Peter Crouch: I Hit A 10-Year-Old In The Face… And She Still Has Nightmares

0:00He doesn't see why I want him to tidy up his backside. You shave your crack? How do you do that? I don't know what was worse. Shaving my crack or trying to... What? That's gross. Remember guys, if you're really enjoying this top quality content that we're producing, hit subscribe. It helps. Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch. Ask me anything with me, Abbey Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Hey guys, how we doing? Great. Really good, yeah. Love it. You're glowing to be fair. You look really well. Really? Yeah, I think you look good. Oh, I'm getting my spray tan later. Oh, okay. So.

0:40Have you been doing the ARB just on the face and hands still? Just 10 layers of slap. I haven't hit that for ages. Till bronze. It just rubs off on me. Till the night. I wake up in the morning like glowing. Abs wide as a ghost. But no, I've been good. I've had a healthy week. I've been to the gym every day. How's the horse riding going? Horse riding's great. yeah you're back in the saddle yeah back in the saddle so that's good this is the only day i haven't been in the gym today oh well done so i've been playing a bit more paddle i so have you are you i'm all over it yeah yeah i feel like a bit of a twat saying paddle yeah the devil don't know why it's like it's a bit knobby yeah oh big time but i love it yeah yeah i am a knob you know your feet you're playing paddle aren't you it's one of them i don't know what it is it is it is i feel it's I think it's people that cycle and go for green juices on a Saturday.

1:33It's a lifestyle choice, Peter. It's not a game, it's a lifestyle choice. I'm going to do some lessons when I go away for half ten. You should. It's so good. It's so fun. It is good. Yeah, I'm going to. It's a really good game, actually. And it's really social and quick. You get good at it very quick as well. Like, tennis is such a long thing. You get kind of good at it, but I feel like with paddle, you're kind of accelerated because it's a different type of game. Yeah, definitely. And I do like a little half seven club. Yeah, AM. AM. Go ahead, Pete. So we get up super early and we bang it out.

2:01We do an hour and a half. Yeah. Nine o 'clock, ready to attack the day. And it's a really nice way to start the day. So you fucked the swim squad out. No, I was doing the swim squad. You're still in the swim squad. Yeah, I'm going to go swimming in a minute. Actually, yeah. Afternoon swims. Like, hey. Yeah. I like that. That's good. I like that. Active. Yeah. Love it. Good start of the year. Wow, you know. Hey, winter. It's great, isn't it? Well, we didn't do dry Jan, so we're starting now. Yeah, dab Jan. Yeah. And summer's coming. Getting ready. be the best version of myself by summer. Yeah. That's good to ask you, so.

2:32Yeah, why not? Okay, shall we get into it? Let's go, let's go. Hi guys, started listening to you in the summer and I've already caught up on all your pods. Absolutely love them. Straight to the point here, here's my agony abs. My husband and I opened a gym about a year and a half ago. I helped him build it, brainstormed it with him every night and would like to think I've been part of it from day one. Despite the fact I kept my job until the business was making enough money to pay us both. Six months ago, we hit that milestone and I started full-time doing the admin and class planning for the gym.

3:06We co-owned the company and I'm there the same hours as he is, but members always refer to it as his gym and often reference him being my boss. It's driving me insane. I didn't quit my job, put my house online for no reason. I'm fully invested, literally, in the business. I've tried to get more front of house changing nothing. We even did an announcement video back in summer to say I was a co-owner. Announcement video. Co-owner doesn't sound as good though as boss, does it? No, does it help? No. You know, you don't have the... Yeah. It feels pathetic that I'm bothered, but I'm almost finding it deflating when I get comments like, you must be the best boss to me.

3:51Or, I love your husband's gym. That's the blow, isn't it? and how lucky are you that you can work for him I've told him it bothers me and he gets me completely it was actually his idea to write in for advice because it's so awkward to correct people on the spot any ideas how I can make it any clearer to everyone that I don't just sit in the office twiddling my thumbs every day love you guys and can everyone subscribe so we can see Ross please yeah it's Becca from Liverpool let's give it a Becca name badge but I have this at home the boss I've said it before on Christmas day when the kids are like, thanks dad.

