Parenting Chaos at 35,000 Feet – “It Ended in Tears!”

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2:21Ask me anything Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch with me, Abbie Clancy and me, Peter Crouch and our Ross How are we guys? Great, how are you? Very well, very well weather's still quite nice I'm having a good PMA good attitude feeling the vibes feeling the vibes still holiday time kids are still off school Ooh Are you doing it 10 minutes a morning or not? 10 minutes with studying? No, I haven't done any of it yet. So bad. They need to do some... Sophia was reading last night, thankfully. We've done an iPad ban. Okay, good. Which is good. And we're at home for a few days, so we're going to be doing some work.

3:05And they've got tutor. Oh, good. All right. It's good to keep ticking over. I think so. Over the summer period. Yeah, I think so. Brain training. We played some great games with the kids. How good is that Empire game? oh that was a brilliant game have you heard of him is that where you got to take over fleeces like a strategy game no it's it's it's like basically so you all pick a celebrity it's like a drinking game but without the drinking oh okay no I haven't played it and when someone guesses obviously it's all anonymous and say you guess Abby's celebrity yeah and you but when you when you've guessed it you kind of she goes out but you go Abby will go on your empire so you've built an empire so now I've got Vindy's and Timothee Chalamet in my empire yeah but you no basically you're building you've got a lot of people on your side helping you you go around the circle and then you you guess mine I go on your team and then I get two guesses and then I get two guesses okay let's play it now okay have you got to write it all down on that you'd say you've got think of someone yeah thought someone I know who she's thinking of already who?

4:09Cristiano Ronaldo no but this is not how you play the game because you write them all down you write them down you put them in a hat and someone goes goes oh it's a fishbowl like a fishbowl yeah like a fishbowl and then someone goes i think peter crouch pit madonna yeah and then i'll go yes you did say madonna so i'll go on empire and then my team abby because we won we get another guess you get two goes okay and then if you get it wrong if if if i say to you ross you picked lady gaga and you say no i didn't yeah so then we don't get another we don't get you on our team then it's your turn to guess okay i get it i get it it's friends came around for a barbecue we had a little bit of karaoke me and jack were you got um swapped in didn't you from bradley i had jack kenny instead yeah yeah i've been i've been pired off oh he's a really good singer jack he's a good singer i get it yeah we had lucinda like diana vickers yeah thank you pardon speak of the bloody devil just talking about you is that Diana Vickers she obviously doesn't listen like any of our none of our friends listen because they see us the last thing they want to do is when they leave us to put us on which makes great topics it's funny because we always say we mentioned she's like slag them off and they're never going to find us yeah but I'd never slag her off she's perfect I thought her performance was fantastic she's amazing she's got a good set of papers on it good scene it was good Raspberry Beret came out from Dan shoot yeah you know that fella Dan did you notice I didn't sing yeah I did why was that because he was sulking because you went up with Brad that bitch I thought we'd at least do islands in the stream it's good fun it's like watching your wife with a new fella Pete get us a drink we used to sing that I remember the days when we used to sing it I'm singing and James in the background can we please just have a shut the fuck up moment it was a carnage carnage karaoke went off for about four hours didn't it yeah it was long good though good standard good form we've had great holiday the kids have been playing footy every day playing tennis very sporty yes remember when Jack went we were just sitting in this bar at the gym and Jack went dad see them two lads over there yeah they were playing footy and he went I'm just going to go over and smash them scows a lot he's walking scows and he just walked and he was so quiet as well he said dad see them two lads over there and I went yeah he said I'm going to go and smash them and I went I gave him a little fist pump and he fist pumped me and went straight in did he smash them?

6:53and then he went up back and he went dad they're playing rugby and he was lost he said they're throwing it backwards I said mate it's what they do I've never been able to understand either it's a footy shake ball isn't it? It's so... They're running forwards and throwing it backwards. I was like, oh, we all think the same thing. Is that what they do? Genuinely? Yeah. They run forward and throw it backwards. You know, I've never, ever watched a rugby match. I've seen them, like, getting that huddle thing before. Scrum. Scrum. Do you know what? As I've got older, obviously, I was very anti it as a kid.

