Best AMA Questions 2025: Sex Schedules & Hotel Confessions

0:28Get on the chinless wonder there. We're gonna have the wettest January you've ever had, anyone's ever seen. I had it from that girl on a train the other day. Was that? Yeah. Great, lads! What the hell? He's trying to make a story. I can't see it! We were calling him Pete-wrong. No, I think... Instead of Pete-tongue. Do I risk the promotion for a bit of fun or keep my job and my knickers on? Get them off, girl. You only live once. What the hell? What are you looking at me for? I'm the pain in the arse, sexually. Quite literally. What does that mean? Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to Therapy Crouch.

1:16Ask me anything or ask us anything. It's just me and Ross at the moment, obviously, producer Jamie. We are going to play a little game today. Abby's not in the room. We are going to play a game of trying to get as many animals as we can. A lot of ponds. record this pond this record so um for instance uh oh my god he's a cheetah yeah uh what a dog horse of courses what a rat oh my god i mean you know i'm sure there'll be plenty more that will come out it's just a little bit of childish humor between us it's something that yeah as you gathered on this podcast i'm a little bit of a child and ross is um very much she's a great bird she sounds like a great bird what a cool chick

2:03well yeah along those lines anyway so see how many you can count just a little game for you to go along with the podcast another one that I had I've honestly my face was as red as a baboon's arse it was honestly so embarrassing I was start of the it was this is the whole so it's into school so it's like they're bar athletics and I'm doing 100 metres and so everyone from every other school is watching and I was so nervous thought I was going to wet myself first and then I went to go and I've stumbled and then I've gone and then I've just fell in the first 10 metres and I couldn't control myself I bet your dad told you after that I was kind of I had tears in my eyes so embarrassing like Cass the other night it was so funny I went to the doctor's Everyone abused me for years after that.

2:58I went to the doctors at Kaz and she's getting it. We just do these like well-woman checks and they were checking the heart and the doctor's like, so how are you with exercise? Have you done a lot of it? And she was like, yeah, I was an athlete. I'm looking at her going, what? She's like, yeah, I used to be a runner. I was like, this is the first I've heard of this. I've known you for 30 years. Like what the fuck are you talking about? We were talking about it all night. the other night and she said she was heading for the Olympics as a hairdler. You were absolutely buzzing off her. You were buzzing off her.

3:34I first kind of let it go. I've never even seen her run. Fuck you fuck. I've never even seen her run for a bloody bus. Never mind for the country. She's making it out like she's fucking red rum. I know, yeah. It's hysterical. You had to be there. You had to be there. Hey guys, I keep hearing about cats and urinating. So my question is, I have three and they're good for the litter tray, but do have the odd time on the carpet. Abby, what do you use to remove the smell, clean up, et cetera? As it's one thing I hate cleaning up, even though I know it's done, I'm conscious there will be a hint of smell.

4:11Thanks for the tips if you have any. Love the pod. Thanks for the loves. Marie. So I started off with the litter tray when they were kittens. Yeah. And then they can, once the train, they kind of outgrow that and then they go outside. it's only because my cats are 21 with kidney failure and thyroid issues and dementia that they forget where everything is and baby doesn't even come downstairs anymore and I think I think she has like funny seizure things and then wheeze but Maggie on the other hand like my brand new curtain she's peed on the bottom of the curtain I'm not looking at you, I do it so I unhooked the curtains and just lay them in the hall on the floor before I was going to take them to dry cleaners and she just sat on the middle of the curtain and just leave.

4:59I just couldn't believe it. It doesn't come out. I think anything that a cat pees on, you have to get rid of. Like we've had an instance where it's a rug and I've had to bin the rug because it doesn't go and they will repeatedly go in the same spot. Like if it goes on your carpet, you're screwed. But unfortunately, I don't know how old their cats are, but for ours, it's only happened with age. they've never like even my dogs have never had an accident in the house what are you laughing at not like the cat piss on you all over your house I know do I love the house and the cat's just pissing all over it I have a lot of respect for those cats for hanging on as well I know but it's like I love them the cats and I love kittens but I don't know if I get anymore they're a bit sneaky cats are a bit sneaky aren't they yeah well we're talking about getting lizards now yeah you know what else frigging parrots dolphins Chetapins.

