FROM THE ARCHIVES: Cactus-Gate, Pube Boxes & Monkey Raids – Our Favourite Guest Episodes

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1:52the tap all on the app thumbtack knows homes download the app today

2:01since having a baby i have genuinely lost the ability to have a conversation sex on fire was fun though

2:09Abbey Clancy: wow not like a thing that they put on a sore foot i knew this was gonna be good

2:23Abbey Clancy: Hey and welcome to the Therapy Crouch trip. Me, Abbey Clancy. And me, Peter Crouch. Monumental day today. Yeah. First guests. We've got our first guests and I'm so nervous and for once I think I might be stuck for words. Okay. Maybe. It's James and Claire Buckley. Welcome. Woo! Hello. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us. Yeah, I'm nervous.

2:43Clair Buckley: Really scraping the barrel. The good news is that you'll only get better from me. I don't believe that. Listen, your podcast is flying. the YouTube stuff's doing really well

2:54Abbey Clancy: completed it mate it's funny I just that's like my that just brings so many memories back for me when I was a little girl and my brother playing on the whatever PlayStation or whatever so that's the one that you did that on your own I take it you're not involved in that no god no you're not a gamer no I've got one of those leaps yeah yeah yeah one of them things all a joke do you still do it

3:17Clair Buckley: do you still I still get away with it I don't do annoyingly right the because I started a gaming YouTube channel and when it becomes a thing that you feel like you have to do and I've got to put out a video a week and stuff like that and I love video games

3:32Abbey Clancy: I started hating them

3:34Clair Buckley: after a little while

3:35Abbey Clancy: I had to ban Peter from his because so many times I've been locked out knocking on the door and he's like killing 10 year olds with his headphones no no no literally no no no literally online like but yeah you know you got the earpiece on and all that and I was like you know call of duty and she'd been knocked out an hour that was my lowest moment and you were just you weren't with your mates

3:59Clair Buckley: playing no it was like online like random see I feel like I've got quite a distinctive voice yeah and I think people would know it was me so if I was like you little prick yeah you say it like that your boss swanker boss swanker briefcase swanker Well, as you know, we are therapists, right? So just want to delve into your relationship. Where did you first meet? We met in Liverpool. We met in Liverpool, yeah. We did, yeah. Well, because James was Essex and I was sort of just outside Glasgow and Liverpool was basically halfway. Well, I was going there. Okay. Oh, so you went to meet there? Yeah. Right, okay.

4:46So you met, is that online?

4:47Abbey Clancy: So you slid in, I heard? You talking to me? Yeah.

4:52Clair Buckley: Let's get the story straight. Is there another way, is there? Wow. Let's get the story straight for a second. There was some sliding in DMs. Well, hold on a minute. And I'm a gentleman and I won't say who slid into whose, but... Well, this was in the... I mean, Twitter was still quite you, wasn't it? And I followed him. And then you followed me back. So that was the signal. Filthy, Doug. That was the signal. Why is he the pervert? Well, then a couple of days went by. That's a normal thing to do. Yeah, but then a couple of days went by and I was like, come on, mate. I'm a pretty cool guy, Claire.

5:30Clair Buckley: Oh, yeah, I forgot that. You played it cool. I did, yeah, I played it really cool. I was just looking at my phone for two days.

5:39Yeah, we first started talking on Twitter. Yeah, I guess it was a bit...

5:44Clair Buckley: Which is really cool. Yeah, no, yeah, it was a bit embarrassing. is a bit unusual but nowadays I think that's totally normal especially with like dating apps and stuff like that and obviously you get to you don't have to leave the house which is always a bonus and you get to meet people who have similar interests and stuff that don't just live across the road from you which I think is great yeah well I mean we would never have it's very unlikely that we would ever have met if we didn't no definitely not slide into each other

6:15Abbey Clancy: that's it

6:15Clair Buckley: well

6:16Abbey Clancy: we met in Liverpool didn't we we did too we did too yeah that was I suppose we were just out in the nightclub basically yeah yeah she you still had sliding in she slid over shut up she didn't just slide up she ran I actually fancy Pete believe it or not I like he was getting a tough time like not scoring for Liverpool or whatever and I just felt like he needed looking after and I used to I was a waitress in this restaurant and i always used to pretend i had like toothache or i was sick and go home and every time i went home he'd come in and um this one time it was my my best friend kaz and tommy it was tommy's birthday and i was working then i went down to the club downstairs and pete was there and i was like i just remember me half hand and everyone was and as i was going the loo i was like oh well don't you'd scored your first goal for liverpool didn't you yeah it took me a while and then you asked me for my number um yeah yeah and then i come out the loo and he was like chatting another girl up I was like are you messing we're in a nightclub player respect and I was like top shagger oh my god but then I was like give me my number back I was like give me my number back now I was like you've just you've just asked me give me my number back she did give me my number back was the shout I was only literally just talking I wasn't like working the room

7:45Clair Buckley: just seeing seeing what's about yeah exactly keep your assumptions open can you imagine like Abbey came over you know what I mean and like I I was thinking about keeping my options open afterwards it'd be outrageous I mean well something similar happened to us because when we did meet in Liverpool no the complete opposite happened to us no because I was super honest and I went to no because we met up hold on hold on when we met in Liverpool right we'd already been talking for a while yeah and we were already kind of I was head over heels I was just like this girl's even before we met it was like one of the things on the phone until like four in the morning not that I used to love them days but then tiring it was it did get a bit bored a bit much this is when you I'm talking about the both of us let's fall asleep together let's fall asleep together on the phone I don't know did we do that I like to go to sleep but anyway we met in Liverpool we had a great little date and then James was going back up his way and I was supposed to go home but he was like why don't you just come to mine for a couple of days and I was like alright fine and as we were in the car driving back two girls phoned him and it came up in the car obviously I mean come on and he just sort of looked at me and he was just like like cancel and just sort of looked at me I don't even remember this but twice it happened and it was two different names I said to you I said to you very early on after we'd just met.

9:14Abbey Clancy: But were you lying about this or telling the truth? No, no. Because I know your character. No, we weren't. We weren't exclusive. No,

9:21Clair Buckley: but I just... These real girls. I wasn't in a relationship, but you did. You'd be two mates of Belden and us. Do me a few. Change the name on the way up. Yeah, just make me look like I've got a little one in here. No, it worked, didn't it? It's actually a good... It worked. No, but, you know, I wasn't going out with anyone, but it was dating. And I was like 21 to 22. I wasn't doing anything wrong, was I? No, no, no, I'm just saying. But I was honest. And I said to Claire, I said, look, I don't want to see any other girls now. I'm sort of quite into you. And I didn't want to sort of be the first person to shoot and go, will you be my girlfriend or anything like that?

10:03Clair Buckley: But I just said to her, I'm not going to be seeing anyone else. I'm going to meet up with you and just hang out with you and you're going to be what I'm concentrating on. So whatever you want to do, Claire. If you want to do the same, that's cool, but I get it. You're under a lot of pressure there. No, no, but I'm just saying like... Watch it if you turn around.

10:19Abbey Clancy: Well, no, Brian. Yeah, no, no, I've got a couple in the go, mate.

10:22Clair Buckley: I'd have gone, yeah, all right. Yeah. Good luck. Better than this.

10:26Abbey Clancy: The kids do that now, I guess.

10:28Clair Buckley: What?

