“I’m Allowed A BUSH And He Isn’t!” - Wild Dating Double Standards & Secret Neighbour Bin Wars

0:00So I've entered the room and just gone, oh friggin me, do you? come and look at this carpet see how clean it is I don't give a f*** I don't know I don't give a f*** if she's got long pubes on her

0:18ask me anything okay so Pete what do we need well we need people to subscribe because obviously we're making this top quality content and I do hate these little bits where everyone goes oh please subscribe we really need it but it just does make a difference so if you like it then please hit the button yeah like link and subscribe you can never say that it's great like link and subscribe that's staying in hello and welcome to the therapy crouch ask us anything with me abby clancy and me peter crouch what's your name again peter crouch i always find it really weird saying my own name yeah unless it's that peter crouch podcast yeah unless it's the other podcast yeah that was a podcast kind of thing yeah i never know i never know whether to say Peter or Peter.

1:05Peter or Peters. You know, when I say my own name, I don't know whether to go Peter or Peter. Peter. When I say Peter sounds strong. Yeah, but then Peter sounds too common. I know what you mean, yeah. So I'm like Peter. No one says Peter. Peter. I would say, all right, I would not call him Peter. You could be P or Would you say Peter or Peter? I'm just with our Abby and Peter. No, I'm just with our Abby and Peter. Peter. Peter, yeah? Yeah, Peter. Peter. How weird does Peter sound out? It's a weird name. It's P or Pedro, really. Pedro? Yeah. Pedro is a great name, by the way. I love Pedro. Me too.

1:45Kind of works, doesn't it? Yeah. And it's funny as well, it makes me think of my Spanish mates who are genuine Pedros who would just call themselves Pedro. I like that. I like that name, Pedro. Do you know what tickled me? Pedro. Pedro. Do you know what tickled me on our socials recently? The Monacambi. I got that through the other day. I was like, oh my God, I've forgotten about Monacambi. Monacambi. It's like Albarone. Do you know Albarone? No. No, all by one. Chris's mate thought it was called Albarone. Albarone? Albarone. He said, I'm eating the Albarone. Yeah.

2:28Are they still going, those All Bar Ones? Yeah, they are, yeah. They're expensive, isn't it? But yeah, they are going. It sells more upper class, the All Bar Ones. It really does, doesn't it? I used to go to All Bar One. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're still going. They're still quite busy. I'm Gen. I'm not a Gen. So Gen Port, you're definitely not Gen Port. No, I'm Alpha. No. Gen Alpha. I'm talking about general population, not Gen. Generation. because there's a whole thing is there what am I yeah like millennials and gen z's and all that gen x's I think we're gen alfas do you know what no you're gen x you're gen x 80s are you like 80s 86 yeah you're I think you're gen x are you Pete I think it's all you like it's the people that come in later so it's the gen y you used to say 60s 70s 80s 90s and then you just can't anymore can you I just also I don't get why we have to put these labels on just go I'm a 90s kid I'm a 2000s kid I'm a 70s kid well I still think the 70s 30 years ago do you yeah same honestly I do the fucking millennium was 26 years ago nearly what the hell 26 years that is millennium well we were in the dome the other night we were in the millennium dome the other night weren't we in the dome we were that's the only truth five haven't performed together for 25 years they're not it's the first time in 25 years five have performed together 25 years ago we knew every word to the song yeah that is bad isn't it they're pretty sad as well though isn't it five is your name meter fucking measuring tool no it's only because they were barometer barometer that's what I was looking for thank you Peter no it's only because they played you're meter measuring tool you're my meter measuring tool you had two meter pizza stuck in my head two meter no no because that I'm only told about them because we saw them at the jingle bell yeah yeah I don't use five as my barometer generally I was going to say yeah or you mean to mention your age barometer so when were five when were they born five fucking longer than 25 years yeah yeah they're older than us yeah they must be are they they could be the same age as me so who's your favourite when I was the five I don't really think I had a fate I was more of an 2017, take that kind of girl.

