Abbey Clancy & Peter Crouch on “Call Me Daddy” - Plus the Icks Ruining Relationships

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0:17Abbey Clancy: I've got an ick, if we're talking about icks, it was like he was perving at some girl's breasts, but he was looking at seats in a sauna. Oh, the seats are nice. Am I the arsehole for wanting to be called granny in bed? What are Chinese things? I don't love the daddy thing. What's wrong with daddy? You're making me sick. Who's your daddy? F*** off. No.

0:44Abbey Clancy: Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And we've got our Gaz again. Hello everyone, you alright? You guys doing well? Do you want to address Ross? Yeah, I know we've had a few messages about Ross and his whereabouts, but he has had a couple of family bereavements and he's back in Liverpool supporting his family, so we have to respect that and we miss him. Although you're doing a great job. Yeah, we wish Ross well. We wish him well. Yeah, Gaz has stepped into the hot seat for that. Cheers, guys. Yes, wishing well. How are you guys? You've been all right?

1:20Yeah, we're good, yeah. you're all right yeah i've been done swim squad this morning so i always feel better when i do

1:26Abbey Clancy: that i was on the phone to lucinda so pete it's just a little habit of his while i'm like doing my makeup in the mirror pete gets a shower and then just wanders in the background with no clothes on she loves it tense in a six-pack in the mirror and i'm like oh god pete you are you are growing and lucinda was like fuck it out he can't be growing at his age and and hopefully not anymore he's already six or seven but i meant the the old gun the gun show i'm gonna need two tickets your body is looking phenomenal well meanwhile mine has gone to absolute shit i am saggy as hell no i am i'm i'm so flab because i haven't been in the gym i haven't been riding my horse because we've just been so busy packing this house up and obviously it gets left to soft ollies while Pete's either on the golf course at all.

2:17It's taking so long, honestly. It really is taking so long. Doing some breaststroke somewhere. I do like my swim squad. I took my little door up there this morning. Oh, lovely. Really nice and early. Nice. We got up before school.

2:30Abbey Clancy: Yeah. We went and it was great. It was nice. Family's like bonding, you know, feel good. Have a nice breakfast after. It's just annoying because Pete, my daughter's not allowed to swim in our club unaccompanied and it just drives me mad because she's six foot tall she was the number one swimmer in surrey oh wow and it's like she can't swim unaccompanied because she's under 16 and i'm like listen you've got more chance of me drowning than sophia like she's a champion like elite swimmer like what the hell there's definitely 100 there's more chance of you drowning i can barely bloody swim i i you know i don't like to get my head wet do I?

3:09I do like there is a certain my mum used to do it as well I love the way like it's there's no face bone dry no point not one part of the face has ever got wet it's the collarbone down from like shoulders down

3:21Abbey Clancy: yeah even the neck's out isn't it? that's me I come out bone dry I didn't realise this about women like kind of if you've washed your hair you won't then go swim because you'll wreck it is that right? yeah because it's a bit of a faff unless you've got that fabulous hair that you can let it air dry, which I definitely haven't. I'll have like a, you know, curly frizz on top and then pin straight tapes at the bottom. But yeah, I think girls do plan their kind of schedule around hair washing. Yeah. Yeah, that's like that one, isn't it? It's like the old, you know, not tonight, I'm washing my hair.

3:59I'm not going out tonight, I'm washing my hair.

4:01Abbey Clancy: Yeah. Well, no, that's just to fob off to men. But like, unless I'm going to the gym, I'll put in like the hair gym treatment sleep in it go to the gym and then wash it off and then my hair's gorgeous after so girls do do that kind of schedule in their life around can you imagine I put conditioner in my hair and then went to play golf you did? and left it in I just left it in that's an image isn't it like you walking around but Pete you do what the hell you leave it in and just go about your day yeah because it works it treats your hair the whole time I'm like, I always put things like that in you.

4:37Abbey Clancy: You just don't know. I'm just like, put this on, eat that, do this. But yeah, this goes back to that periods thing we were talking about a while ago. Like the life admin for you guys. I don't think it's once as lads, we never looked at like the beach and the ocean. We're like, I'm bombing it in that. I'm not thinking twice. Do you know what I mean? Whereas your girls are like, I've got contacts in. I've got my head freshly done. We've had a spray turn. Yeah. So you have to think about whether or not you can. We're just already in. We haven't shaved our legs. You know? Exactly. there's a lot it takes a lot to be a girl it does no it really does amen I wrote a few things down in my notes that made me laugh on the way in because I thought so you know sometimes I write things in my notes and I went I must raise this one of them was Chris Stark obviously on the Peter Crouch podcast you know Capital Radio legend Chris right he said to me that there was some I was listening to him on the radio yes he's fell in love with us plumber yeah that's right I listened to that um but i love my plumber so look at that i love any kind of handyman yeah sorry go on no carry on yeah um yeah he basically said that there was um a girl i think i don't know if she rang into capital or something right or it might have been his wife's friend i can't remember exactly the scenario but she was picking him up from the airport and he was on the plane and she saw his plane come down in yeah and she said it was a nick right oh yeah and i was like what why is it nick seeing his plane right she just imagined him sitting there totally in another man's hands so there's the pilot is saying like shut up and put your belt on face forward you're not really telling him what to do she was just imagining him sitting there so vulnerable i get it on a plane a man on a plane what chance is it outrageous it's so funny though because i kind of understood it like there's a man there who's like a real man flying the plane and her i don't want to facing forward he's not even allowed to use the toilet unless the man says he can yeah fucking funny I've got a love one here I've got any if we're talking about icks and notes from you so Pete was looking at saunas on Pinterest oh yeah and he I was just like we went for some lunch and we were with the kids so I wasn't really paying attention to him and I just heard him like at the corner of my ear saying oh the seat's on there it was like he was perving at some girl's breasts.

