Lee & Helen Westwood: Caddying for Your Husband – Romantic or Nightmare?

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2:12Crouchup, me, Abby Clancy. And me, Peter Crouch. And we have two beautiful guests, Lee and Helen Westwood. Hi. How are we guys? Good afternoon. Good. Thank you. Yeah, really good. This is going to be interesting this because the thought of, I'm not allowed to talk about golf a lot on this podcast and the thought of you trying to understand how a professional golfer and a caddy works. And the husband and wife dynamic, because I thought the caddy tells the player what to do where Pete won't let me tell him anything to do. Number one. And Pete wouldn't enjoy me anywhere near him on the golf course.

2:46Well, the first part, that sounds perfect, doesn't it? Because I don't help at all, really. She's a good psychologist. Oh, okay. Yeah. But the rest of it, leave to me. Okay. Yeah. So she's good for your mind. She builds you up. I'd do that to you. That's not true at all. You've openly said on this podcast, like if you need help or advice, I'm really good at it. Yeah, I think, yeah, sometimes. Not on the golf course. I played in the paddle tournament the other day and it was like the one down from the proper tournament and we won it. And I was really excited. She said, you didn't really win that, did you?

3:29It was the shitty one. But I like, first place loser. You've got to win. You can't be a first place loser. No, yeah. Second is first place loser, right? Exactly. We were out on the golf course for five hours and I only have to think in short periods of time, like 30 seconds, a minute. And outside of that time, I'm trying not to think about golf. Perfect person for it. So in between shots, you walk around the house going, so we really need to go to Tesco on the way home. We've got Don in for the dinner. I've just done my Waitrose shot. Does that, hold on. Is that genuine? Does that happen? Genuinely.

4:06Or the worst thing she ever says on the golf course is, I've been thinking. Oh, God. Which normally means this is going to cost you a few quid. But I time that very well, though, don't I? Because I know when I can pipe up and when I can have to keep quiet. God, yeah. See, that's where I'd fail miserably, because I never know when to keep quiet. Constantly in trouble for that. I find that, obviously, the dynamic of being a golfer, we were just talking in the kitchen of my shot you saw. I don't know how you would dissect that shot that went viral. Have you ever done one of those? Only when I've clipped a tree.

4:43I once did it in a very public place with the lead at the Players' Championship. Sunday, final round, I hit it down the left on the first, up against a tree. I'd have slash it and missed the ball completely. And it's the one that... And it went viral. They love to show it. They love it. Never mind the good ones. Exactly right. Yeah. Shit ones on. Am I allowed to say that? Yeah, you can say shit. you're gonna have to show me that I don't think you've been hiding that from me how does it work if you're not speaking because when Pete and I have a row and we have to do this part because it comes out weekly we have to do it we're literally not talking to each other it's really difficult worst podcast ever we have had like you know we have had an argument before the podcast we had this morning and it is difficult to yeah to kind of because obviously if you're playing a match a game and you're having a row we don't we don't argue do we?

5:43You might argue with other people before round but we don't at all but you've convinced me you're always right so I just I'm happy to go through life happy life when did it start I'll tell you what I'll go first when did you meet? We met in 2015. In my brother-in-law's golf course, wasn't it? Yeah, close house. I didn't have a clue who he was. And love at first sight, obviously, for Helen. Didn't have a clue who he was. Right. He's that bloke that missed a golf ball, isn't he? He's that one who hit the tree, yeah. First date? Can you remember? I was probably related to golf somewhere. You know what?

6:31First date, we're going to get around to like honeymoon in a minute, I'm sure. Because we were due to get married. I'm digressing here a bit, but we were due to get married and then COVID struck. We couldn't get married where we wanted to in Ireland. And then we tried to do it somewhere else. Couldn't do it. Tried to do it somewhere else. Couldn't do it. Eventually, I was going to America to play a golf tournament. I said, should we do it in Las Vegas? Oh, amazing. So we ended up getting married at the Bellagio in front of the fountains. And then the following week we were there because it was the US Open and Helen came and carried from it the US Open.

7:08Southern California, what an amazing place for a honeymoon, right? So you can get stuffed. Because we still haven't had a honeymoon yet. It's only been four years now, right? It's only been four years. I've got plenty of time yet. We still need to organise that, yeah. You keep saying that, San Diego, but no, it's bloody not. She's not having it. I mean, you'd love a week in San Diego playing Torrey Pines, wouldn't you? Beautiful. Oh, listen, not a problem. Pete often plans holidays around golf courses. And then I just get left with the four kids while he's off and he'll play with anyone and just leave me, won't you?

7:40Ooh. Not very good. No, it has been done once or twice. It has. When was the first time you caddied for Lee? It was Sabah Dabbing. How did that even come about? Were you a golfer? No, not at all. um never played before my dad's always watched it on the telly so I knew little bits and pieces um but it was we were in the gym on a Sunday and you were due to fly on the Monday um and his caddy rang up and he's poor dad had died and he's like obviously you can't go and so put the phone down and then he looked at me said do you want a caddy next week and I was like well I'll carry your bag but obviously that's as far as it goes.

8:23I knew I could handle the weight of the bag and what have you, but I didn't have a bloody clue what I was doing. Oh my God. That was that one week. And I think we tied six that first week. Yeah. And then we had a good run after that. And then the second time she did it was in Denmark and I lost in a playoff. And the third time she did it was at Sun City and I won by three shots. Right, okay. So you got off to a good start. Cracking start, yeah. Yeah, and you just hit it off. I think that's quite romantic. It obviously doesn't want to be apart from her, unlike you and you go to golf.

8:58Like, can you imagine if I even offered to be your caddy, you'd tell me to present? Yeah, well, I don't know. Yeah, I can't. But I think it's different. Like, we do this together, don't we? And I see you a lot through this. I see you a lot. You've got your quarter in. Yeah, exactly. Don't want to overdo a good thing, right? You know what I mean? I just don't want to ruin it. It's so special at the moment. Shut up. You are horrible to me. We're about to learn how you do this thing when you've had an argument, right? Exactly.

