“I’ve Got The ICK!” - When Your Boyfriend Moves Too Fast, What’s In Abbey’s Bag & Surname Debates

0:00They call her June because her name's Enda May. it's ender no we're going to June we were talking about **** the other day yeah don't want to know moving on I think I brought it up yeah we'll just hold on shall we well you you actually haven't got a friend that I don't haven't got a friend full stop ask me anything Shabba hello and welcome to the therapy crouch Can you ask us anything with me, Abby Clancy? Me, Peter Crouch. Hey, guys. All good? We keep forgetting Ross. Want to introduce him? Yeah. To be fair, he was doing it then, but I interrupted him. How are we doing? Good. How are you? I'm good.

0:46I'm feeling very, very Christmassy today, actually, I should say. What are you guys? Well, I had Warren come and do all my trees, didn't I? Was I? Has he been? Yeah, he's been. Oh, no. I was so upset because I was up north working, so I missed him. but you know the thing is with warren he literally jumps into my brain and creates magic like you've never seen before and just gets it spot on and bizarrely each year is better better than the previous like he is just the trees are magnificent they are they no no you do you nail them that one on the you know we have what was it three trees and the first one when you in front door that is spectacular well do you know why because i didn't put the trees away so i got my trees some balm hill i hope they're listening so they can help me figure this out so i've got three trees and someone put them away not in the correct bags so i got them out on the friday warren was coming on the monday because i thought i had the builders in obviously um and i thought guys can you bring these down for me and help me assemble them and i couldn't work out which part which is the base which is the tip and stuff like that no I just couldn't and it's just mind boggling but what Warren's done Warren's put extra pieces on the one in the hall so it's about 15 foot high go away I need to go in and then the other ones but I just can't work it out I said to my mum's amazing at trees so I was like mum can you come and try and figure it out she was in the tree taking that one off putting that she was cut to shreds I hate that yeah yeah yeah when you're pulling the things out like that yeah because I do I would prefer a real tree but they're messy and it doesn't bode well with my OCD and also reusable as well if you get a nice big one reuse every year can't you yeah I do reuse it every year that's what I'm saying my mum's on there it's 10 like it pays for itself pays for itself exactly so Palm Hill are the colour coded yeah because I've done it one year I have now I know you're lying I have like you put the frigging top one on because I can't reach it yeah that's it yeah yeah I remember putting it on it was definitely coded but our house is so Christmassy Warren's work does magic again and I just love him.

3:00I need to meet Warren. I'm intrigued, man. He's fabulous, Warren. Yeah. Well, he's just the best. And the trees are unreal. You know, the house just looks phenomenal. Good lads, good lads. Yeah, it does feel very nice, yeah. How are you doing, Pedro? I'm all good, mate. Yeah? Yeah, all good. How does this, sorry, this weather affect your golf? Because I was thinking today. Piss off. No, no, it's not ideal. Do you still play in the winter or not? Oh, yeah, I play right through the winter. Do you? He plays in the pissing down rain. Do you, yeah? we went to Finland me and Ab and the guy said there's not bad weather there's only bad clothes that's so true and it makes so much sense like if I had a pound for every time I've read this but it's a good saying I am boring and you know when you're with someone for so long you end up hearing the same stories over and over but this is what I'm really proud of I think that's a good I think it's like that vibe isn't it Jimmy you can wear like you know if I have like the Gore-Tex stuff bearing in mind the Gore-Tex is unbelievable and you've got like a wet tight beads runs off Solomon's on and like you have the right clothes waterproof clothes or you know you have the right warmth you've got that hat haven't you with the big peak this hat I've got is unbelievable it's like a it's a Gore-Tex hat obviously where it all just runs off Gore-Tex Gore-Tex very good

4:26i love that i mean it's only going to be it's getting undermined it's got a little bit at the back so everything just runs off i've seen the like with the kids wear the sun like with the yeah yeah it's the opposite of it's the opposite of a sun hat it's a rain hat but the peak is designed so it runs off and doesn't run off your body it's basically a hands-free umbrella yeah it is things that spin you know the little brollies that spin it's a hands free umbrella yeah we should have kept those cagolsome universal oh yeah the bin bags yeah yeah $20 a bin bag I can't believe you went straight in with a golf question just because it was snowing this morning the answer to that is it doesn't affect his golf I'm out there mate yeah I've got a couple of questions for ask us anything Shabba Scottish lass here Edinburgh to be precise.

