Abbey’s WILD Night Out: Wreath Making Turned Into Total Carnage & Pete’s Hilarious Reaction!

0:00I decided to ask you.

0:04could you imagine that being with another person yeah yeah me she hasn't it's a family day out she needs some popcorn and shut up

0:19okay so what do we need well we need people to subscribe because obviously we're making this top quality content and i do hate these little bits where everyone goes oh please subscribe we really need it but it just does make a difference so if you like it then please hit the button yeah like link and subscribe you can never say that I know it's great like link and subscribe that's staying in hello and welcome to the therapy crouch with me Abbey Clancy and me Peter Crouch bonjour and you are Ross and me are Ross and this is Bella this isn't Bam Bam oh that's the other one is it Bam Bam or Bambi it's Bambi but we call her Bam Bam that's Bella no no but this isn't Bam Bam Bam's in the house this is my mum's dog Bella who now looks like a great Dane compared to Bambi does she?

1:06oh my god are they the exact same breed? same breed oh okay but she's an old girl she's ten the amount of doesn't have interest in Bambi is she? no has she? Bambi sits now she's so clever has it Lizzie still got an interest in her or is it kind of you know the childhood thing like oh my god like for the first few days She has not put him down. Oh, that's good. Like, what's she like, Pete Witham? Loves it. Just loves it. Oh, that's cute. To be fair, she's kind of like you in that sense, I suppose. Yeah, she loves mother and things. She does, yeah. But yeah. How are we guys? How's the week been?

1:45Good, I had a little cheeky wreath making slash stag do. I've never seen wreath making like it, you know. I just can't even tell you what it was like. Also that sentence, you've never seen wreath making like it. No, because I think if you thought about, you know, a group of girls going to make wreaths, I think you'd go, oh, what a lovely, innocent day out. What a wholesome middle class activity. Far from it. Cruel. Jesus Christ. When I opened the door and they fell out of the car, wreaths and I would have seen. Basically, this is Alfie's sister, my best friend Alfie. Say no more. Say no more. So she's got, she's a florist and she's got an incredible business called The Bloom Plan.

2:31So it was one o 'clock. I did it in our golf club because I thought I don't want all the mess in my house. It's funny, isn't it? When you roll back in from the golf club like that. Yeah. And you got the other arm giving it yaddy, yaddy, yaddy at the fucking front door. What time did you call this? Look at the state of view. What time did we get home? no it wasn't too late about eight yeah it was about eight yeah but it's just drinking margaritas on an empty stomach it's always gonna happen is dangerous but it was just a fabulous day like the amount of effort she put in and these wreaths were about a metre diameter huge bells lights bows like we made them all it was just fabulous they look stunning I imagine you got them out of the way before you can I ask you how long does it take once to make a wreath We were there for a few hours.

3:23It was quite a process. It was good for a few hours. Yeah, I think. So you have to moss the wreath, the wet moss. Yeah. Then you have to make bundles with all the foliage. So we had like eucalyptus, bits of Christmas tree, berries. And then we had to wire each bundle on to create the wreath. Is that your front door? Yeah. I'll have to give it a look when I go past. And then we added lights and bells and bows. But yeah, it was great fun. Didn't really? I mean, it looked lovely. Mm. But you didn't when you walked in. no I didn't the worst thing we were like Pete we're starving we're starving we got I said to Pete get us a Chinese and we got back and then Kaz apparently started choking on some duck and and spat it out and I didn't know and she went like that and I thought she was giving me some duck so I just ate it and she was her and Alfie were laughing that hard they couldn't get it out to say like Kaz that's making me feel sick I coughed this up.

4:22But poor Kaz drove. We had a full day planned the next day. We're going to Bicester. We're going shopping. No, didn't happen. Oh, so you didn't go to Bicester? Didn't go to Bicester. We were sick. That's your highlight of the year. Alfie vomited on himself in the car on the way home. He had a two hour journey back to Cambridge and he said he was driving on the motorway. I was like, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick. And it said no hard shoulder for 25 miles. so he he vomited on himself in his own car and then cried that's gotta be a low point and then he cried for the next 20 miles while he was just driving covering vomit with the wreath on the passenger seat um but i there's something about and i don't know if any of our listeners agree with this there's something about margaritas and sushi they just don't mix It's just, there's no sushi involved.

5:16It's just margaritas. They are, they are, they're a mad thing. Yeah, but we had like Sireach and we, it was like, you know, the Wolf of Wall Street where he's like crawling in on the car. I'm sorry, I'm still laughing at that. I'm sorry. Yeah, it was. Oh yeah. That Wolf of Wall Street one, that like, that genuinely like, we've had margarita days before. I remember I've drank, yeah, I've drank a lot of them, but they do send you, I think, the lupiest. You said that on a couple of episodes ago, you were like we can't drink them anymore we're going off to champagne yeah there's something about margarita I think it's just maybe me and you well I only drink champagne now get on there fuck it out no because it's the only thing that doesn't have a listen have a listen have a listen should we drink champagne now no because it's you should know you can google it I've moved out to Liverpool I only drink champagne now no I don't mean it I'm graduating from Lombardy and Schler I don't it's Schler I don't mean it in that sense what I mean is it's the only thing that doesn't give me a hangover and it doesn't, you know, make me completely incoherent.

