Is He Hiding You? The Truth About Soft Launching in Relationships & Chat GPT’s Dirty Talk Test…

0:00You have no idea how much I've been thinking about you today.

0:07Let Pete make it for you? No. No. What do you mean no? Like Christian Bale. He's got good chin. Well, good for him.

0:20Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to Therapy Crouch AMA. Ab's got a mouth full of cookies at the minute, so I just thought I'd start it. How are you, Ross? I'm very well Peter I'm jealous of I'm jealous of these cookies thanks for offering them round by the way that was so rude I also wanted to finish me little Bicky and Peter what's rude about it I just thought I was helping you out I've started I've started I've had to swallow it prematurely for the first time did you just rake themselves did you just rake themselves I'm fucking imbecile but were they the animal crackers no little I wish it was an animal cracker no Cracking animal.

1:04No, they're just the M &S mini cookies. You work pretty selfish there getting your own cookies. How rude. There's four other humans in here. There's three left. Does anyone want one? No, it's noted that behaviour. Don't know. Problem. So you seem very positive. What have you been up to? Well, the M &S food tasting. Christmas food tasting. You tell me about this every year. That's one of my favourite days of the year. Fuck Halloween.

1:35we feel very lucky to get to pre-sample all of this food yeah you know all those little you know like the kind of thing love yeah i know i know like being like being an like the ambassadors that we are right it's it that is a that is a fucking bonus okay what you say fix the job baby i saw a sentence oh we gotta go go work what you doing trying all the Christmas food the gear from MLS like in November yeah but I'm like Pete it's nil by mouth all morning sister yeah till we get there the way they do it like they lay it all out like there's the roast dinner section isn't there like with the turkey and you've got the pigs in blankets double wrapped pigs in blankets uh roasties but even like all the breakfast is like the crumpets and the did they give you like a little goodie bag sticker yeah or did you then you go to the section and do like the Christmas drinks so you just kind of get blasted over I'll be on the Bailey's yeah and then I'm over at the you know the desserts over here and just it's a nice night yeah full of good people good food good times good wine yeah yeah okay so that was good well be careful if you don't spill anything on your new jacket look how many stappers are in that today I bought some that I know you did this new purchase looks good doesn't it yeah she purchased this for me yeah I'm happy with it did you get ripped for that yeah but you know they're not as stylish as me Meanwhile I haven't got a stitch to wear.

3:02Oh I haven't got a stitch to wear.

3:08You see it as if by the way. Where do you a little Christmas shopping day? I'd like to go into town with you. I want to go to Bicester. I want to go to Bicester. It's amazing. I love it there. Get your winter collection saucers. I want to take Sophia to Bicester and get a few nice Christmas presents in. Ross, I'm normally completely done for Christmas by now. Yeah. And I haven't got one thing. And don't you feel invigorated for that? No, I feel completely unorganised. My head's all over the place. Still haven't even got fucking banister upstairs yet because I can't make a decision. I literally can't make a decision on the spindles.

3:45There's too many spindles in the world. Let Pete make it for you? No. No. What do you mean no? I'd have that done like that. No problem. That is the problem. I'll tell you what the problem is. Whatever I pick, even if it was the thing she would have picked, it would have been wrong because I picked it. That is the truth. That is not fair. 100 % it is the truth. That is not fair. Yeah, I feel like you don't, you want to say no. No, I don't. I don't, I don't. That's not the truth. But I just want to be really organised. Okay. You know. But do you know what? We've got plenty of time. Six weeks. You can get that sorted.

4:20Do you want to get into the AMAs? Get me, get me into them. I will get you into them. Get into this one. Hi guys, I love my boyfriend. but he hides behind banter way too much. If I tell him he's upset me, he says, can't you take a joke? But it's constant digs about my appearance, my friends and even my job. It's wearing me down, but I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend who can't take a laugh. How do you tell if it's playful teasing or emotional sabotage in disguise? I know these people. I do. I've been around this my whole life, like in football changing rooms. There's so many like ruthless banter.

