#542 - Fully Dressed In The Steam Room

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32:48We spank you. I don't know if we can say that legally. Didn't you get in trouble your last job for spanking, too? He told me not to. Okay. What was your last job? Oh, God. Yeah, wait. That's a good question. Have you ever worked a job pizza delivery? That was your last job before this? Yeah. Wow. I went on. Me too. Look at that. Look at us. You trying to be me, dude? Be you. I tried to go on some interviews in finance, and I went, God, this is awful. Oh, really? So then I started YouTube. Did you get any cool questions? Like, what's your best quality? Yeah. No, I really didn't. It was so entry level It was right out of college That it wasn't anything crazy Did you get the job?

33:33I didn't go back for the next interview I just didn't want to do it So they invited you back But you said no thanks Yeah Wow Did you get any of those like Questions that are like They're meant to be like Critical thinking questions No It really wasn't like that It was just Personality hire you know Oh You were the personality hire You probably would be The personality hire Interesting I got one of those I'm sorry You wanted to say something About protein You were about to go on a rant I felt it brewing I just wanted to say That like I think we need to Cut it with matcha Like I think we need Don't God Fuck I think we need to Cut it out This is way worse Than I could have expected And I'm okay With it existing But I think we need To dial it back I It just feels like It's gotten out of hand It's gotten out of hand Because you go to Some fucking you know a fucking underground basement speakeasy uh fucking bdsm coffee shop in brooklyn where they're just like we can whip you with this whip and we can give you a coffee it's brewed out of the asshole of some fucking you know guatemalan person like it is getting it's been bastardized you're proving my point you're right but that's what i'm saying is that it's like it's like it's a little too much for me well has there been anything that we could think of that like became a huge trend and then died.

34:58I'm sure we could. One thing I just want to fit in about the matcha. Nope. Tastes like shit. No. Tastes like shit. Dude, I, all right, I'm bringing in matcha next time we record, and I'm making you a stupid cup of it. Great. Ask me my opinion. No. There's no way in fucking life. I can almost imagine. What do you, do you like it? No, it's awful. Thank you. God, fuck. Have you had it? I have. What does it taste like? The ground, but bad. Oh my god, no! I've had ground stuff that tastes good ground. But this is bad ground. You guys have not had good matcha. Dirt tastes better. I want to cry and throw up and piss on you at the exact same time.

35:37You love matcha? When was the last time you had matcha? Yesterday. Really? I have it often and plentiful. It's so... Like, listen, I will do this. I will give this up. the popularity of like matcha is not what like real matcha is that's like someone saying like i'm wearing a fucking you know sweatpants in a steve fucking don't do that no but that's like someone saying like you know oh i'm wearing a watch from fucking mcdonald's all watches need to chill. Like, uh, no. Because I know that you get into this thing, and I hear it a lot, too. It's ceremonial grade. And I'm like, what does that mean, one?

36:24That's just the level of quality. But does that mean it's appropriate for ceremonies? So, the Japanese and the Chinese. I say that like I'm gonna offend them. That was like a hard J and a hard Z. The Japanese! And the Chinese! Like, yo, take it. You know what? I'm just gonna hold this. Just in case. Just, it's smart to have that. Just call and stand by. Just saying a hard J and a hard C. The Japanese and the Chinese have tea ceremonies. Right. That's like a whole thing that they do. I think the ceremonial grade just has to do with the quality of it because below that you get like restaurant grade, which is what is used in baking and cooking and desserts and stuff like that.

37:09Got it. So, it is a significant quality. Like, as someone that has had a lot of matcha, it's a significant quality jump once you get. And then you're just like, oh, shit. Like, this is. Have you ever had something that, like, people talk about and then you have, like, a good version of it? And you're just like, oh, shit. That's not that. That's like if you're having fucking Franzia wine and you're just like, all wine is this. No, it's not. You know, I've never had Franzia wine. Consider yourself lucky. it's a hangover in a bag well and a box yeah who thought of that it's crazy put it in a box dude good matcha has such a variety of flavors because you're getting what is it by the way it's stone ground japanese tea green tea got it so what they the the japanese sorry i'm worked up now whoa you got me you got me worked up the japanese again i went with a hard yeah i know they make they process their green tea different than the chinese process theirs the chinese roast their green tea to keep it green the japanese will steam it or they'll in sweatpants and then what they do is they take that tea yeah and they put it in a big stone mill and they fucking grind it into a very fine powder yeah i see people where they got the thing and they're like yes i actually like watching people make it i love watching people make stuff like that also oh you don't like when you get if you get matcha at like a place does that like automatically come with milk no i mean you could get it with milk if you want like a matcha latte but like normal matcha is just water and matcha powder right and it's like a size of an espresso i'm assuming no more it could be more so like i have it in bowls that are like this big that's a lot of matcha but it's not like you use like a small scoop of it because you think about it like the amount like look at like let's use this tea as an example that looks like a lot but when you when you fucking grind it into a powder it's nothing so you use a little bit of of green tea like matcha powder because you're drinking the whole leaf you're consuming the whole thing not just an extraction sorry my voice is game up i don't know but dude i i hear what you're saying and if you've had bad experiences fine just think you gotta chill i don't think that was a long lesson for something that tastes like that

39:44it's a long lesson for something that tastes like shit i didn't i didn't say that's what you said i'm i want to strangle both of you right now because i don't like matcha and i think it's gotten out of hand i mean i'm being hyperbolic for the sake of our show nonetheless if you don't like it whatever if anything it does me better do you like matcha lattes i prefer not to have them that way it's like any really bastardizing it is you're you're it's it's like personally if you like it good for you fine i'll make it for you if you want i prefer like to drink it the way that it's supposed to be drank which is by itself the way that the way that are good japanese The Chinese have laid out for us.