6:17Yeah. You probably, you actually can stay on that. But I'm done with Christmas parties now. I've had one. That is really tickling. And I'm absolutely done. Do you know what I think we should do is get some Christmas stories in from listeners. But I've got like full memory blank. I can't remember making the wreath, leaving the place, putting the wreath on my door. You know, just... It's nice to see you like, because I feel like you may have done this last year as well and like normally Peter's in this scenario the Friday after the golf club he brings everyone back Yeah but I'm normally well I'm quite reserved That's what I'm saying so for you to be in this scenario it's quite nice to see Funny Do you know what I mean?

6:56It is funny to see I was laughing head off that didn't bother me at all Kaz drove home stopped at the services at a McDonald's and a two hour sleep in the car park She got home Tommy was like what the hell? She put them heated seats right on us what the hell has happened it's a funny scenario isn't it but you know when a night just goes mental I think that's what it was wasn't it everyone just got very excited what about you Pedro what have you been up to well obviously you know just family stuff really and we went to the jingle bell ball yeah I was gonna say oh yeah that was really nice that was good we obviously get we get looked after there yeah Chris Stark of course Stephen we know at Global he looks after us and we went again with the kids and obviously Chris Stark's there yeah we saw him as well it's like our ritual we do it summer and winter and the kids it's like the highlights of the year they just absolutely love it but Lib it's hysterical like so I bought these two like for her and Emmy Sid's daughter oh yeah so I bought them these long sleeve glittery tops yeah diamonds all over with little skirts next minute by the time we arrived the skirts had come off they'd turn these tops into mini dresses with the boots oh no and I was like where's the freaking skirts gone like so they were dancing and dancing and then Lib's like the camera crews are going past Lib's like mum will you tell him to film us will you just tell him to film us do you want to be on the big screen so I'm like oh my god so they're just dancing away it was just amazing then we got to meet we took the kids to see Ed Sheeran in his dressing room and Lib's like oh Ed do you mind doing do you mind doing a TikTok with me and he was like of course Lib no problem because you know my best friend Liberty and her husband manage Ed that's why I called Lib Lib after my best friend and Lib's like Ed will you do a TikTok with me she got a phone up and went oh god I've got no wifi sorry just like because if he was going to be gutted yeah yeah yeah sorry I've got no wifi I was off off oh no you're joking been waiting all day for this but yeah the Jingle Bell Ball was phenomenal Ray was sensational tell you what tell you who I like the most Rizzle Kicks five if you're getting down we did four or five of them this year because what's the I remember there was five of them I thought they were class and Rizzle Kicks I love Rizzle Kicks we like Rizzle Kicks friends apart Jordan I just didn't envisage me like buzzing off five I didn't I actually know they were wrong because it's nostalgic because they would have hit the button, weren't they?

9:40To move on over, is that them? Five will make you get down now. Get on up to get down. Keep on moving. Is H in five or is that H? Oh, that's that. When you're down, baby, take a good look around you. It's so funny because when five, come on, all the adults were like, I know it's not much. And all the kids were like that at the parents. Where's Benson Boone? Where's Benson Boone? Did you tell Ed Sheeran about your lookalike incident the other week? Oh, no, I forgot to tell him that. You're joking. I told him about that. Did you? He's hysterical. Oh, yeah. But no, we've had a good festive week, but I just don't feel organised at all this year.

10:20Well, you've still got time. It's only the, what, 16th today, so you've kind of got a little bit of time. I know, but I'm normally September, wrapped, bowed, done. Yeah. But I just feel rushed off my feet. like it's just and also to the point where like what do you get the kids and it's when are they breaking off they broke up last Friday which isn't oh no and you still haven't done the crimp that's when it gets tricky to be fair I know it's like I want to ride my horse I want to be there's a lot of social activities as well isn't there yeah which are all fun yeah like you know you then waste the day by being hungover you know what I mean stop at the kids nativity stopping at McDonald's and sleeping for two hours or throwing off yourself in my home Alfie said if you mention that on the pod I'll never ever speak to you again but I just think it's too good not to that can't be a low point that's one of my favourite stories can I just read his message please don't just going back to it because it's hysterical he said can I confide in you in something so I just could have blurted out the answer is no no I didn't you can but I'm still going to relate this to I said he said can I tell you the reality of my hangover driving home that I can only ever tell you so I text back of course Alf he said I puked going 70 miles an hour down the M25 it was absolutely horrendous I had to get changed in the services in the back of my car what the actual fuck can you say something because I and I couldn't reply because I was busy and he said can you actually say something because I'm really self I'm feeling really self conscious so he takes back that's not even that bad and he takes back are you joking I was sick I was sick all over myself 70 miles an hour on the M25 because I couldn't pull over as there was no hard shoulder for 25 miles then I cried and I said that's hysterical and he said don't you mention this on the pod don't you dare he knew already I only just plucked up the courage to tell you.

12:36I'm only finding it funny now because I'm going to feel a bit better that I was going down the M25 and it said... No hard shoulder for 25 miles or something. And I was like...

12:54Oh my God, I've never felt so good for me all of my life. Oh my God, I was just, I can't even describe to you that feeling.

