“He Farted on My Hand!” The Worst Date Stories We've EVER Heard

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1:25Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. Midlife needs MIDI. Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's joinmidi.com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage. Hey guys, if you're listening to this podcast on audio and want to submit your Agony Abs, send us them in, in the reviews, along with a five-star rating. Yes, only five star. and don't forget let us know any topics or guests you'd like to hear on a podcast in the future thanks for listening guys and remember if you're liking what you hear please leave a rating and a review wherever you get your podcasts why are you calling it Ibiza?

2:08Ibiza isn't it? Bernard Frudas and Ibiza just to warn you there's a dog here that comes down but you just got to quit because you won't catch us like pardon? so naturally I called her out on it she smiled and said oh I'm just feeding Sammy and pulled out Don't. Pulled out a fat chinchilla from her. Oh my God. She plopped the thing in the middle of the table. Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Ross. Hello, guys. How does your hair grow so quick? I know, I know. It really is. You know, I got my, I went to Paul Edmonds to get my coloured on six weeks ago.

2:47And I've only got like a centimetre of regrowth. It's because I've got virgin hair. as me more likes to say. Virgin hair. What's virgin hair, I mean? Never been dyed. Never been dyed, never been tinted. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the same as me. My hair grows pretty fast, doesn't it? That hair you had on your neck this morning. I know. You know, like I shave, and I shave, I shave like under my shoes, like a bit on the neck. But why had one hair out here? Yeah. I didn't, I obviously missed it. I went like that. I missed it for years, but I looked it. I thought it was one of my long hairs on his T-shirt, and Paul, he was like, ah!

3:21It was attached to my neck. Do you have bits on your face you always miss when you shave? I always struggle to get. I'm always there as well. I've got a really bushy bit just here. It's white there as well. You've got a patch of white. I think it's just grown quicker now it's gone grey. Now that I have, yeah. Scott's gone grey, have you noticed? Really grey. Oh, no, Scott. Yeah. Gingers go grey so quick. They lose the pigment like a cavapoo. Like a cavapoo. There you go, Scott. When you get a new cavapoo, They're like bright orange and over time Yeah They go grey Light Ross Ross is Sorry Scott is very similar colouring to Ralph He is Now I think about it Yeah But he's just not as cute No Did you just see how Pete got the Ross and Scott mixed up again by the way Yeah That's so true There's something in that There's something in Has no one written in That is mad No no no You talked about it last night Yeah Last time and I just did that then I'm telling you It's the alphabet It can't be it's a bad thing that isn't it how were the family you had to see that you had your dad down visiting yeah but it was badly timed because we'd just got back from Ibiza and our flight was delayed we got back at like 10pm and my dad was like that cast of wine was he on in here when you got back yeah yeah you know when you get back off the flight from Ibiza three days in Ibiza and you're like I just want a cup of tea and get why are you calling it Ibiza Ibiza rocks why are you calling it Ibiza Ibiza And you get back from three days and I beef-a.

4:52What are you saying? What are you saying? I beef-a. I beef-a. Ibiza. Ibiza. What do you say? Ibiza. Vamos, Ibiza. You don't say Ibiza, you've never said that. You've never said that. Ibiza. Ibiza, por favor. Ibiza. What would you say as a Spaniard? Ibiza. Ibiza. Ibiza. Yeah, so I'm saying it right then. Ibiza. Yeah, but before you said beef-a. Bifa. It's because I'm a gay guy. Sounds like the man. I'll never be able to. Burned three days and I beef-a. and also it was not like that like the way i'm saying it should be obesa yeah yeah because it wasn't we were catamarans and obesa it was actually so the island is stunning right it's it's a very spiritual island as soon as we stepped off that plane we just went yeah it was so grounding so good we were with our fabulous friends um riley and alex and lucy and James and we just had the best time.

5:50Yeah. It was the weather nice. Two nights. Yeah. 30 degrees, two nights away from the kids, gorgeous food, great company. And we, we didn't, we weren't great. We didn't hit one club. What? We didn't go to the club, but we drank a lot. Yeah. Did the club come to you? Did you have your own little club scene? Yeah. We made our own party. Yeah. Yeah. It was good anyway, but the last thing we needed anyway. coming back was Jeff who very much enjoys a pint but we got through it did you crack on yeah yeah for two days with me dad but it was great seeing him because he hasn't been down for months I was going to say was he a particular reason or just to visit well he was supposed to come down for Jack's party but I had to cancel it because of the weather yeah so I'm now doing it Wednesday after school oh yeah yeah because it's you know it's all outdoors I've got a slow dough pizza I've got bubblegum balloons I've got a ride on football like a rodeo Oh, Rosie, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

6:48I just, Jack is so excited for his birthday. It's like all he talks about. How did he take the cancellation? Was he okay? He was okay, because it was one of his other little friends party the next day, so that kind of softened the blow. Okay. Yeah, it was fabulous in Ibiza, wasn't it? I think it's really important to make that effort as a couple and get a couple of nights away without the kids, if you can. But all of us, though, all three couples were like, oh, we wish the kids were here. So pathetic. So pathetic. pretty pathetic but we had we had a fantastic time you know we we saw dolphins as well in uh which is amazing really and uh yeah we were out on the boat I always feel to see dolphins I think they're attracted to me well I see them with you as well must be a mixture of both yeah it's a piece of Hawaiian energy that they're just drawn every time island energy every time we're on the water we see dolphins the last thing is I was just about to get in right and because there was this I saw a dolphin whiz, Pasha yeah, electric surfboard but anyway so I mean I've now jumped in in the water just to climb his eyes before I get on this surfboard thing anyway, dolphins just go really?

7:56I'm getting out and then I had to ask what did dolphins ever like kill people or what? no, god they're lovely they rescue people they save people yeah they do they save people but still they're a big animal to be in the sea it was a big animal I think I'd like to see a dolphin from the boat do you know what I mean but I don't know if I want to be in there with the wild I wasn't sure about that. But listen, because I'm obviously a geezer, I go to a bruifer. I was in anyway. It was all good. Good lads, good lads. Yeah, it was great. I couldn't get up, no. You did? I've got a video of you on all fours.

8:28Yeah. He was on all fours. Basically, it's an electric surfboard. It's unbelievable. You ping it and it absolutely pings. What the hell? So if you get up, it just pings on flat water. Shut up. Yeah, it was unbelievable. Alex was phenomenal at it, wasn't he? Alex was brilliant at it, but I was less so. Lucinda got up? Yeah, she did. I didn't. Well, I got on my knees, but it's great fun anyway. Did you have a punt? It was so cold, the water. Was it? I got in for, I had a little paddle, but I don't know. Not for you. You did well, you got in. Yeah. It was right in the day when you were well-oiled.