10:29Abbey Clancy: There's like terms for that. It's like you're meeting someone. Is it like, what did they say, the young ones? Going steady. Yeah. What do you mean? Exclusive. You know, it's like the kids date loads of people and go, I'm not mutually exclusive Mutually exclusive I'm not I was a one guy We're not mutually exclusive to each other Slag That's the word Peter Peter Peter Peter Which isn't a bad thing I thought you liked him Peter That was a long time ago That wasn't it 12 years Yeah 13

11:04Clair Buckley: 13 yeah So you're similar to us What are we We're married Coming up to 12

11:09Abbey Clancy: No Pete coming up to 14 and we've been no not married 14 we did our 13 year anniversary no because we are our engaged the one we renewed our vows was the 10 year but it was 11 which was last year it wasn't 1200 % we got married 2011 yeah yeah sorry 2011

11:26Clair Buckley: I don't know they'll get to the bottom of it what year did you get married 2011 so we got married in 2012 yeah and we are married 11 years yeah so 12 we're coming up to our 13 in June married 12 years no 11 11 we're married 11 don't us joining

11:44Abbey Clancy: we're married 12 so in June it'll be 13 years but we've been together 18 years have you? 18 years wow that is amazing really isn't it? it is and I still like you yeah it's alright do you? I do do you know what I actually do I don't like being away from them no you love it when I'm away don't you? I love it when you're away do you? I don't know why yeah not for too long great fun not for too long but if James like if he gets a call from his agent or whatever and it's like oh little six week shoot for this TV I'm like yeah cool do that it sounds really good just a little hey it keeps it you know keeps it fresh because I do miss you sometimes yeah I suppose it's starting to get good you like being away from me but I don't like being away from you she can't do it at all do you not like being by yourself yeah no she can't be by yourself

12:41Clair Buckley: Do you like being by yourself? Yeah. Well, we are pretty much... I don't mind being by myself at all. We were talking about that before we started rolling with sort of the ages of the kids and what TV everybody watches and stuff. We love a little night where we have... Sometimes we'll do like family night and we'll all watch the same thing, watch a couple of movies and all that sort of stuff. Sometimes we'll do a night with me and you watch a movie. Me and you will do something. That's usually Fridays. Yeah. During the week, I feel like that's a more relaxed... you know evening I want to watch I want to watch what I want to watch James is in the guest room I'm downstairs the kids are somewhere else I'm re-watching The Sopranos at the moment oh what a show so do you watch box sets on your own well we've watched The Sopranos together and then I've watched it by myself and he's watched it by himself and you're watching it again yeah is it one of your favourites we watch it that's the best TV show I've ever made that was our first one

13:32Abbey Clancy: we used to Pete used to come home from training and we used to make get all the quilts make a big bed on the floor next to the fire and just watch Sopranos for hours brilliant I think it was the first box set we watched together as well

13:46Clair Buckley: do you reckon? yeah because I was pregnant with Harrison yeah we didn't muck about no pregnancy first then we'll watch them TV

14:01I mean yeah what are you up to now? like are you I feel like

14:09Clair Buckley: I feel like I'm so busy but I'm not I had my hair cut believe it or not last night and that's what they always ask you know what are you up to I was like I'm really busy I can't think of anything that I'm doing oh you got a new TV show coming up in the new year oh yeah yeah I was talking to you about I got touching it obviously I'm a massive fan like it was incredible I remember watching it you know when it was I think it was on channel 4 like early on it's E4 it was E4 and it was just randomly on it wasn't like promoted or anything it was one of those where you just stumbled upon it kind of late at night and it was like oh my god like I can't believe what I'm seeing but that's it it was so it was so it was so it was so this is unbelievable oh I love it and then obviously you know it's huge right did you tell people about it after you watched it yeah and that was it that was what it was because nobody knew about it we couldn't especially the first series there was no adverts well we couldn't make an advert because you couldn't put any clips of the show during the day.

15:11Clair Buckley: There wouldn't be 30 seconds of the show where you could put that on during the day. When you were watching it it was like, like you say, it was so so crude. It felt like you were watching, when I put it on I thought it was like Grange Hill or something. And then obviously the conversation must be a rerun of Grange Hill from the morning.

15:32Abbey Clancy: Grange Hill. And then obviously it was so funny. some of the sayings on that are like what we use in our everyday vocab now yeah which is just nuts

15:43Clair Buckley: yeah I like the blank wanker something wanker has become again yeah because it just works no matter what yeah like because we get the train in when we do our podcast and stuff and it's just like train wanker yeah and you're just like yeah it could be anything James have got his Sainsbury's it's like oh Sainsbury's wanker yeah it can't be anything you can go into work and someone's drinking a coffee you go alright coffee wanker It just works so well. It doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't have to. It's perfect. Buswankers is amazing, wasn't it? But that was the Chinky Cento Y, wasn't it? Oh, yeah.

16:17So I had a mint green polo when I was at Tottenham as a kid. And I used to pack all the lads in.

16:23Abbey Clancy: What possessed you together? It's the cheapest colour because none wanted it. So obviously Volkswagen Polo was a decent car. It's a solid car. He's nine foot three. Green polo. We've also had three six-foot lads in the back and one in the front, right? I was listening to Speed Garage. You had the windows down. I had the wheels on it and the radio. So it's literally like, that is what, that car journey when you went out in the nightclub, whatever, that was us every weekend going to Tottenham. And Pete was, like, obviously when we first got together and, you know, Pete's playing for Liverpool, England at the time, and I go to his house and it was literally like the in-betweeners live there.

17:03Abbey Clancy: he had a loaded money box next to his bed full of naked girls with all pennies on my mom my mom bought me that at least she was worried about me he had no bed no food in the fridge like a a jar of pesto when i opened it was like mold the house was filthy he had a box where he used to shave his pubes into like i know it was vile squat box why a box because he's disgusting what did you keep them

17:35Clair Buckley: in case someone tries to clone you you didn't keep

17:38Abbey Clancy: them to be fair but you could tell that's what it was

17:42Clair Buckley: oh they were just it was just laziness he walks in and saw a box with hair and it went oh he must be squatting on that

17:46Abbey Clancy: literally I had to go in and defunct the whole flask by bed by pans he had no pans no coffee he had like one mug same oh let's do one was he like that no yeah same when I first

18:00Clair Buckley: what are you talking about do you have any furniture when you I just bought I just bought myself a flat inflatables it was my first flat it's a really lovely apartment it was like proper bachelor pad the idea was that that was going to be me for the next 10 years you were going to have the time of your life in Rox Clare we need a kettle about four weeks about four weeks after I bought this this flat I met Clare and it was it was it was small super small but it was perfect for like you know it was quite it was nice perfect for what perfect for what it was perfect for for entertaining up to one person but yeah I think we were yeah awful weren't it no but what happened was though because I went in and it was bean bags and inflatables I didn't have any furniture but you had ordered I'd ordered the furniture don't worry I've ordered furniture like I've ordered a nice sofa and a couple of chairs and I went alright great you know it takes about four years before furniture turns up yeah but then when it did turn up these guys were bringing them in And I went, James, did you measure your stuff before?

19:04I did the same thing. This is so weird. These massive, big, you know, like the Joey and Chandler lounges. Two of them. That was the same thing that happened to me in Portsmouth. Two of them and a massive, big couch. And I was like, so then the living room was just full of this big brown, ugly leather furniture.