4:54Yeah. All the time. And yeah, it is funny at times. But when you know someone's being nasty, putting you down. Can't take a joke piece. You can't take a joke. Fucking hell, isn't it? Yeah, I've seen it. Like all that. But I was saying this to someone while we were away. I was like, you've actually never, ever commented on my appearance, even when I'm like in complete hound mode. You know, you would never, ever. But like some husbands would be like, oh, eating again. Or, oh, what's that? Yeah. You know, and it's all those little things that chip away at your self-esteem and your confidence. Microaggressions, they call it, isn't it?

5:32A little bit. It's not good. No. Little jokes that aren't jokes. And do you know what? I bet you if you were to say something equivalent to him or her, whoever's doing those, they would flip the effing lid. Do you know what I mean? If she was to say to him, he says, you frigging smelly breath or something like that, he'd be like, how dare you in front of our friends embarrass me like that? Like, I don't rate it. Don't like it. I don't rate it. I don't do that no maybe I do do those microdoses and insults I didn't want to say it but yep you put mine are in a banter way then it does no matter it's just banter it's just banter fuck I'm this one can't take a joke I can't banter can't you take a joke look at all maybe this fella should get together bad wall you made I'll take this chick who's getting absolutely ruined your ma your ma look at this for instance just on the next question.

6:27Chinless wonder. Shooter Bob and the Clance. Look, she's made her own nickname, the Clance, didn't exist. Now everyone's calling her and I get the chinless wonder. Guys, I think it was proven that I didn't call myself the Clance. No, it wasn't. I proved it. You tried to get everyone to call you. Max didn't text Bach. Max did. You were saying like, you know, so many people call me the Clance. I was like, no one, no one I know calls you it. And you said, well, Max did. So you felt like you were trying to get a nickname. I certainly wasn't trying to get the chinless wonder at any point, but now I've got it.

7:04Chinless wonder. Sorry, Pete. Just banter. Just banter, Pete. I don't think you're a chinless wonder. Oh, yeah, you do. You've not said it. He's got delicate chin, though, haven't you? He's got delicate chin, though, haven't you? He's got delicate chin, though, haven't you? He's got delicate chin, though, haven't you? Fucking Zach. I'll be all come back like Zach. That's the thing about, if I was, you know... Insecure. insecure. You're the least insecure person on air. Yeah, but if I was, that's what I'm saying, if I was insecure. You could take it? That's what I'm saying, but imagine if I was, if I did actually go up and cry on my own and look at my chin and have it rebuilt.

7:38You know? I know you wouldn't. Superman. Oh, God. Like Christian Bale. He's got a good chin. Well, good for him.

7:50Why are you getting so techie? Oh, he's moving here. Because you just told me that you're a fucking chinless one. And you're like, oh yeah, he's got a great chin. No, it's going back to the Batman thing. You've got to have a good chin. Yeah, and obviously I can't be Batman. You can be Batman. You look good in a mask. Your chin looks good in your mask. I look great in a mask. When you've got a Batman mask on, your chin actually looks bigger. Oh man. It does. I've got a thick skin in this relationship. I've got a Batman mask in our house. Oh, that's funny though. Just give me a run, the Cassandra.

8:22get your batman mask on get your Matt Damon mask you know I want to go me and Joe Cole are going to go as Del Boy and Rodney yeah you are Del Boy and Rodney you too that's a great joke it's like when we do TNT Del Boy and Rodney yeah totally it is right I can see him in like the sheepskin coat as well he had a flat cap on as well and I think I had a long coat on yeah I like the fucking Driscoll brothers that was it the Driscoll brothers we've had before as well no you should look like you should do that if you and Joe ever did a Halloween you should be Batman and you should be Robin oh unbelievable yeah that'd be good it is good and just do that you know when they're running down and when they're running with the silly street have you ever seen when the kids try and rob that woman do you know Harry Kill's wife who was on East End on Emmerdale yeah it's her as a kid okay so this feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class crouchy clance tudor bob ross content don't forget to share it with your friends and family go on i know hair treatment has been covered somewhat but perhaps not this issue the wife has had three children and her hair loss after each child has become progressively worse to the extent I now have to empty the shower drain almost daily or it will clog her hair and my shower quickly becomes a paddling pool.