7:19Sauna pervert. But he was looking

7:20Abbey Clancy: at seats in a sauna. He was like, oh, look at the seats. I didn't realise what I was saying. Because it was basically like a beautiful seat in this sauna and it was looking out over... It was almost like a carved... And he was like, oh my God, but look at the view. Look at the view out this sauna. It was a window. I'm like, Pete, do you mean a window into the garden? How many windows with a view do you have on a sauna? No, that's true. So I was looking at it going like, and I was rubbing my legs like that guy oh the seats on that the seats on that that is brilliant you know you're at a new period in your life when you're like ogling the seats yeah you're getting like yeah you're looking at things and getting so excited by them you do it all the time though but I do it at airing cupboards and stuff like that yeah you're like oh my god look at the wall colour like oh the ceiling the detail oh I know it's more airing cupboards and storage that gets me turns me on i could fit 50 towels in there oh oh don't start oh yeah we're sad aren't we look at the spindles on that we've talked about spindles for about five days now it's a uh the middle of the banister oh oh right okay yeah like the legs on the banister yeah yeah that's called a spindle it's called a spindle some of them are spindly aren't they they're all called spindles are they yeah so we're just going having a spindle debate at home I love learning on this pod it's fantastic I've learnt so much you don't know anything I don't know anything to be honest this is perfect for me these lads are young aren't they I know but you know I'm not going to go back to the old tampon the weekly tampon do you know what a spindle is yeah you talk about them every day am I sad yeah have you any wines I've actually got a weekly shine I've just seen the new Chanel advert with Margot Robbie is out and it's to Kylie's one of Kylie's tracks oh yeah and I just wanted to give Pete a weekly shine to see how you were so ahead of the curve because it features the main feature is an orange Chanel bag oh is it really yes so what were we talking like three four years ago do you know longer than that five years I'm just which I've never used it so I'm going to use it now old not old Margot oh my god now now we're talking yeah right way ahead indoor trees case in point honestly stick with me baby Edward Ennephill over here Edward Ennephill

10:09Ednephill Ennephill I'm going to give you a shine as well, you know. You've got, you're doing a lot of work around the house and it's not going to unnoticed. Plenty of packing.

10:19Abbey Clancy: But you didn't know until I told you. I did notice. I did. I'm such a control freak. I'm like packing for the removal guys. I'm like, just drop me a load of boxes off and I'll do it myself because it needs to be meticulous. Yeah. So I know where every single thing is. Totally agree. I just don't want to lash it in a box. It's like everything's labelled long dresses, jeans. ski gear hats bikinis a box for hats a box two boxes for hats two boxes for hats blimey what we got in there sombrero what have you got yeah we've got a huge collection of hats nice i love a hat though i bought a hat it was a 80 year old um top hat like you know for ascot and i've worn it once but it's that's not in the box because it's in its own box the hat comes in its own box yeah yeah yeah wow okay that's a piece of history it's like a 1920s hat isn't it I did about 20 million bags for charity you know I want to be ruthless when we get into the new place if I haven't worn it in a year yeah it's going to charity I think that's a great thing to do isn't it just like an absolute yeah cleanse those things you just don't wear and you never will that's really good yeah that's good yeah nice I did an archive box as well just with like amazing pieces that I won't wear but I can't get rid of because they're like sentiment like my dress on my 30th like my night time wedding dress oh yeah they're nice to have kind of yeah put them on baby I don't think it bloody fit me of course it will doubt it just say well let's get into some audience wines Isla from Galway oh pretty little Galway girl yeah Galway is a little girl yeah she said I've never written into wine before but I couldn't help myself this week my boyfriend joined in the gym three months ago.

12:08Oh God. Let's try and get in shape for our impending summer holiday this year. I was super supportive, very proud of him. But somewhere along the way, he's turned fucking DeLulu. He refers to every meal as fuel. Oh my God. He turns every conversation topic into something protein related. Oh my God. And has started calling me bro on a daily basis. That's like my kids. Oh my God. Starting to wonder if the gym was actually the worst thing that ever happened to him. Not sure how you feel. I just need to get that off my chest.

12:39Abbey Clancy: I have my tits here. Got to get it off my tits. Do you know what? There is this one thing. There's people that go to the gym and just keep quiet about it. I know I'm banging on about my swim routine. But yeah, just go to the gym. I'm going to come home. You don't need to tell us about it. Lucinda and I were discussing this. I want to be that person who gets addicted to the gym. There's this gorgeous girl I follow on Instagram. Her name's Martha. and she's always had the most incredible body but she's done this whole transformation thing now of changing her diet protein creatine oh yeah whatever the whole shebang she's weight training and her body is a joke which like a whole life revolves around exercise and this clean living whereas we're just watching them on instagram whilst drinking wine scrolling through them looking at them but i i would love to be addicted to the gym the more you do it the more you want to go yeah i know but i need to go i need to get in there yeah but i don't have time at the moment yeah but it definitely makes you feel feel good it's it's so good it's so good for your mental health your energy levels everything but it's just getting over that first can i ask you though going back to this person's email, when Pete was, you know, playing football in the gym every week, I don't know, was he all over it?

