‘He Had My WIFE As His Screensaver!!’ The Pitfalls of being a Sex Symbol

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1:20Picture this. You're relaxing in an old hammock, scrolling Wayfair's app when you spot it. A brand new patio set. next thing you know Wayfair delivers it right to your patio and sets it up oh you need a new grill too? alright, Wayfair's got you covered with Wayfair's room of choice delivery and fast experts set up on qualifying orders life gets a little easier visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app Wayfair, every style, every home there was a man standing in front of me with Abby as his lock screen on his phone you're a sex symbol babe a sex symbol? are you fucking joking? what do you think about them all day?

1:57Beer, tits, bunts. I'll tell you right now. Beer, tits, bunts. Hello guys, this is that part of the podcast where we ask you to subscribe. It does make a big difference to our podcast and we'd like you to make a big difference. So press it. Hello and welcome to The Therapeutic Couch with me, Abbey Clancy. And me, Peter Crouch. And Aaron. You woke up, have we? Yeah, I'm awake now. Yeah, sorry, miles away. Can we text her name? L, you asked me to text L. Oh. Wow, that was efficient. Oh, well, Pete did say to me, right, do you know what I need to do now? I've realised what my flaws are. Thank you.

2:34I need to start writing things down. He said, because when you ask me to do something and like send a text or whatever, then I go onto my messages, see five other messages and do that and then don't end up doing. I get you. I don't want to be this person that I'm being portrayed to be. And I am, in fact. But, because what happens is, I don't know if anyone else is like this, but if you go, right, can you message so-and-so? Go on to, because I don't have notifications coming up. When I go into my WhatsApps, I'll have loads there. So then I'll go into it with a specific job and do five other things.

3:10Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I think he's texting me. What does he want? Oh, I wonder what he wants. Oh, I wonder what that is. Meanwhile, the golf trip's planned itinerary. I mean, that's planned perfection. But yeah, basically, I lose my train of thought and then I forget why I'm there in the first place. And it usually involves you asking me to do something. You? Why'd you say you like that? No, because I don't want to not do what you've asked me to do, but I'm just telling you why I haven't done it. But you're getting better. I'm trying to be better because you asked me to do something and then I just did it.

3:43Great. What I do now is I don't... What a man. I am really good. What a man again. I need to start breaking into song, don't I? Do you? Because one person said that pisses them off. You do you. It's like my daughter just goes around singing. It's just, how funny is she? Oh, Liberty. Yeah. All she does is sing. Doesn't she? She does, yeah. So we went on a charity dinner the other day. Go on. Can I just say, this is a note Pete saying, you know, he forgets to do things and tell me things. So, you know, here's me just about to go horseback. Oh, babe, we've got that lunch today. what lunch oh that lunch oh yeah yeah yeah so Jamie Carragher put it up for auction yeah for his charity football for change football for change and it raised a great deal of money yeah this lunch with us I was like fucking hell who the hell is paying to have lunch with us like people normally pay not to have lunch with us I said like we were we were on the way to the lunch it was James Lucinda we were on the phone to them and I said how lucky are you that you get to have lunch with us for free.

4:56Sometimes I even pay. Yeah, exactly. Not often. But you know what? Like, we were so nervous in the car because you don't know who you're going to get. You've never met these people at all, ever? No, I have. I've played golf with him before. Oh, okay. Yeah, he bought it. He's a really good lad. But you didn't tell me that. So apparently his mum, Debbie, is a huge fan of the character. Shout out to Debbie because I think she listens to this. Well, you know she listens to it. Come on, Deb. I have to show her a picture of you, Ross. She's got inside scoop. She was like, oh, I wasn't expecting that.

5:28She was like, where's all these Bradley Cooper comparisons come from? Got fucking shit in your eye. Fair joking. And then I have to show her Kaz and Lucinda. So he came with his mum? Came with his mum, his dad, his friend, and his business partner and his wife. But they were all scousers. Oh, mate, what a touch. So we had a laugh. They were great. we had you know some of those things sometimes they could be awkward yeah yeah yeah you're kind of doing it for the cherry yeah and you know you think hopefully we have an alright time we had a great time we didn't want to leave we didn't want to leave but we had to get back for like football and tennis and all that so you know we're only supposed to be there an hour and a half we did like five hours did you we just had the best time yeah we had a laugh Elvina was alone we had shots and everywhere on the mini Guinness Debbie doesn't even bloody drink she's rat ass voice noting me voice noting each other afterwards she's like hi i'm just on my way to another bar and i i'm not a drinker as you know um but it was hysterical you know i was just laughing because it's not often i'm around a gang of scousers now other than my family yeah um but they're just like great storytellers and just it was making me laugh how they shorten everyone's name so it's like it It was Gary and Kieran and it was Gat and Key.

