Peter and Abbey Talk Long Distance Delusions, Comfort Knickers and The Return of Shabba!

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2:23car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply. How are you doing? I'm good. You're just radiant. Shut up. I've got a nice little note in my bag. Oh, that's cute. That's really cute. I'd have preferred an X-rated snap, to be honest.

2:45God, behave yourself. How teabag you in a minute? I hope so. I'm so joking. No, um. Ugh. Maybe it feels sick. Hello, and welcome to the Therapy Crouch. Ask me anything with me, Abbey Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Got Gaz here. And me, Gaz. Hey. How are we, guys? All good. He was? Hey. You got that one, didn't he? Gaz did it. Oh, does he do it? He's gone all LA, hasn't he? He's gone all LA. Pure LA. Yeah. I'm so LA. I think you are one of those people, Gaz. If you spent like a month in LA, you'd come back with a twang. you know a bit like Harry Styles like Harry Styles or something should we be like yeah let's do that when I come back in a couple of months or whatever let's see how I've fair I just chopped little words in like sidewalk or something like that like a barf Pete's been up barfing all night I have been barfing um how have you guys been really good how are you doing you look radiant oh shut up what you do I don't I don't but thanks I um you do I'm just glad to have you back even though it is only for a short space of time short amount of time but you have got you have interfered at my routine oh well as you keep mentioning to me yeah like every time like this is not how we do things now and all that like as if I'm an outsider I'll show you yeah because you've just come in I messed everything up.

4:21I messed everything up. Because it's taken me a couple of weeks to get, you know, things in order. And I'm balsing it up. Pete's screaming at me. The kids have got, didn't get all the spelling tests right. And I'm like, Pete gets the spelling tests sent to his phone and didn't send them to me. So, not my fault. Ah, okay. Just goes to pot the spelling or something. In the doghouse. No, it's all good. i've had i had a bit of a howler myself this side i um hopefully i can share this on the pod before coming out i said to my missus i was like i'm gonna be gone for two months is there anything of yours i can take with me just to have as a comfort thing and she gave me a couple of pairs of her pants and i forgot i had them i forgot i had them and then we have the housekeepers come in and clean and they tidied my whole room but left nicely folded these like women's underwear just in the middle of the bed as if to say like we know no way did you get my little note that I left you in your wash bag by the way I sent you a picture of it you didn't I said thank you I didn't see that yeah I said thanks I don't think you did I got a nice little note in my bag that's cute that's really cute you definitely didn't mention it I'd have preferred an x-ray it's like a nap to be honest oh Peter God behave yourself it was a nice little note it's a nice thing when you take that out.

5:50It was nice. It's a nice gesture, that babe. Yeah. Well done. I'm going to ask you some stuff and you're going to answer them. No, I want to hear more about... Oh, about Gazz's knickers. So what did you do with these knickers? Did you put them on? I don't know what to do with them. I put them on the bedside table and I don't know where to keep them. You've definitely tried them on. I'm actually that secret... Yeah, I've had a little... You've had a little go. The crustacean. You had a little go with them. Yeah, no, I don't know. Yeah, no, it's great. You know, it was a nice gesture. I like them.

6:23I just don't know what to do now. I don't know where to put them. Any tips? Any ideas? Thoughts on that, babe? On your head? Don't on your head? Sleepy. Sleepy. So silly. So silly. Right, I'm going to get into it, right? Ask me anything. Shut up. Paige has asked her. Hi, Abby, Pete and Gaz. I like that name, Paige. Do you? Yeah. It's quite American. Mmm. It's nice. I absolutely love the pod. It never fails to make me laugh. I tell people about this podcast all the time. Oh, that's nice. I recently watched an episode where you said you need to try coconut milk with the iced coffee. Oh, yeah. And it tastes like a nice biscuit.

7:05Uh-huh. I totally get your coconut milk with coffee. It really tastes like you're eating one of those biscuits. You need to try a coconut mocha. it's incredible never stop this podcast I will be bored for life if you do what's the difference coconut mocha compared to what's the difference is that got choccy in it mocha I guess so so is that like a bounty bar basically is that what that would taste like chocolate I just don't know when coffee became so pretentious this is I just don't understand it like even even the even the you can't even call it medium or large has to be like venti or something or grande like even that's busy isn't it like just shut up just call it like medium I'll just say cappuccino keep it simple you know if you went in there like to one of these coffee but you'd give me the ick and you asked for a flat white but that's what I'm saying like what even is that it's so hard to not give people the ick because you're like you don't go in there and say like a medium coffee do you know it has to be like no but I I have discovered a new drink which is unreal an iced mint tea what so it's just a mint tea bag I've had it fresh and I've had the tea bag and I prefer the tea bag I just like you saying tea bag iced mint tea just like a fucking challenge you said tea bag three times I've enjoyed it

