How To Distract Your Wife To Get What You Want & The Human Chin Rest Dilemma!

0:00Most women have been there. Something feels off. You don't feel like yourself. Yet your doctor says everything looks fine. Spoiler, it's your hormones. Midi is a virtual care platform built for women by women and offers specialized hormone care from trained clinicians. Plus, it's covered by most major insurances. Getting started is easy. You can book your first visit with a clinician right away. It's not you. It's your hormones. Visit JoinMidi.com to book your first visit. That's JoinMidi.com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough.

0:34It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S.

1:14offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Listen to this A-Cast show ad-free on Amazon Music with your Prime membership or subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

2:18Is it called a gooch? The gooch-alaria. No man's land. You just don't get this anywhere else, do you? You don't get this anywhere else. Hello and welcome to the therapy crouch with me, Avi Clancy. Me, Pee Crouch. Me, Gaz. Hey, guys. How are we? Yeah, you both look radiant today. Really? Yeah. You're glowing, the pair of you. I'm doing my once a week facial with Izzy, aren't I? Are you? Is that what you're doing? Just getting my leather handbag face back on track. Yeah. I've got a new face cream. Have you? Yeah. My daughter said to me, this one's great, Dad. And I took her advice. And that's why I'm radiant.

2:54When do you apply it? Do you apply it in the morning? It's between that and he keeps going for these, because you know Pete's long eyebrows and hairy ears and nose and all that, like really wig me out. Yeah. I'm getting old, I think. Yeah, it's part of the ageing. He's been going to the barbers and getting like these facials and massages. I know he's touching on the tech. So I took Jack in there, right? and he said, can I do something for you? And I was like, I don't really want a haircut. And he was like, no, he said, you have to do this, right? I'm sure people know this already, but I was mind blown.

3:27I'm lying back and I'm getting like a steam facial, like the beard trim, nose trim, ear trim, burning stuff in your ears and a massage. And then like this cream, I was like, this is like a service. Were you nervous at first? I remember the first time I did one they have the flaming ball of wax and they're hitting you around the face with it like singeing you I was like Jesus Christ I know what you mean it felt but I'm so into it now are you into it now? I'm like a kind of once a week you know it's not wrong with a bit of self-care I don't think there is either I need because when I had to you know in our house you know everything I have has gone out the shower with my girls you know my razor my face wash my body wash my body cream so I had to bloody get a shower with Pantene conditioner today, which is, you know.

4:19Not for you, Pantene. Shout out. No, it is, but it's, I don't want to wash my body with conditioner and like, couldn't shave my legs or conditioner. Yeah, well, you know, you've got to do what you've got to do. There's that minty one in there. Is that yours? I bought that for you. It's a hair growing. Did you buy that for me? It's a hair growing thing. I bought you that in New York. I've been really enjoying that. Oh yeah, what's this? Some really like minty fresh one. It's called like Nioxin or something. It's a hair growing shampoo. I think it really does. It feels like it's stimulating follicles.

4:49Well, it's because it's got the peppermint in. Do you know what I mean by that? It gives like a cold sensation. But it is apparently clinically proven, so let's see. Well, yeah, I mean, no. Your hair is looking good. Thank you. It's looking longer than ever. Thanks, I was full of clothes. It's a great way to start. Have you guys been to some sort of festival this morning or something? Did I get that right? No, just the school harvest festival. How was that? It's nice seeing all the kids and they collect for the local food bank. and sing hymns and... That's nice. Yeah, isn't it? But what is Harvest Festival traditionally?

5:20Is it like the old days where we used to... Well, it's a bit of giving, isn't it? It's giving back. Yeah, giving back to the... You know, like, are people less fortunate whatever you bring in for the food banks and things like that? I've spoke about this before. Like, the food bank collections should be at the till. They shouldn't be by the door. Yeah. Because if you are not a forward thinker, like yourself and I, you know i often just takes it on out my bag and put it in but if they were the collections all supermarkets listening put them at the till yeah and put some stuff there which you would use like tin stuff and you've got a real being in your mind about that yeah because i hate you've brought that up so many times i hate being that person who goes oh shit the food bank they need to be at the till so it's in your mind no i think you're spot on with that because when you go it's for the essentials right so you get your weetabix and stuff and then as you're leaving and you're like, I could donate this, but I came in just for this, to be honest.

6:15So do you not do it, you little twerp? Well, I just, because I was going to have to go back around the shop and get it again for a second time. I always take something out my bag, but, you know, if they should have kind of, because, you know, they have things at the till, don't they? And you go, oh, do you need them Beecham's? Or do you need them chewing gum? If they add kind of everyday essentials, dry pasta, you know, jars of tomato, like tomato sauces and beans or whatever, if they were at little stations at the end of the till, you would do it. That's a great idea. It's a campaign for that.

6:48It's a campaign. It's a campaign. All right, then. So, are you going to do weekly wines? Well, I've got a weekly shine for Gaz today. Oh, yeah? Yeah, we've got a new iPad. Why is it pink? Not sure about the colour, Gaz. Just to touch my feminine side. It is pink, isn't it? It is pink. But the show logo is kind of like a pinky red. So I thought it was in keeping. It's just red? I say lilac. I mean, no, it's actually pink. But yeah, just really, I've been dealing with the phone, you know, it's been going on for a long time. You couldn't do that, could you? No, this is much better. Where did the other iPad go with the thing?

7:24So we are still in the barn. Still in the barn. We are currently doing our new studio along with our house renovation. But it's taking longer than expected. These things do, don't they? This actually leads me right onto my weekly wine because I've just got this dream of being in our new house for Christmas. Yeah, and is it not looking like timescale is going to work out? It feels like a pipe dream. Really? Well, considering it's like 10 weeks for Christmas and my doors are on an 18-week lead time.