40:34Okay. Japanese. What's your coffee order? Are you a black guy? That's two in one episode. It's crazy, yeah. Milk, skim milk, and one sugar. Skim? By the way, when I was younger, I thought skim milk was breast milk. Like skin milk? I think that's why I thought that. When someone was like, oh, I'm drinking skim milk, I was like, is that your mom's? Like, I literally thought it was like a tit milk. It looks like just water and milk. I don't even know what it is. I'm sure there's a difference. But is it like, it's like whole milk, 2%, 1 % skim? Maybe I'm thinking 1 % then. I also could be wrong. How do you not know?

41:17You don't order coffee ever? I do, but it's just, I think it's 1%. I get 1%. You tell them, give me 1%. I want 1%. Can I ask why? Like, what's the difference between that and 2 %? Well, you are a whole milk guy. Like, I could actually say it. I love whole milk. I love it. But is there a big difference between those things? I haven't had a cup of 1 % milk since I was four, so I can't sit here with confidence. I don't know if I've ever had that. Exactly. 2 % I used to let rip. Let's do a taste test. Ugh, I can't. For reasons we can't get into, I drank too much milk recently. Yeah, me too. And I don't want to see another cup of it for a very long time.

41:56Yeah, that was a rough one. So you just do your coffee black. Yeah. You do? I'll get a cappuccino like six times a year. Oh. With whip? Whip? Whipped cream on it? Whipped cream. Or just like cream? No, whipped cream on top. Like an ice cream sundae? No. No? Do they do that? Is that a thing? Yeah. Where, IHOP? I mean, I've been to places. I've been to places where it's like they bring a cappuccino and they put a little whipped cream on top Oh, I mean if that's the case, I am not familiar with that I've only gotten it when it's like, you know, because I want to see what they can do You like to see Do you like those TikToks that are like people that make like espresso like in their home?

42:41Like they have like the whole grinder I actually love watching that I feel like it's great. The spray is wild But like I do enjoy watching it But if I go into a coffee shop that I've never been to before And the girls behind the counter are wearing beanies and glasses Then I'll get a cappuccino. Let's see what these girls can do. Because they look like they can do stuff. Do you commit to the hipsters do have the best coffee places? I think that they care enough to be good at the art at least. But I don't know. I'm not well versed. So we'll never find you in a... I don't seek out coffee. A Starbucks.

43:14I would go. But I don't seek out coffee. I was talking to Greg the other day. I know you'd get a kick out of this. I went and got Becca a thing of cold brew. from this place near us, but I didn't realize it was cold brew concentrate. Oh, dude. So I gave her a cup like this. Frank. Of cold brew concentrate. You're trying to kill your wife. She had it, and she's like, my stomach is not feeling well. No, your stomach. Check your heart rate. Dude, she had quite a bit of it. Oh, my God. I just, eh. I can't do the matcha slander. I understand why it's gotten to a point where it's just like, Like, all right, it's blowing up in popularity that needs to fucking chill.

43:54But at least acknowledge that, like, you haven't had the good stuff. I'll try it. But, like, I'm going to give you an honest opinion. I'm not going to try to hate it either. That's what I'm hoping for. Isn't it not weird that we order coffees and some of them just taste like shit? Like, their taste is so... Come on now. What happened over there? I don't know. You shoot your pants? The taste of coffee is so different at so many different places. It's not like if you order pancakes, you probably know what it's going to taste like. But I feel like coffee is so different everywhere. Why is that? Also, if you're getting espresso drinks, the way that I have a coffee machine now, and it is a nightmare.

44:42Getting it right is impossible. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't know. It just depends. Isn't that kind of the beauty of it? Isn't that kind of nice that like every single brew or whatever you're making, it gives you a different, there's different notes in there. Sometimes you're getting some fruity. Sometimes you're getting some earthy. Sometimes you're just getting garbage. Right now we're not getting a variety. We're getting all dog shit. So that there is no variety yet. But I agree. I think that like different beans tasting a certain way and a dark roast and a light roast and a fucking blah, blah, blah.

45:15That would be nice. But you know It's going to take some time to dial it in Go commit to being a coffee snob I'm more of like a drip guy Like a pour over? Sure In the summer I'm iced coffee Easy Oh you change with the seasons Yeah I like a nice iced coffee That makes sense It's hot out here So it's to cool you down But I can't have an iced coffee outside It's 2 degrees right now My hand will freeze in half. Just commit to being a coffee snob. I don't like it enough. Just do it. I don't like it enough. Just fucking commit to doing it. No. Why not? I'd rather just be like a wine snob. Even though I haven't had wine in a very long time.

