#546 - Protect Punch The Monkey At All Costs

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28:22Thank you guys seriously for all the love and all the support. We love you. We thank you. We're ready to give you more of us in a good way, I think. we're ready to give you more of us more more content that's kind of like when you you're like losing your virginity it's like you know i think i'm ready to give you more of me i don't know if that's my line i'm saying that's not my line whose line is it oh like whose line is it anyway in the heterosexual sexual encounter yes it's the female one who would be like you know what sometimes hearing flirting even though you see it's working it's a little tough to hear from the outside hearing flirting is tough it's tough i don't admire like not admire i do admire uh i don't like i can't imagine people that have to like write romantic movies oh because like there's like the intimacy that you have to like things that you say or do might not translate well to like the written word does that make sense i get like how you're saying I'm ready to give you more of me.

29:25Like, if you heard that, you might be like, sick. I mean, if I'm in the moment, you could say whatever. Yeah? Not whatever. I mean, I don't know why I'm asking. Like, I'm going to try. Yeah, bro. You said that you're about to test me. Yeah. Yeah. How about this? No, I don't know. But have you ever been out at a restaurant or a bar and you can hear that someone's on a first date? Yes. And you're kind of like, I don't even like I'm sitting across from you, but I don't even care. I'm listening to this. And I love playing the game of, oh, that worked. Oh, that did. Yeah. I love that. Is this going well or not going well?

29:59A hundred percent. I become like a relationship guru witnessing another person on a first date and just be like, oh, look at the body language. Yeah. Yeah. You know. She's not into it. She's not into it. Oh, ordered the lobster. Okay. Maybe she's back in. All right. It's like, who's going to pay? I'm never around for the check, but I do like listening to conversations I hate going to a restaurant while I was kind of loving and hated But if I go to a restaurant and they put people right here like when it's very close I feel like now I got to whisper my conversation. Yeah, you know like I hate that There's also a weird part of me that like feels like you need to acknowledge the people that are sitting I know they're like in your view because like a fucking view but like they're basically within arm, you know reach Yeah, our weenuses are touching.

30:47It's a weenie touch. You feel like, I feel like you're a starter like, oh, that looks good. Like, that's how you would start that. I have, I've done that. I have done that and just been like, oh my, you see what they got? Yeah. You know, like, I would never do like, that right there. It's like, just, yeah, just be like, can I just, what I, you know what we should do? I definitely scope out the food that's arriving at tables. For sure. To be like, oh, that's the potatoes. I'll be honest with you. If I, I'm not even just a visual scoper of food. If I hear food come out sizzling, I'm like, what was that?

31:20Yeah. Because I know it's a gimmick. Like they cook it on the thing and then they just put it on a wooden tray and then they send it out. But like the sizzle adds a lot to me. So if someone's sitting next to me and I see sizzle on the table, I'm kind of in. Or if you go to a restaurant and it's like they make something next to your table, I'm like, I want the show. Give me the show. Oh, you want to pay for the. I want to show up, make the thing act a party thing. Like table-side guac? Yeah, something like that. Here's the thing that is tough about that, though. Every time I've gotten table-side guac, it's done by someone that hates doing it.

31:54So, like, they're just like...

31:59So you turn into, like, a construction where you're like, Oh, smile, man! Yeah! Smile for me! Give me a smile! This would be better if you shake your hips while you did it, sweetheart. I'm giving you a compliment. I'm saying you're pretty. Oh, what? So now I can't tell you to look happy? It's just like they, like, I know what you're saying. The theory of like table side food prepared for you is nice. But they do it with such a puss on their face that like it's not even worth it for me. Now I don't even want this. I also just feel so self-conscious about having conversations. Like if I'm out with Nicole and we're talking about something, especially if it's like meaningful is not the right word but like something that i wouldn't want random people to hear but they're right there it's kind of like no i'm gonna tongue like this and i'm gonna like yeah you know because it's weird you're right here you're gonna listen to my shit dude i can name like definitely there have been like conversations people are trying to spark and i'm just like not here and i'll be honest with you i'll be honest with you like it is like more difficult now that like people recognize us when we go places so like i don't want something I'm saying to be taken out of context.

33:08Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That actually happened to me once where someone thought I was listening to them. What? I told you this. Did you? I won't say who it was or where it was what it was about because I don't want to expose anyone or anything. But I was at our old job at the Navy Yard. Oh. Our old job at Target. Where did we work? At the old office. And I was sitting there and there was a celebrity that came by and all right and I didn't hear any of their conversation but they were like they were there I was here and then midway through like I like I just said like hey by the way I love it big fan keep going congrats on the success and then I kept eating my lunch and then another like 15 minutes went by and they said like hey um if you had heard me say anything you know please don't like I don't know if you're press and I was like oh I didn't hear anything don't don't worry about But like even if I did, I wouldn't say anything.

34:07Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess you got to worry if you're like an actual celebrity to people being like, I heard so-and-so saying this about blah, blah, blah. I mean, there's a whole fucking Perez Hilton and TMZ and Page Six. Like that's their whole thing is like gossip columns, right? Meanwhile, I mean, I'm at dinner. Like all I want to do is talk some shit and eat a Branzino. I can't do that because you're right here. That's why I got to say the times that I've been to dinners, whether it be like little pizzerias where like they're like, We got the room in the back. Unbelievable. Because you get the experience of being in a restaurant and you get a little bit of privacy.

34:41Yeah. Or I like being against a wall. Because it's like, now we can use the wall. I got to tell you a secret against the wall. My dad was that guy. My dad was the guy that any restaurant we went into, he asked for the table all the way in the back corner. And he wanted to sit where he could see everything. And I was like, who are you? Yeah. Jason Bourne. You're going to take everyone out, dad? Who are you, dad? You're an overweight Colombian. No fucking working knees. You're fine. I just like to see a way of land. What do you... So let me ask you guys. When you go to a restaurant, right, with your counterpart, and it's a booth chair, what are we doing?

