Jeremy Renner: Rejecting Hawkeye's "Insult Offer" & His Fightback After 14,000lb Snowplough Crash (E348)

0:00Watch it early on the High Performance App. Available now, Roman Kemp The broadcaster opens up A powerful conversation On success and mental health To me it's like you get a seat Behind the curtain Look I didn't want to come back Let me just put it that way Somehow someway I was pulled back They asked me to do season 2 And they offered me half the money Did you think I'm only half the Jeremy Because I got ran over I thought and believed when I woke up From the coma is that I had to get better to heal, not for me to get better, but to heal my family. That is the voice of Marvel actor Jeremy Renner, the Hollywood star known worldwide for his role as a superhero, but whose real-life story took a dramatic turn on a snowy country road in 2023.

0:52Whilst clearing snow on his Nevada property, Jeremy experienced a near-fatal accident that left him with devastating injuries and a long, painful road to recovery. 38 broken bones, including six broken ribs in 14 places, three breaks in his lower pelvis, a broken femur, a broken right ankle. His left leg was broken, left ankle was broken, right clavicle was broken, his right shoulder blade was broken, his right eye socket and jaw was broken, his left hand was broken, he fractured his wrist, his left foot, had a collapsed lung, a pierced liver, major head lacerations. And all of this, Damien, is before we even speak about the mental impacts of such injuries.

1:30I mean, truly incredible. Well, two years on from that fateful day, Jeremy sat down with us from the gym of a rented house where he's filming his latest TV project to share the experience of it with high performance. It's really fascinating how he talks about a breathing technique that he learned as a kid and how it saved his life and why, despite the trauma he's been through, he wouldn't go back to his life as it was before the incident. The bit that really stood out for me, though, was when he gets emotional, sharing the pain of hearing his mum planning for life without him. You're absolutely right.

2:01And as well as getting emotional, he also got passionate, Damien, didn't he? And actually quite angry when he tells us he turned down the chance to recreate one of his most famous roles because of an offer that he felt was a disgrace. So stay tuned for that moment as we bring you the unfiltered truth about a Hollywood actor who suffered a life-changing moment in the snow. If you're listening on Apple or Spotify, hit follow right now so you never miss an episode. It really helps us to grow the show. It keeps you in the loop every time we drop something new, and it means we can attract even more huge names with remarkable stories to share.

2:34As we welcome to High Performance, Jeremy Renner.

2:42Jeremy, welcome to the show. Two years on from your accident, one of the most remarkable elements of your book is when you describe in great detail the moment that the accident happened. when you when you had to relive it for the book what were the emotions like it's one of the reasons why i didn't want to um do it to write the book any sort of giant obstacle like that in my life or anybody's life i think is the you know you got to go right into the eye of the storm of that kind of stuff you know it's wonderfully cathartic that i did i'm glad i did it it was one it was wonderful to do it. I just wasn't like stepping up and clicking my heels every morning to go talk about it and write it out and relive it, right?

3:24But those are the most important moving, healing, learning moments of our lives is to do the exact opposite of what we want to do in our lives. We always want to take the easy route. We always want to take the fastest way to the liquor store. We want to take the shortcut to here. We want to do whatever makes us the least amount of effort to get the highest gains, right? And it's such a stupid human thinking, because what we really need to do is challenge ourselves and do the opposite of what we really, because we get lazy, or like a lot of us, I'm not saying we all do, but I think just the human nature is to sort of kind of be lazy, or just, you know, just wait for the weekend, and then we can live our lives and find joy, but let's hate life Monday through Friday, and do some job that we hate, and then go, oh, no, let's live our lives, and go get blasted on fear, or whatever it is, right?

4:12But I think society's kind of a little twisted up on how we should celebrate and encourage, you know, the hardships and suffering. And because those are all the building blocks of what real movement and real growth is as a human. And so to circle back to like me wanting to write this, it wasn't that. So that's why I knew I had to write this thing. I had to find other ways to heal from it. I had to, I had to, there's a lot to learn in it, right? There's a lot to learn. And I knew there's a lot of people that might be able to benefit from it. Don't know what that is, to be honest with you, but I know somehow, some way there might be.

4:48So I got out of my own damn way and I reaped the benefits of that glory moment of getting crushed and then overcoming its obstacles. I can say glorious because we all know how this ends. Here I am sitting here talking about it. Jeremy, I love that idea of finding grace in suffering. It reminds me of a study done by some psychologist called Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun that found that 30 to 70 % of people that undergo significant trauma like you did end up experiencing some form of post-traumatic growth where they develop a deeper sense of their own personal strength and life satisfaction.

5:29Did you have any support to experience some of this growth that you've obviously gone through in the time since? I mean, I think I had a ton of support. The amount of love and support of my family during the recovery, from just being in a short time in the hospital, but then most of the recovery being at home. A lot of my family and friends, the support was massive. But I still have to be the one that has to get better. I still have to be the one that recovers. And I did a, which I didn't have to even think of, It was just something that I thought and believed when I woke up from the coma.