19:22Clair Buckley: Climb into the living room. I was like, what possessed you? It was an oversight. It was an oversight. I did take it personally when the delivery men were laughing at me. I thought that was a bit much. I was like, all right, judgy. Where do you stand on animals? Try not to stand on them. It's a bit cruel. We've got a dog. Yeah, we've got a dog, our paisley. She's a Rottweiler. So we've got a big old dog. Yeah. And I always describe her. She's brilliant. She's so lovely. She's all right. The kids absolutely adore her, especially our youngest, Judd. Her and Judd are like best friends. but you know the film Marley and Me where it's just the worst pet ever it's funny in a film she's genuinely great she's lovely, she's a great family dog she's a great guard dog but she's just a bit dumb I think there's something wrong with her you're supposed to be so clever though, Rockwilers

20:19Abbey Clancy: I have never seen a dog

20:21Clair Buckley: bang their head so much she's not blind is she? no, she just will turn around she'll just walk backwards or like she just won't look where she's going or anything like that it's a bit clumsy like she'll walk past the the table and her tail will hit all the drinks off oh every time she goes out to do a poo yeah she every I'd say at least 98 % of the time yeah she'll step in it before she comes in absolutely like she's just she's the best but she's the one also she gets fed once a day she takes about seven shits a day so I don't know how that works I don't know how that works now but no she's great we love we're dog people we're dogs yeah she's alright Ab will have you'd have anything wouldn't you like any kind of freaking animal you've got that same dilemma that you were talking about because you you do feel bad about eating animals but you love meat I love it I love it I'm the worst yeah same look I totally could get why someone would want to be vegetarian yes because it's there is inevitably some kind of trauma that a living thing has to go through.

21:27Clair Buckley: They taste so fucking good, don't they? Stick them in a bun with a bit of cheese

21:32Abbey Clancy: and tomato ketchup. I think the one way around that is to eat animals you don't really like that much.

21:39Clair Buckley: Yeah. Ones that piss you off.

21:41Abbey Clancy: Yeah.

21:42Clair Buckley: But this is funny, because the other day, like, I was quite tired, wasn't I? Yeah. And sometimes my brain goes a bit, I start thinking a bit too much when I'm supposed to be sleeping. Jim, is that the fucking electricity story? No, that's not that one. One night, one night, I didn't get I want to hear that though it's a short story one night I stayed up late I was trying to get some sleep but my brain was trying to work out whether electricity weighed anything I was lying in bed thinking about that because it's something it's something there but it's energy right move on anyway we've done this on our podcast there was also another night where I was trying to fall asleep and I just watched I think I was watching Instagram or something like that and you know you get those little monkeys that sort of mug people Yeah.

22:26You train them to pickpocket?

22:28Clair Buckley: You know, like, they go on holiday and stuff. They nick your phone. They take some food and stuff. Yeah, but they take iPads and bags and stuff like that. Sunglasses. And I was like, I'll just smack it. You can follow that. I'll just smack it. And I was like, and I was thinking, could I punch a monkey? I don't think you could. Even when you were in that moment. Do you reckon? I don't think you physically could do it. I don't know. If he's gone for your watch or something like that. The vicious ones. They can be. The little ones. Big teeth on them. Yeah. we obviously the world cup in South Africa right my dad was in one of the rooms and they said don't any circumstances don't leave your windows open or doors because there's monkeys in the trees and stuff so he's like monkeys in the trees he was like door open not a problem watching the world cup and he's sitting there and he said all of a sudden right within three monkeys came in one went straight to minibar one went around the corner to where my mum was getting ready in the fruit bowl the other one was in the safe he said it happened And in like five seconds, they were in.

23:27And he said, he's like opening the minibar and stuff like that. And then it's like they were looking at him as if to say, what are you going to do? And then they were gone. They were like gone in like... Did they take anything? Yeah, they took everything.

23:39Clair Buckley: You see that nowadays. I've seen videos of people going into supermarkets and just being like, what are you going to do? And they're just filling up there. Unbelievable it was. Taking notes for the monkey.

23:47Abbey Clancy: That's it.

23:48Clair Buckley: What are you going to do?

23:50Abbey Clancy: We just met before I went on Britain's Next Top Model. and the day before I was about to film Pete said I was at a stay in a hotel so Pete was like do you want to come and meet me and my friends and he ended up staying in the room with me but obviously nothing happened and I was so desperate to get him out in the morning because I was like I need to get ready I'm going on Britain's Next Top Model like in 10 minutes so we left and then I was like thank God so I can get ready and then there was a knock at the door and he just ran in and vomited everywhere and then left that wasn't my finest though oh my God that's great isn't it I just love hearing stories like that I do love those first few like that whirlwind of like they do say it's the honeymoon year don't they that first year when you're like you're all acting so polite and you're all like oh no I don't mind no you go no you go and I'm like no if you don't take the bins in but then that's the there's that period of time where you're both trying to pretend that you don't shit do you know what I mean where you're both trying to be like Like, we cannot let each other know that we in any way defecate.

24:57I remember that we would go to the cafes for, like, breakfast and stuff. And then we'd, like, just have to go to the bathroom. I had such severe stomachache. Because I just refused. And then we'd be like, oh, no, why don't you stay another night? And I was like, I really can't. I can't hold this poo in for another three days.

25:13Abbey Clancy: That's exactly it. Well. We had people writing in with that girl last week. Oh, that was a girl, yeah, yeah. she had all her problems yeah she said she couldn't do it she wouldn't do it oh my god she wouldn't do it she did she ended up doing it at her mother-in-law's house and the fair shit she's been holding in for weeks and then she had to scoop it out oh no it didn't go down stop it and then she left it upstairs in someone's shoes stop it and then left stop it because yeah left and then I think it was four or five days later, came back and got it out of the shoe and got it out. What? I don't know.

25:56Oh, my God. It's an unbelievable story. I know. Oh, my God. How do you find, like, you know, when you're talking on the podcast and you do it at home like we do, how do you find, like, some of the stuff? Because I keep forgetting, like, when people say to me about certain stories, I'm like, oh, my God, how the hell do you know that? I know. And you think, we've just said that on the podcast for everyone, but because you're around people that you trust and like...

26:24Abbey Clancy: But when it's in a safe space in your house, it's just like you're on the couch having a chat. But none of our friends listen to our podcast. No, mine listens to it when she's cleaning the loo, she said, which I'm like, I don't know if that's like the biggest compliment or not, but thank you so much. But I've got friends like in New York and stuff, and it's like, they don't bother to come and see us now because they just listen to the podcast. And I'm like, are you cheapskates? But how'd you find that? how do you find out kind of some of the stuff you've said sorry our Ross is just brushing his hair over there what are you doing oh my god you always use my brush that really bothers me mid podcast just brushing your hair is such a flex so he rolls it's an unbelievable flex he's trying to do the side part that Hannah told him to do yeah he's trying to trying to see what it looked like he's trying to look like Rick Mayle he does look like Rick Mayle oh my god it's not quite Bradley Cooper is it no I can imagine you've been hit in the face of the saucepan