5:52Any reptilian. Sharks. Anything else you want to get? Spiders. What are you talking about? I only like fluffy things. Yeah, that's true. Ooh, what sheep? Yeah, a little baby lamb. Then baby dogs. A little ghost. Yeah. What do you think of? I think that's a good thing. I think, you know, we advertise better help on this. I think speaking to an expert's advice, even just how to deal with everyday stresses and pressures um to keep spark i don't know we've never done couple therapy only this yeah drivel yeah which we end up getting divorced this has definitely helped though i think yeah you know and i think from like when you initially say it to someone like as a fella for example it might feel like you're walking into the lion's den to get like kind of picked on from like your other half but like actually if you're using it as a tool to kind of strengthen your relationship and you come on stronger after sometimes you need a Mediator to get your point across instead of the husband going, oh, fucking hell, you're just moaning again.

6:52You're such a nag. Get off me back. It could open a can of worms, couldn't it? It could, but if, you know, if you're going into that... What are you laughing at? If you're going into that therapy session with the sole purpose to make your relationship stronger, whatever you unearthed during that session, if your purpose is to make it stronger then what you turn over during that conversation you'd hope to fix it and then everything will be better what is going on with your face? what is going on with your face? am I missing something? I feel like there's some secret code going on here like a deer in a headlight but you're all like secretly laughing even Jamie's laughing like a fish out of water here the thing is though if I would say if you go into like a therapy session like that there's obviously going to be some elephants in the room and you can't like make a mountain out of a molar when you're with your partner for like little things listen you can talk about it till the cows come home but you can't what the hell what are you looking at me for no it's not why do you think we should go to therapy no no it's a mammoth task isn't it if you're gonna it's a mammoth thing to deal with getting involved in that spider's web is fucking terrible I can't do it to anyone can you tell her oh I know what you're doing what are we doing are you naming as many animals as you can oh very funny we did well haven't we and you got to the stage and you were just taking the piss I was thinking do you know why because I actually think that we've got valid points to raise on therapy all I'm trying to think about is how we have them all day to Abby, Pete and Ross first of all love the pod love all your pods wanted to submit and ask us anything question I was watching the movie Dirty Grandpa the other day and there's a scene where Robert De Niro the Dirty Grandpa I haven't seen that because it's funny he shabbers Zac Efron this got me thinking if you could shabber anyone who would it be apart from one another I was going to say you if you could receive a shabber from anyone be the shabber who would it be Mark I'd like to do someone who's really dry you know like dry someone who needs a shampoo yeah yeah yeah like Theresa May or something yeah such a good show she'd go perfect do a little dance but you'd get it right in when you there'd be a bit of venom in that one hi Abby, Pete and Ross listening the other night and hearing how Abby was saying Benzema was hysterical it got me thinking how you should get a number of footballers names starting off easy to see how many she gets right.

9:46Okay, so babe, I've got you a couple of names just to read out for us. Okay, first one. Ilkay Gundogan. Ilkay Gundogan. Not bad. It's not bad. This is a great game. This is actually a great game. What's his name? Gundogan. Gundogan. Gundogan's fine. I like it. Wojcik Skemze. Wojcik Skemze. The Arsenal goalkeeper. Forever be known as Skemze. Wojcik Shkensky I don't know Shnezny Shnezny Shnezny What's his name? I've just said that Yeah, yeah, you got it Mezu Ozil Not bad What's his name? Yeah, Mezu Ozil Caesar Azpilqueta Not bad, not bad What's his name? Cesar Azpilicueta Azpilicueta Granny Xhaka Nice Do you know him?

