#550 - We Are Podcastmaxxing

29:54How would that even happen? Someone thought, like, this is going to be a big prank, and they dropped a handful of boner pills into the chocolate batch. Isn't chocolate an aphrodisiac to begin with? That's what they say. We've looked it up a ton of times. Chocolate, strawberries, oysters, something like that. I think I'm into strawberries now, by the way. Just deciding to strawberry max on people? I just – I was never really into them. And then the other day I had one, and it was like a fucking apple. It was like a wet fucking strawberry bitch. And I was like – I was like, yo, I'm drinking this.

30:32See, now how do I – what do I even do with that? Come on, man. Take a time out. Dude, you need to have like proper strawberries. Why can't the one that I had be proper? Because it wasn't. Because it wasn't the one that you got. What is a proper strawberry? Like real strawberries are like this big. The ones where they're like apples are not as like, bro, when you taste the ones that are like real, like this big, they taste like strawberry flavoring. I've had a Japanese strawberry. They make, they're like oishis or something like that. I forgot the name of them. I've seen them at like Whole Foods and stuff.

31:03Yeah, I don't know. But like, it's like$20 for a pack of six strawberries. Yeah. We're not there yet. I mean. I mean, some of us. Podcast, pocket maxing on them. Frank, you're not poor. You're not poor. I've never said I was poor. Oh, I can't buy a$20 strawberry. Brother. Pull your fucking sweater down. Yeah, this was a gift. If you're going to make jokes like that. This was a gift from the guy that watchmogged me on fucking stage. Watchmogged. You watchmogged me on stage. I just, I hear what you're saying. I want you to experience the good parts of life. And the best parts of life are better strawberries for you.

31:41I can't do anything without you trying to say that I did it wrong and I need to do it better. I'm not saying you did it wrong, but you could do it better. That's what I meant. Some intense points. I'm going to be honest. I'm trying to better max your life. You're trying to life max me? I'm trying to life max you so you can have, but. Chocolate boner pills. Imagine eating chocolate and you're just hard as a demon.

32:08I feel like that has happened to me before. If I get a good Ghirardelli, like the caramel ones, I'll get fucking steamy penis, dude. dude. I'm for real. What? I don't know why hard like a demon hit me so well. Do you ever get, all right, it's weekly. Yeah. Yeah. So take it easy on the demon boners. I know that, I know that like the, the story, can you just pull up the story? Just type in chocolate and boners. Yeah. Well, actually chocolate. No chocolate recall boners. Yeah. Be very specific because I'm pretty sure that like there, there's a, this is an actual issue because they put too much of it in or whatever this one yes that's four minutes ago holy shit i mean there's there's other stories life-threatening amount of viagra that i didn't know okay that that i understand why it's scary i mean a recall is scary because hold on which ones because i love chocolate i mean if it's called fantasy aphrodisiac chocolate That's boner chocolate Oh yeah No they're trying to go for it Make love making More desirable Exciting and pleasurable I looked it up a little bit On my phone too I think this This was already Boner chocolate Oh They just added Too much Way too much You can Got it You can buy boner chocolate You don't need to get it Prescribed by a doctor Bro they put everything In chocolate Fucking mushrooms Fucking Yeah but like I imagine that Boner pills are Which is hysterical That we're calling I mean they're They're a controlled substance, so you can't buy it over the counter, can you?

33:46I mean, you can get horny goat weed over the counter. Yeah, but horny goat weed is not, I think it's just like an herb. It's like, what's the one that cats use? Catnip? Catnip. It's just an herb. Wait, does catnip make cats horny? My guy. I thought catnip was like a slang for food. No, catnip is a real thing. It gets them ready to fuck. What? I thought catnip was like, just like a, oh, yeah, no, it's their catnip. No, catnip is like a real, it's like horny goat weed, but for cats, dude. What's it for? Why do they need to be? I don't know, to get them ready to fuck. Why do they need to be? They're animals, aren't they ready to go?

34:28I mean, I don't know, I don't know the libido of cats, but catnip is a real thing. Look up catnip. Can you look up and make sure that catnip is like... Yeah, well, there's also a chance I'm wrong. I don't think you are. What is catnip? Don't type in. Just type in what is catnip? What is catnip, dude? What is catnip? Why do we need to specify what is catnip? What does it do? I don't want to see no AI answer. Give me the real fucking thing. It's an herb in the mint native to Europe and Asia, now widespread in North America. Come on. Oh, there it is. Oh, it's ability to induce a temporary state of euphoria or relaxation in many cats.

35:05Is that horny? We don't know. I mean, horny is euphoric. I agree. I agree. Relaxation feels like after horny. It feels like this is, yeah, after the completion of horny. Yeah, then I'm like, all right, I got to take a nap. After the successful completion of horny. After the catnip, I need a catnap. Yeah. I, just so you know, I like what you did there, but that also kind of sucked. I guess it's more like they get high than they get horny. It causes hyperactivity, rolling, rubbing, and playful, silly behavior. This is horny. That's horny, dude. You're getting cats to dry hump? and that's if they smell it but if they ingest it it often acts as a sedative causing relaxation okay so this is kind of like because i remember we had we had like like it was like a catnip like those cardboard like things they have like holes in them they're almost like like scratching posts okay and it had catnip in it and my cat used to fucking go grind up on this thing like it was making dough oh wow yeah so i i yeah i mean it's a safe assumption i mean based on what that that means horny to me i don't know yeah i think that's i think we have seen enough to scientifically say that catnip is meant to get cats horny damn and i'm eating a lot of chocolate this weekend i mean it's easter easter oh so you're just gonna be horny around your family i'll tell you what i i haven't not been horny around my family because of those cadbury eggs Oh my god Oh alright Once I start popping those I'm fucking lit up That's not where I thought That was going I mean I mean We also have been Young boys before I was horny in front of my Not in front But like around my family Because that's where I lived Alright Sorry for being 11 dude Sorry for party rocking dude Yeah sorry for I didn't put the good Housekeeping magazine In the bathroom Someone else left it there Okay and that's all I needed It was horny maxing I was horny maxing Bro I was horny maxing We all were Well, yeah, I got caught like grabbing Becca's butt in front of her family the other day.

