Long Distance Disasters! Abbey and Peter Struggle Apart, World Cup FOMO and Bedroom Dilemmas

0:00I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built. No drag-and-drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

0:39This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash ACAST. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash ACAST. host unforgettable backyard barbecues with savings from whole foods market get the good times going with made-in-house chicken or pork sausages and ready to cook kebabs for hassle-free flavor grab tasty flatbreads and their new balsamic chicken salad in the prepared foods department keep things fresh with organic red cherries strawberries and peaches at their peak and stock up on bug sprays and sun care must-haves make your summer sizzle at whole foods market a BetterHelp ad.

1:24Hold on. One second. I just need to...

1:34What if you had a room where no one interrupts? No notifications, no expectations, just space to talk. With BetterHelp, therapy happens in a space that's yours. Visit betterhelp.com slash randompodcast for 10 % off your first month of online therapy. Take it away, Abs.

2:00You can't hear him. Oh my God, Abbie, we can't hear you. What has just changed? You can't hear us. We can't hear you. You can't hear us. We can't hear you. Can Matt get back on the... I'm joking. Oh! Oh my God! What a knob. Hello and welcome to the Shitery Crouch with me, Abbey Cunsey. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Gaz. What we've realised, okay, what we've realised on the therapy crouch is that... Long distance relationships do not work. Yeah, so if you're having a long distance relationship, fucking end it right now. Because they don't work. Long distance pods don't work. Trying to set this up now has been nothing short of absolute shambles.

2:56Thoughts, Kaz? I'm blaming you entirely. I don't know. It's like one thing after another. It's like a runaway train. I've been sent to Portugal with all the kids, left to fend for myself, set up a podcast on my own. Fend for herself. Thank God Matt's here to help me. while the whole team are just basically having a jolly in LA? Friggin' not. Can I just stop you right there with this jolly situation? Just because there's a, you know, the weather's nice, the background's lovely. We are working, by the way. Okay. And it's not, you know, we are... To be honest, I'm having the most incredible time.

3:37So I'm actually digging these long-distance relationships. I don't have to, you know, do certain things. I've been horse riding on the beach. Do you mean by... Hold on, hold on. You don't have to do certain things. Yeah, well, I'm basically a free person. What certain things are you referring to? I don't know. I'm just like certain things. I'm horse riding on the beach. I'm doing tennis lessons. Let me stop you again right there. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. we can continue this long distance vibe if you want how are you anyway guys please tell me you've bought some white undies with you and you're not wearing your linens with the black undies they've not been off i'm the only one as well everyone's kind of sort of dressed shorts and tea yeah but you said you didn't like shorts you said if you wore shorts and tea you'd look like a toddler that's it like a rug rat yeah dill pickles I am Yeah I'm in a knitted Top as well I can When I get over there Gaz If you want to spend The day with me You probably don't But if you do I could take you shopping I would love that I would love nothing more Would you actually like that Because honestly I would actually like that She could definitely help you I am Excellent at men's style I could take you shopping And turn you Turn you into a ten Sister Fuck yeah Let's do it Do you know what Not every day, Gaz, do people get, you know, a style icon like Abigail to suggest that they could take you shopping.

5:16No, Gaz, Gaz. You know what it'd be like, babe? You know what it'd be like? It'd be like Julia Roberts in Pretty World. You'd be Richard Gere and he'd be Julia Roberts. You could just take him down Rodeo Drive. No, to be fair to Gaz, he always looks pretty sharp. but I think it's time to get out of them linens and reinvent yourself, honey. And into the real world. Well, that's a nice compliment coming from you. Yeah, maybe I'll change it. Maybe this is the trick where I change my... I can imagine it being like a Gokwan show, you know, where they do the reveal at the end. Yes. And here she is. What was that show?

5:54Her confidence has changed. What was that show called? Her confidence... What was that show called? I used to love that. No. With Pod. Do you remember Gok? No, he was in a shopping centre. He was about to look good naked. Pete, you mean you'll be like Trini and Susanna? No, he used to be in a shopping centre and there'd be like a mum who's always rushed off her feet and she never has time for herself. And then they get in a dress and she comes out at the end. What's that? I said a mum who gets rushed off her feet and hasn't got time for herself. That's me. I didn't say it, wasn't you? Yes, the Gok Wan show.