9:33And how much are you? Obviously, you've been doing it for so long now. How much do you enjoy the golf, Lee? Are you still enjoying it as much as you ever have? Yeah, I still love it. I still love it. I love, obviously, playing tournaments because it's a chance to test yourself. Yeah. Especially when you get a bit older, test yourself against the young kids, you know the young lads coming through put me in the place every now and again um but i'm still retaining the enjoyment of going away from tournaments and practicing and going in the gym and keeping myself fit you know doing all the hard work that nobody nobody sees that's the stuff that i still love i mean after 33 years of traveling the jet lag and packing a suitcase yeah gets a bit tiresome yeah but um no i still love going to new places and going to old places and seeing, you know, new sites.

10:17And obviously, like, you know, I don't want to get too golfy because I could interview you all day about golf courses. You need to go on his football pod. Yeah, no. No, I just think, like, your favourite, and for you, Helen, as well, the favourite places that you've visited golf course-wise, because there's so many beautiful places that I've kind of on my bucket list that you guys get to go and walk that, you know, I can only dream about, but I'd love to. Some gorgeous spots. Sun City was particularly nice, wasn't it? I went to South Africa for the World Cup. Obviously, we got to play Sun City and we stayed there for a little bit as well.

10:49It's beautiful there. That was the tournament that he won when I was on the bag. Apparently, he did some amazing shot that no one had ever seen coming down 70. And I'm going, oh, beautiful flower. What a lovely pond. But it's some beautiful wildlife there, though, isn't it? Yeah. We'll do the build-up to that, right? We've played a couple of rounds and stood on the range on the third day and she pulls the 7-iron out the bag and she goes, have you even used this one this week? We're so hot. We're so hot. Was that the one you hit? So it comes to the fourth round and it's a perfect yardage for a 7-iron and I've got a two shot lead.

11:27So I hit the 7-iron onto the green, all from 15 feet, got three in front coming up the last. She goes, that's why we're carrying that one. Told you. That's so good. A bit of extra weight in the bag. Anything I can take out, I'll take it out. Do you need this stick? Stick. That's how I call it. Absolutely unreal. Do you still get the kind of anger of leaving pencils and teas and balls and things like that around the place? Because Abby's very aggressive on that front with the little pencils. But Pete's not the same. He's like a world class. No, I know. But, you know, there must be times where you just don't.

12:05I don't like finding them in the tumble dry in the washing machine. Oh, yeah. In the little rubber. Yeah, that annoys me. That annoys me But is it your role though To organise the bag? No All Westy And then when it's a mess Hang on a minute Yeah you organise it And then I Keep it tidy Redo it and keep it tidy For when I carry it That's more like it yeah I'll go into the bag And I'll be like Where's all my pitch mat repairers? They were heavy I'm really looking for it They were heavy They are They're a ton weight Yeah you just get You to lighten it right? Can you have a buggy? No Not allowed trolleys or buggies I got Pete a buggy for his 40th, didn't I?

12:41Golf buggy. Yeah. You got me a buggy, didn't you? Yeah. I use it when I'm at close house playing. Okay. It's hilly. Yeah, because you can't use them on a lot of courses. Good exercise. Yeah. Yeah. But going back to the bag, I'm usually looking through the bag, kind of organising it, but looking for unsanctioned treats and naughty chocolate and stuff when the other caddy's been on the bag. Because I'm the food police. and then when the other caddy does caddy he'll go in the bag and there'll be a nail file in there yeah my lip gloss doubles up as a groove cleaner that's hilarious a Chanel lip gloss is the perfect size right to slide in the grooves to clean it amazing do you have snacks in the bag?

13:26yeah not as nice as I'd like to be honest I'll put like dried fruit and nuts and he hates bananas so I put extra bananas in there and yeah where I saw Mick the other caddy he was pulling out this cloth like a picnic with this meat sandwich in there I'm thinking what are you doing that white bread lots of butter oh that sounds lovely yeah I was like hmm not on my watch mate you get a banana a banana is there is there some because when I I can't get my head around some of the golf shots you play Westy like you know standing over it but as you saw with my shot at the other day there was a couple of people filming me on the top that I didn't even know and I went to complete pieces so when you're standing around like both of you that kind of high pressure situation you're at the Masters or the Ryder Cup or you know without amount of pressure on you and you're there how do you cope with that as a couple I don't really see it anymore Helen sees it every now and again yeah you can feel the tension around the tee box especially at the Masters and the quietness as well You know, recently they were talking about obviously not having the phones.

14:35You know, everyone's just drilled in on exactly what you're doing at that moment. And there were certain tournaments where they get the caddies to hit a shot. So like the 17th at Sawgrass, the Island Green. Helen stood up there at once. Did you do it? The shot, yeah. It was nearest the pin, wasn't it? What? Yeah. No way. I thought you said you couldn't play. I can hit it every now and again. She's modest. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah, it was fun. and then at the Masters oh no that's just fun that's a bucket list for a lot of people that you know incredible to be nearest the pin on that day yeah I'm so blase about it because he'll say oh we'll caddy this week this week and this week and I just thought right okay I'll put it in the diary put it in the diary and I pack for golf and then we get to the airport and I'm like where are we going and he's like oh it's such and such and do you want to tell the story about the I can't even remember which one it was.

15:31That's what I get. Which one it was. It'll be the Masters or something. No, no. Could you know back to your question where it's so beautiful. So like I would pick Augusta. I mentioned Augusta to hell and the first thing she says is that hill on the east. Horrific. Because that doesn't really, because I've not been out there and seen it. I'd like to go out and watch a Masters, definitely. Because you don't really get the kind of how hilly it is. Yeah. Yeah. It flattens it TV. Yeah. You don't get the, and when you're a caddy carrying a, you know, 50 pound bag up some of them hills, they are beauties.

