Pete’s Terrifying New Look, Sexy Halloween Nightmares & Petty Candy Scandals!

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0:43Abbey Clancy: To learn more, go to mod.com. Fill out your intake form, meet with a licensed provider, and if approved, ModAlert ships straight to your door. Go to mod.com to get started. That's M-O-D dot com

1:25Sorry guys, just get an early night while I'm dressed.

1:28Abbey Clancy: Sexy lurch. Sexy lurch.

1:34Abbey Clancy: Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch with me, Abbey Clancy. Me, Peter Crouch. Me, Gaz, I'm back. How are we guys? You alright? Do you remember this big hand from the World Cup guys? I do remember it, yeah. I was in America and you were in Portugal. I've joined you in Portugal this time. We're on half term, we are out here. We're in Lofty's studio, he's come to the rescue again. He's come to the rescue again. You're in rainy England. Oh, it's been miserable. We've had a storm all weekend. It's been diabolical. God, I know. God, all the football fans have gone out to watch the football in this weather.

2:04What football? Is it really bad?

2:06Abbey Clancy: Is it like a special football thing? It's just the Premier League. It's a Saturday and Sunday. Oh, God, why would that be your go-to, Gaz, to think of that? I saw Leeds were just playing before we started this recording, and it looked horrible up there. The ball's just going all over the place. I think it's always raining in Leeds, though, isn't it? I think it's just like there is a storm at the moment we're so lucky that it's been lovely out here what's it like in Portugal guys, what's the weather? it's very nice it's 25 degree, it's chilly every morning, chilly every evening but you know it's beautiful sunshine and it just puts you in a better mood, I think a bit of sunlight is good for the old mental health don't you?

2:48I do think that babe yeah

2:49Abbey Clancy: you just feel more positive Yeah, it's nice. Nice for the kids as well. Yeah, it's nice for the kids to be out and about. They've been in the pool, playing football, playing tennis, a bit of golf. Pete's been down the range. We've been, Sofia had a tennis tournament today, which was amazing. She lost in the final. She did well, but the girl was really good. She played number eight in Portugal, and she's an international ranked player. She was amazing. but it was very close like you know she lost on juice didn't she? Well she just the score doesn't reflect it being really close but every game was close it was hard for her but you know the girl was she's elite level so that's the level she needs to get to and she will she will Yeah I got banished Did you?

3:41Abbey Clancy: I'm not allowed to I'm not allowed to watch so I had to sit around the corner and I had to have a beer at 12 o 'clock because I was so nervous I actually thought I was going to vomit because Sophia doesn't let me go. So it's only Petey does the tournament. So I was desperate to go to this one because it was a real big deal. It's been spread over two days. So she lost 1-1-1 yesterday and then got into the final today against this girl. And yeah, I made myself, I gave myself the ick because I thought I'm just sitting here and I went to order something from the cafe and the guy was like, oh, he doesn't speak English, he speaks Portuguese, French, Italian, Spanish.

4:23Abbey Clancy: So I thought, fuck you. I'll have a little bit of French. I'll do a bit of French. When he was looking at me in disgust when I turned up with my loud scouse accent. So I ordered everything in French and he just said, I don't speak French. And I just, I nearly died. And I was building myself up for so long to do it. I didn't even Google it it just all came really just falling back what did you go for some pommes frites I ordered a pan o' chez a pan o' chez a packet cafe au lait a packet of pommes frites what's a pan o' chez a shandy oh I've never heard that a demi pan o' chez demi pan o' chez so which is a yeah half little yeah and he just said no we don't do that I was like no we don't do that love yeah so nearly died so I gave myself the ick but it was um god it's so nerve-wracking you know kind of i felt like that when you were playing to be honest like those nerves well you know you wanted to do so well don't you but um it's a weird one isn't it i bet there's loads of people out there that only one parent can go or sometimes no parents can go to the games or it's weird isn't it as i watch some people come off and the way they talk to their parents like yeah because the kids are either like crying or like angry or...

5:45Abbey Clancy: Fuming. Yeah. That's a mad situation, isn't it? Hard to deal with because there's a lot of emotion running high. It's hard to know what the best kind of approach is. Is it soft? Is it hard? Well, I got told to go away, didn't I? Yeah. Went to fear. So last night, they didn't get home till midnight from the first tournament and she woke me up to tell me she'd won and she was so excited. And then today when she didn't win, it was so close though. She, I went over to give her a hug she went not now mum not now I need a minute and then even here I walked out of the corner I just got banished I saw you for the second time I just went I saw you come over and then it just turned straight back round because she didn't want to like get involved well she's taller than me now so she could easily give you a whack give me a whack we're not quite there yet just another update guys Ab thinks I'm having a midlife crisis oh yeah what is that Pete?

6:41well I'm sporting a moustache at the moment. Look at that. I kind of did it for a little bit of fun. You said it was nice.

6:48Abbey Clancy: But you're making up this fake story. You went upstairs for a shave, which is a weekly wine, by the way, because you left all the fluff all over the sink. Manly beard hair, you mean? Yes, and I don't like that. And he also left his toothpaste in the sink with hair. And I was just like, this is repulsive. So you're placed in the sink with hair? You'd brush your teeth. I hate blue toothpaste. Like, it just ruins everything. So there was blue toothpaste splatters and hair all in my sink. And I wasn't happy about that. No, it is true, Pete, because I had to clean it as well. I wouldn't put... There may be some residue of hair.