4:56Okay. Yeah, he's 17 and take that. But that was pre, though. I'd say they were before five. Five were later than that. Was five... Take that well before five. Oh, yeah. Ready? He used to take that. Yeah, but you've got another level, do you know what I mean, with Dane and... Oh, my God. I love... No, I don't... That's a vibe. Wanna be alone. Oh, God, I love it. Bobak. Bobak, yeah. Unbelievable. I loved... Dane Bowers. I absolutely love Another Level I've never heard that Freaky baby I'm gonna lick you up Oh yeah I know that song Peter Do you remember when you left that plane P? Which one? When we were in Portugal Oh yeah I remember I left it I did not My phone changed It must have changed Remember that We went sad It's on your playlist Freaky Yeah it's on the playlist I know it's on the show Please explain the story please No well if you haven't heard the story I'll tell it again but we were in Portugal.

5:54We went to bed and my playlist was still playing. And when I went to bed, just as I went to bed... With my cousin Abbey. We went to bed together and the music went on to the next tune and it said, I wanna lig you up? And as if I'd played it on the way to the room. As if it was your bunk beat. Yeah, it was exactly that. So I've entered the room and just gone, oh, frig me, baby. Oh, no. meanwhile I'm in bed with a fleece dress and going on tied back to front I'm sat there with our John who is anyone who doesn't know our Abbie's brother so cousin and brother going oh that's a nightmare that we can't ask him to switch over in case he's had his bug pee I was having a custard and a cup of tea thank you very much I think you'll remember rightly it skipped on very quickly or just turned off very good very good okay alright Shall we get into some?

6:52I think we should. Okay, I will. My neighbour keeps putting the bins out a few inches over onto my drive. I get it, I get it. Not loads, just enough to annoy me. I retaliated. Brilliant, isn't it? These little problems are my favourite. Agreed. I retaliated by wheeling mine an inch into theirs. Now, we're in a full-blown silent bin war. We've even stopped mowing the other side of our communal lawns. It has become that serious. This morning, we were both out there pretending it was all a coincidence. It's been nine months. How do I end this pettiness without losing? Because I cannot lose. Fabulous message.

7:36Oh, yes. Pete, you don't like to lose, so you come up with an idea. Yeah, I don't like to lose. I just kick a bit over and look. We have these written into the Peter Crouch podcast. Peter Crouch probably have these a lot. We don't like losing on that as well. it's like when somebody walks past you know you're on the walk to work maybe you might walk over a bridge in london or you know you go along a walk and tends to a walking race it's the same people every time and someone will just ping past you like fucking not having that do you know what i mean so then you counteract it by walking past them and you end up in a walking race we we discussed that and now people on the who listen to the podcast will walk past me fast they know it's on that's hysterical yeah and we also had a neighbor war as well do you remember with the gardens because some neighbours were like really making a spectacle out of their gardens compared to their neighbour and they felt like they were showing them up and do you remember we got a lot of pictures in Pete?

8:26And there was also the one with the shared lawn you know so they're just mowing down their side of the lawn even though it's so theirs is really long and theirs is trimmed to perfection Yeah Because you should take it realistically one does one week one does the other or how many of the weeks are there in? Shouldn't you? But then some people will go and you're not Maybe because your own house would look scruffy if you didn't do the next door's one. Exactly. But some people obviously must miss it for a week or two and then the neighbour just decides to do their half and that's so passive aggressive though, isn't it?

8:56Oh, it's unbelievable. But the bin war, I get it. I reckon they're just looking at it and watching him and seeing him just move the bin a little bit over onto his side. See this invisible line? Do not cross. I just think you keep, if they keep doing it to you you just keep doing it to them and I don't think anyone wins but you don't lose yeah unfortunately it's a long game right they could just empty the whole bin onto their garden no that's too aggressive no no no you lose the spirit of the game there it's going to be like passive aggressiveness no I unfortunately I think this is the this is the long game and like they just make sure you don't break before they do yeah and that's a Premier League winning mentality that's going towards you there that's how you do it it's just it's just you don't again I agree with you you can't lose you just have to keep doing it until they finally go I can't I've been a bit passive aggressive over like a garden thing remember one time we lived in a road and I had we were getting work done in the house and then I said they messaged on the group saying you've driven over a bit of our grass and damaged the grass yeah and I just text about oh let's call her Margaret I was like oh Margaret sorry I wouldn't have thought you'd notice seeing as though you don't maintain your garden usually so I'm surprised I don't think there's anything passive in that aggression I'm surprised I noticed that but I'm awful sorry and my gardeners will repair it tomorrow no problem whatsoever please please forgive me well I'm just so surprised she didn't say that because seeing as though a gardener's normally an absolute bin she doesn't normally maintain your grass as they think you'd notice.