7:24Anti it. Because I was very, you know, football was my life. Yeah. But genuinely, like, I watched a lot of the British and Irish Lions because that was on first thing in the morning. You have your brekkie. It's good getting something like that big sporting event, like early doors like that. And I'm into it. I've watched a few. I wrote a letter to the school and said my boys won't be playing rugby. It's too dangerous. And they were like, it's tag rugby. I went, tag rugby or normal. They are not playing it. I think it's a really good sport. No, it's not. Little Johnny's good at it. Because my brother, my brother, because he's a good runner, Johnny.

7:57That's what I mean. Yeah, he's good at avoiding the tag. But my friend married a rugby player. Yeah. Jack Clifford Caris. and he had so many injuries he had a concussion about a million times his body is completely made out of like metal now and I'm like no I think to the level he got to but also like I think you could well our John broke his nose on the first time he ever played it he broke his nose about 10 times I think rugby's a good sport to get into I really do no I think it's a good sport as well but like you say it's definitely a very physical sport yeah it's physical and it helps you manage aggression and stuff like that in a positive way you can channel your aggression like a little bit better than fighting and stuff like that it's a gentleman's sport as well we were playing a lot of paddle as well it doesn't look gentle they're like brutes no they've got a lot of better etiquette than football there's a lot of respect in rugby like you do you do have to applaud them for that and there's a lot of pluses to the game it's just I didn't grow up with it so I didn't play it but and also you know I'm not built like a rugby player although I am good at the line out didn't you and Joe Cole Pete's on his tippy toes if you need me for a line out available anything other than that I'll be absolutely shagged Alfie constantly sends me like rugby players and they like they lift them up with the shorts go like little hot pants yeah do they he always sends it to me does he yeah yeah okay shall we get into the questions hi Pete and Ab my boyfriend keeps trying to have full conversations with me while I'm on the loo he doesn't care if I'm mid pee mid poo or just in there for a bit of peace he stands outside the door giving me life updates like I am an Alexa it's not cute it's not quirky it's weird how do I establish what bathroom time equal how do I establish that bathroom time equals sacred time oh that's just a no for me what is coming in well she's on the low I don't mind the chat through a closed door but the coming in is a bit different to me really yeah I see you come in and chat to me all the time yeah yeah it's not it's not reciprocated I would not have you pegged for that she'll come in on me yeah but I can't come in on that number one and two yeah I don't mind that but I'm not about that I'm not happy with it but she'll come in and she'll stand like right there and then she'll say something like oh god you stink yeah shit stinks and I'll go like fucking stop standing I'm gonna get away from you do you know what I mean though like yeah but I'm not like looking at what you're doing I'm just talking to you looking at your face yeah but you don't like me coming on you but you do coming on me I think it should just be a no go zone no chat you're also in that but you do it I do it to you I actually go to different, I try and hide somewhere now.

10:35And she still finds me every time. Do you eat crisps in the room? That makes me laugh so much. I don't do that. Not in the toilet. No, not while you're on the toilet. No, I go in a different room. You have been known to eat a crisps in the room. A little beef in the hoop. You believe I've got to go and hide and eat crisps? Yeah. A fully grown man. This is my house. Fully grown man. This is literally my house. and I'm hiding hiding in various rooms because we all pinch them everyone's just got little fingers in there piss off leave me like I just say to him no it's not happening wait until I'm out of the room good but we still like even if you don't like me coming on you or whatever you still would never lock the door oh no we've got a no lock and door policy in our house this episode of The Therapy Crouch is brought to you by Starbucks chilled coffee drinks.

11:31So guys, you might have noticed we are drinking the Starbucks Frappuccino. I think you've got there, babe? I've got the Frappuccino. I've got the protein one here as well. That's a belter. Yeah. Very nice. And these are a staple now in the Clancy Crouch household. What do you think of them, Ross? Yeah, I loved them to be fair, especially in this weather. Yeah, I think sometimes you need an iced, cold, chilled coffee. Well, the thing is, you like a coffee, right, in the morning especially. But you can't be going with a rope, especially in this weather now. You can't even have a roast in hot coffee.

