Pete’s “Midlife Crisis”? Tapas Alone, Snapchat Accusations and Brutal Nicknames

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0:36And 75 % less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. Now available nationwide. Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly DeKing and Wallow 267's Million Dollars Gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Nioh. Right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games. Stevie Wonder was pretty spectacular to me.

1:17I reckon the person next to him has gone to another fit girl there, mate. And he goes, oh, you've got great energy. He was always getting injured. She went for the name Tampon because he was in for a week and out for three. People don't keep tampons in for a week, by the way. Is it a couple of day thing? A day thing. We're out of our comfort zone here, mate. Street. Staggering. Staggering amount of work.

1:41Remember, guys, if you're really enjoying this top quality content that we're producing, hit subscribe. It helps. Ask me anything. Hi, guys. Welcome to the Therapy Crouch. Ask us anything. with me, Abby Clancy. And me, Peter Crouch. And we've got our Gaz today. Still in the hot seat. Hi, guys. You all right? We're good. We're good. Pete, we've got some nicknames. I really like these. Yeah, just because I love nicknames. I haven't actually read these, but we've had some crackers over the years. I was listening to your nicknames episode on the way to work. There's a really funny one. I've read it.

2:13Have you read it? Yes. As if you're reading plans now. We've got new plans. It's just like, because Gaz is with us, he does a really nice plan, doesn't he? He caught my eye. So I read it in bed while you were watching the match. Did you really? Yes. Brett flattered. Did I not catch your eye? No, you didn't. Heavy breathing with them fricking earphones on, listening to the match. No thanks. This is what you get, mate. I don't know how long you've been with your brother, but this is the kind of stuff you get. This is the standard. You're going to be on date four. No, I do. Headphones in, heavy breathing.

2:48Absolutely not. Rather die. Jetpack Joe. remember jetpack joe what a cracking cracker that was um if you if you if you can't remember jetpack joe he's quite small he's called joe and when he when he spoons his wife it's like a jetpack oh

3:09phenomenal like a little jockey i could be i should be called jetpack ab then i sometimes put you in the jetpack i quite like it when you i put your leg around me you took my leg off you last night you are like a little jet pack do you remember you took my leg off you last night sometimes you don't like my leg on you that was on the couch I do get a bit hot sometimes oh yeah I think there's plenty of couples have this fight where the lady wants it hot and the man wants I'd like the window open I think we're on the same page with that are you above sheets? do you kind of want him at least a leg out yeah yeah yeah and are you below sheets are you more like under the doobie I'm like a little pan de chocolat yeah wrapped up cocooned yeah cocooned in anyway it reminds me although I woke up with no pillow this morning and without you and Jack was in bed with me yeah to know why Jack he came in last night I let him get in the middle and he just kicked me non-stop and I was just like I'm not having this I woke up at 4am to Jack yeah like ooh oh well it reminds me of when I was playing golf during the week with my mate we got partnered with two random blokes on the third tee a short par three one of our new found friends topped the ball and fell at pin high when my mate sorry can we just decipher that for non-golf fans what does that even mean I know this one he's gonna say the old steps yeah you know this one yeah I mean that's a pretty standard is that too standard do we go next one it's a pretty standard one yeah yeah yeah Go for the next one.

4:49I don't know if you'd like that one. I think any of the golfers out there knows about the steps. Yeah, yeah. What's the steps is it? Or the sister-in-law. It's pretty inappropriate. Hi, Abby, Pete and R. Ross. I once heard... You have to say our gaz today. Hello, Gaz. I once heard a story about a fella and his nickname was... His dad's name was Ron Carney. So his mates nicknamed him Chili. Chili Ron Carney. Chili Ron Carney. Chili Ron Carney. That's actually not bad. I'd like to be called chilli. It's a cute name. I can call you it if you like. Well, like a street name, like a gang name. Yeah.

5:26You're chilli. Yeah. Chilli. Hi, gang. I have a colleague at work. We had chilli con carne last night. I love chilli con carne. I am an absolute... This is one of my favourites. The con carne. I put loads of Tabasco in it and I have rice. I have a chocolate potato and salad. Loads of Tabasco, like proper spice. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, I've never had that. Do you have the beans in it and everything? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Do it, mate. It's cracker. Game changer. I have a colleague at work who's nicknamed Snapchat because he lasts 10 seconds.

