Bedroom Fantasy Fails, wild Drunken Stories & Are Peter and Abbey Moving To Portugal?

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0:59Restrictions and more terms at Lowe's.com slash my Lowe's Money Days. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and you don't know where to start? We've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc.

1:14Abbey Clancy: Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties. So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Taking care of your health just got easier. download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list.

1:57That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc.

2:22There are people that poo in the shop.

2:25Abbey Clancy: What? You can't be that drunk. You don't know what a toilet is. You can't be that drunk. You would mistake it. Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch. Ask me anything with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Me, Gaz. How are we, guys? All good. All good. Great. Great. You know what? I forgot to ask you something. Oh, yeah. when we were on the phone just before um you're the kittens the cats how are they doing in the kittens are lovely but um i'm just so disappointed the the mum is so wild you know it's hard so obviously they're in the garage they've got a crate and the mum's in with the baby so that they're in in the day she's feet she's an amazing mom she's feeding the babies the babies are coming on beautiful they're growing but you know every time i try and change the water or the food or let them out i get a mold to death um which is just breaks my heart really i just you know i've been trying to talk to her in cat language is just blinking at them you don't talk just blink at cats and if they blink back at you it's like i got you but it's just not overly working and she just just to rewind a little bit there so you've been blinking at the cat.

3:47Is that a thing? That's cat language. It's a thing, yeah.

3:50Abbey Clancy: Yeah, apparently so, yeah. But these kittens are the most beautiful things and they've had an eye infection, so I've had to, you know, I've got this big massive glove so I can reach in and grab the baby so I can clean their eye because I think she's so young, the mummy. She's inexperienced, so I have to, like, get one out quick and clean their eyes, put them back in. But obviously they're out at night and she goes out and that's when I can get them and get in and clean the cage but it's just like I just wish she'd trust me more I just love them it's going to be hard like letting them go and the kids have got all their friends here obviously Lucy's here the kids it's so funny people are like Johnny smashed something and he was really upset and Lucinda was like it's okay it's okay you know what do we say in our family?

4:43Abbey Clancy: accidents and the kids went her kids went happen and Jack went well my mum doesn't say that in our house I love it I don't do it in there and I'm like what the hell have you done that's so funny but I've just been surrounded by kids like Jack's friends from school I've moved in across the roads like 8am the doorbells go and there's like 10 kids in the house and I don't mind because it's like you know the more kids there are you know the more time I get on my own in theory because they're all playing together but the little baby the little baby boy I think he's like five so he just comes and so I just thought oh great all the kids are here they're playing footy they're on the pitch I'm just gonna have a little lie down and read my book but no I had this little boy with me he was gorgeous and he's like um do you ever sleep out here and i'm like no and he's like why not irish why not and i'm like oh don't know am i getting my muscadies but you could cut some spray on because it's so nice out here i'd sleep here then he's like where's crouchy can we call crouchy so yeah i'm face time i had I FaceTimed you, yeah.

6:01I was just sitting there with a random boy. A little tiny five-year-old.

6:06Abbey Clancy: And he's just like, every other word was Crouchy. He's like, where are you, Crouchy? What are you doing, Crouchy? What do you think of this, Crouchy? And he was just gorgeous. And then he was like, can you get in the pool with me? And I'm like, we've had this house for five years. I've never been in the pool. I'm not like a poolie person. And I was in the pool with like someone else's child.

6:28Abbey Clancy: going underwater trying to find these bloody you know the gems I don't think I've ever been underwater in my life that's brilliant that but do you know he's just so gorgeous the kids are all gorgeous I don't mind yeah just the absolute cutest little thing so yeah I've just been kids, kids, kids, kids down with the kids what about you? Yeah, all good, babe. All good here. Yeah, busy day again today. I've done loads of the games yesterday. Yeah, I've got England. I'm going to go to Mexico City, babe. Buzzing for it. I wish I could come. Can't I come? Yeah, fly over to Mexico City. Well, I am working.

7:10They probably won't see me, but you've got a great experience.