10:45Yes. Superb. Brilliant. I love that. Do you know what? I love that. That's great. Well played. It's good. I used to live in London, obviously. On the road, the parking situation was incredible. You know, because you can't, you've got one spot. And if there's no spot near your house and you get home late, you might park like all the way down the road. So that kind of parking situation. I just put a little cone there. She would as well. That sounds hilarious, but she absolutely would. I have done. A little cheeky cone. I'll skip. You just clank a cone there. Yeah. You know, the uproar of the family.

11:29The uproar with the neighbourhood if someone different parked there. You're like, who the hell is that car? That's not Debbie. That's not Margaret. Who's is that? It's F and Peter's. outrageous yeah okay so I think yeah that's a good answer there Pete don't let him lose but don't let him win either no yeah don't give up give up don't give up hi guys hoping Pete can help me over this one giving his severe lack of DIY handiness and Abbie's despair at him not being able to build the donkey sanctuary my long suffering girlfriend has been moaning recently about our spending and how we should try to become a bit nifty three weeks later one of our taps burst I told her I could easily fix the dripping tap because I'd watched one YouTube video.

12:19Not only did I fail, I snapped something important. I love the pain, I didn't even know what you snapped. Something important. Use a massive frigging leak afterwards. Now the entire kitchen sink is out of action and we've been quoted a far bigger bill. She keeps saying you should have called a professional, which is true, but it also hurts as I was trying to do something good. Do I admit defeat or double down? See, this is a different scenario for me. This is the admit defeat scenario. Yeah. Because unfortunately, the elite mentality only comes in when I can, when I know I can win. In a situation I know I can't.

12:57I love old stuff where you are. No, I just think it's so funny when last night, like we've, because I had the boys' rooms decorated and he put the TVs up. Pete's shouting me, babe, come on. We've only gone and done it. set the telly up and we were all like woo well done Pete Pete's plugged the starly into the air back in the telly wasn't even that someone else did that for me I just had to get Netflix on and remember my password literally come and look what daddy's done literally get up with the whole family now you know what call me a gob shite yeah and I was like god dad you're so amazing you're amazing dad I've only gone and done it woo Peter Crouch's best goals I'm screaming you know the worst thing is I think I genuinely actually I don't know if you were faking it but you genuinely oh I was so happy yeah I thought you I couldn't believe it thanks babe thanks for faking it no I didn't fake it continue to do that please babe I wasn't faking it I was 20 years ain't bad true that no I was genuinely really shocked and happy no I thought no I genuinely got that I got that impression that you were you were pleased with me yeah I was shocked and I must say that's the first time you've ever called people like championing them for doing anything like that so I believe you that you're impressed I shit stare no no no like saying like normally you're the first person to say I'm useless with technology aren't you yeah yeah well I am shit but you know I've been really pleased with my electrical skills recently pumped up a ball yesterday yeah with an electric pump by the way come look at this it's a fucking game changer it's like one of the you go through your car it goes the half unbelievable it's like babe look at this it's unreal what was so good is like every single ball in the house.

14:41And it lights up. Is that for that ball? That's in that. Yeah, yeah. They're all flat, right? All of them are going flat. But we've just been playing still, me and the boys, with flat balls. Yeah. And now, and I bought, and what I did was quietly went about my business, purchased this on Amazon. Yeah. 36, lost it for a little bit, found it again, then charged it, plugged it all in, pumped the balls up, and then just came in with, job done.

15:11Lisa, that's great that made. That's great. Literally. Thank you later, baby. I'll see you in the bedroom.