16:09But like me nose, me nose was so close to the grass on that hill. It's that, yeah. Yeah. I felt like I'd smoked about 40 cigarettes when I got the top. Oh my God. I was puffing a bit. Is there ever a point where you're like, can you just carry this at this last bit of the hill? Or not? I'll never hear the end of it. See, that's what I'd do to you. You just carry this last, let's just do this bit here. What about that one, like say obviously he hits it in a bunker or something and you go oh for fuck's sake take the piss break another fucking bunker get sand in my shoes and i've got to clean another club i do i do have a conversation ahead i have a caddy sometimes and i remember there was one particular caddy who was at his bedside man that wasn't great and um i remember i figured i hit you know he gave me a club and it wasn't the right you know i didn't hit it well and um And I think he just turned around and he said it to someone else.

17:02And he was like, I told him. Do you know what I'm like? I said, if I wanted to get grief, I'd have stayed at home. You're being a really bad bitch for me today.

17:15Did you really say that to him? No, I didn't say that. No, but, you know, it does feel like, yeah, is there ever a time where you just go like, oh, I can't believe you've played it like that? I've questioned it every night. I'm kicking off and having a bit of a moan in her way. she looks at me and she goes are you finished? I'll be having a proper straw I'm going to get on with it now I'll grow up do you know Guardians of the Galaxy when Rocket's kicking the grass and he goes you've got me kicking grass and I'll end up doing that I'll lose it that badly and she'll be like he's in a beautiful spot doing something that he loves I'm like grow up get on with it grow up come on that's what we say on here grow up do you want to like smash your clubs over your knee because Pete likes to do that do you?

17:55no no no when I first started I was very bad I've realised throw them in the bushes I used to I used to when I first started I was so bad I just think the older the more you realise it's a really tough game yeah like and even you know top players you know a couple of an inch out whatever the margin is so for error is so small whereas you know with football like if I stand over a penalty I know I'm not going to go sideways sideways i know it's not going to golf ball it could potentially go sideways yeah and that is such a hard sport so i do take my hat off to you when we went to our friend's house and i had the in his golf simulator it went backwards the ball didn't it i'm like where's the ball it went the other way yeah yeah trick shot where's the ball you're that bad you're good it's impressive she's that bad i can teach her I wish I was good at golf yeah is there anything you like outside of obviously Helen and Avi you were both talking about and yourself Lee as well you love the horses as well don't you yeah I love the horses you put me on a horse didn't you yeah I was alright but I knew after a couple of times that I was definitely not in control there were two brains there there was mine and Bentley's who was my horse and Bentley was definitely in control.

19:23I was facing the wrong direction a couple of times. We've got Ferrari. Ours is Enzo Ferrari. Right, yeah. So, but you love your race horses, right? I love race horses, but Helen, right. Yeah. What do you do? She'll jump in and cross country. Yeah. That's dangerous though. I know, it's all bloody dangerous. I know. he will never get on my horse they'll just come and watch me for 10 minutes and he's not he normally takes the dogs and takes the dogs for a walk while I you've ridden though as well together haven't you I've not it's not I've not been great we did a thing for Yellowstone because we were obsessed with it and we we went to this ranch and like herded cattle together but you were completely out well I've been on the horse what four times in my life and thrown off three which is not great it's not great it's like Harlan stats I just think when I when I kind of go to get on a horse I think it looks at me and thinks yeah it can be intimidating you're not getting on me do you think you're built for horse riding I don't think I'm built for it like that no but you've got a long leg you're good for dressage because you need a really long leg am I I remember Frank Skinner said on his radio show once that going in for a tackle with me like someone throwing a bicycle at you yeah you know because there's so many sharp points I'm like edges it's so true i fancy sleeping with you at night it's like my legs are bloody bicycle which is not ideal to be honest so um with your horse with your horses um have you had obviously had some good ones and it's been some great days out you've had yeah yeah i love the days out you know the thing is when you're a golfer to take your mind off golf you try and find someone else you know every other professional sportsman they play golf right yeah to wind down yeah but what can you do if you're a golfer so you know horse racing really is one of the few things so bought a few races over the years some have been successful some not so yeah but the day is out and the people that you you're surrounded by yeah i think i think the racing and and just horse people i really like being around yeah and it's just a good excuse for a few glasses of champagne.

21:43Yeah, it certainly is. Cheeky little bit. Are you going to Ascot? We are, yeah. Yeah, we are. Yeah. What day are you going? Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Oh, we're going Wednesday? Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. Although my dress is going to be, I'm going to be too hot on my outfit. Oh, just think of yourselves, you women. What about us in Top Hat and Tails? Top Hat and Tails. I've got a WhatsApp group with the girls talking about hats, handbags, all of it. Yeah. Shoes. We've got plasters and a lot and we've been bitching about the lads in all you have to do is wear a suit on exactly and wear some comfortable shoes for about six hours i've got mine from like the year before as well you wear the same one every year yeah just change the time it goes out of fashion does it yeah the best thing about a top hat is you can fit a pair of flip-flops inside it yeah top tip i'm making them carry me flip-flops i don't know if you'll fit it well should you get my flip-flops i'm not talking about mine but when your heels are killing you at the end of the day oh yeah into the top i'm sorry yeah good show such a good tip yeah because it's that little car park picnic party yeah yeah afterwards flip-flop straight on pass the hat over that is such a good tip i'm going to be doing that yeah yeah that's the only problem with my with me i don't know if my flip-flops will fit in your hat the size of my feet i've tried to have a smaller top hat the smallest you could possibly have because i've struggled for of thoughts.

23:06Yes. I do. I do. And I'm not used to wearing a top hat and it's like bad enough to put my forehead on it. I end up carrying mine under my arm all day. Yeah. Yeah. You don't even have to bloody wear it. We're stuck with hours all day. I'm just dying to wash my face at the end of the day. Top hat issues. Boo hoo. Top twat. What was it? Obviously being a Jordi I would imagine that your family are into football. I don't know if that's the case. Yeah, Newcastle fans. Yeah, Newcastle fans. Yeah, we're surrounded by them. Yeah, I've heard this one. So we met Michael Carrick's family. He was obviously at Manchester United and I was at Stoke at the time or Liverpool.