4:26And dad's got no clue about what any of the presents that the kids got. Yeah. Had no clue that I've been up in the loft wrapping them for the past six months. And it's like, thanks dad. And never like, thanks mum or even Santa for that matter. Class. I don't dissuade it. I understand it. What did I get you again? What did you get you again? Not a problem. So I understand where she's coming from there. but also obviously on Christmas Day I can't say I actually got you these I got you these and dad had nothing to do with it because obviously they all still believe I think she just needs to get a t-shirt saying I am the boss I think so definitely or the mug world's best boss you know the yeah or just put him in the office for a while yeah you know what I mean stay out there I'll deal with all this but maybe that's her forte and his is the training side of it do you want him doing the spreadsheets and balls and it all up that's the payoff but then you can be the boss woman and sack him no I reckon he just needs to go round the place calling her boss yeah do you want a cup of tea boss but then does that sound a bit like phony a bit not phony but like you know you'd say that as a joke to someone wouldn't you yes boss okay boss yeah like all men say that yeah she's the boss yeah yeah yeah it's kind of like insincere yeah because they don't mean it yeah so I think a t-shirt or a cup or a name badge has got to be the right owner gym owner yeah Jim owner.

5:55Becca, 34, Jim owner. There's your Tinder profile. Get it on your LinkedIn. Not co. There's no co about that. Owner. Yeah, agreed. Look at me. I am the captain now. She just needs to drop the co. Drop the co. Drop the co. Get rid of it. Owner. Yeah. Big daddy Becca. Founder. CEO. Go on, Becca. There's loads of stuff you can call yourself. yeah he I reckon put on his badge come owner and you owner exactly and I'd blow it up on pictures all around the gym you know like those massive things they have sometimes where like employee of the day like at Macaday's yeah she's got her arms bolded like that owner all over it employee of the week is owner Becky yeah but that kills him to be fair he's like it's his gym as well it is but when in Becca's corner yeah but he doesn't because he's not feeling that way yeah he's yeah he's you know it's just like automatically he's the owner and she's the she could do a newsletter circling that newsletter you just need you need to have owner written everywhere I think yeah on the mailing list it should just be a picture of her of owner Becky the owner has got a little words of wisdom this week just across the tits owner when I was at Tottenham in the youth team Alan Sugar was the owner of the football club yeah and we got an email for her I think when he got his Lord status oh yeah it was there was a memo to all the staff around saying if you see me can you refer to me as Lord Sugar and if you see my wife anywhere around the training ground it's Lady Sugar yes my lord I'd love to be called Lady Sugar what a little memo that is everyone I was in the youth team yeah but it's a big it's a big deal becoming a lord so if I was if I was named a lady or a lord power move that I would want to be referred to as lady 100 % and also if I was a doctor and stuff like that 100 % yeah just on your passport and all that it's like doctor like because you can yeah because you can definitely because you can because you worked hard yeah exactly it's yeah 100 % you've earned that title 100 % or I was just going back to she could like fake fire him they could have a row in there and she could fake fire him that's a great job and just be like listen I own this place you get out do you know what I mean and then she could go viral if you do something like that it could go like film it put it on your Instagram go viral get more people in the gym exactly that's the best idea that is the one yeah bingo girl power girl power he's got to play along with that yeah yeah big time he's got to really love better he's like a slap like a cat slater slap as well get in the back get out of my gym yeah exactly cat slater cat slater him that's brilliant good idea hi pete abby and no longer tutor bob ross slightly growing out long time listener here from the very start I look forward to every Tuesday and every Thursday you make my commute to work more bearable thank you here's my dilemma I would love yours and the expert's advice she's going to say the ex after a long gruelling journey through IVF me and my husband are so happy to say I'm 20 weeks pregnant first trimester I was so poorly couldn't stand the sight of my husband who took it all in his stride and was amazing as ever.

9:20The second trimester, feeling so much better, energy is back, no sickness, and my sex drive. I have tried countless times to initiate the bonk beats of my husband, but we're just not on the same sexual plane. The other night I snapped. I asked him what the matter was. He admitted he was worried about having sex in case of hurting me or the baby. As lovely and thoughtful as this, I fear, this is throwing a spanner in the works, making me feel rejected and self-conscious. I've tried reassuring him and hoping that from your experience and expert's advice, you can reassure me and give you some tips over this.