15:24See all those balls over there, babe? Have you noticed anything? What's that round, Adele? No eggies in this, huh? Yeah. Do you remember they were flat yesterday? Have a look at them now. Gosh, try and take a look and come back. Sorry, they call me a big tiny piece. I hate getting cold to watch things like that. To watch. This is such a waste of my time. Yeah, but that's how we feel about balance as a fucking couple of organisations. That's such a good point from Ross, actually. Come and look at this carpet. See how clean it is. Yeah. Couldn't give a fuck. That's really tickled with me. No, because it's the little things that just, you know, like, we were both genuine at the time, but when you actually talk about them, they're fucking ridiculous babe get up put Netflix on look I've got Netflix and Amazon on it get the game station get the game station I genuinely felt the warmth that you showed me it was like you know I was delighted delighted look at that he's done both of them as well it's nice to see you guys in a good little vibe do you want to know daddy I'm literally oh it's amazing amazing oh I was like oh I'll have one what was in it oh only ham and cheese like forcing me to eat this looking omelette it's funny as well yeah parma ham though no it was a cracking omelette that babe i don't like parma ham in an omelette just solving this guy's uh dilemma here i i feel like this is an issue where you've got to quit whilst you're behind he's behind anyway i don't think i think if he goes to fix it again i mean it's he obviously doesn't know what he's doing yeah it's a battle you can't win unfortunately yeah I think your own weakness sometimes no it's just so funny when I ask you to do something you just call Adam and get him to do it I think that's I think that's like clever I think that's attractive in the same sense that is like if he'd have done what this guy had done okay so Peter's gone actually I'll show her I'll do the DIY and then he blew your kitchen up would you be more annoyed or less annoyed if you'd got Adam in I'd be delighted because then I'd get them at Dream Unit yeah yeah i think no you know limitations that's that's totally right i know that i can put my bin over this guy's drive every day make top ends you know that you can do top ends i know i know i can do that fixing a broken sink is um is unfortunately not not for me agrees right this is one of those call to arms um little interludes in the podcast which i hate and i'm sure you hate as well but it actually does make a huge difference if you subscribe um because we're making top quality content and if you want more of it we need you to subscribe so uh hit the button i am aware i'm going to sound like the world's biggest hypocrite on this one so i accept that you may roast me but just please hear me out i'm a 21 year old student who has been brought up on a on the bra burning women empowering politics of the likes of jermaine grier who's always made me want to be a feminist first before anything else in my life part of this has given me a bit of a militant stance on certain things one of them being the right to grow my own leg hair and pubic hair length uh to the length i want and not what society tells me to as you can imagine this can make dating a little bit pricklier than normal pun intended uh not only this but i've also found myself not enjoying dating men with long pubes it's wrong and hypocritical and when i brought up to one of my current situationships.

19:01You can imagine how I went down. I know I'm a bit in the wrong, but also just need someone to tell me how it, tell me how it is or to criticise my guy. Well, for starters, I think that is slightly hypocritical. If you want to grow your own, but not allow someone that you're with to have long pubes. I agree. Yeah, I suppose if he's all right with it, then that's fine, isn't it? Yeah, but then if he's all right with it and then you're not alright with him doing it then it's a bit like you said hypocritical is the word I think but she sounds like she's self aware of that yeah she's yeah I agree I think you're well within your rights as long as he's into you know long hair but I don't like men with really long hair when they put their arm down the hair sticks no I think you have to trim it's like this don't you because it smells as well it does it smells a bit as well it's also general kind of hygienic stuff I think even you're trimming and stuff like that but only like you know to a certain degree i think it's maintenance agreed agreed but do you think there's ever an argument to be made in this girl's kind of scenario where she's trying to kind of fight back against i would imagine the patriarchal society which is imposed these standard men impose beauty standards on women to say i can grow my leg hair not because it's a beauty choice but because it's a choice choice but also i want to have preferences in a man is that fair to say or not yeah I don't know I think loads of my friends have hairy legs and I just can't believe it yeah a few of my friends yeah yeah it's becoming definitely more common in this day and age and stuff like that because of the reasons the girl said but I just think like Peter said you can't have your cake and eat it really can you you can't say I want one thing but expect you to do another but you can ask the question because she might find someone that's just really into that yeah and trimmed himself exactly and he might not also he might just be like one of them oh I haven't done it this week love sorry but no I think that's a fair point to be honest with you but it's only like if you say to me do you prefer me with a beard or without or do you like my hair long or short exactly yeah that's exactly no that is a very good point actually yeah yeah and I get you know I'd say you know I'm not into bald men unless it's Vin Diesel bad guy yeah but he doesn't expect you to be bald as well to have yeah to have the same hairstyle as him yeah but bold like you know that's a that's a scenario that sometimes you can't help see what I mean that's true whereas you know body hair you can either have it or not you can take it off or you can keep it on yeah I would say to the girl I understand especially with the generation of kind of being a bit anti-patriarchy at the moment patriarchal society I would say I understand where you're coming from but I would say it does smell a bit of double standards does it it smells a bit it smells a bit B, I went double standards, being honest love.

21:57I don't know, I don't give a fuck if she's got long pubes on her.