14:08Would he come home and always talk about the workout routine, all that kind of thing? No, no, no, no, no,

14:13Abbey Clancy: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

14:30we'd put Sopranos on and both be asleep within like do you remember those days amazing god fuck me you're miles off it now aren't we we'd make a little floor bed in my flat yeah and lie by the fire do you remember that it was the best times it was good times that wasn't it that was cute

14:46Abbey Clancy: now we don't even sleep in the same bed because of all these bloody kids oh I know we start in the same bed and then I don't know who I'm waking up with yeah yeah because a different kid is in every night and a different animal now even bloody Bambi wakes us up our kids wake up and instead of wanting to take Bambi out to the loo they'll put it in our room on our bed and then Bambi will lick us to wake us up like 5.30 so annoying isn't it madhouse I think the next time this guy says what's you know what fuel have we got this evening slap her on the face and tell him to grow up yeah give him a shabba and say grow up we're not condoning any violence but he does deserve ever slapping a grandma.

15:31He needs to just get told. To get told. The word fuel is for the car.

15:38Abbey Clancy: I wouldn't even say fuel for the car. I'd say petrol. Yeah. I even say petrol if it's diesel. Do you need petrol? Oh, yeah, yeah. You don't say I need diesel. No, no one's ever said that. Well, people do say diesel. I think that's people that... Do you say... Oh, Pete, I'm just going to... I'm going to get some diesel. I think that's a grow up situation. Diesel. If someone said I need some diesel, I'd just be like ugh grow up I'd think less of them 100 % I'm just never going to get some diesel babe I'm just going to never get some diesel I've got no diesel stick it on the ick list I think all our cars are diesel and I still say petrol yeah yeah can't and if Pete started calling you bro how would you all my kids call me bro all the kids no no if I say something they go bruh where's that come from just a girl That's a part of it.

16:30It's a lot of them saying it now. Culture. Culture. Young culture. Bruh. Bruh. Bruh.

16:34Abbey Clancy: Bruh. What the hell's going on? Oh, God. All right, well, Jill C says, hi, Abby, Pete and Gaz. I found out my boyfriend still shares a Netflix account with his ex, which makes me feel icky. When I confronted about this the other day, he said they don't keep in touch. They just haven't bothered to do anything about it. Is this a big no-no or am I overreacting? That's a tricky one. so you know when you come on it's like say the ex is um sally right you've got like pete sally and like and that's it just two of them i don't know how that whole netflix thing works because when we click on ours it says daddy and there's a picture of borat isn't that that's borat isn't it does that just come up all of the kids i don't know and then there's like a kind of elmo or something with like x g y x exclamation mark for someone else and then there's kids with a picture of sonic okay yeah i'm like who who did that one of the kids has done that but how i just god knows like when alfie calls me the the bad avatar comes up i've got no idea how i'm in every group i'm in my name is diogo tennis like sophia's tennis coach right right and i don't know how i think there's a new update on the apple phone like i am called every group i'm in yeah when i look at my phone i'm diogo tennis and i went to text diogo the other day is his number's not even in my phone anymore there's some sort of update that's happened to me because i'm struggling big time as well i can't i can't find anyone's number and also if you call someone on whatsapp it just doesn't go through doesn't ring and then you can't end the call so then i have to turn my phone off Fucking hell.

18:20Abbey Clancy: Then go through contacts and do it on normal call. Yeah. Have you heard that as well? It's driving me fucking mental. Yeah. Oh my God. It's an update. It's the update or something. I need to go into Apple and sort it. Yeah. Yeah, when are you going to do that? Never. I'll just tear my phone off and on every time I want to call someone for the next 10 years. Yeah. I'm doing the same thing. It's bizarre. That's a madness. All right, Roger from Bristol says, I feel like Pete will be with me on this one. My wife and I have just got back from our dream holiday, travelling Central America. Costa's an absolute bomb, but it was for a special occasion and I knew it'd be super romantic.

19:01About three days in, however, I was finding myself stopping every 10 steps to take candied snaps of her. Candied. Sometimes we'd retake them about 14 times to make it look the most natural. Mexico had the most unreal food. We'd get tacos and guacamole most nights. But I couldn't start until she's photographed everything we ate from various different angles. I have no idea how many pics one needs of a guacamole on their phone, but fuck me. As you can imagine, this leads to many arguments and has had us sitting in silence some nights when we should have been enjoying ourselves. Basically, I didn't feel like I was on holiday by the end.

19:40It was more like a full-time job. Anyway, enjoy the pod. Thanks for bringing me laughs while I was travelling, Roger.

19:45Abbey Clancy: Well, first of all, Roger, let me put you straight there, sister. I don't take any pictures, do I? Do you not? No, I'm rubbish at that. I'm not like a, I'm going to take a picture of this souffle kind of girl. Yeah, you're quite good at that. And also when we're in the best places and doing great things, I'm not taking pictures for the gram. I probably should. Yeah, well. But he presumed I would be that person. I know where he's coming from. There are times where you have asked me to take photos and it's never one. It's never one. There was one particular one. Pete's been lying on the floor. She said to me to get low.

20:25And I'm like, what? She's asked me to get low. There's a point where I'm now kneeling on the floor. I was thinking, babe, this is quite degrading now. Then she was starting to get low and low. I was lying on the floor taking a photo going up.

