Has Pete LOST The Household? - Abbey’s New Puppy, Dads Night Out & Nit-Fuelled Nightmares

0:00Please, don't try and have a** with me. please that was the quote but if you can't um see that you shouldn't be driving though

0:10oh my good god i'm sweating now i'm actually embarrassed and i'm never embarrassed but yeah hello and welcome to the therapy crouch with me abby clancy peter crout hiya hiya ross i love when you're new acres yeah my ums i've got a funny story go on what Hold on, what's going on? You've gone for a fringe? I've gone for a bit of a fringe, but I've chickened out a bit, so it's a bit long. You look nice. You look like R. Ellie. Do I? Which is a compliment. Well, fucking hell. I went shopping with Sophia and Elle. Yeah. On the weekend, and three times someone said to me, God, your daughters are so like you, aren't they?

0:53I'm like, my sister's 27. Do I look like I could have a 27-year-old? No, but Elle does look very, young. She does, she does, she does. But you know, you are with your daughter, so... My daughter's 5 foot 11, Elle's 5 foot 5. Elle could look 27 or 15. Yeah, she could. That's why I'm saying it's a compliment, when I said you look like R. Elle. No, I know, I wish I looked like my sister. They're in real lips. No, you look good. So you, Pedro, I'm kind of growing on the tash now. The tash is growing on me. That's not my funny story. It's growing on me, actually. I was delighted when my horse riding coach, so when you posted the picture of me, when I posted the picture of me with Movember, Anthony, my horse riding coach was like, now we're talking.

1:39I was like, I knew you'd fancy me one day. So I might have to grow a tash just for him. But yeah, funny story. So a bit of chaos last night. My friend, we had a kid's party and then there was the we got a message on the What's School WhatsApp group there's knits going around fuck so I had a heart attack I had to leave the party drove around about 10 different shops to get the knit solution shut up and do all the kids with the knits because I'm petrified of them so my hair didn't get done so it's been done this morning my fringe looks cool I've never had knits have you ever had knits B? yeah I've had knits at school we used to have to knit nurse came to our school a couple of times and I was all like we had knits off the kids once remember when I had hair extensions in and you had to cut them all off and cut my hair off at the root I was like he cut my hair off at the root because at the time at the time so you've got two hairs on one knit and you cut it out exactly because I was like I had the weft extension in and it's sewn in and I'm like Pete can you just cut this cotton so I can unravel it off and he just cut my whole hair off at the root and I was like I had knits and a ball patch would you expect any less yeah I'm not a hairdresser absolute gobshater talking of gobshites let's talk about what you've got this is my weekly wine by the way please yeah continue there's a new addition on a lap yeah a dog yeah if you can call it that wow this is our new member of the family what are we calling her his name is Bambi his name is Bambi is Bambi a girl's name Bambi's a boy everyone thinks Bambi's a girl but Bambi's a boy oh okay sorry for my birth Bambi's a boy I just couldn't believe it genuinely like you know we talk about losing the dressing room right I've lost the household completely lost it I think we've gone to a group and actually I said this I've lost the household he said to our friends I've lost the household and Nick was like mate you've never had you've never had control ever cheers cheers mate he's not wrong but still like that I said the conversation went I'm thinking about getting this dog I said no you're not I said no way you put your daddy put his foot down absolutely no way right I said that's it I've told her she knows she knows the script the moustache I put my foot down I've got the moustache on she knows the script anyway I'm sitting there on a Sunday right and Ab walks in with it under a jumper like it's arrived it's like what's arrived they've no idea what was even happening you launched it on the kids as well so you can't say you can't be the big bad but it's you know my daughter liberty all she wants to be is a mom yeah and she she has all like she's 10 and she still has all these silicone baby dolls that she dresses and she just loves anything baby but she's just so loving and she's my mom's got a teacup maltese yeah bella and she she's like i love bella i want to keep bella there's a girl that i follow on instagram um Pomerania Maltese and I've messaged her now for about two years and going I really want a dog I really want one and then I just when Lib was saying that she was just she was like please mommy can I get a Bella and I just thought you know what I'm gonna get a one I'm still scarred I've still got PTSD from my childhood because I was never allowed a pet the one kitten I had my mom gave away to the policeman Jasmine yeah my mom was the same with Skippy to be fair yeah you know and I just think my kids the police man yeah I think we got broken into once and the police come round and was like I love that kitten and me and was like take it yeah it happens yeah Cruella what is that all about I know awful but I just you know my kids are going to grow up thinking you know my mum was amazing like any pet that I wanted she'd get me because you know a house is supposed to be full of love and happiness what about my love and happiness though if I say no it offends me you put no offence this is so much cuter than you even with the tash even with the tash he's just lovely he's no trouble I'm only joking he's just he's not no trouble and I will say to Lib to be out of all your kids I would say she's kind of like the least like demanding not that all your kids demanding she's not a Veruca Soles yeah she's not at all so I feel like you know glad I love this she's an angel and she hasn't put him down she's bathed him she's nursed him she's Pete had him wrapped in, I'm going to show you the picture on my phone, Pete was asleep with him this morning.

6:15In bed. With a smile on his face. And then he had him, after the five minutes of shouting at me, what have you done? He had him wrapped in a blanket on his knee watching the football. So you can't say anything. She's mugged you right up there, by the way. Happy wife, happy life, sister. I'll give it up anyway. I've lost the dress room. I'm comfortable with it. So that was Pete Wine. I don't think that's, deserve it, deserve it. I'm going to give you a weekly shine for being a tolerant man. Tolerant man. Imagine getting a weekly shot for being tolerant. Okay, audience wines. Hi guys, just wanted to say how much I love your podcast.

