Back to School Chaos: Timetables, Tantrums & Total Exhaustion

0:00At Boar's Head, we've been going back to school for over 115 years. And this year, every school lunch is reason to celebrate with the flavors your kids love and the exceptional quality you expect. Helping you make school lunch fresh, easy, and delicious. Ring the bell. The deli is open. Boar's Head. Committed to craft since 1905.

0:32Abbey Clancy: happy can see fumes her husband peter crouch as she admits her love is fading for him that's my favorite you had your own ball that's a bloody ick jesus christ sorry we were elton and david's tonight

0:51Abbey Clancy: okay hello and welcome again to the therapy crouch welcome again sorry carry on what are you do it? you went four so I was going four guys we're three years in now come on this is go on with me happy clancy and me Peter Crouch and our Ross and our Ross look at Bloody Man City kids over there Ross I know this is my new suit off my mum sky blue I'm like this one it's just the crotch that bloody bothers me I can't help that I've got big balls and big dick you've got piss strip on it oh my god oh yeah

1:26I have got all these on Oh my god The illusion of wrong Can you stop looking At my knob By the way Why do you always Look at my knob Because it's directly And when I'm talking to you I'm looking in your eye I'm never looking It's directly In this big bulge You do I can't help I've got Consistently I know but that's my eye life

1:42Abbey Clancy: Listen we've got good genes You're a super model I'm hung like a donkey What do you want to do With piss stains All over I'm not looking at my Cousin's penis But it's Artemis You quite clearly are it's not only is he you know chewed a Bob Ross but he's hung like a donkey thanks cuz I'll take that that's going on with Tinder by him this is the weirdest conversation I've ever heard you're looking at your cousin's knob I'm not could you not say the word knob well you're the one doing it it's just in my eye line it's hard to miss this is making me feel very uncomfortable can we move on can you just cross your legs I am I am oh my good god hi guys how are you good yeah very good yeah big week back to school week thank god anyone else desperate for their kids i don't know how you should feel about it because are you a bad parent to say you cannot wait for them to go back to school or do you know the only thing with it always like i think it's very much like everyone's just like oh kids it's like it's like it's like the weather brits do the same thing right oh you know look at this weather terrible isn't it don't know why we live here you know hopefully it'll be hot today oh it's going to be roasting today oh it's still too hot isn't it you know yeah it's also the conversation at the moment at the moment for every parent is uh can't wait for them to go back to school do you know what i mean i don't want to be one of those knobs but we are but we are yeah i i obviously can't wait for them to go you're out of parents i love them i love them and we've had a great time but it's wearing thin now yeah it's just I've got stuff to do yeah which they've ruined your husband being one of them yeah exactly yeah that went out of a small window completely well yeah oh well good let's not how dare you I thought you had a spring and you stepped a small bit no don't worry you can keep complaining no okay no it's alright mind you I've been looking at all the headlines about us recently you know this podcast is you know the whole nation thinks we're on the rocks can i can i just read you on the rocks or on the cocks it's like abby can't see freaking the sheets yeah it's either like me like a raven horn bag or we're getting divorced so um i was looking for an image the other day and so i typed in my name i wasn't googling myself again oh yeah don't worry about that but i wasn't googling no i wasn't i was showing i was actually showing lucinda a hair colour ask Jeeves my age google me no I was just looking for a hair colour and there's one particular picture of me likely story that I like so I googled it this is just the comments the headlines that are in all the national news over the last month the worst thing is we completely say it like we do say it yeah but why don't read the press so I'm like it's shocking like have people calling me up I haven't spoke to you from until you're everything okay Abikanti says Peter Crouch is nowhere to be seen has he crept off to new love Abikanti says where are you going has Crouch crept off to his new love Abikanti tells Peter Crouch I'll dump you after he makes foul mouth threat foul mouth threat I often think that about you you and your foul mouth Abikanti gives Peter Crouch an ultimatum and fans say it does make sense Abikanti says don't you dare as she warns Peter Crouch he's on a thin line Abikanti says we're done as she shared candid family admission great headlines to be fair I'm intrigued I want to click on all of them I'm very intrigued Abhi Kanzi fumes her husband Peter Crouch as she admits her love is fading for him that's my favourite that's my favourite and then in the next breath Abhi Kanzi flashes her bum on the beach as she cosies up to hubby Peter Crouch does it say anything about my age defying physique yeah Abhi Kanzi says we're done in family life confession abucati tells peter crouch i thought you were having a affair after he goes missing where did you go it's golf and then we've got abucati and peter crouch share a passionate public display of affection as indie loving former footballer and blah blah but yet they're just so freaking contradictory no no literally everything they're completely factually correct we've said absolutely everything but the thing is a lot of it is tongue in cheek where did you creep off to for your new love I imagine it'd be oh it's tennis when you said you said I had a new love tennis I crept off before you woke up so we've said it's all factually correct but obviously in a cold light like that if you read that headline and said you know Peter's sneaking off to find it's the tone of voice you need the tone of voice when it's said don't you it's yeah but yeah it makes me want to click on it clickbait did I did I say I was leaving it yes I did how did she know about that at the time in the morning yeah early morning play date will you stop I'm sure you'll get some sick thrill out of this freak so yeah what's new I've got a weekly wine if you want me to start there okay yes I would like that yeah my weekly wine is basically the it's the bedtime routine now it's before before I go up to bed the the the summer I turn pretty is on already.

7:14And now she'd finished it and I thought, oh, thank God for that. We can get something on now. And she's gone back to the start. So she started on series three, you know, because she was watching Sophia.

7:26Abbey Clancy: No, I started halfway through series two. How did you do that? Because Sophia was watching it and I just had a cuddle in bed with Sophia. Okay, okay, okay. And then I started it and then like, I'm in. But I had to go back. God, how those boys have grown since series one. oh my god listen to her can you imagine I said something like that I'm a man not a boy can I just say this is double standards can you imagine I said something like that but these young girls are at school she has not she has not after balance hasn't she blossomed I'd be fucking locked up for that I'd be locked up divorced we divorced no but also I'd be locked up everyone would think I'm complete pervert why are women allowed to say stuff like that babe they're 18 it's fine it's wrong like twilight but all the mums fancy them no but it's even like when you watch titanic now you feel really wrong fancying um rose no not rose leonardo leonardo's like a child in it and i remember watching titanic for the first time and he was a man obviously i must have been a child i was like um but he was a man and i was like oh my god but now i look at it i'm like it's i can't fancy him anymore because he's a child, isn't it?