20:39Abbey Clancy: Basically what it was, we were in Sicily. Yeah. On the balcony and the view was breathtaking and I wanted like a long-legged picture of me looking over the balcony in a bikini. Oh, I see. So when Pete took the picture, I looked like a Shetland pony. I looked like I had the shortest legs, the longest body. And I'm like, Pete, the angle's all wrong. You need to get low, honey. Let me just tell you about Roger here. He was lying on the floor. If you do it wrong, I was lying on the floor, yeah. And I was like, so I just made a vow then. I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. I think we should post the picture because I've got the picture of me looking out the balcony and then I've got the picture of Pete on the floor lying on his belly and taking it.

21:25Abbey Clancy: I took a picture of him like army crawling, like taking a picture. But it was a great picture and it was worth it. It was a great picture. But there are, you know, there's a, I think there's a, is it like an Instagram account or a Twitter account? It's fellas of Instagram. Oh, I've seen it. So it's the photo of the fella taking the photo? Yeah. Oh, fucking hell, mate. Oh, we should have got you on there. It's kind of everything that's wrong with men, I think. It's like we've gone. We've gone as a species. Like we're on the floor. We have. We're on the floor taking photos of our wives. It's fucking wrong.

22:00Abbey Clancy: I thought you'd like to take that picture. I like looking at your ass, innit? I didn't want to be down there all day. So weird. You weren't only there for like three minutes. Three minutes is not acceptable to be on the floor taking a photo. That's a long time for you on your belly. A photo to me is, would you mind taking this photo? Bang, there you go. There's your photo back. That's literally, that's what taking a photo is. I think there's too much of this now. You see it on holiday. And I've sat on the thing and we've both laughed at men. When the girl's doing this, she's like flicking her hair out the water or something.

22:35And he's there for like 20 minutes. It's not acceptable. it's not and I think I think men need to grow up in general really some men they'll leave a full career

22:45Abbey Clancy: of photographing their wives and then they they become like you know social influencers of you know they should grow up in my opinion I think they need to grow up I think men need to have a long hard look at themselves because listen I've been guilty of it in my part I'm not I'm not sitting here saying I'm I've done it myself our friend terrible behaviour do you remember But we were in that, we were on holiday once and we were on this like roof terrace bar thing and all the girls on to take photos and one of the girls got like a big light selfie light out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And our friend was just horrified, grabbed the light, just threw it off the balcony.

23:24Abbey Clancy: You're joking. No, and she was like, oh my God, my selfie light. He was like, I'm not having that. I'm just unacceptable. That's a wild reaction, but fair play. It was a wild reaction, but we were about 20 margaritas in. but those selfie lights I've never had one I need one they're phenomenal they're so good my annoyance with this and it's a real big annoyance is that you know we're not enjoying the moments are we we're capturing the moments but I don't do it no no no I'm not blaming you I think you're actually really good considering I think considering what no no considering you know you're quite prevalent on Instagram do you know what I mean you like to take a photo but you're not you're actually not you're not about capturing like I've seen some girls and they're taking pictures for for ages you think the way I look at it some of these girls they're not even talking to each other they're just on Instagram they're not doing anyone any harm if it makes you happy it's fine it just doesn't look like they're enjoying themselves I want to be in the moment not just there for Instagram yeah I think it's just a shame there was one thing I saw recently it was a prodigy gig from the 90s oh yes And it was like, it was 80 ,000 ravers, right?

24:41Raven. Raven. So there was a video of thinking like high-end Ibiza or something like that. It had this AI thing behind it and like a big 3D thing. Oh, lovely. Everyone was filming it. The whole crowd was filming it. And it just went from prodigy, people having it, to people just standing there filming. I know I'm old, but it just feels a shame. they should be losing their fucking minds, in my opinion, not filming something that you can see on YouTube anyway. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I think that's a fair shout-out. I understand if you're filming your mate, you know, throwing up or doing the robot in front of it, go, oh, that's good.

25:22Look at him. I get that because you go, that's what he was doing in that moment. But why are you filming something that you can see better on TV?

25:30Abbey Clancy: Do you remember Sophia said yesterday, I wish my eyes could take pictures? aww yeah they can now can they exactly that's what Pete said the meta glasses meta glasses where does it stop with all this like photographing thing because I saw Justin Timberlake being filmed by the cops I thought that was bullshit I thought that was absolutely apparently that's two years old I saw that as well apparently it's old footage but it's fucking way out of line what are they doing because the guy said when he was doing the walk in the straight line which clearly couldn't do and I don't condone drink driving whatsoever I think that's appalling however I don't think you should be filming someone and the guy went okay stand back and the guy got the body cam in position so he could see him do it you know it's just it's poor I don't know you know you could say oh well you know he's done something illegal but I think the body cam is to protect the officers right I think so it shouldn't be to like stitch up celebrities no and that's the issue releasing it is the issue I think yeah yeah releasing it it's just no good I get that if you're in the office and everyone goes have a look got Justin Timberlake here you go like you have a laugh and go like yeah that's fun but like releasing it to the world is a bit it's weird because BBC jumped straight on it didn't they and now it's like gone so viral you're right it's like a runaway train I don't know I hate that kind of stuff yeah but I'm you know not defending him obviously he's totally in the wrong yeah totally in the wrong but I just think by the way as well that's gone viral he said I'm on a world tour and they were like and what's that I saw that He was like, what's that?

27:02He's like, hard to explain. It's like, that's everyone's... And then he said, I'm Justin Timberlake. Oh, God. Hysterical. Yeah, fucking well. Fair play. Oh, well. Right, guys, this feels like a great time to hear from our sponsors. And while you're there, hit subscribe.

27:21All right, ladies.

