"8 Million People Were Laughing At Me!"

0:00Abbey Clancy: Hey guys, if you're listening to this podcast on audio and want to submit your agony abs, send us them in, in the reviews, along with a five-star rating. Yes, only five-star. Only five-star. And don't forget, let us know any topics or guests you'd like to hear on a podcast in the future. Thanks for listening, guys. And remember, if you're liking what you hear, please leave a rating and a review wherever you get your podcasts. So I went viral this week, Ross. I don't know if you know. Eight million people have looked at it. Eight million people taking the piss, guys. Look at this fellow here. Like, everyone's bored, sniffing robot.

0:32Like, don't, just don't do it again.

0:34Abbey Clancy: You did the robot five times. When they die, obviously I'll get that new carpet. I know that sounds terrible. So the first thing you think is, when they die, I'll get a new carpet. I pressed a red button with a key. Yeah. Then four minutes later, three police cars turned up at my door. Oh my God. What's the emergency? Just press the panic alarm. Hello, and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. I know Ross has got a man bun in today I know I know the hair's uncontrollable I need to get it sorted but I'm too lazy I like the man bun yeah I haven't worn it for a while to be fair I haven't got the hairline for it anymore you have so I'm trying to you've got a good hairline it's not like Pete no offence I was going to ask Pete for a bit of Rogaine I'll just say something really she's good at that I'll say something really rude and then say no offence it's not rude it's just factual is it?

1:28How am I bored in any way?

1:29Abbey Clancy: You're not bored. How am I bored in any way? No, it's your hairline. You still have a full head of hair. Let's see your hairline. Well, my hairline is, look. You look good. You look good. What do you want from me? 44-year-old man with a full head of hair. True that. How are we, guys? Good. We on a good week? We've had a great week. You've seen very positive vibes when I came in the house today. A lot of birthday cakes knocking around as well. Yeah, well, it's literally been birthday central. It was my mum's birthday. Kaz, my best friend's birthday. Then the next day, Liberty's birthday. and then the day after that Jack's birthday.

1:59Abbey Clancy: So it's been... Party central? It's been busy, yeah. Like Lib, I've never known anyone like loved their birthday so much. She just loves it, doesn't she? Oh, loves it. She's like every day. She's like, for the past three weeks. For the past three weeks, she's like, it's 13 days for my birthday. Then the next day it's 12 days for my birthday. And she was just, it was actually my friend Riley's birthday. And we were in this incredible place in the Cotswolds and it was cowboy themed. So right up my street. I have seen some of the pictures and videos and I was very impressed. We will get some, I think, over the video playing because the audience needs to see this.

2:36Abbey Clancy: Everyone was saying you look like Jimmy from Yellowstone. Jimmy? The album? Jimmy's the guy who got banished to the other ranch. I'm not sure, like, no one wants to be Jimmy. Yeah, but Jimmy gets all the girls. Yeah, yeah. But no one knows how. It's quite apt. Yeah. what would you be if you were in a cowboy I've heard you my cup of tea Jimmy but um the videos looked incredible and the photos it was just phenomenal like I love my friend Riley and everything was planned to perfection she had like a hat making stand it was actually the same guys who did ours for the Yellowstone oh yeah it was those girls we had a rodeo ball which I lasted the longest on did you from memory I was 30 I did 37 seconds a lot tougher than it looks oh it is isn't it I'm sure you've stitched me off on that there's two settings mate I did it in Portugal when we were doing a podcast one time and we went out and I said to him where did you go in Portugal where there was a rodeo ball Albuferra oh mate we ripped it up there Albuferra I was with my beard and I went to the guy who went you know speak a little bit of Portuguese so I've gone over tried to make friends with him and I went there's an extra five euro bit of a tip can you just go slow on mine so I'll last the longest and look good in front of my beard and he was like yeah yeah yeah sad fucking put it up to the max as soon as it got on it and it just came flying on me I was like you bastard you bastard you bastard but they are hard and they look and I was scared because I had like a leather bra top on and suede pants so it was either going to split my cacks or my boobs were going to fall out so I didn't really do it with the pizzazz Pete was like that do you want another guy that I wanted a lot of people watching they come for a party then though aren't you they'd be a good little shout out they was good fun we had line dancers I thought I'd be alright with that it's tough yeah it is you were good it's okay but like it's definitely hard it's his thighs it's cool you might be good because of your horse riding maybe I've got strong thighs although I'm working on a looser leg at the moment how's that it's good it's good I've gone down two holes in my stirrups so basically the full length of my leg now okay so that means absolutely nothing to me I imagine there's some people listening that means nothing to okay so basically in dressage like the aim is to have as long a leg as possible okay and not move the leg so you know i'd be good then yeah yeah you would yeah but to get to that point to get because i've got long legs i'm more leg than body but to get to that point there's a lot of work to get to the long leg because you need you know stability balance a good seat a good core you need to be able to because when your knees like bent can you squeeze tighter or something is that what you mean yeah okay so you need to kind of you know that's a more advanced section which I'm working towards I saw your little Enzo thing in the front by the way that was cute and if he bought me that did he no because he came my horses had the old horse's name on his stable for like weeks and so I brought a new like stable name thing looks nice doesn't it little there horsey on it little horsey on it it's lovely it's nice funny when we were on our way down to to the Cotswolds, we both had a pep talk in the car.

