Dog-Sitting Disaster, Family Admin Meltdowns & The Gym Crush Story That Spiralled Out of Control

0:00Listen, that's just what I do, but I'm Don Juan de Marco. Gone wrong

0:08I've had the call on those Have I? Yeah You cleared a whole club out once Yeah I did You went wow She's overdressed Ask me anything Okay so Pete What do we need? Well we need people to subscribe because obviously we're making this top quality content and I do hate these little bits where everyone goes oh please subscribe we really need it but it just does make a difference so if you like it then please hit the button yeah like link and subscribe you can never say that it's great like link and subscribe that's staying in hello and welcome to the therapy crouch ask us anything with me abby clancy oh oh you want me to say it

0:56i don't know for some reason i thought you're gonna say it okay okay it was abby clancy and Peter Crouch and Ross is here as well you know when we see we say and he goes shabba so oh my god listen to this I was on the school run today go on there was a fella in a big lorry like a big lorry yeah and he was right above me here how big and um big a big lorry what I'm trying to get across it wasn't just a lorry it was a big lorry the big one what are they called HGV the big one anyway he looked down at me and he's like, open the window. So I was like, what does he want? Open the window and he went, Shabba.

1:37Give you one of them and he's like, oh, Shabba. Really, really perked up my day. That's a nice introduction from a fella you might not expect it from. Like, tell the thing, do you know what I mean? Exactly right. Like, Oi, Crouchy, how's your missus? That's what you normally get and I go, Oi, Crouchy, Shabba. No, it was nice. Do you know what? Because my, one of my best mates is a lorry driver. when he goes to sleep in the little cabin yeah side of the road wherever they part you know like he'll watch films and stuff like that so they're up to date yeah yeah yeah for sure so shout out to all the HTV drivers listening to us now we get a lot of messages from HTV drivers on both pods by the way so yeah that's what I mean they do they listen to pods well you would do wouldn't you yeah yeah this would put you to sleep this drivel I'm not sure it's advised yeah very good but we all good how's everything how are we cracking on we just spoke a couple of days we're all good yeah yeah like I say we're actually going we're doing the Jingle Bell Ball oh yeah which we kind of like to go to every year yeah it's fab yeah it's good it's just nice for the kids I think you know like because I don't know a lot of gigs aren't suitable maybe for like six and seven year olds yeah six seven year olds but but I think six seven year olds I think that one certainly is like we do the summer one was Sabrina Carpenter or someone who was there last time you went in the summer Sabrina Carpenter was it here and Will Smith didn't Will Smith get up as well yeah Will Smith it's a good day out for the kids getting jiggy with it because all the parents are like silent when all these new acts are on and then Will Smith got jiggy with it and all the parents are like that no no no no this is my era son this is my era see you don't need to rap with all those foul language summer summer welcome to my yeah Emmy, me, me, me, me, me.

3:31Very good. And then all the kids are like that. Where's J. Cole? Where's Kendrick? Who? Kendrick Lamar. No, that's more our generation, not our kids. Kendrick Lamar? Yeah. What did you say, is your generation? He's been around for about 10 years, Kendrick Lamar. I don't know if it's your generation. It might be mine, I'd have pushed. Yeah, but... Essentially Rossi. Our kids... I'd have seen him pushing it. Our kids wouldn't know Kendrick Lamar. He did the Super Bowl last year. he did Super Bowl last year no but like I agree I know alright Sophia Wood Leggy Moo or whatever her name is Peggy Goo Peggy Goo Peggy Goo Leggy Moo whatever Leggy Moo Peggy Goo's like a top DJ I know I love her but I didn't know the name yeah I know all the tunes because I'm cool because I'm cool as hell okay hi all I live with a mate who has recently become painfully healthy ooh painfully healthy fair play to him he's lost weight he goes to the gym he meal preps but he's become evangelical about it if I eat toast he says white bread is basically glue for your intestines if I drink beer it gives me a TED talk about liver inflammation last night I ordered a pizza and he loudly read out the calorie count from the box no need don't need a roommate like this do you you do I think I think this is positive you do but as lads it's positive but also preachy if you're going to get a pizza like I don't need to know like I know it's bad for me yeah yeah yeah I just fancy it I'm happy for him but he's ruining my snacks and my peace how do I say please stop giving me nutritional commentary on my life without sounding like I'm anti-health so I'm going to grow up I do like it like you know he's taking positive steps that's my new year's resolution you know to be better at cooking at cooking you're quite a good cook I text you for some cooking tips and stuff I don't do it often she's given up Ross oh yeah has she yeah she's a great cook but she has given up no because what happens is somebody's haven't taken Twizzlers what's going on in the coach house he's not cooking I know but in fact he's not cooking either I'm having a go I'm trying the kids eat early and then if Pete's working late I'm like we've all eaten yeah soz soz it's terrible and she'll say to me like oh you know you need to eat more and like because obviously I always need to put on weight.