8:34I'll tea bag you in a minute I hope so no make me feel sick just give me a shudder yeah no so it's just a mint tea bag with iced water and in like a takeaway cup with a straw unreal that sounds bizarre it's so refreshing really yeah yeah I don't know there's so many options now isn't there I'm not a matcha girl this matcha's like taking over the world isn't it and you're not a matcha man yeah matcha man matcha man matcha man it's not for me the kids love it they don't they the kids love I love matcha and fricking acai bowls and poke bowls. I'm like, give me instant coffee and a roast dinner any day.

9:22I totally agree. The game's gone. The game has gone. So, I mean, they're basically saying you've got to try this coconut milk with coffee. Yeah, I'll try it. Coconut mocha. Sounds good. We'll give it a go. Yeah. Let's get you one for next week and then get you a review. See what it's like. Okay, this one's from Jane. It says, hi team, saw your recent ep about long distance struggles and I had to write in about me having the reverse problem. Basically, my boyfriend loves calling us long distance. Fuck knows why. No one's interested to begin with. Anytime we meet new people, it's like he has to blurt it out, some sort of sympathy.

10:01For context, he lives in Leeds and I live in Manchester. He bangs on about it. That's not that far, is it? He bangs on about it like he's stationed in Afghanistan. and deserves a medal for making bi-monthly trip across the Pennines. Every time he arrives, literally about an hour and a half after finishing work, he says, that journey's killed me. After sitting on one train eating at Greg's and necking a can. He doesn't ever seem to have the same issue when travelling all over Europe on snag dudes and lads trips. Thanks for always keeping me sane through the madness, Jane. Oh. So, that's funny, that one, you know, when you have a tired off as well, when you both get home from a different day at work I'm so tired I'm so tired someone has to win it's bad that we do that we had a bit of a long distance relationship at the start would you say you lived in Olderly Edge and I lived in Liverpool until you text me how far is that for people you don't know 40 minutes 45 minutes we used to go over that viaduct It's long enough.

11:08The viaduct, yeah. Do you remember that viaduct? Do you remember that, yeah. Every day, every... There was a place... What is a viaduct? It's like a bridge, is it? Yeah. We just call it the viaduct. I think it would just make us laugh. Probably not a viaduct. What is a viaduct? I don't really know a difference between a viaduct and a bridge. Me neither. I don't care. I don't care either.

11:34Yeah, that's funny. He's basically going, and oh God journeys killed me I know but it does get relentless doesn't it journeys I think the way there is okay it's just the way back isn't it way back to the ball lake I don't mind travel in general especially trains I quite like trains no I don't no I do I'd like a train that's not in London like an empty train going through like the countryside yeah well I imagine that is quite a nice train leads to Manchester Hi Pete, Abby and Gaz. I love the podcast and I've been desperately trying to catch up on all the previous episodes. I've attached a couple of pictures of my ugly cat, Midnight.

12:15I was wondering if you've ever come across any ugly animals that you consider any of them to keep as pets. Let's see them. Let's have a look. Midnight wasn't always as ugly as this and was actually quite cute as a kitten. She's also lost her teeth as well but she's only about six years old. We think she looks like a cross between the Grinch, Yoda and Cardi P. What are your thoughts? On another note, I would like... No, not you, the actual Cardi P. Oh, really? On another note, I would like to extend my invitation to host a roadshow podcast from our dairy farm. We have a big holiday let on the farm for Pete and Abby and family and I'm sure the kids would love looking around the farm and seeing all the animals being fed and the cows being milked.

13:03imagine a podcast on a farm and the noise of the animals in the background cheers Michael Barrett he's cute that's your dream isn't it Ab's living on a farm you love the vibe of that that is a cute little cat oh look at that thing look at the nose on that so our little our little Bambi is he's so cute but he has got a little tinge of the ugly brush it's so ugly it's cute isn't it yeah it's lovely that is a mad mad looking thing it looks like a wise old man but it's six years old it looks old doesn't it like wrinkly yeah he looks like an old man god it's lost its teeth is that normal for cats to just lose teeth I've never heard of that really it's very human like have you seen any ugly animals it does have the grinch it's the ugliest animal you've seen

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15:275.11 You're going to say I'm looking at it No, no Bambi's a little bit ugly Our dog Do you think? Yeah, I do It's got a funny little face But he's gorgeous But he's not like No, Geoffrey's a handsome boy, isn't he? Like Bambi's a little bit Squished and Little underbite going on but I don't think animals are that ugly really I don't know our little kittens are just absolutely gorgeous they've never seen anything as beautiful they are they're so small they haven't even opened their eyes yet Gaz have they not? I was going to say have you put a picture of them up yet? have we seen them yet? no I don't know if you have have you?