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28:02Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. Right, babe, I know you're on the hunt for spicy stories and juicy goss all the time, right? Okay, so this week we've taken the top submissions from Reddit's Am I the Arsehole? It's a page where people share their version of spicy events and we've got to judge who is in the wrong.

28:23Abbey Clancy: Okay. I think you're going to like this. There's some crackers on here. So it's not like an arsehole being spicy. No, that's an image in my head. I know, that's us. A spicy arsehole. After a vindaloo or something like that. Foul. Arse like a dragon's nostril.

28:42That was great. That was a great one. It's one of my favourite sayings. I've never even heard it. It's one of my favourite. That's a keeper. Can I just read the title of this one?

28:50Abbey Clancy: Go on, you do it. You read it to me. No, I'll read the title and you can read it. Am I the arsehole for wanting to be called granny in bed? Take it away. Please proceed. I can't wait to hear this. Okay. I'm just going to get right to it. My boyfriend likes to be called daddy while in bed when we're being intimate. And I've obliged this request, but it's starting to creep me out. And I've decided I don't want him to do it anymore. And he's not happy with this and insists it has nothing to do with the connotation of the word. he just enjoys hearing me say it. Since he wasn't budging on the issue, I told him I'd like him to call me grandma in bed as a compromise.

29:33Abbey Clancy: He didn't like this option and said it was giving him visuals that he would prefer not to have. Like, okay, join the fucking club. Anyway, the last time he tried to initiate intimacy with me, I started to refer to myself as grandma in the third person. Do you like it when grandma does that, etc. and he flew off the handle, said I've ruined the mood, made him feel gross and I was being ridiculous. I think I proved my point but he thinks I'm being an arsehole. So am I? Okay, that's a good one. That's a tough one, I think. I think that's a tough one because she... It's a justified arsehole behaviour.

30:13I think she said, look, I'm not comfortable with this, I'm not comfortable with this. He's like, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. So then she's gone, well, let's see how you feel. so I kind of get it but you know we've all got awkward I don't love

30:27Abbey Clancy: the daddy thing you're not you're not a fan no daddy's left the house daddy's arrived home daddy's arrived home on that live 360 right I'm called daddy okay right as mummy yeah and obviously it's for the kids but you know it notifies you when you've got home or something it's always funny when it's like daddy's arrived home daddy's arrived daddy's arrived I think that's hysterical that she's done the the granny yeah I think it's I think he's the arsehole for not listening to her in the first place it's a loudest little quirks yeah it's exciting for him do you know what I mean we had the sex doctor on she was saying you know of course everyone's different aren't they might like you know she doesn't like getting called grandma she's just winding him up I think in those intimate scenarios both parties have to be comfortable otherwise it's not just if you said to me start calling me your dad he'd just be like fuck off no no try these things no try these things you wasn't justified if you were to do it because you are the father of kids so yeah you are yeah that actually who's your daddy I don't assume this person is who's your daddy I think if I start going like who's your daddy I think that's what he should do because it's not you're not making her do anything that's true yeah who's your daddy just asking a question aren't you you got her on technicality if she's going to play the grandma game I'd just be thinking of me dad then and then that would just be so weird if I hear the word daddy I just think of my dad it's not like a sexual term in my eyes it's all it's all a good discussion I think it's healthy to have these discussions I think so what a way of doing it do you like to be called daddy in Vegas

32:16you know what I will say you know what I will say that's a yes

32:18Abbey Clancy: we haven't started I'm actually I'm partial are you partial yeah I'm not going to go any further than that I think it's like a new it's a new new generational thing is it is this what the youngsters are calling each other in a sec yeah I was at a festival and I hooked up with someone once and they started saying it and I was like oh and they were like a couple of years younger than me and I was like this feels really weird I don't know how I feel about it and then like flash forward like a year I was like it's actually and then everyone everyone's saying it it's kind of like a thing really yeah I'm going to call you a lady.

32:50Abbey Clancy: Daddy, go and get me a cup of tea, please, and three rich tea biscuits.

32:56So what do you think? Are they the arsehole?

32:59Abbey Clancy: I think the guy's the arsehole. Yeah. Not the lass. Granny in bed. That's the finesse. I think she's a bit out of order, like. It says the two men in the room, of course. You've got to say she's in the wrong room. What's wrong with Daddy? Still making me sick. Actually hearing you say it now, maybe, what's wrong with daddy? Exactly. Exactly. Maybe I've changed my mind, actually. Very good. What about big boy? Big boy. I'd prefer big boy to daddy. Yeah, all right. We'll try that one this evening. We'll see how we go. We'll see how we go. I don't talk to you in this moment. Well, maybe you should.

33:42Abbey Clancy: I don't want to. I don't know. I don't know. I've gone off. Big boy. i only say that because i was watching it's complicated the other day your favorite film yeah and she kept calling him big guy and he was like where's this big guy coming from is it just because i'm fat i think yeah there's a lot you know there's there's it's such a fine line between you know talking in that in that environment getting it wrong and right so you can so easily get it wrong yeah absolutely completely off yeah yeah very easily i would say how to lose a guy in 10 days comes to mind when she nicknamed his penis princess crawl what he's like no princess yeah crawl the crawl the princess warrior or something oh wow okay that's jokes all right so i don't we we're sitting on the fence with that one aren't we no he's not easy on sale she doesn't want to call him daddy so she he got a taste of his own medicine i suppose i disagree with that yeah okay am i the arsehole for flashing my flatmate's girlfriend here we go i live with my childhood best friend also a guy flashing her i live that's amazing was it a deliberate flash looks that way yeah i live with my childhood best friend also a guy and i have done for two years now.