5:18Love, love, love the pod. Watched you since the start. I can't remember what I did before this pod came on. Good point, actually. What did we do? God, I must have just been unemployed. Yeah. Still am. I've never been paid for this fucking thing.

5:39My question is the beautiful Abs' favourite products foundation, tan, bronzer, etc. What is in that makeup? bag. I'm dying to know. I'm hitting 40 and my skin just couldn't, doesn't cope with the old foundation. I go for monthly facials, use good skincare and I'm looking for a nice foundation which isn't cakey or breaks apart after 30 minutes. Also totally changing the subject but a question I would love to know, if not too nosy, us viewers can see how much Ab adores Pete and vice versa. I was just wondering what the reasoning was behind Abbie keeping her maiden name and not going over to Crouch.

6:16I'm getting married soon. And I really want to keep my maiden name, but a fiancé doesn't like the idea. Thank you for your thoughts on the state of Scottish football at the moment too. I do agree, although I'm sure that this was written... Yeah, this came in, yeah. ...a while ago because... This came in last week. Scotland should be very proud of what they've achieved. Keep up the pod. It's love from Jodie. Oh, hey, Jodie. First of all, I am actually officially Crouch, but people still call me Clancy. so so do i you don't hear the clans yeah people just still call me the clans no i am i am abby crouch on everything official yeah and like when i go into the school they're like hey miss hi mrs crouch yeah but i prefer my own name as a word i like the word clancy i understand that what would you say if for example you you didn't have any affection toward your own name but people that don't like taking the partner's surname would that offend you if abby said i wanted to remain my name, not your name.

7:17Yeah. It wouldn't offend me. It wouldn't? It wouldn't offend me either. It'd offend me. I think it's a nice thing. Like, I would prefer you to have my name. So what would you do with the kids then in that scenario? Well, they'd have to be my name. You say that now, sister. No, I think, you know, and I think it's nice for us all to have the same name. We're a family, right? And I do think it is a, but it wouldn't it wouldn't really offend me like if you if you were really keen on doing it like i'm not gonna stand in your way it's your name it's what you know i shouldn't be the one to say how would you feel if i wanted you to change your name to mine you've said that to me absolutely not you've taken away most of my dignity

8:07you can't have my name as well you're on thin ice you crouch why as if you've got as if your surname's crouch as well by the way i feel like crouch because crouchy is quite a nice as if you have to crouch through everything oh yeah oh yeah like as if it's like duck yeah i get it i get it i mean yeah yeah it's hysterical it's funny when i hear when when i watch rugby and you know you can hear the ref on the mic crouch touching it's like crouch every time crouch what the hell's going on yeah it's confusing it's very confusing but you know it's a word I think she should take her husband's name I think it's nice I'm traditional I think it's nice if you want to do it but I don't think there should be an expectance on it if someone said to me he didn't want to take my name I'd understand that pit I wouldn't want to take that cesspit agreed armpit dog shit I've had a lot armpit armpit Yeah, it has to be her.

9:07Arm Pit. You ever have me call for Jolie? I'd have to be like, Jolie, say your name, babe. We should start calling him Arm. That would be, what about that fucking banter if you had a kid and you called it Arm? Can you imagine his life? If your surname was Pit, you have to call your son Brad. Cess. Brad? Arm. Brad. It's my three kids. Arm, Cess and Brad.

