#532 - Decorating For The Holiday Season!

26:40Yeah, it was. Now instead of the full pickle at once, you take bites? No, he sucks the pickle dry. And I know that sounds like I'm trying to make a joke but he literally would suck the pickle until there was no moisture. Yeah, what I would do is I'd turn it into a praisin which is naturally a pickle raisin. Right. And I would bite the top off and I would literally I can't do this. Suck it off. Yeah, you'd suck it until it's dry. I would... You'd suck it rotten. Can you take it back one fucking step? I feel like I'm not being that crazy. I think you're being a little crazy and sucking something rotten.

27:18Well, I think that's a nice one. It's good. I like it. Do you have ornaments too? I do. Oh, nice. Cool bag. Oh! I don't know if they're all going to fit on the tree. I got one and I realized how big it was. Right. So this is a ornament that... Hey, Ant. Yep. What the hell is that? Yeah, so it's a... It's stuck here. Give me a second. It's a mermaid reindeer holding a gift that looks kind of similar to... Wow, that does kind of look like Joey. What the fuck? Did you make that? I did not. Yes, you did. You want to come see it? I need to get close to this guy. What do you got rattling over there?

27:54Why am I... Oh, he's stuck. Oh, you're real stuck. I'm wrapped up! Would you like to see? Dude, what the hell? I don't know. That is pretty... Can you see this? Wait, what did you type into Amazon? That is uncanny. Weird ornaments, and it's a Christmas mermaid wearing a scarf with reindeer. You almost knocked over your tree, by the way. You sat down, and it was fucking horizontal. Oh, there it goes. We're fine. The Cheeto's hanging. The Cheeto is good. Kind of looks like you. Yeah, it does. Also, it's the size of your tree. That's the problem. That is a big ornament. What's that made out of? Is it hollow?

28:31Brother. How much was that? It looks like it was$40. It was about$33. How much? $33. Dude, that's a lot of money to spend on a joke ornament. We're also, that's out of your pocket. Well, this one looks like you. I feel like it'd be out of, this is unbelievable. Oh, wait, we're getting reimbursed for our purchased ornaments? Frank, it's a pickle ornament. I think it's beautiful. That is insane. That's big, dude. Oh, of course. He got little tree big ornament. He's overcompensating for his tree. That's the biggest one I have. It's huge. That's way too big. It's the biggest one I've ever seen. Needlessly.

29:11Yeah, honestly, that is the biggest. Outside of the stars that go on top, which I didn't bring any. I didn't bring any either. I forgot that. You would hate the star that we had on top of our tree for years. I already know what it is. What is it? Is it the same one as Espo? Which one is Espo? Like the Super Mario star? Yeah. Yeah, it was. children okay um we do let's before we get to the rest of the ornaments here uh we do have uh some sponsors for the show the first one being how you doing zoc doc okay so don't forget that during this holiday season you also want to be healthy be happy a lot of people going to the new year also um you know they start doing their new year's resolutions and they want to be healthier and whatnot but you should go to the doctor and get your checkup your yearly checkup um but yeah so So ZocDoc, it's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment.

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31:50And they've saved their users over 2.5 billion, including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone. So people out there are making mistakes and doing this stuff, but that's rocket money.com slash basement, um, to get started right now. All right. Love that. Also, what else do you love? You're saving yourself some money and you want to give the gift to something. Why not give the gift to the basement yard? Patreon.com slash the basement yard is the best way to do it so go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and you can give the gift of the basement yard this holiday season or gift yourself a little something we're so tied up with giving other people gifts we can treat ourselves a little bit you sign up for that first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and then that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single friday which come out they're just for you and if you sign up and you've never been a patron again you can watch every single back cataloged episode that goes back to when we started doing them which was at this point seems like decades ago so go check them out patreon.com slash the basement yard and if you want to sign sign up and save yourself a couple extra bucks type that into a web browser okay don't don't don't use one of those smart apps because then they're going to take some extra money from you so if you go to the web browser version patreon.com slash the basement yard and you sign up there you're going to save yourself some money you're going to be one of the growing amounts of patrons that we have here continuing to break records thank you guys so much and it's well worth it i think don't take my word for it take this eyewitness testimony whoever's editing is putting the eyewitness testimony put in something like someone saying it's yeah uh so there you go you saw you heard from that person in particular so go check it out patreon.com slash the basement we love you and we'll catch you on the flippity flop all right we'll catch you on the flip all right so i have to add the ribbon you need to add the ribbon i didn't i didn't do this pot oh my god um this one is a heavy hitter here uh Heavy hitter in what regards?

33:41This is Thickless Cage. It's Nicolas Cage on a thick girl's body. It's backwards. It's backwards. There you go. There you go. There it is. There's Thickless Cage. Yo. Yeah. Wait, is that his face from Con Air? I hope. But yeah, that was a great movie. Dude. You know what's so funny that you say that? What? You know what is so fucking funny that you have that ornament? You know who texted me in the wee hours of the night last night? Nicolas Cage Can you imagine No Hank Green Oh yeah he texted me yesterday Yeah he goes Joe shared your number Sorry I didn't send you ducks Here's a duck And it was Nicolas Cage Not as a duck And he goes Oh fuck Sorry And it's just another picture of Nicolas Cage And he's like Oh shit And I responded That's not a duck That's a goat Wow That was a good one Dude Hank Green Nicolas Cage So you just have a celebrity filled Celebrity-filled Christmas tree.

