How to Stay Naughty at 40: Abbey’s Bday Bonanza Debrief

0:00I'll bone you in. I am so. Boys, why don't you try about pegging? Shut up, Mia, Dad. Mummy, mummy, mummy. What's James? Some people have put their fingers in each, some of the first dates are on the nearest. Only finger tens.

0:23Fingers in hell. He looks great in that. He can slide down my pole any day. I'm joking. Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Go something on your nose. Yeah. Go on. It's contour. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah. I come in from the stables. I've been drowned. I'm like a drowned rat, so I haven't had time to get ready. Okay. And I just thought I'd try and contour my nose a little bit. What's contour? Well, seeing as though I just haven't stopped eating since Christmas. I need to draw in some bones Okay, okay Talking of bone actually Ab, right She's talking about looking at houses She's always looking at houses She's always sending me houses And something that came up the other day She said to me Look at this babe Look at this babe What do you think?

1:16Lovely All you do Just paint that old bone Bone? Yeah I've been saying No, so we've been thinking about Just painting this bone Is that a form? We've viewed about 7 million houses And I just said Right, paint all this bone And then we were lying in bed And Pete said babe what colour what colour is it white I'm assuming it's white it's just all Abby says like a bone all the time just paint that bone and I've let it slide I've let it slide for about six months and then go to the stage where I was like I had to go babe what the fuck is bone yeah I'd love it if she didn't know and she went I don't know I just heard like well of course I know what bone is she'll explain bone the best bone colour is Portland Pale 2 I think Portland Pale 2 Portland Pale I don't know I'm lost it yet bone is like this colour It's so kind of whitish like what a Yeah that's what I say It's an off whitish You'd say cream Or you know It's not cream It's not cream It's not beige and it's got no yellow tones Oh okay It's a neutral tone It's not grey It's not white It's not cream It's not magnolia There's no pink No purple in it It's a neutral base Would this be one?

2:20Yes It's a bit yellow A bit too much yellow No messing around there That's knowledge That's paint knowledge to be fair Paint knowledge. If you need the best paint colours, come to me. Yeah. That's no one's social. Can't believe I'm drinking again. Yeah, to be fair, you did say you're not doing completely dry. You said damp. It's a damp one, yeah. But I mean, you know, we kind of gave up. We were going to go for like a dry-ish middle, weren't we, of Jan? But we got excited on the weekend. Got a little bit excited. I think on the weekend's okay. On the weekend's... We were in bed early last... Because we had a lazy Sunday.

2:55Sorry. So we were pissed at 6pm.

3:01It was pitch black outside where we thought it was about 11 o 'clock and it was 6. So mad how dark it's going so early still isn't it? But I like having your hair. What are you looking at? No, no, I'm looking. I was just thinking what you had to say. What was it? Did you look aggressive? The look of love. Your hair. What's wrong with my hair? I think it looks cool. What's wrong with it? oh jack jack's good come in uh let me just say something about jack the other day right i was telling him you can be anything you want to be yeah you can do anything and he said well i can't i said we can't he said we can't fly anyway we can't be invisible oh it's like fair play he's like well you could fly if you were going to be an airline pilot his hair looks cool at the moment But he's got verbal diarrhea at the moment.

3:54He does not. So Lib, I've got Lib walking around the house. I'm dead, Mum. Like, all down. I wonder where she gets off. I give someone the ick. Breaking into song on this pod, someone left a comment saying, can Abby just stop singing? It's a massive ick. And then I've got Jack, who does not stop talking. Yeah, he's a cool dude, though. I'm talking of icks, right? On the Peter Crouch podcast, I actually record. I'm double bubbling today. I did this morning. Peter Crouch. Not this morning. Oh, no, it's not this morning. I did my podcast this morning. And it was great, right? And someone wrote in saying, because we were talking about bowling and it started with shoes, I think.

4:38You worked your own ball, remember? Yeah. You missed that, haven't you? Fucking... Oh, mate, that lads will get that going right in the group chat later. You little rat. he had his own personalized ball Peter which you bought me I didn't, Julesy bought it for you when Pete got temporarily taken off the roads his friend Julesy who's a fireman was driving as you know he's a fantastic fireman he looks like a wrecked outfit he can slide down my pole any day I'm joking. Have I even got a pole? No, I don't think we should know. I hope not. Not that I've noticed. Well, I didn't want to say I'd slide down his pole because he'd probably get very excited.

5:28No, he certainly would. But yeah, Julesy, one of our best friends, fabulous. He used to, when he was waiting for Pete, go bowling. He was a bowling alley next by the training ground. And then Pete joined in and Julesy bought him his own ball. yeah in a bag you're like a proper player as well was that when you were at Villa no we were at Villa yeah Lee Hendry was really good he joined the team but you weren't at Villa then you were at Portsmouth no I know but I used to play when I was at Villa quite a lot and um Hendry joined the ball team yeah we was part of the team and all that we used to got we used to got really involved in it it was really good fun but anyway what we were discussing was someone wrote in like a lady saying if I beat if I'm on a date and I beat the guy that gives me the ick right And I said that makes total sense.