8:42Yeah, I know what you mean. My shoulders fancy.

8:44Abbey Clancy: Do we fancy older people as we get older? It becomes wrong, doesn't it, to go back? I always fancy people of my same age category or older, I would say. I've got friends who fancy girls who are like five years younger, so like mid-twenties, but for me, I want them. Yeah, but when I'm like, what am I, 44 now, and you're four or five years younger than me? Five years. yeah yeah you can't be fancy 50, 60 old birds no I'm joking unless your name's Kaz Doyle because she's an absolute milf rocket milf but you no men's going to turn down a younger chick to fancy let's just be honest I don't know have you ever spoken to a younger person my little brother sometimes I struggle to have a conversation with that's different connections innit imagine you took a young girl out on a date and she just looked at her phone the whole time you're googling who he was Peter Crouch's greatest goals stop moaning grandad well obviously you're going that's way too young obviously did you have a weekly one for Peter before we go into pervy territory I've actually finished mine oh sorry Peter basically yeah she basically dominates the television now because it's like not not an option to change so I'm just saying you want me with you most of the time at all times yeah so now things are going to have to change I'm going to have to go downstairs and watch stuff no you're not I am well no well you've changed the telly can I just say Ross I don't want to see bad things before bed all these Netflix dramas it's murder it's this it's that it's gang warfare but we put on the gathering last night you could not I stayed up till one in the morning we were there all night I'll tell you what my weekly wine is just to all these producers out there.

10:39Abbey Clancy: Why do I never get cast for these Scouse dramas? I know. Do you know what? I agree. My friend who I went to dance school with, Jodie, she's, has anyone seen The Gathering? No, I haven't. It's amazing. It's set in Liverpool, Birkenhead, which is actually not Liverpool, but there you go. Wool territory. We're going to lose all our Birkenhead fans. um and she wants to be a gymnast and she's very good but you know this is full of tragedy this show but it's highlighting a lot of problems that go on you know on the phone drugs bullying um yeah immigration societal problems societal problems it's a it's all but it's so gripping it's incredible but my friend who I used to go to the Harlequin Road show with Jodie yeah she was in it and I haven't seen her for 30 years yeah but she's on me fucking tell you now no longer than 30 how terrible is that they've got memories longer than 30 years ago 30 years I must have seen her no she came on and said that there's Jodie yeah she knew her name straight away right I know and she's fabulous she was fabulous in it but I I often wonder why I don't get a little call up for these Scouse dramas.

12:02Abbey Clancy: Even like a little cameo, like Maya Jammers. I think it's in the new Mobland or the other one. The Gentleman, something like that. Guy Ritchie thing. Best City is ours. They're making a new series of that. You could be on there. I'd love to be in that. Yeah, it could be some MILF. Books and Barmaid, maybe. Books and Barmaid. Yeah, but you're not kissing anyone. I don't want to kiss anyone. Well... I could be like a school teacher or... No, I think you should be like Peggy, Peggy Mitchell, but like behind the bar. You fucking what? Get him out the pub, lad. No, not that scouse. No, I'd like to play...

12:38Abbey Clancy: I wouldn't like to play a bimbo because that would be the stereotypical part to give me, I guess.

12:46Yeah, well... Yeah. I think no acting experience is one of the reasons.

12:57Abbey Clancy: listen I could easily do that I think you'd be fantastic don't get me wrong I think you'd be I think you'd be great but I think you know I think producers would like to see you do some acting that little boy from Adolescent Adolescent he wasn't an actor you know there's people on no there's people there's people on Yellowstone and things like that who are just locals not actors depends if you're just passionate realism that's what that's called realism yeah real locals I think you'd be good even like a little cameo like picture the scene like the guy from the city is ours is in a car chase bumps into the back of my car and I get out gets details for the insurance exit pretty blonde yeah enter pretty blonde stage exit left straight away yeah do you just bump into my car Tom Hardy crashes into you yeah can you park this for me yeah exactly yeah so if anyone's listening I'd give it a little whirl yeah I bet you would I'd like to listen I can help you you know I've done various acting roles I was in the AbFab movie big deal

14:09if you need if you need help if you need help with everything you know I mean that's the kind of stuff I've done loads of stuff like that oh yeah that was class that was class

14:19Abbey Clancy: I was in the AbFab movie and I was the I was a voice on Trolls and you were in the Paddy Power of it you and Barry Barry and Barry were fantastic yeah you know she was a voice on Trolls you know seriously

14:36that was amazing that that was really good yeah yeah yeah I did know that actually I'll be here yeah right at the start of Trolls

14:41Abbey Clancy: opening scene opening scene hey Mr Papi something like that hey King Papi wait up Papi or something wasn't it wait up King Papi yeah that was it that was good that yeah very good James Buddy Corden gets all them voiceovers he was in that I know what was the other one you did Ab Fab that was a good little role for you next to Jennifer Saunders wasn't it in the cinema or something and you told us shut up you and your mum are quite like Ab Fab together aren't you yeah alright then babe well cheers here's the producers fucked a lot of them and Scouse dramas and it's the Scouse dramas I'm Scouse I'm full of drama yeah you are certainly are

15:23sorry just off Off camera there. I just, I've got to tell the audience what happened there. No, obviously Sam's working away on his laptop. We're talking to him. He's playing Roblox.

15:37Abbey Clancy: Because that's what I just assume all the bloody teenagers are doing. Yeah. You're not wrong. Really tickle me. I don't know why that tickled me so much. I'm just imagining him playing Roblox. He could be, but we know he shows your screen. How many Robux have you got there? He is working. He is working. All right. Hi, Abby and Peter. I was literally discussing icks with my friend the other day. And what gives me the ick is that really awkward walk people do when they go bowling. They've bowled the bowling ball and then watched the ball go down and awkwardly walked back with everyone watching. It's like, do they just leisurely walk back?

16:11Do they run back with a little cheer? My friend gets the ick from guys if they drop something and then go to pick it up. She genuinely stopped seeing a guy because she got the ick from him doing that. Keep up the great podcast.

