Craig Bellamy Reveals All On Golf Club Incident & Newcastle Fall-Out

0:00I went on telly calling him a liar. You know what I mean? You couldn't apologise. He said, look, I ain't fucking singing and stop trying to fucking make me. So I said, what club in here don't you like? So he said, the 8-iron. He said, I couldn't hit it all day. I said, mum, that's coming with me. My moods can turn so, like, where I couldn't get out of bed. Do you know now when it's coming and how to come out of it? I spoke to him about six weeks later and said, like, you knew what happened. Why did you let me get away with that? He said, Sam, I heard Romario. You're nothing. It's OK. I'm OK with that, though.

0:40It's not an issue for me, honestly. It doesn't sound all right. No, but it was what it was. I shouldn't have said it. That's the fact of it all. I remember his first speech is, like, I'm here to win stuff. It's clever. I haven't won anything for 50 odd years. I'm looking around like that.

1:04We're off to see Craig Bellamy Someday I bumped into At the Vincent Company episode Of The Overlap And he was a little bit chirpy As he always was on the pitch So I thought he'd be a really good person To have a sit down with And go through his career His trials and tribulations On and off the pitch And obviously his movement into coaching I don't know Craig Bellamy that well But one thing I do know about him Is that every time he speaks He's engaging He's compelling And he's honest Talking about Newcastle obviously there's two managers there Bobby Robson yeah obviously a legend and then at the end it was Graham Sooners but let's start with Bobby Robson and how that was for you he was he tried to sign me the year before but I went to commentary because there was a problem with Duncan Ferguson was at Newcastle at the time they couldn't quite get him out right the deal with Newcastle and Everton wasn't quite it was back and forth and I was waiting in the wings but then commentary coming in between that and I remember speaking to Gordon Strachan he was like look I know really if I'm being honest of course you should go to Newcastle yeah but I believe this year you've just done your cruise ship you've just come back I feel this year I'll be able to coach you in a way that'll benefit you for the rest of your career and do you know what he was so right commentary didn't get the benefit for me um I really I was up and down my performances I wasn't particularly um good but I I learned so much with Gordon Strachan so by the time I went to Newcastle him because Bobby wanted me the first time around and still you know lucky enough for me still came in I come a much better player than I would have been first time around yeah you know movements and all that type of stuff a lot of stuff that was coached to me by going strike and I had going into that so being with um so Bobby then was like um just as it's an honor anyway do you understand what I mean because did he feel like an honor at the time yeah it did yeah because I know all the players he's coached and obviously we i grew up watching 1990 yeah then you sort of learn a little bit more before you know you're like your robsons and everything like that with 86 88 so it sort of like was a bit of a boost of like he's willing to buy me he must rate me if this guy rates me then i must be a good player at a time probably i really needed it as well so i went there um with like that confidence but also of a didn't give a shit attitude either it was like if i'm gonna play in front of 50 or thousand then I better be ready like you know it was I got she that you have to impress yeah because you don't speak to unless you're impressing so I had the first couple of weeks where like didn't even look at me you know didn't say I there was no like welcome or anything like that it was like it only speak to me if I'm a good player so I better be a good player then and really focused on that and then it was just it just went for air started well and you know when you go and in a place like that um what you say it's the most stable you were during your career there?

3:48It was where I really took off, do you understand? I really found a level of, I can be a good player in this league, because you always have those doubts, so it really gave me a confidence of not being able to look back from, but also a lot of it was down to him as well because the confidence he would give you even before games, you know, he would speak to you in a manner of like whoever you were up against they're terrified to play against you, you know, and so you felt like you were this way, you know And probably I carry that confidence too much, because that confidence is following me off the pitch as well, where he made you feel like such a good footballer.

4:28To this day, a lot of what I use in terms of how I speak to people, in terms of how I treat people, is a lot from what I learned. I remember once I got involved in an incident, and it was my fault. Completely my fault. I had cameras outside my house down in the morning. Was it always your fault? Sometimes it wasn't, honestly, but this one was. so what was it tell us what the story to not ask you honest I still keep working out what was the thing behind it but I knew it was the incident and it was it hit the news so I go into training the manager wants to speak to me but don't forget my psyche then is like I've been getting abused non-stop I'm not going to take this either so I go into the manager's office and I'm straight away thinking like if he starts blaming me now I'm going to have a go straight back you know because I just I'm not accepting it.

