for blood. We have to go off of the average 95-year-old. We can't go off of, like, 95-year-olds that are, like, running marathons and shit like that. I mean, bro, the average 95-year-old in Europe is probably, like, not that bad. We didn't specify where they are. I know. We're saying average of the earth. The average 95-year-old is about 166 pounds. That's heavy, dude. That's a heavy purse. Heavy?

57:32That's big, man. That's like super lightweight. Yeah, I know, but it's less than 25. That's like a Pomeranian. Pomeranians are like five pounds. I'm not taking the Pomeranians. I would take both of these over the Pomeranians. I'm dead. Because they're fast. They're very fast. They're faster than both of those. You make a good point that the children could... Can a three-year-old run? Like, run. Yeah, dude. But can they fall still, no? They could. I mean, like, it depends on the... Like, they wouldn't be able to run down a street without falling. I mean, yeah, they can. Maeve does it all the time.

58:08Every now and then she trips, but, like, for the most part, she runs and, like, runs. Also, children get tired quickly. Not nearly... They can just run. Running? Running, though? Running! Like I know they get tired like oh we're playing. Bro children have way more energy than a 95 year old dude. Blood lusted. Blood. It's so much blood lusting for it and they love it. I don't know if this is a hot take. I think you might be toast either way. I don't know if you can do it. I don't know either. Because even like doing enough damage 100 times. You're going to get tired. Without getting dogpiled or something.

58:47It's like you are the gorilla. But I have a better chance of catching my breath with the 95-year-olds. Because I think I said three-year-olds originally, but I'm reverting now. I think I might go 95-year-olds. Because think about it. If it takes just walking in a quick, like, three miles per hour in a direction in order to catch your breath, that's way easier. With kids, dude, kids will not let up. I'm telling you. I fucking play fight and play wrestle kids all the time. Yeah. 95-year-olds can strategize, though. What if they all lock arms? That's what I'm saying. come at you. That's a problem.

59:19That's something you're right. The strategy is big. Could I like... How much money again? Or is it just... We're not doing this for money. What if I like will cut off three of my fingers in order to give all the 95-year-olds dementia? What does that even mean? Wouldn't that be worse? Just like I get a bit of an advantage. Oh, you're saying trade. Yeah, I'll trade three fingers. They all have dementia.

1:00:17Now Lime comes first. 7-Up. Flip the sip. I don't think that helps you at all. Yeah, I don't think that's it. I think it definitely helps. I don't think it does. Yeah, because in the middle of trying to fight me, they'd just break out into singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. That would be a great song. That would be terrifying. That would be terrifying. That is a really good song, though. I would think that it's over. Yeah, I would think something's happening. Something's wrong. If they just stop, they're just like... Somewhere over the rainbow. I would probably just walk towards them. I was like, well, it's over now.

1:00:48I don't want to be. Way up high. And then they snap back into it. Yeah. Blood lusted? Blood lusted. I forgot about the blood loss. Yeah, you can't forget about that. I think it's a toughie. That is a toughie. I don't know if there's a right answer. There's definitely a right answer. I'm with you in that 95-year-olds probably move slower. So you can kind of like back up and catch your breath a little more. But they will have the ability to strategize because they have 95 years of experience. Bro, think about this, though. Like, if they surround you, it's kind of like you're toast. If they surround me, I just, Jerome Betta style, lower the shoulder and run as hard as I can in one direction.

1:01:32But wouldn't you rather run into three-year-olds? Yeah, that's a good point. I can probably clear a couple of them. I feel like they dive at your legs and you go down. If you fall, it's over. No, I'm jumping over. Yeah, if you fall on either of them, you're... Yeah, you can't go down. You can't go down. You can't. You can't go down. Because of a couple things, mainly the bloodlust. Well, the bloodlusting is huge. I think if they, but like think about this. Two 95-year-olds fall on your back. You ain't getting up. You need like six babies on your back, and that's only how much? Like not even 200 pounds.

1:02:08I could get up. I mean, speak for yourself. I could get up with 260 pound 95 year olds on my back Is there an argument to them being harder to hit Because smaller target Harder to hit with your fists Sure because you have to strike down Which takes way more energy Uppercuts fellas But even that's way harder And there it goes Funny bone Was it hysterical I feel like it's harder Like uppercutting a 3 year old because you have to like scoop it. Yeah, it's all kicks for three-year-olds. I think it's all kicks. It kicks take way more energy because your legs are heavier. Technically, am I bloodlusted because they're coming at me.

1:02:54I mean, that's your choice. I would be bloodlusted. Well, I don't think you can have... I mean, I guess technically if one side is bloodlusted, the other side would be in defense. I would be defensively bloodlusted. You'd be defensive lusted. Yeah. What if you had a bat? oh my god dude oh a vampire bet i don't know why that was so funny to this day because you didn't say it correctly i said it very correctly vampire bet i'm not i'm not doing this fake pronouncing wordscape with you what bet the bloodlust is crazy though the bloodlust is a good point now Now, how many, if it was a million dollars per person, how many do you think you can get through?