10:43You said that perfectly No Never heard him Never heard him He plays a sidel I've never heard him Henry Mkhitaryan That's unbelievable Yeah you're not doing badly yet Kevin De Bruyne Yeah I know him Lucas Dengie Dengue Lucas Dengie Dengue dingy digney digney digney yeah digney luca dean yeah yeah dean sorry yeah luca's dean sorry i should have said that digby was better um thinking of digby can you please please confirm that i saw you riding a line bike yesterday my kids don't believe me yes did you was you on a line bike it was me on a line bike yes believe it or not they haven't specified where i was but i think it was in nice What?

11:37Oh really? Oh, okay. So I was with Sophia and then we were in Nice and we got these lines and I recommend if you ever go to Nice, right, you can ride, get a line bike and you go the whole way along the promenade. Yeah. At like seafront, the whole way. It's amazing. It's the best day out ever. Really? We were on the line bike for two hours. Go away. We done like 25 kilometers. Shut off. Yeah, honestly. That's amazing. It was amazing. And there was a couple of people going, I could see them going like, nah. David Beckham wouldn't do this. No, a couple of people shouted at me like, crouching. I was like, are you all right?

12:17And then, so yeah, there was lots of people that saw me on it. But yeah, we had a great day on them. I thought it must have been when you were in London. I didn't think when you were abroad. Yeah, of course. It was abroad. But I was thinking, that's how many crouches you've got to live. They're actually amazing. I'd like, I would have liked to have done that. I would have loved to have done it. It was brilliant. And those line bikes are amazing. Me and Sophia are like... And nippy. But how quick are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have my daughter on a road? No, so in Nice, which is what's so good about it as well, you've got the kind of...

12:46Where you walk... Is it pedestrianised? Yeah, it's all pedestrianised here. And then you've got the sea there. And then you've got a cycle lane and like a barrier before the road. Oh, that's good. Or something like that. Perfect. But you feel like you're going all the way along the sea and there's no cars. Yeah. You're just in a lane. Totally safe. Okay. Hello, everyone. Long time listener. First time emailing. Question is more for Abby, but would love the input of Crouchy and Ross. My husband and I have been together for around 15 years now. Very happy. We like to spice things up in the bedroom.

13:22I'm always down for whatever. And my husband wants to try in the bedroom, like role playing, different posturing, and different toys. I recently brought up that I want to try pegging. What actually is that? But I was immediately shut down. I don't think it's fair. I go on with whatever he wants to try. But when I mention something, he shuts it down, tells me not to bring it up, as he's the dominant one. Do you think I'm in the wrong for being upset about me wanting to try something and getting shut down? Or am I overthinking just to go on with whatever he wants? Hope you guys can help me with this issue.

13:56What is pegging? it's when the female would like to enter the male through a strap on dildo so essentially doggy style buff the male listen I think it's a lot to take in there I think he's within his rights to say no to the stuff you want to try but you're within your rights to say to the no stuff he wants to try but she shouldn't do stuff just because he wants to exactly that's what I'm saying if she doesn't find that cute or funny she should say or fun she should say no I never do what you tell me to no exhibit A you stick to your beliefs I'm not talking about pegging I'm talking about buying puppies but pegging as well

14:35no I think listen he can suggest whatever what he's into just don't judge him but you're also within your right to say no of course yeah you know it's nice to be adventurous I'm sure but also when you suggest something like you're allowed to suggest whatever you want yeah but he's obviously allowed to politely declare yeah and you're like vice versa but that's a tricky one just thinking about pegging I know somebody pegs someone else right shut up yeah yeah she says it's about the dominating thing so she's like he's the dominant personality in like day to day life but when they're in the bedroom she likes to reverse that thingy him but why would she need to be pegged no she pegs him like it's that way around yeah yeah so she's like he's like Mr.

15:20Masculine all day long I was thinking how can a man put a strap on on if he's already got a wig no no no no and then she's like so she's Mr. Masculine all day long and then when they get behind closed doors she thingies them and listen different strokes to different folks but it's it's a big ask it's a big ask I big shout I think people should you know whatever floats your boat I'm no prude but I think I agree with you she's well within her rights to say she shouldn't just do go ahead with what he wants to do she needs to feel comfortable doing it so Yeah, agreed. And do it safely. Happy pegging.