11:59Yeah, and these are easy. You can grab them on the go when you're doing your local food shop. They're in the chilled aisle, ready to go. And, you know, it's just about lifting up the everyday. Right, a couple of options as well, babe. Not just the one there. We've got the Starbucks Double Shop Espresso. Yes. Chilled, classic, skinny. Feels a bit like me. Chilled, classic and skinny. I like coffee. Like I like a coffee. so I've gone for the toffee flavour and honey frappuccino and you can have it on the go it's from the chilled aisle or I like put mine in a glass over ice so it's extra extra cold do you?

12:40yeah yeah yeah I'm on that okay well it's the caramel hazelnut protein drink beautiful

12:50nice that's all I've had after the gym as well or before the gym if you want a little caffeine boost Yeah, caffeine, protein. Instead of a coffee in the morning. Yeah. A little protein vibe. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Starbucks chilled coffee for them little pick-me-up moments. Find them online or in a supermarket near you. Hi, Crouch Fam. Bit gross, but I need to know, should I be concerned that my boyfriend keeps using my toothbrush? Every time I leave mine in my travel bag, it somehow ends up wet and it's not for me. He says, it's just a toothbrush, babe, but it's my mouth. What else has you been sharing behind my back?

13:22Do I bin him or the brush? I don't mind is she anything brush with your missus I think your your tongues are going to be in each other's valves I think anyway well they should be but you're not getting like plaque off your bloody when you kiss are you well you are you're getting it off me I don't see the way you look at my tongue I don't physically ill I don't love it physically ill I don't love it but it's It's not jib wavy, is it? No. He obviously feels really comfortable enough to use a toothbrush. I think it's a cute thing as well. I think that's a nice thing. I think she should take that as a compliment.

14:06It's gems. Have you seen how many gems on a toothbrush? Yeah. How often do you change your head?

14:14Whenever Anna buys new ones. It's not something I'd pick up in the store. I can say categorically you've never changed a head. No. Summer's supposed to be the easy season. So why are so many people quietly Googling a therapist between summer Fridays? Because more daylight doesn't fix the hard stuff. Sometimes it just turns the volume up. Grow does therapy differently. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session.

14:53Grow helps you find therapy on your time. The therapist you want takes your insurance on Grow. Grow accepts over 125 insurance plans. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan. Visit growtherapy.com slash ACAST today to get started. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Back to school is busy enough. The last thing you need is shopping that makes it harder. Whether you're moving into a dorm, your first apartment, or just getting organized for the semester, Wayfair makes it easy to get everything you need in one place.

15:39Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love, with fast shipping before move-in day. Get everything you need for back to school season. shop wayfair.com today wayfair every style every home

15:57good job I do then but yeah it wouldn't bother me manual or electric I always remember do you remember that Craig off Big Brother yeah Scouser Builder yeah he he got called him on Big Brother because he was brushing his teeth so hard and he kept wearing the two brushes down did he fun fact yeah I just I always think of that as a memory he's a good lad Craig mad Craig was the original yeah did he win it I think the original winner the first winner yeah Craig Craig gotcha but yeah I think it's quite a nice thing obviously hygiene wise and toothbrush wise it's definitely better to have your own toothbrushes you know I think all dentists would say that but I think yeah just say come on use your own toothbrush but I wouldn't bust his balls over it no nah it's like because I grew up like you wouldn't even use someone's hairbrush okay hi legends I've got some a serious case of package paranoia.

16:50Every time I order something online, my housemate opens the parcel before I get home. Not in a malicious way. She's just too curious. She'll be like, ooh, what did she get? While holding the top, I haven't even seen yet. Is this a breach of the flatmate code or am I just too protective over my ASOS hauls? See, this is one of the arguments we had on the flight. So we ordered some of them fricking the boo-boos for the kids. so for about an hour of the two hour flight home it was an argument about who's getting what's in the parcels and are they allowed to open the parcels my kids open every box that comes through the front door and it drives me insane so I was like because you've all been so badly behaved no one is opening a parcel nice so then it was crying for an hour you took the stand on the flight took the stand on the flight you thought that was the best place to do it Honestly, Ross, this is what I'm talking about.

