Peter & Abbey React to America's Wildest AITA Stories, Robot Deliveries and Dating Disasters…

0:00Okay babe, I'm going to bang you a... When I get hurt. Are you pardon? I'm tired. Oh god. That is actually, that sent shivers up my spine.

0:13Abbey Clancy: When is daddy home? Daddy will be home soon baby, don't you worry about it. Right, I'm out. I'll see you guys in a bit. Cheers. Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abbey Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. And me, Gaz. How are we guys? This is all a bit mad. I feel like I'm in the diary room. And Big Brother. Talk us through where you are though. So I am in Portugal in a recording studio. A few of my friends hopped me up, Raquel, who is a lib-sing and teacher, because I'm completely computer illiterate. And my whole team has fucked off to be with Peter. And I've left me on my own. so I've had to come here and get rescued and these guys are helping me out doing the pod so yeah here I am okay well I'm back in LA right I've just come up to the house that we're recording and all the lads are dying it's like death house it is like a death house yeah dying of what?

1:16everything our cameraman has had the squits and would you say the two bob bits Chris our regular cameraman is in bed ill they're all dying babe can you believe that I've just walked in and it's like death house.

1:29Abbey Clancy: Well, we all know what happens to Chris when he has a drink. He likes to vomit and die. I don't even think it's that this time. No, I don't. Something's going around. I think it's the common cold, to be honest. I'm feeling it. If I'm a little bit coffee, I do apologise to the listeners. Yeah, well, you know, our house is the same. I'm up to my eyes in kitten eye gunk at the moment. So, babe, obviously I'm back here. What's going on with the cats? What's that with the kittens? If you can't remember, we adopted a load of cats. The charity that I work with, Ara, Animal Rescue Algarve, asked our community, could someone foster these kittens?

2:11Abbey Clancy: I can't remember if I've said this before, but originally the kittens without a mum. So I thought, oh my God, I'm going to be able to hand rear and bottle feed these kittens because my womb is aching for another baby. And I'm too old. so um so i took them in but they caught the mom which is a great thing for the kittens because obviously for them it's best to be with their mommy and fed by her but when i first got her she was half dead and now she has turned into freaking like a panther slash hyena slash tiger you know and i'm literally like tiger king in my house you know trying to get one of your golf clubs to like hold it against me to stop her from attacking when I'm trying to clean the kitten's eyes because this this mummy cat she's a baby so it's clearly her first litter she's doing a fantastic job of feeding them but she's not cleaning them and a couple of them I've got a sticky eye um and I would clean it every day but I haven't been able to get into it because the beast is waiting for me is it like it's attacking you do you know the noise you've never heard a noise like in your life it goes like and it leaps in the air but she's so beautiful but you know she's doing her job you know because I had a similar situation today where someone you know did something mean to my child and I basically replicated that mother cat and went mental that's what moms do for people that can't see you they're just listening can you describe the environment you're in today it's uh it's a new one for even me so i'm in a recording studio so the guys here record loads of artists here and singers and podcasts and this is their new studio i'm one of the first people to be in here and it's a great room soundproof we've got graffiti floor and i've got this really cool hand chair look you'd sound a giant aura ring or whatever the cold it looks like it's about to shabber you i'm sitting on the thumb

4:26so are you missing me or what guys i am missing you babe you know i am um it's been good though out here we get loads of stuff we're doing i'm doing a podcast obviously the peter crouch pod we're yeah I do work with Fox which is good and yeah I've got the England game today so bison for that yeah what time is that for us over here is it like 1 o 'clock 2pm 2pm so what time is it for me here then

4:51Abbey Clancy: which I'm on UK time it's like 10 o 'clock that'll be 10pm for you yeah late one Ab called me last night she was horse riding on the beach and I was still awake I can't get my head around this time difference it's a killer that isn't it it is a killer so horse riding on the beach as an activity as far as activities go what kind of, what does it entail? So you get on the horse, you just frolic up and down the beach for a while. Frolic, guys. Great work. I just think it's a it's a perfect way to set the tone for the day. You know, being surrounded by nature, beautiful animals. The baby horse there, Miracle, who's two weeks old, she's gorgeous.