6:17And I agree. If the guy picks up an eight... Or a six. Or a six. What's an eight or a six? You know the weights of the ball. You need at least a ten or a twelve. I like a light one. Yeah, obviously, but you're a female. I think as a man, you need to go ten or a bar. I thought of putting my finger in a bowling ball. That's what I said. You can't put your finger in an eight on a first date. That is it, but also if the fella turned up with his own bowling ball. I think some people have put their fingers in ace on the first dates there, to be honest. Only finger tens.

6:51But like, Sophia, our daughter, she's like elite at all sports, like she would beat her fella. But I know it'd give you dick. If you turned up and we went to driving range and you would beat me, or we played table tennis and you'd smash me, I think you would think less of me. Yeah, but you're good at all sports, and I like that about you, you're sporty. but as a bloke you can always give that i've been beaten by my girlfriend done a couple of like things at the arcade or something go oh i let you in that one like i'm glad you go no you didn't but i didn't but i me just saying i let you in that one i went easy on yeah yeah you kind of get away with it a little bit it's it's it's quite impressive when you're so good at like when you're so good at paddle and tennis and everything i am like oh yeah well that's what i mean that's why i think i think that is part and parcel of it i don't want to generalize it It was a conversation that came up on the...

7:37But I also think for a female to be good at sports and have a good go at the guy is also great. There's exceptions. If I was going out with Zabalenka and she... Oh, steady on with her. We played tennis. She said, oh, it's nice to look up. You haven't stopped going on about her. Fucking hell. That's smashing. Yeah, smashing. Smash your fucking head. I'm not serious. So, there's exceptions. If you're going out with the number one British female table tennis player, you'd expect to lose. I'm saying if you're going on a normal date with a normal girl and she meets you at bowling, I do agree with the fact that you potentially could put her off.

8:18But some people don't like men who ride horses. It depends how you ride the horse. Yeah, because if you're doing a cowboy style, that's cool as fuck. If you're doing dressage, that's a bit put off button, I would say. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. A man who can control a horse is a thing. Even jockeys in a little outfit. It's not as attractive as a cowboy. I think cowboys are all the way. I don't wear a jockey. In those little outfits they wear. I like that, but they're too small for me. I'd be way too tall for them.

8:50Why are you looking at me? She's imagining you in a jockey. Oh, and Abby and Ruby Walsh. Yeah. I was with Ruby the other day. You've got a couple of jockey mates. oh well you like the races yeah yeah frankie i love frankie yeah it was good so obviously last week we were going to do the birthday debrief yeah but since returning from my birthday celebrations i've been struck down with the flu the flu precious flu oh my god like the flu flu that's one way of putting it i had the flu like got absolutely smashed is this the same flu you had than ibiza no are you actually saying i didn't have the flu are you saying it was a hangover no you were in bits yeah but i think it stems we're only playing no because i think every time i go to a nightclub i get ill it's gems everywhere that is um well i just like the way they say jim reminds me of our daughter on the train and say mommy what's jim's oh you mean germs yeah mommy mommy mommy what's jim's she said oh you mean jam i was like don't touch that pole it's full of james and she's like mommy what's gin oh you mean jam okay jabs but now you talk like um roadman don't do that bro bro yeah yeah what's happening bro um yet so birthday debrief but i was ill so i had to cancel our part yeah um i see it's kind of like been away a little bit now isn't it but yeah but i um i haven't got a weekly wine for you i've got a weekly shine for pulling off the biggest birthday surprise and producing 10 out of 10 gifts yes we did everything perfect 10 out of 10 by the way love that yeah so thank you well my weekly shine is thank you for saying thank you yeah you know it's been 20 years i've done nothing right i was in those 20 years i was saying to cas like you know normally on christmas or my birthdays he'll get me something which i will initially thank him for and then it'll just rile with me the whole day yeah yeah why did you pick and then i'll have to just keep getting the digs and the digs in and then by the end by By the time I go to bed, I was like, I hate my presents and I hate you.

11:18Shove that TomTom up your ass. I was telling someone about that TomTom situation the other day. When I said, you know, she thought we were going to go somewhere amazing. And I was just testing the TomTom. I had a great idea. On the lead up to my birthday, there was so many of those scenarios. Like we were in the car with Tom and Kaz. we've been we're in dubai going to a restaurant and pete obviously plays dj in front of the cabin he's like he put the tune on and he went kaz he put simply red on and went kaz this is a tune isn't it like that so i was like i said to casita has he got simply read for my birthday and gas is like no and i was like i was like i can tell i was like why would he address you and basically wink at you in the back of the cards like yeah this is a tune isn't it simply right that's their song Me and Cadbury always do that.