35:06Up until last week, things were perfect between us. However, he recently got a new girlfriend and she honestly seems great, except for one thing. She seemingly has a complete aversion to knocking. She and I have quite a lot in common and I actually like spending time with her. However, it bugs the hell out of me when she just barges into my room without knocking first. Now, she's never walked in on me doing anything untoward, but on seven separate occasions now. She's barged in first thing in the morning to ask if I want a coffee. That's nice. That's nice, isn't it? I sleep naked. Every time prior to the last one, I've been under the covers and she hasn't seen anything.

35:45I always point out that she could have and she just giggles and says, but I didn't. When she stays over last week... I think

35:51Abbey Clancy: she's got the hot syrup. Yeah, it definitely reads that way, doesn't it? When she stayed over last week, in order to make my point, I intentionally slept on top of the covers. Sure enough, she barges in at 7am, begins to ask if I want coffee and sees my you know what she immediately backed out of my of the room and didn't speak to me the rest of the day my mate later pulled me aside and said i was bang out of order accused me of deliberately exposing myself and pointing out that i threatened to do it before they're now framing this to others that i'm a sick creep who intentionally got naked and lay in weight of her because that's how i get my rocks off that's hysterical am i the arsehole for this no she's the arsehole no bullshit that it's just private space yeah do what he likes in there yeah you can't plan if you're in and out you can't plan if you're in or out of the cover can you no that's true that's very true yeah but the thing is what is bad here is they're right he was intentionally on top of the cover he had planned it yeah he had planned it but still why did he think that would put her off has he got like a tiny penis no I no not not putting her off I think he was saying like you need to respect my space because this could happen.

37:04Do you know what I mean? But he's also getting off on it as well. Deppo. It reads a little like he's into her and she's into him or he thinks she's into him. Something like, yeah, but she's obviously just, in his head, he's probably thinking, she's all over me. Yeah, exactly. He's like, I'll waddle that in front of her. She's desperate to see this and then he's done it and gone, fuck.

37:22Abbey Clancy: Backfire, backfire. Oh, fuck. People don't just hang around in the room naked, Pete. He said he sleeps naked and she's barging in at 7am. unannounced coffee run though innit she's trying to do something nice and he's whapped his knob out what's happened there he's built that up all in all his head she's just all over it what if he like set his alarm to like get on top of the covers yeah that's tough you know I think I agree with you I think she's the arsehole not him she could have went oh my god put some clothes on and turned it into a joke yeah I think it's a bit 50-50 this one he's a bit arsehole for planning it, planning the flash.

38:06Abbey Clancy: But she's a bit arsehole-y in the sense of that she shouldn't have, you know, turned it into a serious matter. She should have just laughed it off and went, fucking hell, I'll be knocking on your door in future. Do you know what I mean? Exactly, yeah. I agree. I think that's the voice of reason. Okay, so he's not the arsehole. Am I the arsehole for making my overweight, in brackets, assistant cry over a business lunch? At the beginning of the year, I hired an assistant. We'll call her Amy. Amy is great at what she does and I've already given her a raise because I felt she was underpaid for what she was doing.

38:36Abbey Clancy: I'm working on several large deals so I gave Amy the lead on one of them and she did an excellent job. I set up a lunch appointment with that client on Friday and I told him I would be bringing Amy as she's been instrumental in their account. He did not have a problem with this. Amy was professional, knowledgeable and did an overall good job. The client and I were both very impressed with the exception of one thing. Here we go. The client and I both ordered burgers and fries. Amy ordered a steak, well done, mashed potatoes, steamed veg and a side of soup. The client and I finished about the same time.

39:09Abbey Clancy: She was another 15 minutes before she finished. Then the waitress came around and asked us if we want dessert and the client and I both said no. Amy ordered a cheesecake and a coffee. I realised that I had spoken to Amy about the client lunches before. So after the meeting, I explained to her that it's best to follow the client's lead if they order simple food we order simple food if they decline dessert we decline dessert if we want something afterwards we can pick it up later Amy did not take this well she started crying saying it was because she's fat her words not mine I told her it was purely strategy she was still upset when she left I feel like an arsehole for bringing this to her attention but my intentions were good now I'm wondering if others think I was wrong for bringing it up at all that's a tricky one that's a tricky one isn't it if you're going for lunch get lunch sister i always get a dessert yeah i know you wouldn't be bothered if you'd fire into the cheesecake i'd be like oh just look at that i'd have my spoon right in a cheesecake literally i think he is an asshole dear i the thing is is like when you're taking clients out for lunch you know they build relationships and it is it is definitely like you're trying to entertain aren't you to get business i imagine you know she's too busy chowing down she's like a free lunch in it yeah i just i you don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable like that but i kind of understand someone was eating a steak well i think the steak's more is better for you than a burger burger you have to how are they eating these burgers are they picking them up with their hands and chow it in.

40:48I think it's the dessert that's the issue there. You might want to wrap up and we can't wait for you to polish off. You've got a side soup as well, side soup. You've got to wait for that to cool down, haven't you? That's a big meal. He's put an extra 45 minutes on the meal there, probably. Because a work lunch isn't like any other type of lunch with your mates, is it? It is a kind of, we're sitting here, there's rules of trade.