13:05Who needs enemies with friends like you? Please don't read that on the bus. It had to be done, then. What a legend. It had to be done. We've all been there. We have. We have. Yeah. Have we got any weekly ones for each other? Well, I can tell already you've got one. I've got a few for you. Number one, when I send you things to get for Christmas, you don't do it. and then you have the cheek to say i can only do one thing at a time yeah so let's did that that's just me relaying why i've done it because i'll open a message to message someone see five messages go through the five and then forgot why i opened it for yeah yeah i agree and that happens every time yeah yeah yeah it's a regular occurrence but then also and then my other my other issue is as you know ross yeah nobody is allowed to put anything in our diary apart from claire so if I've got so Claire send us the daily reminders which is perfect for my life I read them the night before I know every day what I'm doing because our calendar is outrageous there's 7 million things in each day and I can't I look at it and just die so I have to have the daily reminders but there's a rule within the family and work that no one's allowed to enter things into the diary so even when I was doing wreath making I say Claire please may you add into the diary um wreath making Claire please can you add in I've got a horse riding less than two o 'clock it's a good system but what you're doing is adding things in and then so like Pete and I have not done one thing together yeah like this whole Christmas period and I find it remarkable that there's not one thing in for us when Pete goes I'm like oh I said oh Pete you're not working on Saturday I said amazing we can have a family day and he's like oh no I'm seeing the lads on Friday the curry night curry night no no it's a curry night but I've just read here like when are you booking your curry night in so that it's even in the plan it's in this plan no but it says everyone knows about it he just says it's in the diary and I said but Pete I don't look at the diary I look at the daily reminders and also you're not allowed to put things in the diary so but it's just how dare you put anything in your own friggin calendar No, I'm joking.

15:23No, I'm joking. All jokes aside, it's really hurtful how you plan all of these things. It's not all of these things. I've been out for one lunch. And I'm like, oh, Pete, we're both off on Friday. Should we do something? No, I'm playing golf. It's this reaction is wrong, I believe. It's the reaction of, you know, I don't see my powers the whole year. I don't see mine. You do? I don't. One lives in Liverpool. The other one lives in Dubai. One lives in Cambridge. You saw them on Saturday? I haven't seen mine. I was supposed to go on a golf trip with them, which I cancelled because I did a family trip to Universal and we went to Disney.

15:59That was all pre-planned. I cancelled it because I said, look, lads, I've got a trip of a lifetime to take my family here. That's a sacrifice. With regards to this, it's Christmas. Everyone meets up with the family and friends over the Christmas period. And it just so happened that it fell on this weekend. But why am I always left out? You're not left out at all. I do loads of you. I, in fact, have booked on Sunday for us to go and see the new Avatar film. Is it out? Yes. Oh, I only saw it yesterday. That's the fucking exciting Christmas experience. Yeah, there you go. Well, you can fuck off then.

16:32I'll go out to the boys, day two. No, I absolutely love Avatar. We did that last time. We did a Boxing Day last year. It was such an amazing day out. Didn't you watch that in your Val Renewal? Because our John rang me and said, I've seen the best film ever. And I went, what's that? And he went, Avatar 2. It was good though. I'm like, no, we went on Boxing Day. Was that not my year? Last year. Oh, last year. Boxing Day last year or maybe the year before yeah because we invited a member of family and thinking obviously it's the family thing to do even if you don't like it you just can't right and one of the members of family was like it's not really my thing avatar but I said do you think hold on do you think it's for me yeah yeah yeah I don't think Jimmy was the master of the pole and expressing that but he still took us yeah I don't think Alvin's a huge fail he's doing trouble I actually am it's my favourite film do you know what I mean though he's just like it's a family day out just need some popcorn and shut up that's funny

17:30not for me I know it's so rude to be fair oh John did tell me it's the best film he's ever seen and I went to watch it in the IMAX and spent loads of money on it it was good it was alright no it's kind of become a little thing now isn't it Avatar at Christmas it's turning into like Die Hard you know like just not a Christmas film yeah but for some reason and it's a Christmas film. I think that's a nice tradition. It's a nice thing to do. Go to the cinema on Boxing Day. I think so. Yeah, because Christmas Day, yeah, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day is like the whole family things. Yeah. And then Boxing Day is a nice Netflix and chill equivalent.

18:09Yeah. But I think it's just getting, it's just getting, that's what I'm saying about the lad's trip. That's why. It has been booked in a diary for ages. The only reason I put it in a diary is to remind me that that's the day. And then it's to clarify with Claire and you that we all, our diaries align. And if I can say what? I didn't do that and that was my issue there. Have you got a weekly wine for me then? I have got a slight weekly wine, yes. Okay. It's just with regards to what I believed, what I perceived was I was going to go see the boys. So Elle was coming to do my hair. Oh, smell. Yeah.

18:45And then in the diary it said the kids, year two and three maths open day yeah so the schools throughout the year normally consists of you go into the classroom and you can see how the kids are progressing and you look through all the books and it's lovely and pleasant and the kids are delighted to see yeah that you're I said to the boys I'll see you I'll see you at half eight for your maths day yeah and they went oh great thanks dad I walked in there it was just entirely adult and the teacher like a parent evening the teacher was explaining maths and how they're going to learn from the future.