6:51I listen from Sugarland, Texas. Oh, is that a natural place? That sounds cool, doesn't it? Yeah. Like Dolly, Dolly World. Every week, I love hearing the British banter and listening to you helps with feeling homesick, although the weather also helps. I heard this week someone spoke about children embarrassing their parents. We're swearing and I had to share this story with you. I'm from Grimsby, where the word shouldn't becomes shunt. And the words... Shunt go there. Wouldn't becomes want. I wouldn't want to go out there. I wouldn't want to go out there. I wouldn't want to go there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:25Shunt, okay. You can imagine what the word couldn't becomes. I like it already. Okay. So a few years ago, I was walking my five-year-old daughter into school one day, surrounded by children and parents and my daughter's chatting away to me about something she had been doing in school and she said, I just, I just can't do it. I replied the word is couldn't. My daughter, quite annoyed that I've corrected her, tells me, well I say, you know what comes next. I lie, but that's not a word. She then proceeds to exclaim the word for the world to hear maybe about seven times on repeat attracting snotty side eyes from school mums and teachers.

8:08It's actually I've learned my lesson and no longer correct her. Thanks for all the laughs. It cheers me up when I'm missing family in England. It's real clear. So, yeah, I mean, that is... That's a biggie. That's a biggie word. It's a bad word. I mean, it's so bad that I can't really say it. But you know, when you're seeing it in Grimly, I couldn't do that. I couldn't go there with it. When you say it like that, it sounds okay. But if she's like Australian and she's just kind of got those little twangles. Do you know what I mean? Sophia did it once on the train didn't she? The seaweed? No It was just a really really really large human Oh the lady with the big arms was it?

8:45Yeah I think that's where it came from Oh mum why are her arms so fat? And I was like I was pinching her leg under the table like that because we were sitting on a four and she would not stop but mum why are they like would not give in and the one was like look I know I know they're fat Oh no Sorry and I was just like I'm so sorry oh Hannie did it once as well dad there's a really big fat man at the door but luckily enough my dad's a big man as well big A the real slim Aidy so he came down because he was like the biggest you know what I mean it was okay but dad there's a really fat man at the door to see ya that is everyone hiding and delivering you get it you get it it was like on our do you remember on our neighbourhood watch group in our road oh yeah there's two someone put there's some really busy people on the group oh I saw this really weird person walking up and down our road looking very suspicious looking very suspicious and it was one of the neighbours and then the other neighbour put on Susan that was me walking me dark it was like that I was like I'm walking my dog me and you were hysterical weren't we hysterical oh I bet you used to have some fun on that group chat especially when you rather bevy we have a couple of drinks and think we're yeah and like the best one we must have told this one when we said we were going to David and Elton's.

10:07Oh, you did, you did, you did. I just love the fact that... No, but I love it. They thought we were twat anyway. We were like, it puts like really twat for you. But do you know what? David and Elton's. Our neighbourhood watch is so good. So someone put on our group the other day, I've just found this gold chain and it had like a few kind of medallions on. And I was like, I know that chain. And then I was with our L, yes, so I was doing a shoot for that Oslo skin. And I was like, she was talking about a gold chain. I said, one of my neighbours seen this on the road. And she went, that's mine. How is it out there?

10:44I don't know, but I thought, I'm sure. I said, I knew I'd seen that. So I put a picture of Elle wearing the necklace in the group and they decorate like the post box. Okay. Like little themes and stuff like that. So one of the neighbours left it there and then the other neighbour, they said, oh, it's still there. So we've got the necklace back. That's amazing, isn't it? So lovely. I love that. It's nice. Neighbourhood community. Yeah. Nice community. Do you remember when that woman said that, when we had that pile of bricks outside our garden and she was like, guys, I need to bring you all to attention to a colossal hazard in the road.

11:26And I was like, Pat's on our verge, it's not on the road. And then the other neighbour went, Pat if you can't see that you shouldn't be driving and then a big bar and he just kicked off and then I just slid out so funny Abbey Clancy has left the group chat any more audience ones yeah we've got a shy in here ooh thank you so much for bringing sunshine to my mum's life by telling the Ed Sheeran story do you remember that yeah Ed Sheeran's amazing I told Lib about this because obviously she manager said cheering my best friend we had a lot of reactions to this bedroom i told her and she was like oh my god i you know talk about like helping old ladies because like at the she like she's in the over 90s group isn't she yeah yeah yeah i was driving down the road where we live and there was a little old deer crossing the road on like two sticks and she was about four foot yeah about a hundred and i said do you want me to give you a lift love and she said oh i'd love that like like yeah so my car's way to live cheshire yeah well i had to like literally pick her up and carry her and put her in my car because her car my car's so low and she couldn't even like yeah and she was like oh you've made my day love thank you so i dropped her off at the house and she was like do you want to come in for a cup of tea i said i can't she said i was i said i'm busy uh i said i literally on my way to get the kids i didn't tell you that did that no you did tell but it was so cute and I felt so good about myself but I did it last Christmas didn't I?