5:52So it was like, I remember saying to her, look, let's leave shallow tonight, all right? Like, we're going to go, we're going to have a few beers. She's like, look, everyone's bored, stiff and a robot. Like, don't, just don't do it again.

6:04Abbey Clancy: You did the robot five times? Didn't come out five times. Are you going to lie? No, I played the guitar. You did the, the guitar was boss, mate. I see that. No, but the guitar playing. So we had, We had a country band play and they were phenomenal. And I wanted to get her off the mic and do shallow, but she wouldn't let me. Well, let's be honest, right? You forced her off the mic and I forced her off the guitar. Yeah, but Pete took the guitar, but instead it, but what was, what Pete did was play the guitar back to front and upside down. I know, I see it. We'll have to get the video playing maybe on screen for anyone watching on YouTube.

6:42This is great.

6:43Abbey Clancy: You need to do it properly if you're going to do that. and the neck action. I don't know, you didn't have whiplash. And the Canadian tuxedo as well. I like the outfit. Yeah, you look smart, I mean, you did look smart. That's what a lot of the guests were saying. There was a few Canadians there and they were like, it's Canadian tux, double denim. Double denim. Yeah, well, it's good fun getting dressed up like that, isn't it? Yeah. Excites you as well. I actually want to... Pete got his whole outfit off Amazon. It cracks me up. Not my whole outfit. I've got like a... That was quite an expensive shirt.

7:16Abbey Clancy: yeah but you got your belt from Amazon I don't know anyone who buys clobber off Amazon he does all the time mate you can get anything on Amazon whatever you want like a phone charger or like I don't know something, I don't know gadgets off Amazon but I've never heard of people getting clobber change your life I had to get some white from my paddock tournament straight on there I'm thinking around websites you've got to put your dressing I don't know how I feel about it Why? I just don't It's the same as you Getting stuff on Neck the Porton Isn't it? Mm-hmm What's the problem? But can you get like Branded Can you get like Nike shoes Get anything Get anything you want Yeah but those Nike football boots He got our son for his birthday Were fake Yeah yeah He wasn't even a real Nike tech No because he looked through It's cross No it was like It looked like a Nike tech But it went all the way round It was like a So instead of being on one side On the other side it went the whole way around it was a fake night I was like you can't go to bloody you actually said you're not wearing them outside the house I said you can't wear them but he he picked them they're the ones he wanted and he's like they're the ones I want and I was like I got him the Mikel Mbappe ones Mikel Mbappe it's MK MK the other way KM KM Killian Killian is his name Killian I love that name Killian yeah you've got a friend called Killian I just love Killian yeah you sound him and he's funny I love him it's spelled differently yeah is this with a C no this is with a Y no Killian's oh Killian's yeah this is with a K Mbappe K-Y is Killian Mbappe oh and R Killian is C-I like Killian Murphy yeah hey guys we're just going to take a quick break while you hear from our sponsors and remember if you're liking what you're hearing hit that follow button and if you can be bothered leave us a review because we love reading them don't we think we do Welcome back.

9:14Hopefully you managed to follow us in that short break. And if you want to pass it on to someone who you think might like this content, you're welcome to do so.

9:22Abbey Clancy: Do it now. So I went viral this week. Ross, I don't know if you know. What? Oh, my God. Please explain. The worst thing is I talk about golf on this pod all the time, right? And I'm playing. I've been playing well. You have been playing well? Yeah, I've been playing nicely. Hitting the ball nicely. Well, that's what he says. lots of people watching. Now I'm starting to doubt that he actually played golf on these golf trips. Have you seen this video, Abby? What? Have you seen the video? You've seen it, haven't you? I don't want, yeah. I just, I hit it about five yards straight into a push. Everyone starts laughing.

9:58But the thing is, it goes, I can't believe how big, like, I reckon about 30 people sent me this. And do you know what, yeah, it's quite interesting.

10:07Abbey Clancy: I think it's a disgrace that people are secretly filming you. I know. It's just not nice. Their commentary also did make it a little bit. You're like, no, you can tell he's a pro golfer. Just look at him, look at him. And then everyone's going, nah, I think he's a footballer, you know. And then he just shakes it. Straight in a bush. So is that what they actually said on the thing? Maybe we'll have to get this playing as well, because it was fantastic. What, do you want to see it? I've seen it. You have seen it. Loads of people have sent it to me. Yeah. Loads. It's not ideal. Do you know what? Like, I actually played all right after that.

10:34Was that after your island trip, wasn't it? No, that was the other day. That was around here. It was like two weeks ago. and the worst thing is my mate texted me and said they're rats aren't they you know that was like three years ago I went mate it was two weeks ago

10:50Abbey Clancy: are you like of eight or something now eleven that's good that mate that is tasty I've been playing alright but listen I can still do them all day all day I've got them in the locker I've got them in the locker I've got I've got a shank in me what's a shank where it comes off the hosel what's a hosel it's like we knew someone fucking on the door the bottom of the club so you've got the club it sits like that right there's a shaft that goes down there's a hosel here I know what a shaft is no way around a shaft lovely joke it's got like a hosel but basically if you hit the ball not a nozzle no a hosel so if you hit the ball so basically the ball's here you hit the ball you hit the ball and you've got to hit it through the middle right crunch it through the middle but sometimes you get too much on the inside hits the hosel when it shanks so like hitting the rim on a tennis racket yeah yeah yeah like that but yeah that's basically what I did and it was filmed and it went viral I forgot your thing on Twitter it was funny though when you were like please do not share this or something like that whilst sharing it whilst sharing it and everyone shared it anyway I got so many there's a lot of people out there very much laughing at me well for instance on Twitter now the thing I said it's got 8 million people have looked at it.