7:55The doors themselves or the knobs? What are we, or the hinges? I was in the knob shop all day yesterday. Loved it. Of course you were. I loved it. You do like knobs. I was in there for two hours, you know. My God. Every knob you can think of. Big, brass, big, Bronze, small, decorative. Superb. Yeah. Don't need to go to the knocker shop. I wanted a big lion knocker, but it was so nice. But I think we've got the original knocker on our... Yeah, can't be an original one. No. That's when I lost Pete. I've stopped bringing him to the house now because going downstairs, I've done like, instead of like a banner set, I've done this rope with like a bronze lion head.

8:38Ooh, nice, okay. And if he'd just walked in and was like, what the fuck is that? And left. I was just like, what? So unnecessary. What are we doing? Like, do we need lions going down there? I mean. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Three lions, maybe? When it was three lions. Was it three lions? Which is quite a nice idea. It was actually a little nod to your career. Thanks, babe. All right. Well, that made me, remind me that I've paid for England on the way down. Exactly. All right. We can have them then. I've got them anyway. I've got them anyway. All right, well, I'm going to get into some audience wines, okay?

9:12Okay. Clance Pedro in black undies. I need to report my own husband before it gets worse. It started small, but now it's gotten out of hand. We're away in Portugal and he orders a coffee. Fine, normal. Except he does the little accent. Oh, God. Can you do it? Un café, por favor. He's from Warrington. Next day, poolside. He gets out of the pool. He does the thing where he smooths his hair back with both hands and exhales like he's in an advert. And says, muito linda, which I think means very beautiful. Linda is beautiful in Portuguese. Is it? But he says it for absolutely nobody. There's no one around, just me and a German family who don't understand a word.

9:52Then this is the one. We're at dinner. He sends his steak back because it's not quite the char he wanted. The char he wanted. What's a char? How well it's cooked. Charred. When did he get a char preference? He grew up eating potato waffles. and as the waiter walked off my husband turned to me satisfied and said you've got to know your meat i felt something die inside me i adore i adore him he's a good man but somewhere over the bay of biscay he became insufferable and i need you all to agree to the ick but you do it don't you because i do you know the the way to the supermarket the supermarket is this way yeah What is a Portuguese accent?

10:38I know it's Spanish. It sounds quite Russian-esque. It's like... Is it quite Spanish-Russian, isn't it? Is it? It's quite... Like a lot of... Yeah. Choking sounds. We should be able to speak it by now. We should know more, but... I understand it when I'm there, a little bit of a... For some reason, I think they do understand if you do put a little accent on better. It's just English. Yeah. With a twist. which I totally understand why it would give lots of people the ick I was saying things like you know Gaz you got caught I feel like as well when we were in America I mean I was saying I appreciate you man I appreciate you man I appreciate you man you've got really scouse lately you've got so scouse all the comments either scouse or brummie yeah like so scouse I think we're both rubbed off on you mate and especially when you're like arguing you're getting higher and it's like who are you talking to you are

11:41I don't know. I think when I have a drink as well, well, I used to go really brummy, didn't I? Remember? Would you? Do you know why? Jack keeps speaking in his girl's accent because he always takes the pee out of me because I say, come on, let's get ready for school. And they all go, skew, skew. He does say skew. But yeah, my mate used to take this out of me because I think because I had such a good time up there when I was at Villa. No, you've just got one of those pendulum voices. Pendulum voice? Does it mean like a long, drawn-out drone? Yeah, it's just slow and... So it is... It adapts to different accents.

12:20Yeah. I can see that. Because if you spoke quickly like me, that's probably why I haven't lost my Scouse accent at all because it's too quick to kind of correct. that's why obviously I finish all your sentences because it takes too long to talk good things come to those who wait they never come with a fucking punchline I'm wasted on you totally wasted babe do you want to read this one because I've got a long drawn out drone so I thought

12:53therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough it shows up in the smallest moments You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like, and that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments.

13:30You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. If you felt stuck trying to lose weight, you're not alone.

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14:48That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. ForHERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovi clinical study information, and restrictions, visit ForHERS.com. It's from Big Jeff. Okay, hey guys, love the pod so much. You've had me in stitches lately. So I wanted to share my wine. It's also a bit of a question for Pete regarding his massive hole. What? What's that regarding? What's the massive hole? Do you know what I think's hilarious?

15:29I just watched the Owens documentary. Michael Owen is so funny, you know? Yeah, but he's good. He is so funny. He's very funny. Like, I was cracking up watching him anyway. but it just because he was talking about having a sweaty hole what? what am I going to watch this? I don't remember talking about that golf hole that is you want a golf hole at the house has emboldened me my wife said an absolute no to my dream of a home bar so my question tactician to tactician how did you sell the golf hole to Abby what was the pitch I need the exact play because I'm one nil down I'm running out of ideas that don't end me in building it in secret and pretending it was always there.

16:12Big Jeff from Leicester. That was great. Thanks for your comment, Big Jeff. Let me tell you exactly what you do. It's the art of distraction. It's the diversion. So over here, it's inside the house. I walk around and go, well, you know, let's do this. You should do that. You should do that. You don't say that. By the way. No, you don't say that. No, no. I'm letting you crack on with Joe with it. That's what I'm saying. You like to say no to everything. but me and Joe are doing it anyway. No, I don't, I don't. We're going to do it anyway. Basically, I think it's something like a, potentially like a new kitchen or like a, it doesn't have to be a new kitchen, but it's something, you know.