27:25yeah is there anything like you've said and you've gone oh I wish I hadn't said that or like you know people come up to you in the street and I'm sure there's a lot of love for your podcast you know we get it yeah yeah it's like that familiarity that I think yeah like people have come up to us at like weddings before and they've gone like oh my god so did you go for the blinds the curtains and they have this whole conversation and then your mum will be like oh how do you know them and I'm like we don't but it's so lovely I love that part of it I just honestly forget what I say and like especially this week when we recorded I was not on top form I had hormones and also I was not very well and you absolutely and jet lag and jet lag but also Joel is the absolute shittest nurse to ever exist if i'm ill so literally i use it as a vent and it's great because then people also go oh my god you know my partner's like this too and you sometimes think i'm the mental one but when like hundreds of people agree with me it does feel amazing but basically it was all fine until i wouldn't go to the high street to get her a beach chumps

28:28Abbey Clancy: why wouldn't you do that well medication yeah exactly there was a lens there was a lens in the house and it's the same thing I even looked up the ingredients I was like she's like I don't want lead sim I was like no but it comes off the back of I've said this before that when I was pregnant he didn't go and get well after I'd given birth you didn't get me anusol he wouldn't go down to the pharmacy to get anusol because you didn't want to ask for anusol Joel Domit didn't want to say that he potentially had hemorrhoids it's not amazing as people put my anusol on me did he really that's true love did you true love no he offered but I said no he did it me mum did it for me see because I was so fat and I couldn't reach and me mum had to do it see I'm really glad you've heard that you wouldn't even go down there then what was the other thing I would apply it I'd rather apply it than go to the shop and it's not about me being like like I'm too famous to get anusol if I was like John from the fucking from from famous

29:37I wouldn't go to the shop anyway. It doesn't matter. My voice has gone very high-pitched. He offered to get it on Amazon Prime, so I had to wait a day to get it. It had to be a day after I'd given birth to your child. But you know that...

29:51Abbey Clancy: He locked me in the room for nine months when I was pregnant. Open the door and slide food in. It felt like, you know, the exorcist room, you know, where they just... That's why we didn't get divorced, isn't it? You open it. You know, like the exorcist, you go, oh my fuck, what is... I'm not going in there. Slide the food on the table and run. I just think it's really unfair. So I just say, like, I'm making a small notepad in my brain where, like, the things you haven't done for me in, like, times of crisis. And I'm, like, it's not fair because when you're ill, I'm so good to you. Yeah, I can't remember because I'm ill.

30:26But having said that, though, if you did go down to the chemist and you know there was a huge Master Singer fan or you know behind the counter a million percent they're going to tell that Joel Dumit Joel Dumit's got piles yeah he's got piles yeah no but it's that riddled with piles yeah because even like that's going to be their story forever we've been going down to the GP to like get Wild's jabs and things and now like it kind of works in our favour because they figured out that you're Wild's dad so I can get a good like appointment time if I want it but they do say when I get to reception, take it off, take it off.

31:02And I'm like, if Joel's ever got a rash, we're screwed. Take it off, take it off. You guys were like, honestly, it was so nice to pee when you were on Masked Dance. I loved it, you know. It was so lovely and Abby came along with the family and you were just so good at it. And it was just, it was so brilliant. It was such a... It's a great show.

31:23Abbey Clancy: What a show, man. It's like so lovely to have a moment where you were like, you once did a celebration and now you are a judge on a dance show. Yeah, the Mars dance. That's mental. I was like, I wouldn't fucking strictly why is he doing that? Yeah, it's so true. The other thing as well I had to break the news to we're friends with Kimberly Wyatt and Max, right? So she's the greatest dancer on planet Earth. Excuse me? Apart from you, you're more ballroom. Different genre. It's a different vibe. But yeah, and I had to say, sorry, I'm going to be a judge on the Mars dance show. That's so funny. The funny thing is, it's like, obviously, Pete retired when our kids were, you know, of the age to understand football or whatever.

32:03Abbey Clancy: And they're, what were they like in the soft play? They were like, do you know, do you watch them sing? Like, my dad's a judge on that, you know. Like, they think he's famous for being a judge on that and that's it. I love that. I love that. They love the kids, don't they? No, they loved it. Yeah, but that, you know, take it off. They come out and we're singing that for weeks. Everyone loves it, don't they? Do you do singer and dancer? Yes. Yeah, yeah. What do you prefer? Sing is better. no offence Pete but it's loads taken you're fantastic but yeah it's an easier thing to do because my dance was like amazing but you know it didn't it didn't really make sense you can't really kind of you can't see their body you can't hear their voice quite hard and anyone can dance anyway can't they yeah unless you're like Michael Jackson you've got to judge them by the way they're dancing it's a difficult format it's a difficult format but you know Some people are better dancers than others.

32:57Yeah, it was nice because it got something.

32:59Abbey Clancy: There still can be a competition element there. But the thing is, the new series that's about to happen, there's a Christmas special on Boxing Day. That Christmas special is my favourite episode that we've ever done. It's like unbelievable. It's so stupid. And there's an amazing twist. There's two really fun twists that was really great. But it's, yeah, it's just, I just love it. So it's so ridiculous. isn't it? Yeah, no, it's absolutely stupid. I think when I came to the studio to watch it, you had like a suit on with maybe like planets on it. Yeah, yeah, It was like an unfortunate... Yes. Yeah, that was it, the two planets just collided.

33:38Yeah, there was two planets that Taylor hadn't thought about the fact that these galaxies absolutely looked like testicles. Blue ones as well. Blue ones as well. There was the suit this series.

33:51Abbey Clancy: Why do I remember that? It's well... It's funny, isn't it? Joel's balls are memorable they're memorable and this series we do this is what I love about it is that any idea I come up with they're just like yeah it's fine it's like ridiculous and we had a holiday episode so it's like a themed episode and the theme is holidays and so I said to them I was like oh why don't we like do a suit with shorts that'd be funny and they were like yeah that's nice and then I said well tell you what why don't we make the shorts get shorter every single break no way and so it's well funny so they start off like just above the knee the next break they go up mid thigh and then the last break they're tiny hot pants and it's so funny and I can't really give much away but the reveal that happens on that day is unbelievable and you're in front of this person in hot pants and you're like oh my god this is and then what unfolds is one of my favourite it's so frustrating because I can't say what's happening but it's my favourite thing that's ever happened in telly wow it's that's big I don't really know how much they're going to show in the edit but it's unbelievable wow I'll tell you after this podcast is finished I'm going to tell you and it's I'm so excited amazing And I'm going to name names.

35:24I'm going to give you everything. All the hot goss. I need hot goss.

35:27Abbey Clancy: Lovely, lovely. Can you pass me my water? I love that. I love the ability to be able to go, mm-mm, and then immediately Pete takes your water. That's a vibe. That's the kind of power he's got in this house. I feel like you need to go on, like, husband training courses. Yes. The kind of power. Don't think he's well trained. I am well trained. He doesn't do anything he's told. Joel doesn't do that. When I go, mm-mm, he's like, you are. He's only showing off in front of you. She's the boss of the house. you are the boss you're saying you're not the boss Ross who's the boss yeah that's not true Jay who's the boss yeah do you not want to be the boss traitors yeah who wants to be do you want to be the boss no I yeah but yeah

36:12Abbey Clancy: I just don't want people saying I just want people to do everything I say I want to be the secret boss but not know about it I'm going to ask you some quick fire questions. Is that okay? Please do. I've messed around my page. Very prepared. Who's the better cook? Hannah, you'd say you're the better cook. Yeah, okay. Okay. That's decided. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you got a signature dish? Are you a good cook? No, I just follow recipe cards. You just make too much of a mess that stresses me out. I think you're probably more creative than me, but you would eat steak and sweet potato every single day for the rest of your life and be absolutely fine with that.