6:51You all right there, Gat and Key? Hey, Gat, hey, Gat. But it was just the most amazing time. We went to the Lucky Cat in London. No, it's Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, so he kindly... Oh, okay. Although I have got a little... Weekly wine? A slight weekly wine about the Lucky Cat. Oh, yeah? Forgive me, Gordon, because I love you. um but the the dessert and i'm an animal lover so i didn't take well to this so that the dessert was a chocolate cat but picture like an easter egg yeah but in a cat shape yeah and it was on a a plate of catnip which looked like catnip but it was like crushed up biscuits and you know those like chocolate balls that you get in their muller yogurts like the white and the chocolate ones with like a piece of plum, which, pear.

7:44But then you had to set, they poured like alcohol onto the cat and set it on fire to reveal - Like a red shoe or something, come on, what's up here? To reveal the baby one inside. So it was like - So basically you set fire to a pregnant cat. Basically, yeah. Like that feels a bit much. It was a bit much. Like if that was a chocolate bomb and had a chocolate flower inside. Yeah, I get you. That's a completely different story. but killing the pregnant cat to relieve a half-melted baby inside on a bowl of catnip. Tasted good though. But sometimes you taste with your eyes. Yeah, the first bite sticking with your eyes.

8:24Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean. It was an unlucky cat. It was an unlucky cat. But the food was sensational and the company was great but they were telling us stories. It was hysterical. Did you get to be Fellington? That's what he's famous for, isn't he? No, it's like a sushi. Oh, is it? Okay, okay. Sorry. Japanesey. You've got to tell the story after they come home. So Kieran was, we were like, oh, how long have you been friends? And they'd been friends since they were little boys in school and blah, blah, grew up together. Yeah. And we were talking, because they were like 42, something like that.

8:55Talking about like where we used to go out in Liverpool and going, oh, did you used to go to Barcelona? Did you used to go to the news bar? Pleasure rooms. Pleasure rooms, all of that. And she said, oh, I used to drop them off at the Bondout Church. church yeah about eight o 'clock and then i pick them up about half 12 i was laughing about that because only only people in liverpool right yeah would you'd say the church i don't know why it's always the bombed out church everyone knows what it is even i know what it is you know the bombed out church yeah so they used to meet there and then she'd pick them up make them cheese butties and some a pint of juice i already did this 18 19 and she said before they go to bed she'd make them get a shower or a bath because she didn't want them in didn't want them in the bed so he said we'd be in the car on the way home like mate what are you going for a shower or a bath so because she was like Debbie used to bath me and she was like he was like so she wouldn't let us in the bed until we'd been showered head to toe she'd have the jammers ready for them and then he said he'd wake up at like six in the morning to go for a wee and come back in half asleep and his mum had already stripped the bed opened the curtains and he'd be like fucking hell mum I've only had two hours sleep what are you fucking playing at it's just the thought of two fully grown men knowing the rules that they're about to walk into the rules are shower or bath so they're getting in what three four in the morning they go like mate what are you going like deadly serious shower or bath but we were hysterical laughing weren't we so funny but we had a great a great lunch with those guys and you're going to invite Gary down to play golf yeah and you know a great deed done yeah you know they donated thousands and thousands to um jamie's um charity for that lunch so thank you guys i'm sure he's going for lunch with like virgil van dyke and trent and madrid as well i think he keeps getting pissed we were at the meal when it was going on so have you met him i haven't met him no but i was at the meal when the thing was getting auctioned off okay i was thinking who the fuck's playing that's our lunch with it yeah but yeah it was it was fabulous so that was a great start to the week wasn't it yeah it was it was yeah i've got you so your weekly wine's like the lucky the burning of the cat dessert yes as much as we enjoyed it yeah it was a bit much uh mine would be uh yeah basically like we're we're trying to do a project at the moment right yeah but i don't feel like you can think about anything else so for instance i'll come home you'll be talking on the phone about it yeah and then you'll get off the phone and talk to me about it and you haven't i could see yeah i'm not present at all you're going to like ride zilla but for like not aware yeah i'll be talking about something else and i know you're not listening but it's even like i know how it feels there's just a bit of uncertainty there's a feeling of uncertainty at the moment for us and I just want to, I can't settle until everything's done and I know what we're doing.