13:04yeah you did the woman with the Christmas tree the old woman and then she made me go back six times because she bought six of them

13:17well she says I sent her the link which she had no idea how to open but after 20 minutes on the phone to her and talking her through what to do she got to it and it made her laugh so much. She's 93 next week. Fabulous. It's certainly amazing. You have no idea what happiness it brought to her. Hopefully we see her again and she can have a game of tennis. It's a fair. Yeah. My oldest, Abby, different spelling, said, oh my God, have they taken a restraining order out against you? And she knows I seriously can't wait for every episode. I love the pod. It's my mum's birthday on the 23rd of November.

13:56an amazing lady who came over to the UK in the war as a child if you could say big happy birthday to Zavita Moon that would make know the difference between you and Ed Sheeran okay well here it is happy birthday Zavita what a beautiful name gorgeous name and yeah great age happy birthday Zavita great age my name is Peter Crouch not Ed Sheeran not Ed Sheeran oh excellent work excellent work that's lovely guys just before we jump into the pod can I just flag what is going on with these socks I'm looking at have you been down to like Deucins or Travis Perkins to buy your own fucking socks they are shocking on me what are they you can't one of those do you know what it was do you know what it is I'm actually Pete's been on the Amazon again has yeah they are from Amazon both of us are actually currently wearing ski socks it's freezing today it's snowing it's snowing it started snowing but also I'm moving everything around because they're doing the dressing room so I've had to take everything out and everything's in boxes and the top box is the ski box you'll be no offence Pedro but do you know what it is I normally have suits now I don't have to hide my feet now we've raised the socks do you know yeah because I was hiding mine as well but you exposed me sorry Pedro I've worn them on building sites when I've been a labourer do you know what I mean when were you a labourer I've done labouring for like two years when?

15:22when I was working I've done loads of jobs like groundwork if anyone needs me I'm there the big job I'm working you know you can't even get out of bed you've got a turn Ross that's a good point the other night Ross really hates this I do hate this banter when I turn up early every week and he's just fucking star asleep anyway moving on what have you been up to this week what have we been doing babe this and that bit of this bit of that what have you been we've had we've had a busy week have we and we had last week we had a little date we had a little date weekend oh yeah that was nice I had a lovely weekend because Pete had a rare day off okay talk me through it so I ditched all the kids with Peter Sophia and I went shopping so you know Lib and Lib and Johnny had a Jazzy's birthday party so they were out all day and then you went to Jack's football me and Sophia went shopping and then he surprised us with like a little hotel stay great this looks really

16:26oh my god camera one camera one I'm gonna have to move I've actually got red for our audio listeners we did just have the new puppy between Abby's legs and she was giving him a very good a very thorough head stroke stroking oh my god she was feeding the puppy so to speak oh my good god I'm sweating now I'm actually embarrassed and I'm never embarrassed bloody hell yeah so we had a lovely nice transition yeah I've still done shut up we had a lovely so we stayed in one of my favourite hotels so you were in London where sorry yeah in London we stayed at the Dorchester and Sophia and I shop till we drop with my sister and then we went into the room while I was waiting for you and we got room service and it was just like talk me through it oh my god so the Chinese restaurant there straight away does room service you can get it from the restaurant to the room that's heavy gear that line it was just that's my if someone said what's the one thing you can do what would you want to do get a charity's order to your belted hotel room that are your fellas paying for yes so me and Sophia got showers put face masks on sat there at our Chinese because Pete was like because we were going out with our friends for dinner but I wasn't hungry because I had to fuck Chinese no because you had to fuck Chinese but we had a great night um went for a little dance couldn't walk the next day because Pete was using his arm as a limbo we were like dancing doing the limbo I bet everyone got under that I know we could have grown up I know like you know like what is going on no one else is doing that no one else is doing the limbo when I was like oh god I just need a good song like a little bit Luther Vandross or something and everyone was like our friends who were 30 were like who's that yeah fuck it up we had this discussion about oh we're getting old the other day I wrote I wrote something down in my notes because I thought I had to had to remember this because I remember you I came into bed and you were in the bedroom you had a cup of tea this from the other night Tommy this is like I think it was the night after our night out.

18:47So we were a bit trying. No, I said, Go on. I said, please, please, please don't try and have sex with me. Please. That was the quote, right? I said, don't worry. I just really wasn't going to try. And I said, babe, where's my orthopedic pillow? She said, I think I wrote it down. She said, it's in the airing cupboard, my darling. And then I was like, can you go and make me a cup of tea and get me an egg custard? And it's like, yeah. And then we just both sat in bed, holding hands, him on his orthopedic pillow. It's a, it was just, I just looked, I just had an out-of-body experience in four. It's like a granny, granny, the relief, you were like, oh darling, don't worry about, couldn't think of anything worse.

19:28Do you know what I mean? How nice is it sometimes when you're both on the exact same page? Like it's a hunger over there and we should both want this but neither of us do. Do you know what I mean? And you're looking at yourself and go, babe. But is that bad? I just want my orthopedic pillow. I'm fucking 10 years younger than you. I mean, I haven't got an orthopedic pillow I'm not in that category. But like, I do that all the time. I go, babe, I know that you, it's not that I don't fancy it. I just can't be arsed. It was a thing. Can't be arsed? It was a definite thing. But like, I actually said, just deadly serious.