16:48It's not potentially a new kitchen. We've got no kitchen. Will you stop interrupting me? He's asked for my advice, not yours. And I think it's like, do the bedroom up or, you know, should we look at a conservatory? Don't even get one, just look into it. Just look into it. You look into that, I'm going to do my golf hole. And I think it's much more like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that and I'll do this. I think the art, the subtle art of distraction is key. Subtle art of distraction. In my opinion. It's a good tactic. Yeah. They're happy and you're happy. And by the time, you know, it's done, you know, you don't even get the conservatory.

17:23Just talk about it. I think for us with this house renovation, this is going to be our forever home. So it just has to be done properly. Yeah. You know, we've had so many houses over the years that we've rented, lived in, we've learnt so much and exactly what we want. And it's just got to be done. And I'm just, I just, I'm just like closing my eyes and pretending we don't have to pay for it. I think that's the only way. It's the only way. Just bury your head in the sand. No, I'm just going, I feel like, oh yeah. And I'm just pretending to myself, I've convinced myself that it's for free. Yeah.

17:59And it's not. Sadly not. We'll deal with it, you know, when it comes to it. Exactly. So where are we with the golf holes? Has it happened? Yeah, yeah, it's happening. I'm really pleased. What is happening with the golf holes? I'm really pleased with my outside. You got quiet on that front? No, no, no. It's just, there was a bit of a backlog, you know, they've got a lot of work to do. But yeah, it's happening. I'm really plurring my outside now. I've got this, you know, the long arms, which is like my little bar. Yeah. And it got like, I've got the beers on draft there, creamy Moretti and a nice Guinness.

18:28It's a good Guinness. And then I've got the university golf hole. And the gym. So funny. So there's seven gazillion messages on our home renovation chat. And then people pipe in every now and then, Joe, I've seen this picture of this gym. Can you make me this? And I crack me up because he's got Sophia's two five kgs that he does like four push-ups with every day. Clearly. They're fours. They're fours. I've not progressed to the five. I'm like, what are you going to do? This doesn't just happen, babe. And that noise you make in the pool just goes through me. What noise? So he does a swim. I'm just trying to take care of myself for my wife.

19:12So she's, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And she's ripping me every day. And he puts his trunks on his daughter's like pink goggles and then does this like... Legend. Underwater. When I'm underwater, I'm swimming. I breathe out underwater. Yeah. Breathe in. Yeah. And then out under. So it's like a... Yeah. the ripple effect I've never heard anyone make that noise I didn't know that you would hear that yeah I don't like I can hear it I don't like the noise I can't believe you can hear it you can hear that above water yeah it's horrid it's horrid oh you've got a video this next time I will I want to be able to hear that yeah so okay but yeah so I just go to Joe Joe make that gym a priority so we can get away with all the other stuff let's make him the gym now that's the thing right that's exactly what I'm saying it's a trade off isn't it I'm happy, you're happy.

20:03It's one for you and one for me. Perfect. That's how I think a house should work. That's it. That's how you do it. Yeah. There you go. And they're not four kgs, by the way. It's a lot heavier than that. Than a half? A lot heavier than that. Fair. Yeah, so distract and get what you want. I think it's a good test. I want to sell Big Jeff. I reckon if I, like, used your card and gave you a snog at the same time, you wouldn't notice. it's just do you know like sneak get us apple pay and just give them a little group and just use the apple pay I think most men yeah we'd all go for that it's a completely fair trade off get away it's so easy to get around men isn't it like easily it is but I still can't do it you don't do it enough you should do it more because then you can have whatever you like I'm not a prostitute

21:00okay look at me says hi i love the pod but i've been encountering something for a while it needs a nickname i trust you three to do it justice there we go my boyfriend's six four and i'm five one normally i love the height difference except when he when we hug he rests his chin on the top of my head i like that just leaves it there full weight like i'm a chin stand like i'm furniture are built specifically to hold his face up. I've started bracing my neck for it. Oh, God. When I hear him come over a cuddler, I lock my spine like I'm about to take a scrum. He's affectionate. I know it's love, but I'm being slowly compressed by a man using me as a jaw hammock.

21:39I need a name for this. It's like you call a weld a chin rest. That wasn't me who said that. It was. That wasn't me. It was. It was actually someone well-known who told us that. It was. Yeah, I said, called it a chin rest. Do you know what? I know exactly what you're on about. Is it called a gooch? A gooch? You said this before. The gooch, yeah. The gooch-al area. No man's land. No man's land. Chin rest. Who said it? Do you want me to actually tell you? Yeah, because I can't remember. We were in Dubai and I don't know how we got on the subject of the gooch. But it was Denise Farhout. Good old Denise.

22:21Go ahead. chin rest I'm trying to think how you get your chin in there well I'm trying to picture that as well so how has she got are you going that way or that way yeah it's like just there isn't it like but like so is the man's is the legs and arsehole up like that facing the ceiling no it's it's not it's above the arsehole the world yeah do you think what else is that it's below it's in between isn't it between the balls and so the arse the bum hole's there it's just standing up it's just underneath isn't it Yeah, but the bum hole's behind it. Yeah, behind it. Yeah. It's not below it. No, the bum hole's below.

22:58Then you've got the, then you've got the, um, the weld. The ball. The weld. Balls, and then, uh. Yeah, all right. You just don't get this anywhere else, do you? You don't get this anywhere else. You just don't know how it's a chin rest. It's so enlightening. Why don't you know how it's a chin rest? I just can't figure out how you get your chin on it. If, like, are we assuming the man's laying down vertical, horizontal? It doesn't really make much sense, does it? The legs would have to be... He'd have to be on a pillow or something under his lower back. Up. Or that. Pins up. I don't think so. I was trying to get in position.