12:09It's the same with like planning my sister's hen. Like, I know there's been a few side groups to say like, Abby's not going to be sending us seven million messages from now till the end of May, is she? But I am like, once I'm in, I'm in. You're not very good at that, are you? Because what I've realised that footballers in general, right, it's not just me, deal with chaos really well. And what I mean by that is we live in it. You like organisation. You need to know what's going on. What we did, me and Joe, we flew to Zurich, right? And we were doing something for TNT and we were promoting the Winter Olympics, right?

12:45So we went skiing and we did some curling. I need to see this content. It is amazing and it will be amazing. We'll stay tuned for it. But when we got on the plane, me and Joe were like, when we landed, because obviously everything's been sorted for us. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what I do here. When we landed, we were like, where are we? And I went, I'm not sure. I knew we flew into Europe. I knew that. But then I thought, obviously, you can drive to, you can go Switzerland, France, kind of, you know, people are talking German. And I said to him, do you know where we are? I've got no fucking idea.

13:25I'm not proud of it but we both didn't have a clue where we were the funniest thing is I forgot to tell you when when you were on that trip I bumped into Jo's wife in Andrew Martin the same day and she said oh yeah the boys have got I said I've got no bloody idea where he is because he doesn't tell me anything neither of us we didn't know either I just remember Pete rummaging at like 5am to find his ski pants yeah that was bad she was like why don't you just freaking do this the night before Or tell me and I'll get it all ready for you. Yeah. I'm not as sharp the night before because I know I've got loads of time.

14:01Whereas, do you know what I mean? There's a weird logic to that. I get you. If I wake up in the morning and go, right, I've got to get this done. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm on it. Yeah. I just go, oh, there's a pair of pants and then I'll go and watch half of football. Yeah. See, we're going away with the kids for the weekend. Yeah. And Monday I was packed a week in advance. No, no. I couldn't do that. I couldn't live like that. That's not. much better because it's done and then you don't have to think about it again but i don't think about it it's like what do you mean through the week until it's there in front of me that's what i'm doing it like no concern of no concern i'll live my life that week regardless okay so my point is what does what do you think about then all day like because i don't know BF, it's butter.

14:47I'll tell you right now. Everything I ask you to think about, you don't. The things that you're doing, you don't think about. So what do you think about? No, I think about lots of different things. I'm always thinking about things, but just, you know, that wouldn't concern me. That's a night before the job. No, that's because it's done for you. No. If I have to pack my own bag. Flick it round. I don't have that luxury of switching off because it's me who organises everything and I'm not complaining. I actually like that job. But sometimes it would be nice for you to alleviate some of this worry from me.

15:23Yeah, no, I agree. I'm happy to... When he's saying he's trying to get better, he's saying he's not to start a podcast. Yeah, but also the bag situation. Is this what you're talking about, the bag? I don't want you to pack bags. I'll do that. I'm just talking about just life. So what are you talking about then? Yeah, but what... You know, I'm always planning stuff for us to do. Yeah. I always try. I always say, hello, do you want to do this? Do you want to do that? Should we do this? I don't want the question. I just want you to say we're doing this cool yeah steady no no no yeah and also you don't want to do that you do absolutely do not I will I love doing that I would nothing would create a pleasure but the minute it's my decision the minute it's wrong yeah so I have to involve you so you know about it so you're comfortable with what we're going to do no interest no fucking interest honestly I like that he's trying because he put the notes down in his phone Paris was amazing Paris was amazing that was a 10-10 Christmas she did a little cramble Christmas was but Becky's involved both times yeah but I know what I'm good at he's big picture so you know would you call one of my mates if it was a surprise for me yes you'd ask them what I'm into I did do a surprise for you for your birthday but it wasn't possible because everything I wanted to do was closed hint hint but it is coming at a later date nice this is happening have you got any no guesses no no no idea so what you'd like to do is closed oh really and something's arranged the Samrat

16:59not the Samrat very good I'm still trying to nail you down for that traitor's experience that's what I thought you were referring to no no I'm bad for that I'm desperately trying that was supposed to be today yeah it was what a shame Why can't we do it today? Because you know what? We need 10 players to play the game. Yeah. And I didn't have 10. Scott's away. Elle's away. I'm really up for a tracer. It was only you who could do it, Ross. No, fuck that. I'm not doing that. No, we needed 10 players. Yeah, yeah. See you all the time. I'm going to set up a group, but I just don't think I've got the mental capacity to set up another group.