6:01That's a shocker. So you didn't have Snapchat anyway? How do you know how it works? Why do you find it so funny then? You don't even know how it works. I know how that works. You have a Snapchat and it goes away. Oh, do you now? Yeah, I do know how it works. When I was younger, a long time ago, why do you care if I've got Snapchat? You've definitely got Snapchat. I haven't got Snapchat. You asked me to be your friend the other day. Type in Snapchat and see if it's on there. I have never ever used Snapchat in my entire life. Because this guy's saying it's easy to have affairs on Snapchat. Yeah, well, there you go.

6:32Look, there's my Snapchat. Look at that. There you go. That logged in. That's Snapchat, but look, I've not even logged into it. Put a little code in, you get straight in there.

6:48I was watching Tottenham versus Palace the other day and my husband thought Solanke would be a great nickname for Pete. Solanke? Have you had that one before? Good one. It's not a good nickname. Thanks for the email. Evening Clance, Carly P and Tudor Bob. Great job on the pod. I've been meaning to let you know about a guy's nickname who I used to play rugby with. He was always getting injured so he went for the name Tampon because he was in for a week and out for three. That's disgusting. People don't keep tampons in for a week, by the way. Do you not? Don't know. You don't keep a tampon in for a week, you'd die of toxic shock syndrome.

7:32Can't even have it in for like... Is it a couple of day thing? A day thing.

7:41You don't keep just saying... Teach me about the human body. You don't keep a tampon in front of me. Peter Crouch pubs are not safe. You have to change tampons. You have to change them like every 20 minutes, hour, whatever. Blimey. That's a full on job, that. Exactly. Lucky you have so much graft. Exactly. Jesus Christ. Depends how heavy your flow is. Oh my God. you know guys it's the human body I know can't be repulsed I'm not repulsed I just do it yeah it's a lot of information it's a lot of work three staggering it's a staggering amount it is a staggering amount of work yeah yeah exactly it is wow fair play to you I'll tell you what's a staggering amount of work having a baby is worse oh yeah oh gotcha you'd rather do it wouldn't you if you didn't want to have a baby that's a staggering amount of work sorry i don't know a child is a staggering amount of works if you don't have a tampon is also not contraception pete i'm just throwing it out there you don't you stop getting your periods when you're pregnant don't you yes that's what i'm saying okay so having a baby is more work than having a period how would you know i don't know i don't have either I didn't have either exactly just to echo guys' points it seems like a lot of work it is you men don't realise why are you looking at me like that?

9:16no not at all we're really out of our comfort zone yeah yeah yeah go from nicknames too okay okay should we get we'll get into some questions quickly hi all I recently heard you talking about going to the cinema and dilemmas that follow and it got me thinking I go to the cinema on my own all the time and I feel like I'm being judged by everyone in there. It just doesn't feel socially acceptable. My question is, do you ever go to the cinema by yourself or do you think it's a slightly weird endeavour? Love the pod and please give me some film recommendations, Jenny. I have got a point. I totally get it, massively get it, going to the cinema on your own.

9:53You don't talk to anyone. You know, you watch a great film. I'd just be scared. No, I totally get it. My mate does it. And we caned him for years over it. Who? We caned him. We used to say, that's so weird. You're a serial killer. Yeah, basically. And then he explained it to me and he was like... No, it makes sense. You're not allowed to talk. You go and watch a film at home on your own. But you've got all the, you know, it's a bigger screen. It's a more immersive experience. It's not a social experience, is it? No, I suppose not. What was his reasoning for going by himself? so I really want to see the film I could be arsed waiting around see if anyone can go that's fair enough and he's like I've got nothing to do but Kaz has meals on her own Kaz will go up for like if she stays in a hotel on her own like if she's travelling or whatever I do that she'll go down to the restaurant on her own I do that I could never do that yeah but I because obviously when I was playing football when I was on my own I stayed in the Belfry for three months I know on your own and I just I had lunch and dinner on my own every night So you just get used to it and then you start really enjoying it.

11:02I used to come down when I was at Burnley. I was in hotels on Norwich alone. I'll just go out. I'll just go for dinner on my own. And just now, I just go for random, like, I went for a tapas yesterday on my own. You love a tapas. Who the fuck are you? I've got no idea who you are. You're on Snapchat. I'm not on Snapchat. You go and swim in. You go into tapas on your own. All these things you don't even mention to me. No, if you talk about it on my book, I'm actually going to dump you. Which tapas did you go to? Where I record my Peter Crouch pod, there's a tapas round the corner. And it's like on the way home.