9:36You'll be giggling for the rest of your life and kids actually having a nightmare. What's in your bag, babe? I'd love to know this as well. What's in my makeup bag? Oh, okay. What foundation are you using at the moment? So. Cushion, I never thought I'd ask. I love, I swap and change my foundations. I do love the It Cosmetics CC Cream. That's good. In shade light. and then I love the NARS Laguna bronzer and I also love the Westman contour sticks I've actually gone back to MAC they brought a new foundation the turn of the MAC that was way better to do once again because it's really light and it's glowy so it's like you know back in the day when everyone used to well I used to wear Studio Fix it's like a really really light it's like an Armani foundation which is top Armani sheer glow but this one is a glowy light so you can still see your skin through it because I do think as you get older you need a lighter foundation so it doesn't sit in all your cracks yeah seasons yeah colours colours yeah and then I can't go anywhere without my makeup forever powder I just love that it's phenomenal Rimmel for my lip liner and my eyeliner always you know that P you know that always I'm the best Charlotte Tilbury pillow talk what are we talking about pillow talk I love pillow talk Charlotte Tilbury my favourite foundation that I've wore for the past 30 years ooh how grim is that 30 years saying that you've been wearing a foundation should be 8th no no mascara oh sorry is Lancome Definacile it's just the best very informative fake tan I was actually working on my own formula and I have got the best fake tan and Sophie who does my spray tans she said she's never tried a tan like it and I'm not I'm not just saying this it's the best no but she is yeah no she's not no genuinely because I gave it to everyone to test like the mum's at the school my friends my mum my sister and it's like gold dust system.

11:59Well, are we not bringing it out then? Yeah, I am, but I'm just waiting for the right time. Crouchy model in that town? Do you remember when he took a stop off? Do you remember that? Yeah. Did I? Yeah. Because I was testing the colours on you. And you had like four patches on you, didn't you? But it's literally the best tan, but it's obviously not available yet. But for now, you can all use Saint-Tropez. Saint-Tropez. Saint-Tropez, yeah. Nicely done. Good info. Anyway, my little baby. Okay, hi both. We've been together 12 years and I swear I've run out of things to talk about our evenings are basically admin what's for dinner what times to pick up did you pay that bill uh how do you bring back interesting conversation when life feels like to do this oh that's sad you do have to talk about things like you know rather than just because it's very easy to slip into that especially when you have kids just talking about the kids yeah you know and not talking about you as a couple i'm just laughing because i tell you all the things you need to do and you don't listen and nothing gets done it's the reality that's still admin that's not like stuff you need to do that's it I will talk admin at me and then she'll get absolutely no response we're very admin heavy do you think?

13:08you have to be with four kids I would imagine I'd say you're admin heavy yeah sorry PA admin admin it is called admin okay admin but do you didn't you say one time you wanted to bring up this conversation starter game cards was that you yeah that's what I'd like to do I don't think we need that do we no we don't need it but for our listeners well certainly for this this lady yeah it is hard but that's why I think it's important to you know go on that date night I think you need to create things that you can talk about you know you need to do fun things because if you're doing mundane things all the time it's just mundane chat well most people are doing mundane things do you know what I mean you need to take yourself out and like do something different yeah but boring people only get bored no but if you pick a hobby up I think what you're saying is then you've got a conversation to come over to people go oh bloody day Enzo was a nightmare today because blah blah blah yeah but I do do that when he doesn't listen and he talks to me about his golfer I'm like well he's telling me zero interest that's a good point but then you can have an argument about how you're not interested yeah it's all content it's all content she could just pick a fight every day yeah and then reconcile yeah no I think I think maybe you just need to do things together or movie nights or even apart yeah do things and then talk about them report back yeah just went out and shagged this one with a great great lad last night how did you love great he was right babe oh I love what's for tea it does it helps with us that I don't stop talking so that's what he's not quiet is he to be fair either oh he's a lot quieter than me I don't think he is Is that much quieter?