1:03:45And they came one at a time? Like Royal Rumble style. Like they came two minutes after the next. There was a... It was like... Like Hell in a Cell. No, like Royal Rumble style. I had the match right. Oh, I was thinking like Elimination Chamber. Sure, I mean, yeah. But like that's only six. Royal Rumble gets up to 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No weapons? No weapons. Damn, eventually you get tired. Sure, but if it's one-on-one and you're tired, do you have a better chance of... I mean, we're over here arguing this. The number has to be all of them, no?

1:04:23If you send me a one-on-one with a three-year-old, I'd be out there all day. You'd be surprised. Kicking field goals. Yeah, dude. You would be surprised, dude. I'd be floored. You'd be surprised. one child can't like yeah i'm not saying one and also they're not human children they're vampire children these are blood lusted vampire blood lusted children because we would never let's make this very clear we're pacifists we don't want to harm anybody oh who would we do that to but blood lusted you put me in a corner you're blood lusting i'm defending myself what's that animal there's an animal that if you put if you put them in a corner they like kill you to get out of it.

1:05:03I think that's any animal now that I think about it. Like a honey badger? No, but there's like, there's one animal that's like, fuck, is it a mink? That like, if you put them in a corner and like, it's like mud around them, they'll die before they go through the mud or something like that. Oh, that is a weird one. I don't know. I know rats will eat through you. Yeah, that was like a Japanese torture thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Remember that? It was just like, they put a can on you and they weigh it down with a rat inside. Or they light the can on fire and the cat The cat, the rat digs through your, that's gotta be the worst way to go.

1:05:36I mean, the bamboo sounds way also bad. What's the bamboo? Where they like lay you, because bamboo is one of the fastest growing things on the planet. And they'll like lay you over a bed of like young bamboo shoots. And like, they'll lay you there and like tied up. And basically the bamboo shoots will grow through your body. I have never heard that. Yeah, that's a bad one. You've heard that? I've gone through many a rabbit hole of medieval torture, like the worst ways to go. I mean, they just use that big cranking one where they pull your arms and legs. That sounds bad. That one's bad. That sounds bad.

1:06:09You got any good ones? There was one where they would put you in a boat, and then another boat on top of you, like upside down. A boat? Yeah, boats, like little rowboats. And they would shove honey and milk down your throat until you're expanded, and then cover you in honey, and then bugs and snakes and rats would come in and eat you. That doesn't even make sense. Wait, I'm very confused. About. You put a boat on top of a boat? They'd feed me until I was stuffed, and then they would just put me in a boat. What was the point of the boat? I think it's just like a dark place that like bugs like to go, and they would just eat you.

1:06:42Let me be very clear. I'm not dying from bugs on a boat. Oh, man. He might be dying from bugs on a boat. He will. I don't know. I mean, someone will because they'll jump off. I will. The ones that I've seen that are terrible are like they tie people to like posts, and it's like high tide rolls in. Yeah. And then like it like just goes above their mouth at high tide. Vlad, I think Vlad the Impaler would put you, like sit you on a stake and like the stake was like really, really wide, but your body would just slowly go down it anyway. From your butt? Yeah, from your butt. And then you would just like, your innards would just right up top.

1:07:21Sometimes the duller they would make them is the longer that you would have to, it would take you to go down on it. So you technically want a pointy stick. That's a bad one. That's a really bad one. You're telling me if I put my butt on a dull stake that my butt would just accept it? Eventually it would accept it. And then it would split my fucking body in half? Yeah. My body doesn't know to stop? I mean, it can. It's fighting gravity. Gravity always wins. I think they would tie weights to your ankles. Oh. So you would, uh... People are sick. There's other ones that are crazy, too. I mean, the one that I heard of, I don't think this is, like, for, like, death, but it is a form of torture that always got my skin crawling was when they would put bamboo shoots under the fingernails and they would hammer them in.

1:08:11You love bamboo. You do like that? I don't like it. I mean, I don't mind it. I think watching pandas eat bamboo is very cute. That's as far as I go. Yeah, there's some crazy, like, torture stuff. The drop on the head. you know that i i can understand why that drives someone crazy but like i tend to probably believe that i am stronger than that you aren't i i bet it would be less than seven minutes of dropping on your head i mean we're not gonna do it we're not gonna be those youtubers we're not gonna be those youtubers there's like all right we tried out seven medieval testing torture techniques You know, I I I waterboarded more said poked.

1:08:56I waterboarded myself once on purpose. Yeah. You ever do it? I think I have. Yo, it's it's tough. How? I did it in the shower. I think a rag over your face. Dump water on it. Yeah. You cannot breathe. Like you can't take. You can't suck in anything. Look up other crazy to torture techniques. Let's be that group Why are we talking about torture? Let's be then Let's be those podcasters You know what I don't get? This thing The stocks? That's just a public shaming thing It's like just You know It's just like Look at this dumbass With his bare red ass Out in the middle of Fucking town square Red ass?