17:35No. Should you put it in the Glasgow chat? Remove him from one of the Glasgow chats. No, it's not a surprise. Oh, yeah. The other things are surprise. Oh, okay. neither neither I don't need surprises my birthday's in a you know bin isn't it at the point of this record your birthday's tomorrow yeah okay 45 year old fella tradition weekly ones I can't believe I'm going to have a 45 year old fella how do you think he feels I'm in a 40 year old bed I know I know I know it's horrible I know it was my dad Sue's birthday the other day 62 she looks great for 62 yeah she looks incredible for 62 but it's like my dad's like I have to start shopping around I think she was like younger than me when he met her yeah wow so he's known her for 20 odd years 22 years what's he with you yeah yeah yeah so guys this is the time in the podcast we're going to hear from our sponsors and if you're enjoying what you're listening to please press subscribe and share with all your mates lots of love

18:41Reggie, I just sold my car online. Let's go, Grandpa. Wait, you did? Yep, on Carvana. Just put in the license plate, answered a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame. You don't say. Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast. Wow, way to go. So, about that picture frame. Ah, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested. Car selling made easy on Carvana. Pick up these nanti. Have you ever been stuck on a weight loss plateau, trying everything and anything you can to lose that extra weight and reach peak health?

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19:57This episode is sponsored by AG1, a daily foundational nutritional support drink that helps you fill key nutrient gaps in your diet so you can feel at your best. Feeling your best isn't always easy, especially in winter. Yeah, it really is you versus you. And one thing I've actually managed to stick to is having AG1 first thing in the morning, one scoop, water, done. And that's why it works. It's a simple daily ritual. AG1 supports energy, mood, focus and digestion, which genuinely helps when life gets busy. Yeah, it's clinically backed with over 15 years of research. It's just been shown to improve healthy gut bacteria by over 10 times.

20:38AG1 is designed to help your nutritional gaps with the essential vitamins and minerals and probiotics your body needs. And it's less than£3 a day. AG1 have given us a brilliant offer to share with our listeners. You'll receive£20 off your first order, a free welcome kit worth£58, plus 10 free travel packs when you sign up to a monthly subscription. Join us on the journey to better foundational health at drinkingag1.com forward slash therapy crouch. Therapy crouch. Let's go, let's go. Love you guys. Thanks for the laughter. Also, Abby, I'm another horse loving nut. I was listening to your podcast from December.

21:17You were laughing about the guy who snores on the train. It made me laugh so much. That's how it is. It was how Abby was so disgusted by him. My husband snores so bad we can't sleep in the same bed and it's been so long. is his is just on another level. Please, please read this out. My husband frequently daily commutes to London. On the train home, he snores so bad, people wake him up. It's horrible. One guy said to him the other day, mate, you have to stop. I can't listen to it anymore. And I've even asked him if he has a newborn at home. Everyone on that commute must know who he is, but he can't help falling asleep after a long day.

