Paul Gascoigne (Exclusive Preview)

0:00Watch it early on the High Performance app. Available now, Roman Kemp, the broadcaster opens up a powerful conversation on success and mental health.

0:14Hi there, welcome along to High Performance, the show that delves into the minds of some of the most fascinating people on the planet. And that's exactly what myself and Damien Hughes did recently when we spent a fascinating, surreal, incredible day, actually, down on the south coast of England, Poole in Dorset. Yeah, well, to get even more granular, Jake, we went to a residential street in Poole, Dorset, where we happened to stumble upon the company of one of the greatest footballers that England has ever produced. Indeed, living in the spare bedroom of his agent on this street is Paul Gascoigne, a man whose story so many of us know.

0:55But what we were really after was what is life like for Paul now? How has he ended up in the place where he is now? And more crucially than that, what were the key moments throughout his life that had a huge seminal impact on how he's lived? And, I mean, it's an amazing conversation. It goes in many different places. He takes us into his bedroom, shows us what life looks like for him now. We have a good chat with Katie, the lady that he's living with, who's his agent. But it was a conversation about a moment in his childhood, really, that I suppose in so many ways explains so much about the challenges that Paul has faced over his life.

1:33Yeah, it's a heartbreaking story from when Paul's age 10 on the streets of Gateshead playing out with his best friend. I think it's important for us, though, to tell the full story to the people that are watching this. And I look at that time when you emerged into the Newcastle first team and that is the dream for so many young people and your life was just on the up at that point. Yeah, it was flying. but actually a few years before you'd been involved in a really big tragedy. I just wonder how that tragic moment that cost the life of a young friend of yours, combined with your explosion after that, was probably hard for you internally.

2:10It was a bit of nightmare because I started getting it. After that happened and I ran down, he died at his head on my lap. So what happened? Keith was my best mate and we used to go to the Reggie Boys Club and his brother was 10 and his brother wanted to go and he said, so I went take Stephen with you who did? his mum his mum take Stephen with you and Keith went no I don't want to be didn't want to be brothers fighting that so when I'm not going and if he's going so I went I'll take you and it was only about 10 minutes walking up the road and went to the shop and there was an ice cream van outside the shop and I says come on quick we're going to be late so he ran ahead of his it was only one yard and when he went past that ice cream van the car ahead of him attached to that he went about 30 yards wow and I was like oof and then he sat in the car attached to that.

2:56So I ran down and I was talking to him and he had his head on my lap and his lips were moving. I thought he was going to be all right, but it wasn't. That was his last movement. So I was stuck there with his head there for 20 minutes. Then I went to see him and he passed away in the coffin. And all of a sudden, for some reason, I started ending up with like ticks, like making noise all the time. I had to like squeeze my eyes all the time. I bite my lip and that nonstop for years. I couldn't get rid of them and I went to see somebody and then eventually I just had to talk about it eventually when I went to see someone I just talked about it as if Stephen was there and I was like talking to him in an empty chair and that helped us and all of a sudden the tics went away like you know So what did you say to Stephen?

3:41Well I went in an empty chair I'm really sorry what happened you know I shouldn't have told you to run and then you know it was supposed to it had to be me but you know things happen for a you couldn't even say things for a reason but it was like I'm really sorry and I miss you and I was just talking and I just broke down crying which I hadn't really cried over to be fair and then I just started crying my eyes out for a while and then I got through it like you know Did you blame yourself? I did at first yeah I went oh my god if I hadn't have took him it's always if I hadn't have took him you know And what did like the adults say like Stephen's more and more Yeah, I was really close to them, like, you know, I was really close to them.

4:27Nothing really, they just tried to, I went round there and stayed, stayed round the house. And then Stephen was upstairs in his coffin in the house. And then Keith said, come on, let's go and see him. So I was like, oof. And I went up and he says, pick him out. So obviously like 12 years of age, picking a dead body out of the coffin and kissing, cuddled and saying sorry, and then putting him back down. And then I stayed in that room for a few days. oof so like it was a few sleepless nights yeah yeah it was horrific like you know and when you look back on that now Paul do you think that helped you?

5:00I just you know I just see how easy it is for someone just to pass away like you know and like the things I've put myself through I'm lucky to still be sitting here I think so that is Paul very movingly telling us a story that you know I wasn't even aware of that and I think as a football fan as someone who's worked in football for years as someone who loved watching Paul, you know, like Euro 96 was the tournament for me. I was 17 years old. It was like I was in the heart of that. I had no idea about that early tragedy. And when you hear that and you know that the impact on a tragedy like that has on somebody, it does put into context so many of the things that we've seen since, doesn't it?

5:40Yeah, very much. And I think it's significant that you've just referred to him there as Paul, not Gaza. And I think that's what we really start to uncover when we met him, Paul, not the character of Gaza. I think the character of Gaza that we speak to him around that often deflects some of these deeper, more meaningful conversations with jokes or funny anecdotes or stories that make us laugh, whereas Paul is deeply reflective, highly intelligent. This is a guy that learned to speak Italian four months after joining Lazio. You know, that's contradictory to this daft-as-a-brush impression that many people have of him.

6:18and a guy that has gone through his fair share of tragedy and trauma and done his best to cope with it. Yeah, and look, we talked to Paul about his relationship with his children, his relationship with alcohol and with addiction, his relationship with football. He talks about the death of his dad. And I have to say, obviously, you leave the conversation realising that Paul remains a really fragile figure, a tragic figure in so many ways. but also there is, mate, I left with this feeling like I just wanted to kind of give him a hug but not in like a pitying way but just in a way that underneath it all is a warm, kind, decent, thoughtful, loving guy who will be the first time he's made many mistakes.

7:03But I think this conversation is the first time you really get to see actually the guy underneath it all. Yeah, very much. It felt a real privilege that he let us into his home where he's living but also let us into some of his deeper thoughts, some of his experiences that for many years he has hidden away from. And I think that anybody that comes to this that wants to watch it with us will come away feeling the same thing. Like, let's celebrate the person he is that achieved the successes he did, often in spite of the obstacles he was facing. Well said. And if you would like to see the full conversation, the full documentary of us spending a day with Paul Gascoigne on the south coast of England, then you can do so right now.

7:48It's available to plus subscribers on the High Performance app. Just go to the App Store, download the app. It's all there for you, along with loads of other incredible high performance content. So check it out right now. Our exclusive conversation on the High Performance app with the one and only Paul Gascoigne.