7:14Abbey Clancy: I'll see you soon. On a scale of one to ten, how much are you missing me? Oh, ten. Like, loads and loads and loads. like maximum amount like it's as much as I love being at the World Cup or the tournament I seriously miss you and the kids badly and you know you're not very good with calling me with the children which is upsetting me but the thing is Pete it's like when you can speak you're working and when you're getting up when I'm getting up you're going to bed and vice versa yeah I just and those like couple of hours in between mean they're like in clubs or doing this or you're working so it's really hard like it's you know i'm feeling that as well and the kids are feeling it how are you finding a la la land gas i'm enjoying it you know the weather has actually been can i be honest diabolical for the past two weeks don't you think do you not think i mean look at it right now yeah but it burns off it's only early you get like three hours in the afternoon and that's about it it's i don't know abs i've found for the last It's 26 degrees here right now.

8:21Is it really?

8:23Abbey Clancy: It's too hot to even be outside. After the England game, I FaceTimed family and friends just to get their verdict. And it was boiling hot in the UK as well. Look, blue skies. I think the climate out here is great. Do you? Yeah, it's not too hot. Not too, like, it's a nice breeze. When is peak heat in LA?

8:44August, 3pm. Specifically.

8:47Abbey Clancy: specifically i mean in the in the months of the year gas i'm gonna say august july and august i don't know i think it's it's i think it's really nice i quite like it but in terms of how we're enjoying it i took pete i don't know if he enjoyed this i took pete last the other day to uh what was it like an all you can eat food challenge oh my goodness babe you've seen nothing like this thing right so we did this thing on the peter crouch pod and it was a sandwich what could be described as a sandwich, right? Bread the whole way through, but it's like six foot. Is this the six meter sub that that guy had on the...

9:21Yeah, that's it.

9:22Abbey Clancy: Am I an arsehole? But pretty much the same. Same thing. And I'm not joking, babe. It had chips, burgers, egg, onion rings, sauce. It had hash browns. Oh, it was just... See, that would make me sick. I think, you know, one of the first times I experienced, like... sheer gluttony was in Vegas. Remember when we stayed in the hotel? It was a plate with a mountain of food and they had eggs, bacon, sausages, Chinese food, Indian food, all on one plate. And I think when you see that sheer amount of food, you don't think yummy. You think, oh my God, I can't even go there. Makes you not want to eat. Well, I certainly do.

10:07Abbey Clancy: How much of the six foot did you eat? Oh my God. So there's between three of us and we got 40 minutes to eat the whole thing. I reckon we did 5%. Said, babe, right? Has anyone actually got through this? And he said, there was one woman who did it in 40... Woman? Woman, who did it in 14 minutes on her own. She's a professional eater, wasn't she? Professional eater. So she did it, right? It was... It was repulsive. Did she fast for like days? Repulsive to watch, but she's got like, she just throws it all in. Repulsive. and right at the bottom, there's all bread. You think that's the hardest thing.

10:44She put the bread in the water and down the water.

10:47Abbey Clancy: Like an iguana or something where they like engage and take them the opposite way. Like when they eat the swords, like in Cirque du Soleil. I reckon I could eat a sword. Clip that up. Clip that one up. No, let's not. Oh God. Let's get to the AMAs on that note. let's go go on from page hi clance cardi p and black pants and white linen gas i've never written in before but a long time listener i think i've done all the episodes you make me laugh keep me saying during an hour commute twice a day i feel but i feel like i've missed something have you completely relocated to portugal or are you there whilst just renovating your home as i said i wouldn't normally write in but i'm simply dying to know more about the new dream house with the animals uh much love loyal listener page obviously we sold our house we were looking for a new house we thought we would try living in Portugal for a bit and we've absolutely loved it and you know it works perfectly for us because you know we can renovate our new place and all come back and it'll be done and Sophia's tennis is here and you know it's just been a nice change I think I think life's too short I think you should try new things and you know i don't regret it at all um and you know we'll look back at it with like huge fond memories i just think we've always been toying with the idea of moving around like especially me i i you know we've spoke about on the pod for a long time about having itchy feet i want to try something new be out of our comfort zone and when we sold our house in the uk it was a perfect time to try it so um we're in between yeah we were in between and the leap wasn't that big because this is where we spend a lot of time anyway and it's like a home from home so you know we tried it with the kids the kids have loved it and you know it's just been a great experience I think to answer your question um we are kind of renovating and changing a few things in the in the new house we have at home and then um starting September the kids will kind of be back in school we'll be settled and we will be back in the UK um and yeah it'll be a lot more kind of familiar rather than this.

13:00We'll be together. Together forever. Together forever. Yeah, this will be a thing of the past. Okay, got another one here. It's anonymous. So, love the pod, but really need some advice and words of wisdom.