16:24Abbey Clancy: What if he picks it enough from dropping it? I mean, if you dropped a five, I'm definitely picking it up. Yeah, I think that's kind of good. That's okay. The bowling one, isn't it? The bowling one in general gives me the ick to you. It's an awkward walk back. I love bowling. Because, you know... I run there and run back. Yeah, but I'm shit at bowling. As a bloke, you're assuming to be kind of better than a girl at bowling. I got beat by a girl at bowling once. It wasn't good. No, that's not good. Can I imagine you're not good at bowling? Well, I've now got better since I got people back in. Yeah, I bet, I bet.

16:54Can't go on a date and lose. No, yeah. As a man, I... I let you in and wanted you to feel good. Yeah, that's not good. But you know like that one where you just hit clip one or it goes down the gully?

17:07Abbey Clancy: I put them things up so that never happens to me. Yeah, the thing is... I just don't think there's any point in playing without those things. Agreed. It's like, it's impossible. Yeah, I know. It's impossible. I'm well with that beyond that, to be honest. I like a little ricochet off it and then get a strike. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. I've actually got footage of me throwing a ball backwards between my legs and getting a strike. Go away. Complete freak. Where was that? It was years ago. We used to go bowling quite a bit, didn't we? Yeah, when we used to live in Cheshire. Is that quite like a footballer's thing, bowling?

17:42Because I've met a few people off the other side. You had your own ball?

17:47Abbey Clancy: That's a bloody ick. Jesus Christ. That's an ick. find a little bag for it it's like that fucking Nessar polishing it a little bag Julesy bought him it for like a 30 or something yeah I thought that was a footballer thing yeah because we used to go all the time do you know what I was like Julesy I you know for whatever reason I decided to not have a licence for six months and over those six months my mate was driving for me but he used to go bowling he said mate I'm getting right into this he's classy so we used to go quite a lot and then when I was at Villa David Bentley is it we used to always go with me, Gareth Barry Lee Hendry on the end yeah Jay Lloyd big Stefan Posma it was good fun we used to go all the time did Hendry join the team yeah he ended up I think he's got the best squad I've ever seen it was obviously you know you get the extra spare at the end you get three you got three strikes at the end most strikes I think it was all strikes maybe one half unbelievable score do you think there's any skill to it yeah oh my god what do you mean yeah unreal any sports yeah and what the skill is really is that I go I go like straight down the middle and try and get I throw mine in the air and it plunks down have you seen the curl sorry the curl technique that's the proper one no I'm with Abbie no the proper curl it goes along the side and then whips in I launch mine as far as it'll go so it just lands and almost I think it's a knit I think if you go bowling with a guy and the goods that's impressive but if you go out with a guy who's in a bowling team and practices bowling in the shed that is a huge I was just saying bowling ball you want your guy to be good at bowling as a fluke you don't want them practising it practising bowling is an absolute do you know any scousers who are going in a bowling team I do not no no but listen I don't play I don't go bowling but I can play listen I can play yeah yeah you can well you can do anything you are never seen you bad at any sport but the walk back what do we think on the walk back I can't know what she means by that no I totally agree because you've got to back up in reverse and look at the ball as it's going and go like and they always do that yeah I don't mind it's that one you know where they do something good and then they they go and they do a little dance it's the dance isn't it I sent you that meme that meme thing the other day where girlfriends were secretly filming meeting their boyfriends I thought it was lovely that what was that so so girlfriends were like meeting obviously arranging to meet their boyfriend no not for the first time just say like oh I'll meet you at you know yeah San Carlo yeah San Carlo at 7 o 'clock and they're walking like through the crowd and then he sees his girlfriend and they just walk like that and then they go and then they're like but there was loads it was so it was like his face when he sees me but that's what was giving you the ick no no it was nice like every single man and it's even like daughters doing it with their dads so they're just in a shopping precinct and he's like you can see they're bored stiff the fellas and then they see like the missus or daughter and they go and they do like a little dance or like a moonwalk and you just think men are so stupid aren't they oh I've just thought of a Nick for you but then I saw I saw the flip side of that is woman sees white husband for the first time have you seen that one no fuck it literally like what do they do they go like that and they're smiling to someone they don't know and then they go like that and they go and their face just dropped.

21:19I was just, the exact part of the opposite. It's like their face just dropped. She's like,

21:24Abbey Clancy: get in the car. Where's your fucking card? Where's your fucking card? I need you. Come here. I need you. Where have you been? Where have you been? What time did you call this? Late. But like, they're talking to a stranger, beaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Standard. Yeah. I've got a nick actually for you. Pete's coined this new saying that he keeps saying all the time. that's what I do. That's what I do. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, he saw something, he goes, that's what I... So me and Luke, when you all came round to Lucinda's the other night, you'd all been to golf with the boys and you had young Jack with you and a few of the young boys, the teenagers.

22:04Abbey Clancy: And we were, I was looking at Lucinda's new curtains in the bedroom. So then we saw you pull up, so we were looking out the window at you. And one of the teenagers had a song on and you were trying to guess it. And like to be cool for the teenagers, you were going, that's what I do. That's just what I do. But every time you're around teenage boys, you keep saying it. Teenage boys? It's driving me mad. No, do you know what? I was really excited. When you're playing golf or something, that's just what I do. That's just something like, me and Lucy were like, oh, what's he doing? It's just what I do.

22:42I knew it was cool.

22:45Abbey Clancy: Where's this come from? No, it's just I was very excited because they played a song and James said, Peter will get this. And then I got it. That made me incredibly proud. I got very overexcited and I said, that's just what I do. Basically. Do you think it's like a cool trendy thing? Because it genuinely is only to young 'uns. You say it. Potentially, yeah. I just want them to like me. I think I'm cool. Approval. I want them to think I'm cool. You are cool. So guys, before we get into the rest of the podcast, you're going to be hearing from our sponsors. We're going to make a quick cup of tea. And remember, if you're liking what you're listening to, share it with all your friends and hit that red button.

23:28Abbey Clancy: Sexy bum.

23:32At Boar's Head, we've been going back to school for over 115 years. And this year, every school lunch is reason to celebrate. with the flavours your kids love and the exceptional quality you expect. Helping you make school lunch fresh, easy and delicious. Ring the bell. The deli is open. Boar's Head. Committed to craft since 1905. Okay, San Marino, Two Meter and Scott. Just listen to the podcast with being comfortable with your partner. I've been with my wife Nicola for 10 years this year and married for four, but I physically couldn't go back to being how we were when we first met. We used to fall asleep cuddling every single night, hold farts in till she left and was sickeningly soppy with each other, talking all day.

