#551 - Mr. Gabagool Is Here

22:32Joe Santagato:This is the gayest episode we've done. But we were in Key West, and then we went to the beach that day, and they had that, like, it looked like a giant rock out in the middle. Yeah, dude. And I swam out to it, and there was a bunch of, there was an eel, and I saw an eel, and there was an orange fish, and I'm like, and I saw a dude with goggles, and I was like, I need to ask this guy for his goggles. Oh, yeah, you did, didn't you? I didn't get him. But you, like, swam there. Oh, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like you could walk out onto the rocks. It was like beach. It was like shoreline rocks, and Joey.

23:06yeah i got i got onto the rock and then on the other side of the rock it was like deep because

23:10Joe Santagato:it was a different color like it was like i remember the sign there saying like don't go swimming there's portuguese man of wars so you're you're i didn't see any of those you're in the gayest place in america key west yeah swimming with portuguese men you know and there's a war happening there's a war happening you're about to get your shit ate i uh i didn't see any uh jellyfish but well apparently fish apparently porch like those like portuguese man-of-war jellyfish will like get on your back and like fucking ruin your day dude i when i was a kid we used to uh there was this one summer where we went to i think long beach island and my cousin went in the water and just got like killed by fucking uh jellyfish and had a bunch of spots and i can't remember but i like because i was so young but i remember him coming out of the water and having like red spots on his body and i'm like i wonder if anyone pissed on him i think they've since debunked that yeah but this is way before the debunking before they debunked pissing yeah he must have gotten pissed on like he must have do you like what do you do Like do you Like as like a hero Like be like Listen if you If you need any help I'll be the one If I was on a beach And someone came out of the water And I'm like We need someone to rip a piss I'd be like I got it What?

24:33Yeah I could do it I would pee on a person To save them To save them pain Oh no If it was real Jellyfish stung my face Oh no Yo he's into some sick shit

24:44Joe Santagato:Yo I know he is He's a sick freak I know he is You saw his eyes light up before when I said get your shit ate? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he wants to get his shit ate on a sandbar. Yeah. And, like, he got stung on the fucking tongue by a Portuguese man-o-war. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A Portuguese man-o-war had stung my teeth. That's what he wants. You get pissed on, right? Regularly. You ever get peed on? No. I'm not about it. I mean, like, kids. Like, holding my, like... Yeah, dude, I've been pissed on by... There's been some piss on me, but like. I think I've. I think he's pissed on me. He's definitely thrown up on me.

25:24You don't have a kid. Nephew.

25:25Joe Santagato:They puke. Gotcha. They do. I mean, spit up is not puke. It's just like a little. I mean. Comes out of the mouth and it's gross. So to kind of add a cap on top of this conversation, what do you plan to do with now being Mr. Gabagool? Because that is. Great question. That is a. I got to be honest with you. It's a big title. Huge honor. I'm carrying the weight here. Because, like, you think about, like, if we're looking at, like, typical, you know, like, the stereotypical version of Italian-Americans, it's just like, oh, Mr. Gabagool, he wants you to go. Like, you are now the poster child for Italian-Americans in New York City on podcasts.

26:04I don't think that. What I thought is that she thought I was one of the guys that does, like, the Growing Up Italian podcast. And I was like. Here's the thing.

26:13Joe Santagato:I've seen them. You look like zero of them. I was like What's going on Like not only do you not look like them You don't sound like them And you couldn't look less Like they Each of those people On those shows Have a very like Like Striking Distinct Appearance Yeah You couldn't even Resemble them It was just funny dude I was Immediately texted Uh Nicole I was like You won't believe what just happened The worst part was the volume I will say that Mr. Gabagool Yeah My My issue with people doing that is, you're right, people then go, like, I had one guy come up to me at a pizzeria where, like, the people at the pizzeria were just like, oh, my God, we know you, we love you, blah, blah, blah, thanks for coming in.

26:56Joe Santagato:And then one guy goes, why the fuck do these people, who are you? Like that? Yeah. It was, like, one of those, like, classic, it was in Jersey, but it was, like, that classic, like, New York, New Jersey, like, nothing impresses us. So, like, we're going to act like I don't give a fuck. Yeah. You know? And he was just like, who the fuck are you? And then, like, what am I supposed to say in that situation? You don't know me? Exactly. I do a podcast. Do you know what that is? Probably not. Exactly. Like, it happened the other day. You would think this is funny. I was getting bent over and railed doing my taxes the other day.

27:34And the fucking. On a sandbar.

27:39Joe Santagato:The tax guy, like, several times in conversation just kept going, like, forgive me, but I got to ask. he kept at, he was just like, but like people actually like listen. And I was like, Oh, I thought he knew who you were. No, no, no, no. But he kept being like, seriously, where's, where's the money coming from? No, no, no, no, no. He was just being like, it was just like, wait, so what do you talk about? I hate when people ask me that. And it's like, Oh, you know, it's like, I always say it's like your oldest friends. Like you just kind of chop it up and talk and like, that's what the show is.

28:11Joe Santagato:And he's like, all right, forgive me. But like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then he's like, so what did you guys, like, what did you just do the podcast? I was like, oh, well, we did live shows. And he's like, forgive me for asking. People come to that? Like, yeah, he's a nice guy. I have no issues with him. But, like, he kept doing that. And then I was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, and then are you still doing that? And I was like, no, well, we stopped and we ended. We, you know, we sold out a show in Madison Square Garden. He must have been like, shut the fuck up. But he was like, forgive me for asking.

28:46Joe Santagato:father forgive me but what the fuck did you just say that mentality of just like who are you yeah like now it's on me to tell you i'm not so funny i feel like people yeah you get those and also when someone asks me they're like oh so what do you guys like talk about on your podcast i'm like i i don't even know how to answer that even if i wanted to answer it i have no idea how i got asked a question and i think you might have gotten asked the exact same question because i did an interview with buzzfeed you did an interview the same reporter from buzzfeed i don't know if she asked you this she asked me if you can use three words to describe the show what would they be i don't remember i think i think i don't know i think relatable was one that i had put in there that's a good one um i i can't i can't even what what answer did you give i mean i'd have to look it up but relatable i think was one of them uh chaotic maybe chaotic was one of them chaotic There's so much chaos right now You didn't throw funny in there I mean, what am I going to be like?

