Strategic Toilet Breaks, Relationship Drama & Fairy P*rn! Abbey and Peter’s Ask Us Anything!

0:00Peter Crouch: We live in a culture obsessed with dieting, weight loss, and exercise. And that can make eating disorder behaviors easy to miss. But the reality is, eating disorders are serious mental illnesses that take a major toll on your health and your life. But recovery is possible. Eating disorders are more common than you might think. Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with one. Or maybe you're struggling yourself. If you're concerned about an eating disorder in yourself or a loved one, I want to introduce you to Equip. Equip is a fully virtual, evidence-based eating disorder treatment program that helps patients achieve lasting recovery at home.

0:36Peter Crouch: Every Equip patient is matched with a multidisciplinary care team that includes a therapist, dietician, medical provider, and mentors. And you get a personalized treatment plan that's tailored to your unique goals and challenges. Equip treats patients of all ages in all eating disorder diagnoses. It's covered by insurance and there's no wait list. If you think that you or a loved one could be struggling with an eating disorder, don't wait to get help. Visit Equip.Health to learn more. That's Equip.Health. Hi. Who here loves when their nails are perfectly done? Me. I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle, and I started Olive in June because, let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails, but who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon?

1:19Peter Crouch: And that's why I created the Manny System, so you can have that salon-perfect manicure right at home. And guess what? The best part? Each mani only costs$2. Yep, you heard me,$2. No more$30,$40,$50 salon trips that eat up your day. Now you can paint your nails whenever you want, wherever you want. And trust me, you're going to be obsessed with your nails and everyone is going to ask you, where did you get your nails done? And here's a little something extra. Head over to oliveandjune.com and get 20 % off your first mani system with code PERFECTMANI20 at oliveandjune.com slash PERFECTMANI20. PerfectManny20.

1:54Peter Crouch: That's code PerfectManny20 for 20 % off at olivanjune.com slash PerfectManny20. You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we? Close your eyes. Focus. Listen to work getting done with Monday.com. Relax as AI does the manual work while your teams are aligned on a single source of truth. Feel the sensation of an AI work platform. So flexible and intuitive, it feels like it was built just for you. Notice you're limitless. Now open your eyes. Go to monday.com. Start for free and finally, breathe. Utter filth. I wake up to the sound of these fairies doing unspeakable things to each other.

2:43Abbey Clancy: There's been a huge surge in this fantasy erotica, which is like dragons and octopuses.

2:50Peter Crouch: Octopuses.

2:52Abbey Clancy: That's so creepy. Creepy? You're the one talking about f***ing fairy porn? You shouldn't be saying the word pussy at 45.

2:59Peter Crouch: I'll say it for as long as I like. You might write. Remember guys, if you're really enjoying this top quality content that we're producing, hit subscribe. It helps.

3:10Abbey Clancy: Ask me anything. Hello and welcome to the Therapy Crouch Ask Us Anything with me, Abbey Clancy.

3:18Peter Crouch: Me, Pia Crouch.

3:19Abbey Clancy: and we're still Rossless still got our Johnny boy boo are you enjoying being back in the hot seat no

3:27Peter Crouch: no not really

3:29Abbey Clancy: why not because I've got me

3:32Peter Crouch: a whole other day of work do they want to finish this full day's worth work so it's like double bubble I've got a double up so it's not really a chore this no this is like a fucking day off yeah exactly chatting to us chatting to you two boys unreal

3:47Abbey Clancy: real ask is anything ask me stuff okay no i am enjoying it it's it's nice to be back good good

3:55Peter Crouch: tell your face

3:59Peter Crouch: i have you and pete please keep being on because this is mortifying my oh my god what i'm at my wits end my husband has what i call strategic bowel syndrome what is that he needs the toilet for an hour every single morning during our toddler's breakfast and school prep every afternoon during lunchtime and every evening during bath and bedtime that's three hours a day when I'm flying solo with our three year old in the most chaotic times. No one needs three shits in a day. Unless you've got the shits. Three shits in a day for an hour long each time. And I remember I was showing you used to go to the bathroom and be in there for hours.

