Awkward School WhatsApp Chats, Conker Wars & The Maldives Pringles DISASTER!

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1:16Shop today at Wayfair.com.

1:18Abbey Clancy: Wayfair, every style, every home.

1:22Ross: I bloody love a conga.

1:27Ross: How good's this? Have you ever had that situation? Trash? No, no, no. I don't really know you're in front situations. We're going to have the wettest January you've ever had, anyone's ever seen. Get your fucking wellies on. Get yourself down the slip and slide. It's going to be a wet one.

1:46Abbey Clancy: Ask me anything.

1:49Ross: Shabbat.

1:50Abbey Clancy: Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch. Ask us anything with me, Abbey Cunsey.

1:55Ross: And me, Peter Crouch. Hello. And our Ross is remote today. I know, coming in your ears from Bethnal Green. How are we going? No way. How are you, Rossy man? I'm not very well, to be honest. I'm still a bit under the leggy. This has been a bad one.

2:12Abbey Clancy: Ross, we missed you terribly last week and now I'm going to re-evaluate, fine you every week because, you know, you are as integral to this pod as me and I.

2:22Ross: You're a big part of the team. That little je ne sais quoi. don't push it

2:28Abbey Clancy: big splat of genetica

2:31Ross: no we hope you get well soon cheers I appreciate that you look fine to me

2:35Abbey Clancy: I think you skyver yeah fucking hardly because you made me fucking get out my sickbed and do this I wish you were skyver how are you guys what do we make of

2:45Ross: what do we make of look the section secretary specky becky I'm here for it you know yeah very I think we have had specks on the pod once before, have we, Ab?

2:56Abbey Clancy: Mm.

2:56Ross: Yeah.

2:57Abbey Clancy: I like a little glass, huh? Quite nice. Yeah, it looks good. Thanks. A bit sophisticated. Have you just come from a parents meeting or something? No. That's when you used to wear them, didn't you? No, I've come from the school. When you went into the headmaster's office, you said. Yeah, exactly. No, just a new look. I got Sophia some blue light glasses and it'd be for her work online, so I got myself some. Not that I own a laptop or ever work on a computer, but I was like... It's because you're never off that Net-a-porter. exactly Sophia's just been doing her maths online and I could hear the teacher teaching her percentages and I for some reason I always get like on my algorithm bloody maths schoolwork always comes up and there's this amazing trick how to work out percentages so if you want 90 % don't start with these maths tricks again have your balls done up last time you never did at the end of it no no 90 % of 20 you times 9 by 2 and it's 18 and that's the answer.

3:56That's good, yeah.

3:59Abbey Clancy: What's 35 % of 360? Then the teacher said, oh, that only works when the number ends in a zero. I said, that's fine, because all she needs to work out is 40 % off when the Net-A-Porter sells off. Job done.

4:12Ross: I was just saying that.

4:13Abbey Clancy: Sophia was like, that's my mum. That's very good, Avi, I like that.

4:19Ross: Oh my God.

4:20Abbey Clancy: Yeah, but she doesn't need to be working out 33 % of anything. Well, she does. A third off. Maths. Yeah, I know that's a third off, but you just divide it by three. It's easy. Yeah, I suppose. Maths is not my strong suit, to be honest. I'm a humanities type of guy. Humanities? Yeah, man. You know that? No. History, psychology. Geography. Geography. I hate geography, actually. English and history were good. Spanish.

4:51Abbey Clancy: You need to help Sophia with her Spanish GCSE, by the way because yeah that's fine

4:56Ross: for a small fortune should we

4:59Abbey Clancy: should we

5:01Ross: it's slightly different AMA today right we've been inundated with people you know we did those Reddit threads yeah that British problems has come up time and time again is that whether you've got to read these out

5:16Abbey Clancy: okay

5:16Ross: well I don't really know but I've been told I've been told it's basically mainly by Ross yeah I'm pretending it was me Ross just said these are great we need to do this Ross on his death bed so it's basically people are put into like the Reddit threads like a community like a bunch of people and they'll go like oh my god what do you think of this problem and then they'll say something that's kind of quintessentially a British problem and then lots of people kind of reply to it in the comments section etc so I've put a few of the headline ones that got a lot of traction and just also to see what your reactions were as well as a few of the replies online as well all right well let's get straight into it right i don't know what to do with myself not looking at ross's bulge i know you're looking like because the laptop's on the chair it's like you're looking at his knob anyway like you're not gonna do which is so so weird that you're his cousin i know it's not in a perverted way it's just unavoidable do you know because i said on the last one you you're a supermodel and i'm hung like a donkey all the messages this week were like chew the donkey ross and I'll chew the donkey Ross Bob and all that.

6:24Shoot. I'll take it.

6:25Abbey Clancy: Tudor donkey.

6:26Ross: That's like,

6:27Abbey Clancy: Tudor donkey Bob Ross.

6:30Ross: That's like when, when Ab was trying to get her own nickname, Ross has managed to develop his own nickname. Tudor Bob donkey hung.

6:41Ross: I've been called worse, I've been called worse. Oh, exactly. Listen, take that, mate.