17:51It doesn't make any sense. Pick your bottles up, come on. Give them iPads, sweets, just fucking whatever you want, just shut up. I can't. And then you get them in the car, I don't know, there's a time and a place, I think, to discipline your children. I'd be furious. And then they were arguing about who's having how many of these labooboos. Yeah. And I'm like, none of you's getting any of them because we're not opening the parcels tonight. And then they were crying, fighting. on the flight yeah oh mate if I was sat next to you on front of you I'd just be going give air the fucking the boobers well that's what exactly what I was like so then I was like I'm just going over there you discipline all you like over here I went over there and just put earphones in and I was like I'm not even listening to anyone and that's why I'm travelling separately from now on you can discipline all you like on your flight no yeah absolutely not you are not very good I'm telling you I am hi Abby and Pete I need you to settle an argument my boyfriend has started wearing crocs in public and on purpose oh i saw something on um on purpose as if it was i saw something on instagram today saying the carcinogenic like in the heat if you wear them like on holiday the heat from the floor and the heat for the sun releases toxins i don't know how true that is but it's one of them look ridiculous things that comes on my tiktok every this is my if you're wearing crocs that saves your eyes this is my yeah but i is my problem with I feel like everything now is carcinogenic everything do you know what I mean when's that going to end it's like you know people say a glass of wine a day is good for you and then it could increase this type of thing it's full of contradicting information which is probably what feeds into your health anxiety I imagine it definitely does but our daughter Liberty's like I don't think there's too much going on like everything now that was fine before is not fine back in my day they didn't have crocs in my day I'll tell you that he calls them fashion forward and wear some wit socks to brunch in London.

19:48I said they were an egg and now he's accusing me of being shallow but honestly, I can't take a man seriously when he looks like he's lost his canoe. Am I overreacting or just protective of my eyes? I blame there are, because what's the problem is here, there are people that are cool that are doing this and I blame them for people that were not cool doing it. Do you know what I mean? Like Bieber has got socks and Crocs. You've seen him do it and you go, he's fucking Justin Bieber. He can get away with that. I mean, if you're Dave from Plymouth... Or Crouchy from Ealing. Yeah. You don't get away with it.

20:22No. If I put rocks up for lunch in a pair of Crocs and socks... The size of them. The fucking size of them. Sophia's friends, like a group of friends, they all had this fashion. They were like carbon copies of each other. I remember you telling me the North Face jacket. A North Face jacket, tracky bottoms. Sounds smart, that though. From... Whatever. Urban Outfitters, that Les France. left friends or whatever with socks and crocs or they had them Slazinger tennis skirts and I was like you are not going out like that I am but that's the badge of honour isn't it like but like I say like if you're you know if you're frigging Travis Scott or something right you can wear them I don't think Travis Scott knows them but yeah but if you're cool is what I'm saying Pete's pop culture references here by the way just the mean Travis Scott you'd be watching fuck the Kardashians I saw them just before I came in it what the fuck Yeah, you've been watching Hulu.

21:15Hey you. Hey you. Hey you. No, it's Hulu. It's Hey you. It's Hey you. No, I don't know. It's Hulu as well. Yeah, is that a good bit, yeah. They're actually on Disney now anyway. I think they look lit anyway. Lit!

21:32I like you in a minute. I was trying to think so. I think if you're not like in that scenario, then I don't think like... They are comfy as any in their crocs. that's a killer thing it's like the Solomons again do you know what I mean I'm converted now I've never worn a crock in my life I'm sitting here with a pair of Ugg slippers you can't beat Uggs you can't Ugg slippers Ugg slippers are the one Costco do a good little rip off as well the belters I can't wear a rip off Ugg I've worn the rip off they're alright we'll have a look they're not Uggs I don't know what I'm about. Well, I'm about to.

22:16Are we helping these people or just slagging them off? I think we're just having a bit of a laugh today, aren't we? Well, no, she said it's not good enough and we said we agree. Yeah, I actually agree. Although, does it matter? Yeah. Crocs and socks out to dinner. Are you messing? From his point of view, though, right? He could be like a trendy East London kind of guy, though. Fuck off. Okay, hi both. My husband falls asleep to ASMR videos. so they're like the things that you listen to and it's like you know when it'll be like the rain falling but it's really like it's like like that I don't know what it sounds for but it's like visual the whispering kind yeah it's like having a ghost crawling to brebbers every night the woman is very Nigella-esque which is already giving me the yip and making me worry he fancies her only that she talks utter utter nonsense it's driving me around the bend what does she say?