16:00So guys, this seems like the perfect place to take a break and hear from our sponsors and take this time to send this podcast to someone who you think will love it and needs it in their lives. Yeah, someone who needs a giggle as an issue of their own and may want to submit into the podcast to see what all the fuss is about. Don't forget, if you haven't already, hit the subscribe or follow button. Shabba. We need to be a bit more ruthless with these answers. like the good old days. Yeah, fuck her off. Fuck her off. Yeah, all that stuff. Okay, my wife has a friend I secretly can't stand. Fuck her off.

16:36She's loud, brings drama everywhere and gives terrible advice but my wife adores her. Interesting. Am I allowed to say anything or is complaining about your partner's friend a nuclear option that never ends well? A nuclear option. Oh no, I think you've got to be vocal. Pete's very vocal about friends of mine well you actually haven't got a friend that I don't like full stop no you actually haven't got I haven't got a friend that you don't like now because if Pete says I'm not into that person I'd cut them out I think you would yeah I think you just I'd listen you just think you would listen yeah and vice versa yeah yeah okay so it depends how long to A have the conversation with them it can and will yeah if it's the same if you do bring good valid points and go she's done this she's done that or they've done that they've done X, Y and Z then you've got to if you've got a leg to stand on then fair enough we're in no drama zone are we?

17:32it's funny though when you try and give people advice they don't take it they're not receptive because I've been in a few situations recently where I'm trying to give people advice and they're not taking it and I'm like it's going to end in tears and you're going to see Pete and Abby do you think having sex on a schedule kills the mood or actually helps make sure it happens we've got two kids two full-time jobs and barely have enough time to blink never mind flirt I feel like this is a necessity if you you have to pencil it in I know people who do this you have to do you? yeah unfortunately it's obviously not how you want to live life no one wants to live like that if you've got four children you're both working you kind of have to do you have to try and yeah it's Wednesday hop on yeah which is terrible isn't it awful but if you give yourself a window at least it doesn't have to because if you say okay at 5pm I'll meet at a Friday at 5 in the bedroom like that's a bit clinical but if you say Friday night is our secret night where normally we will get our jiggy on that's the difference isn't it that's quite exciting if I ever said to me 5 o 'clock be there I'll be scared oh my god I thought I think that's definitely our excitement of course

18:50I'd have to do barnet yeah if I said Friday 5pm in the room oh that would be for me that's exciting yeah that excites me if I said to you Friday 5pm 5am I'm still asleep I'm washing my hair yeah piss off I think it kills the romance but I it's so difficult when you've got children and busy jobs and you know at the end of the day kids are in bed you just want to go to sleep I think that's why date nights to important and i think i think it doesn't have to just all be about sex i think being tactile and lovey-dovey and cuddling and kissing each other throughout the week would lead to that but you can't expect to not get one kiss one hand hold of a hand one i feel like it's aimed at me no it's not it's not i'm just saying that this is how women feel women feel some women feel I spoke about it on exhibit A some women feel like the only time the husband comes near them is when they want to have SEX so then it kind of repels them from their husband because they're like I don't that word repel didn't like that word repel that's a fucking bad word imagine being repelled it repulses me he comes in and absolutely repulses me he wants to have sex with me and he repels me you know what I mean proceed darling if I suppose this works for men and women but I was completely speaking from a female point of view on my podcast exhibit A if there's more touchy feely both partners being more tactile a snog it would generally have better chances sort of leading towards SEX.

20:48But if you have none of that and your first instance of physical touch is the guy wants to get it on, it's not going to happen. Okay, I get you. I'm following you. Did we learn anything, boys? Yeah, we learned. Very educational. All right. Hey, both. Whenever we book a hotel, my husband insists on making the most of it by trying new things in bed. It's fine in theory, but he gets overexcited and packs half of the contents of Ann Summers like he's going on tour. Do you think hotel is genuinely better or an excuse for married couples to lose the plot? Well, it should be fun. I'm all for it.