4:36Peter Crouch: When we need to leave the house for something important he magically doesn't need to go or he can do it super quickly. But as soon as it's time for the daily grind of parenting suddenly his bowels have a specific schedule that coincides perfectly with avoiding all the hard work. How do I address this without sounding like the wife who won't let her husband have a shit?

4:55Abbey Clancy: Do you know what I'd do?

4:56Peter Crouch: Jackie from Manchester.

4:57Abbey Clancy: I'd just put a nappy on him.

4:58Peter Crouch: Would you?

4:59Abbey Clancy: I'd just put a nappy on him. I'd get some adult nappies and go, look, I need you in these times, and you'd piss off to the toilet. Get that nappy on, and you can deal with yourself after. You're helping me.

5:12Peter Crouch: Unbelievable.

5:13Abbey Clancy: That's what I'd do. Or I'd just...

5:15Peter Crouch: I just don't have to wear a naffy around the house and just shit yourself.

5:18Abbey Clancy: Some people do that, you know, as like a fetish-y thing.

5:22Peter Crouch: Really?

5:22Abbey Clancy: Seeing them like grown men dressed as babies.

5:25Peter Crouch: Yeah, I have.

5:26Abbey Clancy: So weird.

5:28Peter Crouch: It's a fetish for everything though, isn't it? Yeah.

5:31Abbey Clancy: No, I think she just needs to be clear. No, what she needs to do is go, breakfast time, she needs to hand him the baby and go, sorry, love, I need a shit. And go and sit in the bathroom for an hour. And then lunchtime, she'll go, sorry love I need a shit and give it and just make it obvious because women women would I would never say those words

5:51Peter Crouch: shit

5:51Abbey Clancy: horrible horrible

5:53Peter Crouch: if you handed me the baby and said that to me

5:56Abbey Clancy: it'd be mortified women are quite elusive

5:58Peter Crouch: when they go for a shit aren't they they're very elusive

6:00Abbey Clancy: it's not like a thing you wanna well I've never done it

6:03Peter Crouch: broadcast it

6:04Abbey Clancy: no but that's what she needs to do play him at his own game

6:07Peter Crouch: I like it

6:08Abbey Clancy: there's so many people who get who run off when you know the going gets tough

6:12Peter Crouch: you do that you you do that every time the only time I don't help you in the morning

6:18Abbey Clancy: is when I have to get ready and be out the door at the same time because it's impossible do you know what I mean like if I have to wash my hair

6:25Peter Crouch: the classic female excuse yeah it's the same as going for a dump isn't it I'm just going to wash my hair

6:31Abbey Clancy: if we have to be out at 8 and we're up at half 6 I'll have to get ready so people take over but what do you think just playing my own game yeah I like it

6:43Peter Crouch: obviously we don't know his name hold this baby while i'll go for a shit are you calling him baby or the baby no the baby i'll deal with the toddler isn't it right yeah unreal that's a great way out of it yeah okay hi abby and peter i'm a big fan of podcast from day one regards to your family family crouchy anyway i know the first couple of episodes there was a message from a guy called race day jack is looking to spend his cash to impress the girls well i'm heading to shelton this week i'm a single guy i'm looking to pull do you have any tips or strategies for me because i currently can't pull a muscle and i'm actually not that bad looking if i say so myself let's see

7:22Abbey Clancy: steady single eddie do we have a picture of this guy no no pictures unfortunately why is he asking you how to pull a girl in the races no he said that makes that makes sense now you won't let me go because i said i said can i come and he said no he said it's just a boy thing i don't think

7:39Peter Crouch: it's really a pulling place if i'm being quite perfectly honest okay so who are you going with uh just the lads which lads uh just my mates which ones i don't want to name them all so you you think

7:48Abbey Clancy: you think that's not going to be the ideal place for him to pull a chick uh no but you know he can have a bash um what's he saying he's just struggling when he's pulling ladies at the He's saying he's good looking. He's 28, so clap him.

8:02Peter Crouch: He doesn't want a race day jacket and go overboard with the buying drinks.

8:07Abbey Clancy: No, he should do what you did and make the girl buy her own drinks. And then he can see if the real deal.