37:06Is that crazy? I think it's a little weird. What kind of parents? What's a grab? All right. Did you? Was it the cheek? Or were you like part of her butt? Would it have been her hole? No, because did you come here? Well, that's what I mean. Like some people are like They go in between And kind of like That's crazy to me I don't know who does that I mean some weirdos But I don't do it I mean you go for the Sheep What was So Stop asking me about how I touched my wife's butt No no no not that You brought this I know Wait did Who Did they say anything This question Yeah Becca was just like No what did they say Becca was like babe And then her dad was just like He like laughed Laughed it off Does he laugh like a cat He does Yeah I thought he was Like attacking

37:55But in that moment I was You thought you were Free Yeah Like there was no one around I mean I can't help myself You know sometimes Yeah So like I see her butt I'm gonna grab it You know Yeah But I learned time and place So she was like Oh my dad right there Yeah But if I had Why does she talk like a Oh you fucking idiot My fucking dad's out of danger Jerk off like a sanitation worker yeah i uh i see why this is dangerous going back to the boner chocolate can't have too horny chocolate you can't have too much horny chocolate but like they got their name in the press i've never heard of horny chocolate before have you no boner chocolate so like no bad press is bad press right i'm too afraid to indulge in that kind of thing until i absolutely need it yeah i would be afraid because i'd be like yo if i do this is my body gonna be like this is what i need now and then i can't get boned up well like you drink coffee and it doesn't do that with coffee right what not that coffee's giving you boners but like in terms of like caffeine dependency I kind of have been flirting with decaf now because I'm like, I'm heart maxing at the moment.

39:15Your heart maxing. Oh, your VO2. VO2 maxing. That's what he's doing. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. I can't go for my runs if my heart rate's already elevated from the coffee.

39:51That makes sense. But I don't know. I think it would have been way cooler if I got a KitKat, and I'm just eating a KitKat, and I'm like, whoa. Yeah, you're like, whoa, this is a really good Kit Kat. Whoa. Like, this is weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be way cooler than... Have you ever eaten... You start, like, undressing the Kit Kat bar and, like... It's like, whoa. Oh. Whoa. Splitting it open. Oh! Have you ever eaten something and been like, oh, that, like... That's... Now I'm horny. Really? No, I'm asking, have you ever done that? I can't think of anything. Like, what would be horny food to eat?

40:24Because I know, like, the aphrodisiac stuff, but, like... I just mean that it was so good that you're like, I've had some flans where I've been like, this is the close to sexual. Flan? Dude, flan, because it's like silky smooth. And it kind of goes like that. You know what I mean? Like an ass. It's like, oh. Yeah, yeah. It's always like, oh my fucking God, what's going on? And you're like, yo, chill out. Spoon me. Yeah. I'm like, I will, but chill. Yeah, yeah. But that's the only one I could thank you. Flan. Knowing Joey's going to be like, I had a real good turkey club. No, turkey club. I had a friend when he was younger.

41:01This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Just after school, just go get Zeppelis, sit down in his living room and just watch porn eat Zeppelis. Yeah, that kid's a fucking nut job, dude.

41:39He's a maniac. Yeah, what's going on? What kind of fuck? First of all, where the fuck was he getting Zeppelis all the time of the year? I got a better question. Why the hell do you know? He told me He's like yo I just go home and I pop open these 12 zeppelis and I just like let her rip on Would he use like the zeppeli powder like it was like gym chalk? No I don't I just like get ready I think that's as far as it went Well good session and then he just But wait Good sessions Wait so he was like watching it for like It was like game tape? Yeah yeah like game tape Just nothing just eating zeppelis and watching like you're watching a cartoon Yeah no he's a porn addict brother When was this?

42:17Is this guy still alive? Like middle school. Middle school? How about a parent? How about one parent? No one's home to be like, hey, not Zeppelis every day. And also, this is the living room. Also, where the fuck was he getting all year round Zeppelis, dude? I don't know. That's a fair question. I don't know why it's his first one, but it's a fair one. I mean, the obvious insanity behind the fucking jerk maxing of his dick with Zeppelis is crazy. Yeah, it's just what he did. I don't know. Everyone has their, you know, it's what they did when they were younger. Everyone has it. I mean, everyone has something, but, like, it's not that.

42:57Yeah, I wasn't watching for him like that. Like, that's a little out there. Like, you're wasting perfectly good Zeppelis. I mean, he's eating them. Yeah, he's eating them. This is a very weird. Is this kid still alive? Yeah, he's still around. What would make you assume that he died? This maniac is sitting there every day eating Zeppelis. His heart's going to fucking explode. He's inside. He's protected. Oh, he might. Yeah, too many Zeppelis will put you down. Bro, the Zeppelis clogging your arteries and then the jerking off bringing your heart rate to a fucking 200 beats per minute is going to kill you.