12:15All right, because we haven't got any wines for each other, we'll dive straight into the audience wines, shall we? Good morning, Abby, Pete and Ross. I just wanted to write in and say I bloody love you guys. I started my fitness journey at the start of the year, having lost almost four stone. And you guys have been with me every step of the way. I've been walking a lot with you guys in my ears and laughed out loud, sometimes having to cross my legs. I'm 40 next year and I have had two kids. and passers-by must think that I'm off my head laughing at myself. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for doing what you do and bringing laughter, joy, warmth, normality and everything else warm and fuzzy into my life.

12:55Is that a weekly show? Yeah, a weekly show. I thought that was a nice little birthday present for you, Rob. I actually speak about you to my mum and she knows exactly who I'm talking about when I say, oh, Pete and Abby were saying this yesterday and we talk about you as if we all are friends. can you do what you do and I can't wait to hear more on the New Years from Laura. Oh that's nice. My fitness, I thought you know after when I got that flu I was thinking great. Yeah. Get some of this Christmas bloody... Christmas kgs off. Christmas kgs off. Couldn't stop eating Ross. Really? Sometimes you've got to eat your way out of an illness.

13:28It was like I wanted cheese on, it was like being pregnant again. I wanted cheese on toast, I want a cake, I want a tiramisu. But Pete, can you get me some tiramisu? I was like, tiramisu? I thought you were ill. Could not stop eating, so. Tiramisu is elite, to be fair. I had a tiramisu birthday cake. Did you? Oh, that's a touch. I mean, there wasn't a lot that you didn't have, really. We'll get into that in a minute. That is true. Okay, hi, Pete and Abby. Love the podcast. Just listen to one of your old shows, and you mention your kids' mispronunciations that are so cute and you don't correct them and indeed keep a record of them.

14:07Exactly the same in our house. My wife Claire and I have two beautiful daughters, Annabelle and Imogen. They love dancing and gymnastics, so spend a lot of time wearing leotards. This was a tricky word for them when they were younger. They're now 16 and 15, both still dancing and we still refer to the aforementioned sportswear as lilytards. But perhaps our favourite was the struggle with the utility room. that's the same as our little Johnny, which is referred to our house as the titty room, leading to much chortling whenever we have visitors around. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. That's from Spence.

14:42Yeah, Johnny used to say the looty looty, so we call it the looty looty room. Also going to just flag that you mispronounced, mispronunciation. Did I? Mispronunciation. What did I say? Mispronunciation. Mispronunciation. Did you do that on the Peter Crouch pod one time as well? What was he saying? what was the it's not pronounced it's mispronounce so it's pronounced or it's mispronunciation pronunciation remember that word Pete was saying a few pods back that's so weird how he was saying it it wasn't mayor mayor he says mayor mayor the lord mayor the lord mayor he's just my how you meant to I would say mayor when I was a kid as well I don't remember him saying that do you say the word abide abide abide what's that what does it mean I've never heard abide it's albeit albeit albeit what would i say albeit yeah a bite i would say a bite like that's definitely not whatever you are saying albeit would i say i'll be it i'll be it i'll be i say a bite being six foot tall it's like despite isn't it you're saying like despite albeit yeah i think it should be albeit really but i don't use that word that often no i always say it and no one ever pulls No, yeah, you should have been pulled up.

15:57That must have been one of the times I've been zoning out. We're talking about bone furniture.

16:06Peggy P, you won't be saying that out loud. No, that's a joke. I can't really like ping. Much. Unless you're offering. You need to fix your colour at the back. Okay, this one's for Pedro. For our Pedro. Pedro. I just listened to the latest podcast where you were talking about David Attenborough's new documentary, Kingdom. And I had the best idea for our beach 40th. We're a bit late now, mate, but a safari. We went to Kenya for our honeymoon a few years ago. It was the most incredible experience. Wild lions just a few metres away, eating dinner in candlelight when a herd of elephants appeared at the watering hole right in front of us.

16:47Gorgeous. But the highlight had to be the cheetah with four tiny cubs. The tour guides were so knowledgeable and the people were the most kindest, beautiful people with so much gratitude. I really can't recommend it enough. It could be perfect for an animal lover like Abby. The best place to make the most amazing memories. So just don't fuck it up like you did when you booked Thailand in Monsoon season. I hope you all have the most wonderful Christmas and a huge happy 40th to Abby. And should you take my advice, I accept zero responsibility for any wild animals Abby brings home. from Becky. I would look, that's something I'd say.