7:31But definitely, I wouldn't put toothpaste in the sink.

7:34Abbey Clancy: Well, it must have been one of the kids. That's another wine I've got why everyone comes into our bathroom to brush the teeth. It's because all the toothbrushes for some reason are in there. Okay. That's the problem. But he came down with this tash. And I do like you with the tash, to be fair. Hence the reason it's still on there. But it gets worse. So he then decides to put his hair in a middle part.

8:01Abbey Clancy: He came down with a tash, a middle part, gel looking like frigging alfalfa from the little rascals. Then with a jumper tied around his waist his shoulders in a knot. I was like who the hell is this guy Igor? This all happened in a different situation. Obviously the tash happened. You must be having an affair. Sophia put my hair because we were so bored. I was at this tennis tournament from 11am to I got home at midnight so I'm there all day and she played two games so we're just pottering around so then we stop off at the hairdress stop off at Tony again it got to the stage it got to the stage guys where I was like yeah Sophia was just playing with my hair putting in different um situations then she put it in our styles yes styles so then that was why that happened and then the jumper, for instance, was round my waist and I went to go to the toilet.

9:05So I didn't want it kind of getting caught up in the toilet situation. So I put it round my neck. Hence the reason it was higher.

9:14Abbey Clancy: You come back looking like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. There was lots of different reasons why that all happened. I can picture it as well. Oh, mate. With his new shorts that he bought himself. So Ab's now going on. I'm either having a fair midlife crisis but there's a reason behind all of that and also it's winding you up so it's making me want to do it more it's not winding me up I like the tash and I actually like your hair in the middle part but it's just so for someone who's like had zero zero interest in how they look for the past 20 years like Peter's just like a kind of I take pride in my appearance actually I don't not give a fuck no I mean you kind of just to get up out the shower clothes on kind of guy.

10:00No, listen, I'm not vain, I wouldn't say.

10:04Abbey Clancy: But, you know, I think every... Friggin' up. Am I? Well, which one am I? Someone who doesn't give a fuck or a vain? Staring at yourself with that tash all day? I don't stare at myself. I do not. We're catching you like when we're walking down the road. That's just a... Don't be telling lies. Glass windows. Like, look at yourself like that. In the glass. Don't be telling lies now. Doing a little blue steel to yourself. So, are you going to swear that that... I don't swear, Peter. Oh, you don't swear now? You too. She's making this up. That's not true. I like the tash on it's Halloween, so it's perfect.

10:40Why? Why is that? Do I look scary? I'm joking. I like it. It's really divided opinion. In all honesty, if...

10:51Abbey Clancy: The men like it, the girls don't. No, no, no. If I had to rate it, I think it would be mainly negative. but you're the only positive that I need and you seem pretty positive about it. I like it. So that's why it's on. Can I say I really do like it. I think it suits you. Obviously, Abby has to see it every day. Gaz, I am, no offence bud. You wear black undies under white lady pants so your opinion does not count. For what it's worth, yeah. I'm happy with that Gaz. Nice one, mate. Listen, just rate it, rate the sash. November's coming up let me know should it stay or should it go yeah well you keep it it's very nice would you actually keep it for November I think that's I think it's cheating well yeah it's supposed to just be November isn't it but I just think if I start it now I could have a I've almost got got a few weeks run up before and I'll continue it yeah but then it starts to smell does it like for example smell well if anyone could tell it should be me well because my nose is right above it.

11:56Abbey Clancy: But you can't smell. Because the longer your beard gets, it gets food in it and stuff. Fuck it, I like the twits. You know, there's more bacteria in a man's beard than on a dog. I did not know that. Is that true? Honestly, it's true, Google it. She spouted that one out of me last time I did November. There's more bacteria in a human beard than on a dog. Than on a dog? That can't be true. It's true, baby. How can that be true, though? Because dogs don't have a shower every day. I do. Oh, God, it's true. Yeah, I know. It is. It's on the BBC. Dogs are cleaner than men's beards, says a Swiss scientist.

12:36Oh, that's a horrible thought, isn't it?

12:37Abbey Clancy: And the Swiss know there's shit. Fuck me. That's a horrible thought. Because if you're eating and, like, you're putting, like, food on your mouth the whole time. Yeah, but dogs eat dog food and lick their arses.

12:53You know what I mean? Surely that cannot be true. We'll have to dig deeper in that. They don't get everything right, do they? What is your wine? Is that your wine?

13:06Abbey Clancy: My wine was just you leaving hairs in the sink. I don't like that. My wine, you just, you know, if I want to evolve as a human being, I don't think that I should be held back in that scenario. I don't think, I think if I want to evolve, For instance, you come in, and obviously you've worn a human baby grow before on this podcast. It's called a catsuit, you freak. I didn't even bat an eyelid. It's not a baby grow. It did look like a baby grow. No, it's a catsuit. It's a catsuit, all in one. That's quite controversial clothes you've worn. But I'm not claiming to be some kind of style icon. You are a style icon.

13:48I'm not. You're an icon to many. Thanks. But I obviously aren't. I'm not. You are? I'm trying to make myself, you know, I think it's good to evolve. Some things work, some don't.

14:01Abbey Clancy: Like the baggy jeans? The baggy jeans haven't worked.

14:08I'm man enough to say that. They started to fucking end sync. Like end sync. Guys, I'm big enough and I can take it on the chin. I put them on. The whole room laughed. uncontrollably. Yeah. Pictures were getting sent around. Oh, no. That's not what you want.