5:28Abbey Clancy: And just to go on the beach with my kids, sunrise an hour and a half. Walking through the... It looked absolutely amazing. walking through the city. I brought Johnny today. Johnny fell asleep on the way back. We had to canter on the way back to wake him up. What do you mean fell asleep? He was just asleep on the horse? He was just on the horse, like... Rocking himself. Rocking, and I could see him going. And Andrea, the owner of the stable, she said it happens all the time with the little ones. They just fall asleep. It was so cute. Oh, my God. She's obviously just, like, rocking him nicely. God, that's lovely, that.

6:03It's just beautiful. Our face time to go today, it was just, it looks so lovely. Really? It's just this way of life.

6:11Abbey Clancy: You know, it's so chilled and calm and beautiful. Like everywhere you look is like heaven. You know, the flowers, the trees, the sky, you know, it's just lovely. So yeah. Okay, babe, should we get into some wines? Yeah, I haven't got a wine for you because you've been very good. Texting me before bed. Texting me as soon as you wake up. sticking to the deal so I've actually got a weekly shine thank you well my weekly one would be just time differences in general really I just don't think I just think we should be on a global time and I think we'd have to change it half the year round so like we're all on the same time zone that just wouldn't work would it?

6:56no but yeah we're all on the same time zone but some people have to live in the dark half the year and then we just switch it round the other half of the year because it's pointless it's just pointless well I suppose

7:09Abbey Clancy: that's what they do in Norway in Sweden they live in the dark half the time I'm just going to change it for a global time zone I love that as a concept yeah time zones really is my wine you've been good as well actually me? yeah you've been a good girl I think oh yeah well I don't think I've not got any like grief bones to pick with you oh I thought you were saying because you're getting no grief off me. Well, yeah, that's what I mean. But, you know, happy wife, happy life, peace. You know what I'm saying, darling? It's slightly concerning that you're incredibly happy without me. I'm absolutely not.

7:47Abbey Clancy: That's the only piece of the puzzle missing. I'm really happy apart from not being with you. And actually, I actually have got a wine. Here we go. I just remembered. She starts always with a weekly shine and then it devolves into a wine. This is going to be the first wedding anniversary we've ever spent apart. My God. I didn't know that. In our lives. Yeah, this is my dear. Oh my God. 29th of June. 29th of June. I'm expecting something big, expensive, shiny.

8:22Abbey Clancy: You know, just to compensate for the fact that you made the choice to leave me on our anniversary. I didn't make the choice to leave you, babe. I love you. I think we could come to an agreement and if I could bring these five kittens home, that might... Five kittens turned into five cats. I know, yeah. It's an issue there. At the moment, they're fine, but I'm not sure about that. They want to be one of those mad cat people. Well, at least two. I don't know why we don't need them, babe. At least two. We really, really don't. So are you gutted that we're not going to be together on our anniversary?

9:02of course I'm gutted yeah absolutely gutted let's just put it back a month could we do that?

9:07Abbey Clancy: yeah we could we've done that with our kids haven't we? we've done it with Christmas day when our kids were babies we've pretended Christmas day wasn't Christmas day before and yeah we just said it was like I think we were in Dubai at the time and we said this is Christmas in Dubai and we've got Christmas when we get back right and we just had a Christmas day and we got back hang on talk me through that so it was the 25th of December in Dubai yeah and you pretended like it wasn't Christmas yeah No, it's just sometimes when the kids are babies, if their birthday falls on an inconvenient day for you, they don't know when it's the third or the seventh.

9:41Abbey Clancy: You know, they can't read or talk, so we've changed the day a few times. Do you think that's bad? I don't know if that's correct or not. It was inconvenient. No one was around that day, so we just put it back a day. That's actually genius. I mean, yeah, nothing's sacred anyway. Let's be honest. Right, babe, I'm going to get into some audience wines, okay? Yeah. Okay, hi, Abs, Pete and Gaz. My wine this week is my boyfriend's one drink. There is no such thing. One drink is a portal. He texts me, just popping out with the... What do you mean? What? Oh. Just popping out for one with the lads. And the next thing I get is a 1am voice note of him and a man named Degsy in the singing in the kebab shop.