17:24What are you looking at? No, I was thinking of the story about when Pete did safari, sorry. Yeah. You heard them about that? I did safari with the football teams for that. I went with Spurs and I went with Portsmouth. Yeah. When I got out of the truck, obviously, which you're not supposed to do at all. But I went round the back of the truck and pretended to be a giraffe. I was eating that. I was eating the shrubbery. It was... It was, well, I was close to dying. It was potential for a lion to see me and potentially eat me, but I thought the gag was that good. It was worth taking a risk. Do it for the gag?

18:01And it went down well. Lucinda's kids went to feed the giraffes the other day. They were like, God, this is almost as big as pee. They actually said that, you believe that. So guys, this seems like the perfect place to take a break and hear from our sponsors and take this time to send this podcast to someone who you think will love it and needs it in their lives. Yeah, someone who needs a giggle as an issue of their own and may want to submit into the podcast to see what all the fuss is about. Don't forget, if you haven't already, hit the subscribe or follow button. Shabba. But yeah, I think that would be magical.

18:38But, you know, leading on to the podcast, start of the podcast really nicely, what I did do was A1. Yeah. A1. Yeah. It all went well. so I haven't had the debrief myself actually so what went down, how did it all turn out okay so my birthday was on a Saturday Friday night we were all supposed to go for a meal in our local Italian which we love because I didn't want I decided against the big party although I did have a I did think he might have thrown me a party yeah but then I was so tired we got in so late and I thought do you know what I can't be bothered and I knew Pete was taking me somewhere on the Saturday.

19:17Yeah. So my brother cancelled the meal. My sister came round, but she didn't leave till like 10pm. So I thought... Something could be happening here. No, I didn't think I would see her the next day. Yeah. She was like, I've got work. I said, Pete's taking me somewhere. Can't you stay and do my hair? Because my sister's on my hair. Clearly, she hasn't done it today. And she was like, no, no, I can't. I can't stay. And I was like, fuck, bitch. it was night to you she's just basically coating all her friends off why are they not answering to me as if they're not coming around on my birthday like this and that like it was all like i've always texted me going just can you just tell her to stop coating me on like a withheld number what and she said oh i went out with my friends in chester last night i left me phone at home yeah um and she said i'm so hungover i've stayed out happy birthday and you know cas is in Liverpool so I didn't think I'd see her like yeah I don't know why I just didn't get onto everyone stood and then just didn't get a face timed a face time Claire on the morning of their day and then she answered men oh put it down I was like as if Claire because it's at 8 in the morning I was like Claire must want to speak to because she hasn't got a slap on yeah I was like how ridiculous is that then Alfie was like I'm getting on the tube but the phone that our John was like I'll call you back.

20:38I've just got a meeting. And everything was just so bizarre. And then Lucinda. Is this Saturday morning? Lucinda was the best one. Yeah. Lucinda is in Dubai and she'd sent me a video with all their kids and they all had the pajamas on. And they were like, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Hope you have a great morning in Dubai. In the morning of Average Birthday. Bear in mind, I'd only just left her in Dubai two days previous. yeah and then so pete so everyone was being really cagey because it's like i'll be home at four i'll call you then and there alfie was getting on the tube and then working in the hairdressers and he was just texting me you've got a big club on you no because it was all the stories were all so good i just didn't even yeah but i obviously on the friday got pissed in our kitchen so i felt like death the next day and then pete's like we need to leave at 8 a.m so i said to my sister And L was like, oh, did you get that dress off Becky?

21:35Becky's my stylist, the best stylist in the world. Because L was like, Pete's taking you somewhere. Don't worry, I'll sort the dress. So the dress came and it was 10 times too big on me. And I was like, L, are you fucking messing? Like, you know, Pete's taking me somewhere. And like, you promised me you'd sort the dress. So I was trying not to kick off. So I thought, I just packed my bag. anyway gets to St Pancreas yeah and Pete's like we're going to Paris so I was like oh my god yeah so we get to Paris just still you two at this point just us two yeah yeah yeah so we're just you know we're just going through I said it's a romantic one we're going to see everyone on Sunday because I thought that might put her off the scent okay she knows she's going to she knows that I'm not going to leave her friends out yeah so I thought if I put it off to Sunday she's going to believe that we're going on a romantic one so he's like you only need to pack for one night because we'll be back on Sunday and we'll see everyone.