24:29Fast forward to now, if she touches me in bed, I sweat, or she tells me to fuck off my side of the bed. Let rip when and where we want and we barely speak in the day now. It gives me the ick thinking back. That said, she is a fucking phenomenal wife and mum to our beautiful daughter Indy and is a stone cold fox that I'm happy to admit I'm punching with even if she's got a smelly arse. Thanks, Scott. So he says it's better now than it was when they first...

25:00Abbey Clancy: That's nice. I like it. Oh, we're a bit more comfortable with each other now. Yeah, I think that podcast seemed to divide I had a lot of listeners, a lot of people were either like kind of rigid, it has to be this way, or a lot of people were like Scots saying, I'm glad that we're the other way. I think it's good to be comfortable, but you still need to have a little bit of mystery and some boundaries. Yeah. Although I haven't got any mystery, have I? Yeah. You know everything about me. Well, you don't pop in front of me, do you? I don't pop full stop. Once you pop, you can't stop. Yeah. Okay.

25:35Okay. Hi guys. just on the topic of conflict resolution you might need a patrick i saw a post about this couple who have invented a maid called patrick so instead of blaming one another they blame patrick and can both slag patrick off and laugh about it but actually it's getting the message through to the guilty person in an indirect funny way the only issue is when i discussed this with my partner he said Patrick isn't gender neutral name and therefore I was wanting the maid to be male which would suggest males are more at fault. Call it Pat, Pat's gender neutral. So disagreement at first hurdle however overcome I would call the maid Patrick and he would call it Patrice.

26:16Patrice is a boy now. Patrice F maybe. Yeah Pat's the ideal story.

26:22Abbey Clancy: It's like that guy you met on holiday and his name was Morris but it was spelt M-A-U-R-I-C-E Maurice Maurice Maurice that's Maurice isn't it but it's Maurice is it yes but you call him Maurice that's his name that's his name's Maurice no but it's spelt Maurice just tickle me yeah yeah I play golf with him but I put obviously he said hi lovely to meet you my name's Maurice so I wrote M-O-R-I-S yeah yeah yeah it's like you spell it I said, oh, you spell it Maurice. So do you know, I met a guy the other day and his name is spelt Louis. So L-O-U-I-S. And it was named... So no, Louis is his name, like Louis IV, France, whatever.

27:13So his dad's name was Louis. But his dad was born illiterate and didn't know how to spell his own name and said they want to name his son after me. So on his birth certificate, wrote L-O-U-I-S, thinking it was Louis. so he's pronounced Lewis but his name is spelt Louis

27:30Abbey Clancy: it's just in fact that's cute yeah it's cute it's cute it's cute for sure but like Maurice in that instance that is spelt Maurice I like the name Maurice yeah I do but yeah my dad wants to be called Tony he loves that name Jack wants to be called Tom Tom? I don't mind does he lie? I don't know he said to me the other day he said to me he said dad because I haven't got a middle name he said can it be Tom it can be Tom John doesn't have a little name either. So I said, I said, yeah, if you want that, you can have it. That's my granddad's name. So he's just calling himself Jack Tom Crouch. Fair. My little brother's Thomas James, so his nickname's TJ.

28:09Oh, that's nice. TJ's a nice nickname, isn't it?

28:11Abbey Clancy: Yeah. TJ Hooker. I like the name Kenny for a girl. Kenny? No. This is Ab's favourite game she could play. That reminds me of Kensington. Kenny, yeah. Yeah, Kenny. Just a quick one. I wrote in my notes, it's just fleshed off actually. something Ab said the other day she said I was just reviewing the pod there I'm so quick witted aren't I she is when she wants to be she is I will give her that when I'm in the mood I'm so quick witted aren't I all three of us have our day sometimes we're all on different forms do people keep saying I'm a high maintenance moaner yeah sure yeah that as well that too you are witty she's a witty high maintenance moaner but I'm not It's this pod that makes me high maintenance.

28:55It's only because you can see yourself.

28:57Abbey Clancy: No, it's not. It is. It's because we talk about our weekly wines, our agony abs. Okay. Do you want me to say you're not high maintenance? I'm demanding that you say. Would you want someone who was just like a complete doormat? Because I wouldn't. Not a complete doormat, no. okay strong willed i'd say i've read a lot of people friends and family you know what you've got with me there's no hidden agenda so anyway getting into today's episode we're going to be talking all things back to school but i thought so you could actually be involved um we're going to put a different spin on this because obviously i'm the one doing the uniform shops the pencil case buying the labeling of everything the schedule i've bought planners and everything I've written everything down what they're doing what clubs it's all in the diary thanks to Claire not for me I will not take credit for that but yeah anything you'd like to add sister?

30:02I'd like to say your pencil cases look great they do I'm very proud of you there obviously it's my Amazon account so I have actually bought all the stuff I have

30:16Abbey Clancy: can you put Amazon on my phone? it's not that hard I've been asking you for them bloody cat nappies the whole time. I don't know why you just don't have it on your phone. I don't. Like the entire planet has it. I know. And can you put it on for me? Yeah, I'll do it right now. Because I need you to get them cat nappies. Lovely. Lovely. Genuinely, our cat nappies. Our cats are getting old now and they are literally pissing all over the house. Our friends, Jason and Stacey, they do a Sunday, a Monday, a Monday Sunday. Yes. I think we've talked about this before. We have, we have. but that's like one of the things that they're so excited such a good idea they get the kids to school on obviously on a Monday and then go back to bed and have a Monday like a Sunday that's nice though and they'll do a roast for each other and stay in bed watching box sets and have it just to chill just for them to like being single again you know what I mean or just being being single like you know what I mean not single no kids no kids yeah like being kind of free again isn't it yeah we should do Sunday Monday good idea that Monday you do your um peter crouch pod on a monday though don't you yeah i could do it you do i'll do myself a roast monday to thursday is that a joke sit on my amazon and do an absolute joke do you know what i know it's i've talked about it a million times the one thing i'm so excited about is emptying my house after summer before christmas i love doing getting in the playroom getting all the broken toys all the toys that they don't use anymore to charity or you know nurseries i give them to then all the kids clothes that they've grown out of so i can get the wardrobes ready for the winter stuff and it makes me so happy doing it i've just ordered three rails well claire did because your amazon's not working talking of amazon it's not it's not I've never known anyone by so many rails rails and skips I just don't know how we're going to get back into the routine I don't mind that little that mad rush in the morning right say we get up at what 7 6.30 7 and then you've got like that hour of absolute carnage like getting their hair done getting them dressed breakfast teeth done brushing the teeth that kind of thing but it's an hour of carnage and then they're out and then it's calm I don't mind it.

