Selective Hearing or Survival Skill? Why Men Stop Listening in a Marriage…

0:00Wish she could do the old next on the talk sticks of poo. do you look bend over yeah Shama I showed him samples he'd held it and he was like oh this is a nice weight and I'm like what the hell and then this is a nice surprise ask me anything Shama

0:26you're twisting my melon man how nice was that melon yeah I loved it Just had a bit of melon there. Absolutely scrumptum. Yeah, what was it? M &S, wasn't it? A little M &S. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. What the fuck's a cantaloupe? It's a fucking type of melon. It's a fucking melon. I thought it was Mexican or something. Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Guadalupe. Cantaloupe melon shots. What are you saying? I've never heard of, what's it, cantaloupe? Cantaloupe. Cantaloupe. Yeah. Fuck me. Sounds like a fucking deer. We've seen them in the zoo. I've literally never seen that word. Watermelon. Honeydew. Cantaloupe.

1:12Cantaloupe.

1:16I'm looking all right. It's right now. Usually good with my words. What did you say about bloody verbal reasoning? Yeah, but I'm usually not bad. English, I was quite good at English. I've never seen that word in my life. Learn something new every day. You certainly do. Welcome to the AMAs. With me, Abbey Clancy. I'm Peter Grouch. I'm Pedro Grouch. That made me just want to go to Italy then. Did it? Be nice, wouldn't it? I'll treat you the Bella Lasagna instead. Yeah. Hi, Pete. This is directly to me. I know you were getting miffed a couple of weeks back at a lot of questions being directed at Abbey.

1:59So here's one for you. Sexy one. My wife says I'm bad at listening. I think I listen fine. But apparently I zone out after 30 seconds, nod, and then forget what she said. I don't think she realises the verbal diarrhoea she often has about the most mundane of subjects that I have little to no interest in. This came up on a pod last week, didn't it? Your tile shops and cupboard organisational chat that I know you're used to. her and Abbey give me quite similar vibes and when it comes to their chat and personality so it got me wondering did you ever learn how to properly listen in a marriage or is selective hearing just part of being a husband?

2:47Well I don't think talking about emptying I found a picture on my phone of what my the inside of my cupboard used to look like You showed me it Phenomenal Can we just also read reference back to banister chair from last week that we were discussing when you said you were getting new banisters and people weren't listening to you. Yeah, and then I was like, where's the fucking banister gone? I'm like, I'd showed him samples, he'd held it and he was like, oh, this is a nice weight and everything. And I'm like, what the hell? And then, this is a nice weight. Watching the footy. Yeah. It's a nice weight.

3:18Could have been anything. Could have been a shoe. Could have been a shoe for all time. Wish it was a bloody shoe. Yeah. Handbag. That's it. Oh, that's a great weight, that. it's um it is funny isn't it how you men have zero interest yeah but I the thing is the problem is is that I think there's a what do you think I talk a lot no there's an acceptance for me like I could come home from golf right and go I've shot the best round of my life I know that I don't I shouldn't I don't I've no point telling you because you're not going to be interested yeah you know what I mean so I know that whereas you should know banisters is not my thing yeah but then you'll shout at me when you hit the bill.

4:01See, I think you're now watching me zone out and continuing now. So that you can then say to me, I did tell you. If I just talk enough about the shape and the weight of the banisters, I'll get to the price point and it'll be zoned out. It'll be well done. I just can't be bothered getting told off. So I just... You don't get told off, are you? I just said, I think I'm well within my rights in my own house to say where have my banisters gone. To do as my banister. If I don't know where they've gone.

4:33is this the type of thing that i this is the way i'm living now there's a hole in one of our bedrooms upstairs i didn't know it was happening the whole thing was covered i know i walked up your stairs you thought and there's like this blue tarp polo i woke up one morning it was there you're gonna kill someone like cover it up maybe i am yeah we want to go up the stairs as well there's no bad stuff

4:58it's dangerous stay away it's unbelievable I'm going to do the surprise reveal anyway so just hold your horses but this this fella is in the same boat as me I think as a as a husband I do think there is you do have to have the ability to zone out at times I like a lot of stuff you talk about and you're very interesting very funny very engaging there are certain subjects that I think are better suited for you to chat through with Kaz Nucinda than me. I think you've put that very eloquently. And I think there is also subjects that I would speak to their husbands, Tommy or James, about my day at golf, for instance.

5:42James would definitely prefer to talk to me than you.

5:47I believe. In response to this guy, I would say maybe look for the trigger words that we discussed last week as well. What's a trigger word? So like if he's like, I know what a trigger word is. And then you hear price, then that's when you zone into the listing part of the conversation. Do you know what I mean? But if you hear banister, you're safe. Organisational of cupboards, you're safe. Net-a-porter, that's a trigger word. Let's start listing because I know I'm going to get a bill. Yeah, these trigger words you've got to look out for. There's a lot of information. You actually don't talk that much, I've decided.