6:15Is that I had to get better to heal, not for me to get better, but to heal my family. I thought I was such quite the burden. I thought I ruined New Year's. I thought I disappointed all the kids. I was supposed to stay skiing that day. I failed on a lot of promises. these aren't characteristics that I typically do. And I felt terrible by it. And I knew I didn't do it. I forgave myself. And they're obviously not thinking like you ruined New Year's. It's just something that was in my body. But that feeling and that thought, because the first thing I said was that I was sorry and that I loved them and I was intubated so I couldn't talk.

7:00And I had to write down a piece of paper. that first initial reaction to my conscious mind from after waking up from the coma was what drove me to get better anyway because it wasn't to get better for me it was to get better to heal them the better i got physically mentally emotionally the better they got they were less relieved they're more relieved i'm the one that was dealing with the pain the anguish but that's nothing that was the easy part they were the ones that were their hands tied they couldn't do anything. They loved me so dearly and deeply, but they were at a loss. They just wanted me to get better.

7:33They didn't want to see me in pain or anything. So the better I got, the faster I got better, the more I would heal my poor nephew, Alex, who is here with me now. And then my family, my daughter, they wouldn't have to carry that weight. And I wouldn't want to be in their shoes because they're helpless to that weight. I'm the only one that can really lift it for them. and all I have to do is get better than it was the day before. So then I get better every day. So that's high performance. Next step, next step, and then you're fucking walking. That's high performance. And here we are over two years on from the accident, Jeremy, and the emotion of that element, family, still obviously is so clear for you.

8:21Yeah, yeah. It's everything. It was Ava, my daughter, because I didn't see her through any of the ordeal. And I saw that my job as a father, I know, is to protect her and to never put fear in her life. And boy, did I. So I had to correct that. So she became a great barometer for me and a motivator to, you know, get excited. Every weekend I could show her how much better I got. be proud of myself and you know to to sort of gamify recovery and uh i mean i had to do that a lot i think even even in the physical sense of like high performance and like working out and training like to kind of gamify a workout is really quite important so it doesn't get like this monotonous like just it's doing curls or whatever but the idea and recovery um just sort of to gamify it just kind of find new challenges and you know i take a rubber band and do this and I just do whatever I can do and just have markers for my own mental health.

9:25Like, yeah, yeah, I couldn't do that yesterday. All right. Or I could sit up today or I'm not peeing in the jar. I put a lot of this stuff kind of in the book. But the milestones don't have to be big. You just got to set them. You know, that's all high-performance stuff.

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11:25Can you give us an example, Jeremy, of some of those milestones that you did set for yourself, and whether there was one particular milestone when you knew the recovery was really on track? I don't separate the level of a milestone. Yeah, when I got up out of a wheelchair and started walking on my feet, seems like it might be a big one. Or when I started running, I never tried running again, and they said I'd never run. Or just being able to sit up in my bed and get myself into a wheelchair and go pee on my own and not into a jar. That was cool to be able to do that, right? That's just as cool.

12:03And when I first got to my house, it was like, just moving my elbow. I had two suitcases, plastic suitcases for my lungs, right? Just expelling all this like goop. I mean, it's brutal. So any little thing that was better than I was is like, it's a giant improvement. So I remember setting milestones that weren't so much of a physical thing as they were emotional thing. I said, I'm going to walk this red carpet because I had a show called Renovations for Disney Plus going to come out. They wanted to shelve it. I I told him to go fly a kite. I worked too dang hard on this show. We're going to do it.

12:38And I'm going to walk that damn carpet. Mark my words. Mind you, I was still bedridden, not even in a wheelchair yet. I'm like, trust me, in two months, I'll be walking that carpet. I had to set a goal. Didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. But in my mind, I'm going to do it, right? And also, when my daughter's birthday came around on March 28th that year, I wanted to at least stand up for, I said, I'm going to stand up. I'm going to be able to kind of shuffle around that party somehow, but I'm going to stand up. And then like just certain things. And I drove to her school when, you know, I was still in a wheelchair, but I could still drive.

13:14Both arms were fine. And one leg was operable. The proper ones were gas and the brake. So I just set certain goals. And they were all usually like my daughter oriented. So I could promise her something. I'm like, you watch Ava on your birthday. Your dad's going to walk around your party. Just certain things like that. So it helps me in a very positive mindset to get better and relieve me of my own burdens of inadequacies or suffering or pain or anything or just bad days or whatever it might be, right? I just focused on the light every time. And every time it got it. Every time it worked. You know, one thing I think is really important to mention, Jeremy, is like you're the all-American hero, right?

13:57You're Hawkeye. You're an Avenger. you're an actor, you're a Hollywood megastar, you're a guy who goes and clears other people out of the snow when they're in trouble. And it's really easy, right, for the media and for the public narrative to become, look at that strong guy, he had this terrible accident and now here he is, back to full strength. And that isn't the truth because recovery isn't linear. And we can talk about the physical injuries, but I'd really like you to share with us the mental recovery. You said almost a throwaway comment a moment ago, you said it was also important for my mental health.