6:32I remember this. My favourite fact about Gok Wan is if you jump all the letters in his name, do you know what it spells? Wag-gog? Go-wank. Go-way? Go-wank. What? I can't hear you guys. Can you not hear? I did the British break-off with Gok Wan and Gok Wan. Gok Wan. Gok Wan, Gok Wan. Yeah. Yeah, I came second and he went Gok Wan. Cock one. Cock one. Good for cock. I love cock. Did you ever watch it? Snog, marry, avoid. And they always have someone who's all dolled up. And everyone's like, oh, no, I would avoid. I'd avoid. I'd avoid. And then they get thrown through this thing called pod. And then they get basically de-makeupified.

7:18And then they're like, oh, yeah, marry, marry. Yeah, definitely snog. Do you remember this show? Do you ever watch it? Well, I know snog, marry, avoid, whatever. I understand the premise of that, yeah. It was a show, yeah. It was like an ITV show. Do you remember this, Abs? Mm. Yeah. Yeah, I'm real. Well, maybe that'll be me then. I'll have my make under, make over, whichever way you want to do me. It's a full make over, guys. Look at that. No offence, mate. There's no making under. Great to catch up though, baby.

7:53It's basically the middle of the night here while I wait for you lot to wake up. I've had a full day of... Struggling with time zones. Yeah, it is hard, the time zone. I spent nine hours in a football tournament yesterday, which was close to Spain. That was hell. That was hell. Then it was a football tournament, but my God, the standard. It was, I was like a wild animal at the side of the, I've just, I've realized this like kind of sport. Well, vibe is no good for my health because I am just like a wild banshee at the side. You know, I give Jack about 16 Powerades before he went on and trying to pump him.

8:46It's amazing how much you kind of get into it, isn't it? That's the thing. Like, you always say, oh, I'm not a sport, you know, this and that, but you've got the right mentality. It's so frustrating being like... You've got the mentality for it. You'd be very good. You need to, like, find something. Well, I have. I've started tennis lessons with David. Have you? Yeah, so I've had my second tennis lesson in a row. But my forearms, I don't work my arms enough. My wrist, my arms. Oh, my God. The pain. Yeah, your wrist. The wrist gets, like, if you play tennis a lot, you can get wristy. You know, have you had a tennis elbow as well?

9:25I've got it already after one session, I think. but all the mums here are so sporty they're all in like paddle leagues, they're doing marathons and I'm just like you know I need to you know get involved it's a very very healthy you should get involved no I am, I've been walking I haven't been to the gym yet because because of my injury but yeah I'm really enjoying the tennis but this long distance thing it's just not I think the leg the longer it goes on the like angrier it's making me it's not a great start really I mean the tournament England haven't played yet I just want England to get absolutely walloped so we can is that because you want me back babe genuinely it's because I want you back it's tough but I actually in a way think you've got it harder because you're missing all the kids and me and all their you know you know Libs sang in a show the other night, which was amazing, up on stage, you know, the football tournaments, which is a mega, Sophia's tennis tournament.

10:36You know, I do appreciate that. It's really difficult for you as well. But, you know, it's got to do what you got to do, honey. I hope you do, because I am missing everyone and it's not nice. And obviously, like, this is a great opportunity. Like, I love being out at the World Cup. I really do. and the games are so exciting but and I love being out in 4 and 8 my entire life has been football so to be at World Cup is amazing but I am missing I'm missing you all terribly and I I definitely saw some young World Cup stars at that tournament yesterday my god I'm blown away at the standard of football from 5 and 6 year olds like it's it was just you've never seen anything like it I think I'm like a child football fan now were they like Portuguese kids or were they they were from Spain they were Brazilian kids they were wow yeah Portuguese English Irish from all over the place but they were like like sporting was there Porto Benfica as if she knows the Portuguese powerhouses yeah they were just fair play we've taken it on soccer soccer mum I nearly had an absolute Barney with one of the kids because one of them pushed Jack and I was like push him back!

11:58Jack's like oh! Pushing him. I'm like don't let him push you! So I've turned Jack into like a warrior as well overnight. But it's um... That's good. That's amazing. Speaking of the kids and fandom and stuff and missing Pete, you met Speed didn't you? I did yeah. Yeah the kids loved that. Listen I had to go over and um... Is this that Rufo Speed or something? Rofo Speed or something like that Rofo I don't even think he's got a first I Show Speed I Show Speed yeah yeah Speed yeah he basically he was in a box next to me and I was like oh my god all my kids like absolutely love him watch all his videos I've never heard of him he's like fan kid I had to go over and get a pic but like he was lovely to be fair he was really nice and yeah what does he do were the kids excited yeah they were like Jack took my phone and was showing all the team and they all couldn't believe it but what is he?