46:03You've not been drinking. So like coffee you could drink and not feel guilty about it. Yeah. So just fucking commit to it. I don't know that I want to be like a hookup. I got to do it. Then it goes and it crushes and it grinds and I click and then I slap it. But it's a little moment of fun. And then I'm blowing hot air into my milk. Yeah. And then the thing sucks it in. Look, look, look. But guess what? Guess what morning? It's a little moment for you. That is a job. I am a barista in my own home. It's a prison. That's okay. You're doing something for you. Guess what? That's a form of self-love, baby.

46:41that's a form of being able to sit down and just be like I'm gonna tinker over here and I'm gonna do over here and you're making something for yourself you're putting kindness and heart and passion into it yeah I just don't think the payoff is like I agree that I think the notion is like that's nice I don't know that the payoff is worth it yet just do it buy all the gadgets and just fucking fully commit to it I'll tell you the part that I do like pampering oh when they Stamping shit is fire Like just stamping You know like a stamp Or you know what's fire I know what you're gonna say I know what you're gonna say Wax Yeah Bro I should be writing letters I don't know who I would write them to But I should write letters Get some fucking wax And then you go Or even cool If you get like Your thumb in there I mean you're talking about You're not gonna Be incarcerated Wax dude But that's what you do When you get arrested I mean You're not going to get arrested for writing a letter to somebody.

47:41I'm not worried about being arrested. I just think that like. You're fine. You know what I mean? I'd rather stamp. It's got like a quest. With like the one that. Yeah. Like it has like, you know, J and S and then you. Yeah. I'm telling you. Wax doesn't get the love that it deserves. As an entity.

48:02I like and don't like when wine bottles have the wax on it. I'm like, this looks so fire. But then when you try to open that bottle, oh my god. I like wax because, like, I feel like I'm, like, a whittler. Like, I can, like, whittle. You know people how they, like, whittle wood? I can't do that. So I do it with wax. And I feel like this is cool. It just sounds like you're saying little wood. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years.

48:42Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. In an accident. In an accident. It's just a whittle wood. You're saying it in an accident. I used to do it all the time. My mom used to yell at my brothers and I Because we would always take forks And just carve into her candles And carve into the candles That's fucked What was her candle? Like a Yankee candle? She would have candles Like decorative candles for Christmas But they're raw? Yeah, they're just like raw candles And then there's just a fork This kid Walking to his house And it's like It's the cat The cat got it It's so fun To play with wax though dude I enjoy wax Dude I like tape I'm a tape guy I fuck with tape Tape's a good one I like tape I can't talk shit about tape I like taking tape And wrapping it around my hand And then looking at my hand All flat You know what We should do an episode Cause I did that episode You know what I'm saying Covered in tape You should do an episode Yeah if you like tape down your nipples it like your nipples look different why do we got to go with nipples brother i mean you taped down your nipples that day i i did i know i did but like it was it was a lot of tape too i think i i say tape tape's fantastic which are rank these in terms of bestness okay Okay.

50:21Tape. Yeah. Wax.

50:27That's another one I want to put. You did this without a third? Just the ones we've talked about already? Tape. Yeah. Wax. Yeah. Rope. Ooh. String. Yarn. Ooh. Yarn, tape, wax. String is so ass. Yarn, though? I'm like a kitty cat around here. Twine, get it the fuck out of here. But yarn, baby. Twine, go to hell. Twine. Pretentious. I love yarn. Wait, what am I doing? Wax. Based off tape. Wax is number one. Wax is cool. You think wax is one? I like wax. But tape. Tape's got a place. What kind of tape? Oh, we recently talked about tape, didn't we? Did we? I think we said, like, the tape that, like, shits its pants when you open it.

51:19Yeah I'm into it but I don't like that I gotta try and find the edge Because I fucking accidentally Like it's impossible Yo low key electric tape That shit is dope Yo I'm not kidding Chew on electric tape like bubble gum You chew on it? I would Have you? Not recently probably but you have In your life Yeah you have You chewed on it? What about that blue thumbtack stuff? That shit is That Don't make it look like gum if I can't chew on it You know, that's That's how you know God's real Because that shit exists That fucking What's it called? You used to love that Thumbtack, yeah Thumbtack, yeah I used to collect it, dude Yeah Huh?

52:01I was a kid You used to collect it? Yeah, I've told the story What is collect Oh, you had like a Wait, why did I know this? What did you say? You put it in your pants or something? No, I like I like put it on my chin And I would go like this And it would wag back and forth And it looked like a dick Yeah Yeah. Yeah. And I brought it to my sister's play and got in trouble probably. Yeah, I did get in trouble. I did love that stuff and they were just coming like the little packs and I would just ball them up. Well, that's how we used to hang up posters. Are posters still a thing? Yeah, are bulletin boards a thing in schools?