14:28and so much research has said that people that experience a life-threatening accident do struggle with depression do struggle with anxiety and i think it'd be powerful for you if you're happy to to share with us the mental health journey you've been on if i struggle with those it might have been before the incident i think the snowcat maybe rolled that shit out of me uh there's no room for that in my life like anxiety to pray yeah 100 i mean i get more anxiety be anxious because uh being famous and not wanting and i'm i'm a quiet guy pretty insular i have to be like in a right mood a social mood to go be out in public because i don't want to be rude to people uh you know i'm very thoughtful that way and i just i don't want to i'll always say be kind of kids but like some adult will roll up in a hawkeye costume and expect me to want to go buddy up with them like i'm just not in the mood right now i'm just trying to get some shrimp for my barbecue you know what i mean But I'd have more anxiety, you know, going out in public before.

15:28Now I don't. I found that people, even with fandom, there's a great respect that came with dying, I suppose. There's a, you know, awareness to the incident. And people treat me and see me as the man that I am and not the movie star that they're fond of. and a great, great gift or one of thousands of gifts that I received from getting crushed by a snowcat. And so I take that positive thing and I focus on all these great things that I've been given that I didn't quite have before. Everyone's in on the joke, if you will. Everyone's on at least talking in the same narrative. I'm not some separate thing to them now.

16:13Now we can be two humans when we engage. So I have too much love in my life to be depressed. there's one line in in your brilliant book jeremy where you speak about i hated being still until i realized that stillness was saving me which was a really interesting perspective would you expand more on that for us coming from being like a very busy man and a very actionable guy that just does things that you know that's how i've expressed my love to people i you know the The words of the action. Action is a big barometer for how I love people and how I receive love. So it's the stillness of being forced to.

16:58My life was reduced to one thing. It was just getting better. And with that, wow, what the fuck was I doing before? Why was I doing all those things? it's so much better than keeping it simpler. So, I mean, one of the giant takeaways from the book or me writing the book was just cementing the idea that my oversimplification of life is how I live my life to recover. And I'm not changing it because life is just that simple. I am not going to overcomplicate it anymore. I'm not, that is just like, it's just human drama. ego bullshit thinking, you know, it's nonsense. All of it's nonsense. So I oversimplify my life because life is that simple.

17:52With one step and another step, and then I'm walking, exhaling, inhaling, and then I'm breathing. And with that zoomed out perspective on my life, I don't overcomplicate it with unnecessary white noise. Look, Jeremy, I'll tell you why this is such a powerful and important conversation for us, right? Is, you know, this is one of the biggest sports and business entrepreneurship podcasts across the whole of Europe, right? People listen to this show because they want more. They want to improve. They want to excel. They want to find an edge. They are comparing themselves to other people. They're looking for purpose.

18:23They're looking for focus. For those people who are fighting, scrapping, pushing, having been through what you've been through, what would you say to them right now? One of my biggest takeaways that I always start my day with is the oversimplification of my life. it's basically what it's easier to do when you're not in real struggle it's survival mode like when you make sure you gotta have a roof over your head you gotta have make sure you have food right food shelter basic sort of needs in life so you're not like real like survival sort of place and i was that way for 38 years of my life right i was always struggling financially it's really brutal so when i got out of that i it was a little bit more of a luxurious thought of like oh maybe let me control the narrative of how I live my life.

19:06And yeah, I simplify my life. I keep my perspective very, very clear and simple. And if there's a list of things I think I want or need or desire, it's like, yeah, no. I have everything I want all the time, right? Say that to yourself, like I have all I want in my life. I don't need anything. So how do I get to live life now? Well, then you start to sort of float in and out of every sort of experience. I'm not having to be so linear and driving towards my goals and having to do this and I've got to do this and do this and build to do this. I've got to build my business. What are you missing out on?

19:50I mean, this capitalism, it's just a life killer. Capitalism just crushes humanity. It takes humanity out of humans. And capitalism, there's some good things about it. But like at the end of the day, it's not good for humanity. It's a crusher of humans, man. So, you know, but it doesn't have to crush your joy or your spirit or your perspective on things. So, I mean, that's how I try to start my day, with just a very big zoomed out perspective. And then, because it's so easy to get caught up in the small things and sweat in that small shit, right? And I just don't do it. I just can't be bothered.

20:26I just can't. So can you give us an example then, Jeremy, of a before and after, of how you make a different decision now? Say that somebody comes to you with a film script. How does your decision making differ now? You know, I certainly look at where it's filmed. You know, how long do I want to be away from my home? Or if I'm away from my home, ensure that my family can be with me and stay with me and share this experience with me. I'm not doing it alone anymore. I refuse to. That's changed. I enjoy my job and I'm blessed to do my job but I'll only do it with the way I choose to do it and it will have certain accords of like you know there's no part I want to go play, there's no film I need to go do, there's no I have to go do it and I'll sacrifice all my values to go do it, those days are gone gone I'm only going to enjoy my work but I come here and I'm in Pittsburgh right now, right?

21:29I'm filming Mayor of Kingstown season four and we're here at the last month. It's been five months. So half my year is taken here, right? So I don't think of it that I'm checking out for five months of my life. No, I came here to get better. That's why I have this whole gym set up in the garage of this house that I'm renting. I come here to get better for my body, for me, for my family, spend time so you can see the sights here, do things together here as a family. And then I just happen to be filming Mayor of Kingstown while I'm here to get better in Pittsburgh. I use that as my perspective, my thinking.

