Abbey’s Lawless Nashville Hen Do, Pete’s DIY Golf Course & The 2-Hour Bedroom Dilemma!

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1:52I was all fine with it until I was calling it Noshville, Tennessee. Oh, no.

1:58Abbey Clancy: Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Woo! Hello, and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Me, guys. Am I in a good position for you? You're in a good position. So we're currently in our friend's barn, the demolition site and the garden. There was just too much going on today. Yeah. So we've kindly stolen a barn. And here we are. It's nice and cosy, isn't it? And coming straight back from Nashville, it seems fitting. And also, I'm really excited to wear boots today. Yeah, but you just come home from Nashville. It's the same as, you know, like when Wimbledon's on, everyone thinks they're a tennis player.

2:33Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like you wear boots because you come back from Nashville.

2:37Abbey Clancy: These aren't like cowboy boots, they're Prada. Still boots though, aren't they? Prada.

2:43How are you feeling after Nashville? Do you know what?

2:45Abbey Clancy: I'm actually feeling great because it was quite day activity heavy. and I was in bed by midnight. I was so homesick at night, but my God, we laughed. There was 19 of us all in one house in Nashville, five minutes from Broadway. And it was heavily themed. Elle just loved it. Fantastic group. Lib was there, Kaz was there, Lucinda, Alfie. So all my mates, which are obviously Elle's mates. And then a load of Elle's girlfriends who were all just fabulous, half of them from Dublin. So we had the crack. We had the crack. Yeah, I actually feel fine. Do you? I got back yesterday, yesterday morning. We were on the night.

3:31A little bit husky and slow yesterday.

3:34Abbey Clancy: Husky and slow? Yeah, just moving slowly and a little bit of a husky voice. I didn't even see you yesterday. Pete surprised me. I was so upset because I was like, Pete, are you working today? And he was like, no. I was like, you're picking me up at the airport. And he was like, no, I'm going to send Lee. and I was, it was like a knife in my heart. I was like, and then I got, when I got to the airport. I appeared like a, like a. Yeah, nine shining armor. The nine shining armor out of Costa.

4:03Abbey Clancy: I saw my daughter Liberty first with Bambi like running towards her and it was just an amazing, amazing surprise. But yet we had an absolute ball. It was just FYI though, folks. there's not a cowboy in fucking Nashville there's not a cowboy in Nashville no the only cowboys the only people wearing cowboy hats were us with the hendos what it's a long way to go and to not see a cowboy was that the sole mission then was it to go there of course save a horse ride a cowboy you heard this can you actually believe this this is the 10th time she sang this line what is the what is this line just everywhere we went this is like the nashville theme tune but it's an absolute tune but where it's it's so funny so it's uh i just found i was totally fine with it all i just found this in my bag what's that this is what we were wearing

5:06Abbey Clancy: and we kept everywhere everywhere everywhere we went every bar we'd find scott in the bin In the bin somewhere. So like someone who'd just take them out with us and then Scott was in bins everywhere. He was all over Nashville. But Elle had the most incredible time. Kaz turned into Elvis. You know, everything she said. I was like, Kaz, do you want to drink? Yeah, bubba. Are you coming? I'm coming, honey. So her voice just completely changed. Mind you, Gaz, when we went to America for the Peter Crouch podcast, Gaz was changed. They were saying, I appreciate you. Yeah, we were saying that. Appreciate you.

5:42Sidewalk, stuff like that. I think it's because I was struggling. It's the longest I've gone in my life without sex, wasn't it?

5:48Abbey Clancy: Sex? Can you believe this? We had the discussion over here. I said, Gaz, so we've been away like two and a half weeks. We had a teacher. I was like, fuck me, you're an animal. Yeah, yeah. It was over like a couple of beers. I think that was like at the three week mark, it's the longest I'd ever gone in my life. In your life? Since the day I'd lost it, whenever that was. Bisexual, it must have been like a period of like 17 or something. God, he's like a nymphomania. Absolutely Don Juan de Marco. Casanova. God, I think every two weeks is a healthy sex life, in my opinion. Two years now is good for me.

6:25I'm happy with that. Two years is, I reckon that's prolific. It's a sweet spot.

6:29Abbey Clancy: Yeah, but that's because he's got no children. Yeah. You know, you can have sex. I don't even want to say the word, but you can do it whenever you... I just don't like saying it. Why not? It's a fact of life. Fact of life? Yeah, well, it is because, you know, the world would stop if people weren't doing it. It's a good point, Pete. It's human nature. It's animal nature. It's an instinct that's inbred in us. Yeah, but there's also other instincts, as in four children, that get in the way. Yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine how you deal with that. Yeah. Constant interruptions. Late nights, early starts.

7:08You couldn't deal with that. I couldn't do it. He's a two-week man. Prolific shagger. Top shagger.

7:17I don't mind that sticking.

7:18Abbey Clancy: I'm surprised you're not a virgin, to be honest. I'll be able. You've done me again. I can't escape it. Listen, we're going to get into Nashville properly later on in this episode. We've got lots of questions for you about the trip. But you guys want to start off with some... Sorry, guys. Whatever happened in Nashville stays in Nashville. I can't go into too much detail. I was all fine with it until one of the lads who's actually his missus was on the trip was calling it Noshville, Tennessee. Oh, no.

7:47Abbey Clancy: The worst thing, the worst, I was, my age was really became apparent on that trip though, because we were, because there weren't any cowboys in sight. Yeah. We were, this is a joke. We were like CGI and pictures to like our husbands of us, like surround about, we'll put some on our socials. I bet, massively. And Pete was like, I said, Pete was like, you're having a nice time. And I said, Pete, a picture of this, a picture of Kaz, like 10, like, topless cowboys all around. And he was like, you're having a fucking laugh. And I was like, Pete, it's CGI. And all the young ones are going, Abby, it's not CGI.