23:06I've asked him to use headphones but he says it defeats to purpose do I accept this new whisper queen in my marriage no or can I stage an intervention what would you do if I had a man like whispering to me to get to sleep I don't know because if he was like a you know you are falling asleep no that's okay like a monk or something he was going like yeah what if he's going you are getting you're getting heavy I sound like what's his name Paul McKenna yeah Yeah, he had poor Macan. You'd like that. I reckon I would like that, yeah. For lying on the beach. Oh, I like it already. You can feel the hot sun penetrating through your skin.

23:48I like it. Your arms are heavy. Your legs are heavy. These weak arms are heavy. Do you know what I'm saying? Mom's beginning. You've got a good voice. That is beautiful. Keep going, babe. I'll write that. You are slowly, slowly drifting. drifting into a deep, deep sleep. Everything around you is peaceful. You can feel the heat of the sun on your skin. And then I wake up! He's there! He! My mum used to do that to me there when I used to get to bed. God, do you know what? Can you do that to me tonight? Yeah. Well, I don't need to because you're fucking asleep in two seconds. that was nice honestly babe why don't you would you do that would you give that a go tonight I'll give it to you for our listeners I'll give it to you I'll give it to you I'll give it to you she has to try it in each way could have been worse I'll give that a go yeah you sure you mean she'll stop being a pest just once you promise me to ask me I'm missing something here

25:04tip of the iceberg very good I'll start slowly with the talking if you were going to sleep with listening to a woman's voice I'd be like I know what you mean are you dreaming of her or something no I don't I genuinely don't think there's anything like that I think there's that is I mean you did it there and I think there's a lot of people that would have been listening to this thinking that was lovely and I also need something to fall asleep to I have to have something in the background generally I do I have to put the TV on to fall asleep I put the radio on normally podcast or call it call in radio mate P Price in his heyday oh my god that was such good such good content if you're ever looking to fall asleep to something sometimes you laugh so much you can't fall asleep to it it's good I had a mate who he had a hair he had a hair dryer he put a hair dryer on on his pillow yeah yeah yeah I've heard I've heard he was only wasn't that Wayne Rooney I wasn't going to expose him but I think he has said it before not like that I think he has

26:09I think I have I think he has yeah he's told it so I think I'm alright to say it was Wayne Rooney yeah alright guys that was fun again these are amazing good vibes oh they make me laugh these are amazing so have we helped her what did we say what was the outcome we didn't help no we said it's acceptable No, I don't think it's acceptable. You don't? I wouldn't let you fall asleep to a woman. Another woman. I get you. No, because you could be like thinking she's in the room and all that weird stuff. Yeah. Like our cat that Sam's scared of. Let's just enter the room. She does bite that one though.

26:48She won't bite you. Kitty got claws. She's shitting himself now. I find it so hard. Sam put it outside, mate. People are so scared of cats. They are a bit. I wasn't until we had Mabel, to be fair. I didn't like cats at all. No, I love them. I love them. There's something about cats. They're a little bit sly. Oh, and they're a snide, yeah. They're not? No, no. I used to think that, but I don't anymore. No, you get good ones. I like our ones, but... Yeah. I love our ones. Yeah. These two had never seen it. They were like, I was like, I'm not a cat crew with Staelback. Because she doesn't come off the bed because the dogs are in the farm.

27:24She's come down. Yeah. And she's missed us. That's how she's coming. I didn't even notice your dog's mania. Oh my God. Sorry, Jeff. I did because my fucking house is spotless. Yeah, I thought I didn't stink and piss.

27:38On that note, we'll see you next week. It certainly is, guys.

27:49Back to school is busy enough. The last thing you need is shopping that makes it harder. Whether you're moving into a dorm, your first apartment, or just getting organized for the semester, Wayfair makes it easy to get everything you need in one place. Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love with fast shipping before move-in day. Get everything you need for back-to-school season. Shop wayfair.com today. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy. Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the series follows a group of glamorous, deeply entangled high school seniors drawn into a life of wealth, beauty, parties, and excess.

28:35At its center is Brett, whose reality begins to unravel when the arrival of a new student coincides with a series of mysterious murders. FX's The Shards, now streaming on Hulu.