11:33Is that the one we went to, Jan? Oh, I love it in there. Yeah, we go there all the time. I think I've been there on the way home. Yeah, exactly. So good. There you go. Who are you? Those croquetas. Off the charts, right? Yeah. Because it comes so quick, and it's quick little plates, it's like, I go to a sandwich on the way home and like eat it, you know. Or I could just quickly go in there, get a little tapas. and I'm really like because I'm on a schedule now of my eating plan and stuff another red flag for an affair I'm trying to look as good as I can for you piss off I am I want to feel good I want to look good you know I don't want to be I want to be good that's a good thing positive steps good okay next question basically I'm saying do you agree with the cinema thing I think it's fine I think it's fine I personally couldn't do it because I'm a wuss I can't do anything on my own really they call it self dating don't they you take yourself out for like a meal for a cinema like a self date you know I'd like a self date at home like I like being on my I'd like to get rid of Pete and the kids so I can you know clean up and get a bath and put my tan on and a face mask and I do think people watch some girly shite on telly I like that kind of thing but I would be too scared to go out and do that and if you call me and said i'm watching a film i'm just going to um you know to watch the everyman yeah to watch i would think that what the fuck yeah i think you would if i can't even go to mandarin stone the tile shop on my own i need someone with me at all times yeah you do i'm needy yeah they said film recos you got any records what was the one you were talking about last week it's complicated it's old though it's like 20 years old i've watched it 20 times as well but i just love it if you just want an easy watch and it's light-hearted it's great we got danny dyer coming up on the peter crutch pod oh yeah we had him on the other day and we i was just chatting to him about the business and about football factory fucking love those films they're brilliant and like it's nice to be able to talk to him about what came about and he just said about the soundtrack in the business unreal he's just like that kind of makes a film sometimes especially those types of films well dirty dancing soundtrack is phenomenal it's the songs on there that film would be not not nothing wouldn't be nothing but it's iconic because of the soundtrack and i think that's recognized as one of the biggest selling movie soundtracks of all time.

14:16Yeah, I think it's right up there. Next to Grease or something. Yeah. I've got, you know, the new firm. That's my favourite. I listen to that soundtrack a lot. The firm. Oh God, I love it. Is that your cup of tea? Yeah. Have a little listen on the way home. I will, yeah. Bang it on. It's not the old firm with Gary Oldman. It's the new firm. The new firm. Oh my God. I'll make a note. Please. Thanks mate. Please do. If you own that, honestly, you'll be you'll be coming back to me going thank you so he's listening to the fam soundtrack in between SD card you are having a midlife crisis me when I'm at a tapas browsing through Snapchat going for a swim going for a swim listening to SD card and the fam soundtrack like a baller I'm going to go for the cinema in the evening.

15:12So this seems like a great place to pause and hear from our sponsors. And if you're enjoying the pod, please hit that subscribe button now because it really, really helps us.

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16:17Okay, Abby, go on holiday with the kids again anytime soon they really struggle with the pain in their ears on the flight even when we give them earplugs it's something I've never struggled with personally is this the same with your kids and any tips? yes liberty has suffered with her ears for years she like as a baby she was like constant ear infection she had to get grommets didn't she had her adenoids out and she really suffers on the plane i think the best tip is to pop your ears but a lot some kids don't like to do it yeah and if they're really young they might not know how to do it yawning is a good one if you've got a baby I'd always give them a bottle on takeoff and landing because the swallowing the swallowing suck on a sweet chewing gum do that yawn do you know what's lucky about ours we've had four children oh you got me he's just caught that you just don't yawn when someone yawns you know it means you're a psychopath mind over matter isn't it it's just too strong you've done well there Pete yeah some resilience to the yawn there no I'm not kidding it means you're a psychopath I heard that as well yeah I've heard that it can't be proven exhibit A we've had four kids and they've not been screamers on a plane any of them no you do get a screamer don't you know when you get a screamer on a plane but I feel I feel for the parents you can't you can't it's not anyone's fault no no but I'm just saying we were just luck of the draw we were just lucky but our kids have always been really good at sleeping as well and like good in restaurants ish yeah they are they're good kids that's why yeah they are very good you always moan about them complain about them not you but us but you know we hate them but actually they're really nice no they are great aren't they they are good ones yeah they are I think you know Lib wrote a song about Bambi have you actually sang it to you?