8:23Abbey Clancy: It's called AI. And I'm like, oh, God, sorry. Like, just such... Is that your Irish accent? Yeah. It's not CGI, it's AA. I was like total like grandma on the group. Oh, that's so good. But we had a lot of fun making our fake vids. But it was good. But yeah, we'll get into it more. Have you got a weekly wine for me?

8:49This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster parent and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties.

9:22You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Now, taking care of your health just got easier. Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes.

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10:28um i was very good you were good you checked in and stuff i was crying every night calling them

10:33Abbey Clancy: and i had to vote i just want to come home because i think being away from home because i'm a home bunny this is the third trip i've ever been on in my entire life with just girls wow okay i went for one day with um my best friend from school holly's hendu paris and then and went on like a trip when I was like 18 and this. Wow. So it's like I have severe separation anxiety from Pete. So in the day I was fine because there was lots going on and then at night I was just like, I'm literally going to die. I need to be home now. Yeah, she was calling me at night and I felt good about that. Then, you know, I was having a beer with the lads and they were like, yeah, just a quick FaceTime and then whip the gear under the lift still on and then you go out.

11:20oh no

11:22Abbey Clancy: Pete I'm really homesick let's go girls it was so funny who knows eh well wine wise don't ever do that again I won't leave you I promise I won't leave you it's actually a good thing because the things he absolutely hates about me when I'm around like the decibel level yeah you know I have to say I mean you slipped into a little bit this morning you know being a bit angry because because what did you do you did something I was just like there's just no need for it you just pissed me off we're in a short we're in a small you know yeah where you're staying where we're staying at the moment basically because it's very very tight we're all in there we thought it'd be a good idea because of our house big house renovation we thought it'd be a good idea to stay in the pool room because you know it's been summer the weather's beautiful we're so excited to be in the new house and watch the house develop.

12:24Abbey Clancy: But it's absolute hell now. And it's just the novelty's worn off. You know, we've got no privacy. You know, it's, we just need to live somewhere else. Which is impossible when it's like, can we rent a house with four kids, five pets, a nine foot husband, and seven. Throw me in as if I'm like one of the pets. A giraffe. Well, it's like no smoking, no people over 6 '5". Yeah, exactly. In front of me is one of the problems. No, what did you do this morning? No, I did nothing. You're just getting angry again. No, it was last night. I just said, like, this started with us being like, saying, you know, how nice you were and all that.

13:06And it was good to have you back. It was too quiet in the house without you, I'll be honest. But then, you know, when you came back this morning, I was like, oh, was that better?

13:17Abbey Clancy: Oh, thanks. Thanks. Thanks for that. No, because I said to be - Were you like a tidal wave this morning? Do you want me to tell you why I was like a tidal wave? Go on, was it jet lag? Because, no, I got home from Nashville yesterday morning. I'd stayed up all night, then I couldn't go to sleep till like 1am. Yeah. Then I had to be up a quarter to six this morning because we had a meeting at the house at seven before we come to work today. Yeah. And bearing in mind, as a female, you have to wash your hair, dry your hair, put your makeup on. do all the kids get their lunches done for football camp it's a lot to do with jet lag Pete's just moping around like a bloody sloth driving me mad I'm like chop chop come on but I don't understand what you're just too laid back but laid back just think how if we were just laid back how much nicer it would be well it wouldn't do you want some toast babe no because you've got no bread what I'm saying is You know when people come home, the fridge stocked, fridge stocked, dinner, everything done.

14:22Abbey Clancy: I come home, I was like, we'll have a little piece of toast in a couple of days. Actually, I won't because there's no milk, there's no bread. There's loads of toast. And also went and got milk, so that's not true. There was milk and there was bread. But there was no tea bags? There is tea bags on the right hand side. Put them there myself. So yeah, all of that is false. And also none of it has to happen because we can all just get along. Okay, so did you miss me or not? I did miss you. A lot. Okay, so there's no weekly wine. It's a shine. Well, there's a bit of a weekly wine in there. It's like just a bit more positivity is what I'm going to say.

14:55Just around the place in general.

14:57Abbey Clancy: There's a lot to do. I think it's just... There's always a lot to do. There's always a lot to do. Just like it's about the journey. It's about the ride. It's not about the destination. I can't do the things I want to do. All I want to do is shovel all that gravel up at the back of the house. imagine thinking about gravel first thing in the morning no I do think about gravel I know you do I can't go to sleep thinking of the gravel I know you do I'm like in my head I'm like I've got that wheelbarrow I've got the shovel I'm going to do that there's a pile of shit everywhere that I just want to clear out and then that area will be done and I haven't got time to do it I'm exactly like you it would do my head in every day I want to just deal with that situation it's like membrane and pipes like gardening stuff that I just need to just clear it.

15:45And I just want to... Do you ever think that, like, you know, if you vanished off the face of the earth, right?

15:50Abbey Clancy: Anyone would care? No one? No, no, no. Obviously, you'd care if you left us. But if, like, for me, for instance, like, the world is going to carry on regardless. Yeah, but that's my little world. I want it to be perfect. And maybe that is a flaw in my character. But I think it's a flaw. It's only a flaw if it makes you happy and excites you. That's a great thing. But if it makes you stressy and anxious, then it's not a good thing. I've got my weekly mind. There we go. So get home. So one part of the meeting this morning was the gardener. So coming into the drive, we want like some nice trees and a nice entrance, blah, blah, blah.

16:30Abbey Clancy: Peter has drawn, so there's like a hill in the corner. Peter's decided to do a tee box and hit the ball all the way across the front garden into a hole. And he's CGI'd it. A golf hole, she means. What did I say? Well, you said he wants a tee box and he wants to hit a ball into a hole. Yeah, a golf hole. A golf hole, whatever. What else? The hole would you hit a ball into? Let's not go there. That's the way you explained it. It was like, you wouldn't realize if I invented the game of golf. No, so I'm just like, this is not happening. Like, so Pete's got the gardener in the house. I've CGI'd it.