13:16Abbey Clancy: We haven't had any nones for a long time, I don't think. I like them. They're the best. I like them. You know, certain juices come when they're signed off a non. 100%. I'm 26 and I'm living in London. I've bought my own place and have a partner who is long distance who owns his place too. I know what you're going to say but it does work and I plan to move soon. Currently enjoying both cities and have done for five years and living for our holidays. But this is not the issue, it's friends. How do you make friends in your 20s? I've moved away from massive girl groups due to not feeling like I could trust I wasn't being spoken about when I left the room.

13:53but I have a few solid friends from school, a few from uni, then I've made lots of new friends in my career. It's just calendar conflicts and everyone seems so so busy. I managed to make time with a busy career in a city and a partner but it seems like everyone else is busy all the time. When you ask for dinner or drinks after work I'm hit with a six week waiting period. There's no such thing as spontaneity anymore and my boyfriend doesn't seem to have this with his male friends, they'll just grab a drink in the pub. Any suggestions? Please give me hope that some of my best friends I'll have in my 30s and 40s I haven't even met yet.

14:28I love spending time with my partner and we have a great time but I know it's important to keep your friendships too, especially when you get older and go through life changes. Please keep me anonymous.

14:39Abbey Clancy: Well, this could be one of two things. She could be getting pied on purpose because something's wrong. She might be completely boring or something like that. Or what I'm hoping for is, you know, people are busy. I think that's one of the great things about being here. Like you don't have to jam pack your life with things and be so busy and, you know, burned out all the time. And I think it's true. You do meet some of the best friends in your life at different times. You know, when you're in school, you have your friends and hopefully you can stay with them forever. you know you've got your childhood friends and but you do change as a person and you meet people along the way and I think a great place to meet people is obviously at the school um or you know school moms or you know here I've met a great group of friends just simply by is your kid's birthday coming up don't stress the prep the party shop at Michael's is your one-stop shop for everything from bluey to rodeo transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dream-worthy tablescapes and decor starting at 99 cents plus get free helium inflation on select balloon styles whether you're crafting a one-of-a-kind bash or grabbing the essentials michael's has everything to make their big day legendary shop now and order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup michael's everything to celebrate anything My Lowe's Money Days are here, and we're making it rain for rewards members.

16:19For the first time ever, when you make a purchase of$200 or more through July 12th, you'll get up to$30 back in extra My Lowe's Money. Not a member yet? Join for free today, because members get more at Lowe's. My Lowe's Money Award varies based on status. Members in gold get 30, silver get 20, and bronze get 10. My Lowe's Money valid for 30 days. Restrictions and more terms at Lowe's.com slash MyLowe'sMoneyDays.

16:46You know, like, yeah, really? I think that's a different part of your life. I think 20s is more kind of going out, socializing, pubs, maybe, you know, the gym. Maybe if you're a lad, you play football. Girls, more so maybe the gym, I don't know. But that kind of scenario, I think that's more in your 20s. I think when you have children, that kind of thing, some of our best mates now are like through either the golf club or the school. Yeah. I would say. Would you say on average then, the mates you have now, you met when you were younger or older in life? Well, I got like five best mates that will always be my best mates forever.

17:25But they're all dotted around the country now. So I don't see them as often. But when I do, it's like we've never been apart. Then I've got my mates from the golf club who in turn have wives that Abby has met who really gets on well with. And we're like-minded, I think, go out together, which is great.

17:42Abbey Clancy: And they're like your best friends now. I think you have best friends who all, you know, you have your ride or die from school. Like I've got Holly and then I've got Kaz who've had for 25 years. And then my new best friends, like Lucinda, like they're new friends, but they're family now. And I think you meet people at all different stages of your life. And just because they're new doesn't mean they're not as important. with regards to her boyfriend and stuff like that like there is a thing about girls and planning that they all have to plan so much and i think you know if we if i said to you like after this now we're like come on and let's all go for a beer we'd all go for a beer yeah whereas i think girls in general would would say that man you know but there's a bit more structure which is good in some points because well like you boys could just walk out the Gaz could just walk out the door now with his white linens and black undies on where I'd have to go, I'm going to wash my hair out.

18:38Abbey Clancy: I need to get ready. And it's so spontaneity. Well, firstly, you'd say, oh, I'm going to match my underwear with my jeans. Yeah, you plan that as well. You go out. Whereas he'd just walk out the door. Couldn't give two fucks.

