Midlife Crisis or Just a Leather Jacket? Answering Your Relationship Dealbreakers!

0:00I had it from that girl on a train the other day. Yeah. Go ahead, lads. What the hell? I'm trying to explain it. I can see it. We were calling them Pete Wrong. Instead of Pete Tongue. I've always liked these line bikes. They're great. Get from A to B. Literally. I'm not joking. Ask me anything. Remember I started with my really boring tones last week. Do you want to be the first to speak? Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abbey Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. That's staying in, by the way. I thought it was. Yeah, my boring tones, you said last week. No, because you had a sore neck, so you were a bit, you know, not as jovial as usual.

0:49Good night, sleep. I've got an ask, is there anything? Okay. For you, Ross. That's okay. Oh, God. This is weird to me. This one, right? The stink clap. Yeah. Why? why does it happen so we record audio on the cameras and then we record it through the microphones so when we do that sync lap that allows us when we edit it to find out where they match up if that makes sense so your mouth is not out of sync I mean I've watched the TV show and it's like the mouth is quite out of sync with the audio that's why we do it nice question though Pete I like it yeah answer that right you got a question for us loads off cam off cam I like that Pete thank you yeah I was just interested to know I've sat there so many times and someone's clapped in front of me I've actually been asked to clap I've never thought to go why do we do that yeah just obviously like audio sync well now you know and you know what that's how you find things else is by asking no such thing as a stupid question unless you're writing into this podcast in which there's such a problem in a few over the years so ask me Ask me stuff I'll ask you Ask me stuff Hi Abby and Pete I've been married five years And I've just realised Me and my husband Have completely different Career ambitions I'm happy With a steady job Clock off at five Enjoy life He's obsessed With climbing the ladder Late nights Networking events Always talking about The next promotion I'm proud of him But it makes me feel Like I'm lazy Or I'm not pulling my weight Did you ever have That imbalance Where one person's work Becomes the third wheel In the marriage um not really i think i think for us luckily we've always kind of been on the same page where i am a lot more free than pete yeah like peter is you know the happy going to work coming home chilling where i'm like let's move to australia tomorrow yeah because if pete said that to me i'd be like let's go yeah do you know what i mean so that's a kind of argument that comes up every now and then with us because i'm like the world's so big there's so much to see and do we don't have to just live in a house and kids go to school every day with there's so many things to do but ambition wise i don't think that just to interrupt there i don't think that that make like i like to travel i love to travel i like to i'd like to see all as much as you want to see do i specifically you know just because i'm happy living here that doesn't make me like you know not as if i don't want to go to these places i mean i'd love to go to these places don't live there no i'm not because i'm happy here and i don't think there's anything wrong with being content far from it i actually think it's a superpower yeah contentment is what we're all trying to achieve it's not like i'm not content i just don't want to waste time but i I think what Abby's saying is like kind of because of the role that she's taken within the family, she's not being shackled maybe by where commitments that you have, if you've been playing for a certain football club or if you've been doing certain commitments, correct me if I'm wrong, Abby, she's kind of had that freedom to kind of dream about those other things, whereas you've got to go, well, I can't do that because I've got to go and play for Stoke-on, whatever, or I've got to go and do this commitment.