8:13Peter Crouch: The real deal or not. Yeah, that's a good strategy. If she's genuine. But he's also steady and single at the moment. You might need to buy a couple of drinks. Okay, let's move on. I don't think we helped him much there. Hi, guys. I mean, it's a nightmare situation. I don't know how to get out of it without ruining my relationship with my dad. When my fiancé and I got engaged, money was tight. So when my dad offered to pay for the wedding, I was over the moon. I thought this was a lovely gesture, and I'd finally have the wedding I dreamed of. Now he's basically taken over the entire thing. He's invited 40 of his mates that I'd never met before.

8:48Peter Crouch: People from his golf club, work colleagues, random neighbours. He wants to do a massive speech, and he's chosen the menu. Outrageous. every time I try and bring up that it's supposed to be my wedding day he says he's doing this all for me I'm starting to dread my own wedding because it feels like I'm going to be a guest at my dad's party how do I take back some control without completely destroying my relationship with him I'm starting to wish we'd just eloped Izzy, I'm sorry

9:18Abbey Clancy: that's a tough one if the dad's paying for the wedding you know you're kind of under their thumb a little bit

9:25Peter Crouch: I imagine this happens quite a lot

9:27Abbey Clancy: yeah he genuinely could be excited though as well and thinking he's actually helping

9:33Peter Crouch: 40 of his mates is a bit of a shout it must be a big wedding

9:36Abbey Clancy: yeah

9:37Peter Crouch: it must be Tilda

9:38Abbey Clancy: Tilda

9:41Peter Crouch: what a wedding

9:44Abbey Clancy: I think she just needs to say dad you need to back off this is my day thank you for the gesture and I love you and to be honest that's what father's supposed to do anyway

9:52Peter Crouch: I think nah I think the fact that he's paying for it It's a lovely thing. But I think if she says to him, look, Dad, I think, you know, I love you like so much, but it feels like it's taken over a little bit. Like I want this to be a special day for you and me, but it feels like it's mainly becoming your party. Just be honest like that. What do you think about the dad paying for the wedding? That's not really the done thing these days, is it now? They said cash is tight for them and he wants to give her the perfect day. He wants to have the perfect day himself. Yeah, he's put on his cash. It's a good use.

10:26Abbey Clancy: I just think it's tradition, isn't it? I don't think they have to pay for the whole thing, but I think a lot of families, parents, would like to contribute in some way, shape or form if they can.

10:36Peter Crouch: I think everyone should help, like both sides.

10:40Abbey Clancy: Yeah.

10:41Peter Crouch: A little bit. And contribute in some way.

10:44Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I think she just needs to have a talk with the dad because at the end of the day, it is her big day that hopefully she's only ever going to do once and it needs to be perfect. So I think a good, honest, open chat at this point is the way forward.

10:58Peter Crouch: Nice.

10:59Abbey Clancy: So this seems like a great place to pause and hear from our sponsors. And if you're enjoying the pod, please hit that subscribe button now because it really, really helps us. Shut up.

11:23Abbey Clancy: with simple prompts. Get started for free at ActiveCampaign.com.

11:28Peter Crouch: Hi, who here loves when their nails are perfectly done? Me, I'm Sarah Gibson Tuttle, and I started Olive in June because let's be real, we all deserve to have gorgeous nails, but who wants to spend a fortune or half their day at the salon? And that's why I created the Manny System, so you can have that salon perfect manicure right at home. And guess what? The best part? Each Manny only costs$2. Yep, you heard me,$2. No more$30,$40,$50 salon trips that eat up your day. Now you can paint your nails whenever you want, wherever you want. And trust me, you're going to be obsessed with your nails and everyone is going to ask you, where did you get your nails done?

12:07Peter Crouch: And here's a little something extra. Head over to OliveAndJune.com and get 20 % off your first Manny system with code PERFECTMANNY20 at OliveAndJune.com slash PERFECTMANNY20. That's code PERFECTMANY20 for 20 % off at olivanjune.com slash PERFECTMANY20. You're all set for a nail glow up. Let's get those nails looking fabulous, shall we?