36:52Yeah, I love a... I am so boring as a human being. Hannah literally calls me the party pooper because I will go to a party and absolutely ruin it. Like, I know this about myself. Like, you know, certain people, they go... Wayne Bridge is one of them. If he's in a party, the party is a party, man. It's having a great time. I feel like you're one of those people, Pete.

37:10Abbey Clancy: He is, yeah. And like, you're one of those people. You're so fun to be around and it's great. I am... I suck the energy out of parties. Really? I don't believe that. I go in a corner and I stand up like talking about like how, oh, I can't wait to train for this marathon. Joel overthinks things. So like you can like, you can drink and I've like actually like forced you to drink to the point where I need to like stop it because I'm just like, you can just take it, can't you? You can just drink and drink and drink. But then you just go like, you're just worried that you're going to say something stupid.

37:41I just get paranoid. But drunk Joel is like my favourite Joel. I just don't let myself get, I don't like relax. this is a perfect example Pete we bumped into you at that that concert thing see that shows how much of a party pooper I am I called it a concert right we went to that Kings of Leon yeah and we went to Kings of Leon and bumped into you we had a lovely conversation whatever I'll text you I may I can't remember I need to read out while I text you because it's probably really embarrassing I can't even remember Mate, this is, this is, this is.

38:20Abbey Clancy: I was absolutely. This is literally the last time I text you as well. This is embarrassing, man. I'll see if I can find it first as well. Here we go. You got it? All right, I'll edit the first bit of it. I'll edit the first bit. Oh, no.

38:41Hey, Pete, how's it going? Good to see you. Sorry, I had zero chat. since having a baby I have genuinely lost the ability to have a conversation sex on fire was fun though wow look how much I'm panicking I'm texting you the next day after having like a five minute conversation please tell me I'll text you back you text me back and you laughed about the thing we talked to no okay but I just I panic and I'm like I've got to text them and tell them I'm the most boring person alive you're not boring at all if you hadn't text me I would have gone like great to see Joel well I've got zero recollection

39:20Abbey Clancy: I was pissed I think as a comedian I think people expect you to be like the light of and on all the time and I think that that's quite a lot of pressure so I think I always say to you the less you think about things the better yeah I know I know but this has all become about me but you don't need to worry you're cool stop it we need to hang out more often just don't panic I'm normally making texts because I'm making a complete twat of us we had a saying on this podcast it's the coolest thing in the world to not care about being the coolest it's just to not be cool because we're not cool but we're totally fine with it 100 % the coolest uncool people who's more likely to start an argument this is the fun thing we're making these quick fire questions extremely long

40:18I remember a moment in our relationship where Hannah tried to sort of have an argument with me and then I immediately just I'm not having an argument with her so she was just like it was about bedsheets because I just bought some bedsheets online because I thought how dare you how dare you buy a bedsheets without permission thank you so much literally we moved into the house every decision I like said this one or this one this one, this one, he roguely buys these porn style silk, dark grey Instagram advert you know and it's like 75 % off but the best sleep you'll ever have and he's like I panicked and I knew I wouldn't find the ad again so I just bought them and I was like you've done what?

41:02I've got a whole like mood board neutrals, chill, calm and you buy these honestly porn star sheets that would show up any single stain to ever exist disgusting I just thought I thought they were like bedsheets I didn't think about it I just bought some god damn bedsheets that was our first big argument as a couple but like it's only because you've learned your argument style from like previous relationships and what you got away with then and then so I sort of went with that like same style and it didn't like hit with you so well you were just like laughing at me and then I cried for like more effect and you just carried on laughing and then ever since then we don't argue anymore don't get like a rise out of him Yeah, don't get engaged, man.

41:42Yeah, it's good. We don't often argue, though. We don't have loads of arguments, do we? No. We'll disagree, but we also bring up both very valid points. That's the annoying thing. And then we sort of have, like, silence for maybe half an hour, and then, like, maybe you'll come in and say sorry.

41:57Abbey Clancy: Pete's sorry is bringing me a cup of tea with a little rich tea. Or he'll take the bins out without me asking him. Sometimes I bring them in as well. That's when I'm in your big trouble. he doesn't he doesn't like to come if I'm in the wrong I'll come in and be like look I'm sorry about that he will never say sorry really act of love like act of service yeah I think so yeah silent cup of tea well I don't feel like I'm in the wrong a lot of the time I feel like we need to move on but I'm not saying sorry okay what's your go to takeaway order I think it's a Wagamama's isn't it it's a Wagamama's yeah to tell someone who spends more time on their phone you you'd probably say me you because you call it work I know I'm trying to be better at it Abby does that I'm really trying to be better at it everything is on the phone and that's fine but like also I guess I'm on my phone in bed more which I don't like but it's because I like remember to do stuff at night and I'm like absolutely all the stuff and then he thinks I'm scrolling but I'm actually not I'm like getting shit done for the next day same and then I'll wake up in the middle of the night and I like the idea of having like this notepad and pen next to the bed, but it's quicker for me to just get it done.

43:12Yeah. There and then. But in the day, I'd say you're more on your phone. Yeah. I just wish I was better. I want to be one of those people that meditates and doesn't spend any time on their phone. Journals. I want to be one of those guys. You said that to me yesterday. He was like, in the new year, can you get me like a journal that every day I can write my thoughts? so I was like absolutely not like absolutely not I do not want to be married to a journaler like absolutely a journaler like what are you going to do today I'm so grateful for being Joel Domit peace and love like stop it's going to last five days I think it's known as a journalist yeah yeah your dad does it and you know what is amazing about your dad as well is his dates isn't it like because he writes all the dates of stuff

44:01Abbey Clancy: he writes what he does every single day in these diaries from like the 80s. That's the mad thing, right? Every day. That's what I want to be. How much are they writing? Like a full page? No, like a little paragraph. A little line. Not like a deep, oh, I'm grateful. Not a gratitude day. No, just I did this. Right. Just, I went here today. And his dates are amazing. He'll go like, 1985, usually it's around football. He'll go like, you know, 19, whatever. And then he'll go, oh, Liverpool played the semi-final against Manchester United that day. And that'd be just in his head. Like, say, is your dad like?

44:34unbelievably like I must have been so proud that you married a Liverpool footballer

44:40Abbey Clancy: no he was furious really he was like all my mates in the pub are going to think you're a right slag going out on a footballer oh my god I was like but then it lasted so he's fine with it he's fine with it he prefers Pete to me no he prefers me I really am Pete's like the golden child can't do a thing wrong he's like you should greet him when he comes home with a ribbon in your hair with a laminated menu menu that's the kind of shit my dad's a wagon mama's menu yeah yeah no my dad is so when everything is moving all at once your workforce your tech stack your business you don't need more tools you need one solution that's why paylossity built a single platform to connect hr finance and it with ai driven insights and automated workflows that simplify the complex, empower what's next.