4:08But I think where we are now, we probably could do something different. now but um with regards to football i think you know ab was very good in that regard yeah it was like this is his dream this is his passion it's only a short career we got to just do that until it's over yeah you know we've lived up up and down the country and one day we'd be in one place and the next day be like i'm going to another club yeah and i'd pack up the whole house find us somewhere to live and then we'd and that was never ever an issue for me whereas some like footballers wives they go i'm not coming i'm staying here yeah kids are settled where i'm like kids let's go let's get a big rv and let's just travel yeah the way like i but i think that comes from contentment as well because i'm so happy within our family because you've got a family that you want to travel with yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah agrees um but yeah i i think quite often as well like my life some of the most successful people i know you know have woke up and they've worked their whole life and they've missed the kids grow up and they're like yeah of course everyone wants to work hard you should have ambition definitely but that that balance yeah you have to you have to enjoy the moment you don't want to miss it all you know yeah and there's a there's definitely there's an element of being content and there's an element of you know you don't want to be a loser you want to be someone who strives for promotions tries for to be the best they can in all their work but you also balance being the best parent you can be that's what i mean it doesn't have to be earning the most money to strive to strive can be like i want to make my family a lovely meal tonight i want to yeah spend time with the kids and make sure all the homework's done i know it sounds more dull but i think that sounds a little tall and i think there's a certain degree of realism that you need to bring into some of these scenarios and i think realistically you're always going to have a difference about like you're always going to have a partner who's more organized than you or you're always going to have a partner who might be the more outgoing one or whatever i don't think that's weird oh so like it's different people are different like you know yeah everyone's different is what i'm trying to say sorry and um you have the only time it becomes a problem is if people feel like their life's being held back by someone else who doesn't want to do something very good points very very good that's the only time because obviously me and you are completely different human beings everywhere you're unique and individual but if that if someone else's you know way of life that someone else's life holds you back then you need to yeah yeah and if you've got ambitions and dreams that aren't the other persons then then that's not gonna work yeah i think yeah just like me and pete both dream of you know farm horses

6:53just something that we've both had for so long thankfully the thought of me having a donkey in my kitchen is just you know and a golf course in your back garden as well that's one of our abby's dream ambitions she's always wanted to do that well that you can that I can give you my darling she's wanted to play Augusta her whole life play Augusta I had a valid point there can't remember what it was now did I interrupt you again? Yeah. Sophia said to me the other day on the phone, she said, mum, I can't listen to your conversations. The amount of times you interrupt, it's excruciating. Wow. So clever.

7:32I'm surprised you don't get to the end of that sentence.

7:37Yeah, now what I was going to try is, like, what is success, right? So say if you've got somebody who's got three promotions in 10 years, right? Yeah. And there's another man or woman who's had no promotions in 10 years, stayed on the same wage, was incredibly happy, got to read to their kids at night and eat dinner with the family every single night. The person who gained the three promotions didn't get to see his kids before bed or manage to write it or read them a story. Who's more successful? More successful. I completely agree. It's just all subjective. You might be well-driven, that might float your boat, and then you can say, yeah, you can work harder, but then you can retire earlier and then you can spend more time with your kids.

8:20But it's very subjective, but... I completely, I think that's a very good point. Everyone's success is measured by what they want to achieve. It's not, don't let it be governed by someone else saying, oh, well, you have any promotions. You know, if that's not what you aspire to or what makes you content, then it doesn't make a difference. Very, very good point. Hey guys, here's one. here's one i don't hear people talk about enough weight changes in marriage we were gym bunnies together now three kids later we've both gained weight but i'm really struggling with my body confidence my husband says he doesn't care but i can't help worrying that he secretly misses the old me do you think couples should actively address changes like that or is it better just accept bodies and evolve with life that i think that's a good a good message that like people don't talk about it do they like my dad does my dad said it's unacceptable does he oh what a shout yeah i know you know there's there's two ways to look at it isn't there i think there's to a degree you know if you start going on someone and then they end up like what is it Mr.

9:41Clumpf or whatever like then that's like different we've had so many emails in of saying like I see my husband and he's kind of let himself go sitting on the couch and he's eating himself and you're like look at this picture when you were 20 and you had a six pack exactly and I think we have it the other way is like you know there might be issues and obviously it's very much more delicate I think certainly around the ladies we don't have that many men writing about the wire about like you know be able to shake their baby weight off or, you know, perhaps don't fancy going to the gyms much. Do you think it does offend most people, say, if the woman was, like, you know, a different body shape when they met and then...