6:46Abbey Clancy: Did you see that thing on Instagram? I really want a pet parrot now because of this. Why? this little girl had a pet parrot and she had a wobbly tooth in the back and she couldn't get it out so the she said to the parrot get it get it and the parrot went in her mouth with its little beak and pulled its tooth out and then she said give me it back now and the little parrot dropped it in her in her hand and then opened its wings out and gave her a hug oh that's cute it was the cutest thing ever it was so cute so i want a parrot now oh john had a parrot jürgen didn't have you seen the parrot who grass is on the drug dealers next door?

7:24So it's like the police, so the JV is staying outside. And then the police turn up and the parrot's going, three for 25, three for 25. He dobs them. No way.

7:40Ross: Three what? What's that? My God. That's hilarious. Okay, well, shall I get into them? Go on. People not being able to follow simple instructions. there we go I was just waiting for that little reaction we had we had some we had some landscapers over this morning to repair some loose slabs in our front path just in front of the door they told us not to walk on them for 24 hours so we duly placed various obstacles on the path plus signs saying do not walk on the path guess what mid afternoon a courier rings our doorbell they had moved all of the obstacles to get to their mind the subjective of ringing our doorbell to graciously acknowledge that they have in fact delivered our parcel.

8:24Ross: Despite the instructions to leave it in the box in front of the blocked path, I don't know, is it me or are some people incapable of following simple instructions nowadays?

8:34Abbey Clancy: Yeah, let's like you this morning. Pete's like, where's the kids' coats? So took the kids, the coats out the coat cupboard and left them at the front door. So Pete gets to the school. Pete gets to the school. I've got no coats. I said, Pete, I left them for you by the front door. the labelled everything and he said well I presumed you would have just put them in the boot I said well why would I put them in your boot when I'm putting Libs bag in my own boot to take hair to school because obviously it's a two man job yeah and I got the blame I got the blame do you know what

9:02Ross: yeah I knew this would trigger have you got the bags have you got the coats yeah but you put the bags

9:10Abbey Clancy: in the boot though so why would I put the coats in

9:12Ross: well I didn't know where the coats were you were getting them for me

9:14Abbey Clancy: in the fucking coat cupboard the coats are in it's called the coat cupboard you've got your own coat cupboard and the kids one is opposite you so every coat is in there simple okay great British problems ladies and gentlemen

9:30Ross: here we go the simple instruction one's like there you always have a go at me for that I've told you what to do and you still didn't do it okay only one week in and I'm already hating the school group chat I could just about tolerate the stupid questions ask my parents who spent the summer ignoring all the comms from the school but after five days the nonsense has started back up. FML Fuck my life is that? Very good pick. What's your group chat saying?

10:02Abbey Clancy: Well I actually I made a stand on my school WhatsApp group

10:06Ross: once and said could we not

10:09Abbey Clancy: comment, can we not chat on this group because when I need a bit of info I've got a reel through 7 million messages of oh I haven't got Josh's sock I haven't got Josh's sock either um good luck finding it and then about another 10 people say good luck finding Josh's sock you know if you haven't got the sock don't talk so I got into trouble for saying can we just have an information group which we call school info and if the mums want to chat on the class group that's fine so the info group would just be plotting in the intro where no one can comment but then you'd see a couple of comments this is this wednesday or next i'd be like don't you be putting any questions on the info group and it worked for a bit but it doesn't now but i must say this year um so far our whatsapp groups have been tremendous and i literally couldn't cope with that they are a big help as well huge help but you know what i do now which a top tip for all you busy people out there i do a daily reminders group so the day before

11:18Abbey Clancy: no one's allowed to chat on this one either so how soon after these rules did the kids stop getting invited to other birthday parties have we no they do get invited because i've got a big sure of that on the daily I love the daily reminder so my daily reminders the night before I'm not going to take the credit for it because Claire does it but it was my idea so Claire will the night before go will do from 7am till till the day's over hour by hour run through so it would be 9am you know I'm just making this up but you know 8am kids dropped at school 10am podcast and then the kids lessons, 4pm judo, 5pm football.

12:07Abbey Clancy: And you just, the night before, before you go to sleep, you can cast your eyes over it and you know exactly what's coming the next day. And it's changed our lives, hasn't it?

12:17Ross: Yeah. Well, I'll be honest with you, I don't really, I don't go on it often. But I'm not allowed to put anything in, am I?

12:25Abbey Clancy: Why would you put anything in? It's all in. Everything you know is in.

12:30Ross: Thanks, Claire. Yeah, there's the answer, guys. Just get yourself a clear. Most of my groups are golf and, you know, ones that Abbey puts me in.

12:37Abbey Clancy: Laddy banter.

12:38Ross: Yeah.

12:38Abbey Clancy: Laddy banter.

12:40Ross: Fart gang. Fart gang. I was in that group. You were in it as well, Ross. I'm fucking star. I got added to fart gang and people were just doing farts. That was literally it.

12:50Abbey Clancy: That's just disgusting.

12:53Ross: Some of them were unbelievable, though, weren't they, Ross? Great banter. Great banter.

12:57Abbey Clancy: Do you have, like, spin-off groups where you leave certain people out of previous groups and then start a new one.

13:02Ross: It goes on everywhere, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Splinters, splinters. God, do you want to see the groups we have behind you? I can't imagine.

13:12Ross: Okay. The great British heating debate is now in full swing. For your information, man up and wait till October, says me and all the dads. You have just gone early in September.