23:49One of them. Anyway, family. And they were lovely, like great. And we're good friends with a few Jordies actually, like Alex Bruce and Steve Bruce and, you know, their family and stuff, like really good. and I've said you said to Michael Carrick's family wouldn't it so she goes oh Newcastle she goes tune away away to tunes

24:14tune away what have you just said there when I when I was a little girl I grew up in a household where my dad was like sport or anything like that has nothing to do with girls girls like go shopping or cook and clean yeah So until I met Pete, you know, I've never really been around sport because my dad would just take my brothers and like lock us out the room when he was like watching footy. Leaving for 90 minutes. Yeah. So I'd have to learn. So I don't know any of the lingo or any of the, although I've got quite good football knowledge. No, you actually, it's all in there somewhere. It's in there somewhere.

24:49I like a football quiz. It's like subliminal, isn't it? They talk about it so much that I can often, I often know what he's talking about when he's like, oh, I've not signed anyone yet. It's constant. Looking on his phone. I've not signed anyone yet. And you're a big Forest fan, Lee, right? I am a massive Forest fan, yeah. And the only team they've lost to that I've been to watch the last season or two is Newcastle United, which is... Great day out. Great day. Had to sit on me hands. Because we were at the city ground, weren't we? The world-famous city ground, yeah. It's great. I've done a few games there.

25:22Yeah. And he was dead cocky, weren't you? Your dad's a bit of a footballer, though, isn't he? Played? Yeah, he played at Wembley, bless them, yeah. for the Blue Star, yeah. South Shields, which is a little town near us. Oh my God. Amazing. Yeah, he's handy. He's 80 soon, isn't he? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. We were at Wembley last night for the Jingle Summertime Bowl with the kids. Nice. Yeah. And are your kids golfers? Two of them. Yeah. Yeah. My son, Sam, is turned professional and he plays. And then Edie, who's the youngest of the three, she's playing. The middle one, Poppy, She doesn't play. She's at Bath Spa University studying English literature and creative writing.

26:07Oh, wow. They're all doing different things. Amazing. When I told Sophia that you started at 13, she was like, oh, and he's like, world number one. Because Sophia started tennis a year ago. And she was a bit like, oh, I'm never going to make it because I started so late. And I'm like, you can. Yeah. Easy. Especially kids of that age, they develop so quickly. you know if you're really in love with the sport that you're doing and you you almost get addicted to it yeah it can change like that I went from starting to being on the European tour in six years wow so you know the the progression can be and how does it how do you get to that level are you were you just did you do loads of competitions yeah yeah I um I'd coaching early on so I didn't get into too many mistakes I was practicing the right thing all the time the right technique and And then, you know, just fell in love with the hard work and just hitting golf balls and watching the ball fly through the air properly.

27:01And then I just, my dad entered, mum and dad entered me in loads of competitions and I just loved the competition of it all. I think the reason I probably took up golf was because I played a lot of team sports. Yeah. But I wanted the responsibility to be all on me. So golf being an individual sport was perfect. God, that's a lot of pressure though, isn't it? It is amazing. Dedication, you have to be like, did you find yourself? were you quite natural at it? Like, was it, was it, was it a natural thing? Cause to take it up at 13 and then be, you know, I mean, you're world number one, right? And I've got to ask you about that, that thought, but when you think about all the people that are all over the world playing golf, yeah.

27:40And the worst thing is at all different ages, you know, like I remember when I got the number nine for the world, world cup in England, I always thought to myself, all the kids that want to play and be number nine for England. And on this particular occasion, it's me. But you think about all the golfers, across the entire planet and all different ages, by the way. You know, and they could all be number one and you on this particular issue. How does that even feel? And it dawned on me at different times as well. I'd be walking down the supermarket aisle and I'd say stupid things in my head like I'm the best golfer in this shopping.

28:13In this? In Sainsbury's. And where's the gherkins? Right. Someone should get you the gherkins if you want to bumble. I mean, stupid things like that. But what I did realise was I'd spent all my career just representing myself and then you become world number one and you're representing the game of golf and people start asking you questions un-golf related and they expect you to know about politics and all sorts. So that's when it sort of really dawned on me when I got asked questions that weren't golf related that world number one was a big deal. Yeah, you're representing kind of golf. The sport.

28:49Yeah, rather than just yourself. I mean, also, I know I'd be like, but Tiger Woods was playing at that time. You know, the golfers, the standard of golf at that time, for you to be number one, it was an incredible achievement. Yeah, I took the number one spot off Tiger, which almost means as much to me as getting to the world number one because he's, in my eyes, the best golfer there's ever been. And I feel fortunate to have gone through my career having played against him because, you know, what a standard to have to play to, to have played in the era when the best player of all time has played.

29:25You know, a lot of people look at it, oh, he had all these major wins and took major championships off everybody else. Everybody else would have won more. But I look at it the other way, that to actually have played in that era is really special. Hey guys, we're just going to take a quick break while you hear from our sponsors. And remember, if you're liking what you're hearing, hit that follow button. And if you can be bothered, leave us a review because we love reading them. Don't we, Pete? We do.

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31:14welcome back hopefully uh you managed to follow us in that short break um and if you want to pass it on to someone who you think might like this content you're welcome to do so do it now yeah for you helen right i don't like when you're do you get nervous around some of these names no it's just the lad it's just the lads that go on this traveling circus all the time and that so lovely and no one chats about golf do they they're all asking about families well that's your pet hate isn't it she'll be walking to the next tee and she'll go are you allowed to talk about football again honestly they'll all tee off and then the clubs go in the bag and then a couple of strides and it's like so who are you signing this season and your team and I'm just trudging along at the back going some of my pals have said this is glamorous to me that's like me dad when he went to the match with you went to watch Liverpool in some final well that was against Newcastle the Carabao Cup final yeah I was like dad did you have a good time he said no all they bloody talked about all day was golf it's true it's true I was like oh god it's true I remember a couple of very good golfers yeah and they were I think it was a tournament we had the day before we might be the member guest or something but a lot of your mates are on scratch aren't they we did a good yeah yeah but like Do you see that?