41:13Abbey Clancy: It's kind of meeting with lunch on the side. It's not a lunch, is it? Yeah, I also think it's like, you know, whatever, you know, you kind of have what they have, almost. Yeah. I've never done that. No, I know you wouldn't, but I'm just saying if you were entertaining clients, you know, I don't give a fuck about clients. We'll just eat what we want. But people do care. I don't think I've ever been for lunch with a client, to be honest. Well, I don't think that's not our work capacity, is it? No, who's the arsehole? Who do we think? Do you still think he's the arsehole for raising it? I understand where he's coming from, though.

41:50He could have worded it better. But I think he's upset her, which makes him probably the arsehole. Well, let's think. Let's say Prince William and Kate invited you round for lunch. Would you take their leads or would you just order everything you wanted off the menu? No fucks given. Do you know what I mean?

42:04Abbey Clancy: I didn't think ordering what you wanted was disrespectful. I guess it's not. I think for me, I do say, are we having starters, you know, to the group? and like if everyone goes, no, I think we're going to have them today, I think you should all do it together. I think watching someone have a starter. Oh, I love a starter. I know I like starters too, but you know, I would say, if I really wanted a starter, which I often like a soup, I would say I'd love one, you know. And then hopefully the general consensus is, yeah, we're going to have starters. And then they might say, I'm not going to have one, but by all means, you, do you know what I mean?

42:39Abbey Clancy: What if they said, I won't have a starter, but I'll have a dessert, then you're there a third longer? Yeah, but if they said, you know, yeah, of course I have a starter, I'm not going to, and then they went for a dessert. You're there for four hours? I've got to take the piss on you.

42:55Abbey Clancy: I really want to go for lunch now with all this trash. I think there is etiquette. I want a dessert now. Daddy, take me for one. No.

43:05This whole episode is just softcore porn, isn't it? Daddy, take me for a dessert. You want to have a dessert? No. so we split on that one as well what do we think i i find it hard i don't i think he's upset which makes him the arsehole there but you know he probably didn't mean it and understand where

43:24Abbey Clancy: he's coming from so there's lots of different layers to that the reality is he is probably getting he probably does think she's fat and it's probably irritating him that she's eating so much in front of him that's let's not beat around the bush right so for that reason pull her up kind of subtly. For that reason, he's an arsehole. Okay. Okay. All right. Fair enough. Well, listen to this. Am I the arsehole for being a horny wife? Absolutely not. Job done. It's fine. It doesn't exist, Pete. It does exist. They're out there. I'll read it to you, but I'm already... No, you're not an arsehole. My husband has to spend two months in a different state for work.

44:09Oh, fuck. Maybe you are. he came back nine days ago I'm obviously thrilled he's back and I've missed him a lot and I was hoping he would be able to spend some more time together just the two of us however his mum came over when he was supposed to come home

44:21Abbey Clancy: cock blocking looks that way I was slightly annoyed but I know she was just excited to have her son back however she didn't leave nine days in and we haven't had a second of time together she insists on staying here instead of a hotel the guest room is right next to ours and the walls are thin when the two of us go out she comes with us she follows us around the house constantly earlier today I asked her to leave she kept saying she wasn't ready to go yet and wanted more time with her son I tried telling her we wanted some time alone and she kept insisting that she'd join us finally I snapped since you seem oblivious I will put this bluntly I want to fuck your son she said this if you don't want to see or hear that you need to leave i know this isn't the classiest response ever but i was frustrated anyway she yelled at me but eventually left we finally got to have our alone time now she's blowing up both of our phones saying that i am disgusting and i have no respect for her her son or myself i know that what i said was very inappropriate but i'm an asshole i am putting my mum hat on here instead of my wife hat okay if my son's wife said that to me I'd punch her in the face.

45:43You can't hang around a couple like that. There's no way you would hang around like that.

45:49Abbey Clancy: If I hadn't seen my son for a month, I'd be with him every single day. Yeah, well, that's your fault as well. If I put my wife hat on, I want the mother-in-law gone. Absolutely out. And I want to be with my husband. So you can see it. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. No, it's not at all, no. She's got to go. they're a young couple yeah but what if it's your mum would you say to your mum you've got to leave yeah 100 % it would oh as if 100 % you'd be like I've got to sorry mum but you know we're going to go out tonight on our own it's alright you know yeah we're going to reconnect

46:26disgusting

46:27Abbey Clancy: saying the F word to your mother-in-law is way out of line she's not put that correct there's no that's very disrespectful she's snapped she's American I think maybe they're a little bit more brash She snapped there. Yeah, yeah. That is quite an American thing to say, isn't it? I want to F something. Yeah. How would you put it? I would never say that. Want to shag your son? I don't know. Is that British? Shag? I wouldn't say shag. Do you want to say like Austin Powers? You wouldn't say it? I want to shag your son. No, I would say... I'd say I just want to have a cosy night. Some alone time. Alone time?

47:04Yeah.

47:04Abbey Clancy: I don't want to put any picture in anyone's minds. I think you need to let her know, though, don't you? It's like, I want to, you know... I want to get the bong beats on. Yeah. I want to get the bong beats. Agreed. Yeah, agreed. All right, shall we get the last one? Okay. Am I the arsehole for menstruating? Here we go. These are amazing, by the way. This is unbelievable. This is a great situation. So my boyfriend is really protective over his furniture. I assume it's because it's all white. this really shows when i'm on my period oh god my boyfriend does humiliating things like placing sheets on the all the chairs in the lounge i feel like if i were to leak i'd just leak through the sheets anyway and he makes me sleep in the guest bedroom on the first two days of my period the heaviest day he needs to go is that a joke he's a serial killer it's like patrick bateman's Psycho, American psycho.