13:24Abbey Clancy: I've gone early.

13:26Ross: She just put the heating on now.

13:28Abbey Clancy: But I have to get a plumb around to do it because soft shite over there doesn't know how to do it.

13:35Ross: Soft shite. Soft shite. Oh, I haven't heard that phrase. That's great, though. But, like, you did not even ask me. You said put on the heating. No, because you'd ruin the whole...

13:48Abbey Clancy: No, you wouldn't.

13:49Ross: I would have. I'd have taken my top off and I'd have just put the heating on. I wish.

13:54Abbey Clancy: You can't even light the fire. You can't even put the grill on. um so I actually went early so I've put my heating on now from 5am it goes off at 9 because our house is as you know Ross it's too hot it is that on the floor eating's fucking gorgeous when you go over to the toilet exactly so I just thought that is luxurious that is luxurious put me in that so I've put the heating on in the kids bathrooms because the bedrooms are warm kids bathrooms kitchen and our bathroom for the early hours of the morning. They go off at nine and then they come back on early evening and go off at nine again. So just a couple of hours a day, but not in any other area.

14:38That top floor in your house is the fucking nucleus of the sun. I've never been in any hotter room in my life. I don't know how I would get to that one. Oh yeah, it's ridiculous. I've woken up there hungover so many times with my mouth stuck together. Can't open a window.

14:52Ross: Yeah, it's not good to be fair. We're getting some sort of air con up system up there.

14:57Abbey Clancy: yeah we need it

14:58Ross: it's just I think it's where everything like the plant rooms up there and like all the AV stuff and all that Pete's wardrobe

15:04Abbey Clancy: I actually don't mind I actually quite like getting up in the in the when you feel um cold when you get up and you put your dressing gown on but I have my dressing gown on the whole way through summer anyway I live in mine don't I

15:16Ross: don't I know it

15:19Abbey Clancy: did you notice that I binned all the horrific ones though and I've only got the nice ones left

15:24Ross: I didn't notice okay no it's more yeah it's quite a nice dress to go it's still a dress to go I know Gary Baldy biscuits are becoming increasingly difficult to find

15:38Abbey Clancy: what are they? I don't know them they're the little flat ones with the raisins in shit absolute shit oh no

15:45Ross: dead fly biscuits yes correct yeah I like them they're a British staple apparently are these the ones

15:52Abbey Clancy: with the sugar on as well? I don't know they're called

15:53Ross: Gary Baldy yeah Gary Baldy I didn't know that

15:57Abbey Clancy: oh I quite like them as well

15:59Ross: they're lovely they're little raisins in

16:01Abbey Clancy: see I think morning coffee you can't find them anywhere now

16:03Ross: get a what? what's the morning coffee one?

16:05Abbey Clancy: you know the morning coffee biscuits? no it's like a rich tea but rectangle no

16:11Ross: I haven't even eaten oh yeah

16:13Abbey Clancy: and also a rich tea finger is so hard to find they're always out of stock online and you can't get them I love a rich tea finger what?

16:25Ross: can't say finger and I was not laughing never change

16:28Abbey Clancy: so guys before we get into the rest of the podcast you're going to be hearing from our sponsors we're going to make a quick cup of tea and remember if you're liking what you're listening to share it with all your friends and hit that red button sexy bump this monday.com ad was created by a team of people and AI agents Rhys our content agent wrote the copy based on our best practices like mentioning monday.com three times that was the second Johnny, our coordination agent, built the timeline and kept everyone aligned. Olivia, our human creative director, stayed in the loop because agents are great, but they don't always know when a joke lands.

17:06She had one note. Tell listeners it only takes minutes to build an agent. So, minutes. Create your own AI agent today on Monday.com. Hi, it's Kat and Nat, and this episode is sponsored by Michaels, your destination for all things birthday parties. With seven kids between us, we're always planning a celebration. Summer is no exception. With prices starting at just 99 cents, Michael's Party Shop has over 4 ,500 party supplies across more than 60 themes for every age and every celebration. Whether your kids are into bluey, rodeos, soccer, rainbows, or something totally different, you'll find everything you need in one place.

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17:55Abbey Clancy: so guys this next part of the pod is brought to you by indeed okay so that time of year where the

18:01Ross: kids are going back to school um it has been a long summer it's been a long summer but i wouldn't

18:06Abbey Clancy: change it really you know yeah because i think in term time we're so busy with work so when the holidays come we're desperate to spend quality time with the kids but by the end of it you're crawling over the finish line.

18:19Ross: A bit, yeah. As much as I love spending time with the kids, I also like them to go to school sometimes.

18:26Abbey Clancy: Are you all kidded out?

18:27Ross: A little bit. When I was a kid, I was doing like summer jobs. So was I. Did you?

18:33Abbey Clancy: Yeah. Every school holiday, I used to work in my mum's friend's florist, Val. She had a florist in Kirby Town Centre in Liverpool called Floral Elegance. And I used to love it. You know, number one, I love the people. too i loved being creative and working with the flowers and serving people on the till and having

18:54Ross: that little bit of pocket money in my pocket you know it's nice that isn't it yeah i remember i i had a paper round we knew bobby from bobby's news and um he i thought all my mates were doing it so i thought i need and they had obviously more money than me i thought i was i didn't really want to do it and i was all right when it was a nice day but you know when you just my dad used to get up really early and I'd look out the window and I'd be like, that looks horrendous out there. And I'd say to my dad, dad, do you fancy doing the paper out? And he'd be like. Did he say yeah? Yeah, he used to go and do it for me.