12:53What is he? He's just a YouTuber just does videos but you won't believe the access he's got out here like he's in the FIFA box like chatting to like Ronaldo and Kaka and like even the president of FIFA like Zlatan and it's insane like he's got his own camera you think about how much kind of like the broadcasters have to pay to bring cameras like he's got like a team of 10 people around him because it's all about it's just all about reach isn't it? and it's demographic, and he's just hitting all the kids. It's just all about money, Pete, the world. Thanks, babe. Makes the world go round. Yeah. So tell me about horse riding on the beach.

13:35Yeah, it was so nice. Me and Sophia got up at sunrise today and went down to the beach, and I did a little hack on the beach. It was absolutely gorgeous. Yeah, before the kids went to school. It was so nice. because obviously you didn't send me any pics or anything oh sorry but because you were in bed I was just waiting for what are you laughing at guys just the way you said oh sorry I thought you was maybe because you're only just getting up aren't you now there yeah yeah to be fair Gaz is it's like one o 'clock now it's kind of the time he gets up this is around the time he gets up yeah so I met I met this lady who's got the most incredible stables here.

14:22She's been here for 16 years. Is that the one I know? No, no, a different one. So there were some dressage horses there. There was some beautiful horses, but we just had a lovely... It was just really natural and just hacking on the beach. It was just fab. It's just such a nice, zen place. you know, super simple, you know, that's my happy place, being around horses, isn't it? So it was just like calming and beautiful. And Sophia was absolutely loving it. Oh my God, and we saw a baby horse that was one week old. And her name was Miracle. And it was just the most beautiful thing. Like, just got to go in with the mom, and the mom was the most...

15:11She was a young mom, she was six. and they said she was just the most incredible mom and she let us touch the little baby and cuddle her and everything. It was just absolutely gorgeous. Right then guys, do you have any wines for each other? Well I think the wine is quite simple. We're not very good when we're apart.

15:36You got one babe? No, I think it's been good. It's just, I think the biggest struggle is a time difference but I've got a weekly shine that you are texting me and staying in touch so when I wake up I've got a nice message which is nice. I think I've been very good with my communication. Yeah, me too. I don't think you've been very good on the communication if I'm being totally honest. I understand you're busy. Yeah, it's just a bit tricky juggle and everything but it's all good. Like it's not a complaint. kids are so happy and you know it's just it's it's a great experience being here and they're so happy doing all the clubs and it's just being this outdoorsy life it's just fab for them like it's going to be tough going back you know yeah guys you got a wine are you happy here to join yourself I'm having a great time this is very yeah sort of living the dream to be honest mate yeah this is phenomenal you're not being overworked here well it's working every day isn't it you've got you know we've got a guest and then we edit and then we upload and then we've got this and then there's something tomorrow it's relentless but I mean people kill for this opportunity it's phenomenal but at least you've got a gang at least you've got a gang together yes we do yeah we've got to get you out here Abs we've got to get you out here I know I can't wait for you to come over I know but the kids are just so happy it's like it's a tough one you know alright let's get into some audience wines All right, have we got any audience wines, guys?

17:14Yes, I'm going to get into them now. Go on. Bearing in mind, I am trying to work a laptop here, so I don't know how I've been let loose on a laptop. That's not really my vibe. Dear Abs, I feel I owe you a sincere apology. Ooh, I like it. After my email was read out this week, I realised I may not have fully articulated my admiration towards you amongst my confession of my seven-year-old self-crush on Peter. please allow me to set the record straight while 7 year old Millie may have had a crush on Peter the 27 year old Millie is and always will be an avi girl you're an absolute icon and 100 % my favourite part of the podcast Peter I may have accidentally you may have accidentally recruited me to support Liverpool and will forever hold a special place in my brain but you are the reason I listen to the Therapy Crouch every week I think I was just impressed that a man that tall had managed to coordinate his limbs well enough to play professional football please accept my deepest apologies for any distress caused by my previous correspondence and rest assured I'm now fully paid up member of the Abbey Clancy fan club loss of love Millie, a recovering Peter Crouch fan and a lifelong Abbey Clancy supporter.