9:06It was so funny because we got on the boat and the captain was like, do you want a drink? And me and Lucinda were like, we'll have a wine. and Rai was like I'll have a cappuccino and we were like what the hell is wrong with you and she was like it's 10am I'm not the one with the problem here yeah exactly it's a boat day yeah what else are we going to do and it goes it was gorgeous and we went to Formentera which have you ever been there no I've never been to Canadiens the water is crystal clear blue and we went to this amazing restaurant gorgeous food Pete was enjoying his massage off the little angel girl Pete he was I know you leave us out here Pete you take the beer for a spin I'll see you in three hours I love that though when you sit at the restaurant they give you the massage I had one as well doing I beer for a lot but yes because of that trip I would say that the weekly wines are on hold this week yeah it's more of a weekly shine oh nice okay I like that yeah just enjoyed each other's companies then yeah most of the time what the hell i just started thinking i just started thinking was she a twat no we only had one argument when lucinda and i told you off for not eating your burger and then no you you were that there was a period of rudeness for a couple of hours there we would got off the boat ravenous pissed and ordered nachos chicken burgers cheeseburgers ribs and pete's like you know still still on the aisle not really and i'm like eat your dinner and he's like no and then lucid is like you eat like a bird pete and then he just flipped right i'm terrible like that once i have a pint though i just i don't want to need just the beer fills you up doesn't it you know i mean and then you get more and more smashed just cracking on and then the next morning you wake up at like 7am and you just want to do your kebab then yeah okay alright should we get some audience wine yeah let's go so what was the weekly shine well was it yeah I thought more I thought about it I was like oh piss off I mean yeah there was some great moments yeah it was nice to reconnect and be a couple and have no responsibility it's so annoying that we still wake up at like half 6am it's quite nice when you're on a holiday though waking up early I don't mind I loved it as well.

11:33We ended up going on a bike ride as well down the mountain. That was lovely. I was going to say, did you get any paddle on anything? No paddle, no. But we... You went on a bike ride, didn't you? A bike ride. That's nice. That was intense. Yeah, no, I've never been to the baby. Is it quite hilly? Yes. Is it a bit debbie? It is. So where we were, especially, was very hilly. But we were pinging down this hill. You were on an electric bike, weren't you? They said, you better put some helmets on. I said, helmet. Losers. the minute I got on it I was like oh my god I need the helmet badly didn't you get chased by a dog yeah so then we're going down the hill and it's hard because it's gravelly and it's a mountain and you've got sharp turns I'm picking down like fast really and turning that's slippy breaking it's slippy the back things going on back on yourself like it was intense that sounds quite hot actually yeah it was intense it was intense intense I was sweating yeah you'd have loved it um and then they all come back disheveled cuts all over the legs and everything and we were like what the hell's happened like we just had to make the girls having amazing massages in the villa and um these come back like sweating oh my gosh scratches all over them yeah like my hat then we get down and then alex goes uh just to warn you there's a dog here that comes down but you just gotta be quick because yeah you won't catch us i went pardon what do you mean dog is it tied up or no it's loose it won't catch us what we do we just keep going I'm like wow you never see me move so far gone I was gone was it a big one big dog yeah a big massive like brown thing running down the thing I didn't even see what it was but it was bounding down Pete overcame his fear of Alsatians as well because my friend's got a big massive Alsatian in her house it was a big huge German shepherd Roscoe and Pete bonded with him and fell in love with this dog.

13:27Really? Oh, that's nice. He actually wants a German Shepherd now. You can have ours. Oh yeah, you've got one, haven't you? He's a good lad, to be fair. He's a good lad, to be fair. Is he still biting people? No, he's not a better one. No, he's not a better one. But he barks. I mean, he barks, you know about it. Just doesn't mess around. He's a KBite, isn't he? Do you know what I mean? Zeus from KB. Well, this rotten Ross guy was chilled. Didn't even hear him. He's like a big bear. Yeah, I liked him. Andy Malt though, that's anything. I don't think you'd love him. He malts. Fucking Geoffrey malts everywhere.

13:58Not like ours, trust me. That's the only thing, isn't it, with animals? That golden retriever puppy yesterday in the club. Yeah, lovely that was. That big. Gorgeous. Should we do some audience wines? Yeah, let's go. Hi, Pete and Abby. Loving the podcast. Keep up the good work. I was listening to one of your old podcasts when you talked about wigs. And I thought I would tell you about a guy I used to come into my local pub in the 80s. We had three wigs and he had three wigs and we changed them weekly. Each one was a little longer than the one before at the end of the week. Oh, shut up. With his longest wig, he would let us all know he was planning a haircut.

14:37The following week, he would come in with a short one. Got the maintenance? Making a big entrance, asking if he liked his new haircut. Honestly, he was convinced nobody knew and no one had the heart to tell him. We all felt sorry for him, but looking back it was so funny. The thing is, I've never seen anyone lagged at for being bald, but as soon as someone wears a wig or sports a massive comb over, everyone flags about it. Paul from Castle Headingham. That's true. It's true, like a bald man strolls into a room, no problem. A man with a wig on is absolutely ruined. But we discussed this before because you said about a lot of girls wear wigs.

15:18Yeah, I wear a lot of wigs for shoots because if you're working a lot, your hair just gets trashed. Yeah, and like if a girl walked into a pub, like you wouldn't go, have a look at a syrup on it. Get on the syrup. Yeah, but the thing is, it's like girls don't get stick for wearing hair extensions, do they? But my friend had an argument with her husband. Oh God. And they were going and going and going. In front of you? No, not in front of me. and she said he got her with the worst comments so while she was like screaming at him he just went I can see all your hair extensions and walked away no way that's a killer he just wants to hurt her there and she was like I've done that to you you know like you walk up to someone like your sister or something like that and you like scratch their head and then you just feel the hair extensions so it is a bit icky I don't know why get that off me but like you said you wouldn't dream of saying anything to him I don't mind hair extensions I think they enhance no but when you I don't mind them but if for instance like if I came in with some hair extensions or I didn't mention anything to you you'd absolutely ruin me I remember when I first started going out with Pete I used to wear a lot of the clipping extensions yeah yeah yeah and he used to just open his glove box and it'd just be full of hair oh my god oh Chloe's like that like rat's tails everywhere do you know what I mean yeah Chloe's got amazing hair she doesn't even need hair extensions I know but she still wants them though don't she it's funny that's so funny yeah I mean that's an amazing story that he's going he's trying to yeah grow his hair yeah yeah I appreciate the layer of the graft out do you know what I mean oh I imagine the graft out because imagine he has the same wig on all the time he'd be like have you always got the same hair because at least he's gone for like the three bit of effort wouldn't it be great if it was socially acceptable to wear a wig oh yeah it is you know if we dispelled all this look at Beyonce J-Lo no but I'm talking men wise no man has ever walked in with a wig and everyone's gone like, fantastic, great wig.