19:27Ross: It's nice. Yeah, fair play to him. Yeah. And yeah, he did do it. I eventually, it wasn't for me. I tried to get a job in the shop and they wouldn't let me. So then I, I said, you know what? I quit. I'm going to be a football player instead. I'm going to make it. I'm going to come back in here. And I'm going to be on the front of these papers.

19:47Abbey Clancy: Or the back.

19:48Ross: The back, hopefully.

19:51Abbey Clancy: Well, I think that's a perfect example of, you know, the bad way to get a job, if you like. You know, you got that job through a connection, through a family friend, and ultimately you let them down. And they weren't over-pleased with your, you know, ability as a paperboy. Yeah, and then it was kind of a lose-lose situation.

20:09Ross: Well, I feel like I've been psychoanalyzed there. my awful paper boy stint

20:19Abbey Clancy: getting a job through who you know and not what you know it's quite unfair isn't it really

20:24Ross: well I think it can be difficult it can be difficult for the employer as well like the employer if they're not pulling their weight and you've employed them it's say your friend's son

20:31Abbey Clancy: look at our roster example been trying to sack him for

20:34Ross: honestly been trying to sack him for years absolute state of him liability

20:41Abbey Clancy: can't argue with that like it could be a bit awkward say like if you got a job off your dad's friend and it wasn't working out well or you didn't want to work there yourself you know it's

20:50Ross: like kind of letting people down well on the flip side of that you've got you know probably someone who's loves the job really wants the job you know is is more competent at the job is being more qualified yeah overlooked for the fact that you know i suppose there's a connection there which doesn't seem right i also think it affects like industries in general if you're not employing the best people at their jobs and on their merit then you're letting yourself down as a company

21:14Abbey Clancy: you're not going to be as productive yeah again exhibit a exhibit a indeed yeah i think if you go down the proper channels you know to get a job sometimes that process can be slicker and quicker and more reliable than you know waiting on a friend's recommendation or waiting for a friend's daughter or son to come in and take that role yeah if it's a professional

21:38Ross: outfit rather than someone just introducing you to someone it's definitely been a smoother process

21:44Abbey Clancy: there's got to be a better way than people relying on who they know to fill positions for example if it doesn't work out with a paper round it's not going to be much better

21:52Ross: with a high profile job is it i guess so but that thing is common commonplace now isn't it

21:57Abbey Clancy: what could be done to fix it pete it's already happening you don't have to accept this as the norm how's that with indeed we're getting a job or just getting notice shouldn't depend on people you know with indeed you can showcase your real life skills on your indeed profile that way employers can see what you do and not just who you know plus you get recommended roles

22:20Ross: that match your abilities so you're saying if news agents had advertised on indeed i might not have mucked the job absolutely what i thought sorry my love i think you would have missed out

22:33Abbey Clancy: on that one if I'm being quite honest what do you think Russ yeah agreed indeed

22:38Ross: nicely done

22:39Abbey Clancy: but the actual job you did get thank god

22:42Ross: international premier league striker

22:43Abbey Clancy: absolutely you got that on skill ability and damn right hard work so congrats

22:50Ross: that's one of the nicest things you've ever said well I suppose it's just a better way to go about things yeah getting a job through a connection isn't always the best way for the person hiring or the person getting a job let alone other better suited candidates

23:02Abbey Clancy: exactly your Indeed profile will help you showcase your real life skills and

23:08Ross: experience

23:09Abbey Clancy: plus it also helps employers find the perfect fit candidates for that role

23:15Ross: so if you like the sound of this all you need to do is download the Indeed app and list your skills on your profile and away you go indeed they've reduced the amount of flavours on Pringles have they really? I don't know

23:27Abbey Clancy: have they? I don't know see I'm not a crisp eater I'm more of a little

23:33Ross: rich tea

23:35Abbey Clancy: dunca

23:36Ross: well you know paprika was a it's an outrageous flavour but that was that was actually top notch I like that flavour Abi am I correct in thinking you told the story once when you just went away and the kids ordered Pringles to the hotel room or something and it cost you loads of money or something is that right?

23:55Abbey Clancy: no I'll actually tell you the exact story so we went to the Maldives in a certain hotel and in the mini like we had a we had a big group with us and we were all in these incredible rooms on the beach yeah so the kids would keep going into all of our friends and family's rooms to take these Pringles but they were like 11 quid you know for one of those little mini Pringles

24:21Ross: you get rinsed you get rinsed in a mini bar don't you

24:24Abbey Clancy: so we went back to the same destination and I brought a whole suitcase of Pringles with me Pringles and coconuts we spent about five grand on Pringles ten days

24:37Ross: it was a joke actually because they just keep they keep getting replaced didn't they if you go out for breakfast or something someone comes in and replaces them you're just getting done

24:45Abbey Clancy: yeah they saw it because normally a minibar would get filled the next day they were refilling ours every hour so we had like we'd go through like 20 packets of Pringles and I'd I'd bar the kids from eating junk or going into the minibar but they kept doing it and then they'd go into in my mum's room or Robin and Heidi's room, Kaz's room and Nick them.