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46:08You just pay per session. Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as zero dollars depending on their plan visit growtherapy.com slash acast today to get started that's growtherapy.com slash acast growtherapy.com slash acast availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan that's so cool he's not very pc okay one i'm gonna do one more because we've got to help people here okay um what what's one word to describe your partner's driving oh i've got oh no i see him again making it very long form genuinely one of the the things that i find attractive about hannah is that she's not a shit driver oh really yeah you did say that yeah like i remember getting in the car and i was like oh like i'm not saying she's the best in the world at it I'm just I'm making this worse now for myself but I remember just being like oh this is great and a chauffeur yeah she had her last car which was like her dream car was a Jeep Wrangler oh I love them and then she got these massive wheels for it because it said Cooper on it and Cooper's a surname and so she got these insanely big wheels right still would not go up a curb to like park or anything wouldn't get up and I would drive and I'd go up a curb what are you doing I'm like these wheels can drive up mountains you need to fucking relax no but I don't want to be a bad driver I don't want to be a lazy driver because if then I drive another car then I'll just start going up curbs oh my wheels are a mess I just want to like stay like do you know what I mean I'd say with you one word to describe your driving would be like late as in like he'll brake so late or he'll change lane so late just keep everyone on those hoes you know yeah I don't like that I just want everyone to feel as close to death as possible

48:14Abbey Clancy: wonderful I hate that noise when you scrape your wheel it's not the way oh my god I just see money signs I'm like mine have destroyed don't look at them on your way out but you might as well just like commit to it now and then some man put me under pressure the day I was trying to reverse I hate it and I knew I should have took my time and I did it and just went I tried to bring a cactus home in my car oh my god like a big one a massive cactus and I don't know why and it was honestly one of the most memorable days, wasn't it? I was like, no, no, no, I don't need home delivery. I don't know why I thought it.

48:49And I shoved it. Actually, the guy put it in a bit of cardboard and shoved it on my front seat. And it just went, the whole leather, like sliced through it like a guillotine. And I was like, oh no. And everything can be fixed. That is like what I have learned. Like since having Wild as well, like you have so many things that get damaged and like ruined. And I'm like, oh my God. And I'm like, stress about it. and then I'm like especially with Instagram now you can find people like people can do anything and yeah it's true so yeah that was my little like yeah you had a full you had a full breakdown on the cactus skate the because you just had wild and then it was all fine like you were dealing with it all really well I was like oh my god this is great Hannah's dealing with this so brilliant my first trip out alone was to the garden centre and I was like I'm going to treat myself to a cactus I love that it was kind of going it was really mad so like I could Hannah was it was like January I think it was the first time you've been out without wilds and so she went to the garden dinner because she panicked i was just like i just need to go anywhere but anyway there's not too far in case anything happens with the child yeah and she was then just sending me loads of photos of cactuses i was like you need to relax and then like now i was trying to say you're a prick yeah thank you thank you and um and then she like gets this i cannot tell you how big this fucking cactus is it's absolutely massive It's so heavy.

50:12It's so un-child friendly. Yeah, you've just got a baby. Yeah, that's a good point. And you've got essentially a weapon. No, but I think I was like still, I'm the old me, it's fine. Nothing's changed. And then you try, and again, it was like a man trying to help you go like, we can get delivery. It's like£3.50. And you're like, I can do it myself. I'm an independent woman. Like throwing it in the front seat of your Porsche Macan. And then like scratch the goddamn seat everywhere. And you get back and you're just crying. you're like scratch my seat and I don't think I like the cactus I don't even know why I've got a cactus like we've got a small child like what am I doing why did I even go to the garden centre I didn't need anything I just want to get out like I'm a mother now can I even go out anymore and it was just this whole I used to go to the M &S cafe I did

50:54Abbey Clancy: to have a moment yeah just have a little cheese toasty you just do anything to get out I know just to breathe and sit with all like the pensioners yeah which I quite like it's calming it's calming it's calming we do a thing basically yes she's the better driver now we're talking I'd just like to get your take on some of these aspects if you don't mind what is a brace in football is that like you go first because you're going to be even better than her she's going to be slightly more knowledgeable is it a wall a brace like a wall a wall no a brace position no there's no roll or right answer honestly I've got no idea a brace no I don't know I've got no Have a guess.

51:41No.

51:43Abbey Clancy: There's nothing in my head. Nothing is coming to my head. Not like a thing that you've got on a sore foot. What flutter? I knew this was going to be good. No, like the boot thing. Like a brace. Like a brace. Yeah, like a knee brace. It's not a bad answer. Not a bad answer. No, it's actually when you score two goals. I've never heard of that. So it's not actually when you score a brace, it's two goals. What's the fox in the box mean? Some fit bear just ran off.

52:10These all make perfect sense You got an answer for that one? Stryker Fox in the box? Yeah What on earth? I've got no freaking idea Oh, is it Danny Fox? No clue Danny Fox Okay, not bad He did play, he did play No, it's not about Danny Fox

52:25Abbey Clancy: I don't even know who he is But I've heard the name No It's someone who sniffs out an opportunity Like a goal scorer Someone who's a fox A bit wily Yeah, like a bit wily You know, someone who can score goals it's like another language yeah okay okay this is fun what does it mean when someone is in someone's pocket oh I know just too close to him like chasing alongside him when he's chasing alongside him no okay and he I've got no fucking idea in the pocket I just went in your pocket they're just right next to you yeah you can't get away from them yeah yeah nice we'll give you that that's what I said yeah you said it running alongside them.

53:10With the hand in the pocket. Teabag. You can't get away from them. Can't get away from them. Yeah, so like, you know, a defender's, Rio's might have kept me in his pocket probably out a few times. Okay, what is Fergie time? What? What's Fergie time? Fergie time. So, Alex Ferguson. Alex Ferguson. Something to do with him. But what's he doing in his time? He's talking to you? Fergie time. You can't say that. Oh, you need to be quicker because Fergie wants you to be better it's Fergie time that's what I'd say okay yeah I'd say

53:42Abbey Clancy: something along those lines of you know don't do it in your own time do it in Fergie time this is amazing what? don't do it in your own time do it in Fergie time I think that's illogical yeah you just tried to make us look dormier okay Fergie time is basically like when you're not Man United of the day you're unbeatable right and they Everyone used to say that instead of the ref's time, they'd add time on at the end of a game so United can win, basically. And that was Fergie time. And they used to call it Fergie time, as if Alex Ferguson's influencing the referees. But I like, don't do it on your time.

54:24Do it on Fergie time.

54:26Abbey Clancy: That's kind of the same thing. Okay, one last question. What is a Penenka? Sounds like some kind of fail at something. Not a bad guess. A fail. failed goal a failed goal Penenka Penenka I've got no idea Penenka You've seen a Penenka Can you give us a clue? You've seen one live and it didn't go in Is it a bicycle gig? Oh not bad No Not bad I tried one at Old Trafford and it went over the bar Hedda? Scissor? Scissor? No basically Penenka was an old footballer who did a style of penalty where he he dinks it down the middle remember I did one for England put it over who was that guy Jamaica Jamaica yeah I was there played never forgot it half gone for a Penenka I don't think I have unbelievable playing for England outrageous that was unbelievable that was a robot come out then didn't it yeah that was it I was so I was full of confidence that day oh yeah let's let's give a go I've got one for Rio oh there we go what days does Tia horse ride on is that the type of question we're going for this is family let's see if he knows what's going on I wanted more responses

55:50how many days a week is it Tuesday and Wednesday Monday and Wednesday you've got one right well done Peter how many children do we have Rio what was the speech

56:05Abbey Clancy: at our wedding

56:10what was the meaning

56:12Abbey Clancy: of the word coward I reckon Rio knows more about fashion than us Kate Rio's a fashionista I know he is every time every time we see it I'm like god Rio's always got lovely clothes on Pete just puts it like Pete's into cardigans now oh okay and he just on this podcast my nickname's become Cardi P

56:34Carrageous, innit? Fucking Cardi P. Cardi P.