32:37Because I think I play with a couple of lads and they're like plus five. And I think they're the best players I've ever seen. And I'm like, why are they not there? What is the difference between there and where you got to? Well, it can be a lot of different things. It's mainly between the ears. It's such a psychological game. You have to really be mentally strong. But I'm not going to say it's easy to get down to plus five because it's difficult, right? You have got to be really high standard. But, you know, it's just that mental ability that just takes you that. So how many plus are you? Is that a stupid question?

33:15Well, when I play at the golf club, they make me play off plus six. Okay. I never win. I'm always giving too many shots. Well, I remember there was, you played with a group in Portugal, right? And that I'm on the group with. And you played pretty well that day, right? Yeah. But you see, when I go and play with the lads somewhere like Portugal, I play off the same tees as them to keep it sociable. So we go further up. So I'm getting it on the front edge of par fours and stuff like that. So I think I've shot 60 a couple of times playing with them. Yeah. God. Wow.

33:52He's obsessed with both. You know how much he's been looking forward to this conversation. I was like, you can't just ask him about golf for the whole hour. We need to ask them what their bonk beat is. We need to know what their bonk beat is. Oh my God. I was thinking about that yesterday. The bump beat? Is there one? We're doing a bump beat playlist with all our guests. We need to find out what would be the bump beat. What music do you like to get romantic to? So on Liv, we have a party hole and we can choose our own song for when we play that party hole. So I'm going to have my bump beat for when I play the next week.

34:23So let's get ready to rumble. Get me in the rhythm. That's hilarious. I'm not sure the rhythm of a golf swing and the rhythm of a bonk beat will be in sync Are you a hell's freak then? I try to be, yeah Try to be, you're very successful So do you not have any like Choccy or McDonald's? Oh yeah, we'll have chocolate Never have McDonald's but yeah So to get him to eat his porridge on the morning with the fruit and the seeds and all that kind of stuff I have to hide a square of chocolate in the bottom of it Like a little squirrel getting to the bottom That's what I do to my kids Don't just take the bowl away Just use them out to do it

35:07That's a good trick It's good that yeah But it's the I suppose it's the Cravice chocolate Because there's absolutely No sugar Or like any additives In it at all We need to do the No sugar thing You've got sweet tooth though I have yeah Honey and Peanut butter Sometimes infiltrates It as well right Yeah Honestly you can barely See the porridge For all the stuff I entice them with that's good that's good though I go that's a chai seed I go what's that that's a flax seed but it is good I'm horrible I'm horrible at doing it it is good though do you cook then? well I do but I hate it it just makes a mess I like my kitchen tidy and cooking just makes a mess yeah I try to do like a one pot amazing at the barbecue oh really?

35:53amazing really good we've got a good local butcher this is yours as long as you like it well done yeah well done on the outside roar on the inner side notify the fire brigade i'm not bad i do all the salads and same have you got a proper barbie have you got an egg green egg no we've just got a normal one we need to build him yeah it's a game changer are they good then brilliant yeah what's your top tip i like to pile all my charcoal up at the back so i'm really hot at the back and just a bit of control over it then you don't get it raw in the middle and charred on the outside you get a slower cook so it's that's like luno's tactic last year loads at the back yeah occasionally use the front their lifestyle sounds much more relaxing because we've got like seven billion young kids running around us at the moment yeah like we can't really take time and enjoy cooking dinner like we used to before we had kids we used to open a bottle of wine and make lovely meals now like one wants this one wants that and it's hectic so it's not enjoyable yeah it's not it's just a means yeah just feed the masses and then yeah tidy up yeah yeah well you know what that chef uh chat is it leads me into my quick fire questions if you don't mind the relationship quick fire okay who's the better cook over here yeah but i mean you don't even know how to put the oven on so he said you but he's excellent at the barbecue right crap at everything else.

37:24Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Very similar to mine. Yeah. Chef skills. You do make a good cup of tea. Did you say cup of tea there? Yeah. Westie's good with a cooker tap and a cup of tea. He makes a good brew. Yeah, I'm good at that. Yeah. Okay, more organised? Oh, it depends, I suppose. I've got OCD around the house. The golf bag. I'm organised because you've organised it all. You must think, you must have a heart attack coming into our house then. It's happening here. I'll come in and I'll go, where's that, the t-shirt? And she'll be like, it's in the t-shirt pile label everything's labelled in his room it's either there or the charity shop if you don't wear it for how long?

38:02a couple of months if I haven't seen it in a while or I don't like it I get rid of it when he's away I do that to you I don't know have you ever made any real big like bad ones on the bag like I don't know left a club or something like that I've dropped a few towels haven't I but I don't think I've left anything no but the trophies that I've won is quite a bit of a sticking point, right? Yeah. It's got a lot of them, which is lovely. Get it in the way. Yeah. I do that. When the postman at Christmas comes, I'll be like, give him like the Champions League medal. So we were around at Ian Poulter's house and there's a lovely trophy from the Ryder Cup.

38:41He's got it there, light, shining on it beautifully in a cabinet, lovely. And he goes, you must have one of them. I went, yeah, it's in the downstairs loo with bog rolls in it. like multi-purpose yeah are they hanging off she's like he gets to see it every day yeah i quite like that though i quite like that it's normalizing what is an incredible trophy i've got another one in the utility room and it holds all my um washing pods for the washing machine as well she's like can we give this one to charity i'm like it's the australian open trophy we've had like 25 plus wins right so you must have a few 44 44 yeah 44 wins around the world yeah 25 in europe yeah win win of the tournament the whole tournament yeah oh my god yeah yeah in how many years that is well i've been playing for 33 years now wow but that was from 96 to 2021.

39:42Oh my god. See I'll put it right back into golf there during the quick fire. That's a skill that. Okay. Who's the most, who's the more competitive? You. Definitely. Yeah. We'd like to think so to be fair. Although. Yeah you seem quite competitive to me. Although we've made Wordle and Uno. oh yeah we do wordle every day i remember you're annoying competitive because he asked us if i wanted to give him a snooker once in it was just like early doors and a beautiful hotel and then i just sat there and you did it 147 or something i was like this is romantic isn't it but he's competitive there's no empty victories with him he has to win everything he won't let the kids win anything that's the same as peter yeah nobody wants a hollow richard no exactly He thrashes everything.