35:22You want the honest answer? Yeah. I want the booth. You're not supposed to have the booth. I want the booth. Right. Why do you want the booth? It's just comfortable. For your butt? Yeah, it's just more comfortable. And also, I like Frankie's dad. I like looking out. Okay. But if there's a bunch of people in a row and all the guys are on one side and all the girls are on one side, I'm not going to be the different one. Sure. So here's the thing. I'm only going to take the booth. Yes, I'm going to offer it first to Becca or whoever I'm having dinner with. But if there's more than one person in the booth where, like, if I have to get out and they have to get out, I'm not doing that.

36:00I'm taking the chair. Because then you've got to bounce. Yeah, yeah, get out of a booth. There's nothing worse than this. So, so humbling to just be like, I got guys, got to use the bathroom. Yeah, you got to bounce out. It sucks. And I'm like shifting my butt. Like, I'm like, what am I doing now? I'll be honest, as a grown man, I am more inclined to go under the table than I am to wiggle my ass through a fucking booth. Frank, if you're, let me give you some advice. if you're at a restaurant and you go under the table you better be three years old you cannot be the age you are and going underneath the table that would be so nice can you imagine Frank being like I gotta go to the bathroom

36:53and just sliding under and then crawling on the ground through my legs I'm telling you right now, if Tim Robinson watches this show, we just gave you one, buddy. That's a layup and a half. It's like, no, no, no, don't get up, don't get up. And just go under the table and they like accidentally hit someone's feet and stuff like that. No, I said I'm more inclined to do that, but I'm not going to. It feels like option one for you. I'll be honest with you. It's option two, which is a problem. I always do the booth because I feel like, well, I don't get in the booth. I'm saying I offer up the booth because I feel like the chair, you're like in the way of traffic.

37:35So I don't want to get hit in the head with a tray or something. I'd rather do that because then if I get hit in the head with a tray or something, I'm getting a free meal, a free drink or something. You spill a coffee on me. I also don't know how this is going to sound. This should be good. But I feel like the ability to signal a waiter and stuff, doing it from all of them behind you. Tougher? The other person, never good at it. How do you signal a waiter? Be really fucking honest. Only when they're in my side. I'm not saying when, how. Just, oh. Just finger, just finger. Okay, I thought you were going to be like.

38:08No, no. Snapping. If you had snapped at a waiter, you were fired on the spot. And I think I could say that. Snapping, say, hey. That's crazy. Oh my God, I could never. Oh my God, I just watched Marty Supreme, and he does that at one point in the movie. Snaps at a waiter? I was just like, oh my God. Did you guys see it? You know what I did one time by accident? Who cares? oh what wait answer no move yeah have i seen it yeah no cool um i know what i did by accident that's really bad this this could be i don't know if it's worse but it's up there i came out of the elevator in my building and i was whistling and then like i i was like getting as i was whistling i was also getting the attention of my doorman because i was checking to see if we had packages and I was and and then I when I got the packages I was like oh my god does he think that I just whistled at him they're like hey yeah some packages that's like that's bad what was the whistle you got to give us the whistle do you remember I know I mean I mean does anyone remember a whistle I do thank you dude me up you remember a whistle yeah so when I was an RA I used to have to do rounds of the building that I was working in and I would go in the one building in particular I'd go into the suites which is like people's living quarters basically and I would always whistle because it had been stuck in my head for some reason and I loved it the whistle from Kill Bill and I would do that and then but like when there's a group of like 18 year old girls watching tv on the couch and you're whistling walking through it's like what the fuck so I learned very quickly to stop yeah it's like you also you just look like a hardo being like oh no mind me i'm just doing the rounds i mean that was my job i know that was my job so like whatever what were you looking for that make sure they weren't doing drugs i mean it's just like you're supposed to do rounds of the building you're supposed to like check the emergency exits you're supposed to make sure yeah you don't hear anyone playing beer pong or like you know smoking a doobie in their room smoking a fed doob smoking a marijuana cigarette yeah you know I have something for you if you want a surprise quick.

40:17Oh, yeah. We found a picture of your fridge. Yeah, so this woman went viral because of what her fridge looked like on the first date. What? Hold on. Oh, that's a woman's fridge. Yeah, it's a woman's fridge. This is interesting now because that looks like a man's fridge, I'll be honest. Hold on. Man takes photo of a woman's fridge on the first date and it's going viral. Be honest. You walk into a woman's house on the first date. You open up the fridge and she's like, I get you a glass of water. You're standing right there. You peer in and you see 500 fucking hot dogs. I mean, there's, I obviously have several questions.

40:55Yeah. But I'm not upset about it. There's two different types of milks, if I'm not mistaken. What is that? Yeah, it looks like one is like a creamer. One is like almond milk and then one's a skim. Oh, if I see skim in anyone's fridge, I'm fucking, never again am I talking to you. I knew you were going to bring that up. There is a whipped cream, though, to be fair. There is a whipped cream. It looks like there's two things, whether that's sour cream or cottage cheese. Yeah, maybe cottage cheese. This is a disgusting. I'm pumped about that. Disgusting for whom? Because it's not very balanced. It's just all processed meat.

41:29Also, unless this is the 4th of July, this is a garage fridge. That's a garage fridge. That's a garage fridge. Or you're doing like a fundraiser where it's like cookout for the fire department down on Main Street. And it's like come support the local boys and girls in red by having a dog for a dollar. Initial scan, and I can only see the front here, that's 34 packs of hot dogs. Times eight. If there's more hot dogs back there. Which you know there is. Well, we can only go by what we see. I mean, Schrodinger's cat. If we're going 34 times eight. So what's 30 times 8? Oh, I didn't know that was going to be mad.