34:40That's all he wants. That's all he needs. Favorite Nick Cage movie?

34:48Damn, you know what? I just watched National Treasure on a plane. It's so good. It's good, man. It is so good. I really like that movie. What's the one with the green balls? Oh, that's The Rock. Those green balls look sick. Is that with Sean Connery? Sean Connery. Yeah, yeah. Michael Bay. That's about, what's it called? Breaking out of or breaking into Alcatraz. Alcatraz, yeah. Let's put Nicky up here. Oh, you're getting Nicky. Thickless cage right in the middle. Thicker than a fucking bowl of oatmeal. I'll tell you that. Yeah. That's crazy. I saw someone recently said thicker than zoo glass. That's great.

35:27That's a good one. Okay. Well, listen. I'd be remiss if I didn't bring in something from my childhood. And I had to. And I know I previously brought this up, but this was mine when I was a child. It's a skateboarding dinosaur. And now that I look at it, I have the wrong one. This is my brother's. Where's mine? That's not your brother. That's yours. It says son 1994 on the back. Oh, fuck. Wait, do you have all of your skating dinosaurs? I guess. I have. I guess. Or have you just had this one forever? I've had this one. I'd be like, this is mine. And now that I see it's 94, maybe it's my brother's.

36:03It cannot be. Or maybe they just got it to me. and two years old. Yeah. Regardless, he's a skating dinosaur with a backwards cap. Which is so cool. And a pink backpack, which at the time, not ideal. Yeah. You know. But look, he's hip. He's fly. He's got a bit of childlike wonder. And he's balancing on his really rad skateboard. That's cute. I think it really captures my joy and happiness. Yeah. You don't look like it. I think I can look like it. You can't. The building's coming down, by the way. The building is on its way down. Hagrid just got here. What was that? It's just, you know, this is a family, an Alvarez family relic.

36:50And this will last forever. Nice. And if it ever gets thrown out, I will haunt any of my ancestors that have done that. I'm sure you will. That seems like on par for you. Don't say it like that. What? If people throw stuff out, I believe it. All right. I was looking at my feed over here. The arms on this thing look great in this lighting. Nice. Just saying. Yeah, you're horny.

37:17All right, what else you got? I had one that looks like Joe, so I thought I'd get one that looks like Frankie. I have It, Pennywise. Oh, fuck you. Why do I look like It? What am I looking at? I can't even see it. Why is the balloon in front of his face? That's a little bit. Because that's how he stands, dude. Oh, that's right. Ready to float. Not bad. That was pretty good. Not bad. Dude. I don't think you look like this. I figured it was a joke. Okay. Although, Bill Skarsgård? Actually, yeah, now that I think about it. He's got big eyes. He's got big eyes. Dude, that whole family. Bill, Alex, Selen.

37:49Bro, they can see, dude. They can see. Those guys. They can see and they can act. Let me tell you. Yeah. Like a family of actors. Good for them. Have you seen it? You've seen it in movies, right, Joey? Yeah. I only saw the first one. The second one was a little disappointing, personally. Well, it's a little crazy, too. They took some stuff out of those books that I'm glad they took out. Do you know about the books? Ant, you know about the books? Yeah, well, they had to take out that. Yeah. I'm not. Stephen King's a weird dude. Stephen King was clearly on cocaine for several decades. When the kids get out of the tunnel?

38:26Yeah, when they get out of the tunnel after they defeat it in the first part of the book. that to defeat it, they needed to grow up and not be kids anymore? Yes. So they all practice having sex with the one female member of the Losers Club. He's writing these about... Excuse me? He's writing this about 10-year-olds. I didn't know Frankie was just going to hammer it there, but... I mean, I don't think any way to describe it is any worse than the actual what it is. I had no idea that was part of a thing. Yeah. It didn't really work. It didn't work. I don't think that would have been going on. It absolutely did not work.

39:01Yeah. He ended up coming back. Right. Well, I got this one for Ant. Oh! Oh! That's just... What is this? This one's for you, bud. Thank you. You got one for me. Thank you. Yeah, no. That's just me. Is that Mickey? It is. It was. I'll be honest with you. I got this as a joke, and I'm looking at it, and I don't like it. Now you feel bad about it? Yeah, I do. You have a full-on... What's with this? What's that? That's like on the things. Like they have like little red things on them to like snap it. Oh, that's the crank? Yeah, I'm sure it's just like a design thing. Yeah, I don't like this anymore.

39:43It's kind of mean. Well, it has to go on your tree now. Yeah, now you have to put it up there. You have to put it up. Now you have to declare that you are a murdering psychopath. Put it in the back of the tree. Well, she fell. Is it like a good quality? It looks like a good quality ornament. Is it heavy? Yeah, it's kind of heavy. All right, what do you got? Okay, well, I also went the route. This one has got some bells on it, so it's festive. Okay. And it says, go ahead, jingle my bells. Frank, is that – am I looking at an ass? I think those are balls, brother. What am I looking at? But what am I looking at?

40:22It's – yes, that's an ass, and underneath those are supposed to be the bells. Wow. I just think, like, you know, it's playful. It's fun. It's happy. Yeah. It's like a, go ahead. Like, this is what I expect to see on the back of, like, a Ford F-150 during Christmas time. And now it's on your tree. And also a Punisher logo. Right. That's clearly taken out of context because people don't understand that the Punisher actually didn't, like, corrupt people. All right. But, yeah, go ahead. It's wood. Oh, thank God. I can't put this up on my tree at home. That's for sure. There will be questions. There will be questions.