40:37When I asked Pete to teach him how to play paddle, he just like beat his first like serve is like to just beat me. I'm like, you know. That's not true. I bet he's had lessons and everything though, right? No, he's just natural. He's unbelievable at paddle. I do like to do sneaky lessons. Have you ever done a lesson, have you? No. Oh, have you? No, I haven't. Yes. Have you had lessons? I think so. Are women allowed at the pub club? No, absolutely not. Do we know anyone at the campus who can verify this? I don't think you've had a lesson, have you? I don't think I have, no. You definitely have. You're just lying.

41:11I haven't. I haven't had a lesson, generally. Okay, who's the better dancer? Oh, you are, aren't you? Oh, yeah. An amazing slut drop. Yeah. Incredible. Yeah. I wasn't expecting that. As to the grass. Not many people are. Yeah, wow. Yeah. Seriously. No, you were. Very flexible. Were you a ballroom dancer when you were younger? Yeah, my mum and dad made me go ballroom dancing. Unfortunately, it was my grandparents' ballroom dancing school. My dad sent me there with the idea that it would help my football, the balance. But I'm highly commended at the Lilac Waltz and the Boston Two-Step. Oh my God.

41:50I've forgotten all the steps now. Do you know what? That's a nice thing to have. Although you probably hated it as a kid. I don't know if you did. I wish I'd carried on. It's a great thing to just all of a sudden. Have you been on Strictly then? No. But Helen says I'm allowed. yeah got to do it got to dance with my favorite dancer though haven't you yeah who's that johannes which one johannes is she new he's he's fabulous

42:17i've won it i know yes it's amazing i'm addicted to it when it comes on i love it great experience yeah i bet i love how you can see everybody getting into it yeah it's good yeah but you know that'd be that'd be perfect for you but you should have just kept that quiet don't tell anyone yeah we can cut that out if you want yeah yeah little two step with all that yeah boom with a slut drop at the end yeah I don't think that's in the Pasadena is it I've never seen it before okay who's more likely to cry at a movie me he never cries stone stone-y aren't you yeah emotionless fair enough yeah I cry at most of Pete cries at Britain's Got Talent oh come on baby he's had this sucks no way animal films.

43:04Yeah. You know, it's like Far Lap. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Stuff like that. Marley and Me. Oh yeah. That would get you. For me, it's weird. It's just, it's just X factor. No, and they're like, my nan's, my nan died and I found this, I found the application form in a drawer next to her bed so I have to do it. It's like that. It's like when they do well. That's hysterical. I like to see people do well, you know. Yes. So when they do well, it's nice. It gets me. Who's more likely to cause an argument? I suppose if you're being... You said you don't really argue. That's incredible, that. Which is good, but I would imagine you would be more likely to cause an argument.

43:43We don't argue. We have like... We bicker sometimes. Yeah, it's like... I don't really argue. Is that what she said? Yeah, exactly. We don't argue, yeah. Just get told I'm trying to move on. Tell them like it is. Everyone's got its place, right? and sometimes I misplace stuff and that's when I lose me shit I lose stuff every day Okay so we're getting into the agony now this is the weekly this is our chance to really help people they write in with their problems and we try and help so me and my boyfriend have two years love your podcast it was actually something that was brought up on our first date he reminds me a bit of Peter although I didn't see it He sounds great.

44:34Anyway, to get to the point, my boyfriend who's 36 recently made friends with a guy who's 24 and single and they've been going out drinking most weekends. Now, I've never had reason not to trust him before, but he went out on a Friday night recently until 4am. He then called me twice at 4am, which I was asleep, so I didn't answer. He then went on to call a girl called Katie. He called her twice, but she didn't answer. Anyway, I was none the wiser about this until he was showing me something on his phone a couple of days later. And I saw he jugglingly called her after me at 4am on a Friday night.

45:12What she means is she was rooting through his phone and found it. He wasn't showing us that none of the time. Exactly right. His reaction was strange. Started saying it was a work friend. Then I pissed him off. We hadn't even argued. Then he said it was to just talk before settling on the excuse that he wanted a lift home. Oh, my God. Sounds like a deep hole there. Yeah, yeah. That's what he's doing. Full of shit. Which I still find disrespectful, even if it was true. Also, he never mentioned a girl called Katie in the two years we've been together. He's also deleted her number, so I can't call her.

45:45He said she's just a girl from before. The out of kindness of her heart gave him lifts home. Wow. This can't be real. I think it's never slept with her. What are your thoughts from Jade? I think he's absolutely full of shit. Okay. 100%. Helen, how would you take that? Yeah, he's full of shit. He shouldn't be hanging around with a child and going out till four o 'clock in the morning. No. I mean, 37 for God's sake. What is he doing at 36 being out till four o 'clock in the morning? Come on, it's afternoon drinking when you get to that age. Yeah, so that's a red light, isn't it? my dad my dad's best mate's 30 and he's 67 ridiculous huh yeah how's he got the energy you keep up with him i know they they don't stay out late no they'll go to the pub they go to the pub he loves he loves them and i'm like dad why are you hanging around with children but this guy is completely lying yeah definitely he's thought his wife's not answered the phone and he's got another hour or his girlfriend he's got another hour to maybe get it on with someone else yeah a little bit he called exactly he's gone work friend needed a chat lift home he's had five excuses there I'd be looking on Live 360 and tracking where have you had a lift home from where have you paused that's a good idea but I guess it's not that accurate is it not you can see it it's the black line doesn't it it tracks it everywhere i haven't told her around live 360 it's not that actually my end so you've been on it have you checking when he comes up on my phone dad like we were in bed together and he come up on phone daddy he's called daddy on it not for like any pervy thing just because all the kids are on it and it was like daddy left home at three in the morning and came back at 15 minutes later She said to me, where have you been?

47:43And I said, Katie was giving me enough time.