1:09:35Yeah because they would like Hit them with stuff Oh they would spank them? I think they would right? I think that yeah It's just like You were probably on a Different website No I'm serious I think it was like They would like Put them in the stocks And they would have to Like hit them and their legs would give out. Did you see what the pirates would do? Walk the plank? Walk the plank, but then they would also tie you and pull you underneath the boat all the way to the other side of the boat. But underneath the boat is barnacles. Oh, that's tough. Your body would be scraped along the bottom side of the boat.

1:10:06That is miserable. So you're drowning and being scraped. Wait, how would they do that, though? How would they get the rope on the other side? I like that question. How would they? Because I know they had a way of doing it, but in my head, it's old, so it's stupid? I don't know. The rope? Yeah, but what are they going to be like? Someone swim under and grab this rope for me so we can torture this guy. If you throw the rope in front of the boat and the boat goes over it, don't you have it on both sides now? That's a big rope, though, and they had big ships. You definitely need rope that big. I don't know.

1:10:43I don't know. That's a crazy one. What other ones you got, Ann? I know you're a sick freak and you love this shit, you horny little fuck. You want me to look him up? Yeah, I do. Walking the plank is... I mean, that's just more like... I mean, that's much better than any of the ones that we've talked about. I'll be honest with you. Walking the plank... You know how I feel about the ocean. But there's a small part of me that's like, I could survive this. I mean, I just got to float and hope for the best, which... The best is probably not coming, especially back then. Oh, the one that I saw that was crazy was like, they put people in like a metal horse and they light a fire underneath it.

1:11:16A metal horse The screaming bull Yeah the bull bull bull The screaming bull The pair of anguish Oh I know this one The pair of anguish What's the pair of anguish That's for butts So they would put this In mouths of people That sometimes butts But mostly mouths Of people that were Like speaking wrong Or like behind your back And they would just Slowly open it Like a vice like this Yeah And it would just like Essentially stop you From being able to talk And it would also be painful Okay Oh like you would just Break your jaw Yeah it would like Slowly expand your jaw Like the song That's not cool But like Like, there's no barnacles.

1:11:47I mean, that's fucking horrible, dude. Is that the bull one? Yeah, this is your screaming bull. Yeah, that one's crazy. That is, like, that is unbelievably nightmarish. The guy who created it for, like, the emperor or whatever, they tossed them in there and did it to him. Not cool. What? You heard of that one, right? No. It's a, they build a metal bull. Brass, big brass bull. And they would put someone in it, and then they would light a fire underneath, and it would cook them, and their screams would come out of little tiny holes in the bull's nose and it sounded like a bull screaming. Fucked up.

1:12:20Humans are disgusting. That one is fucked up. I don't like it. You heard it here first, folks. Rat torture? Not into that at all. That's the thing we talked about. No. The tongue tear. They used to do that back in ancient Egypt, right? They'd be like, you stole. Give me your tongue. Thumb screw? I have a feeling I'm going to hate that. They would just tie your thumbs together like this. Screw it in. It's just uncomfortable. Sometimes they would put it behind their back like that. Yeah, that sucks, but... Bro, how do you know all this? A lot of rabbit holes. He's a freak. The Iron Maiden actually wasn't real.

1:12:51Did you know that? Like, they never really used it. I don't know what it is to begin with. The thing from Matilda. Oh, the Chokey. The Chokey, yeah. Oh, it'd be like spikes on one end? Yeah, they never really used that. I think it was more for fear intimidation. Got it. I mean, why not? That's a cool-looking fucking thing. The Heretic Fork's a good one. So what they would do is they would tie... I love how he's talking about this. He knows all of them. Oh, God, this is such a cool move. So they would tie kind of like a pitchfork, like a mini pitchfork underneath here. Yeah. So you can't, like, you always had to look up.

1:13:21I think it was like a prayer thing or like a religious thing. And any time your neck got tired and tried to look down, it would pierce you. Not good. I saw that there's like allegedly some military training that does that where they like put pins in their collars. Yeah. And like to keep the person's posture, they have to be like that. and if they go forward it'll fucking poke them. I could be making it up but I think it's big in the Japanese military. Like perfect posture and stuff like that. I love how you're not sure but you're willing to say that. I'm not sure who it is but I'm pretty sure it's these groups of people.

1:13:53I'm pretty sure it's the Japanese. I'm about 72 % sure. 72? That's not bad. Sorry for the history lesson. My bad. I got excited. I mean, yeah. You like history. You strike me as a history guy. You gotta know where you were to know where you're going. Oh, God.

1:14:10That's crazy There you have it folks Hope you enjoyed torture I hope you enjoyed the torture talk I hope you had a good time at the basement yard You shouldn't laugh about it Torture? Or being able to formulate a sentence You just didn't Anyway Thank you guys so much for watching all the way through We appreciate it so much Frank where can they find you? Frank Alvarez The Frank Alvarez Don't even It doesn't matter You don't want to say? It doesn't even fucking matter Nothing matters Nothing fucking even matters anymore Where can they find you? You can find me on Thank you so much for watching This week's episode of The Basin Yard We'll see you guys next time

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1:15:31King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it. Sweet swirling is all good.