9:58Keep doing what you're doing. Well, I think she's calling you the expert. Well, I'm no expert. God, I couldn't think of anything worse. I felt the complete opposite. I was fine. I didn't have an issue with the baby. I'll put it back to the same, no problem. Oh, I don't know. I think you've just not got, you've just got to not think about it like that because. It's a strange environment that. I think it's a tricky one and there's no right or wrong answer. I think in that moment, you just have to go with the flow and go with how you feel. And there's no right or wrong. I see it from both sides. Cause I'm quite like the idea of that for me is really off putting as well.

10:37Like, even though my partner's not pregnant, like some people are like, if you just want to put pregnant, like watching pregnant people have sex, that'd tear me off if anything. So it's like, it is i don't know why i don't think it's anything to do with the woman and how she looks i just think it's almost like i don't know i felt as if it was almost like the babies in the room yeah yeah do you know what i mean yeah that's what i was thinking a bit like but that's just me i'm a prude and i'm very sentimental so i don't know but if you know it does change women's hormones and some women do get like overly is that i think yeah it's just the hormones yeah it's just mess up with the hormones fucking hell class

11:21babe we're having a baby

11:28is it right that some people say if you do that like towards the end of the pregnancy you can help induce the baby as well why do you keep asking me all this you want to fuck I have four kids who else I'm going to ask him am I well they do they say don't they eat a curry have a have a S-H-A-G men definitely have ended that yeah So we're going to have a curry and a shag and the baby will come out fine, baby. Probably the footies on as well. It's like the crowd noise really helps. The crowd noise really gets them going. These are going for this. Can you believe it?

11:58A spicy curry. Sex. You might as well say match the day. Back of the net. Gross. No, I think he needs to, I think she needs to see it from his point of view when he needs to see it from hers. But, you know, with most couples, that's not really an easy task, seeing it from each other's side. She's hormonal or whatever, you know, wants him. And from his point of view, it is awkward. It's strange, isn't it? Yeah. Especially first one. The face baby as well. You feel so precious, you know, what's growing inside of you. You don't want to mess anything up, do you? Especially if you've had IVF as well, you're more cautious.

12:41and you can do other bits than full blown I would imagine do you know what I mean? there's stuff you can do yeah, bits, do bits like what? what do you mean, like what? get your gob on no, shit

13:00I'd rather die this helps induce the baby love good blood love I've been reading the baby books let's move on for God's sake so this seems like a great place to pause and hear from our sponsors and if you're enjoying the pod please hit that subscribe button now because it really really helps us

13:21okay hi there i wanted to send you a message that i'm a massive fan my boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for now for about three years i'm separated six years he's a widower seven years when i talked to him about peter and abby i tell him uh you are my best friends My question is, we don't know what label to put on ourselves because he's 50 and I'm almost 50. Do we call ourselves girlfriend and boyfriend partners? Lovers, friends with benefits or what? I'm happy to call him my boyfriend. He thinks we're too old for this. He also told me he will never marry again. I probably would as we have nine kids between us.

14:02me five from my marriage him four from his the youngest being ten he does not see us living together for at least ten years all of these things cause a lot of questions in our relationship but we're getting through things at the moment yeah I think boyfriend is at 50s too much it's like miss but that's like you getting a girlfriend now at your age so have you met someone else now I think in my head I still feel like I'm 25. Bit of scared. But would you say you would refer to this as my girlfriend? I don't know when that age is, but it does become partner, I think. And I think for the duration of how long you're together as well, like, you know, if you're meeting someone on your court, maybe girlfriend, but if you're like five, ten years, you've got collective kids and stuff, that's a bit more like a partner, I would say.

14:52Yeah. And I can see why he doesn't want to get married again if he's a widower as well. Especially for me, you make a vow to get married once. and that's it and I think even if I split up I would never get married again and I think that's fine and I don't think that deflects at all on how strong the relationship is yeah definitely I don't think that's a thing but I also think the not we can't move in together for 10 years that seems like a bit of a stretch doesn't it 10 years even if you're not married like still you can be living with them can't you well that's normally the best part and also why 10 years if the kid's 10 surely by the time they're like 16, 17 they'll start going on give you a bit of space 20 in 10 years she's going to be 60 in 10 years she'll be coming back from uni she'll be moving back in well 10 years feels like he's saying till the baby's gone yeah do you know what I mean and say if he is grieving whatever you know he doesn't want a replacement for the mum I hate a long time do you know what I mean and then once they leave you can come yeah but I mean by the time she's 20 she'll be coming back do you know what I mean you come back to uni 21 but that's a tough one we don't know whose side this baby's on kids are the most important right and I think you have to respect if you love them you respect they're putting them first yeah and then once they've gone you can be together I think she needs to talk to him and tell her tell him how she feels and just say I'm not really happy with this why the 10 year thing yeah number one I think that's the main issue here not the marriage not the name not the label either not the label not the marriage but she did say they're working through it and they're getting better so good luck good luck hi guys bum fluff etiquette the BFE I have a long-term boyfriend.

