#531 - Growing Up In The 90's

38:13Again, that is squarespace.com slash basement, and you will save 10 % off of your first purchase of a website or a domain when you use that code basement. But like I said, Squarespace is the platform that we use for all of our websites. So get out there and get to it. This podcast is also sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. BetterHelp has been a sponsor of ours for many years. But if you want to get into therapy, which I suggest that everyone should be in it, honestly. I think that it's done wonders for me. And, you know, it's not always like, you know, every session is this thing where you're talking about something dramatic and you're crying.

38:48And, you know, I think that people, that's kind of their view. But it is just very helpful to have a third party that you can kind of just talk to very transparently. You don't have to worry about this person sort of using that against you or whatever. They're your therapist. It feels good to let go of a lot of stuff like that. So I suggest everyone is in it and better help. They make it very easy to onboard with a therapist. You could do so in just under 48 hours and you can switch from therapist to therapist to find the right fit for you. Cause that is like the most important thing, my opinion.

39:21Um, but yeah, so this is like a great thing. If you want to get hooked up with one of their 30 ,000 therapists, uh, you can do so. Uh, and this, you can get 10 % off your first month at BetterHelp.com slash basementyard. Okay, so that is BetterHelp spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash basementyard to get 10 % off. All right, so if you want to jump into the world of therapy, there's your sign. Are you done? Yeah. You want me to talk now? You want me to talk about my things, right? How about I tell them about Patreon? Is that what you want? That's kind of it. You want me to tell them about Patreon.com slash the basementyard where they can go up and they can sign up for our Patreon service where if they sign up for that first year, they get weekly episodes one week in advance?

40:07Is that what you want? Or do you want me to tell them about if they sign up for that second tier, Joey? They get exclusive episodes every single Friday so they can start and end their week with The Basement Yard. More of us. Is that what they want? Is that what you want? You're forcing me into a thing here. Oh, and let me guess. You want me to tell them that if they go to the web URL in a web browser and go to patreon.com slash The Basement Yard and sign up using that HTML code that they're going to be able to fucking save some money. I'm going to tell them about that because I want these people to save money because I'm going to tell them that if they use the smart apps, these tech overlords are going to take extra money from them.

40:41So if they go and they go to a web browser, they save themselves some money signing up for patreon.com slash the basement yard. That's what I'm going to do, Joe. Such an interesting approach. Approach to what? You said web browser back there. That's what it is. You said, oh, smart apps. That was another one. That's a smart app. God, that's so bad. What's bad about it being a smart app? That B's an app. What's bad about it? What's bad about it being a smart app? What's bad about it? What's bad about it? Yeah. Oh, man. Web browsers. Am I right, kids? Yeah, I was going to say, are you opening up a conversation there with that?

41:19Am I right, kids? Yeah, what were you saying? I was just giving a tad bit of unk status over there. Yeah, it is. I could be unk. You could be. Who's older than that? pop uh og i could be ogunk i think that's shannon sharp right are we talking about him yet what is your hands pulled back yeah what are you talking about didn't he i think he was acquitted i'm i could be making that up okay what is he i didn't yeah quick little go to go to your favorite web browser and google him joe my favorite my search go to askjeeves.com damn what happened I think it's still around, but it's just like a dog shit.

41:59Like Bing. No offense, Bing. Why are you saying it so hard? I don't know what this is. I think it's just Ask. Wait, you don't know what Ask Jeeves is? No, why not? You've never heard of Ask Jeeves? Yeah, we're old. How do I spell it? Jeeves. Try to spell it. It's Jeeves. It's spelled Jeeves. Oh! Jeeves? It's Jeeves, not Jeeves. I think it's just Ask.com. It's just Ask.com now. They got rid of Jeeves? They got rid of Jeeves Who's that? That's a cat I think it's a lynx They got rid of Jeeves Oh that's kind of disrespectful Can you still ask Jeeves? So what do I do? Ask ask.com where's Jeeves go Say where's fucking Jeeves Where's Jeeves from askjeevesask.com Ask the Jeeves Where is Jeeves?

42:41Where is Jeeves? Jeeves What is this? It's a Worcester and Jeeves Worcester and Jeeves Jeeves went and hung out with somebody else We'll start. Type in Ask Jeeves and then go to Google Images. We got to find Jeeves. He was an old white British butler. Go to Ask Jeeves. I can't believe you are this inept. Click on that. This. Yes. And just type in Ask Jeeves. If it just reroutes us. Don't go to the website. You're typing in the website. Type in Ask Jeeves. Yes, go to Ask Jeeves. Your instructions are very good. There he is, Jeeves. Oh, he's getting a back massage from someone. Oh, whoa. What's going on here?

43:21Whoa, Jeeves. why everyone stopped asking Jeeves speak for yourself me and Jeeves get asked all the time this was what was that his gun jammed this is what people asked before they asked fucking dumbass chap GPT that was Jeeves Jeeves was a human look go to the left all the way to the left oh look they literally just said what I said out on that oh wow why is it butter yellow That was the internet back in the day, baby That was the internet color back in the day So this was like a search engine You would just type like anything you would type in a Google You're like, Jeeves, why the hell is ants fucking so hot?