10:24Degsy. I've started treating one drink like a weather warning. Should I be worried? Or is this just what men are? love the pod that's Hayley from Stockport

10:32Abbey Clancy: you're partial to this one aren't you babe well I just think unfortunately I can answer that for you that is what men are yeah unfortunately it's not going to change it's never it's never going to be one drink what I've realised is you don't say one drink is the issue here what do you say then I'm just not coming out preparing for the worst and delivering better so I think what I've realised is is I'm going to go out and get absolutely hammered and probably come in at four in the morning and then when you come in you're actually not no but what I just think you're actually not at all otherwise you'll just instantly get dumped so what I'm saying is if you say something like that you're not doing that at all Abigail please listen to me if you say if you say if you prepare them for the worst and then deliver better yeah it's a it's a much better reaction because you might get the initial like like you said that you're not doing that under promise over deliver is that the saying yes yes i've realized it's a good strategy well it's took me i'm 45 i think i realized that like last month pete you're like partial to the old oh do you remember when you um came back from the races and you were like oh we're just landing we're just landing now on the helicopter and you know I've got a journey and then I'm just going to have one in the local.

11:55Abbey Clancy: And you were already in the local because Riley, our couple friends was there with her husband and saw you. So you just lied to me and said you were like stuck in traffic on the way to this one drink and you were on like your fifth in the pub. Oh, did I? Yeah. The dark arts. Yeah. It's tricky, the one drink. It's actually impossible. You just don't say one drink. You don't, yeah. Has anyone ever gone for one drink? No, no. I can't imagine you going against your word, Gaz, to your girlfriend. Me going against my word? Like if you said you're going for one drink, I reckon you are a one drink kind of guy.

12:32You're not going for one. I'm actually not. It's actually something I wrestle with quite often because I just think I'd rather just not have the one because that's minimum five. And then after five beers, it's then spirits. And then it's you're back at 4am, like you were kind of saying. So yeah, I need to, I don't know how to figure that one out. You're either in or you're out. You can't half-arse it. I don't know. Are you the same, Pete? I just don't think, yeah, it's just not, one drink is what, 20 minutes? Yeah.

12:56Abbey Clancy: I think women find it offensive if the husband would prefer to have that one drink than be with them. But the one drink is a saying. It's not a, because you're just not going to do that. You're not going to go and have one drink. It's the same thing. But you just, you wouldn't say one drink, would you? You'd say, I'm going to go and meet my friend. and that'll be fine. This might sound sexist, but women are better, I think, at like getting absolutely bladdered together but then calling it at a sensible time. Sorry, do you mean, sorry, should I just correct you there? Do you think women are just generally better at doing what they say unlike men?

13:34Well, they seem to be better at relationships, don't they?

13:38Abbey Clancy: You fuckers! I don't know what it is though. It's like innate inside you guys that you can just call it. Like, you know, midnight or one, you're like, right, we are steaming but it's time to go whereas lads are like I'm steaming I'm having the best time I'm going to carry going you know what I mean also what I've realised about nights out in general really are you have you get absolutely hammered and then go harder like when you should be slowing down do you know what I mean like the shots come out when you're bladdered yeah whereas the shots should come out right at the start you're right you're right you're bang on when you completely can't stand up anymore someone calls shots and you you go for more Because you wouldn't have a shot in real life, would you?

14:20Abbey Clancy: Yeah, because if you're making a rational judgment, you wouldn't have one. So, do you know what I mean? You wouldn't walk into a pub and go, right, here's the shots, would you? No, no. Because you're making sensible decisions. There's almost like a structure to a night of drinking, isn't there? And you've got to start on the pint. That's how you begin. Have you ever not started on a pint? Nothing good happens after 12 or 11. I learned that maybe, yeah, recently. I'd say 10, in fact. yeah I'd rather do a day thing don't go on your phone after 12 as well nothing good comes of that you're bad at that babe getting on your phone which let's post this this is hilarious let's post this on Instagram this is so funny Lucinda texts me oh do you have a couple of drinks last night I'm like how do you know and she went because you've posted on Instagram I start getting like memes of like animals like you know elephants dragging like baby deers out of the ocean and stuff and sob and cry into it and, you know.

15:19Anything you think's amazing in the evening like that is genuinely not.

15:24Abbey Clancy: Yeah, so please take note, guys, if you ever see a post of me, I've definitely had a wine. Will do. What do we say to Hayley here? You know, things aren't going to change. I'd just say fuck him off. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. I just think he needs to have some respect and get rid. No, he needs to work on his vocabulary. I'm going to have a few here. You prefer him to just say, I'm out tonight. And that's that. Because it's the feeling of being let down and lied to. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly right. Yeah. I totally agree. Set the stall out up front. Have we got any more wines, Pedro? This next one, by the way, before Pete reads it out, guess why I've included it, okay?