43:30I don't think. I think it was strictly game tape. I think it was strictly game tape. That's worse, dude. I agree that it's worse. That's way worse. Yeah, like, I don't even know how to, I don't know, that's strange to me. He was view-maxing. I'm getting out of hand now. I need to stop. We all are, to be fair. We need to stop. It's collective. I hope that no one gets, like, seriously heard from this boner chocolate, because that would be sad. It's life-thartening. Speaking of cats, last thing. When Frankie walked in today, I thought his hat was a cat sandwich. Can I see it? I don't even know. And I said the same thing.

44:09I was like, where do you see cats? I don't see cats, but I also don't know what's that. Is that a Sloppy Joe or something? It's a beef sandwich. Okay. I think it looks like a bunch of jumbled cats. I guess. If I squint and turn it sideways, maybe I could see it like a cat. No, no, a bunch of cats. It's a bunch of cats. No, no, no. I get what you're saying. Got it. What? it's a we got it when we when we threw out the pitch for the the buoy bay socks they were like if you want a hat with a beef sandwich on it and i said yeah oh we had the beef sandwiches yeah and had cheese on it yeah i'm very happy about that um sorry last thing on cats yeah sorry yeah uh yeah i don't think anyone's gonna i mean uh hopefully no one they say that like it could lower your blood pressure and then you can you know it's well because it takes your blood and puts it in your penis isn't that what it does yeah i think that what dr mike told us yeah it like sends a lot of blood there it's just like calling all cars calling all cars we need you in the dick everyone get to the penis stat how does it know where to go the blood well i mean when you get a bone that's what's happening yeah but like how do you how does your blood know like how does the pill make the blood know like go to the boner i think it's just a um like circulatory thing yeah Like, it just makes that, like, easier.

45:34So, oh, okay. So it's like your brain knows that you're trying to get a boner, so you take the pill and it works in tandem with the blood, so it knows where to send it. Yeah, it's optimizing. Your brain is playing crossing guard. I thought you were going to... Yeah. What? Your circulatory maxing. No, no. I'm in serious saying I need to chill. I was going to stop. This does feel like something if you were younger you'd be running with. Oh I would have been miserable With this I would have been a not good version of myself With this whole maxing thing Have you ever taken a Viagra or Cialis No I haven't I have the same fear you have That it's going to ruin you I'm going to need it And I'm good Yeah things are alright I'm working That's what I'm saying Don't fix a leaky pipe If it ain't broke don't fix it There it is That's all.

46:27Hey, don't fix a leaky pipe. Let it leak. Let it get all over the ground. Car's broken down. Don't fix it. Don't fix it. Don't fix the busted tire. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if you double fix it? What does that mean? Like, you don't just replace a tire. You add spinning rims if you take it. You know? How the hell would that happen? I don't think that's what that does. It doesn't give you, like, a permanent boner. I think, if anything, that's not good. I do know people I don't know them personally But I've heard of people Taking some of the pills like that Cause it's like I'm fucking gonna be on my shit tonight Yeah that's what I'm saying And it's like you really wanna like Really have like one of those crazy boners Like you really wanna be like Yo my You know Like You know Say who You know Do it with your arm that would make more sense for you right i'm not trying to boner max you know you boner max by sitting there baby yeah uh i yeah i i don't know anyone if they do it they don't tell me yeah you know but like i feel like having like a really really really really really really really really hard boner would be painful i think that is like an issue yeah where like that's why they say like after four hours like all the blood is there i mean think of like if If you have something that's cutting off circulation in your finger, all the blood is there.

47:51It's starting to build up a pressure and shit like that. You need to alleviate it. So I imagine it would hurt. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. How do they even do it? Oh, did Dr. Mike say they drain it? Yeah, they drain it with a needle. Chill, bro. Putting a needle into my wiener would be like... It's like how they do cauliflower here. Yeah, I've seen videos of that. That sucks. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? She's like, yo, I just literally can't stop having a boner. I know I can't imagine. I could see that being incredibly painful. But then also, how do you like, you have to like hold it down? Yeah, when you're in the emergency room, you're just like standing like this.

48:31Yeah, I need to see the doctor. I'm fine. I wonder how long that would take. Because the emergency room, have you ever been to an emergency room? Yeah. It could take hours, dude. Yeah. So like how long are they there? Like are you there with just this boner? god forbid someone comes in with a gunshot wound dude so like keep that thing yeah we got to go deal with this guy over here oh man i can't even imagine that isn't it's like four hours if it's if it lasts more than four hours i'll be i'm panicking on an hour dude at 53 minutes i'm gonna go i'm dying 53 that's very specific i know oh because he's big long last guy.

49:17I'm saying the opposite. I'm saying that if my boner lasted, bro, four hours is such a crazy amount of time. I can't even, like, what do you do with a four-hour boner? What do you do with a three-hour boner? The dishes? Can you? You just gotta stand a foot back. Yeah. Whoa! Gotta stand a whole foot back to my giant car Jesus You know what I mean Dude I can't How am I gonna do the dishes from across the room Because I'm so boner You know what I mean You know what I mean Yeah Jesus That's gonna be scary If you were to make how they have boner chocolate Yeah If you were to make like your business Joe Boner something A boner version of a snack or a drink or something.