44:03Right He saved it there He did But why would Jeeves, like what did Jeeves answer? Anything, like it was like Google It was like Google He wouldn't be like, hey it's me Jeeves, I got an answer for you Like Clippy But they had a mascot Remember Clippy? That fuck Clippy, Microsoft Word Yes, baby Yeah Do you know him? Clippy? Yeah. Yo, we should do an episode. What's going on with you? Hold on, we should do an episode. You know what pics is? Do you know pics? Is that what it's called? No, it ain't. Kid pics. Kid pics. I don't want to Google kid pics. Oh, yeah, that's bad. Fair, fair, fair, fair, fair.

44:35It's with an X. Which I don't know. One X. Not three X's. Not three X's. Type in kid pics with an X. One word. Be careful. We could run out of here. Kid pics. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Now we're talking about. Kid pics. That's a wild reaction. We're looking at kid pics. I know. Take it easy. I know, I know, I know, I know. Dude, so there is a whole, I just realized, there is a whole generation of stuff that we experienced as a kid that Ant didn't. We can do an episode. Look. Yeah, you never had kid pics. You never had kid pics. So look, look, look. You see the circle? See, that was when you blew it up.

45:11So, like, you would draw stuff on here, right? And then you, and then in two hours. That's even late, though. Two hours. That's a more, we need the more primitive kid pics. That's the first picture. Go to RGB rules. No. Is that Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Yeah, I guess it is. But also red, green, blue. No, it's red, green. Yeah. I mean, hey. But RGB, she ruled. Technically. By definition. She did. But if you would do this, you would draw that, right? Then you would take a bomb and you would click and it would do this bomb and it would erase everything. It would be a stick of dynamite. Go to YouTube. I think I faintly remember this.

45:43You don't know kid pics. Bro, we. You don't know kid pics. This is not even a joke. You were born in 97, right? Yes, sir. We were playing with Kid Picks, the computer game, when you were born. Man, that's a bad name for a company. They clearly didn't have the benefit of foresight on their end. Kid Picks is crazy. Dude, just go to YouTube and just type in Kid Picks Dynamite. Also bad. I don't think. Kid Picks that a dynamite. Type in KidPix that is so dynamite.

46:24Go to YouTube. My favorite app, KidPix. KidPix. And it's dynamite. Oh, I would use it every day, my KidPix. There wasn't a day that I could wake up without KidPix. Every day in school, I'd go to the computer. Imagine being a teacher at that point in time and just being like, hey, we're going to do something in school today. What is it? Get on the computer. I've got kid pics for ya. What is this? Go down. Kid pics for... No, 2004's too late, baby. I don't know if we're gonna find... No, that one! These videos are all 17 minutes long. Yeah, it's way too long. No, there's a 430. You don't need to do the whole thing, but scrub through it.

47:04Scrub a dub dub. Find that fuckin'... There's an ad. Oh, fuckin' advertisement. Now they want free plugs. It's crazy, dude. Look at this, baby. This is kid pics. This is kid pics. Look. You can have a stamp! And they would make sounds like... Yeah, and then you could do straight lines. You're just narrating. Look at that. Look at the hands, dude. Ding dong. That was a ding dong! I forgot about that. There was multiple ways to erase. And one of them was a ding dong. And then it would open and be like, yo, my shit is gone. Yeah, and they would do shapes. And look, oh, I love this. Yeah! Oh, the gay.

47:41The gays. Color. Come on, man. I'm not kidding. I thought the doorbell rang We don't have a doorbell This was such Like this is when Oh don't get Frank started When companies were playful No but like look at how Oh go back When they erase I need to see how they erase again That one's ass That was so ass as balls That was so ass as balls Yes yes yes Go back to that one Go back Watch this Watch this Oh that sounded good Well I saw a cross on there What the hell was that Yeah, that was kind of freaky, bro. That one was whack. I don't even want to see this. I'm disgusted by it. If I don't see the dynamite, I'm going to be so fucking mad, dude.

48:22I need to see the goddamn dynamite. Come on. Did they bury the dynamite because they know we want to see the dynamite? I think there's no dynamite. Go back. There was a circular one that was circle. That was this. This. Go to this. No, I think they drew that. No, this is another one. It's like a bomb that comes in, boom, and it erases. That one's kind of cool. That's fucking up my eyes, brother. It's going to give kids. Yeah. If anyone suffered from some form of epilepsy. There will be no picks left. Do they have KidPix, the computer game, available today? Make sure you say the full name. See if they have it.