17:10He's CGI'd it. He's CGI'd it. I've seen your plans. Babe, we need to stop saying CGI.

17:14Abbey Clancy: It's AI because we look really old. Does CGI, is that old? Does that make you look old? No, it's a similar thing, innit? Did you name the tee-off point? PC Sawgrass is the name of the course. I just don't see anything funny about that. It's right on the way in, isn't it? It's unbelievable. it's unbelievable you just wait I've had meetings and everything about it have you this morning at 7am I had a freaking golf golf course maker into the house to make this freaking golf hole I'm like that's not happening stay tuned it's my one input in the house you've got your one input no but Gaz that was the paddock for the donkeys oh fuck that mate the donkeys are gone we'll we'll oh listen I'll we'll donate to the donkey century I donated to the donkey sanctuary anyway.

18:04Well, I'm sure I do as well then, probably do I?

18:07Abbey Clancy: Yeah, it's actually your card that I use, so it's fine. Listen, I'm happy. I love donkeys, you know, but this is two good opportunities. What I've found, what I've thought of is, I don't know how much the gig deals are going to, because I can go into a lot better, but there's going to be a tea box, right? There's going to be like a yardage thing here. Then there's going to be a bench next to it for hole-in-ones with plaques from anyone who's achieved it. I'm going to get a bucket of balls, like I'm talking 50 to 100 balls, you know, consistently rain them down. So there will be holes in one. And anyone who gets one, name on the bench, this is a legacy I'm creating.

18:43Yeah. A legacy, a legacy that I'll pass down to my children, that the children, if they potentially sell the house, will then go, this is the bench. No, they're not allowed. 300 years ago on the wall, there'll be Peter, who's this Peter Crouch? and go, this man here was the person that created this golf hole and this legacy. I mean, you can't fault it, really. The thing is, the house is 18th century, right? I'm now adding... No, it was born in 1890. 1890, but what I'm saying is I'm adding something to the history of the house, of the home. Yeah. I'm creating something that... How did you work that out?

19:18You're just not. You know, your tiles and, you know, some marble for the bathroom, that is not adding...

19:25Abbey Clancy: It is, because I... No, it's not legacy. people are going to come in and change that. And put them back in the house, what has been ripped out over the years. Like what, I've done so much research into what would have been, um, classic to that house at that time, that year, that year. I'm putting it back in because over the years, all the original features have been taken out. Right. I see. I see. Yeah. Which is, that's a, that's a lovely thing. So I am creating legacy at your little shitty golf home. No, because if you say that, but some of, some of the golf courses round by ours are absolute institutions.

19:57listed couldn't replace them they've been there long before any of the houses around there

20:02Abbey Clancy: so cool story bro boring me to death i have a question though if someone mishits it and sends it flying will it not go through a window yeah potentially yeah but that's the risk you take

20:17Abbey Clancy: so now it's probably going to get a net to cover my whole house like a giant mosquito net It's like a whole building. It's actually, I've worked out, me and the course designers have worked out that's designing. There's only one hole. The guy, Norman, he did all the golf courses in Kinta. Norman, who does the garden, he did all the golf courses in Portugal. The irrigation for the golf courses. And he does like, you know, Richmond Park and the Palace Gardens and everything. and he was like, oh my God, this is a fantastic idea. I was like, Norman, will you shut up? I was supposed to, you know, it's probably because it's going to cost me a few quits.

21:01But it's something that, you know, everyone I've taken to has gone like, what an incredible idea.

21:08Abbey Clancy: Yeah. That's it. Anyone with a peen ass. A peen ass. I mean, if you can get some steps up to this elevated tea box, it's just phenomenal. Yeah. Such a great thing. What an entry to the house that is. Yeah, I think, you know. Stop getting the sign, right? No. Incredible. Well, stay tuned for that not happening, guys. Right, have we got any audience-wise? I don't put my foot down often. Daddy's home on this one.

21:41Daddy's home. Wow, just watched the latest two podcasts with Abby's friend Liberty as the guest. Absolutely amazing episodes. I laughed the whole way through. you could tell it was true genuine friendship could i please ask the name of all the wines that were tasted okay i want to replicate if i can an afternoon of friendship wine food and of course laughter podcast is a spectacular love donna that's a nice message isn't it liberty although

22:05Abbey Clancy: alfie shared a room with lib oh yeah and he said oh my god he said he'd open his eyes i wouldn't be open she's like drink them fucking cheer seeds eat that magnesium i've made you a green juice like that. Oh my God. Tapping him at like 6am. Alfie, we're doing a kettlebell lesson. Get up. Alfie said he was traumatised. He said he's, you know, he's a gay man. He said he's never seen so much vagina and boobs in his entire life because she was just constantly naked, feeding him supplements. You know, he said he's come home absolutely traumatised with a yeah, he was traumatised. He was like a mute.

22:44Abbey Clancy: He was a mute the whole holiday because she's hyperactive yeah because she was just because she's like that yeah I don't know how Alfie does it if I'm honest with all the girls yeah oh he had the best time I know like but fuck me I reckon that's intense 19 hot girls you're saying you couldn't do it well no nice to look at but I don't know if I could nice I don't know if I could you say that You don't talk at the same time. I know, but you... All of you talk at the same time. I'm like, who's listening? None of us. But you say that, but you're always out with the girls. You love it. I don't love it.

23:27You girls are fun.

23:28Abbey Clancy: Do you have a better laugh with girls than boys? No, come on. No, come on. The boys, it's always... That's a fact of life. But women, as women, I would say, I think you are very fun, your group. a lot of people I would find very entertaining. We were getting into so much trouble in Nashville. We booked this line dancing class. Oh yeah. And we booked the whole room and the stage and there's this girl on the stage and we were trying to like climb on so she's like girls you're not allowed on the stage. And then we'd just been like to this like big boozy lunch and then all the girls like just doing their own dance and like taking the tops off and swinging them round and pulling moonies and you know the usual shenanigans.