5:55And, you know, there's no help with that. Because I'm trying to be like, I'm like 40 in like three weeks. I wanted to give myself six months to get myself in tip-top condition. You are in tip-top condition. I saw Luke from the gym and he was like, I thought you were going to get fit for 40. And I was like, I know. He said that to you, yeah. She's a bastard. No, no, no. No, because I said to him, I need to come to the gym. oh okay that's fair enough no he's a really good motivator and his classes are amazing but I just the way it's been I haven't had time and we also can't get up at the moment really struggling to get up we do we get up at 7 every day but that is a real struggle we're not bouncing out of bed I'm like I just don't want to get up and then I definitely don't want to just go to the gym what should we do for this fella because I don't agree with this by all means you know do you that's great but then don't criticise me when I'm not doing you it also depends on the friends if your friends are massively overweight or slobby or whatever then fair enough give the encouragement but if they're like normal like it's not for your business really is it I don't think yeah no I think you're entitled to say you know I feel so much better now like you should come with me to the gym that's great but like if I've ordered a pizza I've already ordered it I'm going to eat it I don't want to feel shit about it either you'll feel shit after it yeah You know what I mean?

7:21Little things like that. I think that. But do you know what? When you are on that kind of, once you finally get on that health wagon, you know. You stay on it. You stay on it. And then you do go, oh my God, I couldn't eat that now. Yeah. Oh, it feels so good not waking up with a hangover or things like that. And it is quite infectious and you do want to shout about it and tell people because I'm the same when I do it. No, I think balance is so good is what life's about. Because we don't drink at all now, do we? like at the house no but you know like no but I think that we try and be like during a week you don't have to fuck Bailey's coffee yeah we have right now no but I that was my fault no because I wouldn't have had this that was my fault I'm only joking but that's funny no I think there's a I think there's a balance like I enjoy a drink sometimes you know what I mean but you can't drink every night I enjoy pizza sometimes pizza's my favourite food I enjoy going to the gym but I can't do it every day do you know what I mean there's a balance and a happy medium I think if you're the lad mate you're well entitled to just go okay I appreciate it but leg it as well you know leg it give us a break mate yeah or grow up grow off leg it grow off give us a break grow off we're going to have another freaking protein shake your knob and yes I am having the stuffed crust what are you going to do about it cut cheese extra leg 26 inch okay oh I could eat a pizza now I actually do enjoy a pizza.

8:52It's my favourite food. Do you like a deep pan or do you like a thing? I like a deep pan. You like deep pan? Me too. I love Pizza Hut though. I love that golden bottom. That is deep pan. I would say that's deep pan. That's doughy. But then I do love a Franco Manca. I think they're a bit posy, those ones though. They are a bit posy. Do you know what I mean by that? Like a bit pretentious? They're not pretentious. Very pretentious. Yeah. Good value. Fucking hell. I remember we lived in Hampstead. I used to go there quite a lot. That was like 10 years ago. yeah but I don't know if there's things no do you still do good deals it's paying like six quid for a pizza yeah do you do good deals top level yeah do you do do you do but burrata on a pizza come on like you know what you're doing you know what you're doing like a chilli honey pretentious sometimes you need it sometimes oh I'd like a chilli honey so do I but like it is a bit knobby do you know what I mean no I totally get what you I like the sausage spinach and mozzarella oh like yeah oh what's that yeah I do as well there's certain areas where you wouldn't find a franco manca like Richmond Hampstead you know everywhere everywhere there's an everyman you find the front commander where does a showcase showcase

9:57there's not even a there's a top cat or whatever they're called tops pizzas I actually like them yeah you get like it's not even the KFC either it's like the you know

10:12colonel fried chicken great banter Oh, brilliant. But yeah, it's so true that about the, if you find, if anywhere there's an everyman, there'll be a, there'll be a Frank of Anka. Big time. Agreed, agreed, agreed. Okay, therapy couch crew, here's my problem. I've become the unpaid admin of my entire extended family. Somehow I've ended up organising everything. Birthdays, gifts, holidays, hen do's, Christmas dinner. Someone needs flowers sending, ask me. Now, this is your role, isn't it? Someone needs help booking a hotel. I know you're good with that stuff. someone needs a lift to the airport you're always so organised I've created a monster 15 people now think I'm their personal PA last week I didn't respond to a message for four hours and my aunt said question mark, question mark, question mark like she was chasing an invoice how do I politely resign as family secretary without causing a civil war?