14:28Abbey Clancy: No, Pete sent me an image. I nearly freaking... Well, I did spit out my cup of tea. He sent me a topless picture in these palest blue denim jeans you've ever seen in your life. With, like, wet hair, like, in the mirror like that. MC Hammer. Yeah. We should post that picture, actually. Absolutely not. and that's not getting posted, is it? Like, your body looked unreal. That was just the choice. It was between me and you, that picture. It's quite cute that you've seen them on tootoll.com and gone, oh, I love them. They'll do. I just felt like I was moving to a baggy era in my life. You know, like, I've seen them on a few people and I thought, all right, cool.

15:14And then I thought, I'm not too old for this shit.

15:16Abbey Clancy: No, you know, you're just too long. Do you think I'm too long for baggy jeans? I don't think, no, I just think you need to get a pair that fit you. They were too big. They were too big on the waist. They were too big on the waist, so they give you some kind of like... Yeah, yeah, I look like... Hips. Hips that you don't have. But I think in the... Hips don't lie. I think if you wear them in the correct size, 34. So you're not ruling out that kind of look on me? No, I like baggy. They're like comfy. It's more casual, isn't it? Yeah, okay. Would you like to select them for me maybe next time? No, because I genuinely don't care what anyone thinks other than you.

15:54I don't. I don't. If you like it, unless you're completely mugging me off, which you quite possibly could, then I would wear it.

16:08Abbey Clancy: Yeah, okay. I used to buy all your clothes. I make all my own decisions now. Well, not all of them, just in the clothes situation. I love it. He wanted to go to Decathlon for some socks today. It's just like what I'm talking about. It's losing his mind. But why? What's wrong with Decathlon? I need some white sports socks. And, you know, I thought a sports shop might have them. I didn't know they'd sell socks in there. They sell bikes and tents and stuff. They sell everything to do sport in there. It's genuinely the Costco of sport. It's my favourite shop on planet Earth. Decathlon. Yeah, love it.

16:43Absolutely love it. You can get like a kayak in there or, you know, footballs, baseballs. Baseball. Anything you need. Like camping equipment.

16:52Abbey Clancy: Shinies, boxing gloves. Oh, it's just, you know. But you can't get brands in there, can you? They're a bit like, it's a bit TK Maxx-y with the brands. Is this in England? Do you know what I mean? Is this in Europe or England? It's mainly European. I do like TK Maxx though, so don't just like that. No, I like TK Maxx, but I'm just saying like, you know the brands, Do you know what the brands are? It's like going for the plates in TK Maxx in Kingston. Do you remember? I used to get my Calvins.

17:43Modafinil is a prescription treatment that works in a completely different way. Modafinil works by stimulating multiple receptors in the brain associated with wakefulness, including dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, histamine, glutamate, and orexin. It's a more complete solution that gives you 10 to 12 hours of steady focus and energy. To learn more, go to mod.com. Fill out your intake form, meet with a licensed provider, and if approved, Mod Alert ships straight to your door. Go to mod.com to get started. That's M-O-D dot com.

18:23Back in the day.

18:25Abbey Clancy: Yeah. I used to get my Christmas plates there. Can't go wrong. Can't go wrong. It's good in there. She gets some morning's wines. Go on. James from Leeds says, Hi Abs Pinkaz, my wine is trickle treaters who make no effort. last Halloween a lad knocked on the door he was about 15, 6 foot in his own normal clothes a night track suit, held out a sports direct pad and just said Halloween Halloween, happy Halloween Did you say trick or treat? He had no costume didn't even say any words trick or treat just the word mumbled like a demand he didn't even care about I gave him a Freddo out of pure fear, is this trick or treating or is this a mugging with a theme?

19:06Abbey Clancy: See I don't necessarily mind that I think it's worse when the road doesn't get involved. Neighbours turn all the lights off and pretend not to be home. I think that's so much worse. Not in the spirit. No, no. Where do you stand on trick-or-treating then? Have you guys ever participated when you were younger? Oh, my God, I love it. We're all over it. I absolutely love it. Where we live, there's a lot of Americans there, isn't there? And they go all out. like with the decorations and all the local kids are all dressed up, all with the parents. It's a great... I love this. About five doors down, there's an older couple and the kids are kind of grown up and she is dressed as a witch.

19:52She's got no kids inside. Decorated the whole house. The whole house is decorated and she stands outside all night with a cauldron.

19:59Abbey Clancy: Yeah, and she makes all these little gift bags. So in our road particularly, they go like, how many kids are going to participate and then they all make all lovely little gift bags and stuff and it's great. I like it. I like getting involved. I like it. I love decorating my house at Halloween. We used to live near Tim Burton's house. You're joking. I swear, Tim Burton's house at Halloween. We went in there with the kids. It's literally like a movie set. Phenomenal. As you go in, there's like actors in there and he's got like a massive plasma screen. Do you remember? with this thing on a loop. Yeah, and then we went into this kitchen and it was just like a little walk.

20:40Yeah, it was phenomenal.

20:41Abbey Clancy: Unreal. I've never seen anything like it. It was amazing. That is sensational. My jaw was on the floor. That's exactly what I hoped his Halloween would be like. Did he have his own stuff everywhere? Like the Jack Skellington and everything. Yeah, that's what it was, yeah. Nightmare Before Christmas. All of that jazz. Everything. It was literally like being in a Hollywood movie set. What a legend. Epic. Yeah, top draw. So what do we think? Yeah, I mean, the no costume thing's no good, I don't think. Like you're saying, if you're like 15, just going, here's a Freddo, mate. Like, that's not the spirit.