32:40Abbey Clancy: But we always say like, oh, we miss them so much. The house is so quiet. Yeah. Been waiting 10 weeks for this and then you kind of. Then you miss them. But I don't get like how, I can barely get washed before the school run. Because we just don't have time. You know, it's getting them all ready, getting the bags packed, getting them fed, teeth brushed, hair done, all met with resistance. And then you get to the school and there's like, mums with like, curly blows, false eyelashes on, you know, incredible outfits. I literally love winter because I literally throw a big coat over my pyjamas. I was going to say that to you.

33:14Because as a kid, I remember obviously going and dropped off at school in Liverpool. It was either full glam mums or your ma in pyjamas and like the thingies. But there was no judgment on either side. Well, there probably were. But do you know what I mean? That was just the vibe. But I imagine like down south it might be a little bit different. Is it like kind of mums turning off and PJs at the school or?

33:33Abbey Clancy: No, no. Jim here's the new PJs. That's true. That's true. Jim is the new PJ, yeah. Get away with it. I always opt to take the girls because it's a drop-off system so I don't have to get out the car. Nice. So, you know, I don't even have shoes on sometimes. Literally no shoes. I don't even have shoes on. I have seen you go in the police dressing gown once. Yeah. In the heart. That's normal, like, thing. That's a normal thing. Yeah, but it's not like in a scruff way. It's just... No, it's police dressing gown. You're in the car. You stayed in the car. Yeah, I am. I envy those mums who are just like perfect.

34:12What time are they getting up? What time are they getting up to do that?

34:15Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I know. But I appreciate it. I do like the obligatory team photo by the front door on the first day of turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go have it. With the dogs and everything. It's the rules, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, it makes me sad that because they're like, they're all higher than the first seam in the door now. you could do September every year and you could build a like a each year how they've grown oh really that's clever so if you go if you went on September on the photos because we've done one every year I imagine everyone's done it it'd be a nice thing to kind of go you know from nursery right the way through to well I want to do this for the kids for Christmas and you need your boat picture do you know who they have that boat picture as well we've said every year we're going to recreate that how do you know that picture when are you going for a wee in my bathroom what it's behind my toilet oh is it sorry we were looking through old pictures of the kids when we were in in Greece yeah because we had like we've had no iPads the whole summer no iPads or phones which has just been great although we've hardly done any school work whatsoever like the kids are reading books now wow we've had a big U-turn haven't we we turned the page we were looking turned the page yeah we were having looking at the pictures of the kids throughout the years and some of the kids couldn't remember that that time because they were like three months old and we said for Christmas we're going to do them all a book each from like birth to now so we must do that it's a lovely idea that yeah you got one for me didn't you we'll pick every the ugliest picture possible see this is the problem this is also why we haven't recreated that picture that one is recreated every year because every time I go to do it every time I go to the same restaurant oh I don't look good today and like when are we ever gonna you know when are you ever gonna look good no he's like shit every day can't even can't all be you Peter Crouch no because I'm just less bothered just let's just take a picture what about the mum's group chats have they all started picking up again oh my god I'm a capacity with the brain I'm a brain capacity are you with organisation oh I don't know how you do it you know every single one of my children has got a different activity each day after school.

36:37Abbey Clancy: Timings, locations. The activities are inside. Just even writing them in to the, and I've got these mums like mid-August. Right, we need this bag for the school. You can get the things to label or engrave your pencils from this website. Just a daily reminder that this is happening from now till frigging March. So the group chats stay active over the holidays? we'll get the odd little picture having a great time in Greece or we're on holiday Mia says hi two weeks before term starts they start leaking in a little bit I'm so jealous of it they're so good these women we laugh about them but I could not cope without my class WhatsApp groups that's a good thing though if you think about it those WhatsApp groups must be fairly new past 5-10 years imagine like 20 years ago none of that going yeah but I also think that you know that would be easier in some ways sorry I think it's easier in some ways not having that because you just it's always like just societal pressure and you also feel bad I used to get letters you wouldn't know would you yeah you wouldn't know how shit you were you'd think you're doing a great job yeah yeah because if you weren't on the WhatsApp you'd go oh you know that's right Susan's just done all this it's like social media in her senses yeah and you go like oh now then you feel guilty and you're like well actually you know if you're just shit and didn't know you were shit.

38:01Not even shit. I don't think you're not... No, yeah. If you weren't doing as much as Susan. Yeah. If you haven't done as much as her, it's like, it doesn't matter, does it? Because you don't know. You're right. You've got a good point.

38:11Abbey Clancy: Yeah. Because I remember when I was in school, they'd give you a letter, wouldn't they, on a Friday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To go home with everything that was... Due for the next day. Yeah. It also gets to a certain level, like Sophia, for instance, now. She forgets something. That's on her. She's 14 years old now. Agreed. Do you know what I mean? like you pack your own bag. But it's not on her though, it's on me. Why? If I don't oversee everything, nothing gets done and that's the truth. Yeah, but what I'm saying is that, you know, she'll soon learn if she goes in every day and has the wrong stuff to make sure because the teachers will tell her.

38:45Abbey Clancy: It's like we were watching that gathering last night and like the kids, like the dad had like two jobs and he was working and the teenager was like looking after the eight-year-old boy and she was so switched on and streetwise and like morally correct and grown up and I just think sometimes we probably give our kids too much I don't mean as in materialistic things in terms of kind of like we take away a lot of their response like when I was 14 I used to babysit like even you Ross yeah I remember like my whole family like babies I would clean the house top to bottom I could make a roast dinner like there's no way I am leaving my kids with Sophia.

39:29Yeah. Really?