11:08I think she should just say that guys I'm going to resign as the family secretary because I'm not one yeah sorry shitsos I totally agree what I've noticed as well because I've noticed it with you like if you if you're consistently doing things like that for people like people just end up pushing the boundaries taking the piss yeah but Kaz sent me that book Let Them didn't she I didn't read it but I know you know pretty much The Bleb no I didn't even read The Bleb it's self explanatory isn't it let them but it's just like if there's a family birthday certainly in your family every single person in that family will say what we doing now or even a holiday I am part of that problem myself I agree but I am it's very difficult for me to not do it which is something I think you enjoy doing it don't you yeah but if you think about it I have stopped I'm letting people do their own thing and without it taking it personally that's what I mean I do think you have to let people be themselves do their own thing it's actually good more beneficial for them I feel like you put a party on gives you fulfilment yeah the organisation I think you enjoy it you're happy with that whereas like if this lady here is saying, I don't actually enjoy this work that you're giving me, it doesn't make me feel good.

12:18Like, Jeff off. For me, it just seems like a good person. You know, you want to help. If she's not enjoying it, I think this lady should say, I'm not enjoying this. This is not my responsibility. I don't even think she needs to do, I think she just puts on the family group and just say, guys, I am not this family's PA. I'm always willing to help, but. You're taking the Michael. Yeah. Fair enough. Totally agree with that. Right, this is one of those call to arms little interludes in the podcast which I hate and I'm sure you hate as well but it actually does make a huge difference if you subscribe because we're making top quality content and if you want more of it we need you to subscribe so hit the button.

12:57Hi all, I've developed an unwanted gym crush and it's ruining my life. I don't even fancy him that much, it's just that he's always there and now I get socially anxious about everything I do. Last week I almost tripped over the mat just because he walked past and I panicked another time i tried to look confident doing hip thrust and instead slid off the bench like a seal he said he said hello twice now and now i'm in my head about it what do i say hi back smile ignore him change gyms move to another country i'm not looking for romance i just want to be able to squat without having a full identity crisis advice appreciated ah that's great just say hello i think i was people build themselves build all this up in in the head you know like i'm sure he's a nice guy I say hi to everyone just say hello I think the worst thing anyone can ever say to you is polite no isn't it really if you've been respectful do you fancy going out for a drink no that's not the end of the world who would say no though yeah I'd probably say yeah I'll text you and then I'll text exactly I don't think anyone says no to people's faces do they I think they do I think they do I've had a couple of no's have I yeah you cleared a whole club out once yeah I did sounds like I'm alright I'm like some people are like quite straight aren't they like that it's probably better to be straight isn't it like rather than like who says you fucking hell no I know 100 % I should be much better at that I should be much better at that no I'll someone will say do you want to do this on Friday right and I'll look them deadly in the eye and know that I've got absolutely no intention of doing it and I'll say that sounds good that mate I'll give you a bell I've watched you do that in the air as well mate there's no way he plays golf on Fridays I'll give you a bell still the same number you said we're people's numbers my people we'll get in touch we'll do something I'll text you what's that first for you isn't that like a it's a shame I just wish I wasn't like that I wish I'd just go do you know what mate I'm not going to do I just see their little face and they go like you don't want to do that do you want to do that Friday I say do you know what mate that's not on my radar Friday I'm not going to do that you imagine just go to it I'll bail you but like Lucinda's so straight like she'll just be like sorry no thanks yeah is anyone fine no thank you at least you know where you stand though it's freeing I imagine some people think it can be rude it can be rude that's what I'm saying it can be seen actually some people I think know that I'm definitely not going to be there but then go at least he was you know nice enough to say that he might be I think I think that's hilarious that she's built up this kind of relationship in her head that it's like exciting to go and see him in the gym or whatever and she doesn't even fancy him but it's now a thing it's hysterical it's funny I know that feeling though I think that happens a lot you know what I mean I think she should just say hi and do you know what he's getting approached and fancied probably a lot less not fancied but like approached a lot less than girls get approached if a girl approached me and asked me you'd trick and drop dead exactly do you know what I mean whereas if a boy did it it's like oh god this again a boy's harassing me in the gym do you know what I've realised as well like when you see say if someone's be stunning right and you think oh I won't say anything because they probably get it all the time I think that about you like you you are 10 out of 10 a nice recovery beat everyone knows it no no I do I think about you but then you if someone said to you like something some sort of compliment I know because you said I've got wolf whistle today but I'm saying like people I never get chatted up.