21:12Abbey Clancy: No. You at least want a little bit of blood. Yeah. Get a, you know, a sheet on. My mum used to just cut holes out of bin bags and tie a belt around us. We'd get a witch's hat. A bin bag would be over your head, with your arms out, and with a belt on. And that was your Halloween costume. With a little bit of blood and a bit of black eyeliner. Sophie from Manchester says Hi Clance, Cardi P and the Gaz As Halloween approaches you I wanted to send you in my weekly wine. It's people who've run out of Halloween costumes so literally turn up, something so random stick a bra on and call it sexy I used to be a sexy cat sexy nurse, a sexy vampire all good in my book, now it's gone feral My lad friend turned up to a party last year dressed like a plastic pot with his girlfriend's pink bra on top he said he was a sexy pot doodle specifically a sexy Bombay bad boy where does it end?

22:09Sexy smoke alarms sexy Greggs

22:12Abbey Clancy: I think there is like a sexy theme for Halloween I think that's fine but what I think Halloween has to be scary you can't be like Bambi with blood or can you? I don't know or they'll go like as a you know someone from Clueless and just put crazy contacts in with fangs with it or something. But I think it should be in the scary realm. Do you think it can work, though? It can be sexy and scary? Well, it's not just a fancy dress, is it? It should be ghoulish. There needs to be an element of darkness. Ghoulish, great word, perfect word. Needs to have an element of ghoulishness. Yeah. I think you're right.

22:56It's kind of like start scary, then get sexy. don't start sexy and then try and go scary you've got to work at the right way around when was the last time you guys went to like got dressed up and went to a Halloween party together and are there pictures of it we've done a few over the years haven't we but not not like an adult one because it's so very cute oriented no one ever wants

23:14Abbey Clancy: to do it fancy dress I've tried to do a fancy dress party for years and everyone just kiboshes it that sucks we did we did Wolf of Wall Street recently didn't we oh we did Wolf of Wall Street recently that was good that was fun scary It wasn't scary. It wasn't scary at all. Halloween's for the kids, isn't it? Let's be honest. I don't know. There's a lot of adult parties and things like that. And I'm sure it's good fun, but I couldn't leave the kids in on Halloween. Sorry, kids. Not tonight. Mum and Dad are on the town. Sorry, guys. Just get an early night while I'm dressed as, like, you know. Sexy lurch.

23:53Abbey Clancy: Sexy lurch.

23:57Lurch and Wednesday or Morticia

24:02Abbey Clancy: Morticia or Gomez you could be Gomez I don't think he has a Tash no he's just got bolts Lurch Herman Munster who's got the bolts Lurch doesn't have bolts is it Frankenstein I think Lurch is their equivalent of Frankenstein isn't he? Yeah, he's like the Addams Family lurchers, you know? Kind of that vibe. I'm sitting on thing here. Yeah, you are.

24:35Abbey Clancy: Giant thing. Long thing. The fingers wobble when you sit back. It's really eerie. It's like he's about to grab you from their head. Feels like a Halloween vibe, isn't it? Halloween or big brother. Yeah, a little bit of both. Nicely done. In the diary room. This episode is sponsored by Huel. So Pete, tell them what you have for breakfast this morning? Do I have to do that? Go on. Oh, babe, I've got no clue. I can't remember. I think I just had some cereal and a bit of toast. Every day, literally every single day. I do, but I know I should be having something proper, but I need protein, fibre. I'm not stupid.

25:12I just can't be bothered to do it at seven in the morning.

25:14Abbey Clancy: This is why I've stocked up on Huel for you. It's 40 grams of protein, high fibre. It's got 26 vitamins and minerals and it's all for less than£2 a meal. So you have no excuse not to eat better now. Okay, so all I have to do is add water and shake. That's about my level, to be fair. Oh, it's good. Vanilla is my absolute favourite. That is the one. So you're telling me this is kind of my breakfast? I know loads of dads on the school run that are loving the new Huel Black edition and they swear by it. All right, babe, I get it. tomorrow. I've got no excuse now. And if you are like me, and you know what you should be eating, but sometimes you just can't be bothered, I'm giving you a limited time offer to try Huel.

25:59Get£10 off with our code THERAPYCROUCH plus£30 in freebies for new customers. Alright babes, because it's a Halloween edition, we've got a few Halloween Am I the Arsehole.

26:12Abbey Clancy: See, if we were in our own house, I could have rustled us up a little outfit, but I had no idea it was Halloween themed. Do you know what we'll do? We'll run you through AI. we'll get you guys in costumes. I was doing it to the kids. Have you ever seen the kids? I was turning the kids into goths. It was so funny. Do you want to see the picture? Yeah. Oh, you'll die. So Liv was sitting there and she had this black hoodie on and she was being all like moody and I was like, Liv, you look like a goth. You don't have to say goth. You can say goth. Jesus Christ. If you can't say goth, the game's gone.

26:43You can't say goth. Jesus Christ. They are goths, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

26:48Abbey Clancy: They call themselves. I said to Johnny, like, do a picture, but he did a funny face. Yeah. So I turned him into a god. Is it a full fringe? There's Liv as a god. Oh, my God. They look good, don't they? And there's Jack as a god. So funny. I'll send you these guys. Thank you. I'm going to make you guys gods as well for the thumbnail. I know. I felt really bad using ChatGBT to do that. I don't think you've ever said that right. I've just said it right now, haven't I? Yeah, it's not a B, though, is it? It's a P, isn't it? No one can say it. No one. If you actually speak to anyone, no one could say it.