47:52He's like, where do you think I'm going? I was like, you must be sleepwalking. For a really long week. An old man week. That is. She was viewing in the morning. Like, where have you been? Like, three in the morning. I went, I swear on my life, I was literally just sitting here. You'd feel it if the bike got out of the bed, right? with my elbows and knees everywhere, right? Thank you. Exactly right. You'd hear his bell dinging. Yeah. Nicely done. He should get, she should get rid of him. No, I think, sorry mate, I can't really help you out there. Yeah. That's not a good one. He's got to go. Yeah.

48:29Okay, hi guys. So I need rational and crazy Scouse wife opinions on this. Scouse and Geordie wife. Scouse and Geordie wife. Here we go. combo me and my ex-hubby split up nine years ago and we have two beautiful boys who go to their dads every weekend we've always had a good relationship even though he has autism and I have ADHD it hasn't been easy but we've worked hard at it his new girlfriend moved in with him and I've tried my best to be rational and understanding but I found out she's 20 years younger than him she's 23 he's 40 our eldest is 13 making her closer to our son's age than his but I made a point of saying my opinion is irrelevant it's your life however father's day I find out even though we always get each other cards and presents of the kids his girlfriend has decided to act like their mother and do that this year and I don't think it's the presents I have a problem with it's the card as someone I haven't even met is signing a card with my kids on his response was my opinion doesn't count and I'm just trying to ruin things it got quite nasty and they end up saying if you want nasty when your son was born your bird was 10 that's a bit below the belt that's a tricky one because i think she's obviously the new girlfriend's obviously making an effort and trying to fit in yeah and you know wanting to make the dad have a nice day i don't know being a good step-mom yeah that's what i think sorry there's a little bit more here he's very much a part-time dad and all the important parenting battles with the school i've had to do alone so to be told my opinion is relevant was a red rag to a bull am i being rational or is he just being as old as the person he feels oh god crazy carrie not together for a reason aren't they yeah yeah i i i think I think she's been doing a nice thing.

50:30If the kids are with the dad and it's Father's Day and they want to do nice cards and stuff like that. Then so be it. Then so be it. Yeah. It's got to be a bit of give and take there, right? If it's been nine years since they split up. Absolutely, yeah. Then for him to have a partner, you would imagine that's a natural progression. Yeah. But probably to introduce her to the children's mum first. before, you know, them two to meet before they started doing all the happy families thing. Yeah. It's probably been a good idea. So there's got to be a bit of give and take on both sides, right? Agreed.

51:07I don't think the age thing's relevant, is it? No. No. No. No. Yeah, so we're going to, we're introducing a little segment there, right? Yeah, and it's the end segment, which has been called By Ross. Favourite bunk beat. Now you've asked me off air, what is a bonk beat? Right? Abby, would you like to enlighten them? It's a piece of music people would make love to. Oh, right. So get you in the mood, get you excited. Get you in the mood. Yeah, say anything that springs to mind. So, yeah. Muller Kintyre normally gets me in the mood when they play at the city ground. That's my go-to tune. I had to say, it got me going as well, actually.

51:52I don't even know that, sir. Makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. It was good. It's a Never Walk Alone city ground vibe. I think you'd be by yourself, though. You'd be by yourself with that tune, wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah, enjoying yourself. You couldn't have SEX to you, Never Walk Alone. Probably not, no. But it's not. It's a different song. I don't think we've got one, have we? No. We'll drown out the screaming us.

52:26what's yours i agree because we i think if i put on a piece of music right and i came out and went you know let's let's get it all right i think she'd be physically so do you come out picturing what's that film where he goes like i don't know oh which one bruce almighty you know what i mean like that kind of vibe i just think if i started i don't know giving it a little bit i think you'd go like what the hell are you doing no we don't have the bunk beats playing because we normally have to be completely silent in case we wait one of our kids

53:01there's a good point I wonder why you're silent why don't you just shove a pair of socks in his mouth yes

53:12okay this is a very different this is a different question very gear change favourite holiday read you like to read books oh I was reading You read a lot, don't you? Ant Middleton's books I really enjoyed. Yeah, really good. What else? I really don't read much, but I don't know whether it was a view into the future, but on my wedding day in Las Vegas, she presented me with a small book. Make Your Bed? Make Your Bed, yeah. Make Your Bed? Yeah. Shut up. Was that like a self-help book? Which I read until the moment I had to get ready, right? Yeah, it's really small. I mean I don't know the he's a high up highly decorated major yeah and it's about his life but it was a fascinating read was it for anybody why did you want him to read that before us before us went was it just to keep me away from the room yes because I was spending weeks and hours preparing for this one special day and I'm going to tell you this so yeah so it's like here read that I'm going off to get ready because I'd had my hair and my makeup booked and you get the dress steamed and the flowers and I'd organise the music and the venue.

54:24Don't make it sound like I didn't do anything. Right, you. You fake tan, you wax and everything's done. And he had to come up and get his suit ready and I woke past the bathroom and I had a look and I thought, I'm just going to double back here and have another look. And his prep was, he had one foot on the toilet and he was trimming his ball sack. That was his wedding. That was his wedding press. It's my wedding night. He's over the spot box. Well, Pete had a box that I used to bend over to do his. It's tough hands in the back, isn't it? Especially when you're a bicycle. You don't want to nick anything, do you?

55:05Literally, like, I was like, it was like a plastic box and it had all hair and I was cleaning out the house. I was like, what the hell is that? And he'd like just squat over it and trim himself. Do you know what I realised though? I'm left there and then. Yeah, but nobody tells you as a young lad, like, what to do, you know? Like, that's... It's just, you're left to fail for yourself. Your mum should tell you how to do all that stuff. That'd be even weird. If I said to you, my mum told me how to do that. I'll tell my son how to, like, shave their balls. No, you won't. Well, not. I absolutely will.

55:35I think they're going to even let you... Oh. They're going to let you do that. Of course not. They're not going to want you anywhere near their balls. No, I'm not going to go near the balls, but I'll say this is how you do it. This is taking a real whirlwind turn. Do a demonstration on their dad? Got a former world number one here. That's a dad joke. You've taken it back to golf.