29:47Funny, hysterical, the best It's fucking unbelievable Forgive me for asking People really listen to you? Well, that's what it was

29:58Joe Santagato:I mean, it wasn't like He didn't frame it like, to you? You know? Hispanic, man? Seriously, where's this money coming from? For real No, it was just such a person of our parents' generation talking to us and just not getting it. Oh, they were older? Yeah, they were probably our parents' generation. But that mentality of just like radio used to be groundbreaking. So you guys are like Howard Stern? I've heard people describe it that way too. Yeah, I've heard one person said like, well, I like you guys because I used to love listening to Stern. And I was like, we are completely not that. Let's draw the line in the sand.

30:39Especially back then. Oh, my God. Yes. I have Frankie said chaotic. He said fun. And he said relatable. Oh, so he nailed it. I like to think it's pretty fun. That's what he said. I like to think it's pretty fun. Yeah. So humble.

30:55Joe Santagato:You didn't read the interview, did you, bitch? I read some of it. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up, flip the sip. It was really long. I was just scrolling to see if I was in there. You are in there. I am in there. Yeah, you are in there. That was the most surprising.

31:36What did he say? I think it was just my picture. I don't know if he said anything. Oh, no.

31:39Joe Santagato:I said something about you. Oh, did you? You're reading it like it's a comic book. You're like, let me get to the picture. Yeah, let me just see. Let me see. Of course I said something about you. Oh, maybe I'll give it a read. Oh, now because your name is in it. What a gutless fucking gabagool. Yeah. You're not Mr. Gabagool, by the way. Frank, you sound pretty angry. You know, it's because I got my apples in a bunch. Yeah, Frank, you sound pretty angry. I'm angry, but I'm sour. I need to be a little sweet. Yeah.

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32:57These are so nice on like a nice warm day. Just sit back, you know, when you don't want to eat an apple, you're like, I'd rather have a hard cider. You get that feeling of biting to an apple right here in the bottle. You get a little buzz maybe, maybe. Uh, but yeah, you can go check it out. Go check out Angry Orchard. Uh, you can go get them. I mean, they're available. They're available. They're out there in the stores. Um, yeah, go check out Angry Orchard. don't get angry get orchard frank when was the last time you had an angry orchard maybe about 10 minutes ago all right no problem uh but yeah angry orchard they're amazing like i said hard sider go get them they're available in stores um but go visit their website as well to get yourself some angry orchard all right uh and we also have uh sea geek sea geek is where you're going to buy your tickets for anything.

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34:55Joe Santagato:patreon it's a service it's cool relatable and fun if you don't join it come on come on listen patreon.com is the best way to support us i tell you guys about it every single week go to patreon.com slash the basement yard go check out what we got over there okay it's our little service where we hang out we have big pow house everyone's there people are there they're having fun i think i hope uh if you sign up for that first year you get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance seven whole days get in on the conversation get in on everything you can see it and you're in a cool little exclusive club with only a couple other people on you it's like whoa this is cool and then if you get that second tier you get exclusive episodes every single friday also a cool exclusive club it's like this and he's like i can see this and other people can too, but not a lot.

35:42Joe Santagato:So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. You guys have been so supportive, wildly, incredibly supportive, getting us to over 45 ,000 paid patrons. Thank you guys so much. If you want to gift it, you can gift a gift to Patreon for like graduations. I know graduations are coming up. Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, whatever. You know, if you really want to gift it for like Memorial Day, I don't know, but you could do it. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. And if you want to sign up and save yourself some extra money, go do it on a web browser. You go type in a little beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

36:15Joe Santagato:And then you can sign up and save yourself some extra money if you do it on a web browser. If you do it on an app, it's going to take some extra dollarinos from you. And you don't want that because dollarinos are so hard to get. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. I'm going to yell at you. I'm going to yell at you.

36:35I really like the picture of the tree on this. It looks just like an old wise tree Yeah it's like an old tree It's kind of sexy Really? It reminds me of Bro if you like sexy trees that got a little bit to them Doesn't matter Get yourself an angry orchard

36:53Joe Santagato:It's a sexy tree Yeah I guess you know what That's a good way to get more people to market it It's just like not only do we got good cider We got a sexy tree on our bottle Yeah they do got a sexy tree You know you could peel it off Take it home Frank Don't say that Angry Orchard Dot com Oh is that the website? Yeah Oh Well patreon.com Slash basement That too Um Um I want to try that Okay Are you just going to Copy me now? Copy me now Try to Try to do a full sentence What are you copying? He's pretty good at it He's pretty good at it Dog bears Dog bears One Two One Two Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, eight, eight.

37:40Joe Santagato:ABC, one, two, three. Ah, spaghetti. Spaghetti balls.

37:49Voldemort vagina pee. Moaning Myrtle. Moaning Turtle.

37:58Joe Santagato:See, I'm pretty good at it, right? Better than I thought. What is that? What do you got in your hand, you little dirty boy? I have... Excuse me. For our audio listeners, he's talking to him.

38:14Joe Santagato:I'm talking to the guy that said he wants to get pissed on. What have you got in your hands, you little dirty boy? Are those KFC jelly beans? I have KFC jelly beans I wanted you two to try. Oh, boy. They are fried chicken, sweet corn, and gravy flavored. Because you know, what a throw. Perfect. Holy shit. I used to be a pitcher, you know? No, you didn't. I You probably went fucking Gorilla tits on some jelly beans yesterday I did Right? Yeah You went off And the Cadbury little eggs I went I went fucking full George Michael on some peeps Let me tell you Yeah those are gross Whoa Yo you know what I couldn't find at all this year?