27:21Abbey Clancy: So it was, were we talking to you the other day? Oh, the other day it was, do you know what it was? The guy, we went to Norway, Mark. Yeah. He must have said chat, I can't ever say it either, GPT. But he said different letter every time. GDB. Just make it up. BGT. Just make it up. Random chat GPC. And by the end he was just whispering it because he knew he was getting it wrong. That's hysterical. So good. I can't ever say it either. Shouldn't be a P. Chachubiti Chachubiti Chachubiti Chachubiti Chachubiti Chachubiti Oh I don't know It's so hard to say I think it's incredibly hard to say Yeah Great tool though Great tool Phenomenal tool Okay So these are the Am I the arseholes My friend Jay and his roommate Were throwing a Halloween party Jay called me a couple of days before the party to chat And I mentioned what my costume was and that I'd worked hard on it and I was excited to finally wear it.

28:22Jay said he thought his girlfriend Dee was planning to wear a nearly identical costume. I thought this would be fun and we could compare styles and have a laugh about the whole thing, take pictures together, etc. The day before the party, Jay called me and asked if I could change my costume for the party. Apparently Dee was pissed that I would try to outshine her, Jay's words. And she told Jay that I needed to ensure I would not wear the same thing as her. I said, absolutely not. I've been working on my costume for a few weeks and spent a good amount of money to make it perfect.

28:55Abbey Clancy: I want to know what the costume is. Not to mention, most of the costume shops wouldn't have a great selection the day before Halloween. The party comes around, everyone's having a great time. After a few hours, I noticed Dee wasn't there. So I asked Jay where she was. She was in Jay's bedroom alone the whole time with the door locked. she finally came out roughly four hours after the party had started only to see me and angrily smash her drink glass on the floor then started crying it was a huge scene and basically ended the party early I felt bad because I really could have gone out and bought a different costume I never meant to make her cry am I the arsehole?

29:33Abbey Clancy: no go on Abs I don't think so do you? absolutely not I'd love me and my friends would probably pick to do the same things the thought of like imagine being that bothered that someone had the same costume as you yeah it's a fancy dress costume party yeah I think it's a bit different if they're wearing the same dress like a normal dress but to be fair she said it first yeah I mean the Wolf of Wall Street thing the other day must have been about 18 Leos there heaven do you know what I mean yeah you can only beat you so many people can't you yeah exactly I think maybe because these are all American submissions they take it really really really seriously out there so maybe this is like sacrilege you can't go as the same thing you have to be unique I don't know maybe that's their vibe no you are not the arsehole I don't think at all for that you're well in your rights to wear the costume okay am I the arsehole for getting upset with my wife's Halloween costume Okay, so some friends had a Halloween party last Saturday, 12 to 14 people or so.

30:43Abbey Clancy: I wasn't able to go due to having traveled for work unexpectedly. My wife wanted to go as Slave Leia. Yeah, do you know that? Princess Leia in the gold bikini. Yeah. Star Wars. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was fine with that. She was also getting a ride from another friend, so I wasn't worried about her driving drunk, etc. What? We don't condone that on this podcast. Sunday I get a text from a friend that near the end of the night she was pretty drunk and it became apparent that she wasn't wearing anything under her costume and for the last hour her butt slash not saying that word were basically on full display as the scare got up and got a bit twisted he apologised for not telling her slash trying to get her to fix it but he was nervous to say anything and hoped someone else would say something but no one did also note by this point the other women we had known had left with their significant others and she was waiting on her ride home.

31:41Abbey Clancy: I confronted her about it. Admittedly, I was yelling and she said that she couldn't find the matching undies. But it was no big deal because it's Halloween so sexy costumes are expected. She also said she didn't do it on purpose and I was and still am furious. Am I the asshole here? Asshole. So what? This chick's gone out without any knickers on? Without a husband? Got absolutely pissed. I don't know where you stand on beavers out in parties, but I'm not sure it's very acceptable. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know. I'm not sure I'd be over the moon if you were flashing on a party. Was he not there as well?

32:22Abbey Clancy: He wasn't there. He wasn't there. She's gone out in a gold bikini, basically, and got a bit too loose. No, she had a skirt on. Was it a skirt? With no knickers. That's outrageous. No, no, surely. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She's gone out of there. What? See, if you've got a pair of pants on and no knickers, that's fine. I'm not sure how I feel about that. A skirt with no knickers is a bit much. That is wild. To be out without your husband, anyway. I think without your husband, I think if I put my personal opinion, I think that's a bit too much. Oh, my God. She must have the fear. I think you're within your rights to.

33:00Abbey Clancy: No, but I get it. If she's gone, I've got this little skirt on. got no knickers to match her. She probably didn't, you know, contemplate that she was going to get that hammered legs of Kimbo. You know. I think, yeah, I think he's within his rights to have a word. I think so too. I think I would be. Did you say the word beaver earlier? I think I did. That's what I mean. He's losing his mind. Badger's badger. So we've never said the word beaver on this podcast. Bieber aubergine splash. I thought we were all safe space. It's a safe space. That's what I thought. Feeding a vegan woman meat. What? This is entitled.