48:50Because I remember I'd go home and I'd open Microsoft Paint and it was so fucking dumb. It'd be like, oh, I can draw with a pencil. So can I play with KidPix with an X today? Just write KidPix. Yo, don't say that. Don't write that. Just write KidPix 2025. I can't. I mean, listen, there's a lot of... See, why do they do this to us? I hate the name of this company! Uh, likely refers to the VTech Kill... Kid Picks 3D? Yeah, try that. Don't... 3D Kid Picks don't do that! So this is probably the new version. A 15-day trial! I did realize clicking on that could have been... Also, what website is this?

49:29Makiev? Yeah, I... I... this feels... Yeah, we're getting... This feels like we're getting... Oh, Kid Picks! I don't... It's the website! It's the official website! No, I've been... my mom has been caught with this before. Social Security thing. Your mom's been caught with kid pics? That was not good. What is she getting caught with? She's giving her social security. I don't know. I think it happened to my mom too. Kid pics. So you don't know about... Go to Clippy. Type in Clippy. You don't know Clippy from Microsoft? This little invasive bastard. I'd be trying to put something in word art. You don't know Clippy, bro?

50:05I've seen this guy. And he would pop up and he'd be like, Looks like you're making a poster board. Let me tell you about this. Like, dude, I'm just trying to write the scientific method. I mean, I've leaned on Clippy a few times in my life. Be honest with something. Be really fucking honest with something. When you were in, like, middle school or high school, did you ever plagiarize? What do you mean? Be honest? Bro. I would say 68 % of my entire academic career was not me. Okay. I mean, when I got to college, they had, like, the web, like, portals that, like, you had to upload your paper to, and they would come back and be like, you're good, or, like, you're not.

50:50But I remember in sixth grade, I did a paper, and I'm not kidding. It was the Wikipedia entry, just copy and paste it to the paper. Like, not even. In sixth grade, you think you're so smart. I mean, but he's going to look at it and be like, what? No, I didn't get caught for it. What? Yeah. So she was like, what? Who was your sixth grade teacher? I'm not going to say her name. That was 141 though? Yeah, it was. Yeah, that checks out. That was the same one that called me disgusting. Like you disgust me? In a sixth grader? Yeah, because I had told her like the reason I miss a month of homework is because my grandfather died.

51:24Yeah, you are disgusting though. But she's not supposed to say that. But I did. My grandfather did die. Yeah, 10 years prior. Three. That's. No, more. More like six. Yeah. No kid pics for you, buddy. That's fine. You want to get this one upset? Take away his kid pics Come on See why do you gotta do that? Why do you gotta do all that Joey? Oh man I love the kid pics With an X I just There's so much With an X One X So like you didn't have a Goosebumps book I had Goosebumps books That's different Yeah you gotta feel those You had to feel like the ones that were like ribbed Oh but like When Monster Blood Or like the one with like the dad's like hand was on it Where it was like stay out the basement The one that had like the purple goo I'm like oh it's ribbed for her pleasure like you could kind of feel it in your hands yeah yeah i like the one that was just like uh say cheese or die and it's like the polaroid of just like the skeletons and he's like cooking and shit like that yo those were like trading cards back in the day and i know you're thinking yes i've looked into ebay listings to get like og first edition goosebumps books you remember what one when uh fucking captain underpants was mad popular yo that was a big like i read those books Yo, I like bartered one at a Scholastic book fair once I was like, yo, I only got like a dollar And like a fucking eraser Like, give me this fucking book Well, back in the day, a dollar got you Fucking like a whole like Christmas season's worth of gifts for your family Like, I remember I'd come home with that little white bag That looks like they're from the dentist You know what I'm talking about?

52:49I do And I'd be like, alright, so I got Chris, a thing of slime I got Jessica and a raither Alright, I got mom, mom Oh, shit, the slime Yeah, they would have little cups Like, they were like little like And like glittery kind of Yeah, they were hard, and they smelled so good. I don't remember the stink of them. There were certain slimes that were stinky. Yeah? Yeah. They were, like, wet and farty and stinky. Whoa. Jeez. Mm-hmm. I read Goosebumps, and as soon as it said, oh, if you pick this thing, go to this page, I said, this is too complicated. I stopped reading. What does that mean? Taking small direction was just a little too much for you.

53:24It's like you could choose your own adventure Goosebumps. Yeah. Oh. And if you went left, go to page 400. Yeah, it literally would be like you'd read five pages. and it'd be like you can either go to page 45 or you can go to page 6. Just give me the monsters. Yeah. I mean, they were all over the place. There were monsters everywhere. R.L. Stine. When I picture, I have no idea what that guy looks like. Dude, you don't know what R.L. Stine looks like. I don't know if I want to know. Do I want to know? Well, what do you imagine? Wait, no, no, Joey. Close your eyes. Look up a picture of R.L. Stine and then look up a picture of some other random person.

53:55I guarantee he'll know who R.L. Stine is. I'm sure he looks like how I think he looks like. He looks like R.L. Stine, brother. Like there's no way and this is a look up R.L. Stine. Let's take a look. You know that he has sold more books than Stephen King. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's about right. Is he in the intro? Am I bugging? He's in some of the shows where he's just like, I'm R.L. Stine. Robert Lawrence Stein. Stephen King looks like Stephen King. Yeah, dude. Talk about cocaine. Stephen King Some of his books are fucking out there, brother Why do these guys look like the books? You know what I'm saying?