16:09It'll become apparent when he reads it out. It's from Jules. How is it? Love the show. Listen religiously. I've gone back to the beginning. Started watching them again. Gaz sounds so fit. That's why you've cleared it. It might be part of the... Apart from the white trousers and black undies, I'm with Abby on this one. Sorry, Gaz. Abby, you always look so stylish. What brand are your recent yellow sunglasses, please? I love them. You should do a makeover show. Yellow sunglasses? Get men who have no style and pimp them up. What yellow sunglasses? you were wearing them in Portugal the other night on our last record

16:49Abbey Clancy: oh yeah they're like a mirrored aviator Santa Ron nice she can have some if she wants some why do you do that you always do that someone will comment on what she's wearing or something like that she goes you can have them if you want don't you yeah and then I go home I'm like where the hell did I do that sorry I've just got to read the last bit That's a Scouse thing that, you know. All Scouse girls do that. You can have them. If they go, I love your bag, they tip it out and go, take it. I can't get a bed around that. Well, Jules, if you want my black Calvins, they're all yours. No problem. Which sounds like she might do.

17:30Babe, let me read the next bit here. Pete, you're looking the best ever. You get me through being single and I have some faith that some people do find their soulmate, just as you two have. I hate modern dating it's become so throwaway can we go back to the 90s love you guys Jules back to the 90s I'm game for that yeah I like the 90s I don't want to sound like an old boring you know bastard but it was better I'm just sick of woke

18:02Abbey Clancy: woke is just out it's got to go Chris said this to me yesterday I took him to Universal Studios and we were both dying and uh he was like i'm just done with the woke thing i was like yeah in all aspects of life and i think you know it's it's definitely harder for singletons now to date because of you know all these apps and social media because i i even see it like with my daughter it's it's kind of all that like online world is just crazy it's not real they don't know how to interact what do we think to the band you know they talk to each other with like a baliclava filter on I was like what is that that is insane I watched Sophia Sophia's doing like a make up with a friend on the bloody whatever it is with a baliclava over her whole face you know these are like filters that they do you can't see I want to see my friend's face it makes me so happy do you know what do you know what you should do which is what I do a four way whatsapp call nothing better they are good though aren't they yeah we're all the girls because when we couldn't be together we all just got a bottle of wine sat there got on the four way whatsapp call no filters no balayclava nonsenses balayclava and yet we just had a great time that was not like I did I walked in on that whatsapp call Jesus Jesus Christ.

19:35Was it carnage? Fuck me. They're all talking at the same time. They're literally, I don't think, there was no one, I don't know how they listened. Yeah, how do you hear each other? They're all talking at the same time.

19:47Abbey Clancy: Because girls can multitask. That's why. I don't get accused of interrupting when I'm speaking to my girlfriends. Yeah, because you're all interrupting each other. Yeah. Okay, right. Just give me the thumbs up. I'm going to go, hey team, love the pod. I've got a massive ick to report. my fella has started narrating things to our dog in a little voice by normal cute even until he started to use the dog as the as a middleman to communicate with me oh is mummy in a mood i wasn't in the mood darren but i am now am i overreacting or is this grounds for separation please stay anonymous uh the dog can't know oh my god i think that's cute no did you ever do In your house, in your household.

20:35Abbey Clancy: So you wouldn't get your dog and go, should we go and see mummy? Should we go outside and see mummy and go for a walk? Yeah, I'd maybe do that. You do do that, Pete? I hear you when you're putting your bloody coat on. I know your whole routine. You get that coat on, you put them boots on, treading mud through the house and you get the food bags, the treats. And all the while you're like narrating to the dog what you're going to do with them. Like you always do it. I do narrate. I talk to the dog. Like, it's part of the family, isn't it? Come on, Geoffrey. Come on, then, boy. That's what I was saying.

21:11And he's all excited. I do talk to him, yeah, but I wouldn't say like, ooh, Geoffrey, mummy's in a mood, isn't she? You do.

21:19Abbey Clancy: You do that to the kids, though. That's a dick. What about the baby voice? Do you ever do that to each other? Have you ever done that? No. No, it's not for me. Really? I feel like every couple just slips into it eventually. A baby voice? She's like, nah. Yeah. That's how your baby voice made? Mine? Nah, I can't even do it. Come on, Pete. It's made me feel queasy. I reckon Gaz definitely does the baby voice to his... A million percent. Do you know what? His girlfriend, like, I'm tired. Oh, God. Oh, God. That is actually, that sent shivers at my spine. That is, that's got to be the worst, surely.