12:10Do you think about it? That's eight million people laughing at me. Eight million. Eight million people taking a piss going, look at this fella here. Well, to be fair, on the positive side, we had a lot of people in our inbox offering you free golf lessons. Yeah, true. Courses for courses. And also, I spoke to the guy from Callaway who said we can sort that out. Did he? Yeah. So I've actually booked in to go and see him.

12:30Abbey Clancy: Who's laughing now, Peter? Who's laughing now? Bring it on, you fuckers. You should just go down the old Kate Moss route. Never complain or explain. Listen, I'm not complaining at all, or explaining. You've just done 15 minutes, don't you? No, I wasn't complaining. I just said, I'm just letting you know. To be honest, I thought those golf clubs were supposed to be private, where you can't video. Good point. No phones on the golf club. We should find out who that guy is and go and duff him up. Duff him up. I like mum. Duff him up. We should duff him up, man. We should duff him up. I'd love to see Pete duffing someone.

13:08Give your jupes up. Give your jupes up. Yeah. So yeah, all good vibes. So have you got any weekly wines then?

13:15Abbey Clancy: Okay, so my weekly wine is, so we were at Riley's party on the weekend. Yep. And I'm like, Pete, take it easy. Party starts at six. We arrived about 12. One o 'clock. What? Party starts at 6pm and you arrived at midnight? No, 12. Midday. Midday. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. So we had a bit of lunch. Then we went to the room. Me and all the girls are getting ready in my room. Helen came to do our makeup. We were, you know, having a lovely... Our room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's eight girls in my room, basically. Poor you. Eight cowgirl babes. Eight cowgirls getting ready. What do my tits look like in this?

13:54Abbey Clancy: No, there was a bit of that going on. Well, there's loads of that going on. That's hence the reason that I did what I did. Okay. So he obviously came back at five to six to get ready because we were all in the room. obviously we were all late because faff and ram we had the cocktail cart we're on the picantes and he crawled in crawled couldn't even stand up been left at half 12 I can't get into my own room I was hoping for just having a little lie down or something I just sat in the bar for five hours so are you done yet or not? we got to the party and everyone was like what's happened to Peter?

14:32were you on your table or were you with the lads? no the lads were all there Oh, sounds like they were mullers as well.

14:36Abbey Clancy: No one was like you. Yeah, no one. I stayed for the entire five hours. James went to the reclamation yard. Yeah, quite a few people came in and out. I was kind of the one constant. You'll always find them in the kitchen of parties, everything. Yeah. So he arrived at the party, 11 out of 10, smashed. I don't know if that was true. Babe, it was. I don't know if that's true Is this the night of the guitar playing? Same night Yeah okay So that's my weekly wine And how long But how long did he stay out for I feel like you I feel like I was doing a nice thing He stayed out till one We stayed out till about one Two To be fair he still put a shift in as well Was he in good company on the night?

15:21Abbey Clancy: I don't know because I didn't see him because he spent most of the time on the stage On the stage and in the middle of a circle doing the robots We had a dance off There was a lot of dancing Dancing, a lot of rodeo, you know, some hat making. We had a dinner in between. You didn't make your hat. You just took one off the shelf and didn't decorate yours. He was like, I can't be arsed waiting for this. He just got a plain one. Did you set fire to it and all that as well? I didn't do that. There was the branding and the fire. I just put like a little horseshoe on mine and some leather. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

15:56I think actually, like, if you think about it, you should have said, thanks. I'm so sorry to have kept you out of your room for that long. you deserve a little drink for that and I think you know that's the way you should have taken it really I actually came in at five to six I was like I'm going to have to have a shower now I came in and had a shower and there was like eight women in the room

16:15Abbey Clancy: he had to just shut the door on him in the shower he had to stay in there and he got ready in like a space like a cubicle that big so bearing in mind he's had five hours to get ready I've had three minutes and a cubicle and I'm blundered yeah no if anything I think I should have that should have been my weekly one I've actually got another one okay go on well the other one was you know the other day I left bearing in mind I've left the house for one hour I haven't been out for long we've had the police round the firemen round oh god the kids are screaming there's alarms going off everywhere what explain so Pete I can't even remember where you went I was working there was no working but he was on his way home so I thought I'm going to make Pete a nice steak and dauphinoise for his dinner nice my speciality I'll actually add the recipe do syndicate should I quick quick run through is this one we did last with the chicken stock yeah yeah we've told oh phenomenal so next minute the whole house is covered in smoke one set of fire alarms went off then another even louder alarm went off oh my god so then I'm getting calls from the fire brigade I said no I'm making steak and I've set the fire alarm up.