5:19So he comes in, asks my version of events. So I told him the events that weren't quite... Rough version. Yeah, a rough version of events. And do you know what? He blamed every single person apart from me. You know? Just completely like, we love you here, and this, this, and this. Completely defused me. So I ended up walking out thinking, like, what's just going on? And he knew everything that went on. Right. So he knew you were bullshitting, basically. He knew it. But he knew me. if he would have gone at me, he could have lost me. You know, or he could have. And just by being experienced, and I remember I spoke to him about six weeks later and said, like, you knew what happened.

5:56He said, why did you let me get away with that? He said, son. The market's uncertain. Revenue's tied and hiring on hold. That's why results-driven companies are using Upwork to keep work moving. Go to upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead. No rigid long-term contracts. Just the right expert, right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. A mochi moment from Tara, who writes, For years, all my doctor said was eat less and move more, which never worked.

6:40But you know what does? the simple eating tips from my nutritionist at mochi and after losing over 30 pounds i can say you're not just another glp1 source you're a life source thanks tara i'm myra ameth founder of mochi health to find your mochi moment visit joinmochi.com tara is a mochi member compensated for her story i have a mario you're nothing yeah he said it's just experience you know what i mean He said, have you got a good heart? He said, yeah. He said, I know that. How did it end at Newcastle? Obviously, Graeme Sooners came in. I suspect that was obviously a different style of management than Bobby Robson.

7:23Yeah. Did that just, was that a conflict? Is that how it ended? Or was it a case of just right for both parties? No, it was, it turns out a big conflict. Self-inflicted as well. From you? Yeah. Like, terrible. I look back now, you're talking about the Sancho and Tanag problem. this is nothing this could be solved very quick you know as it was gone like it was and my fault did he ask you to apologise for something I went on telly calling him a liar you know what I mean it was like you couldn't apologise it was like what was I thinking take us through that go on oh it was well Graham didn't like that did he not no no I remember his first speech is like it was like you know I'm here to win stuff if you don't want to win anything there's the door get out and I remember thinking it's a bit like he's on telly it's a club hasn't won anything for 50 odd years I'm looking around like this is like I'm interested now you know what I mean I'm like but no because I want to as well of course and he was like honestly he was a good guy and I mean that like at times I didn't I didn't feel he handled handled situations right I thought there was he had to make an impact there was like myself Kieran Naron Robert Jermaine Jenner so we had a little group of young players who were sort of we're not like you guys during the summer you're winning you're winning trophies you've got a lot to talk about and if you're going to be in the news then you're going to be in the news because you're at the top you're doing it but we were creating news and we're winning nothing were you going out at that time sort of on the night socialising yeah we were socialising quite a bit and I didn't like that I was I really I didn't so I can only imagine what other people thought and I can only imagine what Graham thought you know it was like because he's won everything which I tell you a few times about but he was like he was like who do you lot think you are and I understood that as well so he's basically just trying to you know not control you but make you more disciplined yeah I agree I agree we had Patrick Patrick Clive at the time as well who had no interest than being disciplined yeah and were you easily led I or were you one of the leaders of that group no I like I that's it you know I've never looked at it that way um was I afraid of missing out yes yeah yeah I was afraid of missing out um so you could would you say I was easily led yeah probably but I'd also dictate as well you know what I mean um but yeah it was so anyway going back to to Suey like it was we weren't going through a good stage at the time as well we like we were that was the reason why Bobby went yeah um the results weren't and it there wasn't a sudden turn of results either yeah he wanted to bring his own players in as well I knew we needed to get players out we were struggling for right wingers and I remember him like speaking to me saying like look can you do a job for me on the wing um and I played on a wing for Wales like I played right, played left.

10:34I never played up top for Wales. I always played on the wing, so I could play on the wing. Then an article came out saying they'd listened to offers for me. So I'm not happy now. I'm like, well, I've been playing on the wing and doing you a favour and also doing the team a favour. And now you're willing to listen to offers for me in January? So I said, well, you can go and get someone else to play on the wing on Saturday. So you went and saw him? No, I didn't go and see him, but I said it too loud. What do you mean you said it too loud? I said it around players. So as I'm reading it, I'm like, well, you can go and get another winger out.