23:42Well, let's test it now. We can try it. Do you want to try it? Do you want to place your chin? I don't want to go anywhere near that, thanks. That's not very nice. Why not? Sweaty chin rest. No, thanks. Sweaty chin rest. Sweaty chin rest. Okay. Okay. I do that to you sometimes. What rest? No, no. No, not the chin rest. No, not that. I mean, like, when I hug you, do I do that? I might be probably too tall to put my head on your head. Okay. If you're watching on YouTube. Is that too much? That is quite complicated. Can you put your full weight of your head on her head? Does that get annoying? Her chin's a bit pointy on my head.

24:28That's quite... Why am I on the top? This is cute. That is nice. That's the thumbnail. That is nice. Yeah, like, doing that then, that is comfortable. I might do that more. You always do it? Or resting your head on the... Yeah, I do do it. You always do it? Yeah, that's what I did. Did you see that? Oh, that SMP, that meme, have you seen? Like, every time you've seen that meme going around, it's like every man to his wife so if like a woman was doing it so she'd like he'd be like bent over picking something up and the woman will run behind and like try and you know bonk them bonk them and it's like every man I think I have seen this yes I have seen this can you see how ridiculous that looks?

25:14yeah but like if you're if I walk past you right and you say I don't know facing away and I went past you and didn't slap your ass in some capacity, I think you'd be offended. So you can't really win, can I? Yeah, it's a lose-lose, basically. If I don't do it, it's like, what's the issue here? Does he not fancy me anymore? And if I do, I'm a pervert. Yeah. This is a great question for the ladies, I think, because it's instinctual for me. I can't not do it. I have to. I have to. And I don't mean it disrespectfully either. I just have to do it. Do you know what I mean? It's facts of life. I don't know why, if you fancy your wife.

25:57The only answer I want to grab is say if there's like a biker next to me, like a cyclist, and I'm driving, I always want to slap their arses. Not in like a sexual way. Like a happy slap, just like a joyride. Yeah, just like a... Yeah. I know what you mean. I'd love to do it, but it's dangerous. Well, it's very dangerous, yeah. Imagine. Yeah, but that's not going to change, babe. and, you know, when it, unless you're offended by it. No. No, I'm not talking about that. I'm just like, I just wanted to show you how ridiculous, no, if a girl's just like putting her makeup on, semi-clothes, the man runs over.

26:33If she's like bending over the oven to collect something, the man comes there. How ridiculous, and obviously in reverse, it looks so ridiculous. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, the gender roles when they swap. Yeah, yeah. If I came out of the shower, you know, half clothed and started doing my hair, and you were all over me, I'd find that fantastic. Is that you would? It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I'm with you on that. Like, you know, if you're going to be, you know, half naked doing makeup, feels like you are enticing me. Well, I'm not. I've told you a million times. Go away. The fact that you told me to fuck off on a regular basis kind of counteracts that.

27:22I'm not unique. I know, I know. It's obviously a real thing for men and women. Men and women thing. There's nothing worse than getting groped when you're getting ready. I can imagine, to be fair. You just want to do your make-up and look nice or whatever. And you get some big... I don't know what you do. What do you do? Do you want me to just not look at you if you're naked? No, I'll tell you when I'm ready. Have you got no niggas? If you're naked, do I look away? What do you want me to do? No, you're right, it's worse. If you ignored it completely, that's worse. That's worse. You want to be like, four, four, four.

27:57Four. What do you mean? Four, you mean ten?

28:03On memes, can I actually, I found this last night and I was cracking up. This might not land with you, but there's AI out there that does songs in famous artist styles, like kids songs, like Shakira doing Balamori.

28:22Or maybe, I just lost hours of my life. The Tampax advert, last night at Tampax saved my life by Alex Turner. Last night at Tampax saved my vibe. Last night at Tampax kept my big pants in the drawer.

28:40I've deleted Instagram. Well, I don't go on it anymore. Why? Because it's just... You end up scrolling. It's life-wasting. It is completely... Do you know what I think? That's the most hilarious thing you've ever heard. No. I was losing it. There's all sorts. Morrissey doing the Macarena. Remember Morrissey? Sounds like Shakira. I don't know who does the original. There's so many. That's unbelievable. They're golden, anyway. Hours of fun on that. They are good. There you go. What we didn't do, we didn't give her an answer about the nickname. Oh, you're right. You rest the chin on top of the head.

29:17We'll come back to that.

29:21Oh, yeah, we do. Yeah. I just think it's cute. I do as well. I do. Okay, we've got here, this is the World Cup, North versus South. Oh, yeah, like this. So we're going to play this little game. In the past, we had, what do we have? UK versus USA when we were out in the States. We had Liverpool versus London. Liverpool versus London. North versus South, head to head. Okay, number one. You've got Greg's sausage roll, obviously the North. And you've got Gales or Pret-a-Manger from the south. Pret-a'd. The£130 Hero versus the£4.50 croissant. Is it£1.30 for a sausage roll now? I think so, yeah. Fucking hell.

29:57Used to be peas, didn't it? Used to be 99... 99p, I think. Really? One of the big jumbo ones. I haven't had one for ages. Well, it's a tricky one though, isn't it? I was actually talking to Joe Colvac yesterday. I'll tell you what's phenomenal in Gales. the cheese and ham croissant. Really? Why are you laughing? He was like, speaking to Joe Coley, like, you know what? A ham and cheese croissant. It was sensational. Yeah, just changed the subject. Sorry, I was just thinking, there's something wrong with me? Yeah. It was funny. Go on. Joe was talking yesterday. He said, I was in, I think he might have said Brixton or Peckham.

30:35He said, and there was a Gales there. Oh, right. If there's a Gales, you know, it's like, there's some people that, you know, some posh shows live there. It's taken over the world, isn't it? The minute Gales is there, it's like a waitrose or something like that. Do you know what I mean? But yeah, Gales is, what is it? I do like a Gales, I'll be honest with you, but it is pretentious, isn't it? What would you go for in there? Sarnie, coffee? The chicken burger's good, you know. They do a chicken burger. Yeah. I think it's overrated Gales, if I'm being totally honest. Prefer a Pret. I do like a Pret as well.