38:53Joe Santagato:Robin's eggs Where'd they go dude? Oh my god Yeah They stinky? Yo this rinks Yeah This stinks? Yo, and I'm this far away, and it's stunky. Oh, it's stunky. Yeah. I think you like the funk. Like, you're eager for the funk. Mr. Gabagool. This is a filthy episode, dude. A little. Oh, my God. These are fucking brutal. Yeah. All right, throw the bag. I'm trying to get the last one. I think you should try one of each and then all three at the same time like a meal. There's no shot at it. I kind of think that is the right way to do it, and I shall. Okay. Oh, my God. Can you just get me a paper towel?

39:29I was debating, but then that means you have a fail safe and I think you should just swallow Oh, I mean I don't do well

39:37Joe Santagato:Smell in the bag, smell in the bag Oh, can you at least open this? Can I smell in the bag? Because I'm gonna need something to wash this down Actually, I got some old water bottles here. I don't know whose they are, but I'll use them. That's insane Um, just smell it. So gravy fried chicken sweet corn. I am excited

39:57You like that? No, but I don't like that

40:00Joe Santagato:But it ain't good It smells like the underside Of a cardboard shoe What could that even mean? This smells This smells like a highlighter That was just pulled out of an ass You know what it smells like? If you took a piece of chicken and you clamped it with the back of your knee and pulled it out that's what it smells like it smells like if i like bare butt after the sauna jumped into a vat of mashed potatoes and the mashed potatoes smell like that yeah i don't know why it smells like an old person this is not good no i think i got all three you got a whole bunch over there i think i think these to them.

40:52Joe Santagato:Oh my god. Right? Yeah. Are these bad? Have you had them? I've had them. They're bad. Have you thrown up? They're not good. One of them made me gag. None of them are good? No. Only one of them made you gag? That's a shocker. The corn is good. By the way, this is no disrespect to the Colonel. Or Frankfurt, who made these. A lot of noise. Stink. I guess, alright, which one are you going first, baby? Which one made you gag? I believe the chicken. And that's got to be this one, the pink one. Yeah, that looks like it. You can't go first to the chicken. Bro, I want to end on a good thing. I don't want to have the shit chicken in my mouth for the rest of the episode.

41:34Joe Santagato:I'll do chicken first, too. Why not? You first? Yeah, you first. I'll do corn first, actually. KFC chicken. Why does it stink so much, bro? Give it a good whiff. It smells almost like... Okay. Am I going to like this? You might because you're Mr. Gobgool I'm scared bro I might take that from you Just go for it Rip and dip

42:01Joe Santagato:Oh man Dad huh Really that bad He's running He's out He's putting his mouth underneath He's spitting in the sink Are you okay Should we chase him? No, don't chase him. Just leave it. It's just me and you. All right, I'm going to try the corn one then. I'm going to go for the corn. Okay? He's not making a sound. What's he doing over there? Yo, bring me something. There he is. Bad. I'm serious. It's like someone threw up in my mouth. Really? And shoved their foot in it. Oh, boy. All right, I'm going to try corn first then. I'll save that one for the end. Yeah, it's literally like someone threw up in my mouth.

42:44Joe Santagato:What's in your mouth? Magic spoon.

42:50I jumped into my mouth. Bro, it's like someone threw up in your mouth. Oh, my God.

42:56Joe Santagato:All right. All right. Well, then I'm going to go corn first. I'll go corn first. You ready? Joey's panicking. He's looking for something. I don't even know what I'm doing. All right. I'm just going to go for it, though. I'm sorry. I'm not waiting for you. Here we go. Corn.

43:16Joe Santagato:Oh, man. That's really gross. Corn is bad. Corn's bad? That's a good one! Oh, corn is not good. And it doesn't even taste like corn. What is that? Bro. I mean, if that one was not good, if it's worse than corn, I'm in trouble. Yo, it is so... Try the corn. Am I being pranked? Try the corn. I'm being pranked. No, it's bad. Try the corn. Who's corn? The yellow with the dots. This one. yeah just eat it baby just chew

43:56your face was funny this is okay it's not

43:59Joe Santagato:it's not good but it's not Frank I'm gonna tell you this right now what you got up and ran away with the corn yeah bad I don't want to be disrespectful you mean to the fried chicken no no no you'll hear it I don't want to be disrespectful for me this is up there with 9-11

44:26wow I think he has to try another one it can't be that bad it is so bad Frank literally like someone puked into my mouth

44:35Joe Santagato:alright well then I'm trying the gravy next then it's disgusting gravy train here we go riding it all the way down this tastes like a plumber's tool bag oh oh that's fucking bad dude

44:54it does it it tastes like no no no no yo Frank first of all I'm gonna be honest with you right I know you're gonna throw up from the last one like I know it you had a good meal today too any else I don't even okay Joe you gotta try the gravy Joe is the gravy that bad

45:14Joe Santagato:It's just It's not good Frankie's finishing them Which is making me proud There's no way I'm finishing it You ate that? There's no way Your little fucking Sensitive stomach You were to throw up All over this place Alright now you gotta Try it again No no no No you do it again Let me try this gravy shit Yeah honestly I don't even want him To have that Okay

45:35Oh god

45:41What the hell am I eating?

45:45Joe Santagato:Oh, what's going on now? You see what I mean about the plumber's tool bag? Yeah, but now it feels like someone put a pen in here. Yeah, like I should be soldering. This is like someone pissed in gravy. All right, well. I'm getting out of the way. It's all come down to this. Just have two at the same time. No. You're going to do the same as him? No, dude. I'm being serious. I'm being serious. If you're okay with that, I'm not okay with you. So, like, either this is going to be the most disgusting thing you've ever put in your mouth, or I don't respect you. Wow, that's bad. No, no, that's how confident I am.

46:28I mean, I remember when we did Bean Boozled. This is definitely worse, dude. No way, dude.

46:34Joe Santagato:Those Bean Boozled ones were. The old Band-Aid and the spoiled milk ones, I couldn't believe how they even figured out how to make it taste like that. The spoiled milk one was pretty bad. This one, I just couldn't get it out of my head. I'm like, someone threw up in my mouth. I'm going to need something to wash this down. You're going to need to run to the sink. I'm going to need something to wash this down. Yo, I don't even get like that, and I almost found it. Really? All right, now you're making me like. I know. I'm sorry. All right, fuck it. Frankie, you're going to just put three. Who is that?