21:54Please tell him he has to stop. I cringe when he tells me it's so bad. once again guys thanks for making me belly laugh this is she's right a name and everything Kerry from Hertfordshire I know I know it's like a normal bodily function but it's it's not a lot you can do about it it's not a pleasant noise to hear especially if someone that you've got no affection towards yeah yeah yeah you know sometimes when a girl snort it's quite cute like a little gentle girly snort but like when my dad's doing it it's like fucking shut up with you do you know what I mean I know there was someone on the train as well like after a long day and you're like oh for fuck but like a big fat smelly stranger wow wow just don't want that I just don't I don't snore Lucinda still snores cracks me up she's like I said you're in bed you'll share with Riley and with Kaz Lib and Alfie together and Lucy's like oh I snore don't I was like I know I'm not bothered by Lucy's snoring it's quite cute but she's like it's fine I'll just bring my mouth tape mouth tape so she tapes her mouth up what it's a thing I've known that people put the thing on the nose but I didn't realise the mouth tape you tape your mouth shut fucking hell kinky fucking hell it can be interpreted wrong I remember when I was I used to get the train quite a lot from London to Stoke oh you're snoring is outrageous and then I'd be knackered off the train and whatever maybe coming back day off whatever I'd be sitting there and our mouth will be wide open and someone and I'll just go let's crouch you let's work out I don't I'm just getting regularly on a regular basis on like Twitter for me with my mouth open you are you are a mouth open sleeper though aren't you no I think it's got much better because since my polyps I've had taking medication from my polyps I've got so much better so much better have I yeah yeah yeah yeah I think I've been so much better yeah I think when you're I've had a medical condition you tend to have your mouth open as well don't you when you're lying down you don't but when you're like set up like that your mouth does draft doesn't it yeah I'm always on my back Dracula I sleep like that it's like my mates used to say I was in the coffin because quite often I've got my legs crossed as well and I'm like that what are you doing sleeping with your mates sleepover sleepover do you never have a sleepover do you not have sleepovers I actually didn't my mum wouldn't let me do them yeah we weren't really allowed them yeah I used to always stay around my mates oh no I was never allowed as a child I was never fussed on staying in other people's houses no I'd like people staying ours yeah we went a lot really I used to love it John and Ellie were like I think my mum's looked just went fucking on it they're not going to be up to much the in between us crack on one of them shakes the VCR on his toes and the other three are watching cats get bit sitting there watching Matt LaCiccio videos yeah they're not knocking anyone off giggling giggling giggling like little children.

24:58My friend, talking of knocking up, my friend got a girl pregnant when he lost his virginity. Jeez Louise. Fuck. Sorry, well. Not ideal. Not ideal at all. First go, bosh. Fuck me. No wonder you weren't having sleepovers. That's a shocker, that. Bit of a chip on your shoulder, haven't you? Got such strong swimmer as me. First go, bosh. That's no good. No. Not what you want. Okay. Hi, Abby, Pete and Tudor Bob Ross. Long time listener who has to stifle our giggles in the office when listening. Abby. Are you allowed to listen to podcasts? Are you working? Well, everyone's got their headphones in as if they're on meetings.

25:40You could have anything playing, wouldn't you? I always think that. Yeah, Ross has got a few tunes on me. I could be listening to it right now, couldn't I? Listen to those alone. Abby. Thank you. Finally, somebody said it. The house made books are shite. Yeah, shit. Thank God I have a Kindle unlimited subscription so I didn't waste any money on it. Absolute dog shit. I read the first book after a friend recommended it to me and thought, okay, three out of 10 on Goodreads. I started the second, got about 10 pages in and returned it straight back to Amazon. I hate not finishing a book, even if it's crap.

26:17But I just couldn't, I cannot believe. Oh, big girl. Yeah. I could write better well I have written better stay at home for Christmas happy back for Christmas remember my name you have terrible literature stupid repetitive plot and it only got turned into a film because TikTok told told you to like it grow up and read some real books here I love you all never change from Kirsten yeah books are always better than the films by the way exactly well said well said yeah good message I was talking about book into a film the other day. What was that? She's a fully-fetched member of Abby's book club. Yeah.

26:59We need to revamp that book club. Yeah, we do. Hello all, happy Tuesday. I couldn't help but let you know, myself and my boyfriend travelled from Dublin to London on Saturday to watch the West Ham and Sunderland match. Our flight landed early, so we had some time to kill before the match. Whilst in the Westfield shopping centre, while coming down the escalator, there was a man standing in front of me with Abby as his lock screen on his phone. What the fuck? One of her photographs in black and white. I was in Westhouse, I'm the guy. What the hell? One of his... Sure it wasn't me. I was in the game.

27:32I know you weren't. I was in the game. No, you weren't in Westfield though. No, it certainly wasn't. One of her photos in black and white, to be precise. I turned to my boyfriend and told him and we had a good laugh at it. Fast forward, we arrive at London Stadium and we're having a look around the club shop when my boyfriend says, there's Peter Crouch. I thought he was ripping the piss as he knows I'm a fan of the pod but we'd just seen some Abby on some clown's phone half an hour ago funny enough it actually was you and to say I nearly had a stroke as an understatement except I really wished it was Abby great win for the Hammers all the same I don't care really but my boyfriend does as a fella a fella's screensaver yeah what a perv in Westfield and also come on Megan Fox anyone I'm joking no you're not wrong that's what you landed on exactly I don't know why you'll find that funny I don't find it funny at all you're mine because there we go I think he's doing great good luck to him good to him great to see you oh listen you fit on you like you know if you're a single man you want to look at a nice female brilliant then you are a good looking female I think that's weird to have nah that's a common place it depends on all it's more of a school but I think it's not going to be school age it's going to be at 40 plus, isn't he?