25:02Ross: Everyone's room, yeah. I reckon there'll be someone, you know, like when you get down the pool or to the beach or something, the couch is, they're by the pool, go and refill the Pringles.

25:13Abbey Clancy: Thank God, thank God, thank God the barbell was all included because you kind of made up for it in alcohol consumption.

25:20Ross: To be fair. There's some replies to this Pringles chat, right? Okie dokie. By the British public. Listen to this, how much time on their hands these people have got. This means once I pop, I will be able to stop. I love that. Am I crazy? Or are they slightly less crunchy now? They're in the tubes. Yeah, they're softer. Less flavour, less tube. What tube? Less per tube, higher price.

25:44Abbey Clancy: I thought they've always been in a tube.

25:46Ross: Yeah, they're saying smaller tube.

25:49Abbey Clancy: A skinnier tube?

25:50Ross: Basically inflation. And shitification. Someone's got to hit. Basically, I said, right, I've noticed this too. and then someone at the end just wrote discos will rise again oh I love a disco I love a disco

26:03Abbey Clancy: you can't get do you remember when we talked about the rich TV not being cooked enough they've addressed that you know could you have the word with fucking Jamie Lang on the pod

26:15you fronted them fucking Jamie Lang he was on here for about 10 minutes and you fronted them

26:22Abbey Clancy: tell you what them bloody rich teas aren't what they used to be pure weight yeah

26:27Ross: it's an outrage then he's gone back though since you've chatted to him maybe he's got some

26:31Abbey Clancy: it's only if you get a fake rich tea like a

26:34Ross: fridge thing

26:34Abbey Clancy: a store's own the white very white

26:37Ross: oh like a fake one like not a McVitie not a McVitie a wealthy brew

26:46Ross: wealthy brew okay being nearly 44 years and not knowing whether stopping to pick up a potential conquer is frowned upon this is the conversation if it if it brings you any sort of joy and happiness do it and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks as someone who's also nearly 44 I would recommend you pick it up a conker duel could happen at any place at any time always be prepared

27:11Abbey Clancy: oh my god remember that oh yeah

27:14Ross: yet again I find myself wishing I owned a drill so I could put a shoelace through a true contender I bloody love a conker that's the conversation Oh, God's this. Do you know I got banned from the ball playground in school for throwing a conker?

27:30Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I think I did.

27:32Ross: I was throwing conkers. So where we had our playground, there was obviously the gate to people being outside that you could see them walking into the park. And I thought, when they were getting over the tree, I thought if we could ping conkers at them, they weren't even in our school, they were on dog walks and stuff.

27:49Abbey Clancy: You're a good thrower, isn't it?

27:50Ross: Yeah, we were trying to rain conkers on them. And every now and then you'd hit someone and they'd look up as if it'd come from the tree. Oh my God!

27:58Abbey Clancy: A conker fell on my car the other day? No, we're throwing conkers at people, yeah.

28:04Ross: The de-shelled one, not de-shelled.

28:06Abbey Clancy: But you throw them at the tree as they're walking under the tree and they look up thinking it's fell from the tree.

28:10Ross: Listen, it's not my finest hour. Obviously, I was only like 10, 11. But I remember getting banned from the ball playground. So obviously we had three different playgrounds. The main playground, I think there's a grass play, which is very rarely open because it pissed down most of the year. And then a ball playground. So obviously, being a keen footballer, I was obviously very... I enjoyed the ball playground the most.

28:36Abbey Clancy: Did the girls all hang around the ball playground?

28:39Ross: Some did. Some did. Anyway, Mr Fisher banned me from the ball playground. I went home, told my dad, and he came in. You're absolutely glass. Absolute baby crying to daddy. No, I said, Dad, I can't not be in a ball playground. Well, who else am I going to do? I don't want to be powering that school. I said, Dad, you're going to have to sort this out. Do you know what, Pete, as well? I was just about to say, our Abby loves a bad boy. And then you just ruined it by saying you went home and snitched on the teacher. I've given up on what Abby likes.

29:10Abbey Clancy: No, you haven't. No, you haven't.

29:14Ross: Doesn't like me, you know that. I don't. What are your thoughts on Conkers?

29:21Abbey Clancy: well I know what they are I did play with them in school but I haven't got any

29:26Ross: class

29:26Abbey Clancy: complete recollection of me drilling a hole in one and putting a lace in but we definitely did do it but they did they definitely all got banned because you'd go like that and whack them wouldn't you and they'd get caught and everyone would get hurt yeah

29:38Ross: and they'd have like a a life wouldn't they this has gone like 31 times or something this is a 31er yeah yeah yeah oh really yeah this is a 25er you'd have like you know it's a 25er and that would be the king of the conkers it was like winner stays on winner yeah and then you've got like a you get a new one you come in you get dealt with again so what would you

29:57Abbey Clancy: is the aim to smash the other conker yeah

29:59Ross: you see the cracks appearing and then that feeling when you do but you can't you can't go from too high and stuff because we we had rules like if you can't come down on it like that you'd have to just whip it you'd have to whip it

30:12Abbey Clancy: we went to our friends for dinner on Saturday night and Pete was trying to teach me to throw a ball on the wall and catch it without it bouncing for about three hours. What? Throw a ball with Walter Bonson?