17:32Abbey Clancy: Good service, I have to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to turn it off. So I called Pete and Pete's like, you need to press the red button with the key. Yeah. So I pressed a red button with a key. Yeah. Then four minutes later, three police cars turned up at my door. Oh my God. What's the emergency? And I'm like, there's no emergency. He's like, you've set off the panic buttons. Just press the panic alarm. The panic alarm. And then I was laughing my head off. So he was like, well, we have to have a look around just because sometimes if there's an intruder in the house... He can press you to say, I'm okay.

18:08Abbey Clancy: Yeah, they can let you answer the door and go, oh, no, it's fine here. It's just an accident. So the police are like, we've got to come around. So they come around. And then I'm obviously in the police dress. No, I was petrified. Oh, was you? Yeah, I was having a heart attack. Oh, sorry. Yeah, because I was also thinking I've wasted someone, the police's time here as well. like and then i had guilt and the police went please dress and gown i'm a pod listener shut up go away and i was like oh my god he said i could smell the steak but i was like i was nearly in tears wasn't i yeah i remember yeah it was so scary and pete's like i've been gone for 40 minutes you've had fire engines freaking police college oh no i'm not here but i would like some tips from our listeners if they've got them on how to cook a steak on a pan without fumigating the whole bloody kitchen.

18:58I might do it.

18:59Abbey Clancy: I can't do it. It's just lower, no? You need to get your pan boiling hot before you put it on like really hot as hot as it goes. And then as soon as you put the steak on you lower it and then two minutes each side. Laughing. But I do that. And I couldn't even see the pan. Really? It was just smoke. What oil are you using? I use butter. I use butter. I normally use, well sometimes you can use a mix of both but maybe a bit of veg oil and a bit of butter I don't use veg oil I only use olive it's better to cook with than olive oil is it why? because when I think if olive oil gets risen to a certain temperature it can release something and like that can be carcinogenic you're meant to cook with veg oil olive's more for dressing or I think or cooking on lower heat interesting hey every day's a school day Marco Pio Scheiter you fucker that's my line you fucker very good I've never heard that before I thought I just made it up Okay, audience wines Hi Abby and Pete, love the show Always makes me laugh on the journey back After looking after my lovely grandkids Big shout out to their parents I don't think this is suitable for the grandkids Yeah Big shout out to their parents Alex and Pete Who also listen to the show I know what you mean about the food bank But to be honest I think it would be much better Instead of putting food in the bank there is a facility to donate a five or ten pound or whatever the money can then be converted to vouchers to enable people to do their own shopping I can't imagine anything worse than having to go to the food bank no matter how desperate things are.

20:31Can you imagine someone bringing a bag of food to you that contains bread and you're gluten intolerant Love Jackie.

20:36Abbey Clancy: I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of going to a food bank I think you don't know people's situations You don't, and so I don't have much to have risen over the past ten years and stuff like that It's a necessity for, like, we don't donate all the time pete don't we like every time i do a shop i donate and we actually drove past one the other day and stopped didn't we and we were like what day do you donate and yeah well on the way to take sofia to school i always take bags of stuff and to be fair i've seen i've never i've never i've been fortunate never to have to use one myself but i've seen them on tv a couple of times and it's it's not just a kind of like you turn up and you get what you're given i think they're a bit like a shop in a certain way and you can get a bit of picking choosing and stuff so yeah they are a great facility food banks okay dear abby pete and scott thanks i get called scott all the time you know my best mates call scott on this pod or just in general no in real life in general i think it's because it's a similar name it's like tt and then ss and then it's s and then r at the start isn't it with an o in the middle well this better be a good message that makes no sense scott and ross i've seen a few messages saying calling you scott that's what I'm saying it's a Scott Ross thing it's a similar name people get mixed up Scott Ross thing Scott and Ross the names don't look anything I'm telling you I've lived my life with loads of people calling me Scott why would you call me Scott if it wasn't for that reason you don't know me this better be a good message because it's going in the bin uh so picture the scene I'm on a lovely Sunday morning walk listening to the latest episode of the therapy crouch when an all too familiar story starts to to be told.

22:13The ex-footballer turned golf wanker, aka my hubby, looking for advice on whether he made the right decision to turn down his beautiful, sexy wife, aka me, the night before a game of golf with his pals. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Then the fact he signs off with his name, obviously proud of himself, is when I thought I'm going to bloody kill him. So this is the wife of the golf. Is this the guy

22:38Abbey Clancy: who said he couldn't have SEX before golf? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and he wants to get to bed early. Yeah. It's like on that maiden married at first sight, he won't have SCX before he goes to the gym because it says it lowers his testosterone. Ryan. Yeah. He's a psychopath. The pair of them are. She gets worse than him. Are you finished there? No. Oh God, I won't spoil it. I have to wait until Pete's out to watch that. Why? He's always here. He's always here. I'm joking. Because you're not into it, are you? I don't mind it. If we go to bed and I put it on, you're a bit like yeah i'm a bit like that yeah i think if he had even even signed off with the non the game was still a giveaway uh we come from a very small town which he mentioned a few times sligo and they're not uh not too many ex-local footballers who have settled here from scotland forget all that i was more annoyed with him for the fact that he forgets to mention who introduced him to your podcast and he forgets to mention that we absolutely love the pod and the banter between the three of you.