52:35Yeah. Poster? No, I don't. Your mom's a teacher. Yeah. She's got a bulletin board? I assume. Does she go by like her first name or something? Like is that something they're doing now? Yeah, is it Miss Yellow or is it? Or she's just like, yeah, just call me Ann or whatever. No. It's last name. Okay. It's Mrs. Prisco. Okay. Mrs. Prisco. Mrs. Prisco. That's such a teacher name. That's such a teacher name. I did like the teacher that would just be like, call me Steve. By my first name. Yeah, call me Steve. Mr. Steve. We had a teacher. Oh, yeah. Well, Mr. Yeah, that's fine. Well, his last name was impossible.

53:10It was the exact same as our teacher's last name. Oh, shit. That's right. Yeah. Who am I thinking of then? I don't know You know one time I saw the payroll at that school Oh, shouldn't have said that

53:25What are they gonna do? You're a school sweetheart It was 20 years ago But I saw the payroll and I was like Wait, you were a 13 year old kid Seeing the payroll? And you thought it was rough back then No, no, no My mom worked there No, no, no you don't need to i know i'm bringing her down with me you're going down she didn't like show me it it was like on her computer because she was a secretary and i like came to see her one day and i was just like sitting her chair and i was like you know when you're a kid and you're like i'm gonna start throwing stuff around and then i looked at the screen and there was like i then i noticed that it was a payroll because i had teachers names that i like whatever and i was more fascinated by finding out these teachers that i had their first name because that was like but then i was like let's see what they pay let's see what they pay in rent what are these numbers yeah let's see what they pay in rent not good no i think i think one of them that like was tenured had been there was making like 92 that's a lot oh yeah that's a lot for fucking and that was a while ago 2006 that's why i was just like damn bro damn i mean let's make this remember miss franco god damn bro i don't even remember what she was making i mean i imagine they were paying her in fucking like two dollar bills this woman was so old bro yeah she was so old yeah i'm convinced that she had the fucking tony stark thing in the center of her chest keeping her alive because i'm like dude you know you're dead i mean let's make sure we say this teachers are criminally underpaid for what they have to do yeah we have to end like who signs up for that i don't know dude there are times where i've done cameos where people are just like oh they're so and so's a teacher and i'm like what a thankless job bro my god you're signing up to get screamed at by children you must want like want to educate the youth so much and and like you have such a passion for that and i respect that so much but my god if i had to go to fucking work and deal with these dumb ass kids all day and then go home and grade 30 papers about abraham lincoln i'd blow my head off how much you think they're actually great into those though that is a fair question How much you think that they're actually grading a fucking book report on Catcher in the Rye.

55:41Well, our friend Tim growing up, he's a teacher, and I used to talk to him about that exact thing. And he's like, oh, I fucking grade it. And then you have to also lesson plan for the next day. It's never ending. That is crazy. And then, now I got to go online and pray to God someone can help me with my Amazon list so that my kids can have shit and I can actually teach them. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. What are we doing out there? Why'd your mom get into teaching? I think it was a family thing. My grandma taught. Siblings taught. Oh, you should have teachers. I think so.

56:15Your grandma was a teacher? I believe so. Is she a mean one? Probably. Why? She's a mean grandma? No. Did she ever give you money? She's fiery. Yeah. She gave you money? Yeah. A lot of money? No. You're hesitant. No, because I was like, no. Okay. My grandma used to write me checks for$20. Imagine giving a child a check The fuck do I do with this? I used to get checks for like Like birthdays and stuff I remember just handing it to my mom Be like what the fuck do I do with this? Yeah I mean I You know What did you do with it? I gave it to my parents Yeah and they figured it out I don't understand By the way I've never Seen a dollar of that money Like my checks That disappeared They spent it Yeah something you'll learn When you get to have kids Is you their money is your money.

57:10You know? But my money's not their money. I'm kidding, it is. But I, like, don't think I ever saw that. Like, I didn't, like, get to a certain age. My parents were like, here's the bank account that we have for you. I was like, oh, shit, I got to go to the bank and get a bank account. Really? I think they had a bank account for me, like a savings account. And I have one for the kids. But I don't think it was like. It was because it was like you get, like,$40 in cash for your birthday. Yeah, but it's years of that. Yeah, but what are you making off of$80 a year for 20 years? Well, my extended family would send letters to the house, and those would have checks in it.

57:46Okay, but so you're maybe getting how many a year? I don't know, dude. Maybe you're getting them. I also, in fifth grade, I won an essay writing contest. That's right, he did. That was$500. That went straight to the electricity bill. Really? Probably. I mean, I never saw it. $500? Jesus Christ, you're rich. What was the essay about? 9-11. Truly about 9-11, yeah. Okay. Say it. Say what you wanted to say. Nothing. I think it was worth the 500. Probably could have got a little more. Yeah. I mean, I knew what I was doing. He was playing it up. He was prime for, like, winning that. His dad was a firefighter.

58:23Are you kidding me? It was like the theme was, like, what do you think a hero is? And I was like, I'm tying in 9-11. If they don't give it to me, they forgot and never forget. Never. Anyway, we have ads.