11:09And that was in the dressing room? That was at the breakfast canteen. With other coaches in the room? No, other players. Other players? So you think that got back? I know it got back. From where? Alan. And Shiri, yeah. It's okay. I'm okay with that, though. It's not an issue for me, honestly. It doesn't sound all right. No, but it was what it was. You know what I mean? And it's not, I'm not going to like, it's because would I be that happy if I would have heard that? Maybe, maybe not. So I shouldn't have said it. That's the fact of it all. So then as training finishes, manager walks in, I'm walking out.

11:45He goes, me and you, we're going to see the chairman. All right. So no problem. So as he's speaking to the chairman, then he's like, did you like feign an injury? And I said, no, I've not feigned an injury. I'm fine. I'm fully fit. So he goes, well, why are you telling people now you're not going to be able to play on Saturday? I said, I'm fully fit to play Saturday. So he goes, well, that's not what I hear. I said, well, I said, hold on a second. I'll just look at these papers because the chairman always had this group, like a list of papers. I said, why is he writing stories? You know what would come from him that they're willing to listen to office for you.

12:16So in front of the chairman, you've accused the manager of leaking stories to the paper. Yeah. That's not going to end well, is it? It's not going to end well. It's just one stupid move after the stupid move of 24 hours. Was that the end? When you saw that article that morning, you go in the train. How long was it after that? We had Arsenal on the Saturday. As we played Arsenal, we travelled down. I wasn't on the bench. Did he say anything to you? No. He pulled me to the side and said, you're not going to be on the bench today. I knew then something's not sitting right here. I haven't got a clue.

12:51I've got a good idea what's going to happen. As the game went on, we lose 1-0. Then suddenly it comes out, I refuse to play. That's what it was put out like. I refuse to play. I didn't, I said someone else can go and play on the wing on Saturday instead of me. So from that statement you made in the canteen? Yeah, canteen. So it looks like I'm not, I'm refusing to play in a position. Then I come and get my version of Venn saying no I didn't refuse to play. Yeah, straight away. Why am I here if I refuse to play? Which I really should shut your mouth, know your role as a player. Then day later I think it's even better idea to actually do a one-on-one interview with Sky again.

13:27How did that go? Accusing of lying. That is not telling the truth. Right. So you called him a lie alive on television. Yeah. And honestly, so stupid. You wouldn't believe how many people warned me about doing it. Said, don't do it. What are you doing? And I single-mindedly stubbornness thought, no, I'm going to go and do it my way. Right. And from that moment, I just, like, I had to go into training, train completely separate from everyone else. do you know we both could have gone on so much better than what we did it just turned out me i i don't feel he helped himself as well by confronting and really attacking stuff but maybe that's just how he was but i also learned a lesson as well of like you know is for me it was like what are you thinking i don't know i even to this day do not know what i'm thinking i like i I moved away from a football club I loved playing for.

14:21Yeah. And I couldn't come back to it. So you've carried on thinking about it? Carried on thinking about it. It's like faster in my head, more drinks then coming into my head. I had one incredibly insane moment. I was worried about bringing the golf clubs out over it, to be honest with you.

14:47Take us to Liverpool Rafa Benitez and how that experience was for you Liverpool posted on my bedroom wall every single year that poster you got from Toys R Us that was there so to get the privilege of being able to play for them was like I had to do this and even I was very happy at Blackburn at the time so I spoke to Mark Hughes who was actually not that happy for me it was like I thought he would be but he said something that was really interesting he was like I know who you are I know how Liverpool play and I know how this is not a good move for you style of play yeah he said you're not going to enjoy it the Benitez style exactly that yeah he said you won't enjoy it did you enjoy it?

15:30no really didn't too rigid? very rigid How did he manage you? How did he manage you? What was his sort of approach to you? Were you spiky? I mean obviously you were spiky at times. Yeah but not as much honestly. It was like I had one incredibly insane moment. I was worried about bringing the golf clubs out over here to be honest with you. I was like, keep them away for us. Yeah but I had one moment. Talk to us about that. Tell us what happened there. We know the outcome but what? No, it was, we were going to play Barcelona in the Champions League. So we went to Portugal for a training camp, which is not uncommon.