14:55In a group, he's not quieter, but with me, he's quieter. Well, I just don't. You just talk enough for both of us. You do talk a lot. You like to talk, which is totally fine. Does that irritate you? No. Because he's chatty. No, I'm chatty. Yeah, yeah. Say I'm chatty. He's about to fuck her. I wouldn't clash he was chatty. No. What do you mean? He's a fuck two podcast. He's not chatty. I don't think he's chatty at all. I don't. Well, maybe if I'm doing a podcast, for instance, I'll come home and not want to talk. maybe you've let me get away at the edgeways when I do start a story you'll finish it you've got some point of starting it touche you're a shit bag you've got me a shit bag yeah I like it though okay it feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class Crouch content don't forget to share with your friends and family okay hello everyone long time listener first time emailing.

15:53Question is more for Abby, but would love the input of Crouchy and Ross. My husband and I have been together for around 15 years now. Very happy. We like to spice things up in the bedroom. I'm always down for whatever. And my husband wants to try in the bedroom, like role playing, different posturing, and different toys. I recently brought up that I want to try pegging. What actually is that? But I was immediately shut down. I don't think it's fair. I go on with whatever he wants to try but when I mention something he shuts it down tells me not to bring it up as he's the dominant one do you think I'm in the wrong for being upset about me wanting to try something and getting shut down or am I overthinking just to go on with whatever he wants hope you guys can help me with this issue what is pegging?

16:39it's when the female would like to enter the male through a strap on dildo so essentially doggy style buff the male listen I think I think he's within his rights to say no to the stuff you want to try but you're within your rights to say to the no stuff he wants to try I think she shouldn't do stuff just because he wants to I don't exactly that's what I'm saying if she doesn't find that cute or funny she should say or fun she should say no I never do what you tell me to do no exhibit A you stick to your beliefs I'm not talking about pegging I'm talking about buying puppies but pegging as well

17:16no I think listen he can suggest whatever what he's into just don't judge him but you're also within your right to say no of course yeah you know it's nice to be adventurous I'm sure but also when you suggest something like you're allowed to suggest whatever you want yeah but he's obviously allowed to politely declare yeah and you're like vice versa but that's a tricky one just thinking about pegging I know somebody pegged someone else right shut up yeah yeah she says it's about the dominating thing so she's like he's the dominant personality in like day to day life but when they're in the bedroom she likes to reverse that thingy him but why would she need to be pegged no she pegs him like it's that way around yeah yeah so she's like he's like Mr.

18:02Masculine all day long so I was thinking how can a man put a strap on on if he's already got a wiki no no no no and then she's like so she's Mr. Masculine all day long and then when they get behind closed doors she thingies him and listen different strokes to different folks but it's it's a big ask it's a big ask big shout I think people should you know whatever floats your boat I'm no prude but I think I agree with you she's well within her rights to say she shouldn't just do go ahead with what he wants to do she needs to feel comfortable doing it herself yeah agreed and do it safely happy pegging it's pegging season

18:47unbelievable scenes what a time to be alive it's incredible we were talking about pegging the other day when was that yeah don't want to know moving on I think I brought it up I'm too full of other Chinese we'll just hold hands shall we okay moving on swiftly hi legends my best friend has a new boyfriend and she brings him everywhere girls brunch shopping trips even a spa day last weekend she turned up to our wine and whinge night with him he doesn't mind listening she said well I do he just sits there silently smiling well I do yeah he sits there silently smiling like he's collecting data I want to do wine and whinge nights sounds good though doesn't it well it's basically like an agony abs or a it's basically like every girls night a weekly wine basically it's just a girls night yeah Yeah, yeah.