54:34I guess, you know, like you find that they get popular some way And then you see them and you just kind of like Type in Goosebumps Skeleton book It's no, Say Cheese and Die Is that the one? Yeah, you don't need to go through it I know what it is There was Say Cheese and Die Type that in Goosebumps Skeleton Just go to Goosebumps Covers And you'll see all the ones and you'll be like I'll tell you what I thought R.L. Stine looked like. I stole one of these books from Lauren. Lauren Bette? Yeah. LB's. LB's. I don't know if this is what we wanted. No. Why not? I remember there being a cover where there was like a skeleton on it.

55:11Or a mummy maybe? I mean there was a mummy book. No, this isn't. Oh my god, that fucking guy's face. Say cheese or die. That's the first one. Look at it. I don't like it. It scares me. This one? Yeah. Oh, that's not the one I'm thinking of. There was one where it was like a mummy or something, and he was looking like this, and I was like, that's what I think Arl Stein looks like, like a mummy. I mean, that's pretty good. It is pretty good. Camp Jelly Jam, I remember that one. I don't like when things are drawn like that, where it's like people are smiling really hard and their eyes are open. I don't like that.

55:41Goosebumps freaks me out. Dude, so fucking good. Do you think that Goosebumps would be successful if their books weren't ribbed for her pleasure? No way. I don't think so. Absolutely not. No, a big part of a big part of what made Goosebumps successful was like how much effort they put into the aesthetics of this The rib the ribbed and like also and not even just that but like the pages being like basically made of just like papyrus Yeah, I fucked with it like it like you open that book and you smell it like books aren't made with that shit no more Yeah, I don't like this. I don't like modern books.

56:13I mean either that I miss when they smell like shit Dude, I love opening a book and just be like, I don't know if this was printed last year or in fucking 1501. Yeah, dude. I feel like back in the day, I would walk into a library and I'd be like, yo, it smells like diarrhea. But like good. Good. Yo, I'm not even. Like a book diarrhea. And I knew, like when I walked into a library, I knew that it was the stinkiest, safest place on earth. Yeah. And then the librarian walked over, she smelled like shit. Yeah, she was a bitch too. She's a mean, mean person that could have had a dirty diaper. Probably.

56:48But the love of books. She was mean, but good. We're dealing with books, my guy. We can't have someone soft in here. Like the Dewey Decimal System is about. Bro, the Dewey Decimal System is not meant to be fucked with. And I don't know it. I don't know it. I'll never learn it. Is it just decimals? What is the Dewey? Who's Dewey? Why does he have his own decimal system? and how do we as the basement yard get our own numeric system? I just miss when books are fucking filthy bastards. They smell like money, kind of. I love, dude, I love when people would slam a book down and it would just look like dust.

57:24Yeah. Like, it was just an old, fat, stupid book that you know just like, if you open that thing, you're like, who had this? Do kids still have textbooks? This is a crazy, like, it's a very disconnected question, but like, do kids still have textbooks? Because I used to love textbooks too. One of the best parts was like opening up and for whatever reason, I'm like in high school. I'd be looking for like a famous person's name. It's like, yo, it's Brad Pitt use this book. Like, I don't know anyone. Oh, yeah. I thought you were going to say like you open to like a random page and you'll find a funny picture.

57:53And it'll be like, yo, turn to page 61. Yeah. It's like, it's a penis. Yeah. Oh, man. Like a random dick drawn on page 14. Dude, this is part of being a child. Dude, handed down textbooks was so. It was like sucks. Bro! Yeah, you see how he just jumps there. Book socks. I remember a book sock. Yo, those were fire. Some of us, some of us, our mom had to do the fucking, like, cardboard paper, construction paper. Remember, they would be like, you have to cover your own book or you're in trouble. What is that? Fuck you. And it was the librarian who I give her a pass because she had a lot going on.

58:33That Dewey Decimal System's tough. Well, get the fuck out of here. Dude, and also, you remember, like, there was a couple Asian kids. that did this fucking... Best stationary. Bro, they had this, like, plastic wrap that was so tightly wrapped around this book, I was like, nothing's gonna get to this book. Not even just that, but it was like, they put it on and then used, like, a heat gun. Yeah, there was no bubbles, no nothing. It was, like, perfectly put on. Yeah, dude. I was like, yo, fuck, what is this? It was crazy. It was honestly crazy, but, like, they were book socks. Love that. Which were, basically, it was just spandex for a book.

59:03Yeah, it was like, but sometimes you'd wear it as a do-rag. some of us. I've done that. Okay. I'm like, yo. And then what would you say in Sendurag? Well, this was in middle school. Gotcha. This was peak, you know, like Don Santagato. Yeah. Tego Santagato. Nah, you know what it is? Like back then, I feel like my Spanish and black friends were like, we really want to see you in a do-rag. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, SWISH! To athletic stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace!