41:03I just thought it was a cute little way to say like, hey, you don't like me? Fuck you. Right. This is the appropriate setting for that. I would think so, yeah. Well, I mean, I killed Disney. Yeah, you have a full-on murder scene on yours. Yeah. And Ant has what I can only imagine is how he goons over you as a merman. Oh, it's sex. What are we doing? I brought it in. Well, if he's going balls, you're going gingerbread. I told you I had it. Yeah, it's an interesting one. This is what I'm doing. Yeah. YouTube, it's not right. It's a gingerbread. Say again? YouTube, it's a gingerbread. Oh, they probably, I mean, yeah, I hope not.

41:44They don't know what this is. I mean, we've got balls and now dogs. Yeah, I don't think anthropomorphic characters, like animated characters, are going to get us into a ton of trouble, right? You couldn't say animated? You didn't want to say that? What was the reasoning behind anthropomorphic? That's not even, I don't think anthropomorphic. I don't even know what it means. This is pretty prominent. Yeah. And for some reason, the balls keep turning toward me, and I don't like that. So we're just going to put them. The ball's urine for you, baby. All right. The ball's just, they're attracted to me, I guess.

42:18All right, what else do I got in my bag of trash? Whose is worse? Ant's full-on sexual intercourse happening on his tree, or mine, which is just like a little ha-ha innuendo. I mean, we don't know. Maybe into the mic. I don't know. So this one, very easy, obviously. It's very base-me-ar. Oh, yeah. It's the wiener-mobile. Oh, I love it. Yeah. That's a good one. Dude. Put a wiener on there. Dude. Get your wiener out. Come on. Joey's got a wiener on his tree I got balls on mine And Ant has where both of them go The sex one Oh Yeah I was like don't talk about that I didn't even think of that Dude When's the last time you had a hot dog?

43:09It's been a minute I mean obviously it's December Oh yeah obvious Okay So I'm gonna ask The last week Oh Yeah Do you count sausage? No. Right. Unless they're called Italian hot dogs. No. No? You don't buy that? What was the occasion? Sunday. Got it. It was the Lord's Day. It was the Lord's Day, and Daddy needed a dog. Let me tell you. Wow. What are you finagling over there? I have to put in another ribbon for my next one. Also, Oscar Mayer? Those are good dogs. Oscar Mayer, Nathan's. good dogs the only ornament i bought was the joe as a mermaid the rest are all these all going on my tree oh my god that's insane okay you put that actual one on your tree that's insane yeah when sometimes it's in the back of the tree got it okay well my next one might be a little infuriating for some people but why do we confine to the the limits the limits that big christmas puts on what is and what isn't an ornament.

44:18Nay, I say an ornament should be something that you want to proudly figure, uh, excuse me, proudly and prominently feature on your tree. So yes, these are all technically ornaments. Sure. But an ornament that I have that will be going on my tree is Jeff Hardy. Okay. Now, yeah, sure. He doesn't have traditional ornament build, but it's it's a tree should be representative of its owner and i am i if i am nothing i am a wrestling fan so jeff hardy is going to be going to swanton bomb off the top of my tree frank i know you think this is going to piss me off but i love it really it's jeff hardy i didn't think you were gonna like it i thought you would for sure be pissed off and be like that's not our name no i I love Jeff Hardy.

45:11Is the top of the tree in the shot? I mean, he's got to be on the top. He's on the top rope. It definitely won't be in the shot, but. All right, so then I'll put him where he's ready to do swanton. Hey! So with Jeff Hardy, man. That's great. I mean, that's a WWE legend. Yeah. You know, king of the swanton. Right. And fishnets. Yeah. And humping the air very aggressively. Also was the reason why I bought a necklace once, and it cut me. So I had to take that off. The Hardy logo necklace? The sharpest thing I've ever had in my life. My brother wore it playing basketball, and it went through a kid's finger.

45:44Yeah, it was fucking dangerous. Did you ever see? You were not a big wrestling fan back in the day, right? Not really. Did you ever see the Hardy Boys logo? Probably in passing. Dude, look at it. It's like HD, but it's fucked, and it's sharp. Dude, look it up, and you're going to see. This was on kids' necklaces, and this was die-casted metal. So it was hard. It was not. It was like that But the edges of it were so sharp dude And it like cut me once And my mom made me take it off Yeah dude Those things were Not that one That wasn't the one we had It was just silver And it was like a beaded I mean we don't need to Fucking pull it up But it was like beaded Yeah dude It was It was not It definitely looks sharp It is It's not that one but It's like that purple one right there Just type in the necklace Just type in Necklace Gotcha It was It was It definitely had some edges to it necklace there you go the first one yeah yeah the thing was sharp as fuck dude it looks pretty rounded in this photo in this photo it's not doing it justice but it killed me it almost killed me this one looks sharp this one yeah it wasn't that one it could have no but that has a beaded necklace too it could have been that well regardless this thing almost killed me but I think my tree wouldn't be who I am and who I feel I am if it didn't have some wrestling on it.