42:08Right? 4 times 8 is 32. So, you got it? I get that right? Sure. In what planet? Unless you're trying to feed a wedding, why would you have that? And those are also, it looks like they're ballpark, Frank. Those are thick bastards. Yeah, those are thick. Those are my dad's fingers. Those are your dad's fingers. I'm glad he went with fingers. Yeah. Frankie, first date's going well. You come home. You see this fridge. do you want a hot dog let's act this out you be the you be the fridge like person oh i was like what would you have me do i'm me hey i'm a little thirsty first of all we're going back to someone's place for first date game over anyway yeah i ain't thirsty yeah i mean i'm thirsty i'll put up with the thirst i'm thirsty but just not for whatever's in that fridge you know what i'm saying for intercourse for sex so i want the lady fridge yeah all right there's a lot of balls in this for a weekly yeah oh yeah oh yeah it's imani teas right all right is that the french way of saying that be money d's hey i'm a little uh thirsty do you have something i can drink yeah beer or something i'm fine whatever you got i'm easy um i might have a beer let me see

43:29wow what uh why do you have so many hot dogs what do you mean i mean i love hot dogs i just like you clearly have an abundance of them what's going on here that's a lot i mean you're right a lot of subjective i have a lot of uh yeah i mean I like hot dogs. Do you want a hot dog? I mean, how? Yeah. Okay. How do you like? Do you want me to boil water? Do you want me to microwave it? I'll take it right out of the package. I'm okay. You're going to eat it raw? Yeah. I'm raw. Are you? Okay. Okay. It was getting... I was believing it. Okay. Okay. Do you eat hot dogs out of the package? No, could I? Yes.

44:21Will I? Probably. Have you? Maybe. You bastard! I might have. I can't with confidence say I haven't. I definitely have eaten frozen, like, pizza pockets before, though. Frozen? Yeah, like, out of the thing. Like, they're just frozen. I was drunk. What's pizza pockets? Pizza pockets. Like a Hot Pocket? Pizza rolls. You ate frozen? I was... Didn't that hurt your teeth? Your little teeth didn't feel good. Don't... Don't... No, no, no. Don't do that. Back to the hot dogs. I will say this. I will immediately worry about this person's cardio health and their cholesterol. I'm worried about their asshole.

44:59I mean, I'm not going to jump to being worried about someone's asshole on the first day. Yeah, I'm probably not worried about the asshole on the first day. Hey, I'm worried about your fucking asshole. Hey, Marissa, I can't help but notice all the hot dogs. I'm worried about your asshole. I'm really just worried about your asshole. I love hot dogs. No one is a bigger hot dog fan than me. I'm just really worried about like what could be going on with your asshole right now. Hey, sorry it's so late. I just, I've been up all night thinking about your asshole and just how it could be in bad shape. Yeah, hey, that was a fun date.

45:34Let's do it again sometimes. Is your asshole okay? So many ways to go about that. I don't hate this. As soon as I open the fridge, I'd have to explain this. You have to explain this. Yeah. Well, I would take out that middle pack. Like the first, the ones in the middle, the two on top, I'd pull them out and be like, how far does this go? Right. You know what I mean? I just, I would be more impressed at the level of like Tetris-like packaging that this person clearly went through in order to make this all fit. Because this took taking stuff out, putting it back in, in order to make it all fit. You know what I'm saying?

46:08Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that looks like it's like the, is that the plastic is still on those bottom parts of the fridge? So like, they might have. This is a new fridge. They might have gotten this fridge just to hold the hot dog Yeah, it's a brand new fridge My last one couldn't hold all the doggies That's my hot dog fridge out there Damn I kind of love that I'm hoping this is a garage fridge But you wouldn't have creamer in that Classic, that's a great point You wouldn't have a half thing of skim milk You'd have gone out to the garage to drink some milk Can you imagine? This does have classic, like, we're having a barbecue do you have a garage uh fridge yeah it's got a new one actually what's in there like meats and shit it looks like it looks like this no i'll be honest with you right now it's mostly beer okay because like we had people over and like whatever alcohol doesn't get drank we just put it back in there right uh and then the freezer is most if not all meat and frozen vegetables nice and if we get like a costco order of like almond milk or something we'll put one in the regular fridge and then the rest will go back in there is it a regular fridge or a dead body fridge fridge regular fridge i don't want i don't like chest i don't like the chest um freezer or chest fridge or anything like that because as someone that had them i think you have a chest freezer like the bottom part of your freezer right oh my actual fridge yeah you put stuff in there and then put stuff on top of it and forget about the stuff on the bottom and it's gone forever yeah yeah you'll never ever ever experience it ever again yeah ever um you ever play kill the garage fridge when you kids younger what kill the garage fridge like if your friend had a fridge in the garage filled with drinks you never play kill the fridge oh like just drink it all no i've never heard of that but that does sound like a game we would have played i feel like i was like the only person who had a garage no josh had one oh josh had a garage josh had one i think who else it's not People had garages.

48:06Yeah. We had an alleyway and an abandoned van that we would go drink in. Yeah, we used to live in Frank's van for an afternoon. Yeah. Oh, it was your van. It was our van that we left in the backyard. It was abandoned, and we would just go in there and drink. What is that? What is it? If it's your van, what is abandoned? I was picturing something on the street. How can you abandon something that is yours? Because you don't use it. It feels like neglect more than abandon. What's the difference between neglect and abandon? I guess abandon is like you drop it and then leave it. I don't think that you could abandon something in your own home.