59:49To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic, Sierra's got it. Right. So that, you know, once a quarter. Did it give you waves? No, it did not. Didn't give you waves? No, it didn't. Your do-rag did not give you waves? No. Oh, man. The book sucks, man. Those are great. Damn. You're right. Bro, you remember reading logs? I forged a wreck. Let me tell you something. Yeah. My parents have never signed a reading log. That's what I'll say.

1:00:26Oh, I mean, I've told you what my approach was. This is great. This is great. You know, I mean, you know what my approach was for the reading logs. is I would have my grandmother who... Oh, that's a bad one. Wait, what? I thought you were complimenting me, exploiting my demented grandma. Well, I do respect that. I know that sounds bad, but I do. Respect the game. I do respect the game. Wait, what were you thinking? I thought you were going to say that as long as you forge from the beginning, you can't go wrong. Oh, my thought process didn't go that far in fourth grade. My mom has, like, incredible penmanship.

1:00:57Like, she has, like, this magical... Yep, my mom too. Like, you know, whatever. that's because they would beat them in school until they got it right which stopped with us so our handwriting is not as good as theirs that's why that is why our whole generation sucks you want people to have better handwriting hit them with a yardstick you gotta let the teachers kick the shit out of the kids you know what's wrong with this handwriting will improve you know what's wrong with this country and the youth they didn't get their ass whooped by their teachers their teacher wasn't beating them with a yardstick yeah that's why we have failed obviously that's appropriate that's why we have failed who is you think it's crazy that teachers were paid well and then beaten the shit out of our kids listen what what do you what do you think matters more perfect handwriting penmanship or and like trauma or or no trauma and bad handwriting you tell me you think you trauma bro whatever you got you probably you know you got a few screws loose when you get older and like it's hard for you to make relationships because you were beaten by your teacher and then your parents.

1:02:03Teachers need a place to blow off steam. Yeah, they got to talk. Why in God's name shouldn't it be with their fists? And children. And their children's faces. And children that aren't theirs. Exactly. And look at how good the handwriting was. Do you think my grandmother got good handwriting because her teacher was nice to her? No, it was because she was afraid that she was going to gut her like a pig in school.

1:02:31come on guys you know when i think back to like our parents being like oh our teacher used to hit us i'd like i would literally kill my teacher yo if someone first of all if i went home today oh man and one of my children said like oh my teacher hit me with a ruler bro i'm coming with i'm driving my car through their living room yeah that's crazy like it's not gonna be a fun reaction It's crazy. My dad would sign my homework so poorly that the teacher thought that it was me forging it, and then I would get in trouble, and then I would cry. That's fire. Yeah, that's kind of— That's because your dad didn't get his ass whooped, probably.

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1:06:38Skip it That's a Yep That's a good name for it You don't know Skip it? You don't know Skip it? Type in skip it Skip to my loo Skip it Skip it That's E-O-T Skip it toys 90s Yes You never seen One of these things? You never seen Skip it? You put it around your ankle And it kind of just rolls And then like You kind of go in a circle And you jump over it And you're supposed to see How many times You can skip it I wasn't good at the skipping I was never good at skip it I was also never good at Jumping rope You know bop it. Yeah. You know bop it. You know sock-em-boppers. What? Sock-em-boppers? Sock-em-boppers?

1:07:14The two robots? Those are rock-em-sock-ems. Those are rock-em-sock-ems. You don't know the difference between sock-em-boppers and rock-em-sock-ems? Rock-em-sock-ems is not sock-em-boppers. Sock-em-boppers is when you're bopping someone's sock, and rock-em-sock-ems is rock-em-sock-em-sock-em-rock-ems. Look, they're giant sock-em-boppers. These were something else that I had. It wasn't these. You had an off-brand sock-em-bopper? You remember the commercial? Soccer boppers. We could sock all day and bop all night. That was the real commercial. That's insane. That was the real commercial. Between kid pics and that, I mean, what are we doing here?

1:07:48Yeah, I mean, I'm not writing these. The adults that wrote and performed that jingle should be ashamed of themselves. Yeah, the 90s are a wild west. These were just a way to just punch your friend in the face and pretend it didn't hurt. Yeah, it absolutely still hurt, by the way. It did, absolutely. But you did, uh, you did, like, uh, what was it? The Rock 'em Sock 'em Bok 'em Bok 'em Bok 'em? Alright, okay. Oh, no, don't start looking at stuff. You know Polly Pocket? Yeah. Okay. Don't piss me off if you didn't know Polly Pocket. We shouldn't look into it. But those are so popular, they transcend, like.