18:22I didn't think there was any stress caused by that I thought that was a lovely original message from Millie or did I tell her to fuck off? It was. I think you said thank you Millie now back off Did I? that was a joke you know anyone who loves Peter I love them aw this is cute alright well that was Millie anyway she's pired me off now and she's she's obviously a fan the amount of people I get come up to me on a daily basis who say that you know your wife's amazing yeah but I get that as well so that's a that's a blessing I suppose it is yeah it's good because normally in couples normally in couples there's always like one better than the other isn't it like we've got so many couples where we prefer the girl over the boy or vice versa it's hard to get a couple that you both like I think that's natural though isn't it you know like you're always going to like someone else more than another aren't you you can't be on the exact same thing I know what you mean well last week Abby asked for people to write in and say they fancy her.

19:33So if you look at the next... What did I ask? See, I can't... I think... I don't know what I'm talking about. I have zero recollection of anything that I say. It was off the back of me last week. Like, everyone loves Peter and fancies Peter. Does anyone fancy me? You put out a call out to see if anyone... I remember that. You put a call out saying, you want loads of people to write in and say they fancy you. Did anyone write in? No, we haven't had any.

20:01cheers bro yeah but I think you're so fit I'm not so did we really get no one writing in no of course we got frigging millions this one's from Kim says hi guys not a wine but when I was listening to this podcast where Abby's saying she wants someone to write and say they fancy her now it's not me that fancies her although she is truly stunning in every way but I thought you'd be interested to know that William Hansen the etiquette expert from Help I Sexed My Past. It regularly talks about the fact that his father voted like crazy for Abby to win Strictly. He hadn't voted before or since. Dads?

20:36I don't want dads. Okay, so I've got dads in my corner then. Yeah, and we're not encouraging this. I want to discourage this. If you've got any respect for me, do not write in. Do write in, but don't write in about my beautiful wife. She's all mine. Oh, that's nice. That's possibly the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Pedro. Really? Yeah. yeah but how old how old is this dad now though because that was 2013 so this dad must be ancient yeah but also william hanson isn't he the guy that does like is he the one of my bake-offs and stuff isn't he a footballer i think he's a big player no no no no he's he's like the bald fella right i think so william hanson yeah yeah i know exactly who he is uh i feel like we should so what So what age are we talking like?

21:27How old's this dad? Let's have a look. Well, I reckon a dad must be in his 60s, if I know William Hansen. It's not completely up the question. What a famous dad to have. Go on, carry on. I think William Hansen's 36. He's an etiquette coach. Babe, you're treating these emails like Tinder. She's going through it going, could I 60 maybe?

21:54swipe right swipe left go on carry on guys look how she's loving it she's loving it thought this might give you a boost abs can't be having Cardi P having all the attention lots of love Kim there you go oh is that it bit of what did you want I was waiting for the punchline he voted for you on strictly and I was waiting for an and and he's never done it before or since well he's never voted ever but he only ever voted for you, so he obviously must fancy you. Fancy the pants off, yeah. Or he thought I was a good dancer. There you go. That was the one email we got, babe. Good luck with that. I'm delighted with that.

22:33I'm going to not be able to fit through the door when I walk back in the house. I'll print that out. Yeah. How's that for your ego? Good. It's well and truly nourished.

22:47All right, let's move on. Abby, Pete and Gaz, in the first week of Love Island, there were three famous lookalikes. The first was Samaraj, who looked like Rishi Sunak. The second one was George, who looked like young Bill from Mamma Mia 2. And the third was Aiden, who looked like Peter Crouch. I thought this was funny and decided to make a TikTok. They've got 5 ,000 likes. There's a picture there of... Do you think that looks like me? Absolutely. Doesn't look like me. No, not at all. Looks like bloody... Who's that Aiden? He looks like a gladiator. he's got them tats doesn't he all over his he doesn't look like me do you not think no he looks like Kieran our Sean's mate I don't think that he looks like me but I've sold 5 ,000 likes that must be does that mean that people actually do think that looks like me yeah the caption says someone call me Abby Clancy because I've found Peter Crouch it's Aiden we'll have to see more pictures of this Aiden but the one there I think there's a little resemblance no no absolutely not similar pecs both The laugh and face emoji looks more like Peter Crouch, doesn't it?