22:04So I'm not bitter and pissed off that I'm not at my own bed or with my family or missing my daughter. I'm not seeing her volleyball games. I'm missing a lot of things and sacrificing a lot of things that I care about. Nobody else has to, but I do. So I don't have to go do a show and entertain people at the sacrifice of my relationship with my family and my daughter or people I care about and my life experiences. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. Because I think, Jeremy, of all the interviews I've seen with you, right, since the accident, the interviewers seem obsessed about when is Jeremy Renner going to be the Jeremy Renner that he was?

22:40When are you going to be back to doing the things that you used to do? And I think they all miss the point, really, that this isn't about becoming who you once were. this is just about being who you have become yeah i think there's maybe a curiosity of like of like you know are you back to being 100 % and do some stunts and do that sort of stuff i'm like yeah i use those as sort of like challenges of like maybe i want to get back into it i just turned down a an action movie uh with some friends and i'm like i don't think uh the script's good enough because to torture my body if the script was like just as strong-willed as i was to like want to I take the chance because it's going to be a lot of work.

23:17I'm like, man, I'm going to be 150 % better. I'm not going to be 100 % recovery. I'm going to be 150 % better. That is guaranteed. There's nothing else that I'm doing in my life. It doesn't mean I have to go do a big stunt movie. It doesn't mean I have to do anything. I won't be limited to just that. But it is an essential part of my life. A lot of people know me for a certain type of jobs. Would you compromise on your values if you got offered a Hawkeye film in the next six months to do Avengers? No, I passed out. Look, here's what happened. They asked me to do season two, and they offered me half the money.

24:05I'm like, well, it's going to take me twice the amount of work for half the amount of money. and so eight months of my time essentially and you do it for half the amount i'm like i'm sorry and this is not marvel my g this is like this disney not even really disney it's just the penny pinchers that accountants they don't need i don't think they know who i am they're just doing the deal that kind of thing most likely because how dare you i told him to go fly a kite I mean, just at the insult offer, why would you, why? Did you think I'm only half the Jeremy because I got ran over? Maybe that's why you want to pay me half of what I made on the first season?

24:47I'm like, I don't get it. I'm like, go fly a kite. I'm not going to go torture my body and risk permanent damage somewhere, especially for half the money. And more importantly, I said, it's for my time. It's going to require a lot of time for me. and uh we so we didn't see eye to eye on that and sadly and i still love the character i still love to do it but i i had to defend myself i do i have a right to say what why and you know i don't care what's happening over there in your accounting department it's not my problem so that was a little it was a little disappointing and i look i think if anybody marvel heard um heard about that they would be screaming and shouting like what the hell are you thinking I didn't ask for any more money behind you, right?

25:34It's just payment when I made the first season. So it's a little disheartening that that didn't happen, but that's fine. I'm happy to let that go because my body's probably thinking me, you know, time and time again that I'm not doing it right now. But we'll see. We'll see. I think there's always a chance for it to happen if there's still the timing of it. I love to because I love Marvel and I love the universe and it's been, geez, better half of my career in it. You know what? It's so refreshing to interview an actor who isn't after a job for more money, more fame, more screen time. Do you know what I mean?

26:06It's amazing how your values have been altered in a way that so many people haven't got the similar values. To me, it's really simple. If it hurts, don't do it. If it hurts, it feels good, right? And within the realm of things, I listen to my body. I stick to my values. I know what I want. I'm clear about what I need and desire in my life, what I want in my life. if I can if I'm going to go spend time giving my time away to something it's gonna be something I truly believe in and not I'm not gonna do a job just to do a job I'm not just gonna go do anything everything I do now is is intended everything I do now is purposeful everything there's I don't waste any breath or any energy on something that is not intended energy on something purposeful.

26:54To me, life's pretty dang easy when I hold that perspective. So can I ask you, how do you reflect on fame at this point now, Jeremy? I don't really consider it, to be honest with you. It's been a lot easier to go anywhere and do anything because people have been wonderfully kind. I mean, it's just a killer gift to feel like such an equal. It's a lot of times celebrity people want to put you on a pedestal and do something and you're not. And I never felt that way, but people put you there. I'm just a brother. I'm a father. I'm a guy that excels in certain skill sets in my life. But I'm still a man.

27:39And because of the incident, I don't feel fame so much as I feel like being a part of the divinity, the collective love on this planet and beyond. and it feels lovely to be that connected to people and not separated because they treat me like I'm separate. And do you feel that your values have changed from before to after the incident? No, no, nothing like that. There's no like big massive shifts or changes. A lot of the white noise goes away because I'm not giving any credence to things that don't have value in my life. I'm focused on health and wellness and recovery as a central part of my existence.

28:24And so that takes a lot of time. I still do all the things I do. I believe all the things I believe. There's a lot of confirmations that I received from the accident. Things that I didn't have any regrets. When I died and came back, I'm like, yeah, I don't have any regrets. It's confirmed. What happens when you die? Things I thought before and things that are now confirmed. All of my basic values and principles and things I've learned in my life have not changed. It has only been confirmed. You died, right, Jeremy, on that day when you went under the snowcat? What happened in that moment? The near-death experiences, I realized, was quite a thing after I wrote about it.