6:14I do my talking here. I know. I'll go for a rest in there. I do my talking on the pitch. I do my talking on the pitch in the bedroom. as I said quite as well don't say much mute crap at both yeah you actually don't talk to me that much I think I literally can't get a word in you on the phone all the time I actually do talk to you and I give up because you're not listening because you're on the phone how can you turn this round you've just said to me keep my chats to Kaz and Lucinda so I do don't say keep your chats I'd like you to talk to me as well it's not about banisters and stuff what I'm saying there's chat I think there's chats that better suit I just want you to take me to the wallpaper shop speaking of okay this is not it's not my department you love it in there Chelsea Harbour I like it there there's good there see I do like it I'll let you pick something

7:17as long as it matches my hair yeah unless it you choose me like a 12 year old I'll let you pick Oh, he's a good lad, isn't he? You promise, though, babe, it's fine. I'll take you then. Hi, guys. Last weekend, my four-year-old decided to show off his new vocabulary in front of my very judgy neighbours. He dropped a full for fuck's sake after dropping his toast. Four-year-old. He has only done this once or twice before when it catches you so off guard, it's almost impossible not to have a discreet chuckle. My husband nearly spat his tea out. I tried to style it out, and my neighbour looked like she'd just witnessed a hate crime.

7:54We try to swear that much. We try not to swear that much at home. But obviously kids pick up on basically everything and throw it back in your face at the worst possible moment. Have you had similar instances to this in the past and any wrecks on how I can save myself from future embarrassment? Luckily our kids don't swear. Yeah. I actually don't like kids swearing, but you know, it is funny as well. It's just shocking, isn't it? yeah I think if a kid had a potty mouth then I wouldn't like it at all but it's like a little four you're all saying that is like I'd probably chuckle at that do you know what I mean because they probably don't know the context yeah Jack did get in trouble in school for doing the middle finger at Johnny I don't remember that so I had a that one's a letter from the school and she was like you know we don't tolerate and I was like oh my god what the hell and he said when they were lining up for playtime Johnny saw Jack in the playground and went like that so I asked Jack about it and he said no I was waving at him like that I was waving at him like that and I was like what I love about that is is they're queuing up and his brother has gone past and he's gone there's my brother there and just flicked him the middle finger like that Johnny in his head he's gone watch this lads Johnny called Jack called me a ghat the other day what does that mean?

9:18don't know it's one of them slang words the ghat's like a fit bird isn't it yeah Jack called me ghat you are giving off ghat vibes they'd say all the bruh and all mad and I really don't like it you want them to have a bit of scouse lingo don't you I think the thing with the swearing is obviously I don't have kids but I would is it one of those where if you were to make a big thing about them swearing they would almost want to do it more you know don't touch that red button I'm going to touch that red button if you say to them don't use that language like that that's really out of order are they going to use it more?

9:53I think they're probably all swearing in school with their mates at 40 years old? no not at four but I think you know that language is around when you're you know we have our kids haven't done it yet so it hasn't really been a thing in our house we genuinely haven't you know you bring them up not to swear right I remember once I was around my mate's house and his daughter who was very young started singing my neck my back my crack like that I went oh my god and he was mortified but she's just heard a song on the radio yeah so we dropped into the second verse look it good look it good unbelievable I mean the language there is like worse than saying the F word right like horrendous but that's what I'm saying like the kids are singing freaking Nicki Minaj in the car they're not singing Nicki Minaj because she's been out hasn't been around for 15 years Cardi B wet ass pussy and all that yeah all that Cardi B stuff like that's it's heavy duty stuff that is heavy gear and they're just playing like especially on Spotify it's just it's just they just go oh yeah and like the TikTok trendy songs as well so they're all the time so yeah I don't like it one margarilla yeah yeah actually love that song yeah same I like it as well I like all those songs don't like the language yeah okay it feels like a pretty good place to take a quick break and hear from our sponsors and remember if you're enjoying this top class Crouch content don't forget to share with your friends and family hi Abby and Pete I've been working on a little side hustle for a while a baking project that's bloomed out of my lockdown self trying to keep herself occupied when I couldn't find a man anyway since then I've been basically...

11:47What's better than a man? Cake. Anyway, since then, I have basically all my nearest and dearest go-to person when it comes to getting fun, personalized birthday or celebration cakes whenever a big event is happening. Nice. I decided I should make a go of it properly and try and launch my own company whilst keeping up with my other job. I told my close friend about it, even showed us some designs. Oh, no. A few weeks later, she's launched basically the exact same idea on Instagram. That's bad. That is bad. I don't want to start drama, but it's really hurt me. She isn't even a baker, so she clearly is getting someone to do the legwork for her and has just copied my branding and marketing ideas.