56:37Abbey Clancy: And they're like, not cheap Cardis. I don't know why you keep buying them. Cardi P's unreal. Cardi P. To be fair, I can't take you. She buys most of my clothes. Do you? A lot of it. Ria's got an online shopping addict. He's addicted to shopping online. He has so much more stuff than me. They're really good at targeting me. You know, they get them emails or them things that pop up. Guerrilla markets. You send them back. And I just... What do you mean? If they don't work, or do you, because if he gets it online and it doesn't work, you'll just keep it. Yeah, I'm not a sender back person. We'll do with that.

57:09They're the people that want to. Well, like, you keep holding from China and I keep having to have a big import tax, like 200, 400 pounds. What the hell are you buying from China? What is he buying? Mad random shit. They just target me, though. Teaming? Are you on Teaming? I don't know. They target me. They do. It's unreal. I'm in a bad way, seriously. The email's coming through. I can't skip the email. Really? I just have to click on it Oh, I like that.

57:29Abbey Clancy: I've got an addiction. I've got 680-something unopened emails. Yeah, I'm in that realm somewhere. It's disgusting. Okay, what's the meaning of the word coward? Oh, like a coordinated outfit? Yeah. Is that right? Yes. Wow, I just came to me. What is a collette? What's a collette? I don't know. Do you know? It's a pair of trousers. That's a collette. Oh, I knew. I thought I knew.

57:59Oh my God. I knew where he was going with that.

58:02Abbey Clancy: What is Kate's favourite film? That's tough. She don't watch films. No, I don't. She's not as you watch them. Do another one, do another one. I don't watch films. Do you know what Rio's favourite film is? No. No? Do you watch films? Silence of the Lambs. Silence of the Lambs. Is it? Dark. Yeah. Serrani Hopkins. Do you know what mine is? Yeah. I think there's two. Okay. There's Overboard, which you quite like. You do like that. I love her. Yeah, yeah, it's up there. Goldie Hawn and Kate Russell. And the other one was the stone. No. Something stone. Romancing the stone. No. True romance. That's it.

58:40Close. Romance. Yours is gladiator. Probably, yeah.

58:46Abbey Clancy: Okay. What is Rio's favourite meal? Oh, this is a hard one. Is it just Caribbean food? brown stew chicken mac and cheese yeah rice and peas yeah really coleslaw I love that that's me over I'm game comatose on the sofa after that that sounds nice I want that now I do I do do you make me hungry

59:19Abbey Clancy: what's Kate's favourite meal she fluctuates I think it will be chicken and raw spinach with onions and loads and loads of mayo. Mmm. I know. That's a... Raw spinach? Fucking hell. You're an animal. It's a beaver. Beaver. At the moment, I'm trying to eat healthy and all I eat is raw spinach and chicken. Really? Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, it's not my favourite meal ever. I just, you know, I'm just eating it. Wait, wait. One of her favourite meals is from the Good Earth Chinese. Yeah, that's my favourite Chinese. Yeah, that is good. Yeah, we've got one near us. They never fucking do dim sum. Hold on.

59:54so you got one near you as well? No, in London. In London. When I was pregnant. Yeah. And all I fancied was a Chinese. I love this Chinese. We're in the hospital near there and Rio, I had a C-section and I couldn't eat and he ordered my favourite Chinese and he ate it in front of me. And I was just, I was wrecked and he was just munching it in front of me. That one. I did a similar thing. I did the same thing. Did you? The Nando's.

1:00:17Abbey Clancy: Come to the room like eight centimetres nil by mouth. And he's like that. You okay babe? Like Nando's wrap with halloumi all dripping down his face. I was so upset. Give me a Lucas A's sweet to suck on. Suck on that. Your favourite meal? I don't even know my favourite meal. I think it'd be an Indian? That'd be up there, yeah. I think. I don't know. What's mine? I'd say if you just have to have one, I think it'd be a roast dinner. But it'd be a Toby Carvey roast dinner. Like a shit one. Not like a red wine Jew. I hate a red wine Joe. A proper gravy. You don't like a gravy gravy. Bistone, yeah. I make the best gravy.

1:01:01We should have a cook-off roast. We should. You come to ours one weekend, we come to yours. We should.

1:01:05Abbey Clancy: Because my potatoes are up there. Oh, I know. Roast is up there for me. Is it really? I'll bring the gravy. You can be. And I'll make everything else. Hang on a minute. It's not a fair deal. What shoe size is Kate? Six and a half. Okay. Oh, yeah? Yeah. God, is that big? well I'm bigger than you but I thought you'd be smaller I thought you looked down at my feet I thought they'd be bigger than canoes you're an 11 and a half I thought that would be I thought that would be harder than it was do you know why? because recently he's bought me the wrong he's tried to get me a present and they're the wrong size and I've been saying to him I'm a 6 and a half he bought me a size 9 pair of trainers 9 like I'm not fucking Pete Burns I'm a seven I did know that you do know that no you say seven seven my big toe is like a size four alright favourite alcoholic drink you forget first when I first met her it was Whisper and Angel Rose wine and then it went on to vodka lemonade and lime yeah yours has changed recently yeah mine's yours when we go out I say you're straight taquita at the moment straight taquita I've seen the bottle in there that you've got that I like.

1:02:22Oh, really? Or you like, is it brandy? Yeah. Yeah. Straight. I like neat. Do you? Just on ice. I suppose it's just not all that kind of, you're not drinking shit, are you? The volume of it. The amount of times you have to go to the toilet on a night out or if you're going out for a bit of food and that.

1:02:40Abbey Clancy: Men are obsessed with like going for a wee, aren't they? No, I don't want to go toilet. If I drink loads of beer, I end up going toilet loads. Yeah. But then do you not think you drink more because it's so short the drink that would be my problem I'd have the same volume he drinks like one bottle a whole bottle of Bailey just like yeah well yeah I just always need to be drinking on the night out always like sipping all the time otherwise I'm like what am I doing what's your favourite beer I like a Guinness do you have a lager no Peroni I love Guinness it's fine do you know mine your favourite drink no you have a you have a like a lime and soda don't you?

1:03:19Like a vodka lime soda or something like that? No. Never in your life. Even I don't like that but you told me he's in the fridge. That's before. You like a glass of red wine? Do you? I wish you liked red wine. No, I don't. I'm a bit younger than you. Isn't it come of age? Excuse me.

1:03:36You've got 30 years of me, babe. Well, that always comes up. What's the age difference between you two? Five years. That's not a lot, is it? It's good. Yeah, not really. Yeah, we drink red wine together, don't we?

1:03:48Abbey Clancy: Yeah. You like a red wine, I'd say. So what do you like? Lime and soda is one of your favourite kind of like soft drinks. No. Always have it, babe. I see you all the time ordering that lime soda all the time. Fresh lime. You say it every time we go out. Fresh lime. Fresh lime and soda. But not with vodka. But you like that drink. It's a bit difficult. Yeah.

1:04:10Agony Ab is something that we do where listeners get in touch and we try and help them. I'm going to fire them some there. Hey, guys. I was hoping you can help me dealing with my absolute useless boyfriend. It's a common theme here. Abby, I'm hoping you can name and shame him. His name is Chris. I could deal with being the only one who tries to think of fun, romantic date ideas, creating shared calendars so he knows well in advance when we'll be meeting our friends and enjoying ourselves. So why the fuck does he think it's acceptable to go out with his bozo mate the night before?