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1:01:16Eat like a pro this month with factor new subscribers only varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active and yeah dude if you want to eat like me go try out factor all right um but yeah what were you talking about someone's grandma or something teaching and shit like that yeah that's different i don't know what's the what do you think is the worst grade to teach seventh that's a tough one that's when i was the worst that's a tough one yeah everyone was the worst also like that was like i was a little worse than sixth but seventh is like where i sixth i was in a new school so i was on my best behaved i was definitely forging those reading logs like crazy though dude my teacher miss gross that was her name ugly come on i don't understand i remember we used to get those reading logs that had like the smiley face it was like you read this this page of this page put a smiley face for how you like it fuck that i i don't know that I've ever read for my reading log.

1:02:19I know I did. There's like, I've read the Harry Potter books. I've read the Chronicle of Narnia books. I've read a series of unfortunate event books. If I wasn't reading one of those for those logs, it was fake. Yeah. I mean, it was, I would make up titles to books. I'm like, they're not checking this. Oh yeah. It was, this was early, early internet that you think they're going to check the name of what do you know every book yeah no i'm making up a book i don't care do you make up and do you remember any of the ones you made up no it was probably like you know the biography of michael jordan or something oh yeah you were probably writing those i was just you just like heard your dad told you something about clyde drexler and you were like i read that from a book yeah and then i you know made up a reading log of that can we move past like the traditional like reading things that kids have to read like catcher in the rye hatchet all the other stupid ones all my bones what's that called the fuck the lovely bones the lovely bones you had to read that as a child that's about murder and like we read that in high school did you read that no i read in your guys's high school that was about like lovely bones yeah wasn't it about like assaulting a child and then murdering her uh there was definitely a dead woman's bones yeah i've heard it's very good but i just watched the movie yeah i mean the catcher in the rye i completely bullshitted my way through those tests somehow i'm not kidding what the fuck is that book about see i wish i knew the answer but i didn't read it people are just like holding caulfield is a martyr oh yeah that's his name what the fuck does that even mean of mice of men that's another one that one i read and i remember liking that one because i felt bad that he yeah whenever i think of of Mice of Men, I think of this one English class that I had in high school, and we were talking about the book, and I remember the teacher had asked me a question.

1:04:12I hadn't read anything, and then the bell went off, so I just got up and left, and when I walked out into the hallway, there was a girl coming down the hallway, and she was like this and throwing up through her hands. So whenever I hear of Mice of Men, I think of that throwing up girl. My English teacher, her whole thesis was on the Great Gatsby, and she hated Daisy. I don't know if that's too diva cut. She hated this character. Really? I mean, I've never read The Great Gatsby. Like, just every time she spoke, she's like, unlike Daisy. Like, an enemy from the past. I understand. Listen, I'm not sitting here and, like, not advocating for books.

1:04:47Because I do think books are cool. But, like, read the, watch the movie. Do you guys think this is weird? So, I've been reading a lot lately. And I'm reading this book now. Now it's fucking 550 pages, but it's fantastic. But is it the mushroom one? No, no, no. I actually put that down. Um, and I'm trying this different book, but I, I noticed cause I tried to do audible like recently where I'm like, I'm going to get on the treadmill and I'm just going to listen, but it's like hard for me if I'm doing something else. Like I can do audible if I'm just sitting and just like listening. Uh, but I can't do it while running.

1:05:26So I was like, all right, I'm not doing audible and then I was like I'm gonna read the physical book and then I would get distracted doing that too but then I do I listen along to the book and I follow along on the actual book so you're double paying for the book yes but I have credits I mean I got I got 12 credits for for Christmas so it was free I mean I was someone else paid for it but they Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm playing double for books so that I can read them. I'm listening and following along on the pages, brother. But I feel like it helps me retain the information a lot better. I just double read the single book.

1:06:12Double read? Yeah. My issue with reading is I'll read a page, and then I'll be on the third page, and I'll be like, oh, fuck, I don't remember a page and a half ago, so I have to go back and reread it. Well, this is the thing. You can save time. If someone's reading it and you're kind of following along, you're getting it in two ways at once that's how it feels so double penetration say it the book the book is dp yeah yeah yeah but i'm i'm getting gang you're getting by information you're getting gang banged by words dude and i and i but and that's the thing and the and i'm yeah yeah i'm getting dp'd by this book and the information is sticking i think i might start picking up reading again but like reading like classic pieces of literature like I might start reading some Shakespeare just to fuck around and, you know, smarten myself up, you know?

1:07:01I don't know how much you're going to get from that. I mean, probably not a lot. But I think it's a good way to just keep the brain moving. Right. And you will get a lot from learning how to read. See, I fucking read so good. Are you a good reader? I think I'm a great reader. Put something in front of me. Watch how good I read it. Look up a random, random set of words. No, you fucking did this. Now I'm pissed. Look up a sentence of words, and I'm going to read it so goddamn well. A sentence of words? Yeah, already we're at a hot start here. He didn't say he was a writer. He's a reader. I'm a good reader, dude.

1:07:42Are you a read-a-louder? Any sentence you pull up, I'll read it fucking perfectly. Not a sentence. We need something here. All right, just read that. I mean, I can't see that. That's fair. Frank's blind. We got to pull this in. No, we need more. We need more. All right. How much am I reading? Just this first. I don't even know what this is, but this first thing. Go. Okay. Strange Bedfellows lamented the title of a recent letter to Museum News in which a certain Harriet Sherman excoriated the National Gallery of Art in Washington for its handling of tickets to the much-ballyhooed Van Gogh's Van Gogh's exhibit.