31:08I prefer it to Gales. I had a lovely Pret yesterday. The tuna flatbread. You made a snorting noise there. Greg, what were you going for? I know you're going for a Greg's. I think the way to decide this is if you could eat one for the rest of your life, what would you go for? Like the pasties and the pies? You can't live on Greg's. And sausage rolls or whatever, Pret and Gail's, their options. What would you go for? I think personally I'd go for a Pret, you know, but Greg's is great value. Great value for a little eyelid in your fucking sausage. I hate you. Fingernails, cow nails and all that. All right, I think that's one nail to the south, isn't it?

31:49That's harsh. Harsh on Greg's, that. See, I grew up on Greg's. Yeah. Pasties and things. I used to love that. A little Cornish. I mean, you can't beat a hot Greg's sassadrol. They do taste phenomenal, but I just don't eat them. Pret as well. I think I saw a vegetarian Pret. Oh, yeah. Is that right? Would that be right? Vegetarian Pret? Yeah. Like a sarnie? No, the shop was... A vegan Pret? It was green, vegan Pret. You're joking, really? That's just nonsense. It's not for me. That's unacceptable. I'm not going to go for Greg's then. They wouldn't do that. They do. They do vegan sausage rolls. I'm all for it, right?

32:30I have the option, but don't have the whole shop. No. That's woke nonsense. That is woke nonsense. That is woke nonsense. So what is it now? Is it one nil the north? No, I think it's a draw. Okay, yeah, we'll discount that one. I feel disloyal, not picking Greg's. Yeah, I think Greg's got a winner. He's got plenty, he's got ten of these. All right. Okay, so number two is a tea at 5pm or dinner at 8pm in the South. Tea. I've never said tea. I do like tea. I think it sounds nice. You haven't used tea for dinner? I would never say it, personally. What would you say, dinner? Dinner. Yeah. What do I say?

33:05You say tea. Do I? Well, you used to say tea. I think you said dinner a bit now. I'm having it's always me tea as well isn't it what we have for dinner it's not my tea yeah we're having I'm having me tea me tea me dinner chippy tea I would say dinner chippy tea see we do if you're going to say the times we do eat at five we eat at five do you do you you're not starving by eight yeah do you know what I had for dinner yesterday absolutely this is how bad Instagram is for you so last night I had steak asparagus, green beans and roasted new potatoes and just garlic olive oil, rosemary, blah blah blah and then I was on Instagram and saw someone get like this bread cut this bread put loads of butter on the pan mozzarella and cheddar and put the other one on basically a cheese toastie but like so golden and gorgeous because of all the butter so I had my dinner and I made that like 30 seconds later and that as well.

34:08So that person's probably an influencer and they've actually influenced you. Yeah. Worked. Yeah. That's what they do. There you go. So that's what they're there for. Three is a... God, it's making me hungry now. It's sticking on the food theme. A chippy tea with gravy and scraps in the north or fish and chips with salt and vinegar. Who has gravy and scraps? I've never heard of that. I do think it's a proper northern thing. Curry sauce, gravy. Scraps like scampi. Scraps is like the offcuts, isn't it? Like the battery bits, I think. that they're kind of on the edge. So when I was pregnant, I used to have every single day a curry chip bar.

34:44Would you? So it was a bar with loads of butter, chips in, loads of salt and vinegar and curry sauce. Yeah. And I was 45 minutes late picking my other children up for school one day because I had to have it. You just had to have it. And I drove around to find a chippy and then I was like, I'm so sorry I got caught at work. Kids in after school called my bar. Stinking of fish. Me, the piglet, eating the bloody curry chip bomb in the car. I actually, I found really fancy fish and chips now. Yeah, for lunch. I was listening to another waste of life, because I was in the car yesterday for a long time, so I was looking at this stuff.

35:21Erling Harlan saying his favourite food is a kebab, but he just can't, he can't have it, because obviously he's an elite athlete. Yeah. So he's just like, it's his favourite thing. I do like kebabs myself. I have to your rogue takeaway kebab. I'm still not unsure why they're unhealthy. I've never figured it out. Because it's meat and then it's like salad and bread. Yeah. Good point. Because they're like junk. Because that thing's been on the meat pole for about six months, that's why. And just reheated. The elephant's foot. Athlete's foot. The elephant's foot.

35:55Yeah, fair. I love it though, do you? I do. I do. Did your time curry sauce? Sorry, chilli. Chilli sauce. Chilli garlic. And it repeats on you for like, what, a week? Yeah, same. I think the way to decide this is actually, Abbs, could you have fish and chips without a sauce? Could you have it with just salt and vinegar and be happy? See, I think that's a northern thing. I'm happy with salt and vinegar. I don't think the chips, chippies are the same down here. They're not. They're not great. Up north are unreal. They are better up north. Yeah, agreed. I'll give you that. I'm going to go north. And there's something special about having gravy with chips.

36:28And there's also, in the chippies in Liverpool, you get Chinese. Yeah. So we get like chips, curry sauce, special fried rice, a few shumais that is insane shumai what's that it's like a prawn and pork dumpling Chinese like unbelievable that sounds decent dim sum dim sum alright beautiful it's uh yeah I find that mad that you go into a fish and ship shop and a little every Friday night it's like a thing in Liverpool that's what you do Fridays that used to be the one uh okay you got the Beatles in the north and the Rolling Stones in the south uh it was difficult for me because obviously I'm good mates with Mick Jagger now I saw this do you want to mention this what happened there he was in I went to the England Spain game and he was there and I met him by legend we did like a boy and girl day so now we have Pete at the weekends now so he did the football with the boys and I did I took the girls to the Ritz for afternoon tea oh nice and we got all dressed up and Alfie came with us and it was gorgeous tea and cakes then we went to see Moulin Rouge and meanwhile the boys met Lamin Jamal you can never say that what's his name?