21:38It's a chance to get away from children. You can be adults again. yeah what do you mean oh you can do fun stuff reconnect reconnect reconnect I'm all for it good for you he does that answer just need to find someone else who's up for it see when I get into a hotel that's the last thing that's the last thing I want no I want the last thing I want I want a massage get a lovely bath but I want all those things as well but I just think this you know I do think that I don't want to waste the time in a hotel doing that I want to just enjoy I've got feelings you know make the most of a hotel just like use the facilities like you can you can get used any day my boy toy over here I can't get used any day you can't just use me I'm not a piece of meat you know but you know what I mean I want to like get in the robe get a bath get in the robe get in the bed room service blackout blinds break in the morning that's all I'm thinking about it's the best yeah I love all those things as well I just think it's a part of the hotel yeah appearance if you're a dirty skunk like you skunk I'm obviously not the only one am I he's packing all the Ann Summers stuff Hi Abby, Pete and Ross I was catching up on the pod recently I loved the episode with Rio Ferdinand and his wife where you played the football terminology guessing game It reminded me of something similar me and my wife do when we can't get to sleep and one night we landed on golf terminology as a category Pete, since you like your golf I thought this would be a perfect challenge for Abby My wife guesses were so funny I had to write them down and I'd love for you to try this game for real on the pod So, Abby guesses what the phrase means and then Peter explains the real definition.

23:47This is good. I like this. Okay, so a blob. I'm guessing a blob is like... It's got to be something negative, hasn't it? Yeah, if you hit the ball and it just doesn't do it, it just dies. Yeah, nice, nice. So his wife's answer was, when it goes in the water and it goes blob. It's a crack of that. It's more of a plot. it's more of a flop plop isn't it more of a plop yeah yeah it's obviously a negative a blob's where you don't score you pick up your ball and you take a blob oh okay yeah yeah so that's what it'd be a dog leg a dog leg dog leg our answer's amazing yeah a dog leg dead leg is coming up to me a spare something spare no I'm thinking that's so you hit it and then you've got to hit it like that way do you know what I mean dog leg Like a dog's leg.

24:39A dog's leg goes like that, doesn't it? Yeah. So the shape of the hole. So if it's a dog leg right, it'd be straight up here and a dog leg right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when you hit the ball, you'd probably hit it up there. If you're a big hitter, you'd go over the top. But it's a dog leg, right? So it's a blind hole. You can't see the hole. Yeah. Riveting. I'm impressed. Her guess. Yeah. When someone's got shit, shit trousers on. Dog leg. Amazing. A tough lie. I'm assuming, I don't know any of these. I'm assuming it's weird. It's like a difficult shot to me. It's landed rubbish. Yeah. When it's buried.

25:19Yeah. You know, you can't obviously move your ball. In the rough. Yeah. It's kind of like, it's down on like, there's a hole in the grass and you're in that bit and you can't get underneath it. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I would have said. She said, when you've clearly lied about your score. I was going to say that as well. I was thinking that as well. A lip out. When someone's, she said, when someone's fuming about how they're playing. Tooty lip. No, so when you hit a putt and it kind of goes around the rim. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And lips out. Yeah, okay. That's what I was thinking. I'm not even joking.

26:03I know we keep saying it. Like basketball and everything. I don't even know what that is myself. Is that a hole-in-one?