1:08:17Honestly? You can stop. You got it. That's crazy. You hit ballyhooed. I crushed that. That was crazy. I didn't even know they were going to throw three of those kind of words at you. I saw excoriated when I got through that. I was like, I'm coasting. Do you even know what that word is? I don't know what that is. Excoriated is like when you attack something or tear it apart. I was impressed with the belly hood. Yeah. You can't belly hood? The much belly hood. All right. Give Joey another one of those. The second one, Joey, do. Or the third one. The last one. The last one. That's about the same length.

1:08:48Come on, Joey. Let's text it. Let's see your good. The last one. All right. Last one right here. Go, Joey. what am i doing read that ethical appeals notwithstanding great art with increasingly devolve into big business just that business oh no business firstly great art can only be certified by its market value moreover the world at large hasn't why am i sounding like i'm on the news i love moreover the world at large hasn't the means of acquisition only one museum currently has the funding to contend for the best pieces the j paul getty museum founded by the billionaire oil man, the art may disappear into private hands, but its transfer will disseminate one's static fortunes into the hands of various investors collectors, and occasionally the others.

1:09:34I mean, we have a better reader amongst us. There's been better. But I think that... Sorry. Back to the pizza shop! I'm just good at reading, dude. You're a good reader. I thank you so much. I do love those TikToks that are just like pretend to like follow along like you're a newscaster. And it's like tonight at nine. You know, that's tough. I think I think we would be good newscasters. Hey, news. Are you watching? No, I'm not. I'm not good at that. Well, you've been saying that you've been applying for jobs with Fox News. Why don't you just show them what you could do?

1:10:20Well, that was good. You know it. Good. Whose side are you on? Now I'm confused. I don't even know whose side. Oh, wait. Can we quickly do the 612-1824? Sure. 612-1824. You have to do. So, wait. Keep those numbers in mind. And it's jerks or rubs. Oh, like jerking off. Yeah. Gotcha. Oh, you. Donuts, beers, and miles. so how many of those you do in a 24 hour period you have to assign one of those to 6 12 18 and 24 oh my god yeah let me write this down so it's it's donuts beers master masturbations yeah and miles miles yeah holy fuck i mean i don't think anyone can crank their fucking hog six times a day you'll come out looking like i mean i could if i had to i would put that one at six there's no way i'm going at 12 i can't imagine i can't imagine that even me neither i think the beer i probably got up there like three four times when i was like in like eighth grade i think the beers would be 24 now hear me out because 24 donuts is gonna kill me quicker than 24 beers is it probably not but i would enjoy one of those significantly more 24 beers is probably more doable over the course of an entire day than 24 donuts that would hurt me think about it like this if you drink one beer an hour for an entire day you technically don't get over the legal limit so like you're not going to be like drunk to the point of like oh my god i also would be drinking a beer and like shotgunning a beer and then like not drinking for like a bit yeah drink three in an hour don't drink for three hours do that again yeah something like that so that's probably doable 24 is probably right so we're gonna go jerk six beer 24 now we have 12 and 18 and what's left miles and well donuts miles and donuts so i mean miles has to be 18 what i was gonna say half marathon and then what am i saying donuts oh fuck 12 donuts is probably not hard over the course of a day brother i think just the thought of eating that much of anything in a day you'd rather run 18 miles who said run brother i can walk while i eat these donuts and drink i can walk the whole day start to front face to ass start to front that's the same spot Not if you start in the back.

1:12:55Yeah. Start to front. I think that if you walk at a rate of three miles per hour, and you walk eight, that's walking for six hours straight, you can do that, dude. Okay. I mean, it's going to be tough, don't get me wrong, but you could definitely do that. I guess you could walk and chug beers. Don't you think jerks gotta go in the 12 or 18? Dude, your penis would be lush. What is wrong with your fucking... Dude. Your penis would just like... Your dick would look like the Where's my chocolate lady from the punch bob. It would look like someone crocheted it. I think you gotta put it in the 12. 12?

1:13:37What would go 6 then? You could do 12. Maybe donuts. 6 donuts? 18 miles. Brother, 6 donuts is... Let's make it hard. I could eat 6 donuts easy. Right. but you can't J it 12 times. Correct. Yeah. So that makes it hard. Oh, fuck you. Yeah. That was disgusting. He said the question. I think 12 Js and then six donuts, 18 miles, 24 meters. Brother, I don't. No shot. I can't imagine. 12 Js is wild. You wouldn't be able to breathe. How are you? Yeah, how is he doing? He's an autoerotic asphyxiation. Never going to say that. Never going to get that right on the first try. I mean, I think that 24 has to be beers.