10:21When you get married, like, you know, if the person's very different to that person you're married, obviously you'd love them, but, you know, ideally you would both keep fit. But the thing is when couples get together and get happy, they do put a bit of weight on. I also think as well, like, I think there's a societal kind of pressure on women that they then kind of put onto their husbands. Like, oh, my husband doesn't fancy me. I don't think your husband's as arsed as you think he is, really. I think women are more put down by societal beauty standards. Not necessarily even other women, but kind of what they see on TV or what they're kind of told is the ideal body standards.

10:59Whereas I think men are just happy being with the lads that I know. Yeah, I've seen all my mates. I do think that. I do think that this is definitely, like you do it yourself, you know, like, and look at Ab, obviously she's perfection, but, you know, you do stay to me all the time, now you don't fancy me, then you're like, what are you talking about? I actually do, but you just think that because of what, like, and I think there's loads of women out there that probably think. But as a woman, the changes you go through, like, because obviously, you go from a girl, hit puberty, go through all of that stuff, then you have babies, your body completely changes, inside and out.

11:36and then you get bloody perimenopause and the menopause it's like and it's an invisible it's an invisible thing that men can't see or understand what I'm saying is I think unless you were to go from like I said then like you know the clumps or something like that where you know you go from something a size 10 to a size 25 I think you know a size 10 to a 12, 14, 16 I don't think the majority of men would have an issue with their woman's body change like that I think you fancy I think you know that like whereas women and put that pressure on themselves. I think, anecdotally, I think that, but I don't know.

12:10It's a society thing rather than your husband thing. I think you should, I think if you're going to look after your body, you should do it for you, not for someone else. Agreed. Yeah. You know, I go to the gym and do my horse riding and eat healthy because I want to be the best version of myself that I can. Do you know what I mean? That's the way to look at it both. 100%. Agreed. It's the energy as well. Okay, it feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break can hear from our sponsors. And remember, if you're enjoying this top class Crouch content, don't forget to share with your friends and family.

12:42Hi, legends. We're in our 40s and something strange has happened. My husband has had what I think is a midlife crisis. He's suddenly buying leather jackets, going to the gym twice a day. You can't win, can you? You're a fat bastard. We're having a midlife crisis.

12:59Can't win. He's talking about getting a motorbike. Oh, God. Part of me thinks good for him, and part of me is worried he's trying to be 25 again. Did any of you go through a midlife wobble, and how do you support it without rolling your eyes? No, you cheeky bitch are only 39. I'm joking. I'm watching Real House of Atlanta at the moment, and Cynthia Bailey is going through a midlife crisis. It's interesting to see a woman go through a midlife crisis rather than a man, I will say. What does she do? Well, she turned 50, and she had her 50th birthday party as the 50 looks of Cynthia Bailey. So everyone had to come dressed as her most iconic looks over the past 50 years.

13:40That's amazing. Which is so self-aggrandizing. She's also become very spiritual, like live life love, you know, like that vibe. She's got mates doing affirmations on the beach, et cetera. I mean, she looks brilliant, but she's having a midlife crisis. And I'm glad to see a woman go through it because it's typically the man. Yeah. Well, you know, I've seen many a man get a motorbike. in the leather I think I think you know you get to that age I think a normal man with a motorbike is an ick no but if you saw David Beckham in a motorbike with your leather jacket on that you're rocking there and it's a little leather jacket it's a leather top you'd be made of no because if you're like a hell's angel you're just cool what if fucking Dave just said one day I'm getting a motorbike it's an ick that for me I know what you mean yeah I know what you mean if you're not like I've never been into motorbikes my whole life right if I came over to Harley like that you'd be like I could have stated this to that no the those those like those guys who were on the Harleys you know it's ingrained in every part of life they don't just suddenly put a leather jacket on they oh yeah there's a Baker community that's their daily attire and I love that look yeah it's cool I'm digging it but like if I all of a sudden you know grew a massive do you remember that and a low big long grey ponytail I love that though.