16:13So towards the end of it, we were allowed a night out. But before that, we trained and then we could play golf. And I didn't really play golf then. I only really played golf after my football career. so as we were playing golf it was me, Robbie Robbie Fowler and John Anarisa I think Steve Finham was with us as well and I questioned some of his golf shots or where the ball ended up where I thought it ended up John Anarisa, you felt he was throwing the ball, moving the ball I felt there were certain areas where I thought I'd seen it go somewhere and it ended up in a much better position and I started to get a little bit worried when it was in the woods but it was on a tee but it was just and it wound me up a little bit anyway it was like during like like i said to finney he's cheating and finney said oh don't worry about it just leave it so anyway during the night then a few drinks yeah a few drinks and then it was like karaoke songs because we had like mascarano signed for us and one or two new players had to sing a song yeah you know a part of initiation but he had to sing a song because we had a christmas do and he didn't turn up on a christmas too he said he was going back to norway right but he didn't go back to norway we found out he didn't like so anyway that part of his punishment was by the captain yeah he had to sing a song as well as pay um a fine so as the it's going around so i'm there going well you've got to sing so he's like dead against it and you know when someone's dead against someone doesn't want to do it i seem to want to push it more then like no you have to then it keeps going back and forth no and And then actually, like, he got a little bit, he said, look, I ain't fucking singing.

17:57And stop trying to fucking make me. So I've sort of took offense. And he actually, I think he said something a little bit more to, like, more to that in terms. So I'm with then Sammy Ipia. And this way, like, there, I'm, do you know what's going on? I'm getting more and less happy with it. So he's gone. And the more it's gone on, I'm like, I'm not accepting that. So you've carried on thinking about it? I carried on thinking about it. It's like festering in my head. More drinks then coming into my head. I'm not like using that as an excuse, but it was like... So usually time would calm you down.

18:28Time got worse. But then I remember little moments where he elbowed me in training. Do you know all the little petty stuff? And I'm like, this has been going on for a while now. We're just exaggerating even more. So Steve Finn and me and him were sharing rooms. We go back. I've said to him, like, I'm not an Adventist. like and where's where's his room so he goes i don't know i said well who's room with him he said daniel agar said give daniel a ring so daniel give him a ring what room like so phillan's found like steve's found out what room he's in so i've said what club in here don't you like so he said the eight iron he said i couldn't hit it all day he said i said well that's coming with me so i've got he's gone where you going i said i'm gonna go and find him so he's got our fellas you can't i said oh listen you're either stay here or i'm going so he goes i'm coming so he's come with me so i knocked the door and i'm quite embarrassed about this this is not like you know a good moment at all and i'm really mean that but i understand the question so i have to answer it because once you have to own it do you understand what i mean it's a ridiculously prophetic act that it'd be unfair for me to not want to like talk about it because and i'm not proud when I say it uh when I have to talk about but I have to own it do you understand what I mean so it's so I knock the door um no answer knock the door again and then he leaves it on the latch because he thinks it's Daniel Lager so he's gone back into bed so I come in turn the light on then I've swore a hell of a lot of him uh people think like you like I smacked him across his legs which is still not a good thing to do don't get me wrong there was no like smacking across the head or anything like that smacked him across the legs then he got into the corner got the sheets like and the bedding around him and then i just said like you ever speak to me like that in front of people again i said i'm telling you now i'm like then i'd like i escalated to more what i was going to say then it started turning because when i was drunk i started turning into like a riddle where if you're unhappy with this you better come and see me tomorrow morning you know so we said okay so like i turned that into like what do you mean so you want to know and i can just like so finney like was just hiding behind the light and he was it was just the most insane thing ever and then i got out of there as i'm just about to enter my hotel room players are coming back so they all steam into our room trash our room because it was like one of these double floors in portugal so like you're getting and downstairs is a kitchen type of area so in the morning Steve comes into my room says look Paco and Rafa are downstairs they want to see you.

21:07I go downstairs there's plates everywhere and he's looking around like that and then he goes tell me what happened tells him what happened Truth? You told him the truth? Yeah I told him the truth I couldn't get out of this one but I thought I was alright believe it or not because there was a madder story I went on before it Jersey Dudek was out in the evening that same night and he was told to leave the bar wouldn't leave they brought the security and then brought the police in then as he's being wrestled by the police he headbutt a security officer yeah so he has to get put into a riot van goes in so rafferata that night go into the police station get jersey out he's scared because the police didn't think too kind to what he'd done um and then obviously he's gone straight from there straight to where and then And John Adams gone and seen him and then had to deal with me as well.