26:13I'm very good, aren't you? The dance floor. Huh? That was good. Sorry, actually. The dance floor? The dance floor's the bar at the end, is it? No, good guess, though. The dance floor's the green. So you hit a shot and it lands on the dance floor. Oh, yeah. Pin high? Is that where you need to get a longer T? no a pin high would be like it's in line with the pin when you hit the shot so you hit the shot and it's like pin high the pin it's like the flag the flag yeah layup layup layup is that like where you need to if it's in the bunker and you have to hit it up the hill yeah it's not good educated guesses but a layup's like say it's like a par 5 you've hit your drive that's one shot some people go for the green in two but if you lay up you just hit a short shot so then you hit another shot in yeah boring you aren't you okay cool let's move on good message good message that was good I enjoyed that okay hi you sexy people me and my husband are taking our first couples only getaway in almost two years since we had our beautiful baby Olivia nerve wracking I know don't get me started on the anxiety but that's a different story we're only away for a couple of nights and since our daughter has been in our life our sexy time has taken a bit of a hit and I know my hubby would be happy locking ourselves in the hotel all weekend for wall to wall shenanigans it's a common theme here isn't it get the suitcase out this sounds great in theory but I almost feel like I have zero confidence in this side of our relationship now and now I've become a full time mum mode with little time to think about this my husband keeps sending me links to sexy outfits oh my god what is this common theme here is that every time are the wife trying to get away from the pervert husband what do you think of this maid song for love their role play and other things bring a way to spice things up and it's almost turning me off I know this is really unfair on him and stems from my side so I was wondering if you'd ever experienced similar situations daily and any advice on how i can communicate them uh and how we can overcome them uh a non please i love the way she says any advice on how we can communicate this when i when i interviewed the sex doctor on exhibit a she said men women build up like a not a fear is not the word fear like anxiety against men because men you know without you can't just go from A to Z you need A, B, C, D, E to get to Z so like because men think as soon as they come over they come over to you you have to have sex with them yeah and I think that's true all the time no if you don't have any physical touch or anything just hold a hand or a cuddle then that builds up this thing in women where they like repel the men it's not fun for the man though is it?

29:26no well what's not fun? I know we look at it from the female point of view, but, you know, the hormones, as you, you know, eloquently described to me regularly, men have hormones too, which is, you know, testosterone. Well, men's testosterone is at an all time low from the start of time at the moment. Just so you know. Well, yeah, there might be a time where the man in this instance doesn't want to, wants to go to a hotel and just sleep as well. and then you'll be fucking fuming about that. It doesn't even fucking fancy me. If we went to a hotel and I went, oh, shut the curtains, go for a massage and have a night, you know, and read a book.

30:07I'd be like, heffa. No, but I think... No, babe, I don't know why you're putting me in this category, by the way. No, I'm just saying in general, I think, you know, that'll be a problem as well. Yeah, it would. You know what I mean? He fancies his wife and he wants to have her. All jokes aside, when you have a new baby, you know, you've got sleep deprivation. you do have your mummy body you know everything does change hormones how you feel about yourself your body because it just does because you've been pregnant for nine months you don't feel that's definitely something i can resonate with you didn't feel as body confident afterwards she might have anxiety about leaving the baby for the first time as well she will she said she has and she will so that's on the back of her mind the first time leaving the baby in two years.

30:53Ross, I have that now? Well, exactly. Do you know what I mean? I've got a bloody 14-year-old and I'm like still sick. And he's trying to lay it on her. She might be a bit like, how could you do this? I don't know what I'm thinking. What's the baby? Yeah, I think they just need to take the time and communicate and she needs to say, look, I feel like this. I know it's not sexy for a man if you're going like, oh, I feel shit about my body and all of that. But I think he needs to... Well, I think he just needs to slow it down a little bit with the onslaught of outfits. He should just send him back a fleece dressing gown.

31:21Yeah. A link to that and a big strap on i think yeah exactly here's what i'm thinking that'll slow the links down like put it that way like what if i was sending you all like gimp masks and like stuff like that get these on i'll be so excited that's your collection i'll be ready i'll be ready i'll have the ball of that Take me, I'm yours. Well, that was a nice one to finish on, wasn't it? Yeah. I think slow it down. I'm just, the thought of you with a gimp mask down, just like a bloody bottle opener. I'm trisexual. Talking a weird, that bit. What's the weirdest I've ever said that? Just peed on and some of the gimp mask going.

32:08This is getting a bit too saucy, this part of my opinion. The gimp mask vibe, isn't it? it's a bit of a strange one that yeah proper weird whatever floats your boat who are we to judge no exactly right different strokes different folks different courses different horses I feel a bit unnerved if I came home and I'd have had a mask on it's not odd it's ready for you to put on yeah exactly I know you'd stick it on though wouldn't you that'd be odd we'll talk about it after when you don't look at me I'm going to put a shower I feel dirty are we finished I think we're finished alright see you next week