24:11Abbey Clancy: It was like girls can you refrain from taking off your clothes like caris is like doing the splits with a bra swinging around her head like oh my god the girl is just like that and in the end she just left so we were just all in the room on our own with neve neve got on the stage she's got this done shoulder shoulder hip hip shoulder shoulder hip hip together together and again that you tear around you do it and the girl is just like that watching us we just took over someone just became the teacher and he became the teacher and he was the teacher and the teacher just got completely binned wow oh my god so good we'll put um the dance up and we're on our listeners to send videos in of them doing it because you can do it to any song and you can add a turn in it you could do it Shoulder, shoulder, hip, hip, hip.

25:03Abbey Clancy: Yeah. Do you want to do it? I'd love to. Go on, try it. Have a go now. One, two, three. Shoulder, shoulder, hip, hip. Shoulder, shoulder, hip, hip. Double. Double. What does that mean, though? It doesn't mean anything. Shoulder, shoulder, hip, hip. But when you're standing up, you can put a bit of... You're doing a little bit of this. Yeah. So you used to stretch before training. You have to do it like that. So Niamh, one of Elle's friends, it was just... She's an influencer, actually. Irish, fabulous girl. The most beautiful, beautiful girl inside and out. And she was just the life and soul. And she got taught this stance by her gay uncles, I think, two gay uncles.

25:44Abbey Clancy: And they said, you can put this stance to anything. And you put a turn in, you can like go down, you can go low, you can put a little ripple into it. And we were just in absolute... Do you want to show us? No, I can't today. Come on. I can't today. Oh, I can't today. I've still got my sore back. I'll get Niamh to do the video and we can... We'll start a trend. We'll just send it in there. Yeah, it's fantastic. All right, we'll go around and dance. We'll just coin it off Niamh. Save us, ride a cowboy. Woo! Fucking hell. Unreal. We got inundated with Lib's things though, yeah. The wines, there's a list of wines on the episode.

26:22Go and visit the episode again. You'll see all the wines that we had. There's the list.

26:25Abbey Clancy: Can we just put it on our story or something, these wines? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch and save, folks. We'll put it out for you. Watch, save, drink. The weekly wine section is getting an actual, some decent wine. Okay, Abby, Crouchy and Gaz, love the show. Just listened to the one with Abby's mate Lib. Crouchy, I've had to go into a dark room and close my eyes for 20 minutes. How on earth do you sit with them when they're both having a wine? They're as mad as a box of frogs. On a serious note, quality episode, keep up the good work, making us all laugh and smile. All the best, John from Manchester.

26:57yeah well that's similar to what i was saying there 19 of them in nashville i'm not sure kind of how alfie uh we dealt with it although it is entertaining and you are a lot of fun but i think the more drinks you have the kind of louder and more people are talking but it is all of my friends

27:16Abbey Clancy: are mental i like to be entertained because i just like to laugh like because i'm so tired just in general. Like, I don't want to be the source of entertainment when I go out. No, no, there's been time. You've been time. Can you move forward a bit? I'm breaking my bloody neck. You've had your moments. What do you mean? I've got to admit, you have had your moments, like, of entertaining. Yeah, yeah. Especially recently, you're very entertaining. Am I? You've entertained me. Okay, good. But, yeah, so, but it's just, everyone was just so much fun and, you know, just fabulous personalities. Yeah. It's just great.

27:54Good. I can imagine. Okay, well, yeah, that's just a statement more than anything. I abs, pee money and all gas.

28:01Abbey Clancy: Pee money? Not so much a wine, but something very funny happened to us yesterday. During the eclipse, right before it went all dark and eerie, everyone outside went quiet. My boyfriend leaned over very seriously in this hushed, romantic voice and whispered, gets you thinking, doesn't it? And slid his hand across my bum and took my waist quite tightly. I looked at him and thought, and he looked at me with a cheeky smirk. I couldn't tell if he was being horny or having... Get you thinking about what? I couldn't tell if he was being horny or having a profound moment about the universe and our tiny place in it.

28:32So I said, yeah, it does make you wonder. And he goes, yeah, it makes you wonder what's for tea. Jesus Christ. I was fuming. The actual cosmos is aligning above us and you're feeling my arse dreaming of lasagna. How am I meant to feel connected to the man whose deepest eclipse thought was dinner? Anyway, love the show.

28:52Abbey Clancy: I felt like that, yeah, stuff, that fish and chips I had there. Oh, my God. So good. Was it? Yeah, fish and chips. Cod. I just needed some carbs. Yeah. You can't beat it. No, because there's only so much pizza and bloody kebabs you can eat. Is that what it was like out there? Is that what you were eating, pizza and kebabs? Well, when we come in, yeah. I've got a picture of Beth with this big huge shape sofa. and when I got up in the morning, because obviously I'm used to getting up with the kids, all the young ones, like just didn't get off that early. And she was like face down, face down with her two arms on the couch, a body on the floor and her two legs on the couch with a kebab in between her legs and pizza in between her hands.

29:38Abbey Clancy: I've got picture evidence. You've got a picture of that? I have, Chelsea. That's incredible. I'll just show you now so you can visualise it. So hang on, so two adjacent sofas and she's in between them. So her belly's touching the floor, but her arms and legs are up. God, that must have been uncomfortable in the morning. Yeah, Christ, that's a back crack, that. Okay, hang on. Oh, my God. So, yeah, I've got a picture here. She's face down on the floor with a table's kind of just above her head where a pizza box is. And both feet are on the couch. So she's on the floor, but both feet are on the couch.

30:11And there's two kebabs. But she's on her belly. One between her legs and one just above her feet. You are joking. It's an incredible picture. You are joking. That's an incredible picture. Can I see? Oh, my eyesight is terrible. I'm going to have to... Are you going to scooch on over? Hello, Rover. Come on over. Hang on, let me see if I can see from there. Oh, my God. She's literally made the perfect U. She looks like a letter. That's unbelievable. That's outrageous. Looks so uncomfortable.