37:41Lamin Jamal Lamin Jamal high fived him they got a hug hug off Jude no met Harry Kane all the England team all the England team and they were in the dressing room and which is incredible like genuinely it was absolutely incredible like the boys just were blown away and I have to say Lamin Jamal like I love him they're like the kids love him he's like the one and they wore his boots they wore everything we'd watch it they love him and he could see how excited they were they were going we were tapping each other like that and he was the only one that'd come all the way over and like high five them yeah I think he's such a young kid as well and to recognise that yeah but I think because he's got his little brother hasn't he he's got a baby brother so he's probably what a legend he is as well yeah he's gorgeous I was just he just obviously he's a top player but he really went up in my estimation yeah he just made my two boys life they were crying weren't they they were in peace I loved that video I saw it yeah it was amazing and like everyone was going oh my god like because their faces and obviously Jack was like I'm never washing my hands again I'm like you bloody are get in the bath it's so nice and Harry but Jack keeps saying I heard Jack saying to his friends in school so Rice and Kane are coming around to our new house.

39:01Rice and Kane? Yeah. Are they coming round? Yeah, apparently. That's what you tell Nola's friends. I said to Pete, is Declan Rice and Harry Kane coming to our house? And he's like... Yeah, so what happened was it was near the end of the game and I thought I'll get them out before the end because it's late now. Yeah. And he said, oh, can we not go and meet like the players and stuff like that? And I was like, it doesn't always happen. I mean, I know you've just high-fived your mile there. That's amazing. But, you know, we can't just go down after the game. so I said to get them out they were like oh come on can we just hang around you know try and get an autograph or something and I was like no look we know Harry we know Declan said we'll just get them round to the house amazing just so I can get them out and they were like oh yeah okay let's do that telling all the kids when I go to the school the kids are like is Declan Rice and Harry Kane coming to your house oh my god but when England come out of the World Cup like literally the second the match finished Jack was like, Dad, can we FaceTime Harry?

40:00I remember this. Can we FaceTime Harry Kane? And so we can tell him he did so well. I was just about to tell him how well he did. Pete was like, not now, son, because he's probably still in the dressing room. You can't FaceTime him right now. Because Pete's not FaceTiming Harry Kane, left, right and centre, but the kids seem to think. I think because they saw when I hugged him after the Mexico game, they just couldn't get their head around that. They were like, are you mates with him? and that. I was like, look, well, you know, played with him. He said some really nice things about you, Harry Kane, the other day.

40:30I reposted it. Yeah, but yeah, they seem to think that we're like best mates, you know, so I'm like, look, he's busy at the moment. Oh, and Jude was coming round. No, but I heard you in the car going, oh, Jude probably can't come because he lives in Spain now. He lives in Spain. I was trying to let him down gently. Get him round for tea. He's in Spain, so he might not be able to. My daughters are like, no.

40:58okay um so i mean beatles listen i i've got something controversial about this i think the beatles are obviously they've changed the face of music they are obviously pioneers legends but i prefer rollingstone's music and i don't wow sorry to say it but that is feel like you're to wheel yourself away. That is my take. I know, obviously, sat next to a scale, so that's not acceptable, maybe, but... I love them both. Obviously, they're both geniuses. I just, you know, they paved the way, didn't they? Yeah. You know, both of them, really. I read an incredible book about the Roland Stoids, Stoids? The Roland Stoids?

41:45What's his name? Andrew Oogludman or something. can you find out his name? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was their manager and he was a little, he was just a kid and he basically stalked them, found them in the telephone book, ended up managing them and they, he was in the studio with the Rolling Stones and one day, like Paul McCartney and John were walking past and they said, can you come into the studio and help the Rolling Stones like write a song? Really? Yeah. You have to read this book. Yeah, I remember that. It's just phenomenal. You've never been telling me about that. Andrew Luke. yeah and yeah okay andrew luke oldman yeah oldham yeah it's called rolling stoned yeah rolling stoned it's the most incredible book like if you love all of that um era which i do um but yeah he was just a kid and just muscled his way in and he managed the rolling stones but it's fab but it's like all about fashion the music industry you know how they got there that's right up my street I'll give that a go it's 10 out of 10 is it yeah phenomenal but you have to end this as a draw right surely the Beatles yeah I think for what they have mean to people the Beatles yeah but I don't know music wise I think the Rolling Stones I think the Rolling Stones are electrifying to watch aren't they and they're like cool rockers I know what you mean I just I just love both actually to a scale so I want to ask this because the first time I went to Dublin, right, you go to all the pubs, it's all the Irish trad songs.

43:17I'm like, this is my heaven. I love this. Now I go for the thousandth time and it's the same playlist. I'm like, it's lost a bit of that magic. And I guess the first time you heard the Beatles, you're like, this is amazing. But the thousandth time in the Cavern Club or wherever you might go, does it start to lose it or is it always as good as the first time you heard it? No, I think it's just what it represents. It's just... It's kind of like Matt puts Liverpool on the map, like how big they were, isn't it? I think in America, everyone knows Liverpool football team. Well, Liverpool have got amazing things.