23:38No other podcast even compares. We literally send clips over and over back to each other because I relate to Abby in lots of ways, especially when it comes to the tidiness and organisation of the house. So much so, he's asked me on many occasions if he should just sleep in his work van. I love you, Abby. You actually make me feel normal. So just a wee update, the ban on haggis, as he likes to call it, might continue for a lot longer than two weeks. Love you guys. The beautiful, sexy wife. Nice. Very good.

24:07Abbey Clancy: that's lovely that's funny so she did make up for calling you Scott yeah but the thing is yeah she can't be that much of a listener if she's calling you Scott bloody hell it's a tie she's pissed she's pissed I wonder if there is a thing that tricks your brain with Scott and Ross that's what I'm saying because it's SS and then it's TT so they're next to each other in the alphabet Scott hasn't got ends in TT my name ends in SS they're next to each other in the alphabet and then the name begins with R, which is before S in the alphabet, and there's an O in the middle. That's just my theory, but I've been called Scott all my life.

24:44Well, the man has shouts over.

24:45Abbey Clancy: That's the terrible theory. Okay, well, what's your theory? I haven't got one. Well, there we go. So, it's the only theory we've got. Do you do? But there's, there's only, the only, both letter that's in it is a 1S and 1O. I'm talking about the placement of the letters in the alphabet. It doesn't matter. But no one's thinking of that. Well, okay, Well, until someone else has a better 30 than mine. What do you think? No, I have no idea what's going on. There will be an explanation of that. Dear Mr. Crouchy from Bahrain, the Clants and Tudor Bob Ross, warmest regards to your families. Thanks. Day one listener to both pods.

25:22Having listened to the most recent pod right at the end, Avi mentioned using the SIF on the patio. Having watched your Docos and the Dunwich Hamlet series, I noticed you have a pool. As a pool guy, I would like to recommend using liquid chlorine carefully. On your rust stains or any stains on your pool patio, it will come right off with a scrub and pressure wash. P.S. If you need a pool guy, I'm your man. Joe from Sunny Cotswolds.

25:49Abbey Clancy: You were talking about getting your rust off last week, you know something? Yeah. Your jiff. That's why it's written. Talking about jiff. Jiff. Jiff and siff. Siff. Yeah. Gets it off. But he said chlorine. Liquid chlorine? That sounds a bit industrial to me. so you have to be careful with it so I imagine it's a bit of a dodgy one yeah that's a great little tip well we'll give it a go we'll let you know yeah very good alright let's get into it babe last week we did 16 questions and then yeah they were really good then it was quite nice I thought I do you know we kind of we fell in love again we did fall in love a bit a bit a bit you were getting quite emotional I thought the pernias you were crying there was glass eyes in this house I was like you were totally crying but you You obviously felt that I talked a lot more last week.

26:35So you want to tell me how much you love me this week?

26:40Abbey Clancy: No. Why not? Go on. You asked me. Yeah, we've got a couple more. We didn't quite get through all of them. But I think we should hit a couple more. Some of them are good, aren't they? Some of them are a bit similar as well. So maybe we don't get through the full 16. How's being with me changed the way you view love and relationships? It's not all it's cracked up to be. they were lying you know i think it's all be a dream i think being with you what it's taught me about love and relationships is that you shouldn't settle like true love does exist yeah and you shouldn't settle you know that there should be like a mutual respect because you know people we know and definitely in relationships that there isn't mutual respect or the same kind of level of love and i just would not stand for that i think that i think that when you know when you watch you see people that you know that they're just they're settled oh yeah and you can i think a lot of time in that in a relationship dynamic the way i've seen it with people is there's always one who you can tell is more into the other one or loves more puts more effort in or is like having to put up with more sh1t than the other person you know what i mean that's it's not fair is it it's not good but no and i think in a relationship there are times where that naturally happens like you know i'll put more effort in at a certain time or p puts more effort in a certain time but like if it's that if if generally that's balanced i think that's a good foundation but i think you know you've taught me that like true love really exists and that you shouldn't settle that's good that's a nice thing to say that yeah you found the perfect person is what you're saying essentially someone left a comment on one of our pods on youtube saying that i was the reason that they don't have a wife or a girlfriend oh is it mate is it the reason or is it because you're a fucking loser that's what i think do you know what i mean how easy to put that on someone else you are the reason i don't have a bird fuck off i know yeah sorry exactly but I was a bit like oh sorry if you said would you like to be my would you like to be my boyfriend he would be like a rat up a drain pile yeah can we tell you that right now I hate keyboard bodies you know but you know it does stick in your head doesn't it I suppose it is funny the negative ones do but that's the thing you look at a hundred positive comments and one negative one I actually don't read the comments ever yeah you shouldn't no not that you shouldn't personally but one shouldn't because, well, we obviously have to kind of reply with the community and that, but when someone's just having a go at you, the keyboard warrior who's living in their fucking mum's basement or something like that, it's like, who do you think you are?

29:25Abbey Clancy: Shut up. I know. But we love yous. Please hit that subscribe button.

29:33Abbey Clancy: Go on, next one. Our song, well, our wedding song was you two. I thought you were going to say Nicki Minaj then. Sometimes you can't make it on your own. I don't think I've known that one. Oh, it's amazing. It is a great song. You just love you too. We sing it every time we come out together. Do you? Yeah, we do. As well as Shallow. Well, yeah. That's our duet, isn't it? But then we'll do a duet together. Islands in the stream. I just don't think there's anyone better than Bono. I think Bono is more your generation. I don't know any of my mates who are that into you two. I kind of like them. You like George Michael?