50:12Because there's like everything is protein now. I would put it in a dessert. Ooh. Because I feel like if you – Like hide it in like a slice of cake like I'm a dog. Well, I wouldn't hide it. Why am I hiding it? I don't know. Oh, like mix it in with the ingredients. Yeah. Oh, I thought the question you were asking me – Yes, I am asking that question. I just forgot. I would put it in dessert because I feel like that's the last thing you eat. like when the meal's over and it's like you had a nice meal it was a candle at dinner you kind of like throw on eyes okay you you specified the dish but like what is the actual item oh um oh i know what joey's would be maybe like an ice cream oh i was gonna i thought you were gonna go tiramisu um tiramisu isn't that sexy because you could choke on the cocoa or whatever that is by you you mean you yeah yeah i've i've almost died at restaurants because of tiramisu i'll get some of that and i'll just like and then the dust hits my back and i'm like yeah and it's like the cinnamon challenge yeah it's bad if a restaurant offered like on the menu on dessert menu it said afrodisiac dessert or something yeah you would you try would you get in it i mean if it's on a menu you kind of need to i think that if if the date was going there yeah i'd be like i feel like i feel like even if it's like you wouldn't want to be presumptuous is what you're meaning like if You know the date is, like, moving in a good state.

51:35Yeah, if, like, we've been, like, looking at each other, and we're, like, rubbing feet and shit, I'm like, you know, get the fucking aphrodisiac dessert in here. Pass me the cake. Yeah, get the fucking ice cream in here, and let's go crazy. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. You need something with spoons, though, because spoons are, like, sexy. I know it. Forks aren't sexy. They're mad sharp. Spoons are, like, you know what I'm saying? You know, like a spoon that's kind of, like, meh. You can do a sexy fork. yeah but i don't like teeth like like when you bite it and they like pull it out i don't like that really when people i eat like that like they bite forks i'm kind of like oh yeah you see them like clean off a spoon fully and you're just like yeah because it's like lip it's like i mean you can lip a fork you could you could you could what would you say the ratio is of sexiness for a spoon this way or this way if it's if it's you know what i mean if it's spoon down like if it's hump up That's sexy.

52:33It sucks. I thought that one was sexier. Oh, like when they do it and they pull it that way. Oh, because you don't want them to be like... That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because it's like... That's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, when you can pull it down, like... Like the ratio of spoon sexiness is very high. I guess that's a great point. I never thought of it that way. But like, you can pull it out that way too. You're just going against the grain. It would like catch your lip. It would like... That's okay. that's alright yeah I mean you know if you got to dessert and it's horny time it doesn't matter what you eat I'm telling you right now what if it's like Cheetos but the dust is like boner dust so after you eat your bag of Cheetos you're just like I will say it would be strange for you to be the one being like you know like because there's no phallic Here, here.

53:31Eat this fucking shit. Take the Cheetos and eat it as if you were me. Babe, eat this for me, okay? Eat it as if you were me. Wait, wait, wait. Now that's a good question. Do they make lady boner pills? I guess it's just... I don't know. That's a great question. Like, do they make, like, lady... Like, because guy boner pills, I guess... Because he is boner. It gives you a boner, but, like, do they make, like, lady boner? Boner pills.

54:03Google lady boner pills. One day we're going to stump you. Is it just like compliments or something? Being kind? Is it just being nice? Being not a piece of shit? A fortune cookie? Being a fucking like, just like thinking about someone's feelings? I think it might be listening or something. Yeah. Guys get Cialis and fucking Viagra and women get just like. Seems like. You did it. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Just chemicals to boost libido. Is there like a popular one? V-Y-L-E-E-S-I. V-L-Y. V-Lessie? Vlessie? Oh, I think I've like heard of that before. But it's not very. Yeah, I guess it's just dudes. well how are we how are we considered the horny race or race the horny gender but we need bills uh yeah i don't know if you would ask me at like 15 like this conversation would blow my mind i'd be like what i swear to god i just thought i just thought of this right when you just said that if i could ask myself at 15 if at any point we get to a place in the world where we can actually we have the technology to go back in time and ask our younger selves anything that would be the greatest episode of a podcast ever i would be astounded if we can take the 15 year old versions of ourselves edit it oh yeah but just ask them questions and like It would probably be the dumbest thing.

55:53All I pray. We would undo so much that the world has made. Yeah, all I pray is that if that technology does exist, it's like we're getting there, make it just for podcasting. We don't need to make it for anything else. We don't need to have LeBron James talk to himself on draft day. I don't need to know what Abraham Lincoln's voice was like. Yeah, I don't care about that. okay so someone tweeted recently and it was just like you know abraham lincoln's hat went flying at the play that day why would they say that but dude that would be the single greatest episode of a podcast that has ever existed imagine being able to ask 15 old frankie like what's who's the coolest guy in the world like you probably say like something crazy i mean yeah i I would, I would, who was popular when we were in, in 15, in 2007?

56:50You'd probably say like Jermaine Dupri or some shit. Damn. He's still pretty cool. He made it quite the bow wow. So, so, death. Let me on you. We did an episode of that. Maybe we should revisit an episode of that for Patreon years ago where we did like a MySpace. Do you remember that? we did a MySpace quiz, and you wrote what you thought my 15-year-old answer would be, and I wrote what yours was. Remember, Poe de Lica? Poe de Lica. Poe de Lica. No, Joey, you were very minimize-maxing back then. What do you mean? Minimaxing. You'd be like, the answer would be like, what's a big turn-on for you?