48:38Yeah, you can. You can neglect it. Abandoning is like driving out to the country and leaving it and bouncing. You're probably right. I was picturing a van on the street. Where did you guys drink when you were younger? One of our friends' house. Oh, wow. Yeah, we all had a friend's house. We would hit the park a lot. Park. But then once one of our friends, we realized we can just go and drink without any worry whatsoever at one of our friends' houses, we would. Yeah, I mean. There was also someone's house here that was kind of also a party house at times.

49:11Me too, for certain things. Your basement. Super Bowl. Super Bowl. I'm saying, like, younger than that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, your basement. Younger than the Super Bowl? What? Like, Super Bowl was more in, like, our college years. But, like. Damn, when was the last time you had a keg? Oh, my God. I don't know. I'd like to do a keg stay. Wait, we did a keg for your birthday, didn't we? Or someone's birthday? at your house. Am I making that up? Not my house. I think Danny had one because they had like people over for a party. Where I swore you had a keg in your last house. You know why I remember?

49:44No, Danny and my sister had one because my dad, they set the keg up and everything and my dad just showed up and he goes, look at this. And he just poured salt all over the ice. And I was like, yeah? And he goes, makes it cold. There he goes. Which I think that's true. It is, but like the fact that my dad was just like watch this yeah I was like you're an idiot dad oh we were freshmen going to a like a senior party and we got there early classic and the guy who was running it said you know how to tap a keg and I went yeah and he handed me the stuff walked over to the keg and I looked at everybody else went how do we do this yeah yeah the most like the worst like getting drunk on a keg moment I've ever had was at Pete's graduation party that's I think like it was like keg stands and then I got down and then his brother handed me like Jack Daniel's honey.

50:36Ew. And I was like, get this. And it was also like, they had like kegs of like lion's head. Yeah, yeah. Like heavy. Because Pete and his brother like love like craft beer and stuff like that. Yeah. So they had like a craft beer. It was like a mini keg, like an eighth or something like that. Yeah. And it fucked ruined my day. I hate keg stands, man. I kind of don't hate them. You've got them upside down. What are we doing? I just think it's funny that like you can drink that way I can't I'm not really good at that You can't do a keg stand? I mean I can it's just not very good Especially if it's like a new keg and this thing is blowing at me I also just like the feeling of like everyone's putting their mouths on this keg like tap thing You know not something I ever thought about Well because we were fucking immortal We were a child We were children Yeah I don't know about you went away to school right?

51:30Right. But I didn't go away, but we used to go to Binghamton parties. And, dude, there were frat parties where it was just a garbage can. Yes. Just a garbage can with drinks, and I went, I'm not drinking this. Yeah, I went to— Wait, what do you mean? Like, the frat parties, they would set up just garbage cans of drinks in it. And that's how you— But, like, closed drinks. No. What do you mean? No. It was literally, like, you'd go in, like, a 48 or 125-gallon garbage can. Yeah. and they would put a garbage bag in it and they would pour ice in it and then the drinks like open. So it was just like a punch bowl, but a garbage can, brother.

52:08That's crazy. Yeah, I've been to a couple of those. You went to the fancy ones with bags. Well, yours was just in a raw garbage can? Some of them were and I wasn't drinking out of that, but everyone did. Yeah, it was a thing. It was a thing. It was like, and they'd call it jungle juice because they would just get everything they could get their hands on and just put it in a tub. Oh, I remember that. Like a hotel room. Yeah. Ugh. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's fucking atrocious. Sometimes. But I guess science allows, it dictates that like alcohol kills the bacteria. It kills the bacteria. So like we're sane, right?

52:39If you're sick, like a little bit, and you like take a shot of whiskey or something, like is that doing something? I should have asked fucking Dr. Mike that. Uh, he's not here. The next best thing. You're sitting in your seat. The next best thing. Huh? The next best thing. The next best thing is here. I would imagine that it just like doesn't do anything great. Like it just like, if anything, it probably makes it worse because alcohol is a blood thinner. So like if you have like a runny nose or something, it's going to just make it worse. Just a little shot. I mean, I'm not anything that I like when I drink like ginger ale, I've convinced myself that the bubbles kill if I have a sore throat.

53:20I know it's not true. That's funny. My dad said taking a shot clears the sinuses That may be true I think that is true He had a lot of colds You know what I used to do? Not used to do I did this like twice or a couple times I would take like two shots And then go out in the cold Because I thought it would warm me up I think it does It increases your heart rate My face gets red I do think that alcohol increases your heart rate So like warms you up scientifically you're there yeah i guess we go there you're not wrong yeah oh man i know it's gross but like nothing tasted better than putting just vodka in like a snapple bottle with snapple yeah like it's gross but like it's so nostalgic you know what was a great drink one time this was like eight years ago or nine years ago something like that and it snowed like crazy and we built an igloo in my front yard and I took a bottle of Jameson and it was just me, my brother-in-law and Keith and we sat there and just drank out of the bottle.

54:30In an igloo, dog. It's amazing. I don't know if I was telling you guys this story recently, but myself, Espo, and our friend Pat would take a not a regular bottle of Jack, the Magnum one. The Big Mama. And we would kayak across the lake and we would there was i know don't do this and there was a part of like where the shore like the shore was back here but like trees hung over it so there was like 25 feet where you can just park your kayak and you could see clear like it was it was beautiful and we would sit there and just drink the bottle and then kayak back and we would be obliterated yeah i'm way back we we used to do all those like buzz balls and shit like that.

55:16I've never had one of those. They look good though. Never had them? No? Not good. You guys did the BBC challenge, right? We did the BBC challenge. We could do that. I don't know what? You did a BBC challenge? What are we talking about? This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets slides and structured reports get started at chat gpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans talking about here we did spin yeah we did yeah that's what it sounds like this is getting me excited for the 40 did you beat the challenge did you conquer the bbc we did conquer the bbc it didn't end well what's going on over there did you have did you guys ever have the the sour drinks the suck-ons huh the suck-ons the sour one I don't know what the suck on these I definitely got him I definitely got him so good every time he says something you gotta look at me you got he half got I'll give you you got a half got him you got a half that's too oh you thought there was a drink called suck on me.