16:35But I think you would buzz off of all for something. Oh, I loved it. There you go. I absolutely loved it. Even if people are like really fit, you think, oh, do you know what? I'm not going to say anything. But I think if you do, I think that is always well received. Yeah, 100%. 100%. He's not going to go, how dare you? He's not going to go, how bloody dare you? He's going to go, oh, thanks so much. Either, yeah, let's do it. It's a nice compliment. But there are girls out there, definitely, that would not like it. They go, oh, you sexist pig. Yeah. Oh God, I'm not a piece of meat. I'm here trying to work out.

17:05Do you think this is a appropriate environment? That's what I mean. So there are some, but it's such a... I'd be like, tell me again. Could you be like, what did you just say? God. Now give me a wolf whistle. One more wolf whistle before I go. No, that was like when that guy said to me yesterday, I nearly fucking dropped dead. And he said, when we were doing this prank, Russ, and he said, oh, I knew it was a bit fishy when Abby walked in. I thought, wow, she's overdressed. yeah but you did have a full i felt like saying just stop at wow will you he went wow she's overdressed stop at wow i thought bloody hell as if he as if that's what he thinks he should have just stopped at wow i know what i mean i'll joke but it's yeah it can be a massive little knock to my air confidence the thing is is like this is this is something that i do think is a genuine thing.

18:01Like, where do men stand? Like, genuinely. Because I think you're a bit old school with the mentality you have. It's like, if someone pays you a compliment, you go, that's nice. I don't know. But there are, I think there are people out there who think it's a, you know, if I said, God, like, wow, you look beautiful or something like that, there are women that probably wouldn't like that. Even the Wolf Whistle thing. Wolf Whistle's now, that's cancelled, right? Yeah, 100%. I love it. Yeah, but I mean, there are women, I reckon, that would probably feel quite good about themselves after that. And an entitled to and you're entitled to the other way.

18:32Especially if they're fit as well and not the top off like digging a road up with loads of muscles and like oh. Imagine he said that to you. Imagine he said that to you. That is a nice thing. Like for instance like I might leave here now. See a good looking girl. Yeah. Oi, crowd you. I've seen you in action. Thank you very much. I've seen you in the action. You do this. you drive then you look in your own mirror then you look in the rear view instead of turning your neck and even our own daughters have pointed out Liberty said to me mum, dad, Perf loads of times when he was driving today God's honest truth Peek on it you've got to be subtle God's honest truth God's honest truth God's honest truth Yeah Yeah Disgusting I was trying to make a valid point of like you know because I get to some degree both points like you know you don't want to be shouted at it can be intimidating Can be very much there's a happy medium somewhere somewhere there yeah well going back to the dilemma I think she should just say hi because she's making herself so anxious and nervous because it could be nothing they actually could be really good friends yeah and she could also always say excuse me could you spot me with this like just like spot me like with the gym like could you no Ross what or could you help me with this exercise like that's a thing in the gym you don't have to go do you want to go for a drink you could say could you give me help with this exercise or something like that I think a little higher like I see you all the time like you know my name's so and so what's your name?

19:59we see each other all the time yeah literally it go on Romeo alright sugar listen that's just what I do but I'm Don Juan De Marco I can kill God wrong bagged you didn't I? God wrong De Marco God wrong God wrong De Marco you can't even read the answer can you? because it's so funny got hot flush that's because I said I was Don Juan De Marco got all hot I'm just laughing at you in the gym with all the school mums what they must think what they must think of me what they must think of me no it's just like because it's just not like that at all like when when you can't even like bend and they all do like fucking bench press in like 200k day he's like that to the girls could you spot me yeah he's like that at the sled I'm fucking good in the gym in that case you're the one talking I'm good in the gym I am Actually, I'm surprising in the gym for my physique.