16:11no I will though I will yeah I'd love to see them they haven't even opened their eyes? no they're like they're brand spanking new they're like 10 days old they're not it's like your chicks as well are the ones you incubated. You just love birthing animals. Yeah. I just like anything baby. Don't I? Oh, sick in that regard. Pete, you love them. You've been holding them. And it was so cute because Paolo, my friend, he was the one who introduced me to Animal Rescue Algarve. And he came round to the house and with his wife and with two kittens that he was fostering who were a couple of weeks older than ours but they didn't have a mummy so it was like could you just bottle feed our kittens so a little tiny bottle of milk it could just feed these little tiny kittens just wrapped up in a blanket and i was feeding them it's just what was it like pete yeah it was nice just magical you love it you loved it didn't you i did enjoy it but i don't know i ever tended you to say animal i enjoyed it i don't i don't love it i i like animals i'm not like a you pete when we went there pete wanted to wanted to take this little deaf dog home dignus he was absolutely gorgeous and then this other horrible bastard of a person just left their dog so they they've had this pet golden retriever for 13 years so she was an old girl and they said oh we're moving we're leaving portugal now so just dumped the dog uh just dumped her at the animal rescue center and this is a dog who's been a family pet and has been there the whole time and Sid the owner was telling us a story of Pete's at the corner tears crying his eyes out I was crying and just this beautiful girl like is probably so confused doesn't know where she is what why she's been dumped where her mom is a human mom and dad I just think oh my god it was so horrible isn't it Some cool stories there, yeah.

18:13I would take all of them if I could. But I think... Oh, bless you. Yeah. There's loads of dogs that need a dog and cats and everything that needs homes there. So you should look it up. Animal Rescue Algarve. I know that's Sam plugging it, but if you want a beautiful little dog... I'm worried about your digs now because there's going to be more animals than humans. And I feel like being outnumbered is kind of creepy. it's a bit yeah being outnumbered is a bit unnerving try being outnumbered by children that's even creepier

18:49it's it's because I was speaking to Kaz about this it's like you know if she if Luca does something wrong she's kind of and she'll say to him like don't do this and blah blah blah he'll do what he's told when mine all gang up on me because there's a group of them you know it's harder because they all get confidence from each other and just go, shut up, mum. Yeah. We need to bring that right back in. Uh-huh. Hi, Pete Avangaz. I've just discovered a nick with my boyfriend. I just finished giving him a head when he shouted at the top of his lungs, Shabba, and asked Alexa to play Mr. Bombastic. That's bullshit.

19:31How did... He's saying, it's just a moment. That's absolutely bullshit. Listen, how did you get sent this by 10 people? Hundreds. So it's a gag then? Literally. No, it was like a screen grab of like an ick for the pod that somehow everyone's found and is like sharing it. It's like, have you seen this? Have you seen this? Okay. Is that it? That was literally it. Is that it justified? Absolutely. Someone's having a giraffe there. Number one, Mr. Bombastic. I don't get it. I don't get it. Is that where the genesis of Shabba comes from? was it Shabba yeah I don't know where it comes from because I've obviously joined the show a bit later in the life cycle so is that where it all came from Mr Bombastic Bombastic sounds right doesn't it Shabba Mr Bombastic is that Shabba is it Shabba yeah but he does say Shabba doesn't he yeah I wonder why he says Shabba if his name's Shabba Shabba just Shabba ranks in it I don't know I don't know where did Shabba come from then where did because you guys have It kind of just happened, didn't it?

20:42It's just a noise you make when one puts one's finger up someone's arse. Shab is a word, isn't it? It's like that, do the thing and make a noise. Like, I'm going to do an action and you make the noise that I make. You're too slow. You can't do it. Have you seen that? No. That's a great game. No, but I love it. You make like a face and I'll make a noise. Okay, do it again.