18:55Oh, my God. Listen, I think chill is the biggest advice here. You will.

19:01Abbey Clancy: yeah yeah i agree i don't think she needs to put too she needs to put too much stress and emphasis on it because you know it's like children make friends so easily don't they if you're just in like on holiday and you're in the swimming pool they'll just talk to you and then they're all best friends it does get more daunting and scary as you get older to make new friends but i think you just need to put yourself out there and i think she needs to not take it personally if um she is getting what she feels as knockbacks people are too busy because people genuinely are you know i we we hardly go out in the week do we because it's like you know you got to take the kids here you got to do that you did it i don't really want to go out with anyone other than you in the week i don't want to go out with anyone but you feel stuff not really that's handy isn't it because i'm a hermit hermit all right then um the meddy says hi guys i've been with my partner five months and we recently agreed to write down i had that name before this week meddy meddy you ever met a meddy no i've not me neither i've been with my partner five months we recently agreed to write down our little fantasies and swap them all very grown up i think you'd agree and very unadventurous.

20:15I've never done anything like this before. So I spent ages pouring my heart out across two full pages like I was writing 50 shades. We waited a week to swap them. And when I opened his note to me, it simply said, a lie in. Jesus Christ. We found it hilarious, but I haven't been able to see the funny side. I need some encouragement from Abby here. Is that acceptable? It's not acceptable

20:37Abbey Clancy: because I think it's a very vulnerable place to be if it's like, let's write out our fantasies or whatever. And then he's going to be a complete arsehole by doing a joke. I think when women are expecting kind of trust and boundaries and respect and you get a joke, it's just not on. It's absolutely not on. This feels like it's one rule for one and not for the other. Because on the last podcast when we were talking, we said something about role play and you said, I'd love you to be a chef. Put me in bed. and then clean the house. But I'm not going to tell you what I really want live on air, Pete.

21:17Don't you worry about that. No, but you came back with me. So you can't have it both ways, is what I would say.

21:28Abbey Clancy: Okay. That's something you'd do. I'd say write your fantasy down and you'd write lie in. That's exactly what you'd do. No, I'd write, just send me to a spa on my air through here. There you go. You can't get on your high horse saying, oh my God, this is an outrage that he's made a joke. Absolute outrage. If me and you were sitting on our own and said, let's write out this thing, you know, you are putting yourself out there to be quite vulnerable. Like, I don't think, you know, it'd be different if it was in a group. You could write that, but not like... It's also a chance for him. You know, he's missed a fucking tap in there.

22:03The chance to live out his fantasies. Okay, babe, Natalie suggested, Hi Abby and Peter and Gaz. I genuinely think I might be your number one fan. I'm so obsessed with you both. I regularly dream about you. Which now I've written it down. Sounds completely unhinged. What kind of dream? Thankfully the dreams aren't weird ones. We're just usually on holiday together or parties. We just hang out like we're actual mates. I tell my husband and kids all these dreams. They find it hilarious because they talk about you. They talk about you as if you're both part of the family. We find this a lot when me and Ab are out.

22:36where, you know, people will come up to us and they'll say, like, genuinely say things and then go, oh my God, like, I don't actually know you. Oh, really? Well, they speak to you as if they know you or they've known you their whole lives. Yeah. Yeah, that is mad. That must be surreal on the street.

22:50Abbey Clancy: Yeah, but I used to dream about the cast of Grey's Anatomy because I was that obsessed about it. I thought they were all my friends. Babe, you know this, have you heard about this new series, The Pit? No. Babe, it's right up your alley, right? Everyone here has watched it and said, but you've got to wait for me to watch it when I'm home, yeah? What's it about? So it's a Grey's Anatomy type thing. Doctors, that kind of thing, but supposed to be top, top level. Better than Grey's Anatomy. Nice. Oh, as if. Well, is this factual, lads, Charlie? Is it unreal? I read an article saying it's changed, like, telly's back and all that.

23:34Really? Supposed to be unreal.

23:36Abbey Clancy: Is it English or American? It's American, right? The Pit. The Pit. So, babe, save it and we'll watch it because we've got a good series then. Anyway, on to my gorgeous husband. We've been married for 18 years and he genuinely is the best husband and dad ever. However, lately, when he gets really drunk, he has what can only be described as accidents. I'm not talking about the usual drunken wee in the wardrobe, although, yes, he has done that too. I'm talking about him doing a poo in completely random places around the house and then blaming absolutely anyone but himself. A dog, a fox, or perhaps an intruder has broken in to specifically leave a turd and leave again.