28:49No, realistically. No, not at all, but it's a strange one. Which is weird. Yeah. It's a bit of a strange one, but you know, back in the day, I think there was lots of, you know, like people would put posters up. I wasn't allowed posters. You're a sex symbol, babe. You know, you are. A sex symbol? You're a sex symbol, you know. Oh my God, are you fucking joking? I'm not. You are? I'm not a sex symbol. You are. I'd love to be, but now I feel like if I posted myself in a pair of knickers now, I'd be like, what the hell he did go back to the kitchen put your ribbon on and your fleece just like that we had quite a few messages you had to get in here did someone try and shabby you or something like that oh yes did they oh my god they apologised no shabby no where was that that was in that meal actually there was a lady it was a do you remember it was a mixed toilet do you remember oh yeah and um I was just washing my hands in the toilet and there was a lady came in and went um oh better not shabby you in here what oh go on man I couldn't believe it it was her daughter's birthday and she went and we used to say hello to my daughter and then went over and said hello did someone else try and shabby it?

29:55no but we also had someone who was at the West Ham game apparently they were shouting they were shouting shabby at me yeah they were they apologised no I was no they don't need to apologise for that I really enjoy it yeah not that not the specific yeah don't do it the shouting of it yeah it's nice to know you're a friend of the pod it's good no one tries to shabby me in public should i not yeah get arrested for that yeah literally especially because you're a sick symbol bridget bardo over here i don't mind that bloody love bridget jones pete i know you're into your conspiracy theories at the moment you know reading those damn brown books and you know i sent you that article how's your gamut at the moment i'm really into it it's good you know you still haven't finished it though it's massive yeah and you know last night Pete just disappeared like Elle was doing my hair I'm growing my hair colour out by the way if anyone's looking at my roots I'm growing it out and Pete was just in bed lying there with earphones in listening to I've moved on to the audio because I can block things you know block things out or people it's good Secret of Secrets it's called the Dan Brown it's good but I sent you that article about the aliens taking over the banks yeah Okay, so until recently, suggestions that the governments were covering up the existence of alien life were limited to a small...

31:20Like fringe. A fringe of conspiracy theorists. However, a host of senior American officials, including the Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, the New York Senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, is it? And James Clapper, the former Director of National Intelligence, have recently indicated their belief in the possibility of intelligent non-human life. That's what I'm saying, it's so large. we started that um alien documentary and there was so many people from american military and you know american defense those fighter jet pilots are not like you know silly they're proper high operating people do you know i mean very intelligent to very like and like for them to come on out they don't you know they're not sometimes you go oh they may be taking drugs or acid or whatever they used to say years ago they're high operating people of high intelligence for them to say it?

32:10There must be. Because I even think if you go as silly as, look how many insect species there are. Yeah. Look how many bird species, dogs, animals, giraffes, elephants. Just on this one rock alone. On this one planet, plus the humans. You know, there must be another life form closer to a human. Yeah. I'd suspect. More advanced than humans as well. More advanced. What I'd like to get is, I think we should get someone on. A dog has got like 80 % the same DNA as a human. Something like that. No, no, no, no. Just fact check that. Don't you say that banana's the same as I love. You're bananas. If there is an official announcement and we get presented with very clear evidence that nobody's going to dispute, I would say that in a matter of hours you're going to have total financial instability.

33:00What's the correlation between... Panic, hysteria. Exactly. Lack of investment. I don't know. it's alien to me yeah when you think about that turned the world on its head wouldn't it aliens come down they might have answers to things that you know we've always pondered you know religion that could just be completely cast aside couldn't it think of the you know the implications of that on the human race four five billion people are religious aren't they the financial institutions like you said imagine they came down and give us free energy you know all the energy companies that go bust people to lose the jobs but would people need jobs it would create like it'd be a big thing it'd be a headline news wouldn't it if we've got aliens confirmed.