19:55You were like, oh, thank God for that. Babe, where's that? Where's my other feed? I'm like, oh. Like, completely serious. That's vaginal, Pete. I'm not going to lie to you. That's vaginal. And then we held hands and just snuggled eating egg custard cakes and cups of tea. There's no pressure. There's no pressure. You're watching the table. there is a time and place for that a time and place for that time and place for what? for shenanigans for just saying you know that was in the hotel room the night before now we're hungover we're both staying we just want egg custards and fucking cups of tea I think the final insult was when the dog was licking coconut cream off your arm no because I was like slippery to death because I'd just put all coconut oil just had a bath all clean coconut oil on and i was like that i just needed me a custard i was like i'd rather die now than i've essayed i'd rather die i don't strong it no but you know what i mean i just said i just said can't be asked no i had zero energy and i was so comfy but then no it was the cat licking the cream off my leg the cat yeah whatever the cat that got the cream it's a bizarre thing but no that's that's totally normal and i love the fact that i love those moments when you're both thinking it but you don't want to say it and then you go do you know babe i can't be arsed i'm too quality not quantity exactly quality not quantity i'd rather have one great shag a year than seven million shit ones lovely what else have you been up to anyway guys be watching i'm a slep yeah oh we're in we're in oh yeah i haven't started i saw the line up and i I was a bit like, oh, didn't know half of them.

21:36The others, I just love her. I absolutely love Lisa Riley because I worked with her when I was on Strictly and she is. Is she Northern? She's the bee's knees. Is she? Oh, she's fabulous. So I'm rooting for her. Did you watch it last night? Yeah, no. Oh, is that what the school dad's lost? We'll come to that. We'll come to that. Yeah, well, I was de-knitting all the kids till bloody ten o 'clock at night. He was on a bloody dad's night out. Do you know what, Pete? I just don't know why. I just can't imagine you being like a dead into the school daddy thing. No, he's not. No, but they're good lads.

22:07They're not, they're not, they just happen to be school dads. Yeah, okay, okay. The golf club friends who are also. Oh, so there's a bit of a crossover. There's a crossover. Yeah, it's kind of. But I'd go out with that group. I bloody love Craig. Yeah, it was good fun. Craig is funny as hell. Alex, I adore. Barry's funny as hell as well. Barry sounds like a laugh. Already Barry's just banging it. Irish Bazaar. Oh. It was good. It's a good school. Yeah. you don't know what you're missing on the dad's night that's out phenomenal I was like I was tracking you on live 360 what was it was it a quiz jobby same spot for 5 hours and 23 minutes you called me the other day and like why are you in Oxfordshire do you remember I do remember like that so why are you looking at me where I am it's for the kids I was going to the reclamation yard I love the reclamation yard it comes up on the phone doesn't it it says you've finished your journey it says you've driven like 200 miles I was like and it flashed up yeah um Abby's finished her journey 200 miles but I didn't want to tell you I was going to spend lots of your money in the reclamation yard 200 miles happy birthday to you I will drive to I will drive to didn't they say once when Pete was in bed next to you like daddy has just got home and then you woke him up being like where have you been and he's like in bed next to you Pete left the house Pete left at 3am and got back at 20 past 4am what last night for the dads no oh it said on the app obviously that I've left the house but it didn't because I've been with you before and it's flashed up on my screen you've left the house like a delay thing I still don't believe you yeah I wouldn't be I still don't believe you it's a tash but yeah I called Lee get on them cameras Lee I want to see where this bastard was between 3 and 4am this bastard as he's sleeping on his orthopaedic pillow yeah so what was it was it a little quiz night with the dads no it was just a few beers we went to like an open mic whose idea was this I think it was Craig's idea was one of those fast dads that beat you every year no no it wasn't fast dad although Craig is fast dad he did beat you in the race yeah he did actually he is fast and so did Alex are you just slow dad are you just slow dad maybe I'm just slow who won the actual race Alex or Craig Craig was second and you were third You weren't third.

24:30You were fifth. You were fifth. You were fifth. I was third. I've had a lot of joint third races finish. You were seventh. That's bronze. I'm on the podium there. I double podium in third. I don't think you were third, darling. What's this? I was joint third. I think you were fifth. To answer to your question, he was up with two fast dads. Oh, yeah, yeah. But Alex has told his son that he used to play for... Yeah, Glasgow Rangers. Glasgow Rangers. As a windup. Yeah. Nice. And his son, now everywhere we go, he goes, when people go to Jack oh Jack your dad's a footballer their son's like my dad is as well he plays the Glasgow Rangers the full name as well Glasgow Rangers the old GR also big shit just while we're on look at that point did you watch I know this is not really for you but the congrats to Scotland did you watch it last night?

25:19that was incredible mini shout out like the goals as well that they scored Pedro I know what a way to do it so are the Scottish back then? back on the map? first time in 30 years Yeah, and do you know what? Remember what we were talking about? We said where's all the good players going to Scotland, right? Yeah, that was it. Feels like we've given them a G up. Big up Scotland. Big up Scotland. I love the Scottish. I say the word. Class, mate. The goals are unbelievable as well. The goals make the World Cup better. And Ireland have a little punt in as well, don't they? And Ireland as well, yeah.