1:04:40Abbey Clancy: Oh, yeah. It's the worst. Drink the pub dry of Guinness and then drop me like a hot potato. So he can stay up till all hours watching UFC because all Paddy the Banny wannabes, when in reality they're all Paddy the Fatty. Our date is then ruined. He looks and sounds awful. Has zero energy for the scavenger hunts. I've been weeks planning and getting excited for. The sad thing is I'm not surprised at this point or annoyed anymore. I let myself get my hopes up. Have you got any ideas on how to make his life a misery and get my own back? I just fuck him off. Fuck him off. Fuck him off? Fuck him off.

1:05:21That's mainly been the advice. That's my answer to everything.

1:05:25Abbey Clancy: We planned to go to Soho Farmhouse the other night, the other week, and I planned everything for me and Pete and the kids and then he comes in at like two in the morning and then doesn't want to go and always like dying the whole day. Just ruins the whole weekend. You've done that on several occasions. so I feel her pain it's not good and I say please don't do that just the night before we've got plans yeah I'm not gallivanting till all hours I'm just at the golf club but I do have a lot of drink to drink and I do yeah I get that and then he brings all his friends back gets me out of bed and makes me make them all food oh so you do make food that's not true any advice here how would you feel about this that would really make me angry because I feel like you don't do that do you we don't we haven't really got a life we don't really go out do we at the moment our kids are all of funny ages so I wouldn't be happy with that I think you've just got to put him up on it and if he does it again he's out fuck him off like you said he's got to put a foot down to get a reaction innit yeah I don't if it's happening a lot I think you know once a month it's 24 hours it's just how you feel the next day when you've got plans yeah no I get that You wouldn't even ride the horse with me?

1:06:39If I'm too hungover. Do you ride horses? No.

1:06:43Abbey Clancy: I do. I don't look like I ride horses. I was going to say I'd love to have seen that. Gee, I've said this before as well, but Frank Skinner said something on the radio, like going into a tackle with me would be someone throwing a bicycle at you. You know, because it's all sharp. So when I get on a horse, I think the horse looks at me and goes, no, there's no way. Why is there a bike on my bike? That thing is not getting on me. All right, let's move on. Hi there, Loveless is a podcast Make Tuesdays entertaining Please keep me anonymous I've recently started a new job I get on well with everyone However, there's one girl Who I want to get on with extra well If you know what I mean She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen And has the personality to match As she's been one of my new colleagues This has helped me settle in extra well I am a lad who is low on confidence In speaking to new people Especially ones who I want to date I struggle picking up on signals from women so I'd like your advice on how I could possibly boost my confidence and maybe know if she's keen on going on a date with me without outright asking oh how could he boost his confidence to it's going to be awkward because he's got to work with her what if it goes wrong that's the problem I think win her over in a different way you know like make her laugh make her laugh confident like a compliment yeah I like that that's good girls like a confident man so if he's going to be shy she's not she's not going to be you've got to find out what she likes and then work it around that that she likes football we'll go and watch a game together do you know what I mean?

1:08:15yeah

1:08:16Abbey Clancy: do you want to come to a football game? no let's do kick ups let's do kick ups it is hard though if you do like someone to make that initial step sometimes the circumstances dictate what how and what you say if you're working every day it's hard to go and generate something new and different when you're doing the norm every day you could just put a bit Drake on you're out of order or lie about getting Drake on bit of hotline bling I love that talk with him I think he's just got to kind of go for it because what I will say if you don't go for it you're going to regret it you know he's absolutely never going to get with her if he doesn't try you know so he'll be disappointed whereas if she does knock him back he'll be disappointed but at least he's had a go he's got to find the confidence to take a no innit if you're gonna get a no just gotta wash it off innit exactly right yeah be prepared for a no and if you get a yes you're over the moon hi Abby and Pete I love the podcast thank you for the light relief you both give me when doing the chores around the house I'm not normally the type of person to write into podcasts or radio shows but last weekend my whole life our marriage was potentially rocked forever and I need some agony ab advice on what to do there's no easy way to put this even as I type it out it's making me feel physically ill last weekend my husband and I were due to go bowling with the kids and our nieces and nephews.

1:09:39Abbey Clancy: My grown-ass husband decided that he and his cousin would go to our village real ale festival. What could go wrong? Six hours later, I get a frantic call from my cousin-in-law to tell him that I needed to immediately collect him and my husband and bring a spare pair of trousers and that he would explain when I arrived. Oh, God. I rather foolishly just expected there'd been some spillage and he just wanted a new pair of trousers prior to our bowling trip. what I was not expecting was my train wreck paralytic husband to be holed up in the toilet unable to string his sentence together and covered in his own shit

1:10:18Abbey Clancy: literally he had gotten so drunk that he took a gamble on a art and it backfired spectacularly I then spent the next 20 minutes trying to essentially change an adult nappy and do a clean up job which as you can imagine resulted in an eye watering aggressive gagging and balking my end. I'm also not normally one to air my dirty laundry, but in this instance, I'm more than happy to air my husband's when he forces me to put a newspaper down on my new Prius upholstery in case of a repeat. I know this might sound funny to the casual viewer, but I'm genuinely repulsed by my own husband. And every time I hear his paired derriere coming out of the shower, I am immediately having breakdown flashbacks.

1:11:01Abbey Clancy: What do you think is a fair punishment for him? punishment room is there any way back after that if you had to clean me up and I'd have to shit myself oh I can't even think about it could we permanently still be involved no I'd say no I don't like I don't want to do that like obviously I feel like I wouldn't write you off forever but you can't you can't keep doing it we we that is unbelievable advice isn't it that is that is profound he just needs to stop drinking so much yeah we can't even talk about that word same yeah we don't we don't I don't Kate has never farted in her life me neither absolutely she doesn't even go for number two me neither we are the same person yeah we are aren't we I actually we go on holidays yeah obviously and we have a room and that I know there's loads and loads and loads of people that are doing late night shifts that have seen me walking around hotels in the middle of the night looking for a disabled toilet or a spare toilet to go to the number two because I refuse to do it in the same room.

1:12:04Really? Oh, mate, I've got a serious issue. I've got a serious issue.

1:12:08Abbey Clancy: So have you, Ross, haven't you? Oh, Ross vomits and eating to do with poo or anything. Is it? It's disgusting. It's disgusting. I can't. No way. If she farted in front of me, I swear, it could be over. Romantically. I agree with that. It could be over. I've sat like that as well. I agree. Do you openly fart? No, he doesn't. No, not really. I try and keep it. so this has gone left a little bit what is happening? I don't know I'm just comfortable one of my mates is actually they had a house built and I can't name him because you know who he is but he was saying that they've got two toilets which they call thrones alongside each other in a toilet they're that comfortable not posh and bags is it?

1:12:55I wonder what I've said thrones unbelievable It's horrendous, isn't it? All right, listen, guys, thank you so much for coming on. No, thank you. Really enjoyed it today. No, it's been good. You know, hopefully we're looking forward to the new project that we're not allowed to talk to. You'll be on it. Well, I will look forward to that.

1:13:18Abbey Clancy: No, because I'm still really embarrassed that I haven't got any lunch. You should be, actually. We'll cook for you when you come to us. Thank you very much. absolute pleasure to have you on thank you so much thank you so much thank you

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