30:45Abbey Clancy: I know. How long has she been there? All night, I think. You know, bizarrely, it doesn't look comfortable. Like, she's got the pillow there. Those girls are so messy, though. My God. So messy. What would you say the average bedtime was for them? You said midnight for you. It wasn't late. No? Two. Two? That's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. I can't wait. Kev from Aberdeen says, I hope the Hindu was class. My wine is the American you guys have to come visit. The way? Says with total sincerity to someone they've known for four minutes. I've had this. As a Brit, I don't know what to do with this.

31:24Do they mean am I now invited to Tennessee? I met a couple on holiday who said it. I said, yeah, definitely. Now I live in a low-grade fear that one day appear and I'll have to deliver on a friendship I made queuing for the bog. Abby, how many lifelong best friends did you accidentally acquire in Nashville? well no because we didn't really just go like oh like yeah amazing let's we must get there quite

31:50Abbey Clancy: a lot of people saying like we were such a big group we didn't really speak to anyone else really yeah no that's interesting do you think you look like impenetrable from the outside so people are like we'll leave it i'm in that frame of mind now where i've got my group yeah you have to be it's very hard to penetrate with my group put that on a t-shirt I think we are very hard to penetrate it's like when we went to that wedding that time yeah and we just we were just it was just me my sister my brother Ari and Scott we were just in a in a circle yeah like we were like and people trying to talk to us and we were just like that we were like something out of twilight and we you know we were just like Coens what were they called Coens yeah like no one speak to us don't make eye contact with anyone and no speak to us but i think life's too short to speak to people you don't want to speak to yeah i've realized that as i've got older now it's like art like you know i'd spend ages for some knob at the bar and you go like well actually i don't have to do this do you know what i mean like it's important i've got a night off from the kids here yeah and i'm talking to someone who's really boring or like yeah you know who's not i don't want to speak to you i think it's not you don't be rude but just i just feel like i'll politely move away quickly yeah and i think if another thing is it's like we've got such a good group of friends we don't need anymore yeah and listen i'm you know it's there'll always be some someone that comes into your life that you're pleased about over the course of time but i'm not advertising That's what I'm saying.

33:31I'm not advertising for new friends. I'm all right. You're not advertising for new friends. I want to get rid of half of the friends already. There's a cup on thin ice. Put it that way.

33:45Abbey Clancy: Okay, guys. I've got a quick story to share with you. Recently, everywhere I go, whether it's meetings, popping out, or even just hanging with the kids and peed, people keep asking me, what is that fragrance you're wearing? They're all like, Abby, you smell amazing. Is that a new scent you're trying out? And I'm like, well... It's Lenore actually. And honestly, this one I've been very excited to share. I've been using Lenore Spring Awakening Fabric Conditioner on our laundry and the new formula is honestly even fresher. It's got these gorgeous, crisp, clean notes with refreshing bergamot and it lasts so long on your clothes.

34:18Abbey Clancy: I'm completely obsessed with it. So yeah, if you want to get in on the secret and get all the scent compliments, grab yourself a bottle of Lenore Spring Awakening Fabric Conditioner and trust me, I promise you'll thank me later. Ad, always remember to store your laundry products safely and keep them out of the reach of children and pets. Listen, I've got a few questions about your end of year. Biggest casualty of the weekend? Is there anyone who took the hit? Dignity? There was no injuries. Someone dropped the cowboy hat into the sewage on the side of the road and then wiped it on Kaz's arm and then she was gagging in the back of the car.

35:00Abbey Clancy: So that was probably the biggest. Why sewage on the side of the road? I don't know. God, absolutely. No, there was no casual. It was like, it was so much fun. Everyone was just having such a great time. You know, and the Americans are very kind of inviting and like, howdy y 'all. Yeah. You know, the live music aspect was great. Yeah, I've heard. Every single bar there was a band on. We went to this incredible bar called the Lucky Bastard Saloon. And it was just like an old couple line dancing and there was like a typical American. He looked like an oil tycoon, like this big white cowboy who happened about 903 years old.

35:48Abbey Clancy: J.R. Ewing. Yeah, like something like that. Say his name. And then the band, the guy who was singing, he was like a mixture between Chris Stapleton and Caleb from Kings of Leon, like incredible voices. And you're just like, you know, you don't even know these people and there's such talent. That was a vibe. Oh, that's what Lucy was saying the whole time. This is a vibe. I'm like, why are you saying that? Such a vibe. it was fab it was it it would definitely be a go-to-see place yeah i think you have to do it is that your first time going it's my first time at nashville in nashville yeah wow can i ask you a question about country music because it's taking the world by storm right now do you there was a concert on when we were there i do like it there was a girl i was thinking it was like lucy mahoney or something she's like a country sabrina carpenter yeah she got a single out at the moment.

36:49It's really good.

36:50Abbey Clancy: You know what? No one knows who she is in the UK. Oh, right. Okay. Like Carly Mahoney or something her name is. Should we have a look? There's a song on the radio at the moment. I like it when you're nice to me. What's that one that you hear at the moment? Nice and help. That was Post Malone, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. We went to Justin Timberlake's bar. Oh, yeah? That was like being in a dodgy wedding, but the band was on singing all the soul music and that was amazing. Justin Timberlake's got a bar there. Post Malona's Kid Rock. Jeez. Do you not find the music, like it's repetitive though. Every song's like, a red beer, a good truck, a good girl.