21:54I think, I think I've been found guilty of that.

21:55Abbey Clancy: Depends who's doing the baby voice, I guess. Do you reckon? Would you enjoy it? Or for a hunk, babe? No.

22:05It's not for me, babe. It's not for me. You would throw up in your mouth if I was to go into you. I'm so tired. Miss you. Miss you. Love you so much.

22:19Abbey Clancy: Stop now. You're making me feel ill. That is making me feel so ill. All right, babe, listen, we've got an American-themed Am I the Arsehole? I can't think of an American word. Let us what's a yee-haw or howdy. I think that counts. Oh, yeah. Yee-haw. Right on. Yeah, right on. Right on, dude. Okay, y 'all. You know, you do slip into it, obviously. I'm out here. Let's go, y 'all. I'm the arsehole for a food-eating faux pas. I'm a big fat arse. There's no way around it. I love to eat, which probably borders on addiction. But I figure since I'm only hurting myself, it's probably better to just live my life.

22:56I have some great friends, although there is no doubt I am the harmless, funny, token fat guy of the otherwise pretty good-looking group. I guess that sets the stage enough. Last night, my friend hosted the UFC night, and I was invited. I got a six-foot party sub. I also brought homemade wings that are sort of my speciality. Of course, people flocked to the food, and I had basically one serving of the sandwich. But people devoured my wings, and I didn't get a single one. this is totally fine that's why I brought them but then an hour later I was starving I kept eyeing the sandwich and I'd say there was about four feet of it left I waited an hour sorry another half an hour are you saying

23:38Abbey Clancy: a six foot sandwich yes can you imagine how big that is they're from like subway aren't they you can get like a foot long it's bigger than that I've included a little photo we'll put it on the screen oh my god it's four feet yeah it's huge so it's apparently a thing in America party subs you bring them it takes up a whole long table it's like your six foot pizza Pete six pizza yeah it's that yeah it's the pizza crouch can you see that yeah it's like my pizza he can say he's at all then then he choked on my bloody water then

24:13um I waited an hour no one had touched it then they were munching on chips pretzels and whatnot so I was like screw it I took about half of what was left and I ate it then the last half sat there for another 10.15 and no one said anything so I ate the rest. As I was swallowing the last bite, the host's girlfriend asked where the sandwich was. Like I was the guilty party, pretty much everyone pointed at me. Crumbs all round his mouth. I guess they'd notice me eating the sandwich. She was furious and said that I was an incredible pig. Oh my God. And I'd been super selfish to eat four feet of sandwich.

24:53Abbey Clancy: That's hysterical. That's like when Alfie came to us, do you remember? Oh, my God. And we'd all eaten. And we brought out like a plate of chicken baguettes. And because everyone declined one, Alfie said, no, I don't want one. So then one of the babies at the time come in and said, Mom, Alfie's in the bathroom eating a baguette. so I was like Alf what are you doing like hiding in the toilet eating this chicken baguette and he was like because I just felt so embarrassed because everyone else like declined the sandwiches and he said I was starving but I didn't want to say yeah and I'm like you're fucking joking I was like you're in my house you're literally like my brother eat the sandwich so it was how funny was it Pete oh my god we were laughing we were laughing so much so now his nickname's Prethead we nicknamed him He nicknamed him Pret Head.

25:49Abbey Clancy: Pret Head. We're like, Elf, that's not normal to get a sandwich and hide in the bathroom and eat it. And he was like, but I'm the fat one and yous are all thin and I didn't want to eat it and look like I was the fat one. I was like, yeah. Oh, that's terrible though. That's terrible that we were laughing about. It's like, I feel like that. Yeah. My advice to this guy is he's not with his people. If he can't be comfortable to eat a sandwich, and obviously this doesn't apply to Alf because he was just being a dick. But, you know, you shouldn't feel embarrassed, you know. Yeah. Although, Abs, when you see the size of this...

26:28Yeah, it's pretty massive. It's pretty much... But he didn't eat the whole thing. If you've seen the sandwich, babe, those footlongs at the subway, they are... That's well enough, isn't it? Yeah, to have four of those. To have four of them. And then they're big boys as well. Yeah. He goes on to say, I felt so bad. I tried to explain that I did really wait over an hour and I thought people had lost interest. I also tried to explain how everyone had ate my wings and she said something along the lines of, you brought them to share, Alan. If someone had eaten over half of them by themselves, that's not fucking sharing, is it?