48:04Abbey Clancy: He is literally a psychopath. Yeah. He's treating her like a Labrador. He's laying mats down. Can you put, like, sleep out the bed? Like, that's like, that's like some serious narcissistic control going on there. Just your way. Guest bedroom. Oh, my God. It's worse. Did he even ask? I'd just sit on his face and say, I'm going to start laying sheets out. Don't be like that. You know what I mean? But you know what I mean? Cheeky bastard. Cheeky bastard. Wow. Then he even asked me about when was the last time I changed my tampon. I'm a grown woman who's had a period since I changed my tampon. I don't need someone to tell me, to remind me to change a tampon.

48:48When he does this, I feel embarrassed. And it gives me the vibe that he cares more about materialistic objects than me. He won't even let me cuddle him during my period.

48:57Abbey Clancy: No, he's not well. He acts like I'm just gushing like a waterfall. I started my period yesterday and as expected, the sheets come out. I decided to put my foot down. I took all the sheets off the furniture, which irritated my boyfriend. I told him he needs to stop to eat me like a leaking juice box. He says that I have no right to present him from keeping his furniture clean and that I'm the jerk and I need to know, am I the arsehole? I think he's the arsehole. She needs to dump him and she needs to get away from that control and psychopath. feels a bit much feels a bit much you know what's where's he getting off like trying to humiliate her and also she's a grown woman you know she knows how to control her period you know if if you if it went somewhere popped no no nothing pops Pete the hell why do you boys know nothing we need a period expert should we say she's called it mishap if you have a if you're not nothing pops Pete what do you think popped what are you talking when he said so much and it it pops out it doesn't pop out we're back on period chats again we can't escape it nobody knows no man knows how it works sorry unless you're a doctor I have no real clue because well well nothing pops out and nine times out of ten you should be fine there should be no accident leaks or whatever you want to call it yeah she knows she's a grown woman and it's he's trying to humiliate and control her so he's an arsehole Abigail, I totally agree, you're an arsehole.

50:33There's no doubt. There's no doubt in my mind. But for instance, what about how mad does this sound? When a friend or, you know, say a friend, female friend comes around, are you going to ask her at the door, excuse me, are you in your period? Because I've got white sofas here. Do you know what I mean? No, she's just going to come in and sit down. Do you know what I mean? Which makes it more about the relationship. Yeah. And it puts her in a, it's kind of psychological warfare, isn't it? Because, you know, like if any woman came around, you've guaranteed he makes her a cup of tea and they just sit down.

51:01Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Good point. Like he's not, he might, he's not going to say it to them, is he?

51:06Abbey Clancy: Well, he's probably got loads of women coming around to his house. No, but she might have a friend, do you know what I mean, that comes round. Yeah. You know, I'm just saying like, it's definitely wrongness, 100%. Do you know what this reminds me of? Did you go and see that Sydney Sweeney film? Was it The Housemaid? Oh, yeah. Have you seen it? Reminds me of the fella in that. Is that a twist? I don't know if I'm giving the twist away. Yeah. Like proper. Meany. Yeah. I'd just get red wine and pour it all over a sofa and pack a bags and get out of there. Yeah. Don't blame you. But I get, you know, once you pop, you can't stop.

51:38Abbey Clancy: Babe, not so pops in periods. Stop it. You're just so pathetic. You're like a child. You've had four children and you don't know what a period is. It just came to my head off what was too funny to pass up. It's not funny at all. I found it really, really funny. It's got no relevance to periods. I know, but because I'd said popped already and you had a problem with it, I thought it'd be funny to say the Pringles advert. Okay, great. Good job.

52:10Well, well done. Okay, do we review this one? He's the arsehole. Agreed. Not Pete.

52:19Abbey Clancy: Pete's got feather in his knickers.

52:25oh should we get a smack of the abs hi guys I need some serious advice I was on a night out in Clapham last weekend and I lied about being single and I ended up getting with someone today I was chatting with my partner and I didn't realise until halfway through the conversation with him that he knows the other guy they're in the same local football team in London I have two training sessions are weak. They've known each other for well over a year and regularly go out on team socials. Jesus. I feel like this is going to kill me. I could use your advice.

53:04Abbey Clancy: Damn shit on your own back door, whatever the saying is. What is it? Shit on your own doorstep. Which is what she's fully done. Yeah. Yeah, we can't gloss over the first part, right? I lied about being single. That's not good, is it? That's a bad one. Is that a bad one? I don't even know what the way out of that is. It's just not... Well, he might go, I'll pull this girl on the weekend and then he'll go, who? And then he's going to find out. It's as simple as that. It will happen. He's going to find out and then she's going to be in the crap and their relationship will probably be over, sorry to say.

53:40Abbey Clancy: He's not going to, if it was a stranger and he didn't know him, he could maybe look past it. But if it's a guy in his football team, he can't he can't lose face and stay with hair I imagine what happens with the awards night at the end of the you know bring the girls down oh hello yeah I don't reckon this team gets awards nights to be honest mate I didn't think they'd get awards nights either they have social gatherings yeah some sort she's fucked hard isn't it when the agony abs look actually quite agonising.

54:21That does feel like agony. It tastes pure agony. I'm not going to end on that one. No, you want a happy one? No, I'm going to read one more. First off, thanks for laugh, okay? Here's the situation. I told my partner I was staying in last weekend off for fuck's sake. But I actually went out to meet someone. You lot are fucked. See you later.

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