17:17That's a fantastic wig, that. Have you seen the MP where he's the blonde one? Oh my God. Boris? No, no, no. It basically looks a bit like Boris though and it's terrible. I think I have seen it. He was on Big Brother, I think, that long ago. I've seen it, yeah. And he wears a wig. And he denied he was wearing a wig for years. But that's the thing, everyone has to lie about it. No one can mention it for their feelings unless they've had a few and then they regret it the next day. Pull it off. Let's have a look. but you know what I mean it's like we had my dad on the on the um here on the weekend and I was just taking pictures of the family and I kept putting the fat app on my dad I know you did he wasn't sure he wasn't sure and he was like he was like and he was getting his own phone out doing a selfie of himself he was like god I look dreadful on your camera and he was getting really upset and I was like no dad I said come here let me take another one and then I put it on again and he was horrified he was a little bit upset i think i know he was and i think i think his missus was sue wasn't happy either no because you put it in our group chat and i knew what you'd done straight away because it was just on the verge but i knew jeff's not like and i went fucking hell have you done half look like your dad and you were like you cheeky bastard did you tell him in the end yeah he was delighted in the end but he was still a bit hurt he was still a bit i think he went to the toilet didn't he halfway through the conversation I'm sure he was out there literally yeah I don't look like that but it's so funny with me dad like when he's done he's done and I was like oh so got up Sunday and I was like so we're staying today dad we'll all go to the golf club and he was like no I want to go and see my mates in the pub if I go now I'll be there by this afternoon he's like fuck yous that's great he's like fuck yous you're getting rinsed again I think as a podcast we should start the campaign for men to be socially acceptable to wear wigs.

19:11Yeah, stop wig shaming. Yeah, stop wig shaming people because, like, listen, I would laugh at that. There's no denying. That's a very funny email. You know, I would crack up on that. But it would be nice if you could potentially wear a wig because look at the pain that people are going through now with these transplants. I know, I know. And the cost. They've got to shave their heads. They cost a fortune. They just bang a wig on, different one every day. you know you can get these things she'd start a campaign like free the nip she'd be like hashtag free the wig and she'd start wearing different wigs or don't see the wig let's all just pretend that we haven't got one on you know you can get these things do you know where you're receding in them corner bits you can get these I don't know why she loves it she's desperate for me to be receding you could get these stick on things just for those two V's and stick them on yeah but even even that right oh okay absolutely ripped.

20:06Oh, man, you were. Can you imagine if I'd started doing that on the pod and I'd... That's even worse for my opinion for some reason. I don't know why, but I'd rather you wear a full wig or go bald. But like, that is, that should be acceptable, but I know that all of you, like the people that watch or people that see the clips or... They'd be on it. They would absolutely annoy me. And rightfully so. Rightfully so. Your dad used to put boot polish in it when he started going bald in the 80s. Yeah, he said he used to put shoe polish on the back of his head. On his monkey's bum. Yeah. People do spray the...

20:35Yeah, spray the hair in a can. Yeah. I'm all for it. I've got no hair, so... Food for thought, food for thought. Food for thought. Oh, my God. Why have I only just started listening to this podcast? I've gone through a tough time recently. We've had a few new listeners, you know. Loads. I've had loads of messages on Instagram saying I've just found your pod. Don't forget to subscribe. Living under a bloody rock. I hope they're all subscribing because then we can't reveal our meatloaf.

21:05that's a place to meet love

21:13oh my god i've gone through a tough time recently and this podcast actually made me cry laughing in the car on my way to and from work you two are very funny and reminded me much of me and my other half we've definitely got some kind of dynamic i'm from the wirral and my other half is from the Midlands and we still now after nine years together find things that I say like is like what the fuck like lolly ice for example is being a big one it is it definitely is lolly ice and not ice lolly I mean it's just it's not it's not a lolly ice it's an ice lolly everyone's just a tongue easier lolly ice do you say lolly ice?

21:50obviously lolly ice but you know it's an ice lolly ice lolly it's just like just imagine like a posh little kid on the beach you know what I mean mummy can I have an ice lolly but you're saying a lolly ice lolly ice lolly ice yeah but you know it's actually I actually just say can I have an ice done ice cream actually even when it's a lolly ice do you yeah but why would you say you wouldn't say cream ice what a fab it's the exact same you're saying lolly ice but you wouldn't say cream ice ice cream no no no I wouldn't know exactly because that's wrong because it's an ice cream ice cream I don't know why this riles you up so much because it doesn't you're getting it you're getting it completely wrong it's so wrong oh close it's grammatically incorrect you're incorrect yeah fuck off your mum's incorrect your mum's incorrect your dad your dad's incorrect do you remember that your ma your ma see that stuff is just basically your mum yeah yeah yeah your ma your ma but when you have an argument when you're a kid and someone go oh you're ugly or whatever you go your mum's ugly your mum's ugly you're such a slag So she's your mum.

23:01I forgot about that. What was all that about though? Getting the last word in. Yeah. Your mum is. Your mum. How bad does it sound? Your mum is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's your mummy. So she's your mummy. So's mum. So she's your mum. Your mum. Listen to you scouting. Your mum. Ganging off. Your mum. Ganging off of me. Sounds like a better word. That doesn't even make any sense. It's mother. Or mum. It's not meh. Your mother is so bloody fast. Your mother is so overweight. You sound like goats.

23:41Anyway, thanks for putting a smile on my face. Oh, I met you many years ago briefly and you're both lovely. Come Amy, that was a nice little shine. Yeah, I was always a good shine though. We're spreading the love, aren't we, today? Laurie from Scotland sent you a message. Oh God. have you seen this? no I haven't read it okay so last Wednesday the 28th of May I started maternity leave and sat down to watch that Peter Prouch rodcast I was armed with a cup of tea and a custard slice yummy ready to put my trotters up for a wee break before my baby arrived four minns into the pod I nipped the loo then suddenly my waters broke two hours later I was in hospital in a birthing pool and my little baby boy was born my problem is we still have no name should I be paying a nod to Pete and Rod like when people name their baby after the midwife who delivered them or like when your water's breaking M &S and you get a free hamper does this qualify for free tickets to the next Crouchfest love on both pods keep up the work Laurie from Scotland oh yeah absolutely yeah she should call it Peter Peter Rod whatever you say P-Rod P-Rod it's like Rod Rimrod Peter Rod Which way would you go?