56:35I don't know. I mean, you're talking about BBCs. Like, there's fucking anything that's possible. That's true. Anything is possible. Oh, God. It feels so good. You're gonna have to do something about that. I'm gonna bring this. Going right into the ads after you mention BBCs. Yeah. We have some more sponsors on the show. We have prize picks. Prize picks. Listen, it's a lot of fun. It's a simple, it's simple to play. so you know all you have to do is pick more or less uh on two to six player stat projections so when it comes to soccer or ufc hockey baseball basketball whatever it is they will be projections so you'll say is jalen brunson going to have more or less than 18 and a half points something like that and you do that two to six times and you can win a bunch of money so you're just competing against the prize prize picks projections it's a mouth it's a mouthful um but yeah and they also have early payouts.

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59:11I'm so mad, dude. Mad about what? That you did that. That's two. You upset him. What? You upset him. I mean, that's... I'm mad at you. You brought that into the world. That's two. I gotta be honest. I think that I'll probably hang it up after I get you maybe one or two more times, but be on your toes. It's, it's, it's, it's gone. But they, but also to my defense, I set that up well, because they suck ons. It's just the whole sentence. Well, there's like blowjob shots. Remember those where it'd be like, you ever had a blowjob shot? How do you do those again? You want to demonstrate Frankie? I don't know.

59:46I wouldn't be able, but it's like, they put like whipped cream. It's like Kahlua or whatever. And then whipped cream. and then you're supposed to, like, with your mouth, go over it and take it and put it down or something like that. I can't drink like that. Me neither. It's impressive that people do that. Can you do that? I think I... Can you drink with your mouth open? I think I can, yeah. Because that's why I was so good at, like, when I'd go to, like, hibachi, like, sake. You know what I'm saying? That's why I was so good at going to hibachi. Yeah. I'm serious. The guy would hit you with the...

1:00:15He'd hit me with the thing and he'd, you know, they'd... Do the impression. You were just doing it. well i mean it's close yeah uh but they would and i would just keep going you know i'm not yeah you've already done it i'm not gonna there but like it was like a thing and i would drink a lot of sake because i could i could swallow i can't do that can can you do the thing where you know how you see some people take a beer and they just open their throat and it's gone no no i gulp i have to gulp i don't understand how that works me neither well dr mike did tell us it was just a big straw so I guess if you could figure out a way to open it I think that if you yeah once you like have like complete control of your throat you're doing pretty well for yourself like that dude Bevo remember him Bevo yeah remember Bevo the guy who would like take a bite or something he'd go like let me taste this yeah and he'd swallow a whole potato after a bite

1:01:11it's just now I'm thinking now I remember like there was something that he really struggled on This is also pretty niche. I don't know. Yeah. But it was just funny. It made me laugh. I think it's certainly a skill. Have you guys seen Punch the monkey? Do you know Punch? I've heard of. What is this? It's a monkey. But like, okay, why do people care? Because it was a monkey that was like abandoned. And then the zookeepers, to my knowledge, this is the story. zookeepers gave the monkey uh a like a teddy bear but it's like also a monkey and he just carries it around and he like hugs it and like he's in it look how cute dude that's an ugly monkey frankie well be careful it's a lot a lot of punchies out there yeah really like people like strong like people love this monkey dude you want to see what the home page of google looks like when you search them look at this get the fuck out of here like it's a beloved monkey and i love this monkey so much because well you just feel bad like a lot of them other monkeys are like not nice to them and they like push them and they're like no i'm out of here how do we know it's not for like a good reason like what if this is a little punch what if he's a bad guy monkey no he's just said what if he's just like an antagonistic little prick no he's nice frank he's sad and he's dragging his fucking teddy bear around so wait these other monkeys are like bullying him kind of i i've been hearing stories that he's being more and more accepted there's so much more going on in the world that we need to be paying attention to i agree i agree but at a japanese zoo lonely baby monkey yeah who gave it the name punch by the way yeah that's a great question also that's another thing like what if they're just like go hang out with punch and he's like actually hitting people no no people i don't like look he drags it around it's so sad i did I did see an article that they're coming out with a video game now where like you can play as Punch the Monkey and like beat up other Oh come on Oh my god Come on Frankie, come on That doesn't make you wanna cry?

1:03:14I mean it's a monkey, it's cute-ish But like, I have kids You're a heartless prick I'm not a heartless prick, how am I heartless? Cause that's cute That's okay Oh, you're heartless I'd be nice just in case it turns into this situation That's a great point I'm not saying that That's actually a really good point I should recant all that So what if it turns into Planet of the Apes And now Yeah Just edit all this out No we're keeping it in So Ask me again What do I think about Punch the monkey No I'm not Too late No come on Too late That's a pretty good picture I like seeing monkeys walk Don't do that Punch Remember this I do like that You're not a punchy Punch I've always been As Also someone that was Outcasted by society What the hell are you talking about?

1:04:01And ridiculed because of their... Looks? Whatever you're being ridiculed for. You also carry around toys. As a fellow person that loves to carry around something that brings them joy, I'm not heartless, you're heartless! If that was you, if this was your child, you'd rip that fucking stuffed animal from that poor monkey's hands and you'd say, it's time to get rid of it. Okay, you don't know me at all. Alright. Really? Yeah, because I had tears in my eyes the first time I saw a video. You had tears in your eyes crying for what? Because it's sad. They're pushing him and he's just sad and lonely.