33:39But they could just come and just do nothing. Yeah, they could, yeah. Most of the films we see are very much like, you know, they're going to take over and kill us all. They might just come over. I thought that when Bloody Eye Robot came out, came out, that's happening. I do not like that whatsoever. That robot? Have you seen it? They had one of those robot dogs at the Evac game, I think, when we were to the baby. It's freaky AF. Yeah. Have you seen the human ones now though as well? Yeah, Elon's just been talking about them and demonstrating them all. we are living in the future aren't we I quite like one of them you've got a robot a robot sleeve yeah they can like fold washing and stuff like that yeah that'd be handy that'd be handy we should get one on the pod I think so we were in the whatsapp group we were very much oh my god let's get like the alien vibe I would like to get an expert on to just fill us in a bit more yeah you sound mad when you talk about it don't you but I think it's good to have a my uncle was a huge alien believer Joe Woods into aliens so many people into them so many I'd love E.T.

34:50I'd love to find E.T. or like Cocoon I loved Cocoon as an alien movie you know when they come down with the old people and then they all get the lease of life back and then they go travelling with them that'd be sick on earth yeah I can't remember aliens being in Cocoon yeah that's the whole film the aliens the big eggs that come down and then they take all the old people away to space, don't they? That could be heaven. Yeah, could be. Well, they come back for Cocoon 2, so I don't think it is. Do you remember Mac and Me? The film Mac and Me? No. The aliens, that's a cute one. Do you remember that?

35:19No, I do remember that one, yeah. But yeah, it's a hard thing to say as well. Have we got any alien experts out there? Because how do you be an expert on aliens if no one's prepared to exist? Alien enthusiasts. Enthusiasts, your personalities. We definitely want to get them on the pod, I think. Yeah. I think it'd be nice to to kind of just have a chat about it I reckon they're definitely among us I think you can see people walking down the street who you just know are aliens is there any celebs out there you think you wouldn't be surprised if it came out they would have been aliens David Walliams that was no hesitation there even Elon's alien-esque oh yeah Jeff Bezos as well he gives me a bit of an alien vibe yeah sorry Geoff if you're listening who else I don't know I don't know I don't get an alien vibe off many people yeah I do maybe it's me yeah yeah okay alien enthusiasts please get in touch we'd like to speak to you yeah just clarify a few things yeah because I've been in headline news with the people when I saw the alien on the A3 I know where do you see you know I would be disappointed if an alien is like a flying object.

36:35I don't want to see like a metal or a strobe of light. I want a physical. You want Paul? I want Paul. I want Paul. Or E.T. Agreed. 100%. Fair enough. Or Spock. Yeah. Spock would be cool. But just to make sure if there are any listening, just down here would be fine. I don't fancy going up anywhere. Unless I can come back. Unless I can come back. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't, I don't know if I fancy going, you know, Space. Another planet and stuff. Yeah. No, I'd like them to come here. I don't want to go there. I'd just make here better. Yeah. I think they'll be good. I do, though. I'd like to think so.

37:14There's also been rumours that the governments are going to stage an alien invasion. They've got the technology to do that. They're going to, like, kind of, you know, I don't doubt it. The projections, the holograms and stuff like that, that you see, like, them doing. Like the Abyshire. Exactly. They've got the government to think I'm much more advanced there. tech will be that they could stage it to then create like a kind of global one unified governments and then have people under control that's a thing a big conspiracy at the moment in the know

37:44that's scary isn't it like hunger games kind of yeah you just get everyone unsubjected wouldn't you in fear the aliens have come we've got to unite do as you're told let's get into the hi peter and abby i've been married for three years and i've been together for over 12 i've recently discovered my wife has been in a locked chat on whatsapp with a male worker who she's been confiding in as we've been on the rocks recently i know we did a thing for that lock chat but if you asked me how to do it basically hard i couldn't even do a poll on el's hen chat she said nothing physical has gone on and we're going for marriage counseling but should i leave as a lock chat is just as bad as cheating thanks i think it would be equally as hurtful because it's kind of like showing emotional investment isn't it if someone's chatting away to someone and you're hiding you're actively hiding it because like one could argue is you know she hasn't done anything because one could be in a in a dull marriage where having a chat with someone else could be seen as exciting even though she thinks you know I haven't cheated I haven't done anything wrong but I still think that is cheating really I think so speaking to the opposite sex co-worker about your manager I think if you're going to speak to anyone it'd be your girlfriend or your lad mates if she's on the other foot your closest confidants not someone from the office who's of the opposite sex that you've hidden yeah but I'd speak to Alfie and he's the opposite sex he's gay yeah and he's not a co-worker he's your best friend he's one of your gang isn't he yeah you know someone in the office who you meant to only be seen nine to five and they're the one you can find in and hide your chats from.