19:20So I basically went for an adult maths lesson. It's an adult maths lesson. Shut up. He took me his own. So he came back and I was like, did you have a good time? He said, no, I've just been sitting with Riley and a dice and we've just done an adult maths lesson together. I was like, what? Yeah, we did. It was actually very informative. What did they teach you? where they taught us about the methods of how they're going to learn in the future obviously how the times it just wasn't the way she explained it to me it was imperative that you do this for our children it wasn't imperative for me to kind of learn year two to three math well it is because we come here we come here no it's actually it's actually really informative and I'm actually glad I went you do like Supreme Master's Carpenter and time tables the way she described it to me was you know and I was it was actually one of our friends Riley she said she was trying to cancel Alex's work so we could go to it and if that happened thankfully he said no yeah but Alex is on it with the school work at home yeah it's very informative it was well worth going because when I try and teach the kids the maths you know seven times where you do this whatever or like it adding or subtracting some they're like they're like mum that's not how you do it that's not how you do it like because the methods are not the same from when we were in school that's true they do all this mad stuff which makes it 10 times more complicated well I remember that leapfrog method and stuff like that it was like we were like what that's what you should go to leapfrog yeah because I couldn't believe it it's a totally different you said that to me and like that's not I've learned it's true that you need to know don't you Johnny's been moved up a set now to top set well if you say it's imperative about the times tables we've learned that with Liberty well they can't unless they know the times tables they can't progress with anything I think so I agree so we're really really trying with that I think the most important thing for kids is reading and times tables there's no quick fix with the times tables it's repetitive keep going and you know with Liberty it's kind of calling it out and you go what's seven times three yeah you know her recall needed to be quicker quicker because it's easy to go one times two is two two times two But if you go, what, six twos?

21:42Yeah. And so now we're on the journey into school. What's six threes? What's three eights? That's good. Yeah. I think, yeah. She does about three of them. I'm like, shut up, mum. I hate you. I hate you. Mum. She starts to look at the back out, yeah? I'm the parents. I showed them. Actually, the last thing I taught Jack actually was how to write boobs on the calculator. Boobless. Boobless. Literally. It was a great lesson. I came into the office, right? You arrived back in the class. You've seen that? Booobless. No, I was... I sent Pete to do Jack's homework and they were hysterical laughing and I'm like, what is going on in there?

22:27Pete's at the calculator upside down, writing boobs. We got caught. We got caught. I think... I mean, when's the right age to inform your child that you can write boobs on the calculator? You don't want to relate it for someone else. I want to be that person. What was the other word? I want to be one of his first sheep. I remember, I've seen this, lads. You've been one of the lads at school, you've seen that. My dad showed me this. I wish my dad had shown me that. Boobless. Is boobless even a word? Boobless. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, it's only a word. It is on a calculator. What else can you write on a calculator?

23:02We can do boobs and boobless, really. Or less, obviously. Yeah. Right, babe, I'm going to circle around a few messages now like we get loads we're inundated all the time you know so we can't always get around them and some of them are good and they miss out so we're just going to go back through them today okay are you happy with that? a little bit of yearly roundup a bit of admin yeah I think so yeah admin's a good word admin's not a good word because that sounds like huff no no no we call it admin admin admin admin did you say so no I think it's just nice to reflect this is only paying the big box this is only paying the big box Shut up.

23:39No, I think it's just good to reflect, isn't it, on the year and, you know, sit back and reflect and be like, what a great year we've had. How amazing are our listeners? Yeah. You know, they're fully engaged and on board at all 365 days a year. Do you do that? Because I feel like you don't look, you're always like, which is a good thing, you're always looking forward. Do you ever look, do you ever look like, do you look back and go, oh, what have I achieved this year or what have I done this year? Do you ever look at that? Yeah. Do you? Of course, do you? I do, yeah. Do you? Yeah, I think Christmas time is a good time to kind of, especially when you're going into the new year, you look at like, you know, 2025, what did I do?

24:18What did I achieve? What did I, did we have fun? Did we go away? Did we, did the kids do something different? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, and does that help you progress? What? Yeah, I think it's just good to look back and go, you know, did I, and then go, how can I be better next year? That's great. That's something I don't do, actually. I think you should. I think anyone should well you don't have to don't you busy sleeping think about how many years of your life you've wasted of being in bed or waiting for you to come onto the fucking couch shut up yeah but yeah I think it's nice to I think it's I think it's good for you to gratitude but not even that it's like yeah what am I thankful for but also like what can I what can I do better next year if you look if you look back you can kind of see well I wanted like because I'm 40 yeah you know what I mean I definitely think it I'm 40 in less than a month have you always done sorry yeah yeah yeah I do look back but I've always looked back even like my career wise as well like last season I was like I remember every time I used to go on holiday I'd sit on holiday and I'd think about the season and go how can I get better or how can I improve what did I do wrong what did I do well that's good that's a good mentality I think so but a lot of people I think elite mentality are like what's next yeah I think more about what's next but I also how can you think although I think there's some biological moments isn't it because you go what's next how can I score more goals next season but then what did I F up last season what did I do wrong exactly yeah I think they are kind of I don't think it's mutually exclusive thing but I think that's I like that bit I think so many of us you as concluded are thinking about what's next well I'm just gutted I wanted to start this whole of year 2025 like getting fit for my 40th and I've got lessons through me it turns out I was only 39 no but I am there's three weeks left of the year and I haven't been in the gym once you were more dedicated when you thought you were 40 last year when you were 38 you were back on being 40 it'll take me a week getting shaped for the summer of your 40th I think because that's when you know January's not a good time it's the same age no I'm just saying you're not going to leave your birthday that's a new chance to say