57:33And you'd just write like... I was trying to be mysterious. You'd be mysterious and shit like that, where I'd just be like, tits. Well, I would also, I feel like I would like,

57:46I would also like always have some girl that I was thinking about and be like, I'm going to make sure she knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I'm. Of course. And then I would be like, you know. Brown hair. Being able to rip a Superman in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 with Bucky Lassick. Wow. Yeah, that's a pull. All right, we have to go back to Advertise Maxing. Advertise Maxing. And then we're going to go back to podcast maxing. Don't worry. But we do have HelloFresh. HelloFresh is great, okay? It makes cooking effortless, so you can always look forward to a homemade meal. With HelloFresh, no two meals will be the same, all right?

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1:00:05So it's a very important thing. And I don't think it's just for people that have something traumatic going on in their lives or anything like that. Like, it's just like going to the gym for your brain and it really helps you understand yourself more. And I think that everyone should be in therapy. I think it's very helpful. So if you want to get started with BetterHelp, you can sign up and get 10 % off at BetterHelp.com slash Baseman Yard. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash Baseman Yard. So yeah, go check it out. BetterHelp.com slash Baseman Yard. All right. Therapy maxing. Therapy maxing. That would be therapy maxing.

1:00:40Yes. We're healing. Heal maxing. Yeah. This has got to stop. Yeah. I apologize. i'm becoming i'm the issue here um i'm fully aware of that too that i'm being the issue i'm sorry oh okay um what was i gonna say oh also you brought this up beforehand but the giant costco chocolate bunny dude how much is it away 10 pounds and it's like hollow which i'll be honest my first thought is i want to break it yeah you gotta break it but like i want to like drop an elbow on it or something have like one of those eyes like the eyes you think it does it has like one of the ears is down so it's like oh it's kind of it's got a little personality but it's like 140 beans dude 140 dollars i think it's 10 pounds of chocolate that's insane how much of that do you think realistically you could get through in a day yeah you could probably do two pounds yeah think so it really depends like uh yeah is it if i like it if it's milk chocolate i could do i could do some damage oh my god if it's dark chocolate i wouldn't even bite it yeah i hate dark chocolate it's too it's too like i like things that are bitter that's too bitter for me i don't like it at all man it's just not for me this is the thing that's 10 what why does it come with an egg this is it no it's the show reference because there's no other way to show that's big dude that's chocolate bunny maxing there's no other way to show reference you need something so this is the size i'll tell you this that better be good chocolate because if it's garbage chocolate that's such a waste and i'll be so pissed it does look milk also like milk i will say this too not not doing america any favors by making this we look as gluttonous as ever do we know how many calories this is 10 pounds of chocolate 10 pounds of chocolate.

1:02:34That's a great question. I'm going to assume the whole thing. Type in the Costco thing. Like, exactly. They should have it, I assume. Yeah, I'm sure they have the nutrition facts somewhere. It made me type in, like, have to type in a zip code and some shit, so I just went straight raw. Okay. I have the details. Can we guess? Yes. Go for it. I am going to say the whole thing. Well, is it broken down by serving? I do have servings. And how many servings are in? A billion? I don't know. 10 pounds of chocolate? Do you want the answer? I'm going to say it's broken up into about a cup. Serving is a cup.

1:03:10Or is it in ounces? It would be grams, right? Grams. Okay. What are you guessing right now? Is this helping you? No. How many calories are in the whole thing? Yeah. This 10-pound chocolate Costco bunny.

1:03:272 ,600. That is insanely low. 2 ,600? 2 ,600? Like a Kit Kat has like 400 Like the big Kit Kats are like 400 I'm fucking sorry 10 pounds of chocolate Jesus Christ why do you have to fucking Belittle max me I'm gonna say like 12 ,000 Okay There's no way it's 12 ,000 That's too much? I think that's way too much Do you want to change your answer? I'll tell you you're low Alright I'll change it one more time I'm going to say 4 ,200 Would I say 12? Yeah I'll say 12 Total calories 151 servings 22 ,650 calories 22? Yo that'll kill somebody If you have the whole thing Dude it's 10 pounds of chocolate 22 ,000 22 ,000 calories Brother that's more than I have in a week Yeah dude Are you kidding?

1:04:32that's fucking crazy what's 2 000 times 7 14 000 yeah brother that's almost two weeks of food why don't we just not are you eating 2 000 calories a day you try right that's kind of low i mean you try to not have more than that scared me yeah it's somewhere around there but dude 22 000 that's double bro even the rock he said 2600 2600 has been yeah forgive me i don't know I'm not. Ben and Jerry's crushing that at 1 ,200. I mean. Dude, that is. That's crazy. That's almost like. The amount of sugar. Do you know how much sugar it is? I don't know. I don't have all that. I don't have the breakdown like that.

1:05:17150 servings. So then what's a serving? 100 grams? No. 150 calories per 30 grams serving? 30 grams, dude. I mean, I don't even know how much that is to be honest. I don't know. like if i'm being i would just gnaw on this thing's ear but i don't understand how someone would get this like for serious well because like this would have to be for a classroom of children bro let's get one crack it open right here let's eat a little bit on it i actually i think i have the total sugars here now i think it's 2 ,900 grams yo what that is fucking unbelievable This is kind of like It's over 6 pounds of sugar across the whole across the whole bunny I understand It's 10 pounds and 6 pounds of it is just sugar Yeah I mean it's chocolate Dude I understand things being released for like novelty items This is fucking crazy This is up there with the supercharged lemonade that killed two from Panera You remember that?