30:23Ross: I've got this game called Ball on the Wall, right? With a golf ball. Yeah, I am 44. I realise that, but we're at dinner party and obviously me and the lads are playing it. It's phenomenal. It's basically one bounce.

30:34Abbey Clancy: Lucinda gave you a good run for your money though.

30:35Ross: Yeah, she was good. Basically, it's like darts, right? You're behind a certain section. Then you'll throw one bounce off the wall, one-handed catch. And that started because we started, it was on a golf trip where we started it because basically we're holding, usually holding a beer whilst playing ball on the wall. So it's only, ended up being only one handed catch. So bounce, wall, catch. Yeah. Three lives. Nice and simple. But when you play on a certain walls, there's variables, right? So you can come off at different angles. Boring as hell. It's amazing how many variables there are. But it's an incredible game.

31:08Ross: It's something you've been scoring now. Have you played this for years? Have you played this for years? Yeah, it's an old game. Yeah, I think you've played it, Russ. Our current show me this game. I just had a massive flashback to our current show me this game outside our treeshaw's back wall. No, brilliant, brilliant game. It's great with the golf ball as well because you get a bit more purchase. Good.

31:27Abbey Clancy: I couldn't do it, could I?

31:28Ross: Fucking riveting. You weren't great at it, babe, no. You said I was throwing wrong.

31:34Abbey Clancy: You were saying you have to smash it down.

31:36Ross: Ab's trajectory was too high. Needs to be a bit flatter. It's all physics.

31:42Abbey Clancy: That's what you're saying. It's all physics. I was like shut your fucking mouth shut your fucking mouth shut your fucking mouth

31:49Ross: shut your fucking mouth about physics trying to help her out so she's not I can't remember

31:54Abbey Clancy: throwing a ball at a bloody wall in physics

31:56Ross: no but it's what I'm saying it's angles no I know

31:59Abbey Clancy: I know but

32:01Ross: physics is boring and so is ball

32:03Abbey Clancy: on the wall

32:03Ross: ball on the wall is a great game I suggest you I want to play

32:07Abbey Clancy: shots instead yeah

32:09Ross: shots and tits that's me that's me at a party

32:15Ross: you are good at that

32:16Abbey Clancy: tell me some more British memes

32:19Ross: when you ask to speak to the pharmacist about an intimate issue and they talk so loud that everyone in local boots knows about it too okay so it's here the lady behind the counter said go and have a seat over there by the consultation room and the pharmacist will see you in a minute thank you that's great I'll do that then the pharmacist shows up behind the counter and goes who wanted to see me and I'm sitting by the consultation room like hi yes me okay I'll come over to you what's the problem alright then I guess I'm telling you about it in the middle of the boot of boots well here's the issue have you taken anything for problem before okay how long did this did you take

33:01Abbey Clancy: what's the problem

33:03Ross: well she's not saying the problem but this is the lady basically explaining it all in front of the whole of the queue at boots I think we've got a good idea what the problem was I suggest you try this, like, medication product and see if it helps. A thrush? Funny rush, yeah. Maybe I was foolish to think being pointed in the direction of a consultation room meant I could have a few quiet words in there. Being, have you ever had that situation? Thrush? No, no, you haven't. I don't really know your thrush situation. No, I mean, like, talk about it in front of you.

33:34Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I have heard pharmacists, you know, be very vocal about things. but it doesn't bother me.

33:41Ross: It's their job day in, day out. They just don't see any... And let's be honest, if you're seeing a pharmacist,

33:48Abbey Clancy: it's normally for a common complaint that most of us mere humans will get every once in a while. So I don't judge. Yeah. Here's your preparation H. Be on your way. I have had... What's that? Here's your bum rash cream.

34:03Ross: Pile cream.

34:06Abbey Clancy: I am I have had a terrible incident in a in a chemist though once when I was nine months pregnant and had hold of a six month old baby and there was a lady also at the till with a baby and what I thought was a pregnant tummy and I said to her God you're as you're as nutty as me the baby was kicking off and I went oh God you've got it all to come just haven't we and she said I'm not pregnant this is my baby from this baby and I just wanted to die and I was like I am so sorry I am so sorry and she was like don't worry about it she thought it was funny but I didn't and I was heartbroken she didn't think it was funny she did not think it was funny at all she died inside not good

34:52Ross: so never ever did that I genuinely don't ever say congratulations even if I know blatantly someone's eight months pregnant

35:00Abbey Clancy: unless you see a physical baby still don't even say it do you

35:02Ross: I know I still like I would never even just I just wouldn't mention it and then if they say something like well obviously I've only got a month to go yeah oh congratulations by the way

35:11Abbey Clancy: do you know what I mean

35:12Ross: I would never go like congratulations yeah ever

35:15Abbey Clancy: you need physical proof

35:16Ross: you never know that can probably get started you know in one of those conversations shops are selling Christmas stuff already woohoo

35:25Abbey Clancy: I've got Warren from London Event Flourish coming around to my house Ross I'm going in early 11th of November I'm doing

35:32Ross: 11th of November.

35:33Abbey Clancy: Yes.

35:34Ross: That's like bonfire night.

35:35Abbey Clancy: It's not after bonfire.

35:37Ross: But what's bonfire is first, right? That is not Christmas.