1:14:23I think the 18 is miles. I'm aligned. I'm aligned. I think the 12 is donuts. Yeah. You know, because you can bang out three donuts. Is this a bad day also? Like, am I not enjoying this day? This sounds awesome. This will be an interesting Santa Cato Studios video. This sounds miserable. I mean, I think that part of the day would be fantastic. I think once you get into the wee hours, we're going to have some trouble. Yeah, no, this sounds awful just because you're going to, bro, you're going to feel like shit. You're drinking. Yeah. All day, the only thing, presumably, the only thing you're consuming is donuts and beer.

1:15:03That's why I want to bring it down to six donuts. Dude, a couple donuts, a couple J's, a couple beers in the beginning of the day. Yeah, we're off to a hot start there. It's a good day. It's a good morning. And then you go jog some miles. That sounds miserable. I think I have an easier time. A beer and a donut? Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good combination. That doesn't have to be combined. Frank, what are you talking about? Last Memorial Day, you had like 13 beers. You had 11 hot dogs. Oh, that's a better combination than beers and donuts. Beers and hot dogs or beers and donuts? I'm not done.

1:15:39Why do I need to defend this? Espresso martini. Stop what you're doing. taco bell probably two burgers it was a couple burgers i'm not i'm not sitting here and saying that i don't have the capacity to do it we're talking about why are we talking about something you ate recently uh oh when when i when i went to jersey freeze with the kids and becca i ate everyone's food listen i acknowledge that i i don't know it's not even food It's butter and dough and sugar. How many donuts are you guys eating? Twelve. I'm saying twelve. I think that'll ruin your day more than the other things. Twelve J's? I wouldn't...

1:16:21I can't... I can't imagine your dick working after... I don't... Yeah, I don't think it... I don't think I could... It would be tough. It would hurt. Sure, there's a little bit of pain maybe. but I think Joe eating 12 hot dogs would give him some hurt too wait hot dogs are in here all right what if it's not donuts it's hot dogs 24 hot dogs no realistically in a 24 hour period I can eat 12 hot dogs I could do that in 24 hours I would not be happy nor would I it would it be easy we still need to do the the the um pigs in a blanket how many we can eat in one episode. We didn't do that. We talked about it.

1:17:05Just a max amount? Dude, I could fucking ruin some pigs in a blanket. Like, I don't know what it is about them, but, like, just that combination. How many do you think you could eat in an hour? If you were, like, paid per, you know what I mean? How much am I getting paid per? Now we're talking. Now Ant perked up. You saw that? He was like, oh. Well, whatever, whatever. It's$1 ,000 per. Tax-free? Yeah. Ooh,$1 ,000 per? Hold on. Yeah. $1 ,000 per pig in a blanket, and it's whatever I can eat in one hour. Yeah. And I can't throw it up? Uh, no. For how long after that hour? Just the hour. So, as long as I don't throw up, it could be an hour and one second I throw up, I'm good.

1:17:48Yeah. I think, realistically, I can eat 32. 32? Yes. Is that even high? I thought that was going to be way higher. I think I could eat 32. Really? 32? I feel like when I'm at a... I feel like when I'm at somewhere that has them, I eat like over 10 accidentally. All right. You have to eat one every two minutes essentially at that rate. This is very simple. Which I don't even think... I think that's harder to do. If I have to stop myself and eat one every two minutes... Dude, we should do the power hour. This is a very easy thing. You could get 50. You think so? I believe in you. I feel like you're thinking of it like popcorn when you should think of it like, you know.

1:18:35Oh, you're thinking of it like a dirty bastard. Yeah, like you got to eat dirty. You got to get dirty. No, dude. You got to respect the blanket. This is$1 ,000 a dog, baby. And we're also dipping it. Yeah. Sure. So how much ketchup do you end up having, too? Yeah. And I also sprinkle a little sauerkraut on it. Do you? Yeah, I like to. Why not? Wow. Treat it like a full dog. So what if you did just put it in a bowl and like mix that all in like a salad and then you were just shoving it like a pig? Yo, that sounds incredible. It does. That sounds honestly really, really yummy. There's just ketchup and sauerkraut.

1:19:07I wouldn't be able to do, like at a certain point, the ketchup needs to fucking chill. I agree, yeah. Like, because then you'll just, then you'll fill up on ketchup. So if we're doing this, I'm doing this no ketchup because I'm saving as much room. You know, if there is, hold on, listen, follow my math here, okay? The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda.

1:19:51Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. if there is my god the fourth of july episode is gonna go insane if there is a fifth of a pig in a blanket amount of ketchup per pig in a blanket five of them would be an extra pig in a blanket so 10 of them would be 2 15 would be 3 20 would be 4 what am i supposed to know what that it means they get they get what i'm saying so that's potentially 10 extra pigs in a blanket that I'm missing out on if I do ketchup on every single one. Oh, okay. So I think if we do this, no ketchup. Maybe one just for like fucking... You'll have a dipping. You can dip or not dip.

1:20:32It's up to you. You're saying the ketchup would take up dog space. Correct. Got it. Correct. Locked in. A hundred per dog. A hundred per... How many? How much money are you walking away with? Five Gs? Four Gs? Three Gs? I think just to be safe, I would say$3 ,500. I think I can with confidence If it was just like a Am I bugging? I feel like Isn't that crazy? The time will get you The quantity sure It doesn't sound like a lot The time will get you Brother You think about it If I'm eating seven in like no time Yes No time Yes But then your brain catches up eventually Like then your brain is going to be like Oh shit I just ate seven doggies Oh what am I talking about?