20:57I'm actually good in the gym. You can't say I'm not good in the gym. He's not. You're saying he's not good at the gym. No, I am. He's laughing. It's what they must think of you. Shite in the gym. No, I'm laughing because you said that's where people meet each other. It's not like that in our gym. Why are you laughing at the ladies? No, because I'm laughing at you. I'm laughing at the ladies laughing at you. Why is that funny? Why am I being in the gym funny to the other ladies? Wish that sleds. You fucking bled. You're skitting me in the gym. Yeah, I've got a problem with that. What is that? I wasn't skitting you.

21:28I'm just saying when it's just you, you're not like self-conscious or anything. Well, I don't care anymore because I was self-conscious when I went in there and I was the only man. Now I'm over it. Exactly. Good for you. That makes me comfortable. Good. You're making me less comfortable. But I'm not a huge fan of loads of women. I'd rather be 50-50 split. Right, here's my dilemma. I asked my neighbour to watch my dog for three days while I was away. I paid her left instructions all straightforward when I picked up my dog she casually said oh I hope you don't mind I took him to my groomer for a little tidy up a tidy up she shaved him she shaved my poor spaniel looked like a plucked chicken with ears then he added he sleeps better in my bed than yours you should try letting him up oh my god my dog has never been allowed on my bed never now he cries at the bottom of my stairs like I'm the villain how do I tell her she's crossed the line without causing a neighbourhood fallout and how do I unspoil my now bed obsessed bald looking dog that's an outrage I agree totally it's like Catherine our friend who looks after our dogs you know she lives on a farm she's got all the horses you know the dogs are free for all on the house they're allowed on the couches on the beds and you know our dogs even though they're not allowed on the couch to go on the couch but they're not allowed upstairs and when they come back from she'll send me pictures of all the dogs in the bed.

22:54You're giving them bad habits. They're actually good as gold because they understand how our house works. And then they're like, we're going to Auntie Catherine. I think it's like a holiday for them. We go on holiday, they go on holiday. So when she comes in a car, they know the car and they ping it out, jump in the back. She's got a big old army defender and she drives up the drive, opens the door and they just run out, jump in and they're off. See you later. Yeah. But it makes us feel better about going away, you know, leaving them. But she's the best. You know, she's animal crazy, but... I think this person is well with the rights to be, feel like they're being, boundaries are being crossed to you.

23:31Oh, definitely, yeah. You can't groom someone's dog. Grooming is just pissy. And then also the, I mean, the bed, even saying that. Yeah. She shouldn't have told her. That's all right. The grooming thing. That's well out of line. That's like out of line, I think, don't you? It's like babysitting your kid and cut the hair off? Yeah. Like you'd be fuming. I don't even have a dog and I'd be fuming. It's like when you took our kids for a haircut and I said, get a centimetre off. Come back scalped out of my eyes. My gorgeous sons with the long hair, little curls. Came back, one had a mullet. I said, what do you want son?

24:07And he went, a mullet. I went, there you go. Bingo. One mullet, please. And then Johnny's hair, which is white blonde. Johnny's got nice hair. He's got really nice hair. Like silk. I was growing it all one lens. Pete come back, they cut layers an inch big on top and then long bits at the back. It looked like someone had literally just gone on his head. I was so upset. But it's the same thing. Imagine that was Ralphie. And also like grooming a dog's like a big thing, isn't it? I think like, I don't know. I would not be happy. She probably thought she was doing sort of nice. I'll get my little trim.

24:37She might have just loved being with the dog. She might have. She must have. It sounds like she loved it. Yeah, but then you, she's become attached to it and it's like, then she started giving advice. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you can't do that. The thing is, there's nothing you can do about it. I was just going to say, if it was me, like, let's sleep in dog's life. You're not going to fix this scenario. No. Just don't ask it again in future. That's how I would tackle it. Let's shave in dog's life. It's like when kids go to the grandparents and you say, no sweets, no fizzy drinks. And then I'll be like, mum, have you got a picture?

25:04And they're like that with a magnum and I'm freaking kind of going. Yeah. You know, and you're like, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, it's a holiday, isn't it? It's a treat. I remember my grand doing the same. They always have little sweets. Yeah. you know that's part of being the grandparent isn't it I think very much so okay alright well you're going horse riding are you now yeah can you come watch me I might go to the gym spot me sweetheart I've got the 5kgs that was here babe give us that money the hands he says gym he means going to do some breaststroke I swim as well yeah I like I probably can't go to the gym but I can swim I like swimming what is it with this swimming I'm sure you've got a chick at that gym I love it I love going swimming.

25:47Makes me feel good. Good. Stop preaching. Bye. See you later, guys.