1:06:22Yeah It had like 300mg of caffeine in it Are you sure it's hollow? I believe it is. Because it says the novelty factor of this thing is it often requires a hammer to break it apart. Well, yeah, the shell could be so fucking intense. Oh, you think so? Yeah, we need to get one. Can you buy one? Brother, if that thing was solid, it would be 40 pounds. I'll try to get one. Chocolate is dense. I mean... Order it to the studio right now. I mean, is it that much... I mean, of course it's bigger, but is it that much bigger than a chocolate bunny? Like that you would just get I got it You know what you use this for?

1:07:06I'm afraid to hear what you're gonna say You go In the sauna And you lay down a blanket And you go in with that And you put it down And then you and your partner Just roll around in it And just get fucking Covered in chocolate You're a disgusting freak Okay What the hell Are you talking about How is that The thing that Popped into your head Take this thing Into a sauna Let it melt on a towel And roll around In the towel chocolate Because like I'd get in a I'd get in a chocolate Bath though That's basically What this is Yeah I'm going down Like Augusta's Gloop dude If you got a river I'm fucking drinking Out of that bitch Just like imagine Like you're outside In like 100 degree weather And then you're just like You like hug And it's in between you And you just Fucking do it I'll be honest with you that sounds disgusting why because 100 degrees i'm like sweating i'm gross and now i'm there's chocolate involved and i'm sticky and then you just go at it yeah but just like sticky i don't like sticky chocolate's not sticky in 100 degrees i'm sure you'll stick i mean it's like not sticky it's just kind of like thick you know yeah this is this is insane that is so so much i'm into it I am a little disappointed.

1:08:26I think I can get it. Get it. I think I can get it. Do you have a Costco membership? I don't think you need one if you're going online. What is... I mean, you think that'll stop me? Bro, yeah, I think that fucking Dolores at the front. The rules? I would hope so. Bro, the rules? It's got a nerd over here, I guess. Not a nerd! Yeah, but if you ever try to go into a Costco, the fucking Dolores at the front, and she'll kick your fucking head. Yeah, they'll beat the brakes off you if you try to go into that one. I tried to go with my mom. And she's like, where's your... I was like, I'm with her. Yeah.

1:08:55They'll get you. This is kind of like, I don't know why, but this is sad to me. This? Yeah. Like there are people that like can't afford groceries and it's just like, have this novelty 10 pound chocolate bunny, dude. It's$150 also. We'll be fine. Anyone who's buying this to eat it is nuts. Well, instead of buying a bunch for a party, right? Like a bunch of kids you can just buy this big one. Yeah, brother, 150 servings. What do you have at a party with 150 kids? Yeah, what is this, a fucking assembly? Yeah, but once you're having trouble you don't actually just like here's 30 grams. Okay, but still.

1:09:34You don't do that. Okay, but still. So what? Each person's having double the amount. 75 people at this party? Also, children don't like to share. I'm gonna also take this bunny. Oh, a cute bunny. I'm gonna slam it with a hammer. Yeah. This is terrible. That wouldn't be cool when you were younger? When I was younger, right now it would be cool to break this thing apart. Oh, I'm looking forward to breaking one if we can get one. Should I get two? Get two, and let's have a challenge who can punch through it. That's not a good idea. I don't want to. He just looked at the camera and goes, that's not a good idea.

1:10:06I'm afraid for Frankie to have his own because of the ideas that he had already. I mean. For him and his partner. He's going to come in and be like. If I come back. My chest broke out. If I come back. Yeah, I've like broken out and like high. or like some form of like rash. Beck and I rolled around with this bitch. My pores are stuffed with chocolate. I can see. This is crazy. This is like, this is what everyone believes America is. You know what I mean? Where it's just like everything's bigger and it's all chocolate and it's sugar too. I can't, I can't imagine. and also who's selling this? I know it's Costco.

1:10:52Who's the seller? And how much does this cost to make? I see. What's the markup on this, bitch? I mean, actually, I don't know why I grabbed my phone. I can't. How can I find that? How much do you think this is to make? I don't know. What's the cost? Where does it land? Yeah, landed. What's the landing price? What's the landed price? I don't know. It's probably like fucking five bucks. That's bananas, dude. Yeah, it's a lot. Now, if this was stuffed with marshmallow. Or if there was a bunch of jelly beans in there. Then it would be 40 pounds because you'd put 30 pounds of jelly beans in this thing.

1:11:30I cannot wait to eat jelly beans on the weekend. Yeah, you've spoken about your love for the Starburst jelly beans. I don't really care much. Those are great jelly beans. For them. I am ready to be a little prostitute for peeps because I love my peeps. Oh, boy. I like this time of the year, I like drop hints to Becca just to remind her to get me peeps. Because every year growing up, my mom would get me peeps for like every major holiday. Uh-huh. Wait, what? What? Like you get peeps for Christmas? Yeah.

1:12:04Snowman, Christmas tree. Fourth of July peeps. I mean, that was not like a peep holiday. It would be like Halloween. Thanksgiving? No. But like, not every major holiday. Fucking excuse me. Well, I didn't even know they fucking did this outside of Easter. Easter, Halloween. Halloween peeps? They're like little ghosts or pumpkins or Frankenstein. I can't believe you like that. Dude, they're so good. I don't like peeps. Oh, I'm so... And I've gone on record and said the best, like... You know how Oreo makes these, like, cool little flavors? They'll do, like, Cinnabon or, you know... That is such an insane...