23:57Okay, I've got one from Anthony here. I hope you're okay. Love the pod. Always brightens up my mornings on the way to work. Here's another ick to add to the list. Me and my fiancée were having a game of table tennis the other day, and she said it was an ick every time. I had to scramble after the ball when it fell on the floor. What makes it even worse is when you quite can't catch the bounce, and the ping pong ball has completely mugged you off. Please could you give a shout out to Crohn's and Colitis UK. My fiancé was diagnosed with colitis last year and is dealing with it like an absolute trooper.

24:27All the best, Anthony. Well, obviously, sorry to hear about your fiancé. I hope she gets well soon. As far as that being an ick, that's just how I play ping pong. That's just normal for me. Scrambling after the ball. Yeah, I've never even hit a ping pong. But I texted you the other day, Pete, that I found a new ick, didn't I? Oh, you did, yeah. so in the tennis club where Sophia trains you've also got a bike shed there and there was a guy in all the gear head to toe lycra with the helmet on that didn't even fit him and wobbling on the bike you've said enough I think you've said enough but you know like when he was was he wobbling on the bike you know when you're like trying to get the pedals to go and he was wobbling and I just thought oh no just no don't wobble on a bike it's just icky I always think if you're going to wear full lycra like the helmet and the little silly cleeks you've got to be able to be good but they're always like big bellied and look small down below

25:36you know what I mean you're just savage it's always that look yeah I do yeah it's always like the top heavy yeah I don't know why yeah I don't know why at mid-lady you want to I just think I just think you could do the exact same job. Put the silly cleats on, because if you want to get clicked in. I think you could do the same job in a T-shirt. Yeah, yeah. You may lose seconds, though, don't you? A bit flapping in the wind. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. But I reckon you may lose, like, half a second off a shit time. Yeah. You know? Like, if you're Bradley Wiggins, I get it, do you know what I mean?

26:10Yeah, exactly. Chris Hoy. Yeah. You've got, like, second might be Olympic gold medal. Exactly. But I think, you know, if you want to go to one of these cycling coffee shops, you get there at half past or on the out. Yeah, exactly. You're too right. Yeah, it's almost... It's a very, very good point. The ping pong ball lick though? Ping pong I get... I do. I think I do have a new lick and it's for men again. Oh yeah, go on. Because there's not a huge amount of female licks. Like a man will give me the ick if I'm queuing up in a coffee shop and he orders a matcha. Yes. I think if he says the words matcha...

26:52You've been in LA too long, honey. I don't think men order matcha. No. Oh, maybe. I think in LA they do. Yeah, but that's the thing, but... I've actually never heard a man order a matcha. No, they don't. But they do. I think they do. In LA, maybe? I heard someone two days ago order one and I was... Yep. Mind you, I had an iced coffee, is that... I had an iced coffee today. Oh my God, the best thing. Iced coffee with coconut milk. Oh my God. Do you know what it tastes like? Do you know those nice biscuits? Yeah. Tastes like that? Yeah. So good. They taste a bit sweet and a bit like... They've got like a little sugary thing.

27:35They're kind of thin. I can't remember a nice biscuit. How would you describe the flavour of a nice biscuit? I don't know, but there's a hint of coconut in a nice biscuit. I think you're right. There is. It's really faint. Have they got nice written on them? Yeah. Yeah, I know the ones. They're a bit like a digestive. No, they're not like a digestive. No? No. Get it by, guys. Rich tea? And I know that because I had a digestive yesterday. You really are a biscuit girl, aren't you? I am a biscuit girl. She is a connoisseur of biscuits. I remember she... Didn't you, like, message... Was it Jamie Lang?

28:14Isn't he part of the... The McVitie family. The McVitie's people. She was like, they're too brown. No, but they're also... The digesters are half the width now. They're so skinny, they're bloody. It's like a wafer. Game's gone. Game has gone. Don't make a strong biscuit week, huh? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Hob nobs are the strongest, though. They beat a K-sketch for that, wasn't they? Sorry, Abs. A hobnob is the strongest, I'd say. Or a ginger nut. They need a few dunks. Oh, yeah. They are. You might be eating a ginger nut. Yeah, ginger nuts, they are strong. I like a ginger nut dunk. They go a bit chewy.