16:29He's pretty hairless, minimal chest hair, standard arm and leg. When he turns around, my goodness, the dense forest in the crack. I joke that has his own ecosystem. Although the only time I see it is when he showers. I feel like I'm a painful laser session where I'm holding my cheeks apart, recoiling while a stranger is stamping the laser machine on my arse crack. It's not reciprocated. I prefer myself with a hairless downstairs it's his preference too he doesn't see why I want him to tidy up his backside we waxed our John's bum once oh John's got the hairiest arse I've ever seen him in life it's like he's got a feather bower down his crack it is it's a really hairy she gets the bick on that you know she does bick stuff pretty much every day but his bum cheeks and the inside of the crack he's like a bloody monkey but that's going to grow back if you bick it it's going to grow back like teen wolf yeah she does it every day every day every day because he has to shave every day because of his beard and he just goes yeah can you do me that's what he told me she bicks his arse pretty much every day just like pyjamas teeth bick me and RL what a night time routine me and RL right tick bend over you can bend over whilst doing his teeth me and RL pinned our John down once and put all the wax strips off and we were laughing so much I remember you did that I remember I've got a video of it actually laughing so much pulling it and he was covered in blood yeah because we couldn't we couldn't pull it off properly because we were laughing so much it was like half on half off and he had like he was burnt bruised blood everywhere like the scene from the Fortran page where he's got blood seeping through his shirt but I don't like a hairy crack it's not ideal is it it's not for me what do you do with yours Pete?

18:18no I've got a bit of a hairy crack do you maintain it? no yeah a little bit try to you crack? yeah With an electric shave or do you get it waxed? No, I just shave it off. You shave your crack? I've never shaved my crack. How do you do that? My hands are completely untouched. Well, I have a... Yeah, like when you put up your nose. But what position are you in to do that? Well, it's not... Between legs. Looking in the mirror. Oh, God. Legging my legs around my ears.

18:51That's gross. Imagine walking in there on that. What are you doing, Pete? trying to suck myself off I don't know what was worse shaving my crack while trying to suck myself or trying to what? suck myself off what? oh god we've all been there I don't shave my crack thank you I don't have a hairy crack girls don't do they? I don't know I've not seen one not yet so what was the end of her message did she have anything to ask that was a good point what do you think should men keep BFE even if it doesn't come out to play when she was referring to bum fluff I thought she meant about a like a teenage tash no she means literal bum fluff bum fluff bum rough but although a hairy bum doesn't offend me as much as a hairy back like I've nearly projectile vomited in a swimming pool once when this man was in there with a big hairy back yeah I've seen them it's just repulsive and it should be illegal in my opinion it's just gross yeah but with obviously I haven't got a hairy back I'm not very hairy really at all but if you have got a hairy back you can't really see it can you it's not on your job well how do you see how do you know you've got a hairy crack then and how do you see that because you look at your ass crack when you wipe your bum don't you yeah what do you mean look at your well I see what I'm doing can you see your bum crack can I I can't see mine do you mean you can't just look over like that what anyway because your bum's so fucking big yeah yeah literally like that oh say that yeah I think I think I think a man should be manscaped in this day and age I do I do and also long underarm hair that's like five inches long just knocks me sick really yeah I've been guilty of that you've told me a few times yes you have and it's pin straight there's sweat sticks in it as well pin straight and like pin straight that long I only notice it when I go on holiday yeah and the other one is the hairy nips the nickels do you get hairy nips well not I only get like two really long hairs yeah like spider's legs yeah and I'm like oh fuck they've got to go and I'm like it's only on holiday how he's plucking them on the beach you don't think about it and then you go on holiday you go oh god you're on holiday and you go oh fucking hell you sat next to Steve Sidwell like a baby otter you're like that with your hairy lips otters are hairy Steve show us your ass crack will you settle the bait I don't think Sid's ass got a hairy ass crack no he definitely has he's got one hair on his body he's got the feet all over he's like a dolphin he is like a dolphin and I've seen him I've seen him more or less naked how?