1:12:40It's such a good one. But they had it one year for Easter. they had a peeps flavor and it was un-fucking-believable what was it it was just like peeps fluff in between like the peep fluff cream in between the vanilla cookies oh what like a oh like an oreo oh that sounds gross oh yeah do you have a fluff in your house right now no i haven't had that in a while we used to like miles you've had fluff in your house i feel like Yeah. Miles, we used to make them fluffernutter sandwiches. Yeah, yeah. Those are good. Dude, I love fluff. Yeah, fluff is, what is it? It's just like whipped marshmallow. Yeah, it's fucking good.

1:13:20You can make it with your hands. We had fluff for a very short period of time growing up, but I used to get in there whenever no one was looking. Like, I would literally just stick my fingers in it. It was disgusting. I used to, there was like in middle school, there was a girl that like, we were like talking online, and she said she liked fluff, so I went in with a tub of it one day, and I looked at her, and I fluff maxed her. Girl said she liked fluff, and you brought a tub of it. And ate it in front of her. And just didn't talk to her. It was just like. I fluff mogged her. Yeah, you fluff mogged her?

1:13:57I mogged with fluff. Did it work? No. Got it. Hold on. Wait, let's back up before I gave you that answer. What do you think? No. Yeah. What grade? uh must have been like seventh or eighth oh okay young yeah a real dumb ripe dumb age yeah yeah you know we're all doing crazy stuff back then yeah i was i was gonna say i was fluffing it i wasn't doing that um you like fluff no like yeah fluff needs to make those are opposite answers like i i never like not enough to buy it or have it i never really had fluff needs to make a comeback i'd like to see like it is very old school yeah like it's like a very early how everything is like everything is protein everything is dill pickle everything was like buffalo chicken like let's bring fluff back in just marshmallow just like different like fast food chains making like fluff seasonal sandwiches or something like fluff on a burger doesn't sound that bad.

1:15:00I mean, dude. No? I mean, that's a little crazy. Really? Yeah, it's a burger. I don't think so. I think it could be fun. There was at one point I wanted to make a dessert company where, and it was called Spaghetti and Sweet Balls and it would be like dessert pasta. Love that. You could do it. Dessert pasta? Like the noodles would be like spaghetti noodles but maybe cookie or something. The thing that's rough is sauce. Syrup. Thank you. Done. chocolate syrup people do that with uh people do that with uh like pancakes they'll put pancake batter in like a squeeze bottle and they'll make pancake spaghetti yeah it wouldn't actually be pasta like you know it'd be some i don't want to make it myself let the fast food companies make it and then we'll buy it there's a place i used to go to my cousin's house for wild card weekend and there's a place they were ordered pizzas from but they also did dessert pies bro yeah yeah Yeah, everyone has had a banana, strawberry, Nutella pizza pie.

1:15:58No, this would have, like, ridiculous shit on it. Like, I mean, obviously it would be, like, a Nutella, like, pie or whatever, but then it would also just be, like, dude, I don't know. There's, like, fucking chocolate. There's brownie and, like, in the whole – it's, like, a pizza, but it's, like, brownie and fucking marshmallow. And, like, I'm like, yeah, like, s'mores. Now, just imagine how good it would be if, like, a fast food company got it. Why do you love fast food? I'm just saying, like, it's easier when they make it. Oh, my God. You know what would make this idea better? A corporation.

1:16:31They've never... Just, like, in the trusted hands of fucking Wendy's or something. Who trusts them? Yeah. Everyone does. Not I. Why not? I don't know. They are... They're Wendy's. Not necessarily Wendy's. I'm not talking about Wendy's. I bet you'll love it. Wendy's nuts go drag across your face. Yeah. Yeah. We do have to do something, though, because... Yeah. The thing is You laugh like a wicked witch He does And also Frankie can you Give me my space one sec Give it to me I've earned this Frankie hit him with a got him please Got him First of all Can we The only problem that I have With him doing that Is that you You stumbled through the got him I still got you though Wendy's you can love Wendy Fucking Wendy's On your balls in your face I get too excited I start to see stars a little bit What did you say I bet you'll love them when Wendy's nuts drag across your face.

1:17:28As soon as he said Wendy, I was like, all right. As soon as you. How long did you have that geared up? I mean, the first time I brought up fast food in this episode. That was 20 minutes ago. I was wondering why you kept doing it. I was trying to bring it right back around to it. Give me some credit. Give me some. Right before this episode, I said to Joey, I was like, are we still doing the gothams? because it'll reach a point where Joey's just like, all right, enough. And I think I might have just got us there. No, I mean, you know. He's saying you just be more classy with it. Not classy. Like, he gets over the inside.