39:31Abbey Clancy: No, no one. Nah, she's not there. Do you know what? No, she's... I was not sure about leaving the kids with her, but... No, she couldn't babysit for us. She could look after herself. She makes her own dinners and stuff now. Yeah. I think she's really health conscious and she makes her own... Because she eats like an athlete. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she helped last night. I loved last night's dinner, did you? Really nice. You don't love fajitas, do you? Yeah, I did. Don't you? I prefer tacos. my birthday tea pieces actually me mum always makes them for me on my birthday I like tacos personally yeah soft taco or hard taco the hard shell taco the break I don't know we'll talk about that later really spicy yeah mince meat cheese spicy taco but last night we had such a lovely meal Sophia made homemade guacamole she made a homemade salsa then I made she cut the chicken and we made the meal together and all sat down because that's a big thing for me, everyone sitting down together because they just walk around, don't they?

40:33I've seen that actually in your household. You do do that quite well, I would say. Sitting down together? Your meals together. No, at least your kids anyway and sometimes like Peter will either sub in or you will sub in. Like you do do that well. Well, I think it's important to do that, isn't it?

40:45Abbey Clancy: I think it's a lovely thing to do and you just talk about like what you've done in the day. Yeah. What was your favourite thing? What was your best thing that happened today? and what did you enjoy? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's hard to get stuff out of kids though, isn't it? It can be, it can be. But what about the politics of the playground, the parents' playground politics? Do you ever get involved in that or not? Do you kind of try and remove yourselves from it? Do you know what? We've been so lucky in our school and that's the truth. I've got some really, like my friends are mainly from the school.

41:18Abbey Clancy: I've got great friends in Sophia's old school, which is now Lib School. I've got great friends in Sophia's school. Yeah. and like my best friends are from the boys school. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, we're very, very lucky because I know that kind of thing goes on, like mum wars. Does it, so does it go on though? Oh yeah. But even if you're not involved in it, could you give us like what goes on that you see? Like is it terms of people fancying teachers or make sales? No, it's more like the mums are at each other, aren't they? Oh, I think. Fall out and stuff. Do they? I think mums get pally, big time pally, and then they have a big time fall out.

41:54Okay, okay. Have you seen Motherland, that TV show? That's really good. That's kind of like that vibe. They're all trying to keep up with the Joneses, the mothers, you know, like the kids has got to be doing bake sales and one mum turns up with, you know, frigging high school quality grade cupcakes and one can't do like one vibe. That's really good.

42:13Abbey Clancy: No, it definitely goes on. But I just... I just say to her, have you got to stay out of all that? You can't get involved. I don't like that though. Because I've, you know, there have been a couple of incidents. yeah with me involved where it's hard to know if like your kid doesn't get invited to a party yeah yeah yeah and you're like i have to say there was i don't know if we've talked about this before there was one there was one thing it was one of the funniest thing we'd had a few drinks right and someone i think we thought that these this these people these parents group of parents thought we were twats right and and thought we were twats to the fact that who do they think they are kind of thing.

42:51Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we played on the fact that we, who do we think we are, right? So this is the shout. They text and said, can you make this so-and-so? And she goes, sorry. And I think Av said, reply this. And it was, sorry, we were at Elton and David's tonight.

43:09That is fucking good content. That is how you do it. Love it. Sorry, guys, we were at David and Elton's that night.

43:18Abbey Clancy: Yeah, you may laugh, But Pete does call Elton's house phone. I mean, that is... I mean, that's good for viewers. That is good. That is good. I was just playing right into the fact... Well done, well done. We were giving exactly what they were. And then you could see them typing and then start... Are we going to invite this, babe? Then type again. Listen to this. Try and top up. Who do they think they are? So funny. I'm not joking. I'll get me laughing about half an hour for that. That's one of your best fucking bits of I'd start. that's an old school so it's not the schools we're in now oh yeah that was a long that was a long time we actually left the school because I think they thought we were that much we're not getting invited anyway but I did but this school as well was like a drop off system school so you never got to meet any of them but they'd all come to their own conclusions on us and painted this picture of us being complete arseholes you said that in the past haven't you you kind of like you said well I left the school because of that because it was like Like it was kind of the vendetta was against us and then it filtered down to Sophia, didn't it?

44:22Abbey Clancy: And then we were just like, forget that. Oh, good. Ultimately, you just want your kids to be happy. And I think for us, we're very lucky in our school environments that they've all got great friends. I think everyone's happy now. The kids are happy, we're happy. That's such a funny story. Oh, it's brilliant. Just really played into the fact that they were like, we just assumed that they were thinking, who do they think they are? Should they have a clad? and Peter says he can't make it. Sorry, just a message here from our PA. We won't be able to make it. Yeah. We're at David Elton's white party that evening.

44:57Abbey Clancy: Hilarious. Okay, before we jump into the rest of the pod, I think this feels like a pretty good place to take a break and listen to our sponsors. Yeah. And if you are enjoying this content, because it is top quality content, by the way. Absolutely. Hit follow, it makes sense, and share it with your friends. So any final kind of words of encouragements for families or parents going on the... I'd just say you've got this. Yeah. You've got this. There's no right or wrong. Don't compare yourselves to people. Do your best. And as long as your kid, as long as your child is loved and happy, then who gives a damn?

45:31Yeah, and there's no wrong or right.

45:32Abbey Clancy: Look at us, we didn't do any homework or any exams. And look at us. I would say there's no wrong or right. You just got to do whatever time, you get up that works for you you know whatever the homework you can do can't do i mean whatever works for you as long as you're happy in your home life and the kids are happy that's all that matters yeah and very very much trying to not sweat the small stuff and more of a less philosophical answer would be or just be organ organization okay for me like top tip i just like to have everything planned the night before so that hour of chaos in the morning you're not packing bags looking for shoes looking for that p kit yeah i think before you go to even if you you know you've come home from you've got the kids you're coming from work you're exhausted if you can just get the stuff by the door yeah that just i totally agree that obviously that's not the way i would go about things because i would i organize the bags this company doesn't have a calendar No, exactly.