1:08:15Yeah. But see, here's the thing, is I don't want to, like, you start looking into this. Like, I'd rather us pull it up and then, like, see if Ant knows it. Or is it not a good full-length episode? I don't know, but, like, we're talking about it now. Yeah. Alright, so if I were to say Betty Spaghetti, you know who we're rocking with? Is that Play-Doh coming out of the hair? No, pretty close though I think you're thinking of like Chia pets? Nope No, that's plants It's literally like Play-Doh when they would put it And then they'd pull it down and it was like a barber section of Play-Doh That's what I just said Yeah, that's what I'm saying That's what I said you're thinking of I know that one Hit Clips Who?

1:08:51Hit Clips

1:08:55I thought you said clits Hit Clips I didn't know that in the 90s. Clits? I would hope not. You were three at oldest. Barely know now. What the f - Oh my god! You don't remember Hit Clips? I had no - Dude, I forgot what this is called. They were like 12 to 15 second versions of songs on like a miniature little thing. And you could play it like that. It was hit songs on little clips. It was little clips of hit songs. Yeah, they were hit clips. Yeah. Obviously you know what a Furby is. Did you have a Furby? No, never got into that. I had a Furby. I don't like Furbies in my house. Their eyes, I don't like it.

1:09:33They definitely had eyes. But like, their eyes were so open. This is, I mean, this looks. I have so much to talk about, guys. These hit clips, these look 90s. This looks old. This looks 90s, right? This is old as shit. What about Yakback? Do you remember a Yakback? What's that? You definitely remember a Yakback. Yakback? No. Oh! Yeah, it was just like a voice recorder. But you could like talk to it. You'd be like, hey, what's up? And then you could just sort it to be like a robot. Like, hey, what's up? No, I don't know what this is. That was a pretty good, like, RFK Jr. there. What did I just do?

1:10:06Hey, what's up? I can't believe you didn't have a yak back. Oh, man. What else? Did you ever have a yo-yo? I could yo-yo. You can yo-yo? I've walked a dog in my day. Oh, I've never a big walk the dog. What's the shit with the triangle? It was like the TikTok clock or something like that. Yeah, I did that one once. The grandfather clock? I knew someone that was like a legit world champion yo-yo-er. Oh. They have had, I know what you're thinking. No sex? They had sex. They have had sex. No way. Not with me. I know people that they've had sex with. If you're the world champion in anything, it's got to be cool.

1:10:39You'll find somebody. Yeah. Dude, I could imagine. I could imagine. I mean, if you could pull someone being a world champion yo-yo-er, I imagine that's pretty difficult. No, you're the world champion. There's got to be like, there's other people involved. In the scene. Yeah. And you're the best? You're the world champion. Yeah. Let me teach you how to walk the dog. Like, oh, you want me to bring you around the world, sweetie? I mean, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you're getting there. No, I can't imagine. He's probably definitely making, as a world champion, you're probably, you've got to be making at least a couple hundred bucks.

1:11:12Right, right. A couple dozen bucks, dude. Let me take it around the world. Did you ever play Cat's Cradle? Is that like Jack's? Which one is that? The string? That's the yo-yo? Oh yeah that thing What is that? I don't know it was like an old time game Speak it up that our fucking Our librarian taught us She taught us that? Yeah I remember she taught us that Miss Martinez Shout out But you Miss Martinez used to bark at us dude Really? That was our librarian I'm not kidding Whatever happened to women of a certain era That could scream with bass Yo That's so true Our fifth grade teacher Her last name was Schnetzer.

1:11:53There was, yo, there was, I can name, I'm not even kidding, I can name five teachers in our elementary school that screamed with, like, the base of Barry White. Bro, Miss Schnetzer was this old, rickety, like, German woman. But she would let it go like a beast. Dude, I remember. Fucking reamed him one day. Oh, yeah, she got me. And I was like, yo. She got me. I thought he was going to hit the fucking wall. She got me. I just wanted to go and play some kid pics. Yeah. And she was mad at me. She was pissed No and then Do you remember Pogarbin? Pogarbin had some pipes on her She was a thousand also Bro this woman was like Five foot zero Yeah And she could scream My god Like fucking The lead singer of Gwar She literally was like Fucking Axl Rose She was letting it Yo she was letting it And I remember She got low with it Yeah She was like How Oh yo Miss Lynch Bro there was a t-shirt Yo And she had a megaphone And I'm not She didn't need it I'm not convinced She was a real person she was i'm telling you right now thinking back on miss lynch from our fucking elementary school cafeteria yeah she was created to be a lunch lady yo she she dead ass was like the mitochondria of that school powerhouse of the cell baby she literally like she was like in charge of the entire lunch room and it's like yo you gotta you gotta really you know be that bitch if you're gonna be if you're gonna be in charge and she had the whole fucking school listening you know why right because they could hear at all times and you know why right why she probably got her ass kicked by her teacher her teachers beat the shit out of her dog walked her and also r.i.p i imagine she was fucking 900 when we were kids that was 30 years ago i am you have to also put yourself in that position that lunchroom looked like it was built to be a fallout shelter yeah it was brick bricks i'm talking brick city and all those the all the pillars and all the windows had cages on them literally like yo this was a prison for little children it looked like an insane asylum yo i'm not kidding yo i swear to god it looked like the scene in good burger where they went to the insane asylum do you remember that scene dude yes it looks exactly like that and then when When you go in the bathrooms, anything that was metal in that school, if there was a chip, you would realize this has been painted over one billion times.