47:03Joe Santagato:You know, the guy at the peanut gallery, now you have to fucking have some. If you do three, I'll do one. I'm having one just to try it. Oh, boo. I'm having one, but this one has extra dots on it. Look at the dots on this one. Do them separately. Do them separately, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this one is the fried chicken one. I think so. What the fuck did I eat then? You ate the fried chicken one? The pink one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this one, look. This one is just a little dots. Look at the dots on that one. No, do that one. The one that's lighter. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm a little nervous because if you almost threw up, there's a good chance that I might.

47:35It's just a fried chicken jelly bean.

47:37Joe Santagato:You'll be fine. It isn't. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I don't even want to watch. There are people that have, like, fear of throwing up that are watching this that are going to – Yeah, they're going to be pissed. We're going to need – you know? Okay. Here we go. Yeah.

48:01How is it still in his mouth? How is it still in his mouth? We've got to see the reaction. Doesn't it taste like throw up? Doesn't it? The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first 7up flip the sip

48:55Isn't that so nasty That one was real. Yeah, I didn't like it. What's happening now? I'm involved in this. Yeah, that's so bad. That tastes like a wrench. No, it doesn't. It tastes like someone puked on a wrench. And then shit on it. I got it though. You ate it? Yeah. Is it bad? I want Joe to do one more. He's not.

49:22You need the whole KFC meal, obviously. You do. No, you got it.

49:25Joe Santagato:I'll do it if you do it. Alright, you go first. You first. I promise you I'll do it I'm a man of my word I will never break my word You gotta I don't want this You gotta do it first Why are you shaking? Did you like it? You're so disgusting No No

49:48Don't Don't Cause you're gonna get me It feels like someone's pressing on the bottom of my throat Yo my rice See ya now Here I go I think I'm getting the smell of it over here. I'll tell you what, that part's not helping me at all either. Fucking stinks. Come on, Ian.

50:06Joe Santagato:No, you got it. Frank, why? Bottoms up.

50:25Holy shit Oh no He's on both knees right now Oh no He looks like he's praying Oh my god, I hate this show, dude.

50:42Frank opened up the paper towels to look at it and then made him gag again. You like gagging. I don't. Oh,

50:52Joe Santagato:that was fucking bad. Smell my breath. Last thing I want to do. Please smell my breath. Last thing. Please. The last thing. I'll give you nothing. No! You're a freak.

51:09Oh my god. You're here, here. No, stop. It's just so gross. Alright, alright, alright. Show's off the rails. God, it smells like ham. Call the cops. Oh, it smells so bad. The fried chicken... The fried chicken fucking jelly... I can't even talk right now. Jesus Christmas.

51:36Angry Orchard's pretty good, though. Yeah, it's good. How'd you get it open? I used these scissors. I brought them over just in case you guys wanted them open. Oh, God. That's so disgusting. I mean, look. I hated that a lot. I gotta stop listening to you. When you bring food in, I'm just gonna reject it. For my own safety. I think you'll be fine. Frank's walking like Triple H right now. It looked like he cried. He's walking around like Triple H. I think he's hurting here. Frankie just has like... Now he has a stench to him.

52:12Joe Santagato:I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. I just took a fucking swig of scotch to get that taste out of my mouth. That would work. That's really bad. We should keep breathing to a minimum because... Be serious. Yeah, I'm smelling it. Be serious.

52:37Was there a question?

52:39Joe Santagato:You getting anything? Thankfully, no. Yo, that was bad, dude. How fucking... Yo, you mixing those is nasty. If you do that, I will... Yeah. Make it... What do you do? I will admit full, like, loss of the whole, like, bitch whatever thing, and I will pay you whatever it is. No. No. It's$260 if you care. It's not worth it. I won't even put one of those jelly beans in my mouth. What about in your butt? No. That was really bad. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the colonel. Oh, I'd like to. Disgusting. Fuck you. The chicken. I mean, last time I had pop KFC. Uh-oh. He's about to fucking fuck your ass.

53:24I'm going crazy now.

53:25Joe Santagato:You know what it is? I'm seeing stars. This is a crazy episode. I'm just going to throw this here. Yeah. Good God, dude. Every now and then we'll check in on it to see if we got an acquired taste. That's so gross. Oh, man. It's like sucking my teeth. Those gags were purely for help. The one, that was a disgusting one. That one almost got me. People are going to be upset at this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're not going to be happy. 100%. I mean, I'm upset and I'm on it. So, can't imagine how they feel. I had a fun time from here. Yeah, you also, you said that you would do it if I did it.

54:00Joe Santagato:And I didn't, you didn't do it. I don't think we can afford to have ant puke all over the stuff. I know that Joe is like, we got to move on from this because he said before, like, it's getting off the rails. Like, let's move on. I didn't say it was getting off the rails because we were doing it for too long. I was saying it was getting off the rails because you nearly vomited. Yeah. Yeah. Ran across. It's all right. Yo, I really, I had to take a step and breathe because I thought, I was like, I'm going to throw up on this desk. When I ran away from my desk, I was running towards the sink because I thought it was going to come out of my...

54:36I thought it was just going to like...

54:37Joe Santagato:I was thinking of that buffalo chicken wrap that I had before this. And I was like, I swear I thought I was going to paint the desk with my secretion. It'd be so much fun if you two threw up at the desk. I mean, we would immediately get demonetized. I'll blur it. Why, you can't? We'll blur it. You can't throw up? I don't think so. People puke. Also, we were talking straight up about butt sex earlier, so that's probably going to do it. Were we? It was more around the act. It wasn't direct. A used word fucking sticking your tongue out. I was going to get pissed on. That did happen. It did. That's true.

55:12It did. This is probably a bad time to get to the rest of the ad, so we're going to like... Well, you want to give it a beat? Yeah, say something that is family friendly.