25:48I'm interested in that. Is England in? Yeah. Yeah, England's in. Qualified without conceding a goal. One single goal. Why? So we had eight matches and we didn't have one goal scored against us. wow yeah it's good going she looks so excited about that cool story bro sorry so back to where we slept I'm slept slept yeah I love it I haven't seen one episode yet I said to a message R Scott saying what are you doing in the jungle I've seen an angry ginge why did no one comment on that sorry I shut up I shut up yeah I ate that so do you know what I put something in the group chat didn't I pure bants in there no one even I mean it went I'm just gonna leave the hang there like the bad fart it is and I was like you fucking bastard you know it's funny there's nothing worse than putting a gag in but the thing is quite often I'll laugh and then not respond that's what I did with the only gents things of it okay so this feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class crouchy clance Tudor Bob Ross content don't forget to share it with your friends and family

26:57Are you liking I'm a Celeb? I am, I am, I am. Although last night when I was trying to get my viewing party on, I'm just going to pull these notes up on my phone. I hope you don't mind. These notes that you put in are insane, mate. So often for the listeners, like Abby and Peter, well, things will spring into their mind and they'll send to our group chats and I'll note them down for our next episode plan. Here's the quality of notes I'm getting. My chat, GBT, correct, incorrect. UCLA. You always say that. Chat, GBT. It should be a B, shouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it should be a B, yeah. It should be a B.

27:27I agree. I don't even know what it stands for. Jackie though, my friend Jackie, she's Northern as well and she's like, so put it in that chat GNTB thing. GNT, that's just because that's Jackie to be fair. Put it into that chat GNTB. That's not to do with Airbnb in Northern. Chat G... It doesn't make... I can't say it. Chat GPT. B, yeah. I would always go. Chat GPT. What does GPT stand for? Fucking hell. Put it in chat GPT.

27:56What? Anyone who didn't hear there, it stands for Generative Pre-trained Transformer. Worked that one out. What? Pre-trained Transformer? Decepticon. This is what our Abby expects us to make episode plans out of. My chat GBT, UCLA, knit, cycle, to how tall is Elvis? Needless to say, she got no replies at quarter to 11 last night. I assume the Vino may have been flowing. The Vino was... Quarter to 11. you're firing into the group no because I didn't finish de-knitting till 10pm Pete like the kids didn't have the kids didn't have knits but I put the solution on then you have to wait 15 minutes so there's I've got four children to do me my sister so by the time I did the solution did you do smell?

28:46yeah we because we'd been like one hint of a knit and I changed all the beds but beds on 90 degree heat so we didn't sit down till 10 I said OL i'll have a glass of wine and then um alfie called me said what are you doing i said i'm just on chat gbd i'm just bombarded ross and then i said i just went on i just went on to my history for the past like four minutes of history and it i said alf do you think i've got adhd and he was like why and i said because my chat history is how to get my daughter in a tennis scholarship in ucla to what is the cycle of the of nets to how tall is elvis why did you get on elvis because this picture come up of Elvis on my phone and I sent him to Alfie and Alfie went oh he's so fit he is charismatic he is dishy Elvis I've never seen Elvis in his movies mate I sort of came up with my phone and he was like oh god he looks so tall and I said I don't think he was that tall Elvis I don't think he was tall he was 5 '11 yeah I don't associate him with being tall oh I do on this video yeah no I just I assumed he'd be small yes I would like for some reason oh no big Elvis Big L

30:00Elvis when he was young was dreamy Dishy I'll say that I'm happy to admit No Yeah obviously How is that Alfie? I feel like we haven't heard from Alfie for a while Good Could have a potential partner Oh come on I've been playing Cupid But that's all I'm gonna say Okay Okay Watch this space We should get Alfie on the pod one day I think I am buying my wedding outfit I'm planning the wedding on the stags Okay bagsy so yeah that's that I think I've got ADHD well I know you have yeah newsflash anyway I want to hear more about this night out before we kind of proceed because it sounds like shenanigans were had oh it was we just had a laugh and it was nice to go out and stay out yeah do you know it wasn't it Pete it's a night like I think that's the future did you send Sophia home yeah oh yeah the old switcheroo it's nice to to go out and like just not worry because it's a trip to town, isn't it?

30:57Yeah, I always hate that journey back. It's what I mean, so it's nice to be out. Did I send you that video of Pete walking through the corridors banging his head on the sandalier? No, he did not. He doesn't like it. I can see he doesn't like it. Can you please just watch this and then we can talk about it? It's fucking hysterical. And we're in the mail, like the girls are sitting together and the boys are coming together. We were talking and Lucy was like, why didn't you just move to Dubai? and I saw Pete like that and then he didn't say anything and then later on in the night he said how come my mum Lucinda is telling us to mutually divide?

31:38and he was all sad and he was like because I love you you know oh Pete you're good you're a fucking good content because I love you you know I don't want to mutually divide I was like what are you talking about? I'm not ready to mutually divide I'm not ready as if you will be yeah you probably will be one day give a fuck babe give a fuck gotta get all my ducks in a row further piss off you yeah there's um that's so good so yeah we just so after that then then and then he was very lovey with me because he was like I don't want to mutually divide let's stay together I don't want to mutually divide I'm nice I thought that he's there that's cute But we danced for Pete got, let's say, really pissed and this is what happened.

32:25Pete got, let's say, really fucking pissed.

32:35This is Pete walking into a chandelier. Go back and just walk directly into it. Stop swearing.