24:13What the hell? Unacceptable. I'm a complete clean freak. Imagine so my face when I came downstairs one morning, cup of tea in hand, and was hit by the most vile smell imaginable. I followed my nose. I needed to discover a perfectly formed turd sitting proudly on the coffee table. The second incident was a cow pat on top of the stairs. The third in my son's underwear drawer. After the initial horror, we do laugh about it, although it usually takes several days of denial before he slowly starts remembering what's happened.

24:45Abbey Clancy: So he's only doing this when drunk, obviously. Now, every time we go out, I spend the entire evening worrying about the possibility of a secret poo appearing somewhere in the house. I've genuinely considered adult nappies. Before bed, I find myself saying, have you done your wee in a poo-poo? exactly like I'm a toddler like I'm talking to a toddler anyway I thought this story might make you laugh please feel keep up the amazing content I listen to my car every week that just doesn't make me laugh doesn't make me laugh I think that's so bad it makes me laugh that is like that is like the worst thing ever can you imagine that I had a mate who did that he did that in the in the cupboard once I know what mate it is as well.

25:31Abbey Clancy: Am I right? Whichever one I'm guessing. Let's just like drunkenly. My friend who works in Harrods said they find human poos in store on the shop floor daily. Oh my God. Like a protest. Yeah. There are people that poo in the shop. What? Like not in the loo. People poo in shops. Like on the shop floor. Jesus. I think when you're drunk, sometimes you lose sense of kind of where you are. I remember... How drunk is he getting? Paralletic, I would say. I'm sorry, but you can't be that drunk. You don't know what a toilet is. My mate pissed on his mum once. You can't be that drunk. You had mistaken...

26:10My mate pissed on his mum, do you remember? And he was like 21, still living at home, and that was the final straw.

26:18Abbey Clancy: This is the same friend who's shit in the wardrobe, surely? Really? That is sensational. I've got a mate who's narcoleptic and pisses, so we'll always get his like wang out and then just start weeing and then fall asleep and just piss anywhere. Anywhere he is, just around the world. Glass debris all over people in the crowd. It's a wild one. I think this is a pretty common issue, this. It's something, you know, obviously the alcohol. Pete, I'm sorry. I just don't think that's true. I don't think that's common at all. It seems to be a predominantly male issue. But what is it? Is it psychological?

26:48Abbey Clancy: What is it? What's bringing people into like cupboards? You don't know where you are, do you? You think you're going to the toilet Oh, I see. You're not going since toilet. I see. It's not doing it for like thrills. It comes from a state of delirium. Delirium, yeah. That is, yeah. Unfortunately, I just think men probably get more of a state than women. Seems that way. And that's why it's probably more common for males. Although in some cultures, the glass coffee table poo is quite admired, isn't it? Just me? Again, just you guys. Again, just me. All right, fair enough. All right. It's not really a nice one to finish on there, babe, but we are going to finish on it anyway.

27:28It's a good place to call it a day, really.

27:31Abbey Clancy: Well, I love you guys and I miss you and I can't wait for you to get back. Well, I'll be there soon anyway, hopefully. Yeah, yeah, hopefully you'll be out here. That'll be nice. Get yourself over here. Yeah, that'll be nice. All right, babe. I'm really looking forward to that. I know. Well, have a great time and stay safe. You too. you stay safe as well babe I love you bye guys we love the listeners too we'll see you soon we love everybody bye

28:22plus get free helium inflation on select balloon styles whether you're crafting a one-of-a-kind bash or grabbing the essentials michael's has everything to make their big day legendary shop now and order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup michael's everything to celebrate anything milo's money days are here and we're making it rain for rewards members for the first time ever When you make a purchase of$200 or more through July 12th, you'll get up to$30 back in extra MyLow's money. Not a member yet? Join for free today because members get more at Lowe's. MyLow's money award varies based on status.

29:02Members in gold get 30, silver get 20, and bronze get 10. MyLow's money valid for 30 days. Restrictions and more terms at lowes.com slash MyLow's money days. While every other channel is fighting for your customers' attention, podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. Acast gives you that trust at scale. Digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked.

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