12:30Abbey Clancy: Hi, Abby and P. I know you guys are so rubbish at AI and phones and technology, and Abby can break anything to do with technology, which is a skill in itself. But if you were to get one of Elon Musk's robots in your house, what would be the first task you'd make it do?

12:46Peter Crouch: I'd love a robot.

12:47Abbey Clancy: I know you would.

12:48Peter Crouch: What?

12:49Abbey Clancy: Perverted little bastard.

12:50Peter Crouch: What? I'd have a shag a robot.

12:54Abbey Clancy: Neither do I.

13:00Peter Crouch: Class.

13:01Abbey Clancy: I know the first task that you probably had in mind and I'm happy to let the robot do it.

13:05Peter Crouch: Really? So. No, I just, I didn't even answer my brain that.

13:10Abbey Clancy: Yeah, yeah.

13:11Peter Crouch: It didn't. What would you like the task to be then? No, I just think having a robot be class. Imagine you could just get it to, you know, can you fill a dishwasher? You know, go and run me a bath. Little things like that, like it'd be class. You don't need to spend... Start the car, heat it up.

13:25Abbey Clancy: You don't need to spend£30 ,000 on that. I'd do all of those things for you anyway.

13:29Peter Crouch: No, I think it's a luxury you don't need.

13:32Abbey Clancy: I'd be terrified. Imagine if it, you know, tripped or something and tried to kill you in the night. Yeah, that wouldn't be ideal.

13:41Peter Crouch: iRobot.

13:42Abbey Clancy: iRobot, yeah. I think it's bad, this robot thing, because it's kind of, it's going to take so many people's jobs away.

13:49Peter Crouch: All the films as well, like, that we've had over the years, like...

13:52Abbey Clancy: They don't end well, do they?

13:54Peter Crouch: They don't end well.

13:55Abbey Clancy: What's the other robot film that we like, though?

13:57Peter Crouch: Transformers. No.

13:59Abbey Clancy: No, the lovely robot where we were sterile. Wild robot.

14:03Peter Crouch: Oh, my God. Have you seen that? We're in pieces over that.

14:07Abbey Clancy: I loved that film.

14:08Peter Crouch: We all came out in absolute pieces.

14:11Abbey Clancy: I don't know what was worse, that old the bloody Lilo and Stitch movie

14:14Peter Crouch: you said that it was horrific I didn't watch that

14:16Abbey Clancy: traumatise the kids my god it's terrifying like heartbreaking yeah

14:22Peter Crouch: give me the first thing you'd make it do

14:25Abbey Clancy: blow dry my hair

14:27Peter Crouch: there you go have you said that

14:29Abbey Clancy: I hate doing that I can't do it

14:32Peter Crouch: oh there you go little things like that I think would be I've also got my sister have you seen have you seen these robots are they good unreal yeah do they look scary though Mow the lawn. You can do anything. They're all doing like backflips and like dance routines and like... I don't want to see that I can do that. I don't want a robot

14:48Abbey Clancy: doing a backflip in my house. I'm not interested in that. I have enough of a peach around his bloody web.

14:55Peter Crouch: You can do anything. No, like, imagine, take the bins out. Take a dog for a walk. Yeah.

14:59Abbey Clancy: Would you trust a robot with our dogs?

15:01Peter Crouch: Yeah, but if it was a, I don't know, you'd have to gain trust. Gain trust. Well, I don't know. I haven't seen them, so I don't know what... I don't know. I imagine they just do mundane activities for you, no?

15:12Abbey Clancy: No, I'm not. I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it. Nothing can beat a human or an animal. I just don't think it's possible. Because their emotion has learned, isn't it? Do they have emotion?

15:25Peter Crouch: You're asking the wrong guy, really. I know I've done the robot before, but I don't know.

15:32Abbey Clancy: I thought you thought because you had no emotion.

15:34Peter Crouch: Oh, right. Okay. No, no. Just because I'm not very up to date with all the AI. Hi. All right, should we move on? Yeah, question four. Should we move on from Robots?

15:44Abbey Clancy: Oh, no.