30:11Oh, yeah, I do.

30:12Abbey Clancy: Prince? Yeah, I do. Michael Jackson? Yeah, I do. but I think yeah simply what the fuck am I talking about I think because Bono became a bit cringy as he got a bit older though didn't he no I think he did it done shades on him and he was just like banging on all the time weren't he I think he's cool as anything I think he's such a cat he's such a cool cat yeah yeah there's a lot of people that feel that way though I know what you mean his lyrics are phenomenal he just became a bit like activist-y or like on a soapbox a lot of the time and like I think that's a I think that's a positive thing I do because a lot of people look up to celebrities to be the voice of change and a movement and I think he's like helped a lot of things I do I do no no no I agree you know if they use their platform to kind of be the voice of the people and what they want to hear and what they want to do and what they're passionate about and I don't think he I don't think he like bangs on at people I think he's good and we love the lyrics and we love our that song and we listened to that song really early on in our relationship when we both discovered our love for U2.

31:20Yeah.

31:21Abbey Clancy: Do you know my phone comes up as U2? Doesn't it? My Bluetooth thing is U2. You know if you want to airdrop me something it always comes up as U2. Have you noticed? Yeah, I have noticed. Why? Someone's pranked you. The guy in the Apple store. I don't know how to change it. It's not affecting you, is it? Do you want to do one more? yeah what about something i do that makes you smile every time cup of tea good we had we had a slight arguments about that the other night and i was like i don't want a cup of tea the other night i just didn't fancy one what did i make you one no you're like you sure so yeah i don't want are you being funny no i'm not i just don't want a cup of tea what's wrong you just say i can't be sitting here with you soaking all night you're tricking me i'm like I was thinking I was thinking I'm going to get into bed here and then she's going to go, oh, I'd love a cup of tea.

32:14Because I was downstairs and I hadn't gone up yet. I think that that was the reason.

32:19Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I was like, it's not a trap. I just genuinely don't want a cup of tea. But I can understand why you would think that. I had one of those vitamin drips. You're trapping me. Have you ever had one of those? One of what? A vitamin drip. Oh, the IV things? Yeah. The hangovers? It wasn't for a hangover. It was just because I was just feeling a bit flat. Did you feel good off it? I just could not sleep. Really? Couldn't sleep all night. It was like adrenaline kind of thing. I don't know. It was a bit of a beat. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Goodness, you might get pushed. It was like a lot of sick because it's supposed to like wake you up and sort you out.

32:52People get them after hangar. It was a bit like celebs, don't they?

32:55Abbey Clancy: Yeah, celebs. I didn't get it. I just felt like flat and no energy. What time did you do it? I did it at half one p.m. Oh. I couldn't sleep all night. Did you feel better after the thought? I'm not sure. Not sure. I think the saline, it's saline, like that's just hydration. So I think you always feel better after hydration. Yeah. So I had pains in my back. I don't know what that was. I'd feel about that. I don't know. I'd like to do it maybe. I just couldn't sleep. Couldn't sleep. People have Ivy Drip parties, don't they? You've seen it on the Kardashians. Yeah, but I was like, can you drink at the same time?

33:38Abbey Clancy: it's not really a party it's not really a party it's more of a gathering small gathering yeah you could do that the next day yeah after the party yeah party party um okay agony abs yeah let's go uh hi abby and pete love you both to bits and the pod has been keeping me sane through wedding planning madness but i've got a bone to pick pun is intended my fiance treats our dog like he's our first born child don't get me wrong I love our Frenchie too but it's got to the point where I feel I come second to this four-legged fluffball she kisses him goodnight speaks to him in a baby voice and this is not a lie once made me move over in bed because he was having a stressful week wow if I even suggest leaving him with her mum so we can go away for the weekend I get death scares how do I say I want a romantic getaway without the bloody dog without sounding like Cruella De Vil.

34:38Cheers, Tom, a.k.a. The Other Man. The Other Man.

34:42Abbey Clancy: Mike, our cat sleeps in our bed on top of my head. The cat now has got more room than me. The cat's got more room than me. I got out last night and went in with Sophia because Liberty was in with us. Liberty got in and the cat lies on my pillow, out stretched out. That is kind of cute, though, isn't it? It's so cute. And it's not going to last much longer because she's 21. You don't want it to end, do you? I don't want it to. I was actually thinking like when they die, obviously I'll get that new carpet because they're incontinent now. I know that sounds terrible. So the first thing you're thinking is when they die, I'll get a new carpet.

35:15Yeah, I thought you were going to say like we've got to do a little memorial or something for them.