33:47Abbey Clancy: Say that again. Say that again. Feeding a vegan woman meat. Yeah, there's like... Feeding a vegan woman meat. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Okay. What the hell? I said that wrong. Well, that's how I read it. Feeding a vegan... Woman meat. Sorry. Feeding a vegan... So you thought people were all meeting up to feed a vegan? I don't know. I don't know what... I just... Okay, so, yeah, okay. A vegan woman meat. Sorry. My neighbour is 38, female and super vegan. She has two kids and so do I. My apartment complex doesn't do traditional trick-or-treating of Halloween. Residents are advised to set out pre-packaged individual candy bags on their patio's front door areas if they wanted to participate.

34:39The traditional knock on the door, physically hand-strain, just candy was not permitted. Halloween comes and the kids are all dressed up. Each building has a scheduled time where the kids go door to door. I ended up having to work late, so my neighbour offered to walk my kids around with hers at our building's scheduled time. She's very formal.

35:01Abbey Clancy: Too many rules in this video? Yeah. Am I liking? About 45 minutes later, my kids came home with a small bucket of candy, six little goodie bags, each from individual apartments that participated. Everything was fine. And my kids didn't say anything weird had happened. But they were just excited to eat candy. The next day... Is he saying candy? It's American. I just read the email. All right. You know? It's obviously an American email. Candy? The next day, I took my kids to the park directly across from our apartment complex. My neighbor was there. I walked down the sidewalk. They didn't even say that.

35:42I just made that up.

35:46She took out one of those large, one of those individual goodie bags with candy in it from her purse and started to loudly rummage in it. She ate several pieces of sweet candy, I'm going to say it again. and my daughter eventually noticed, ran up and asked if I could have a piece. My neighbour responded with, nope, this is my tax candy. Remember that?

36:06Abbey Clancy: What's that? This was my reward for taking you trick-or-treating last night. I was a little weirded out by that statement and I asked what she meant. She said that since she's the only one who took the kids out, she took five bags from each of my kids as a tax. The next day I went to the supermarket and purchased loads of gelatin-filled candies, starbursts, wine gums etc I knocked on her door and said thanks again for taking my kids trick or treating I've got some more candy, thank you she was over the moon, absolutely unaware of what gelatin is or how much is in those sweets she tucked into them straight away on the spot a few weeks later we haven't spoke to each other but she gives me dirty looks every time I see her and I won't let won't let her kids play at the part we're there my husband thinks I'm an arsehole because I shouldn't have fed a vegan woman gelatin.

36:59I don't think it's my job to tell a vegan what and what isn't vegan, though. And she deserved it for stealing candy off the kids. Am I an arsehole?

37:10Abbey Clancy: No, I think she's a legend. I'd do that. I think that totally works. I'd do that. That totally works. She's not going to die, is she? No. Let's do it that way. Just a little bit of... No, and she's like taking... She's literally taking candy off of babies. ever tried to get a sweet off a child out of a Halloween bag? It's almost impossible, isn't it? When we all get to like, ooh, let's have one. They won't let you, will they? Are they not? No, I won't. No, absolutely not, no. No. You have to wait for them to get so sick of it that you have some. I actually bin it. I take it off straight away and let them have like...

37:47I don't think she's done anything wrong there. Do you not think a little bit? I mean, so revenge is a dish best served cold or sweet in the case of this, but it's, yeah.

37:56Abbey Clancy: Or meaty. Or meaty. Yeah. I don't know. Do you think, I think you think it's bad. I don't think it's as bad as pissing in the drink like last week. Oh my God, I heard that. Yeah, that was outrageous. That was outrageous. I don't think it's, I mean, it's revenge, isn't it? It's skipping a vegan gelatin sweets. But taking candy off the kids is pretty outrageous. I think it's, Like take a sweet off the garden. No, because she could, in theory, just deny that and go, oh look, sorry, I thought you had a sweet tooth. I just wanted to say thank you. It's not her responsibility to read the label just because she's vegan.

38:29Abbey Clancy: Good point. That's the vegan's job. Very, very good point. I think you spot on there, though. Spraying trick-or-treaters. Am I the arsehole for spraying trick-or-treaters who took too much candy? This year was my little sister, who's for first trick-or-treating, because we only recently moved to a suburban neighbourhood where our parents felt it was safe enough to go out. We put a bowl of candy out with a sign that said, Happy Halloween, please take only two. We put the bowl up before we left and we went to get ready. About five minutes later we were heading out of the door and my little sister noticed that all the candy in our bowl was missing.

39:05Abbey Clancy: She was upset because now she thought we couldn't give candy to anyone else and that someone would take so many. Maybe it's an overreaction on my behalf but I adore my little sister and hate seeing her upset. So I convinced my parents to take her around and once we were back home I decided to refill our bowl then hide in the bushes next to our house with a large spray bottle. Anytime someone took more than two candies I sprayed them with water Obviously I got yelled at by some of the parents Because I was ruining their night But in my opinion you shouldn't be teaching your kids To take whatever they want When no one is looking I don't think I'm in the wrong But a friend thinks I'm a twat Because it should be expected That some kids will take more than the sign says I should also mention that I sprayed Mainly adults slash teenagers Than actual children The children were good It was just sad to see their parents urging them to take more.