47:07Frank, you're not Jeff Hardy. Oh. I'm closer to Jeff Hardy than you are. That's ridiculous. How is that ridiculous? You think you're closer to being Jeff Hardy than me? Who do you think has done more Whispers in the Wind? You or me? Me! I've Swanton, all I do is Swanton Bob. You've done a 101 Swanton, but I would do a lot of poetry in motions with my brothers. I just, that's a Matt Hardy thing. That's me, dude. You don't know who Jeff Hardy is? Don't look at his mug shots you don't know jeff hardy no i didn't say that i was just trying to compare oh i was about to freak out i mean if we're going based off looks sure it's joey twinkie boy but if we're going based off of just general vibe and i'm more of a like a he kind of looks like a like a what's that shit called a vampire he could be if jeff hardy was a vampire i would not be astonished no he wouldn't be able to wear this cross here yeah that's true it would hurt him It would hurt him.

48:05Of the two of us, you are way more likely to wear fishnets than I am. I'll give you that. I will give you that. All right. What do you got? I have a resin twisted tea bottle cap. Well, obviously. I talked about this as well, I believe. I brought this in. Just, you know, some proof here. That's nice. Maybe put that one over the sex. Did you make that? Did you drink the teas yourself? No, I bought those. Oh, Etsy? On Etsy, yep. You could have made that. You guys are pretty handy around your house. I don't know how to do a resins thing. Yeah. Have you ever made, did you guys have the beer wall? Like the wall that was just like the cut out boxes?

48:39I wasn't in a frat. Like it's more fratty housey. Bro, your life is frat. What are you talking about? Yeah, but I gotta live. I can't just. They didn't give them the letters, but they gave them everything else. I walked into Ann's house one time and there was a contraption that like you pour a giant bottle of fucking Jameson. Yeah, I see that. Like the wheelchair for it, right? Yeah. It's not a wheelchair, but it's like a hand truck. Like what? Yeah. Yes, I hear what you're saying. I was going to say something that probably would have upset people, but yeah. Well. That's nice. Wait, so you bought that?

49:13I bought this, yes. I'm going to ask. Well, this was, I bought this like four years ago. I'm going to ask. Nice. I think it was like 30-something. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands you need. From athletic stuff, like a full-court pickup game, Swish! To athletic-ish stuff, like a half-mile stroll. Get those steps in! And for morning hikes up the mountain trail, good pace! To nighttime ghost stories from the camping chair. What a twist! Whatever level of active, Sierra loves it all. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.

49:52Yo, bro, the budget you have for this. That is crazy. Might have been 18. You could have made that for... How could it might have been 18? It's such an exact number. How does backloading expenses work? It doesn't. What does that mean? He's going to charge me for this. Oh, it does work. Yes, you can. I can do that? You can do it, yeah. Thank you, Frankie. It comes out of somewhere. Joe's like, try it. I'll move the sex thing. Okay. No, leave the sex one up. This one? Because your tree tells... I'm sorry. I don't mean to cut you off. Your tree tells a story. So what it is is someone saw a mermaid and was so horned up, they drank a bunch of twisted teas and had sex.

50:34We could tell a better story. All right, my next one, I have just a cute raccoon covered in Christmas lights because they're cute, and he's doing the rock on. Oh, that sucks. No, it doesn't. I hate raccoons. Don't be a bastard. I'm not being a bastard, but if I had a gun, I'd shoot your tree. You hate animals I don't hate animals Oh I love animals You're a little Serial killery When it comes to animals First of all The only cereal That I'm killing Is Cinnamon Toast Crunch Second of all Let's call up The joke Fucking master And tell him His joke's Fucking getting Someone's down here Telling jokes Get the fuck out of here

51:23I thought that was quick And witty I thought it was perfect I don't hate animals I hate raccoons Because they're little fucking Mongers Mongers? I just don't like that They're just so chaotic And stupid and ugly Frank This is objectively adorable I did see something That you're gonna be Pumped about There's research To suggest that raccoons Are becoming like slowly more domesticated, which means we can have them as pets. Talk that talk because I'll get one in here. You think I won't get one? I'm letting you know if you get a raccoon in here, I'm putting it in the trash can. And it'll be chilling.

51:59I will lock the trash can and then put it on the stovetop. And this is where we're getting to serial killer. Your serial killer. The only serial that I've killed is Apple Jacks. What the fuck? Love Apple Jacks. That's a great one. I mean, it is cute. Hey, cute guy covered in lights. But if you saw that in real life, that exact real thing, if you can guarantee that a raccoon doesn't have rabies, I'm hugging it. Get the hell out of here. It's literally a little rat. So are you. How you like that? You're not allowed to call Hispanic people rats, Joey. That's what your fucking parole officer told you.

52:40No more. What do you got over there? All right, listen, I'm sticking with family heirlooms, okay? I like this tree to be representative of me, where I've come from. You've said this every round. And where I am going. And nothing helps me keep a humble, happy, and optimistic, playful approach to life than remembering my first love on this planet. And my first love on this planet was Barney the Dinosaur. Wow. Now, Barney the Dinosaur was not only one of my first loves, but he's ice skating. That's fire. And Barney the Dinosaur, I loved him so much. Did you? Oh, my God. It was a big Barney guy. Really?

53:20Big. But now that he's being festive and skating, makes me love him more. And when I see this, it reminds me of... Being a child. Being a child. Humble beginnings. Life. Humble beginnings. Joy. You know, you don't need materialistic goods in order to find happiness. It's true. You could just go back to the days of Barney the purple dinosaur. Right. Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination. That's a song. And what's more beautiful than that? It's good. So that's why I put Barney on my trip. That's a good one. I like that a lot. You better. I can't even be nice without being yelled at. It's insane.