32:51Do you know what? I don't even need to see it I don't realise the pitfalls Of my life Oh my god Pedro Natasha You look good in that suit mate by the way Thanks mate

33:11Fucking hell he ends that like it's a fucking rainy night Tuesday in Stoke things just overlooked I think you know like when we walk through a hotel like you're it's just easy for you just to walk like I I genuinely she knows what can I say I remember the first time you just kind of like did your house up on that and Peter said to me you went do you know my favourite thing about this house is you had the doors heightened didn't you do you remember yeah we built the house I know you did yeah yeah I know like so normal doors for anyone who's worked in construction labouring a six foot seven, I think, or six foot five.

33:45Six, six, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. And then Peter had all he meant, do you know what, mate? I get to walk around my house without the worry of banging my head. That's true. I've never even kind of processed that, do you know what I mean? I'm like, why every doorway I'm taller than that? Other than the lantern at the front door. Yeah. That's a new edition. I've had done that a few times and it doesn't even work. I don't even know why that's there. It's just for show. I feel like it's just there. Keep fucking bags of Z on everything else in this fucking house. Pete Banks has had on it every day.

34:17I'd love to see that, you know, a little bit. It's antique and I haven't had it rewired and it's been up there 10 years and I still haven't had it done but it's just so beautiful. You know what, it's like, I don't know if anyone listens to Johnny Vaughan on Radio X, right? Yeah. And they do, I think it's called Martin's Hot Taps. It's the best section ever. It just tickles me. It's just things that are broken in your house that you can't be asked. That you can't be asked. that aren't that much of a problem in your life so you can cope with them. We've got loads of them. Crouchy's got... Yeah, because didn't you say the kids' door things have a thing on them?

34:51Do you know how handles? We pull them with the screw. Yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah. And it's little things like the bulb, like one bulb will go on a spotlight and you'll go, oh, I must get that fixed. And then you'll go out completely forget about it. I know you've never said that. No, but you notice it. No, but I bet there's loads of our listeners obviously and the fellas nudging the weird going, look, if Crouchy's not getting it fixed, I can't make a decision even to the point of a doorknob a door handle there's too many knobs out there yeah I know I'm looking at two of them there's a lot of knobs out there yeah there is like there's definitely it's like a tap that drips it's all you know like you just it's annoying but it's not annoying enough to get fixed it comes like a competition with yourself how long it's like a Mexican standoff you'll ask the tap it's fun isn't it yeah it is it is okay I mean that was a nice catch up there's a lot random stuff in there but Pete's socks Pete's night out yeah no but it was we've had a lovely week and it was you know that work horse riding you've been to Jack's football match you know it's been a wholesome week and a nice end of the week with a nice date night and a new puppy yeah I kind of like these episodes as well like we do have plans before we come in but when they go their own way it shows that we're on good form Pete's not on good form I'm not on good form no you're absolutely hanging I'm a little bit tired so I I reckon I had about 20 pints of guinness last night oh yeah it's not 20 obviously do you know what though you do bring the content there with the socks and the moustache you're still bringing content I was looking for him this morning and I've obviously stripped the beds because I'm paranoid of nits and he's lying face down just on a bear mattress I'm like what on the dog Praga wait with the baby with the baby dog I'm like What are you doing?

36:38I never wanted this babe because I cuddled. Well, it's the only thing that was cuddling me, wasn't it? Oh, yeah. Didn't even have a duvet. Because I'm just changing the... That's how you change a bed, you know. You have to take it all off and strip it. I think we should get into some agony abs. Okay. Hi, Pete, Abby, and the wonderful team at Therapy Crouch. Very formal. Very formal. First of all, can I tell you how much my wife, Anna, and I love watching your show? we think you're both hilarious you can relate to a lot of the topics you pick up on we can relate it's nice to be able to make light of some of the things that can really bug you sometimes which brings me to my agony ab one issue we have which seems a lot of couples have usually goes like this me honey do you know where da da da is her why can't you just look do you do you know how annoying it is that I could never find you can never find anything for yourself just today I needed a tape measure I've got two of them and I keep them on a shelf in the garage where I keep all my tools that's where I keep my tools as well do you know where our tape measure is?

37:44yeah I actually used it the other day where is it then? it's in the utility room in the cupboard in a box labelled tape measures I'll give you that I'll give you that Peter really good just today I needed a tape measure I've got two of them and I keep them on a shelf in the garage where I keep all my tools my shelf might look like a mess but I know where everything is oh god classic I did. After not finding one on my shelf, I looked all through the house. After doing two laps of every room, drawer and shelf, I could find that there was still no joy. Eventually, I had to give in a message to Anna, who was at work, and ask her where either of them might be.

38:20It turned out that her tape measure, I never knew she had one of her own, and it looked suspiciously like one of mine, was in the back seat of my car. I would like to point out on behalf of those who can never find anything, usually the man, that the reason we can't find anything is you're always picking stuff up and putting it away which means it's never left where it's supposed to be and then you have to check where it was then you have to cheek to moan at us as if it's our fault is this something you guys have to deal with yes I'm going to pick up on that that floor drove you told me well certainly my floor drove if you like like I'll put things on the don't even I know what you're going to say and they're there they're there for me because they're not dirty like this jumper for instance I might take this off I might wear this on a pod now and I'll put it on top of my wardrobe I'll just wear that I might wear that tomorrow yeah but I wouldn't wash that because it's cashmere but your undies and socks you're not wearing them again stinky like for instance the office I think that should be my domain you should even go in there those shelves are not for use Pete I'll put some keys then stuff like that and then the keys will get moved then I can't find them then I'll go where are my keys and you'll be like you know why stop asking me for things no I say in the fucking key box like the hats I'm inclined to believe that I am like the guy that wrote it and goes I know where everything is unorganised chaos did they call it organised chaos whatever however I do would be inclined to believe that his girlfriend is using the tape measure for joint things i.e.