29:06This podcast where people had, this doctor worked with a lot of people. And it's interesting to hear other people's stories because it's almost word for word. I think if you investigate it with others, I didn't know it was such a thing, but yeah, there's a lot of near-death things out there. And my experiences are almost no different than anybody else's. And it's pretty, another wonderful confirmation, by the way, talking about giving confirmations is like, wow, hearing that after. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. To me, it's like you get to see behind the curtain, and there's some sort of solace that comes.

29:51Look, I didn't want to come back. Maybe just put it that way. Really? Somehow, someway, I was pulled back. And then, thank God that I was, because I would have wrecked my mother's life and my family's life. So why did you not want to come back? because if you're in my shoes you'd think the same thing it's the most pure beautiful existence for us to be and it's exciting what did you see? it's not much to see that's a human experience the closest thing I think for seeing is that if you in your mind's eye in sort of your imagination, that type of thing. You witness when you die is not through your eyes, right?

30:45You don't have vision. You don't breathe. There's no fucking time, place, or space. It's just a, the light is sort of the connectivity of, it's just the energy of, like love is the only thing that exists beyond this rock. It's the only, it's the DNA of our spirit, love. if you will. And that is what you feel and you experience. You experience your life review. You have anyone you ever love. Anything that is attached to love is there with you at all time, places, spaces. No, I mean, there's everything and everyone is there. Everyone. Magic. It is the most electric piece. This fiery, beautiful, peace.

31:39It's gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. So are you now not scared of death then? No, I wasn't. I always said I wasn't afraid of death at all. But now it happened, I'm like, I'm certainly not afraid of it at all. You know, reading your book, I think that all of the early experiences of your life actually, in a strange way, equipped you for this challenge you've been on the last couple of years. What do you think? Yeah. Oh, 100%. 100%. I mean, I had to at least pontificate on the hows and whys of, it's why I wrote about fears in the book. Because fear didn't exist under that snowcat and after. Body awareness was huge.

32:23The knowledge of my relationship with my body before the incident was huge. It was paramount to my survival. So I did not panic. I had to go in and do body awareness, right? if I was passed out we're not having this conversation I'm a dead man there's no breathing that was going to happen I'm goner so there's a lot of things and then I had to just reflect back too why is it called my next breath the book Lamaze I didn't realize that got triggered I'm like Lamaze breathing I mean this is exactly what I was doing on the ice to survive to manage and mitigate pain fucking unbelievable but no one's doing Lamaze with their mom when they're 11 and 12 but I go into a chapter of all Lamaze writing the books I had to figure out how I was prepared why I did not die people ask me all the time how are you still here?

33:20I'm like I don't know I can tell you a few things why I think I made it but where did those come from? so I had to kind of you know the breadcrumbs that led me to that place to survive that accident. And there's a lot of things that prepared me for something like that. At least that's how I had to look back on and write this narrative on the book. I had to like just question. So I don't know any exact, there's no exact science to it. For those that don't know, would you explain Lamaze? Lamaze is a course I took when I was 11 or 12 years old with my mom when she was pregnant. And it's during the birthing process, it's when the partner in the room helps them while they're in the contractions and during childbirth, control their pain and contractions with short breaths, staccato breaths, long, deep breaths.

34:19What you do is you try to take away from the actual pain by just doing a very calculated, do this, right? It's just switching their mind. Also, you want to control your heart rate because your heart rate as the mother giving birth is also the heart rate of that child. So your stressed out heart rate is going to stress out that baby's. You don't want to do that. So you're just, you're doing a magician trick, right? Just keep their attention during an extremely painful moment. And then, you know, then you're feeding the mice chips and all these kinds of things. Anyway, there's a whole, it's a whole beautiful sort of process and using breath to control pain.

34:52And that was pretty paramount into a lot of things that the greatest gift my mom ever gave me she didn't even try to give me it was just like she didn't have a babysitter so she just brought me and i was going to be her partner for le mans at the ymca and um that was the greatest gift and tool that she ever gave me i just can't believe that your mom takes you to a breathwork class when you're a kid and decades later you're lying on on the snow under a snow cap having just been rolled alive and the very breathing technique your mum taught you all those years later comes to pass. You need it in that moment and it actually keeps you alive.

35:28It's crazy. The story is crazy. It's insane. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep. I mean, it's without a question. It's pretty central in me being able to help save myself. What physical challenges do you have to live with now, Jeremy, from the accident? There's, you know, every joint. Every joint is an issue. I have a lot of foreign objects in my body. So inflammation is the main thing I'll have to battle. Which is, you know, I think a lot of people have to battle it anyway. I think that my mouth is the only thing that's really kind of irritating, I guess is the right word to use. Because it'll just never line up.