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58:42Joe Santagato:I'm being haunted. My breath is hot and gross. I'm being haunted by those jelly beans. Yo, they're disgusting. I do want to get to this because I'm curious. You brought it up beforehand. You're like, oh, you know they found out where the male G-spot is? That's right. To our knowledge. As if this episode didn't have enough but and homoerotic conversation. Where do you think the G-spot is?

59:10Joe Santagato:What the? fuck is that? Why are you measuring it by distance? Wait, what are you talking about? It's in your butt, isn't it? So. I'm asking you where you think it is. In your butt. But what is the what is that? What's the measurement? It's like that deep? Yeah. But is it up, down, left, right? I think there's only one way to go. Down. Down. It's down. Down is out. You press down. So you go, so if someone went in your butt and pressed down, that's where you think the G spot is? You know what? I'm not gonna be bewildered here. I'm going to be sex positive. Good for you. Bewildered is not the right word for this.

59:49But wait. I think it's in and down. Is that you standing up? That's a good question. I think so. So if I went in your butt. Yeah, mine. And I go down. Yeah. Then you'd be like, this is nice. I think so. What makes you think that? Experience? Experience? It's what I feel.

1:00:08Joe Santagato:Hell yeah. Good for you, man. I thought it was in the butt, too. Well, move over, butthole. There's a new G-spot in town.

1:00:22Joe Santagato:Is it? We sold out MSG. I know. Is it stupid? Like, is it like an ear? Because I'm going to freak out if it is. It is not. Can I get to it? Yeah. Like, what does that mean? Can I reach it from here? It's on your body, so yes. Is it external or internal? It's external. No way. So I can accidentally rub up against my G-spot and I would go crazy? I mean, I guess. Cats do that. Cats love to get themselves horny. They're like, oh my God. They're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, it's like, you love the couch. Yeah, so a new study showed that they found the male G-spot. I don't know what the science behind it is.

1:01:02Can you give us clues? I like how we found the male one before we could find the female one Speak for yourself

1:01:08Joe Santagato:Speak for yourself honey Speak for yourself It's up Yeah that one's up It's up Yeah that one's up It's up I didn't know what that meant It's up Like at the top No She's around the corner Yeah and up Well it's like it's up there Yeah Wait where are you guys I feel like you don't know I feel like where are you I know where I am Where are you right now Picture it in your mind I I know exactly where I am. Wait, so give us clues for this male G-spot. It's not in my asshole. Not in your asshole. Is it near my asshole? I mean, everything is technically near your asshole. What? My eyebrows are nowhere near my asshole.

1:01:48Joe Santagato:I mean, in the grand scheme of things, if you think about the distance between here and the moon, it's near your asshole. I'm talking about my body. Oh. Well, still technically close enough. Hmm. Can I get anywhere with you? Can I get anywhere with you? It is, um... Below or above the waist? Below the waist. Back of the knee? You think that the point for male sexual gratification is the back of the... I will tell you this. I will even narrow it down. It's between your waist and your thigh. Oh, my dick. Yeah, dude. Wait, what? It's called the frenular delta. Frenular? Yeah, apparently it's a spot on the shaft of your cock.

1:02:34So it was a weekly

1:02:37Joe Santagato:Snorting pig I'm sorry Wait It's on the Yeah Apparently Friendular Friendular Delta Damn That sounds like a platoon In an obscure region Called the Frenular Delta Which sounds like A fucking awesome Power Ranger name Frenular Delta Who did it? Yeah A triangular zone located on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft, an area so mysterious it has long been omitted from sexual health textbooks. Omitted? Yeah, like they didn't know. It's like the fucking, like you can't like explore the Marianas Trench. We just didn't have the, I guess the science to explore the frenular delta. Let me ask you a question.

1:03:24You read that. Did you fiddle with it?

1:03:26Joe Santagato:No, I was, no, I did not. Doesn't sound too believable. I'm looking at it. Wait, what? What are you looking at? The frenular, what did you say? Delta. So you're looking at a penis? Yeah. It's the underbelly. Yeah, it is. It's like a triangle of death? Which is so, I think. It's like Bermuda Triangle? Yeah, I guess so. The part of this that is so funny is all, you know, like, all those, like, toxic masculine guys that are just, like, juice-fucking the ass, but I'm not gay, I swear to God, you know? Yeah. And then to find out it's not in there. I mean, it's got to be some sort of spot, right? If people were calling it G all these years, I mean.

1:04:07Joe Santagato:Yeah, I'm sure it's like little G. You know, like big G spot is the frenular delta. This is the capital G? Yeah, that's the capital G spot. This is lowercase G. And then lowercase G spot is in the butt, maybe. Okay. Damn, I've got to check out this delta. That's a better way to describe it. I think we have a lowercase and an uppercase. Yeah, yeah. What do you think? Yay or nay on the lower G?

1:04:32Do you think it checks out? Like, oh, yeah, that's a good spot.

1:04:35Joe Santagato:You pushing buttons? You playing the piano? Yeah, I think it checks out. I got to check it out. The lower G? This is your asshole, just so we're clear. No, no, I'm checking out this new one. The frenular delta is the upper G. Yeah, I'm capital G. It's not fair that the frenular delta is the upper G because the other one was so OG. You can't downgrade it to lowercase g. You can if you find something bigger and better. I mean, Aaron Judge comes around. who cares about Babe Ruth? You know what I'm saying? He's got a point. I mean, you know, he's got a point. Let him cook. Uh, I'm definitely gonna check it out.

1:05:11Joe Santagato:I mean, I think by just natural biological advances in your sexual life, you probably have already without realizing it. Yeah, of course. I mean, it's my wiener. It's getting touched. It is your wiener. Yeah, that is correct. How would I even go about not touching it? Your new best friend on your plane, touch it? doesn't it kind of feel like cheating though cause like oh oh yeah the male G spots on the penis oh wow cool I mean I'm sure there are like you know women watching this that are just like of course they have it so easy you know it's right where everyone knew it always was yeah

1:05:49I don't know

1:05:50Joe Santagato:I don't know I don't remember anything in this episode that happened Mr. Gabagool was in there The jelly beans were in there I don't want to think about the jelly beans Big episode for G sounding things Gabagool jelly beans I know it's with a J, sounds like G And G spot This is a triple G episode Gabagool's grocery games in your G spot Please don't That's the title? I think that's a working title No one would know what the episode could possibly be I think that's the point Nor would the Can you imagine Manu making that thumbnail? Yeah. Gobbagool's Grocery Games in the G-spot. Mr. Gobbagool, and it could be Joe as Guy Fieri with Gobbagool, like, hanging over his shoulder.