15:02I actually fancy some of them, man. I fancy some of them. Old guys with the long pony. Do you remember Aaron Brockovich? Fucking Bell's Angel. Stay tuned for my midlife crimes. Do you remember the film Aaron Brockovich? Do you remember Hairfella? No. He's lovely. I love Julie Roberts. She's my first crush. I love her as well. But she had this lovely guy and he was a Hell's Angel and he was a neighbour and he was really handy around the house and then he helped to look after the kids while she was on it. he was fabulous yeah he was great he was great great guy he was a great guy yeah we should watch her yeah because she was out working you know trying to you know sort of the water crisis or something trying to be a lawyer wouldn't she yeah fighting for what's right she was yeah yeah stayed at home I a midlife crisis is a it's a difficult one because you get to that age and you're like oh I'm never going to be kind of young again but we did did we go for it I don't think I've I went through it the thing is I've never had to grow up yeah that's true like I think my my entire life has been a midlife crisis really like always had flicking lads balls on the fucking footy pitch yeah yeah yeah I was doing that I was 35

16:20I don't think I've had one and even I've gone straight into a job where I'm not growing up again I had a crisis last summer but not a midlife yeah but you thought you were 40 last summer didn't you yeah that's probably why but that was just being um overworked yeah the balance wasn't right home and but I'm out of it fine yeah feeling good now yeah mind you you're wearing a leather yeah I've got an aspirin why do you not like this stuff what did you think what the fuck am I wearing I've got an aspirin what the fuck are you wearing it's Bottega it's a little leather Bottega guitar, it's an autumn number.

17:03Tiger. I don't care. I've got, I'm in the midst of moving. House. Yeah, house. I'm having a midlife crisis and moving for now. Yeah, true. Got a little dog on you we have for the dress, David, it's not even ours. She's blending into the couch. It was our dog and then when one of my mum's dogs died, I gave it to my mum to keep buddy company when Scamp died. Oh, it was sad though. What's this dog's name again? Ellie. Bella belly belly's gonna get you tickle a belly pee you bitch I was tickling her belly before I mean it's not my dog so I'm not like I'm not as Pete's got a real issue with people thinking this is his dog I think it's he's got a frigging caver poo why do you care I think that'll look great in your handbag I always remember Manuel Al Muna he's not putting his little handbag did he Eunice Cabal had one didn't he yeah Well, yeah.

18:00Do you remember Eunice? Mm-hmm. Eunice's dog used to love it.

18:05Talking about growing up. But it's like Gian Piero with his dog, his wife's dog, and it's like a chihuahua that wears tutus and like a pink lean. See him walk and it's that big, and I was like, it's not mine, it's not mine. You have to get that across. It was the cutest dog at the school yesterday. At the school? Yeah. Yeah. Did you see it? Yeah. How cute is that? I took the numbers, because I thought Libby would love that for Christmas. he's just he's so easy going he wouldn't keep him okay hi I've been Pete my wife has this habit of exaggerating story about me when we're when we're with friends like I'll spill a bit of tea once and suddenly I'm the clumsiest man alive who can't make a brew everyone laughs but I secretly hate it do you think couples should laugh at each other in public or is that a slippery slope to resentment?