39:24Yeah, but even if you're speaking to Alfie and you locked the chat and I couldn't get into it, I'd be like, what the hell is she saying? Even that's a bit mad. I was literally just about to say that. If you had to lock chat with anyone, you'd be gone. You'd be gone. Simple as that and I mean it. Gone. Gone. There's just no... I just think that's a bit mad. Agreed, yeah. I don't think, I wouldn't be impressed. I wouldn't be happy with you, you know, locking chats. But even my... was your surprise part no mine was football mine was football chat 4.0 yeah that's a good idea it was good i just knew you'd skip track four and i have four in here fantasy league yeah um i think they just need to have a i think they need to have a discussion he needs to get to the bottom of kind of what's been said on this group chat on this lock chat why she's doing it and if they both feel there is something left to salvage here I'd want the fella's contact details on his version of events straight away without her having a chance to speak to him as well well that's they're probably she's already told him let's say I want to see all the messages and all that and if you can't show them then something dodgy is going on well if she yeah but okay what's been done has been done but what the main focus should be if there's anything left to salvage if she's gone oh god now i've been caught i'm thinking oh god what am i doing i love my husband i want to salvage this and and he's equally thinking my wife's basically cheated on me do i want to stay so they need to have that conversation yeah it's a very good point it's very mature actually okay hi both uh love your pod please could i have some advice um on the below please stay anonymous oh no scared to read this now my partner and i are getting married in the summer and I cannot wait to get married.

41:17However, my best friend a few weeks ago recently got engaged and I was so happy for her. However, I don't know if I'm being petty, but she has now quickly started planning her wedding night, her wedding right away, even though she's not getting married for a few years. But that isn't the issue. When she has been asking for the suppliers we have used before she got engaged, I thought she was being curious and nice. It turns out she has booked every single supplier of mine for her own wedding i.e same hair stylist makeup dj decoration people photographer videographer um getting her dress from the same shop and now she wants to use the same saxophonist even though she's uh never mentioned she's um even into this it's something that me and my partner have always loved am i out of order for being annoyed thanks guys do you know what our ellie's turned into a bit of a bride's alone Is she?

42:10Go on. Honestly. She asked me for first dance recommendations the other day and I was like, doesn't Scott have a song to you? And she told me to fuck off. I was like, what? I know. She said, she's getting married abroad and she wants black wedding bridesmaid dresses. And I'm like, Alicia, I want to do black. It's a bit gothic, isn't it? That could be cool though. It's slick. And she's like, Abby, I'm having black, okay? And then, and then, and then I sent, I sent to these other dresses and she's like, Abby, I'm not wearing that on my fucking wedding day. like i'm like feisty one you are obviously el's a hairstylist isn't she oh yeah um and i said like because she does her own hair phenomenal and i'm like ellie are you doing your own hair would you do your own hair on your wedding no so i'm not either oh and like any suggestion i make i'm like because it's abroad i was like i wouldn't even bother doing a sit-down meal i'd do like a big massive paella yeah yeah yeah like agreed yeah you know just and she's like no Abby that's not what like going and I'm like good luck Scott your problem but she can be a bit moody I don't know can't she I've never seen her she's great oh no she's the best she's literally my best person on there she's the best of us but the bridezilla is coming in but what I think I'm gonna get in on the wind up I'm gonna get in on the wind up you should you should and then give us some anecdotes in the pod but the thing is with brides I don't mind that because you know I do it with like the kids parties or whatever Lucinda who's that face painter you've got yeah who's that balloon person Riley who's that cake person or whoever basically it feels like they're doing the same wedding but what the thing is it's like if you're in a race to compete so who did it first kind of thing yeah she's not getting money until after a few years she said as well people will have forgotten and also I used to work in a wedding venue and everyone thinks their wedding is so unique and different and I'm telling you now there's like five different things that they put on the table there's about five different first dance songs and like it's not that like unusual for people to have basically the same wedding I don't think anyone's ever walked into Nicki Minaj no no no yeah that's true but yeah I know oh well I know I just think she should do you know what peace and love imitations highest form flattery exactly and just think your wedding's going to be fabulous just focus on that and take it as a compliment I know it's annoying and I know brides get a bit territorial a bit but just fuck it enjoy go and enjoy live and let live just exactly great and yeah Alien experts get in touch yes please let us know see you next time are you taking it Alien

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