1:04:33The lonely monkey. Look, I got a tear right there. You just licked your face. That's disgusting. It's not that gross. Have you seen videos on TikTok of people like in Bali or something like that? And then they come back to their hotel room or their Airbnb and there's just a fucking monkey in there? Dude, I'd be hyped. Hype, brother. I'd be scared, but hype. Dangerous. If it was a big monkey, I'd be scared. I mean, even a monkey that size can do some fucking damage. Nah, nah, nah. Bro, I would try to hug it. I have learned through watching the show alone that smaller animals can still be very dangerous.

1:05:07Yeah, but me too. But, like, yes, but, like, for instance, there was an episode, a season of Alone, where they were like, the Tasmanian devil, you've got to be careful. It's a little rat. No, apparently they're really dangerous. It's got the word devil in its name. Well, that's just because of the screams. Can it also create tornadoes that suck me in? No, I wish. That'd be so cool. That's Taz. Isn't that what you said? The Tasmanian devil's an actual animal. He's still thinking about BBC over there. He's still, yeah. I don't feel that bad for this little monkey. I feel bad. I mean, I think that he's okay now, and he's got some friends with him.

1:05:40But he would try to hang out, and the other monkeys would just, they're kind of ruthless. They're like, fuck out of here. Punch. No one cares about you. All right. So put your money where your mouth is. Fucking adopt. Punch. I mean, they definitely don't allow that. Why not? Bring him in here. His mother fucking abandoned him. That's what the story is. That sucks. His mom sucks. I will say that. Yeah. Probably a bitch. I mean, jokes on us. Once we get the opportunity to, like, talk to animals and hear what they're saying. Oh, my God. I'm telling you, Punch did something bad, dude. I really. Oh, that's a good picture.

1:06:17Oh, my God. I'm going to explode. If that's even real, it's from Facebook. Chances are it's not real. It's a good point. But it's fine. But you got the idea. It's just the idea. Oh my god, such a cute photo. You should get some punch merch. I want to hug him. This is adorable. Oh my god, give me a fucking break. Franky said that he despises this. I didn't say despise. I said I just don't care. You said... Yeah. My kids are cuter. That's the thing is like I have... Who's comparing them? Me! For what reason? I have a certain amount of love that I can give, and I'm choosing to not give it to this.

1:06:56Don't put a limit on your love. I don't have a limit on my love, but I have a limit on where I'm putting my love. That's a limit on your love, buddy. No, no, the amount of love that I have is limitless, okay? Like that Bradley Cooper movie. But the amount of love that I have for this, I don't need to put my love in that. You know what I'm saying? Here's where my love is distributed right now. My kids, my wife, retro toys and video games. My friends. Minor league hats. Yes. Hats in general. King crab legs. King crab. Fuck yeah. Absolutely. Desserts. It seems like you're taking an approach to this that is becoming mean.

1:07:35Yeah. You love to. Yes. But I don't like hearing it from you. I don't like hearing it from you. Hot dogs. I'm having hot dogs tomorrow for dinner, by the way. Oh, am I excited. Are you going to post some stupid shit? Post a dumb dog. Like something stupid. Should I? Like, load it. Load that fucker. Like, load it up? Yeah. Like, get it, like, geared up and ready to go? Are you against, like, putting, like, mac and cheese on a dog or something like that? I'm not against anything except for mustard. And even if you do mustard, just don't do it by me. Do a fucking, like, some fucking mac and cheese.

1:08:11Maybe a little bacon crumble on that bit. I mean, I'm not. I do have mac and cheese and bacon in my fridge right now, so maybe I will. Just an idea. Suggestion. What if? I got one. What if it's a hot dog and I cut it up into sections and then in between the two sections I put a mozzarella stick?

1:08:35What? Would it just be the ends of a hot dog? It would just be the knobs? Yeah. And then a hot dog. Just eat a mozzarella stick. Okay. What if you cut up equal parts hot dog mozzarella stick and alternate? Can't cut the mozzarella stick. Then you lose the pull. It's true. Oh, God, it's a good point. It's crazy. Yeah, no. These are problems. It's going to be a big, fat, filthy gagger. We could call it that. How many do you think that you're going to go, you know? Let me ask you a question. Well, I did the responsible thing, and I only bought eight. So I'm – Frank, you're not going to eat eight.

1:09:13That's insane. I mean, I won't because, like, I'm sure Becca will have one. I'm sure Miles or one of the kids will have one or two. All right. But if you lived alone, you'd eat eight. Frankie. Eight hot dogs is outrageous. You're not going to eat eight hot dogs. I did like 10 in a weekend last year. You think that eight in an evening where baseball's on? What game are you watching? USA-Brazil. For every point the USA scores, have a dog. It's called a run. It's called a run. Yeah, this guy. For every – you know what? I'll do that but I didn't get enough so like I'd be captained a grand slam just get more I mean if we're being realistic I will have at least four yeah realistically yeah I might have more right so so maybe it is a runs thing yeah just do it not in the game but by USA which I mean they could run it up against Brazil get more dogs yeah Brazil doesn't have a really great team I don't know what do I do like what do I do if they score nine Buy more hot dogs, Frankie.

1:10:20You want me to stop? No, you gotta max out. No. I have to max out? I mean, again, I have to feed my family. Well. Do you? I mean, well. There's mozzarella sticks. Oh. You said there were mozzarella sticks. There are. And bacon and mac and cheese. You're fine. Oh, the mac and cheese. The game does start late, so I will push back dinner as far as I can go. So this is what you do. You take the bun, and you put mac and cheese in it, and then we'll count that. As a hot dog? Yeah. I can have a whole box That's not good Don't tell me to do that Yo, you could eat a whole box of Velveeta mac and cheese Very easily Without question With ease, brother I think I used to do that Yeah, probably Like I just would crush a whole box You know what's really good?