22:00So it wasn't where you were in the league. I was thinking, oh, I might have got away with this one. But no, no, it was, yeah.

22:26contracts. Just the right expert, right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. A mochi moment from Tara, who writes, For years, all my doctor said was eat less and move more, which never worked. But you know what does? The simple eating tips from my nutritionist at Mochi. And after losing over 30 pounds, I can say you're not just another GLP One source. You're a life source. Thanks, Tara. I'm Myra Ameth, founder of Mochi Health. To find your Mochi moment, visit joinmochi.com.

23:08Tara is a Mochi member compensated for her story. And at the end at Liverpool, is that right that Rafa told you on the champion? You obviously lost the Champions League final. Rafa tells you on the plane on the way back, the deftly, is that right? Yeah, yeah, on the way back. Did he come and sit next to me? No, he came and sat next to me. We just said, look, we've identified other targets. We feel we're able to bring him in. If you feel there's an opportunity for you to go to another club, you speak to your agent, you're able to go and explore that. Was that a disappointment to leave the pool?

23:41Obviously being in the club that you support, no it wasn't? No, I needed to. Because I knew I was going to be more of a squad player than I was. Because I remember we played Everton at Goodison. This was like three, four games in. I weren't even in the squad. right you know and I was like you needed to be hard one to take yeah and coming into like most games I could honestly tell you I didn't know if I was playing like Barcelona game quarter I only knew an hour and a half before I was playing and I weren't sure so I was in that like you knew one or two players were going to be playing like you would have known a big part of your career you know you know the team you know you can you can name you might get one or two changes I felt like I was one or two of those changes yeah um and I just didn't have the ability myself able to be able to adapt to that either.

24:25I didn't have that, like it was for me all or nothing. I have a play or if I don't play then I'm not wanted then I may as well go somewhere else. None of us were going to school. You know, it's carnage, it's just, it's shocking. Did you feel like you were letting people down in your family around that time? Yeah, hugely. And they moved me up early because I think they felt this is not gonna end well.

24:59A lot of the stories that you talk about, you own the challenges, mistakes, some of the things that you did wrong, but you talk quite openly since you finished football about mental health, haven't you? When did that first hit you? When did you first go and see someone where you thought, I need to see someone? The first time I've seen someone was after Gary Speed passed away. Then it was Liverpool it was, because I was at Liverpool again for my second spot. Yeah. The club doctor came and see me and asked me would I be interested in going to speak to Steve Peters. And I was really unsure about it.

25:40He came to ask you to speak to him because of what happened to Gary? Yeah, because of what happened to Gary. How you were. Yeah, and I wasn't sure, but he sort of, I sort of said like I'm okay. you know I'll deal with this but he was like no you you this is really something you really need to go and do and explain to me obviously in a better detail of what I'm able to give you right now and so I felt what's the harm it's not you know so I went and seen Steve and it really like I I can't believe I didn't I weren't aware of it I can't believe I have not been um giving it we weren't giving us this wasn't part you know if you that support service wasn't in place nowhere near and even if you thought of anything like that you were weak yeah you know what i mean it was like how like the bad habits we were taught loads of good ones you had eric hadison was incredible you know you would have taught you some incredible habits for life but also there would have been a lot of bad things thrown in there as well you know that are not quite correct but that was the psyche that was the way of way of dealing with things you know what I mean or you've got to get stronger or you know it's weak to think like that you can't laugh after games how dare you you know and this type of stuff and then actually by then spending time with him it wasn't you know it wasn't just getting over what happened with Gary because it really hit hard it was a lot of what's going on with me things were happening you're like through your career from a young age I always felt different I don't know if that makes sense at all I always Different in what way?