26:40no I think that's so true you've been doing a lot of cooking in that kitchen so don't worry about it January's a shit month so when you're sat in watching Corey on your birthday the omnibus don't worry too much you can be fat as you like I also struggle to think I don't know about you guys but I was clear enough for Peter struggling to think more than like a day or a week in the I don't know I live in Canada like now do you know what I mean and that's something that future planning I would like to get a little bit better at as I'm getting older right this is one of those call to arms little interludes in the podcast which I hate and I'm sure you hate as well but it actually does make a huge difference if you subscribe because we're making top quality content and if you want more of it we need you to subscribe so hit the button okay we're getting some messages shall we okay I am fucking howling and I needed to write in I was looking for some outfits to feel my best for the different Christmas parties on the horizon and I was scrolling online to look for a velvet outfit for my work Christmas party, only to find a photo of Peter modelling a velvet suit smouldering through the camera with what looks like one leg on a cardboard box.

27:49My first thought was, of course he's, of fucking course he's there. I'll attach a photo. Maybe let the Burton team know Pete doesn't quite fit in the women's Christmas party outfit brief. so i can see pita um in a victoria secrets model pose talk about ball stranglers no you've got a velvet suit on but i think the funny thing is it's in you're in every other thing it's like petite velvet embellished neckline structured midi dress um embellished neckline structured midi dress so you're in the in the women's section that must have been so random for her I've seen I've got these dresses for my party outfit you are doing a bit of a galley pose that's got a double pleated oh there's Peter Crouch I know what you mean you still look fit though babe well I think Australia in my basket I think the photo I think the photo is actually okay it's not it's not it's a nice suit yeah it's just in the wrong section that's the issue it's a navy wide lapel velvet tailored fit tuxedo jacket good value as well for£88.

28:56It's just in the wrong section. But I look great. Maybe it's in the right section. You look gorgeous. They're nice suits, by the way. Yeah, they are then. I thought you looked smart on that, actually. Yeah, but I'm glad I made you laugh anyway. I'm like that little... Where are you going on today, actually? Yeah, it's a brand new one, actually. Where's that from? It's just got out there. Tom Sweeney or Debenhams? Made its debut. It's a Tom Sweeney number. Oh, okay, okay. You've done your awesome collection. Does it get bobbly? That's anything I'd worry about with that. Looks like it'll get bobbly in the water washers you can't wash them is it what is it wool cashmere cashmere can't wash it I hate it when you have that problem don't buy cashmere club good job I don't smell I hate it when it shrinks as well in the wash they do shrink baby shrunk this one no I've washed it don't wash them okay let's move on we will be celebrating our wedding anniversary soon a date that should be set in our minds and never forgotten However, I always forget Google helps me remember.

29:57The first thing my new husband said to me when we were signing the register was, I won£200 on Peter Crouch scoring today. So all I have to do is Google Peter Crouch first goal for Liverpool and I'm always remembered of an epic day. I should not really forget the date. It was a wedding of disasters. The heating in the chapel broke. Peckfordton Castle needed much renovation at the time. the music stopped as we were walking down the aisle so instead of the Anfield choir singing you'll never walk alone we had the match of the day theme tune we forgot to cut the cake the photographer pulled out a mini stepladder mid ceremony plus other stuff however everyone said the wedding was epic and very us life is good we have lived in three different countries and been friends since 1996 lovers since 2000 we have two boys including a 12 year old with a golf handicap of five.

30:51Wow. Who are mostly fab, living in Stavanger. Mostly fab. Staffordshire? No, Stav. Stavanger? Stavanger? Stavanger. Oh, yeah, they're in Norway. Ah, Stavanger. Where you're all welcome anytime. Shout out to Suella, who will most definitely be listening. Not her real name, but an epic nickname. Love from Helen in Norway. Ah. So, oh God, that's a nice message, isn't it? Yeah. That's like my dad though. My dad kind of knows where he was, what time and date by football games. I think we've had similar messages on the Peter Crouch podcast as well, haven't we Peter? About where he was, Peter Crouch goes as hat-trick and stuff like that.

31:34Yeah. I know where I was when he scored his hat-trick. The Buffy. You were, yeah. It's so funny, when I asked Lucinda, this little boy, what he wants at Christmas, he said, I want a signed Liverpool ball, but only Peter Crouch's name on it. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it's cool. But we should know that date as well, shouldn't we really? I remember it being December because I met you that day when I scored my first goal. Well, you Google it. Do you not know the date? No. The day we met? December, I don't remember the date. December 2005. This is a conversation I've had. Do you count your anniversary?