36:15but the jaw broke in three places and all the molars got pushed in. And so when the eye came out, all this stuff got messed around in my mouth. And so every time I stopped talking or I'm eating, I'm just always reminded of like, you know, if I bite down too hard, I'll break a tooth and have to get it replaced. It's already happened. And it happened again soon, I'm sure. But if that's the worst of it, who cares? That's my attitude. Yeah, does it suck? It fucking sucks, dude. But that's the worst of it? I'm breathing. I'm running. I'm living a good life. I have so much joy and love. I have a lot to give.

36:50I'm infecting a lot of kids' lives. I live a purposeful life full of love and joy. Dude, who cares? That's all I got. It's like having a rock in your shoe. Who cares? Would you trade this version of Jeremy Renner for the one before the accident? I'm happy where I'm at. I'm not going back, if that's what you're asking. I'll stay here. I don't want the version prior yeah yeah if a few aches and pains and you know some discomfort here and there trade that for all the gifts that I got oh man I'm okay I'll stay here all day long why wouldn't you go back? because I like where I'm at I like that I let go of all the white noise I love that life is wonderfully simple I don't take in all the stuff that I took in.

37:45I don't give value to the stuff that I gave value to because it doesn't have any value. I kind of should shame myself. Why did I spend so much time giving a shit about that? Because I just don't care. So what was the shit that you were caring about? I mean, look, when I first woke up, first thing I thought was that my calendar was clear. All my responsibilities that were laid out before me because this is the beginning of the year and then my entire calendar, mind you, is full. That's pretty blessed, pretty awesome. I know I was going to do this movie. I was going to do this documentary. I was going to do all these things, right?

38:18Renovations are going to come out. I was going to do it in the mayor of Kingston, all this stuff. My whole life was planned out for me. That's all white-clean. And I got a smile on my face. I'm like, oh, man, this is awesome. I can go do whatever I want now. All I got to do is just get better. That's how I started coming out of a coma and recovering. I'm like, that attitude. so happy that all that was gone and then like no one's going to come yell at me because I can't go do their movie now I think they're going to understand so I kind of just got freed from the busy the blessings in life really kind of got the best of me I never wanted to to knock my blessings I'm like yeah this is great I'll go do these of course yes I'll happy to do these things but and I still would have been happy to do them I'm just happier I didn't.

39:12I'm happier I give more time to myself. Because no one's going to take care of me. No one's going to wipe my ass and brush my teeth and comb my hair. Not even when I was in the freaking hospital room. I was doing it. So, yeah, I got to take care of me. And that was a really great, great, great, wonderful life shift for me. It's just to really prioritize me. Without it being selfish. right? It's not a selfish thing. It's like, no, let me just like really take care of me. You know, like you talk about mental health, like that's, that's the mental health part of it. It's not the physical. The physical is just the veneer of what the mental and spiritual sort of, you know, care, self-care is.

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42:04can you explain jeremy in your book you there's one chapter that's entitled jenga why jenga that's the game that's the game that um they were playing in the hospital and the things that uh occupied because i had to ask a lot of specific stories that were transpired because a part of this is the part of the book where um i was out i was in a coma them. So to write about it, I had to hear about, they had to reaccount all minute by minute of what happened as soon as I was gone. So that was pretty kind of harrowing to do. It's the hardest part of the book for me to listen to because I shouldn't be privy to that information.

42:48But then now I'm like,

42:53it's like being uh alive in your own open casket you know you're watching people talk about your chance of survival or he's gonna be able to talk again or walk again or he's gonna die is he is he gonna is his eye always gonna be out of his head like that or and you're just and with each word uttered out of my mother's mouth and my sister's mouth is my fucking fault I put that upon that and damned if I wasn't going to relieve them of that by getting better so it's a very difficult part of the book for me to read it to hear it to write it it's so helpless you know you when you break break someone's heart that you love it's like wow man i've aged my mom and i'm so sorry for that but jeremy it was an accident it's not your fault yeah yeah of course it was but um still doesn't change the fact that i aged my mom right and i have feelings about that you know of course there's an accident they know it's an accident they just that's that's this is like the glory of fucking suffering and the DNA of what love is, right?

44:16This is where it's really, it's a good thing. It might be painful, but it is the DNA of love is suffering. You have to have it. It is a building block, a foundation to the most important emotion. And the thing that you only take with you when you die is that. Suffering is there. Suffering is there, but it's a beautiful love suffering. It's the pure, most pure form of suffering, which is love. And that is what we all felt and feel. And the depth of love in my family runs so deep and it runs even deeper. It's been cut so deep that a wonderful blessing that we all got to receive from it. And all I had to do was die.

45:01it's just that simple Jeremy we interviewed an Olympian called Steph Reid who lost her leg in a motorboat accident and she recounted the stats to us about in her case when she was a young girl how many parents separated after a trauma like that and it gave us an appreciation of what goes on in our inner circle when they have to be witness to somebody going through a trauma like you did how has it changed your inner circle what they had to experience ever look my sister and my mom weren't even talking for like six months only because side notes you take my sister got went into therapy caught triggered some emotions you know whatever just kind of picking a fight with my mom but they weren't talking at the time now it's like that's quickly wiped clean, right?