28:51I like them. Aren't ginger nuts underrated, really? Got a little bit of a spice to it. Yeah, I'm a big fan. What is your worst biscuit? All right, let's move on. What's my worst biscuit? I don't know how you eat those rich teas. I think they were so boring. I love them. Got a rich tease. Jammy Dodgers are my worst. Jammy Dodgers is like my biggest fear. I'm vile. What? Or party rings. They don't even have as busy. Oh, party rings are repulsive. I don't even know what a party ring is. You do? They're like the icing with the little coloured. You get them in pink. Oh, yeah, coloured. Oh, my God. Yeah.

29:31Wow. It tastes like you're eating plastic. Oh, that's terrible. They're terrible. Right babe You know because we're long distance right Gaz has been doing some digging He's got some Reddit stories from long distance Some of them are belters to be honest Open relationship long distance Open relationship long distance So that's just Literally nothing then That's friends That's friends Sounds like a situation ship to me That's an ick that's an wait wait this does how much of a nick is that what's saying the word situationship situationship it's just complete nonsense isn't it I reckon Gaz says that I reckon Gaz says that yeah you got that don't do me like that you've definitely said I think this is more of a situationship I'm just sitting with my matcha just saying situationship oh god I sit here with a matcha saying situationship that's what he's just saying I thought he said he was sitting there with his nachos

30:36amazing all right anyway she's leaving in two months right she's moving away seven hours away i say no worries we keep it casual one month before she leaves she says she wants to try a long distance i didn't really have much else going on relationship wise so at the time i agreed plus i had fallen for her ah one month into the one month into it she messaged me one random evening asking if I would ever be open to trying an open relationship and I said fuck no she says okay but doesn't speak to me for about five days breaks up with me on day six I saw it coming obviously but it hurt like a bitch seriously American she comes back to my city again for another few months citing depression as her reason for breaking up with me the way she did my dumb ass was still smitten so much to dismay and advice of all my friends, we started dating again.

31:30Guess what? It happened a second time. Almost exactly the same way. What the hell? I learned my lesson. Never again. Fooled me twice. Wow. Uh, I don't even know what to make of that. I don't, where's the punchline? Well, it's just also, it's just like two months in, this is schoolboy stuff. This is schoolboy stuff. Do you know what I mean? It's like two months in, she says, you know, it's all just too casual. I just built her sorry ass.

32:00I kick her to the curb and leave her shit on the sidewalk you sound like speed now oh my god Peter Crouch man you're so tall man oh my god it's Crouch you're so tall man oh my god have you seen Tom Brady's glow up by the way Brady he's got a glow up is he yeah I saw this thing just talking about Americans he's changed just like he used to have like a double chin and like be like overweight and everything he'd change like his tongue posture hold on a minute I don't think Tom Brady's ever been overweight are you joking? no he's a friggin absolute hunk isn't he? no he's not he's a quarterback honestly I saw this whole thing about him so he's changed like his the posture of his tongue and it's got rid of like the double chin and he did all the it's like biohacking I'm gonna do it he's not mewing is he?

32:56The posture of his tongue. What a phrase. The posture of his tongue. So if you keep your tongue on the roof of your mouth... to the front. I've heard this nonsense. It helps you breathe better and it also aligns the posture and it changes the posture of your body, how you breathe, everything. Do you know my... That wasn't great for the pod, but... That actually did open my nose up. Oh, did you use one of them things? It's all about the breathing. No, put your tongue on your... I'm putting my tongue in the roof of my mouth. And it gets rid of the double chin, like if you look to the side. That did open my nose.

33:37It's all about breathing, so if you breathe it correctly, it makes your jaw disintegrate, basically. Is that my problem, babe? I've not been breathing correctly. No, no, it's a real thing, but it all stems from posture. She's taking it so seriously as well. She completely ignored that. Yeah, probably. So, yes. Yeah, it's this biohacking. Was it looks-maxing and stuff? Looks-maxing. Is that where we are now? You sleep with that thing in your mouth that you bite down on? I've seen, like, there's people, like, taping up their mouth and stuff like that. Yeah. Lucy does that. Lucinda does that. Lucinda does that.

34:13Yeah, but is that for, like, breathing? No, because if your mouth breathes, it alters the shape of your face and how you breathe and then it has detrimental effects on your health. It's a real thing. Well, it's interesting. I'll need to read up about that because I've seen people taping their mouth up and stuff like that, but I just assumed it was because, you know. Where have you seen people taping their mouth up? That sounds like you've been on Instagram to me. No, you see it everywhere. That's a big thing now, isn't it? Loads of people do it. Yeah. Yeah. Pete's been bio beauty hacking on Instagram.