24:56Rodney Peter? Rodders. Steve and Chris? Stevie? Ross? Jamie? Sam? I like the name Sam. Yeah, that'd be good. I could play this name game all day. I quite like Rodney. It feels a bit retro-y. I don't remind everyone of Rodney Trotter, obviously, which is an ideal, but... So do I as well. Maybe just call it Rodney, because it's for both. Oh, yeah, that's a good joke, yeah. you know what I mean Rodders I look like Rodders you're a poor baby they're called Rodney Rodney's a good name I think Rod yeah that's a great name Hot Rod Hot Rod Ramrod Ramrod I think it's a good name very good okay well good luck with it yeah congrats and yeah she can definitely have tickets for Crow Trust oh yeah yeah we just got to get one going first yeah we wanted to do a ski one oh yeah yeah didn't we Lucas Podolsky that'd be amazing I just think that'd be class.

25:55You need to learn to ski first. Fucking hell. Vibes, Crouch Fest in the snow. That's the next one. Yep. I'm keen for that. Work in progress. Should we get into the pod? Yep, let's go. So going on this love theme, we've had loads of people writing in to us saying they're unlucky in love, they're having nightmares with the apps. How did we get on about setting off that date? Ellie, yeah, Ellie. Oh, no, I haven't put them two in contact. I still need to though. I need to know I've gotten to Twitter Ellie from a couple of weeks ago she's been sent over a few of the fellas but not the one from last week okay so we're helping people but I thought you know I was just reading these hilarious dating disaster stories on Reddit there's loads on Reddit isn't there like the dating disasters yeah dating over 30 he's got some absolute belt of content inside yeah like honestly I got stuck on a stream the other day they call it Reddit rabbit holes and you just go on like one story and they're called threads so just like loads of people replied to them I was on there for like three hours not even doing work in the end just scrolling laughing at the fat so I thought I'd put a couple in for you guys it's so funny because people are all different and if you get just aligned with someone that's into something so bizarre like it's some of the funny stories aren't they just meeting people randomly and you just think what the I'd hate to be on the dating scene now I'd hate it people are mad aren't they I think people are kind of as well I think the dating apps are like maybe like five years ago where like everyone's go to and gone to you and now I feel like people are moving away from them a little bit it seems a bit no one wants to meet anyone on a dating app anymore unless it's first year it's a damaged good do you think do you think there's a little bit of a stigma against like say if you it's like how did you meet and you're like on a dating app oh yeah you'd rather not say that but there's so many successful relationships on dating apps I know there is yeah but I'm just saying like I think that people feel embarrassed to say it do you know what I mean I don't say it even now when it's like the norm as well especially like 5-10 years ago when like plenty of fish was like the only dating app and you'd already go on it if you were a bit like weirdo do you know what I mean whereas now everyone's on them you still feel a bit embarrassed to say oh we met on Hinge yeah well why couldn't you meet someone in real life I don't like the word Hinge though that's just one of them Tinder, Hinge, Bumble other apps are available OnlyFans yeah hey guys we're just going to take a quick break while you hear from our sponsors and remember if you're liking and what you're hearing, hit that follow button and if you can be bothered, leave us a review because we love reading them.

28:26Don't we think? We do.

28:31A Better Help ad. After my session and talking to my therapist and really feeling seen and heard for the first time, I just felt like a weight just was lifted off of my shoulders and I felt like it was a good match from the first time we talked. I could tell people from lived experience that they should try therapy. I could really be myself again and I have this continued support with BetterHelp. Wherever you are, that's where BetterHelp begins. Visit betterhelp.com slash random podcast to get started. Paid testimonials. Results may vary. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again.

29:15That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Welcome back. Hopefully you managed to follow us in that short break. and if you want to pass it on to someone who you think might like this content you're welcome to do so.

29:54Do it now. Should we get into them then babe? Yeah. Some of these are American stories and some of them are English as well so this, you know, bear that in mind when you're going through them. Okay. I reckon we could be able to tell all the American stories. Yeah, yeah. We meet at a local pub for a few drinks and we get chicken fingers. The conversation is terrible but I notice she's taking the chicken fingers and ripping them up in her hands and putting the bread hold on the breading in her purse so naturally I call her out on it she smiled and said oh I'm just feeding Sammy and pulled out pulled out a fat chinchilla from her oh my god she plopped the thing in the middle of the table and it just kind of chilled and I played with the chinchilla for a bit and she got mad at me sure that's not a euphemism yeah yeah a fairy chinchilla for a little while She put a fairy chinchilla on the table.

30:51I love chinchillas. It's so cozy, aren't it? Cute. Then she got mad with me playing with it and back in the purse it went. I was ready to call it and leave, but she mentioned she could go for some ice cream and I was cool with that. This is an American one, definitely. Because he's calling it a purse. So we go to Ben and Jerry's. We get to talking, yeah, we get to talking as well about tattoos and piercings and she tells me she has a nipple piercing and I'm like, oh. and then she pulls down her shirt in the middle of Ben and Jerry's at 8pm and shows me her nipples. Good girl. I just kind of poker face.

31:26So then I decided to walk her to her car. She kiss attacks me. Well, she was kind of cute. This is very like kids talk, isn't it? Yeah. She was kind of cute. Let's do it in American accent. Well, she was kind of cute. Don't. So I'm hanging out with her. Sort of. Her lips were tits the whole time. She licked my teeth. I friended her on Facebook for some reason after that. She had a Facebook page for her chinchilla. Fucking hell, what's going on? So when he friended her on Facebook, isn't that giving Mick signals though? Or is he friend zoning? How does it work? I don't even know what's going on.

32:08She had a Facebook page for her chinchilla and it had more Facebook friends than I did. a few months later the chinchilla died it's an amazing story and it's Facebook was a memorial page where a bunch of people like 35 commented how much they missed it I liked one of her statuses and she called me crying I unfriended her but not her chinchilla oh my god rest in peace Sammy funny stuff I'd be delighted if I went on a date and someone pulled a chinchilla out oh so I love you No, if you're ripping chicken, like... Just put it into your bag. And you hadn't told anyone. But I often take stuff home from a restaurant for the dog.

32:55Yeah, I think that's standard. That's a different story. I think you need... The minute you sit down, you have to explain, sorry, I do have a chinchilla in this bag. I don't think you feed it and sly. No? Yeah, but Pete, you know how attached people get to their animals. I actually don't think that's that weird. that was a rollercoaster of emotions though wasn't it the chinchilla had more face with friends than I did how many dates has she brought that chinchilla on by the way do you know what I mean it's a good ice breaker it certainly is yeah I'd whip it out first I wouldn't just be putting the breadcrumbs in the bag I'd go oh sorry bye bye you've got to explain it's not a normal thing to have to do you must be tame if it's like not well they're aggressive chinchillas no they're like big guinea pigs they're hard don't they yeah no I hate guinea pigs it's the only animal them and capybaras I hate I hate them Those cafe bars make me laugh Was it you or our Chloe who got sold a guinea pig and you were like oh no you can't you gotta take both of them or something like that Was that you?