15:45Peter Crouch: Hi, Abby and Peter. I'm a new model signed to a modeling agency in London, which I won't reveal the name of, as you probably know. Fashion Month is upon us, and I've got my first fashion show with a brand that I really love. How did you learn how to walk in shows, Abby? Was this something you enjoyed? I'm very, very nervous, but I want to do a great job looking for some inspo for my favourite model. If you could do a live demo on the pod, that would be hilarious, and I would love it. take it away

16:11Abbey Clancy: I actually didn't walk in many shows and it's terrifying I walked for Giles Deeker when I was pregnant I did Agent Vocateur and I think that was about it

16:20Peter Crouch: you did a I remember watching your Agent Vocateur

16:23Abbey Clancy: yes

16:24Peter Crouch: where you walked down the runway in underwear yes very confidently I wasn't

16:29Abbey Clancy: I was absolutely having a heart well you shit yourself then

16:31Peter Crouch: because you looked like you owned it no

16:33Abbey Clancy: I'm quite shy bizarrely

16:35Peter Crouch: well that's what I thought but when you got on

16:37Abbey Clancy: like a severe stage fight

16:38Peter Crouch: I remember because I was down in the bottom but watching you and you blew me a kiss did i yeah hence why i'm not a pop star because i'm too i've got stage right oh my god well you didn't look at you looked like you owned i think i think that's

16:50Abbey Clancy: it you've just got to get into a space where you feel like yeah i own it i can do this something that you just say to yourself or you'd say to others like what i say to my friends and my kids like you're a tiger you could do it that's what i'd suggest but congrats to her working with her

17:05Peter Crouch: favorite designer that's amazing brilliant brilliant yeah what about the actual technique of the walking have you seen that it's completely mental isn't it no one actually walks like that do they no the way that the models walk and stuff it's like very well some some have just got that

17:21Abbey Clancy: like the 90s supermodels were the best they just had that they were like amazonian like a strong strut like and now there's some like weird walks going on but sometimes it's at the designers you know discretion discretion like they might they might say i want you to look like you've just been dug out of a grave i want you to walk like you've been up all night and you're still drunk i want you to be really playful or i want you to be like zombie-esque you know it's it's just whatever's in the designer's vision you have to go along with it but i think that's the thing about being a good model you have to just adapt and impersonate and be a chameleon really yeah

17:59Peter Crouch: nice all right good answer um hello crouchy family so there's this guy from my girlfriend's past they were together for three years she cheated they split and he says they're just friends now but she texts him at 11 p.m when she's had a bad day she likes every single one of his instagram posts within seconds last week i found a birthday card from him hidden in her drawer

18:22Abbey Clancy: she says he know with it in seconds he must be getting notifications of when he posts and then seeing if his girlfriend's liked it.

18:29Peter Crouch: Well, he's probably on it now, isn't he? Yeah, it sounds like he's... She says, I'm being insecure, but I found it hidden. What's the difference between being supportive of her past and being blind to what's happening right in front of me? That's poor, I think. You've got to put her up on that, definitely.

18:46Abbey Clancy: I don't think you should like anyone else's pictures.

18:48Peter Crouch: No, good.

18:49Abbey Clancy: Yeah, I think that's poor, and it would make anyone feel insecure. I think you know it's mature and great to be amicable with your ex but maybe they did split up on the basis that you know romantically it didn't work but they want to remain friends I don't think that's that bad like if she's texting my mother name I think that's weird

19:10Peter Crouch: I don't think you can do that you can't break up with someone and still be the best mate after it

19:14Abbey Clancy: well you can because I know I know couples who have been divorced and the best mates and then they go out together with their new partners I think that's different

19:21Peter Crouch: because you're tied by children Not necessarily.

19:24Abbey Clancy: Some people just go, you know, it didn't work for us in that way. Like we didn't have a connection like that, but we love each other and we get on and it's great. That does happen. I know loads of people who are like that. And, you know, sometimes you might want to speak to them for their advice or whatever. I don't know.

19:42Peter Crouch: No, no. But if it's boyfriend, I think that's more. Hiding the birthday card's a bit mad.

19:46Abbey Clancy: Yeah, you shouldn't even keep it, really.