12:32I'm super pissed off and I need some advice on how to best confront her without kicking her teeth in. I think kicking her teeth in. That is juicy goss, by the way. that's got hot girl Friday written on it yeah yeah it certainly has but that is terrible that she's well started she's not a close mate that's kicked out in the head right away who'd do that to your best mate no I wouldn't no way god I wouldn't do it to my enemies oh yeah it's that bad it's really cheeky I'd do it to my enemies some people have got more front than Blackpool how would you even see your mate lucky mate in the eye the next week after doing that that's a great idea that I'm gonna do it I'm not just thinking that but I'm not even going to be a baker loads of people have done that to me then yeah you've had it done to you loads of times crikey well how did you handle it fucked them off just cut them out of your life you only get one shot nowadays there you go there's your answer and I'd feel I'd confront it as well to be honest I'd put something on it so I'd shame her wouldn't you I'd be fuming oh yeah it's a fine line just send her a picture of us like this is a piss take i showed you this and you've gone and done it yeah but it's sometimes it's quite hard a lot not a lot of people are confrontational like that are they and then you look petty sometimes as well like yeah so what i'd do is do you know what i'd just bake a fantastic cake get it all over the ground finger middle finger like that yeah do you know there's a fella right at the golf club around here that tried to join the golf club and couldn't get in but he thought he could get in he bought a house on the course so anyway so he's got a house on the course couldn't get in the golf club so he's changed his chimneys he's got four chimneys and one of them does that at the course you are joking i swear the chimney he's got three small chimneys and one middle chimney going out to the course.

14:34That's fantastic. No, where is... On the path, or one of the path threes. But surely if you're on that road, you can get a pass. Well, that's what he thought. There's like a 10-year waiting list to get on this. And he can't get in. Oh my God. He's fuming, and he's fuming, but great banter. Yeah. Every time I go down that side of the hole, like he... Makes you chuckle. It just makes me chuckle. Yeah, for sure. Do you bend over? yeah I've seen neighbours do that with the hedges you know when they cut into the hedges like funny things as well good to be fair hi Clance the chinless wonder in Ross I get some grief on this part hoping you can give some of your worldly advice on this one I've got a mate who never puts her hand in her pocket every time we go out she's forgotten her card or says you'll you get this one I'll get the next one but the next one never comes she's even asked to borrow my Uber account last week because hers was acting weird it wasn't she just didn't want to pay the surge pricing she's not struggling for cash she's just tight do you think this is a character trait?

15:47tight as a duck's arse I can help her unlearn or am I stuck with a tight arse till the end of my days? cheers Jess that's one of the worst traits to be there it's one of the worst traits to be or to have but it's one of the worst traits to confront someone isn't it like a money like why are you so tight any money chat is awkward with your mates with your mates as well do you know what I mean that is a bit embarrassing but she might have a cash flow problem and in that case that's like tough you know it's a tough thing to bring up it's a tough thing but then it's also kind of like not your like her your problem to be paying for their Ubers if she's got a cash flow problem don't go off like I know that sounds harsh to say but like you can't just abuse your mates for it can't be sponging off your mates can you but me and my friends we always just like forget do you know what I mean I'll be like I think that's not that's obvious that's not coming from an nasty place is it this seems to be calculated I think she should speak to a friend and say look I love you but I can't keep footing the bill you're going to have to pay your way sister because you know I think definitely yeah the truth is definitely the best policy on a lot of these isn't it just have a chat and to not look like a dickhead you could bring it you could come from a place of concern listen is everything alright at the moment with your cash flow like that is there anything you need to talk about just because I've noticed like you haven't like put your hands in your pocket yeah you look concerned but actually you're thinking you're letting them know do you know what I mean I'm on to you yeah it's quite a good way that's a good way even if I do so to myself no well done you've done that before yeah you tight ass no actually you've had that that down to me before yeah yeah yeah yeah