1:14:19Yeah, yeah, yeah. With like red, lead paint. The reddest paint. Dude. Blood, maybe. I remember I used to hate touching the handrails because my hands would smell like just raw iron. There's no way that paint passes any sort of health code test. Zero. Zero. I'm not even kidding. It was like The paint was so caked on To these fucking handrails It was like And also the stairs Cage Cage's stairs Cage's bro The stage is good I haven't been in there Can we go back I would love to I would love to like Do a video of us Like taking a tour Of our fucking elementary school I literally would chip Into the handrail And just see It would look like A jawbreaker dude Yo I couldn't tell If my hand smelled Of raw iron Or chicken That's what That fucking place was like It was incredible Yeah but that That building could Crank out a rectangle pizza.

1:15:08Let me tell you right now. Fuck a rectangle pizza, baby. When that fucking mystery ravioli came out that was just 48 million ounces of sauce and one ravioli you had to find? You had the power of the sun in the middle of that ravioli. Oh, yes, you did. And then you had fucking just the voice of all voices, Miss Lynch, just bellowing out. Yo, like, I'm going to put it in terms that you'll understand. Pokemon. Yeah. Loudred. like like this she had the fucking power on her that was just like holy fuck like bro think about this you're in a what feels like an insane asylum surrounded by children all the all the windows have cages you're eating a ravioli that is one million degrees in the center so you're burning your mouth there's a teacher screaming so loud into a megaphone that is peaking and cracking because her voice is so loud.

1:16:04And she's selling pretzels in the middle of the fucking lunchroom. And then you're getting a nosebleed. It's like, this was my life. Like, that was my life. Like, getting nosebleeds was, like, all the time. Oh, and I know what you're thinking. Not hot pretzels, baby. Ice-cold, sopping wet pretzels that were covered in the coarsest, biggest chunks of salt that you have ever seen. The first few bites of those pretzels tasted like the cardboard box that they arrived in. Absolutely. And then the last three bites, if you made it that far, was basically just like licking a Himalayan pink salt lamp. Okay?

1:16:40And then you look around and their children lined up everywhere. Yeah, for whatever reason. Because they would like stagger the lunch periods. Do you remember? Yeah. So like we would get there as like third grade was getting ready to leave. So like we're on the line around the whole room and getting ready to get our food. And then third graders are just heckling us walking in between. Just like, oh, you fifth graders are gay. We're just like, we're not gay. Bro. Honestly, I forgot about all that. The new children lined up everywhere. I say, hear me out because I know your mom used to work there.

1:17:16She probably has some connects still, right? Yeah, I imagine. Just get us in there to do a tour. Have him follow us with a camera and we just talk about. I'm sure you remember everything. I'm not kidding. It's like brand They did a whole Giant extension Did you know that? Dumb Stupid Yeah I'm not into that I love the OG building I also hope they have Those old school Fucking doorknobs Those are cool knobs Those are cool doorknobs They were like custom They weren't like Yo this is back When we cared about stuff Now what? Now what? You're gonna have A prefab door That you had a fucking Made in a factory In China Cause it's cheaper And you bought it At Home Depot This is all Shark Tank's fault Yeah These were custom knobs that said the name of the school and everything.

1:18:01Nobs, kid pics, and just screaming short little fucking German women. Why were all of our teachers German? You want to hear something crazy too? Pogerman, schnetzer. Bro, do you remember? I mean, I know that you remember, but in that school, you would take one of your friends, not one of your friends, but you'd be like, all right, someone's got to clean the erasers because that's when you use chalkboards. There was a dedicated room in the building that was the size of this white thing here. Yo, not a joke. There was a machine that was louder than the German teachers. And you would turn it on, and there'd be a thing that goes like this, like a brush, and then you would clean it in there.

1:18:40The entire room is covered in chalk, and there was no light. No ventilation, no light. We were six years old, hot boxing, school chalk. Yo, we walked out of there fucking like, what a rough day in the mines. It was in my lungs and in my eyes and shit. I had another nosebleed. Life was so simple. I bled from my nose more than anyone who's ever done cocaine in their 20s. Yeah. And they would send the piece of shit kids like me and Joey to go down and do that. And then the cool kids that were three fucking levels ahead in Reaving would get to use the big purple sponge on the board to clean the board.