37:28You know, it's like, just listing things. Run the horse,

37:31Abbey Clancy: City of a Cavalry. Yeah. They love a bit of, what is it? I didn't get up on one mic, but you weren't allowed. What's the, what's the, what's the drink they always go on about? Jack Daniels. Tennessee Whiskey. Tennessee Whiskey. Oh yeah. Or Jack Daniels. That's it. some Jack and Coke they say the brand in every song in the Lucky Bastard it was an amazing I love the way you say the Lucky Bastard it was a chandelier made out of Jack Daniels bottles I've seen that before someone else has done that it's amazing did you take a picture of it can you send that me that sounds amazing it's really good Timothy Olsen does one really yeah I've seen them before yeah it was so cool Battle of Jack and then that Chandelier how many cowboy hats came back?

38:20Did you bring any back on or they all stay there?

38:22Abbey Clancy: So in our house, we just left all of our tat. We just said to the girls who were looking after the house, did you just take everything? So there was leather pants, chaps, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, Scott masks. We all had trucker hats with Elle's last rodeo on. We went to the cowboy stripper thing. That was... Oh yeah, you mentioned you were going to do this. Yeah. How was that? So we went to the Cowboy Burlesque show. Got Elle on the stage. But Cowboy Burlesque. I don't have a twist on words, is that? The main guy was like 50 stone. Like 50 stone. This guy, we were like... But yeah, we didn't get a look in because obviously these just wanted the dollar bill, y 'all, and we didn't have any.

39:11Abbey Clancy: We were like, oh, do you take Apple Pay in here, darling? They're like, no. but no it's just it's just fun that sounds fun fun fun alright well you're never going again so I'm glad you enjoyed it we've had a blind date update ooh if you know we were doing a blind date are you bored? no Sam's yawning again is he? he hates this job he just hates old banter I think you've been enjoying this one you've been like dancing away thumbs up thumbs up Save a horse. I wanted to sing it down the mic just to prove he's having a good time. Go on.

39:51Save a horse, ride a cowboy. I have a beat back in my ear. It's like that speech jammer.

40:00Abbey Clancy: It's such a tune. It's so cute. Oh, my God. Okay, well, you two, absolute legends. It's a wheelchair. I know, it's a bit mad. It's just wheeling around the frame. For anyone watching on YouTube, you guys have changed your positions now. It's brilliant. It's chairs. Okay, this SP says, your absolute legends have seriously set the bar miles high. Quick intro, I'm a 27-year-old single woman. When it comes to dating, I've got a massive blind spot. I completely adore older men. Not the only one. It's a brilliant perspective. Even when I'm watching the Premier League, I find myself fanciing the managers over the players.

40:37Abbey Clancy: Oh, hell yeah. I'm out here scouting the touchlines for husband material while everyone else is looking at the pitch. Is this a total disaster and how do I fix it? Warm regards, SP. That's like when we said to Liv the other day. Sophia said to me, Mum, when you get older, do you fancy older people? You know, like, do 60-year-olds fancy 6-year-olds or are they still fancy an 18-year-old or 20-year-olds? I think when you get older, you do appreciate an older guy. I mean, I don't fancy guys. I fancy the old man from 1933. Who? Big Taff. With the white hair and the white moustache. Who's that? Like a Burt Reynolds?

41:17No, he's in that. He's a cowboy. Is it 1938 or something is it called? Or 1888 or something? Oh, the Cowboys thing.

41:24Abbey Clancy: Have you seen A Star is Born? Love it. I know who you're going to mention. You know his brother? Yeah. With the white moustache. He does a face in that film that makes me cry. Oh, I know. Do you remember when he turns around in the car? He turns around in the car? He's like backing up. Backing up, guys. Oh, my God. Yeah, he does. Wow. Unbelievable. We've got to do Shallow soon. That was my birthday the other day. I know. We need to do... I haven't even got you a present yet. That's all right. The present will be Shallow. I still haven't got Jamie's baby a present. I'm useless. Yeah, you are, you are, you know.

41:59I am useless. You've got to be better than that, I think.

42:00Abbey Clancy: Claire, if you're listening, can I need two presents? Well, Liam from Leeds says... No, I've never read what he's called me. I don't want that catching on. Right, throw my hat in. What is it like? Well, remember last time with the Clance, Saggy Sack and Argaaz?

42:19Dubai Days will call you. Right, throw my hat in. I'm Liam, 29 from Leeds. I'm single for 18 months, which my mates describe as her personal best.

42:28Abbey Clancy: So are we setting these two up? Well, I guess these are the first two entries we've officially had to this blind date. So 27 years old. He's two years older. That's older. He's too young for her already. She wants like a... Like a me. No, no, you're not available, thank you. Mature man. You definitely look mature, but you're not bloody mature in the brain. Yeah, but you don't want someone who's boring, do you either? Hell no. Hell no. Go on, Liam from Leeds. Okay, yeah, he says, I work in IT, which means I can fix your laptop, but not my own life. Looking for a woman who laughs at her own jokes before she's finished telling them.

43:06doesn't mind that my idea of a big night out is a curry and being home by 11 and who will let me win at Mario Kart occasionally for the sake of my ego

43:14Abbey Clancy: Sounds like you would be his dream date Yeah I can cook exactly three meals to a very high standard and everything else to a smoke alarm standard I'm loyal, I'm daft and I give an excellent hug And that's my pitch Can you find me Mrs. Right? Love the pod, always got me howling This is Liam in Leeds I think we can have a go at SP What's the accent like in Leeds? Leeds. It's Yorkshire. See, a voice is a big thing for me. Yeah. Leeds. It's friendly with the Yorkshire accent, I think. Yeah, I like it. We were up Harrogate recently. We went to Grantley Hall. Yes. Beautiful. What a place that is. It wasn't as beautiful as the tile shop, La Pocida.

43:53Do you know what? I'll be honest with you. As tile shops go, and I'm not a fan of them usually, this one was pretty sensational.

44:00Abbey Clancy: I was so happy this morning when he sent a sample, grouted of my kitchen floor oh yeah i can't even tell you how happy i was it's just like do you know i think there needs to be some sort of perfect i think there needs to be an appreciation of me as a husband in in actual fact the fact that i went up there and facilitated this tile shop expedition you know meeting you at the airport i was the only husband there at the I think there's some serious romance that you're not. Liberty's husband. Just don't even play ignoring me. No, I'm not. Just straight away. I'm not, I'm not. You are. No, I'm thinking.