1:21:15No You could definitely get 50 You could definitely get 50 Am I crazy? Now I'm thinking about it. 30 is probably a lot, but not when I'm going for it. I think collectively we can easily do 60. Also, you said 30. Like, oh, yeah, yeah. 60 collectively would be insane. No, no, no. Between me and you. I'm not choosing him because I'm still mad at him. What if it's like two people, so you're competing with someone, and to get the money you also have to eat more than the other person? Who is it against? I have an idea. I have an idea. When we surpass 40 ,000 patrons, we each get a plate. Of 40. Of what?

1:22:02Of 40 pigs in a blanket. We each do that, right? And for each one we eat, we'll donate the money to something. But we have to figure out what the amount is per. I don't think that's for me to figure. Well, I think if we're doing 40 for 40 ,000 patrons. 40 each? 40, 40, 40? 40, 40, 40. Yeah, but we would have to finish all of them. It's only the ones that we finish. Yeah, so it would be whatever we finish times. I don't want to. This is crazy. This is a lot of money. I don't even know if I want to eat 40 pigs in a blanket. And is there a hot dog charity? Now it's for charity. Now it's for charity.

1:22:41So if you don't eat it. Is there a hot dog charity? Listen to the words you say. Charity. Wouldn't it go to the animals or something then? if like that that's what would a hot dog charity hot dog cherry i'm not saying that's where it's going i'm just saying that sounds closest to a hot dog like a dog charity um yep so first thing that popped up what you're twisting your head like a german shepherd there is apparently uh a charity called hot dogs that help hot dogs that help incorporated makes fundraising simple and profitable we partner with schools a full free plug by the way uh also we're not a school they sell their signature hot dogs and fresh squeezed lemonade goals to keep the profit to fund what matters oh lemonade hell yeah i can't even tell you the last time i had a lemonade that sounds fantastic but if some toddler was selling it on the side of the road i'm getting it you know what i see videos of sometimes people make lemonades and this girl had like there's like girls working there and they have these machines where they like cut a lemon in half and they put it in like a a little mini bucket.

1:23:47Then they throw sugar in there and then they put the lemonade in and they shake it up. And I'm like, that probably will put me in the hospital, but it probably tastes good. Yeah. These look like good fucking hot dogs. Yeah, they do. It's a good looking dog. So between the three of us, we assign a number. It's 120 hot mini weenies. Hot mini weenies? If it's 40, 40, 40. Don't call them hot mini weenies, by the way. They're pigs in a blanket. What? Did I say hot? You said hot mini weenies. What am I saying? Did I say that? Yes, you did. Run the fucking tape back. We don't have that. I feel like that wasn't the first time I heard it.

1:24:28Mini weenies, for sure. I said that. I don't know if I called them hot. I don't think I attributed any attractiveness. Well, I was thinking more like temperature. Oh. Yeah. Well, see, now it sounds like you did attribute an attractiveness to them. All right. So, what? A hundred mini weenies? That would be... That'd be a lot. That'd be a lot Like 6 G's or something That's not That's Yeah Doing math For 40 Yeah? You're locking that one in? Do I want to eat all that hot dog? That's$12 ,000 by the way Is it? 100 times 120

1:25:02That's a lot I don't think I don't think you'll be able to Finish as much as you're thinking That's true That's also assuming we all eat them all That's true Yeah I don't think there is a reality We should do it I like that idea. What about if we do 40 each? Like 40, 40. We keep it all 40. That's what we said. No, no, I mean like$40 per dog. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. That's cute. That's cute. Like 40 for 40. It was more and now it's less. Well, I'm trying to be realistic in a... Yeah, I know, I know. I'm down. I'll eat for charity. Oh, I'll eat hot dogs for anything. Okay. Also for charity. Well, there you go.

1:25:4340 ,000 patrons If we surpass 40 ,000 And we get to 41 Then we'll make it We'll do 50 Like every thousand Will go up to 50 If it does I don't know I don't know if there's Gonna be a rush I doubt it Oh you mean by the time we Yeah I don't think people Are gonna see this and go We Fucking Weenies I thought you were saying We're gonna do this for Every thousand Oh no that's not what I'm saying How many hot dogs Can one person eat Well it's mini weenies Can we get that many Fucking mini hot dogs Dude they come in Costco packs of like 50. We'll be good. We'll be good. All right. Well, I like that. We're going to flush that idea out, but like 40 ,000.

1:26:23We'll make it happen. All right. Anyway, Frank, where can they find you? You know, I was almost going to say chomping on wieners, but I... Chomping on little wieners. I didn't.

1:26:40I don't know. patreon.com slash the basement yard the frank alvarez everywhere go go check it out he took up a lot of my time what's up i think he took up a lot of my time there where can they find you find me at aunt prisco on instagram wow you let him get it you let him slide in there nice guy uh go follow the show at the basement yard on tiktok and instagram and that is all see you guys next time

1:27:15Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. Thank you.