54:02That one's cute. I like that one. What do you got? Those balls are staring right at me. I have a little Mario Kart one, and he's waving the checkered flag. assuming that he's one, I believe. Hey! I have a couple Mario Kart ones at home, too. This one was sent to me. It was very nice. Wait. Sent to you? What Mario? Is it Mario? It's Mario. What kart is he on? Pipe frame. Pipe frame kart. Standard. Standard. Standard pipe frame kart. Yep, yep. You guys know the names of my kart. Not a lot of weight to that. Good drifting. Good drifting, but not a lot of weight. Not a lot of acceleration. You need some more.

54:39You know, we know who the meta is. Birdo. well no you want to go with a heavier character from what I believe last time I brought in Mario Kart and we played I think Joe beat you Frankie I don't even remember that I guarantee though if we were to play again I would smoke him I am putting up I would put up a substantial bet well the reason why I won was because of there was like you had the cheating RC's on yeah he had the cheating RC's on wait what like RC tail that you can't fall off the map Yeah, I did Which I didn't know I don't even know what that is What the fuck is that? You can't fall off So you can't fall off So you're telling me I think he had it as well though Am I bugging?

55:23I don't know But we definitely didn't tell him you had it And it was funny I remember you being like Oh, you got the RC tail I was like, what is that? So you're judging his victory over me Based off of him cheating I wasn't cheating I didn't turn it on If I can quote Joey from 2020 Stop the steal Let's play again and I will absolutely beat him. Whoop his ass. Stop the steal. Absolutely. Recount the votes. The stars. Oh, that is a good one. Do you have any, do either of you guys have any that like make sounds or like lights or anything on your tree? Like in real life or today? In real life. No to both.

56:03I don't know why I even asked that. I don't know. That one that I actually told you about where it's like the crib or whatever, There is a button on the bottom, but I feel like it broke years ago. But it used to sing a song. They used to have ones that you could plug into the lights. I remember my mom used to have one of those. Yeah, my mom used to have one of those. What about you? Do you have any that make sounds or lights? No. You? Yes, I do. I have a couple video game ones. I have a Donkey Kong cabinet that you press the button, and it does the song. And then I have a Super Nintendo that does Super Mario World.

56:35Nice. It is very cool. Super excited. Well, before we go a little further here, we do have some more sponsors. The first one being Skims. Okay, Skims is a lovely company that is making, you know, underwear for the boys and for the girls. They got stuff for girls as well. But I have a lot of Skims underwear. They sent us a couple of pairs to try out, and they are honestly, like, my favorite underwear. They're very comfortable. They're very breathable. They don't, like, hold in a bunch of moisture or anything like that. So you take it off and be like, what's going on here? but they are extremely breathable they're amazing they're not too tight but they also like are tight enough to you know keep everything where it should be but they have lovely stuff for this upcoming holiday I think this is a great gift I actually bought my friend last year my secret Santa I got some Skims underwear for him so this is also a great gift to get for the holidays so you could shop Skims men's at skims.com let them know that we sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows and if you're looking for the perfect uh gifts this season the skims holiday shop is now open for business okay so go to skims.com and uh yeah let them know that we sent you and uh get yourself something maybe or you know and get your little fella something as well um and lastly we have squarespace squarespace is going to be the platform where you're going to build your website and they're going to kind handle everything from there honestly so if you have a e-commerce business or you make content or something and a website is very important okay all the websites that we have made are powered by squarespace it's the best in my opinion they have templates that make it very easy to get to a starting point so you just click on this template it populates a website you switch some things out and you're kind of good to go we've done it in a day turned it around and we're good to go but they also have a lot of tools that are going to help you optimize your traffic let you know where things are, all the analytics, everything like that.

58:31So they got you covered. And you can get started on your own website when you go to squarespace.com slash basement. And you will save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay? So that is squarespace.com slash basement. And you will save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right? So get to it. And then send me your website. I want to see it. All right? How many do you guys have left? I have. I have. Dosh. I have one. All right. So how about I go, and then we'll come back around? We could snake draft. Nope. Do you have two left? I have two. Oh, okay. So then why don't you, you, me, you, me, you.

59:12Let me do that. Yeah. So another one I have is the green frog wearing glasses from the Rainforest Cafe. This dude loves the Rainforest. This tree is so you, dude. This is so you. That's a good. There's a big Joe in here. Yeah, that's not you. It is by ratio kind of more Joe than him. It's true. I'm trying to catch up to how much Joe this tree is. You should put it over his face. No. It's too big. Yeah. Put it up here. Dude, can I ask you, where did this obsession with the Rainforest Cafe come from? How did that start? Hmm. It's a good question. Probably circa 2004. Circa is crazy, dude. Just tell us.

59:52I appreciate that. Circa. The Animal Kingdom and Disney, we would always eat at the Rainforest Cafe. There's a rainforest cafe there? Yep. I guess that makes a ton of sense. Is or was? Still there. We go all the time. Not all the time. Is there food? It's good enough. What does that mean? The atmosphere is fun. The atmosphere is what you go for. The animatronic, rubber. Would you ever go to an actual rainforest? Does that? No. No way. You just like the cafe? I got my fill at the cafe. Right. Dude, rainforests are terrifying. Yeah, they're very scary. That would not be fun to go to. Do you like nature?