18:16no so she's like mum I've written this song about she's got a new little dog Bambi so she i was like lib i can't believe you wrote this it's amazing she said oh i didn't write actually i just typed into chat gpt um can you write me a song about a little white fluffy dog and put it to um oh my god is it amazing yeah i saw the little and she's like like a cloud you've peered in my life and all that it's like beautiful she's singing it for me that's lovely I was quite I was disappointed that she used ChatGPT instead of writing it so yeah it's a shame I saw she drew you a picture of you on the horse I know that's cute wasn't it yeah Enzo we love you mummy I saw that beautiful little thing I saw it on the table she leaves me love letters you know those things you go like that yeah oh yeah yeah yeah she made me one of them yesterday and everything is like mum do you know how much I love you mum three things do this three times and then I get three hugs and then I get three kisses and then it's I wish I'm I'm going to be you when I'm older mummy it's just I was like crying playing the game yeah it's phenomenal it's angel isn't it Jack's doing well at the moment as well like the other the other night I put him to bed and I sometimes put a little light bit and then Ninjago on for 10-15 minutes so he can watch that right and then he said to me Dad can I watch the Champions League match no way I went what did you just say son tear rolling down your eye and he went I want the Champions League match I was like oh my god swelling up proudest moment you're going to watch you're going to watch the match without me it's not going to make me I don't have to force you to watch it he was like no I just want to I just want to watch the game he loved the Fulham match it was Barcelona and Laminio Mal was obviously one of his favourites yeah of course he wanted to watch Laminio Mal I was so buzzing who's Laminio Mal the young Barca player Spanish winger young lad all the kids love him he's I thought Southampton were, was it Southampton?

20:18Yeah. Southampton were the great side. He did all over the Fulham game, isn't he? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All over the Fulham. Number 18 was good. Yeah, they've got some good players, Southampton. I love Reid from Fulham. Harrison Reid, one of your favourites. Yeah, I just liked his style. He was tidy, wasn't he? Tidy player. Like his physical style, like the way you could see he's been doing a load of them ones. Doing the ballet. it's like his top off twists on his legs do you know what I mean thought he had a nice touch I did I liked him I like we should get a little game for you to watch and just analyse it and see who you like I thought the boys with the socks down were disrespectful I didn't like it disrespectful yeah I just thought I was like you're not playing basketball honey yeah you're playing football pull your socks up literally literally pull your socks up yeah I don't like that that shouldn't be allowed it's not the etiquette yeah definitely didn't have any I think I'm with you on that yeah kind of trivialises it ever so slightly doesn't it yeah it's just like it's too super casual yeah but it's almost like no fucks given yeah and I didn't like it yeah no I like it where you're coming from it's almost like his shoelaces are untied yeah I know what you mean and he had a baggy of shit and I was thinking tuck that in still in mom mode isn't she yeah it's just like how dare you and then they all had the shirt out okay all right well that's good yeah a little football take i like that go on but those southampton fans bloody they brought it yeah they were so loud they were buzzing for it yeah.

22:04It's good. FA Cup's a different kind of atmosphere to, you know, a Premier League game or something like that. FA Cup, there is something special about the atmosphere. They did not start singing. And they bring more fans. You know, so normally they'd be in the corner but they're the whole end because you get more fans for FA Cup games. Which is good. I love that ground. It's fabulous. It's beautiful. Okay, hi, happy pizza. Are you a Fulham fan? No, but I went, I went that same game you were working. he was there. The hospitality, unbelievable. And the river's just there behind you. How gorgeous is that when you leave?

22:31We're watching like all the rowers on the water. It's just good. But you know, they do things all week long. Yeah, my mate's got an office around the corner and he goes for lunch in that stand. The food was incredible. And also they do like roller discos for the kids and stuff like that. Really? So I was like, can you give me a list of all the things they do? And they do comedy nights there. Yeah. So they're trying to take like full advantage of using it like throughout the week. is it true you could be like a member there or something I'm not sure I'm not sure I think it's like a members club or something yeah but it's you know it sounds amazing I was watching people having cocktails like trying not to vomit in my oyster because we were so hungover like I had like mint tea and that's all like a stomach yeah but yeah well okay hi Abby and Pete lovely listening to the podcast while I revise helps me get through the exam season do we have children who want to listen to this is this okay it's beauty and stuff isn't it is this okay uni's a big part of our listener base oh yeah A levels that kind of thing A levels yeah it was all above board nothing on to ward I think basically she says who is the best celebrity you've ever met and who is a big inspiration to you it'd be great to know who you look up to and admire like we do the both of you well I look up to Peter Crouch Emily from Sussex shout out to Emily the new breed of listener the new breed well Stevie Wonder was pretty spectacular to meet him that was amazing didn't he say you had good energy he said I had great energy energy when was this it was when I was going on Jonathan Ross years ago it's another fit girl here mate and he goes you got great energy