19:48Peter Crouch: I think people do keep like keepsakes from their exes.

19:52Abbey Clancy: Do they? I think she just needs to say it to her. It's not on. How would you like it?

19:59Peter Crouch: Yeah. How would you feel about that? So again, it's a sensible discussion that we wouldn't have. We'd throw things at each other.

20:07Abbey Clancy: And I'd be like, what are you playing at?

20:11Peter Crouch: All right, Crouchy and the Clance. I recently took my missus to the cinema to watch Wuthering Heights. We did that recently. The new Margot Robbie movie. I thought it'd be a nice romantic one. But there was a few raunchy scenes and I was thinking, right, this could be a nice prequel to The Great Night Ahead. Anyway, halfway through the movie, I start smelling this vile smell like a dirty nappy. Bearing in mind, my girlfriend has brought her little pooch to the cinema and snuck him in under her coat. Then I look down and realise the dog has had a massive shit all over the chair. Everyone's looking around thinking, what is that smell?

20:46Peter Crouch: She stands up, walks out and sneaks the dog off to the bathroom to clean it up. and I'm just sat there holding the popcorn while everyone starts looking at me as if I farted or done something disgusting and it's got absolutely nothing to do with me. So what started out as Wuthering Heights ended up as shivering shites. I swear, crazy stuff happens in the cinema. Has anything like this ever happened to you in the cinema before, Nick from Brighton?

21:14Abbey Clancy: Oh my God, we went to see Wuthering Heights and we took Sophia with us on Bloody Hell. I had to cover her eyes the whole bloody movie.

21:20Peter Crouch: Christ. That was not ideal.

21:22Abbey Clancy: No, it wasn't. It's a 15 and she's 15, so that's why we took her. But we did.

21:27Peter Crouch: I can't even imagine. That must have been probably worse for her though.

21:31Abbey Clancy: I used to hate seeing a sex scene in front of my mum and dad on a movie. It's so awful, isn't it?

21:36Peter Crouch: Everyone's been through it, I don't know. I used to be like, anyone want a cup of tea?

21:40Abbey Clancy: Especially in the cinema,

21:42Peter Crouch: you can't like escape either. She just sat. Can't go out. She sat in the middle of you too.

21:46Abbey Clancy: No, she was next to me. I just covered her eyes straight away. Yeah.

21:52Peter Crouch: I remember when you took us to the cinema when we were kids and was like, put that big bag of McDonald's under my coat to like sneak it in. And it fell just, the guy was getting our tickets. All the Mackeys just fell on the floor. Do you remember that? Imagine sneaking a McDonald's into a cinema. The whole Mackey, there was like four meals in there. Oh. Shut up. The bag just ripped, all the chips fell on the floor. I had you guys doing some bad stuff with you. Turned my through John into the drive-thru. Through the window? They said they wouldn't. He said, no, it's closed now. And I said, mate, he's still in there.

22:32Peter Crouch: I can see it. And it was on the drive-thru. We pulled up in a limousine. In a limo, yeah. We were in a limo. Kings of Leon. And I just got John and threw him in. And I was running in trying to get the food. The guy's like, get out. He was in the kitchen. Do you remember? Sorry, I'm 14. Brilliant.

22:55Abbey Clancy: Yeah, that is unfortunate.

22:57Peter Crouch: Don't take a dog into the cinema. Do people still sneak sweets into the cinema? That's a go-to, isn't it?

23:02Abbey Clancy: I do, yeah.

23:02Peter Crouch: It costs a bomb in the cinema, though, for all the stuff.

23:04Abbey Clancy: I don't like the metal bottles in the Everyman. They're the waters.

23:10Peter Crouch: I don't like them.

23:11Abbey Clancy: So I was bringing a bottle of water.

23:12Peter Crouch: I know what you mean, though. You could get that sweets cheaper. I could do it somewhere else. Yeah.