39:58she's measuring something for the house or kit whatever it may be and then she's left in the back of her car. He hasn't touched that tape measure in about three years. I'll tell you that straight, do you know what I mean? And now he's kicking off where is my tape measure. I don't mean it to be very fair. I'm more inclined to lean with the lady on this one. I've got, my house is organised so every single thing has a place. And it's just so easy because if you're looking for a belt, it's with the belt. Yours is very general anal though. things like you know his tape measure and all that you can't find it in your home and not tell him but it's in our house it's my tape measure it's not yours it's on their house not your house but you didn't buy that tape measure I did because you don't measure anything that's what I'm saying because you're measuring stuff like that would be for the house you can't have a go at it if she's measuring something for you I don't have much need for a tape measure I know I'm two metres get over it I'm two metres people yeah yeah that's all I need to know right move on then what would you say in this one sometimes she's great that's give and take I think that's a give and take argument no I think I think he needs to just be quiet if his wife is trying to create some order in the house yeah and she's putting things away so everything's tidy and organised but also she should say oh sorry I borrowed it the other day I left it in the garden that's my tape measure I don't think it's about the tape measure I think it's about I don't think it's about the tape measure I just think it's about in general what she could do yeah that is like that's saying your tape measure I've left it in the car but I don't want to say but it's actually my tape measure that I went and bought the other day I can leave it in the car I can leave my tape measure in the car because it's my tape measure you've got your own one yeah yeah no it's like just say I borrowed it like yeah it's like with Pete he's petty games so Peter doesn't mind leaving his shit everywhere messing up all my things but then the person he's got a cheek because the person who cleans and organise everything he's put code on his car so I can't get into his car or drive it I've never been in his car anywhere in my passenger I can't for someone so clean and tidy try your fucking pinko first mate for your car for someone so clean and tidy I've never seen a filthier car that's not true your car situation is diabolical how much you wanna bet it's diabolical okay here whoa whoa whoa let's say that okay before you shake hands have you got your car outside your car outside yes I can do a judgement on this yep shake hands on it shake hands my car's spotless and always is has it just been cleaned up no it hasn't no no no that's not because I put in it and thought oh my god no this is it's actually alright no because Pete's talking about like I have carrots in my car you know banana skins it's not just carrots there's lip gloss there's like two peas ten peas sticky is it sticky is it just sticky it is there'll be loads of like little bits in there eyelashes hair extensions yeah Yeah, her sister's from the back seat.

42:58Yeah, yeah. Don't care. There's about four coats in there. Yeah. I think you can tell a lot. That middle, your middle section is chaos. There's only one person who leaves coats in the car, and that is you. When you drop the kids off into school and leave all the bags and the school things. Okay. The Clance Crouchy and R. Ross. Abby, fellow equestrian here, in need of some relationship advice. I've been with my boyfriend for five months. when we met it was pretty much love at first sight he's gorgeous hilarious he's like my best friend however just five months down the line and there's almost zero spark we have sex maybe three four times a month he's not affectionate at all and I can't shake the feeling that this is not normal I'd go as far as it's giving me bloody hell I think that's she's bloody rampant sex 1.25 times a week you're winning we're four times a month once a week I think they need to go and see a bloody sex therapist I think he's got a sex addiction this guy he's an animal i'm 28 i have my own business financially stable dream life dream car horses no kids get rid and get another horse and like you abby i love to go above and beyond for other people planning things and making sure everyone is having a good time this path the past couple of months has he's made a few comments saying uh he doesn't like to be hugged or touched and he's never really had a high sex drive he's perfect in every other way apart from this will do anything for me and has an amazing family but I'm just feel left feeling unsatisfied that's a big word to use like we're just fresh friends and not really a couple I also worry not wrong with that what things will be like get used to a bit five years down the line are you alright you?

44:48I'm too embarrassed to talk about this to my friends so I'm asking you guys do you think this is normal? No. Is it a deal breaker? Yes. All jokes aside. How long have you been together sorry Peter? Five months? Worrying sign isn't it I think. He's giving you the slow ghost but in person that's what that is. You've gone from can't get your hands off each other to oh my god I'm not really a sexual person fuck off. At 28 they should be like rabbits to be honest. We were. you couldn't keep your hands off me likewise honey no I'm joking but no I think do you know what physical touch is a huge thing even just a cuddle and being touched just even if you don't have SCX just lying in bed and holding someone's hand touching someone it's so important because without that you know your confidence completely diminishes you know you don't feel wanted it can make you feel self-conscious paranoid it seems there's been a shift either way she's gone from being madly enough no problem to just being this shift and i don't know that sounds to me like he's kind of gone off here no i don't think he has gone off gone off i think that's that's how he is some people are like that i think that's how he is but if that doesn't match i think you need to have for relation you have to have some sort of synergy in your sexual appetite I don't fancy tonight do you?