22:30Don't worry. So I got to the hotel, getting to the hotel. There was a rail of clothes, dresses, shoes, bags, coats, accessories. I was like, and everything was a 10 out of 10. Yes. I was just like, oh my God. I was like, I can't believe you've actually got this right. But obviously Becky. Turns out the stylist Becky is good. She's the best. I just did not there's no way I could have done that you know yeah like you know what I even saw you know orange bum bags galore yeah there was a Chanel oh god no a 90s mini the bedding the bedding had like our names on and happy birthday all embroidered there was balloons we had beautiful food in the room and then Pete was like oh someone's coming makeup artist came did all my makeup yeah we've got to go the 360 experience so i i just thought we were going to like i don't know i thought we were going like the opera before we go to the opera my dress was so beautiful and like really really chic really really dressy so i just thought opera because it was a full look yeah and then we went to the bar so is this the like morning time ish like no so we got there like four okay four so we i think the meeting time was five oh okay for the bar yeah and obviously i said we're going for a pre-drink nice and then i got there and as the girls leading us through and open this care and i'm like oh i love your belt like missed the whole surprise she had this gorgeous like vintage chanel and i was like walking in the door oh i love you went in surprise every single one of my friends are family there that's amazing like my sister who i'd been with till 10 p.m the night before yeah she was there kaz was there lucinda who was in dubai two days before she flew about us they all flew there but what she did lucinda was she faked that video so she filmed that the day before put all the kids in the pajamas messed all the hair off i couldn't believe it because i had to call her and said you are still coming she's done me and i was organizing it she did me i was coming i went fresh she said she's dope like alfie was there claire ruth carly everyone all the boys nick nick nice well nick wasn't there on the surprise i was i hugged everyone's like where's nick he got on the later train but apparently they'd all been on the the train before us yeah the hour before um into paris and they all were all having drinks and all getting ready they were all staying in our hotel my sister set up all the room she'd go and she left her suitcase in the room and then she's like and then pete went out to get something and ruth and jeremy snuck in no saw pete and thought i was gonna be there so they they were just in some bar and then just hit the deck mind because We're like, we've got this far, we can't blow the surprise.

25:35We've got so far. I'm just bobbing into that. What are the chances of this? I just couldn't believe it. Like, all my friends are, like, incredible liars. And your husbands. And my husbands, yeah. I didn't have to lie because you were good. I just said, look, babe, I'm going to do something nice for you. Just don't ask me questions because I will stumble on it. I was a bit gutted that it was just me and you. I got on this vibe. I said don't worry babe you know we're going it'd be so lovely it'd be so nice I could tell she's like oh see you every day no I wasn't thinking that but it's like you say you don't want to party but you really do yeah yeah well that's what I've known you long enough so we had a party it wasn't like a party party do you know I mean it was just people that you would like to be it was my nearest and dearest yeah and you know you had a good time and I think we ended up we went to this amazing it wasn't just a bar was it was such a beautiful place wasn't it yeah and then we had a beautiful meal and then we all went to the club yeah and then we all got covered

26:39i think i did have covered you every time you hung over you say you've got covered it's not i can't believe you're saying that it's a hangover like it wasn't a hangover peter well it was i went I went through 25 rolls of toilet roll, my headache. Oh, that sounds kind of like you allowed to shit. No. No, to blow my nose. Yeah, okay. Why do you not blow your nose at toilet roll? Yeah, obviously, but when you said that, I was really ill. I went through 25 rolls of toilet roll. No, I wish it came off the other end. I'd be bloody... No, you weren't. No, I was in headache. I was in bed. I was sweating.

27:15I stood up. I got a shower and I thought, I have to get a packet of bed. And that's not me. I'm not a Lion Betty person, am I? No, you're not. But yeah, I mean, listen, it went really well. And I was worried about it because I wanted it to be good for you. And I think it was. There was one slight hiccup, I believe, before you actually got to Paris. Wasn't the piece with regards to your present buying skills? Yeah. Do you want to elaborate on that? So basically it was from Jessica McCormack, right? Yeah. From her personally, it was her gift to Abby. Okay. it was the most beautiful leather pair like a jewelry purse absolutely gorgeous that you can buy in her store yeah um but pete left it on the train so i get all these messages my my presence was secure but i mean this went everywhere right and you know they were talking about loose women weren't they yeah i was like why are you leaving that on the train she took they were saying about they were talking about like useless gifts or something they say useless husbands the heads who leave stuff on the tray the kids no um but this girl messaged me the dms and i and i just saw jessica mccormack back and was like oh my god that's definitely my present yeah definitely my present um but she handed it in which i think is just absolutely amazing amazing so you know i couldn't thank her enough when i sent her a lovely gift and you know she but it did go viral because she'd tick-tocked it, whatever you call it.

28:43She'd tick-tocked it. She was on the old TikTok. Yeah. And also the messages that I sent, which I wasn't too happy about that. But she texted me and said, I'm sorry. But, you know, there are good people in the world. Well, it's nice of her to hand it in. Very, very. There's a lot of people who wouldn't have, to be fair. I went back to the station, and the guy there was a Spurs fan as well, to be fair. Was he? Yeah. All right, Pedro. He helped me with getting it back as well. Yeah, so there were some kind people there, I think. Her for handing in. I mean, she might have been something amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:18And she just handed it in. It was amazing. Yeah, it's lovely, but you know, it wasn't... Like you're engaging or something like that. Yeah, I get it. Obviously, it was a bag. It was a lovely bag, of course, but it was nice of her. She wasn't to know that, and she handed it in regardless. I would have opened it, though. I would have handed it in, but I definitely would have opened it. 100%. You'd have opened it. Yeah, just on her nose. She probably had a little Pete. Yeah. I thought it was funny because the text came into our group chat, didn't they, to see if anyone could help get in touch with you.