27:13I didn't belong where I did in the area I grew up in. And I'm not saying it was a horrendously bad area. It wasn't a great area, but it wasn't. I had a great childhood, but I always felt like I was a daydreamer. Do you understand what I mean? Was that right? You left school at 10? No. 14. 14? Yeah, 14. Not that early. Not that early, but it was still early. It was still quite early. So what were you doing for two years when you left school, like 14 to 16? Basically where the rest of my friends were doing. None of us were going to school. you know it's carnage it's just it's shocking how's that happen I went to school and it was like what you did no GCSEs how big a shame is that and that's my own doing as well did you say I'm not going anymore I just didn't see the need to it a lot of my friends weren't going and you just followed them and I followed them did you feel like you were letting people down in your family around that time yeah hugely did they say anything to you I feel they felt like my dad brought the belt out once or twice you know but i feel they felt i'm gonna be norwich's problem soon sooner he's gonna he's gonna move up there so you were already sort of he was already there yeah yeah um and they moved me up early because i think they felt this is not gonna end well it wasn't like i was a bad kid because i wasn't but i just felt like i'm not belonging to this there's more to life than this do you understand what i mean yeah i seen more other people went in like i i'm not living here all my life and even when my friends i started to distance myself from my friends as well yeah because i i'm not there's a different world out there for me yeah um was that football then always football then it was always football i always felt like this is my way to be able to because i wanted to go and play it the theater dreams yeah you know i mean i remember when barcelona scored romario scored against jews and you know when he went through schmeichel's legs yeah i remember walking down the street straight after it like and looking up like like Like, that's where I want to be.

29:09You know, like all these memories that were always, and I always had that. Do you understand what I mean? It was like, this is not where I see my life being. I want to be able to, and I don't care what happens to me, honest truth. I don't care what goes on in my life. Just give me the moment at Old Trafford. Give me a chance to play at the new camp. Give me these moments. Like, that's what I, this is what it was for me. And I, like, I tried everything I could to mess it up as a young kid. but I another crazy story like which is part of my life as well it was like then I was going to become a dad at 17 you know I'm 42 pound a week it was like I better do something you know and if you ever felt pressure that was pressure so football and injuries then had their own pressures but that was a level so you felt like you were playing for yourself but also for I was a kid I was a boy yeah I was a boy who barely looked after himself still not that great at it now don't get me wrong but it was like well I have no choice in this anymore you know all the excuses I was willing to like blame everyone and I was already my story was already written it was like I was not playing this much in the youth team but then I blame the coach you know I can go back to Cardiff then and blame everyone else you know and then be a good parks player be loved by everyone be loved by my friends yeah or actually start taking responsibility and give it everything i've got and in order to do that distance myself from my friends so i become hated by everyone else there which was fine i had to make that decision um but also then i started to become more single-minded more focused um slept well at well drank loads of water you know just started to live like a professional and my performances just went ah, ah, ah.

31:02Now I can still have outbursts. I can still do wrong things. Would you class yourself as being angry? Very. You know, very, very angry. Very loving, very caring. It was just different sides to it. And I couldn't fix them all together. Do you understand what I mean? It was like, I don't know why I feel like this. My moods can turn so, like where I couldn't get out of bed. Didn't want to get out of bed. What point was this? through my injury because they were triggers for me so a big injury was a trigger where you've taken football away from me now I can always get the Saturday I can focus on the week and train and train and that's why I would come in really early that's why I'd leave really late they were moment because it was outside of it I struggled you know and I had an amazing wife amazing kids but I wasn't happy and I wasn't happy enough with that that wasn't and I feel so guilty I brought my wife into that as well where I wouldn't speak to her.

32:02You were not aware to live with? Yeah, completely. And I wasn't like, you know, I would distance myself because I didn't know, you know, I didn't feel loved. You understand what I mean? I always felt like I don't deserve this. And I was really harsh on myself with everything. If I played well, I didn't play well enough. Nowhere near, nowhere near. Where did this come from? Did you get to the bottom of it? My uncles and my mum suffer with depression really, really bad. My uncles have really, have real big problems, like where they won't leave, they won't leave the house even now. Yeah, it's, one's turned to drink and you stay with drink.

32:40My mum has struggled for a number of years. So I feel it was part of, which it can be passed down as well, you know what I mean? and I always felt even from a young age you know like how I dealt with certain situations how it could just you know I could be really happy and really good and suddenly it just I did that scared me yeah it was like you know what I mean or even being successful scared me it was like you know it was I look at the negative of everything and then overanalyze it into a level where I would just turn into, like, it was just going crazy. It was just going crazy. How have you, how do you cope?