21:45on the beach oh yeah I've seen every inch of his body nearly and there's not one hair I can't imagine him having a hairy bum. No, he won't have. No, he's totally, he's got no hair. Because he doesn't have a beard either, does he? No. Has he got eyebrows? What's your thing he's doing? Yeah, yeah. He's got ginger hair on his head as well. He's got, I know he's got hair on his head, but I don't know if he's got eyebrows. Yes, he has. Yes, he has. Some people have no eyebrows. You wouldn't notice if he had no eyebrows. Baby Jack's got no eyebrows. Hasn't he? No. Oh, Baby Jack. And when he was born, the kids were like, why has he got no eyebrows?

22:12Lex Luthor. No, I think she's, you know, just get rid of it it's offending you as well definitely get rid oh yeah just get the when he's a kid just put a wax strip on him if you're that bothered by you well she could just pay for him to go and get it waxed when you were saying get rid did you mean of the fella or of the arse no of the arse oh I know a guy who goes to a place like this sounds odd and gets defluffed they get the everything done the back sack and track track the it crack. The earlobes, the nose. The earlobes? Mm. They get everything gone. Okay. Firstly, I must say you guys are a breath of fresh air.

22:57Abby, could you give me your thoughts on the following? My family and I are avid Chelsea fans and have been going for many years, going back to the 2011-12 season. As a family, we're at Stamford Bridge sitting in our seats in the shed end when a ball screamed over the bar of the goal in front of us as the ball hit my 10-year-old daughter square in the face. The player who did this came over to us half-heartedly and said sorry. Ever since then, my daughter has nightmares when she sees his face. Is it you? The player was a certain Peter.

23:32You picked the 10-year-old girl. Ask if he still remembers this moment. Probably not, but my daughter does. Actually, Peter did come and say sorry and asked if she was okay. I did say to her I told you he couldn't hit a barn door but in all but in all Peter is a top guy keep up the good work do you remember that? I've hit many a people's face have you? is that a frequent to get in? yeah it must be they have a listen you're shooting you know obviously you don't always yeah yeah yeah don't always hit the target and yeah like if someone's before the game if you're doing shooting practice quite often people aren't even watching yeah so they don't and you just think and you just see and you've pinged it and you're like oh my god that is getting and they just go you've kicked a ball in my face no that wasn't me we got it on CCTV that wasn't me that was Jay from the band it knocked me fully over did he?

24:28I was just walking mind my own business just got a full ball you had a tray of drinks Casey in my face oh Casey that's what they're called I know they are I know they are just funny oh my god unreal I've just seen someone's bubble go all over them I've seen some shockers yeah I've seen some bad ones over the years so you can't remember that isolated instance just because there's so many there has been a few over the years but I maybe that what does that say to you yeah well you need to get on you should have got on that pitch earlier and practice harder because if you're missing the target and hitting people in this face then bear in mind I am playing football at Stamford Bridge by the way for Stone can't have been that bad very good touche I love that bobshell fucking hell we were we were a very good side pat then by the way no I'm not saying you went I don't remember that I think he's telling Paul do you think you would you like to give this little girl an apology yeah I would like a heartfelt one this time because it wasn't as heartfelt last time not a half arse jobby okay yeah I would like to apologise you know I am I suppose on the TV and sometimes you you might want to watch this podcast and I don't want to give you what's it called flashbacks PTSD nightmares she said nightmares nightmares just looking at my face.

25:46I'm a nice guy and I will, I'd like to say sorry in the most heartfelt manner I possibly can. Which is a big deal for Pete to say sorry. To absolutely fucking nobody. I'd like to take this moment to apologise. To fucking nobody. Yeah. I thought that was heartfelt. That felt very heartfelt to me. Well, yeah, I tried. I felt touched. Thank you. Okay, well, there's some great questions in there. Keep them coming in because we love doing them. Yeah, we do. I think it's nice to hear that people have been I like it when they're from the diehard listeners who've been with us from the start. And I get loads of these messages and if you're listening, I do see them and thank you and I'll try and reply to as many as I can.

26:27Yeah, all right then. And don't forget, if you want to get in touch and have your question read out on our pod, please get in touch on thetherapycrouch at gmail.com. That's cool. Ask me anything. Trevor.