29:44And I was like, oh no, Pete's being blown up because I didn't know that context of it. I was like, Pete's obviously left it to the last day to get on Abby a present from Jessica McCormack. And then she's in boxed Abby. And I was like, oh no, not only has he left it so late, he's also left it on the train. And blown it. And obviously blown her into pride. Imagine. But you know, it was one of those. I think one of those. But yet the birthday was perfect. Yeah. And I'm going to have like a birthday year. A birthday year? Not even a birthday month, a birthday year. A year? No, because not everyone could make that.

30:16Yeah. And I've got so many different groups of friends they'll want to see. Stuff like that. We'll do stuff all throughout the year. That's always the way, isn't it, I think. Yeah. But we danced our socks off. We had to laugh. We had the most amazing food and laughed all night. So it was wonderful. although the journey home wasn't as wasn't as exciting I just woke up was like any French onion soup no French onion yeah I did so I have a breakfast has it made you nervous about what you're gonna have to pull out the bag for peace on his birthday then at the end of the month no because it's not a big one yeah that's a good point not as big I'm not bothered really yeah I think we'll do something nice just the two of us take it to Paris yeah I love Paris so so yeah i've only been as an i mean it's a disneyland there once when i was a kid but i went as an adult once and yeah i feel like there's a lot that i've left unexplored i'd like to go again yeah there is some because we said we were going to go like sightseeing the next day and have a walk around get me home now we had massages and everything booked i was like peter i'm not going i just want to go home now yeah we did we had i'd babysit for another night it was like yeah nah we had the hotel book for another night but you know when you're hungover i just want to be home with my kids so just like i want to go home now and when i got home my mum had made a roast dinner oh what it was just perfect so i thought of my roasting and we got into bed at like seven o 'clock i thought this is great nice early night and then i was up all night johnny had the bloody vomiting bug so i had no sleep oh yeah because we was real cold the next day yeah but it was um it was just wonderful so thank you again no no definitely remember it forever just a surprise i've never had a surprise and now you're not talking about the new kitchen anymore that's that's the thing of the past you would have been like that wasn't a no it's not a no but it it can go on simmer now it is a birthday year piece it is a birthday yeah it's a birthday year but everything i even got me tights and underwear and everything for the outfit everything everything was perfect there's my rails there's what people together it's amazing no i'm glad i'm glad it went well because, you know, quite often it doesn't.

32:29Well, Pedro, I'm glad you pulled it off. I appreciate it. Cheers, guys. Okay, should we get into some agony abs? Would you like to take it away, babe? Yes. I'm doing all the heavy lifting. Okay, I was with my ex-boyfriend for eight years and a year off, with a year off in the middle and a second breakup both by him. I finally decided that I'd had enough and ended things with him. When he requested we meet the following week to talk and give my stuff back, we met at Clapham Common on a warm day he looked extremely nervous and was profusely sweating I did notice that he was wearing a few layers and thought it was odd considering the temperature as I sat down to chat he stood there nervously and told me he had something to show me as he took off his jumper and then he took off his jumper to reveal a white top with I love India written on it in a sharpie

33:24that's it name

33:29i wanted the ground to swallow me up it was so embarrassing and i immediately demanded he put his jumper back on or change it there was no way we were reconciling and it really was the nail in the coffin that i couldn't even be with someone who thought that was a good idea i quite like that after eight years. I've taken it off to I Love India. But what is he doing? I don't know. But is he declaring his love? No, she was with him for eight years. They haven't been off for eight years. That's what I'm saying. They've been together for eight years and that's his big romantic gesture writing I Love India on a t-shirt.

34:05Shut up. It's a bit cringe. I thought that was quite cute. I am just flabbergasted. In public? In a club from Carver? I don't know what he's trying to achieve there. Firstly, I thought he was just saying I really like country and certainly if it is a name then then what i just don't know i like that name india quite like to call that yeah it's a nice name i don't i don't get it i don't get it at all what he's trying to achieve there me never every time i told my friends afterwards what had happened i was embarrassed to tell the story and it wasn't even me wearing the t-shirt when we left the common he asked me to do he asked me what to do with it and i took it off him and chucked it in the bend any tips on how to avoid these absolute cringe cringe just in future i don't know you know there's some things that you know you don't know why they've been on and off as well do you mean if it's just he sounds a bit childish i'd love to see this since uh i'd love to see it as well he didn't even have it made or he didn't even buy an isle of india t-shirt like a from a shop written in Sharpie.