24:30imagine that that's hysterical god we've met some incredible people in our time he did say you had great energy though didn't he what did you say back to that can you remember thanks stevie oh my god that's probably what i did say we've met loads of great people you know just being like guests on the podcast or from the podcast i did like from all different walks of life yeah doing the podcast stuff obviously like we had Rod Stewart Elton John Prince William was incredible like me and those people like being across those people have been yeah he was lovely Prince William when I met him yeah like football wise I think Les Ferdinand we had him one recently he was someone I looked up to when I was a kid and someone that helped me when I was playing football like kind of he was quite inspirational I would say Big Les yeah Big Les Sir Les I knew he had something before his name yeah that's nice you met Thomas Tuchel the other day didn't you yeah met Thomas Tuchel you thought he was really handsome shut up shut up she keeps saying it to me he's really handsome I said he's so handsome and Pete played paddle with him and come home and he went babe see what you mean yeah he's so nice he's really good looking is it his eyes or something or is it dreamy eyes is it a dream boat he's a dreamboat that's what you said he's a dreamboat I said it in private

26:03even Anthony Barry said he was gorgeous he's a good looking man was he any good at paddle yeah very good really efficient very good because he's tall is he very he doesn't come across that way on telly I don't know why oh yeah he is he's got something about him but I think you know if you're an England manager you've got to have something about you yeah we've had some interesting ones along the way haven't we? Meeting-wise, celebrity-wise, people that, you know, quite inspirational people. Yeah. Just being out and stuff, like in the wild, it's quite nice meeting people, isn't it? It's nice to be with people in the wild.

26:38Ed Sheeran's a good one. Yeah. I met Mickey Rourke, didn't I? I'm not out, that was good. What was that like? Yeah, he was like... I don't really like saying who I've met. Like a bit of a dweeb. Like a name dropper. Name dropper. Oh, you've been asked directly, to be fair. I'm keeping mine in. I'm keeping mine locked in. And I'm going to say the biggest, my idol is you. And I look up to you. No. That's nice. Because I physically do. You don't want to grass anyone up. No. Okay. Hello, Clance and Cardi P. What's the correct etiquette for using someone else's bathroom? Is it windows open, fan on, emergency escape plan?

27:14Love the pod. I presume it's obviously number two in someone's house. It's just a no. what you just don't go no i had to go in the airport the other day right and um and i went in there and there's it was only it was in the lounge there's like three toilets two uh two two two are busy and one i went in and then but it was it was a double so it was women and men in so then i heard someone and then i heard someone so then there was two women now in in i could hear them talking did you get i don't think they share toilets in the lounge yeah i think you were just in the girls no it had man and woman on it i don't cruise around women's airport toilets me dad did that me dad was me dad was in a service station service station that's what they're called don't they yeah yeah and he went he was dying for the loo so we went into the loo and obviously in service stations there's like loads there's loads of toilets in a row so my dad was washing his hands and he said a guy walked into the cubicle and walked out and went oh and my dad went i just did that meaning walked in and walked out meaning he walked in and went oh yeah and the guy thought the guy thought my dad had done the deed in the toilet yeah and and was horrified like ran away from my dad thinking he's like but if the dad's gone i've just done that and he went you dirty bastard yeah i mean dad was like no no i mean i've just kicked the door open that's amazing but yeah so yeah so what like i think that one's that That one's a dodgy one.

29:02Yeah. Bad enough, I think, if just there's a fellow weight. Imagine if there's a fellow weight and you go in and you're unloading in there. Toilet etiquette. Leave it. Window's got to be opened. No, leave it how you found it. Leave it how you found it. If it's not smelling very good, the window obviously has to be opened. I don't really like this. You can't have a skin on the back either. You need to like... No pebble dashing. You can't leave it as browns hatch. no pebbled silverstone well this feels like a beautiful place to maybe wrap up the pod don't you alright well yeah can we wrap up on that one yeah I suppose we can you know just be courteous of other people's things leave as you found it or in some some people's houses leave it better than you found it can't stand a dirty toilet says us with our cat litter trying ours at the moment.

29:59Yeah, keeps pissing in the downstairs toilet. On the floor. Yeah. Oh, fuck's sake. Yeah, so we have to put the list right in there and she just pees next to it. She's incontinent, she's dying. Oh, God. I know, it's terrible, so we let her off. But yeah, on that note, on that note. We'll both get there at some stage. We'll be incontinent and dying. Well, you work with all your swimming and you bloody... No, well, that's what I'm trying to prolong it. That's what I'm trying to prolong it. Okay, folks, keep them common. We love your questions. And yeah, We'll see you next week. See you soon. Ask me anything.

30:30Sure.

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31:18Paid for by the Coalition to Empower Our Future. Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly the King and wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Nioh right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games.