1:06:38Joe Santagato:And he's looking down at his new G-spot. He's like. And what are you doing? I'm over there in a tux, and I'm sitting there like this. What does that signify? Not being you. Correct. You know? that was it is like i wonder like if people graduate from college and there's like i got my degree i'm gonna use it to like really like break do some groundbreaking research and then they're like guess what i did at work today honey found the g spot found the g spot on the male penis on the male penis i have a crazy theory where the new male g spot is where can we look we gotta exactly where it's been right under our nose the whole time we're gonna do some tests do you guys have a g-spot here we go do you have a g-spot do you think is just unique to you you're like well i like that spot on me no i don't think so no i'm pretty penis focused yeah penis forward um isn't it your ear or something well he he like when he was a kid don't never mind okay yeah well no that's not my answer i don't know i'm trying to think about my answer it's just a question i thought of i mean you you you talk enough about your nipples that i feel like your nipples are on there no yeah you talk enough about nipple play that you're you're doing something it was like twice dude for you're blowing on them to make them look good you're playing with them for pictures blow on them i i fiddle them You diddle your nipples.

1:08:14Joe Santagato:Yeah. I don't blow on them. You're a nipple diddler. Of my own. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a self-inflicting. Yeah. You are a... I diddle myself. You did. Yeah. No, I can't think of any. I'm pretty good with, like... Really? I feel like you got, like, a... You're like a back-scratching weirdo. I do. Yo, this kid's like a fucking cat, dude. You scratch his arm and he's like, Oh! It's like, yeah, relax. I will say. It's not, it never has been, and I can't imagine it will be sexual in nature. But, like, there will be some times I'll be in the kitchen and Becca will just, like, put her hands under my shirt and just scratch my back, like, down my back.

1:08:55Why is that so good?

1:08:56Joe Santagato:And I'm like, I literally, like, I feel my body just, like, melting. I just saw your tongue flip back and forth like a snake's. Oh, no. Yeah. Whereas you're, like, normal, run-of-the-mill. you're not breaking the mold. Your back thing sounds pretty... But it's not sexual. Like, I've never gotten sexual gratification from it. But it's like, it's a spot. But it just feels good, but not... Like, if you were a dog, I could get your leg going by scratching your back. Yeah, but that's not sexual, though. You know what I mean? Like, that's not sexual. Yeah. It would be like, if there was like a thing where it was like...

1:09:37Joe Santagato:I don't know how to explain it. It feels good, but not in a sexual way. It feels good in like a relaxing way. Yeah You got one? I would tell you Not at the top of my mind honestly Let's do some thinking We'll come back to this Do some testing I want to know your G-spots We'll do some testing? I'm sure Angry Orchard's real happy to be on this episode

1:10:07Yeah don't get angry

1:10:09Joe Santagato:Get horny Get Orchard Get orchard. Yeah. I guess how many guys do you think saw that article and were just like, Honey, we got to figure something out. Tonight's the night. Yeah, we got to do. You ready to do some experimenting? My triangle's ready. Frenular delta is also, it sounds like the opening of a river. A delta. Yeah. It sounds like exactly what the word is also used for. Oh, man. I think I'm like I can't get the taste of these damn jelly beans Yo my mouth is so disgusting I'm not kidding you I'm not kidding what it feels like is I ate a human hand Like a cannibal Like that's what my mouth tastes like If I chewed on the inside of a baseball I feel like this is what it would be Like one that's sat Or like a handball No like waterlogged You ever seen the inside of a baseball It's all like It's like the yarn Yeah It's like If I chewed on a waterlog inside of a baseball it's what my mouth tastes like it's so hot too like my teeth are hot it's like it's like I made out with foghorn leghorn the chicken yeah I believe he's a rooster I say I say I say he's whatever you want him to be which one is a cock rooster yeah yes male chickens or cocks or roosters oh what's a chicken a female chicken no that's a hen I think it's also, I think maybe chicken is like the overarching, that's like, that's a chicken.

1:11:45Joe Santagato:It's a male one. Oh, it's a rooster. It's a female one. Oh, it's a hen. But they're both chicken. Yeah, frogs and toads. He's looking intently. Chicken is a general term for the species, and a hen is a mature female chicken. So I'm right. Mature. Yeah, so I'm right. Well, I said it. No, I said it. I said chicken. I said, what's a chicken? And I specified what the answer was. You said female at first. I said a head. You know what I don't like? How much you have to do to things to make them work. Like a chicken, you can't... Like the G-spot? Yeah, exactly. When a head lays an egg, you have to incubate it.

1:12:24You can't just eat it like it's an egg. Can you? I've never done that. I mean, people are drinking raw milk these days like idiots. No, the opposite. You have to incubate it for it to be another chick. Yeah, like that's why they sit on them.

1:12:38Joe Santagato:Sit on it. Yeah. Like, that's why, like, I don't know what that was, and I'm not going to ask. Yeah, what was that? That's why they'll, like, that's the whole, like, sitting on it, is they're providing the warmth that would be through incubation. Because it's like heat, isn't it? That makes the animal, that makes them, no, they have to be fertilized. No, eggs don't need to be, how would eggs be fertilized? They're a shell. No, like, if it's going to be a chick. Yeah, but how do you fertilize an egg when the shell is already around it? before they get laid yeah yeah but like it's like you could get a it's got a shell along the way yeah but what i'm saying is like you need to like once the shell is once the egg is down it could still turn into wait no no no they lay eggs if they're not like so eggs are just non-fertilized chicks yes so they're they're laying blanks yes every day i didn't know that Yeah.