19:00I think this is a really interesting question because you can go too far with it. You don't want to be the both, do you? Yeah, like you can take the piss out of each other, as you can see on this podcast, on a consistent basis that we do. But I think there is a line. But I think the thing is as well, for Scousers, we put Lazzy on everything. So I can always sense when our Abby is Lazzy, what is Lazzy, and my mum as well, she's terrible for Lazzy. Do you know what I mean, Abby, by that? like I think you can check it a little bit whereas like my southern friends a bit like that didn't happen why are you saying that that's untrue and I'm like I'm just making it funny when these little like if it comes a bit sly diggy yeah because it can be like that as well because when you there is something that really offends you yeah and then but if you say it in a jokey way but your partner knows full well I'm trying to think is that don't let's not no because we were talking about the phone thing the other day and I say little jokes to you all the time but you know I mean it I'm like you need to put the fucking phone down yeah and I'll say something like any chance or you know like yeah always say something like that you know it's coming from a place of truth I think that's a bit slippery I think it is I think it is I think it is you've got to have the humour behind you is the thing I've seen people try and put other people down or make the butt of the joke and it just comes out nasty and I'm like unless you've got that sense of humour behind you to make it funny get someone boring couldn't start doing that no no no for sure it just comes across as bitchy yeah I look so listen there are some things that are absolutely hilarious like I've done and it's highly embarrassing for me I've obviously told the story but I'm like it's fucking brilliant I can't I shock her but it's obviously a shocker for me very insane for everyone else but you don't mind being the butt no I don't mind obviously there's certain what I'm saying is there is a line there's a line yeah I would say to this person as well you've got to go back at them do you know what I mean if Abby's giving me shit I want to give her shit back in a friendly manner but like you've got to give her back do you know what I mean you can't just resent moan about her yeah but if you're not good if you're the butler stories all the time like exaggerating the stories take the hint well I've been doing it for 20 years you're alright tell him to grow up stop spilling fucking tea will you you big gobshack

21:16I feel your pain mate I feel your pain hi Abby this might sound petty but me and my husband fight about music he's obsessed with you know I like music as well you can say Pete and Abby

21:32I've been to a racist three times he's just such a dude Pete Mortman over there okay he's obsessed with heavy metal and I like pop and R &B on long car journeys we've had actual blazing rails about playlists I know it's only a small thing but music feels so personal it's like a part of who you are do you think little clashes like that matter no or do you just stick to radio too and give up I think like we both love music and I think we've both got great taste of music even though I do so too Pete you're a bit you like a bit too much XFM so much I like XFM no I like XFM no I love XFM I love radio oh radio X yeah but she's very much like a dad rock you call it I love dad rock though well I love dad rock I love dad rock yeah yeah yeah that's what I love you're talking about you called it dad rock derogatory I'm an absolute 90s man is top level no I like it but sometimes you want to have a little sing along yeah there's time sometimes I want to do a few little harmonies yeah you want a bit R &B a little bit J-land you want to go capital reloaded capital reloaded I love capital extra reloaded yeah absolute 90s is great smooth I found magic smooth magic magic is unreal yeah mellow magics right up there on a long journey Pete was DJing on our way back from Oasis and had a few rascals.

22:59We were calling them Pete Wrong. Instead of Pete Tongue. See, that is the bansom talk. That is good. He was DJing. I was like, fuck off you, Pete Wrong. Get this off. Pete Wrong. I got Pete Wrong. But, you know, again, I took that well. Yeah. And I also was a fantastic DJ. I ignored them. I just played. You are a DJ. I'll give you that because you often do have to sit in the front on those journeys and you think no he does he does Glastonbury you're sat in the front every time and you'll make some tunes plug out the bean plug out the bean I'm in my tower in the front

23:38because we could squeeze more in in the back of you or not in there yeah exactly because his man spreads like that not a problem hi Pete and Abbey me and my wife have totally different food personalities everyone's different this should be called Opposites Attract she's vegan and I'm a carnivore mealtimes are a nightmare we end up eating separate dinners most nights it sounds trivial but it feels symbolic like we don't share the same table anymore do you think things like this can drive a wedge or should we treat it like any other compromise there's a lot of uncertainty in these relationships today yeah deeper meanings if we don't like the same food doesn't mean we're not to be together if we haven't got the same ambition should we stay together I do think that's a problem though I do yeah you know if you're not cooking for the household it's like if you're having separate meals even going out for dinner like I have a small problem with you not liking Thai food you know I quite like a Thai I like that I go out and you know there's some great Thai restaurants I had the most fabulous I can't go to them I had the most fantastic Tom Yum soup the other day with corn toast I had to have my tea last night Tommy was super prawns in You make it yourself?