33:25Do you still get these moments now, and how do you cope? Because I'm always interested that people, you know, obviously you've talked openly just here now about sort of like being low and being depressed, but do you know now when it's coming and how to cope with it and how to come out of it? Well, that was a key character, because I didn't know when it was coming. I couldn't read the signals. Do you understand what I mean? When it's like that cloud comes, it's that it's now i can see my mood changing um so like for me it's like having a support network is really important what do you do now then when you see that cloud sort of moving towards you what do you do i like i i don't think i only about a couple of weeks i've just come over it i still probably not far off still in it a little bit right um like it could be changing weather honestly it goes that way like it's getting darker soon and all that and we haven't had a great summer as well so that's you know I need good weather as well and it's a start of the season as well isn't it yeah and football's not too bad like I don't get involved in the as a footballer we all did that emotional rollercoaster of being up being down that's never great to be living that and I try and stay away from that and I'm able to see that I'm able to like make sure like keep on top of my fitness I've got to eat well like I like we were saying it like I have a nice bath every morning up to my neck so like my habits or so you manage it through preventative stuff like exactly that so fitness yeah good food yeah ice baths yeah other things that you think anything that helps you and talk as well so I'll make sure I'm seeing a psychologist once a week now yeah well I've not been great the last last month or so I'm blaming work which is a poor excuse because it isn't yeah I've just not done it And if I don't do it, then I suffer.

35:14So I know I'm fully aware of it right now. I spoke to him even today. It was like, I've got to get back. Yeah. Yeah, I've got to stay on top of that. Because my partner sees it straight away. Yeah. She's really encouraging as well. You know, because the people around you notice it very quickly. Yeah. Actually way quicker than what you'll notice it. Yeah. But it's the bit like, it's always going to be there. It's not like a magic that you're ever going to be able to. It is there and that's what it is. but it's how you live with it and also how you see the signs and how then you're able to to i wouldn't say like snap out of it i'm not saying you have to snap out of it it's not it's being able to actually see you know what the world's not bad you know yeah you know it's actually quite good it's and there's a lot of good people in it because there's a big part i feel there's so many horrible people in it and i end up thinking more about them than actually the good that goes on.

36:08And that's what I try and remember. How does it work off each other with you and Vincent? Do you have direct conversations, disagreements? Yeah, not as much as what we're used to at Anderlecht. Can you sustain it from the way you are? Can you sustain this? No. No.

36:30The market's uncertain. Revenue's tied and hiring? on hold. That's why results-driven companies are using Upwork to keep work moving. Go to Upwork.com today and start hiring proven freelance talent fast. No bulky overhead, no rigid long-term contracts, just the right expert right when you need them. Work smarter and faster with Upwork. Go to Upwork.com now and find your freelance expert. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Post a job for free and get started today. A Mochi Moment from Sadie, who writes, I'm not crying, you're crying. This is what I said during my first appointment with my physician at Mochi, because I didn't have to convince him I needed a GLP-1.

37:13He understood, and I felt supported, not judged. I came for the weight loss and stayed for the empathy. Thanks, Sadie. I'm Myra Ameth, founder of Mochi Health. To find your Mochi Moment, visit joinmochi.com. Sadie is a Mochi member compensated for her story.

37:56midsummer you just I think having your first few days of pre-season and you walked in typical competitive front foot statement when you can start analyzing fucking football matches with your first words to me I think in five years so let's talk about punditry first let's get off your chest what you think about punditry oh what do I um it's look I'm like I think you do a great job but but i i'm always conscious of i like the detail now i'm fully aware like people on like sat at home where it wants certain things and you know i completely understand that but when i like it's too easy for me to say i'm not saying you guys do but a lot i find a lot going on where it needs to work harder needs to run more and and i also look at it but you watching really sometimes i'll look at stuff and see what like you see in the same stuff that i'm seeing yeah sometimes we can we can show a lot more than what um i feel we do show um and that's just probably me maybe because when i was like in tv at the start yeah um because i wanted to see for myself to develop myself as well but i felt like there was a lot of stuff i was missing i you know i i know very little compared to being involved in the game and once you're involved in the game Of course, you see a lot more of it, but you're a lot sharper in what's going on actually in the pitch.