26:58Abbey Clancy: She sounds like a rag cow. God, she's going in on him. She's going in on him. I think she's absolutely disgraced, to be honest. So what's party food? To be honest, when I bring food to a party, I eat my own food because it's what I like. You bring what you like. So you can eat your own fucking food. So he says, I offered to order a pizza and even go to go get Subway's. And she said it was a pathetic offer because the party sub had been from a local shop owned by our friends. I said I was sorry, but the night was so tense from then on. I woke up this morning to several texts saying I had to get my shit out of control.

27:32This is so hard. And everyone is really mad at me. And I embarrassed myself last night. I tried to explain to them my mindset and they haven't responded. Am I the arsehole for eating the sandwich last night?

27:46Abbey Clancy: I'm going to say no. I, I, God, I think that's so harsh. It's pretty harsh, isn't it? I think it's like, who's watching, who's eating what on the party table, by the way? Yeah. Four foot is pretty. Four foot. I guess it's something sacred in the States. There must be like a thing, like a communal thing, any sports night or whatever. So if someone ate your whole sandwich, maybe, I can see maybe why they're annoyed. but yeah the reaction is i go mad when pete eats if you eat my like egg custard cake out the fridge and i save it and i thought i think you know you know all day i'll be like i'm gonna eat that tonight with a nice cup of tea in bed and you go to the fridge to get it get your shower get you put all your creams on get ready for bed jammies on tea egg custard cake gone like i could literally stabbing.

28:36Egg custard cake? Is that the little Portuguese tart thing? No, it's not a Portuguese

28:41Abbey Clancy: one. It's just like a M &S or whatever. Just like an egg custard tart, but I love them. Yeah, yeah. I get why that's annoying for you. That's like the worst. Your blood boils. I don't know if you've been waiting for something all day. Your blood boils. Literally. I don't know. I feel like he's kind of being fat shamed there, isn't he? Which is not nice, is it? Have we got any more Am I the Arseholes? Yeah, we have, babe. I enjoy these. Okay, Am I the Arsehole? Because my dad sets up playdates for his girlfriend. What? My father, a 55-year-old man, started seeing Kelly, a 25-year-old girl recently.

29:22Kelly and I attended high school together, but never socialised. My parents divorced a year ago, and ever since, my father has been trying to get to, to get my brother and me, both 25 year old guys, to invite Kelly to our activities. He will ask us what we're doing and then ask if Kelly can be invited, for example.

29:42Abbey Clancy: Sorry, is Kelly the girlfriend or is he trying to get in with Kelly? Kelly's the new girlfriend. For example, we were celebrating my friend's birthday dinner and my father dropped Kelly off at my apartment and insisted I take her with me. The dinner was very awkward, but my friends did their best and were very nice to Kelly. Kelly spent the entire dinner complaining about having to be there and kept asking if we could leave. My friends booked a nice weekend getaway and had everything planned. My father reached out to me and asked what I was doing this weekend. And I told him that we were having a weekend away with friends.

30:19My friends posted a picture of us on social media. My father texted me asking, why didn't you invite kelly on the trip i kept saying maybe because none of us want none of us wanted us to come i tried reaching out to my father to apologize but he won't answer any of my texts or calls kelly's texted me saying that i hurt her feelings and my father's am i the arsehole for not inviting my father's new girlfriend on a trip with my friends that's a weird one because like let's

30:46Abbey Clancy: just take the age out of it if the dad have a girl had you're not going to be inviting your dad's girlfriend on your night out with your friends, are you? In general. Insane. Why would you want that to happen? No, you just wouldn't. You wouldn't. I do not get it at all. She doesn't even want to be there. How old's the dad then? 55. 55. Daddy's home. When is daddy home? Daddy will be home soon, baby. Don't you worry about it. Right, I'm out. I'll see you guys in a bit. Cheers. It's a weird thing to do even without the age gap, isn't it? Just trying to like siphon your partner off to go and hang out with your mates.

31:31I don't get it at all.

31:32Abbey Clancy: Look, Christmas Day, Christmas Day, the odd Easter. Yeah, but not without the fella as well. Yeah, no. I find it really strange. Especially if the mum and dad only split up a year ago as well. It's quite new. It's a strange one that, I don't think. I think she should just say, look dad, tell Kelly to get her own friends because she's not hanging out with us. Yeah, like listen, you know. She needs to go a bit mean girl with her and I would never normally advocate for that. But Kelly doesn't want to be there. I don't know, what's the dad trying to achieve there? I don't get it at all. I think, yeah, I get it.