46:37Abbey Clancy: And Pete drops them off at school and leaves the bags in the boot. Yeah. So I've even banned them from putting the bags in the boot now because I'm like, Pete, you get to the school and you forget they're in the boot. So what I was going to say before I got really interrupted again was the fact that I really appreciate that Abbie does that because I, in the morning, I wake up and go, fuck, we've got half an hour. And then I go there and I go into the room and Ab's laid out the bag and the uniform. And I go, oh that's if she goes to work early or something like that and i'm on my own and the fact that you see that and the bag packed by the door and you're like i love i really love you yeah but this is before that when i'm like he's like oh why do you always have to be organized you're always stressing you're always wearing it but you do appreciate it really no that's what i'm saying i was that's what i was trying to say and i am the least like some some moms have on on our group are so helpful because you know when you get a list and you forget things that are on a list some of the mums in our group will take a picture of what goes in the pee bag the cost of it as well mad isn't it you know when we were in school you could just go to M &S and get a five pack of shirts and the shorts and it'd be like three for a tenner which is great three shirts for£10 now like with our school you have to have everything embroidered so the price is a joke I think they brought a law in actually to protect that the government to say because I completely agree with you and you're not allowed to charge XMOM for school uniforms anymore which is a good thing very good do you know we were away there was a Dutch family there and I was chatting to a fellow and he said they live in London they're going to move back to the Netherlands and I was like you know why and he said the school system he said it's mental he said the pressure that you guys put your kids under and like the exams he said I don't want my kid he said the uniform he said why do you do it and I went I've no idea to be honest the uniform does work for a lot of working class students I think the uniform's a good idea because it stops a lot of bullying what are you wearing what have you got why haven't you got designer but the pressure side of the thing sorry because I was a teacher for a couple of years in Spain and like compared to our English school system it's completely different and I agree with that point however uniforms I do agree with I saw this thing on Instagram um the other day and it was something like you know he didn't care if his child got straight a's he wanted his child to be confident kind happy um and he said it doesn't impress me if a child gets a stars in her exams because all that proves is that they're they're obedient and they can memorize what's put in front of them you know it's not like it's not the end of the world if you don't do that certain subjects lend themselves to certain grades better as well so physics or kind of like those really mathematics lend themselves better to high like star grades but things i did spanish and i remember getting like b's and c's and they said yeah but they said to me now i speak that's bad yeah now i speak kind of fluent spanish to be fair but they said to me that shows that you're kind of you didn't put all your pressure on yourself into school you did it and socialised and stuff like that.

49:56Abbey Clancy: Yeah, that's what I'm... I wasn't saying that disrespectfully. I thought you'd be A star. Yeah, no, so at GCSE, it was A's, but then when I did my A levels, it was B's and C's. Yeah, but now you're completely fluent in Spanish. How often would you write an essay in Spanish? No, no, but I probably could, but they said, for me, it's more of your... My teacher sat me down and said, you show an outgoing, extroverted side of your personality that you need to study languages because you need to have the confidence to go and do X, Y, and Z. now my socialization caused me to do worse than me a levels if you know what i mean socializing yeah yeah yeah shagging but if you were to do maths or physics or whatever you do need to get those yeah but that's different if you because if you need to be a doctor but that was what was explained to me anyway that's what my teacher told me yeah are you are you dyslexic no not at all not at all no because so fair is because we we've had like conflicting theories because apparently people who are dyslexic should stay away from languages.

50:56Abbey Clancy: But then when she did her exam, in Spanish they said it's incredible. I suppose it depends on what language that you're studying potentially. Spanish, I'm going to need you as a tutor. Yeah, that's fine. But I've never heard of that. I studied with dyslexic people at uni and that was never a thing that I was told about. Oh. But you do need a personality side of humanity. Oh, well, she's fucked then. Yeah, yeah. Joke. yeah i don't know i just i don't know when i had a long chat with him he's just he just thinks it's a little bit outdated yeah yeah just if you think about like all the people that are successful now you know have started their own businesses i'd never got anyone taught me how to start my own business yeah no one taught me how to kind of um you know do the things that that nowadays like technology is so important like if you can you i couldn't i didn't use a laptop didn't use a computer we still don't babe we did half an hour computer studies or something on a Thursday yeah but don't forget you were studying in maybe the 80s or 90s maybe they were less prevalent but are they doing it now I don't know I think they are a little bit but then again you've got the problem of well certain children who have access to those technologies that other kids don't have access to you know if you're in a working class again background you might not have access to a laptop or an iPad etc but a lot of their homework's getting set on an iPad which I personally disagree with but alright babe some egg in the abs Yes.

52:19Can you kick us off?

52:20Abbey Clancy: I can. I ain't talking like that. Just because you very rarely read. I read three books on holiday. I know you did, but I'm just talking on therapy. No, because I get put under pressure. Actually, I don't, producers. I can read under pressure. Yeah. Hi, guys. Firstly, thank you for the laughs and get me through the summer holidays. Advice needed. I'm with a gorgeous guy, 16 years younger than me, for the past three and a half years. He's 28 and I'm 44. Crazy. Go, girl. the first three years were amazing and I was always the centre of attention and he would go out and he would be proud to be seen with me the past few months all he wants to do day and night is watch YouTube gaming videos or be on TikTok we do not talk and obviously I'm very bored being second best to a phone he says I'm only on social and at least I'm not messaging girls this is exactly what we just discussed going out with someone younger that they would be much more in tune with that.

53:18Abbey Clancy: Am I a fantasy MILF that is over or should I continue? As when it's good, it's good. Holidays away, we love each other's family, but when it's just us now, I feel non-existent. Should I be realistic and get out, thank you, and non? I see this a lot, you know, with... Do you not? You know, with... No, I do. You know, with the youngsters these days, I do feel like certain people, when they're together on their own, they're just on their phones. but like socially with other people I think they talk a lot more but I think when you're on your own it's like oh my chance to and then they both just do I probably don't think that's the issue anything to do with the age gap no I don't I think that's probably a very common problem in most relationships you know do you remember back in day it used to be like oh god back in day back in day back in day back in day back in day when there's no fucking tinctonet and there was no bloody tinctonet there's no bloody tint in it people be on them bloody xboxes and all I'm all reading newspapers yeah newspapers yeah an excuse to not talk to your wife yeah it's been going over generations tiddlywinks that's why golf was invented yeah can you remind me please of the age gap 28, 44 that's a difficult age gap I think in my opinion so 16 years if you're 40 to 56 is that as big of an issue than 20 to 44 I think not no probably not no I think there's I have a go you don't I like you just put the phone away what you're doing I'm working mainly you always say that but I am just working on your house getting a new kitchen I had the build rear yesterday yeah what's that done that's cool I like that it's the new new decor house new decor decor doll Is that what I'm going to say?