43:49Or the Beatles, but the Beatles. I wasn't on the top 10 list of amazing things coming out of Liverpool, by the way. You weren't? No. Jennifer Ellison was, but I wasn't. Shout out to Jen. What was on the list? Can we find this? It was like the Beatles, Liverpool Football Club, Steven Gerrard. Cilla Black. Cilla Black, Paul O 'Grady. I wasn't on there some kind of people in medicine and politics stomach kitten stomach kitten they weren't from Liverpool bloody wolves are they okay well I don't know where do we go with that I think Beatles have probably got to take it just because here they are here they are yeah night out no coat in January fake tan high heels on cobbles that's the north or the night out huge entertainment acts lots of tourists 60 pound uber home i'd say the north some of the best nights of my life for walking home barefoot freezing to death in a boob tube mini orange yeah i think the north is a is a top night out you don't feel the cold as a young teen i don't know how you don't it's like baltic up there but you're right i drove up for liverpool legends and halfway into like liverpool city center all these people in orange walking past and I was like, oh, it's just stop oil, another march.

45:11But it's actually just fake tan, just loads of people going out. And I was like, oh God, here we go. Fuck us. Just stop oil, March. It was, yeah. I mean, they're a different breed. I don't know how you do it. Like the ice cold winds lashing at you in December. And they'll be there in the fake tan, the high heels. But that's it. That's like a dying era as well. People don't, oh, good catch. It's not in Liverpool. Is it not? Yeah. What I didn't, the first time I went up to Liverpool, I couldn't leave on a Saturday because I'd drive to the game in the morning and there'd just be thousands of women in dressing gowns with curlers in.

45:45Yeah. Walking down the road. It would be a full event. You would wait the whole week, plan your outfit the whole week for this Saturday night out. And it'd start by getting your curly blow and the rollers would be in all day. All day? Then you'd get your spray tan the night before, wash that off, get your hair done. Then you'd be getting ready all day for this night out. You'd have a brand new outfit every single weekend. Wow. I respect you. I love that. But there's such, so many babes in Liverpool. They're like literally unreal, the girls there. Yeah, it's, they make a good, an effort. Yeah. Which is nice.

46:21What would you go for then? So you're going for North. Oh yeah, North there. All right. Made up feeler, Scouse warmth slang. All right, mate. Lovely. Fuck me, who's that? Was she on the twist? All right, mate. Lovely. top of the morning to you get up there apples and pears you I see who wrote that Jesus Christ someone 100 % not from at a glance Gary alright mate lovely alright mate lovely lovely yes yeah fucking hell would you do they even say made up for your la do they say there's a lot of la made up for your la it was funny when I was watching Jamie because I haven't heard la La for ages and on the Michael Owen show when Jamie Carragher went to the to Manor House his yard and he went this is this is great this La like it's an amazing stable isn't it because we were discussing it in bed where we were like oh I miss La yeah I like La and La and La and La oh yeah lots of La I love the Scouse accent I love it.

47:37It's friendly. It is good. But I also like... I do love the Cockney when you get in it like a black cabin. All right, darling, where are you off to, love? I love it. I like both. It's a draw, that one. Is that a draw for you? I have a draw. All right. Sunday roast at your nan's in the north or the Sunday roast at a gastro pub in the south? Can't beat a home roast. There's a lot of twatty stuff down. This has been written by someone from the north. Do you reckon? Yeah, because you don't have to go to a gastropop, do you? There's plenty of, like, Toby Carver. I do love a Toby Carver. Compared to Birmingham and north, it's Toby Carver in every corner.

48:19It's not a posh. Like, a posh roast is not... We always go on about the red wine Jew. I hate a red wine Jew. You can't do it. It's got to be, like... Bit of Bista. Bista, who has to be. You can't have a posh red wine-y gravy. So on the weekend, I made a lamb roast. Oh, nice. I went to the farm shop, got all the most amazing veg, this beautiful leg of lamb. And I made my gravy without Bisto, mainly because I didn't have it. Okay. So I just used like all the meat juices, corn flour, an OXO cube, red wine, garlic, and the kids hated it. Did they? Can I, that brings me to my weekly wine. Here we go.

49:03never make that gravy again please really was it no good was it no good the gravy is elite so with my normal gravy I use Bisto but I still use all the juices from the meat I use the water that I boil my broccoli in that sounds good and then I'll put two OXO cubes in loads of salt and pepper and Bisto it's usually off the charts. Yeah, it is phenomenal. Wasn't quite your level this weekend. No, because I thought I'm not, I just wanted to use everything real because obviously I'm just trying to, I don't know. I was in like farm shop mode. Yeah. Well, you know, so obviously the roast at your nan's, I mean, I remember Betty's roast.

49:49Oh, yeah. She was my grand frigging hell roasts. Do you know like everything, like the gravy was in a beautiful pot, you know, she'd have to, like if you had butter, it was in a dish. Yeah. Everything was done properly. And it was so nice. Yeah. You know, fondest memories. See, when I have people round, I do all of that. But if I like decant like mustard into a little dish and stuff, I'm just thinking that's more washing up to do when it's my own family. I think that. I'm always thinking about that. But I do like ketchup on the table and stuff like that. Yeah. That's unacceptable, that. What, the bottle itself on the table?

50:26Yes. Are you not a fan of that? No. You're like a ramekin of it? Well, I think it's just, you can put it on and take it away. On the table. I don't want to see that. That's not good. Yeah, fair. That's good habits. Yeah, so... You missed dinner last night because you're out on the bloody piss again. Yeah, it wasn't again, was it? It's just like... I had a beer after work, you know? Oh, yeah. Got in at midnight. It wasn't midnight. Midnight. 11.40 it was. If we're being specific. Yeah, it was good. I saw a couple of lads like Joe, Joe, Carl and Carl. and Bridgie amazing great to see them oh nice man I just love their company that's why I didn't mind because I love them oh they're the top they really are he's a fab joker oh he's he's the best but they all are yeah they are yeah legends Anfield on a European night or Wembley on England duty you can say anything at this point because the North has won by a landslide at this point so it doesn't really matter what you say Anfield is special on a European night you know playing for your country, representing your country is obviously a complete dream as well.