55:55But the girls, you tell your daughters how to do all of that stuff. Well, I certainly won't be. You maybe, but... You won't be. That's probably the lad I need to tell. My dad didn't tell me, that's all I'm saying. Your dad's got a big set of hairy balls. How do you know? Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

56:18this is taking some mad turn it's going to take some cutting together exactly okay alright this is the last one I'm leaving this one right if you have a favourite quote because I think I've put this is everyone if it's not a hell yeah it's a hell no that's Abby made that one up by the way I didn't I stole it from Margot Robbie oh did you if it's not a hell yeah it's a no right so I apply that to everything love that my dad used to say one that was good for me it was a man in the evenings a man in the morning it's not so good that's just an excuse to stay up all night drinking and get up and play golf the next day yeah basically so like if you're going to have a few beers then you've got to get up and do what you need to do the next day yeah don't let it kill the next day yes I like that one I'm good at that yeah I'm sure you are what would mine be?

57:11don't be a little bitch I love it I like that I really like it stop being a little bitch get on with it yeah my favourite one she uses on me is right if I'm if I'm at a bad shot and and I'm being too emotional and you know treating golf too seriously she uses the one from the hangover where he goes but did you die I mean that's just what you want to hear walking to the next TNA after you've just made double bogey yeah yeah keeping it light keeping it light That's good. It is. That's good psychology, right? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can't, I suppose you can't dwell on it. Just bringing it back to golf one more time.

57:52How do you not dwell on it? How do you not dwell on... You just train yourself over years and years. It's a tough concept to grab hold of because you just want to hold on to it, don't you? You just emotion, it's emotion. Sport is emotion. That's the problem with... Yeah. I think with football You can kind of still Like be in the game And you forget about it Quicker quicker But with Your I've got five minutes To think about it Yeah Do you know what to do there And do steps You know Like if you can see him Like being serious Like if he is struggling Stop being a little bitch Yeah Yeah Yeah It's tough love Yeah Yeah Snap him out of it Yeah Snap him out of it Snap out of it I can be there Wallowing in my own self-pity And then Yeah Harsh reality Slaps me in the face What one for tea?

58:38Night, more importantly. Get this round out of the way. What one for dinner? Get that barbecue on. I want to redecorate this bedroom. That's what I found with the football life. I think coming home and you just changing the subject completely was quite a nice thing. But I think when you work together, do you still chat about it or do you like to try and change the subject? We did, but I don't worry about it all the time. I mean, you know when to not say anything when you can see me concentrating. Well, you've learnt. Yeah. Because I'd be in my book like that and she'd be talking about what we're eating for dinner at night.

59:11And I go, hang on a minute, I'm just trying to work out how far it is over the water, hey, to the wind. How far the flag's on and where the wind's going. Oh, do you do all of that, do you? Like write all the measurements down and stuff? Yeah, do all that. Yeah. God. I'll play Guess the Club. She'll hold the bag out and she'll go, is it this one? And I'll go, warmer. Is it this one? Warmer. No way. Yeah. I guess the club there was one time um what was that golf course that we were on it was in lockdown so yeah was it sea island Phil Mickelson yeah the PGA oh yeah that was the one PGA one for the ages when he won at 50 years of age yeah so what club is it it was in it was in lockdown so all the tournaments were a bit weird everything was a bit quiet all a bit hush hush with the crowds and what have you and we rocked up the pga one and um i was watching the tv every night after we'd finished practicing i was thinking it's a lot of like slow-mos like that dramatic music they play when there's something big on and i thought i'll just you know i'll just leave it anyway it got the you start on Thursday it was halfway and he's round on Friday and I went is this a major?

1:00:34There's a lot of people here and it seems like it's a bit more important than normal he's like yeah it's a major Helen That's why the TV cameras have been following us around constantly for a day and a half That is hilarious Not a clue it was just another green field for me to walk round and just have a... But that's the great thing. You should treat it like that, right? Spend a week with you. I suppose that, yeah, like that is good for you, like psychology-wise, like definitely. I'd be able to change the subject and not let me dwell on... Yeah. I used to call Pete at five to three. Be like, why aren't you answering the phone?

1:01:10Just walking out onto the pitch. Yeah. Like, suck on. There's a famous story I told on the football pod. What's that music? Are you in a nightclub? Yeah, yeah. But I'm playing the music, but obviously the music comes through the speakers. So it's five to three, we had Arsenal at home. And yeah, it came through and then I think Mark Hughes was the manager at the time, said answer it. And then I answered it and it's obviously loud. All right, Pete, what are you up to? We've got Arsenal in five minutes.

1:01:40No, but I would never say, all right, Pete. No, well, you know, how are you doing? Oh, that's lovely though. But yeah, literally. And I said, yeah, all the lads are listening. And it's talking about like white paint. Shut up, yeah. White paint. I was going to ask you which paint we were going to go for. Shade of white. Brilliant. I'll talk about this after, eh? Because when you're a sportsman, right, you do have to be fully committed to it, but you do blow it out of all proportion, right? Yeah. You make it more important than it is, really. It's not life and death. And it's like the, did you die?

1:02:11No. And there's other people all around, you know, going through serious things, and you're playing a sport for a living. Yeah, yeah. You shouldn't really bitch and moan too. No, of course, of course. It is like your world at that time, isn't it? Yeah. You do get caught up in it. All right, well, listen, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on. I know. Thanks, Abel. We need to go riding together. Definitely. We should have a game of golf, Lou. Yes, definitely. Oh, God. Takes 12 hours, right? 12 hours. Pete, get asked. Takes me 12 hours, yeah. But you get asked to do like matches with like pro golfers.

1:02:47I'm always a bit nervous. He always shits himself. I do shit myself. Yeah, thanks. I really want to play, but I'm too scared. Reality bomb. Yeah, I do shit myself. But yeah, but there is one that you played recently that I would love to come to. I'm sure we'll get a game in soon. Definitely, yeah. And it's been an absolute pleasure chatting to you. Thank you. Thanks very much.