1:19:19While all the cool Asian kids have the cool stationery. And what do we have? Just fucking chalk lungs. Send them down to the mines. Go clean the fucking chalk, the chalk erasers. And then they gave our poor art teacher a room under the stairs in the basement. RIP. RIP. RIP. I remember the first day of class for the teacher. We drew the planets. That's the last thing I'll say. Well, it's the last thing she probably heard too, because she died. I love you. I was calling God there. we're not gonna say her name yeah no we're not what is wrong with school nowadays i think listen i know you i know how the last 20 minutes have been a blur i know how like much you guys have rallied for getting rid of the department of education so if i can make if i can make well you just talked about abolishing the department of ed my family lived off the department of ed if you if i can make one suggestion i say make schools like only use schools that were built in the 1910s so the ones that are filled with uh asbestos you can get them out sure you can abate them get kids back in there because there's a sense of just like you need personality in the walls if you just go to school and you're like oh it's just you know a smart board if i find out my kids learning on a whiteboard i'm taking that board and i'm tearing it out did you guys i know you have we had this together but like did you have did you ever use a chalkboard growing up yeah so did you get to the point where i was like okay there's these new boards and then in order to use the new boards there was like this whole system where you had to go over and like click the yep i think about that all the time and i'm like oh my god this is like so cool where you had to like click the x here then the x there yeah it's like oh now we can use this thing yeah and they ended up sucking nuts.

1:21:15Oh my god. They were not good. It was basically like using an Atch-a-Sketch. Yeah, but I remember when we would do like handwriting and it had like the wood block that had like the three metal things on it and you put the chalk in it and you drag it across. That was my shit. Dude, bring chalkboard back. Why are we all like, dude, as someone that has written on a chalk, Chalk As someone that has written on a chalkboard And a whiteboard I do not see the value in anything other than a chalkboard Whiteboards are just too clean Like school needs to be gritty I think you could upload like Files and stuff Paper Who cares I mean I do like the like Is chalk bad?

1:22:02I mean it definitely took some life I hope up Do you hope up? I hope up I hope up I just had a stroke I hope not Yeah But I said hope up I hope up I hope up I hope up and down What happened to me? I don't know I hope I hope Not Yeah Not up Look at it up Is board Or chalkboards bad for you? For you Like Just google that Listen I need you to understand something here my friend Okay Are chalkboards bad for you If you eat them How many calories is a chalkboard Why aren't they Oh like it's not one of the things up there And don't look at the AI answer Oh it could be bad for you due to dust It's more the chalk and the dust So they were just fucking Basically waterboarding us with chalk fumes They were gassing us with chalk fumes In this building Yeah The chalk dust It's the dust It's the dust Which makes sense Because I would get that chalk In my lungs And I'd be like I'm not gonna lie I love I can't breathe I would wanna eat chalk Bro Hell yeah Just like the crunch of it Chalk and sawdust Two of my favorites Saw We should go We should do a whole episode On the best types of dust Chalk dust That's such a bad idea Sawdust Stardust Angel dust That's a good dust Pixie dust Is that a thing?

1:23:42That's a good one I think it makes you fly Oh you're talking Tinkerbell What about Dust bunnies That's not a type of dust That's a type of bunny No dust bunnies are dust Aren't they? Yeah but it's a collection of dust You're thinking of slaw bunnies What's that? What? Slob on these nuts Oh god I got him I got him fucking I got him so good Piece of shit To be fair To be fair He said what first? I just followed the what So he got your slob on these nuts I'm still not 100 % sure Oh slob on these Yeah I thought it was like a meme thing Like slob on these nuts got him You didn't get me You didn't get me Oh that was good You did not get me Thank you for that You having fun?

1:24:29What are you writing down even right now? The notes I can only imagine what that pad looks like at the moment I have sucking pipe

1:24:43Killing Joe? MSG recap Ad Kid pics Modern books 90s toys So far it's been a full episode It's been a great episode Honestly, one of our best It's definitely an interesting one For sure We're gonna get a whole new demographic of people liking our show because we are pro teachers beating the shit out of people. That's how we get the boomers. That's what I'm saying. We get the boomers by being like, yeah, teachers should beat kids. And then all of a sudden we sneak in right after they turn it off to being like, hey, obviously you shouldn't beat the kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next year we'll do shows but just at senior living homes.

1:25:18You guys, why do all these kids have poor penmanship? Why is Gen Z, they don't have jobs in their game? Yeah, why, why? Oh, what, they have purple hair now? We hate it too, just like you. You know who had purple hair when we were kids? Eisenhower what? I'm just trying to relate to an older demographic Eisenhower dude I don't know alright well that was fun I guess but don't guess yes you're right it was fun but anyway thank you guys for making all the way through this episode Frank where can they find you? the Frank Alvarez everywhere baby Ant Ant Prisco on Instagram hey Joey's giving you an inch of him every week You guys can follow me at the Joe Santa Go follow the show at the Basem Yard and that is all See you guys next time.

1:26:04Bye babies

1:26:17Brussels clean up nicely at Sweet Green Maple glazed, roasted And edges perfectly caramelized Sweet Green's fall harvest is back on the menu and the season's most overlooked little green vegetable is dressed to be devoured. You know what to do. Order on the Sweetgreen app.