22:04Happy Christmas, you filthy animal.

22:15You, fuck it, you're unbelievable. You're amazing. I absolutely adore you. it's just the best best finish to a to a message I think we've ever had you can't give a fuck if she's gone a bloody contest that's what you are girl people should just do what they want to do if she wants a big bush and doesn't like pubes so what I just if I wanted a bush and I didn't like your pubes I'd just be like Pete get rid of them stop saying bush stop saying bush bush what else is it called here we are what would you say you'd say get rid of them but I'm gonna keep mine keeping my George You get rid of yours. You get rid of yours.

22:51But I'm willing my rights to say no, no. You get rid of yours. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, hope you're well. Regards to the families.

23:03Regards to the families. Listening to Pete talk about Abby's health anxiety, I thought I'd write in again with a post-blade. Whenever you feel anxious about something, have a special notebook slash journal and write it down. Then contact the doctor or let it ride out. Then write the conclusion down. Do it as many times as needed. And eventually you'll see a pattern and can see that the last X amounts of times that you had fear, it ended up being nothing or something you can ease the anxiety. Not a quick solution, just an aid. As mental health is obviously something that can stay with you for life, just lurking in the background.

23:42The advert Ross mentioned about the football fans, one happy and picking everyone up and the guy being the one who's depressed. This is very common. I do it myself. Someone with depression knows how much it hurts. So they try to make everyone around them happy to ensure they do not feel that pain. I struggle daily, but I thankfully have a wife who is amazing at reading me and picking me up. And also, I have my kids who've saved my life more than once, even if they never know it. you know I love the pod I tell you often enough Stephen G so this guy writes in a lot of the time actually this is the reason why we thought we'd leave on a finish on Stephen's notes he's a big fan of the podcast and he's a big contributor as well and I think that's a really nice message from him I think to kind of lean towards the unknown do you?

24:34it's a good idea because if you do write all those things down like I'm worried about this and then the conclusion of it and you'll see page after page after page really of the stuff that you've worried about and it's been wasted time but you know having said that you know there are things that you've picked up on in the past that have been things that exactly you know so i don't want to feed into it but i just agree you know i mean you do have to have an element of fear to um act to to act on that fear is a survival instinct that we've learned as humans and as you said it is one thing to be paranoid about or conscious about your kids is, I would imagine I don't have kids but would be it, do you know what I mean?

25:13You never want anything to do with that. Yeah, obviously there are certain things where I think that's silly, that's you don't need to worry about that, like what are you doing? You know, there are certain things, you know, I think I think I'd be maybe a good cage on it but maybe I'm too relaxed but there are certain things I think you are too you're anxious about that you don't need to be that's a good tool to use It is a good tool, thank you for that Stevie and I would say to be honest over the three years of doing the podcast I feel like the anxiety the health anxiety or the child health anxiety is something that's become a lot less prevalent with you so something that you've worked on because at one point would you say yeah at one point it was something that was coming up weekly weren't it you only you know the x y and z you know and then now it feels like it's a little bit you've got better with it no I think you're right I think if any if any type of strategy or tool to help health anxiety or any form of anxiety or stress or depression is useful.

26:12And I think people sharing that and helping others is always a good thing. You know, I've used hypnosis, deep breathing, talking to people and all of these little small changes and things combined can definitely have a positive effect. So I think we'll finish there. Nice note to finish on, I think. some great stuff there so can I just say next week then it's going to be probably one of our last records before Christmas and we all agreed we're going to have a bit of a Christmas special I think we should bring some fun jumpers in hats maybe Christmas deckies on the couch what do you think make sure you trim your bush there okay and this Christmas day we're going to do something a little bit different yeah I'm going to write a little Christmas almost like a nativity or a Christmas reading that you can read out for us.

27:07What, like the Queen? Yeah, a little bit like it. Like a message from the Queen? Genie Queen.

27:15Yeah, the Genie Queen's Christmas message.

27:21That would be lovely. Well, I'm here for it. Perfect. And that will come out Christmas Day, Ross, right? That will come out Christmas Day. Yeah. And only 10, 15 minutes long, you know, just a little pick-me-up on Christmas Day when you hate your family. yeah it's going to be a little bit different so if anyone has any particular Christmas stories or inspirations that they would like to hear our Abby or Peter read out let us know and we'll try and get that sorted before Christmas okay that's all folks yeah we'll see you next time