33:50No I've never had one I hate them She went to get a baby guinea pig and you're like oh well this one you can't separate them it'll be dead upset So she ended up with two guinea pigs which she didn't want in the first place the nocturnal kept it up all night like a little small flat brought them back the next day The hamster goes round the wheel like at night and you're like fucking hell you've got it in your bedroom I met up with a girl for the first time after talking for a few weeks. She's attractive, fun, lots of things in common. During the date, she keeps checking her phone and acts annoyed by someone.

34:19Finally, she apologised for it and tells me about some creepo stalker dude that won't leave her alone. Creepo stalker dude? American. This is very American. And I guess to prove it, she calls him and kind of loudly says, stop contacting me or I will call the police. Forward to the end of the date, she says she had a good time, wants to do it again sometime. kind of flirty. Then outside, she gets in her car. She goes, goes in for a long, passionate kiss. Why are all these people driving to these dates? They're yanks, aren't they? I suppose. They're all miles away, aren't they? They'll drive. Then says, call me, and winks.

34:53So a couple of days later, no answer. Text the next day, no answer. And then she calls him a stalker? Call in two days, and finally she answers the phone and says kind of loudly, stop contacting me while I'm calling the police. I could just see her on a date playing the stalker victim again. oh crazy tapped is that that is she sounds like a complete psycho yeah that's that's an MO that isn't it murder super well mate you're better off without that that's a scary one yeah isn't it what do you think the thought process is behind that though but ignoring him like she gave him a passionate kiss winked at him and said call me but you think in her head she's going if I go on a date with someone and then I'm making out that I'm so like attractive and wanted everyone stalking me that'll make them want to kind of fancy me what's the chances of the thought process I think she's an attention seeker she's deluded she's a narcissist and a psychopath two sides of his daughter though she's a good kiss though at least she didn't lick his teeth yeah

36:00crikey there's some mad people out there yeah maybe go to number four this is really simple this yeah one line I've got the best disaster story go on I don't know if it's suitable for air we've got to say it now yeah we can decide after the okay so a friend of mine oh hi no a friend of mine took his son and his mates on holiday teenagers yeah consensual age yeah I feel like that's important to the story I feel like I know where this is going fucking hell this is bad so one of the one of the these teenage boys copped off with a girl Yeah in the loo Yeah They ended up having S-E-X in the loo In the hotel room?

36:45No, in the toilet in the bar Okay She came She was on her period Oh God So when they'd finished he saw blood everywhere so vomited and then she vomited at his vomit and they were stuck in a cubicle in a club covered in blood and vomit Yes. Unbelievable. That's great. We'll allow that. That's a date disaster. Everything. That poor boy. See him with the cleaner at the door. You imagine strolling out of that one. And his white linen kex covered in vomiting blood. Oh my God, that is so bad. And it's true. Yeah, that is. I remember that. Okay, met a Tinder date at a fancy restaurant and the moment I sat down at the table and said hi, they just went, absolutely not, stood up and walked off.

37:39Oh my God. I can see how you got your rabbit hole with these. Yeah. The thing is though, like, could, do you think these dating apps give you kind of more leeway to like be rude and blunt? Sorry, 100 % I do. Because if someone walked over to you in a bar and said, oh, hey, what's your name? Like, can I buy you a drink? You wouldn't just go, absolutely not well I would I fucking definitely wouldn't say I'd be like that pitch me is this happening but I totally agree with that like I feel like even if the person's really good I still think in the back of their mind they're thinking yeah but there's loads more out there I can just go home and scroll more and more and more I think there's definitely like the there's definitely higher expectations because you're so readily available yeah I think people would find it harder to settle because as you say they think oh is this the right one well is there someone better sorry the first are we boring you Ross no no no can you imagine if you sat down and someone went oh god no I can for me awful that'd be unbelievable wouldn't it but also don't forget on the other side of that I bet you there's a lot of people putting photos up from like 10 years ago and stuff like that I bet you that happens all the time so like you turn you think you've got a full head of hair and then like you turn up in a wig can I just say I just remember the story as a real life on this.

39:01One of the lads I know, he's pulled up at some lights and he's made eye contact with a girl at the lights, right? And he's seen this beautiful and dirty way. So he's gone like, pull over, let's chat, whatever. Who the fuck does that? Pulled over, right? Happened to be that. So he's looking at the mirror and she's got out of the car to come and chat. Slightly wider than... Anticipated. He'd anticipated. it's terrible how shallow is this so shallow all right so

39:39who did that i know i know he did that disgraceful disgraceful that's an outrage oh i love it like oh it's an outrage great story that I don't know. Outrage without a good stuff. I felt like, obviously I don't agree with any of it, but I felt I needed shit. That's terrible. God, are these people not thinking about people's feelings? Yeah, that's what I mean. Imagine sitting down and going, absolute, oh God, no. Do you remember when we were in the queue to somewhere years ago and some guy started talking to me, like tried to chat me off. So I just turned around and started speaking French to him.

40:18And he just spoke back to me in French. I just thought, oh no. Where was this? Was I there? Yeah. I was there. Yeah. I remember. He was in Ibiza years ago. Ibiza. What was I doing? Where was I? You were standing next to you. You were getting chatted to the base of Spanish bed. I was standing next to you and he was chatting you up. Surely that didn't happen. Why did it surely not happen? I would have been... You thought it was hilarious at the time? Did I? Yeah, because I spoke... Because I was like, I wanted to say like, no, I'm with my husband, blah, I speak in French and then he just replied in French.

40:49I was like, fuck. Oh, love it. Are you getting jealous? No, no, no. I'm just surprised I tolerated that. You're pissed at the sound. I'm surprised I tolerated that. I'm surprised he didn't kick his head. I'm a darling live off.

41:06Oh, funny that. That's terrible. These are very funny, by the way. I had a date with a guy I met on Tinder. He seemed interesting and good looking. And the date went pretty well. Until the very end when he took my hand, I thought he wanted to hold it. No, he pulled my hand to his rear end and farted loudly on it. Then started laughing panically.

41:34That's disgusting. That's disgusting. I was not amused. I didn't reply when he asked me how again. He called me stuck up. He called me stuck up. I farted and I didn't even laugh. Stock up cow. It's not funny farts. I hate farts. You know, when he goes back to his mates, I reckon he's gone back to his mates and gone, yeah, like you just said there, fired on her hat. She didn't even laugh, stuck up cow. I'll see you there again. Being honest with me, just to my foot he went to. Oh, mate, you're not be dead funny. Dead, dead, dead funny. Did you fart on her hands? That's horrible, huh? He thought, she thought, she thought he was reaching out to hold her.