32:09So obviously you have a wedding anniversary and a like date, non-wedner anniversary. Do you count that as the day you met or the day you became boyfriend and girlfriend? No, so that's what you do when you're girlfriends. But when you, when you, we do it married now. So you, yeah, so you have a managed one, but do you not have one for the, like, your dating one? Like, when you first met? No. Well, this is it. 3rd of December, 2005. Oh my God. Yeah, that's a great, monumental occasion. And it's funny, we've had so many messages like that on the Peter Crouch podcast, where people are being like, oh, I remember this because I'm one of best on Crouchy doing X, Y, and Z.

32:43That must be a bit weird, wasn't it, for you? Yeah, but you know, it was 2005. so the 3rd of December was their 20th wedding anniversary and it would have been the 20th anniversary of us meeting wow so this December is our 20 year meeting anniversary my god that's amazing I've been with you longer than my half a life yeah you have you have you have just about yeah because 2021 yeah I was sure you should age that up anyway next message that's just something that we haven't really thought about though so our coming up in june this year is our 14th wedding 15th is it not 14th no married 2011 15th so far hi therapy crouch just wanted to send a follow-up message after you kindly read out of one of my messages a while back sorry it's a bit of a long one i don't know if you remember me but i wrote in about my kids mo and amelia being named after uh liverpool legends and another one about asking my future self anything and i said i and i said i would love to know if my autistic son mo will be okay when me and his dad are no longer around oh i remember this one yeah yeah because we spoke about peter being named after the chelsea legend peter yeah not too long ago actually i remember yeah firstly i loved how much you talked about my kids names after the Liverpool legends and then the amazing advice you gave me brought me to tears say Mo would be fine and he will be loved and he will get his communication etc I really felt the love anyway follow up about Mo I wanted to share with you one of his sayings and how he says it wrong and has us all in fits of laughter due to our childish mentality he has an obsession with sticks and he carries one around everywhere with him whenever he drops it though he'll shout out oh no oh no my dick then we'll follow it with either mummy get the dick or daddy get the dick but obviously meaning to say my stick but you can't help laughing or saying back get your own dick without thinking twice hoping that makes you have a little giggle like it does us here's a couple of pictures of him with two different sticks he can walk around with even to and from school thanks to all the laughs and keep doing what you do love marie and mo the stick maniac there he is look at him what a legend what a funny little thingy that is you know we were talking about the malaprisms the other day look at my sorry can you get my dick for me it's so funny you can't there's some of the things the kids say he's right Mo he's right lads okay hi Abby Pete and Ross I need to rant about my stupid dope of a husband we get these a lot I went out for a needed night out with my friend the other night leaving my husband and his knobhead friend playing playing some stupid computer game.

35:37So when I read this message, Peter, actually, it reminded me of when you, and was it, I believe, Herman put the photo, picture up, yeah, yeah, yeah. This kind of gave me that vibe. Yeah, okay, yeah. So he planned a computer game. It's a good fun thing to do with you, mate. Anyway, she's okay. Men doing it though is just an issue. And also, this is a lot worse than that. He gave him one job to do. I said, do the elves on the shelf for our two kids as I'll be back too late. I thought no more of it until I was woken by screaming from our eight-year-old daughter. I ran into our room to find her with what looked like diarrhea smothered all over her face and hair.

36:14It turns out my dickhead husband and his prick of a mate had thought it was funny to make a concoction of peanut butter and chocolate and spread it all over her face and hair and spray it with fart spray. He had also read, eat your shit on our wall.

36:35Oh my God. While I was dealing with her physically throwing up, my five-year-old boy walked in with wanker scribbled on his forehead and a cock torn on his cheek, along with scribbles all over his face in permanent marker, which I can't wash off. I'm having to deal with this with a massive hangover. My husband and his reptile mate. Reptile mate. but a perfect insult by the way

37:06are standing in the doorway pissing themselves I don't know if this is a region thing as they are from Newcastle and I'm from London please tell me this isn't normal and what the hell am I married to? Nicola from High Nought no don't put us northerners in that category but reptile mates is frigging reptile's hysterical I want to meet I want to meet these two yeah yeah yeah cracking lads

37:38no I don't like like poor little girl oh my god that's not acceptable did I see them kids no I think it would be hysterical but I wouldn't do it they've obviously had a few to drink us around and thought that would be a great idea we should do the poo on them I've seen that one so you know what they do they say to the kids can you bring me on some toilet paper you put Nutella on your like hands and you go our kids can remotely roll and when you pass it to you you scrape them into Nutella and they go like and they vomit on the spot like I'll be like they vomit on the spot I couldn't do that to my kids no because I mean they'd be traumatised I think if I'm being honest obviously there's a little error of judgement now a little error of judgement don't think that's the correct way no you did you did the bloody elves on the shelves like having a whale every time with Barbie yeah he did all the Barbie dolls and it was no I did it I set it up for an adult yeah Barbie one showed Abby and said I've done it babe to show Ab but I wouldn't have showed the kids that one I just put the Barbies in the car and they were going to the cinema yeah they were doing various various bits and pieces I mean you didn't write Wanket and Sharpie on all Jack's heads so I think you're alright Peter if I'm being honest yeah oh funny those elves on the shelf I'm not gonna like cause murder I like they were never the thing when we went out It's not my thing.