39:53Abbey Clancy: Am I the arsehole? No, all about board for me. I think a little bit of spraying, you know, is all good natured. It's trick or treating. You know, if you take too many, you get sprayed. Yeah, I think as well, the parents should be telling the kids not to be gluttonous and take loads. We do it to our kids. We're always like, take one, because there's four of us as well. Yeah, and also, you know, there's so many other kids. That's what I mean. What if some get done? Do you think spray is harsh enough? Because that's kind of what you do to a randy dog when it tries to hump the furniture or something.

40:29You spray it, right? But surely like Halloween gunge or something that's slimed them or something. Surely there's got to be a worse kind of... Yeah, I think you could go worse, really.

40:39Abbey Clancy: I do. Definitely, yeah. I think you could go worse. Remember we waited all night to scare those kids and no one came to our door? Whichever one I scared those kids, Do you remember I ran round with the mask on? Yeah. What was the mask? I waited for so long. Do you remember? Do you remember? What was it? It was like a... What was that mask? Some lurchy kind of thing. Wasn't it... Was it like a scream mask? Oh, no, it was like a rubber... Freddy Krueger. Freddy Krueger. Like a rubber Freddy Krueger. But I'd waited for ages to do this, right? And I saw them coming down our drive. And I ran all the way round and went...

41:18I tried to really shit them up. And they went, all right, mate, you got any sweets?

41:24Abbey Clancy: Literally. Literally, like calm as you like. And I just took the mask off, went back and watched football. Gutted for you. I'd waited ages for it as well. It is scary, trick or treat, actually, if you think about it. If you think about it, yeah. It can be, yeah. Do you remember that guy who was scaring all the kids running around? Oh, yeah. Do you remember? That was a bit much. I thought it was a bit much. Was he participating in it or was he just running around? He was kind of like running up to people in the road and scaring the life out of them. Grown man, fully grown man. Fully grown man, yeah.

41:56I don't know if you've talked about this before, but how are you guys with scary things, horror films, all that kind of stuff?

42:01Abbey Clancy: I don't like them, really. I just don't really get it much. I don't want to feel that anxiety. But having said that, you loved that when we went to Orlando. Oh, yeah, hysterical when we went to Orlando. You know when you go that, is it Five Nights at Freddy's? Is that what it's called? You know, you walk through the... And they got chainsaws. We were there for Halloween. We were there this time last year in Florida. Yeah. That was actually really, really good fun. And the kids were hysterical crying. And me and Pete couldn't breathe laughing. Like, they were crying and jumping on our arm. And we couldn't stop laughing at them.

42:38Oh, my God. That's so bad, actually. Yeah, terrible parenting. Was this in a horror maze type thing? Is that what it was? Yeah.

42:46Abbey Clancy: It's like a Fright Night-y kind of thing. Oh, my God. Yeah, they are funny. There was another one we did. We did one of those in Portugal, actually, where we went through. You were all lying on them. Everyone jumped on me, right, at the same time. Abby and the two girls. Yeah. And the boys weren't in there with us. So I had two girls. We were lying on the floor. They're all on top of me. And then I fell because I was scared as well. I went down and then everyone was just on top of me. So funny. I do like that kind of thing. Can you imagine the CCTV of that? They must have it in there. That must have been like...

43:21Abbey Clancy: Although I read a book where they went into one of those mazes and didn't come out. So it's freaked me out now. I can't remember what book it was now. My issue is the enclosed spaces. I hate that. In darkness. Not for me. All right, babe. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. I think we'll have a nice time, won't we? Yeah, well, we'll go into a Halloween party with the kids tomorrow, so that'll be great. Oh, nice. They've got good costumes. We need some costumes, don't we? Shall I just keep this muzzy? And go like... Yeah, who's scary with a moustache? Quite a few, I reckon, over the years. Not sure it's suitable for a kid's trick-or-treating.

44:05That's a scary Ian Rush.

44:09Abbey Clancy: Scary Ian Rush. Perfect. We met Ian Rush. I love Ian Rush. I loved Ian Rush. He's a legend. That would be funny though if you had the crown paints on, just the scary in rush. Do it mate, do it. That would be so good. Scary 118 fella. Why didn't you go scary Peter Crouch with him, was he? Pretty scary anyway, isn't it? No. Tom Selleck. Yeah. Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy. It doesn't matter. Never heard of him. Agony Abs. Hi, Abby. Pete Gass. Love the pod. I've started seeing a new bloke who's absolutely horror mad and to get him to like me more. Does he mean horror mad? I aged into horror movies and stuff.

44:48To get him to like me more, I lied and said that I love horror films. I'm in fact an absolute coward. We're now four dates deep and I've sat through three of the scariest films ever made. Oh God. The Exorcist, Hereditary and Sinister. The whole time I was squeezing a cushion and pretending to be thrilled while absolutely dying inside. Thrilled. He's booked us tickets to Haunted House Scare Maze for Halloween. an actor the chainsaw is going to chase me and I'm going to reveal my true nature by either shitting myself or assaulting him on reflex when do I confess I'm terrified or do I let the scare maze do it for me

45:26Abbey Clancy: I think she should have a laugh in the scare maze, I think she should do it but then go look that's enough now that's enough of the scary stuff do you know someone was talking to me the other day about this in the cinema and see scary films and it was the man that was shitting himself. Do you know who this was? No. I scream at non-scary films what we were watching the other day when I was screaming me at it. You're unbelievable at that. Oh, is it Verity? You know anything that's jumping? I'm like, ah! It's so, it's unbelievable. The whole audience turned around, didn't it? A man told me to show.