42:16Put it on his ass and fired on it. Just no. I don't even find that funny at all no I don't find that I find it funny the way he thought that's appropriate do you know what I mean what planet is he on he's still holding them in after bloody 20 years there's so many people out there isn't there can you imagine seeing that someone's on a date IRL so many so many people people are different I feel like we're in the English ones here by the way Yeah, that's definitely English. Yeah. Do you reckon that's an English one? Yeah. I went out with a lad he was fairly keen on. I asked about a second date at the end of the first and he said, without a hint of realising what he was saying, he said that he had another date and then he'd decide which one of us he preferred.

43:07Exactly. Dumped a pint on the tosser and blocked him. Good girl. Good. Wow. Oh, that's so good, doesn't it? Oh, some crackers in. But that's what I'm eating with that. repeat Amazon this one about three hours the other day oh no I can't hope you get why you did it so how'd you get on these slip in reddit dating store reddit dating store this was taken off a thread in case anyone's interested who's listening and wants a little laugh called dating over 30 don't be swaying our listeners to somewhere else no but you can still have a little look on reddit I look at reddit for like book reviews and stuff like that it is good that new book I've just read in a day phenomenal which one was that one it's called verity verity my matrius had a daughter and called her Verity it's a lovely name I didn't realise that was her name I used to ride a horse called Verity do you remember yeah before Constantine I don't do mares though erm what that was just a funny statement what I don't do mares I don't do mares I prefer stallions yeah stallions I bet you do erm yeah the book was amazing it was the it's the author Colleen what's her name come up my head.

44:15Nolan, Rooney. Although both of them have books out. Verity books. You loved that book, didn't you? I want to read it. Have you still got it? Have you given it away? It was by, it's called Verity by Colleen Hoover. She wrote that It's Not Me, It's You one with Blake Lively. Oh, okay. That movie. I didn't read that book because I didn't love that movie. Do you know people love your book reviews? Yeah. It was phenomenal. it was phenomenal this book I couldn't put it down steamy in places should I read it yeah you think it's sick I gave it to Elle give it away my sister's gone to Ibiza so I gave it to her before before before I doubt she'll be reading in bloody Ibiza though to be fair yeah definitely not definitely not but um oh it was fabulous I could not put it down to the point where my friends were hiding it because they were like you're being completely antisocial now yeah like she would read in any situation like she's walking through the airport reading I left my phone on the plane because you were reading because I was I was stood up off the plane got my bag I was still reading I was like that then when we got it was me like juggling all the suitcases reading through the airport so then I was reading in the car left my phone in Lee's car because I was still reading you were just obsessed weren't she was I read till 1am didn't I yeah like I'm like stuck into a good book in Young somewhere I want to read that because that that was really you can get the audiobook version if you like that's a good idea might do that actually because you've read one page of the last book I gave you yeah The Maid is Watching or something although it wasn't great that one is that like The Handmaid's Tale spin off no can I just do the last one sorry yeah I don't bore people no no people like your book we get emails in all the time I'm quite dull no you're not it's good to read interesting people read that's not dull Pete and I vowed that we're going to take up learning the language again.

46:15I just want to better myself. Espanol? I want to do that as well. Spanish, I don't know one word. Hola. Hola. Yeah, but if we can start together, we'll know what to do together. We tried that, didn't we? No, because... Yeah, I'm holding you back. You're a lot slower than me. Yeah, that's fine. We all learn at our own pace. We'll catch up eventually. Yeah, you know what I mean? like when they say like your kids my kids are reading at 2 no one cares because they'll all be reading at 10 exactly it doesn't matter it's not world record for the youngest reader is there do you know what I mean yeah I think Rupert's got that yeah but that's what I'm saying is that everyone goes oh it has to your baby's not even reading like and everyone develops different skills at different places so you might be reading quicker but you might be less hand-eye coordinated to everything I quite fancy French to sharpen up the French because I've got quite a lot in my locker so have you yeah I'm not bad at French like we because I learnt French but we don't often go to France although we're going this year yeah we're more we'd usually more go to Spain Italian but I think it'd just be too hard I knew someone at school at uni who'd learnt Italian they struggled to have a if you learn Latin well it's Spanish well they're Latin languages aren't they the Romance languages Spanish Portuguese Italian and French Portuguese I've got a bit.

47:38So that's why a lot of the footballers can speak like five languages. They pick it all up because they're all related. Yeah, it's just pronunciation. But... I loved Latin in school. I was so good at it. I don't think I did Latin. Sophia's teacher wants her to do Latin because she said she's so good at it. But it's an redundant language. It is a basic. It's a good foundation to learn a language. One of the other languages that are the foundation, like Spanish, for example, is the foundation of Portuguese and Italian, but it's a used language. Latin isn't used, is it? Can you speak any Italian? No, but I can understand if it's written down.

48:10I could get grips with you. Okay, all right. I'm going to go with the last one here. Met a girl through a mate at work. She seemed okay. So I asked her on my date of choice. She seemed okay. I asked her on my date of choice at the time, which was bowling. She says yes, turns up, and is just ruthless, destroys me in every frame. Good girl. Went for a pint after, and there's nothing there at all. Then proceeds to bitch to my mate that my dating ideas were childish. Just say no. Don't complain about it. And she seems to be a fan of bowling if she's destroyed them on every frame as well. You think she'd be made up with that?

48:46As if he's gone, let's do bowling and she's just turned up and destroyed them. I think that's a fun date. Yeah, I think it's all right. I think bowling's a great idea. We used to go bowling. I used to love it. I used to do it a lot. You had your own ball? Yeah. Did you? Yeah. I know you did. I did? That's too much. Julesy bought it for? Me and Julesy used to go all the time. one of my mates and he bought me a ball for my birthday footballers do that's what I got a thing we used to love it I remember when I was at Villa me, Lee, Hendry and Gareth Barry we used to go every like we used to go twice a week Hendry's had his own ball and then he joined the team played for Aston Villa and like Solio Bowles

49:28I'm very, very, very inconsistent I don't either get a strike or it goes in the gutter yeah I'm the exact same as you sometimes I'm getting good at this and it'll go bang right in the gutter. No, what's in Henderson by the end? He was, you know, it's outside the ball. Yeah, the flick. I can do that. Down the head of the gully and then taking them out. Brilliant to watch that when you watch someone play properly. I tell you what though, I know it's 2025 and all that palaver, but it would feel like a kick in the dick if you took a girl on a date and she batted you the ball. A kick in the dick? A hundred percent.

49:57Yeah. A hundred percent. I remember my sister absolutely whips my fella at table tennis. I'm like, mate, you gotta you gotta sort that out see I they can't be allowed I wouldn't like to go out with a man who could beat me I just think it's not masculine enough who couldn't beat you who couldn't beat me yeah yeah yeah I think that's masculine masculine yeah if I walked off the table tennis court getting whipped by my missus I wouldn't I wouldn't be happy with that that's a huge ache I love the fact that you're amazing at all sport I always brag about you don't I to everyone you do brag a lot about me how good you are and it makes me feel good well what did you think of those dating disaster stories they were good done weren't they I loved every moment of it what would you say our biggest dating disaster has been so far there's a couple I think Thailand in monsoon season was up there there was on our honeymoon we went to Ibiza yeah and we arrived and there was no sun lounges right and I was like this is our honeymoon and I was looking at Abbey and I went to ask the man and he said, absolutely not.