24:50Yeah Yeah I did Yeah Yeah it's nice With rice noodles Lovely There was no noodles in this one Was there? It was just a It came in a little teapot A glass teapot Lemon Glass Beautiful And then you poured it into the bowl And there was the spring Tiniest Thinnest slice of spring onions The Tom Yum And chilli And then this big chunk of prawn toast Oh It was like a posh one Oh my god So she does like to have you Let me take that back let me just take that back Ab likes Typhoon Typhoon with our own boyfriend wasn't mine as a boyfriend what the fuck are you getting out with Typhoon going for we're fucking our family why wasn't it you were playing football you were doing you were at the match this is when we went for lunch before Oasis she went for a tie without me I was going for a tie I'd be asking you if I try to use to say we're for a tie no it wasn't a tie it was a it was the pub Asian fusion that you booked Oh, okay.

25:47Have you got one more for me? I certainly have, yes. Cheese builder. Oh, my God. There's another one here. People are struggling at it. Relationships must be coughing, Susan. Yeah. It is coughing, Susan. How do you deal with changing friendship circles in marriage? My husband has kept the same mates since school, but I've drifted from mine. He goes up to the lads, and I feel like I don't have my people anymore. sometimes I resent that his life looks exactly the same as before marriage while mine feels completely different is this just a phase or a bigger problem I think well it is it is good having your mates from school I think that's your own problem I think that's your own problem I don't think that's a relationship problem no agreed he's he's got his friends from school I've got friends from my school like Kaz is my oldest friend luckily we're all friends together but I think as you grow and you get older and you know you have kids in school you meet people there like you join a golf club you meet friends there yeah i think the friend thing is expanding and evolving i think we're in the best place of our lives now for friendship groups because we've managed to get friends that we both like in the one place yeah yeah you know what i mean you don't have no obligation to cut your old friends out your life do you know what i mean and also when you are friends from school and then you grow up and you move out the area or get married and go and live, you know, where in Bristol, for example, where her family's from, you have kids, everything changes.

27:27You know, you can't just go out with each other every weekend because you've got different commitments. Yeah. Don't you think? I didn't articulate that very well. No, I think it certainly does, actually. I think she can just get a little bit, because especially if they're in a kind of little click together you feel like you're kind of out of that and you can never you can never get on the inside of it because they've known each other for so long if they're reminiscing but you feel like you're on the inside with Kaz yeah no I feel you don't feel left out no I'm not at all but he's still got his own group of mates from school like he goes up I don't feel left out with your mates you go to the courtie club for example if your friends from school come over absolutely you don't feel left out no not like I'm not in the gang I'm like running I'm more in the gang than you are I think they prefer you to this but it's like the build yesterday what was that I said oh you can take this picture of Pete he'll sign it like as a joke the guy he wanted this picture of me to sign and the other guy said oh can I have one of you to me and I was like and then when we went upstairs when we went upstairs he went no really though can I can you sign one for me it's obviously for his daughter or something obviously obviously with locker these compliments I get a few and far between so I'm taking them you're gonna take them you're gonna take them taking them she's still got it your beard's still got it me that's what you need to remember no exactly yeah I had it from that girl on a train the other day yeah go ahead lads what the hell I was like no one's chatting him up I was just trying to see the reaction I was just trying to say that's the last time you're getting bloody train sister she was about to ban me from transport public transport transport ban you see me on one of the line bikes have you seen me around London on a line bike now I know you know why literally I've always liked these line bikes they're great get from A to B literally I'm not joking any more of that it's palaver and that will happen tickle me pink that has tickled me pink alright babe another great episode that's a good nice one love you well done to you I'd be too well done to me anyway thanks guys that was very enjoyable we'll see we'll see you next time see you next week