35:15I think that's quite cute. But you know, some people, when you see Love Actually, when you're standing at the boards, if you came around and did that or something like that, people would be, you either love it or you hate it, wouldn't you? Do you make it look good on the movies? Put it that way. Do you make it look good on the movies? I don't know why she's so off-put by that. I think it's a bit cringy, but I'm not a hopeless romantic. Where's that one with Keira Knightley in that Love Actually though? He's trying to nick his best mate's bird. I know. But like, my husband's done loads of cringey things.

35:51Like he did the fucking robot. It's like, I'm here, you know. I remember lying in bed going, what? What was cringey about that? What's the bloody robot? You can't move. But has he then ever done any like public displays of affection that have cringed you all? No. Well, there you go. You said to me that like my my lack of cringiness has been a big plus in our relationship it has you don't give me the ick often not often no i have done but not not much you give me the ick when you were when me and lucinda was spying on you out the window and you say until the young lads this is what i do this is what i do it was like put a song on put a song and i'll guess what it is and they and they get it and be good that's what i do i was just getting excited and i said like that's what i do to all the 18 year old boys i was like that but trying to be cool and i'm doing a little dance skipping like that oh that's class i wish i'd seen that me and lucille oh my god but that's not bad for 20 years you know that's not that's not bad for 20 years and um knowing every word to candy shop was a bit oh i sang that the other day it came out of my shuffle actually i'm melting your mouth girl not in your head what a line but i am i yeah i'm just trying to think there's a couple of things that you've done over the years i'd love to know the ex there was a couple i'd have to i'd have to rack my brains you don't like like it when i elasticate stories do you well no i i just find that i just find that my no i don't i don't mind that at all it's when you lie so like if i'm putting elastic on stories is I'll get blown up.

37:31I don't think that's fair in a relationship. Whereas I'll literally watch you barefaced lying in front of me. And you know that I know. That sounds like it's... No, you're just making a story up. Yeah, but that sounds like I'm doing it in a malicious way. I know, I know. You know, if I open the door and there was one tiger there, and it wasn't one tiger, there was ten tigers at the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like that. That's perfect. Yeah, but it's the type of thing that there was no tigers there. I mean, like, it's not if there's one tiger and you say it was 10, that's elastication or whatever.

38:05You know, that's elastic. That's elastic. There's no tigers. There's tigers we didn't see any. You know, there was a couple of dogs. That's one. And she'll know. And I think because I've got her back, I won't say anything. Whereas if I did that, if you don't pay, that didn't happen. How do we help avoid cringe fest? Better vetting processes. Go on here and you stalk them. I think don't encourage it you know what I mean but you know what if she loved him she would love that gesture if she was madly in love with him she would love it it's just because he's given her the ick yeah they're having a breakup convo on the comment that's a good point that's the problem like if she was besotted with him she would think that was the most romantic gesture he's wrote it on himself with a sharpie and he's got out in front of the whole comment and told the whole common that he loves me because she loves him, but if she doesn't like him, she'd be like, sit the fuck down.

39:06You know? You are embarrassing yourself. My tip for her would be to just call it a day with that one. There's plenty more fish in the sea and she'll find her carp. Abby, Peter and Ross. The hollipop. I'm a massive fan of The Theory of the Crouch and I loved Abby as a host on Britain's Next Top Model. I actually missed Abby's season as a model contestant because I was way, I'm way too young. But I made that be up. Made that be up. But I imagine it would be... But it was 20 years ago. I know, I know. But I imagine it would be amazing to see her react to an episode. I'm from Stoke-on-Trent, so Pete is also a local legend around here.

39:48My question, or Agony Habs, is that we are currently late 30s and doing another round of IVF that we had to pay for this time. I can't help but feeling really deflated as last time we had such a bad result. And I know that time is now massively against us. I don't envisage us being such old parents. We thought about using donut eggs as this could give us more chance. But then I didn't know if I wanted to feel like the baby was partly me. My question is, my question, I guess, is what next if this round doesn't work? Would you call it quits and move on for a life without children? Or do we save again and go again?

40:30Lots of love anonymous. Well, that's a tragic story. And I'm obviously no expert in fertility. Yeah. I think there are so many options. A good friend of mine donated her egg to her auntie. Really? Yeah. And the baby's like 10 now. And it is her baby because the baby grew inside her. Yeah. Yeah. you know like i would do that i would give my sister my egg yeah or a friend you know i because you know when women are like yearning for a baby and men you know you've got to kind of explore every single avenue and i don't know what the rules are like but you could adopt there's so many kids that's another route isn't it like adoption and stuff like that you know or foster to start off with to see if that's something i think that'd be too difficult fostering yeah good friend of mine adopted yeah you know you couldn't advocate he adopted two babies wow and then also the age thing one of my best friends like kaz kaz was pregnant on her 40th birthday and she tried for years and years you know i think you have to in these scenarios you have to stay positive it's definitely more common now for sure isn't it all leaving it longer for like women's explore careers yeah i don't think in the 10 years time that'll be that odd at all No, not at all.