51:05And I was watching the album. She was in a lovely bikini on her honeymoon, excited for our trip, sitting on a step. And then a bird pooed on me. Yeah, then I sat down. It was shit on me, didn't it? It was shit on my leg. Was it your leg? Shit on my leg. And then a bird shit on her. And I went, look, babe, I'm not allowed. Let's go for some lunch, right? Let's wash that shit off you. Went for lunch, right? And this is where the pile, I think, came about. I was like, look, so Avi didn't want paella but I said I don't like rice it's for two so I said to the lady I'll have paella and she's going to have something else no no paella's for two I said yeah so fine I'm going to pay for it yeah she said no I said what she like even if if I tell you now that she's I know she's not yeah she's ordering something else I said yeah but I'm willing to pay for it I'll take it over she said no no she told me no I went we're leaving so we were there what six hours yeah we got shot on we sat on a step where we didn't have lunch and then we left yeah unbelievable and then we nearly died and the boat over Pete was like right let's just get a boat let's go over to Mallorca yeah I thought it'd be a lovely sail so we it was like the scene from Wolf of Wall Street oh my you should have like no joke we thought we were going to die I said to the captain I said is this normal mate and he said nah so when you look at I said we're going to be fine he said I don't know me and the crew were just chucking our guts up we were all like dead it was a late like lady like a boat girl who's obviously on the seas every day lying down thrown up into a bag in a bin bag oh my god it's awful the waves the waves were over the boat and it was a big big boat is this the sound of things I bet you were looking at each other did we make the right decision?

52:59Yeah. Wow. Very good. Yeah, nice time in Yorker, didn't we? Yeah. Eventually. Yeah. For two days. Do you want to jump into the agony of it? Yes. I really want to go on another trip together. I do as well. Just us. 100%. Don't you? Is it doable? Elle's great with the kids, by the way. I have a sister. I feel like we could leave them more often. Forever. Act like you're doing her a favour as well. You'll need the practice. It's coming around soon. once you get married and all that. She's just fantastic with our children. Yeah. Oh my God, she's fun and... She is, isn't she? And they all love her kids, you know.

53:36And she does not stop. Don't feel bad. She's cleaning, she's cooking, she's playing with them, she's doing the hair, she's taking them out, like making cakes. She is incredible. She's going to be a great mum. She is. But until then, she'll be the greatest auntie ever. I just sidetrack. I hope they don't have any kids soon. I just... No, I do, because then I'll have the baby. if I wore sushi who's gonna find ours yeah exactly box clever up we'll take her baby and give her hair our kids but I just buy her things to like yeah sweetener yeah this is a new wardrobe I've done for the week loads of gifts yeah by the way next weekend I'll call you this but next weekend yeah you're free how can you have to babe do you want to do that oh yeah first one hey crouch fam I'm dating a guy who is generally great yet completely obsessed with his ex's hoodie.

54:28I noticed him wearing the oversized grey jumper quite a bit and it's quite different, trendier than the other clothes he normally wears. I finally asked him, what's this all about? And he casually said, oh yeah, it's from my ex. It's super comfy there. Excuse me? What? He insists it's just a hoodie, but I feel like I'm snuggling up to emotional baggage. We were only a few months in and he was with her for about four years. So I do understand and I don't quite have the right to, but also the grey but also the cray cray girl in me is dying inside to come out and wipe the floor with him am I being out of order here or do I let it go or bin it accidentally on purpose Ellie bin it get it in the bin firstly I don't know why he's what a dope why does he confess that yeah say like I love this hoodie yeah me and mum got it for me Christmas probably years ago you don't even have to elaborate that's based in the relationship on lies though it's not no you just haven't told does a mission of the truth and lying if she said well who got you it can I just stop you right there this whole theory you've got of I didn't I didn't lie I just didn't tell you is not acceptable if you just don't tell someone something it doesn't mean it's not a lie if I like the hoodie and you like me in the hoodie why am I going to elaborate and tell you a story about how my ex-girlfriend bought it for me what's the point it's not cheating it's causing headaches for both parties you're just causing a problem for no reason whatsoever I agree P you need to block but would you be happy if I was wearing a hoodie no but if I didn't know and it's absolutely no harm done but what if you found out would you say because that's the only thing imagine you bumped into the ex and you're like oh still wearing that hoodie I bought you are you then that's a little angry oh shit shit shit shit shit yeah but I can understand why you didn't say anything you just don't want to hurt my feelings it's not anything bad is it like if it was something bad I would expect to be told if he was like smelling it and all that but why does a man fit into a girl's jumper anyway well she said they bought him did it no she bought it for him right yeah oh it's from my ex it's from my ex I'm assuming that's bought but anyway that is naughty maybe he was trying to make her jealous because there's no other reason for telling her yeah she still had the form on stage aren't you still playing games at that stage or maybe just maybe he's just a knob yeah idiot what would you do he's paying for that now yeah so I think she should just put it in the bin bring a pair of scissors to it yeah I think she should just say or she should just say to him you look terrible in grey it washes you out it washes you out yeah don't put it on again you look vile in it oversize that's enough put weight on you you know that oversize glubber you've been there that'll be gone in about three seconds Oh, you're not putting that old rag on again?

57:22Oh, yeah. It's horrible on you. Or buy him a nicer one. I know that's how you deal with it. Yeah. You just ruin me. But that is boxing clever. That is what you need to do. You just be saying like, oh, I hate that jumper. Yeah. And then if worst comes to worst, spill a bit of Ribena on it. If he's not lobbing him, a bit of Ribena. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good shout. Spill something on it. Okay, hi guys. Love the pod. I'm absolutely dying for you to take it on a live tour. I've listened to every ep I've never written in but after hearing about your bedtime fiascos recently I couldn't help but get in touch what was that?

57:56I think just you elbowing Pete when you thought he was dead and stuff like that basically you say that like it's a normal thing basically you elbowing Pete while he's soundly asleep we had another little intruder last night didn't we? I almost videoed last night I wish I had I woke up and I had I can't even remember who was next to me I think it might be it was Liberty next to me we had a dog that's not ours what? yeah Bella your mum's dog yeah she's the size of a bunny rabbit I know she's cute so we had Lib Abby Bella and our cat on the on the pillow she's changed her position now baby baby's changed her position which does me head in so normally I'd lie on the pillow and she'd lie next to me like on a little bit of mattress now she's fully spread out on top of the pillow lying full I see analysed that I'm actually like that to be fair yeah it's like faces the wrong way yeah like like yeah yeah where does this end babe when are we going to nip this in the barn like this needs to this needs to stop now I know do you not just have your door shut when you go to bed no because you've got kids do you can open the door no but we'd like to be able to hear them oh okay fair it's just it's just got to stop I'm going to put an internet I bet you don't.