35:17Abbey Clancy: No, obviously I'll do that but because they're incontinent now and they just keep peeing on the carpet. Oh, that was so funny. And Pete said I'm not allowed to get new carpet until they die. Which is fair enough. Well, it's pointless, isn't it? Because they're doing it all the time. Mate, when you came in before we started rolling before and you're just like, babe this kitchen stinks of piss and you're like the whole house stinks of piss

35:42Abbey Clancy: it's bleached within an inch of its life 10 hours a day there's people out there now thinking our house stinks because i've just bought peter new rug for his office it was literally down half an hour and the cat peed on it it's the third time i've been doing that like to mark the house or to territory or something? I don't know what it is. They never used to, though. They never, it's just a recent thing, but they have got thyroid issues and the incontinence. Catweed stinks. It's ammonia, isn't it? It really, it smells more than dogweed. Our dogs have never, ever had an accident. Like when I got the new curtains, they peed on it.

36:16Abbey Clancy: Peed on the curtain. On the landing. I just can't believe it. Must be a thing about it being new, maybe. I think it must be. Right, smell. But it's, it's going to leave a huge void when they're not around. Anyway, back to this guy. before we talk about our problems. Well, yeah, I know that. I mean, you've got... You get jealous of my horse, don't you? Not really the horse, no. Not at all. I'm happy for you. I think, you know, because that's there. You go there and think... Yeah. Here, for instance, like... I know what you mean. Like, if you've got a dog and it's constantly around... It can be a little bit invasive.

36:52Dogs are a bit invasive as well. Like, they can be a bit protective. I've seen it on YouTube where they'll go to kiss the bear and the dog will be like... you know what I mean yeah like that you can't get in the middle of a relationship with dog oh yeah any pet I would say

37:05Abbey Clancy: we had that guy wrote in a few years ago saying like his girlfriend wants to move in but he hates the dog oh yeah it's me or the dog oh yeah and we were going to say if you're allergic to sort of eat it and then say you're allergic to the dog forgot about that just feed it a bar of chocolate yeah oh my god it just yeah I don't know I think I think it's he's well within his rights to say let's have a weekend without the dog I mean you're getting he's also said he's getting them through wedding planning madness so you're fairly far into your relationship you can at this point have a conversation oh you would literally just say the dog is not coming because our weekend this weekend I wanted to bring the dog some people's like no we're not bringing them it's just another hassle yeah so you're saying when we go away it's nice to be you know if we're not taking the kids then why are we taking another problem exactly I don't consider my animals problems.

37:59No, but you've got to think about it. Like, oh, we've left them for three hours. Got to go and take on a walk now or make sure there hasn't peed in the room or whatever. I know what you mean. It's a responsibility. Just responsibility. It's nice to go and just do what you want to do whenever you want to do it. Get on stage, play guitar. Yeah, if I want to play guitar. Drink for five hours. I'll have a five-hour bender. Maybe drink for ten hours.

38:17Abbey Clancy: We did another five hours after that. You should be proud of me. I have to search that, lad. That's what I mean. You should go. that's my man that there he is still got it I remember coming out at one point he was like this on the couch with a cigar fucking Tony Soprano I was like get up now it was a couple of lads with some cigars and then he told me and then he said to me no you're not going to believe this he said to me do me a favour could you hold that so mate I held it and he just ran into back to the dance floor and started dancing and I was like I'm not going to stand here holding your cigar while you just go off I'll be back in 10 alright stay there don't move that was so rude that really hurt my feelings do you remember that?

39:05no I remember that

39:06Abbey Clancy: that really hurt my feelings well it happens it was entirely your fault because you'd left me unattended yeah so Tom basically mate you need to put your foot down put your foot down and it's not often I say that yeah on the man's side you let her know let her know I think he should say look the dog is not coming hi Abby in two metre regards to your family I recently just found out that my girlfriend of five years had cheated on me with one of her friends I really need advice on what to do he's Jose and I'll a few months prior to this we had just booked our first holiday away to Turkey and our relationship couldn't have been going any better but then I found out she had slept with her friend who I've never met before or have barely heard her talk about I just really want to know what your opinion is whether the relationship is worth saving even though my trust is completely broken or if it will be best for us to part ways p.s i've listened to both of your podcasts in day one and i can't thank you enough for all the laughs and all the times you put a smile on my face thank you in advance lewis 21 oh he's a baby ain't he so early that's too long to be going out with a girl for that age how long have we gone out he's 21 five years 16 i'd say get rid get out there boy and go and let rip yeah five years so my god that's like what 16 yeah yeah yeah so mad that like that we've been together since i was 19 it's a long time it is long but that's school days and all that like you know that's it's obviously his first love he's obviously going to be broken hearted but that's in my opinion that's too young I think these things happen at that age when you're trying to trying to keep a relationship from 16 to 21 it's a difficult thing to do because you grow you're going from a child to an adult and I think you know you've got your whole life to be settled down go out have fun and just strap it up before you whack it up just remember you know what in 10 years time you might come full circle and meet that girl again she might be a different girl do you know what I mean you don't know No, that won't happen.

41:15They do change. She's 16 to 21. You never go back.