55:11Abbey Clancy: Can I have a dick or a dog? You know how dogs wiggle the tail? Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm doing. Do the shoulders. Snake hipster call me. Snake shoulders. We don't need to do anything. I was like... That pillar's going. That wall's going up. I heard her just knocking on the walls. You can get that. That can come down. I'll be walking around there with some toffee hammers. Oh, I used to love them toffee hammers. Remember that toffee you used to get at Christmas and whack it? yeah oh you're getting me some of that I love that I don't remember oh right yeah the little metal my granddaddy should have that yeah same licorice as well I think she I think he's too young I think that that particular point in life age gap is not going to work really I totally agree that's exactly what I think about that the age gap isn't necessarily an issue but at that age it is an issue are you still a kid he's going to go through his 30s and all that and you're going to be going through your menopausal 50s it's not on is it how dare you no but it's right though isn't it really you're going to be wanting different things call it a day I'd say I'm sorry life's too short I don't know we don't know what their situation do we well failing that that's the option I think what she said to us she should say to him I feel invisible like our interactions fizzled when you're at home I want you to be present make a fuss with me like you used to and if you don't feel like you can do that for whatever reason then maybe we should have a little break yeah hi Pete and Abby Me and my wife have been married seven years, and every time we host people at our house, it turns into a nightmare.

56:45She's a perfectionist. The table has to be immaculate, candles lit, wine in the right glasses, music at the perfect volume. Meanwhile, I'm the one sprinting around the supermarket 30 minutes before guests arrive, because she suddenly decided the napkins don't match. The kicker is, once people turn up, she acts completely chilled while I'm still sweating from moving furniture. We always end up having an argument before anyone rings the bell, and it kills the night for me. Do you guys get this? How do you avoid hating each other by the time people sit down for dinner? I have a perfect scenario for this.

57:20Go on. It's not similar because, you know, but Abby likes things to be done properly, which I totally get. Well, you say that,

57:29Abbey Clancy: but every night I do is a bloody disaster. Not really. If you do a spread, it's a good spread. Dinner parties are friends. It's a virgin and posh spread. When we go to our friends' houses, they do it so much better than me. Yeah, but they're actually posh. or pretenders to be posh. True that. True that.

57:46The perfect scenario for the man here is sit down, babe. Listen, I'll take care of it.

57:51Abbey Clancy: No. You go out, you get the booze and whatever. You just keep making up things to be out of the house until you get home for the final kind of five minutes when everything's done. There you go. I've got the drinks. You just go out. Yeah. I agree. I think if we... get under her feet I'm not going to say go to the pub but maybe go to the pub if we've got something on I've got all those dogs haven't I if we've got something on in our house and guests come in and I want everything to be immaculate the first thing I do is just throw Pete and the kids out the house so I take the kids out so that's exactly right so I'll just take the kids out not in a mean way go to the range and actually I'll get a lot no no they'll go like the farm or like it's not in a mean way is it no it's like I need you out so I can sort this and I go yeah that works for me come home usually great isn't it yeah and um the only thing you need to do is take the bins out and get the booze yeah heavy lifting jobs as well like that you need I think that's how my mum's at Crimbo as well really taking the water I think that's the best scenario you don't want me there and I don't want to be there you're not going to set the table as well as you're not going to dress the table as well as Abby's going to dress the table are you why don't you want to be there no because it's not so cruel no I love you but not when you're organising do you know what you should do Abby one year do a role reversal so you let Pete do all the dress of the house on the table.

59:10She couldn't do that.

59:11Abbey Clancy: I wouldn't even get any pleasure from that. She couldn't do it. Just pure pain. She literally couldn't do that. I think that would be like that. Imagine you went out a glass of wine with your mum or something and I just... You'd come back to me football, like napkins on the table. There wouldn't even be a fucking napkin. There wouldn't even be a night before. There's Steven Gerard cake in the middle.

59:34Abbey Clancy: I just even the thought of that to give me anxiety so anxious she couldn't handle it I'd want you to get like I'd want you to like rent a different house so it wasn't even in ours to do it just for the weekend I love the fact that you couldn't deal with me doing it it just pisses me off when you're chasing the butchers and everything I literally want to strangle them to death I've got another wine actually that I need to just get off my chest quickly you're your complete disregard for me liking rice. It's outrageous. I said, Pete, what do you want for your tea tonight? Neil's say so now. I go, no, we're not having that.

1:00:10No, I'm not having that. But like, she's going to butchers, right? And she said, I'll get those nice kebabs. No, I didn't.

1:00:14Abbey Clancy: I was going to do steak, but you said kebabs. No, but those kebabs, I love those kebabs. They're really nice. But for me, like I take them all off the kebab thing and I'll have them in rice and a bit of sweet chili. It's almost like a special fried rice that you mix off. Yeah, so with the kebabs in the rice phenomenal no she refused point blank refusal to buy rice I don't like rice I only like I only have what is that about I only have rice in a Chinese restaurant nice I don't or like a Chinese takeaway I don't yeah even when we get an Indian I don't eat the rice no I just have naan bread my issue is though here is that I like it and you don't actually have to eat it but I'm not making it extremely me just get one of those ones in the mickey i keep saying can i have that with rice you said no you can't

1:01:06you don't have to have it i like it i'll do it for you then you won't know i will it's been going on for years then all right just think about the rice situation uh we'll think about school i think you know good

1:01:21Abbey Clancy: Good luck to everyone getting back to school. And yet just remember guys do your best. Yeah. And send us your front door picks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. Just get them out there. Always enjoy a front door pick with your family. Yeah. That was good today. Looking forward to hearing how you got on with your first week back to school next week. Mm-hmm. You alright? I've got to go get... I'm a bloody blazer short. Are you? Yeah. I need to go in a minute so I've stopped gabbing. Alright. See you later. Very good. Very good. Ciao.

1:01:53At Boar's Head, we've been going back to school for over 115 years. And this year, every school lunch is reason to celebrate with the flavors your kids love and the exceptional quality you expect. Helping you make school lunch fresh, easy, and delicious. Ring the bell. The deli is open. Borzette. Committed to craft since 1905.