44:37You can call him a heart out. You're just talking over me.

44:39Abbey Clancy: I'm answering to you in my own head. Talking over me. No, I'm answering in my own head. You couldn't even get it out. Liberty said, so Stu landed. He was away with Ed in Canada and he landed and he said, Liberty said, oh, great, I'll meet you in the house. And he was like, no, you go to the country. I'm going to the country house. you can go home and look after the dogs because I need time to decompress. They was like, oh, cheers. Decompress? Decompress. Oh, I need to de-tilt. That's a bad one, decompress. Yeah. I'd get a full volley if I said, could you just go out for a bit? I need to decompress.

45:20Abbey Clancy: No, but you just tell me to be quiet. Remember you did that once when we first got together? Is that Ross from Friends? like, you know, just... Oh, yeah, just, yeah. Just take it down a little bit. You said that to me once when we first got together and I cried. Did you? And we just said, can you just... You said to me, can you just please stop talking or something? And I was like, oh, my God. Stop talking. I must have been hungover. I said, please, I can't. I just so... I can't do this anymore. Yeah, I've been there. There's so much talking. I can't... Please, just for a little bit. If someone says that to you, it's so hurtful.

45:54Do you reckon? I don't know. I just think sometimes you do need peace and quiet. I think it's probably better just to take yourself away. I think that's why lots of men have sheds to mend stuff. Or, you know, man caves. I'm with you. I've said one worse. Christmas, I got bad food poisoning. My missus was looking after me. She's next to me. But her breathing was... And I hadn't slept until I'd been vomiting. And I was like, please stop breathing. And I was like, that's kind of... I feel like it's worse to stop talking. Oh my God, that's outrageous. That's outrageous. Stop breathing. You say that.

46:25Dab says that to me. who stopped you the real breathing

46:28Abbey Clancy: Alfie was vomiting in Nashville and Lib force fed him a pizza after he said I've just had three litres of spirulina juice chia seeds and magnesium vomited my guts up and Lib said I've just sold you a 12 inch pizza and it came and he's like in the loo vomiting he's mid-vomiting she's feeding him pizza and he was like I think I need to be sectioned after this like she sounds absolutely horrific let's see why that's quite The state of his vomit as well is probably... Bird seed everywhere. Let's get into some agony abs. Come on, come on, come on. I need your advice. I'm 30, my boyfriend's 32 and we've been together two and a half years.

47:07I love him. I'm generally starting to wonder if we're compatible long-term. Three things. Sex can still take him up to two hours to finish and he doesn't really see this as a problem. I unfortunately do. It stops me initiating everything because I don't enjoy it. Quite simply, I don't have the time. I've told him this since I met him. Oh, my God. You all right? Yeah, I don't know. The third one. I'll be much more into it if it was flirting, kissing, build-up, and actually making me feel wanted first. The constant asking for sex makes me feel like a chore.

47:45Abbey Clancy: Yeah. I love my routine, morning walks, Pilates, gym. When he stays at mine, I live with my parents. He'll happily scroll in my bed for hours while I get up and get on with my morning. I even invite him to come with me, but somehow still feel guilty leaving him there. Like I'm being selfish. Hold on, hold on a minute. The start of this started like, I think I'm wondering if we're compared to a long term. So please settle it. Am I too independent and not giving enough or do we have completely different needs and can this actually work long term? I've brought these issues up to him when he gets defensive.

48:19Abbey Clancy: I think your core values and morals have to be the same for compatibility i think you know i don't think you can have a lazy person with an active person i just don't it's fine to have your own hobbies and interests like pete's got his golf i have my horse riding you know blah blah blah but if pete was like lying in bed till 12 o 'clock and i was up and out or the other way around vice versa yeah yeah it's just it's just a no it's just a no i'm with you or when you're hoovering vacuuming like hygiene cleaning they just sat there and you're like you could chip in right now can you but you're not yeah i get that and with regard to the sex i don't think anyone wants to do it for two hours it's just there's not enough hours in the day for that the guy looks like that i do our little nymph over there that does sound like a good morning routine two hours yeah like sting yeah two hours two hours is long.

49:20you know, there has to be, you know, some, you can't just be banging away for two hours, can you? I wonder, can you?

49:26Abbey Clancy: Peter Crouch? Well, no, I mean like, what the hell? There's some sort of fluffing. What the hell are you talking about? Some fluffing going on here. Two hours is just, yeah, that's like, Lord of the Rings. That's an ick, right there. No, I just mean like, you're not just going straight in, are you, like for two hours. No, I'm just saying there must be more involved than just that. Yeah. Yeah, true. I wonder what the national average is for length of time in bed together. Minutes. I'd say it was in the minute mark. Three to five? Sam Googler. 45? No, three to five. Three to five minutes, maybe.

50:02Go on, let's have a stab. I'm going to say five minutes is the national average for shagging.

50:08Abbey Clancy: I'm going to say like 11. Seven minutes in heaven. And 11, 7-11. Jade looks like she knows this. I don't. Are you curious? I don't know. We're going to get involved. It's between three and seven minutes. The average is 5.4. So I think I was closest. 5.4. So are you including like foreplay in that? That said penetrative vaginal sex. Fucking hell. Apparently it's a healthy duration. So if you're clocking in that. So we're not including befores and afters? No, no, that's all separate to the... Shall we have one more? Let's see if we can go eight this evening. We're above the national... Yeah, when he gets unhealthy, apparently.

50:51Does it really? Eight minutes plus.