19:45He sits there silently smiling like he's collecting data. I miss my friend and I'm sick of being third wheeled in my own friendship. How do I tell her I want time with her without starting World War III? She could buy two tickets to the theatre and say I've got them for me and you. Yeah, yeah. She could buy two tickets to anything, two tickets to a concert, theatre. I think she's within her rights to just say, you know, does he have to come everywhere? Yeah, but I bring you everywhere. a brand new relationship you'd expect it maybe a little bit like oh we're caught but that'll fade I think but it depends as well like if they're a laugh like you like you're constantly third wheeling with me and Lucy or with me and Kaz and we love it yeah do you know what I mean it's like if he's like a board in the corner babe what time we going and all that yeah I think you're well within your rights to say you know I'd like to go out just hours it's a girls night totally fine but if it's a good mate like I could say to Lucinda oh god don't bring James oh you know the other day when I went out with the lads like I went out with the lads like you wouldn't come would you yeah I love them lads if it was just the lads I don't think it's necessarily him wanting to come I think it's you wanting to bring her she's missing me she's wanting to bring the fella yeah it's worse if you wanted to bring me yeah I want to bring her but guys that's the issue not her wanting to come along I've already told her no on certain terms yeah by the lads yeah yeah that's what I'm saying so it's up to the kind of the girl group or the girl me to say listen like him I think yeah 100 % yeah to google me airport ab chinless lipless wonder cardi P and are dog shit chewed a Bob Scott whoever said you were lipless what's dog they've got a nice bit of lips yeah no one said the lipless I'd say chinless but how dare you how bloody dare you I did say I had no lips did she yeah she had no chin or lips did you not like any of the nicknames what nicknames is there any nicknames you don't like me yeah are you asking me this yeah that's what that's what the question is now I like them all I was with my name Ross I never had a nickname at school and I always really wanted one Rossman hold on surely Pitt surely had some sort of yeah no we've addressed the shit ones what I'm saying is a good one like a Crouchy's like quite nice do you know what I mean like arm pit and cesspit I wouldn't call him a nickname that's like an insult most nicknames I think certainly at school are nicknames aren't they yeah I mean we had a local paint dry some people have nicknames like the surnames like Jono it's Glenn Johnson I like that Crouchy Crouchy's a good one Crouchy is a good one but some people have other nicknames I mean I got called Rodney from Rodney Trotter Lurch Lurch Stretch Linguini Linguini Tallis yeah I mean fucking hell I mean no Tallis that's my name my mates from school call me Tallis always have that I like Tallis I quite like that yeah yeah I quite like that it's not insulting is it no that's a friendly nickname Tallis yeah all my mates call me who made Tallis up I don't know it's just stuck so no yeah well that's a good answer I'd like a nickname he says so much so you invented your own google me you've got that one Google used to go down to me for...

23:10That's a nickname. Where's our Google? Like, our Ellie's, we call her Smell. I thought Ellie was called Ellie for my whole life until about two months ago. No, her name's Elle. Yeah, I know. Just Elle. Because I call her Ellie. Yeah, so do I. Smelly Ellie. Smelly Ellie. Yep, so our nickname was Smell. We did a thing on the Peter Crouch podcast, didn't we? We did nicknames and... Oh, fucking... But, like, Liberties as Bibs. That's one of our best ones. Manbat, for me, was the best of all time. Man Bat. The guy that's... Man Bat. Joe Paccio. His name's Wayne Bruce. Oh yeah, that was it, yeah. It's called Man Bat.

23:47That was it, yeah. Oh, that one just absolutely killed me. That's hysterical. What was the one that Scott was telling us as well? Oh, I know this one. They call her June because her name's Ender May. It's Ender May. They call her June.

24:09what's his other he's got another mate sniper's nightmare he's got another mate he's got another mate he's got another mate he's got one leg short than the other sniper's nightmare what's what's James Pond is that double six that's double six double James Pond hysterical one of my favourite ones into your old podcast was I think the guy was an oil rigger he was working off site and his name was Tony so his nickname was Pasta Rigger Tony oh good stuff it's like shit shit banter who was your mate you changed his name oh dear yeah that was I used to work on site with him so his name was Teddy and he changed his middle name to Dapdell so his name was Teddy Dapdell yeah how good's that he's a joiner good lad he's fantastic Teddy Dapdell Teddy Dapdell love that he's class okay hi Abby and Pete I've been seeing this guy for two months and he's great he's very intense he's already hinted about moving in and he keeps talking about our future last week introduced me to the woman who runs his local cafe as the woman I've been telling you about.