1:13:36Joe Santagato:I mean, I know that they lay eggs every day. It's crazy their body. You thought that they just lay eggs, but the ones they sit on are the ones that become chicks? Yeah. So where does sex come into any of that? You didn't think it did. I didn't go a step further and think about chicken sex. Does that mean you think that you can accidentally crack an egg for breakfast and there'd be a chicken? I used to think that. Okay. But no, you can't. Well, I mean, I assume you can't. Something went wrong. yeah i don't know i don't know i mean that would be terrifying i have cracked an egg and it's twins i don't like that yeah it's kind of mean but one time i saw a tiktok of a girl crack an egg and she was like making something and it came out and there was like some black shit in it and i was like yo what is that yeah have you ever seen balut yes is that vietnamese i don't know where it's from i think it is vietnamese but i'll tell you this it does not look appealing because that That I think is like what we're referencing, right?

1:14:34Joe Santagato:It's like it's a fertilized egg that like they cook then, right? Did you say you'd eat it? Balloot? Yeah. It's a thing. They eat it. Oh, I thought you said you would eat it. I would eat it. Oh, man. I don't think I can. I mean, I would try it. If it's like a delicacy in someone's country, I'll try it. Yeah, but so are century eggs, but we ate those. I did eat them, and those I didn't like. They are also a delicacy in places And they were not good Yeah I don't know how those are likable to be honest with you Can you look up Balut? Let's get a look at this thing I don't know if you're supposed to What?

1:15:09Toss this up here Well it's just food Well it's not yeah

1:15:16Joe Santagato:Oh yeah Oh that's Balut? What did you think it was? Not that What did you think Balut was? I just thought it was something I didn't think it was... What is it? I can't eat this. No, I wouldn't. If it has a beak, I'm good. That's what I'm saying. I can't eat this. I don't know if we could show this. It is a fertilized duck egg. Can you look up what Balut is? Just like what it is? Yeah, like what's the... What is it?

1:15:46What is it?

1:15:48Joe Santagato:This is... It is a fertilized duck egg. Yeah. Incubated for two to three weeks. Boiled and eaten in the shell. Popular street food in the Philippines, Vietnam, and Cambodia. You know what I want to eat? Yeah, I don't know about that. That's not for me. Oh, that's heavy. That's heavy. Yeah, that's not for me. I want to eat an ostrich egg. You ever seen someone cook an ostrich egg? Yeah, they're fucking huge. Dude, I would love to eat an ostrich egg. That'd be cool. You think they taste different? I'm sure they do. They look similar. Yeah, they do, but they aren't chicken eggs. Have you ever eaten an egg not of a chicken?

1:16:22Joe Santagato:I've had quail. Yeah, quail egg. But that's like egg. It's a bird. Yeah, but, I mean, they all have different... I guess you wouldn't be able to tell with your palate. Especially now, after it's getting fucking gangbanged by those... Why are you putting down my palate? You have openly admitted to not having the best palate. I say that. Okay. It's your palate. I'm not good at salt and, like... Which one of you two would you say is more adventurous with food? Because I feel like... That's a great question. I think... I only don't... The only thing I won't eat is tuna fish. Like, I don't like that.

1:17:00Joe Santagato:I mean, I guess by definition, I am. But then I won't eat anything like honey mustard, and you will. You won't eat anything with honey mustard? Honey mustard's fantastic. Honey mustard's not good. It's very good. I have stuff with mustard. I don't think either of us are picky eaters. I think if you were to ask 15 years ago, it would be a radically different answer. I think you were a lot less adventurous at that point in life Yeah But not anymore Yeah What about you? Are you an adventurous eater? If I look at it I can tell if I'll like it or not I don't like the people that say like Oh you haven't tried it It's like no I can see I can see I'm not going to like that I agree with that I do to an extent only when it comes to like If you're big with like the texture of food Because I can understand people that look at oysters and they're like listen i've never had an oyster but just looking at it i can tell i'm not gonna like it because of the texture with taste then you have to try it like i can't yeah i mean are there foods that you won't eat i was talking about this yesterday that's so interesting you bring up the only one i can think of is there a meat you won't eat no i don't think there's a meat i won't eat but meat i won't eat but fish i think i said this like i like shellfish I prefer shellfish over fish fish.

1:18:23Like a branzino? Yeah, I don't like it. You don't like the way a branzino looks? I feel like that's aesthetically pleasing.

1:18:28Joe Santagato:I feel like, if anything, that's more aesthetically pleasing than shellfish. Yeah. Branzino is definitely not aesthetically pleasing. Shellfish is disgusting. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, it is. It's a full head of the fishes there and the tail. Yeah, it's incredible. Like, look at what I just roasted, like a caveman. What about salmon? There's no head. Yeah, I know the head is absent from there I mean, if you're not eating a branzino on a salmon You can kiss not kick eater goodbye And guess what the salmon does have? Frenular delta, probably Probably, yeah The head might be gone, but the delta's there Yeah Triangle, bitch

1:19:07I'm gonna have to count that

1:19:08Joe Santagato:But no, that's a reference to the Will Smith Yeah, but you looked at him Triangle, bitch? What's that? What movie was that where he said that? And I just making it up No, no, no, I remember Oh, you're trying to get me. I'm dead serious. I'm not trying to get you. It's not in his eyes. No, I'm dead serious. I'm not trying to get you here. I can't really reference too many Will Smith. Man, well, I'll remember it after the show. What about octopus? Oh, I love octopus. Charred octopus. I like that. Oh, yeah. What about... Galamad. Godamad. Godamad. Godamad from Mr. Gabagool. Bro, I would love to be on a pirate ship and attacked.

1:19:50I mean, actually, I don't want to be attacked. I would like to watch an attack. Of what? Of a giant octopus. Oh, hell no? You want to watch people die? Well, I hope they don't, but I'm so far away that I don't know if they do.