45:56When you're this trauma like this, it was so uniting for my family. Again, which has also always been very, very close. The family chat's like 25 years old and it runs thick and deep with a lot of people on it. And it just got more tender. They got the same gifts that I did in seeing the real true value, oversimplifying life, really sharing when you hug somebody, you really embrace them you're just like oh good to see you it's just a weekend hug and no it's like this is like every everything's purposeful everything's intended and i see with my nieces my nephews even the younger my my daughter and all all my um younger younger peeps in my family my my mom she's much she's always been pretty leathery tough soft on the inside but kind of pretty kind of i don't want to say grizzly that's more me but but she's just sort of like kind of tough and now she's not.

46:51She's just kind of wide open. Really kind of broke her open and there's something beautiful about that. And everyone really, really was in the same car crash together. We were all in a plane that went down and we all survived that plane crash together. We all got through this scenario together. It took all of us to get through this and continue to. All they talk about now is how much pride they have and how much joy they have in seeing me succeed so well. It seemed like, dude, look at the size of your shoulders or whatever. I saw you, my mom went back home and reported what I looked like with my shirt off to the entire family.

47:29He's like, dude, he's getting ripped. Oh my God, he looks so jacked. She didn't tell me that, but she secretly went and wanted to tell everybody else. Thanks mom. But that still exists and it's going to exist. Me getting better or just excelling it's like it gives them something to hold on to relieves them of their worry relieves them of the I don't even want to know what that feels like what my family had to endure I don't want to know so it has gone deeper with our love more, they're all involved in the foundation at this point everyone really started to show up for the renovation foundation and that's grown.

48:20So it's growing, it's growing so fast because there's so much help involved now. It's really great. Now it's something that we can all do and share together. Typically it would be the 4th of July at my house. I host it for the family. Now it's like we're doing it for the foster children and we still got to do it as a family, but with these amazing kids, right? Like how many beers and cornhole games are you going to play, right? It's like, it's kind of futile. You're playing water volleyball. well, that's fun. Good afternoon. How about go do something special that's life-altering for these foster kids?

48:49And so we all jumped at the chance to do that and have a really, really, really good time and create great community for these kids. I think it's fantastic. I love the fact that in the face of real terror and struggle and fear, you've been brought together as a family. What about your co-stars? I know that Robert Downey Jr. reached out to you a lot when you were recovering. What's it done for your relationship with people at work? You know, I keep forgetting that there's only a handful that I saw during the recovery. I was in the hospital for a very short time. Six days in Reno for a handful of surgeries there and then a couple more surgeries in L.A.

49:32And again, I was only there for six days because I kept trying to break out. I was like, I hated the hospital. I'm like, give me the hell out of here. I have to go get better now. Have you not said that you need to apologize to some of the nurses at some point? Oh, yeah. Well, at least in my mind I do. At least I'm conscious enough. I know that I'm difficult in that way, right? Because I wasn't getting any sleep. But then again, they're used to people being high off their tits, you know, and just saying and doing whatever. At any rate, I did go back and apologize, and thank you for saving my life and all that to all the nurses.

50:05But while I was in L.A., I did speak to all my Avenger friends. of course and a handful kind of come see me through the ICU then I went home and then I was pretty low on energy so they'd have people kind of rotating and out my Marvel boys they came through even like the Kevin and everybody came through which is awesome it was actually awesome to have the phone because it was like a way I could still reach people and keep my lucidity, using humor always to see if jokes land because it requires timing and all these things. I just wanted to, because I hated being high. I tried to get off pain meds as soon as possible.

50:52So yeah, it was great to be able to FaceTime with them. And they were great at trying to cheer me up. And some were really bad actors and their faces were showing. Because I couldn't really see myself hardly, right? I was like, hi. and I still didn't know if my eye was duct taped to the side of my fucking head like Shrek or I don't know what was going on but some of them were like oh man you're really fucked up I'm like yeah I'm fucked up but you know just like my relationships with my family that love deepened even more so the same happened with my friends Paul Rudd he came a couple times to visit me and stay with me and Sam Rockwell and all the people that have called.

51:40I spent a lot of time on the phone with people. If they couldn't make it or they were out of town somewhere, just talk to them on the phone. Some flew in just to come say hi and give me some love.

51:53That's stuff you want to take that and put that in your backpack for your reserves where you're not feeling so good. You've got a lot of people that love you and they're on your side. Even though they can't feel what you're feeling or even help you at all. Just their love and their presence and their thoughts, any thought and prayers of people I do not know all around the world that came in, I put those in my backpack and that reserve to use when I was feeling low in energy or not at a couple of setbacks or whatever it was. I use that as a great reserve to, I'm not in this alone. It is a lonely, lonely business recovery.

52:29No matter how much people love and want to help it is only i that's gonna have to hit the recovery it's only me no matter how much you know doctors want to shoot you up and my mom's giving me my food and that i still have to get better i still have to do the even though there's a physical therapist there to do you know it's still just you so i think anybody in recovery knows that i mean there's a lonely lonely business one of the main reasons why i wrote this book so those people that just struggle every day with pain. I hope you, hopefully the agreement, maybe that helps them. So they're not hopping up on pills because that's just some dangerous road.