25:09I'm starting to like him less because he's rushing everything and verging on giving me the ick. How do I slow him down without ending things completely? The woman in the local shop. Yeah. He's been telling her all about this. He's, that's a compliment. He's excited. The only red flag for me there was moving in. We're there. All moving in together. Get in the room, please. I took that as moving in. I think that's a, if he's... He wants to move into an else's rather than like, Yeah, I get you. Yeah, is that why? That's the only red flag that sprung to mind there. You can't be over keen. You can be over keen as well.

25:44I'd love a guy to be keen on me. I'd love that. You've never been over keen. You deserve that as well. You should get that. You've never been over keen. But you've never been over keen. Treating me and keeping keen. You might as well move in then. That's this guy, isn't it? I know. But no, those guys who are just like so romantic and... this isn't a dig at you by the way it's your pair best no honestly but you've never been over keen because he's cool he plays a cool that's his vibe you know what I think of you yeah yeah and I do show that to you but no no no I think this is verging on wet wipey is what I'm getting the that's an ick thing isn't it like you don't stare at me like or like take pictures of me or anything you think I've got no lips no chin yes you're not that kid or me either babe i've never caught you going oh like a dreamboat that's a bit of me asleep with the dog the dog it wasn't me if i was asleep on my own he wouldn't have took it wake up i know girls who have those fellas who will like be sotted with them i think more going back to the listener i think it sounds a little bit too early two months and the stop you do need to play cool a bit Trigg don't you think P?

27:04I think you do I think you'd get the yick if I was consistently like all over you wouldn't leave you alone and staring at you and stuff I'd love that I'd be like what are you looking at? have I got something on my face? a real problem you wouldn't but I do look at you and I like looking at you you don't I do you never look at me I'm looking at you right now beautiful and now you make me feel paranoid you're gorgeous so how can she tell us to without sounding like she wants to break up. I think, yeah, I think you can be honest and say, you know. It's big, but they've only been together two months.

27:38Our answer to a lot of things is like, talk it out, but we've been together 20 odd years. You know, it's easy for us to speak how we feel without the majority of the time, either of us getting offended. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But that two months is so brand new. Yeah. Like you're still going to bed with your makeup on after two months. You're not farting in the bed. brushing your teeth five times if I go to sleep in the middle of the night now you're like yeah

28:11it's you can I'm sure you can slow it down what she could do she could say oh god my friend's just met this guy and he's so keen and it's making it ill like don't you think yes Abigail that is fucking good work being so over keen is like ugh do you know they haven't even together like two months yeah yeah yeah do you know what I mean moving in but you've got to have a mate who's that Susie or this girl at work then so it's a bit more detached that's a great child oh my god he's nicely done yeah very conniving I'd love that well done we need to be a bit more ruthless with these answers like the good old days yeah yeah fuck her off fuck her off yeah all that stuff okay my wife has a friend I secretly can't stand.

29:01Fuck her up. She's loud, brings drama everywhere and gives terrible advice but my wife adores her. Interesting. Am I allowed to say anything or is complaining about your partner's friend a nuclear option? That never ends well. A nuclear option. Oh no, I think you've got to be vocal. Pete's very vocal about friends of mine. Well, you actually haven't got a friend that I don't know. I haven't got a friend. Full stop. no you actually haven't got I haven't got a friend that you don't like now because if Pete says I'm not into that person I'd cut them out I think you would yeah I think you just I'd listen you just think you would listen yeah and vice versa yeah yeah okay so it depends how long to A have the conversation with them it can and will yeah if it's the same if you do bring good valid points and go she's done this she's done that or they've done that they've done X Y and Z then you've got a point if you've got a leg to stand on then fair enough we're in no drama zone are we yeah without it's funny though when you try and give people advice they don't take it they're not receptive because I've been in a few situations recently where I'm trying to give people advice um and they're not taking it and I'm like it's gonna end in tears yeah and you're gonna see yeah it's there's nothing worse than someone being loud in an overbearing manner you know every time you're having a group conversation you keep interrupting you a bit brash

30:29see you next week guys no comment you're beautiful babe thanks okay well that's that's us for this week um we'll see you next time peace