32:10Like you say, Christmas birthdays, you know, some dinners, you know, it might be dad's birthday. Yeah, we'll come out all together. But don't put her in our company, like, when you're not there. yeah I hear you also it's weird not to say big age gaps can't work but like if she's 25 hanging around with a bunch of 25 year olds all the time and he's setting that up surely she's got way more in common with them I don't know I'd be worried as the 55 year old man like yeah I'd be like oh my god he's obviously

32:37Abbey Clancy: digging himself to die because you know if I was him I'd be like oh my god she might meet some 25 year old hunk there he might be accidentally cuckolding himself what are you going to say daddy issues more cluck alert um not that again

32:57Abbey Clancy: you're like some secret perv aren't you don't do me like that i saw like lily allen wearing a top with that word on it what yeah i saw that as well yeah no no shit it's probably your whole bloody algorithm we were walking down venice beach yesterday and we saw all manner of did you see all those it was like it was like booty shorts for women and everything was like it's not going to spank itself I'm a cuck daddy's little whatever yeah what's this? this is on Venice Beach I bought Pete a few pairs just because he asked for them so

33:37nice I'm not familiar with that word what's that?

33:40Abbey Clancy: I'm not really familiar with that word it's probably for the best no do I want to be definitely for the best am I the arsehole because I don't want vaginas at my wedding? It's the title of this one. As in females or? I don't know. We'll get into it now. My brother's look is pretty wild. He always has a new hairstyle. Mullet, buzz, buzzed, mohawk, bright hair colours, facial piercings and he's covered in tattoos. It's his body. So none of this bothers me normally. However, my wedding is coming up. We're having a beach wedding down in Malibu and he's a groomsman. I literally don't care what hairstyle he has or that his piercing and tattoos will be visible my only request is that he covers one specific tattoo when he was in college my brother junkily got a vagina tattooed on his chest oh my god as it's a beach hot wedding the groomsman will be wearing slightly open button down shirts and the tattoo will be visible you know there's a concealer you can get now that covers up tats oh really?

34:45Abbey Clancy: Yeah, so she could just, you know, conceal his chest area. I asked if he's willing to cover for my wedding and he got immediately offended saying it's his body and his choice. He's now refusing to attend the wedding if he has to cover it. I get it's his body, but I really don't want my guests to have to stare at a vagina during my wedding. And I don't want to look back at my wedding photos and see a vagina. Yeah, well, she can airbrush the pictures. We can retouch that out. That's genius. I think if she wouldn't have brought it up, he would have been respectful and just not got the vagina out.

35:19I don't think they're saying that.

35:21Abbey Clancy: You know, I don't know half the things he's saying here. I just think totally, totally way out there. Can you imagine if you took that out of context and just took that out? No, but I think, you know. Take the vagina out. But, you know, you've got to let people be them. You can't micromanage a whole wedding if you want people there to celebrate your day. You can't really tell them how they can look, really, can you? So there's a few things to clarify here. My fiancé chose what the guys will be wearing, not me. It's a casual beach wedding, so there'll be two buttons unbuttoned. The tattoo is right in between my brother's pecs, so a huge amount visible.

36:03Oh, my God. Including a part of it, which makes it evident that it is a vagina. yeah number two we offered for all the groomsmen to completely button their shirts or wear undershirts as a compromise but he said that now he knows either of those solutions would be just to cover up his tattoo we're censoring his expressional freedom and number three there will be little kids there yeah it's a big one little kids yeah I think it's acceptable if you've got a tattoo that's quite controversial to be asked to cover it up for someone's wedding I don't I don't think that's I don't think that's unacceptable I think

36:41Abbey Clancy: I think now there's kids there you can't be having like a vagina hanging out in the chest you know it needs to be concealed it's rule number one isn't it at weddings no vaginas no vaginas he could go to the tattoo parlor and get a pair of knickers put on it for the wedding pair of knickers tattooed it's a clever idea yeah that's just like a woman in a bikini then isn't it yeah it's just fine lots of people have those that's true that's true yeah I think I think I like your idea of the airbrushing I think that makes complete sense yeah I think she can just retouch that out do you know what I've noticed out here babe so funny you know like there's there's little like there's driverless cars out here by the way oh yeah yeah don't go in one of them no mad like insane but there's also little boxes right that like deliver shopping little robots have you seen these you have I'd never seen them I've never seen them.