53:04Whatever, whatever works for them, you know. I love it in your book when you say authenticity creates peace, performance doesn't. And I think that is a, that has really come through in this conversation, you know. Yeah, yeah. It creates a lot of things, man. I mean, it creates an honest life as well. Being authentic to yourself. And I mean, it takes work, right? That takes a lot of work, as you guys know. To be excellent at anything, it requires a lot of, you know, to be authentic to yourself. You have to be true to yourself, right? You have to have morals. You have to have code. You have to do the work.

53:37You have to be dry. You have to take steps and actionability to achieve something. Even if you go off course, you know how to get back on course. And, you know, to be authentic to yourself is like, that's your guide, right? It's probably the steering wheel on the ship. You have to do it authentic. Otherwise, what is it? It's false. Right? So with that, at the end of the day, you get peace. You can sleep well at night knowing you've been authentic, at least truthful to yourself and honest to your own desires. So that line there intrigued me, that idea of when you're off course, know how to get back on course.

54:11Would you give us your best tip on how any of us could do that? Well, I mean, I think identifying it is the main thing, right? Oh, wait, I'm a little off course. I've gone a little askew from what my goals were, that day or that year or this lifetime. And then you make actual adjustments. Oh, maybe I shouldn't drink so much on the weekend. Da-da-da, make bad decisions. Or maybe I should do this instead. Or let me trade this out with this instead. You make actions, actual choices. Doesn't have to be the right ones. You've got to make actual choices. The conscious thought of something is just the beginning.

54:49Now you've got to do something about it. So you always have to do something about it. Otherwise, nothing's going to change. you can't get back on course if you don't get back on course so good right jeremy we've got some quick fire questions to wrap up our conversation with

55:08what are the three most important behaviors that you look for in the people around you since your accident compassion i guess i guess you can ask with compassion and thought compassion thoughtfulness uh actionability what's the most important advice you've ever been given Go fail, son. Go fail. Try new things and fail. You don't have to be excellent at it. Just go try something to the best of your ability and be willing to fail. What advice would you give to a teenage Jeremy? Keep going, you're doing it right. No regrets, no regrets, remember? So what's your relationship like with setbacks now?

55:54They're temporary. they're just temporary what does high performance look like to you? high performance to me is I think it's will high performance is the really it measures the will for me it measures my will to be better to be stronger to support my body to support my spirit for my mental health. High performance is probably mostly mental. I think anything in high performance starts mental. And the final question, Jeremy, what is your one golden rule to live a high-performance life? A golden rule, consistency. Consistency and continuity is my golden rule for anything physically, spiritually, mentally.

56:55Continued inconsistency. Jeremy, look, thank you so much for giving up so much of your time for us. I mean, I think you mentioned the word spiritually at the end there. You seem like you are a guy who is very spiritual. You found something that very few people find. You had to find it by going through one of the most high profile, remarkable moments that we've heard of in the last few years. And I think it's amazing that you can sit here now and tell us that you much prefer the Jeremy Renner version two to Jeremy Renner version one. Yeah, 100%. Thank you so much, man. And I know that recovery isn't linear, so I wish you all the very best with the future as well, man.

57:32Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for sharing with me. No worries. Thanks, Jamie.

57:40Damien. Jake. Look, it's always tricky having these conversations when someone's in the States and we're in the UK and I'm in Norwich and you're in Manchester. But I think, you know, despite the distance between all of us, I think the one thing that sort of really rang clear for me and shone through is, I suppose, the spirituality that we mentioned at the end of the phone call there. It almost feels like Jeremy has found a whole new world that he inhabits away from the glitz and the glamour of chasing fame in Hollywood. Yeah, definitely. I wrote down a word on my notepad while he was talking, which was, this is a man that seems to have been liberated, liberated from a sense of expectation of others or liberated from feeling that he needs to respond or react to the demands.

58:26And just literally, he's found his moral compass, his sense of purpose, and he's living a life entirely consistent with that. And I think it's much more interesting to have this conversation with him about where he's at now mentally, rather than going through the gory blow-by-blow details of his sort of catastrophic injuries. Because we can't learn an awful lot from that. hopefully everyone listening to this will never go through that but we would all have various challenges and setbacks and issues in our lives and I think the way that he's dealt with those is an absolute testament to the power of the human spirit and you know Jeremy's a cool guy but he's nothing special if he can cope with this stuff then it rings true that all of us can right?

59:05Yeah definitely there's that old quote in there that that you know we're all gonna die but most of us don't know how to live and I think he's a man that's actually has died and he's now coming back with some powerful lessons on how we can all live a life that's more consistent and congruent with our own values you know and i think the message that he said there when you asked him the question would you trade the jeremy now for the person you were before and his answer was an unequivocal no that's a man that's discovered something really powerful that he's sharing with us brilliant well i appreciate your time mate thanks so much i appreciate yours thank you mate that was great well thanks to Jeremy for his time his new book My Next Breath is out now make sure to follow or subscribe to High Performance wherever you're listening to stay up to date with upcoming episodes and if you want full episodes before anyone else download the High Performance app from your app store for early access and so much more hit the follow button and thanks for listening

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