34:56I'm going to come back like with a full LA Tom Brady glove up. They're all going to recognize me when I come back. I'm going to implant pecs and everything. I'm going to come back with a big booty. I'm not into pecs. I don't like them big pecs. Those big pecs. It's not for me. I'll have big, big hamsters. I might die at the barnet. you've got the perfect green juices and biohack

35:23so this starts with fluff to no end sorry no the next one I was quite interested in that one fluff to no end do you mean? I don't know maybe we shouldn't oh my god Gus what does that mean? I think we'll just go through that one properly and then we'll maybe read it out next time Yeah, yeah, yeah. Written into us by an on. Guys, love the pod. So does my missus. Hopefully she's not listening to this as I'm really unsure about a problem we've been having. It's a little personal, so I'll try not to go into too much detail. I've been with my girlfriend for 18 months now. It's been amazing. She truly has changed my life for the better.

36:03I can sense them for it. Unfortunately, though, in the bedroom. Unfortunately, we've been struggling in the bedroom. At times for her, it can be painful. So full intercourse has never been achieved. She's been checked out and nothing is medically wrong with her. it might just be a comfortable thing or just she has a different body however i found exercises to strengthen however i found i found exercises to strengthen her lower core to try and help her relax but she seems to not want to do them or anything and it gets very extrated frustrating when i ask her i feel like i'm pathetic in trying to plead with her for wanting to do them he's trying to get his missus to do lower pelvic exercises.

36:45Was it biohacking? So he could have sex with her. Surely that's going to make it harder to get in? What if it's more like strong? If you clench down there, yeah, that wouldn't lose it. Gazza just said, if you clench down there. I mean, I don't know. No, she shouldn't. If you want, like, surely if you want

37:12that you shouldn't be strengthening your lower core if it already is strong i don't know well he says here i've slept with girls before and i've i've abstained since meeting her she's the love of my life and we've been through a lot in both our personal lives and uh so this has never been our main priority however i feel very distant at the minute likely due to being students and having to go long distance for the summer break. We would, of course, see each other, but I think if she could try and do these exercises... What? He's going to get on a PT course. Oh, my God. If she could just try and do them or solve our problem over the summer, we could go back to uni and be better than ever.

38:01I don't want to go on like this, and I worry that eventually I'll give up. I truly adore the girl. She's the love of my life. and I'm actually crying writing this because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I actually viewed intimacy as the most passionate way someone could love another person due to the vulnerability both people are in. Please just tell me how I could maybe comfortably approach her without upsetting her. Thanks, guys. Peace, love, Pyamash, a secret listener. This is written to Ben. It's from Ben. Is this on Reddit? Because I'm hoping they're miles away in America. No, this was written to us.

38:38Oh, this is written closer to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've laughed all the way through and he's really upset. That's okay, because I think, I mean like... I was hoping he wasn't going to hear this. No, I think... I... He's in uni, right? Yes, sounds like it. So this screams lack of experience to me. I think... Go on, Abs. I think, all jokes aside, pelvic floor exercises is not the way forward here. I think what is going on is a lack of... She doesn't feel relaxed in the... In the moments. In the moments. So instead of exercises, I would possibly suggest something to make it a little juicier. Yeah.

39:32Go on. nicely put say no more say no more i think listen i what i think here is that i think you know coming up with a plan of exercises for your missus is gonna make her more tense and more kind of tense up a little bit more i think it definitely is it's a more relaxing atmosphere surely it has to be it has to be a little bit more more chilled guys what are you thinking because you've got a pensive look on your face there. Yeah, I'm trying to visualise it. I'm trying to... I'm still stuck on the... Are you visualising the juiciness or the... Or the activities? Yeah, a bit of both. No, I was thinking the lower body exercises.

40:18I'm still hung up on that. How that would... Like, what... Is it like legs akimbo? Is it core? It's like kind of core activities. I don't know. What do you girls do, babe? You know more than me. Do you not know what a pelvic floor exercise is? Not really, if I'm being honest. Yeah, I do. Men do it as well. I know they do. Really? Is that when you just shift your... No, it's like here, isn't it? Your hips. Oh, right. But that wouldn't be causing pain, right? You squeeze up. Squeeze up. Squeeze, and then you kind of contract. I don't know how you do it as a man. Can you, like, stop a wee mid-flow?