1:11:05If you chop up a chicken cutlet and throw it in there Something in my eye That's weird, something in my eye at the exact same time Whoa, what's going on? I think Joe spit at us. Whoa, what the fuck? Yeah, no, nice try. Nice try. That was good acting. Thank you. Very good. Jesus. But yeah, this monkey punch, I hope it finds a caretaker. Well, it has a caretaker. Bro, what else do we got to do for this thing? It's in an enclosed space. It's kept safe. It gets fed for free. This thing is living on taxpayer money in Japan. You see where I'm going with that? it's more political commentary yeah i don't even know if that's true but obviously it's not it has to be yeah

1:11:56um what time is the game on eight o 'clock baby you gotta watch it what time do you usually have dinner oh yeah you have like an early dinner yeah we have earlier because the kids like 5 30 5 ish you know that's a launch that's crazy that's not a launch you the other day said that you went to dinner at 10 p.m. and i was like well it was just a tough reservation to get so like that's all they had i wouldn't opt to go at 10 i wasn't it was good i had a fried mackerel oh i thought a fish i thought i was still on mac and cheese so i thought it was mac roll i had a mackerel no it was a fried mackerel did it come out like fried it looked like a whole fish though no no no it was like a but it was a healthy like square it was like i love when they come out like branzino like a whole fish and you can dig through it like you're like a bear yeah i do that at places when i get the branzino sometimes they're like oh you want us to do it and i was like i'll just claw at it but debone it but i'll claw at it yeah be a filthy little slut for it i went through i went to a place once and they they give you the cage so you know how they cook it on a cage sometimes no they like put the the fish in like this cage thing and they shut it and then they cook it and they like just turn it and they'll put it on a plate they gave you a cage really yeah i was like it's cool i got the cage i'm certain there are some places in jersey that are like just like shacks where you can show up and eat a bunch of seafood i'm kind of starting to want to do that because i like the idea of going to like a little building on a dock and just be like we just caught what did we catch yeah we just caught we just caught monkfish we just caught tailfish and it's got like it's got like barnacles on it still got barnacles and sand on it and shit like that and you eat it with your hands no you're not into that not one part of that sounds enjoyable do you have do you like seafood or no i like i like seafood what was that i don't know just in case now i'm on edge seafood dick like what do you think i'm gonna say i like see through my nuts um i like shellfish i don't really like seafood but a tuna tartare is really good so like wait you like seafood so you like shell so you like shellfish but you don't like so you like salmon, but you like shrimp.

1:14:05Yes. Like, weird. That's weird. Usually it's the opposite. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Oh. Maybe I'm just an opposite today. What about lobster? You like lobster? Yep. Alright, good. So here's what we're gonna do. When the weather gets nicer. Oh my god, I'm so excited for it. There's a place in Greenpoint. Yes. Fucking good lobster rolls. And then we'll get a nice bottle of white wine to go with it. Oh my god, that sounds lovely. I'm writing that down. Write it down. I'm writing it down. Yeah, like that. I've been there a couple times. It's fantastic. Can we walk? No. Sounds lovely. It would be better if we could walk.

1:14:34Joe, maybe we could. I actually have no idea how close it is. Joe, promise. It is a little further from my apartment. I'm strong. I love food. I feel like towards the end of every episode, we start talking about food and I get really hungry. I think we're like a shoe-in for the, oh, Joe, we can certainly walk. It's a 12-minute walk. Yeah, yeah, we got to go. 12 minutes, baby. That's eight minutes New York. Yeah. I mean, excited to get a lobster roll? I could get there in fun. Here's the thing, though, is that I'm going to go there, and I'm going to have to eat three lobster rolls, and I'll be$85 in the hole.

1:15:11That's the only thing that's tough about lobster rolls, is they're this big. These are decently sized. And how much are they? $30. I have no idea. They're probably$30. Why are you ruining this experience? I'm just letting you know. This is my issue with lobster rolls. They're delicious. They're great. They're done well. But for what you get and what you pay, Clear difference right there, baby. Warm or cold? Couldn't care. Yeah, they have an option. Couldn't care. I'll take them both ways. Hell yeah. I'll take them both ways. I'll take them both fucking down. Make half of it hot, half of it cold.

1:15:46Oh, man. You want to know how much this fucking lobster roll is? I'm going to bet. What's it come with? Is it just a lobster roll or does it come with chips or fries? I think it comes with fries, yeah. Okay. I'm going to say$32. Okay. What do you say? I couldn't even begin. 28. 28 feels right. No, it's 38. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to have to eat three of those suckers. You might not have to. There's other stuff, though. Spicy salmon. Company card? No, this one's on you. Oh, it's on you. Hell yeah. On me? Or maybe I was looking at you. I saw where you were looking. I wasn't. I was looking at Frank.

1:16:24All right, I'll pay. We can go as friends. I'll pay. No, no, no, I'll pay. Oh, we have to go three times then. Sure. Okay. Dude, that's - Yes, we do. There's shishitos on the menu. Come on. Dude! I am a little fucking slut for shishito peppers. Yeah. Holy shit, some blistered shishitos? Ugh. God almighty. Padron peppers? What's that? It's basically the same thing, I think. Oh, yeah, baby. Yeah, they got some stuff here. It's like getting rounds at a bar, you know? Everyone takes a turn. Yeah, they say that that actually encourages more binge drinking than anything else. Because it's like, well, everyone has to drink, so if there's seven people there, you have to have seven beers.

1:17:00I mean. I don't know who made that rule. I think if I'm buying. No, no, no. When I learned about, because I took a class in college about drinking, bartending. How have you taken a class in college about every topic we've ever said? It was my senior year. I took mixology class, which was. You get hammered. Dude, the greatest college course I've ever taken. and in the spring we took history of beer which was just drinking beer every single class and learning about a different type of beer and we had field trips to breweries breweries restaurants bars i take it back that's cool that's fucking cool shit but i forgot what i was trying to tell you oh we learned about like binge drinking and like blah blah blah and they say that like that like they teach people not to do that because it like encourages more binge drinking not healthy alcohol consumption.