38:59It's not my thing at all either. And it just, it causes a lot of heartache. It's when they're like, oh, the elves haven't moved. Exactly. Quite often when daddy's out. Yeah. Yeah, because I... They go real quiet. I'm not on board with it. Daddy's doing the Champions League tonight. It's too much. It's too much, I think. Too much. They, every morning, they're like, oh, I wonder if the elves have moved. That's not too much. Yeah, but we've done it for the past. That's a blue job. That's a blue job. There you love it. It's a blue job. We've done it for 10 years. I've run out of things today. So you're just over it now.

39:34We're just over kids having fun now. Yeah. Basically, yeah. Jack is six. Come on, baby. He's six. Done with it. Oh, that's funny though. I know that's caused like murder. Multiple households. Multiple households. So what should you say to this person who's written wanker on his own child's forehead? That's unacceptable. It's an incredible email. Very funny. It's really entertaining us. but yeah I think the kids cry I just think about the poor little girl's hair and the bedding and the wall but he's got to go to school with Wanker on his forehead well he won't be able to go to school will he Wanker's like it's the language as well isn't too much too much he could have wrote ho ho ho great work do you know what I mean not like Wanker on a baby's head and if he didn't get it she'd do a cock on the cheek as well like come on that's definitely the single mate he's just been split someone's got no kids he's got a thing yeah there's a real error of judgment there I love that I love the language reptile of a mate fantastic okay hi Abby Pete and Ross I only became aware of your podcast a few months ago and I've been listening on my walk to work while I'm driving so I've been laughing out loud thank you very much for an amazing podcast I look forward to every single new episode and advice you give I always find it really helpful I'm 42 and single and listening to Abby and Pete and the love they have for each other makes me think this is the kind of relationship I'd love to find.

41:02My longest relationship to date is with my hairdresser. The dating apps are a nightmare and it's hard to meet anyone organically now. I live my life to the fullest. I enjoy myself and I have a great family and friends around me and I'm sure the right person will come along. But if they don't, that's okay too. I just wondered what Abby's thoughts were on dating apps. Maybe friends of hers have experienced using them. I listened to your podcast where you spoke of songs with misheard lyrics and wanted to make you aware of one somebody stapled the vigor and I'm a shoe and I'm a shoe sometimes I even piss myself what's that?

41:39sometimes anyway doesn't matter doesn't matter did you know the Christmas song Feliz Navidad sounds like a scouser saying Feliz Navidad have you heard Feliz Navidad Police nab me dad Police nab me dad I would say we've had a lot of messages sent in regardless About this Having been watching I'm a Celebrity 2 Why is that aimed at Scousers? It's because Police nabbed You say nabbed Scousers don't say nabbed Police nab me dad I say nicked On my half, I was in joke I wouldn't say Nabbed Caught Caught It's been caught Sorry you've been doing something wrong for years yes spying leaving court yeah I've been watching I'm a celebrity and I think you should have H on the podcast when he's out in the jungle thanks once again for an amazing podcast keep up the good work Daniela in Manchester it's a good line up it was a good line up this year actually I'm glad Ginge won yeah they were all fab there's a couple of people missing in my opinion the UK's favourite celeb couple no do you know what I'd rather see you guys in if you were to do a show like that would be traitors but no I also fear for your relationship and the future of the podcast if you were to do traitors because I think I said to Peter the other day if you caught him lying to you you'd be like oh my god how can you do that to me he's good at that anyway oh I don't think I am but also you'd nail it and like Peter's just go there I think I'd definitely blow it up like if Dave said to me are you a traitor I'd definitely smile or something I'd go like that they definitely have you as a traitor and me as a faithful yeah 100 % 100 % I think you'd want to be a traitor if you went on it no you would do but I'm saying she'd clock you and go straight away listen you imagine I was going to her babe come on like imagine though imagine I was a traitor and you were faithful and I was going as if I'd do that to you like seriously like on the kids life yeah yeah can you imagine you saw all that and then watched it all back and went oh my fucking god that would be amazing and also I do think Alan Carr is a little bit slipperier than when he before he did that show you said this the other day Peter and I completely agree with you I completely agree with you somehow like he was obviously the game is the game right but if you are a traitor you are and Joe Marler is now like the nation's sweetheart because he came across as a nice faithful guy whereas Alan Carr it was really slippery wasn't it What a sniddy bastard.