9:53Not to mention the bathroom floor, carpets and duvet looks like a werewolf has shed its fur all over the place. Ab, is this something you suffered from after your four children? And can you recommend any products or treatment? If it's good enough for the clients, it's good enough for me. Or Pete, if you have any wisdom along your religious use of Alperston, I'm all ears. thanks guys as always regards to the family Matt do you know what it's actually a traumatic thing to happen is that a thing I've never heard of that oh my god I lost so much hair during my pregnancies really and it's traumatic you go like that and it'd be clumps I noticed actually in the shower as well like it was it was constant a lot of hair I wonder what causes that obviously the hormone changes I get but like hormone changes and I think when you when a growing baby is taking all your goodness like your hair and your skin is like the first thing to go because it's like you protect it's protecting all your organs and everything i do think there's some sort of like vitamin drainage do you know i mean from yeah and that's all it is isn't it it's like vitamins and it's not all it is it's it's skin yeah a lot of it though it's hormones it's hormonal and yeah because even through like menopause and perimenopause it's like a major thing also covid after covid my hair and my one of my best friends alfie he's a hairdresser and he said the amount of women who went in having no hair after I think up your protein intake protein vitamin B12 yeah you need like professional like that viviscal's good I was just going to say that it just came into my head there that viviscal used to be on protein PRP so like you know James from the gym like he's a friend of mine, James, completely lost his hair.

11:47PRP. It's all come back. Great. The results vary. Is that that plasma thing? Is that the one that spins around and stuff? Yeah. The plasma and then they inject it into your head, but it's very costly. Like here to us locally, it's like a thousand pound, but you can get it cheaper than that. So when you go into these, they take your blood, they get your plasma, but most people's blood isn't enriched enough with the goodness that they need. So they add in different vitamins, exosomes and stuff like that and you you do need a course of it really yeah and it's just simulating your hair follicles oxygen you know like i i spoke to this hair loss doctor and even doing like dangling your head off the side off the end of the bed to encourage the blood supply oxygen but it's it's i think it's mainly vitamin deficiency that causes it but i'm not a doctor but from my personal experience i think if you eat well i think protein is absolutely key collagen you know the collagen's really really good for the hair growth you put that in your tea now all the time yeah i have it every single day and so do you you just don't know i just don't tell you that's why you look so gloomy but it's quite painful kaz does it doesn't she kaz is like an expert in the prp and exosomes so when i lost my hair she really helped me um by giving me some treatments and it really really works well i I think that's a very definitive answer for a hubby.

13:12Well done. But it's traumatic. It's not just like a kind of vanity issue. It's like a really big thing. Yeah. I remember you just saying like, you believe what's come out there. Yeah. Almost in clumps. But I think if you are losing a lot of hair, you need to get a blood test, like a full, full blood test from your doctor because then they'll find out what your deficient's in. If your thyroid is... Active or un-active or un-active. Thank God it all came back for you. like you know yeah she seems to be struggling a little bit with it yeah good luck yeah good luck um hi ab cardi p and ross love love love the podcast and i've been a day one listener i'm hoping you can help a brother out who is in desperate need of finding his inner mojo basically me and my wife been together 12 years and recently try decided to try and uh try a sex talk to spice things up.

14:04Problem is, I sound like I'm doing a GCC drama exam. My wife actually burst out laughing midway and asked if I was auditioning for Line of Duty. Do you think Dirty Talk is something you could learn? Or are some people just doomed to sound ridiculous? Thanks, and on. I'm not. Oh yeah. I'm not sure. Is it something you can learn? I don't, I don't, I don't know. Well, the thing is if you got caught learning it, it's even more of an F isn't it imagine you were Googling Duolingo dirty talk ask Chachi PT for a good ask it now my wife has asked me to talk dirty in the bedroom what can I say okay you right my wife I don't think any wife has this though by the way my wife asked to start no my wife asked me to talk dirty in the bedroom what do I say do you have any lines or what?