23:17Abbey Clancy: you go to the popcorn when we go we're doing like 200 quid by the time you've got your tickets popcorn

23:24Peter Crouch: I just cannot believe the price of cinema I actually talking about Wither and Heights I brought a takeaway in that night did you really talk about it my cinema though there's no one there's a shop by mine that does like Korean fried chicken and rice how do you eat rice in a cinema? come up with like a thing just like it comes in a little pot with a fork brilliant in my cinema there's no one ever there I've been twice where there's been no one there to even save me tickets and I just walk in I feel a bit uneasy

23:52Abbey Clancy: I feel a bit uneasy about an empty cinema I get scared

23:56Peter Crouch: I know what you mean a bit strange isn't it

23:58Abbey Clancy: when we went to see Aquaman it was a bit weird something happened fucking hell

24:02Peter Crouch: we had our own fault for going to see Aquaman at the cinema no wonder something weird happened

24:08Abbey Clancy: in Piccadilly we went

24:10Peter Crouch: it wasn't just me and you it was shut your mouth fucking hell that's some date innit what a date that is

24:16Abbey Clancy: He spoils me, this guy.

24:17Peter Crouch: Oh my God. Shocker. I love the cinema.

24:21Abbey Clancy: I love it.

24:21Peter Crouch: I'm a fan. I like it.

24:23Abbey Clancy: I absolutely love it.

24:24Peter Crouch: Have you guys seen the new Avatar yet?

24:26Abbey Clancy: Yeah.

24:27Peter Crouch: Yeah, you went without me. I don't need any spoilers. I was gutted. I really wanted to see that, do you remember? And you went without me.

24:33Abbey Clancy: Well, you went to see The Handmaid's Tale without me.

24:38Peter Crouch: Went on my own.

24:40Abbey Clancy: No, you went with Sophia.

24:41Peter Crouch: Sophia was desperate to see that. Yeah. Isn't that that weird? What? They wear the red...

24:48Abbey Clancy: If not, the housemaid, I mean.

24:51Peter Crouch: I was going to say.

24:52Abbey Clancy: The housemaid.

24:53Peter Crouch: I'm supposed to be traumatised. Oh, no. Handmaid's Tale.

24:59Abbey Clancy: My dad loves that handmaid's tale. I've never seen it so weird when they have them women and they have to like...

25:04Peter Crouch: I thought you'd be right up for that show. Oh, yeah. I know what you mean.

25:07Abbey Clancy: Because they like sleep with them handmaids instead of their own wives.

25:13Peter Crouch: Do they?

25:14Abbey Clancy: So, so. This is riveting stuff for our listeners.

25:18Peter Crouch: Okay, right. Last one here. My girlfriend has started reading a book. It's called A Court of Thorns and Roses. Add it to your book club, Abby. It's a sexy fairy book. It's somewhere between Avatar and Twilight. She listens to it in bed on Spotify. It sounds like it's read by AI. It sounds so dodgy and a bit naff. Anyway, I keep falling asleep really early listening along to this book, which was just sending me straight to sleep. Then all of a sudden I wake up to the sound of these fairies doing unspeakable things to each other. Utter filth. I'm sat there every night listening to the fantasy version of Fifty Shades of Grey with my missus in bed.

25:59Peter Crouch: Do all girls read these kind of weird romance books? No. Because this is like nothing I've ever heard before.

26:06Abbey Clancy: No, but when we had the sex expert on, Alex, she said there's been a huge surge in this fantasy erotica which is like dragons and goblins and octopuses octopi is it octopi

26:21Peter Crouch: I don't know octopussy octopussy

26:28Abbey Clancy: that's so creepy

26:30Peter Crouch: creepy you're the one talking about fucking fairy porn

26:33Abbey Clancy: you shouldn't be saying the word pussy at 45 why not it's just it's just an awful

26:39Peter Crouch: I'll say it for as long as I like

26:41Abbey Clancy: Am I right? It's horrid

26:43Peter Crouch: It's an octopus It was a gag

26:45Abbey Clancy: I know but I don't like it So it's a thing With all this King of Thorns

26:52Peter Crouch: Look at how I predate King of Thorns As if you even know that

26:57Abbey Clancy: You watch it? I've never seen it

26:59Peter Crouch: What's King of Thorns? You watch the whole thing? That was King of Thorns

27:01Abbey Clancy: The dragon-y thing

27:02Peter Crouch: Game of Thrones?