17:29okay uh long time listener first time writer so go easy on me basically i'm struggling with one of the mums at my kid's school every time i see her she's going on about her son's reading level reading levels is swimming badges how he's really advanced emotionally for his age meanwhile mine's licking lollipops off the carpet and calling himself spider-man I'm proud of my beautiful baby boy and he has so many other strengths and beauty on the inside but this woman makes me feel like I'm failing how do I stop comparing without turning into a competitive psycho myself I love you all Lisa it's hard that's funny you said he's licking lollipops my friend's daughter the other day was just like walking along the street chewing like obviously holding her mum's hand she's like three and my friend was like what's that in your mouth she just picked up chewy off the floor and started eating it and I was like like comfy immune system comfy immune system but like God knows who's most that had been in and on the floor I think the school playground is the most competitive thing and I just part of me wants to like you know mine to be the best and be the the most clever in the class but they're just not do you know what though a couple of the parents I remember seeing you know my kids reading at like three or something four whatever age it was and I remember perhaps saying oh maybe I should be I'll say look our kids are going to be able to read yeah they might be 20 but but they're going to read no to be honest though and I'm like it's not a race I think it's very I think the the main thing that you should do with the kids at home is reading and time schedules listen I think it's a joke we read with our kids we read with our kids every night we read with them I know my kids are going to be good readers they are now but when they were younger and I think they go at their own pace as well and it's so competitive and the schools especially around here it's like the most important thing for me is the kids to be happy well mannered like articulate which my kids tick all the boxes of that are they getting 10 out of 10 every week at the spellings not always you know two of them are dyslexic diagnosed but they're incredibly polite they speak to adults fantastically well they're well liked 100 % they're funny yeah you know the teachers like them Johnny's match teacher was like I just love him because I went to our parents the other day and she said I just love him so much he just all he does is giggle Johnny's got the cutest laugh hasn't he yeah and they're happy children and they are clever in their own individual things that they do they're not going to struggle but like my friend Lucinda's son he came out of the womb knowing you know being able to read the bloody dictionary yeah and that's just the way he is he can do the square root of 7 million in 1999 yeah you know and that's his interest yeah you know for fun that's what he does where mine like you know it's a chore and also like there might be things that that mom who's on the playground whose kids can you know do it all and who looks at you whose son you know sounds like he's got a bit more personality about him wanting to be spider-man or might be more socially developed and has got more mates because he's not like a bookworm so the only the only thing that worries me about that and why i want my kids to to reach a certain level is so they don't feel stressed or under pressure when the workload increases because just even from year two to year three the amount of work that they do has increased dramatically like more than 50 percent yeah um so i and i think getting those early foundations the phonics so the reading times tables is so important because once they know that they can read anything once they know those sounds and I bang on about it all the time.

21:40The cat sat on the mat. No, I circle them and I've said it before. I circle the phonics. Yeah. So they reckon that is that in the words. But I think I try so, so, so much and it doesn't make a difference. Yeah. I have to show what it does. Hi, I'm Pete and Ross. Hoping all Ross can do a bit solid on this one and read it out on the pod as I am going effing nuts here and I need some solutions. Ooh. I sit next to a woman who narrates her entire working day out loud. God, this would be annoying. Right, let's reply to this email. Ooh, who's messaged me on Teams? Shall I make a cover? Maybe just one biscuit.

22:20I'm literally one, ooh, actually, I might just pop to the loo away from completely losing it. Noise cancelling headphones only do so much. As you can probably gather, she's a bit of a busybody and I'm worried about any type of confrontation could cause World War 3 any advice Lou? I said that I like that it's like Stacey when you tell her a story she's like saying it to you it's so funny I think that's quite cute ooh I'm off to the Lou we number three yeah who sex me I think I do that's actually I think I do it as well oh god who's that you do yeah I do do it just give them the low can I make a quick cup of tea I do do it I do that thinking about it I definitely do it yeah you definitely do that I talk to my horse it's quite friendly isn't it she's just being friendly but I think if you if you've got a serious job that you want to get on with you don't need that of all time I think if you're sat next to someone in an office environment as well it's exciting everything's exaggerated you know tapping at the keys and everything do you know what I mean in your head and you're getting annoyed it's like overstimulation exactly and you need quiet Yeah, but maybe for your job to concentrate on doing something.

23:36If you're in your kitchen in your house and you're just saying that, it's not bothering anyone really, is it? But in that office environment, I could see that getting on my nerves. Would you say something? You'd cut off like a knob if you'd say something. Would you just shut up?

23:54She's only going to say, it's just going to be, there's going to be a straw that breaks the camel's back. To be honest though, she, that's what, I'm picturing like an older lady is. same but she's probably been doing that her whole life so she can't unlearn that behaviour I don't think she could do the old next on to talk Stigsapoo yeah let's play the quiet game yeah next on to talk Stigsapoo oh you can just imagine just her exploding like shut the fuck up have you heard yourself like that I'm just gonna reply to this email I don't give a fuck

24:31Sandra do one with you tell someone who gives a shit don't drown it's gonna be them little gnarly comments yeah move desks is what I would say yeah there's your answer there you go I think that's that alright that is that another good pod today guys good energy yeah good fun a little laugh there a little laugh always right we'll see you next time