1:18:00Sounds like a bunch of nerds.

1:18:05Some people care about others, about their brothers, about their sisters, about their siblings that may not be related to them.

1:18:16We're going to get the most expensive lobster rolls this world has to offer one day. But it's got to be nice out. Because we've got to sit outside. Like a picnic table. like a wooden picnic table. It is a wooden table. I love that place that we went to in Long Island City, um, something Basin. Annabelle Basin. Annabelle Basin. That place was good. Yeah. Like they had good bites. Yeah. What did they have? Oh, they have like a bison burgers. That's what I usually get there. I am in baby. I watched a soccer game there once by accident. I didn't know there was a soccer game. World Cup this summer too.

1:18:47Oh, that's a good idea. Outdoors, lobster roll, white wine on the water, soccer, soccer. Oh yeah, baby. Yeah I'm in Are you in? I hope Are you one of those nerds That roots for Italy During the World Cup Or like Yeah he is Um Yep If Italy's on that's cool But US Whichever one Whichever one's on You know Did you have a tutti jersey? Totti Totti That's what I said Okay No um Buffon 2006 This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT Hey It's Bill Simmons From the Bill Simmons Podcast Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

1:19:41Get started at chat GPT.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. World cup. Buff on these nuts. I said it He said it though You can't piggyback off of him I mean it's fine Piggyback these nuts

1:20:03You'll get there I want you to go home and just write as many of those as you can To try to get us No because I know that's what you did Yep I can't even defend it He was in the car like Well they might have seen that if it's on Patreon I'm riding a hot streak baby and it's so funny because i saw a tiktok that was just like it was when i try to do the whole like slobbing or something you know or gargle gargle leaves or slobbing or whatever and someone was just like one day i want him to get them once and i was like your wish will be your demand the yukon was bad yukon was great well no i mean like like that was like completely getting both of us will be tough getting joe seems pretty easy i think you're so on guard yeah you're so on guard I'll lower my guard Joey said before like oh I want to go to the store And you were like Or seafood Seafood I'm not seeing your food Well usually I forget but then once it happens You know I get Guards go back up I don't know you'll never get us again that's for sure I'm gonna get got probably every Attempt that you guys have You will never ever get us again I'm never expecting someone to be like My nuts We should have a rule we should write in a rule You know how like he points at me I get$10 I say bitch He gets$10 Or something like that We should have a rule That whoever gets got Has to like A hundred bucks A hundred bucks But like Starting now No Absolutely I'll do that I'll start No I can't I'll start I can only do so many Or else you guys will stop talking to me Well yeah Yeah I'll make them perfect I don't know about that Yeah don't Don't What are the rules here?

1:21:46oh we're making like i have to well like you say yukon and then i say i have to say yukon you definitely have to say it you have to say it back like what's yukon or yeah or just like in a question but like the imagine dragons one we didn't say like imagine dragons watch the clip again buddy we did say imagine dragons did i so no way imagine dragons what we both said He was trying to get it out so bad. He was like, yep. I got a little excited. Imagine dragging these nuts across your face. Got him. Got him so good. Okay, so that's the rules. And every time someone does a hundred bucks. Okay. Right now.

1:22:23A hundred bucks. Which, where are we at right now? How much money does he owe me? Do you actually have a counter over there? Joe has 12 and you have nine. You've been bitching it up. What? 12 is like what? Oh, yeah. Got him. 13. 13. Oh, he owes me$130. I owe him$90. I don't even understand the pointing thing. It's definitely not as bad as the bitch. Well, for some time, a couple bitches counted as two because some of them were bad. Wait, what? Just a couple times. Wait, who's making these? Also, people in the ant colony keep going back and sending me different bitches I missed, so I keep adding.

1:22:59I love how he says people in the ant colony. Yeah. Like they are a part of it now. That's basement yard lore. And you're the queen bee? Sure. With the fattest butt. Absolutely. Bees and ants are different. I know. animals. There's queen ants. I know there are queen ants, but he called you queen bee. But they have the fat butts. They got huge asses, dude. The queen ant? Shake your ass for us, Hank. Oh my god, queen ant. An ant. Oh wow. That's why the ant colony, you... Yeah. Wow. Yeah. He just doesn't get it sometimes. It's okay. I can see your brain turning right now. About What? You're trying to do a suck on my nuts thing.

1:23:40It's definitely thinking. No, it's not. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you're, like, pensive in thinking. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I super am. Suck on my balls. I was just thinking, like, oh, I could get one before the end of this episode. That's what I keep thinking, too. I'm like, I could get one, you know. All I keep thinking in my head is suck nuts. Like, I can't. Yeah. I'm not going to show my bare bottom here. You'll have to wait for that. All right.

1:24:10I guess that's all. I thought you were going to say something. I thought you were going to say something. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. God. Frank, where can I find you? You find me the Frank Alvarez everywhere. All of us are on guard now. I don't like it. We're like waiting for something to happen. I need something to drink. I need a cup of something.

1:24:33Okay. This is the bad thing. This is bad. We probably shouldn't do this. Couple of my nuts. Yeah. The Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBaseManyard. You guys, wild, you went on Patreon. Thank you so much. Incredibly, incredibly gracious for that. So thank you. Patreon.com slash TheBaseManyard. And TheBaseManyard on all socials. Yeah, where can they find you? Don't tell them. No, no, no. You can find me, Ant Prisco, on Instagram. Go follow me at Joe Sanagato. Go follow the show at TheBaseManyard. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.

1:25:16this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects and when you need more than just answers give chat gpt work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.