27:03Abbey Clancy: Yeah What can I say?

27:07Peter Crouch: that was the porn version of what the hell king of thorns no it's like the hobbit and all of that stuff and all this magical what are people into that yeah they've changed it into like a sexy

27:19Abbey Clancy: version have they really yeah pete i only got informed of this uh last week with the sex

27:26Peter Crouch: therapist yeah but you i remember you speaking to the sex therapist and you being like you were going oh yeah yeah i've heard about this i do think the women's books are mad though aren't they they're all like secretly erotic aren't they all of them yeah most of them it's like a little thing that women do like it is yeah on the sly they go into their like i'm just gonna read this

27:48Abbey Clancy: erotic book like and you can fuck off snoring next they all get rolled up don't they do books

27:54Peter Crouch: it's a weird thing it is true do you do it women love like erotic novels you know what I've found as well I've never gone into like the lads and ones what are you reading I'm just reading this erotic novel you're reading like

28:06Abbey Clancy: Alan Hansen's autobiography yeah

28:09Peter Crouch: exactly right that's what I'm saying you've never pulled a lad

28:11Abbey Clancy: but women don't put porn on

28:13Peter Crouch: that is your porn do you know what I mean getting off on it

28:17Abbey Clancy: you're not getting off on it you're not getting off on it

28:19Peter Crouch: you fucking are

28:20Abbey Clancy: no you're not getting off on it you're just you're absolutely not 100 % are These novels just create a bit of romance, which most marriages and relationships lack. That's what it is. You know, when this, because most women aren't married to the dream guy. Let's be honest.

28:38Peter Crouch: Now we're hitting the real juicy stuff.

28:40Abbey Clancy: No, but it's like, you know, I've got friends of mine. It's like, I love my husband dearly, but I wouldn't pick him in the hot guy lineup. So these books kind of compensate for that, I imagine.

28:55Peter Crouch: yeah what what i don't like about these films and stuff like that is you can't you can't watch a film and not compare it to me every time and you go this is a fucking hollywood blockbuster romantic novel stroke film and you're like why aren't you like that and i'm like well i'm not acting i'm not acting do you remember when i dumped you on the plane yeah you every time i'll go she'll be reading a book or read or watch a film and now I come bearing in mind before the film no problem hugs kisses loves me I come over don't you touch me I'm like an hour has gone past I haven't said one word to her I've been watching a film come over what's happened in that hour that I've done to make you go don't you touch me she's watched a romantic film it's like a dream it's like when people get angry of dreams where they wake up she does that as well yeah I do do that I was fuming last night, actually.

29:50Abbey Clancy: Oh, God, why? What did I do?

29:52Peter Crouch: Fuming last night.

29:53Abbey Clancy: You said you couldn't sleep because of your cough.

29:55Peter Crouch: Yeah, and then I woke up and started thinking.

29:59Abbey Clancy: Thinking of what?

30:01Peter Crouch: Just the awful things.

30:02Abbey Clancy: What? No, I did dump Pete once on the plane because that film, what was it called? The getaway or the vacation or something like that.

30:11Peter Crouch: I've had the notebook three times. Three times I think you'd never build me a house. And you'd have. I have as well. That's the worst thing. I actually have.

30:21Abbey Clancy: No, because like 20 years later, he'd done like every kind of bloody detail, the blue shutters, the white, the painting room, like every, I'm like, Pete doesn't remember what I say to him 30 seconds ago. So there's no way he'd remember at 20.

30:36Peter Crouch: Well, more for him, because she left him anyway. She left him. I would never leave.

30:41Abbey Clancy: I'd never leave you. I was only pretending to dump you. So you'd book your ideas up.

30:46Peter Crouch: yeah but what I'm trying to say is that you can't you can't compare it to that to the movies but why can't we be like a movie then there's lots of things that women do in movies that I'm like why don't you do that you've seen Weather and Ice haven't you ok I think we should probably just leave that chat there I've got stuff to do now anyway

31:10Abbey Clancy: ok great well you can make your own fucking lunch see you later guys Ask me anything