35:41Abbey Clancy: No, because I'm doing something Christmassy in the house, which is a little bit early, so I want my Christmas stuff.

35:45Ross: I don't judge anyone for going early, really. Like, that is...

35:48Abbey Clancy: See, I'm the kind of person, for me, Christmas is all about the build-up. You know, there's the Christmas parties, the ice skating with the kids, there's Lapland UK, you know, everything. And then once Christmas Day is done, I want it all gone. Yeah. It's like, right, let's crack on. New year, new me. Let's go. Yeah. Your house is like very Christmas. I do like your house at Christmas. It's very, it makes me feel Christmassy, to be honest. Oh, yeah. You do very well. Christmas is a magical time and it's all about the memories. So last year we had the real Santa round and I did a Christmas party with all the kids and it was just phenomenal.

36:26Ross: Let me put it this way. like dry Jan isn't going to happen this year because Ab's 40 on the 10th of January

36:33Abbey Clancy: if our John even says he's

36:35Ross: we're going to have the wettest January you've ever ever seen get your fucking wellies on get yourself down the slip and slide it's going to be a wet one

36:46Abbey Clancy: I still don't know what to do for my 40th I'm just I thought we were going to Ibiza

36:50Ross: we're going all out we're going to have a lot of fun I thought we were going to Ibiza she kiboshed that every idea I'll come up with you, kibosh. I want to be surprised. You will be surprised. Listen, I've told you, we're going to have the best time of our lives.

37:03Abbey Clancy: Yeah, but I also don't want you to waste money because, you know, I want that new kitchen and if I'm in my 40th party going, God, I could have had new units instead of this load of drivel. I'll be fuming.

37:14Ross: That fucking pill is still there. Oh my God. No, we just, let's get a kitchen and dance around in that.

37:22Abbey Clancy: No, because no one's allowed dinner. One's to get the new kitchen.

37:25Ross: Can't you just get me

37:25Abbey Clancy: the kitchen for my birthday?

37:26Ross: yeah that's totally fine

37:28Abbey Clancy: and I'd quite like one of those curly haired kittens curly haired kittens what's that it's like a it's a special kitten and it's got curly hair did you see the kitten your dad sent on the group chat oh no I didn't see it but he told me about it this morning in Cyprus it's very cute I don't think my kittens are going to be around by the time my cats are going to be around in January because

37:55Ross: you know you don't have to replaced them instantly. Like, we've had them for 20 years. You get that kitten, again, if you had curly hair and stuff, but then it'll be around for 20 years.

38:05Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I know. It's the whole point.

38:07Ross: We can go to the farm as you get the girls.

38:13Ross: Anyway, these are going on about Christmas stuff. Okay. Next to my local Sainsbury's is B &M. Me and my sister and my mum took a...

38:20Abbey Clancy: They do have good Christmas stuff. Do they?

38:22Ross: They do, they do. They took a trip there after doing a food shop. I was immediately faced with a wall of Milky Bar reindeers and Christmas selection boxes. Ludicrous in September. But my right to complain is lessened by the fact that I bought one of the reindeers to chomp on. Anything to kill time as a born uni student at home for the summer. I should add my mum and sister have made a schedule watching a Christmas film every Sunday until Christmas starting the 7th of September. Oh, I love that.

38:51Abbey Clancy: That is a good idea, that though. That's a lovely... The 7th of September?

38:54Ross: No, September's too early.

38:56Abbey Clancy: I think November, we should do... First November. First November, every Sunday. So what's your thoughts on stopping roast dinners before Christmas? I'm not a lover of roast dinners full stop, to be honest. Neither are John, I just don't get that. It's one of my favourite meals. I like it. But you know what it means though? When I have Easter roast at my mum's and Christmas roast, it's extra special. But I rarely have a roast dinner. See, I make a roast after summer. so I've just we've probably had one the last three after summer we start back on the roast so when we've finished our holidays kids are back in school that's when the roast dinners start up again every Sunday we did have one on a Monday last week because we were too tired which is on the Monday you're too hungover to have one to make one so you had a Monday roast which was always a treat oh very much but when do you think you should have the last roast dinner before Christmas I disagree with that I kind of know.

39:53I agree with Abby on that one, but not even because I'm not a lover of roast. I think even if I did love roast dinners, it kind of ruins the magic of the Christmas roast, doesn't it? I think you should have at least a month off, but it's annoying because it's prime roast dinner weather, you know, that's the issue.

40:05Abbey Clancy: Yeah.

40:07Ross: I'm not willing to sacrifice my roasts.

40:10Abbey Clancy: Yeah, but the roasts... The week before,

40:12Ross: I won't have one.

40:13Abbey Clancy: The roasts you make on a Sunday is like, I call them like a baby roast because it's not a Christmas dinner roast, is it? Nah, no collie cheese and fucking pizza blankets. oh my god it is no it is pigs and blankets yeah I have pigs and blankets stuffing every roast do you

40:27Ross: wow cauliflower broccoli cheese I think there's a few things like

40:31Abbey Clancy: I don't do honey parsnips on a normal roast what's baby about that

40:34Ross: what's baby about that sprouts

40:36Abbey Clancy: well because I don't have sprouts I don't have honey parsnips what else I don't do the cabbage with the pancetta oh that's nice that mmm oh I can't fancy roast now oh I could have that now could you

40:50Ross: I'm so hungry now. Okay, taking a parcel in for neighbours and them thinking we should take the parcel over to them. My reference, my parents in their 70s and 80s took a parcel in for some neighbours. They usually live in the back of the house. The neighbours, three days later, came over wondering why as soon as they had spotted they were home, didn't take the parcels over to the house. Agreed. My parents are also of limited physical ability, so we should struggle taking the parcel over the road to them anyway.