15:05What do you suggest? I say. Don't be shy. This is amazing. I can't give any explicit or sexual examples, but I can help you learn how to talk dirty, comfortably and respectfully. Okay. You have no idea how much I've been thinking about you today.

15:31He's probably done this. The one who's been laughed out of the bedroom. I love the way you touch me. You make me feel amazing. There's nothing dirty about this. Do you like it when I say things like this? No. Absolutely not. Pete, get downstairs, make me a cup of tea and three reach take this. If you want, I can help with a few romantic, but suggest as... No, I want explicit. Not explicit. No. Say make them as risky as you can. Make them as sexual as you can. More risque? Yeah. Do you know how to spell risque? Yes, thank you, darling. I need more risque. Here are some safe... Obviously, it's all about safety here.

16:16You've got your child luck on here. You might have that under 18 thing on. No, maybe. Yeah, he definitely has. Did you put that on?

16:26Darling, do you want me to give you a foot massage? And put on your favourite real housewife? Oh my God. Play with tone and pacing. Lower your voice. Slow down. Pause between words. Blend compliments with commands.

16:48You look beautiful this evening. Now get down on your knees. Get your fucking knees.

16:58Oh my God, your lips. Now bend over. Peter Crouch. It'll get cancelled. What does it actually say? Unbelievable. I want you to move close to me right now. Or don't move. To be assertive. Not explicit. Don't move. Don't move. Mirror what your partner likes. Keep consent. Keep consent alive. It's all like above board stuff. Just say all the consent. You like that? Not even like... so it doesn't even say do you like that you like that you like that shit in your mouth can i just say that you know i'm all for ai but it's not it's not evolved yeah yeah we're safe we're safe oh yeah i think you could definitely do better with someone else yeah porn i can't know well it's all about board stuff but yeah listen no i'm not looking for anything that's you know not correct but it needs to be a little bit more than that surely ask have you got any girl mates you can ask maybe my bad choice has Pete got any girl mates he can ask for ideas of sex talk this guy he's like ask his mates like to be fair if I went to Lucinda or Kaz and said I'm surprisingly up in the bedroom and I what would you suggest I'd say to her like dirty talk they they would rock your world burst out laughing and they'd tell her straight away you will not believe listen to all those big fair bears come round us they'd give you some big ones as well I think they'd give me something and like just stitch me up yeah yeah and I'd come in with like something they'd be good at dirty talk though those two some witty as hell witty as hell quick it's a hard one though because I think in freezing if you're in the throes of fashion yeah you go too far if you go too far it's it's a bat real bad and if you go too like it's like come on can you give me the yeah yeah come on can you move on to the next fucking question three times I think you should just watch like like a movie with a sex scene and see what they say and copy them yeah me too simple as that great I've been seeing someone for about six months and I really like him every time I post something of us together even just a casual walk in the park snap you asked me to take it down he says uh i don't like people knowing my business i get it but it's starting to feel like he's hiding me am i overthinking it or is soft launching code for keeping his options open yeah code i get where he's coming from like not everyone wants their business all over the place do they no but it's very much the norm now i think the generational thing is a big point yeah i think you know five ten years ago people didn't do that but now people put the frigging cups of coffee on them just having this cappuccino or yeah picture of a sandwich up or the toenails painted or anything so it's not really like a big deal now which makes it even more bang on if he is of that generation though do you know what I mean if he's a Gen Z or like or Sophia's age or something maybe a bit older like if he's being like no no no don't then that's bang on but if it was someone of our age I think people do still want that respect of privacy so it's less noticeable, do you know what I mean?