21:13oh my god go on abs do one more face you do abs you have to see the face you have to see the face first and then get the noise do it at the same time I'll do it first then I'll do it again

21:39it's so dainty it's quite a fun game actually you do another quite enjoy that you do a face you've done the same face you can't pull faces I'm not very good at faces your face doesn't work yeah my face doesn't work yeah that's true have you ever tried doing that one where you try and say something without making a noise you say a sentence like hello my name is Peter Crouch but then Abby will say it on your behalf try and say Coca-Cola without moving without your lips touching is that a thing Coca-Cola I feel like I'm right with you in the room Coca-Cola I just say it normally no I just say it normally your lips don't touch anyway I just love I just love making people go Coca-Cola but if you just say it now Coca-Cola Coca-Cola why are you doing that Coca-Cola what do you mean doing that I wasn't doing that oh here's one for you on this alright pair of you okay I want you to look look down at your cameras can you try and laugh with a straight face you can't smile try and burst out laughing now without smiling you did a little smile like proper like like try and belly laugh that's pretty good we are fucking losing the plumber Okay, I have a question for Abby.

23:04I'm also Scouse and I lived down here south for 18 years at first, Gillespie Road, then Highbury Fields, now on the outskirts of London. Always love living around football grounds, making me feel at home. So when I go home, people call me a diet Scouse. Call her what? When I go home, people call me. Home? When I go home? When you go home. That's what I said. When I go home. he does say a few scouse words did I actually say that whom whom my question is for Abbie how to validate our scouse Irish culture I'm so proud but I feel offended when I go home people down south think I sound scouse but when I'm home they can hear that I don't live there and say I'm not scouse anymore how do you deal with this I genuinely don't care what people think down here but when I go home I'm proud of my culture definitely not a wall and it feels even more insulting that they can hear I Live Down South working away and listening on the end of my shift early in the morning love you all Abs, such a queen much love Alice Queen slow see when I go back to Liverpool everyone's like oh god who do you think you are you're so posh now but here in London people think I'm literally commoners mock scouts as they come but funny thing happened to me the other day I went food shopping the other day and the guy on the till said oh my god you sound exactly like Paddy the baddie Paddy the baddie and he was obsessed with Liverpool and he had all LFC he went I've been to Liverpool I'm an LFC fan and he had all tattoos he was like you sound exactly the same as bloody Paddy the baddie I'm not as Scouse as him am I?

25:04Paddy Bingley I don't know yeah that's just a Scouse is there levels of Scouse? there are levels of Scouse definitely if you're from North Liverpool you're more Scouse I'm from South so if you compare me to like Jamie Carragher yeah it's a different accent so are you accepted amongst Scouses? I'm assuming you are because you're Scouses they come right? am I accepted? amongst my own people. They do think you're a bit of a knob, don't they? She's saying what she left and went to London. She's saying she's kind of been like cut out. No, I think when you move away like that, yeah. I don't think people, I think, you know, Pete's not even Scouse in his Scouse.

25:45Liverpool people have taken him in, adopted him as one of our own. I think there's very much a strong sense of community in Liverpool and, you know, Scousers stick together, I'd say. But I don't want to sound like Paddy the Baddy. He's so Scous. Nothing wrong with that? No, there's nothing wrong with that, but he's also a boy. But yeah, it's a bit strange that he's a man. He's really sad. Right. It's bedtime for you. I'm going to get my little sick baby to bed. Yeah. All right, well, thanks for listening. Guys, we'll see you soon. Are you excited to see me? See you soon, guys. No. Yeah, I'm buzzing.

26:28I'll lay out a big day. We can all go out and about. I'm actually buzzing. I'm totally serious here. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. So here's to a good one, guys. Yeah, and I'll take your shopping. Let's sign off with a little... And just so you know, I'm not paying for this makeover. You're going to pay for it yourself. Oh, no, of course. Yeah, of course. All right. So in that case, let's go to Primark. Zara. nothing wrong with Primark and Zara honey nothing wrong with Primark and Zara although yeah I'm more of a what am I a Reese boy Pete do you ever wear a Reese before we started off yeah I like Reese I do like it yeah do you have a favourite one have you ever shopped in Massimo Dutti Gaz I love the way you say it Massimo Dutti I don't know how to print it yeah it's nice in there it's so nice it's lovely oh my god there's some amazing things isn't there like for that classic kind of linen lovely shirt a lot of suede jackets and I think that could be a good place to start that could be a bit of you guys okay let's go there yeah my pretty woman okay sister I got you bye son cheers and yeah we'll catch you all next time good bye Coca-Cola

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