1:20:02Joe Santagato:I imagine that if there is a ship that is attacked by a giant octopus and or squid, there will be some casualties involved. Are we referring to a kraken? Could be kraken. Is a kraken an octopus? I think a kraken is a mythological one. I think, like, giant squids and giant octopi exist. Octopi. But I think a kraken is, like, a mythological, like, version of those. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, you ever see, like, in a movie or something where it's, like, a ship and then there's, like, big octopuks? Octopuks. Octopus legs, like, coming over and just kind of drags it. Yeah, apparently there's a deadly octopus That will fucking ruin your day Blue ring?

1:20:46Joe Santagato:Blue ring octopus I just watched a movie and they had it in there It will fucking How? Like, you get bit by them and they release like a toxin I don't like poison Did you watch that movie? I do like octopus though Did you watch My Octopus Teacher? Dude, this guy wanted to fuck that octopus Yeah, he wanted to crush it He wanted to have sex with that octopus I only like giant octopus though No, I like cool. I like the ones where they put, like, jars of food in there, and they're like, look at how smart they are. I love that, dude. Yeah. But, like, giant octopus and, like, ships. I love looking at, like, octopuses get onto, like, a big ship, and then there's, like, a little hole, and there's, like, look at them get out.

1:21:28Seen that where they had, like, an octopus, and it's just going, and then all of a sudden just goes through a hole this big, like.

1:21:33Joe Santagato:Yeah. Or, like, the ones that can, like, camouflage, and you're following it, following it, and then it's gone. I don't understand how animals can do that. I have, I shouldn't say I have a theory. Becca has a theory that she has instilled upon me, and I kind of agree with it. Octopus are aliens. I mean, looking at them, yeah. Like, but like, looking at them, what they can do, how they move. Like, they are, they are the, if we're going to look at the whole animal kingdom on our planet, that's the one that'll look like and be like, that's an alien, dude. That's not from here. How big does a giant squid get?

1:22:09They just found one recently, I think. Or they saw one. Well, like, that's like a normal...

1:22:13Joe Santagato:Are there videos of giant squid? Because I don't want to get freaked out. I think there's one, but it's a second and then a... So what's the biggest... Yeah, like, how big do giant squid get? Pictures of giant squids and how big they get.

1:22:28Joe Santagato:What? Giant and colossal squid. That's from Reddit, so it could be fake. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. You're also using Gemini. I'm reading, bro. The largest invertebrates on earth with females reaching total lengths of around 43 to 59 feet. Yeah, but that doesn't count. That's just their legs. Dude. They typically weigh 440 to 600 pounds. Excuse me? Can you imagine that godamod? Yeah, that's got unlimited gobbledamod. Gobbledamod. That could feed a whole group of Mr. Gobbogools. Yeah. 43 feet? Yeah, I would go off. This site is pretty good. I mean, I'm sure they can get there, but until like someone has a picture of one, I don't fucking believe it.

1:23:06Joe Santagato:Can a giant, I mean, giant squid are like real, obviously, right? Yep. Yeah, but I don't think they're that real. Can they actually like, is this a stupid question? Take down a ship? I don't think, I don't think so. I don't think a 43, maybe a small ship, like a sailboat or something. Do you think pirates got like killed by them one day? I don't know, man. I guess anything is possible. God, that's scary. Just like, I want to see a picture. Giant squid. Show it to me now. holy that's not real that's not real no it's not real i'm trying to find the one that oh they're so gross i like them though a lot i do like i mean the single eye thing freaking freaks me out i don't like imagining it touching me and like suction cupping to me is is like i got i've cooked octopus and i've gotten freaked out because like the suction cups still work i'm gonna look like bro i heard a thing that like they have somewhere like let's say it's like 300 it might be more it might be less but let's say it's like 300 individual cups they can control each and every one of them individually don't they have eight brains or something like that i thought i saw something like four brains or four hearts four hearts four of hearts something they got something like that yeah the king of diamonds but like they can like do that shit and it's just like whoa dude yeah that's just that's just nuts i fuck with them but like chill out you know what i mean what are you intently looking at trying to find the one i was talking about i think i found it i just like the idea of them fucking ruins my day of an octopus of a giant one yeah because like if i see that in the water i'm pretty happy knowing that like humans are the top of the food chain so like the idea that like i know other animals exist that can also threaten Nat, like bear and lion and tigers.

1:24:59Oh, is this a video? This is what they found.

1:25:02Joe Santagato:Oh, I saw this. This is, but it's not giant. It's just like some fucker. It's long, bro. What the fuck? No, that's not real, is it? Yeah. No, I've seen this before. And then they make a representation of the scale. What? But I don't think that's a, that's more of a jellyfish. It was something, but this is like the longest one they found. Oh, wow. I mean, if you talk about something that looks most like an alien, I mean, look at that. I would be honest with you. Yeah, dude, that looks like the thing from Nope. Yeah, bro. I don't like things that have long, like, that are like that. I forget about that.

1:25:38Like, imagine, like, even seaweed, I'm like, oh!

1:25:41Joe Santagato:Yeah. Too long! That was, ugh. Yeah, I don't like, like, when you're swimming and you touch seaweed, and it's just like, I'm too close to the ground. I haven't even touched seaweed in a bit. God, I just... Yeah, I know. I haven't touched seaweed in a bit. That was my least favorite Like being at like the lake Like as you're like Going closer to the shore And you get to like The area where it's like You're like It's Like you're far enough That like it's not Like you can walk But like you put your feet down And it's like all seaweedy And it's like yucky Yeah I don't like shit on my feet I don't like it I don't like it either Well Good gosh Yeah what do we name this one Fuck knows dude Who the hell knows Ended on Octopus and Ships and we started with Mr.

1:26:24Joe Santagato:Gabagool we started with Mr. Gabagool and this is where it leads Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood this is your Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood for one episode or for one week it shouldn't be standing out of studios it should be Gabagool Studios alright we're going to get back to you with some other great ideas next time Frank where can they find you Frank Alvarez all over the place go check out the Basement Yard on all forms of social media and then Patreon Patreon.com slash salvation. And? Nope. All right. We'll see you guys next time. For what he did with those jelly beans, he doesn't deserve it.

1:27:00All right.

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