40:59Yeah, like, stop that, yeah. I'm doing it now as we speak. It's a lovely thought for the listeners.

41:08I think we maybe get off this topic. What I would say, I think, you know, coming up with a course of personal training is not the way to do it, I would suggest. I would agree. I'm just baffled by the logic behind the vaginal exercises. I just don't get... If we were struggling in the vaginal exercises, bedroom department babe and I came in with a series of exercises for you to do and I was kind of on you about doing them I think you'd probably run a mile wouldn't you? No, well yeah I don't do exercise in the best days so never mind Have you done your pelvic floor today Abigail? Don't tell me lies Get down on the floor and give me 50 You don't have to lie down you can do them standing up Pedro you boys don't know anything I thought pelvic can I just say Matt's listening to just me talking now he's probably thinking what the actual fuck are you talking about I know, I know but you know the fact that it's called pelvic floor is it not pelvic on the floor is that not what it is no it's not do you know what I mean so it's called pelvic floor but you can do it standing up yeah it's called the muscle is called your pelvic floor I genuinely for 45 years thought that you go on the floor to do your pelvic exercises.

42:30No, the muscle is called the pelvic floor. That was your pelvis. I know what you mean because I'm doing it now and I'm sitting down. How weird does it mean pelvis are now? Pelvis is a weird word if you actually think about it. It's a weird word. I don't know, pelvis. Pelvis. It's like Elvis with a P. Hey, jinx. yeah oh well alright well listen thanks for writing in Ben I hope you get that one sorted no I think Ben they need to just loosen it up light a candle put on some Marvin Gaye just chill relax you don't want to be tensing anything up just yes on with Abi set the vibe go nice and slow don't rush a thing what about sensual massage or something like that you know like a let's just get it all going first, you know?

43:31I think we need to move on. It's only me and Gaz here at the moment. We've got a house on the camera. It all just feels a bit weird.

43:45All right, babe. Well, listen, you know, it's great to talk to you. I think that's the longest we've talked since we've been out here, so... I know, it's been so hard with the time difference, and I actually think it's probably easier to just, you know, because you're busy and, you know, our day is the same. School runs, after school clubs, dinner, food shopping, you know, it's... So what are you going to say? Are you going to say best what? Just cracking on with all the stuff? No. Are you breaking up with me? So, Pete, no. No, what I was about to say is I think we're best just cracking on with what you've got to do and it'll be over before you know and we'll be back together.

44:25Well, that's what I think. And if not, I'll just replace you as a nice new puppy.

44:32Not another puppy. Fucking hell, man. All right, well, listen, it's nice to talk to you, my darling. Why are you saying that like we don't speak?

44:47No, I love you and I miss you and I'm actually back next week to come see you. I'm going to come home for a few days and then I'm back out again. Yeah, well, I'm not going to tell the kids. That's going to be like a huge surprise to them because, like me, they are missing you desperately. And without you in the house, there's a massive void. And I know why it sounds like I'm being a little bit of a bitch to you, but it's only because you're not here. I'm trying to punish you, IOA. But we genuinely miss you so, so, so much. and yeah we can't can't wait to because I do want you to have a good time as well I don't want you to be you know it's a big thing for you football fans but I'm going to stick to my mini league oh my god guess how much it is for a pint over here as well by the way I got four pints at the football thing and it was four euros and I was like sorry a pound a pint I was like sorry what each and they were like no for the four.

45:51Yeah? Wow. So, it was phenomenal. It's just us that gets mugged off, isn't it? Yeah. Everywhere we go. That's how it should be. Ice cold. Everywhere we go.

46:03Yeah, it's a joke, isn't it? But, you know. But yeah, don't feel too bad because you're doing a great job and we are missing you as all joking aside, like, we love you and we can't wait Well, I appreciate you saying that, babe. I really do. And I love you and I miss you and I can't wait to see you. For now, I think I've just lost my body weight and sweat. I'm going to go and change my top and jump in that pool. And do pelvic floor while you're there, sister. I'll do some pelvic floor. Love you. Glad, Gaz, you're looking forward to that. Gaz, I want to see a picture of your black undies. You know exactly what he's got on.

46:42I bet you're the grey as well because he's been washed seven million times. They're a little bit yellow at the front. On that note, I'm going. See you later, guys. On that bombshell. Catch you later, there we go, Crouch fans.

47:18As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.