46:21no me neither but you you have to be on the same page yeah you do yeah because it's it's not good is it no because then that is like a friendship isn't it but saying it doesn't like to be touched and stuff it sounds more like his issue than hers he's got an issue yeah but I think you just need to talk it through with someone I think you know more qualified than us she needs to talk to him and say what's going on agreed because she's a young girl like this should be this is the prime of your life you should be all over each other and it should be fun and exciting after that many months as well yeah I know yeah because imagine when you have kids and all that you're screwed or the opposite not screwed not as good speak to him speak to him yeah okay hi Abby that's sad though yeah it's not ideal hi Abby and Pete I recently started a pottery class and I wanted something calming to do after work it's been lovely quiet therapeutic a bit messy but in a wholesome way my boyfriend asked if he could come come and watch one day oh god weirdo which I thought he made me sit back and scroll on TikTok nope he turned up with a full apron and said he'd give it a go and has now fully taken over my hobby.

47:40Oh, no. Worse still, he's good. Annoyingly good. Everyone compliments his bowls while mine look like they've been run over. How do I tell him to politely fuck off?

47:56That is so funny, though. Have you ever done a hobby that you've tried to... Because we spoke last week about women trying to have their own space and then people's like, I'll come, I'll come, I'll come. Do you remember? and like you do need your own vibe don't you yeah well I've got my horse and he's got golf luckily Pete hates horses I don't hate horses they hate you I think they're beautiful animals I just don't think they unnerve me a little bit my mission is to get you on Enzo no I just I'm just fine where I am you know it's one of those it's like I mean I'm not a huge fan of flying do you know what I mean but I've got you caught that off me no but like you used to be fine I don't hate flying but you know it's like if I can have my feet on the ground it's better yeah I agree I don't get a thrill out of getting one more if someone could go like that and end up in Australia they'd do that rather than taking an 18 hour flight to Australia I love a long flight what about the copying your other partner's hobbies I think that's the crux of the issue I don't think do you know what I mean my hobbies you wouldn't be interested well I would have been interested last night you've nicked all my friends' husbands and gone on a night out while where it's all left in mind in the kids yeah once in a blue moon do you think you need that separation yeah no separation's good right because if she says it to him fuck off he's gonna go well I was just trying to take interest in something you like and do no but it is it is nice to do things together as well because Pete and I are talking about learning language again together that went well last time but it was horrendous last time I don't think we should do that 100 % I like doing things together though if we do Spanish we're both zilch no but you're you're such a like know it or bad know it all I'm not I don't know any words in Spanish yeah but you'll just you'll be like you're holding me back even though you're shit it'd be like you learn one word in Spanish or two words and Pete only knows one so you'll take the piss out of him it doesn't matter that you know nothing now 100 % but the same things yeah I think she's within a right to tell him to go I need my own thing yeah yeah yeah I agree but I think he it sounds to me like that's come from a nice place I think it's cute I'd love you to come to a pottery class at me or like if you're doing horse riding for example and Pete's turning up with his jobpers on and like a couple I'll get on a Shetland pony I'd love that that's like him showing him that he's interested but also you might be a bit like this is my one hour away from you a week do you know what I mean but I actually don't go to the horse to get away from you I don't want to be away from you you said the same to me you said it to me the other day didn't you we're literally the same person now we don't want to be apart no you did that was private yeah you said it to me this morning was he stroking the little Maltese toppy when he said I love you babe I do love you I like being around you it's good fun I like being around you you said it this morning you said oh with the same person because you have just read my mind I think it's cute I don't think she should tell him to fuck off I don't know is it nice having you don't think no it is but they could make a whole dinner service together I'd love that I really want to go I thought it was going to be like a bit pervy like he was going a bit pervy on the clay yeah do you know what I mean that's what I was thinking yeah ghosts but the fact that he's not being a pervy in a clay thing how can you be a pervert in a clay building because if her hands making like a shape yeah yeah I'd definitely do that yeah wishful thinking hey babe what does this look like babe I made this of you it's a model of your but I think it's okay for her it's one of those things it's okay for her to want to have to own things but I think we should go on a pottery class together quite fancy I'm up for it yeah sounds good so you've been absolutely no help to our listen there it's great well no I think she should I can see both sides of it like I feel like it's coming from a nice place I think it's cute I think can you get past it can you sit together if not I think you're really right to say can you please leave me to this I was just doing this for now but that's quite a hard pill to swallow as well isn't it do you know what I mean yeah I don't think when Pete plays golf that he's trying to get away from me even though he probably is.

52:00Yeah, that's what I mean. And if you start playing golf with Pete and the lads, you'd probably have to say to him, listen. No, I've told you in no uncertain terms that you're not playing golf. Well, you can play golf, just not with me. By all means, play golf. Not with my mate. Not with me and my mates. Yeah, but your mates are my mates. Like, I'd love to play golf with your mates. Oh, I'd like to play golf with you. Like, it'd be great if we went on a holiday together and we could have a round of golf together. But, you know, my days at the golf club are my days. I think Nick would like me to play golf.

52:34He prefers me to you. Okay, well, you know, that concludes another fantastic episode. Dun, dun, dun. Dog's been no trouble. He's been sitting here the whole time. See, look. He's not any trouble. I don't know why you put this Cruella act on, Pete. No, I just don't. It's like a power thing, isn't it? What? It is. That's what you're doing. Don't want it as well past that. There's no power, is there? I said no and you just got it anyway so I don't know how that could be the worst power trip of all time no you're trying to be like macho pretending you hate animals no I love animals macho macho man yeah I'm getting the vibe off you as well because that's ash I just I don't want the loads of animals in my house I love animals alright see you next week I'll see you next time