20:26Well, not notable. Yeah, it's a tricky one, that one, but it sounds a bit odd to me. It sounds odd to me in this day and age. Like even a holding hand walking in the park thing. You might just not be sure on you yet, love. I think people know that I'm with you now, but I don't put loads of pictures of you or my family up. No, you just put your own Netflix and chill up, don't you? but that's my you know that's like just because I don't yeah often share to be honest like when we were share it off on air when we were away with our friends I literally took three photos because we were having such a good time we didn't like I put one in the group today like the only picture I took was of like the view with Pete's like big toe in the end of the photo like because everyone was having such a good time you don't capture it yeah I do regret that sometimes yeah but usually we take loads of photos but on this particular occasion we just have so much fun that we didn't say anything I think that's a good thing as well I kind of like that as well but I think if he's telling her to take them down that's more bang on as well like if I put a picture of a Pete he wouldn't say take it down yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah that's a good point yeah well I think maybe chat to him about it what was the issue here yeah get rid I'd say don't even chat to him just get rid that's hard because I want everyone to have like the best person you do yeah but he might be the best person well he's not he just doesn't like loads of people don't like Instagram loads he could have a weird job he could have a weird job yeah but I would love to see what his Instagram looks like then yeah like if he can't be posting but he you know if he's not on it or doesn't post at all then maybe but if he if he's posting going out with his mates or going to football or all the boring things boys do yeah the boring things but he's doing you know but saying he can't have a picture of hair don't have his mates go to football there's variables that we are not aware of here I think yeah but I smell a rat I smell a bit of a rat to be honest with you Abigail hi Therapy Crouch team do you think opposites really attract my wife is the life of the party I'm the type who would rather stay in and watch a match today we get on brilliantly but sometimes I feel guilty for not being more social I do think that there is a thing with opposites attract do you yeah I think there's there's definitely like a a bit of yin and yang going together yeah you know what I mean like I do think that like at times I think sometimes it works because like if I was kind of like the same character as you I think we'd butt heads a bit oh thanks no I think that sounds like a back in the compliment no no it's not backhanded at all i think if we were the same character and we wanted to we wanted to do these things and do you know i mean like i think if we were the same i think it would be more difficult i think you have to have the same you have to have more arguments you have the same values for sure but i do think like for example i mean you've got no you've said in the past that peter said in the past sorry you've helped him become a bit more vocal and like if he's got a conversation with someone that he would in the past put off you've helped bring that side of him out and you've also said in the past like pete's helped you become a bit more carefree yes you're not totally pete's side and you're not totally happy side but you do need them i do think you need a bit of that like you need a different perspective on things and a different outlook on things if you're the same person you're not getting a different outlook on anything you're creating an echo chamber almost aren't you like yeah and you would end up if you're the same person yeah it's great because you have the same beliefs all the time i think you have to definitely have the same values values yeah values are important but a different kind of perspective on something or a different attitude to something you can hear it listen to it if you respect that person's opinion which obviously we do i think it definitely helps yeah i would say that's true yeah but the obviously the life and soul of the party and wanting to stay in is a problem yeah you can't be too far on the opposite end of the scale either can you i think it's like we're not that way yeah but like there'll be times where I'm like oh I can't be bothered doing this tonight and people say the same but generally yeah we're on the same page with regards to that definitely with yeah with regards to and you're both kind of like outgoing extroverted personalities I would I would say you know you're not afraid to hold conversation with anyone you're both quite witty and funny etc so you're not like one's a boring Norman and one's a yeah I don't think anyone's boring he can obviously feel it so he needs to speak to her and he needs to come out of his shell a bit more and encourage himself to get involved and get out, get your shoes on, get out the door and have a bit of fun.

25:12And then sometimes, you know, he has to say, nah, let's just chill. Yeah, but no one wants to chill and watch Match of the Day. Not Match of the Day, maybe. Netflix. Netflix.

25:26Very good. I enjoyed that one today. I did. Chat GPT left a lot to be desired for on the Isle Sexlands. Yeah, you know what? It's done so many great things. Well, this is why the therapy crotch is needed. Because ChatGPT can't give you everything you need. Yeah. You know, if it could, there'd be no room for this part. And that bombs, yeah. Good night. Yeah. We'll see you soon.