50:53Abbey Clancy: I need to get this song out of my hair because the kids are walking around singing it now. So Jack was singing it this morning. Did you see the washing up we were doing the other day? Oh, my God. You should put that on your Instagram. That was funny, isn't it? What was he doing? All the kids were dancing. Ab was away. We had the tunes blaring, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had the girls washing up. I called Pete. It was two o 'clock in the morning where I was. Yeah. Well, like one o 'clock in the morning. and I called Pete and then Pete told me that Jack wasn't well and he was on antibiotics and I had the doctor around and I was just like, why on earth did you tell me that?

51:26Abbey Clancy: Because then I just thought I was going to vomit. I was like, I need to go home now. So I was calling Claire. There's only one flight a day to London from Nashville. It's 8.30pm. Blimey. I didn't tell you until the last day. I was sick two days ago. I only told her when he was getting better. But you told me I couldn't go to bed. So then I was like, Kaz, Claire and Lucy He'd be like, console me. And then everyone started crying. And we were all like, we miss our husband. Do you want to go home? I wasn't doing it for that reason. I just felt like I needed to tell you. I'd called the doctor out two days before.

51:56I'd kept it to myself for two days. The fact that he was totally better now, I told you, because I was like, he, by the way, is better now. Fine.

52:06Anyway, me and my husband got married last month, having the wedding of our dreams after a decade together. We decided once we're on honeymoon to stop using contraception. Whatever happens, happens. We'd both love to become parents. One day I thought post-wedding...

52:20Abbey Clancy: It's very sexy this episode, isn't it? Sex heavy. Sort of ended on it, hasn't it? Yeah. Ever since Gaz has been in charge. Should your girlfriend away, Gaz, on any chance? It's been another two weeks. Boy's been at it. Oh, God. We both love to become parents one day. We thought post-wedding, being 30 next year, the time is right. Anyway, a week back from our honeymoon, I was late to my period and four pregnancy tests later, we found out we were pregnant. We felt like the biggest shock, surprise, miracle for the first time. Anyway, onto the dilemma. I'm about to go away with my best friend's wedding for a week and currently five weeks pregnant.

52:57I would never tell them in a million years. It's their special moment. But how do I make sure the surprise is kept as a surprise? Mainly the drinking is my worry. As if I'm without Prosecco in my hand, it'd be glaringly obvious. Please help. You know, you did this.

53:12Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I think what you need to do is just have the drink in your hand. And when people are like, oh, do you want a drink? You just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just don't drink it. And you're just very, very loose with the hand movements and spilling the drink and all that. And you just. Great idea. What about when it comes to shots though? Everyone's like shots, just tip it over your shoulder. Can you do that? Yeah, I did that the whole weekend. Or just get your husband to do a double whammy. Double whammy. Yeah, Pete used to crawl home and I was carrying it. I did some double. I've done a lot of shots for you over the years.

53:44she's not really a shot girl yeah and she'll just pass me it I'm not a shot girl oh bang it I don't mind a little

53:53Abbey Clancy: Bailey's it's been a few over the years you've just given me that look you've passed it passed it over you're not really a shot boy no I'm not really like what I don't understand about shots is to think the tactics is so wrong like right at the end of the night right so the first drink should be a shot you're like oh let's go let's go for it right to start us off but it's always at three in the morning and you're already completely bladdered. Yeah. And that is just a finishing move. Yeah. And there's no real, the tactics are completely wrong. It's true. It's true. I tell a lie, I did do a shot at lunch.

54:25Abbey Clancy: We went for this lunch. It was amazing. I was so excited for this French onion soup. It's unbelievable. You rang me during that. I know. I'll send you a video. It's my favourite thing. You love a soup, Danielle. Is that why? French onion. Oh, God. And I did a shot. And then we all just could not stop laughing. we were all hysterical like laughing and it was so funny and that's when we went to the line dance and so i think if you just want that quick let's get trashed instantly what was the shot was it absinthe or something it was tequila oh okay it was tequila yeah which i don't like tequila but we it was we were all pissing our pants laughing it was just so funny so i think and we only had like a couple of guys well i had a couple of gasses champagne before and then that shot and then that was you know it was that funny drunk which i love well there's nothing better i feel i don't think than barely laughing yeah with your mates uh it's just the slightest thing over the edge and are just i i live that i think it's what everything we do to gear it up to get you in that moment yeah more often than not yeah like everything we do work holidays you know nights out it's all to put you in a position where you can laugh so much yeah it's just it's special it's like the fellow who was on was he on this morning i looked back at that clip i think it's amazing you know when he talks about the cracking of the can on the train yeah but you don't need alcohol to laugh though as well no no of course you don't but it helps no and i wouldn't i'm not advertising alcohol but like there is something special like Like, I don't know if you've seen the clip of the guy on the, he's on the swan and he's talking about that crack of the can.

56:08He said, you go away with the lads on a golf trip or something and you're on the train and you crack that first tin at 12pm.

56:15Abbey Clancy: Oh, I've actually got a weekly wine for you. It's special. For my golf trips. I agree, I love that clip. So, you know, I've just come home from the hender yesterday. Yeah. Pete's already threw a golf trip on me like as punishment. It's not a punishment golf trip. And he said it's been planned for two years. Two years. I got an absolute load of horror. I said to you, they were going somewhere before. I said, you know what, I'm not going to go on this one. I said, it's a bit far, this and that, but they're in Scotland in two years. And I said... I said, people plan gold trips two years in advance.

56:45This is a Badgers-Foxes. Whatever, babe. This is Badgers v. Foxes, right? This is a serious, serious game of golf. And it has been, it's a Ryder Cup event over, you know, it's a two-year period. So this is the next one.

57:00Abbey Clancy: It's like waste management times two then. No. No, we've got four games of golf. It's going to be unbelievable. Listen, would you look at the time? I can't believe it. We've run out of time on this episode. Drive a golf club. On that note, you can piss off. Save your driver. Use an arm.

57:26Abbey Clancy: All right. All right, well, listen, stay tuned for the Scotland trip episode. We'll see you next time. You haven't asked the permission.

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