39:23Take us into a dressing room, Burnley dressing room. You're in there at the moment. How is you and Vincent Kompany a pair? I'm thinking about your football careers now. And obviously, you're completely different now and Vincent will be completely different now. But how does that work, that compatibility between you? We have the same view on football. We have the same romantic view of Cruyff, Ajax. Barcelona you know it's various like we even have this like Marseille Burnett Tapi you know what I mean it's like Vula Boxage you know that like we're quite historians on football as well everyone watches you at the moment and they're watching this style of play and I've watched you sitting here on the season and everyone's saying we the pundits on telly you've probably heard us or may not have heard us you might not have watched us but you'll be feeling it they're going to have to change we're all thinking Forest last year they had to go more direct yeah Are you telling us here now that you're just not going to do that?

40:20You're going to stick with what you're doing? No, no chance. No chance? We're not going to. Why would we change? We've just got to get better without the ball. That's what we've got to do. We're just making our lines. We're leaving too many gaps when we haven't got the ball. So what the problem is, is what we were really brilliant at last year. And that's what people are talking about the football. We were the best team without the ball. So you're talking about the compactness between the front and the back. From the front and the back. You're only as good as that. that's when you're a good team if you're spread out everywhere and people are doing it there's gaps everywhere, second balls are only going to land to them so they can come straight at you again so by being compact and being a unit so it ends up working like a machine so the one goes so we're not going to see a big striker being signed in January and lump it up to the big man no and going back to that relationship with you and Vincent how does it work off each other do you have direct conversations, disagreements yeah You see football the same, but...

41:18Yeah, you know, disagree. I've got to be honest, not as much as what we're used to at Anderlecht. We'd have a lot of disagreements. Now I think he's right quite a lot. I'm getting more worried. I'm like, I don't think I'm improving. Because a lot of what... He's very thoughtful. I know when you've done your interview with him. He's impressive. He's very different. You're not dealing with a normal ex-footballer. Do you understand what I mean? the work ethic he has which is clear is it too much because I left that interview that day I thought that do you know something because look I work I think I work hard yeah and we all this country the United Kingdom is based on hard work and good principles when I thought 8 o 'clock in the morning until like 10 o 'clock at night every day watching the videos I thought his head must be frazzled your head must be frazzled do you not feel it's too much like I remember being at Anderlecht and I said that to him I said you can't sustain this you've also got a family as well you just you can honestly and in the end where you think don't even bother don't even like but can you sustain it from the way you are can you sustain this no no so where does the break come there I've got to be clever with my time so where at hand elect I wouldn't leave unless you left you wouldn't leave unless you left but now you sort of say no I have to yeah I've got to take my own little time out so if I have three days off then I'd take the three days and it's also don't contact me in those three days let me switch are you good at switching off which we're never good at you understand what I mean but I've learned I have to be good at I have to be able to be able to then to work again because it's just you also you've got to be respectful to the people around you I'm not saying he isn't because he very much is but I'm talking about me and how you look after yourself for me to look after myself but also for me to be able to appreciate the people who've been around me they need their time as well with me you know and I feel there isn't a balance don't even try and get the balance it's not you won't get it so that's not but I have to be fair as well in a certain amount of time and then I'm all in you know whether it's my little girl then I'm all in you know whether it's waking up or even a breakfast going to every park going it's all there she gets like 100 % from me and that's what I felt with my children before as well I wasn't good at I was like always on the phone part time and I hated that about me I really hated that I understand it as well don't get me wrong I'm not going to beat myself up completely over it but at the same time I just I wish I was more present I wish I was more you know because I look back at a lot of like say your Lombardis and everyone and a lot of the top top sport managers they owe even you have one of the greatest ones and even watch one of his interviews towards the end and he says you know i think it was the one when i think it was his hospital letter as well and he wished he was being a better father yeah he wished he'd been and i know it's very very hard to be in but for me that was it was all more one way, you know?

44:38And I felt like me being more present, me being able to give more time, it's something I have to be able to improve. For me, for my own sanity as well, because that ends up, it eats me up. It eats me up. Craig, that's a brilliant place to finish. Thank you for sharing some of your stories. It's great to see you on the overlap. This is not long enough. We need to do another one, part two.

45:16We'll be right back.