46:02Abbey Clancy: Yeah, there was the fella told you to be quiet. You're joking. No, but I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to do it. It just comes out. I find it hilarious when you do that so what the trick is with a scary film like that I can't remember who's telling me it'll come to me, they look at the bottom right hand corner there's like a you know, say it's like the Dolby sign or something like that you know the TV he's looking in the corner, he's not watching the screen at all well it's scary so instead of closing your eyes you're just watching the bottom corner of the screen and you look hard as nails don't worry about it You're actually not watching.

46:40You're looking at the screen, but you're not actually looking at what's going on.

46:44Abbey Clancy: That wouldn't work because you'd hear it. No, because you're just not watching it at all. You're just looking at the bottom corner of the screen. It's a really good... Especially if you're the mat trying not to be shitting yourself during a film. He's actually genius. He's brilliant. I don't like a jumpy man. That's what I mean. I don't mind a jumpy man in a horror film because... you know, it's unexpected, isn't it? And you're like, oh! But if you were walking around and someone tapped you on the shoulder. Scared shitless. I've tapped a man, a random man on the shoulder, and he's done that. And you're like, it scares you because you turn around.

47:22Abbey Clancy: Like, oh! And you're like, oh! Double scare. That double whammy's hilarious, isn't it? Do you remember when I found that dog in the street and the guy wouldn't get out the car to help me? I was like, mate, it's a chihuahua. Can you fucking help me catch this dog? and he was like shitting himself like wouldn't get out of the car I couldn't believe that Ab was on the phone so he said I found this dog he was blind so it was trying to bite me and Abbie was like this man won't get out of the car to help I couldn't catch him I was like what the hell I know how has he not come out it wasn't like a Rottweiler Rottweiler Rottweiler I like it it's so German with your new moustache Rottweiler it wasn't a Rottweiler it wasn't a Rottweiler It's one of my favourite accents.

48:11Arnold Schwarzenegger. Rottweiler.

48:15Abbey Clancy: Pete, sorry, but you're not anything like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I do sound like him. You're the absolute opposite, in fact. No offence. I didn't pretend I was anything like him. You just said him like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I sounded, just then, Rottweiler. Rottweiler. Does it sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger? He's pretty close, to be fair. You sound like Klopp. What do you think? You could be Clop with a muzzy. Put a pair of glasses on. Scary Clop with a moustache. Scary Clop with a moustache. That would work. That could work. What's he got? Erdinger beer. What does he do in the advert? I think it's Erdinger, isn't it?

48:52Erdinger. Get one of them. Take it round with you tomorrow at the party. Sorted. It just doesn't make any sense, though. Imagine Clop being scary.

49:02Abbey Clancy: I don't think he is, do you? Well, I'm sure he can be quite aggressive. and they've lost. Do you reckon? Yeah. God, I don't. Of course he can. Really? Oh, I think he'd be like, guys, I know you tried your hardest. Come on. I don't think you're going to get very far like that. I think you do because they love him. I think if the team... He's lost the plot a few times. Really? Yeah. He's an elite manager. I know he's elite, but I just didn't have him down as a shouter. He's a top manager, so it seems to work, doesn't it, whatever it is. When does she tell him about the... I think that the maze is just going to do it for...

49:43You know, that's too much. Yeah. The maze is going to be...

49:46Abbey Clancy: Hopefully it backfires and he's terrified of it. Yeah. Or she should just take control of the remote if they put Netflix on or Amazon or whatever and just start putting Sense and Sensibility on or some sort of shit that I watch. I love all that stuff, though. The Duchess and all that. I love a cry in a film. Yeah, you like the period things. I love the period things where you just cry and it's like a love story. I love love stories. You certainly do. You're living in one. All right, babe. Well, you know, listen, I think we've helped people there. Yeah. There's a little bit of Halloween vibes. Yeah.

50:27I'm looking forward to doing Halloween.

50:30Abbey Clancy: Me too. I'm excited to see the phone. What are you going as, by the way, Gaz? For me, oh, God, I actually haven't put any effort in this year. I might go Danny Zuko, undead Danny Zuko from Greece. Oh, that's a good one. It's quite easy, isn't it? That'd be good. I discovered something the other day, though, guys, before we round off. Do you know how many episodes of this show you've done? No.

50:54In all the years of this?

50:57Abbey Clancy: 5 ,000? 5 ,000? No way. 5 ,000. Joking. No. What's so two a week come out? 5 ,000. Okay. No. 500. Okay. Well, that would be significant. It's not quite as punchy as that, but next week's going to be your 200th episode. What an achievement that is. We need to have a party. We've got to have a party, don't we? Or at least bring the wines. I want balloons and cakes and booze.

51:29Abbey Clancy: We're on detox anyway, aren't we? Yeah, we are, yeah. you've been good we have been we have been reasonably well to a point I did 20 ,000 steps yesterday oh yeah I was meant to ask you about this I heard you're doing like a dry dry run how's that going no good a fun run you mean no a dry run like we said on last week's podcast that we weren't going to drink we had a hundred quid bet on it oh no I think it didn't last till the afternoon I'd say we both need to give a hundred quid to charity yeah we will Okay, we'll sort that out. Yeah. Great work. Well, you know, here's to... We'll probably have a drink tonight as well, won't we?

52:07No, because it'll be late. Okay. Well, let's not rent. A cup of tea and a bicky. A cup of tea and a bicky. Sense of sensibility. Exactly. All right, guys. We'll see you next time.

52:18Abbey Clancy: See you next week. Bye.