37:38I'm walking down the street, right? And there's like a little box, like walking past me. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Oh no. And then like the other day I was driving in the car and this little box was waiting to cross the road.

37:51Abbey Clancy: I was like, that's so cute. It was a traffic light. Is it like Wally? It is literally Wally. It's literally Wally, yeah. It just kind of, and it's got like two little eyes. I want one of them. And people are getting like shopping delivered. And they've got names. I walked past Wally in Hollywood Boulevard and it was called Shaniqua and it has a little thing on the front that says Shaniqua's in service. But she'd stopped in the shade and was taking like a fag break. Taking a break. She was not moving. She just stood there blinking. I just can't get around it, babe. Phenomenal, jeez. That is the future we're looking at.

38:22Imagine that around London.

38:23Abbey Clancy: Like in Zara and M &S now, there's like no tills. There's just like a machine. I'm not a fan of this self-checkout stuff. Yeah. I think, you know, for kind of, even for the older generation like some of the old ladies they like to go shopping and have a little chat with the cashier someone who you know when you pay I love doing that you chat to them and you have a conversation like they're taking that out of it completely out because the cashier in our local supermarket they like know the kids and the names and they're like oh how's he doing and I think that's a nice part of society and some of them are like little old deers who work there and that's their kind of socialisation you're paying for something I think I don't know it's nice to check out with someone you think no it is you're right if you remove all of that all that human interaction what are you left with at the end just a future where you just go and I don't know just tap your card on various robots well you know you could meet your future husband in the supermarket but instead you're sitting at home watching telly yeah no you're right you're missing out on life with the robot knocking at your door you know like I say I've got Shaniqua at the door she's in service who's just walked you know just walking off somewhere else it's just I don't know don't you're right I like the way we're going yeah also things like I mean the cliche but like Greek waiters or bartenders and stuff you replace them all you do know that's what old people say because I remember my dad saying all these type of things to me when bloody you could play Tetris on the phone you know be like oh what's this the future the future I listened to Rod Stewart baby jane today and i was like this is a real song kids this is a real song you know baby i don't think i know baby jane i don't think it's called baby jane is it is that the name of the song anyway it's an absolute tune oh it's a banger that absolute banger um babe i'm the only robot you need in your life you are that's amazing have we got any more okay babe I'm going to bang you a when I get home beg your pardon I am on the call enough enough I know I couldn't have what I was going to say just bang one out sorry hi what am I saying I absolutely love the podcast I've been listening since day one and it's the only thing I look forward to above all else every week.

40:57That's nice. Now onto my dilemma. I've been seeing a lovely woman for four months. Everything's perfect. We get on like a house on fire. She's beautiful. We have amazing times together and I can see a real future with her. It's just one weird thing. She has a framed photo of her ex on the mantelpiece. I asked about it and she said, oh, he's dead. It's a memorial. It's weird, but fair enough. I guess that's lovely. I offered my condolences. Anyway, last week at Tesco, I was buying some barbecue bits and I could have sworn I saw him. Oh my God. Oh my God. Alive, buying mints. Mints. If it wasn't him, it's the world's greatest doppelganger.

41:36What do I do with this information and do I confront her about it? I'm genuinely losing it. Please help.

41:42Abbey Clancy: I've done this before though. I've caused murder doing this when I thought I saw someone in a restaurant who was kind of vanished out of a lot of people we know's lives. And I had a full-blown panic attack in the restaurant, and it wasn't him. But I still think it is him. It wasn't him. It is him. I was there. No, it was him. It is him. That wasn't him. He saw me through the glass and had a heart attack. We were so close to him. Yeah. Didn't we go over? I went over to him, didn't I? I asked him. He's not going to say he's him, but it was him. you asked him if he was who you thought he was it wasn't I didn't think it was him but I was going on about it so much that I went over and said to you are you this person really do they just stare at you like I beg your pardon no no I'm not the thing is going back to this scenario you can't fake your own death can you I don't know people do that's a cheery note to finish on

42:48well this has been fun it has been yeah but i'll um i'll catch you soon babe and uh we'll catch the listeners soon we're counting down the days it's only like

42:59Abbey Clancy: a few more days till you're back in my arms my darling robot that's it baby i love you love you too love you guys bye guys