1:00:25Nope. so what about it is appealing you love that it's that it's nature adjacent it is by definition absolutely not i also love an outdoor indoor love an outdoor what does that mean an indoor that looks like outdoor oh like a tree inside a restaurant yeah an indoor outdoor dude you would have loved i built a restaurant with my dad once that was based off of a garbage dump you would have loved it it was yeah built a restaurant yeah well my dad used to do that shit all the time now he can't because his knees look like SpaghettiOs. His dad worked construction. Got it. But like it seemed like him and his dad hammer nailed this restaurant together.

1:01:03No that is exactly what happened. You and your dad. Yes. I know there was more people involved. Of course there were more people but like we did most of it. Well I'm saying I think there's a construction company. No my dad like was like it was a not big crew because if my dad was doing it on the side like. Masurero. Is it still there? It's on Steinway If anyone lives in Astoria Or visits Astoria Steinway and Broadway Have you been there? I've never been in there I've eaten there several times It's good It's good Colombian food Go and touch the walls My dad and I built that Chances are if you touch the walls You're touching 2005 Frank's hands They were huge Big hands Big fat hands Yeah.

1:01:49Non-dainty. Right. Really, really meaty hands. All right. What do you got? I got, I think you're going to like this one. I have a love for Christmas. I also have a love for Star Wars. That's why I got Santa stuck in the carbonite. And that's pretty cool. It's like from Return of the Jedi and The Vampire Strikes Back. You see, you know what happens. Of course. You know, Han Solo. I love you. I know. I used to love watching his face like when it's like melting or whatever. I was like, oh, that's so cool. I love when Princess Leia would like get dressed up in like In Return of the Jedi. And she'd be like,

1:02:30I remember exactly how she sounded. But you know what I'm saying. I know. So it's him. If you guys don't know Star Wars, get to it. Go watch the original trilogy. Let me tell you. Don't listen to like Fox News talk about it. just watch it for yourself. I really feel like people who go back and watch stuff like Star Wars be like, I'm going to watch it in the actual order. I'm like, that sucks. So that's a real like topic of like contention that I recently went through because Miles and I started watching it last year. Star Wars? Yeah. What if you were to show your child? Yeah. Little walrus. Yeah.

1:03:05Wants to watch Star Wars. Daddy, show me Star Wars. What is the what is the order at which you're showing them the order in which they came out really i think there is a magic to like oh this is this is a prequel like that adds something you know like there's like callbacks there but you don't get any of that if you just watch it like you're gonna start at like what the attack of the clones movie sucks by the way phantom menace is the first one canonically actually rogue one um yeah but like what you would start with rogue one that's bananas sorry rogue one is not canonically i i'm so sorry i mean yeah it can't be but like whatever it is it's like that would be so stupid to do so what a lot of people do and i was thinking this might be the way that i so we started with one and then we went to two and then we went to three what is one phantom menace you did do this so we did that however i think re in revisiting them i thought more about it we'll do what people do is four five i don't know the numbers four is new hope five is empire strikes back and then they do one two three six seven eight nine i would just watch a minute what's the point of doing that because i mean if you watch one two and three it spoils a big part of a big reveal wait so you make all of the original ones prequels no so you watch four and then five and then you go back and watch phantom menace and five are one and two you got to give titles All right, New Hope.

1:04:33Yeah, but New Hope is one. Is episode four. Oh, shoot. No, it's episode four. It's the first one that came out. This is what I'm saying. What's the one that came out with Rey? Seven, eight, nine. Got it. Force Awakens, Last Jedi, and Skywalker. Who cares? Not good. I don't care. But I think it kind of ruins one of the big reveals if you watch one. if you do four five six like it resonates better and then i don't know i don't think it ruins anything i mean they they put it out that way so everyone knew going in i mean they didn't put it out that way with the hindsight like they did it and they were just like let's make prequels now yeah i can't grab the word of it i just i'm like i don't know i just okay all right well that's my that's like that story is too all over the place it's gotten a little out of hand um do i go yeah i go you got your last one yeah my last one and you know i don't know it's nicholas cage again what's going on it's just a flat nicholas cage why what is going why do you have several nicholas cage ornaments you know i as i'm staring at it this is actually freaking me out i don't know why i don't even i'm not even a huge nicholas cage fan per se I think if you like the bird, you like the cage.

1:05:57You know what I'm saying? Nope.

1:06:03So how and why Nicolas Cage? I just think it's funny. It reminds me of a Nickelodeon. Remember Face? Didn't you have that Nicolas Cage pillow back in the day? That was a gift. I did have it. What the fuck is happening? What is going on with you? Who gave me that? Do you have like a spiritual connection to Nicolas Cage? I don't. I think Joey Gatto got that for me. Dude. It was like sequence, and it looked like whatever, and then you would go like this, and then it was Nicolas Cage. What if, hear me out, and we can make this happen. We just did MSG. What if we got Nicolas Cage on an episode, and he just sits down with us, and we give him things to read in his best Nicolas Cage?