51:33But... It's got to be Anfield. It's something magical about it. On a European night. I wonder if I'll ever experience a feeling like that in my life. Just the hairs on your... You can see them sticking up now. It was fucking amazing. Pete's got stiffy talking about Anfield. Strictly, like being the creme de la creme, surely that's... No, I hated that. Really? I didn't like the performance side, no. I loved the training, but I was too scared. What, just to put it all together on the night? Yeah, I was just overcome, like riddled with nerves, riddled to the point of like I was going to vomit. Really?

52:12It didn't give me that. I think because you're on your own as well. I imagine playing with a team in a place with so much history and so much love and community like Anfield. I don't think you could replicate that. It's just winning. Like, you know, when you come out to that atmosphere and like, you know, obviously the history behind it, you know, the players that have walked there in the past. It's just having like a force field of support, isn't it? Well, yeah. You know, what do you call it? The audience. Yeah. The audience. The crowd. They make you feel invincible, don't they? Well, it's just so iconic.

52:52Never Walk Alone is so iconic. And every song that they sing, you know, they sing about the history, about winning the European trophies of the past. And you think like Christ and the Anfield sign, the team you might be playing, AC Milan or, you know, Barcelona. You're like, this is just incredible. And then... That was some team Michael Owen was in, in Madrid. Bloody hell. Oh, yeah. Ronaldo. That was the Galacticos. Beckham. Figo. Zidane. Zidane. Yeah. What the... Roberto Carlos. Jesus. That was not some team. that wasn't it mad god the galacticos i like that word galactico okay sorry it feels like the north one there babe up the door up the door so have we got any agony abs you little silly sausage

53:47do you like these shoes you hate a kitten heel don't you no i think they i think they're quite cool trendy what's a kitten heel? it's like a small heel oh okay like a little I think they're quite nice wedge it is a wedge kitten heel yeah you're right is it? yeah I got these in Claire's store number four boutique you look nice today I don't I've still got no clothes I love it I love it so if I say anything about like you look nice you always counteract because all my clothes are in storage I've literally got nothing I've got Sophia's jeans on I had to go into Claire's shopping by these shoes but I thought it was going to be cold today and these are my favourite things, we've talked about these before on the pod the commando body it feels like a pair of tights, like stretchy black tights and I've got 50 of them and I live in the winter through every pregnancy I've worn these that reminds me of you being pregnant I know, I just love these, I wore this when I was nine months pregnant, it still fits because it's so stretchy It's just fantastic.

54:50I know. I know. All right. So girls, commando bodies. Go commando. I need help with this serious infrastructure crisis. My wife and I have one of those big American fridges with a huge ice dispenser, and she has claimed it. It's hers now. There are rules because apparently I'm not using the ice correctly. I never knew there was apparently a correct way to receive ice from a hole in the door. I got a look yesterday What is that? You know the ice mystery You got one of those No I mean What's the correct way? Yeah what is the correct way? Well I got a look yesterday at a good curdled milk because I filled my glass too greedily I've started sneaking ice at night like a Victorian orphan stealing bread It's my fridge too I paid for half a fridge Whose ice is it legally?

55:38I want some ruling Love the pod Cheers for the years of last I'm Kevin in Hull Oh Why do these things run out? Do they actually? I'm curious about this do they run out of ice? See in Portugal we have an ice machine and it's an absolute game changer and it's like one that you have in a pub you've been in it Yeah I'm trying to picture it is it in the fridge or is it a thing and you just scoop out the ice and you've got a scooper and you scoop the ice and it's just a constant refresh of ice Oh my god Under the sink in the bar outside Yeah I've never seen that I'll be scooping for my life So we have ice in the fridge but I hate that because you can get two sizes can't you you can get it where they come as big cubes and drop down.

56:18Obviously, that crushed ice thing flies out everywhere. But I also think sometimes, you know, you can get dirty ice. Do you know, like, I like a clean ice. You don't want it frosted. I want to be able to look through my ice. Yeah, same. Oh, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think sometimes when it's... That crushed ice you want. The one in the thing, it feels like it looks dirty ice. Slush puppy vibe, yeah. You wouldn't want to drink that, whereas the ice cubes that are see-through, you could drink that at the bottom, even. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't want to drink... I want big ice cubes in our new house, I know I've talked about that.

56:48I want to do this. Have you seen where they make the ice cubes in balloons and they put like flowers in them? No. And then so you fill a water balloon, fill a balloon, put flowers in there, freeze them. And then obviously when they're frozen, cut the balloon off and you have big balls of ice with all flowers inside. Wow. And they're so beautiful. Like if you're doing a party. I'm going to be doing all that shit when I'm in this house. I can't wait for this house. It sounds like you're going to be coming. I've got like a thing now where I can't leave. I can't leave, go into the wild for like more than an hour and I just feel sick and need to go home.

57:21That's a disease that, isn't it? I've got it.

57:27I have. Yeah. You know, with regards to this, like what is the deal with this? Like it's both of their fridges, you know? He's allowed to put ice in any... I just tell her to grow up. Surely that's a grow up if ever I've heard one. Grow up, I'm just getting some ice. I know I wouldn't even explain. I'd just say grow up. Just nip that in the bud quick. Grow up. Yeah, fair play. You need to just whack her with a grow up there. Yeah, it's a grow up. Put ice down her top or something. Yeah, yeah. A shabber on the way up. Get your ice cube with a shabber over there.

58:05Okay, well, listen, baby, that's been an absolute pleasure and a privilege to be sat here doing a podcast with you today. Lovely. I just need you to save some energy for me go to the house? I don't want a repeat of last week. You lost me at Three Lions, babe. Not for me. We'll catch you next time. Bye.

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