41:18Abbey Clancy: You never go back. No, but I'm just saying you never know. I don't think we should encourage him to go back to her. No, I'm just saying you never, what I'm saying is at the moment, it feels really hard for him, right? He needs to go out. He needs to do his own thing. And you know what? They might meet up and be different people later on in life. You never know. Yeah, but the thing is, I also don't blame her really either in this scenario. You're young and you're stupid, aren't you? You make mistakes. yeah but they're too young god and don't get me wrong i know plenty of people who've been together since school like sidz and chrissy yeah they've been together since they were like 15 so it can work yeah but i think i wouldn't try and save it hon i would just go out have a great time there's plenty more fish in the sea but the worst thing is it will it'll wound him deeply because it's that first love thing like our john was like this wasn't he i think he needs to just go and have some fun get rid get rid lads it's gonna be hard and his heart will be broken but he'll realise soon do you know they're still really young you know and like she might change later on down the line but you go and enjoy yourself I don't know why you're encouraging them to get back together years later because he loves her doesn't he he really likes her and I'm just saying it's easy it's easy for us to say oh you know she's done this get rid she might be really regretting it you know what I mean like I'm just saying don't settle for that do your own thing what I'm saying is but you never know later on in life life is funny things do happen strange things have happened and people get them back together I just write it off what I'm saying and it's nicer for him to hear that than us just go fucking off it's so easy because we don't know them for us to say that no but it's like it's like the advice that you give to your child it's like you don't realise now because you I'm not being patronising but you're young because he'll think his world is coming to an end now when I think like what exactly what I'd say to Sophie I don't want Sophia getting a boyfriend from like 15 to 20 I want her to be 100 % but they will you don't want her but they will everyone does they're going out and copping off sorry to say that but you know what I mean full time like a 5 year boyfriend they're like the best years of your life yeah don't you think yeah and I think I think it's alright in a relationship if you're both accepting of what the other person wants to do for themselves but I think if you're in a relationship where it's like you know I know you've got to stay with me you can't I don't want you going to university in Scotland or do you know what I mean those years are so important in your life and career yeah that you can't be it's very hard to juggle both yeah okay hi Abby face goals Pete legs for days leg goals I hope you I hope you two legends can help me out with this one I've always I've always been open about wanting a bit of Botox I'm nearly 38 I've got kids a job stress and a forehead that looks like a crumpled napkin but my husband is weirdly against it every time I bring it up he goes off he won't know

44:23or he will and he might just turn a blind eye he goes off on one about natural beauty and how I'll look like a love island auntie I don't want to go full frozen face I just want to smooth out the stress a bit do I do it behind his back or is that crossing a line help me smooth things over literally

44:45Abbey Clancy: I think there's some things that men don't need to know and a lot of self care is included in that I think we don't want to shatter the illusion and that natural beauty I can almost guarantee you that there's most natural beauties aren't natural beauties and I'm not talking you know major things but you can have a little bit of hydration or a little tweakment here and there who cares do whatever you want to make you happy and make you feel confident and good about yourself yeah who's judging i agree but obviously there's a lot of botched jobs that's what i was just gonna say he might be like a bit of a dopey fella he's not really hasn't got a clue and he's just seen like the people on tv you're like you know pete baird's type of booze and go that i'm I'm a bit like that I always go like you've got to be careful these days yeah absolutely you see some bad things you do but some people want that look as well by the way some people want like humongous lips or you know boobs that big yeah yeah yeah you know some people want that and people should just be allowed to do what they want if they're not hurting anyone and if it makes you feel good yeah agreed but I think you know from a husband point of view I think you just want you know you'd love the look of your wife how she is and that's also a compliment from him I suppose to say like I don't think you need that stuff like I think you look great as you are or you're a natural beauty yeah so she should say the only thing I would suggest to her is to do her research and make sure she goes to someone just starts off with the 2.5 milliband don't go bananas I think that she should do her research and go to you know a reputable yeah and doctor and not just someone who's been on a course five minutes ago yeah for 30 minutes and yeah agreed okay well let's Pete's friggin out of face gym again it's supposed to be me and my daughter and he took it he took it off us and went himself I loved that face gym by the way I'm a huge fan of it and as you can tell I'm looking radiant today fucking ripped ripped ripped cheekbones I actually really really enjoy it it was great I didn't take it off my daughter she had to be over 18 and she wasn't so I did step in I can't think that any father would do I kind of saved the day but I was I was gonna lie about her age and just send her in there oh yeah yeah cause she's nah I don't like doing that

47:16here's a magazine in love I'll be back in 45 she's running there you know she's 14

47:22Abbey Clancy: snitched on her grassed her up so we could get her little monkey I'll step in I love that mate and I also love them too much to give it to my daughter as well. She's got enough. She's got youth on her side anyway. Exactly. She doesn't need anything. Exactly right. Good state of our faces. I know. Well, I enjoyed that part because we've had a lovely week with all our kids, the birthdays. You know, Lib got her electric ukulele. Did she? And an amp and a microphone. Oh, well in. So, you know, after Riley's party, we stayed away for a couple of nights with the kids and we were doing little shows in our cabin with the mic on, the amp.

47:58Abbey Clancy: Yeah. go find that Jack learned to ride his bike without stabilizers go away in one day this week he's been such a wimp about doing it oh well then mate yeah he's nailed it so you know it's been a really really good week just seeing all my kids happy celebrating their birthdays one of my best friend's birthday you know quite a few birthdays you got to see Pete in a cowboy outfit what more do you want Pete in a cowboy outfit you know doing the robot exactly but yeah so guys thank you for listening and if you enjoyed it hit that subscribe button because our Ross is gagging to show you as God I think I'll have to get up in the face gym it's not the only thing he wants to show you fuck off me I don't know what I was doing but see you next time bye