1:06:42You mean just his voice? But he has to give it the full go, you know what I mean? I'd rather have Mikey Boobs up here singing show tunes. boobs singing to Nicolas Cage and Nicolas Cage is just acting out. Yeah. I mean, you haven't thought about it. I haven't. It sounds like it. You understand. It's in its early infancy. It's in its early infancy. I'm working it out. I'm working it out. Real time here, baby. Yeah. All right. It's not, you said, it's not impractical jokers. Joe Gatto? No, my friend. Joey Gatto. Oh, Joey Gatto. Yeah, yeah. Got it. I had that at first, too, to be honest, but Joey Gatto's different.

1:07:17Because, you know, I don't know who he knows. He knows everybody. No, I don't. He's big. He's big. He's breaking out. You saw he was in like a fashion magazine. What? Him? Yeah, they were gooning over him. You're really pushing the gooning. No, there was like a fashion thing where it was just like, look at Joe Sanagato. I wasn't in it, by the way. No gooning. All right, my last ornament here. Again, why are we allowing big Christmas to dictate what is and is not an ornament? Well, this is going to be just this. Who are we? Okay? This thing, I don't know if you guys feel this way. My trees are supposed to be representative of me.

1:07:56We know that. You know why? My childlike wonder. You said that. Yeah. Imagination. Right. Joy. Right. Humble beginnings. More adjectives. So that's why my last ornament is a boxed copy of Super Mario 64. Well, what are we doing here? From the Nintendo 64. Okay. I think. Now we're getting crazy. Why? How? Now we're getting crazy. Why is this getting crazy? You allowed Jeff Hardy, but an Italian plumber from Brooklyn you don't like? Is he from Brooklyn? Yeah. Is that true? Yes. Well, I like that. What do you like? I like that part. This is a relic of the past. This was released with the United States version of the Nintendo 64.

1:08:35This feels like you just want to tell people you have this. No, I've always publicized that I have this. This is not new. How much was that? Well, I bought it several, several years ago. at a steal because this is not its price now. I got it for$44. What is it now, you think? It's a couple hundred bucks. Really? Yeah. So you paid$44 for that ornament, and you're judging me on mine? Yeah. Crazy. Well, his isn't an ornament. Right. And yours is. That's the... So that's... That's the... Wow. That's good. Yep. Now, what happens if that falls down and breaks? It's not in mint condition, so I'm not really that upset about it.

1:09:13It won't be in any condition. If it falls down and breaks, Joey? Have you ever, have you opened it and played it? No, I have not. It is an open copy, though, and it's not in great condition. There's some tears on the edges and stuff like that, but it's just cool to have. I don't care about all that. Yeah, it's cool. But again, when you look at this tree, you go, that's Frank, baby. Can we? Did you just hear that? Yeah, that was terrifying. That was my fucking throat. What did it do? I think it like barked. Only I could have heard it. That was insane. That was fucking crazy. I just like barked.

1:09:47I wanted to say barked, but I almost said barfed. But I wanted to say roared. You should roar. I don't know what's going on. Is it possible to tilt that box down a little bit? I'm getting a lot of reflection here. It's a very shiny box. It's a very shiny box. That's much better, actually. Okay. I think it's, again, when someone looks at my tree, they're going to say, wow, this is someone that is connected to their humble beginnings. You love doing it. Establishes a childlike wonder and maintains it. Right. And is a lover of things. Yeah, that's what they're going to say. What do you got? I think to round off my tree, that is so clearly me.

1:10:25Right. It would be remiss to not add a, I have a Picky Boys logo ornament. Oh, my God. He's using it as a cheap plug for his podcast. That's fucking absolutely crazy. It's Christmas themed, though. You know, this is. Let me guess. You're selling it in a merch store. No, this one's one of one. This is a monster of our own making, though. If we had just let him plug his shows one time, this wouldn't have happened. I have to find ways. He left a perfect space in the front of the tree so that it would open. I mean, he knows marketing. Good for you. You know what? Good for you. We'll let you keep it for this episode only, bitch.

1:11:02I think, how much did you spend on that? Probably about$33. Bro, this is the most expensive tree. No, I'm kidding. It's like$12. I didn't even think of that. Trees are expensive. Like once you like put all the ornaments and lights on them, they're like, they could be like$500 more than that. I mean, I have a fake tree, so it was more than that. How expensive was your fake tree? It was a lot. Really? Yeah. I think it's a balsam hill. No big deal. No big deal. It's a balsam hill. Spend it if you got it, baby. It's a balsam hill. Hey, you're not going to look back and worry about that purchase. A balsam hill?

1:11:39Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, no!

1:11:44But yeah, I think it was like 800 bucks, which is crazy for a tree. I dropped my game. I know. I gotta get it. I don't have a lot of... I guess I have a decent amount of like... We have a lot of like filler ornaments too. Yep. Yep. That's good. This is the issue with putting a whole box on a tree. I feel like my tree looks beautiful. It does. Yours is covered, man. It's a wonderful tree. Yeah. A little less space to cover, that's why. Yeah. And I got you right in the middle. I appreciate that. I got you. I don't know how I feel about being a mermaid. Don't fuck around. You love the idea of being a mermaid.

1:12:24Oh, in life, I would like to be a mermaid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not merman. A shirtless one you're not into. Well, you got to be shirtless. I can't wear a shirt in the pool. In the ocean, I mean. What fucking... Dude, imagine mermaids were real. that'd be fine. What was that movie where that kid slowly Little Mermaid. You think I forgot The Little Mermaid? What are you thinking? I was going to say what was that Disney movie where the kid like slowly turned into or someone slowly turned into a mermaid or something? Oh yeah. What the fuck is that? Could just be called Mermaids. Splash? Oh that's it.