41:18Abbey Clancy: I think the person whose parcel it is has to go and get it 100 % if we're not in and they've had to sign for it yeah you go and get it but if they take it in your parcel knowing it's not for them then they should bring it round because it's their mistake yeah have you ever been tempted to open someone else's parcel I have opened someone else's parcel by accident because presumably when post is in your post box or a parcel comes to your door it's yours so you don't look at to Peter Crouch or whatever to Abby. So you just open it and then I'm like, oh my bloody hell, that's not mine.

41:53Ross: Do you remember when the guy wrote into this pod

41:55Abbey Clancy: and said,

41:57Ross: I've been getting, the guy's left my house and he's gone to move in with his wife, whatever. A friend that obviously makes with him and he's still getting packages delivered to the house. Do you remember that? Yeah. And he was opening them and they were used knickers. Disgusting. And he obviously doesn't want to get them delivered to his own house. He's using his mates.

42:13Abbey Clancy: He needs locking up.

42:14Ross: He needs locking up. he needs locking up before he called the cops imagine how much you need those

42:20Abbey Clancy: although I don't need to do that although I am happy when I get a little agent provocateur parcel through the door

42:27Ross: so am I

42:28Abbey Clancy: they're nice knickers to receive freaking hell

42:31Ross: excited by that as well class okay getting a filthy look from a passenger on a train when you ask them to move their bags from the only remaining empty seats you can sit down do you do get sometimes you do get I've had that before where they do are fuming they're moving their bag off oh my god no I think it's the other way around

42:52Abbey Clancy: I think you get the dirty look if you've got your bag on the chair and I'm like if I've been on the train and it's empty I've put my bag on the chair but if someone wants to sit down I'd gladly move it and go beg your pardon sit down yeah but that's a different scenario to the one they're describing there where it's like when it's chocker and then someone's still got the bag on the seat which I see all the time in London it's a Jew do you see it a lot?

43:13Ross: you do all the time it's a Jew it's a Jew I told you recently I had that one that you know that man came on and he had his daughter and I think he had a baby and a young daughter and the daughter said I want to sit down daddy she's like crying and crying and crying miles away from me and I'm thinking surely someone's going to get up no one I had to get up from the other side of the carriage and walk down and say do you want to sit there that is naughty I hate that that is broken brain that is breaks everyone everyone pretended they couldn't see it that is that's like He's got one baby in his arms and another girl was crying to sit down and no one moved.

43:50Ross: Couldn't believe it.

43:50Abbey Clancy: I hate it when you see, like, young lads sitting down and there's a little grandma standing there. I offered my seat to a person I thought was, like, an older lady or an older gentleman and they, like, flipped the lid on me that I thought they were of an age that they had to be offered the seat.

44:03Ross: Yeah, I worry about that as well, though. That's the thing. I do worry about that. Just saying politely, no, though. Just go, no, thanks, it's okay. They were like, do you think I'm old enough that you have to offer me a seat? And I was like, sorry, love. You imagine when Abby's 20 years on, right? And some young lad goes, would you like to sit down? She goes,

44:20Abbey Clancy: who the fuck do you think you are?

44:23Ross: How old do you think I am? That's exactly, exactly what you'd be. I'm always thinking, you don't know. Google me. I'm Abby Clancy. I'm Abby Clancy. I was gorgeous. I'll have you know. Fucking Google me.

44:40Abbey Clancy: Bloody onions.

44:42Ross: yeah but you would be fuming though wouldn't you yeah you would don't you think like I think you'll always want to be glamorous

44:48Abbey Clancy: I wouldn't do it to like a 50 year old I'd do it to like a 80 year old

44:52Ross: that's another thing as well you know that's why the women have the baby on board sign on the on the on the because they have to wear a badge now don't they if you go to you know oh my god you're pregnant and they go I'm not you have to just how do you know this stuff no because they wear a baby on board sign you have a badge on them do you not reckon they're a bit suspect though because I don't know I've seen some people with no baby on board wearing a baby on board so I do reckon I've had loads of babies

45:17Abbey Clancy: and I've never had one of them yeah because you don't

45:19Ross: get the tube you don't travel like that my lady

45:27Abbey Clancy: watch me turn up to leave baby on board open that door

45:31Ross: carry me in the car

45:36Ross: oh funny oh well alright well that was the reddits

45:40Abbey Clancy: that was the reddits I enjoy them good fun broken Britain

45:44Ross: yeah Brexit Britain Britain is broken Britain's not broken you know Britain Britain's broken in lots of ways but lots of countries are broken in lots of ways there's some good there is some good parts

45:56Abbey Clancy: well everyone I know in our country's bloody grace so there you go

46:01Ross: alright remember I enjoyed that I don't know what I was going to say remember remember the 5th of November I need to enjoy life. Even if it needs a potion.

46:13Abbey Clancy: Out of a ditch.

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