44:18That's it in the back of my head. I know it's a game. I know it's a game. I thought we were fucking mean. No, because I thought, I didn't think Alan was that bad. I thought he was so obvious that it was him. He was bright red. He was sweating. He was laughing. He got better. Yeah. Like, he wasn't malicious with it at all. No, he wasn't. No, it's a new joke. If I was in there, because I know Alan, I'd be like, you're the traitor. It's so bang on that you're the traitor. I know, yeah. But I think maybe we know him a little bit. I absolutely love him as well. No, yeah, I know what you're saying. there is a you do feel like oh my god it's a recipe for disaster that game for everyone a relationship thing as well I know for a fact if he got called live to you he'd be like I cannot believe you how dare you and all that and Pete would be like I'm sorry baby it was just for the game and all that and be like it's only a game father of my kids and you're talking you're lying to me like that I'd be like he'd never heard the end of it but if she did it to you it'd be like Pete you'd be good you'd be good you would be good though no not offensive you're quite good at like holding your own do you know what I mean it's you've got to be elusive and lie so anyway any couples out there listen don't go on trees Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross didn't come close to Slippery I just think everyone you just know that he was always going to be a traitor I didn't understand how people didn't get it mate he was getting called out from day one and it like it got like week 10 and he still was on there I think that maybe he's such a big personality he was just going like just diverting it yeah yeah yeah big dog it's a real talent of putting a group of people together you know it's like a casting director for a movie you know we're like putting certain people together and there are certain you know certain people like when they when you watch a film as well and you think that no one else could have done that you know what I mean yeah yeah for sure like Russell Crowe in Gladiator or something like that like that it just feels like DiCaprio in Titanic but also his relationship with his chemistry with Kate Winslet.

46:17Could you imagine that being with another person? Yeah, me. She has imagined it. Very good, Abigail. It's just one of my daily fantasies. Very good, very good. I like that. No, but I can't stop you saying yet. Although, now, when I watch Titanic, he's a bloody child. He looks like 10 years old, doesn't he? I know. I know, I'm like, I can't fancy him anymore in that. Yeah, me neither. But I remember watching that film for the first time. I remember watching it for the first time thinking he was like a man. It's like a child now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the aging process. That film's probably what...

46:52Time is a cool mistress that comes for us all. 20 years older than that? Yeah, easy. 96, 30, 30 years old. Hi, I hope you and Pete are both well. I've got a bit of a dilemma here and I want to get both of your takes on it. Hit me, hit me, hit me. So an old friend messaged me out of the blue to ask how I was. We started chatting, then ended up deciding to meet up for a coffee. Now, this is a girl I've been seeing before, so I went into it with expectations of it, possibly leading to us seeing each other again. Anyway, we end up having coffee and chatting from 12 in the afternoon until they closed a full six hours later.

47:31We continued messaging into the following days where I then decided to ask here to go... And decided to ask here. I decided to ask here. I'll take three of them. From South Africa? From South Africa, man? I decided to ask you.

47:53Sorry, it was spelt with an E on it. Come on, Ron, spit it out. To officially go, I've decided to ask you to officially go on a date to Cape Town, by the sounds of it. She unfortunately responded with no, sorry. I don't want... No, sorry. Oh, my God. No, sorry. No, sorry. Wow, hold on. It's been six hours in a coffee shop. No, sorry. I don't want the hassle of a boyfriend right now, which was hard to take, but I accepted. But then less than a month later, I find out she has a new boyfriend already. Needless to say, I was quite surprised by this news. I still want to be friends with her, to be honest.

48:38But I find it hard to look another way. what are your thoughts and how do you think I should go about this his name's Josh from Doncaster oh poor Josh unfortunately Josh she's just not that into you that's exactly the answer I thought when I read it and it's so hard because I've played matchmaker with people and stuff and if if it's not there it's not there yeah unfortunately Josh I do think it's she definitely likes your company would like to be a friend doesn't see any any boyfriend things happening and she's not in a polite way she hasn't said like oh no no sorry yeah exactly she's gone oh I'm not feeling it right now but she might have had that other person on the back burner before but she mightn't have had the boyfriend she mightn't have had the boyfriend then and she might have just met someone and you know found a new boyfriend yeah yeah but she's not going to say like sorry I'm not into you I think she just said no she just gave an excuse of like I'm not in for a boyfriend now but then she was because she got one she's letting him down gently which is a nice thing to do which is the right thing to do as well especially for a friend yeah for sure yeah I think Josh you know move on son there's plenty more fish in the sea get over it grow up I'm only messing Josh I'm only messing mate well I enjoyed that you know checking in with you know listeners who've written in in the past and reading out some of the messages that have slipped through the net maybe but I want to be I want to go full Christmas next week I want our listeners to write in with hilarious Christmas stories Christmas dilemmas Christmas problems you know Christmas day fails Christmas day fails Christmas party ones as well Christmas party faux pas 100 % Christmas party faux pas and definitely like in-laws stories yeah for sure you know doing the thing they come round instruct you how to do your own Christmas dinner stuff like that that'd be great excuses of how to leave the house as well get some me time there must be loads of those I've got to go and get the Christmas booze I'll be back in five hours exhibit A over there Pete you actually I'm very good at that you are good at that escaping the house I like Pete to get out the house with the kids so I can clean and make it all perfect agreed I would like that as well and you prefer that than doing jobs yeah I like it on Christmas Eve I'm like you just go away yeah till two no because I and then the other 364 days here no okay well let us know get them in don't forget to subscribe on YouTube and what I just I couldn't say subscribe you can yeah subscribe on our YouTube channel that's correct isn't it and also like link and subscribe yeah wow that's the first time you nailed it nice yeah wherever you get your podcasts as well you know just make sure you listen to us because it's it's good enjoy doing it and hopefully enjoy listening we'll see you next time guys if you're liking what you're listening to hit that subscribe button because it really helps us and it's nearly 2026 and we want to get bigger and better so show us some love by hitting that button