1:18:07He's like, you're going to point your Wendy on when he's on your face and your balls are out. You fucking idiot got him. But you got to understand, it's so, it's so like, I got you. Like, it's perfect. I set it up and it worked. I get very excited about it That's like four Godems I got on them You worked on that one for a while too And I found a nice natural way To work it in too Natural Because now I feel like you always Like oh I know all of them when they're coming I'm going to get you Now I'm not even going after him I don't even think you won't be able to Because he's a little sneaky boy over there He'll be like this He's a little sneaky boy over there Sneaky boy you'll be like hey and how was your day and he go what was that was my day in your mouth yeah my day in your nuts you could try you you were the coolest kid at lunch i know you were we we get it no one's gonna got you no one's gonna be in mario kart you win no my friend had the fruity pebble bar snack that's a great snack he was it was the coolest one remember kudos bars those were cool oh what was they were the ones they were like granola with chocolate underneath and on the top it would be like m &ms i do i do yeah cosmic brownie that's basically plastic though i love cosmic brownies but if i had one it's not a brownie do you know it's gum do you remember the pink snowballs yeah never ate that i wasn't big into those i did like twinkies yeah did like twinkies why'd you just twitch i thought about twinkies he's like i like twinkies no but cosmic brownies i get why you were cool for having them but like if i'm buying a box of 10 and they're 30 cents each something in this is not real also little bites little bite we still get little bites for the kids do you yeah mini muffins they call them yeah yeah ruby loves her mini muffins my house was not a little bites house but you guys didn't have a lot of snacks you had a lot of drinks we would do i remember a lot of drinks you always had like breakfast shakes and you had what you had juice i mean we had juice but what do you mean breakfast shakes the breakfast shakes that keith would have all the time dude like an insurer thing i don't know what the brand was but like it was like a packet of breakfast shakes and he would have them all the time i think one time there was insure my house i i believe it was for my grandma but we used to crush them yo have you ever had an insure no what is it it's like a it's like um it's like a supplement not a supplement drink but it's like yeah there's like a meal a meal it's like a kind of a meal replacement but it's but it's small and it's like they're like chocolate milk but they have like nutrients in them or whatever like vitamins and shit and like protein i don't know what's the one what's the the one that like it's like a juice though the eight no no no no it's like pedialyte is it like pedialyte no no no because that's just for like hydration that's just like electrolytes and oh okay vitamin b or some shit i don't know but no this was more of like if you're deficient in certain things then you like drink i know what they look like.

1:21:30They look like the little cans. Yeah. They look like little bottles like this. It looks like cat food kind of. Like catnip. Looks like catnip? No, I don't know what catnip looks like. I thought they come in bottles and like you crack the top off. Yeah, there was something like that, but there was something that was kind of like cans too. I don't know, but we had snack. We had we were, we had a lot of fruit roll-ups. You always had you always had ice pops and chocolate in your freezer. We always had ice pops. Always had chocolate in your freezer. Ice pops were big in my house. Brother, I remember the first time in college when I realized I can buy those ice pops myself.

1:22:07I had a freezer full of fucking 400 of those ice pops. I really do appreciate how— I took a picture of it because I was so impressed. I'm impressed with myself here. I really appreciate how you can only buy those in the hundreds. It's like a box of a hundred. Because one of them is gone in 40 seconds. When's the last time you had one? Don't even know. They're not great for you, but each one is like five grams of sugar. It's not as bad as you would think. Wouldn't even stop me. There's nothing like a well-placed ice pop. Flavor ice is the one. Yeah, flavor ice. Name your favorite colors from least to most.

1:22:51I got a hot. See, I go back and forth with shit. I got a hot take for you. I feel like your hot take I'm going to agree with. Okay. but i like like the green's very good i like the green but i also like like because it's lime the pink is great the pink is the best one the pink is the best pink is the absolute so i go back and forth from pink but low-key i fuck with the grape all of them are good i love my top two are pink and orange orange was like my favorite man like ice pop flavor as a kid really and then i bit into a creamsicle once and I was forever ruined. Creamsicles are tough. Dude, creamsicles suck so bad.

1:23:30I don't know where we've come as a society that people are just like, you know, what's going to make this ice cream better? A layer of orange. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. You know, it's crazy. One time I went to the Poconos with Greg and we stopped. Is that not the weird part? It wasn't just us. No, we went to the Poconos as just like a summer vacation thing. And we went to the supermarket there, and we were like buying stuff for the house. And they had ice pops, but they were alcoholic. Dude, each ice pop was 8 % alcohol. Yeah, dude, I've had those. I've had those. They'll get you. Yeah. I had them at the lake, of course, because they're all alcoholics up there.

1:24:12I mean, when I was with you with the 80s theme Top of the Hill Party when we had the ice pops, that's when they had them. Yes. And we were quite inebriated. Good times. I was smoking a cigar. That was probably the last cigar I've ever had. You were, and you had, I'll never forget, it's the video of you dancing, but you're just stepping forward and back with a cigar in your mouth to like, we're in 70s attire. which I don't think you were wearing 70s attire. You just had a bandana on. I had a wig on. Did you have a wig on? I did have a wig on and I had a headband and I had a tie-dye t-shirt. And then that was it.

1:24:51Oh, yes. I remember the t-shirt now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And you were just, you were smoking a cigar, living your best life. Yeah. That was probably my last cigar. It was also probably my last ice pop. Let's get some ice pops in here. Yeah, that's depressing. Let's get some ice pops in here. We can't have your mouth with an ice pop in front of that mic. There's no way. I don't mean for when we're recording, brother. I would like an ice pop, period. Oh, yeah. Just to have. I got you. Yeah, I got you. Not the alcoholic ones, you freak, because I know he's going to come in and be like, you like those?

1:25:19Those are 800 % alcohol. Dad's saying it for you. No fun. Well, I guess that's all we have for today. No ice pops. But, yeah, thank you guys so much for watching. Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon, patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Thank you guys for all the continued support. You guys are support maxing big time. Big time. I just looked at the screen. What? And one of the suggestion buttons is lemon. Oh, yeah. Probably got to bury that. Got to get rid of that? Yeah. Probably got to bury that. Oh, shit. Ant, where can I find you? Find me at antprisco on Instagram.

1:26:02All right. Hell yeah. Follow me at Joe Sanigal. Go follow the show at the basement yard. And that is all. See you guys next time.

1:26:18this episode is brought to you by chat gpt hey it's bill simmons from the bill simmons podcast have you guys heard about chat gpt work it's the new way to use chat gpt for bigger multi-step projects and when you need more than just answers give chat gpt work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.