59:17No, I am, I am. I'll put my foot down. I am. I'm going to put my foot down. This is Arby and Jack's room. Did you see that thing? We're getting a proper night's sleep, you know what I mean? Did you see that thing I sent you this morning off Instagram? It was really depressing. So by the time your child is 12, you've spent 90 % of your time with them by the age of 12? Yeah, I think it was like 70 by 12 and then like 14 or 15, it was like 90 % of the time. You've already spent? Oh, of the whole time you're going to spend with them? Oh, that is a depressing stuff. You're going to see them every minute of every day.

59:51Get it up because I sent it to you. Just get it up, right? Because obviously when they're babies, you're with them 24 hours a day. Sorry, I see what you're saying. By the age of 14, you've already spent 90 % of... Just a reminder that 75 % of the time you've ever spent with your kids is over by the time they turn 12. That's a horrible stat, isn't it? He's putting that out there. What's the next one? The next one is... So, I don't mind them being in bed because the others don't get in. Yeah. It's awful. You grow up with, don't you? And 90 % of your time with them is gone by the time they're 18.

1:00:2990 %? Yeah. So slow down, be present, enjoy those short, sweet years. They'll soon be over. Cheers. It's a cheery step. Back to the Agriabs. Yeah, it's horrible, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. Okay, so I hadn't finished this one. Time is the most valuable currency. Agreed. So basically this person here saying, I need help with the war that's happening under the duvet. My boyfriend's the worst sleep partner in history. He sleep talks, he twitches, but worst of all, he hogs the blanket like it's a survival tactic. Every night ends with me freezing, clutching a corner of the sheet like I'm on the Titanic.

1:01:06I've tried everything. Tug of war, separate duvets, even tucking the blanket under me. but he somehow still ends up wrapped up like a human burrito while I'm clinging to life. Sleeping in separate beds has never appealed to me as it gives me grave dodger vibes but I'm reaching my limit here. I know. God, we're blessed with our, like obviously when there's not a million kids and animals in the bed. Our dogs aren't even allowed upstairs, by the way, I don't want people thinking we've got this like smelly dog bed. Like the animals are not allowed upstairs, just the cats but. But that was my, when they were puppies, you were like let them up let them up I was like no no no and that this is that's the perfect snorer now isn't it they know we used to have a gate on we have no gate on now Riley's dog sleeps in their bedroom on the floor she's got a golden retriever yeah no ours don't yeah you give them an inch you take them out I've looked after John's dog a few times and it'll start you know in the living room then it's clawing at the door then it's on the floor then it's on your ottoman next thing you're waking up with a great day and spooning you in the middle of the night do you know what I mean it's not ideal that it's not and your bed's covered in dog ears.

1:02:11You need to set the boundaries early. That's cute though. It is kind of cute sometimes. This Bella though, she's got free reign. So our dogs, just see her like, just wandering up the stairs. Our dogs like that. But Bella is that big? She's a teacup Maltese. You couldn't get, she's half the size of a cat. I didn't notice she was on the bed. I know. But watch, back to this lady, what's your advice? If there is any, because she's tried everything by the sounds of it. Separate duvet, it's surely what? Sharp elbow to the ribs. No, it works. there were surely separate duvets she tried it yeah but you've got to try that again maybe it gets too hot that's the only thing I can think of that's why that hasn't worked or he's just pulled it off her no he's pulling hers off her as well cheeky bastard isn't he you need to just we're quite even with the quilt aren't we or what about sleeping bag what have I said that's serious just crawling to the sleeping bag I'm getting that can't he I've never slept in a sleeping bag have you yeah You've never slept in a sleeping mug?

1:03:10No. Oh, it's cosy sleeping mugs, you know. They are good. They get hot, though. You can't move, can you? They are cosy, though. I literally do the splits in bed. Like, I, like, put one leg up and one leg back. Starfish. I put a leg over you. Sometimes. But you tell me off that. Yeah, I can't. It gets a bit hot and heavy. A bit heavy. It's a bit heavy. She ain't heavy. Heavy legs. I love your heavy legs last one yeah last one baby hey Pete and Abby I live in a flat opposite another block and there's this guy who walks around his kitchen completely naked I'm talking starkers blinds are open sometimes he eats cereal in the buff I mean who does that my boyfriend thinks I'm being dramatic but I can't eat my toast in peace without seeing his tackle reflected in the kettle do I say something send a note or just buy blackout blinds and cry Tanya he's a voyeur he's a what he likes watching and he likes to be watched he's enjoying that he's getting off on it yeah to be honest I love being naked since I've got my own flat I walk around naked a lot a lot more than I used to do in a share flat anyway do you know what I mean I do something liberating about it isn't it yeah I like nakedness I'm happy I'm happy but I just think I don't really come downstairs naked often well no like if there's people around you know who can see in yeah but his argument will be this is my own home if you don't like it don't look yeah exactly I think she has to get black out of blinds because in all honesty he can do what he likes I think she should send him a little note saying just put your cock away put that tiny cock away

1:04:57or she'll have to get black out if she's worried about black out blinds you can get like the frosted glass thing you like stick on with the window my dad's got them and his dancers it would be so hard not to look though oh yeah I'd be looking the whole time wouldn't you of course you would I listened to Carl Pilkington if you know who he is he was on his real radio show and he said that he had a similar scenario and that his neighbour was doing it naked so his ones was where he did the dishes so when he'd look out his window he'd see the naked neighbour and then he'd started doing the exact same thing so just doing his dishes in the buff of like 6pm or whatever and he said that stopped his neighbour doing it as well he got the message oh fair play but it's if you're willing to do that I suppose yeah but I mean this is Tanya's problem I've got a feeling if Tanya does it I don't think he's gonna I think he'll be quite pleased get your tits on Tanya my plan has worked my plan has worked he might be a Carl Pilkington fan that's why he's doing it that's hilarious oh well listen I've had the time my life today oh great that was a good part you have been perky today I've been perky you should mention that this morning I was a bit perky but I just laughed a lot there those Reddit things they're funny aren't they maybe we can do a few more of them that's because we've recharged in Ibiza yeah we feel connected again we're in love again we're in love again with those questions last week yeah and now now I beat Ibiza almost spoiled by a pipe you do say a lot though you say a lot of things that's a good little cockney thing I think though isn't it I think you say a lot of things don't you like what lolly eyes lolly eyes you're mad you're mad okay okay but I do love you and I've enjoyed it Ross thank me too guys me too see you next time subscribe

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