41:48It won't be odd. And a friend of mine's 46 and had her first baby. 46. You know, it can be done. Like, people live longer now that we're healthier. I think she shouldn't put too much pressure on herself.

42:03But there's so many other... Lots of other news. The thing is, it's so expensive to do the IVF and it can be deflating if it doesn't work. But you're saying if it doesn't work, what if it does work? Yeah. It could work. And that'd be your dream. And then that's the dream. Just stay positive, I'd say. Very good advice. Agreed, and there are other avenues if it doesn't work. Okay, hi, Abby, Pete and Ross. Please help me get my New Year new me mojo back. Over Christmas, I left my job to take on a new role, which is closer to my family, better money, and hopefully will provide a better work-life balance.

42:39I'm happy with the decision I've made, and it put me in a really good headspace going into the new year. I don't start until February, but decided to sort my accommodation out last year so I could get ahead of myself on the stress vibes. Now I have moved into a new flat and ended up with a roommate who's an absolute nightmare. Parasite. Lord of the Rings watching Malik rocking twat. Parasite. I love that. I love that. That's what I call my kids. Let's just rewind on it. An absolute nightmare parasite. Lord of the Rings watching Malik rocking twat. Mate, there's some resentment spilled up there already.

43:15They leave dishes everywhere, steal my snacks, make a point of blasting their shite music at 6am. I've tried talking to them nicely, leaving polite notes and passive-aggressive messages in the group chat, but nothing works. The role is in Derby, so there wasn't a massive number of options when I was looking, but it's really put a dampener on my whole new year, new me, job vibes. I could find somewhere else to live, but I would probably have to take a hit either on the cost or the standard of a place or I could just try and stick with Gollum and see if things change until they move out. Thanks.

43:52Gollum, that's what I look like when I'm in the shower, Gollum. Yeah. What are we saying there then? Oh, it's a tough one. Yeah, he's not going to change, so why live in misery? I would either move... I'd just get out of there. Yeah, you could take the hit. Yeah, take the hit. You want to be in the best possible frame of mind going into this new job you don't want to be sidetracked by Gollum at home like winding you and even like coming home after work knowing you've got to face that you know just get you down that just quit while you're ahead admit defeat it doesn't work I'm going to take the hit I'm going to get out of there and find somewhere else you'd rather a smaller more peaceful place you know even if it's smaller and it's maybe not quite as luxurious as that last one just having some peace and quiet you know i've moved out of living with randomers in a nicer flat to live with my friends in a worse house basically and the it was 10 times better more enjoyable living thing like you might not have his mates in derby but you might have better housemates or whatever and it was 10 times better 10 times better yeah agreed i mean that's you can't be living like that that's like resentment that he's just running that it's just like you you couldn't live properly living with someone that you don't get on with, you don't gel with, or they...

45:12It's just a no. Thank you, God, you got me, baby. Thank God. If it's not a hell yet to know. It's not a hell yet to know, yeah. All right, well, you know. Oh, we didn't... I was in the paper for my broken nail. Was it? Yeah. It went viral. Shut up. Went viral. I forget loads of stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like wasting the NHS with a good time. Well, you didn't do bad i was in the river star but yeah and it was a ripped off thing and you did kind of pitch it wrong it wasn't a broken fingernail it was a ripped off fingernail it was ripped off yeah no it's sound don't even show me that it sounds bad like i i was playing golf the next day and i had to cancel golf and the lads were like oh my god i said abs and a and e it's a form of they said what's happened it is yeah and i said broken nail it sounds horrendous right but it was worse than that babe i was there it was but it was a bad one that and i'm no wuss you're not i'm not not at all starting to question those births now

46:17you know put you out maybe i could do it this this was 10 million times worse than childbirth 10 million times i know i can't even tell you the pain i would have cut my whole arm off it's make me feel sick if i had a knife if i had a knife i would have went honestly okay well that's it you know um thankfully you know i appreciate it because a lot of people have been really worried about me organizing this birthday yeah and you know i've been under a lot of pressure yeah but thankfully you know the girl's smiling yeah 10 out of 10 she'll give you 10 out of 10 and thanks to my sister and to becky yeah and all my friends who made the effort like and scott who helped with a lot of the organisation.

47:01Yes. And everyone for, you know, for coming and for... It was absolutely perfect. And to the listeners as well. We've had a lot of messages from listeners. Yeah, I've had a lot of birthday love, so thank you so much. Yeah, okay. All right, well, we'll see you next time. See you next time.