1:13:00I remember. That's not a Disney movie either. That's a Ron Howard movie. That's a full on movie movie. I thought of L. Ron Hubbard when you said that. I said what? I don't watch L. Ron Hubbard movies, Joey. We should probably be careful about bringing their Lord's name up. Yeah. Because they'll be upset. Yeah. You know what? That reminded me of the movie that you were just talking about. Remember those weird Disney movies? The one that always stuck out to me was Luck of the Irish. Because you looked like him. I looked like him. You looked like him as a kid. No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. But his hair just started to get really red.

1:13:36Yeah. Oh, he full on started turning into. Yeah, that did. Dude, you remember this movie? You didn't kind of look like this kid. Nah, bro. Come on. Give me a break. You had the frosted tips and everything. Oh, and look at the. I never had frosted tips. I wish. I remember Eddie's million dollar cook-off. What was the? Smart House. Smart House was a good one. It was like, I always remember that scene in that movie where they had a party and then the floor just like sucked up all the garbage and it was like, oh, it's a clean house now. I was like, damn. imagine that would be nice uh what was the one there was also the one where the girls the the twin sisters played basketball have you seen have you seen that's why i'm doing that have you seen the clip from it that has like circulated because of how bad it was done dude it's painful to watch is it another thing like we hired actors that can't play basketball it's a basketball movie yes yes yes yes yes yeah disney movies had some bangers back in the day i mean we were open lovers of High School Musical and Cheetah Girls, Cheetah Sisters.

1:14:36Cheetah Sisters. Lizzie McGuire. I want a banger. It's a banger. I didn't say I want a banger. I don't know why that's... Like, I felt the need to correct myself. No, no, no. We understood what you were saying. I want a banger. That's not what I said. She's coming out with new music, by the way, Hilary Duff. Perfect. If Hilary Duff does a Christmas album... Dude, didn't Disney do a Christmas album? They probably did. I'm sure. Look that up. They were working, those children. Look up Disney... Look up Disney star Christmas album. I wonder what it could be Like it's like Corbin Blue Singing Blue Christmas That would be incredible Now that I said it out loud I don't know about incredible I have a blue Christmas That's my Corbin Blue impression Disney 2000's holidays No Disney Channel Holiday Hits 2016 A bunch of the stars did a short EP November 18th I don't care about that I want to hear, like, the girl from Proud Family doing, you know, It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.

1:15:40Isn't that Raven Simone? No. I forgot her name. Kira. I can't remember. Raven Simone was from That's So Raven. That's So Raven. I thought Raven Simone was on that show, too. No. She was on The Cosby Show. She was Stephanie on The Proud Family. She was on that show. Really? Yep. It was animated, though. There's no way you do that. It was animomorphic, dude. I knew it. Yeah. As I remember, we'd be watching Disney Channel, and there'd be like those Christmas, the commercials would be like them singing a Christmas song. Yeah, but it would be like selling a CD or something. Yeah. Good times. Kids, Bob, dude.

1:16:16Who are these kids? I don't know. Can I just really quick say something? My tree's the best. I know it's not a competition, but with you guys, it always is. I feel like mine is not good. like there's a lot of Nicholas K. I mean two is a lot. Two is a lot. This is cute. This is the cutest we have everywhere. The Barney one might be cuter. Again. Well that's the problem. See if you don't follow the rules there's consequences Frank. I don't want to be this guy. My tree blue. Size good things come in small packages is what I proved here today. Your tree blue? You guys out of the water. Oh. I don't know about all that I think that you could have possibly It's like you got It there which is a different holiday Yeah That's true I think that You have a good tree It's nowhere near the quality of mine Frank barely followed the rules I thought he was going to pull out Food or something and put it on there You know what's funny You know what's funny is I was on the drive-in looking for a hot dog stand, and I was going to bring a full actual hot dog.

1:17:32That wouldn't have lasted on your tree. Yeah, it would have. I would have walked over and ate it. Oh, really? Yeah. That would have been yummy. That would have been yummy. Well, there you have it, folks. It's a very Merry Christmas. The Christmas season is officially here. Wanted to decorate our trees because the trees are staying for December. All right? So thank you so much to everyone this year. We're feeling very thankful and grateful. But it's the Christmas season. Trying to get some joyous memories with your families. All right? Oh, I actually do have one more for you if you want. What is that?

1:18:09Here, it's for you. I saw what it was in the air. You know that meme with the guy with the giant dick? That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

1:18:24You can't show that. Well, here it is. Why did you have that? You spent money on that too, didn't you? That was$12. Well, now Joey's has a lot of phallic imagery, by the way. The Cheeto, the hot dog. At this point, I'll take anything that is a Nicolas Cage. You got it. If anything could be more of the opposite of Nicolas Cage, it's that. I also have one more thing, if I could. What's going on? You sneaky ornament guys. Oh, got it. Okay. All right. All right. Well, and a very Merry Christmas to you guys, too. And holidays. Happy holidays. They almost got me just now. You got to throw the holidays in.

1:19:13You got him. So good. So good. So good. I've been gotten. Chris Mahana Kwanzaa for whatever you celebrate. How about that? Sure. Where can they find you? Ant? I'm not getting this one out. No, you are not. Just look at this tree. We will see you guys next time.

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